as a cis white gay male, I don't have much to bring to your comments section, but thanks for this channel because it's providing me with a perspective I don't think I could naturally discover for myself. Congrats on the 7years, and I think I understand what you're saying. You're proud of your past and of your journey, and people honestly don't expect "bro" white cis-looking males to have a story like yours. I personally love proving assumptions wrong. So keep up the good vibes 👍😊
I can definitely relate. I’m now 5 months on T and less than a year away from a PhD in physics and am having all kinds of feelings about having gone through graduate school as a woman (and at one point having been the president of the women in physics group on campus) only to graduate as a white man; it is like my battle with sexism is being erased. I know that transitioning is the right decision for me, but I will miss my identity as a woman in physics.
thanks for your update. I'm pre-T at 54 and planning to start T in January. i really appreciate what you had to say towards the end about not hating your "feminine/female past" that you are not trying to erase it, but you just don't want to be in a woman's body. the majority of my life has been spent trying to have acceptance about being a female. the idea of transitioning was not in the vocabulary for my generation. being a butch-ish lesbian was - didn't want to be too butch though, because i was so afraid of standing out too much. so i've taken care of this body, have learned how to work in it, and yet i've realized i'm running out of time! i don't want to die knowing what i know about myself. i don't want to die wishing that i had at least tried to be who i've always wished to be.
@Jayne Weber. I'm 43 and I transitioned when I was 36. Since I can remember I always felt male. When I hit puberty I assumed I was a lesbian. I didn't know I could transition until I was 18. I had a very small chest and basically passed for a boy until I was in my late twenties. I always wanted the facial hair and the deeper voice. I used to shave my face hoping it would grow in thicker. When I got in to my thirties my body started to look more female. It was then I started hate my body. Up until then it didn't bother me. I was miserable. The changes that T made to my body felt right. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't say that I had the life of a female though, because since I was about 13 I lived my life as a boy even though I thought I was a lesbian. It's hard to explain. I never did the make up, nails or hair. It was boys clothes and short hair from the age of 13. I guess what I'm trying to say is its never too late to transition. You have to live your life the way it was meant to be. I wish you well.
@Jayne Weber. I'm 43 and I transitioned when I was 36. Since I can remember I always felt male. When I hit puberty I assumed I was a lesbian. I didn't know I could transition until I was 18. I had a very small chest and basically passed for a boy until I was in my late twenties. I always wanted the facial hair and the deeper voice. I used to shave my face hoping it would grow in thicker. When I got in to my thirties my body started to look more female. It was then I started hate my body. Up until then it didn't bother me. I was miserable. The changes that T made to my body felt right. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't say that I had the life of a female though, because since I was about 13 I lived my life as a boy even though I thought I was a lesbian. It's hard to explain. I never did the make up, nails or hair. It was boys clothes and short hair from the age of 13. I guess what I'm trying to say is its never too late to transition. You have to live your life the way it was meant to be. I wish you well.
Thank you for your story. It gives me hope. I feel in the same way. I am 30 years old and I am thinking about T, because my body is looking more feminine now, and I can't be seen as a boy anymore and I feel depressed. At the same time I am very afraid to take the next step. It feels like at 30 is more difficult to take this decision. I hope I will find the courage to be myself. Thank you once again for your story.
@Елеонора Збанкэ. You're welcome. I think it's important that we all tell our stories. You never know if someone else can benefit from it. You only live once my friend. You can't go through life worrying about what other people think and feel about you. It's only gonna make you miserable. It took me awhile to make the first step. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think about me, but in the end that didn't matter. What mattered was my own well being. You're never alone as long as you're true to yourself. I did it 7 years ago just like our friend in the video. My family and true friends were happy for me. They saw the change immediately. The happy new me. I truly hope you make yourself happy.
You've also known what it's like to live as a woman previously, so you have a pretty rare outlook and perception on life since most people only ever experience life as one gender. Everyone is a complex person with a mind and soul!
This is sort of how I felt after I went through puberty. Inside my mind I feel like this 16 year old boy but now that it's over I have this masculine beard and jaw and shoulders and height. People assume I'm this manly man but I'm really a goofy, emotional, feminine, gay guy. :)
Being 5 years on T, I definitely relate to this concept of your body surpassing your brain. I've been feeling something similar but hadn't found those words to describe it. Thanks for finding those words and starting a conversation about this.
I understand that. I've been living as a male for almost 2 years and I'll be 2 months on T on the 8th (which is also my B-day, yay!). I'm a sophomore in high school and I started living as male in the 8th grade. My family moved to a different town right before my freshman year, so where I live now nobody knows I'm trans and just assume that I'm just like every other cis teenage boy. This is good and bad. It's good in that I don't have to worry about encountering people that knew me as female but it's a scary to think that if anyone found out I was trans I might not be safe anymore as a lot of people in my community are close-minded. It's hard to always be hiding that part of me. In some ways I want to be out so I can talk about my childhood and not have to alter the stories. I would also like to be able to stand up for LGBT+ people in my community, but I don't know if it would be safe for me, which sounds very selfish, but safety is important and I don't want to put my family in an unsafe situation. I go to a trans support group but that is the extent of my activism. I would love to hear some ideas on ways to educate people about the LGBT+ community. Thank you so much for sharing this it really hit home for me.
Jes Mackin I'm actually in almost the same situation. I'm a junior. no one at my school knows I'm trans and I just started T last week actually. I wouldn't be safe if I came out either. It's okay to be stealth for safety.
Bruh, I feel you like 10000000%. I have been struggling with the desire to explore the undeniably masculine parts of my female existence. A lifetime's worth of indoctrination to be feminine and only feminine had been damaging to me and at this point I am just trying to get comfortable with my version of womanhood. Which includes wearing boxer briefs, having a short haircut, exploring makeup, and loving those girly adult coloring books. I used to get mad when people asked about my gender or sexual orientation but now I do my best to be myself and tell my truth.
Okay so I just accidentally stumbled upon you and I think this is such an interesting video. My best friend just came out as FTM and I find that so funny that you show up in my recommended. Definitely will show this to him!!
Man, this resonates so much within me. I identify as genderqueer, but truly I'm bigender. I am becoming more masculine, wearing boxers, binding, haircut, etc. but I'm still a woman. I'm a man and a woman, ya know? I'm both. I'm not ignoring my feminine side: I embrace the feminine and the masculine behaviors and thoughts that I have. I know you're transgender, and that's great, it just reminded me of my identity and where I am. I think it's something special when people have this other spirit than what the world expects. Only you know you, so be you.
I completely understand what you mean. I'm coming up for my 5 years on T in March. I especially noticed how society perceives me over the summer. Sitting in the park with children playing on the playground, I can only imagine that parents wouldn't want to leave their kids there with some random guy around. I also notice it when I go to stores, for example, and the cashier calls me man or bro. It still feels kind of weird hearing that, but at the same time makes me really proud of where I am now.
You are such an inspiratiom. I am a trans guy myself and I appreciate everything that you do so much! I've donated to pointofpride a few days ago and even though it was only 3$ I am glad to be able to help and feel a little bit of the satisfaction you must be getting every day. The word is a better place with you in it Aydian and would be even better if there were more people like you. Keep up the good work and good things will come back to you I honestly believe that! Greetz from Holland ❤️
Thank you for having the courage to speak about these topics! Through my transtition and my growth spiritually I have found that I find myself feeling the exact way. I get the "fuckboy" label or "bro" label and it is unfortunate because I am so much more than just my gender and my style of clothing and now that my conciousness is in line it frustrates me when people only look skin deep but I try and remind myself that other peoples idea of me is a relfection of who they are as opposed to who I truly am.
I just started T a couple weeks ago and this video really helped me feel less alone, even though you're on the "opposite" end of physical transition. I'm struggling a lot with the idea of fitting into society as a male even though I am one. It feels like I'm throwing my previous "womanhood" (i.e. my experiences as a woman in society) in the trash by changing my body, when I really feel like those experiences are a very important intrinsic part of me. Even though I want the world to see me as a man, I also fear the changes that come with it. Especially because guys aren't supposed to show emotion and connect with each other in that way, which is so disheartening because that's what I naturally want in friendships. So many changes to come and it's a struggle but in the end I know I need to take testosterone for my personal mental well being and overall happiness.
I definitely know what you mean. I am struggling right now with my body not being or catching up fast enough to my mind, but I have only been on T for 2 weeks, so I have quite the journey ahead. You are, truly, a role model for me, and I thank you for everything you share.
Honestly i have you to thank for my confidence with coming out to my sister. You were the first trans man she ever saw in media and was immediately infatuated with you even after I told her you're story. I had my sister by my side this whole time from just coming out to now, 9 months on t and a week post op top surgery. Thank you for sharing all that you do.
I had no idea how to verbalize what I'm feeling right now, I'm just discovering myself and having you explain it, it just makes so much sense, thank you bro. I seriously needed to see this video. thank you.
I really appreciate your honest introspection. I have yet to begin HRT but expect to in the next six months. Further, as a transman, I have come to identify more with and embrace my feminine side, and am grateful for my years of female socialization, AND, I LOVE all the qualities that it has brought me/ being an "effeminate man". That being said, I am definitely looking forward to the physical changes that are expected with being on testosterone. In terms of my experience, I know that my excitement to see those changes (brain before body) can't come soon enough, AND, I also expect that my mind and body will align sooner than I anticipated. My apologies for making this about me, but your video really resonated with me. Thanks again for sharing.
Congrats on 7 years! As of September I'm two years on T. I can relate to being double minded about how you're perceived. Being seen as we feel is amazing but having lived life as another gender there are things we bring with us, an awareness, of just what type of man we want to be. Personally I think it's a beautiful thing. I love having the mindset that I have. I started T at 43 years old and have four kids and three grandkids with one on the way. There's really nothing I would have changed. If I had I might not be who I am and I really like the man I turned out to be.
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i miss you man an i look up to you so hard..i was in the hospital 2007 sadly Beating Cancer through to 2009. couldn't see the beginning but im here Now ! you help me as well! #CancerSurvivor #Supporter #soonTuber #FTM #BrotherlyLove
Wow for the first time someone has said what was exactly in my mind but I couldn't put it into words. Was amazing to hear that someone feels the same and read comments too.
Everyone is so much more than what is explicitly seen. That's society as a whole for EVERYONE. Stay positive and optimistic; the people who are closest to you know you inside and out, and that's all that matters. Don't worry about all the negative possibilities that can happen when you meet someone new. We all have a story, and those who care will have a lifetime to devote to hearing your story.
I love these vids to see and understand the mind set of trans guys. It's gratifying to hear that a lot of you guys don't want to completely disregard your feminine side. I do believe feminine energy is important for a deeper emotional connection to ourselves as humans.
I absolutely love the 50/50 comments, Love energy convos. people try to manipulate supress bring out whatever energies verses embracing them men telling men what a man should do, women telling women, why not embrace the influences from both sides! that's something the whole world needs to consider i feel. less pressure to conform define manipulate our own energies but embrace them maybe wed all be a little less stressed
I've been on T for almost two years now, my hair growth is still slow, my body fat is still slowly declining and redistributing, and when I see other trans men who have beards and can pass less than a year on T I get even more dysphoric as is. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror and before and after showering with how my body is as far as my chest and bottom area, my mind says "that's not right, that's not supposed to be there", and it puts me at a low. I've been told "you gotta love yourself first and blah blah blah", but that's honestly not the case at all. I can't control how I look, I can't just accept the way my body is, all I can do is try to be a better and healthier me until I can afford surgery, period, so it really does anger me when people say that, it's honestly a slap to the face to me. I tell people, "I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask to have this body, I didn't ask to be trans, but it is what it is". I'm not ashamed whatsoever, I'm just deeply hurting; no cis person would understand how much of a struggle it is when your mind doesn't connect to your body (in this case), how torturous it is. Now, that's not for every trans guy out there, but that's how it is for me. This is the only place where I can vent because none of my friends or fam would be able to understand, but the good thing is that they will send positive vibes my way, so with that I'm thankful and blessed, without them I honestly wouldn't be here. No way I'd be able to continue on with life without any support with the state of mind I had before I started transitioning. With that being said, would you make a video similar to what I said as far as your state of mind before and after transitioning? What was your "turning" point when it started to settle in that you started seeing what your mind did, like, "oh hey, I'm actually 'passing', I can do this!"? Was is it a point after starting T or after top surgery or a mix of both?
Jacob Cortes what if you tried to go back to your normal self and get off testosterone. I think that's why people go transgender, they have difficulty loving themselves.
Kyle Hansen that's the craziest thing I've read in my life. I transitioned so I could love more of myself, or else I'd be dead. Would you like to continue?
Caroline Almeida wow, thank you so much! I can't let people like that get to me, it'd be a waste of energy. I really do appreciate it, thank you again!
I think it's very accurate and normal for your mind to still be catching up. If you think about it, your mind lived seeing a female body in the mirror as your "normal" for many more years than you have viewed male. It would only make sense for your mind to still be transitioning along. The changes for teenage cis males happens in 7-10 years so it is essentially the same for your mind to adapt and accept. Dysphoria however miniscule it may be, presents itself in all ways for transgender members. Just as anorexic people,cannot see the true deprived state thier body is in, our minds flip to not seeing the general outward view to the population because we see the little things that are not present. the general population does not pay nearly as much attention to us in general as we do ourselves. Great video.
This was lovely to watch and inspiring to see your journey and where your heads at. Someone close to me has been on T for about the same amount of time as you and although everyone's journey is different it's always nice to hear from others & somehow understand something that I haven't gone through.
I heard you loud and clear, i understand where you are coming from. i personally was born a woman and feel comfortable as what i am but, i also understand where your coming from. Thank you for explaining your journey, it was great to hear you prospective.
So Aiden, I understand exactly what you are saying. I started transitioning in 2019 and de-transitioned in October of 2020. I now and transitioning again but when I did it the first time I turned into a different person. I noticed that I turned into the guy I never wanted to associate with when I was female. I also noticed guys treated me differently more so that I didn’t notice until I was looking like a man. My point is it is true honestly in so many ways because it’s like we conform to what society thinks men should be. This time around I’m not doing that to myself. I even told my wife that things will be different. I am the same person I just want my exterior to match my brain on how I should look. Ppl think you are trying to erase the person you were but that’s not it at all your trying to make the way your body looks match the way your brain thinks it should look.
This is the first time I'm watching you and you are awesome!!! Wonderful job explaining what you're going through. Like you said, everyone deals with people assuming things about who they are and I love the end where you say that you want to embrace your feminine past and not run from it. You're a great role model for the male world, as my male friends often fight with society's pressures on them to be "mascule." I think you have a great unique perspective that can help shine a lot of light on what it means to be a considered manly.
I'm pre-T but mentally I have fully transitioned and I've had my haircut which has definitely helped with passing. Obviously my brain and body aren't aligned yet and there have been times where I've forgotten I still have a female body because I'm so much more confident in how I present myself. I'm not there yet though, and I'm really excited about going on T.
Hey, Aydian, I totally get where you're coming from. It'll be my one year on T in a couple of weeks and, yeah, it's bizarre that people just assume that because you're now male that you can only be one type of male. I'll never let go of what I learned as female, it's a part of me and I guess I'm having a little trouble in expressing that in my day to day. Learning to be in the world the way cis men are takes years I imagine. As long as it takes cis men it's probably gonna take me longer and my body will there long before I can wrap my head around it. I suppose it's a bit like a culture shock but without the travel and it lasts longer. Does that make sense?
this is the best way I've ever heard anyone describe how they feel. well said. what I find interesting is as a cis woman I don't want to forget the little girl I once was and sometimes despite being a step mother and having a mortgage etc I still feel like a little girl at times. to me it makes a lot of sense that although you look like a man you cannot forget that at one time you were a little girl, because I cant. i hope this comment makes sense and is meant in no way offensively. im just trying to say as adults we all remember ourselves as children and teenagers so ofcourse you will still have feminine energy because you have no frame of reference for having been a male child or teen. much love to you. such an attractive and intelligent person.
I've been on T for over 2 years, and I feel so similar to you. I feel like most people perceive me as a regular guy, but I don't really like that, often times, because my identity is more complex than that. I do make a point of expressing my feminism, though, to let people know I'm not a typical guy who's blind to women's concerns or blind to sexism.
I really hear you about being seen as the way you look and people not realizing you are your mind also. I live in a very dainty, delicate, feminine body. I feel inwardly androgynous, but people treat me like this girly doll face. I don't feel like I am transgender, but I also very much understand having both masculine and feminine energy. Congratulations on making 7 years of your physical transition. I'm sure the internal journey began much earlier. :)
This video was recommended to me. And ... truly I can relate.. to society viewing, who I am, according to prejudice views and stereotyping. I wish ppl wouldn't do that. I know there is so much to me than how I am perceived to others. Thank you for saying that. Congrats to your journey.
I am a female, but as you said I don't want to be in a female body and that's just something that i struggle with everyday, I came out to my mom recently and she said it's okay, that I don't have to be afraid and all the good stuff, it's just..I'm watching this video and seeing you being 7 years on T, and being happy just by being a male, and I know I want that. The problem is, I'm 16, still in school, many don't know about me, and if I had money for surgeries and testosterone that would be great. Right now I'm just thinking about when is that money going to show itself..that's what makes me sad..but I watch your videos and you make me happy just by talking about this stuff and making everyone feel better, so thank you for that.
Thanks for sharing. People want binaries, and it takes courage to express anything else. It's helpful for people who are considering T to hear about its effects, and it's nice to see a video that's not just about effects on the body. Thanks!!
I am pre-t and I feel strongly that when I am seen as a male but not a trans-male it makes me feel almost misrepresented? Also, I am really feminine and I feel secure in my identity as a male, but I feel once I am further in my physical transition, I will feel more comfortable expressing that femininity. Since then I will not be seen as female, but a feminine male. This video was really comforting to watch, since lately I have been worrying that because I am feminine, I maybe am not male, or that I won't be seen as one, but I am. I just needed reassurance, and this video and getting your honest thoughts on yourself and your transition was a wonderful relief.
Hm... I'm 1.5 years on HRT and I feel I finally fit into this world just as I'm supposed to, with the representation of who I am truly... I also started taking out the garbage and participating in the garden and con struction etc etc, when I was a teenager, like 6-7 years ago? I just always naturally felt that male types of activities were natural for me and shouldn't be denied from me so I struggled and fought for them to be my 'privilege' even thought it contained heavy lifting most of the time... And now that I finally don't have to "struggle" to be male because these things are required from me... I feel more natural than ever before, now that I can legitimately act like an average dude, nothing more nothing less... Everyone's personality is different but many trans guys say they're feminine, wanna keep their feminine side, they like their feminine traits... I get it, but I still wonder, if you're a guy... Why aren't you an everyday guy in the first place? You know what I mean? Why are there so many feminine trans guys over there, I guess that's what I'm wondering about
I'm pre T and pre everything right now. This is honestly a really awesome eye-opener and it's so intriguing. As a gay trans man I feel like a lot of people just see me as super feminine and I mean yeah I do have a large feminine side that I'm embracing a little more recently but I'm 100% a man and it's so frustrating and upsetting that just because I'm a slightly more feminine man my gender identity is being questioned and people sometimes don't believe me when I say I'm transgender you know? So it's weird that you feel this way to me yet in maybe 10 years I could feel the exact same. I loved this video it really made me stop and think for a sec :)
thank u for making this video. you have no idea how much it means to me. i completely relate to u with the 50, 50, but stil male thing. thank u for making this!!!
I'm only out to a few friends, I try and dress more masculine, I do like makeup and more feminine things. So when I express this my friends are confused. I was raised as a girl like you said, so I have a connection with my feminine side. I can't just erase that from myself. I don't wish to either. So it's weird I'm trying to social present as a male, I get called butch all the time and that's not me. I see myself as a feminine guy. So when people know me as a gay girl they think of me as butch, despite the fact I wear makeup and do may hair. It's very strange.
Hey Bo, I'm a little confused about the intent behind the other reply to your comment, so I just wanted to emphasize that your identity is 100% valid. Gender identity and gender expression are two totally different things and can be experienced in an infinite amount of ways. And even if it takes time, people can always learn and become more open. I hope you've found support, whether in day to day life or online, and I guarantee it's out there. Hope you have an awesome day :)
Bo Branch Sweetheart, you know what you are ? You are what you are, you love things that are supposedly contradictory but they are not gender roles, what women or men should love is a social construct, you do not have to choose a label for yourself, you can just be. And if you really need a label, may be non-binary is the closest to your situation! xoxO love!
Great content on this video. I can totally relate to the mind not matching the body. It seems the more my body catches up the less my mind seems to want it to hurry..if that makes any sense. anyway nice work!
I work for a non profit and our big focus is to become LGBT friendly & knowledgeable & we've been to so many trainings with so many doctors and very educated people in this field, and this concept has never been brought up to my attention. Just reinforces the fact that as humans we will never fit in just one box, we are all just whatever we want to be. Thanks for opening my eyes!
thanks for this video. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because yeah people twist everything I say, specially doctors. but you just expressed what I feels like to being transgender and I realized I'm not alone, I'm not crazy..
Sometimes I feel like I'm a guy, I feel like a guy but I'm really scared about how I'm going to look in the future if i start T, I mean like all my face and body changing and then wake up one day looking in the mirror and think if that's really me or not, idk how to explain it :/ , like if my head and body could ever coincide?. Also great video;), gongrats!
So interesting what you are talking about, I can't Imagine how it could be in a grown body and then change your body to realize that your mind stillbeing the same, It's complicated I guess. And I really like the part when you said "I love my female past" :)
I'm almost a year into my transition and I can relate to what your saying my mind has been ahead this entire time however now my body is starting to catch up. I'm finally getting to a point where something's are evening out. But it feels great to finally catch up with my brain!
I really get what you're saying and I have a different experience that I'd like to share. I've been out as transgender for almost three years and I struggle with expressing myself. I know I'm a kind of feminine dude and I'd like dressing androgynous but dysphoria is stopping me from doing that. To be able to handle social situations and just life in general I dress masculine and basic, and I really feel like that isn't me but there's not much I can do about it. I have friends who are cis guys who can dress however they want and even use makeup and stuff without being perceived less as male, meanwhiles I'm stuck with blue jeans and black t-shirts and having to remember to keep my voice low and not talk to fast or wave my hands flamboyantly and so on and on and on. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish didn't have to follow gender roles as much. The waiting lines for therapy that would enable me to get HRT and maybe surgery are long and I won't get hormones for at least another year and a half and it just really hurts.
It's my first time watching one of your videos and I was expecting a much deeper voice, not that I don't like it, it's cool but I was shocked, btw I loved your channel, and you :D
is the first time Im waching one of your videos. I didnt know what the "FTM" stood for, I thought I was going to see a fitness video. when I saw you I said out loud : "omg, what a handsome man, omg, his eyes!"
I've taken testosterone for approximately a year and nine months. For my three ish years of desperately trying to pass while transitioning in a school of >200 southern people, I felt like I would never ever make it to a place where I wouldn't hate myself so violently. It felt like the lack of support or correct pronouns and name, the bullying, and assumptions, were all going to make my story end before I ever got to physically change anything. Fast forward to get therapy and metal health help, and I get on T within a couple months of trying (saving up the few hundred dollars for doctors and scripts and lab work) and now. It's gone so fast, my voice dropped pretty quickly, and I got a lot of body hair within like 8 months. Then from around 8-9 months to now, I've been more focused on beard growth and occasionally working out for my desired body goals. And I've scheduled top surgery for two months from now. I've saved up 8,400$ of the 10,000 estimated goal. And soon after that I'll be thinking how fast surgery got here and how quickly recovery went by, even though it's been about 5 years of struggle and growth and change. I don't know what's next after surgery (transition wise specifically) so maybe I'll come back to this video in years time tell myself what did happen.
An amazing video! You don't just have both F and M energies, you've got LOTS of energy you share with your viewers! thank you so much! Could you elaborate what male privileges you are supposed to have but you don't feel them?
Okay whoa. No one asked for you to be an ass. I just said my opinion so fuck off. Honestly that irritates me that you're trying to start shit on someonr else's page. Have some respect.^
Every humans mind tends to live in the moment. People ignore what change has happened all around them to make their body a certain way. We don't focus on the changes till we think back or look at pictures- I'm full of guilt on this subject. I think it's something humans are programmed to do. We are supposed to live one way and not worry about the changes that might even be happening to ourselves. I have embraced my past as a female also. I have no self hatred, but I do have pride. Pride of who I once was and who I will become. Lately I've been taking my transition slow in order for my brain to be programmed on the sudden change of names and pronouns since I just came out a month ago. Most of my friends are accepting on me taking it slow compared to the other friends that I have that are also transgender in some aspect. I have thought over my future many times in order to live my life the best I can have it with being happy, but not over working my brain to a breaking point. Taking it slow has been my solution for now even though I do go through dysphoria a lot or just feeling uncomfortable with something that is happening around me. I do know when I take it too far and need that true push. I hope this comment wasn't confusing to you, but a better understanding of my point of view on your topic and interpretation.
I was struggeling with the same thing and i feel exactly every word u spoke about how you felt i feel that exact way and im so glad someone spoke up about it becouse i was starting to worry that i was the only one feeling it.
as a cis white gay male, I don't have much to bring to your comments section, but thanks for this channel because it's providing me with a perspective I don't think I could naturally discover for myself. Congrats on the 7years, and I think I understand what you're saying. You're proud of your past and of your journey, and people honestly don't expect "bro" white cis-looking males to have a story like yours. I personally love proving assumptions wrong. So keep up the good vibes 👍😊
Cai I'm a cis gay guy and I think trans guys are sexy!!!
Cai yea I'm a trans guy but I'm pansexual so
Riyan _Farlin hi Riyan!!!
Drax Quirnon hey
TheNardoRetardo that was probably the best way to put it into words, exactly what I was thinking!
He is really attractive.
Ramon Tragedy I know right he's so hot
I can definitely relate. I’m now 5 months on T and less than a year away from a PhD in physics and am having all kinds of feelings about having gone through graduate school as a woman (and at one point having been the president of the women in physics group on campus) only to graduate as a white man; it is like my battle with sexism is being erased. I know that transitioning is the right decision for me, but I will miss my identity as a woman in physics.
thanks for your update. I'm pre-T at 54 and planning to start T in January. i really appreciate what you had to say towards the end about not hating your "feminine/female past" that you are not trying to erase it, but you just don't want to be in a woman's body. the majority of my life has been spent trying to have acceptance about being a female. the idea of transitioning was not in the vocabulary for my generation. being a butch-ish lesbian was - didn't want to be too butch though, because i was so afraid of standing out too much. so i've taken care of this body, have learned how to work in it, and yet i've realized i'm running out of time! i don't want to die knowing what i know about myself. i don't want to die wishing that i had at least tried to be who i've always wished to be.
@Jayne Weber. I'm 43 and I transitioned when I was 36. Since I can remember I always felt male. When I hit puberty I assumed I was a lesbian. I didn't know I could transition until I was 18. I had a very small chest and basically passed for a boy until I was in my late twenties. I always wanted the facial hair and the deeper voice. I used to shave my face hoping it would grow in thicker. When I got in to my thirties my body started to look more female. It was then I started hate my body. Up until then it didn't bother me. I was miserable. The changes that T made to my body felt right. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't say that I had the life of a female though, because since I was about 13 I lived my life as a boy even though I thought I was a lesbian. It's hard to explain. I never did the make up, nails or hair. It was boys clothes and short hair from the age of 13. I guess what I'm trying to say is its never too late to transition. You have to live your life the way it was meant to be. I wish you well.
@Jayne Weber. I'm 43 and I transitioned when I was 36. Since I can remember I always felt male. When I hit puberty I assumed I was a lesbian. I didn't know I could transition until I was 18. I had a very small chest and basically passed for a boy until I was in my late twenties. I always wanted the facial hair and the deeper voice. I used to shave my face hoping it would grow in thicker. When I got in to my thirties my body started to look more female. It was then I started hate my body. Up until then it didn't bother me. I was miserable. The changes that T made to my body felt right. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't say that I had the life of a female though, because since I was about 13 I lived my life as a boy even though I thought I was a lesbian. It's hard to explain. I never did the make up, nails or hair. It was boys clothes and short hair from the age of 13. I guess what I'm trying to say is its never too late to transition. You have to live your life the way it was meant to be. I wish you well.
Thank you for your story. It gives me hope.
I feel in the same way.
I am 30 years old and I am thinking about T, because my body is looking more feminine now, and I can't be seen as a boy anymore and I feel depressed.
At the same time I am very afraid to take the next step. It feels like at 30 is more difficult to take this decision. I hope I will find the courage to be myself. Thank you once again for your story.
@Елеонора Збанкэ. You're welcome. I think it's important that we all tell our stories. You never know if someone else can benefit from it. You only live once my friend. You can't go through life worrying about what other people think and feel about you. It's only gonna make you miserable. It took me awhile to make the first step. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think about me, but in the end that didn't matter. What mattered was my own well being. You're never alone as long as you're true to yourself. I did it 7 years ago just like our friend in the video. My family and true friends were happy for me. They saw the change immediately. The happy new me. I truly hope you make yourself happy.
You've also known what it's like to live as a woman previously, so you have a pretty rare outlook and perception on life since most people only ever experience life as one gender. Everyone is a complex person with a mind and soul!
its honestly really interesting that you have lived your life as both genders! Like that blows my mind!
This is sort of how I felt after I went through puberty. Inside my mind I feel like this 16 year old boy but now that it's over I have this masculine beard and jaw and shoulders and height. People assume I'm this manly man but I'm really a goofy, emotional, feminine, gay guy. :)
Being 5 years on T, I definitely relate to this concept of your body surpassing your brain. I've been feeling something similar but hadn't found those words to describe it. Thanks for finding those words and starting a conversation about this.
Here since 2011-2012. You helped me a lot. Thank you Aydian.
I understand that. I've been living as a male for almost 2 years and I'll be 2 months on T on the 8th (which is also my B-day, yay!). I'm a sophomore in high school and I started living as male in the 8th grade. My family moved to a different town right before my freshman year, so where I live now nobody knows I'm trans and just assume that I'm just like every other cis teenage boy. This is good and bad. It's good in that I don't have to worry about encountering people that knew me as female but it's a scary to think that if anyone found out I was trans I might not be safe anymore as a lot of people in my community are close-minded. It's hard to always be hiding that part of me. In some ways I want to be out so I can talk about my childhood and not have to alter the stories. I would also like to be able to stand up for LGBT+ people in my community, but I don't know if it would be safe for me, which sounds very selfish, but safety is important and I don't want to put my family in an unsafe situation. I go to a trans support group but that is the extent of my activism. I would love to hear some ideas on ways to educate people about the LGBT+ community. Thank you so much for sharing this it really hit home for me.
Jes Mackin Maybe, they do have an idea but just don't care.
Jes Mackin I'm actually in almost the same situation. I'm a junior. no one at my school knows I'm trans and I just started T last week actually. I wouldn't be safe if I came out either. It's okay to be stealth for safety.
Dude you always put a smile on my face watching your vids. Congrats on 7 years!
congrats on 7 years, that's amazing! thank you so much for educating everyone
Bruh, I feel you like 10000000%. I have been struggling with the desire to explore the undeniably masculine parts of my female existence. A lifetime's worth of indoctrination to be feminine and only feminine had been damaging to me and at this point I am just trying to get comfortable with my version of womanhood. Which includes wearing boxer briefs, having a short haircut, exploring makeup, and loving those girly adult coloring books. I used to get mad when people asked about my gender or sexual orientation but now I do my best to be myself and tell my truth.
Okay so I just accidentally stumbled upon you and I think this is such an interesting video. My best friend just came out as FTM and I find that so funny that you show up in my recommended. Definitely will show this to him!!
Man, this resonates so much within me. I identify as genderqueer, but truly I'm bigender. I am becoming more masculine, wearing boxers, binding, haircut, etc. but I'm still a woman. I'm a man and a woman, ya know? I'm both. I'm not ignoring my feminine side: I embrace the feminine and the masculine behaviors and thoughts that I have. I know you're transgender, and that's great, it just reminded me of my identity and where I am. I think it's something special when people have this other spirit than what the world expects. Only you know you, so be you.
MY mind says i'm a beautiful poreless super model but my appearance says Shrek
Bri Terry same
And yet look how famous and loved Shek has become =)
ME
I completely understand what you mean. I'm coming up for my 5 years on T in March. I especially noticed how society perceives me over the summer. Sitting in the park with children playing on the playground, I can only imagine that parents wouldn't want to leave their kids there with some random guy around. I also notice it when I go to stores, for example, and the cashier calls me man or bro. It still feels kind of weird hearing that, but at the same time makes me really proud of where I am now.
You are such an inspiratiom. I am a trans guy myself and I appreciate everything that you do so much! I've donated to pointofpride a few days ago and even though it was only 3$ I am glad to be able to help and feel a little bit of the satisfaction you must be getting every day. The word is a better place with you in it Aydian and would be even better if there were more people like you. Keep up the good work and good things will come back to you I honestly believe that! Greetz from Holland ❤️
Cool that you're putting your story out there! Hopes it gets to someone who needs it :)
💕love ya, I think you're amazing and just seeing this notification made me so happy. I'm so proud of you you inspire me.💕
It's crazy how crazy someone can change using T
Thank you for having the courage to speak about these topics! Through my transtition and my growth spiritually I have found that I find myself feeling the exact way. I get the "fuckboy" label or "bro" label and it is unfortunate because I am so much more than just my gender and my style of clothing and now that my conciousness is in line it frustrates me when people only look skin deep but I try and remind myself that other peoples idea of me is a relfection of who they are as opposed to who I truly am.
This is such a fascinating topic. I love your perspective!
i would have never guessed you were FTM
ThatsTWOSimple Definitely not. I was so surprised to find out.
I just started T a couple weeks ago and this video really helped me feel less alone, even though you're on the "opposite" end of physical transition. I'm struggling a lot with the idea of fitting into society as a male even though I am one. It feels like I'm throwing my previous "womanhood" (i.e. my experiences as a woman in society) in the trash by changing my body, when I really feel like those experiences are a very important intrinsic part of me. Even though I want the world to see me as a man, I also fear the changes that come with it. Especially because guys aren't supposed to show emotion and connect with each other in that way, which is so disheartening because that's what I naturally want in friendships. So many changes to come and it's a struggle but in the end I know I need to take testosterone for my personal mental well being and overall happiness.
I definitely know what you mean. I am struggling right now with my body not being or catching up fast enough to my mind, but I have only been on T for 2 weeks, so I have quite the journey ahead. You are, truly, a role model for me, and I thank you for everything you share.
You have thoroughly enlightened me and have been a pleasure to listen to. Amazing self discovery and conversation you put out there.
I love how accepting he is of himself now and especially his past. It's all a part of him
Honestly i have you to thank for my confidence with coming out to my sister. You were the first trans man she ever saw in media and was immediately infatuated with you even after I told her you're story. I had my sister by my side this whole time from just coming out to now, 9 months on t and a week post op top surgery. Thank you for sharing all that you do.
In a perfect world, nobody would be judged on their exteriors. Bless you for spreading awareness, and thankyou for sharing so openly your journey
I had no idea how to verbalize what I'm feeling right now, I'm just discovering myself and having you explain it, it just makes so much sense, thank you bro. I seriously needed to see this video. thank you.
All of life is both. So, the 50/50 makes perfect sense.
Great video with a lot of important information that people need to think about. Thank you for sharing.
I really appreciate your honest introspection. I have yet to begin HRT but expect to in the next six months. Further, as a transman, I have come to identify more with and embrace my feminine side, and am grateful for my years of female socialization, AND, I LOVE all the qualities that it has brought me/ being an "effeminate man". That being said, I am definitely looking forward to the physical changes that are expected with being on testosterone. In terms of my experience, I know that my excitement to see those changes (brain before body) can't come soon enough, AND, I also expect that my mind and body will align sooner than I anticipated.
My apologies for making this about me, but your video really resonated with me. Thanks again for sharing.
Congrats on 7 years! As of September I'm two years on T. I can relate to being double minded about how you're perceived. Being seen as we feel is amazing but having lived life as another gender there are things we bring with us, an awareness, of just what type of man we want to be.
Personally I think it's a beautiful thing. I love having the mindset that I have. I started T at 43 years old and have four kids and three grandkids with one on the way. There's really nothing I would have changed. If I had I might not be who I am and I really like the man I turned out to be.
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i miss you man an i look up to you so hard..i was in the hospital 2007 sadly Beating Cancer through to 2009. couldn't see the beginning but im here Now !
you help me as well!
#CancerSurvivor #Supporter #soonTuber #FTM #BrotherlyLove
Wow for the first time someone has said what was exactly in my mind but I couldn't put it into words. Was amazing to hear that someone feels the same and read comments too.
gosh.. you are such a beautiful being. much love and happiness your way dude
Everyone is so much more than what is explicitly seen. That's society as a whole for EVERYONE. Stay positive and optimistic; the people who are closest to you know you inside and out, and that's all that matters. Don't worry about all the negative possibilities that can happen when you meet someone new. We all have a story, and those who care will have a lifetime to devote to hearing your story.
I love these vids to see and understand the mind set of trans guys. It's gratifying to hear that a lot of you guys don't want to completely disregard your feminine side. I do believe feminine energy is important for a deeper emotional connection to ourselves as humans.
I absolutely love the 50/50 comments, Love energy convos. people try to manipulate supress bring out whatever energies verses embracing them
men telling men what a man should do, women telling women,
why not embrace the influences from both sides! that's something the whole world needs to consider i feel.
less pressure to conform define manipulate our own energies but embrace them maybe wed all be a little less stressed
I've been on T for almost two years now, my hair growth is still slow, my body fat is still slowly declining and redistributing, and when I see other trans men who have beards and can pass less than a year on T I get even more dysphoric as is. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror and before and after showering with how my body is as far as my chest and bottom area, my mind says "that's not right, that's not supposed to be there", and it puts me at a low. I've been told "you gotta love yourself first and blah blah blah", but that's honestly not the case at all. I can't control how I look, I can't just accept the way my body is, all I can do is try to be a better and healthier me until I can afford surgery, period, so it really does anger me when people say that, it's honestly a slap to the face to me. I tell people, "I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask to have this body, I didn't ask to be trans, but it is what it is". I'm not ashamed whatsoever, I'm just deeply hurting; no cis person would understand how much of a struggle it is when your mind doesn't connect to your body (in this case), how torturous it is. Now, that's not for every trans guy out there, but that's how it is for me. This is the only place where I can vent because none of my friends or fam would be able to understand, but the good thing is that they will send positive vibes my way, so with that I'm thankful and blessed, without them I honestly wouldn't be here. No way I'd be able to continue on with life without any support with the state of mind I had before I started transitioning. With that being said, would you make a video similar to what I said as far as your state of mind before and after transitioning? What was your "turning" point when it started to settle in that you started seeing what your mind did, like, "oh hey, I'm actually 'passing', I can do this!"? Was is it a point after starting T or after top surgery or a mix of both?
Jacob Cortes what if you tried to go back to your normal self and get off testosterone. I think that's why people go transgender, they have difficulty loving themselves.
Kyle Hansen that's the craziest thing I've read in my life. I transitioned so I could love more of myself, or else I'd be dead. Would you like to continue?
Jacob Cortes obviously you didn't like yourself very much before, or you wouldn't have changed
.....Okkaaayyy.
Caroline Almeida wow, thank you so much! I can't let people like that get to me, it'd be a waste of energy. I really do appreciate it, thank you again!
I think it's very accurate and normal for your mind to still be catching up. If you think about it, your mind lived seeing a female body in the mirror as your "normal" for many more years than you have viewed male. It would only make sense for your mind to still be transitioning along. The changes for teenage cis males happens in 7-10 years so it is essentially the same for your mind to adapt and accept. Dysphoria however miniscule it may be, presents itself in all ways for transgender members. Just as anorexic people,cannot see the true deprived state thier body is in, our minds flip to not seeing the general outward view to the population because we see the little things that are not present. the general population does not pay nearly as much attention to us in general as we do ourselves. Great video.
This was lovely to watch and inspiring to see your journey and where your heads at. Someone close to me has been on T for about the same amount of time as you and although everyone's journey is different it's always nice to hear from others & somehow understand something that I haven't gone through.
I heard you loud and clear, i understand where you are coming from. i personally was born a woman and feel comfortable as what i am but, i also understand where your coming from. Thank you for explaining your journey, it was great to hear you prospective.
How the fuck did I get here from Cally's caves 3 walkthrough wtf.
greetings from Costa Rica! You are a great inspiration for so many people!
So Aiden, I understand exactly what you are saying. I started transitioning in 2019 and de-transitioned in October of 2020. I now and transitioning again but when I did it the first time I turned into a different person. I noticed that I turned into the guy I never wanted to associate with when I was female. I also noticed guys treated me differently more so that I didn’t notice until I was looking like a man. My point is it is true honestly in so many ways because it’s like we conform to what society thinks men should be. This time around I’m not doing that to myself. I even told my wife that things will be different. I am the same person I just want my exterior to match my brain on how I should look. Ppl think you are trying to erase the person you were but that’s not it at all your trying to make the way your body looks match the way your brain thinks it should look.
This is the first time I'm watching you and you are awesome!!! Wonderful job explaining what you're going through. Like you said, everyone deals with people assuming things about who they are and I love the end where you say that you want to embrace your feminine past and not run from it. You're a great role model for the male world, as my male friends often fight with society's pressures on them to be "mascule." I think you have a great unique perspective that can help shine a lot of light on what it means to be a considered manly.
Big milestone, congrats man.
I'm pre-T but mentally I have fully transitioned and I've had my haircut which has definitely helped with passing. Obviously my brain and body aren't aligned yet and there have been times where I've forgotten I still have a female body because I'm so much more confident in how I present myself. I'm not there yet though, and I'm really excited about going on T.
Hey, Aydian, I totally get where you're coming from. It'll be my one year on T in a couple of weeks and, yeah, it's bizarre that people just assume that because you're now male that you can only be one type of male. I'll never let go of what I learned as female, it's a part of me and I guess I'm having a little trouble in expressing that in my day to day. Learning to be in the world the way cis men are takes years I imagine. As long as it takes cis men it's probably gonna take me longer and my body will there long before I can wrap my head around it. I suppose it's a bit like a culture shock but without the travel and it lasts longer. Does that make sense?
Fubbsy Stevens I completely agree, I've been struggling with the same thing as well.
You are a great human being! SO INSPIRING! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Also, ur eyes are sooooooo beautiful!
it's crazy what this generation can do now like it's not even obvious at all that you were a girl once
Sabrina ...
what?
Sabrina why would u say that it is obvious he was a girl once like he is better than Juatin Beiber
i dont see your point here?
He is so manly there is nothing girly about him.
this is the best way I've ever heard anyone describe how they feel. well said. what I find interesting is as a cis woman I don't want to forget the little girl I once was and sometimes despite being a step mother and having a mortgage etc I still feel like a little girl at times. to me it makes a lot of sense that although you look like a man you cannot forget that at one time you were a little girl, because I cant. i hope this comment makes sense and is meant in no way offensively. im just trying to say as adults we all remember ourselves as children and teenagers so ofcourse you will still have feminine energy because you have no frame of reference for having been a male child or teen. much love to you. such an attractive and intelligent person.
I've been on T for over 2 years, and I feel so similar to you. I feel like most people perceive me as a regular guy, but I don't really like that, often times, because my identity is more complex than that. I do make a point of expressing my feminism, though, to let people know I'm not a typical guy who's blind to women's concerns or blind to sexism.
I really hear you about being seen as the way you look and people not realizing you are your mind also. I live in a very dainty, delicate, feminine body. I feel inwardly androgynous, but people treat me like this girly doll face. I don't feel like I am transgender, but I also very much understand having both masculine and feminine energy. Congratulations on making 7 years of your physical transition. I'm sure the internal journey began much earlier. :)
very interesting thought. definitely something to think about before starting T.
You're totally handsome and you seem to be truly happy. Congrats, everything went well, right? Wish you all the best!
This video was recommended to me. And ... truly I can relate.. to society viewing, who I am, according to prejudice views and stereotyping. I wish ppl wouldn't do that. I know there is so much to me than how I am perceived to others. Thank you for saying that. Congrats to your journey.
yea, you've done something different, and it's really amazing. 😊
I am a female, but as you said I don't want to be in a female body and that's just something that i struggle with everyday, I came out to my mom recently and she said it's okay, that I don't have to be afraid and all the good stuff, it's just..I'm watching this video and seeing you being 7 years on T, and being happy just by being a male, and I know I want that. The problem is, I'm 16, still in school, many don't know about me, and if I had money for surgeries and testosterone that would be great. Right now I'm just thinking about when is that money going to show itself..that's what makes me sad..but I watch your videos and you make me happy just by talking about this stuff and making everyone feel better, so thank you for that.
Thanks for sharing. People want binaries, and it takes courage to express anything else. It's helpful for people who are considering T to hear about its effects, and it's nice to see a video that's not just about effects on the body. Thanks!!
I am pre-t and I feel strongly that when I am seen as a male but not a trans-male it makes me feel almost misrepresented? Also, I am really feminine and I feel secure in my identity as a male, but I feel once I am further in my physical transition, I will feel more comfortable expressing that femininity. Since then I will not be seen as female, but a feminine male. This video was really comforting to watch, since lately I have been worrying that because I am feminine, I maybe am not male, or that I won't be seen as one, but I am. I just needed reassurance, and this video and getting your honest thoughts on yourself and your transition was a wonderful relief.
Hm... I'm 1.5 years on HRT and I feel I finally fit into this world just as I'm supposed to, with the representation of who I am truly... I also started taking out the garbage and participating in the garden and con struction etc etc, when I was a teenager, like 6-7 years ago? I just always naturally felt that male types of activities were natural for me and shouldn't be denied from me so I struggled and fought for them to be my 'privilege' even thought it contained heavy lifting most of the time... And now that I finally don't have to "struggle" to be male because these things are required from me... I feel more natural than ever before, now that I can legitimately act like an average dude, nothing more nothing less... Everyone's personality is different but many trans guys say they're feminine, wanna keep their feminine side, they like their feminine traits... I get it, but I still wonder, if you're a guy... Why aren't you an everyday guy in the first place? You know what I mean? Why are there so many feminine trans guys over there, I guess that's what I'm wondering about
I'm pre T and pre everything right now. This is honestly a really awesome eye-opener and it's so intriguing. As a gay trans man I feel like a lot of people just see me as super feminine and I mean yeah I do have a large feminine side that I'm embracing a little more recently but I'm 100% a man and it's so frustrating and upsetting that just because I'm a slightly more feminine man my gender identity is being questioned and people sometimes don't believe me when I say I'm transgender you know? So it's weird that you feel this way to me yet in maybe 10 years I could feel the exact same. I loved this video it really made me stop and think for a sec :)
thank u for making this video. you have no idea how much it means to me. i completely relate to u with the 50, 50, but stil male thing. thank u for making this!!!
Hugs. Your happiness shows. Thanks for sharing.
I'm only out to a few friends, I try and dress more masculine, I do like makeup and more feminine things. So when I express this my friends are confused. I was raised as a girl like you said, so I have a connection with my feminine side. I can't just erase that from myself. I don't wish to either. So it's weird I'm trying to social present as a male, I get called butch all the time and that's not me. I see myself as a feminine guy. So when people know me as a gay girl they think of me as butch, despite the fact I wear makeup and do may hair. It's very strange.
Bo Branch well try dress and act like a girl. I guarantee things will go better for you
Hey Bo, I'm a little confused about the intent behind the other reply to your comment, so I just wanted to emphasize that your identity is 100% valid. Gender identity and gender expression are two totally different things and can be experienced in an infinite amount of ways. And even if it takes time, people can always learn and become more open. I hope you've found support, whether in day to day life or online, and I guarantee it's out there. Hope you have an awesome day :)
Bo Branch Sweetheart, you know what you are ? You are what you are, you love things that are supposedly contradictory but they are not gender roles, what women or men should love is a social construct, you do not have to choose a label for yourself, you can just be. And if you really need a label, may be non-binary is the closest to your situation! xoxO love!
Great content on this video. I can totally relate to the mind not matching the body. It seems the more my body catches up the less my mind seems to want it to hurry..if that makes any sense. anyway nice work!
I work for a non profit and our big focus is to become LGBT friendly & knowledgeable & we've been to so many trainings with so many doctors and very educated people in this field, and this concept has never been brought up to my attention. Just reinforces the fact that as humans we will never fit in just one box, we are all just whatever we want to be. Thanks for opening my eyes!
thanks for this video. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because yeah people twist everything I say, specially doctors. but you just expressed what I feels like to being transgender and I realized I'm not alone, I'm not crazy..
Sometimes I feel like I'm a guy, I feel like a guy but I'm really scared about how I'm going to look in the future if i start T, I mean like all my face and body changing and then wake up one day looking in the mirror and think if that's really me or not, idk how to explain it :/ , like if my head and body could ever coincide?. Also great video;), gongrats!
So interesting what you are talking about, I can't Imagine how it could be in a grown body and then change your body to realize that your mind stillbeing the same, It's complicated I guess. And I really like the part when you said "I love my female past" :)
That's just crazy! I can't believe it's been that long. :)
Oh my god, I can definitely relate to that body and mind catching up situation! It's crazy how fast everything (externally) can change with hormones!
Interesting video. Nice one Aydian
I'm almost a year into my transition and I can relate to what your saying my mind has been ahead this entire time however now my body is starting to catch up. I'm finally getting to a point where something's are evening out. But it feels great to finally catch up with my brain!
wow i remember reading a magazine article on you and your wife a couple years ago!
I really get what you're saying and I have a different experience that I'd like to share. I've been out as transgender for almost three years and I struggle with expressing myself. I know I'm a kind of feminine dude and I'd like dressing androgynous but dysphoria is stopping me from doing that. To be able to handle social situations and just life in general I dress masculine and basic, and I really feel like that isn't me but there's not much I can do about it. I have friends who are cis guys who can dress however they want and even use makeup and stuff without being perceived less as male, meanwhiles I'm stuck with blue jeans and black t-shirts and having to remember to keep my voice low and not talk to fast or wave my hands flamboyantly and so on and on and on. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish didn't have to follow gender roles as much.
The waiting lines for therapy that would enable me to get HRT and maybe surgery are long and I won't get hormones for at least another year and a half and it just really hurts.
It's my first time watching one of your videos and I was expecting a much deeper voice, not that I don't like it, it's cool but I was shocked, btw I loved your channel, and you :D
Oh my god. This is truly amazing!
is the first time Im waching one of your videos. I didnt know what the "FTM" stood for, I thought I was going to see a fitness video. when I saw you I said out loud : "omg, what a handsome man, omg, his eyes!"
I appreciate this video. Great content.
Handsome man! Way too go on keeping going. Most stop their transitions
Love your energy and honesty. Thanks for sharing
Ya I'm queer. No body dysphoria. However, our world makes it hard for people to embody multiple identities. I appreciate you bringing light to this.
❤❤❤ why can't I be with someone as beautiful as you
I started HRT 8 years ago and I can relate to everything you just shared aswell.
I've taken testosterone for approximately a year and nine months. For my three ish years of desperately trying to pass while transitioning in a school of >200 southern people, I felt like I would never ever make it to a place where I wouldn't hate myself so violently. It felt like the lack of support or correct pronouns and name, the bullying, and assumptions, were all going to make my story end before I ever got to physically change anything. Fast forward to get therapy and metal health help, and I get on T within a couple months of trying (saving up the few hundred dollars for doctors and scripts and lab work) and now. It's gone so fast, my voice dropped pretty quickly, and I got a lot of body hair within like 8 months. Then from around 8-9 months to now, I've been more focused on beard growth and occasionally working out for my desired body goals. And I've scheduled top surgery for two months from now. I've saved up 8,400$ of the 10,000 estimated goal. And soon after that I'll be thinking how fast surgery got here and how quickly recovery went by, even though it's been about 5 years of struggle and growth and change. I don't know what's next after surgery (transition wise specifically) so maybe I'll come back to this video in years time tell myself what did happen.
congrats man you look great!
An amazing video! You don't just have both F and M energies, you've got LOTS of energy you share with your viewers! thank you so much!
Could you elaborate what male privileges you are supposed to have but you don't feel them?
I literally had the same conversation with my friends this past weekend! I'm 3 and a half years on T, and feel exactly the same way.
so much courage.
Could listen to you for hours :) Love from Germany ❤️
I expected him to have a lower voice when I first heard of him tbh
Alexzander Castillo I think his voice is just fine 👌
Okay whoa. No one asked for you to be an ass. I just said my opinion so fuck off. Honestly that irritates me that you're trying to start shit on someonr else's page. Have some respect.^
You are amazing!! Thank you for your story 😘
Proud of you. Keep going
You're handsome AF😂❤️
Every humans mind tends to live in the moment. People ignore what change has happened all around them to make their body a certain way. We don't focus on the changes till we think back or look at pictures- I'm full of guilt on this subject. I think it's something humans are programmed to do. We are supposed to live one way and not worry about the changes that might even be happening to ourselves.
I have embraced my past as a female also. I have no self hatred, but I do have pride. Pride of who I once was and who I will become. Lately I've been taking my transition slow in order for my brain to be programmed on the sudden change of names and pronouns since I just came out a month ago. Most of my friends are accepting on me taking it slow compared to the other friends that I have that are also transgender in some aspect. I have thought over my future many times in order to live my life the best I can have it with being happy, but not over working my brain to a breaking point. Taking it slow has been my solution for now even though I do go through dysphoria a lot or just feeling uncomfortable with something that is happening around me. I do know when I take it too far and need that true push.
I hope this comment wasn't confusing to you, but a better understanding of my point of view on your topic and interpretation.
I was struggeling with the same thing and i feel exactly every word u spoke about how you felt i feel that exact way and im so glad someone spoke up about it becouse i was starting to worry that i was the only one feeling it.