INTJs like controlling INFPs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ค. 2024
- Why do intjs seem so controlling? Why do intjs seem cold and calculating, like they always want to take over the world or control people around them? Do they like controlling infps? Well here is my answer based on observation an experience I've had with me intjs in my life.
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Finally someone understands me.
I got an INFP friend (or had) because she blames me for breaking her and her boyfriend up. She blames me because I was the only person who was mature and willing enough to speak up against it when I knew a long distance relationship built upon no real face to face interaction (she lives in northern ireland and is 18. He is a marine in colorado) would end up far more worse than if they ended it right then and there. So it feels to me that she refuses to speak to me because I was never going to be a 'yes man' type figure as a friend. Also I'm not so much of a scumbag to go behind someones back because if I'm going to do something, then I would want others to know it was me so they no who to blame and so on. Not to say I haven't mistreated her because I have, though it was all circumstantial and especially when you take my dark and twisted past and throw recent experiences into the mix then I think everyone would understand it never had negative intent behind it. So that point where your INTJ is willing and mature enough to risk your relationship by telling you what you needed to hear and not what you wanted to hear. I am completely cognizant of!
That is actually one thing I wish raw (young, naive and inexperienced) INFPs would learn that in a personal sense. Doing what you need to do and doing what you want to do have very little to nothing to do with each other. Same goes with being told what you need to hear and what you want to hear. Often being told what you need to hear, even if you outright hate it, is what will bring about the best. Same with doing what you need to do, if you completely hate it, you are better off doing it because it will always play out to the better advantage for you. Even we INTJs need that reminder from time to time. Everyone of each type needs that from time to time. Though there really is no greater predictor of the future than we INTJs
One of the biggest issues that we INTJs comr across is everyone wishing they could be us. That is all very good and well but it isn't easy. Not only for how others may treat or think of us for certain character traits. But generally we are very prone to going to war with ourselves. We can get caught up in thinking of all different scenarios, but the real issue is when 2 series of events have the same or a very minor difference in how likely they are to plan out, because we can never settle on which will be the one to happen. Little known fact about us that is. We are our own greatest rivals/ enemies
CookieCrispings
I need to get me an intj friend cuz would of been helpful if I had someone tell me this years ago instead of slowly putting the pieces together myself. (I’m infp).
I don’t notice strange things or warnings right away. Usually takes me a while but when I notice, I don’t continue. I usually joke how I’m an idiot for not noticing sooner.
After that experience, I don’t do long distance anymore unless that person is actually willing to meet up in person at least once a month and then eventually once a week if we’re serious, maybe?
Most infp’s do learn what you are talking about we’re just really slow xD but if an infp does not learn they usually become very unhealthy and self sabotage. Usually the folk you wanna avoid just like any unhealthy person.
@@CandyApples4ever never too late to have an intj friend. while I am not much of a social creature, you are always welcome to reach out to me if you like (jslangley95@gmail.com) because apparently I give some pretty sound advice on things
CookieCrispings
I actually usually talk to my enfj friend for my emotional head pats and then I talk to my intp friend for helpful advice.
Intp’s can be very encouraging, if I’m feeling bummed out about something that has to be dealt with.
Intp also makes jokes with me that I’m stupid when I don’t notice things xD. They call themselves stupid when they find emotions confusing.
CookieCrispings
I don’t know what gmail is.
I'm an INTJ and that's absolute 'no'. My girlfriend is an INFP we enjoy admiring other's freedom. At first, INFP may seems weak and controlable, but you'd should stop that because your healer needs space to thank you by give you their meditation.
Spot on. INFPs only submit to control with our own consent. And as an INFP married to an INTJ, my ENTJ ex was WAY more controlling for the sake of control.
Agree. If we decide to let someone take the reins I. Some matters, we agreed to it.
As an older, mature INTJ female (I'm 52) I'd like to offer some advice for the younger INTJs. You may not get it now, but there IS VALUE in doing what you feel like doing even if it may not seem logical. There really is. We tend to always do what seems the most logical but the truth is that words don't teach. Only experience teaches. There is nothing wrong with stepping back and giving people the respect of getting out of their way to do what they want to do or feel like doing. Especially the feelers. Sometimes that is the best way for them to learn. Yes, we INTJs can see what's coming, but it doesn't matter. It's not our place to tell other people how to live their lives. You do you and let other people find their own way. I'm not saying to withhold advice if you see someone doing something dangerous or in dire need of help. But if it's just a difference of style or opinion, step back and let it go. Let people be who they are and they will find the best way for themselves. Trust that.
Also, I've learned to give my FEELINGS a place at the table along with my thinking and intuition and my decisions have turned out much better. My feelings will never run the show over my intuition but they at least deserve a place at the table. And so do those of everyone else. That being said, I've also learned that just listening to logic or data can get me into trouble because it disregards feelings and that can come back and bit me in the @$$. But I will ALWAYS trust my intuition. That has never betrayed me and it will always get my full trust.
this is great advice thank you
Thanks for the advice, I have begun to learn some of what you mentioned, and thanks to it I should be able to grow faster in those areas
Thank you for this
But your values must be objective and therefore logical.
In a free society we of course let others make their own decisions, but that doesn't mean that feelings are jettisoned from reason and logic in our own lives.
INwhatever tf I am here, I really like Ur point. Personally I don't really care what others do with their lives really. When someone's making a shitty decision or fing their lives up, I just watch them do it (they'll learn the hard way which is usually the best way for them anyway) it's too much stress bothering about others lives especially when it doesn't concern you.
I am an INFP that does like someone to take charge. And that's the difference. Its not about taking control, its about taking charge. Because I can be organized, I can be efficient and pedantic, make plans and systems and want things to go my way when I am at work, but that doesn't mean I live like that. Nor would I want to live like that. Because its very stressful and I do hate it.
I much rather someone else plan and organize, I much rather someone else to fix things and make decisions for me because I am very indecisive and indifferent and I would rather someone else make the choice so I don't have to think about it. I will go with the flow because I don't care one way or another, so if it makes someone happy to make this choice I am happy to go with them in that choice.
And I need that as a typical INFP, because I don't do things. I have ideas and dreams and fantasies, but I never do them. An INTJ/INTP/ENTJ/ENJP (whatevers) would be perfect for me in that regard because they can inspire me and help me to achieve my dreams because they can help me make choices or figure out a plan of "okay, how can we go about changing this from a fantasy to a reality." I NEED someone like that.
I am resistant to control, however. I will put my foot down if I suspect someone is controlling me or if I don't like the choice or the direction. I allow someone to take charge, but I will never allow someone to control me.
I appreciate you taking the time to explain in further detail and cover things others wouldn't normally do. That's why I love listening to your videos so much. ❤️
How great! I’m an INFP and my husband is an INTJ 😁 just found your channel. New sub 👍🏻
An INFP who understands efficiency... this is a remarkably self-aware event.
INFPs DO have inferior Te so they have a small part of them that likes organization and standards. It just doesn't come out often.
@@hfortenberry INFPs tend to use Te to get what they Fi want, its the worst way to use it. They very often try to change what people are thinking to something that suits there needs, smoke and mirrors. The INTJ is using Te to organize systems for the better of all, its a complete different world.
Aubrey
It comes out more as we get older.
My test results were INFP, yet after learning about cognitive functions and really learning about the subtle differences between the types I really feel I am either an INTJ or INFJ.
Listening to the description of your husband - It’s like everything you’ve described that he says is something I constantly feel but can never say.
It’s like my consideration of the other’s feelings always get’s in the way of actually saying these things. More often I am suggesting or guiding but not “telling”.
So interesting.
You might be an INFJ
Yeah I must say me and INTJ had "chemistry"!
We split control.
He is in charge of material world stuff.
I am in charge of our relationship and connection.
As much as he controls our day to day actions I control our interactions.
I am much better in that area than he is.
Ah, yes, control me, daddy intj!
This is a weird comment, when the girl uses daddy in the video about her dad. That gives me weird vibes
As an infp stop you're cringe 😬
what the fuck... -infp
Cracked me up when you said someone in a wheelchair was a narcissist.
From the title just NO, I've been talking to this Infp girl and weirdly I've more of gotten this weird protective instinct, I know she can look after herself but I just don't want her energy to change.
That SO needed to be said!
I like being controlled as long as i know it comes from a place of love.
The way I see my "controlling" tendencies is like a parent warning a child not to do something or they might get hurt. I don't prevent them from doing the action, but I make sure that they understand why things played out the way they did after the fact. Over time, the ones close to me have learned to carefully consider my advice when I give them a warning. They understand that I am only trying to help them even if it is something they don't want to hear.
- INTJ 27
People around me don't understand but they still come to me for advice. It's literally gaslighting gir me to deal with people because I care and I want the best for them. I try to warn them about what's coming ahead and they deny it and I watch them walk head first into what I warned them about.
There's nothing I hate more than saying "I told you so" so I never say it.
It's funny how my parents are just like yours, but my dad is the INFJ and my mom is the ESFP.
INFP here & lawd half mercy I love being controlled by my INTJ. Tell me what to do, dommie.
Yes my dad and my husband are the same way lol my infj pop loves me so much and push him so much
INs are intuitive, but not all INs are good at leadership. As an INTP I find myself often in leadership roles but struggle with that because I find it difficult to get past the abstract into the concrete. Plus, as an INTP I often have the viewpoint that if someone doesn't want to follow my leadership it is their loss. But as an INTP it is also very difficult to be a follower, because if the leader doesn't know what he's talking about it's his loss of my followship. I often like being left alone so I can chart our own course.
Leadership usually requires being a "J". You have to be able to make quick decisions so typically "P"s are not going to lean into leadership roles and be successful over the long term unless they mitigate that in some way. I have an ENTP boss right now and although his intentions are good, the upper management is going nuts because the ENTP just sucks at being responsive to customers and will essentially ignore people "until he is ready". You can't have that in a customer service role, especially one in leadership. I heard they are considering taking him out of that role because of it. As an INTJ, it is much more comfortable for me to make decisions that need to be made on the fly, while also being reflective and looking at the big picture. We'll see if he is able to make the changes needed but I just don't see him doing it because he argues against it. In the long run he'd be better off in a different role.
Man, INTJ and INTP are only the types that enter in the Sigma Male categories, you can check it out on YT.
@@avneet5219 What about INFJ?
@@hfortenberry I like that you said "usually". It's not always the case, Bernard Montgomery, Churchill's genius General who outwitted Rommel and was in charge of the British D-Day landings: was an INFP. He loved his men, and they genuinely seemed to care for him. A lot of great leaders are INFP, for exactly that reason^. Also, Te IS a part of their ego, and I can't think of any other type that so quickly turn around their attitude, and make turning their inferior into their aspirational their life mission. Sincerely, a fellow INTJ.
This is why I have great trepidation toward being in a commited relationship as an INTJ.
In today's climate, politeness takes way more precedence than setting agendas that can be beneficial to both parties in a relationship.
Even if you manage to find someone who is mature enough to let you take charge in making Te decisions that is beneficial to both, it seems like there will always be outsiders that will spew venom.
To find someone who will turn deaf ears to that and instead still understand you seems like a near impossibility.
omg are we the same? LOL I'm an INFP, my mom is an INFJ and my dad is an ESFP. My mom gets annoyed that she has to do everything too.
Great video, but question: what was your online job?
I appreciate you advocating for us ( I am an INTJ-A) I have no interest in controlling others. In fact I spend a lot of my time trying to convince those close to me to bleed for others less and place themselves as a higher priority. My wife (An INFJ-T) is generally content to allow me to handle the administrative tasks and in return, she handles the social stuff- so I dont need to speak to the humans. If anything I tend to bounce my ideas off her to check myself- "Don't agree with me just to be nice- If I am wrong I want to know. You can't hurt me, remember, I am a robot." Anyway, short version , outside observers don't understand our relationship dynamics and often jump to conclusions. Thank you for your articulate response to this phenomenon.
I had to explain to some ppl I worked with that the reason I issue "do this" processes is so that if they follow the processes and anything goes wrong, all the blame will be on me and not them.
Also, your title was a bit confusing... The way it's worded, I thought the INFP was the controlling one.
INFP with Ni-Fi spouse, I think the controlling thing comes along with masculine Te. Which, in our case, is what I have :/
It’s called submission not control as an intj many woman willing submit to me without me asking demanding or sometimes without me wanting them to it’s like on an instinctual level they trust me and they want to do whatever for me as a result it’s always interesting to see
ion like INTJ men either I used to talk to one
I transformed from an INTJ to an INFP-A within a year and a half! 😮 I feel a lot more comfortable in my skin, confident, expressive, and free than I used to. My T/F is pretty much 50/50, but I do feel more based on emotion now and less based on logic. I was never really controlling of others as an INTJ (or ISTJ before that), but I used to be more serious, want things to be a certain way, organized structure efficient precision perfectionist. Now I'm not as much that way, learning to let things go, lighter, more chill. I'm closer to being lighthearted and carefree, honoring a playful nature more when I used to be more wrapped up in my mind's thoughts, overthinking too much.
Sounds like you are awoken. ☺️
Type doesn't change. You may have been misdiagnosed. Also, you may have resolved some emotional conflicts, or your relationships changed, resulting in your personality adapting to a different situation and expressing yourself differently. But, your MBTI type has always been the same.
Hunted down her socmed... Hahaha.. so does me.. we are like stalkers and if not kept in check, is bad.. defo bad..hahaha - INTJ female
Isn't ESFP the INTJs alter ego? So you are living with the +- poles? Wow!
Btw, can you ask ur hubby if he has this sinister side of being an "instigator"? Or have you noticed it fr him. I mean no bad thing.. it's jz that we are always misunderstood as manipulative ( well another word for controlling) but i know myself I am not manipulative.. but i can be an instigator.. yknow that "devil's whisper".. hahaha.. but it's for good intentions. Honestly. Hahaha
Lol. I asked him about the instigator part and he replied with, "only when I'm trying to manipulate an outcome to get what I want; more so in business that is the case, "
Well I don't think that I tend to control anyone but if I know what's right to do and that person is just lost and confused I would insist to make them follow the advice I got which might seem like controlling but it ain't really, also I really hate that thumbnail
That type of relationship is the best
OMG…your dad’s bad w/ money & he’s an ACCOUNTANT ?!? 😂
Well, I guess that’s no different than a hot mess who’s also a psychologist. 😛
I’m surprised that you, as an INFP, can put emotions aside enough to listen to the person that gives the best advice as opposed to just listening to your dad all the time. Especially considering it hurts his feelings when you don’t, I would’ve expected that to make you cave and listen to his advice.
Yes I always try to put asides my emotions when someone wants to give me advice because I know im not always right...
It happens a lot if you respect the person
I find it amusingly contradictory, that women will complain about men "being controlling" but when it's time to dance, if the man doesn't lead then he's "effeminate" or a "soy boy". Really, what they're trying to do is put conditions on leadership. Meaning they want someone else to lead, but they also want to do their own thing whenever it suits them. Which frankly... is obnoxious, selfish, and disruptive. If you want to lead, fine. But if you don't, then be okay with someone else doing the job. Suggestions and opinions will be factored in when possible, but passengers need to keep their hands off the steering wheel, or this car is gonna probably crash.