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Lol dumb ass getting married Smart men don’t get married Cause smart man know Break up in relationship Break up in marriage Cheat in relationship Cheat in marriage Bored in relationship Bored in marriage Live together in relationship Live together in marriage Sex in relationship Sex in marriage Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol Ya poor clueless bastard Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce It’s always comes to end Marriage so pointless an scam lol Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship Yeah should of just stayed in relationship Smart man knows this all Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people Or can just live bachelor life an do what u want a life of freedom
A marriage is A connection between two beings that were bonded by father during the very beginning of his process of creation, when he used his eternal light to create our beings. Not married in a church. Plus, you do not need a piece of paper to legalize your bond with your mate.
Psalm For the director. Of the sons of Korʹah.+ A melody. 85 You have shown favor, O Jehovah, to your land;+ You brought back those of Jacob who were taken captive.+ 2 I love biology
I’ve been married to my childhood sweetheart for 33 years. My husband, a young attorney, was convicted of a felony for transferring $3,500 to a bank account - trying to move from a firm to his own firm. This was 20 years ago. We ended up losing our house, cars and going bankrupt. We had no alternative but to get through it, along with our four young children. For a short time, we had to use food stamps. Eventually, I got a teaching job and my husband got the courage to deliver pizzas. Now he uses his computer science degree and works for a small start up company. We still struggle to earn a big income, but we are so proud of our marriage and our kids are happy and productive, leading meaningful lives. It can be done. Keep looking forward. ❤️ As always, Peterson is right!
Ian Rajulla Thank you. A promise is a promise, right? Our lives are hard, as we often battle with what could have been. I’m referring primarily to the financial aspects. But, we are determined to get through it.
in these days people prefer running to someone else rather than doing what you did. i know in somewhere of my life things will be go down so hard. i hope i wont be alone. your story is the encourage that i search for. i hope my marrige be like yours.
Bilgekaan Kaplan Yes, a lot of people search for happiness outside of themselves - meaning they don’t look at how they contributed to the problem. In our story, I was not innocent. I was reckless with money and put my husband in a bad spot. We could’ve gotten divorced and had people take sides, finding fault in the other person. It was not easy, but we muddled through, probably for our kids at first. Now they are gone and we’d never consider divorce. We’ve learned a ton.
Well NotOflt, Katherine Hepburn was just as good at turning a phrase as Socrates. She said "If you wish to exchange admiration from many men, for criticism from one, then go ahead, get married."
@Crystal Ball We need better abortion laws, as in always favoring abortion regardless of which party wanting it. As of now it's incredibly one sided and the man always get screwed. It's just a matter of how screwed. It's always the woman's choice whether she keeps it or not and this is not fair on anyone. At least if the abortion happens even though the man doesn't want it(as it is now), he'll get over it faster than a man who didn't want a child and got one because she decided to keep it. He'll be emotionally invested for life and stuck with financial responsibilities for the next 18 years. So pretty much screwed. There's a lot of wisdom in the saying that you shouldn't put your dick in crazy. It takes two people to procreate and if one doesn't want children then this should be respected. If she doesn't want to abort then tough luck. Whether she does it early when it's safe or later when it's not so safe is her choice, but the abortion will happen regardless on the basis that nobody should be financially or emotionally invested against their will. Abortion is perfectly valid and moral. What's immoral in my opinion is to bring an unwanted child into a world where its parents aren't prepared for it. If one has a problem with abortion then one should also have a problem with living, because you're essentially killing non-sentient life every second you're alive. Just because it looks human it doesn't mean it has a higher value. Too bad such change won't happen anytime soon. So how is this related to marriage you may ask. Well, many do get married because they get pregnant and have odd notions of morality when it comes to life, or at least the woman(who's full of hormones) does. She'll get over the abortion just as easy as he would. Actual lives doesn't have to be ruined and she can find another person to try to trap. Maybe then men can gain back some trust in women. Generalizing happens regardless if we agree with it or not, but it's somewhat understandable due to how many manipulative women are out there. Men are manipulative too, probably as much as women, but at least they can't get pregnant.
Unfortunately "For better or worse" and " Til death do us part" have lost their meaning. They honestly should change that into " Til something better comes along"
@Entrenched Mgtow Hahaha we have had a couple of coversations before.I believe i have replied to your comments as well. So i guess we are some sort of friends now.😄😄
Until I get tired of your stupid ass. Until I realized that you are who I thought you were. Or Worse, until I realize you are exactly who I thought you were
I grew up in a single parent household to which my parents were cordial enough to co-parent. I gotta say, it'd be much better if they were together. I didn't turn out too bad: good job, with a loving family of my own, but I can't help but wonder what advantages did I miss because I was in a (more or less) broken home...
This man made me more intelligent when it comes to choosing my relationship. He is the father I never had. Thank you for speaking the truth, Mr. Peterson.
He also is a quack crazy who has break downs so severe he has to be admitted to mental health clinics because he can't handle real life. Glad you look up to him though
@@lifesabeach5405 so, what's your point. Mood disregulation is a plus in his line of work. It means that he feels things stronger. Has more understanding and empathy. That can make emotional things more impacting.
You probably felt a lot of pain with these family changes. You want to avoid that pain for yourself and others. So you work on your marriage . Good for you!
Siyovaxsh En-sipad-zid-ana Every once in a while she has some good insight with relationships, but her judgement is sometimes quite clouded by the poor experiences she had again and again. I can see how vows are just words to a person who has been fooled and fooled others 5 times
My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We made a promise to stick it out because we both came from divorced parents at a young age and didn't want the same thing for ourselves. Marriage is not easy, but it also beautiful and worth it.
Lol dumb ass getting married Smart men don’t get married Cause smart man know Break up in relationship Break up in marriage Cheat in relationship Cheat in marriage Bored in relationship Bored in marriage Live together in relationship Live together in marriage Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol Ya poor clueless bastard Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce It’s always comes to end Marriage so pointless an scam lol Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship Yeah should of just stayed in relationship Smart man knows this all Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated
Why did you get married? I personally want to get married, but I can’t find any other reason besides tradition, which seems too superficial for me. Can you please elaborate? Without putting religion into the picture?
@@Никитин-ь6э it bullshit & pointless tradition Break up in relationship An break up in marriage just called divorce Even cheat in marriage and break up An cheat in marriage break up
Michael That’s interesting that the prime emotion in men is fear, and women anger. I would have thought the opposite. I thought men seem angry the shrew of the wife ruined his good time, and women fear being alone. Anger and humor seem to be the only emotions we allow men to express. What I seem to notice about married men....they usually don’t seem interested in spending time with the wife and kids. It’s like he proposed....but above a post says he doesn’t want things to change. But having a family changes things. So when the wife is running down the soccer games, piano lessons, barbecues, and errands that have to be run, and in his head he’s thinking how can I get out of this crap....I sometimes think, why did you want to get married? I am not judging....if you rather play video games, go out drinking with your friends, binge watch Star Trek, etc, that’s fine, it’s your life. But then being in a relationship, having kids.....probably isn’t going to work if those are your priorities. Your wife and kids want to spend time with you. They want your attention and approval. And then acting like everything is a chore, just makes me wonder.....what did he think a wife and kids were going to be like? That he would have all his free time like before? Many married couples seem to be living separately together. Many say marriage is out dated. It still seems like the best way to raise kids though. Possibly we have to come up with a better system if kids are involved.
@@Michael That's interesting way of looking at it and I agree, based on my relationship experience with my exgf. We were both slacking at school, I was a video game addict, she had/has inferiority complex about her body. As two irresponsible wretches, it was "obvious" that we would break up eventually. I think we both loved each other WAY more than we loved ourselves as individuals. We both tried our best though and I don't feel resentment towards her now that I've adopted responsibility. I'm happy I could find help and understand my past based on what Dr. Peterson is saying!
@Michael don't agree with a single thing you've said. I'm not broken, or failing to reach my potential or in need of growth. I am FINE as who I am. I have lived a long life, gone down many paths, and I have much to offer. Will I keep learning? Of course. Do I need a woman to help me "grow up"? What bullshit.
@@mikemcking Projecting your life against another is yet again, not fair assessment. He may be younger than yourself, therefore requiring a different interpersonal explanation of his current state in life. You sound hurt, the aggression supports this. If that is your resolution, so be it. Everyone is going through different stages in life. I wonder if the younger you would see something in Michael's comment.
I’m 28 years old and have been with my husband since we were 14 (almost 6 years married and coming up to 15 years together). People are shocked that we’re still together, got married at 22 and are happy. As the years go on, Rob & I are stronger. It actually amazes us - we think “I don’t think I could love you any more” but then our hearts grow a little more and with that our love. My marriage is very important to me and I hope when we have children, they look up to us as an example of a strong and lasting love.
@Mini Cooper people like you fear anything that gives you boundaries, you genuinely think that any responsibility traps you and others. You're IMMATURE AND FEARFULL.
the absolute worst thing is those kids can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. as a step-parent, you have no parental rights, or any kind of rights. it's horrible. a nightmare actually. i'll never get close to anyone's kids again.
oh no, nothing like that. it means my ex took her kids away from me for no good reason. i was very bonded with them, and i think vice versa. i miss them like you can't believe. holidays are the worst
As someone who grew up in a broken home, who has been abused and who has been through multiple stepdads, I can attest to nearly everything that he said.
Thomas Serrano exactly. The problem is that people these days don’t want to FIX things and morals are definitely changed over the course of the years. That’s why marriage does not last these days. It’s tragic. It’s sad. But modern education is BULLSHIT. It’s not that back in the day... people HAD TO stay in a marriage. NO! Most people cared. That’s the thing.
Thomas Serrano who have their “own set of morals”. And society becomes disfigured. I don’t know with what finality whoever is planning all of this wants yo achieve but whatever it is. It’s going to be the end of a good society with principals and morals.
I like Pancakes although I do agree with your statement about women because I am one and I’m not a hypocrite about it that some women tend to follow the mainstream side of feminism. His advice is actually correct. There’s no guarantee about fidelity in terms of walking away... but also we have to consider our own actions as well. If we did nothing wrong, that person has demons and decided to walk away from YOU, who showed them love loyalty and trustworthy. You shouldn’t have to consider it as their fault or yours. Simply the person was not it for you and there are many other versions of females that are worth keeping. In my opinion, his advice is breaking the vicious cycle of a generation that is fucked up. It’s like someone throwing away trash in the beach, millions of people may do it but if YOU make a difference, YOU are making a change and THAT counts.
Before married, my fiance and I discussed abt "divorcing" topic .. and we both agree that there wont be divorcing in our marriage no matter what.. His parents have been married for 54 years... My parents have been married for 46 years ... My husband and I have been married for 10 years and many more to come ... I love him more and more ... some people say after married, couple may get sour, not us ... we have up and down but I love him more and more, we stand together hand in hand ... we are blessed
@A Journey This. Is EXACTLY what needs to stop. Everything you have pointed out are opinions blinded by religion. If you look at it objectively and logically, marriage is man-made, just like religion. "The only grounds of divorce is adultery" is EXACTLY a religious point of view. I can also make up a religion where I say the only grounds of divorce is if one person doesn't contribute to housework. These are all made up rules So many women's lives have been destroyed because divorce is taboo in their culture. People need to separate religion and domestic life. Divorce must be normalised and de-tabooed.
I've been married for 8 years and living together for 9 years. We got married young, and many people thought we would not last more than 2 years because that's the trend. I think our success is that we knew what to expect from the beginning, we were honest and we're not afraid to have uncomfortable conversations. We always negotiate a middle point, we never insult each other, we ask why. For me, the result of asking, instead of attacking, is impressive because you do a lot of internal work on things that you were not even aware of. I don't see us divorcing ever, we've been through a lot together, and we always work in tandem to have a happy and thriving family. And I must add that the level of connection that you reach when you actually try, instead of thinking marriage is disposable, is unbreakable.
@A Journey Yes, or maybe just tiny behaviors that you find strange and don't say anything about. That could mean internal work needs to be done, but instead of losing it, just ask nicely about it.
Yes! I always viewed my marriage as dating with paperwork. Not those exact words but in my own muddled way. And I did whatever I wanted. But my wife did not. She was truly married. I had a truly committed woman in my life and didn't even know it. Too blind to see the gift I was being offered. We divorced. My fault and my biggest regret
I need to watch this more often. I’ve been divorced, lonely/free and a step dad. Everything he is saying is the truth. Be careful who you love, protect your heart.
My wife stopped talking to my family side so I stopped seeing or talking to her family side. She would call my mother when our children were babies to use her for help. My mother never disrespected ever. Always helped. That's what happens with some women. Big shit disturbers. So I give her emotional stagnance. I just have sex and ignore her feelings. Plus there's nothing that tells me I should be connected with in-laws. Especially if most of them are jackasses when she does the same thing.
You learn a great deal about yourself in every new endeavor, not just marriage. Also it's getting a bit tiring to hear Peterson talk about this responsibility every time. Life's too short to get wrapped up in all kinds of cages. Too many times marriage ends up in agony. Guess what. People aren't monogamous creatures. Nor are they built for lifelong relationships. People can change vastly over time meaning that very often partners simply grow apart. And sometimes they find each other again and that is awesome and beautiful but it's a happily ever after kind of story that's only for the happy few. We finally live in a time where marriage is a choice instead of a societal requirement. Let's not persuade people to believe old times were better. Because they weren't. Peterson really does give truly interesting and insightful lectures but I oh so wish that the online crowds don't just swallow every pill they're being fed, no matter who feeds them. It's as if all critical thinking goes overboard when someone has reached the state of prophet or whatever it is that they become. Take all the info you can people, but think for yourselves for crying out loud.
@@TactlessGuy You're right. I want to do lot of things. But the idea of having family is also good. But at the same time, I want to do lot of things without anything holding me back. Dammit. I'm in dilemma.
You dont need to wait untill too late if you are Lucky to CoME from an unsufferable family, unsuffer parental and unsuffer siblings (a sister among them)
I have to make a speech at my sister’s wedding tomorrow, so I searched “what is marriage” and this video came up. I probably shouldn’t include any of these tidbits of information haha
Just burp into the mic and flip everyone off grab your plate of food leave and right before you walk out the door while your back is still turned to everyone and with a mouth full of food say really loudly "Their both cheating on each other".
The truth hurts, 6 years after divorce, still struggling financially, and relationship with children changed for ever, despite believing love for them would see things through. This clip should be shown the first time any type of mediation is implemented, but also throw in the guilt you feel for the rest of your life, knowing what your children go through. Mr Peterson I really respect your clarity and no nonsense insight to many things. Please may you continue.
Don't worry, one day, or maybe when you'll not be on earth anymore, they'll understand that you loved them and they will regret not doing anything about it.
My parents are divorced but became friends 20 years after. Now we spend birthdays and holidays together, and their new partners can participate and are welcome too. It took a lot of time and maturing on their behalf, but they managed. May you and all divorces get there sooner rather than never.
I'd say "you have to become accustomed to being alone", not lonely being alone is not bad when you have the right mindset, but being lonely is just bad
@DD dunn - Yes, indeed. There are many who would do for any one person's criteria and all of that person's criteria will never be found in one person. So be ready to compromise because people do not change as women's hormones urge them to believe. That's mother nature pushing hard to get babies for the survival of the species. Men complain that all women want to do is change them. They don't realize that the hormones pushing that are in their favor; they get accepted by the woman for sex because of it even though it's not in the best interest of either her or him. It just gets babies for mother nature.
It was only at age 32 that I realized that a dominant force in my life was fear of rejection since my father walked out when I was 2 and my mother focused her affection on my newborn brother. I was sexually promiscuous until I turned 36, but when I married, it was for life. That commitment made it possible to get through the bad periods, and after 47 years, our relationship continues to improve.
Good for you man, it’s never to late to change and become a better person & you are living proof of this. Best of wishes to you and your wife for years to come.
How refreshing to seat in a lecture room being taught about personal sacrifice and personal improvement rather than someone teaching you that you're a victim of systemic racism and the patriarchy. Jordan doesn't focus on blaming anyone or anything but puts emphasis on personal responsibility. I like that
Personal responsibility is a good part of the game. But sometimes people are marry to violent, drunk or psychos motherfuckers who were taught to be served and respected in a submissive way. And there's no way to make use of personal responsibility or whatsoever. He talks truth, but not universal truths. Patriarchy brought a lot of suffer and inequality to this world and societies and can't be overlooked.
I literally chose my spouse based on knowing that we would so everything in our power to make our life together work. Yes we are in love but we work on it. Life has sooo many unforseen circumstances that the only thing we can control is how we choose to act. True romance has more to do with two people willing to put in the work. Anything else is temporary.
1 CORINTHIANS 7 - On Being SINGLE 8 Now for those who are NOT MARRIED and for the widows I say this: It is GOOD for you to STAY SINGLE like me. 9 But if you cannot control your body, then you should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. 27 If you have a wife, don’t try to get free from her. If you are NOT MARRIED, DON’T TRY TO FIND A WIFE. 28 But if you decide to marry, that is not a sin. And it is not a sin for a girl who has never married to get married. BUT those who MARRY WILL HAVE TROUBLE IN THIS LIFE, and I want you to be free from this trouble. 38 So the man who marries his fiancée does alright, and the man who does NOT MARRY will do BETTER. 40 The WOMAN is HAPPIER if she does NOT MARRY again. This is my opinion, and I believe that I have God’s Spirit. (Straight from the Apostle Paul’s mouth….He was INSPIRED by God to write this) The ONLY reason to get MARRIED is if you have a STRONG SEX DRIVE that is UNCONTROLLABLE, other than that, STAYING SINGLE IS THE BEST ROUTE TO TAKE. As people age their SEX DRIVE dwindles and now what?! You’re just STUCK in MISERY. I’ve been married twice and engaged to be married a third time, but thank God I dodged that bullet. I’ve been on both sides…Single and Married, and TRUST me when I tell you, the Bible ain’t NEVER LIED and is so RIGHT….SINGLE is so much BETTER because it’s LESS STRESSFUL and EASIER. I’m too BUSY ENJOYING life to ever get MARRIED again……..
Unfortunately, I found that *most* high school teachers are high school teachers because they failed in another field for various reasons. They’re already ideologically poisoned and bitter. It’s rare to find a hs teacher that’s really doing it for the good of the students.
ConcertJunkie27 that's a curious thing....i notice how people learn to drive but learn nothing at all others than the road laws. if they did teach us how to live better more enriching lives guess what might happen......??
@@DCYTB That's an interesting statement. It reminds me of a really bad science teacher I had in 8th grade. She, if I remember correctly, was divorced at least twice. Both to men that "abused" her or something. She was bitter and constantly ranting about something. Or she was sitting on her phone or doing her makeup in class. And half the time she was on her phone arguing with her daughter over something. You know how teachers aren't supposed to have their phones on in class? Well, many don't always follow this rule, which is fine. Because most of the time they have valid reasons to. They do it only every once in a while because their family is having an emergency situation. However this lady, she regularly said she had some "emergency" to attend to. She was in a constant state of emergency. Oh boy just imagine if she saw this comment. That also reminds me, she is known to comment on student's social media pages. Which is weird. And no, she wasn't being a predator. It was just an odd thing.
The moment i met my wife...i knew. I felt it in my bones that we would be together always. 20yrs later not a day goes by that i don't kiss her and tell her that i love her. And we are just as happy now if not happier than when we first got together. I know how lucky i got - I found my soulmate. IMHO, if you don't feel that spark that I'm speaking of, don't get married. Don't get married because you feel pressured by your friends or family because YOU, not them, have to live with that person, and be with that person. Don't get married because you don't want to be alone. I've seen to many sad and depressing people because of that one. Get a dog instead. Divorced kids are a mess. All of them. I've yet to meet one that has their shit together. Just saying - take your time before rushing into marriage. After all, you're only supposed to get married once. Too many people are to swift to throw in the towel.
My parents divorced when I was young and I swore that I will only marry if I meet my soulmate. If I have kids I will not put them through the turmoil my parents put me through
I'm 20 and have never really had a girlfriend, idk if I ever would (hopefully would find my person). I honestly don't understand the complexity of relationships probably coz ive never been in one, but I sure do hope whomever I end up with would be the one and only. The way I see it, when someone picks you to be their partner for life, its just not right, on basic moral grounds, to look for a separation just coz the going gets tough sometimes. I'm happy for you and I hope I find this kind of love one day :D
@@ttctexas9714 its ok man. Unsatisfied people often take their frustration with life out on other people who are happy. Also most people who call other people gay have latent homosexuality issues. Might want to talk to someone about that. Have a nice day.
My view is that most trauma that people carry is relational. Which means you can only work through it in relationship with others. So if you quit every time the going gets tough, you will never grow or heal. The challenge is being lucky enough to find a partner who is as equally determined to persevere and grow as you are no matter how tough it gets. Divorce is important so that people can escape genuinely abusive relationships, however.
The thought of jordan peterson on his wedding day saying "look here, I know you're trouble ey, but I'm not leaving ever! I'm going to manifest flaws and so are you but we're gonna stick through this no matter what" how romantic 😂😂
Going through separation now. And I warned her of all this. Almost verbatim. She went ahead anyway. And now we're living the life that JP describes here... and I predicted. Most married women today, especially the attractive ones (my wife from whom I'm separated is one of them) just see other men looking at them and flirt with them and the minute things get a bit hard (for us it was my business and financial reasons, and they were temporary), they start talking to their "girlfriends" who have the same mentality and before you know it, here I am, separated after 17 years of devoting my life to her, with a 5 year old daughter. And she's already jumped online and met a guy on a dating site who she's now seeing, without me having a clue who he is and how he may treat my daughter in my absence. It's frightening. It's selfish, reckless behavior by women who could care less that a man's life is also important to him. Especially a family man's life. And I did everything for this woman... I mean EVERYTHING before and after getting married. And she always acted like I was her soulmate and her rock. Yet she flipped the minute she was told that we may have to tighten our belts for a bit and live more within our means. And I warned her about the consequences of going the divorce route. The exact things JP talks about here. She could care less. It's all about her. It's like watching a car coming at you, yelling for them to stop, them hearing you, and running you over anyway. Consequences and the future and safety of our daughter be damned.
The single life is always in the back of my mind. The possibility of a care free, sex filled and exciting adventure is just one argument away. Some of my friends are single and they say they don't want to be in a relationship, it's great being able to do what you want. I've had a shit day at work and now im sat at home being moaned at because the spare room still isn't finished, and in the back of my head there is this amazing care free life I could be leading. It's advertised to me everywhere, the temptations are there. She makes me happy, so why am I so quick to dump here when things get tough? Why do I have this mindset? Where did I learn this behaviour? I grew up in a normal home and my parents are still married so why am I like this? I know that single life isn't what I think it is, but I'm quick to tell myself that it would be better, the grass is always greener. In my previous relationship I left her numerous times for this utopian life and we always ended up getting back together. I'm in a new relationship now and have been for 3 years. I love this woman but the temptations are still there. The only way I can get on top of this is to understand where it comes from and why. And it's not just me, 50% of my male friends feel the same way. Is it society? Is it my upbringing? I'm sorry I'm waffling on about myself but I get the impression that your partner probably thinks the same way that I do, even after 17 years. Lust draws you in, everything is great, you get into a relationship, the honeymoon period ends, the mask begins to slip (on both sides) and flaws are exposed, things become difficult and arduous, arguments are more frequent, sex dies down and life with that person isn't as fun as it was. All the while people like me aren't looking to solve any issues or put in a shift to make things better, no I just keep poking my head over the fence to look and see what other people are up to, what other gardens can I go and explore, I'm not happy here and I want out. Towards the end of my previous relationship i changed and I gave commitment a go, we hadn't split up for a few years and we were planning to get married. I paid the bills, cooked the dinner and tried to be this nice guy worthy of husband status. I was different from the weekend drinking warrior I once was, out drinking all the time with friends, I was more compassionate and understanding, we made plans together and did more as a couple. It wasn't long before the house became untidy (when I was away with work) and she started coming home later from work. I suspected something was wrong but she didn't want to talk to me. In the end she got with a colleague from work and off she went. It was probably karma but I learned from this, she should have left me sooner in all honesty. Your partner may yet regret her decision but dont show weakness and don't chase her. You need some thinking time, it's difficult because you have a child together. Can you ever forgive her for what she has done? Would you take her back because you want to be with her or for the sake of your daughter? I'm sorry this is a long response but your comment struck a chord with me and how shit I am at being committed to someone. I'm doing my best to understand my flaws right now because your experience is what my future partner might end up going through unless I dont sort this out, and I don't want that. Peace
I feel so sorry for your situation! Focus on your daughter. Focus on your well being. You sound like a genuinely good person. God can right every wrong, I pray He blesses you.
"look, I know that you're trouble. Me too. So, we won't leave." That's a hell of a vow, I can imagine that one day if I ever got married I think i'd straight up quote that as my vow and attribute it.
The problem is not the vow, the problem is you and the things you don't know about yourself, about your partner, about kids, about human nature and about love, when you make it. Maturity is when you realize that breaking the vow is even worse then having made it, in all aspects, and admit to yourself you were just too fool and young. If you get to that point the big challenge will be finding happiness in the small things in everyday life, like watching a game, being good at work, having a nice meal, fixing something, playing with your kids as you watch them grow, knowing that all your sacrifice will be worth it if they do better then you. When your dreams change from becoming a famous guitar player, a basketball player, an astronaut, a porn star, a billionaire, into seeing your kids become what they want, that's a happy marriage. If you are aware that you're nothing more than an enslaved provider, that's a happy marriage. If you can stand being blamed for all the mistakes in a relationship (yours, hers and everybody else's) without going nuts, that's a happy marriage. It is very ironic how that has nothing to do with sex. So yes..before you make that "vow" take your time and think about it.
A greek philosopher was once asked by one of his students if he should marry, the philosopher responded: "Do what you feel, either way you will regret it"
therefore: do not do what you FEEL. Why? Feelings change all the time. W it.hat you must do instead, is do what you KNOW is right, regardless of what you feel about it.
Women of 1995 are very different than women of 2019. Back then, women had values, moral, dignity, devotion and love. Women nowadays value "self" and nothing else.
@@dr.c196 This may be true. Women are now pursuing full on careers and becoming more independent in every area of life--not to say this is a bad thing. However, they think that this new independence gives them a reason to be less focused on family life and more focused on themselves. And I think this causes problems in marriages.
Dr. C - my ex wife was a narcissist, got engaged to another man behind my back. After picking myself back up again after enduring one hell of a nasty divorce that left me broken, I started dating again years later and found what you said to be absolutely true. After multiple bad dating experiences I got pretty depressed and thought I would be alone forever. Better to be alone (MGTOW) than risk wasting another 18 years of my life again, for a self centred princess. I then started dating a Nepalese woman, and she’s everything I could have hoped for: kind, nurturing, compassionate, loving. She’s given me hope again. The more I’ve explored understanding her culture, the more I realised that Western culture promotes this toxic selfishness that western women appear to be “empowered” by. Always pictured myself as a western man with a western woman, but I’m super grateful I kept an open mind.
Most people seem to view their wedding as their marriage. They are all focused on that one day and partying and making it special while completely ignoring the fact that they're supposed to plan their whole lives together.
We dont celebrate difficulty or hardship, easy example is the Rocky films. We love winning the fight and being champian and "AAADDRIAAAN!" but the actual work to be a boxer - "You need a montage!"
When I got married the biggest comfort was that I was able to be real and true in the comfort of the knowledge I had someone to work through this life stuff with, without the fear of being deserted in my hour of most need. JBP spot on!
This all sounds good, and I grew up thinking this way, but after being in a marriage where my wife did everything she could in actions and manner to convey she did not want me around, what is a person to do? She would not participate in the relationship. After being told so often that "I should just leave" I left. I can not be with someone that does not want me.
I've always been inti-divorce. I mean, I am not talking about domestic abuse or systematic adultery. But from couples around me who got divorced, did it because they were 'tired of each other' or 'they weren't in synch anymore'. Till death set us part means something. In sickness and in health means something. In poorness or in whealth means something. But the majority of people don't seem to get that.
People should learn about life and the potential issues it may bring into their way before committing to anything that is of value, well that's why there's so many divorced couples because marriage cannot be valued by feminists and weak men.
Listening to Jordan's lectures has really opened my eyes and helped me find what I was looking for in a wife. Growing up without a father figure, I didn't know where to begin. Forever a JP fan.
Lol dumb ass getting married Smart men don’t get married Cause smart man know Break up in relationship Break up in marriage Cheat in relationship Cheat in marriage Bored in relationship Bored in marriage Live together in relationship Live together in marriage Sex in relationship Sex in marriage Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol Ya poor clueless bastard Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce It’s always comes to end Marriage so pointless an scam lol Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship Yeah should of just stayed in relationship Smart man knows this all Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people
@Matt THX what if she's real and loyal? Why always looking for the negativity. Men cannot live without women and it's the same for them, Even though in those times where we're living things are getting weird and harder but u'll always find that girl that still care about her principles and does protect her self don't worry.
Kathlyn Contreras get over it. You’ve had your time in the sun (late teens-20’s) to ride the carousel of the chads whine turning down others. Now it’s tine for men in their prime to have fun. (30’s-50).
The tone of his voice when he says” Good, you’ll have it every day every day of your goddamn life “ Man there is emotion there that hits like a hammer.👍🏼
“The way people love children is pretty specific. You love YOUR children” omg so true....I can’t stand children for too long but I’m biased about mine lol mine is awesome.
ZoShow I don’t have children yet, but I can’t stand other children! I hate it when others show me photos of their kids or expect you to go crazy when you see one.
@@FreeAgent99 I think it's a maternal thing. Even females who aren't married yet adore children, which I can understand. Though to be fair, gay guys love babies and children, but I am not going to go there.
Staying and working things out is ideal but it gets complicated when one party has a larger control/power dynamic. There are definitely cases where a person should leave for their own safety and mental health. I think Dr. Peterson is speaking from the perspective that you shouldn't given up if a marriage has genuine respect and mutual positive regard for the other.
@@Schizobateman it's like saying... men should just stop being abusive.... it's just not that simple maybe they're not abusive when you met them... Also childhood trauma can play a huge part in partner selection..
@@Schizobateman not saying they are... I'm pointing out that your assumption that women should just stop dating abusive partners is simplifying a very complex situation. Men in nightclubs may not be abusive either, again you are using assumptions that doesn't really contribute positively to domestic abuse discussion.
I understand what he’s saying, but from my perspective, still up to this day I wish my parents had gotten divorced. They stayed together, (and are still together) and they made life in that family like a torture for us kids. We have all sort of mental problems now and all three of us are scared of marriage, it’s more like a phobia for us now. It’s like getting a life in prison sentence when I think about marriage.
Hipppogrifff feel it bro. My parents stayed together and they never showed love, I’ve never seen it. I just see fighting, and sleeping in separate bedrooms, it’s tragic. You watch tv, you go to other people’s families, their parents are calling each other babe, and it’s all happy. I know it’s not always like that, but the fact I saw it just pissed me off. I’ve also had two very very shit relationship experiences and wish I just knew what to do in regards to relationships. I just want to be happy, and even though I was badly burned the first relationship I tried again as if that never happened, and I get another very shit person. Wish I knew what to do man. Parents taught me a lot and I don’t know if I’d wanna be as unhappy as they have been their entire bloody life.
Feel you both, mine just recently got divorced and although this change has made some difference it still doesn't change the fact that we've lived in basically both emotional and phisical prison for two decades... Safe to say some should've gotten devorced (a lot sooner) or never married in the first place. Because it's not like you can just forget everything and start over when it has been a part of you for so long and they made you believe it was normal...
Are you sure you have mental issues because of your parents and not just using them as an excuse to blame them for your troubles Instead or taking responsibility for your life and actions? I say that because I wasted 12 years of my life blaming someone when the whole time it was ME!!!! I just didn’t want the responsibility for my own life! Please google “inner engineering” - it may help. Take care
@Reshu Bhattarai Huh? I thought it was the girl kissing the toad to restore his humanity under the nuance of love transcending form. The core value was that their station is irrelevant to the determination of the character because she took the time to appreciate the good within his nature and overlook appearances to see a make humans beauty which is comparable to the stature of a prince.
I hear you professor. I married a woman and remained married to her for 10 years. We married very young. We had a family very early. We didn't fully understand her problems with bipolar. We didn't understand personality disorders. She had 8 affairs in 10 years. I'm glad I left.
Ron Garvin LOL! How do you figure that? I mean... With all this patriarch stuff. The man is the head of the family, house and woman right? Nobody is nothing without a man around. A woman is nothing without a husband and kids are nothing, bastards, without a father right? The mofo can disappear and go for himself and everybody becomes nothing just because he’s not there. So what do you expect? To walk away financially scot free? Pay no alimony or child support? LOL! Is that what you mean by rigged? You have to spend money there when it’s over? Boy oh boy.... You guys crack me up. Want all this power and then no expense of it out of your pocket. Truth, you have it backwards. The marriage and family system is rigged against women and children. The fucking sperm donor, you can call the husband or dad if you want, but a sperm donor is all he really is, gets rights to the kids over the mother! Just because he donated some sperm he can take the children away from their mother. He don’t care nothing about them, but will take them away just to hurt their mother. A dude can kidnap his kids and flee to another country and actually get away with it. If the mother comes to the country and gets caught bringing her kids back she will be arrested and put in jail like a criminal. The system is so rigged against women and children it’s not even funny.
My divorce came about because when I asked goals and priorities questions during our dating I got all the right answers... Because those were the answers her hyper strict parents had raised her to believe would leave her indelibly happy and "full". Then when those answers (a kid, marriage, housework) left her feeling less than fully happy, it was all a lie in her mind and she changed course leaving my daughter and I high and dry. The sad truth is people change and some people don't actually know who they are or who they are going to be and can have their own self deluded enough that they can actually tell a lie without knowing they are lying.
This is essentially what happened to me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to watch happen to a person. She tried hard but truly didn't enjoy it. Overtime she became a completely different person. At the end of the day, the only way to love her was to let her go do the things she wanted. But it came at horrendous cost to the family unit.
I think she did not lie, she truly believed that marriage, children and housework would make her happy, but it did not and she then thought, it is not what she truly wanted out of live. And it is true, marriage, children and housework does not make anybody happy all the time, because life is suffering and sacrifice and enduring bad things every day, and maybe sometimes, very few, you can be happy. Specially when nobody is bothering you. Maybe she wanted to be perfect and she was not able to reach her own high standard. Her parents should maybe told her the reality of how difficult, hard and miserable marriage and family life and house chores can be sometimes.
What amazing about Peterson is that every time I have objection towards his idea during his speech, he clears it out in the next minute. There is nothing I can say but Peterson is right.
@@InfinityReptar You should have recognized the narcissism in advance. It's too late now. No one's perfect, anyway. Honour your vows and get help if necessary.
@@keithlauderjr1691 JP is talking bullshit on this one. If you find yourself having been constantly unhappy for a long time, get out. Life is short. My divorce was the happiest day of my life, and I don't even hate her, we just weren't right for each other. As for if you have kids, can your kids be happy when you are sad? You will not be made poor if you have signed a prenap, or if you didn't get married in the first place.
when i was a kid i used to fantasize all the time about my parents getting a divorce, i can't wait for that day to come sometimes staying is 10 times worst for everybody, if you're miserable and hate each other just get a divorce
@@nikoskabbadias Happiness and sadness are chosen states. When the going gets tough, just quit. Words to live by. How about either selecting better or owing up to your pledges. Or just quit.
@@keithlauderjr1691 I chose my words very carefully, and you are substituting them so that you can mock what I am saying. You are trying to do to me what reporters try to do to Jordan Peterson. When the going gets tough, keep going because you re tough. But when the going is *constantly sad and unsatisfactory* get the hell out. Yes all relationships go through tough phases. That doesnt mean that all relationships are equally good or that all people were made to be in a relationship/ marriage.
My wife and I were married for eighteen years before she passed away March 2020. We've had our disgreements at times like most couples, but we mostly enjoyed a happy and loving marriage. One thing I will tell you is that the word divorce was never ever part of our vocabulary. Our love and commitment to each other was far greater than our temporal disagreements. It all comes down to putting each other first in the relationship. When couples learn to do that, then they can begin to enjoy the love and care for one another that couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years have also enjoyed and has been a key to their long marriages.
My biological dad cheated on my mom when I was 1 years old and left me and my 5 year old sister. My mom met my step-dad and he raised us as his own and loved us. He IS my dad. For context my sister works in the molecular diagnostics field and has a wonderful family and I work in the medical field and have a wonderful family too :)
I felt that part at 3:00. I felt that so hard in my life. "If you avoid the problem you'll have it every day for the rest of your life" He said it with the same resentment a married person would. He meant that shit from his soul.
J Keezy I’m glad to know that’s not just me and my husband. We’ve been through some crap but we work out what we can and wait until we are ready to work on the other stuff. But yeah the stuff we haven’t work out yet we pay for over and over again until we get to it. At this point I’d like to smack both our parents. They weren’t kidding when they said marriage is work.
Boy, this is a hard thing to hear because I'm 50 and my last long-term relationship ended over 15 years ago and it is rough being single. I'll keep it simple: keeping vows and trying to make it work is important if for no other reason than to have someone to say "Hey, can you pick up the other end of this table and help me move it into the garage". I love my cat, but in that regard, is kind of worthless.
VOIP Portland how the fuck is "grab the other end and help me move a thing to the garage" a motherly behaviour???? Did you make your mother do physical labour or somethin?
VOIP Portland Where are you getting that? Even in a dismal marriage you have some companionship, someone to drive you to the hospital if needed, someone to help you move a piece of furniture. I heard a video recently where the guy said that studies are showing loneliness reduces life expectancy as much as smoking or obesity.
This is one of the best explanations of marriage I’ve ever heard, and it’s certainly given me a new perspective on my own marriage. So, it’s not meant to always be easy, or maybe ever easy, but it is a true bonding and commitment between 2 people, and, if like me, you don’t believe in divorce, you’d better make it work somehow. Being married is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but by golly, I’m going to make it work!
Don't you have children? That is the hardest thing, not the marriage part. That part is quite easy. The having children and raise them properly is the most difficult task and it is impossible to know until many years later if it worked well or not....
the Real Reason for Marriage, Acquiring a good cook and being able to pass on the genes of the master race and being able to train your own death squad.
I remember my wife telling me that divorce was never going to be an option and that she'd always wanted a long marriage... She left me for an old school friend she hadn't spoken to in a decade after a little more than 3 years of marriage. Turns out you can just leave
These academic lectures leave out a few things like,,,,,,,,Women LIE, women are UN faithful, and women care about themselves at the expense of the family. Not all but a good portion, have no problem destoying their family for self. Women like my mom, women of character, are going extinct.
Jared Fontaine .. True. Also It was better back when people were bound by their word. Now days, liars are no longer austrisized by polite society. There are no constraints anywhere. Getting married is easy and so is divorce. The law of no fault divorce came as a consequence of the massive shift of culture durring the 60's.
My grandfather was abusive to my grandmother, cheated on her, treated her and his own kids like dirt. He had all the power in the relationship. What a wonderful world it must have been because they never divorced. OTOH I've been married for 14 years, have 2 kids, my wife is educated and makes more than I do by a small amount. There is no abuse in our relationship and it is in not under threat of falling apart. Naturally we are atheists where my grandparents were evangelical so we fit perfectly into the data about Americans and divorce. This video is dead on about the price of divorce especially if you are not well off.
Woman being abused should have a way out, I believe the rise in divorce is not just because we have this law but because women have become more wealthy and independent over the decades and are not stuck with abusive partners like our grandparents were. Lets also look at the age of when children are born today compared to then. Both my grandmothers, even some of my aunts, dropped out of high school because they got knocked up. It was super common until the sexual revolution. My wife and I had our first kid at 37 and the second at 40 and we had been married nearly 8 years at that point. Power dynamics have changes, for the better, and lasting relationships are now build on trust and mutual respect.
The worst part is when you find out that you meant your vows, and your spouse never did. Three years later, "I was never in love with you, I want out." What else is there to do at that point than acknowledge your marriage was never real and try to move on? I meant forever but I can't control the commitment or sincerity levels of another person
That whats happen when kids arent being taught about this. We leave heartbroken people and worse, we leave our children a society where they wont be able to trust anyone who make vows or promises... Not just in marriage but in any relationship really.
Man, this guy is so great. I first came across him in a video on TH-cam discussing the Transgender Agenda and his logic is sound. I'm learning a lot from him.
If you are maybe a bit unfocused or just pessimistic but got everything else going for you that are vital like your health, he's just what the nihilistic mind ordered. Too bad I can't really do much about my current health situation then I'm already doing, I'm gonna be in pain every day for the rest of my life and I know he has said in a Q&A to lower your standards when your dealing with legitimate health conditions. But even now that I'm no longer an anchor on my family like I used to be I'm still an anchor on society and the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I feel like I would destroy my family. My siblings and their kids especially don't deserve to have to experience death yet.
@@mgrossklaus5186 This is my answer on another video of his but I have been getting some pm's lately about it so maybe it could help shed a better light on it. And help people who has a chance to not take that chance for granted. "I have a real problem accepting my limitations, for a long time I pushed myself, ignored the pain and worked even when I was collapsing or would stab myself with something sharp in my leg just to distract myself from the real pain I was feeling while talking to costumers so that they wouldn't see that what I really wanted to do was lie down in a fetal position. But once I started to pass out with regularity the bosses and my doctors got me to accept that I'm sick and I'm going to be so for the rest of my life. So my days now only revolves around finding enjoyment where I can, and distract myself from the pain that is always there. I've found a few productive things that I could do, but without the help of my family and friends I would be dead right now. I even tried to kill myself because I saw how hard it was for my parents seeing me in the hospital all the time. I felt like a waste of space, resources and as a complete burden on them and society. To be honest I still feel like that, but given that I only have at most 15 years left to live anyway, probably more like 10, I've agreed to hold out. But I have no meaning, I stay away from even the possibility of intimate relaitionships because not only is that difficult when you are healthy. My health also effects my sexuality, depending on the day I could be fine while others sex would cause me extreme pain so why burden yet another innocent person. I've built myself a nice little prison and get most of my needs covered although I do wish that there was something in between physical therapy and escorts. I could never pay for sex, I don't think people who do it are bad people neither the seller or buyer it's just not something I would be comfortable with. I do however wish that there was some form of inimate massage (excluding any sexual behavior), just so that I could get to feel like what it's like to be held by another person. I barley can remember the last time I had a hug, and I have kissed 3 girls in my life, one of which I keep going back to over and over again because it's the only memory I have where I felt wanted in my entire life. Holding her body, while cuddling watching the sun come up, I know it wasn't really that serious on her part but for me it's the closest thing to being loved I have ever experienced. And just to be clear I'm not bitter towards women, I totally understand why a woman won't want a damaged guy like me, I would be shocked if she actually would want me. Cause I'm nothing special, she can find a guy just like me without any of my problems so why would they bother, it's completely rational and as a rational person I respect the outcome."
I came from a divorced parent home, had two step parents who were self interested and brought down the functionality and successes of my family members, and I also had a child when I was 19 years old and did spend the last 21 years as an “indentured servant” to a woman who invoked my daughter with parental isolation of her father. I love my kid more than anything in life, but our relationship over the years has been a struggle regardless of my efforts or circumstances. Dr. Peterson is correct on so many levels.
The other problem is that people take it as a well you know I'm flawed so just accept it. No no no. I know I am flawed and I need you to tell me so I can fix it
Yea top comment. People are bigots. Most family problems come from the thing that people go in to relationship without checking each other well enough. Most get attracted together just purely by sex.
I can't like this comment enough. My older sister had a philosophy of "I don't want you to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, so I won't tell you either," and it -- well, talk about double trouble. Practically speaking, the actual result was that, on top of not being able to discuss problems civilly with her, I had to try to read her mind just to avoid driving her crazy (and eventually facing consequences for that). The worst part by far is that I think she's gotten the rest of my family conditioned to that response, so that now even when I'm saying "I have no idea what I'm doing, I have no idea what I'm doing wrong" nobody will give me any feedback beyond "we're sure you can do whatever you put your mind to". Maybe sounds like a crazy thing to complain about, but . . . I've been left totally alone to figure out my life, and I'm slowly imploding. It's frightful.
About to get married to the love of my life with whom I have a son. Marriage is a commitment forever. If you go in with the mindset that "well of it doesn't work out ill get a divorce" your relationship is doomed to fail. This man is a genius. Marriage is a beautiful thing but only if it's the right person and only if you take it 100% seriously!
Sounds right. But if you marry an abusive person dont worry about those vowels, run away before you have kids if you are lucky enough they let you see that side before you have a kid. This guy left out the part to RUN VERY FAST away from narcisists
My marriage started to work when I learned to serve my husband in everyway and treat him like a man. I love cooking for him, I love making a comfortable home for him, I love letting him know that I appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family and I love sex with my husband. I learned that the more I give to him the more he wants to make me happy. We Serve Each Other - But Somebody Has To Start The Giving.
I think you understand something that your great great grandmothers took for granted. Most won't admit it, but we males have fragile ego's that, properly "manipulated" by a skilled spouse, can keep us grounded, and allow us to achieve great things. This is something I believe has been lost over time. Women now want "power" by mimicking what men do, but don't realise they held real power over us all along. Throughout history, I believe women played a much greater role "pulling strings" from the background. Sure, men got all the glory, but again, this was to make us more productive, and to feed our ego's. Having said that, men being motivated by ego, woman are motivated by envy, and became seduced by the glory men were receiving, which is were we are now, and basically what feminism is based on. As they used to say, "Behind every great man, is a great woman".
SynnJynn not necessarily. Selfish people can be won over by the love and devotion of their spouses. Sometimes the priorities shift from me, me, me to you, you, you.
Alfred Wessex that's an interesting take. It's been my belief, not so much that men have fragile egos, but that they are incredibly sensitive to their significant other's opinion about them. For example, my boyfriend doesn't cry (like me) when watching movies. He wasn't moved by Hacksaw Ridge. He didn't understand the importance of Chandler and Monica's proposal to one another. When he's in pain, he just grunts. Basically, he's a man. But when I cry, that's a different story. When I don't think before I speak, it can make him unhappy. I saw a quote that went something along the lines of "man can live without money, power, fame, or beauty but he cannot live alone in his marriage." That's where Tamara's philosophy comes in.
I actually also have a high opinion of marriage, but many people of this age are not people worth marrying - that’s been true of the past as well. You can’t force people to want to fix or improve themselves. If someone who is supposed to love you and respect you the MOST, abuses or neglects you - the best thing you can do is leave. You staying is an act that shows you will and do accept the abuse. Many of our ancestors were stuck in bad relationships with no way to divorce. Divorce can actually be useful because the possibility & consequences are usually severe enough it influences people to try harder within their marriages first... Being trapped is just a scary thought. I’d rather just not get married at all.
Liz C I hope you will not take this as an insult as I have no desire to be rude, but if you get into marriage with a mentality like this: "if it is bad I will just get out ", then do not marry anyone. Marriage is not easy it is actually very hard. You have to work for it every single second for the rest of your life. You have to sacrefice a lot for your significant other and for your children (if you have or can have any). It is not for selfish people. A man cannot gain almost anything from marriage today. I would say it is a lose lose. You sacrifice the ability to have sex with 99.9% of women for a single person and if she is not the right person your life is over. Why do I seperate this by gender? The same would go for women in this situation as well, but the court will always favour the female over the male.(unless there are extraordinary circumstances) If you are not religious marriage is pointless as it is a contract infront of god. If you do not belive in God or any god, then why would you marry to begin with. You can live together with the person you live and if it does not work everyone can leave and noone's life gets destroyed. Most women marry for the wealth they gain and nowdays as there are no pros its scares men away. I would say that in the long run hapilly married couples win in life. Why? As you get older people will show their real face to you and they will not care about you. Your friends will leave you and eventually die. The world changes around you, your favourite actors,musicians, artists die and you will start to count your fallen heroes at the end of each year. Once you are old your sexual market value will reach a negative score. It will be almost impossible to get into relationships or to find anyone who will find you attractive enough to have sex with you. Once you are old younger people will find you creepy if you are friendly with them and you will also lose most if your value at your job. If you lose your job as an old person the chances to find a good job is almost zero. Long story short everyone will baclstab you or leave you eventually except your husband or wife. (and they will only stay if the relationship is good,benefitial and they can trust you).It is not fun to be and die alone, but if you waste your best years on partying and having multiple partners, then no rational person could expect to find a decent significant other. I hope you find some value in this wall of text. Have an amazing life I am out.
that's right liz...at least you reognize the most important factor of a marriage.....both parties have to be willing to resolve issues......which means, if you're with someone who has no intention on doing that.... YOU"RE FUCKED!!!!
"If your brother has better garden than yours, get up and start planting. If your brother has better house than yours, get up and build house with well designed marble. If your brother has a better wife, sorry, do whatever you want, you will never beat him" Matoub Lounes.
My wife and I have a wonderful marriage.. we sorted out our shit years ago. Everyday we acknowledge that our unity is special . We make each other laugh all the time
every relationship needs constant work. you can either keep cycling through people or working on/with people that want to work on the relationship together. its always a battle.
Yep and the key part really is the willingness by both parties to want a relationship to work, having common values, acceptance of vulnerabilities, honesty, loyality, respect and so on. Most times I reckon there is a failure where one or both parties no longer have shared values or goals. And that covers any circumstance you can think of.
Been with my wife for 10 years and been married a year. About to have our first child. We are so excited. I absolutely love my life and she loves the hell outa me and i cant wait for this next step. Also we plan on buying our first home relatively soon.
As usual, the TH-cam Recommendation algorithm is making some solid picks. I like this guy. He's very blunt but I like how he talks about the fact that everyone's got a lot of baggage going into a relationship (much of which they don't even know from past trama) and that you need to be willing to work through it in a marriage.
Commitment is so important. Marriage is a decision, a covenant, a serious responsibility. When you know you are going to be with a person for a lifetime, you work things out, you grow in friendship, and you create the happiness that you want! If you are a parent who divorces, you have NO SAY over the future new spouse / partner. You have to be ready for anything in a step-parent to your child.
The problem with relationships is when one person completely needs the other person to validate them and make them happy. That, and there are no boundaries and no communication. Things build and build until one person is unhappy then it all explodes. Go into relationships with a strong self-base. And communicate honestly and frequently.
Lol dumb ass getting married Smart men don’t get married Cause smart man know Break up in relationship Break up in marriage Cheat in relationship Cheat in marriage Bored in relationship Bored in marriage Live together in relationship Live together in marriage Sex in relationship Sex in marriage Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol Ya poor clueless bastard Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce It’s always comes to end Marriage so pointless an scam lol Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship Yeah should of just stayed in relationship Smart man knows this all Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people Or can just live bachelor life an do what u want a life of freedom
The real problem with people choosing to get married, is the fact that they don't acknowledge, or even know the difference between LOVING someone and being PREPARED TO LIVE with someone.
@@blackbat121 No. In fact, love is the most important thing here. You cannot be prepared to live with someone without loving that someone first, because that would be called being prepared to deal with someone for the next x years.
1:54 - “So how about we fix things?” I spent at least 5 years and several counselors individually and as a couple trying just that. It takes both partners to do this. Sadly, my ex was unwilling or literally unable to be transparent and open. If I stayed, I would have continued to deteriorate mentally and physically. It is tragic. Our adult children see it for what it is, but still suffer because of it. This breaks my heart even more.
Or you start with the idea that nothing is permanent and everything changes. You tell the person thank you for the wonderful years that we had together and the beautiful children that we made together. I will do my best to support our children and we will work as a team to make sure that they have what they need. I want to be happy. you want to be happy. Let's figure out how to live our lives and be happy. It's hard to move on, but thank you for your contribution to my life I will value it forever. That's it.
But after that he says that it's also an adoption of responsibility in which you can actually solve your problems. I guess the alternative is forever alone or forever irresponsible or forever effed up.
Drew Fletcher great to hear!! That’s one of the main points of marriage... EACH PARTNER ENHANCES AND SUPPORTS THE OTHER. However, there will likely be times when you support your person, nevertheless you hold them up by showing them a better way, a better perspective, not by manipulative or controlling measures. But because of one’s own life experiences and desire for the ONE YOU LOVE to have a GOOD LIFE. You will offer this support & honesty ... because you want THE VERY BEST FOR YOUR PERSON & FAMILY. To intentionally sabotage your partner and family will only work to destroy YOUR OWN PEACE. 🔄 LOVE without ending
Paxton, then don’t take those odds. Only losers, compare themselves to others. Winners will learn from the other half that are losers. Besides just because a marriage may end, doesn’t necessarily make it a failure either.
This man always makes me feel better by making me realize that I am not alone going through tough times. God bless you Jordan Peterson. I will buy your book “Beyond Order” when it comes out on March 3rd/2021.
I've seen and heard it so many times through friends, friend of friends and ex coworkers people almost take their lives going through a divorce. Then when everything is settled after 7-10 years of misery, they get a burst of happiness for a short period of time and then they're ready to recommit to a new spouse because of loneliness or found true love. Whatever..it's either stay married till death do you part or just stay single forever. Don't try to act or do both or in between. Pick one!
How is it missunderstood ? It's not understood the same way, allright, but so are many things, and there is not just one way to "understand" mariage...
In a Stone Age, women and children needed protection from wild animals and other tribes. Now women dosn't need men to the same degree. We live in much more friendly environment, hence very stable long term relationship is less important.
People think marriage is long walks on the beach holding hands, candle light dinners, etc. the same old romantic BS you see on social media when the reality is marriage is sacrifice and hard work or it WILL NOT WORK OUT. Jordan is right your flaws show when you live with someone and vice versa, and that usually leads to couples fighting. You have to work out your flaws with one another and that's what most do not do.
This is a tragic topic. I'm a child of divorce and both my stepparents were abusive. As an adult I tried very hard in my marriage. My ex abandoned the home and after 6 months I filed for divorce. I lost 2/3rds of $M and paid 2/3rds of my income to alimony and child support for 8 years. I was an indentured servant as JP described. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
In my country divorce rate is 30% , now if you count all those people who are miserable together but still stay married than the number would be over 50% , which means that more than 50% of marriages suck.
Agreed on the child bit. Dated a girl for 8 months with a kid. Consciously I knew the kid came first, but subconsciously the child was in the way, and not mine. It's a real thing.....
This is very much so! And if your partner actually chooses to put you first or make you a priority over the kid/s, the guilt starts eating you alive... it’s an awkward place to be
Of course child comes first. I never understand why the competition. Some women allow the new boyfriend to harm the child of the another man. Is that a better solution, at least you are first.
I love it that he puts the kids in the equation. Because from what I know, THAT is the predominant reason why people get married and have a hard time separating. We all know that kids need stability and a marriage can provide just that.
In my experience, the predominant reason why people get divorced is because of children too, lol. Usually the father feels like he's just paying for everything and not getting very much attention from his wife anymore because she's so busy with the kids... and to her, he just kind of becomes another person to take care of in addition to the children, which is where the resentment starts creeping in.
@@ladykd2355 The father in such cases is very selfish then if he thinks he has to pay and wants more recognition. If he spends time with his children he will get that, but not when they are very young, because they are not able to recognize what he does. The wife should know that marrying always means having first one child, which is the husband, then the others. The thing is the husband will never grow and she will always have to care for him like a child. All wives should know that men are like unable to proper care about themselves. They just cannot. Even if they try, they always need her help in something.
Thank you Dr Peterson, you saved my relationship with my gf. We had an argument few days ago and I wanted to leave because as you mentioned, it is a lot easier to leave than to fix the problem. I watched your video after our argument and realized that I should fix my problem instead of leaving and ending the relationship. We are together again~! Stronger than ever. Best wishes, J
The opposite is also true though, that IF you chose a not-so-compatible partner (which most do, let's be real), then one or both have to put up with a looong stretch of misery. Easily two people end up taking each other for granted after a few years, being rude, indifferent, unappreciative to each other. Esther Perel always says most people behave better at work than in their marriage because if they are rude at work, they are fired, while they think their spouse has no real choice but staying. So they are their best self at work or with friends and bring home the scraps. To me the reasons that dr JP lists are precisely why NOT to get married. If you are emotionally mature (and why would you want to marry someone that is NOT emotionally mature anyway?), you don't walk away because of human flaws because you know we all have many flaws. But you do walk away if at some point the treatment you get consistently falls below your standards. And you don't have to go broke just to choose your own mental sanity versus mental misery.
when i was a kid i used to fantasize all the time about my parents getting a divorce, i can't wait for that day to come sometimes staying is 10 times worst for everybody, if you're miserable and hate each other just get a divorce
Did you ever prayed to Jesus for them to recover ? Did you ask from Jesus to help them ? I am totally positive when i am saying if you give it a try and give some time to the almighty to work things out he will . Don't expect that you gonna woke up and suddenly everything will be like nothing bad or sad ever happened , but you will see differences here and there and eventually the best part will come !!!! Have a little faith !
One of the finest arguments I've ever heard about why you shouldn't ever have children and why you should think long and hard about getting married -- and talk to a lawyer first about what divorce in your state entails. "What's love got to do with it? -- Tina Turner
The title should have "Divorce" in it. I was searching for this since this was the best reason I found till date why Divorce should be avoided at almost all costs.
Well, Albert Enstein has said once: A clever person solves a problem, a wise person avoids it. It can also be applied for marriage. You would better not get married, unless you are 100% sure you met your soulmate. But, let's get real: nobody knows what thoughts are inside a human being. Peace.
I’m so glad he brought up the idea of commitment in a relationship. I just came out of a relationship where all my peer group and my ex tells me that its fluid and nothing is ever certain. That scared me shitless, having to worry everyday how much longer this relationship will last. I ended it at 1 year 1/2
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Lol dumb ass getting married
Smart men don’t get married
Cause smart man know
Break up in relationship
Break up in marriage
Cheat in relationship
Cheat in marriage
Bored in relationship
Bored in marriage
Live together in relationship
Live together in marriage
Sex in relationship
Sex in marriage
Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol
Ya poor clueless bastard
Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce
It’s always comes to end
Marriage so pointless an scam lol
Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship
Yeah should of just stayed in relationship
Smart man knows this all
Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated
Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people
Or can just live bachelor life an do what u want a life of freedom
A marriage is A connection between two beings that were bonded by father during the very beginning of his process of creation, when he used his eternal light to create our beings.
Not married in a church. Plus, you do not need a piece of paper to legalize your bond with your mate.
Have you noticed the use of our saviors name as a cuss word Mr Peterson?
Peterson bows down to satan and kisses the popes ass. How do you respond to this reality??
Psalm
For the director. Of the sons of Korʹah.+ A melody.
85 You have shown favor, O Jehovah, to your land;+
You brought back those of Jacob who were taken captive.+
2 I love biology
I’ve been married to my childhood sweetheart for 33 years. My husband, a young attorney, was convicted of a felony for transferring $3,500 to a bank account - trying to move from a firm to his own firm. This was 20 years ago. We ended up losing our house, cars and going bankrupt. We had no alternative but to get through it, along with our four young children. For a short time, we had to use food stamps. Eventually, I got a teaching job and my husband got the courage to deliver pizzas. Now he uses his computer science degree and works for a small start up company. We still struggle to earn a big income, but we are so proud of our marriage and our kids are happy and productive, leading meaningful lives. It can be done. Keep looking forward. ❤️
As always, Peterson is right!
Vic the Catholic Kid Thank you. 🤗 It’s easy when you truly love your spouse. My husband has been my best friend since age 11.
May the forces keep you guys together until eternity.
Ian Rajulla Thank you. A promise is a promise, right? Our lives are hard, as we often battle with what could have been. I’m referring primarily to the financial aspects. But, we are determined to get through it.
in these days people prefer running to someone else rather than doing what you did. i know in somewhere of my life things will be go down so hard. i hope i wont be alone. your story is the encourage that i search for. i hope my marrige be like yours.
Bilgekaan Kaplan Yes, a lot of people search for happiness outside of themselves - meaning they don’t look at how they contributed to the problem. In our story, I was not innocent. I was reckless with money and put my husband in a bad spot. We could’ve gotten divorced and had people take sides, finding fault in the other person. It was not easy, but we muddled through, probably for our kids at first. Now they are gone and we’d never consider divorce. We’ve learned a ton.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates
I just love how one sided this idea is. Way to rid yourself off any responsibility.
Well NotOflt, Katherine Hepburn was just as good at turning a phrase as Socrates. She said "If you wish to exchange admiration from many men, for criticism from one, then go ahead, get married."
Gold.
@Crystal Ball We need better abortion laws, as in always favoring abortion regardless of which party wanting it. As of now it's incredibly one sided and the man always get screwed. It's just a matter of how screwed. It's always the woman's choice whether she keeps it or not and this is not fair on anyone.
At least if the abortion happens even though the man doesn't want it(as it is now), he'll get over it faster than a man who didn't want a child and got one because she decided to keep it. He'll be emotionally invested for life and stuck with financial responsibilities for the next 18 years. So pretty much screwed. There's a lot of wisdom in the saying that you shouldn't put your dick in crazy.
It takes two people to procreate and if one doesn't want children then this should be respected. If she doesn't want to abort then tough luck. Whether she does it early when it's safe or later when it's not so safe is her choice, but the abortion will happen regardless on the basis that nobody should be financially or emotionally invested against their will.
Abortion is perfectly valid and moral. What's immoral in my opinion is to bring an unwanted child into a world where its parents aren't prepared for it. If one has a problem with abortion then one should also have a problem with living, because you're essentially killing non-sentient life every second you're alive. Just because it looks human it doesn't mean it has a higher value. Too bad such change won't happen anytime soon.
So how is this related to marriage you may ask. Well, many do get married because they get pregnant and have odd notions of morality when it comes to life, or at least the woman(who's full of hormones) does. She'll get over the abortion just as easy as he would. Actual lives doesn't have to be ruined and she can find another person to try to trap. Maybe then men can gain back some trust in women. Generalizing happens regardless if we agree with it or not, but it's somewhat understandable due to how many manipulative women are out there. Men are manipulative too, probably as much as women, but at least they can't get pregnant.
@Eddie Avinashi You are sweating.
Unfortunately "For better or worse" and " Til death do us part" have lost their meaning.
They honestly should change that into " Til something better comes along"
True🤧
@Ankur Borgohain yup social media fucked everything up..
@Entrenched Mgtow you are right wrong spelling haha. We seem to cross paths again lol😊
@Entrenched Mgtow Hahaha we have had a couple of coversations before.I believe i have replied to your comments as well.
So i guess we are some sort of friends now.😄😄
Until I get tired of your stupid ass. Until I realized that you are who I thought you were. Or Worse, until I realize you are exactly who I thought you were
I was raised in a happy two parent home, and yes it made all the difference. I am grateful for my mother and father every day
❤ God bless you always ! Ameen
I grew up in a single parent household to which my parents were cordial enough to co-parent. I gotta say, it'd be much better if they were together. I didn't turn out too bad: good job, with a loving family of my own, but I can't help but wonder what advantages did I miss because I was in a (more or less) broken home...
This man made me more intelligent when it comes to choosing my relationship. He is the father I never had. Thank you for speaking the truth, Mr. Peterson.
But Luke... I'm your father *breathes in*
Theory in practice is different though, he talks lots of bullshit in a very convincing way. Sorry to be negative.
He also is a quack crazy who has break downs so severe he has to be admitted to mental health clinics because he can't handle real life. Glad you look up to him though
@@lazry3208 people ignore this fact
@@lifesabeach5405 so, what's your point. Mood disregulation is a plus in his line of work. It means that he feels things stronger. Has more understanding and empathy. That can make emotional things more impacting.
My mom always snickers at how seriously I take vows. How I would rather work things out than separate.... She had 5 divorces btw
she's a good lady, just... not the sharpest knife in the droor
You probably felt a lot of pain with these family changes. You want to avoid that pain for yourself and others. So you work on your marriage . Good for you!
You're doin' it right. The "Why So Serious" lifestyle is killing this society. Sure, don't over-seriouse, but also,
hey, boundaries.
Siyovaxsh En-sipad-zid-ana Every once in a while she has some good insight with relationships, but her judgement is sometimes quite clouded by the poor experiences she had again and again. I can see how vows are just words to a person who has been fooled and fooled others 5 times
YpmuJ I hear you. My mother's on her fifth marriage, I'm with the same man I've been with since high school- nearly 11 years now.
It's a sad thing today when you hear of someone celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and people act surprised.
Zack G even sadder is when you say you’ve been married 10 and people think it’s amazing
What's even worse than that is when one person says "Wow" and another person says "Yeah, they were very traditional." What??????!!!!
Marriage serves less and less of a purpose in this day and age. Feminism basically single handedly cause this
It was different back then.
Let's face it... a millennial marriage will not last 50 years. Shit, it won't probably last a 1/4 of that.
Sad for you. I hope they never make a rise again
My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We made a promise to stick it out because we both came from divorced parents at a young age and didn't want the same thing for ourselves. Marriage is not easy, but it also beautiful and worth it.
Lol dumb ass getting married
Smart men don’t get married
Cause smart man know
Break up in relationship
Break up in marriage
Cheat in relationship
Cheat in marriage
Bored in relationship
Bored in marriage
Live together in relationship
Live together in marriage
Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol
Ya poor clueless bastard
Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce
It’s always comes to end
Marriage so pointless an scam lol
Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship
Yeah should of just stayed in relationship
Smart man knows this all
Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated
Why did you get married? I personally want to get married, but I can’t find any other reason besides tradition, which seems too superficial for me. Can you please elaborate? Without putting religion into the picture?
Damn. Stick it out even through cheating? 😞
What I don’t understand is this…if marriage is not easy why get into it? I understand if you say that for a job.
@@Никитин-ь6э it bullshit & pointless tradition
Break up in relationship
An break up in marriage just called divorce
Even cheat in marriage and break up
An cheat in marriage break up
I like the saying....
Men go onto marriage hoping nothing will change.
Woman go into marriage hoping everything will change.
Michael That’s interesting that the prime emotion in men is fear, and women anger. I would have thought the opposite. I thought men seem angry the shrew of the wife ruined his good time, and women fear being alone. Anger and humor seem to be the only emotions we allow men to express.
What I seem to notice about married men....they usually don’t seem interested in spending time with the wife and kids. It’s like he proposed....but above a post says he doesn’t want things to change. But having a family changes things. So when the wife is running down the soccer games, piano lessons, barbecues, and errands that have to be run, and in his head he’s thinking how can I get out of this crap....I sometimes think, why did you want to get married? I am not judging....if you rather play video games, go out drinking with your friends, binge watch Star Trek, etc, that’s fine, it’s your life. But then being in a relationship, having kids.....probably isn’t going to work if those are your priorities. Your wife and kids want to spend time with you. They want your attention and approval. And then acting like everything is a chore, just makes me wonder.....what did he think a wife and kids were going to be like? That he would have all his free time like before? Many married couples seem to be living separately together.
Many say marriage is out dated. It still seems like the best way to raise kids though. Possibly we have to come up with a better system if kids are involved.
Hahahahaha. Maybe not everything.... but rings true....
@@Michael That's interesting way of looking at it and I agree, based on my relationship experience with my exgf. We were both slacking at school, I was a video game addict, she had/has inferiority complex about her body. As two irresponsible wretches, it was "obvious" that we would break up eventually. I think we both loved each other WAY more than we loved ourselves as individuals. We both tried our best though and I don't feel resentment towards her now that I've adopted responsibility. I'm happy I could find help and understand my past based on what Dr. Peterson is saying!
@Michael don't agree with a single thing you've said. I'm not broken, or failing to reach my potential or in need of growth. I am FINE as who I am. I have lived a long life, gone down many paths, and I have much to offer. Will I keep learning? Of course. Do I need a woman to help me "grow up"? What bullshit.
@@mikemcking Projecting your life against another is yet again, not fair assessment. He may be younger than yourself, therefore requiring a different interpersonal explanation of his current state in life. You sound hurt, the aggression supports this. If that is your resolution, so be it. Everyone is going through different stages in life. I wonder if the younger you would see something in Michael's comment.
I’m 28 years old and have been with my husband since we were 14 (almost 6 years married and coming up to 15 years together).
People are shocked that we’re still together, got married at 22 and are happy.
As the years go on, Rob & I are stronger. It actually amazes us - we think “I don’t think I could love you any more” but then our hearts grow a little more and with that our love.
My marriage is very important to me and I hope when we have children, they look up to us as an example of a strong and lasting love.
that's so beautiful god bliss you both
How come did you last this long? BTW it always give me so much hope when knowing stories like this. Somehow it fulfills me so good.
Respect
Well, have two or three kids, give it a few years and report back. Children change everything and I mean EVERYTHING.
@Mini Cooper people like you fear anything that gives you boundaries, you genuinely think that any responsibility traps you and others. You're IMMATURE AND FEARFULL.
I'm a stepfather. What he said at the end about blending families was hard, but it's true. Dating a woman with a child means you're dating a family.
the absolute worst thing is those kids can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. as a step-parent, you have no parental rights, or any kind of rights. it's horrible. a nightmare actually. i'll never get close to anyone's kids again.
isaachaze1 I'm very sorry. It sounds like you went through something awful. Does that mean your wife lost her kids?
oh no, nothing like that. it means my ex took her kids away from me for no good reason. i was very bonded with them, and i think vice versa. i miss them like you can't believe. holidays are the worst
isaachaze1 I'm really sorry. Wishing you a happier new year.
Thank you for that William. And I wouldn't trade my memories of helping raise those kids for two years for anything painexotic.
As someone who grew up in a broken home, who has been abused and who has been through multiple stepdads, I can attest to nearly everything that he said.
Much love in the new year...
"If you can't run away you will fix your problems"- Jordan Peterson
*Try to
Or try to get comfortably numb
No, it takes two. If one person can't or won't work on a fix, the marriage is doomed.
Another option is to live with all the mess, suffering and misery 👍
(Or make them worse)
There are very few people giving young people this insight and advice. Well done.
Its our fathers job to tell us this but most men like ourselves are more interested in ourselves and sex than raising kids.
Thomas Serrano exactly. The problem is that people these days don’t want to FIX things and morals are definitely changed over the course of the years. That’s why marriage does not last these days. It’s tragic. It’s sad. But modern education is BULLSHIT. It’s not that back in the day... people HAD TO stay in a marriage. NO! Most people cared. That’s the thing.
Thomas Serrano who have their “own set of morals”. And society becomes disfigured. I don’t know with what finality whoever is planning all of this wants yo achieve but whatever it is. It’s going to be the end of a good society with principals and morals.
I like Pancakes although I do agree with your statement about women because I am one and I’m not a hypocrite about it that some women tend to follow the mainstream side of feminism. His advice is actually correct. There’s no guarantee about fidelity in terms of walking away... but also we have to consider our own actions as well. If we did nothing wrong, that person has demons and decided to walk away from YOU, who showed them love loyalty and trustworthy. You shouldn’t have to consider it as their fault or yours. Simply the person was not it for you and there are many other versions of females that are worth keeping. In my opinion, his advice is breaking the vicious cycle of a generation that is fucked up. It’s like someone throwing away trash in the beach, millions of people may do it but if YOU make a difference, YOU are making a change and THAT counts.
@I like Pancakes That's absolutely true!
Before married, my fiance and I discussed abt "divorcing" topic .. and we both agree that there wont be divorcing in our marriage no matter what.. His parents have been married for 54 years... My parents have been married for 46 years ... My husband and I have been married for 10 years and many more to come ... I love him more and more ... some people say after married, couple may get sour, not us ... we have up and down but I love him more and more, we stand together hand in hand ... we are blessed
"No matter what"? Jesus. You have my pity. Divorce has to be de-tabooed.
@A Journey This. Is EXACTLY what needs to stop. Everything you have pointed out are opinions blinded by religion. If you look at it objectively and logically, marriage is man-made, just like religion. "The only grounds of divorce is adultery" is EXACTLY a religious point of view. I can also make up a religion where I say the only grounds of divorce is if one person doesn't contribute to housework. These are all made up rules So many women's lives have been destroyed because divorce is taboo in their culture. People need to separate religion and domestic life. Divorce must be normalised and de-tabooed.
I've been married for 8 years and living together for 9 years. We got married young, and many people thought we would not last more than 2 years because that's the trend. I think our success is that we knew what to expect from the beginning, we were honest and we're not afraid to have uncomfortable conversations. We always negotiate a middle point, we never insult each other, we ask why. For me, the result of asking, instead of attacking, is impressive because you do a lot of internal work on things that you were not even aware of. I don't see us divorcing ever, we've been through a lot together, and we always work in tandem to have a happy and thriving family. And I must add that the level of connection that you reach when you actually try, instead of thinking marriage is disposable, is unbreakable.
@A Journey Anything that people are afraid to address in their particular case.
@A Journey Yes, or maybe just tiny behaviors that you find strange and don't say anything about. That could mean internal work needs to be done, but instead of losing it, just ask nicely about it.
Yes! I always viewed my marriage as dating with paperwork. Not those exact words but in my own muddled way. And I did whatever I wanted. But my wife did not. She was truly married. I had a truly committed woman in my life and didn't even know it. Too blind to see the gift I was being offered. We divorced. My fault and my biggest regret
Lol
You can always find another that will be when you’re ready.
I need to watch this more often. I’ve been divorced, lonely/free and a step dad. Everything he is saying is the truth. Be careful who you love, protect your heart.
My wife stopped talking to my family side so I stopped seeing or talking to her family side. She would call my mother when our children were babies to use her for help. My mother never disrespected ever. Always helped. That's what happens with some women. Big shit disturbers. So I give her emotional stagnance. I just have sex and ignore her feelings. Plus there's nothing that tells me I should be connected with in-laws. Especially if most of them are jackasses when she does the same thing.
Thank you buddy
Marriage exposes both parties, you're not who you think you are. You learn a lot about yourself when you get married!
I think when you chain yourself down in a marriage, you start to realize what you really want in life.
You learn a great deal about yourself in every new endeavor, not just marriage. Also it's getting a bit tiring to hear Peterson talk about this responsibility every time. Life's too short to get wrapped up in all kinds of cages. Too many times marriage ends up in agony. Guess what. People aren't monogamous creatures. Nor are they built for lifelong relationships. People can change vastly over time meaning that very often partners simply grow apart. And sometimes they find each other again and that is awesome and beautiful but it's a happily ever after kind of story that's only for the happy few. We finally live in a time where marriage is a choice instead of a societal requirement. Let's not persuade people to believe old times were better. Because they weren't.
Peterson really does give truly interesting and insightful lectures but I oh so wish that the online crowds don't just swallow every pill they're being fed, no matter who feeds them. It's as if all critical thinking goes overboard when someone has reached the state of prophet or whatever it is that they become. Take all the info you can people, but think for yourselves for crying out loud.
@@TactlessGuy You're right. I want to do lot of things. But the idea of having family is also good. But at the same time, I want to do lot of things without anything holding me back. Dammit. I'm in dilemma.
And u stick with it!!!
Unless beaten or abused..mentally or physically or sexually.
You dont need to wait untill too late if you are Lucky to CoME from an unsufferable family, unsuffer parental and unsuffer siblings (a sister among them)
I have to make a speech at my sister’s wedding tomorrow, so I searched “what is marriage” and this video came up. I probably shouldn’t include any of these tidbits of information haha
Your sister will be fine in any case, I pity the husband tho, if they ever get a divorce ;))
Hope your sisters not as much of a procrastinator as you lmao!!
I hope you quoted it word for word and just completely ruined the vibe of the wedding. And also delivered it sitting down.
Just burp into the mic and flip everyone off grab your plate of food leave and right before you walk out the door while your back is still turned to everyone and with a mouth full of food say really loudly "Their both cheating on each other".
Our experience 5 Myths about Marriages th-cam.com/video/_jj-sdCSn78/w-d-xo.html
The truth hurts, 6 years after divorce, still struggling financially, and relationship with children changed for ever, despite believing love for them would see things through. This clip should be shown the first time any type of mediation is implemented, but also throw in the guilt you feel for the rest of your life, knowing what your children go through. Mr Peterson I really respect your clarity and no nonsense insight to many things. Please may you continue.
Don't worry, one day, or maybe when you'll not be on earth anymore, they'll understand that you loved them and they will regret not doing anything about it.
My parents are divorced but became friends 20 years after. Now we spend birthdays and holidays together, and their new partners can participate and are welcome too. It took a lot of time and maturing on their behalf, but they managed. May you and all divorces get there sooner rather than never.
The key is to find the right person. In order to find the right person, you have to make friend with loneliness.
I'd say "you have to become accustomed to being alone", not lonely
being alone is not bad when you have the right mindset, but being lonely is just bad
"the right person" doesn't exist.
Many people are too inpatient to go through the thorough work required to find the right person.
@@denisebranquinho2377 - 100% truth!
@DD dunn - Yes, indeed. There are many who would do for any one person's criteria and all of that person's criteria will never be found in one person. So be ready to compromise because people do not change as women's hormones urge them to believe. That's mother nature pushing hard to get babies for the survival of the species.
Men complain that all women want to do is change them. They don't realize that the hormones pushing that are in their favor; they get accepted by the woman for sex because of it even though it's not in the best interest of either her or him. It just gets babies for mother nature.
It was only at age 32 that I realized that a dominant force in my life was fear of rejection since my father walked out when I was 2 and my mother focused her affection on my newborn brother. I was sexually promiscuous until I turned 36, but when I married, it was for life. That commitment made it possible to get through the bad periods, and after 47 years, our relationship continues to improve.
Good for you man, it’s never to late to change and become a better person & you are living proof of this. Best of wishes to you and your wife for years to come.
Wait so you’re 91? What are you in the comment sections of TH-cam for? 😆
Larry Myers haha that made me LOL
Michael Cunningham, Rock On Brother!
How do you keep the old bitch in line?
How refreshing to seat in a lecture room being taught about personal sacrifice and personal improvement rather than someone teaching you that you're a victim of systemic racism and the patriarchy.
Jordan doesn't focus on blaming anyone or anything but puts emphasis on personal responsibility. I like that
I like that, too. Great comment.
Personal responsibility is a good part of the game. But sometimes people are marry to violent, drunk or psychos motherfuckers who were taught to be served and respected in a submissive way. And there's no way to make use of personal responsibility or whatsoever. He talks truth, but not universal truths. Patriarchy brought a lot of suffer and inequality to this world and societies and can't be overlooked.
Relationship work is personal work.
Thas what feminists do they blane blame
Well really neither one of those should be taught in a classroom.
I literally chose my spouse based on knowing that we would so everything in our power to make our life together work. Yes we are in love but we work on it. Life has sooo many unforseen circumstances that the only thing we can control is how we choose to act. True romance has more to do with two people willing to put in the work. Anything else is temporary.
this!
I learnt from JP and I learnt from the comment section. It's a double win.
1 CORINTHIANS 7 - On Being SINGLE
8 Now for those who are NOT MARRIED and for the widows I say this: It is GOOD for you to STAY SINGLE like me. 9 But if you cannot control your body, then you should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. 27 If you have a wife, don’t try to get free from her. If you are NOT MARRIED, DON’T TRY TO FIND A WIFE. 28 But if you decide to marry, that is not a sin. And it is not a sin for a girl who has never married to get married. BUT those who MARRY WILL HAVE TROUBLE IN THIS LIFE, and I want you to be free from this trouble. 38 So the man who marries his fiancée does alright, and the man who does NOT MARRY will do BETTER. 40 The WOMAN is HAPPIER if she does NOT MARRY again. This is my opinion, and I believe that I have God’s Spirit. (Straight from the Apostle Paul’s mouth….He was INSPIRED by God to write this) The ONLY reason to get MARRIED is if you have a STRONG SEX DRIVE that is UNCONTROLLABLE, other than that, STAYING SINGLE IS THE BEST ROUTE TO TAKE. As people age their SEX DRIVE dwindles and now what?! You’re just STUCK in MISERY. I’ve been married twice and engaged to be married a third time, but thank God I dodged that bullet. I’ve been on both sides…Single and Married, and TRUST me when I tell you, the Bible ain’t NEVER LIED and is so RIGHT….SINGLE is so much BETTER because it’s LESS STRESSFUL and EASIER.
I’m too BUSY ENJOYING life to ever get MARRIED again……..
Leona Banks you are one sick animal. Old and alone
@@sandymastrocola4973 Really? 🤔
Stay with your Hair Dressing videos.
@Sok Tau Non-STEM classess.
Coiled Steel don’t like your comments then put them somewhere else moron
I feel like his classes need to be taught in high school.
Agree
Unfortunately, I found that *most* high school teachers are high school teachers because they failed in another field for various reasons. They’re already ideologically poisoned and bitter. It’s rare to find a hs teacher that’s really doing it for the good of the students.
@@DCYTB sad but true
ConcertJunkie27 that's a curious thing....i notice how people learn to drive but learn nothing at all others than the road laws. if they did teach us how to live better more enriching lives guess what might happen......??
@@DCYTB That's an interesting statement. It reminds me of a really bad science teacher I had in 8th grade. She, if I remember correctly, was divorced at least twice. Both to men that "abused" her or something. She was bitter and constantly ranting about something. Or she was sitting on her phone or doing her makeup in class. And half the time she was on her phone arguing with her daughter over something. You know how teachers aren't supposed to have their phones on in class? Well, many don't always follow this rule, which is fine. Because most of the time they have valid reasons to. They do it only every once in a while because their family is having an emergency situation. However this lady, she regularly said she had some "emergency" to attend to. She was in a constant state of emergency.
Oh boy just imagine if she saw this comment. That also reminds me, she is known to comment on student's social media pages. Which is weird. And no, she wasn't being a predator. It was just an odd thing.
The moment i met my wife...i knew. I felt it in my bones that we would be together always. 20yrs later not a day goes by that i don't kiss her and tell her that i love her. And we are just as happy now if not happier than when we first got together. I know how lucky i got - I found my soulmate.
IMHO, if you don't feel that spark that I'm speaking of, don't get married. Don't get married because you feel pressured by your friends or family because YOU, not them, have to live with that person, and be with that person.
Don't get married because you don't want to be alone. I've seen to many sad and depressing people because of that one. Get a dog instead.
Divorced kids are a mess. All of them. I've yet to meet one that has their shit together. Just saying - take your time before rushing into marriage. After all, you're only supposed to get married once. Too many people are to swift to throw in the towel.
My parents divorced when I was young and I swore that I will only marry if I meet my soulmate. If I have kids I will not put them through the turmoil my parents put me through
I'm 20 and have never really had a girlfriend, idk if I ever would (hopefully would find my person). I honestly don't understand the complexity of relationships probably coz ive never been in one, but I sure do hope whomever I end up with would be the one and only.
The way I see it, when someone picks you to be their partner for life, its just not right, on basic moral grounds, to look for a separation just coz the going gets tough sometimes.
I'm happy for you and I hope I find this kind of love one day :D
Hi I think I'm doing well in life despite having no fatherly figure! ٩( 'ω' )و
Gay
@@ttctexas9714 its ok man. Unsatisfied people often take their frustration with life out on other people who are happy.
Also most people who call other people gay have latent homosexuality issues. Might want to talk to someone about that. Have a nice day.
My view is that most trauma that people carry is relational. Which means you can only work through it in relationship with others. So if you quit every time the going gets tough, you will never grow or heal. The challenge is being lucky enough to find a partner who is as equally determined to persevere and grow as you are no matter how tough it gets. Divorce is important so that people can escape genuinely abusive relationships, however.
The thought of jordan peterson on his wedding day saying "look here, I know you're trouble ey, but I'm not leaving ever! I'm going to manifest flaws and so are you but we're gonna stick through this no matter what" how romantic 😂😂
Yeah. He's a smooth talker this one!! 😁😁
But see that's the point. You want someone who can say that.
That’s such a romantic thing to me because it’s authentic, and authentic is what I need from a life companion.
@@alcyonae Agreed!!
That’s actually what I’d like to hear from my SO 😂
Going through separation now. And I warned her of all this. Almost verbatim. She went ahead anyway. And now we're living the life that JP describes here... and I predicted.
Most married women today, especially the attractive ones (my wife from whom I'm separated is one of them) just see other men looking at them and flirt with them and the minute things get a bit hard (for us it was my business and financial reasons, and they were temporary), they start talking to their "girlfriends" who have the same mentality and before you know it, here I am, separated after 17 years of devoting my life to her, with a 5 year old daughter.
And she's already jumped online and met a guy on a dating site who she's now seeing, without me having a clue who he is and how he may treat my daughter in my absence. It's frightening.
It's selfish, reckless behavior by women who could care less that a man's life is also important to him. Especially a family man's life.
And I did everything for this woman... I mean EVERYTHING before and after getting married. And she always acted like I was her soulmate and her rock. Yet she flipped the minute she was told that we may have to tighten our belts for a bit and live more within our means.
And I warned her about the consequences of going the divorce route. The exact things JP talks about here. She could care less. It's all about her.
It's like watching a car coming at you, yelling for them to stop, them hearing you, and running you over anyway. Consequences and the future and safety of our daughter be damned.
MGTOW
The single life is always in the back of my mind. The possibility of a care free, sex filled and exciting adventure is just one argument away. Some of my friends are single and they say they don't want to be in a relationship, it's great being able to do what you want. I've had a shit day at work and now im sat at home being moaned at because the spare room still isn't finished, and in the back of my head there is this amazing care free life I could be leading. It's advertised to me everywhere, the temptations are there. She makes me happy, so why am I so quick to dump here when things get tough? Why do I have this mindset? Where did I learn this behaviour? I grew up in a normal home and my parents are still married so why am I like this?
I know that single life isn't what I think it is, but I'm quick to tell myself that it would be better, the grass is always greener. In my previous relationship I left her numerous times for this utopian life and we always ended up getting back together. I'm in a new relationship now and have been for 3 years. I love this woman but the temptations are still there. The only way I can get on top of this is to understand where it comes from and why. And it's not just me, 50% of my male friends feel the same way. Is it society? Is it my upbringing?
I'm sorry I'm waffling on about myself but I get the impression that your partner probably thinks the same way that I do, even after 17 years. Lust draws you in, everything is great, you get into a relationship, the honeymoon period ends, the mask begins to slip (on both sides) and flaws are exposed, things become difficult and arduous, arguments are more frequent, sex dies down and life with that person isn't as fun as it was. All the while people like me aren't looking to solve any issues or put in a shift to make things better, no I just keep poking my head over the fence to look and see what other people are up to, what other gardens can I go and explore, I'm not happy here and I want out. Towards the end of my previous relationship i changed and I gave commitment a go, we hadn't split up for a few years and we were planning to get married. I paid the bills, cooked the dinner and tried to be this nice guy worthy of husband status. I was different from the weekend drinking warrior I once was, out drinking all the time with friends, I was more compassionate and understanding, we made plans together and did more as a couple. It wasn't long before the house became untidy (when I was away with work) and she started coming home later from work. I suspected something was wrong but she didn't want to talk to me. In the end she got with a colleague from work and off she went. It was probably karma but I learned from this, she should have left me sooner in all honesty.
Your partner may yet regret her decision but dont show weakness and don't chase her. You need some thinking time, it's difficult because you have a child together. Can you ever forgive her for what she has done? Would you take her back because you want to be with her or for the sake of your daughter?
I'm sorry this is a long response but your comment struck a chord with me and how shit I am at being committed to someone. I'm doing my best to understand my flaws right now because your experience is what my future partner might end up going through unless I dont sort this out, and I don't want that.
Peace
Alex P You should have went MGTOW bro but I hope you learned your lesson. Stay strong King, especially for your little girl 🙏🙏
Mark Bills thats what I’ve been telling all men on here with their heartbreak stories smh. If only they knew. Stay MGTOW brother 🙏
I feel so sorry for your situation! Focus on your daughter. Focus on your well being. You sound like a genuinely good person. God can right every wrong, I pray He blesses you.
"look, I know that you're trouble. Me too. So, we won't leave." That's a hell of a vow, I can imagine that one day if I ever got married I think i'd straight up quote that as my vow and attribute it.
he's right, it's a hell of a vow.
Raise above, don't get married.
lol. good luck buddy
Sounds also like pop-song lyrics 😁
The problem is not the vow, the problem is you and the things you don't know about yourself, about your partner, about kids, about human nature and about love, when you make it. Maturity is when you realize that breaking the vow is even worse then having made it, in all aspects, and admit to yourself you were just too fool and young. If you get to that point the big challenge will be finding happiness in the small things in everyday life, like watching a game, being good at work, having a nice meal, fixing something, playing with your kids as you watch them grow, knowing that all your sacrifice will be worth it if they do better then you. When your dreams change from becoming a famous guitar player, a basketball player, an astronaut, a porn star, a billionaire, into seeing your kids become what they want, that's a happy marriage. If you are aware that you're nothing more than an enslaved provider, that's a happy marriage. If you can stand being blamed for all the mistakes in a relationship (yours, hers and everybody else's) without going nuts, that's a happy marriage. It is very ironic how that has nothing to do with sex. So yes..before you make that "vow" take your time and think about it.
I can’t get enough of this guys channel now. I don’t even care the subject matter, this guy just makes it interesting
A greek philosopher was once asked by one of his students if he should marry, the philosopher responded: "Do what you feel, either way you will regret it"
That’s a great quote. Being lonely is miserable but being married is miserable too.
Might as well just do what you want
CrooK Even if you’re living to your full potential life really does get mundane without someone to talk to
@amin_ rahman really malaysian women get affected by feminism, Im malaysian and i never experienced this
therefore: do not do what you FEEL. Why? Feelings change all the time. W it.hat you must do instead, is do what you KNOW is right, regardless of what you feel about it.
That’s Kierkegaard’s quote, he wasn’t Greek, he was Danish
Celebrating 21 yrs of marriage Feb 28, 2019, i'm 42...everything he's just said is so on point! I love this guy.
Been married since 1992 and we are still going.. Right on. Thank you.
I'm adding to this. Married 18 years, and still going!
Women of 1995 are very different than women of 2019. Back then, women had values, moral, dignity, devotion and love. Women nowadays value "self" and nothing else.
@@dr.c196 This may be true. Women are now pursuing full on careers and becoming more independent in every area of life--not to say this is a bad thing. However, they think that this new independence gives them a reason to be less focused on family life and more focused on themselves. And I think this causes problems in marriages.
Dr. C - my ex wife was a narcissist, got engaged to another man behind my back.
After picking myself back up again after enduring one hell of a nasty divorce that left me broken, I started dating again years later and found what you said to be absolutely true. After multiple bad dating experiences I got pretty depressed and thought I would be alone forever. Better to be alone (MGTOW) than risk wasting another 18 years of my life again, for a self centred princess.
I then started dating a Nepalese woman, and she’s everything I could have hoped for: kind, nurturing, compassionate, loving. She’s given me hope again. The more I’ve explored understanding her culture, the more I realised that Western culture promotes this toxic selfishness that western women appear to be “empowered” by.
Always pictured myself as a western man with a western woman, but I’m super grateful I kept an open mind.
People get divorce because they see wedding as a romantic event.
looses common sense fails to see the future dream .......becomes angry sad divorced
Most people are more into the party/ceremony than in building a commom project. Once the party is over, real life begins.
It is enough for one of the two to screw up...
Most people seem to view their wedding as their marriage. They are all focused on that one day and partying and making it special while completely ignoring the fact that they're supposed to plan their whole lives together.
We dont celebrate difficulty or hardship, easy example is the Rocky films. We love winning the fight and being champian and "AAADDRIAAAN!" but the actual work to be a boxer - "You need a montage!"
When I got married the biggest comfort was that I was able to be real and true in the comfort of the knowledge I had someone to work through this life stuff with, without the fear of being deserted in my hour of most need. JBP spot on!
This all sounds good, and I grew up thinking this way, but after being in a marriage where my wife did everything she could in actions and manner to convey she did not want me around, what is a person to do? She would not participate in the relationship.
After being told so often that "I should just leave" I left. I can not be with someone that does not want me.
Vince Garcia sorry to hear that. It sucks when you aren't appreciated.
Why did she not want to be with you?
Clearly she must have at some point.
What changed?
I hope you guys had that conversation.
So why did you marry Her?
@@dorotawoyn6053 I'd wager she just wanted a door mat that would pay her mortgage.
Nickoli Lion
😢
"Sometimes the biological parents are way worst than the step-parents"
It is so true, it made me cry.
Highly understandable
because women like bad guys
Very true.
Me too...
Agreed, seen it with relatives
I've always been inti-divorce. I mean, I am not talking about domestic abuse or systematic adultery. But from couples around me who got divorced, did it because they were 'tired of each other' or 'they weren't in synch anymore'. Till death set us part means something. In sickness and in health means something. In poorness or in whealth means something. But the majority of people don't seem to get that.
" We just fell out of love " The most juvenile reason for divorce that I have ever heard. That was right after she had their kid.
Divorce and staying in a broken marriage are both terrible.
People should learn about life and the potential issues it may bring into their way before committing to anything that is of value, well that's why there's so many divorced couples because marriage cannot be valued by feminists and weak men.
Shit changes with time. Mught take 10 years to change
They're just words....grow up
Listening to Jordan's lectures has really opened my eyes and helped me find what I was looking for in a wife. Growing up without a father figure, I didn't know where to begin. Forever a JP fan.
Lol dumb ass getting married
Smart men don’t get married
Cause smart man know
Break up in relationship
Break up in marriage
Cheat in relationship
Cheat in marriage
Bored in relationship
Bored in marriage
Live together in relationship
Live together in marriage
Sex in relationship
Sex in marriage
Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol
Ya poor clueless bastard
Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce
It’s always comes to end
Marriage so pointless an scam lol
Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship
Yeah should of just stayed in relationship
Smart man knows this all
Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated
Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people
I have been married 32 years and I love my wife more and find her sexier each day - i am very well blessed
Kathlyn Contreras Even if that happened, the state has your back. This happens to men all the time and the state is our adversary.
of course you are and that is exactly how "paradise" looks like !!!!
@Matt THX what if she's real and loyal? Why always looking for the negativity. Men cannot live without women and it's the same for them, Even though in those times where we're living things are getting weird and harder but u'll always find that girl that still care about her principles and does protect her self don't worry.
Kathlyn Contreras get over it. You’ve had your time in the sun (late teens-20’s) to ride the carousel of the chads whine turning down others. Now it’s tine for men in their prime to have fun. (30’s-50).
Ron Garvin keep crying dude. How many men have destroyed women’s lives by cheating and being dead beat dads?
The tone of his voice when he says” Good, you’ll have it every day every day of your goddamn life “ Man there is emotion there that hits like a hammer.👍🏼
“The way people love children is pretty specific. You love YOUR children” omg so true....I can’t stand children for too long but I’m biased about mine lol mine is awesome.
ZoShow
I don’t have children yet, but I can’t stand other children! I hate it when others show me photos of their kids or expect you to go crazy when you see one.
M Rei lol me too, and I never was the mom to show pictures of my kid, unless someone asked specifically.
Do you know why? Have you ever actually stopped to consider why?
@@FreeAgent99 I think it's a maternal thing. Even females who aren't married yet adore children, which I can understand. Though to be fair, gay guys love babies and children, but I am not going to go there.
Kids are annoying...unless they are yours.
Staying and working things out is ideal but it gets complicated when one party has a larger control/power dynamic. There are definitely cases where a person should leave for their own safety and mental health. I think Dr. Peterson is speaking from the perspective that you shouldn't given up if a marriage has genuine respect and mutual positive regard for the other.
Stick it out within reason. Once abuses start and don't stop gtfo imo.
Maybe don't marry abusive men?
@@Schizobateman it's like saying... men should just stop being abusive.... it's just not that simple maybe they're not abusive when you met them... Also childhood trauma can play a huge part in partner selection..
@@jadevanvoss2399 the majority of men are not abusive, stop meeting men in nightclubs and bars
@@Schizobateman not saying they are... I'm pointing out that your assumption that women should just stop dating abusive partners is simplifying a very complex situation. Men in nightclubs may not be abusive either, again you are using assumptions that doesn't really contribute positively to domestic abuse discussion.
I understand what he’s saying, but from my perspective, still up to this day I wish my parents had gotten divorced. They stayed together, (and are still together) and they made life in that family like a torture for us kids. We have all sort of mental problems now and all three of us are scared of marriage, it’s more like a phobia for us now. It’s like getting a life in prison sentence when I think about marriage.
Hipppogrifff feel it bro. My parents stayed together and they never showed love, I’ve never seen it. I just see fighting, and sleeping in separate bedrooms, it’s tragic. You watch tv, you go to other people’s families, their parents are calling each other babe, and it’s all happy. I know it’s not always like that, but the fact I saw it just pissed me off. I’ve also had two very very shit relationship experiences and wish I just knew what to do in regards to relationships. I just want to be happy, and even though I was badly burned the first relationship I tried again as if that never happened, and I get another very shit person. Wish I knew what to do man. Parents taught me a lot and I don’t know if I’d wanna be as unhappy as they have been their entire bloody life.
Feel you both, mine just recently got divorced and although this change has made some difference it still doesn't change the fact that we've lived in basically both emotional and phisical prison for two decades... Safe to say some should've gotten devorced (a lot sooner) or never married in the first place. Because it's not like you can just forget everything and start over when it has been a part of you for so long and they made you believe it was normal...
Are you sure you have mental issues because of your parents and not just using them as an excuse to blame them for your troubles Instead or taking responsibility for your life and actions? I say that because I wasted 12 years of my life blaming someone when the whole time it was ME!!!! I just didn’t want the responsibility for my own life! Please google “inner engineering” - it may help. Take care
@Reshu Bhattarai
Huh?
I thought it was the girl kissing the toad to restore his humanity under the nuance of love transcending form.
The core value was that their station is irrelevant to the determination of the character because she took the time to appreciate the good within his nature and overlook appearances to see a make humans beauty which is comparable to the stature of a prince.
@Reshu Bhattarai how old are you ?
I hear you professor. I married a woman and remained married to her for 10 years. We married very young. We had a family very early. We didn't fully understand her problems with bipolar. We didn't understand personality disorders. She had 8 affairs in 10 years.
I'm glad I left.
wow she is compulsive. marriage is not about happiness because human heart are weak and full of chaos and evil.
Same here brother.
LOL! How many did you have?
Mr Man LOL! According to insane males.
Ron Garvin LOL! How do you figure that? I mean... With all this patriarch stuff. The man is the head of the family, house and woman right? Nobody is nothing without a man around. A woman is nothing without a husband and kids are nothing, bastards, without a father right? The mofo can disappear and go for himself and everybody becomes nothing just because he’s not there. So what do you expect? To walk away financially scot free? Pay no alimony or child support? LOL! Is that what you mean by rigged? You have to spend money there when it’s over? Boy oh boy.... You guys crack me up. Want all this power and then no expense of it out of your pocket.
Truth, you have it backwards. The marriage and family system is rigged against women and children. The fucking sperm donor, you can call the husband or dad if you want, but a sperm donor is all he really is, gets rights to the kids over the mother! Just because he donated some sperm he can take the children away from their mother. He don’t care nothing about them, but will take them away just to hurt their mother. A dude can kidnap his kids and flee to another country and actually get away with it. If the mother comes to the country and gets caught bringing her kids back she will be arrested and put in jail like a criminal. The system is so rigged against women and children it’s not even funny.
My divorce came about because when I asked goals and priorities questions during our dating I got all the right answers... Because those were the answers her hyper strict parents had raised her to believe would leave her indelibly happy and "full". Then when those answers (a kid, marriage, housework) left her feeling less than fully happy, it was all a lie in her mind and she changed course leaving my daughter and I high and dry.
The sad truth is people change and some people don't actually know who they are or who they are going to be and can have their own self deluded enough that they can actually tell a lie without knowing they are lying.
Is it then a way.
I think her parents did her a great disservice
This is essentially what happened to me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to watch happen to a person. She tried hard but truly didn't enjoy it. Overtime she became a completely different person. At the end of the day, the only way to love her was to let her go do the things she wanted. But it came at horrendous cost to the family unit.
I think she did not lie, she truly believed that marriage, children and housework would make her happy, but it did not and she then thought, it is not what she truly wanted out of live. And it is true, marriage, children and housework does not make anybody happy all the time, because life is suffering and sacrifice and enduring bad things every day, and maybe sometimes, very few, you can be happy. Specially when nobody is bothering you. Maybe she wanted to be perfect and she was not able to reach her own high standard. Her parents should maybe told her the reality of how difficult, hard and miserable marriage and family life and house chores can be sometimes.
What amazing about Peterson is that every time I have objection towards his idea during his speech, he clears it out in the next minute. There is nothing I can say but Peterson is right.
I think Peterson´s no idea marriage and family worked 99,999% of human history.
Many widowed People with children remarried
It's hilarious when people say "the marriage" didn't work, as if it had nothing to do with them.
Exactly 🙄 denial at its finest
Well put
What if you marry a narcissist?
@@InfinityReptar You should have recognized the narcissism in advance. It's too late now. No one's perfect, anyway. Honour your vows and get help if necessary.
People are more fickle now than ever before. Vows have lost value. People marry, divorce, and remarry as easy as going to the bathroom.
I understand what he’s saying, but my mom and dad divorced and it was the best thing that ever happened.
Had they worked it out it would have been even better is the point. Yours is a rare case. Most are all negative for all involved.
@@keithlauderjr1691 JP is talking bullshit on this one. If you find yourself having been constantly unhappy for a long time, get out. Life is short.
My divorce was the happiest day of my life, and I don't even hate her, we just weren't right for each other.
As for if you have kids, can your kids be happy when you are sad?
You will not be made poor if you have signed a prenap, or if you didn't get married in the first place.
when i was a kid i used to fantasize all the time about my parents getting a divorce, i can't wait for that day to come
sometimes staying is 10 times worst for everybody, if you're miserable and hate each other just get a divorce
@@nikoskabbadias Happiness and sadness are chosen states. When the going gets tough, just quit. Words to live by. How about either selecting better or owing up to your pledges. Or just quit.
@@keithlauderjr1691 I chose my words very carefully, and you are substituting them so that you can mock what I am saying.
You are trying to do to me what reporters try to do to Jordan Peterson.
When the going gets tough, keep going because you re tough.
But when the going is *constantly sad and unsatisfactory* get the hell out.
Yes all relationships go through tough phases.
That doesnt mean that all relationships are equally good or that all people were made to be in a relationship/ marriage.
My wife and I were married for eighteen years before she passed away March 2020. We've had our disgreements at times like most couples, but we mostly enjoyed a happy and loving marriage. One thing I will tell you is that the word divorce was never ever part of our vocabulary. Our love and commitment to each other was far greater than our temporal disagreements. It all comes down to putting each other first in the relationship. When couples learn to do that, then they can begin to enjoy the love and care for one another that couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years have also enjoyed and has been a key to their long marriages.
“Putting each other first,” as in, think of your partner BEFORE yourself?
My biological dad cheated on my mom when I was 1 years old and left me and my 5 year old sister. My mom met my step-dad and he raised us as his own and loved us. He IS my dad. For context my sister works in the molecular diagnostics field and has a wonderful family and I work in the medical field and have a wonderful family too :)
I felt that part at 3:00.
I felt that so hard in my life.
"If you avoid the problem you'll have it every day for the rest of your life"
He said it with the same resentment a married person would. He meant that shit from his soul.
J Keezy I’m glad to know that’s not just me and my husband. We’ve been through some crap but we work out what we can and wait until we are ready to work on the other stuff. But yeah the stuff we haven’t work out yet we pay for over and over again until we get to it. At this point I’d like to smack both our parents. They weren’t kidding when they said marriage is work.
Boy, this is a hard thing to hear because I'm 50 and my last long-term relationship ended over 15 years ago and it is rough being single. I'll keep it simple: keeping vows and trying to make it work is important if for no other reason than to have someone to say "Hey, can you pick up the other end of this table and help me move it into the garage". I love my cat, but in that regard, is kind of worthless.
Ugh. You want a replacement mommy not a wife. Stay unmarried.
VOIP Portland how the fuck is "grab the other end and help me move a thing to the garage" a motherly behaviour???? Did you make your mother do physical labour or somethin?
VOIP Portland Where are you getting that? Even in a dismal marriage you have some companionship, someone to drive you to the hospital if needed, someone to help you move a piece of furniture.
I heard a video recently where the guy said that studies are showing loneliness reduces life expectancy as much as smoking or obesity.
VOIP Portland missed the whole point.
Stay strong. Love can happen any second.
This is one of the best explanations of marriage I’ve ever heard, and it’s certainly given me a new perspective on my own marriage. So, it’s not meant to always be easy, or maybe ever easy, but it is a true bonding and commitment between 2 people, and, if like me, you don’t believe in divorce, you’d better make it work somehow. Being married is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but by golly, I’m going to make it work!
Don't you have children? That is the hardest thing, not the marriage part. That part is quite easy. The having children and raise them properly is the most difficult task and it is impossible to know until many years later if it worked well or not....
the Real Reason for Marriage, Acquiring a good cook and being able to pass on the genes of the master race and being able to train your own death squad.
Go for it and make it work by alll means you got ❤
I remember my wife telling me that divorce was never going to be an option and that she'd always wanted a long marriage... She left me for an old school friend she hadn't spoken to in a decade after a little more than 3 years of marriage. Turns out you can just leave
Well. Marriage is a huge risk today. Ive spoken to a lawyer and he told me to never marry. You get screwed over hard.
These academic lectures leave out a few things like,,,,,,,,Women LIE, women are UN faithful, and women care about themselves at the expense of the family. Not all but a good portion, have no problem destoying their family for self. Women like my mom, women of character, are going extinct.
Lol ...women are like that.all of them
@@mmathapelojemina-cy6xm nope
She probably banged him right before you got married.
He was absolutely spot on in the end, children emotional cost over adults is much higher then its financial costs.
Whether yr married or not.. 🙄
Yeah This is what marriage was BEFORE non fault divorce
Jared Fontaine ..
True.
Also
It was better back when people were bound by their word. Now days, liars are no longer austrisized by polite society. There are no constraints anywhere. Getting married is easy and so is divorce. The law of no fault divorce came as a consequence of the massive shift of culture durring the 60's.
Chris Read Marriage has always been a business contract.
My grandfather was abusive to my grandmother, cheated on her, treated her and his own kids like dirt. He had all the power in the relationship. What a wonderful world it must have been because they never divorced. OTOH I've been married for 14 years, have 2 kids, my wife is educated and makes more than I do by a small amount. There is no abuse in our relationship and it is in not under threat of falling apart. Naturally we are atheists where my grandparents were evangelical so we fit perfectly into the data about Americans and divorce.
This video is dead on about the price of divorce especially if you are not well off.
Woman being abused should have a way out, I believe the rise in divorce is not just because we have this law but because women have become more wealthy and independent over the decades and are not stuck with abusive partners like our grandparents were. Lets also look at the age of when children are born today compared to then. Both my grandmothers, even some of my aunts, dropped out of high school because they got knocked up. It was super common until the sexual revolution. My wife and I had our first kid at 37 and the second at 40 and we had been married nearly 8 years at that point. Power dynamics have changes, for the better, and lasting relationships are now build on trust and mutual respect.
The divorce is even more expensive (in absolute numbers) if you are well off. But if you are well off - you can afford it.
"Before I met my wife, I was incomplete. Now I'm finished!"
Norm McDonald?
LMAO!
Hahahahahahaha!
😂 😂
elie nader I thought Rodney Dangerfield, might be wrong
The worst part is when you find out that you meant your vows, and your spouse never did. Three years later, "I was never in love with you, I want out." What else is there to do at that point than acknowledge your marriage was never real and try to move on? I meant forever but I can't control the commitment or sincerity levels of another person
That whats happen when kids arent being taught about this. We leave heartbroken people and worse, we leave our children a society where they wont be able to trust anyone who make vows or promises... Not just in marriage but in any relationship really.
Someone else's inadequacy is no excuse for deficiency in your own character. Keep your vows and work through it as best you can.
Man, this guy is so great. I first came across him in a video on TH-cam discussing the Transgender Agenda and his logic is sound. I'm learning a lot from him.
he is instituting back the western man's manhood. Especially coming from Canada...
If you are maybe a bit unfocused or just pessimistic but got everything else going for you that are vital like your health, he's just what the nihilistic mind ordered. Too bad I can't really do much about my current health situation then I'm already doing, I'm gonna be in pain every day for the rest of my life and I know he has said in a Q&A to lower your standards when your dealing with legitimate health conditions. But even now that I'm no longer an anchor on my family like I used to be I'm still an anchor on society and the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I feel like I would destroy my family. My siblings and their kids especially don't deserve to have to experience death yet.
@@dcworld4349 I know, that's exactly were I am, he does help a lot but then again so does my faith, are you being treated at least?
@@mgrossklaus5186 only managed, no cure exist
@@mgrossklaus5186 This is my answer on another video of his but I have been getting some pm's lately about it so maybe it could help shed a better light on it. And help people who has a chance to not take that chance for granted.
"I have a real problem accepting my limitations, for a long time I pushed myself, ignored the pain and worked even when I was collapsing or would stab myself with something sharp in my leg just to distract myself from the real pain I was feeling while talking to costumers so that they wouldn't see that what I really wanted to do was lie down in a fetal position. But once I started to pass out with regularity the bosses and my doctors got me to accept that I'm sick and I'm going to be so for the rest of my life.
So my days now only revolves around finding enjoyment where I can, and distract myself from the pain that is always there. I've found a few productive things that I could do, but without the help of my family and friends I would be dead right now. I even tried to kill myself because I saw how hard it was for my parents seeing me in the hospital all the time. I felt like a waste of space, resources and as a complete burden on them and society.
To be honest I still feel like that, but given that I only have at most 15 years left to live anyway, probably more like 10, I've agreed to hold out. But I have no meaning, I stay away from even the possibility of intimate relaitionships because not only is that difficult when you are healthy. My health also effects my sexuality, depending on the day I could be fine while others sex would cause me extreme pain so why burden yet another innocent person. I've built myself a nice little prison and get most of my needs covered although I do wish that there was something in between physical therapy and escorts. I could never pay for sex, I don't think people who do it are bad people neither the seller or buyer it's just not something I would be comfortable with. I do however wish that there was some form of inimate massage (excluding any sexual behavior), just so that I could get to feel like what it's like to be held by another person. I barley can remember the last time I had a hug, and I have kissed 3 girls in my life, one of which I keep going back to over and over again because it's the only memory I have where I felt wanted in my entire life. Holding her body, while cuddling watching the sun come up, I know it wasn't really that serious on her part but for me it's the closest thing to being loved I have ever experienced.
And just to be clear I'm not bitter towards women, I totally understand why a woman won't want a damaged guy like me, I would be shocked if she actually would want me. Cause I'm nothing special, she can find a guy just like me without any of my problems so why would they bother, it's completely rational and as a rational person I respect the outcome."
I came from a divorced parent home, had two step parents who were self interested and brought down the functionality and successes of my family members, and I also had a child when I was 19 years old and did spend the last 21 years as an “indentured servant” to a woman who invoked my daughter with parental isolation of her father. I love my kid more than anything in life, but our relationship over the years has been a struggle regardless of my efforts or circumstances. Dr. Peterson is correct on so many levels.
The other problem is that people take it as a well you know I'm flawed so just accept it. No no no. I know I am flawed and I need you to tell me so I can fix it
amen
this comment deserves to be on top.
*MOST UNDERRATED COMMENT*
Yea top comment. People are bigots. Most family problems come from the thing that people go in to relationship without checking each other well enough. Most get attracted together just purely by sex.
I can't like this comment enough.
My older sister had a philosophy of "I don't want you to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, so I won't tell you either," and it -- well, talk about double trouble. Practically speaking, the actual result was that, on top of not being able to discuss problems civilly with her, I had to try to read her mind just to avoid driving her crazy (and eventually facing consequences for that).
The worst part by far is that I think she's gotten the rest of my family conditioned to that response, so that now even when I'm saying "I have no idea what I'm doing, I have no idea what I'm doing wrong" nobody will give me any feedback beyond "we're sure you can do whatever you put your mind to". Maybe sounds like a crazy thing to complain about, but . . . I've been left totally alone to figure out my life, and I'm slowly imploding.
It's frightful.
About to get married to the love of my life with whom I have a son. Marriage is a commitment forever. If you go in with the mindset that "well of it doesn't work out ill get a divorce" your relationship is doomed to fail. This man is a genius. Marriage is a beautiful thing but only if it's the right person and only if you take it 100% seriously!
"Voluntary enslavement"
True description
And true a divorce not let you escape too
Like what he says about life. If you dont choose your sacrifice the decision will be made for you
@@TheCbot88 I decide for myself. No marriage, no enslavement. Single and Happy. Liberty ❤️
These kids are so lucky to be hearing this at college
No, they're not. Jordan wants these kids to take a gamble and possible have their lives ruined by the divorce and family courts
Sounds right. But if you marry an abusive person dont worry about those vowels, run away before you have kids if you are lucky enough they let you see that side before you have a kid. This guy left out the part to RUN VERY FAST away from narcisists
He conveniently left out SEVERAL parts.
Agreed.
if youre dumb enough to marry a narcissist, youre probaby one yourself.
omg hey there nope that's not how that works.
He did not leave anything out. It's a short video clip, which does not do justice to the full scope of his insights on this topic.
I totally believe this! It’s also very freeing to have a person who will never give up on you.
My marriage started to work when I learned to serve my husband in everyway and treat him like a man. I love cooking for him, I love making a comfortable home for him, I love letting him know that I appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family and I love sex with my husband. I learned that the more I give to him the more he wants to make me happy. We Serve Each Other - But Somebody Has To Start The Giving.
Tamara Bradshaw Amen to that! I'm not married, but I very much agree with you. Love is something we do for the other person.
I think you understand something that your great great grandmothers took for granted. Most won't admit it, but we males have fragile ego's that, properly "manipulated" by a skilled spouse, can keep us grounded, and allow us to achieve great things. This is something I believe has been lost over time. Women now want "power" by mimicking what men do, but don't realise they held real power over us all along. Throughout history, I believe women played a much greater role "pulling strings" from the background. Sure, men got all the glory, but again, this was to make us more productive, and to feed our ego's. Having said that, men being motivated by ego, woman are motivated by envy, and became seduced by the glory men were receiving, which is were we are now, and basically what feminism is based on. As they used to say, "Behind every great man, is a great woman".
Tamara Bradshaw so true! But this only works if your husband is selfless like you. Not all people are like us though. Some people love strife.
SynnJynn not necessarily. Selfish people can be won over by the love and devotion of their spouses. Sometimes the priorities shift from me, me, me to you, you, you.
Alfred Wessex that's an interesting take. It's been my belief, not so much that men have fragile egos, but that they are incredibly sensitive to their significant other's opinion about them.
For example, my boyfriend doesn't cry (like me) when watching movies. He wasn't moved by Hacksaw Ridge. He didn't understand the importance of Chandler and Monica's proposal to one another. When he's in pain, he just grunts. Basically, he's a man. But when I cry, that's a different story. When I don't think before I speak, it can make him unhappy.
I saw a quote that went something along the lines of "man can live without money, power, fame, or beauty but he cannot live alone in his marriage." That's where Tamara's philosophy comes in.
I actually also have a high opinion of marriage, but many people of this age are not people worth marrying - that’s been true of the past as well.
You can’t force people to want to fix or improve themselves. If someone who is supposed to love you and respect you the MOST, abuses or neglects you - the best thing you can do is leave. You staying is an act that shows you will and do accept the abuse.
Many of our ancestors were stuck in bad relationships with no way to divorce.
Divorce can actually be useful because the possibility & consequences are usually severe enough it influences people to try harder within their marriages first...
Being trapped is just a scary thought. I’d rather just not get married at all.
Liz C I hope you will not take this as an insult as I have no desire to be rude, but if you get into marriage with a mentality like this: "if it is bad I will just get out ", then do not marry anyone. Marriage is not easy it is actually very hard. You have to work for it every single second for the rest of your life. You have to sacrefice a lot for your significant other and for your children (if you have or can have any). It is not for selfish people. A man cannot gain almost anything from marriage today. I would say it is a lose lose. You sacrifice the ability to have sex with 99.9% of women for a single person and if she is not the right person your life is over. Why do I seperate this by gender? The same would go for women in this situation as well, but the court will always favour the female over the male.(unless there are extraordinary circumstances) If you are not religious marriage is pointless as it is a contract infront of god. If you do not belive in God or any god, then why would you marry to begin with. You can live together with the person you live and if it does not work everyone can leave and noone's life gets destroyed. Most women marry for the wealth they gain and nowdays as there are no pros its scares men away. I would say that in the long run hapilly married couples win in life. Why? As you get older people will show their real face to you and they will not care about you. Your friends will leave you and eventually die. The world changes around you, your favourite actors,musicians, artists die and you will start to count your fallen heroes at the end of each year. Once you are old your sexual market value will reach a negative score. It will be almost impossible to get into relationships or to find anyone who will find you attractive enough to have sex with you. Once you are old younger people will find you creepy if you are friendly with them and you will also lose most if your value at your job. If you lose your job as an old person the chances to find a good job is almost zero. Long story short everyone will baclstab you or leave you eventually except your husband or wife. (and they will only stay if the relationship is good,benefitial and they can trust you).It is not fun to be and die alone, but if you waste your best years on partying and having multiple partners, then no rational person could expect to find a decent significant other. I hope you find some value in this wall of text. Have an amazing life I am out.
that's right liz...at least you reognize the most important factor of a marriage.....both parties have to be willing to
resolve issues......which means, if you're with someone who has no intention on doing that....
YOU"RE FUCKED!!!!
"If your brother has better garden than yours, get up and start planting. If your brother has better house than yours, get up and build house with well designed marble. If your brother has a better wife, sorry, do whatever you want, you will never beat him" Matoub Lounes.
My wife and I have a wonderful marriage.. we sorted out our shit years ago. Everyday we acknowledge that our unity is special . We make each other laugh all the time
every relationship needs constant work. you can either keep cycling through people or working on/with people that want to work on the relationship together. its always a battle.
Yep and the key part really is the willingness by both parties to want a relationship to work, having common values, acceptance of vulnerabilities, honesty, loyality, respect and so on. Most times I reckon there is a failure where one or both parties no longer have shared values or goals. And that covers any circumstance you can think of.
This is the most insightful, honest, clever, and thoughtfully masticated comments section ever 👏🏾.
Been with my wife for 10 years and been married a year. About to have our first child. We are so excited. I absolutely love my life and she loves the hell outa me and i cant wait for this next step. Also we plan on buying our first home relatively soon.
You say you love your life but don't say you love her. Why?
@@artemiyshadrin1980 I have a feeling it was a typo/auto-correct, as life rhymes with wife.
That’s so amazing man, I’m super happy for you!
Congrats
We'll see how long it lasts before she hands you the divorce papers because she's "not happy" or "wants more"
As usual, the TH-cam Recommendation algorithm is making some solid picks. I like this guy. He's very blunt but I like how he talks about the fact that everyone's got a lot of baggage going into a relationship (much of which they don't even know from past trama) and that you need to be willing to work through it in a marriage.
Commitment is so important. Marriage is a decision, a covenant, a serious responsibility. When you know you are going to be with a person for a lifetime, you work things out, you grow in friendship, and you create the happiness that you want! If you are a parent who divorces, you have NO SAY over the future new spouse / partner. You have to be ready for anything in a step-parent to your child.
😥
Jordan has helped me with looking at myself and helping me to fix my marriage and make me a stronger person
The problem with relationships is when one person completely needs the other person to validate them and make them happy. That, and there are no boundaries and no communication. Things build and build until one person is unhappy then it all explodes. Go into relationships with a strong self-base. And communicate honestly and frequently.
Lol dumb ass getting married
Smart men don’t get married
Cause smart man know
Break up in relationship
Break up in marriage
Cheat in relationship
Cheat in marriage
Bored in relationship
Bored in marriage
Live together in relationship
Live together in marriage
Sex in relationship
Sex in marriage
Then lose all ur shit in divorce court and yr finances lol
Ya poor clueless bastard
Ah give it few years they will break up & divorce
It’s always comes to end
Marriage so pointless an scam lol
Break up in marriage so easily as u break up so easily in relationship
Yeah should of just stayed in relationship
Smart man knows this all
Lol marriage is for idiots an uneducated
Marriage is corporate scam who do u think creates rings An dress and suit the coperations that profit off of the people
Or can just live bachelor life an do what u want a life of freedom
The real problem with people choosing to get married, is the fact that they don't acknowledge, or even know the difference between LOVING someone and being PREPARED TO LIVE with someone.
Are you saying love isn’t important ?
@@blackbat121 No. In fact, love is the most important thing here. You cannot be prepared to live with someone without loving that someone first, because that would be called being prepared to deal with someone for the next x years.
1:54 - “So how about we fix things?” I spent at least 5 years and several counselors individually and as a couple trying just that. It takes both partners to do this. Sadly, my ex was unwilling or literally unable to be transparent and open. If I stayed, I would have continued to deteriorate mentally and physically. It is tragic. Our adult children see it for what it is, but still suffer because of it. This breaks my heart even more.
That's also what I thought. He describes a perfect world, where in the end everyone wants other people to be happy. Unfortunately that's not the case.
Or you start with the idea that nothing is permanent and everything changes. You tell the person thank you for the wonderful years that we had together and the beautiful children that we made together. I will do my best to support our children and we will work as a team to make sure that they have what they need. I want to be happy. you want to be happy. Let's figure out how to live our lives and be happy. It's hard to move on, but thank you for your contribution to my life I will value it forever.
That's it.
He has a different point of view because from what I heard his spouse is wonderful! A rare thing to be honest
Marriage is a ‘form of voluntary enslavement’ - brilliant!
shmemley72 No thanks...
Yes, for both sides! this is what makes it the strongest and the most intimate relationship you can have
he said that about divorce not marriage
shmemley72 just like those voting for Democrats! Brilliant!
But after that he says that it's also an adoption of responsibility in which you can actually solve your problems. I guess the alternative is forever alone or forever irresponsible or forever effed up.
Amen to this! Marriage is hard but it’s making me a better man and I love my wife for that!
Drew Fletcher great to hear!! That’s one of the main points of marriage... EACH PARTNER ENHANCES AND SUPPORTS THE OTHER. However, there will likely be times when you support your person, nevertheless you hold them up by showing them a better way, a better perspective, not by manipulative or controlling measures. But because of one’s own life experiences and desire for the ONE YOU LOVE to have a GOOD LIFE. You will offer this support & honesty ... because you want THE VERY BEST FOR YOUR PERSON & FAMILY. To intentionally sabotage your partner and family will only work to destroy YOUR OWN PEACE. 🔄 LOVE without ending
If you need another person to make you a better person, you’ve already failed.
Dumps your ass? Lol why are people on youtube such negative fortune tellers? Such idiots.
Paxton, then don’t take those odds. Only losers, compare themselves to others. Winners will learn from the other half that are losers. Besides just because a marriage may end, doesn’t necessarily make it a failure either.
Buahahahaha
Such an insightful, powerful lecture. My husband and I love to listen to these lectures on our roadtrips.
LOL - love this bit. All the best...
This man always makes me feel better by making me realize that I am not alone going through tough times. God bless you Jordan Peterson. I will buy your book “Beyond Order” when it comes out on March 3rd/2021.
How was the book?
I've seen and heard it so many times through friends, friend of friends and ex coworkers people almost take their lives going through a divorce. Then when everything is settled after 7-10 years of misery, they get a burst of happiness for a short period of time and then they're ready to recommit to a new spouse because of loneliness or found true love. Whatever..it's either stay married till death do you part or just stay single forever. Don't try to act or do both or in between. Pick one!
Excellent message for marriage couples going through hard times. Marriage is completely missunderstood these days.
Morally, this should extend to all couples with children
How is it missunderstood ? It's not understood the same way, allright, but so are many things, and there is not just one way to "understand" mariage...
*misunderstood (no wonder)
In a Stone Age, women and children needed protection from wild animals and other tribes.
Now women dosn't need men to the same degree.
We live in much more friendly environment, hence very stable long term relationship is less important.
People think marriage is long walks on the beach holding hands, candle light dinners, etc. the same old romantic BS you see on social media when the reality is marriage is sacrifice and hard work or it WILL NOT WORK OUT. Jordan is right your flaws show when you live with someone and vice versa, and that usually leads to couples fighting. You have to work out your flaws with one another and that's what most do not do.
This is a tragic topic. I'm a child of divorce and both my stepparents were abusive. As an adult I tried very hard in my marriage. My ex abandoned the home and after 6 months I filed for divorce. I lost 2/3rds of $M and paid 2/3rds of my income to alimony and child support for 8 years. I was an indentured servant as JP described. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
In my country divorce rate is 30% , now if you count all those people who are miserable together but still stay married than the number would be over 50% , which means that more than 50% of marriages suck.
Pretty standard to search/find abusive woman if you had that background.
Probably still your fault, but unconsciously.
Agreed on the child bit. Dated a girl for 8 months with a kid. Consciously I knew the kid came first, but subconsciously the child was in the way, and not mine. It's a real thing.....
Secrets of She Some will & enjoy it. I’m not one of them yet it does occur. It’s not black & white
This is very much so! And if your partner actually chooses to put you first or make you a priority over the kid/s, the guilt starts eating you alive... it’s an awkward place to be
It is most stupid thing to date a girl with kid. Seems you grow up without father
Don’t date Peuple with children if you are not a father/parent.
Of course child comes first. I never understand why the competition. Some women allow the new boyfriend to harm the child of the another man. Is that a better solution, at least you are first.
I love the saying ‘If you cant run away, then you can solve your problems’ that hit home hard
It should bc it ain't true.
you don't have to involved from the beginning... so don't be marry
I love it that he puts the kids in the equation. Because from what I know, THAT is the predominant reason why people get married and have a hard time separating. We all know that kids need stability and a marriage can provide just that.
In my experience, the predominant reason why people get divorced is because of children too, lol. Usually the father feels like he's just paying for everything and not getting very much attention from his wife anymore because she's so busy with the kids... and to her, he just kind of becomes another person to take care of in addition to the children, which is where the resentment starts creeping in.
No it can’t. Only for weak people
@@ladykd2355 The father in such cases is very selfish then if he thinks he has to pay and wants more recognition. If he spends time with his children he will get that, but not when they are very young, because they are not able to recognize what he does. The wife should know that marrying always means having first one child, which is the husband, then the others. The thing is the husband will never grow and she will always have to care for him like a child. All wives should know that men are like unable to proper care about themselves. They just cannot. Even if they try, they always need her help in something.
@@TeaCup1940 what are talking about foolery.
@@ladykd2355 so I'm assuming the father had reason to leave you?
Thank you Dr Peterson, you saved my relationship with my gf. We had an argument few days ago and I wanted to leave because as you mentioned, it is a lot easier to leave than to fix the problem.
I watched your video after our argument and realized that I should fix my problem instead of leaving and ending the relationship.
We are together again~! Stronger than ever.
Best wishes,
J
The opposite is also true though, that IF you chose a not-so-compatible partner (which most do, let's be real), then one or both have to put up with a looong stretch of misery. Easily two people end up taking each other for granted after a few years, being rude, indifferent, unappreciative to each other. Esther Perel always says most people behave better at work than in their marriage because if they are rude at work, they are fired, while they think their spouse has no real choice but staying. So they are their best self at work or with friends and bring home the scraps. To me the reasons that dr JP lists are precisely why NOT to get married. If you are emotionally mature (and why would you want to marry someone that is NOT emotionally mature anyway?), you don't walk away because of human flaws because you know we all have many flaws. But you do walk away if at some point the treatment you get consistently falls below your standards. And you don't have to go broke just to choose your own mental sanity versus mental misery.
Why be in a non compatible partnership in the first place, that's how I do it, give it time, doesn't work throw away.
when i was a kid i used to fantasize all the time about my parents getting a divorce, i can't wait for that day to come
sometimes staying is 10 times worst for everybody, if you're miserable and hate each other just get a divorce
Did you ever prayed to Jesus for them to recover ? Did you ask from Jesus to help them ? I am totally positive when i am saying if you give it a try and give some time to the almighty to work things out he will .
Don't expect that you gonna woke up and suddenly everything will be like nothing bad or sad ever happened , but you will see differences here and there and eventually the best part will come !!!! Have a little faith !
This man is like the Doctor of the World. Pure logic and the pursuit of freedom...
One of the finest arguments I've ever heard about why you shouldn't ever have children and why you should think long and hard about getting married -- and talk to a lawyer first about what divorce in your state entails. "What's love got to do with it? -- Tina Turner
The title should have "Divorce" in it. I was searching for this since this was the best reason I found till date why Divorce should be avoided at almost all costs.
Marriage causes divorce lmao. So delusional
Well, Albert Enstein has said once: A clever person solves a problem, a wise person avoids it. It can also be applied
for marriage. You would better not get married, unless you are 100% sure you met your soulmate. But, let's get real: nobody knows what thoughts are inside a human being. Peace.
you are smart ...i am with you but you should know that there is no soulmate ..you just need help sometimes
True!!!!!!!!
How do i know my boyfriend is my soul mate? Lol. I only get to know after I married him i guess.
@@Hisherly simple dont marry
@@Hisherly Soul mates don't exist; that's a fantasy concept.
I’m so glad he brought up the idea of commitment in a relationship. I just came out of a relationship where all my peer group and my ex tells me that its fluid and nothing is ever certain. That scared me shitless, having to worry everyday how much longer this relationship will last. I ended it at 1 year 1/2