how much does CHILDHOOD TRAUMA actually affect you? Dr. Jordan Peterson
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
- Consider Subscribing
For Daily Uploads
Support Dr. Jordan Peterson
Jordan Peterson's Links:
Events: /
Patreon:
Self Authoring: /
Jordan Peterson Website: /
Podcast:
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 73 | คู่เอก "วรพล vs พันฤทธิ์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/rrOljlqse3A/mqdefault.jpg)
Jordan Peterson,the father I always needed
Soooo true
Same
Why don't you respect your own father?
@@Kitiwake he drank himself to death when i was 6 months old and was a 15 year meth addict at the time of his death. wouldnt have made a good father anyway.
Snap
My childhood has always messed me up. I’m 60 and the perps who inflicted their ugliness upon me are dead. I still deal with the consequences of the actions inflicted upon me as a child. It’s a daily struggle.
Wait...you killed them?
🤍
@@infantilemewling6801 lol, no I outlasted them
@@Flowerrrrrr823 yes I forgave them long ago. When you reach 60 years of age you realize that hatred only feeds more hatred and eats you alive. Carrie Fisher said something like “hating someone is like poisoning yourself and waiting for the other person to die”. I forgive but struggle with the forget part. That is something I work on every day.
@@Flowerrrrrr823 thank you
The purpose of memory is for us to learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes. Thanks, Internet Dad.
😂 internet dad omg
@@LA-xc4tc lol yea. JP is known among some of his online fans to be their Internet dad :) we learn things from him we didn’t learn from our dads.
@@Ana-rb7ws love the term
I love the quote "It was a life lesson, not a life sentence". Don't know where it's from though, facebook posts rarely give credit.
My father ruled with an iron fist. He used fear to keep his children in line.
This was not the best way to grow up.
Later in life I began to understand.
Crowds made him nervous. And he was raising nine kids. He worked hard as a bricklayer and he needed no stresses or anxieties after work.
In order to recover and be successful to keep his job going.
He did what he had to since he needed a no drama zone because failure to support, failure to succeed was not an option.
It is also a revelation to think of all the gentleness and kindness he was capable of. Often enough the stresses of life did not allow us to see that part of him.
It's a revelation when I realize that dwelling on the negative disregards the positive. It was so much to appreciate him for and yet I was stuck on the fact that he ruled with an iron fist and use terrorism to keep law and order.
He could not have chaos.
Failure to keep a home and support nine kids was not an option.
No.. I compare his success to so many failures who cannot even support two children.
I understood him later in life and I forgave him understanding his personality type and what he needed for success.
thank you for your wisdom about "when i realized that dwelling on the negative disregards the positive."
It seems that the human brain can only or rather wants to conceptualize an idea as being ONE definite thing, and doesn't seem to enjoy nuance nor ambiguity. Probably for efficiency purposes.
Gary what you've done makes a father complete. You see it's not like your dad was unaware of his actions he was and he had dam good reasons for them. What he did was sacrifice his today relationships with 9 kids to succeed in his role as provider and protector. Do so didn't only hurt the kids it hurt him deeply as well but he loved his children and therefore made the sacrifices. Later in life a father hopes oneday his children will do as you have and understand what cost he paid for those he loves. A real man let's say will never explain or feel sorry for himself but it will still hurt and for a long time. The thing that sets him free of this is when his children desire to know him and what it was like for him at that time. It completes the circle so to speak.
Its really hard when you are overwhelmed with life and when your father gets home where he thinks he can unwind something else pops up, which might seem trivial to you but to him its just compounding on top of everything else the day has dealt him & he just wants to forget it. And that one moment/situation will top it all off which can lead him to loose a good night's rest which will compound his work the next day. Mind needs rest. And add to the frustration that he cant explain or convey it to his children so they would understand him. And over time he may get the feeling that his children have an impression of him that he really is not. But he has to hold his breath and tackle what he can to provide for you all always not knowing what the future will hold for his family. Its a huge burden. I always find that the successful men, always have a compatible and very supporting wife who is be able to take on some of the emotional needs of the family so the husband is less taxed.
This. Love this! Thankyou for sharing!
@You Play Video God doesn’t demand things from us we cannot give and gives freely to us
Who will ever be able to count the number of lives this man has save? I can't thank him enough for his work.
what the fuck... this man has ruined so many young men that the whole generation won't recover
Seriously, how do you save lives from what he said? If you literally summarize what he said, it would be "talk with a therapist." How is that even actionable let alone save lives?
@@stevestop10 How? All he gives is uplifting advice, or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” type advice, no?
Only Jesus saves..
@@BigBabaMufasa evidently you didnt r3ad his books or watched his lessons.... o you are a delusional commubist. Jordan was there when no one, even i, wasn t there for me.
I live in anxiety, mostly with work issues. I’m a bit passive simply because the only way I could survive my childhood was to go into myself. I was told over and over that I was worthless, ugly, stupid. When your family says this to you from an early age it is always there in your mind. You become a perfectionist because you are afraid that if you make a mistake you will be fired. No matter how much success I’ve had I’m always waiting for that shoe to drop. I had a counselor who told me two things that gave me pause. She said I live in an apocalyptic future and I’m the hardest person to themselves she had ever met. She got me a placard which said It’s hard to be happy when someone is always mean to you. Be kind to yourself. My Christian faith has gotten me to age 60. I believe I would have done myself harm had not the Lord been with me. That’s my testimony. Good luck to all of us struggling with childhood trauma. Hug your kids, tell them you love them everyday. It’s important.
HALLELUYAH!
God is Love. So it doesn't sound to me like he knew God at all.
This is a very nice testimony ❤ thank you
Hope all is well with you. :)
And I pacify myself by saying we live in end of times. I m not Christian but see the signs described in Quran and bible. It's here! Speeding up time, degrading values. Money become everything
10 years foster care .. = chronic shame .. foster mother and biological mother didn’t want or show any affection , we’re both cruel .. both nice in public .. chronically painful
It's so messed up how the worst offenders can seem so pleasant, and so charming on the outside... So likeable as to manipulate people into turning a blind eye. The bloody neighbours could hear me wailing, but my mother could convince them I was a rotten child, and for all the harm, I probably seemed like one in my miserable state that I couldn't hide on the outside as well as she could.
My heart goes out to you. Trust me, you have attained insight from this that you can use positively to protect others and better your life. You'll find your way out of their misery despite their trying to force you not to.
You are loved ♥️
@@dianadias3 thank u 🙏
Learn from people who had loving, and expressive, mothers, since the majority of kids do experience a loving mother.
I loved my mother as long as I didn't separate her from the person she was,
But now I am ashamed of the patterns I couldn't stop her from expressing on my behalf,
So I learn from people who had both parents they are proud of.
Awwwww, I'm so very sorry. You did not deserve that treatment.
It seems that if we suffer trauma as children we subconsciously create a protection character of sorts. As a child of seven, my protection method was to acquiesce to sexual abuse and even pretend I liked this ‘game’. Unfortunately, this protective character must be unravelled as it doesn’t serve us well. The only way I personally overcame continuously making this mistake of acquiescing even into adulthood, was by talking to the child within me and reassuring her that she no longer needed to do that anymore. I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her, but that I was the boss now and she should trust me to protect her. I don’t know if that makes sense, but now I don’t allow abusive situations to dominate me, and I keep the child in check.
I’m glad you found a way to cope and overcome your troubles.. sincerely i am happy for you.. i wish we lived in a world where no child had to go through that trauma ♥️
Bullying is an ongoing process. When you confront bullies. They accuse you of bullying.
In security you get this all the time.
Those who stick to gether in groups are the bullies. It's people who try to stand on their own two feet who are bullied.
@Perry your welcome. God give you strength against your challenges.
Very glad I stumbled upon this.
I was bullied almost all the way through school, which resulted in year long depression and substance abuse.
One of the best things I’ve learned from my past, is to never get bullied or pushed around again. Even if the bullying is on another person, I will stop that shit right away, I can’t stand it. I won’t take any shit from anyone. Never again.
I also came to the conclusion, that the ones who bullied me, was just because of the scared little child inside of them, and I started to feel sorry for them, and understood why they did what they did.
I have wondered if I truly have recovered, like I feel I have.
After seeing this, I am sure I have moved on, since I very rarely even think of the time I was bullied.
I guess my memory did it’s job.
I think that a lot of bullies are just evil sadists...not scared
@@mem1701movies they where children...
I don’t think many children are sadists. I also know how many of them are doing now, and let’s just say I wouldn’t change life with them.
Great comment. I think about how abusers have to eventually deal with the guilt of what they did.
@@mikuspalmis Thank you. One of the worst of them actually started on the same workplace as me, a couple of years ago. I remember when he came up to me. He didn’t say the words, but his body language screamed “I’m so sorry “. He was really nice to me, and you could tell that he was really not proud of himself. I know that he has done way worse than me, since school.
So that was enough for me, he didn’t have to actually say the words, I started feeling sorry for him.
Like mine, his parents were divorced when we where around 8, and he reacted so strongly to that, that he became a bully, and eventually ended up with a real shitty life.
Like I said, I’m really glad I’m not him.
The older I get, the more I find it useful to understand why people do what they do. He wasn’t evil, he was a child who didn’t get the help he needed.
"You remember the past so that your future is better. " - words of pure wisdom.
Losing my mother to cancer when I was 10 has been the defining experience of
my life no matter how much I try to move on .... I am 61 years old .
Wow I’m 27 and I lost my mom just after I turned 25 and it really changed the trajectory of my life too. Thank you for sharing, I hope you’ve been able to heal some since then.
Have you been able to speak to friends about it?
My good friend I grew up with lost his mom a year after me and it helps to speak to him about it.
I wonder what it will look like when i am older and have more distance to look back on losing my mom.
@@RustyShakleford1 Hi Rusty . I hope you have a better time than I did , It may well have been the very young age at which i lost her and the collateral effect on my whole childhood that made it so traumatic in my case . As a boy of 10 I was extreamly vulnerable , and unable to come to terms with the whole thing . I wish you all the very best .
Bullying can persist into adulthood. In essence it’s people who have power over you abusing that power. So create a strategy, such as having portable, in-demand job skills. If some jerk of a manager or company gets unreasonable with you, you can leave and thrive somewhere else.
Exactly. Adulthood brings extra levels of difficulty to the challenge of dealing with bullies, because they can have the power of an entire institution behind them. What's worse is, bullied or not, even if you're an irreplaceable employee your value can still remain unseen until you're gone if your company is managed poorly and has a lack of comprehensive oversight. You just have to be good enough to have leverage against them and ensure any new company _does_ see it.
I believe bullying is a bit more complicated in a work situation. There is the actual power somebody may have and that can be quite limited when you look at it carefully and then there is the power that you give them. This is the power that you can do something about. Watching "bullying" in the work place I have often seen it is defined by a persons response to the "bully". Its an unconscious dynamic that is set up between the two participants. The "bullied" person can change their response to the "bully" and that can drastically change the dynamic between the two. This becomes apparent when you watch how a "bully" adapts their behaviour to the person they interact with.
@@herbertniesler320 When the person doing the bullying is a manager of the person being bullied, the interactions are straightforward. It’s a simple abuse of power. Not much you can do except passive-aggressive retaliation or trying to climb the food chain above the bully. The former sometimes works. The latter is rarely successful. Peers attempting bullying can generally be dealt with successfully. I once heard of a passive-aggressive attack on a bullying senior officer in the military. A subordinate civilian put classified documents in his car and then ratted him out to security. As you can imagine, it did not go well for that officer.
@@Mike__G Terms like "Bullying" and "Passive-Aggressive" are confusing and bring with them a lot of unnecessary incorrect assumptions. Best to leave them to the psychology profession to play with. I prefer to define bullying as one person using their emotions/behaviour to create negative emotions in the other person so that this person is caused to give what the "bully" wants. Its the use of our aversion to experiencing negative emotions against us. Hence if you have someone displaying "bullying" behaviour to you and you do not have an emotional response (or minimal response) to them, then they find their strategy is not working which perplexes them, as after that they are out of their limited strategies (except maybe physical violence). I find that bullies are often not aware that they are judged as being bullies and are actually trying to meet some needs that are not directly obvious to them. They are just better than most at utilising the emotional responses of others to meet their needs.
@@herbertniesler320 Respectfully, I disagree. In my opinion, what you describe is not actually bullying. I have encountered people who simply get a kick out of oppressing others with less power or strength than they themselves possess, and do not hesitate to misuse their position of power. As to passive-aggressive behaviour, it is fairly easy to recognize. I disagree that it should be “left to the professionals.”
I love how he explains things in such an easy to understand, yet very eloquent and challenging enough way.
Trauma also may speak through body memory. In pain. its expressings something that cant be spoken.
That’s why it’s a really good idea to go in for regular massage therapy (especially if you have insurance), because unhealed emotions turn into physical knots over time which can only be reoriented with physical touch. This also explains why many people suffer from physical and mental burnout by the time they reach their late 20s, which is said to be the worst time period for most people.
@@revolutionaryhealing9992 Good points! I've heard that a person can feel overwhelmed with emotions when they get a massage bc those trapped emotions are being activated. Wow. This is fascinating stuff.
My aunt used to pick on me for no reason as a child and it does mess you up but ive come to find that letting go of people like that is the best course of action move on heal search for help if required only you have the choice of either being stuck in there or making progress and trust me i know its not easy cause for me it was years and years of this horrible person saying mean things to me as a child just for basically having adhd and being adopted by my grandmother but one has to move on to make progress i dunno who you are but if you have bad memories like this or worse i believe in you dont believe the limits your mind sets for you strive for greatness
J.P. is very correct: trauma often does get trapped inside, unable to be processed, especially childhood trauma, but it can happen at any age. This often results in PTSD. While traditional psychotherapy can help, it often is not fully effective, if not ineffective, in treating PTSD. But, for anyone out there treating PTSD or suffering from it, there is an amazing treatment: EMDR - "Eye Movement Data Reprogramming." - Sounds like bunk, but it's amazing!!! - A must try for those suffering with PTSD but haven't tried it. J.P. is correct - a trauma does get trapped in the physical and then in the mental, and then emotional: EMDR treats all simultaneously. - It's amazing!
“Why remember the past? So that the future is better”
What Rafkiki says in lion king... “ the past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it”
Dude everybody on this planet has experienced a negative situation where it’s caused them to think about that experience later on in life! Don’t fall victim and allow it to consume you. All you have to do is remember what it taught you. it sucks but this goes for every experience!
Thanks for your comment. Well stated, including Peterson outtakes for this concept of not letting incidents of life past experiences consume you.
Agreed
What if your mind has redacted the details of the incident(s) for its own safety? If the only thing you've been taught is subservience and fear? What if, as an otherwise strong and independent middle aged man the sight of a children's cartoon character or a few notes of a Christmas carol can have you rocking back and forth in tears. What then?
I'm not being argumentative here, I just don't think every situation can be looked at as simply as you say. I'm all for self reliability but some minds are too damaged to help themselves without intervention.
@@paulaoyedele2081 what you’re saying is totally relevant but you still have a choice to fall victim or be a warrior. So what life’s thrown you shit. I get your situation has been more traumatic but we’ve all reached the depths of hell at some point in our lives. Don’t be afraid of the world because of what happened to you, rather embrace the fact you have tremendous amounts of wisdom from your experiences. I’m sorry you had to go through such horrible situations in life but you are such a valuable person you cannot quit
@@buggs9950 make your life simple just like the ancient stoics did. Right now listen to yourself. You’re making excuses. You have 2 choices in life. A victim or a warrior. Choose. Accept because you know you should and because psychologists recommend and then do all the things you’ve wanted to do in life
What has this got to do with Keanu Reeves?!
Keanu Reeves was bullied in school.
.... and Charlize Theron.
Reeves played Neo. Theron played Aeon. Carl Jung wrote a book called Aeon. JP always cites Jung. How many degrees of separation is that?
Charlize Theron’s father was abusive and her mother killed him in self-defence.
Lmao
Click bait
Why is Keanu Reeves in the thumbnail
Clickbait mostly. Though Keanu did have a very difficult childhood so I guess it's sort of relevant.
Its about Charlize in picture. Her mother shot her Uncle and killed her father, to protect Charlize from getting raped.
It was a story I read about Charlize mother. She shot her husband and his brother to protect her daughter.
I've been 5hinking about my trauma a lot lately. I was caught between 3 points of trauma: my parents fought constantly at home, sometimes to the point no one slept, at school I was bullied verbally and physically. At my grandmother's, she was also physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. Although I seemed to come out of it alive. There's a part of me at 26, that still wants to lash out at the people who committed said acts to and around me. But I can't, my grandmother is old and weak, and conveniently doesnt remember whar she did to me. bullies are adults and have forgotten all about the trauma they've inflicted, my parents are divorced. My life is currently good, good job, good apartment, great relationship with the girlfriend, but my mind is still stuck at 12 years old, choking on these memories
Same dude, I got bullied pretty bad in early in high school by this one guy who was an asshole to everyone
Just because they are old or "grown" doesn't mean you cannot confront them.
No one should be able to get away with unacceptable behavior and they need to be told it was unacceptable.
It will help you heal.
I was a champion fighter at a young age and small for my age (small man syndrome) always happy to beat the crap out of someone and looking for a fight. I hated bullies so I tried to channel my anger problems on people who deserved it.
I became a "bully hunter" at high school right through to mid 20s. (yeah I was a manChild too).
Id been beaten so many times and trained for so long (along the journey) by high level boxing champions that any (normal) guy, any size who tried to fight me got massacred. I also put on 25kgs but in my mind still had some sub conscious insecurities from being bullied and traumatized when i was small.
As an adult I've had to apologise to so many people for my behavior (even though these guys were the bullies) I tricked them all into fighting me, it's called "shark baiting" Most I don't regret but nothing constructive or productive came of any of it accept maybe an ego trip.
People were just shit scared of me and thought I was a psycho.
The point is this:
Confrontation is constructive if done properly with effective communication.
If you can outline how unacceptable their behavior was and give them a chance to apologise you can release and return the issue (unresolved hurt) back to its rightful owner.
By using effective communication to go into great detail explaining and outlining every little point of what they did to you and how it has affected you and how that reflects on them and their lack of character they will squirm. Tell them that it's time for them to put their hand up, take responsibility, admit what they did was wrong and apologise.
They might put up smoke screens, deny, pretend or do anything to avoid the truth unless they are a person of honor who would agree and apologise. (bullies are usually not honorable)
This is a form of verbal shark baiting because the guilty don't stand a chance and you have kind of tricked them into taking responsibility for the issue which allows you to release it.
You can get it all off your chest, watch them cringe, give it back to them and walk away free.
It's their crap after all. Only right to return it to the rightful owner.
Hope that makes sense.
I desperately needed to hear this. Thank you for being the parent and mentor I wish I had 🥲♥️
When I was about 3, my mother went into hospital to have another baby, who died within a few hours. I had been very "matter of fact" about it. It wasn't until 40+years later doing some retrospective therapy that we looked at how that affected me. As a 3 year old, I would have been filled with excitement at the prospect of a baby brother or sister leading up to Mum going to hospital. Back then, they could be away for up to a week. I would have been put in the Care of a loving, though not very maternal Grandmother and missed my mother enormously. When she came home, instead of the expectant joyous occasion it was probably full of sadness, and my mother required some serious surgery after, so she couldn't lift and hold me.
Needless to say, I manifested this as rejection (or similar). For 40+ year, I lived with a phobic fear of rejection and judgement. My mother is very loving and caring lady and yet , even today, I treat her love with a level of cynicism which I cannot help. As Dr Peterson says "those first 4 years are vital".
Absolutely spot on explaining how trauma affects you in later life, in layman’s terms.
When you use the shortcomings of your past to make yourself better - that's character!!!
The depth of my gratitude for Dr. Peterson cannot be overstated. He is like a blinding flash of lightning in the deep dark night. Much respect Dr. P.
Well that's freaky, I was molested by grand uncle, (grandmother's brother) at age 4, and I did not begin to gain insight into it until I was 31, after having made a lot of self destructive drug choices prior to that. I felt like Jordan was talking to me.
That fucking sucks. If you haven’t already seen him, I urge you to watch Dr. Gabor Maté and his talks on addiction (and anything else he has). A really incredible and insightful dude
My trauma is a violent father, he used to be quite severe and many times violent towards me, my brother and my mother, many times for stupid reasons. I’m 23 now and far from home, but we still call each other from time to time. I used to be a very calm person, but recently I get very angry somethimes, and get pissed of for little things. I’m also very impatient, I didn’i used to be like this and in my opinion that’s because of that trauma.
It is because of the trauma. And it's not your fault. But it is your responsibility to fix it. It's not easy, takes time and effort, but it's the most important thing for you to do. That is, if you don't want to suffer and fuck up the rest of your life.
@@mi8148 I can try, I actually tried, I don’t think all traumas heal 100%, but I’m aware of it and I can try be a better person.
We live life forward but we see it backwards
The bad things you do to a child will be with that child the rest of his life, I had six older brothers and they bullied me from birth, I carry the memories with me every day of my life and always will.
So true! Thank you.
All you can ever do with your parents & caregivers is a) acknowledge how their inabilities and foibles hurt you, then b) acknowledge that they were doing the best they possibly could given their own upbringing, beliefs, knowledge and education…. and forgive them. And then get about the business of healing yourself (with help if needed). Which is a tough road, but it’s the only way.
Thinking about the past is useful. There are lessons, good memories which can help making the present and future better. But lately popular culture has an exaggerated focus on being on the present moment, it is all that matters. Yes, the present moment matters, but is not everything. Past, present and future all have their importance.
Brought up rough , not coddled , had to explore outside my experience to appreciate others , glad I did . Can't think of anyone I dislike , feel for some peoples circumstances . Try not to socialise with predators ( at least knowingly ) .
I’m glad you don’t have anyone you dislike
Good your you! I think Your doing it right
We Don't necessarily hide from people, we just don't want the headache.
Memory is also to stay alive through trusting others because we are a social species
I'm not sure how memory builds trust in others. For me it's the opposite, but the important context is that I am somehow hardwired to remember the bad experiences instead of the good ones, building mistrust and cynicism.
❤ Thank you for explaining this ❤.
I experienced being sexually assaulted as a child by a family friend, between the ages of 8-12... I'm currently curious if my apathy towards life is a coping mechanism to help deal with the trauma, or if it's a factor in accepting being sexually assaulted in the first place.
Do I think that (abstractly) nothing matters, to justify what happened to me as "not a big deal". Or, did I allow it to happen because I already thought "This is weird but it's not a big deal."....
This is a new train of thought I've been having, recently.
Sorry you went through that bro. And good luck with dealing with it in the future
I'm so sorry that you were sexually molested as a child. I can't even begin to imagine how horrific that was for you.
I wholeheartedly recommend you follow you're recent inner voice that is prompting you to question whether your apathy is a result or possibly a factor of the molestation. You have matured and are now capable of dealing with the difficult questions and the strong emotions associated with them. In other words, it sounds like you are ready to begin the healing process for an old wound you weren't responsible for. You're curiosity strikes me as a very healthy thing. It's saying you're ready now, you can handle this.
Also, I know of no one who has gone though the recovery process alone. It's impairative that you find a good therapist with whom you feel safe with and with whom you can fully trust. Perhaps its the nature of recovery work that it must involve another individual because the original wound was inflicted by another individual. The first person inflicted trauma and made it difficult to trust others. Working with a good therapist (the second person) will give you powerful first hand experience that yes you can regain your trust in others among other aspects and benefits of recovery. I think you will discover many positive things about yourself and life in general.
I wish you all the luck in the world, my friend.
I think your apathy resembles a depersonalized/derealized-like state, presented in BPD and PTSD, for instance. Your brain's detaching you from the trauma. If it becomes an intrusive thought, then it was actually a big deal. If you can think about it without feeling uneasy, even without integration work, it wasn't really a big deal.
me too but 🌇 with time i became more lost & darkness .. angr ...etc and the worst part is i become an abuser and alot thinking of and bad content of rap,ing young boys smaller than me ... alot times m thinking of Ending me , before i do tach boys 🌇 or i need this man jordan B in my life & God also ... am so tired of being scared and can't trust anyone even me i can't trust myself and i hate myself ... 🌇👤 i don't know why i feel i triggered here and start talking about it kinda i feel a bit peace letting things out & let some light inside ... etc 🌇 Fuck!! i need help before i fukibg ki,ll those close one how destroyed me then and forever ... i feel am so dangero,pus now am big ... the memories thos flash backs the stickiness .... may God help me to become better me and fix me ... oh god 🌇👤
I think the confusion, anxiety, and hurt
Experienced by a child in the situation you describe
Never really goes away
The tauma of such a betrayal of trust lingers beneath the surface
And sabotages your self belief and self worth
You did nothing to deserve any of what happened
You were innocent and should have been protected
You cannot change what happened
But you can make a choice to not let it destroy you future
Good luck
I hope you find the will to move on
Dont be cheated twice
I like this man, period, he makes so much sense, brilliant!
I've been through a shit ton and it only made stronger and smarter.
If we don’t remember the past, we are doomed to repeat it.
And there is still people defending corporal punishment for kids because "they grew up just fine"
Those are the absolute morons.
Alice Miller in the book "the drama of the gifted child" does an excellent job in explaining why that is and what is necessary to overcome the childhood trauma. I highly recommend it.
@@d.2542 To put bullying and sexual abuse in the same category with corporal punishment is more moronic than you can probably realize.
so accurate!!!
And this is why therapy works… when you share your trauma, you are sharing how you were threatened and now you are no longer alone facing that threat….
It affects people differently . Throughout Anthropological history the one constant in people is the predisposition to abuse. In today's society it has become acceptable to disparage people anonymously through social media. Why has no one done a study on what makes people abusive and create programs to deal with them ? In society your are always one unwanted social interaction away from getting abused ,mugged, raped or murdered. Why is this acceptable?
Childhood trauma shapes you in the adult you become.
It effects and has effected and will always effect ever single day of my life
Thank you
Good one.
If the one who bullied you since you were young was your parent, i.e. your mother, then you spend much of your adult life trying to get some self esteem ….
Mine was my father... Self esteem is rock bottom
@@himanshuverma9097 It is such a tough road, I’m so sorry for what you went through. Just be kind to yourself, cut out those around you who do not have your best interests at heart or are mistreating you. This is so important and fill their places with good people you meet along the way. Step out of your comfort zone, and you will find you are smarter and tougher than you think. May God bless you. ❤️🇨🇦
@@mmmmlllljohn thanks .. it means a lot when someone tries to pep talk you... You're a nice person
Or maybe all are like this in Canada lol 😉
@@himanshuverma9097 ❤️
It affects you a lot. But you still have to overcome it. Something I told my own subscribers this week. As I see this daily as a healthcare provider. People who are destroyed adults because they couldn't outrun a terrible childhood. Too many times this becomes the excuse to give up. The reason someone won't try. "Because this (fill in the blank) happened to me." Now understand I am not discounting terrible childhoods. I had one as well. What I am saying is that the world doesn't care. It is totally indifferent. It may owe you but good luck trying to collect. The only way to collect your due is to go out and seek it, pursue it and take it back from the universe. The stories of great triumph are rarely without great adversity--ever notice that? Most will lie down to bad circumstances. But those who get up and fight back will insure that their story is a great one. Hope this helps someone out there---keep being great---Charles.
My stepfather raked me over the coals when I was a kid, but he did me a favor in the long run, because now I can spot a predator from a mile away. I like to let them think I am a sitting duck, then I severely traumatize them, with 200 pounds of pure meanness at my disposal. The expressions on these predators' faces are priceless.
......???
When I was growing up from 5-7 years old my father lived with Mr on and off , during that time he'd argue with my mom & hit her , I always believed it didn't affect me simply because I never felt threatened or scared or unsafe , could this be manifesting into forms of anxiety now that I've grown
I'd like to know his views on adoption/relinquishment trauma... these are pre-memory and pet scans show the architecture of the infant brain becomes hard wired for ptsd responses. Pemanently pre-disposed to fight/flight/freeeze... it's a living hell.
My father taken care of me when my mother decided to leave me and my sister 35 years ago. No post card, no happy birthday letters no phone calls nothing. Yes sometimes I do ask myself this question “what did I do” never I gotten an answer back. Instead I reconciled myself and learn to become more resilient. When I see a mother loving their children that made me feel happy. It’s not my happiness that I receive but the happiness that I know that there is good mothers still out there. So, no more playing victim games on myself and instead I learn to become a stronger man. Yes during my childhood I did suffer a psychological impact but as I got older I learn to control it and understand it and observe my feelings. I decided to put a leash around it’s neck like a dog to Control it and make it better. This is how I learned to be a man. I’m grateful she gave me life, I’m also grateful I see mothers out there. That was enough light at the end of the tunnel.
Explaining negative emotion & disappointment
Everyone : something I expected didn't happen
JP : you lay out something & it doesn't manifest
itself
Ahahahah
Fantastic remark: I almost became alcohol dependent as I was drinking every time I was around this certain person who proved to be a very toxic person. I guess my instinct was trying to tell me something and I was in fact numbing myself to be around this person.... unbelievable...
So much I sold everything I owned looking for what I already had, an organic farm in the mtns of colorado near boulder
Many people will state "learn from the lessons" of the past. When you're a person who has many traumatic occurrences to look back on, I would say that this method is not useful. You cannot factor in traumatic lessons and hope to cultivate healthy relationships in the future. The only lessons that can be gleaned from a traumatic past is those individuals have proven to you that they were willing to damage / abuse you. Simple as that. Any future relationships cannot pay the price for past abuses that they were not responsible for.
@Persis I'm blown away by your reply 💗 I too have learned many of these lessons. Where my past contains sexual abuse, physical abuse, murder and so much more, plus the belief (at certain points) that my life was cursed. I can now look back without being torn apart emotionally, rather, I can see clearly all the blessings, all the moments that showed me who I truly am and what I hold dear. I'm stronger than ever with no need to prove it, so I live life with a lot of love and appreciation. There's so much more I could say, but... 😁 All my love and strength to you 💗
@Persis Yes, I hadn't really intended saying all that. Reading your reply spurred me on to open up a bit more, but I guess my point was how I had "learnt" certain things from those unfortunate events but it was getting in the way of me leading a happy life. I wouldn't let people get too close, I wouldn't trust anyone etc. The past was controlling my future, so to speak
@Persis That is wonderful. Each time we write back and forth we get closer to the core of who we truly are. I'm going to tell you some things that I rarely tell anyone. As a child of 2/3/4 years old I had clear memories of former lives. I was a soldier once and my last living moment was in a trench. I could see other men along the trench (some in a terrible state), food implements etc. I also had a clear memory of being in a white "space", waiting for "my turn". I already knew this was "me" in spirit waiting for a "procedure" prior to my returning to earth. I never told anyone about this until a moment came at 4 years old at my grandparents house at their farm. They got a phone call that one of their cows had died in the field. My grandmother took mum, dad & I to the field where she said "ohh poor thing... Raymond, what do think happens when we die?" I was very matter of fact, "oh, we just go home again". She replied "Oh really? That's very interesting" I carried on telling my truth, "Yeah, I've died lots of times before. Last time, before now, my friends took me to this place... it was all white... so I could get my mind wiped clean before I came back" Then I looked up at her with the biggest grin "and now I'm a little boy!" I still remember the look on her face, like it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard. At the same time though, I heard laughter from behind which was my mother who was NOT comfortable with the conversation. This also marked the beginning of a wedge between my mother and I which never went away. Still, that's all history now 💗
@Persis Loads of great points there. It took me a little while to digest. I daresay, had it not been for the experiences that we've gone through we would not be standing in the frame of mind that we are today. Those occurrences have been extremely important. Indeed, I was on shaky ground at some points but around five years ago a new'ish friend asked me my opinion on Chakras. It started me on a learning curve to healing, incorporating the Chakras and being aware of my vibration. I also make time for meditation. I've taken care of so many past wounds, it's just absolutely wonderful. I consider myself to be on a "clean slate" with a very different outlook. I get a feeling you might be on a similar path 💗
@Persis As a funny little afterthought. Seeing as I recall snippets of some past lives, I daresay that "wiping my mind clean" procedure was not entirely successful 😁 I find that very curious & quite funny
I can relate.
I woke up from dreaming that I kicked in a door, deep down in some basement. The door flew like 20 meters. The door was the back of a demon.
I was entering Hell.
There stood the devil, just starring with glowing eyes. He was hypnotising some guy (me obiously).
I could not get pass the doorway. It was like a heavy densed vaccuum and my voice did not travel.
But I was so F***ING pissed that I was screaming and shouting at the devil like "This Is Sparta"-ish.
He turned and starred at me.
Then I woke up.
I'm glad that I understand what Dr. Peterson means.
You have to realize and incorporate All of the Power Spectrum and use it, for improving your world.
And your world inculedes everybody.
Learn to say No, for others sake to.
My father taken care of me when my mother decided to leave me and my sister 35 years ago. No post card, no happy birthday letters no phone calls nothing. Yes sometimes I do ask myself this question “what did I do” rstand it and observe my feelings. I decided to put a leash around it’s neck like a dog to Control it and make it better. This is how I learned to be a man. I’m grateful she gave me life, I’m also grateful I see mothers out there. That was enough light at the end of the tunnel.
I have experienced bullying. I was under impression that smart ppl dont fight. It is funny.. I am 191 cm height and have mass of neutron star (:D) so I could defend myself. When I went to college.. I changed behaviour.. someone tried smth on me.. I have stood up..and bullying was no more. But still after all these years... that.. smth is in back of my head. Like a scar.
Does anyone have the link to the entire video?
Truth
Be strong ,grow out of it ,be positive ,its your future life, be your own best friend!
Where is the rest of this video ?
What’s the complete interview link?
A lot I being beaten for almost 15 years for being sick this is how I remember my childhood than being bullied and destroyed emotionally by my brothers and sisters today prefer to be alone I don`t trust people and I don`t want a touch, women`s even when they want me I live 100% alone now but I'm happier than before no DRAMA, to be honest, I know some people had even worst than that good people live is to short for HOLD TO DRAMA
full vid ???? plzzzzzzz ppl
What if you have no memory and things come randomly .. like you randomly get through something and your mind brings something happened decades ago that you don’t even remember happening.. again .. in front of your eyes?
Also .. in situations where an adult assault you .. what lessons you can learn? I was sexually assaulted and I overcome that .. but my father abuse? It’s on going. I was always the only child to receive physical abuse .. mom did her best to “stop him” but also told me always how I should learn to avoid him. He is a bad evil person .. he abused everyone but because I discovered his lies early on .. I was his favorite to knock down. I learnt quickly, to not say a word .. not even think it but even then … he will decide to abuse me. My mother is telling me to shower before homework and I don’t listen .. became a reason to abuse. That made me grow into a person pleaser. I just saw myself as a problem .. I didn’t know all of that a year ago. But yea .. I am at a point where until today my dad broke into my house to assault me because I dared to step in .. tell mom to stop handling abuse and just move in with me. She got clinical depression. My sister has suicidal thoughts, cut herself and have a very bad mental health. I had to help but yea .. I am here today .. with PTSD, anxiety And that’s mostly because I thought as an adult with a child and my own home .. he’ll not touch me .. I thought he cannot but he sure can. That broke me a lot. I feel like I can’t escape him and though I have restraining order .. it takes lots of evidence to have him locked or stopped. He stalks me; assaulted me again and this time I froze. I couldn’t even move a single muscle .. so how to go through that because even my therapist seems to have no answers for me :/
Thank you for no background music.
Where is the rest of the video
Yup afraid of people. Love them, but they keep cancelling us. Everyone is afraid really, but some people really have friends that stick up for them. Like me sometimes, then... cancelled...
I study NPD and BPD these are chronic personality issues.
Both people terrified of ‘rejection’ or perceived Abandonment.
Deep set in the subconscious mind. 🥺
Is there a way out..?
@@williambryon6671 I write short phrases just to remind mysef to meditate on them.. and one of them went something like... I can't quite remember but it reminded me that idealism can create "perfection/high ideas/utopias" and the perfectionist lives his life throught projection of that utopia.. as a result he/she is constantly in pain because the reality isn't the utopia in her/his mind. The pain is metaphysical although you could suffer from headaches once in a while. But I knew I had these thoughts because of waking up and feeling agitated in the morning.. which there wasn't any reason for it "because i was still in bed"... 😄😴🤓😛😫 sad and crazy
Anyone know what interview this is from? can you link me?
Ah only if there was a role model like him when I was a kid
Don't be a victim. Be a victor.
Sigmaballz
Great saying
Amen!
Where is the rest?
"Maybe you were bullied in high school. What does that mean? It means you didn't know how to socialize with people properly." No doubt a socially savvy kid can avoid most bullying situations, but definitely not all. You're blaming the victim. "Hey Flynn, remember when you were a much smaller than average boy and bullied by much larger boys? It was all your fault."
But he didn't say just that. He said that that incapability of socializing made you vulnerable. It doesn't lift the blame from the perpetrator, but he says that everyone has his own responsability. I was bullied too for a long time, and recently I admitted myself that I never replied to those people. Not even tried because of how much scared I was. Maybe if I did that, things would have gone differently, maybe not. Surely I would have learnt how to stand up for myself earlier
True ❤️
Depends on what level of trauma because everyone faces a certain amount of it.
A person who goes through massive family abuse is unable to think rationally like this.
We could normalize anything when we were children.
@@fen4554 Depends on the child, the degree of abuse (mental physical), and what kind of outlet is available to escape. For people that never went through it they have no idea how awful it is.
@Fizzyx13 Therapists haven't been much help except to listen to hours and hours of my problems and offering occasional Pathos quotes to stir my "inner child" trash.
Psychology is based off of the religion of Darwinism or evolution which is in reality a pseudo-scientific pagan cult.
Human beings are three dimensional but secular psychology can only work in two.
@@kevb1959 you are right, I've realized we are absolute spiritual beings, whether someone agrees or not, this life is only temporary and one day we are going to go somewhere. I have no idea, I dont believe the "when you die its darkness" only because I experience extremely vivid dreams and I honestly think we go there and it scares the shit out of me.
@@joshuablair252 The entropy laws are proof that God exists all by themselves as they are laws of order that define this present universe. Who knows this might be a VR simulation and out bodies are a hardware test platform where the soul and spirit are the software. I believe without a shred of doubt that the Bible is of extraterrestrial origin in it is from outside of our time domain. And I firmly believe that Jesus Christ is exactly who he said he is. God bless brother and peace.
Is there actually any substance to what he said other than to see a "therapist to find out more about what to do?" He basically said if you experienced something negative in your childhood, it creates a warning system that impedes your ability to broach that experience in the future. It's basically a warning system going haywire. But he completely handwaved the most important part, how do you fix the glitch? Therein lies the rub. It's not easy to fix, with or without therapy. It may even be impossible for some people. Most likely, you have some type of physical brain trauma that even neuroscientists aren't able to properly diagnose and treat (let alone the talkers of the field: psychologists) which is why you have behavior issues. Knowing you have a malfunction is as useful as your PC knowing it has a virus destroy its HDD. Does talking to your PC (therapy) make the virus go away? Can your chiropractor talk your bad back away?
The problem with this attitude is that it completely removes all personal responsibility from your issues. May it be right or wrong, looking at it this way is basically saying "Well fuck it, I am broken and I will never work again"
@@kjellkuipers5810 If you subscribe to determinism as many physicists do, it may be you never had the free will or the genetic/environmental forces to fix yourself to begin with. Maybe that’s why so many people fail because they are destined to. You might not like that type of "attitude," but those the same forces that doesn't let you run a mile in under 4 minutes or magically heal your ACL tear just because you have positive attitude. Just to be clear, I'm not saying there's no free will whatsoever but that 95%, or probably more, of life is driven by circumstances outside of your control. You likely have a very narrow band where you can exercise self-determination.
@@bojackkatarn I agree with you that there are a lot of things that are outside of your control. But that does not matter as much. Peterson lives by the idea of take control of what you can. Try to be the best version of yourself that is possible. If one would say that it is completely or mostly outside of one's control it removes the motivation to better yourself
@@kjellkuipers5810 That's a fine attitude to adopt but it can play out differently for different people in actuality. There's very little understanding of brain chemistry and its impact on long-term behavior. It could be that the brain is similar to a muscle where childhood trauma or other forms of trauma creates permanent scar tissue and that inhibits the functions of the brain to stimulate certain behaviors afterwards. One thing neurologists do know is that the earlier the age in which the trauma was sustained, the earlier in brain development, the more severe the impact likely is. Peterson's motivational speech is fine but his knowledge is so limited his advice is practically inactionable.
@@bojackkatarn So what if I have childhood trauma and I find it difficult to deal with, according to your philosophy, what should I do?
it depends on how and when it was solved, IF, it was ever solved (in which case it affects everything 100% in the adult's life, all their thoughts, and feelings and reasoning).
at 2:50 Dr. Peterson mentions "Develop a Philosophy of Evil"
what does that mean?
th-cam.com/video/nyMso_CFU7s/w-d-xo.html; A philosophy of evil is an articulated cognitive framework for contextualizing and understanding malevolence, and planning the proper response to it. Children and naïve older people can't contextualize and understand malevolence and when they encounter it without having a philosophy of evil it is traumatic proportional to the scale and intensity of the malevolence. One way of solidifying your philosophy of evil is to study manifestations of human darkness deep and long enough to learn to recognize that darkness in yourself; it's like making a shield for yourself out of the dragon's scales
.
@@xulent that dragons scales thing is an excellent way to describe it, because ive been finding myself developing my philosophy of evil, and trying to internalize it as if I did those things. What’s been happening is I maintain an act of goodness, that is, I do good. All the time as best I can, and choosing not to do evil. But still planning all the ways I could, and it’s messed up. A part wants me to entertain it, that’s wrong. But I can see each and everyone’s paths if I concentrate hard enough and see their goods and their evils as if I accomplished them to gain increased perspective.
It definitely presents inner turmoil and that’s battling the dragon, for me. But conceptualizing it as taking the scales by remaining stoic and being good, I protect myself excellently.
Thanks for the analogy
@@xulent thank you
If you think people want all good things , why would they imagine hell, war and famine ?
because then they can face it and they can be genuinely good. because otherwice you are naive or living in lie. Without you anyway become resentful and these negative aspects as life is hard ( you are finite being in the face of infinet and you die ) and you need to have worth while meaningful life to stay good. ( I think JBP is teaching it something in these lines. )
But there has to be in the backgoround some kind of faith that "being" ( maybe it is faith in God ) Is good and if you pay the price and do right thing things will end up good. And chose Truth instead of lie deceit ( trying to twist fabric of the reality to try to get want you want from it and it snaps back to you )? 2 ways otherone is adversial ( Cain and Able )
Maybe because they want to avoid them. Just because you imagine something doesn't mean you want it.
@@stefanmirica6485
Now that i got the notion after you wrote I had a though maybe its different with the women. Actually I know it is,. men are more on to this shaddow thingy and there just might be pradoxes and 2 ways to see the world. In the way its true that you should focuse on good,. still there is evil people and evil in the world ( for me also spiritual and its not newage where you try to get positive vibes. . still Joy peace rest and things like this are from the Kingdom of Heaven and focusing on these cast out fear as Love does. ,.
I'm wondering why the thumbnail for this video has a picture of Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron when there is nothing in this video about them?
Charlize Theron’s father was abusive and during such a violent episode her mother killed him in self-defence.
Purpose of memory is so that you don't make the same stupid mistakes again. Good. I won't give birth to myself again then. Makes complete sense to me.
110% mate
I'm one of those "lucky boys" When I was ten a women did what she needed to somehow make herself feel better. It wasn't fun. I was too young to know. It has poisened me every sense.
what interview is this?
everybody gangsta until he says "and so are YOU"
Anyone know what podcast this is from? Thank you in advance!
H3 podcast #37
@@christopherthomsen3926 Thanks tons! fromToronto 🇨🇦
I was one of seven children. When I was grown raising my own children I said something to my mother about the differences in my children. She laughed and said "I raised seven children. It's amazing how different they all are"
My father was a good man but a bit of an alcoholic. Not a mean drunk but a drunk all the same. My mother was as close to a saint as you could get. My memories of growing up are great. My parents weren't mean and were always there for a hug if you needed one. My closest brother went on rant one day about how terrible our childhood was. I was sitting there thinking "We shared the same bedroom". Our temperament determines how we see the world.
We could both be looking at a glass pane 2 feet from each other and I see through it fine but you are getting the Sun glares in your eyes blindingly. Just saying perception changes even in the most controlled environments without even taking into account temperaments....
@@idiotidiot5821 yeah I think his brother actually might have wiped that tinted glass clean and seen your childhood for what it was.
I’ve had a similar conversation with my brother. I think you might need to check the window your looking through
@@RustyShakleford1
Perception is reality. He can wipe all he wants but when I look back it was great. I base all my actions and relationships on experiences. I don't blame my past for my failures. I didn't get beat or abused. I was fed, clothed, housed and loved. If that's not enough for some people the only person they have to blame is themselves.
I have very little memory of my childhood , but I know my dad abused me , I have nightmares every night of ghosts and poltergeist
I'm so sorry that you were abused. Life can be so wickedly unfair.
The fact that you can publically announce the truth about you're childhood indicates to me that you are now mature enough to go through the healing process with a good and caring therapist.
It will take a lot of courage on your part and it's extremely painful in an emotional way, but you're world will change dramatically for the better in ways you can't imagine.
Best of luck with your life, Zoe.
🙏
we send you love. I used to have nightmares but not anymore.
pa. Im sorry if you have religious "wounds" but I have to say that God healed me otherwice I would be lying.
"I have very little memory of my childhood , but I know my dad abused me"
How do you know that if you barely remember anything?
Wow..
Tells people what to do but not how to do it. Deeply flawed senses.
The human brain is very sensitive to bad experience until the character is formed (somewhere between ages 3 - 6). Any early trauma is resident in the Limbic brain and it is nearly impossible to excise. After rationality is formed they can cope a little bit better. Religion knows this, that's why they have Sunday schools. The secular world needs to catch up. Bugger poverty, no child should be subjected to adult-level awareness experiences until they are ready. That is why we have gullible, weak, neurotic under-performers.
On this JP needs to get his act together. Like everyone else he only responds to adults; and thinkers like Piaget and Jung have also applied adult-level analyses to childhood activity. Wrong! They're clinically insane until rationality, theory of mind, ... are fully established. Look after the little bastards.
Where is the entire interview ? Who is Jordan talking with ?
Wow love this guy is there somewhere I can watchthe whole thing?
Just search Jordan Peterson, he has a huge youtube channel. You're about to fall down a rabbit hole.
Kids are not bullied because they are not able to socialize. Some are. Bully is a bully, picks the weak kid that doesn't fight back. Bully is a bully, kids are not bullied because they don't socialize with bullies.