How to Control Anger for Men | What Anger Really Means

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ม.ค. 2025

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  • @raydoktor
    @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    💥💥 FEEL good now by getting my FREE Life & Relationship coaching tools HERE: raydoktor.com/the-insider-program/

  • @believein1
    @believein1 6 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    Anger comes from being hurt. I'm surprised that wasn't mentioned.

    • @gjimenez5544
      @gjimenez5544 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      James Chanbonpin If somebody is expressing hurt feelings to the man, and they get over whelmed with frustration, anxiety, and anger. How have I hurt them. I am hurt. I am express how I was hurt by them. Some men just need to listen, validate, apology, and readjust their behavior. Nobody is saying your a failure or not good enough. We are trying to tell you just stop doing this please it hurts us.

    • @soulplayrt463
      @soulplayrt463 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Umm what, how is feeling hopelessness not feeling hurt that's the first thing they mentioned

    • @believein1
      @believein1 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@soulplayrt463 Anger comes from being hurt personally by other people or circumstances. This is psychology. Angry people generally have hard something happen to them in their lives that causes them to be angry on a daily basis, seemingly for "no reason."

    • @soulplayrt463
      @soulplayrt463 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@believein1 that was my point, how did you not understand that yes, they did cover it, it was mentioned

    • @soulplayrt463
      @soulplayrt463 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@believein1 hopelessness can also make you angry, that's pretty common actually

  • @larrykuehn1457
    @larrykuehn1457 6 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I was bullied by others as a kid for being different.I'm a mentally challenged middle aged single man without kids.I'm a full time home student with special needs.I'm a homebody and introvert.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I am sorry you were bullied

  • @ontopurpose4576
    @ontopurpose4576 8 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    There's so much truth in what was said here. My wife and I talk about this kind of stuff all the time. Thanks for getting this subject out there. I love what was said here. Just came across your channel. Here's a thumbs up!

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      thanks for your response and I am glad it was helpful

  • @Fahim_Lalani
    @Fahim_Lalani 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I was bullied for not having a girlfriend but it’s stuck with me to this day even after having many but now it’s time to let that anger and agitation go with these techniques of anger control thx 🙏

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      yes let it go. you are welcome

  • @project0077
    @project0077 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I am thankful I came across this video. I never realized that anger had a root cause and that dealing with that cause will dissipate the anger so that it doesn't control a man. Now when I think about past situations where I've been angry, I think about the cause, deal with said causes, and it really helps in dealing with the situation. Thanks for this explanation!!

  • @goldenorbstudios
    @goldenorbstudios 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    The link for the course doesn't work

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      would you mind providing that link so our team could fix it?

  • @d1987reid
    @d1987reid 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Anger comes from when I can't get stuff done the way I like. I get angry when I can't close my dresser drawer, or can't zip my zipper or can't open a door easily. I also get angry when I keep misplacing or dropping stuff. It can cause me to act out, scream, cuss, or even slam doors, or throw stuff around. I might even punch holes in walls, or even a mirror if things get me so angry.

    • @kelebeksky
      @kelebeksky 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Met a guy like that....not sure if I should still date him.....I am scared it might escalate, what do you think?

    • @nana820able
      @nana820able 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@kelebeksky You need to run. They get worse with age. Check out Narcissists on TH-cam and see if he fits those characteristics.

    • @northfloridapomskies2316
      @northfloridapomskies2316 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wondering if you took his class?

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      what is your relationship to being perfect and/or letting go of how it went anyway? thanks

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      thank you so much

  • @amberdebellis7578
    @amberdebellis7578 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    What about when the anger escalates into abuse and keeps happening after several attempts of trying to make it work.

  • @Orophile_303
    @Orophile_303 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    For men it's hopelessness. That's why I love the the book love and respect because it describes how each sex works and goes into depth about men when other books just tell men how to change.

  • @joshuarichards9365
    @joshuarichards9365 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I just need to let it out, I have so much built in me, I don't know how to get rid of it.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      meditation, hiking, hitting pillows and seeing a coach works

  • @PeaceDayCortez
    @PeaceDayCortez 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I was with my bf for 2ys absolutely loved and adored Him his anger destroyed our relationship I could only take so much. I had to walk away for my own peace of mind, it’s sad it all went down the drain. 🤔😒

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      when a man or anyone realizes they've pushed others away - that's a hard pill to swallow

    • @PeaceDayCortez
      @PeaceDayCortez 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@raydoktor thanks for the insight.

  • @Zilla702Killa
    @Zilla702Killa 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    I’m starting to think all men are secretly have a very short fuse and can get angry at the drop of a dime.

    • @d1987reid
      @d1987reid 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sadly, I'm one of these men that has a short fuse and can get angry really fast.

    • @rmg2419
      @rmg2419 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Its bc their ego is fragile.

  • @huntresskrystle
    @huntresskrystle 7 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Sirs, thank you so much for this insightful video. I would like to share my experience with my partner and have a few questions. Do angry men feel a lot of anxiety? How about when it comes to holding grudges? Do they feel hate, annoyance or negativity for someone over long periods of time? I'm asking this because my partner was annoyed with me for months just because of a minor argument which he also started and it baffles/hurts me up to this day. He would get annoyed over the simplest things (e.g. weather, traffic, colleagues) and it takes him a long time to feel okay again. He would also dig up past negative incidents (no matter how shallow) and has a hard time letting go of them. When I try to stand up for myself (even if I do it politely), he would ignore me for days or even weeks sometimes. There isn't a day where he has nothing to complain about and often has something negative to say about anyone or anything. Sensitive-Insensitive attitude (likes attacking others but cannot handle criticism). I wonder if this is also related to anger issues (his father was verbally, psychologically, emotionally and physically abusive). I love him so much, I'm doing my best to help him, but his behavior is devouring me alive.

    • @debbiehegger4770
      @debbiehegger4770 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I can relate to your story. Sounds like we're married to the same man.
      Did things ever get better? Do you have any advice for me?

    • @justine.hubbard
      @justine.hubbard 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This is my boyfriend's behavior to a T.

    • @lisaariottiart
      @lisaariottiart 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      He may be a narc or have a personality disorder- maybe bi- polar-- you may not be qualified to deal with him--- he needs therapy.

  • @birdtopaz5627
    @birdtopaz5627 7 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I disagree with the claim made here that it's easy for a woman to get a partner if she's semi-attractive; I can tell you for a fact that I haven't had a *genuine partner* since 1995. It's very, very hard for women nowadays to get real relationships.
    Having said that, I agree with the rest of the video. This was great!

    • @mareeyo1
      @mareeyo1 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Bird Topaz maybe you're not semi attractive 🤔

    • @livingintheforest3963
      @livingintheforest3963 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Agreed as well. I have been very attractive all my life and very well off and it is not so easy at all LOL. I had to laugh when I said that. I’m in a relationship now but it has taken forever. At this point I don’t even care anymore.

    • @livingintheforest3963
      @livingintheforest3963 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      Correction, “I had to laugh when they said that.”

    • @Krizzee
      @Krizzee 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      Electra Morgan maybe you're not very attractive

    • @livingintheforest3963
      @livingintheforest3963 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Kool Aid that’s funny Kool-Aid and you are always welcome to your own thoughts 😂

  • @malenatully
    @malenatully 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I don’t know where to start. My boyfriend of 15 yrs, we have two kids together. Always had a bad temper, very sweet at first, then he turn ugly. Managed to stay with him, he’d put me down mentally, verbally. Every time I would go back to college, he’d find a way to mess things up. Like, throwing an attitude or getting upset with the kids. Then I’d leave along with my kids. I finally had it, I may be dumb to put up with him for such a long time. I’m working towards leaving, saving up enough and pull my RV. No matter what the world is going through, I’m better off dying happy, rather than someone hovering over me and telling me I’m not worth anything. Definitely a narcissist, self center, very unappreciative. He called me B**ch when I was asleep, then again a week later. Did the same thing as he crawled into bed he call me a c*nt. I approached him few days later, he didn’t know what to say.He had no explanation. Now he wants to challenge all the time, and invades my space staring down at (I’m 5’4, looser is 6’3)using his index figure point straight in between my eyes. He’ll do anything to start any conflicts. Now I avoid him, we’re bed buddies. Lol!

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      your situation and ex is completely different than what I shared. he is emotionally immature, possibly lacks empathy, doesn't really like himself or path, and puts it on you and the kids with his frustrations. I am sorry for your challenge. and yes you deserve better and happiness

    • @nana820able
      @nana820able 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      If you suspect he's a narcissist run and don't look back. He's yelling and calling you names? That's abuse.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@nana820able none of us deserve to be called names and you're right, that is abusive. first time it happens, say something and set your boundary. second time, walk away

  • @lillianh3353
    @lillianh3353 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What about completely becoming anger towards your life and wife.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      he's not happy for sure and you probably can't do much about it. sorry

  • @keyboardkween8744
    @keyboardkween8744 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I was angrier than ever last summer. This year hadn't been going as planned.

    • @Hussein-musa55903
      @Hussein-musa55903 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      What happened and why

    • @keyboardkween8744
      @keyboardkween8744 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Hussein-musa55903 Problems with a previous partner. Police ended up being involved & I got into some trouble, while he barely had to go through a thing.

    • @Hussein-musa55903
      @Hussein-musa55903 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@keyboardkween8744 really omg 😱

  • @OSTARAEB4
    @OSTARAEB4 6 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    As a man, another man needs to be very careful and I think he'll realize when another man is truly angry about something, A male friend will generally accept his approach because the angry man will realize the appreciation of his hurt and anger but the friend still needs to swim in with caution because an angry man can maul another man which we really can, but we will respect another man's approach because we know he knows this. Circle slowly in toward him)Men don't really understand an angry man because we can, and sometimes will explode like a woman. When a man gets quiet and shuts down is when you really have to be careful. You need to be careful with him then and then not throw bitch punches. You need to give him space and talk to him gently even though you're angry with him. He's still angry and will be quiet and in attack mode. Ladies, men can be very strange and harbor grudges but they WON'T EMOTE IT. WE HURT TOO. WE GET ANGRY and also hurt. Take it for what's it's worth, I'm not interested in women, but as a different kind of man, you NEED to be very gentle and careful about how you deal with your man. I think he truly adores you. DON'T PUSH HIM. Like you, we need to be told we're appreciated and loved. He won't admit it it hearing it from you, but the man needs to hear it and if he's smart, it will eat his mind and he'll smile and appreciate it. Don't rub it in his face. Touch his face Ladies. You need to talk to a man very gently but he NEEDS TO HEAR YOU LOVE HIM IN YOUR OWN WAY. It will stroke him with the love he needs to hear. CLUE. And, DON'T BE OBVIOUS ABOUT IT. Be subtle. it will bring a loving, lasting smile as there are any decent men out there. LOOK what's under your nose. He might not always be the best looking guy. But, he's grounded.

    • @Saffron-sugar
      @Saffron-sugar 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Have to be careful? Man, if there’s a man I need to be careful around, I need a weapon, a lawyer and a VPN

    • @bonnieblume
      @bonnieblume ปีที่แล้ว

      What kind of bullshit is this? Get therapy.

  • @bonnieblume
    @bonnieblume ปีที่แล้ว +1

    “Displaying emotions” like anger issues is considered being in the feminine? It’s a lack of impulse control and stems from the childhood. A woman can generally handle her emotions and wouldn’t through a fit and leave her anger about the weather out on her partner.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      raw emotions whether in men or women is feminine energy. however, going outward like violence or directing toward a partner could be considered a masculine action whether a man or woman. think of feminine as subconscious and emotions and masculine as consciousness and logic/action. they're neutral energies. and yes women handle their emotions better because many of them are more equipped to handle their inner world. They're maybe more of an expert to navigate their emotions without projecting it outwardly

  • @mike87364
    @mike87364 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Where is the link

  • @Heymonda8794
    @Heymonda8794 6 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thank you finally something useful

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I am glad it was

  • @staceyking7911
    @staceyking7911 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    @ 1:50, this may explain why men can become domestic
    abusive. I've been curious @
    what causes men to physically, emotionally, phycologically abuse their partner and families

    • @staceyking7911
      @staceyking7911 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      BTW, anger in a man can be a scary, threatening thing

    • @staceyking7911
      @staceyking7911 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@raydoktor thanks for the info

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      yes. also a man's relationship with himself is typically the relationship with his woman. so if he feels bad, he will unleash that if he's not healthy or taking personal responsibility to communicate in a healthy way

  • @ThiefKingofLegend
    @ThiefKingofLegend 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Dr. Ray why are the other videos gone ? I feel they're really important !

  • @catherinemalloy4207
    @catherinemalloy4207 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    So It's acceptable for an angry man to verbally abuse his partner, I don't think so!

    • @d1987reid
      @d1987reid 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It's never acceptable for a male to verbally abuse his partner. We need to do better. Too many of us sorry ass men verbally abuse their partners for stupid reasons or no reason at all. It needs to stop. It makes me angry as a man to see this many males mistreat their women.

    • @isaiahfleming6599
      @isaiahfleming6599 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      d1987reid what happened to “partner”?

    • @elainelee5651
      @elainelee5651 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It's simple treat women the way you want to be treated

    • @joshuarichards9365
      @joshuarichards9365 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Never hit a woman, just call her a BITCH and move on. Gotta get anger out somehow

    • @AbianahTheGemini
      @AbianahTheGemini 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@joshuarichards9365 you really need to grow up honestly. Would you call your mother a bitch?

  • @d1987reid
    @d1987reid 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Here's why I'm so fucking angry. It's all because people have been mistreating me and I'm getting very fucking goddamn tired of it. I developed trust issues because of how people have treated me in the past. Guess what I'm going to do? Mistreat people worse than how they mistreat me.

    • @d1987reid
      @d1987reid 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@raydoktor Yes. Striking back would make me feel better at this point because I'm tired of being mistreated all the freaking time. I just have to look for people who treat me better than the people I'm surrounded with. Otherwise, I'll isolate myself until I find decent people who treat me better.

    • @Shanchelle
      @Shanchelle ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This is not always the case, but sometimes people don’t know their worth and they surround themselves with low class people… people that curse, don’t have drive, people that don’t work to learn and better themselves and then they constantly get hurt and thus it worsens the cycle.
      I sadly have watched them happen with my brother and his oldest son. It breaks my heart! You can sometimes lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Anyway, my advice to help was work on healing old wounds, constantly work on how you respond, how you speak, how you dress/care for yourself, join a good church (may take visiting many before finding a good one) and follow good mentors online!! Be determined to change yourself and surround yourself with people you admire! THEN you will begin to attract better people and then all you have to do is patiently observe red flags (nobody is perfect) but you’ll recognize the toxic types more quickly and you can weed them out of your circle!
      Lastly, a big problem is people sleeping with others before marriage… it can create all sorts of extra pain and wounds. Slow and steady wins the race. Hope this helps. 💛

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      what comes around goes around which is why the cycle doesn't stop.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      yes and thank you truth right there

  • @jimd8292
    @jimd8292 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Is this the same for gay, or bi men as for straight men?

    • @darklyngstudios
      @darklyngstudios 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Gay or bi men are still men

    • @sarahhammond6375
      @sarahhammond6375 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      They are all men...

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      for many men and women as well but at the time I was speaking more about men since they seem to become more violent and outward with their expressions

  • @jbapples4611
    @jbapples4611 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    At a guess I would say fatherless homes is the single most important factor.
    Or poor parenting all around. It all stems from that.

    • @LOrena_Lorena
      @LOrena_Lorena 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wow, you wanna tell me some more about that? I met 2 angry guys and both had divorced parents. They still live and visit their fathers every week, although mostly at their Mum’s. Is that fatherless homes?

    • @jbapples4611
      @jbapples4611 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@LOrena_Lorena
      Well, I would imagine that fatherless home would mean a house where the father doesn’t reside there. Those children, especially boys, don’t have a male father figure to model, and no advice on how to control temper, deal with stress etc. it’s made especially difficult if the mother is physically violent to the children, as this will only exacerbate their anger/resentment.
      Obviously there is a whole spectrum of variations; some fathers are still very much in the picture, some mothers do a great job on their own, some have other strong male figures in their life, such as uncles etc.
      It can hard to find decent male role models, when you consider primary education is around 80% female in the west generally, as are psychiatrists and councillors etc.
      But ultimately, the biggest factor as to whether an individual will have a successful life (do well in education, stay out of trouble/prison, have healthy relationships etc) is whether they have a stable family life, i.e. Two parents in the household.
      When you consider that black families in America went from a single parent family rate of 20% in the 1950s, to 80-90% by the 1990s, (mainly due to well meaning but flawed social policies) you can see how this would create social issues. Like denzel Washington has said “if they don’t find a father in the house, they’ll find one in the streets”

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      i dont know

  • @interviewervonartista570
    @interviewervonartista570 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I love the yellow walls.

  • @matthewarsenault6216
    @matthewarsenault6216 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    They are overcomplicating it I know three emotions happy passive and angry that's how most men I know are we hide sadness with anger anger is more masculine not saying it's the right thing just saying that's the way it is

  • @d13x001
    @d13x001 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I love this video but dislike the title. It should be *WHY men _could_ be angry*. It only talks about the 'how to', if you want to call it that, by recommending his own paid-for focus group that _could_ focus on it in session.

  • @digimonalvatrax2738
    @digimonalvatrax2738 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    😲Now I understand 13% about men😃

  • @Saffron-sugar
    @Saffron-sugar 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I feel bad, for men, if one of their only outlets and acceptable emotions is anger. It’s true, crying is a great release. So is speaking honestly and respectfully.
    American men, I’ve lived in several different countries, do seem to have a tendency to have sulky moods and tantrums, frequently. To be fair, American women seem bananas half the time so…
    I have found that there is no passion killer greater than watching your man turn into a belligerent pre-teen boy (tantrums) over an imperfectly made sandwich or anything that falls below complete approval or adoration.
    The old “face full of coleslaw“ like Marilyn Monroe in Some like it Hot.
    I can’t feel any respect or desire when I see a grown man punching walls and tables and swearing at his own old mother and stuff like that. I guess I don’t care if they are struggling to deal with other emotions. They’ve failed so badly, it’s kind of embarrassing to watch and impossible to respect somebody after watching

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      i cry during movies such as animated ones with my son lol

  • @lillianh3353
    @lillianh3353 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When your husband doesn’t want to give you a moment because he has other plans?

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  ปีที่แล้ว

      share more please

  • @Rednecksusan81
    @Rednecksusan81 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Think u now i know why my man gets so p off at things that don't go hes way

    • @rmg2419
      @rmg2419 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bc he's insecure.

  • @alicerayne9461
    @alicerayne9461 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    that bad childish temper is what turns woman off!

  • @marsa4078
    @marsa4078 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Im so sorry I couldnt a damn thing in this video cuz 2 are veru easy on the eyes 😜💓

  • @ebutuoy5088
    @ebutuoy5088 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    No, I completely disagree. You are completely wrong.

    • @raydoktor
      @raydoktor  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      please offer your wisdom and perspective

    • @ebutuoy5088
      @ebutuoy5088 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@raydoktor Some people just have bad tempers. I do. My father did too. It's in the genes. Italians.

    • @katea11210
      @katea11210 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ebutuoy5088 sounds like a narcissistic excuse of a man

  • @KidsWithGuns1992
    @KidsWithGuns1992 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    In all honesty I’m so sick of it, everyone gets angry but men are just an ongoing problem and I’m so fucking tired. My brothers, my father, work colleagues, bosses, even strangers on the street.
    Testosterone in higher levels is toxic and I’m fucking tired of dealing with people who refuse to control themselves or seek help / or for Christ sake get on medication.
    My life is ruined because of people like this.