As a woman, diagnosed with ADHD at 41, I never realised how lonely I was as a kid until I got my new psychologist and we started talking about how much time I spent alone making up stories in my head as a kid. My parents barely registered my existence, unless I made a mistake, got told off for “being slow”, or forgot to do something they’d asked me to do. I was lonely in my bones, animals were my best friends and still are. I don’t know if it caused the ADHD or whether I always had ADHD and the loneliness just made it harder to get help for.
My nieces and nephews are emotionally neglected by my siblings and they're all showing different signs of ADHD I'm honestly pretty concerned. I also have ADHD but I'm the first one diagnosed in my family so I'm not sure what's being passed down, the emotional neglect or genetics for ADHD.
I've literally had to bite my tongue and remind myself, "My husband is allowed to feel angry/upset/frustrated/annoyed/etc., and he's allowed to express those emotions." I hate that my first reaction is to be upset when he's showing a negative emotion; it's one thing to feel empathy, it's another to let someone else's emotions dictate how I feel. I'm definitely a work in progress.
Thanks for being introspective. I've had a case where a woman went from showing me possible wedding dresses and discussing buying a house with me, to turning ice-cold just because I cried in front of her and expressed anxiety. She dumped me a few months later. Apparently I hadn't learned my lesson, because I then got another girlfriend, who I also cried in front of at some point in time (I've been emotionally neglected and abused during my youth, there's a lot of pain there). And she also dumped me over that. I now understand why men don't want to be emotionally open / vulnerable to their partners, and that men often just drown their emotions in alcohol. It seems innate in women that their unconscious response to a husband / boyfriend showing weakness is hostility or coldness. Kudo's that you're not just following your unconscious response.
@@lightworker2956 I'm sorry you've had to go through those hard experiences. I think a lot of the US' culture is very broken. I hope you'll be able to find someone as self-aware as you are! If you can't express a normal human emotion in front of your significant other... that's a terrible way to live. I know with me, my issues with my hubby showing anger/frustration go back to the men in my family having dramatic rage issues that often turned violent. (Some of my first memories are domestic violence.) So my knee-jerk reaction to that type of emotion being expressed by a dude is always "fight or flight" which... when I'm with my husband whom I love and adore, turns into fight. For no logical reason. I feel like it's amazing how deep childhood trauma goes, and how much personal TLC it takes to heal from it. Here's to healing! And finding the right person who will let you be all of you.
Great point! I generally get scared when my husband gets mad because of my conditioning. I think the problem with male anger is that it often escalates into violence or abandonment. It isn't common for anger to evolve into a coming together of understanding.
@@lightworker2956there's no such thing as something being innate in women (or men). What you described sounds like typical dynamics of attachment disorders, since feeling contempt towards emotional expression is a typical trait of avoidant attachment. Add male "macho" socialization to the mix and you get this. But it's all learned, not innate. I'm glad to hear you, as a guy, are able to express your emotions, don't let anyone change that
@@lightworker2956 Yeah, I was never allowed to express any anger in front of my (often single) mother until I had moved out entirely because of _her_ trauma, which subsequently gave _me_ the trauma of not having a safe way to vent or manage my emotions simply because of being male (and adhd)
2:04:08 I was that 17 year old, you got me to go to therapy, stop gaming so much and got my life together. Now I have a 3.7 at uni and am going to law school next. Also not depressed anymore. Thank you for your help and for making that choice. Because I am scared what I would be like now without your channel.
@@deeznuts1494 I game when I have time to, which some days I just don’t have the time. I also prefer play strategy games, so playing for an 1 or 2 just is not worth it. Mostly if I do play it’s for 4-5 hrs on Saturday/Sunday. Or if I’m on break/get more unexpected time than usual.
didn't realise how long this was going to be when i clicked on it, but i had one more low mood low achievement day today, and i started playing it in the background as i tidied my room. now my room is sorted, i've washed my face, had some food, cleared the pile of dishes, prepped some of my breakfast, brushed my teeth, picked out my clothes; and I've finished listening to the stream right as i'm finally ready to sleep knowing i've got what i need to do well tomorrow. great wisdom and great timing!
I love when that happens! Sometimes, I'm like "I'm going to clean the bathroom today" but then I enjoy what I'm listening to. So I go "I guess I'll vacuum too. Also, I've got time so I'll do the dishes, and how about dusting?" Then it's been 4 hours and I got all the chores done. And it feels great to sit down and watch a movie or play a video game. I'm glad Dr. K covered this because I see a lot of people unhappy. I've had my share of struggles (cancer, emotional and sexual trauma, depression and anxiety, autism) but the combination of 1) Being an adult and making my own choices 2) Having a job where I get to excercise and listen to headphones 3) Finding the right combo of antidepressants Has left me feeling consistently happy and productive. I feel good when I work. And because I work hard, I feel good when I do the things I enjoy ❤
@@leahtheanimationfan40 thanks for sharing! it's really encouraging to see how others have managed to find fulfilment despite their own struggles i struggle a lot with motivation and doing things; i think i only artificially coped so far through outside structures like school (pretty sure i've got a really dysfunctional executive function and i really should be tested for adhd), and dr. k is one of the only places where i' ve heard my struggles actually described and taken seriously. it helped me so much in convincing myself it was really a struggle and i'm allowed to seek help for it ; i remember before almost wishing there i actually had a clear disorder so at least i could get help rather than me just acting stupid and makings myself unhappy all on my own. so i'm definitely on my way to finding help, and i now understand better what it is i struggle with and what i can work on. i've also recently done some philosophising/thinking about life(probably aligning with what he described as spirituality) and i actually noticed how it sort of peeled off my first layer of hiding. it's lifted a lot of anxiety which now allows me to stay with myself and actually look at what's happening a little bit more, and be just a bit closer to living in coherence with myself
congrats, that sounds like you were able to transform a potentially crappy day into a great day for youself! Thank you for sharing, keep going! I was on the crappy day side today, but messages like this one give me hope to change my tomorrow for the better. :) I sometimes get myself into this stupid spiral, where I don't have enough energy to do all the things I wanted to do as an absolute minimum of productivity I set for myself for that particular day. Then I start feeling completely useless for not being able do accomplish my bare minimum and then I beat myself up for being such a pathetic loser, which leaves me with even less energy for the next day and so on... It's so dumb, I know... Yet I still fall into that pattern... Sometimes the only thing that takes me out of that spiral is reading a random comment like this with a better outcome and feeling genuinely happy for some stranger on the internet who was able to overcome something that I failed at that day. It remidns me to be a little more kind with myself, because I am able to be kind (instead of envious) to somebody else. "love thy neighbor as thyself" right? If I am capable to cheer someone else on, why is it so difficult to be more positive to myself? Isn't that strange? Blessings to all who are able to break patterns and also to all who feel stuck on their strugglebus! May we all inspire and upiift eachother ;)
@@leahtheanimationfan40 100%. This is my ADHD hack. I can do many things I wouldn't normally as long as I can listen to something stimulating in the background. Unfortunately doesn't work with schoolwork, because the part of my brain I'm distracting is the part I need for critical thinking lol
As someone who has made a conscious choice to become more vocal about his loneliness, 1:28:28 smashed me in the feels. "Silent" is just one of those fun counter-reverse words Carlin always talked about.
Anyone here think it's effectively impossible to raise children to be well-balanced and emotionally healthy individuals with two parents working full-time? I was watching Dr. K's video on alexithymia, and I feel like barely seeing my parents for only a few hours at most for most of the week for most of my adolescence inevitably led me to feeling neglected without me even realizing it (emotional colorblindness). The socioeconomic catch-22 though is that it is basically impossible for the vast majority of the population to afford to raise children without two incomes.
I wouldn't say it's impossible. But it is difficult, probably depends on the individual as well. Plus being emotionally healthy doesn't mean your childhood is necessarily going to be perfect. But I do agree parents should be able to spend more time with their kids and not be limited to the 40 hour work week regardless of age.
I am a Stay-at-home mom and have been very involved with my children lives from day one of their lives. I am always the homeroom parent, soccer mom, etc. My mom was the same. We live traditionally with fathers/husbands, who are great providers. My mom and I could/can afford to stay at home, though we are frugal people. We have pretty nice upper middle class lives. My husband is a VP for a real estate development company and my father worked his way up the P&G ladder and bought into their stock plan leading to him to be blessed to retire a millionaire. This is amazing because my parents come from rural, poor backgrounds in the Jim Crow South. My parents picked cotton. They were/are very child centered and aren't materialistic or ostentatious. I say this because my children complain that I am too involved. And even though my husband is the sole provider now (there are times I worked part-time jobs, near their school, so I could remain involved) he is pretty involved in their lives during his free time. I think however your parents are, they are NEVER going to be perfect at giving you exactly what you need. Unfortunately parents aren't mind readers and they are evolving beings themselves.
I had both parents working 40 hours weeks but have always been very close with them, and never really felt neglected (rare expections ofc still, but it has never been thing to expect or be long lasting feeling.) I even had a lot of opposite feeling of them still being TOO involved, and felt like sometimes them working overtime (to late evening) was exciting to learn independence (at maybe 9 years old, after like 13, it was more of just nice change and having quiet alone time) Also its nice parents having life thats not focused only on me, so there is possibility of "real" 2-way relationship. And btw, no devices when spending time together. Expect if its TV with something everyone is watching and talking about.
@@symix. Thats interesting. Did your parents have any hobbies or anything that ate up their time or did they just work and come straight home? Did they bring you along to run errands and such? Im just trying to figure out why your situation didn't bother you but it sometimes bothers others.
As a woman, I just lent an ear to a guy last week who seemed to be having a rough time. He showed me a text where his dad was mad at him and demanding an apology, and started shouting about genitals. He also spit all over me and my food, and repeatedly ignored my growing disinterest until I had to yell at him to stop talking to me. By the way, he came in after me and sat down right next to me at a half empty bar. I promise you that decreased connection to others in modern society is not women’s fault. Motherfuckers be scary.
Sorry that happened to you. Not okay how he treated you. On the other hand, a single anecdote doesn't prove a lot. I'm a man and I have my own anecdotes where I was mistreated by women. Do my personal anecdotes prove that it actually is women's fault? No, you simply can't conclude anything from anecdotes. Obviously one part of the issue is, as you say, specific men who behave atrociously. That's absolutely true. On the other hand, dating a young woman who grew up with social media and internet dating seems almost impossible. I've dated two of them, and both of them were superficial, got bored very quickly and basically expected me to keep them entertained and happy and stimulated. They ultimately treated me and the relationship as disposable, dumping me in a situation where we could have talked it out and I wanted to talk it out. After all, a young woman can find another date in like 20 minutes online, so why actually sit down and have the difficult conversation? You can say "date better women" but then I can say "date / interact with better men" whenever women complain about men. The vast majority of divorces are also initiated by women, and research shows very clearly that this is hugely negative for the child. There's a huge amount of young men who grew up in a single-mom household and then young men are completely lost, because their mom kicked out their father. And sure, sometimes he was abusive, but most often the reason is that she's bored. Then there's the problem where lots of women have a very negative opinion of men and masculinity, and if a mother has such a view, she'll probably raise the kind of non-masculine, inoffensive and completely unexciting young man that no woman wants to date. And those type of men often turn toxic when they're the kind of men that society tells them they should be, yet no woman wants them -- and meanwhile toxic jerks get plenty of sex, because they're hotter / more masculine / more dangerous / "I can fix him" etc.
"I promise you that decreased connection to others in modern society is not women’s fault." Your anecdoctal "evidence" falls apart at the point where that guy had a mother. She's somehow blameless in your opinion? Why is that? Because she shares your gender?
It's not women's fault EXCLUSIVELY. But you are the other half of our society, don't bullshit us that you are somehow above all contribution to its problems.
If you aren't strong enough or empathetic enough to comfort people don't. Men have Years of pent up emotions we've been told to bury. You were allowed to grow emotionally mature without actually being able to guide that emotion. He wasn't even allowed to emotionally grow up. And you think he's the problem?
Wow I am sorry you've had that happen and even more sorry at the comments I've read in response to you, people need to realise nobody else regardless of gender is responsible for your actions. Nothing is so black and white and a lot of people know a little and think that is then the truth of everything. I'm sorry this particular man behaved this way- that's not fair to you and it's nice that you tried to help 😊
"They become 27 and it is too late." I'm 36. OOOF. I completely agree, though. Like it can be too late at 27 because around 30 some people will off themselves because they feel as if their life is going nowhere and nothing will change. I've known a few people who did it, and I was feeling quite suicidal between the ages of 28-33 myself.. It isn't ever too late to change, but doctors really do need to help people as early as possible tosave lives.
Can relate to that. Sheer pressure of expectations from family and society that you will meet certain goals/milestones by certain ages does it. Due to some heavily traumatic events in early teens, my ability to trust people was shattered, i closed off from society and missed several milestones around late teens/early adulthood. Felt left behind and unable to ever catch up, leading to crushing levels of shame (believe Dr K covered this in another video). Ended up spending my entire 20s feeling useless, hopeless, unwanted and wasting away, thinking I would be dead before 30 so there was no point even trying in life. Honestly surprised I actually didn't off myself. What started to break me out of it was learning there were other people who thought like this who never get out of it. Even if they live past 30, they then move goal posts to 40, and should they make it to 40, go to 50 and so on, ultimately wasting their whole life away. Now 37, things aren't much better for me as I haven't broken through trust issues yet, but I haven't completely given up either.
There he is once again with top-notch, overly relateable content for the neurodivergents out there! Dr.K has been so helpful to me both personally and in my training as a psychologist. I have no idea yet what my purpose in life is, and this caused me great distress, but now i know that being in the phase of figuring stuff out at age 20 is purpose in itself so im here for the ride
One of my purposes in life is to simply make the world a better place, especially for our future kids and generations. (voting, speaking out against corrupt happening in the current world, being part of a community I call my city, being a positive person online). We all live on this planet, let's just live in peace together. You'll find your dream/goal/point eventually.
this video made me realize how alone i was as a kid as well, but i definitely enjoyed my childhood. i used to spend all day on my own, playing web browser games, collecting bugs, or studying, & now the HTML i learned coding my neopets pages is going towards a computer science major!💗💗 my only regret is how my parents worked hard to provide for us and i didn't get to spend much time with them as a kid, but we have great relationships now & they do the most for me :)
For the first reddit question: i used to feel that way,(i mean i still do it but the frequency reduced) why must we live if all there is to it but suffering. And this is going to sound extremely cheezy but the way I learned to deal with it is through the game called Final Fantasy 14. FF14 newest expansion dropped at that time called Endwalker. That expac is the end of the main story arc . The main theme of Endwalker is dealing with overwhelming depair and suffering and despite that fact finding a way moving forward, finding the meaning of life and realizing that the life is worth living. The story conveyed that in a beautiful way. I still watch some of the cutscenes in game when ever i feel down. It got me through my struggles at that time and it my fav game of all time. That's why to this date i recommend people playing ff14 till the Endwalker expac
I relate to the first topic a lot, and the answer has given me a lot to think about, reinforcing some conclusions I had already come to myself about living well and living for yourself. But, what it doesn't really address for me: what about people who feel trapped in their current situation? People with mental health disorders who can't afford the help they need, people in abusive situations, people who have toxic social situations where the way out is forcibly kept from you, situations where you feel trapped, where there may not be an obvious way to "just get out of the bad situation"? Like yes, sure, you can change how it affects you personally, but to me it seems counter intuitive that the solution is to change your thought process to "oh boy, I can't wait for the challenge of getting abused again today!" There are just so many situations where it feels like everything has been set up for failure, with the consequence of failure being "you'll probably starve or get beaten to death."
Those are tough situations. People who can't afford the help they need: there's certain well-known things you can do to improve your life (exercise enough, eat well, etc). It doesn't magically solve your problems, but if you keep working on yourself for long enough, eventually things will improve. Also, whenever a "negative" emotion or thought comes up, it helps to just observe it, instead of trying to suppress or change it or judge it.
A Dr. That uses profanity is okay in my book. Highly relatable once again. I'm 42 and jus beginning to unpack who I am thx to your videos. Free content that you should be paid handsomely for. Thank you
We *should* place more emphasis on sadness over anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. It typically masks fear or sadness. So yes, we should be encouraging folks to express their primary emotions.
Oh yes, I always get angry when I'm scared of being emotionally hurt. Suppress them for years to the point that it was hard to unravel my feelings during therapy 😢
I agree, but an issue is that especially for men (and to a lesser extent for women too) it is safe and culturally acceptable to express anger, but not to express fear or sadness. If you express fear or sadness, you often get judged, or you get given "advice" that's completely unhelpful and and sometimes bulldozes your actual emotions ("cheer up"). To illustrate this, I've twice cried in front of a girlfriend, and been dumped twice by her soon after. It's absolutely not safe for men to cry in front of other people. And these were relatively young, modern, left-wing women -- not the type of traditional women you'd think would be hostile to "weak men."
@@lightworker2956 That's seriously fucked up dude. I can't believe she did that. And yes, I totally agree. It's not safe for men to express sadness given the state of our current culture. That being said my partner and male friends have cried in front of me many a time and I'm always happy to support them. There ARE people out there who will empathize and respect your emotions.
Clicked for the Emotional neglect, and ADHD. Didn't get my emotional need for that met. Very par for the course as someone who was neglected and had to figure out life on their own while having ADHD.
1:49:00 I completely agree that the only way we're going to fix any issue in society is by working together... but I'm so tired of saving men. Recently I managed to convince (force really) a man who's in his 40s to go to a therapist about the severe childhood trauma he experienced that affected a large part of his life. He's done so much progress since being in therapy... and I'm proud of him for that. I'm proud of each and every person who faces their pain, fear, etc and heals from it. But I'm so tired of helping men (like the guy I mentioned) who are apathetic towards women's issues, who do nothing until it's too late. And from the women I talk to I can tell they're tired (and angry) as well.
Exactly this! Women have been responsible for "saving" or "fixing" men for generations, and we're TIRED! There has to be some self motivatation from men to get their acts together. We can't do it all for them, but we can be by their side while they do the work.
I haven't lived your life, but can't relate. I have the opposite experience. As a man, I'm constantly being asked to care about women's issues while being told to shut up about men's issues. And in relationships, the man is expected to care about / listen to / comfort / practically help women who are in emotional distress, yet when I'm in emotional distress my girlfriends have turned cold towards me.
as a hobby theologist and psychologist I must say I LOVE YOU 😅😅😅 srsly, you're soooooo right with everything you're saying. It's such a joy to listen to somebody so sage. so inspiring and energizing. The way you're not afraid to say what people have been subconsciously thinking but never say out loud As for the AI gf stuff my take on that is that it's become increasingly unsatisfying to live in a "normal" relationship for both men and women because our expectations are increasingly being manipulated by the media. For example, both men and women expect their partner to be overly attractive, successful, well-mannered, in control of every situation etc. such as shown in TV or magazines... I think this is why many men AND women end up giving up on this perceived and frustrating IMPERFECTION that seems to contradict everything we've been fed to believe and expect from life. I honestly am no exception to that. Anyway, as always thank you SO MUCH for your videos. You're a true life saver.
Maybe - but I suspect many of us are looking for healthy partners we can grow and evolve with, and not finding them. I quit dating years ago because of my own issues, but my idea of what would constitute a great partner is certainly way more flexible and very different than the media’s.
Just my opinion ofc, but i think a lot of women why say they want men to earn more than they do are actually saying "i don't want to be punished for earning more". Just as many tall girls, as it turns out, do not care if boys are taller or not, but they have bad experiences with shorter boys holding a grudge that gets worse with time
This!! The women I know, myself included, don't really care about the money. They just don't want to have manage men's feelings of inadequacy for earning less even though money doesn't make the man so to speak. Same with women being intolerant of men's anger. Men's anger KILLS US! Of course we aren't going readily accept it. When men are willing to work on themselves and channel their feelings in a healthy way then maybe women will be willing to take them back. Until that happens, we're safer and happier alone.
This, right here! For me, if a man has serious anger issues or makes less than me, those are deal breakers for this *very* reason. I don’t give a care what he makes or how tall he is, but if his feelings of inadequacy about such things are inconsolable and present a *danger* to me, I want nothing to do with him. My mother endured a **horrifically** abusive marriage with someone with these same self esteem issues, and I refuse to continue the cycle by taking up the mantle of being an adult male’s emotional “babysitter.” I have better things to do with my time and energy-and I like my eyes not being black and my teeth where they are in my head, thank you very much!
I think it's useful to understand that people have a rational brain and a more unconscious brain. Sure, women's rational brain says "it no problem if he earns less than me." But that's not what a lot of women's unconscious brain says.
@kaitlynroush6518 im still listening to see if he addresses it but this is exactly what I was thinking about the anger. Angry men are terrifying because in their anger many of them don't stop themselves from becoming physical. Or screaming in your face and sayings hurtful things. Its hard for me to think of someone being angry while also not being outwardly destructive. I have learned to recognize when my boyfriends anger is him expressing a need to be heard and that he is dealing with something difficult. But I never ever will put up with outwardly destructive anger directed at me as a valid way to express that. I need to be able to trust the men in my life not to do that after growing up with a very angry abusive father.
I discovered your channel by chance when I clicked on a link but thank you, thank you, because I feel like you are speaking with real insight into how our society is suffering right now and you are speaking to the root causes rather than just the symptoms.
Thank you. Just thank you! All your videos seem to be customized for me. Years of therapy, some medication when I was young and just this journey of life you've made the most sense. I'm doing much better understanding myself. Thank you!
Heh, as soon as you brought up the topic of why we keep living, I immediately said, "SPITE!" It's not great to rely on all the time, but it's handy in those places dark and deep. Probably the best analogy for it is to a pilot light.
I see suffering differently. I see suffering as inherent to life and the order of the universe which is very difficult to understand. One thing I do know, is if we try, we can learn immensely from suffering. Strangely suffering can generate beauty which is very difficult to comprehend but out of suffering we can find things like strength and heroism. I would argue that living well, means living in the moment and accepting what is. But yes one of the most fundamental questions is why do bad things happen to good people or why do good people suffer.
feels like my energy is sucked out forcing myself to do the things i dont wanna do... wake up early work.8 hours a day 5 days a week. i just wanna not have to work for a year or more and get to WANT to try new things, learn what i actually enjoy and if i HAVE to work, then it will actually be at something i enjoy...something that doesnt feel like work , but is something that makes me excited to get outta bed in the morning. right now i have NO idea what that is. of what i can do to make money to afford housing, food ,travel, etc and live a life i love
Speaking to the adjustment of expectations re: income dynamics in a relationship... that was definitely something my husband and I discussed during premarital counseling (male/female relationship). I have a bachelors degree in two different subjects, and he has his GED. I'm now in the career track to become CFO of a real estate development company while he works in computer repair. When we talk about whether we will have children, or who will work when/how, we have to flexible. The old ideal would be me staying home and him working, but when I make twice as much as he does... it makes more sense that he would stay home and I would work (since childcare for 2 children costs as much as his full time job brings in in our area). Both partners have to be flexible because the old ideals don't make sense for every situation.
This is the first long video that watched and the topic sounds very interesting especially the male loneliness part. I'm a woman but what you said is basically true, at least for me. Due to my parents' divorce and my mom having custody of us, I always worry about my father. He wasn't the perfect father but as you said we always have to be "the bigger person" when we're with men and am always worried if I have to take care another male whenever I try to pursue any relationship. At one point I was like, f it, no more them, it's all about me now but it never really did make me happy. I still have nightmares for making that decision but it's time to step back and do what I actually wanted to do, lending a hand to my family and try to take small steps one at a time!
@@deleted01 I'm sorry I couldn't talk on behalf of men's in my life because guess what? I'm not a mind reader and I'm not them 😳 (mind-blowing, I know)
@@deleted01 loneliness actually affects women more by 2%. it's just about the same for both genders so this idea that male loneliness is a phenomenon deserving special attention is actually you making it about yourself. i'm sorry not everything is about you.
this is sad. i saw the thumbnail thinking it would help me since loneliness has been proven to be a widespread phenomenon among young adults at large, for both genders. there's much content about "male loneliness" right now. to spin a widespread phenomenon to only one gender when the research proves otherwise is so disappointing. again women are just invisible in something that greatly affects us, actually literally statistically more.
You should definitely try to interview Neil Newbon. His life story is fascinating. I got to meet him at Fan Expo Philly, and when I tell you it was a life changing experience, I mean it. Such a deeply humble and dedicated person who knows what it is like to go through a very very dark path to get to where he is today. You would not be disappointed and your community would love the interview.
01:40 - The *GREATEST* (and I'm weighing my words extremely there) EXPLANATION FOR GENRES WARS : MALE VS FEMALE. Simply the best resume and explanation I've seen in my life. Soral peut aller se rhabiller (même si il avait en partie raison, il décrivait un symptôme de ces problèmes plus grands). (L'extrait commence encore plus tôt que 01:40:00 , sur le marketing et la société du désir)
The point about male touch and men relying strictly on sexual/romantic relationships for emotional labour is great. I'm female and these days I'm really reluctant to get into relationships with men because I was heavily parentified by a single father with BPD (also helped raise my younger siblings) and now, in my 30s, I don't want to have to manage someone else's emotions without reciprocation. If it's shared emotional intimacy that's one thing, I'm just not going to do your work for you. I'm a teacher and I don't mind helping children, but as an adult? You're on your own my guy.
Easily one of the most perceptive, engaging and insightful-not to mention thought-provoking two hours and five minutes I’ve watched on TH-cam, perhaps ever. Thank you for this one, especially-much to digest and share…
Around the 40 minute mark, Dr. K is talking about Sensuality - and it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the senses - it's feeling with the body.
I was looking forward to Dr. K talking through the post in the thumbnail. It's what spoke to me and drew me to click on the vid. It's a little disappointing seeing it's a different video
The way you described how your 20s were last and how it would be too late for the girl you were coaching when she is 27 didn't really help me with my anxiety as a 30yo male who wasted his best years...
The parentification of women is a serious issue. Every single one of my female friends has been parentified by their male partners. I'm a software engineer and have never expected my partner to make more than me. However, I've always known that I couldn't be with someone who wasn't emotionally competent. It took forever, but I've finally found someone I can share the burdens of life with. We recognize that we both have to take on our share of the "wifely" duties. We don't have to be 50/50 in every category... but we do have to be 50/50 in the wifely duties *overall*.
@@jacket2383 I would encourage you to reflect on why you felt the need to respond with "It's not a competition!" when nothing in my comment suggested it was.
I think the majority of mothers are so bad at being mothers, that many adult men still look for a mother. Is that the fault of men, or the fault of those mothers? I think if mothers were good at mothering, you wouldn't have adult men effectively looking for a mother. Also doesn't help that most divorces get initiated by women, often for the reason that she's bored -- and then her son probably grows up without a father, which absolutely destroys boys.
@lightworker2956 mothers should not baby their sons. After age 5 it's time to grow up and be a man otherwise you become an enmeshed mommas boy. Forgive your mother and grow some bollz already
@@lightworker2956 seriously, nobody gets divorced just because they’re “bored” of their spouse. I also think some men look to their wives to *take over* from mothers who did everything for them as children.
This lecture and the part about doing hard work but then being a degenerate gamer still leads to better outcomes than just being degenerate it really stuck well in my head. One of my favorite jobs I ever had paid decent but it was physically intensive and boy did it make most days easier to do. I also had a desk job for like 2 or 3 years and I was often miserable. Because my mind didn't think I was productive really, because most of it was mindless paperwork. Wild really.
So thankful to the Creator that your parents came together, you chose them, had the resources you needed and all that fell into place for you to sit here and teach us what we need to understand. Stay blessed Dr.K
You really do bring thought provoking words to the fore. I'm so very impressed. As a mid 50s female gamer, I really get it. There are no easy answers, that's for sure
What does this mean for people with ADHD? People with ADHD will find some things inherently more difficult to do than other people, but I guess the lesson of this stream is that you have the absolute freedom to be self-aware of what you care about and choose to do difficult things anyway because it brings you happiness. Non-ADHDers might care about the things they do, but at least they don't need to be as self-aware about it, and arguably they might sometimes be at a disadvantage if they have less of a reason to consult themselves.
The topic at about 55 minutes in is very interesting. Because I have come to a realization that on the days I work and the. Play games for 6 hours I feel so much better than the days where I don't work and I play games for 15 hours
This music is so relaxing I just want to sit in it and watch the world float away into the clouds. If not for having to work I should like to sit here forever
Its interesting how passionate dr k gets while talking about these issues. The deeper he goes into a subject the more often he runs in fingers through his hair. One can almost feel the frustration he emits just from the amount of times he runs his fingers through his hair 😂 Imagine if would-be parents had to take a course on emotional literacy before being permitted to have and raise their children. If they didnt pass the course, they wouldnt be allowed to procreate until they passed the course and proved they could effectively understand and teach emotional literacy.. It would change the entire direction of societal behavior.
Wait, what? We women can’t handle men’s anger? We can. What we don’t accept is men’s explosive anger. Don’t come at me with a kaboom out of nowhere just because I don’t agree with you about something external. Or any other reason for that matter. No kabooms in my life, thank you.
The hard thing about anger is when it translates into violence. I had to escape that earlier this year and now I feel so free and so much safer. I feel so good being single right now.
I don't agree with the take that men's anger = toxic masculinity and that the only emotion they're allowed to show is sadness. Toxic masculinity and how it applies to anger has more to do with how the anger is expressed, not that it *exists* . Many people are not taught how to express their emotions in a healthy way, and that goes for any emotion. It's the most noticeable in men's anger because *people get hurt* disproportionately more than anything else. That's my take on it anyway, have a good one
100% correct. Women expressing their anger is promptly mocked and ridiculed. But men who find every excuse to be perpetual victims will never acknowledge that. The one time society doesn't cater to them they crumble, when women have been dealing w this for thousands of years. I have zero compassion for them.
"the reason you think life is mostly suffering is because you don''t know how to live it well" Lo mire mientras jugaba al Minecraft, habla sobre espiritualidad y ai girlfriends
We do not accept men's anger, because it's the one other than "no" emotion" that has been around. Aka men walked around with either "full volume of emotion pile" or "no volume of emotion pile". "emotion pile" frequently being indiscernible and as a result very often quite misplaced or out of proportion, with crossfire frequently getting directed at women or (in absence) male peers. And actually quite a lot of women have been sticking around men even under these circumstances. It's not an issue of "not accepting men's anger". It's a matter of "expecting men to prioritize their emotional learning journey and express the whole array of emotions in maturely regulated manner". Because why should we be accepting of our own abuse under the premise that "they can't do it yet". That is the point. The smart and or lucky ones, have started to learn because the pressure to sort that stuff out, has increased. Next step of "teaching their peers well" is already happening, thankfully so.
That sounds nice, but being an emotional adult means that sometimes crying. And when a man cries in front of his girlfriend or wife, there's an uncomfortably high chance that she'll turn cold / hostile / that she'll dump him.
Why video is called "Dr. K talks Emotional Neglect, ADHD, and Purpose", but it's actually about spirituality and AI girlfriend - and nothing about post from preview? Is it glitch or clickbait to make me watch more ranting about male problems?
Hey Dr K, with tremendous respect and gratitude, I think you missed two HUGE things in your discussion of women and men and loneliness. 1. A woman who wants a man that makes more than her, because of the pay gap, only means she wants someone with equal success in the workspace. 2. One reason women don't accept male anger is that male anger is viscerally, physically dangerous to women. Violence is a health care problem; look up the ratio of women harmed or killed by male partners vs men harmed or killed by female partners. Sadness is safer to support. Both of those situations harm women more than men, and at the same time, makes men blame women for their problems. Thank you for amazing content!
To be more precise, happyness is not all internal. It is the inner response to the outer impulse. Put someone into an isolation tank and wait while this person will be truly happy 😃 just maybe after completely loosing his mind 😃
I’m a high functioning man on the autistic spectrum with a narcissistic wife and three kids, the first two of which have autistic traits, while no3 is just highly intellectual, athletic and huge for is age, but with such s sensitve and feeling inner side.✨💙✨
This episode, like many, hsve given me many ideas for self reflection and hopefully also self improvement for me. Thank you✨🙏💙 Can’t help but thinking of me and my wife in the overall equation of life after watching this episode though. Not sure what I can do beyond sending her the link and asking her to please reflect around the final 45-50min of the broadcast - if that’s all that will come out of it it’s still so great sensei Dr K.🙏
Dude you should be on TV. I've got a feeling that a huge portion of the people who need the perspective you're sharing _and aren't getting anything remotely like it anywhere_ are undereducated millenials stuck on traditional media and who've aged out of receiving any empathy or outreach. For a lot of them, the "new meta" didn't even reach their neck of the woods until later and they're just as lost as urban gen-z's. Right now, they're pretty much exclusively in the hands of another type of influencer that knows how to connect with men's anger and exploits it for profit, political power, and diversion from their own abuses of privilege.
@@HonoredMule i'd say that the problem with TV is that you are not free to make the content you want since it's all being monitored, and if you do you end up in some channel no one knows about. my psychologist says that tv is like poison, because the main thing they want is to make you unsatisfied with your life so they can give you products to buy that should fix your life and you are more likely going to buy them. so no chance that dr K is gonna get a good spot in this environment
@@agaga5886 Physical ones can be fixed, yes. But would a person really consent to an anti-asshole brain-chip? Or a "grow-a-spine psychological protocol™"?
I think within our lifetime we will achieve an impressive control over the human experience like Neuromancer but things with like altering emotions, It feels like life requires suffering because without it you would not be able to experience joy. Joy by definition is distance from suffering. We'd become robots. Which is what we already are, That we experience emotion at all entirely has to do with the fact our intelligence optimized for the survival of a certain ape like critter we now call humans
_"The market is ruining women by introducing new desires and needs into their lives!!"_ *->* _"The AI gf market isn't ruining men, they're just filling needs of men _*_who are already ruined!"_* 🤦♀️
Spirituality is personal psychology and psychology is study of external behaviours of a human Suffering comes from your reaction to things. You're doing things you don't want. Spirituality is connecting with yourself. Focus on living today 1. Happiness comes from within. Happiness and suffering comes from your reaction to things, not them directly. Change the way you think about yourself and other things. This is spirituality 2. Look within yourself 51:03
The more we learn about the downstream effects of the social changes of the past century, the more I think maybe there was some wisdom in the way things were, with notable exceptions.
Whereas before there often was little to no choice for women in relationships (when you’d get married, you’d have to quit your job) and thus no independence, there may have been more marriages that lasted. But it doesn’t say much about whether those were happy, fulfilling marriages for both or their children. Many of us women have gained independence depending on which culture you’re in, but of course this also comes with difficulties because our roles in a relationship change. I see it as (societal) growing pains. You can still choose traditional roles, or more progressive roles, but the key thing is: it’s a choice. I think the Dr. has a good point in saying it’s in part society’s responsibility to facilitate and foster better relations instead of just competition between the sexes. How can we work together better? But it’s not an individual woman’s responsibility to raise their boyfriend/husband. So collectively we have to have these discussions about the struggles facing men and women and how we can alleviate and make space for those issues.
As a woman, diagnosed with ADHD at 41, I never realised how lonely I was as a kid until I got my new psychologist and we started talking about how much time I spent alone making up stories in my head as a kid. My parents barely registered my existence, unless I made a mistake, got told off for “being slow”, or forgot to do something they’d asked me to do. I was lonely in my bones, animals were my best friends and still are. I don’t know if it caused the ADHD or whether I always had ADHD and the loneliness just made it harder to get help for.
aS a wOMaN
My nieces and nephews are emotionally neglected by my siblings and they're all showing different signs of ADHD I'm honestly pretty concerned. I also have ADHD but I'm the first one diagnosed in my family so I'm not sure what's being passed down, the emotional neglect or genetics for ADHD.
@@deleted01 someone needs to watch more dr k vids 😷
@@deleted01Grow up.
❤️🤗 I was raised the same way. My best friend was a horse.
I've literally had to bite my tongue and remind myself, "My husband is allowed to feel angry/upset/frustrated/annoyed/etc., and he's allowed to express those emotions." I hate that my first reaction is to be upset when he's showing a negative emotion; it's one thing to feel empathy, it's another to let someone else's emotions dictate how I feel. I'm definitely a work in progress.
Thanks for being introspective.
I've had a case where a woman went from showing me possible wedding dresses and discussing buying a house with me, to turning ice-cold just because I cried in front of her and expressed anxiety. She dumped me a few months later.
Apparently I hadn't learned my lesson, because I then got another girlfriend, who I also cried in front of at some point in time (I've been emotionally neglected and abused during my youth, there's a lot of pain there). And she also dumped me over that.
I now understand why men don't want to be emotionally open / vulnerable to their partners, and that men often just drown their emotions in alcohol.
It seems innate in women that their unconscious response to a husband / boyfriend showing weakness is hostility or coldness. Kudo's that you're not just following your unconscious response.
@@lightworker2956 I'm sorry you've had to go through those hard experiences. I think a lot of the US' culture is very broken. I hope you'll be able to find someone as self-aware as you are! If you can't express a normal human emotion in front of your significant other... that's a terrible way to live.
I know with me, my issues with my hubby showing anger/frustration go back to the men in my family having dramatic rage issues that often turned violent. (Some of my first memories are domestic violence.) So my knee-jerk reaction to that type of emotion being expressed by a dude is always "fight or flight" which... when I'm with my husband whom I love and adore, turns into fight. For no logical reason.
I feel like it's amazing how deep childhood trauma goes, and how much personal TLC it takes to heal from it. Here's to healing! And finding the right person who will let you be all of you.
Great point! I generally get scared when my husband gets mad because of my conditioning. I think the problem with male anger is that it often escalates into violence or abandonment. It isn't common for anger to evolve into a coming together of understanding.
@@lightworker2956there's no such thing as something being innate in women (or men). What you described sounds like typical dynamics of attachment disorders, since feeling contempt towards emotional expression is a typical trait of avoidant attachment. Add male "macho" socialization to the mix and you get this. But it's all learned, not innate. I'm glad to hear you, as a guy, are able to express your emotions, don't let anyone change that
@@lightworker2956 Yeah, I was never allowed to express any anger in front of my (often single) mother until I had moved out entirely because of _her_ trauma, which subsequently gave _me_ the trauma of not having a safe way to vent or manage my emotions simply because of being male (and adhd)
2:04:08 I was that 17 year old, you got me to go to therapy, stop gaming so much and got my life together. Now I have a 3.7 at uni and am going to law school next. Also not depressed anymore. Thank you for your help and for making that choice. Because I am scared what I would be like now without your channel.
I'm very proud of you
Congrats man!
Do you still find gaming enjoyable, or did it get dropped entirely? Asking out of curiosity and I'm happy for your new life
@@deeznuts1494 I game when I have time to, which some days I just don’t have the time. I also prefer play strategy games, so playing for an 1 or 2 just is not worth it. Mostly if I do play it’s for 4-5 hrs on Saturday/Sunday. Or if I’m on break/get more unexpected time than usual.
Great job!
didn't realise how long this was going to be when i clicked on it, but i had one more low mood low achievement day today, and i started playing it in the background as i tidied my room. now my room is sorted, i've washed my face, had some food, cleared the pile of dishes, prepped some of my breakfast, brushed my teeth, picked out my clothes; and I've finished listening to the stream right as i'm finally ready to sleep knowing i've got what i need to do well tomorrow. great wisdom and great timing!
I love when that happens! Sometimes, I'm like "I'm going to clean the bathroom today" but then I enjoy what I'm listening to. So I go "I guess I'll vacuum too. Also, I've got time so I'll do the dishes, and how about dusting?" Then it's been 4 hours and I got all the chores done. And it feels great to sit down and watch a movie or play a video game.
I'm glad Dr. K covered this because I see a lot of people unhappy. I've had my share of struggles (cancer, emotional and sexual trauma, depression and anxiety, autism) but the combination of
1) Being an adult and making my own choices
2) Having a job where I get to excercise and listen to headphones
3) Finding the right combo of antidepressants
Has left me feeling consistently happy and productive. I feel good when I work. And because I work hard, I feel good when I do the things I enjoy ❤
@@leahtheanimationfan40 thanks for sharing! it's really encouraging to see how others have managed to find fulfilment despite their own struggles
i struggle a lot with motivation and doing things; i think i only artificially coped so far through outside structures like school (pretty sure i've got a really dysfunctional executive function and i really should be tested for adhd), and dr. k is one of the only places where i' ve heard my struggles actually described and taken seriously. it helped me so much in convincing myself it was really a struggle and i'm allowed to seek help for it ; i remember before almost wishing there i actually had a clear disorder so at least i could get help rather than me just acting stupid and makings myself unhappy all on my own. so i'm definitely on my way to finding help, and i now understand better what it is i struggle with and what i can work on.
i've also recently done some philosophising/thinking about life(probably aligning with what he described as spirituality) and i actually noticed how it sort of peeled off my first layer of hiding. it's lifted a lot of anxiety which now allows me to stay with myself and actually look at what's happening a little bit more, and be just a bit closer to living in coherence with myself
congrats, that sounds like you were able to transform a potentially crappy day into a great day for youself!
Thank you for sharing, keep going! I was on the crappy day side today, but messages like this one give me hope to change my tomorrow for the better. :)
I sometimes get myself into this stupid spiral, where I don't have enough energy to do all the things I wanted to do as an absolute minimum of productivity I set for myself for that particular day. Then I start feeling completely useless for not being able do accomplish my bare minimum and then I beat myself up for being such a pathetic loser, which leaves me with even less energy for the next day and so on... It's so dumb, I know... Yet I still fall into that pattern... Sometimes the only thing that takes me out of that spiral is reading a random comment like this with a better outcome and feeling genuinely happy for some stranger on the internet who was able to overcome something that I failed at that day. It remidns me to be a little more kind with myself, because I am able to be kind (instead of envious) to somebody else.
"love thy neighbor as thyself" right? If I am capable to cheer someone else on, why is it so difficult to be more positive to myself? Isn't that strange?
Blessings to all who are able to break patterns and also to all who feel stuck on their strugglebus! May we all inspire and upiift eachother ;)
@@leahtheanimationfan40 100%. This is my ADHD hack. I can do many things I wouldn't normally as long as I can listen to something stimulating in the background. Unfortunately doesn't work with schoolwork, because the part of my brain I'm distracting is the part I need for critical thinking lol
Wow! Go you
I always get such a kick out of Dr. K when he slides into Indian Guru Mode. Cracks me up. 😄
And that is also mainly when he does the "Indian hand gestures" for emphasis.
It is really interesting how his whole body language changes.
Me too! He’s so genuine and quirky - ALL of his personalities 😂
Love it 😊
Could you please do a live about that topic, that is in the image and the title: Emotional neglect and ADHD.
I really need it!
Please dr K that would be really helpful
Seriously. This had absolutely nothing to do with ADHD and emotional neglect
Yeah seriously
Just in case you haven't seen it, his recent stream 'The Shame of ADHD' is fully dedicated to that disorder. It's a blast to watch/listen as well!
This was an awesome talk but please revisit the adhd and emotional neglect, thanks y’all
Yes!
This!
Yes please!
Aye, please and thank you
Pleaseeee!!!
As someone who has made a conscious choice to become more vocal about his loneliness, 1:28:28 smashed me in the feels. "Silent" is just one of those fun counter-reverse words Carlin always talked about.
RIP George Carlin, comedic genius and always said what needed to be said, he will be missed.
Euphemism is the word BTW, I forget it too.
I love Carlin but this "coubter-reverse" words doesnt ring a bell. Was is part of 7 words you can't say??
Anyone here think it's effectively impossible to raise children to be well-balanced and emotionally healthy individuals with two parents working full-time? I was watching Dr. K's video on alexithymia, and I feel like barely seeing my parents for only a few hours at most for most of the week for most of my adolescence inevitably led me to feeling neglected without me even realizing it (emotional colorblindness).
The socioeconomic catch-22 though is that it is basically impossible for the vast majority of the population to afford to raise children without two incomes.
I wouldn't say it's impossible. But it is difficult, probably depends on the individual as well. Plus being emotionally healthy doesn't mean your childhood is necessarily going to be perfect. But I do agree parents should be able to spend more time with their kids and not be limited to the 40 hour work week regardless of age.
Literally, yes. As we progress through history, we tend to solve some problems then make more problems. Maybe there's a next step past capitalism.
I am a Stay-at-home mom and have been very involved with my children lives from day one of their lives. I am always the homeroom parent, soccer mom, etc. My mom was the same. We live traditionally with fathers/husbands, who are great providers. My mom and I could/can afford to stay at home, though we are frugal people. We have pretty nice upper middle class lives. My husband is a VP for a real estate development company and my father worked his way up the P&G ladder and bought into their stock plan leading to him to be blessed to retire a millionaire. This is amazing because my parents come from rural, poor backgrounds in the Jim Crow South. My parents picked cotton. They were/are very child centered and aren't materialistic or ostentatious.
I say this because my children complain that I am too involved. And even though my husband is the sole provider now (there are times I worked part-time jobs, near their school, so I could remain involved) he is pretty involved in their lives during his free time.
I think however your parents are, they are NEVER going to be perfect at giving you exactly what you need. Unfortunately parents aren't mind readers and they are evolving beings themselves.
I had both parents working 40 hours weeks but have always been very close with them, and never really felt neglected (rare expections ofc still, but it has never been thing to expect or be long lasting feeling.)
I even had a lot of opposite feeling of them still being TOO involved, and felt like sometimes them working overtime (to late evening) was exciting to learn independence (at maybe 9 years old, after like 13, it was more of just nice change and having quiet alone time)
Also its nice parents having life thats not focused only on me, so there is possibility of "real" 2-way relationship.
And btw, no devices when spending time together.
Expect if its TV with something everyone is watching and talking about.
@@symix. Thats interesting. Did your parents have any hobbies or anything that ate up their time or did they just work and come straight home? Did they bring you along to run errands and such? Im just trying to figure out why your situation didn't bother you but it sometimes bothers others.
As a woman, I just lent an ear to a guy last week who seemed to be having a rough time. He showed me a text where his dad was mad at him and demanding an apology, and started shouting about genitals. He also spit all over me and my food, and repeatedly ignored my growing disinterest until I had to yell at him to stop talking to me.
By the way, he came in after me and sat down right next to me at a half empty bar.
I promise you that decreased connection to others in modern society is not women’s fault. Motherfuckers be scary.
Sorry that happened to you. Not okay how he treated you.
On the other hand, a single anecdote doesn't prove a lot. I'm a man and I have my own anecdotes where I was mistreated by women. Do my personal anecdotes prove that it actually is women's fault? No, you simply can't conclude anything from anecdotes.
Obviously one part of the issue is, as you say, specific men who behave atrociously. That's absolutely true.
On the other hand, dating a young woman who grew up with social media and internet dating seems almost impossible. I've dated two of them, and both of them were superficial, got bored very quickly and basically expected me to keep them entertained and happy and stimulated. They ultimately treated me and the relationship as disposable, dumping me in a situation where we could have talked it out and I wanted to talk it out. After all, a young woman can find another date in like 20 minutes online, so why actually sit down and have the difficult conversation?
You can say "date better women" but then I can say "date / interact with better men" whenever women complain about men.
The vast majority of divorces are also initiated by women, and research shows very clearly that this is hugely negative for the child. There's a huge amount of young men who grew up in a single-mom household and then young men are completely lost, because their mom kicked out their father. And sure, sometimes he was abusive, but most often the reason is that she's bored.
Then there's the problem where lots of women have a very negative opinion of men and masculinity, and if a mother has such a view, she'll probably raise the kind of non-masculine, inoffensive and completely unexciting young man that no woman wants to date. And those type of men often turn toxic when they're the kind of men that society tells them they should be, yet no woman wants them -- and meanwhile toxic jerks get plenty of sex, because they're hotter / more masculine / more dangerous / "I can fix him" etc.
"I promise you that decreased connection to others in modern society is not women’s fault."
Your anecdoctal "evidence" falls apart at the point where that guy had a mother. She's somehow blameless in your opinion? Why is that? Because she shares your gender?
It's not women's fault EXCLUSIVELY. But you are the other half of our society, don't bullshit us that you are somehow above all contribution to its problems.
If you aren't strong enough or empathetic enough to comfort people don't. Men have Years of pent up emotions we've been told to bury. You were allowed to grow emotionally mature without actually being able to guide that emotion. He wasn't even allowed to emotionally grow up. And you think he's the problem?
Wow I am sorry you've had that happen and even more sorry at the comments I've read in response to you, people need to realise nobody else regardless of gender is responsible for your actions. Nothing is so black and white and a lot of people know a little and think that is then the truth of everything. I'm sorry this particular man behaved this way- that's not fair to you and it's nice that you tried to help 😊
"They become 27 and it is too late."
I'm 36. OOOF. I completely agree, though. Like it can be too late at 27 because around 30 some people will off themselves because they feel as if their life is going nowhere and nothing will change. I've known a few people who did it, and I was feeling quite suicidal between the ages of 28-33 myself.. It isn't ever too late to change, but doctors really do need to help people as early as possible tosave lives.
My brother ended up leaving this life himself because of the same issue. It’s really unfortunate how we limit ourselves based off age.
Can relate to that. Sheer pressure of expectations from family and society that you will meet certain goals/milestones by certain ages does it.
Due to some heavily traumatic events in early teens, my ability to trust people was shattered, i closed off from society and missed several milestones around late teens/early adulthood.
Felt left behind and unable to ever catch up, leading to crushing levels of shame (believe Dr K covered this in another video).
Ended up spending my entire 20s feeling useless, hopeless, unwanted and wasting away, thinking I would be dead before 30 so there was no point even trying in life. Honestly surprised I actually didn't off myself.
What started to break me out of it was learning there were other people who thought like this who never get out of it. Even if they live past 30, they then move goal posts to 40, and should they make it to 40, go to 50 and so on, ultimately wasting their whole life away.
Now 37, things aren't much better for me as I haven't broken through trust issues yet, but I haven't completely given up either.
There he is once again with top-notch, overly relateable content for the neurodivergents out there! Dr.K has been so helpful to me both personally and in my training as a psychologist. I have no idea yet what my purpose in life is, and this caused me great distress, but now i know that being in the phase of figuring stuff out at age 20 is purpose in itself so im here for the ride
One of my purposes in life is to simply make the world a better place, especially for our future kids and generations. (voting, speaking out against corrupt happening in the current world, being part of a community I call my city, being a positive person online). We all live on this planet, let's just live in peace together.
You'll find your dream/goal/point eventually.
everyone is neurodivergent.
@@jlllxyeah it’s a spectrum but he was talking about people leaning more into it.
@@jlllxno they're not. Do some research
Starts 7:20
Thank you 🙏
Bless u
Thank you, my friend
God bless u
thanks !!
this video made me realize how alone i was as a kid as well, but i definitely enjoyed my childhood. i used to spend all day on my own, playing web browser games, collecting bugs, or studying, & now the HTML i learned coding my neopets pages is going towards a computer science major!💗💗 my only regret is how my parents worked hard to provide for us and i didn't get to spend much time with them as a kid, but we have great relationships now & they do the most for me :)
I love this view point. Take pride in the happiness you had. I love it. Take care
For the first reddit question: i used to feel that way,(i mean i still do it but the frequency reduced) why must we live if all there is to it but suffering. And this is going to sound extremely cheezy but the way I learned to deal with it is through the game called Final Fantasy 14. FF14 newest expansion dropped at that time called Endwalker. That expac is the end of the main story arc . The main theme of Endwalker is dealing with overwhelming depair and suffering and despite that fact finding a way moving forward, finding the meaning of life and realizing that the life is worth living. The story conveyed that in a beautiful way. I still watch some of the cutscenes in game when ever i feel down. It got me through my struggles at that time and it my fav game of all time. That's why to this date i recommend people playing ff14 till the Endwalker expac
I swear FFXIV is loved by everyone that plays it
Maybe it’s time
@@simariocrossing 🤣 well, there is only one way to find out.
@@simariocrossing listen and look up the lyrics to the song called answers from ff14. Thats basically the whole theme of the expansion
I relate to the first topic a lot, and the answer has given me a lot to think about, reinforcing some conclusions I had already come to myself about living well and living for yourself.
But, what it doesn't really address for me: what about people who feel trapped in their current situation? People with mental health disorders who can't afford the help they need, people in abusive situations, people who have toxic social situations where the way out is forcibly kept from you, situations where you feel trapped, where there may not be an obvious way to "just get out of the bad situation"? Like yes, sure, you can change how it affects you personally, but to me it seems counter intuitive that the solution is to change your thought process to "oh boy, I can't wait for the challenge of getting abused again today!" There are just so many situations where it feels like everything has been set up for failure, with the consequence of failure being "you'll probably starve or get beaten to death."
Those are tough situations.
People who can't afford the help they need: there's certain well-known things you can do to improve your life (exercise enough, eat well, etc). It doesn't magically solve your problems, but if you keep working on yourself for long enough, eventually things will improve. Also, whenever a "negative" emotion or thought comes up, it helps to just observe it, instead of trying to suppress or change it or judge it.
A Dr. That uses profanity is okay in my book. Highly relatable once again. I'm 42 and jus beginning to unpack who I am thx to your videos. Free content that you should be paid handsomely for. Thank you
We *should* place more emphasis on sadness over anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. It typically masks fear or sadness.
So yes, we should be encouraging folks to express their primary emotions.
Oh yes, I always get angry when I'm scared of being emotionally hurt. Suppress them for years to the point that it was hard to unravel my feelings during therapy 😢
@@tina1061😢
I agree, but an issue is that especially for men (and to a lesser extent for women too) it is safe and culturally acceptable to express anger, but not to express fear or sadness. If you express fear or sadness, you often get judged, or you get given "advice" that's completely unhelpful and and sometimes bulldozes your actual emotions ("cheer up").
To illustrate this, I've twice cried in front of a girlfriend, and been dumped twice by her soon after. It's absolutely not safe for men to cry in front of other people. And these were relatively young, modern, left-wing women -- not the type of traditional women you'd think would be hostile to "weak men."
@@lightworker2956 That's seriously fucked up dude. I can't believe she did that.
And yes, I totally agree. It's not safe for men to express sadness given the state of our current culture.
That being said my partner and male friends have cried in front of me many a time and I'm always happy to support them.
There ARE people out there who will empathize and respect your emotions.
Clicked for the Emotional neglect, and ADHD. Didn't get my emotional need for that met. Very par for the course as someone who was neglected and had to figure out life on their own while having ADHD.
Oof 😂 I'm in this comment
1:49:00 I completely agree that the only way we're going to fix any issue in society is by working together... but I'm so tired of saving men.
Recently I managed to convince (force really) a man who's in his 40s to go to a therapist about the severe childhood trauma he experienced that affected a large part of his life. He's done so much progress since being in therapy... and I'm proud of him for that. I'm proud of each and every person who faces their pain, fear, etc and heals from it.
But I'm so tired of helping men (like the guy I mentioned) who are apathetic towards women's issues, who do nothing until it's too late. And from the women I talk to I can tell they're tired (and angry) as well.
Exactly this! Women have been responsible for "saving" or "fixing" men for generations, and we're TIRED! There has to be some self motivatation from men to get their acts together. We can't do it all for them, but we can be by their side while they do the work.
sumps are gonna sump
I haven't lived your life, but can't relate. I have the opposite experience. As a man, I'm constantly being asked to care about women's issues while being told to shut up about men's issues. And in relationships, the man is expected to care about / listen to / comfort / practically help women who are in emotional distress, yet when I'm in emotional distress my girlfriends have turned cold towards me.
@@lightworker2956 and now you know how women actually have felt for years!
It is not a silent epidemic, but a silenced epidemic.
Yeah, great point.
Try to discuss male issues, and you still get told to shut up by enough people that effectively you can't speak out.
person: *drowning*
dr k: “yes, you are correct”
What do you mean?
as a hobby theologist and psychologist I must say I LOVE YOU 😅😅😅 srsly, you're soooooo right with everything you're saying. It's such a joy to listen to somebody so sage. so inspiring and energizing. The way you're not afraid to say what people have been subconsciously thinking but never say out loud
As for the AI gf stuff my take on that is that it's become increasingly unsatisfying to live in a "normal" relationship for both men and women because our expectations are increasingly being manipulated by the media. For example, both men and women expect their partner to be overly attractive, successful, well-mannered, in control of every situation etc. such as shown in TV or magazines... I think this is why many men AND women end up giving up on this perceived and frustrating IMPERFECTION that seems to contradict everything we've been fed to believe and expect from life. I honestly am no exception to that.
Anyway, as always thank you SO MUCH for your videos. You're a true life saver.
Maybe - but I suspect many of us are looking for healthy partners we can grow and evolve with, and not finding them. I quit dating years ago because of my own issues, but my idea of what would constitute a great partner is certainly way more flexible and very different than the media’s.
Dr K you have truly changed my life i really hope you feel how loved you are
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE split out the section here on cognitive reframing because it’s one of the most powerful things I’ve ever heard
You spoke to me so directly at the end of the video about not waiting and improving thru ruthless improvement
Where’s the other 30% of women that watch healthy gamer at? 🥲
Me!
Here lol
😊
💅👋
Hi 👋
Just my opinion ofc, but i think a lot of women why say they want men to earn more than they do are actually saying "i don't want to be punished for earning more". Just as many tall girls, as it turns out, do not care if boys are taller or not, but they have bad experiences with shorter boys holding a grudge that gets worse with time
This!! The women I know, myself included, don't really care about the money. They just don't want to have manage men's feelings of inadequacy for earning less even though money doesn't make the man so to speak. Same with women being intolerant of men's anger. Men's anger KILLS US! Of course we aren't going readily accept it. When men are willing to work on themselves and channel their feelings in a healthy way then maybe women will be willing to take them back. Until that happens, we're safer and happier alone.
This, right here! For me, if a man has serious anger issues or makes less than me, those are deal breakers for this *very* reason. I don’t give a care what he makes or how tall he is, but if his feelings of inadequacy about such things are inconsolable and present a *danger* to me, I want nothing to do with him. My mother endured a **horrifically** abusive marriage with someone with these same self esteem issues, and I refuse to continue the cycle by taking up the mantle of being an adult male’s emotional “babysitter.” I have better things to do with my time and energy-and I like my eyes not being black and my teeth where they are in my head, thank you very much!
@steeldon6620 🤣 happily married with no cats, but go off I guess
I think it's useful to understand that people have a rational brain and a more unconscious brain.
Sure, women's rational brain says "it no problem if he earns less than me." But that's not what a lot of women's unconscious brain says.
@kaitlynroush6518 im still listening to see if he addresses it but this is exactly what I was thinking about the anger. Angry men are terrifying because in their anger many of them don't stop themselves from becoming physical. Or screaming in your face and sayings hurtful things. Its hard for me to think of someone being angry while also not being outwardly destructive.
I have learned to recognize when my boyfriends anger is him expressing a need to be heard and that he is dealing with something difficult. But I never ever will put up with outwardly destructive anger directed at me as a valid way to express that. I need to be able to trust the men in my life not to do that after growing up with a very angry abusive father.
I discovered your channel by chance when I clicked on a link but thank you, thank you, because I feel like you are speaking with real insight into how our society is suffering right now and you are speaking to the root causes rather than just the symptoms.
I wish i hadn't heard these same eye opening truths a hundred times over now and it still cut just as deep.
Thank you. Just thank you! All your videos seem to be customized for me. Years of therapy, some medication when I was young and just this journey of life you've made the most sense. I'm doing much better understanding myself. Thank you!
This guy's sense of humor is very healthy
fascinating conversation, thank you, & yes we actually are all in this together
for better or for worse
(“I’m beautiful & I deserve it” I laughed lol)
Was a hilarious in livestream also=) But In all honesty, I was like "gimme me two" until it. Not great selling point for anyone.
Heh, as soon as you brought up the topic of why we keep living, I immediately said, "SPITE!" It's not great to rely on all the time, but it's handy in those places dark and deep.
Probably the best analogy for it is to a pilot light.
I see suffering differently. I see suffering as inherent to life and the order of the universe which is very difficult to understand. One thing I do know, is if we try, we can learn immensely from suffering. Strangely suffering can generate beauty which is very difficult to comprehend but out of suffering we can find things like strength and heroism. I would argue that living well, means living in the moment and accepting what is. But yes one of the most fundamental questions is why do bad things happen to good people or why do good people suffer.
feels like my energy is sucked out forcing myself to do the things i dont wanna do... wake up early work.8 hours a day 5 days a week.
i just wanna not have to work for a year or more and get to WANT to try new things, learn what i actually enjoy and if i HAVE to work, then it will actually be at something i enjoy...something that doesnt feel like work , but is something that makes me excited to get outta bed in the morning.
right now i have NO idea what that is. of what i can do to make money to afford housing, food ,travel, etc and live a life i love
Speaking to the adjustment of expectations re: income dynamics in a relationship... that was definitely something my husband and I discussed during premarital counseling (male/female relationship). I have a bachelors degree in two different subjects, and he has his GED. I'm now in the career track to become CFO of a real estate development company while he works in computer repair. When we talk about whether we will have children, or who will work when/how, we have to flexible. The old ideal would be me staying home and him working, but when I make twice as much as he does... it makes more sense that he would stay home and I would work (since childcare for 2 children costs as much as his full time job brings in in our area). Both partners have to be flexible because the old ideals don't make sense for every situation.
43:16 COGNITIVE REFRAMING: changing the way we see problems internally❤.
This is the first long video that watched and the topic sounds very interesting especially the male loneliness part. I'm a woman but what you said is basically true, at least for me. Due to my parents' divorce and my mom having custody of us, I always worry about my father. He wasn't the perfect father but as you said we always have to be "the bigger person" when we're with men and am always worried if I have to take care another male whenever I try to pursue any relationship. At one point I was like, f it, no more them, it's all about me now but it never really did make me happy. I still have nightmares for making that decision but it's time to step back and do what I actually wanted to do, lending a hand to my family and try to take small steps one at a time!
a woman came in and made it about her again
@@deleted01 I'm sorry I couldn't talk on behalf of men's in my life because guess what? I'm not a mind reader and I'm not them 😳 (mind-blowing, I know)
@@deleted01 loneliness actually affects women more by 2%. it's just about the same for both genders so this idea that male loneliness is a phenomenon deserving special attention is actually you making it about yourself. i'm sorry not everything is about you.
this is sad. i saw the thumbnail thinking it would help me since loneliness has been proven to be a widespread phenomenon among young adults at large, for both genders. there's much content about "male loneliness" right now. to spin a widespread phenomenon to only one gender when the research proves otherwise is so disappointing. again women are just invisible in something that greatly affects us, actually literally statistically more.
@@ddalgi-l2o Sure, but loneliness is not causing women to self delete at much higher rates worldwide.
Sorry that Healthygamer isn't TwoXChromosomes
You should definitely try to interview Neil Newbon. His life story is fascinating. I got to meet him at Fan Expo Philly, and when I tell you it was a life changing experience, I mean it. Such a deeply humble and dedicated person who knows what it is like to go through a very very dark path to get to where he is today. You would not be disappointed and your community would love the interview.
01:40 - The *GREATEST* (and I'm weighing my words extremely there) EXPLANATION FOR GENRES WARS : MALE VS FEMALE.
Simply the best resume and explanation I've seen in my life.
Soral peut aller se rhabiller (même si il avait en partie raison, il décrivait un symptôme de ces problèmes plus grands).
(L'extrait commence encore plus tôt que 01:40:00 , sur le marketing et la société du désir)
The point about male touch and men relying strictly on sexual/romantic relationships for emotional labour is great. I'm female and these days I'm really reluctant to get into relationships with men because I was heavily parentified by a single father with BPD (also helped raise my younger siblings) and now, in my 30s, I don't want to have to manage someone else's emotions without reciprocation. If it's shared emotional intimacy that's one thing, I'm just not going to do your work for you. I'm a teacher and I don't mind helping children, but as an adult? You're on your own my guy.
58:30 hedonics vs. eudaimonics 1:01:20 To be content in spite of pleasure or pain = spirituality
Then you are not driven, you can choose.
I will buy a “Y’all get that?!” mug.
1:20:10 its not causing the damage, its exploring the damage for profit
This is life changing. I kept pausing and asking myself where do I do this and what do I want to do instead.
Easily one of the most perceptive, engaging and insightful-not to mention thought-provoking two hours and five minutes I’ve watched on TH-cam, perhaps ever. Thank you for this one, especially-much to digest and share…
Around the 40 minute mark, Dr. K is talking about Sensuality - and it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the senses - it's feeling with the body.
I was looking forward to Dr. K talking through the post in the thumbnail. It's what spoke to me and drew me to click on the vid. It's a little disappointing seeing it's a different video
The way you described how your 20s were last and how it would be too late for the girl you were coaching when she is 27 didn't really help me with my anxiety as a 30yo male who wasted his best years...
The parentification of women is a serious issue.
Every single one of my female friends has been parentified by their male partners.
I'm a software engineer and have never expected my partner to make more than me. However, I've always known that I couldn't be with someone who wasn't emotionally competent.
It took forever, but I've finally found someone I can share the burdens of life with.
We recognize that we both have to take on our share of the "wifely" duties. We don't have to be 50/50 in every category... but we do have to be 50/50 in the wifely duties *overall*.
@@jacket2383 I would encourage you to reflect on why you felt the need to respond with "It's not a competition!" when nothing in my comment suggested it was.
@@jacket2383Nice gaslight.
I think the majority of mothers are so bad at being mothers, that many adult men still look for a mother. Is that the fault of men, or the fault of those mothers?
I think if mothers were good at mothering, you wouldn't have adult men effectively looking for a mother.
Also doesn't help that most divorces get initiated by women, often for the reason that she's bored -- and then her son probably grows up without a father, which absolutely destroys boys.
@lightworker2956 mothers should not baby their sons. After age 5 it's time to grow up and be a man otherwise you become an enmeshed mommas boy. Forgive your mother and grow some bollz already
@@lightworker2956 seriously, nobody gets divorced just because they’re “bored” of their spouse. I also think some men look to their wives to *take over* from mothers who did everything for them as children.
So many people need to hear this about men and women and privilege etc!!! Thank you so much for this.
This lecture and the part about doing hard work but then being a degenerate gamer still leads to better outcomes than just being degenerate it really stuck well in my head. One of my favorite jobs I ever had paid decent but it was physically intensive and boy did it make most days easier to do. I also had a desk job for like 2 or 3 years and I was often miserable. Because my mind didn't think I was productive really, because most of it was mindless paperwork. Wild really.
But you didn't talk about ADHD :(
Why was it in the title then? 😢
So thankful to the Creator that your parents came together, you chose them, had the resources you needed and all that fell into place for you to sit here and teach us what we need to understand. Stay blessed Dr.K
Love your approach. Thank you for all your valuable contributions!
Ive been afraid to show the world whst i care about because i feel so embarassed whenever i am vulnerable
Hmm, this thumbnail is really clickbaity and then I listen through everything and nothing there on that topic...
Am here for ADHD, no ADHD 😔
You really do bring thought provoking words to the fore. I'm so very impressed. As a mid 50s female gamer, I really get it. There are no easy answers, that's for sure
What does this mean for people with ADHD? People with ADHD will find some things inherently more difficult to do than other people, but I guess the lesson of this stream is that you have the absolute freedom to be self-aware of what you care about and choose to do difficult things anyway because it brings you happiness. Non-ADHDers might care about the things they do, but at least they don't need to be as self-aware about it, and arguably they might sometimes be at a disadvantage if they have less of a reason to consult themselves.
It's so funny listening to an uppercrust educated Indian-American from Texas say, "well yeah! Coping ain't gonna work! If y'all wanna understand... "
The topic at about 55 minutes in is very interesting. Because I have come to a realization that on the days I work and the. Play games for 6 hours I feel so much better than the days where I don't work and I play games for 15 hours
So grateful you create content 🧡❣️ thank you
This music is so relaxing I just want to sit in it and watch the world float away into the clouds. If not for having to work I should like to sit here forever
This video should be retitled to something more in line with the content, either way great conversation!
Its interesting how passionate dr k gets while talking about these issues. The deeper he goes into a subject the more often he runs in fingers through his hair. One can almost feel the frustration he emits just from the amount of times he runs his fingers through his hair 😂
Imagine if would-be parents had to take a course on emotional literacy before being permitted to have and raise their children. If they didnt pass the course, they wouldnt be allowed to procreate until they passed the course and proved they could effectively understand and teach emotional literacy..
It would change the entire direction of societal behavior.
You are an Oasis of Knowledge iDr. Thankyou!
Hey, does anyone know where I can find the post in the thumbnail, or is it a fake post? I could only read a little but felt I could relate to it a lot
It starts at 21:08 he's just gulping so dont get scared
You are the most helpful person on TH-cam. God Bless you.
Spitting literal facts DR K !!! loved this
Wait, what? We women can’t handle men’s anger? We can. What we don’t accept is men’s explosive anger. Don’t come at me with a kaboom out of nowhere just because I don’t agree with you about something external. Or any other reason for that matter. No kabooms in my life, thank you.
What I actually came for is reddit post in the thumbnail but couldn't find it anywhere in the video
Nice stuff at the beginning, but the video starts at 7:21 for anyone who wants to skip ahead. ❤
DO IT! DO IT NOW!
The hard thing about anger is when it translates into violence. I had to escape that earlier this year and now I feel so free and so much safer. I feel so good being single right now.
I don't agree with the take that men's anger = toxic masculinity and that the only emotion they're allowed to show is sadness. Toxic masculinity and how it applies to anger has more to do with how the anger is expressed, not that it *exists* . Many people are not taught how to express their emotions in a healthy way, and that goes for any emotion. It's the most noticeable in men's anger because *people get hurt* disproportionately more than anything else. That's my take on it anyway, have a good one
100% correct. Women expressing their anger is promptly mocked and ridiculed. But men who find every excuse to be perpetual victims will never acknowledge that. The one time society doesn't cater to them they crumble, when women have been dealing w this for thousands of years. I have zero compassion for them.
This is a banger man .Thankyou
"the reason you think life is mostly suffering is because you don''t know how to live it well"
Lo mire mientras jugaba al Minecraft, habla sobre espiritualidad y ai girlfriends
Maybe its my adhd, but I would like timestamps. Feels like subject and content changed a fair bit.
Yeah I'm looking forward to timestamps.
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀☀☀
💚💛❤
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
"Active dreaming " Carlos Casteneda
(Without druge too ! )
Also i think this music at the start just gave me an enlightened experience
We do not accept men's anger, because it's the one other than "no" emotion" that has been around. Aka men walked around with either "full volume of emotion pile" or "no volume of emotion pile". "emotion pile" frequently being indiscernible and as a result very often quite misplaced or out of proportion, with crossfire frequently getting directed at women or (in absence) male peers.
And actually quite a lot of women have been sticking around men even under these circumstances. It's not an issue of "not accepting men's anger". It's a matter of "expecting men to prioritize their emotional learning journey and express the whole array of emotions in maturely regulated manner". Because why should we be accepting of our own abuse under the premise that "they can't do it yet". That is the point. The smart and or lucky ones, have started to learn because the pressure to sort that stuff out, has increased. Next step of "teaching their peers well" is already happening, thankfully so.
This.
That sounds nice, but being an emotional adult means that sometimes crying. And when a man cries in front of his girlfriend or wife, there's an uncomfortably high chance that she'll turn cold / hostile / that she'll dump him.
I understood about 10% of what you tried to explain.
@@lightworker2956forgive your mother, moid. Your gf is not responsible for raising you.
I’m happy and I’m content
Why video is called "Dr. K talks Emotional Neglect, ADHD, and Purpose", but it's actually about spirituality and AI girlfriend - and nothing about post from preview? Is it glitch or clickbait to make me watch more ranting about male problems?
Wow.
You are great at explaining.
49:00 dr k teaching all us gamers, may accidentally one day be a religion. 😂
Haha yeah I thought exactly the same. I was like, shit, am I being radicalised into a cult here?.... 😂
Hey Dr K, with tremendous respect and gratitude, I think you missed two HUGE things in your discussion of women and men and loneliness.
1. A woman who wants a man that makes more than her, because of the pay gap, only means she wants someone with equal success in the workspace.
2. One reason women don't accept male anger is that male anger is viscerally, physically dangerous to women. Violence is a health care problem; look up the ratio of women harmed or killed by male partners vs men harmed or killed by female partners. Sadness is safer to support.
Both of those situations harm women more than men, and at the same time, makes men blame women for their problems.
Thank you for amazing content!
You’re a great human role
Model. I’m a chick and totally love your stuff
To be more precise, happyness is not all internal. It is the inner response to the outer impulse. Put someone into an isolation tank and wait while this person will be truly happy 😃 just maybe after completely loosing his mind 😃
I’m a high functioning man on the autistic spectrum with a narcissistic wife and three kids, the first two of which have autistic traits, while no3 is just highly intellectual, athletic and huge for is age, but with such s sensitve and feeling inner side.✨💙✨
This episode, like many, hsve given me many ideas for self reflection and hopefully also self improvement for me. Thank you✨🙏💙
Can’t help but thinking of me and my wife in the overall equation of life after watching this episode though. Not sure what I can do beyond sending her the link and asking her to please reflect around the final 45-50min of the broadcast - if that’s all that will come out of it it’s still so great sensei Dr K.🙏
Dude you should be on TV. I've got a feeling that a huge portion of the people who need the perspective you're sharing _and aren't getting anything remotely like it anywhere_ are undereducated millenials stuck on traditional media and who've aged out of receiving any empathy or outreach. For a lot of them, the "new meta" didn't even reach their neck of the woods until later and they're just as lost as urban gen-z's.
Right now, they're pretty much exclusively in the hands of another type of influencer that knows how to connect with men's anger and exploits it for profit, political power, and diversion from their own abuses of privilege.
I'm Gen X and love Dr. K!
Bruh TV Is gonna be a downgrade
@@jeffkaplan7635 It ain't about the prestige. People who get left behind are prime targets for radicalization. Plus, they're like, still people.
@@HonoredMule i'd say that the problem with TV is that you are not free to make the content you want since it's all being monitored, and if you do you end up in some channel no one knows about. my psychologist says that tv is like poison, because the main thing they want is to make you unsatisfied with your life so they can give you products to buy that should fix your life and you are more likely going to buy them. so no chance that dr K is gonna get a good spot in this environment
TV is for Boomers.
GenX & Millennials probably use TH-cam the most.
Zoomers & Alpha use TikTok more
1:48:15
To quote a friend of mine: "You can't cybernetically enhance your personal problems away."
Why not?
@@agaga5886 Physical ones can be fixed, yes. But would a person really consent to an anti-asshole brain-chip? Or a "grow-a-spine psychological protocol™"?
I think within our lifetime we will achieve an impressive control over the human experience like Neuromancer but things with like altering emotions, It feels like life requires suffering because without it you would not be able to experience joy. Joy by definition is distance from suffering. We'd become robots. Which is what we already are, That we experience emotion at all entirely has to do with the fact our intelligence optimized for the survival of a certain ape like critter we now call humans
Thank you so much for this. ❤
_"The market is ruining women by introducing new desires and needs into their lives!!"_ *->* _"The AI gf market isn't ruining men, they're just filling needs of men _*_who are already ruined!"_*
🤦♀️
Spirituality is personal psychology and psychology is study of external behaviours of a human
Suffering comes from your reaction to things. You're doing things you don't want.
Spirituality is connecting with yourself. Focus on living today
1. Happiness comes from within. Happiness and suffering comes from your reaction to things, not them directly. Change the way you think about yourself and other things. This is spirituality
2. Look within yourself
51:03
The more we learn about the downstream effects of the social changes of the past century, the more I think maybe there was some wisdom in the way things were, with notable exceptions.
Whereas before there often was little to no choice for women in relationships (when you’d get married, you’d have to quit your job) and thus no independence, there may have been more marriages that lasted. But it doesn’t say much about whether those were happy, fulfilling marriages for both or their children. Many of us women have gained independence depending on which culture you’re in, but of course this also comes with difficulties because our roles in a relationship change. I see it as (societal) growing pains. You can still choose traditional roles, or more progressive roles, but the key thing is: it’s a choice. I think the Dr. has a good point in saying it’s in part society’s responsibility to facilitate and foster better relations instead of just competition between the sexes. How can we work together better? But it’s not an individual woman’s responsibility to raise their boyfriend/husband. So collectively we have to have these discussions about the struggles facing men and women and how we can alleviate and make space for those issues.
A lot of key elements Dr. K point out in this vids that needs to be in shorts (or not needed)
44:00 CORE SPIRITUALITY: look w/in yourself.