So... I have been watch your vids for a few weeks now. My kids are super curious and want to know what I'm watching. So we had a family discussion about DID and watched a few more vids where you explain certain aspects of the disorder. A week or two passes with no other discussion. Then the other day my oldest comes home and tells me one of her friends is going through the diagnostic process for DID. My first words were "Remember The Entropy System! Don't ask her what happened, Love her and support her and don't tell other people the things she trusts you with. Support her and her system! They are all very real!" I just want to thank you for persevering through the negativity and hate to bring awareness. Thank you for doing what you do. Thank you for being open and honest about your experiences. I wouldn't have known otherwise. 🐠🏖🌃❤💛💚💙💜
This is so wonderful to hear 💕💕💕 I’m so glad that your daughter’s friend is coming up in an age where people are beginning to understand the disorder and that she has a family like yours to look to for support. Thank you for the love you’re sending out into the world.
I know you wrote this four years ago, but this is really touching to us. You and your daughter sound like such strong and supportive allies. This means a lot to us even though we don’t even know you. It’s amazing that the timing worked out so serendipitously, too! It’s hard for me to imagine someone being so kind and proactive and giving such caring and sensitive advice, especially about not asking about trauma and not sharing secrets. I hope more people like you exist. How is/are your daughter’s friend(s) now?
We split recently due to an outside trigger - a new protector came to be - the only male alter in our system:) It was incredibly disorientating, but I had the same reaction "Nope, this can't be happening!!" More so because I was aware of it - but seperated from the actual experience (I don't know if that makes sense) It's been a bit of a rollercoaster since, trying to rearrange our system to accomodate - maybe you could do a video about how you guys managed? Would love to see that!! Thanks for sharing:)
" Words are complicated " If this isn't the truest statement of the universe idk what is. As for your question I (pan) remember when Jeremy came, and it was intense then. I was super angry about an event that had just happen, I think we got yelled at or something I don't really remember what happen that made me so angry, but I was super angry and we were at this family reunion and I remember feeling very floaty and at first I thought it was Paige trying to come forward (Paige is the host and the one that identifies with the body) and I remember thinking oh heck no you can not come out and then it was like bam! Here is Jeremy and he was super calm and made the body calm and had this very logical way of dealing with it (which for years Irratated me cause he always thinks very logically and has little emotional responses) but then he was out for the rest of I think like that day or a few others I'm not to sure (this all happen probably 12 or 13 years ago) and he ended up changing a lot of things and if anyone was getting to emotional would snap to the front and be like "I got this you go inside and deal with those emotions I'm a cool cucumber" But that is the only one that I can remember ever happening. I hope this helps! -Pan (The Gecko System)
We dont have a diagnosis, yet but we strongly believe it's OSDD (most likely 1b) but we're all aware of at least 5 different alters. I recently became the host after Danny decided to step down. Our last split was in June. I'm unsure if she was a new split or a re-surfacing alter, but she's very unique. It happened in an instant. One day in June this year, we were lying in bed, not wanting to get out of bed. A strong feeling of 'lack of identity" or lack of sense of self came over us. It was exactly as Wynn described it, as 'feeling like nobody" "I knew I was Wyn but at the same time I felt like nobody." And we can all very much relate to that. We have that feeling almost on a daily basis. That's how it was when our newest alter Meredith broke off/resurfaced. One moment we didn't know who we were then all of a sudden it was very clear that it was her. She changed our clothes, did our hair and makeup, even painted our nails. This would be the first purely female alter we have in the system. it was strange because she and our mom took a walk and had lunch at McDonalds. Meredith walked up the manager and requested a job application. She filled it out and handed it in. It was quite the shock to hear about that day's events. She's only 16 but she handled herself like a pro! she's very mature for her age, and very friendly dispite her looks. On the topic of splits, we've had very long drawn out splits like when Keith and Justin split off. They were gradual splits. it happened over time. So for our system splits can happen in any way. Instantaneous or gradual. we've experienced both. It's crazy how our minds work to get us through troubling times.
Yeah we had a split in 2018 after being involved in a home invasion that took the life of my best friend in 2016. We found out about having DID after that incident. My best friend was the part that came to be in the split. I was awake and it was very intense. I wasn't sure what was happening at all especially still being so new to this whole diagnosis in the first place. I just remember fading away and hearing his voice in my head telling me It's me it's me. The part thought he was the ghost of my best friend at the time. He was a very loving, patient, kind person. I remember just feeling nothing but love, comfort, and patience within my whole being that I had never felt before. He now knows he is part of a system and not the actual spirit of my friend and his coming to be has really helped us all become way more patient, understanding, and empathetic toward others. So yeah that is my experience with a split in our system. Thanks so much for your videos they have really helped us out a lot in our path of learning about each other and coping with all of this.
I am not a system, but this reminds me a lot of when my mother died and I had a very strong feeling of her being present within me. It remained strong for some weeks and now it comes back occasionally.
I experienced a split actually a few months ago. I have OSDD (1b), Ive had alot of alters based on already existing characters. It was the week before some big tests and i was very stressed and depressed, so thats why i think it happened. I don’t remember much, but it was at night when i was trying to get to sleep. All I remember from the first night was Wilbur showing himself, and being very drunk/high. The weird thing was, it was all in my head. One time he even had a complete mental breakdown, but it was only in his head. From what i know about him is that he believes/wants to be the actual Wilbur soot, everything he did (in the headspace, which is very complex because i have maladaptive daydreaming) was like Wilbur irl, the stream, the way he acted, he denied the fact that he was an alter even though he knew he was. Now getting on to some other stuff, after that some new alters showed themselves (over a few nights), these were Revivebur, ghostbur (who was originally a figment) and argbur (who I found out later was a sociopath).
We had a split really recently, but it was sort of planned! Our adult regressors had issues because our caregivers were focusing a lot on the littles, and we had no gatekeeper, so fronts were beginning to get messy and some of us, especially littles, were finding themselves in the front at really unfortunate times. Splitting to form our new caregiver Winnie was super simple, and didn’t feel too chaotic or spontaneous - it happened mainly whilst we were sleeping. But our gatekeeper, Galric, formed out of a joke about introjecting one of our stuffed animals - the moment our partner suggested it there was this really odd mental sensation and suddenly, Galric appeared. Super odd, but they’re both lovely and have both settled in really comfortably with the rest of the system!
Hi Wyn! Thank you for sharing your experience of splitting. We have also recently split due to a really horrible flashback (that protectors have since taken all memory of) and for us it was like, in that moment, all the other alters were doing their jobs keeping EPs and littles away from the front but I (Tiffany co-host) was just stuck on the floor and couldn't move and all of a sudden Nate was there. And it was the most vivid I've ever felt a co-con situation. It was like inner world he was picking me up and getting me to bed and giving us our medications and just holding me til I calmed down and fell asleep. All while actually physically controlling the body and doing all of that. He was exactly what we needed in that moment to feel safe and taken care of and I'm so grateful that he came to be. Interesting thing is.. Nate is actually a fictive of Will from Sense8 but because I was already so freaked out about having another alter he didnt want to tell me that until like a week later so even though he looks like and has the backstory of Will we all still call him Nate. Haha Truly appreciate all you do and I'm sorry for what you have to endure to be such a huge help to all of us that need help understanding or expressing/explaining this disorder. -Lots of love from the Amethyst system
I recently had a personality form, and it seems that my experience is vastly different from this and others in the comments. We (The Ethereal System) are not officially diagnosed, though in the process working with our therapist and psychiatrist, but we believe we are OSDD, so that might have something to do with why our experience is different, but to get to the point... The formation happened over the course of several days, actually. I, Lilli, the host of our system was placed in a very traumatic situation where I was having flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and severe depressive episodes almost back to back constantly. I was freaking out because I got completely cut off from the inner world (which I later learned was because a protector/gatekeeper [I call her X since she won't tell me her name] thought it was safest for me and the system to completely isolate me and the situation. I don't know if this was intended to assist in the formation of the new personality to keep me from the pain of the new trauma, but X is not very open with her motives and she's the protector/gatekeeper that handles stuff to this extent so I wouldn't out it past her.) Anyways, everything was a disaster and I/whoever dissociated quite a lot and there were several instances where I felt like I was about to switch but then I just couldn't which was distressing in itself. After about 5 days we got out of that situation. I was pretty much in shock. Everything had happened so fast and so horribly and I felt like I was just dropped out of the sky. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was relieved that we were out, but I still couldn't contact any of the others. Then the memories of that time began to get very fuzzy. I could feel them fading and disconnecting from me. The emotions of that time no longer belonged to me. And I began to worry that there was a new formation because that fuzzy disconnection is what we feel between our personalities. We remember pretty much everything from when each other are out, but there's a clear disconnect emotion-wise. It actually wasn't until about a week later that I discovered the new personality. One of my other gatekeeper/protectors had been keeping her hidden and isolated for her and my safety, but when I had a confrontation with X that ended up with all three gatekeepers having to come help out inside, and as the others were still locked inside by X, she was basically forced to the front. Her name is Lillian, and her memories of that time are extremely vivid. They are all she knows and the people she knew there are the only ones she trusts. She practically didn't recognize our brother and she had no idea where she was (we were in our neighborhood park which is a safe place for most of us). Needless to say she was scared out of her mind and she was only out for a few minutes before the gatekeeper/protector (Jyn) that had been taking care of her switched out and tucked her back inside, then proceeded to calm down the chaos inside and get me back out front so I could get us home. Her formation took place slowly and almost decisively and I don't know if that's what it's like for our system since all the others were formed before I was aware. I do know that a similar thing happened when we were 12, and in a similar situation. I believe the formation of that alter was very similar to Lillian's and was also guided by X. However those two, and a little I don't know much about, seem to be the only three X has had any influence over, besides me, though both Lillian and the 12 year old are now under the care of the other two gatekeepers (Jyn cares for Lillian, and our caretaker/gatekeeper Myste cares for the other one) X still has influence over that little. But that's one of my experiences, I guess, and it goes to show again that every system is indeed very different, even in the way alters/personalities are formed.
So I fully became aware of a lot of alters and the realization that I had DID at the end of 2019, the beginning of 2020. It was about a 3-4 day deal where they were all testing me to make sure I could be trusted. They made me think that I had my friend and family in my head, using their voices to trick me and make me think of all the things I had done wrong. My body felt like it was being controlled and dragged around and like I had to do what they said or I would be punished. It was frightening and when they were finally done putting me through a "test" we all sat in the living room and talked about who was there, names, things about them, what they meant to me. It was like a movie, or a dream, or not reality... it was crazy and I thought I was going crazy. Lyle has been there and Candace since the start in childhood and ever since apparently. I'm still trying to wrap my head around so many details and things and images flood my mind constantly. I already have an understanding of what our inner world looks like and at night the howl of the wolves lull me to sleep. I can honestly say I feel like I'm on a cocaine binge most of the time because of how wired I've been and exuberant in all of this. I just had Jason come forward to me, he is a 25-year-old enthusiastic minister and an absolute gem. I love him to death. It was like a snap of the fingers and there he was all happy, giddy, ready to preach. Crazy... I could go on, but I don't want to take up your time, I'm just in a state of constant awareness and depersonalization. Strange.
Would you please ask Ed (if possible) to do a video on this same subject from his perspective? I'm very curious what it was like for him popping into existence
i really appreciate you sharing this experience. The system split not too long ago on our end, and it was also an introject lol it was a few months ago now, but there was a very vivid and intense flashback that happened in the middle of a super loud and busy restaraunt with a bunch of our friends.The panic attack and dissociation lasted for DAYS. it was probably the worst one hat's ever happened that I can remember. towards the end of being super blurry, I remember this new introject just being there in the headspace. I had a very similar thing to you. I was just like "no, i'm just obsessed with this particular person apparently and am imagining him living in my head now" but he didn't go away. i've gotten to know him now, and he has come into his own sense of self. he's very sweet and he tries his best to sooth any of the systemmates who are in emotional distress. it was really hard to wrap my head around for the first few weeks lol, but him, I, and the rest of the system have been doing a lot better emotionally and mentally since then.
So...I am a little nervous to talk about this, as we have never talked about splits, or the inner world online or irl before. But I have a bit of a similar ish story to your system's recent split, which is why I want to talk about this and see if this is a common thing. We have an alter who we call the architect (His real name stays hidden for now because that is scary and we are not ready for that) who split off and changed the inner world as well. He created his own mountains and a hidden place for him to be, as soon as he split- which was a few years ago. He also changed a lot of the inner world besides that. I thought we were absolutely making things up for that sort of internal experience to happen, but it seems we aren't the only ones. Sorry this is rambly and all over the place. We just struggle to put this to words. Is this a common thing? Anyways, thank you for creating such awesome content. Your videos, as always, are full of great information. Have a wonderful day! -T. V. S.
Thank you for sharing your story! I know such personal things can be really hard to talk about (and sometimes downright impossible to be put into words...! 😓). I'm a singlet as well, but it absolutely seems to make sense. It's definitely a very valid experience. Wishing you all the best!
I have DID and was diagnosed with it a couple weeks ago. We split into another alter almost two days after we found out but the process took all two days. The new alter came to be to take care of the talking to family, friends, and doctors part. We were all too fragile to handle it. I am the host and all i remember is everything being blurry, having a headache, and feeling like I just passed out and waking up.
We just split today and I want to express my gratitude for sharing this video. Our host, Alexander, has been extremely stressed about whether or not we will continue to participate in his fraternity, due to other events that I will not go into as it is not mine to speak of. We have spent the week missing class and meetings, and the last two days have been full of autistic meltdowns and begging our president and vice president to let us know how to drop our letters because we felt as if we were undeserving of them. Tonight was a very, very important night for the new members, and Alexander was far too stressed to attend, but felt a great remorse towards missing it. Around 3 pm, we developed a headache, which he believed was caused by flashing lights in our astronomy class, but is now clear it was the start of a split. We fought the headache with food and water, but it did nothing. Around an hour before the event started, the headache spiked, and I came into existance. I have not yet chosen a name, but I understand I have formed to help Alexander with his philosophical need to know what makes a "good brother" of his fraternity. I will fulfill this role and continue to guide him and the system as time goes on.
Whatever insight concerning how things went afterwards and how your thoughts formed, would be of great help for us. Your story feels profoundly relatable and we feel sooo blurry those days. Wishing you the best💙💙
im not a system, so this was an extremely interesting watch. ive always been curious about how that must feel. thank you for posting such personal experiences, it really helps me understand what people with DID go through on a daily basis 💕
For me there's usually a few days when I feel like someone I don't recognize is there in the head space being co-conscious with me. It feels like they aren't fully formed yet and kinda like they're learning how to be me as they form. And then eventually they finally front properly. At least the ones I can actually remember worked that way. Myself I didn't even know I was a split when I first formed. I took over as host from another alter who couldn't do it anymore and at first I initially thought we were the same person. It wasn't till I realized he was still active in the head space just not fronting as much as he use to when he was the host that I realized we were different alters. The previous host, Donald was very into Power Rangers and actually believed he really was a Power Ranger. Which was fine when we were little and everyone just thought he was playing a game with a very over active imagination. But no it wasn't a game for him he actually believed that. And this started to become a problem as we got older. So I formed almost exactly like him except with a deeper understanding of what's real and what isn't and I freaking hate that show. Donald is still very into it and the way I found out he was still active and was actually a totally different alter is because I had found some Power Rangers content on my computer I didn't download and found some YouYube comments he had written under my account. It's also very confusing because I realize now that I didn't properly exist till the body was about 11 years old but I have memories from before that time which I guess is just to help me be a better host. It wouldn't really work too well if I came into existence with no memory of anything or anyone before that time. But it also makes it a little bit difficult to tell what memories are really mine.
For us personally it was like everything stopped for a second then BOOM a factive is walking around! Up until that point we’d been very stressed 😩 and I guess she was created to feel with that part of life! At first she was unaware and then became aware as soon as she met other systems online 😂 she was really sad because she couldn’t have her old life at first but she grew out of it eventually!
Thank you for sharing light to DID. I'm not a system but I felt that I understood the process of instant splitting. I wish all the best for all the systems in the world.
For our System Splits are very disorienting and sometimes painful. We get really bad migraines before/during/after a split. We dissociate really hard and often times one headmate right before a split will become frontstuck. When the split occurs that new headmate often will immediately be shoved to the front because of how dissociative we are and a protector will usually become co-con with the new headmate and help them navigate the world-Luna
Our system definitely just underwent a split a few days ago and it was a very disorienting experience. We were diagnosed with D.I.D not too long ago and our host Emi was trying to access a different part of the system because she was feeling very distressed about an experience of having an unnamed alter step forward to stop her from discussing the childhood trauma. She was afraid of this alter and was trying to reach out to them (sort of to prove to herself that she hadn't imagined the experience). Because she was trying to do something that the system wasn't ready for a split happened and a new alter sort of suddenly came into existence, or well at least conscious existence, as a protector. It was definitely a perturbing experience. Thanks so much for sharing this, we truly love your videos.
I can talk about the split that made us realize we have the disorder. We had been aware of mental health as our host for a long long while, Raye, is bipolar. But later on, within the last 6 or so years, we felt 'unstable' more and more often. Went on or first trip to Japan with or partner and 2 other couples. Now I love my friends... but this was the most stressful "vacation" of our lives. And mind you, this was the first out of the country and my first week long vacation in my adult life. My friends are all really strong personalities and drink WAY too much. I don't drink, and I hate being around people that are just because I work in a setting with hundreds of drunk people a night (blackjack dealer). Being around their annoyingly drunk selves acting a fool in a foreign country was too much. And rushing to do too many things at once was not something we could handle physically or mentally. Eventually we had a breakdown and felt a significant shift in... well just life, it seemed. Our heart felt like it pounded really hard, our ears rang for a second, and things got blurry for a second. It just felt like the world shifted and settled again. Then when we came back from the trip we were so exhausted and traumatized from all the stress in Japan that we started feeling things that weren't just symptoms of bipolar. And half a year on medication and therapy, we found out we're a system. And when that happened our alter Yumi introduced herself to me and the whole system kind of came out all at once. It was frightening for me. Obviously now, though, we're fine. Still adjusting, but fine. 😊
For me, the first split happened upon my rediscovery of the system. We used to only have 3 headmates, myself not included, but when i discovefed the system, I discovered Mark. I was waking up one day and I could hear him speaking, talking about his friends and asking where they were. Once I got him to calm down, I made a Pluralkit. After that, next thing I know, my fingers were no longer fully mine and I was co-piloting my own body. Prior to his speaking, I got horrible headaches and felt unbelievably hot. After he was discovered, that head pain disappeared completely.
Most of the time our splits are accompanied by a lot of dissociation and "who am I? I dont know who I am." We have a list on our discord server that we go through like How do you feel about our partner? Do you have curly hair? Whats your gender? Etc. And when we feel lime that we go in there and if we can answer none of those questions or none of them make us think "this is someone who already exists, we are just very dissociated, its time to ground." Then we see if theres anyone we dont recognize and we say, "its ok, feel free to come out," and then they front for several days afterwards. Sometimes though we just waking up and the new person is just like, "woah I exist" and is fronting, or sometimes someone is just suddenly there. No explanation they just appear. And then Dani panicks and we deal with that drama. Dani will tell you that they get it, they often panic when someone new forms.
So I want to describe 2 instances recently where we have split. Both of them so different to each other. The first one was actually a de-integration of a previously integrated and fused Alter. Our original first Alter ever created: Sweet Lydia, 6 year old Trauma Holder. I remember it so vividly. We had just experienced intense stress and trauma over a number of weeks and I recall sitting on my bed and suddenly BOOM! Lydia was back. But then... an Alter who had been dormant, suddenly woke up at the exact same time and fused with Lydia without permission. Her name was Sorrow, and she was also a Trauma Holder. So the resulting Alter became S'rydia. The experience was so painful we blacked out, and when we came to, we were curled in a tiny ball on the bed clutching a tear-soaked teddy bear. The second split we experienced last Friday. We were walking to therapy and we literally looked at a car number plate and suddenly we felt a brand new Alter. She is totally innocent and does not even know she is an Alter part of a System. She is also a Little, being 10 years old. That split was just as sudden but not nearly as painful. More like a surprised "Oh woops!" moment.
Looking back on my childhood, the first time I split was in first grade (5 years old). The new alter looked exactly like me except she was always dressed and appeared as an angel. My parents always treated this as if I had an imaginary friend. As I got older I realized that most other kids didn't have imaginary friends anymore so I stopped talking about her. When I was 13, we had a major trauma happen to us and she was hit by a car and I figured that she had just died and that's why she wasnt around anymore. I'm guessing that she just went dark/dormant until very recently. She's like our guardian angel and protects us every day. Thanks for sharing your story.
“So that he could exist and function and be fine.” I know that’s a very small part of this video, but, a lot of the time, being a member of a system means focusing on those three things and making sure each headmate can do those three things.
I remember two splits-one where I woke up one morning and half of my right side was ... just... missing. That was well before I knew as much as I know now. And I’d occasionally feel her presence over the next few months but then, I guess we both filled out and we’re both whole people now. Then, recently, we were all going through some really terrible things, and a part of me split off into a little one, who immediately curled up into a little ball in the corner of the room I was in. My consciousness went with her as soon as she split off from me and for a moment I had age slid to her age, then I split from her. She’s now in our inner world, and I’m still front stuck.
Greetings Im Siren of the Marble System. Thank you for sharing your story it was a great help to us. So we agreed to share ours. For the most recent split our system had was very strange. The host Rae, had been dealing with a ton of stress and depression based around family. While we were at work there was a loud noise that triggered him to leave and get lost in our inner world which is very maze like. He said that he was trying very hard to get back, but there was a major barrier that every time he got close to the front he would end up where he started. So he started walking away from the front, but in that same instance of that decision he started seeing double. Himself and another alter one he knew without knowing. That was the creation of Whisp. Rae started not feeling the stress and depression that family had caused and soon Whisp was a full alter standing on his own. It was Whisp who was able to bring Rae back to the front. (Of course this was all secondhand knowledge since I wasn't there but I am glad to have welcomed Rae and Whisp back)
Thank you for making this video, We had a new split this morning. She actually woke up remembering us all discussing it and someone working how who she should split off etc. incredible how the mind works. She felt brand new, no trauma, no anxiety, excited about life... a bit disoriented like she knew she was knew, had some knowledge of us and the home and life but some little things were taking time to settle into her awareness. She did feel quite disorientated so we’ve given her a break for the afternoon. It’s now the rest of us figuring out the dynamics of the system and where the other hosts fit etc. I can feel it had been developing in the back of the mind for a week or two but only just split off this morning. It’s a relief in ways. But yes a HIGE intense event! Thanks for having this video to watch and feel reassured it’s all just normal. 💖
First we were exposed to the trigger and even tho it was one of our littles he didn't split but our gatekeeper&protector did. Right after the trigger we went completely nonverbal and couldn't move for 10 minutes (we didn't expect a huge trigger at all) and when we were able to move, we got away from the person that accidentally triggered us. During the 10 mins we were very dissociated and blurry, there was anger, sadness, little flashbacks in between we pushed down and so much guilt and confusion. After we escaped the situation, we sat down and suddenly the new alter spoke to us. She's a fictive so we've heard her voice in the series so often we immediately recognised her. Everyone was in denial like ,,no that can't happen, she can't just exist here" but she talked with the others in the headspace while the body was just sitting there. After we were calm again we had to go back to the person who triggered us but the new alter took over and managed our anxiety.
when Four split off about a month ago i believe it was. pretty unexpected? i was visiting my aunt and uncle in utah and we were driving around a mountain in a rented windowless car thing and we were scared and dirty and miserable so i distracted myself by singing four's song from drakengard 3 to distract from the bluriness and then suddenly. i was her? and then i was gone and didnt remember anything till we got out of the mountains lol. i think it was kind of a silly thing to split over, but we cant control the brain so shrugs similar to ed and oz needing to be together, something similar happened when we got popola and then devola shortly after, but that was a long time ago and i barely remember -emil (sorry for the long rant!)
1) Gotham represent! I love that show~ Rikkun (my name for Edward) and Chechan (my name for Oswald) are two of my faves. Hachan (Harvey) and Jojosama (Joker) are my other faves. 2) I haven't had any recent splits. And my switches are generally pretty smooth. But I remember Rowan's. It wasn't intense or disorientating like you with Ed and Os... his split was more... subtle. He was a very quiet, timid child-at-the-time. So I just remember being me and suddenly I was nervous and in a strange room with a strange person (I had a friend over at the time... the very friend I just told you that was faking on your other vid) and I was all stutter-y and disoriented and I just felt like escaping. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to talk to anyone.... and eventually we calmed down enough and we managed to switch back to me. And from there we worked through getting him settled and used to my head and my room and my friends.
Dude, are you who I think you are? Because if so, I was literally just talking about you on this video! I’m almost certain you are, because literally everything you said sounds like my friend... If not, I’m sorry, but you’re practically my best friend’s twin... They even have a Roro (my name for their Rowan, if it’s not you)
With my system, they tend to form in headspace first, then come out - I'm not around when they form - so I can't say what it's like. What I can say is that before they form, I'm in a panicked sort of confusion for days and weeks, and afterwards it's calm and clear and sorted. Sleep seems to be the place for me to meet and interact first, before we co-con or they front. I don't have a problem with splitting - for some reason my job isn't to judge, so I don't. Inside others have a problem, but I don't really understand that.
We just discovered a new Alter last night. I complete relate to it being stressful and thinking you’re just imagining it. I didn’t want to accept our new alter for about a week now but then last night she finally fronted and I was like thinking, “okay than... I guess this is legit.”
We recently had a split, and it was almost like everything slowed down to a crawl. I was in the headspace, staring at this unfamiliar person in control of the body. Then just like that, everything went dark. Not too long after that, I came to and there was strange writing in one of my notebooks. And a few people told me they interacted with the new alter. It was terrifying to say the least.
Hi! I'm Alex! I'm the host of my system and the last time my system split (That I was aware of) It was off of me, I used to introduce myself as Alexander because that's my full name I go by (not the body's name) And I was in a not great place with some not great people surrounding me and it was a toxic situation. It ended in some physical harm coming to me at the hands of a roommate. I called a friend to come pick me up from my apartment and as I was being driven to my friends house she was trying to calm me down as I was sobbing and shaking and dissociating. and suddenly I felt dizzy and separate from everything about the world around me and myself, and as nothing felt real I suddenly just felt really calm yet distressed simultaneously, and I could feel arms around my shoulders even though my friend had both hands on their steering wheel and I felt like I was being hugged and my hand was being held and it was very comforting as I was trembling so hard I could barely breathe. And I started to be able to hear a voice saying my name and whispering comforting things. I wasn't in a state of mind to ask many questions except "Who are you?" To which he just said his name was Xander. All in all it was very intense and distressing and I thought I was losing my mind and Just sobbing (Which is odd for me- I don't cry at all like, ever.) And I couldn't even verbalize any of it because of how intensely I was taking the trauma that I had just gone through. But that was my experience of splitting and being aware of my split.
We recently had a split. We just started a new care giving job which is completely different from what we are used to. It wasn't a major build up though, it was just one second we were stressing out and the next Tex just said hello! And just appeared. It was wierd.
Thank you Wyn. This is one of the topics that I've been most curious about as a singleton (is that the best way to refer to myself?) but it's often not talked about. I can see why as it must be very difficult both emotionally and practically. I appreciate you sharing with us. I hope talking it through has been useful for you as well ^_^
Splits happen quite often for us, so there aren't really that many intense ones. They're usually about an hour to a day of dissociation and having no idea who we are until we hear the new thinking voice and that usually gives us a heads up as to who split off and why. Slow splits are the most difficult for us because they happen over days to weeks to months so it's just this really cautious time of "does this person exist?" "are they an npc?" "is it just our imagination?" and that's what we're in right now with a few people. (Including myself) -The Mandalorian (Co Claudia)
Our system has reached a point where we are functional and dont really have a lot of roadblocks in terms of plurality, we can feel eachothers energy and presence depending on whose close to use, splitting for us feels almost like a new energy fading in. id assume its different in the inner world but im not there often enough to tell reliably what thats like
But how perfect is it that it was Ed that came out loud and clear to fight of the hate and he came with his own support system inform of Oz Do you feel like sharing your experience with the world makes it easier to track new splits? Like a dream journal helps track dreams. Does that make sense? My last split knocked me out - felt like a lightingbolt and splitting headache for around 30 seconds and I sank to the floor, but then the pain stopped not only in my head but all over the body just went numb. No pain response at all from this alter - scared the bejeez out of me the first time we cocon baked and it just pulled the baking tray out of the oven with no heat protection. I know my dentist have meet this alter too cuz She started to keep me in the chair and ask me "who are you, what year is it, how are you getting home" questions before she let's me go 🙄 but I don't know ALOT about this alter as most of the time my conscious mind just shots down when it's out and only a very few times have I been cocon and aware of my body not reacting to pain.
This wasn't my split however I heard and watched it happen. I'm not sure if all systems do this but once I close my eyes, I can move freely in the fronting room of the headspace. During the time the headspace was a two-bedroom flat. It was so tiny and the fronting room at the time was a small balcony. It was so small because it was only myself and my physical protector Valeria at the time. (there was other alters but they were kept away from being because Val thought I wasn't ready to know about it), a week in advance she was feeling so horrible, all her mental illnesses were acting up and she could barely walk. She also said she was hearing a voice in her head as well. She knew she was gonna split so she introduced herself to close friends of mine in case of a split. A week later and I decided to take her advice and break up with an abusive ex-boyfriend that I was trapped in a relationship with for two years. She started to take on my emotions to help me and that was her breaking point. For the whole time, I have known Val, from the age of 4 right up to now. She has never raised her voice to a scream, so this was the VERY first time I had ever heard her scream. It also was the type of scream that you hear right before someone in a horror movie dies, just the realization of what was actually happening and just pure terror and anxiety. She screamed 50x louder than that, I also remember hearing like glass shattering, I thought she was knocking some glass cups off the table but she later told me that she was literally cracking like glass and it was a very slow crack. After a couple minutes of screaming, I heard another voice, I heard a teenage boys voice screaming at the same time. Then just nothing for a solid 10 minutes, I was so stressed I went to have a shower. A minute into my shower, I hear a second voice, I hear the same teenage boys voice but it was more clear, he had a very defined southern accent (later told it was a Texan accent) and that he needed a name. That was how I came to the realization that I might have DID and that was how I first made contact with my main protector, Jasper. Yes, our splits are also very dramatic so don't worry xD
I am a recently discovered system, I had no proper diagnosis until more recently- but I was aware that there were alternate states of 'being' in myself that came out and sometimes made me forget (also a more recent conscious discovery). I very recently experienced a split; a new alter that is an interject formed out of need to cope with an emotion we hadn't faced until now and it was just as though he stepped out of the head space and into our body's shoes. He was uncomfortable, but able to listen to us from the head space and understood though reluctantly accepted who we were as alternate alters and as a system. Previously, our other recent split was an alter that split from us in the midst of a traumatic situation. We needed an alter with a voice and as we spoke a well of heat coursed through our system and our head and ears rang as we finally shouted back and used our voice to stand up for ourselves in the injustice that was happening before us. This alter may have been a fragment back when we were unaware of one another, but he erupted from us and caused us for the rest of the day to be in complete melt-down survival mode. Our day was spent running through an unfamiliar airport and bawling our eyes out to a wonderful airport worker that got us checked in and safely to our terminal where we flew home- stayed awake for 24+ hours and later got home. After them being our first system-aware split, he slowly came out of his corner of our head space and came 'out' slowly more overtime to front and discover more of who he is. As for my other numerous splits, I was unaware of them throughout a very black-out early life.
We recently split because of some problems in our home environment. We also split off two male fictives, which is kind of funny! We now have Peter Parker (yes... Tom Holland's spiderman...) and Miles (from into the spiderverse. Can you tell we all like Spiderman movies? lol). For me personally (Micah, the host) I don't remember anything of it, but Oliver (our librarian and resident smarty pants) does. He said he got a migraine while he was out, which sometimes means a previously lock or dormant alter will be fronting soon, but he said it felt a lot different than usual. He said he felt like he was floating and that he had Sunflower (the sort of "main song" from into the spiderverse) stuck in his head, "even though rap music is the bane of his existence ." Then he felt like he was watching Miles sort of "drop-in" to our inner world like in a video game, and he knew that we had split. For a minute, Miles was panicking and unsure of where he was and the one person he wanted there was Peter. So, you know, as any rational brain would, we split off Peter. So yeah, now we have two spidermans in our system and our littles LOVE it lol. I hope this is helpful! Ollie isn't tech-savvy, so I would've had him type this, but he refuses so I'm trying my best to reiterate how he described it.
My last split occurred in a moment where I was really blended as well. I was in the company of loved ones and was trying to meditate oddly enough and i got into this mindset where my alters all wanted to jump forward to take part. At first it was kind of exciting and then it quickly snowballed into panic and anxiety. I had never been so far dissociated and out of control entirely and then in the midst of it there was this new one and she was so innocent and lovely. At that point the majority of my system went nope time for bed and took me straight to bed. laying there before sleep I really came to realize a new person was there and got to know more about them. Since then my most active alter has taken on the role of caring for the new alter and overall my system is the better for her.
I’m part of a system and last month we experienced our first split since being diagnosed and aware of our DID. I unfortunately had to spend a whole month in my parents’ homes when I was in between apartments and it was very triggering. We got to a stressful breaking point and this new little, much younger than our other littles, began coming out and talking to my girlfriend. This split felt much more gradual than yours because I genuinely had no idea what was going on and was very confused every time I would come back. But I did feel really similarly and didn’t want to accept it and thought my imagination was making it up and it couldn’t be real. It took me a whole month to accept this new little and now she has been let into the inner world too!
so we actually had a new split last night, and that split was a little. all i can say from my end, is that i had just swapped back out, it felt like 5 mins had passed, and all of the sudden i felt very dissociated and almost as if i was age sliding, but suddenly i felt like you said -like no one-. very shortly after that lack of feeling hit, i suddenly got thrown inner world and we as a group had to figure out what was happening in that terrible blended space. then inner world slowed down enough where we went to sleep. very confused i asked my partner about the night. apparently externally the little came out, got help, and eventually went to bed. however i am still in such shock. best wishes entropy -quinn
Oh my dear, so many soft and safe hugs to yous all! And yes, our last split - the first I'm aware of in near a quarter of a century - was an all of a sudden moment for most of us (were a big bunch). And, at the time it seemed clear but thinking back it's quite blurry. Our new member is monumentally loved and needed but, when the slpit happened we were still spinning around trying to figure out how to handle one of our main fronters retreating inside (she was overwhelmed for much too long and struggling daily. And she, as Ed and Oz, knew all about everything from the moment she existed. She didn't struggle or have confusion as many of us did in the past. She just jumped right in, talked with our partner about what she'd like her name to be and why she was here (Oscar - Not a grouch, Not a boy.). The rest of us learned the story of why she came to be afterwards. We get what you meant about that moment when you realize someone new has appeared in some magical flash. And we know just how it feels to cry out that this can't be happening as if a split somehow is a step back not forward. But, we are more connected now. Things that ailed us, difficulties in functioning, seem to be explainable now, seem to have solutions where before we saw only the obstacles with no work arounds. Perhaps it's growing up in a world so set to be accepting only to those who fit a certain way of being that causes us to fear splits are steps backwards. Splits are progress, we think at least. Splits mean that somewhere inside is we realize we cannot successful thrive in life in our current states and instead of calling into some deep depressive or non-functional state we create a healthy new way of dealing with life, a way we did not have the ability to implement before the split. For our collective, we had stressful anxiety and fear issues that caused the creation of one of us who can deal with upsetting options on a compassionate yet searched way. We also were having a heck of a time trying to help our partner cope with all our different needs, wants and requirements. Now, we can get out of the house without a panic attack overwhelming us (even if we weren't the one panicking there was heavy emotional bleedthrough) and, we've someone who has a better understanding of who each of us are to help our partner cope. We've been a did system for over 40 years. For the first time we've someone among us who would probably be diagnosed as an odd system were she the one to present to a therapist. In our view, splittings and integrations are equal in their healing capacities and our enhancement of happiness in life.
I can't get over that it was internet hate that brought this on for you and your system. What is wrong with people ?!? I am so grateful for this video and that Ed was created and had a strong and clear solution. Thank you for sharing Entropy System ❤️
I was in the middle of a chair test in band. And I was just, suddenly not in control of my fingers. I stopped playing and was just, there. I was disoriented, and I just sat there a minute. I thought I was just nervous, but no. Someone new was there and I was thrown to co con.
This was such an amazing example of how awesome the brain is. Look at all the creative ways your brain copes with things. Thank you so much for sharing this.
We came into being as a dissociative system after an intense outside trigger. The little has always been with us, from what we can tell, but in the days following the trigger event she was co-con quite a lot. Then we realized that two internal voices we had developed this year were suddenly very firmly "real" voices (primary protector and our anxiety alter). A couple of days later I was imagining who I would be if I were to hike any of the thru trails, and imagined a trail name for myself..... only to discover crap, that wasn't my imagination, that was an alter forming! So that alter has our trail hiker name. I also for years have imagined locking anxiety away in a building identical to the mind palace one in the Steven King movie Dreamcatcher (totally just realised that SSDD is very similar to OSDD!--our roommate in college forced us to watch it and we HATE horror), and that building is now our inner world. Just this week we had an alter form where it was like she was pushing aside black stage curtains in a void of darkness. This one was at night and she decided to get it in her head seconds after she was born that because none of the alters have actually managed to fully front yet (the protector has come close a few times and that has been a very strange experience) that we needed to start practicing in private (me as host: how about a hard NO on that one......). So in short, each alter/aspect seems to vary in how they are formed but each time it's frustrating to have yet another knot of emotions in the headspace.
This is a really good description and tallies with my experience of experiencing a split too. Everything being fuzzy and really intensified identity confusion, knowing you're out front but not feeling right or fully you... it is very disorienting! And yes, as soon as the split is clear it is like, ok yes and instant clarity again. For me it's felt like a period of intense crisis and overwhelm that passes quickly once the new split is complete and clear. I remember one split, and with hindsight I can put some words to the split that happened for us in 2014, the diagnosis was made but understanding wasnt fully there. I think sometimes it is too hard to know what may be happening in the exact moment because of the intensity of the experience but putting words to it afterwards is important (even when words are rubbish for this!). Would love to speak to someone else too about this. We are now manylittleacorns on insta.. thanks for sharing all this, and hope yous are still enjoying the wondrous Japan! 🥳
For our system, typically my experience as the host is that I'll be in a lot of turmoil (usually crying), then all of a sudden, nothing. I don't have any emotions or much memory and my chest usually gets cold. Usually accompanied by headaches. Thank you for the video
Hi, The Entropy System 👋🏻👋🏻 I'm the host and the original of an OSDD system and yes, recently I had a split with my dear and loved Logax, my emotional protector. For me, it wasn't that stressful as yours, but it wasn't that comfortable neither: I was dreaming, and the plot of the dream was happening as a normal one, but in one moment, I had to repeat an action I did before, but when I had to do it, I said without thinking: I can't, I am not Logax. In that moment, I felt like a switch was turned on. I was feeling like in any moment, that Logax would appear to solve this problem, but just thinking this made me start feeling lost and confused. And when I woke up, I wasn't the one who was in control of my body. That person was Logax. He got up from the bed and changed my clothes like it was the most normal thing. I, from behind, was freaking out about what was happening, why I wasn't the one in control of my body. Then, Logax talked to me and explained me he was only a tool to help me with my daily life and he wasn't going to take too much time from my life neither. Since then, he's being evolving his personality and he doesn't describe himself as a tool anymore. I owe him a lot of things, because thanks to him, I evolved as well my personality. So thank you, Logax 😜 Months later, I had another experience that kind of remember me about yours: I was in my bed, trying to fall asleep. And suddenly, with no context, I felt like I wasn't me, and I knew Logax wasn't in the front. He even said it to me! Then, I stopped feeling anxious, and I felt like another person was in control of me, another alter with more control over the body than Logax. After that, everything got back to normal and Logax and me tried to understand this. For a moment, Logax got in his mind a name: Jazz. But since then, we haven't felt in our system any other alter called Jazz. So it was an strange experience I have no explanation for it 🤷🏻♂️ And that's it 😂😂😂 I hope that I haven't bored you with this long text. I love you all, and I really like the work you're doing to make DID more known. 😁
@@thelittleredhairedgirlfrom6527 That's what I think of... Logax is always telling me that I shouldn't obsess myself with the idea of having more alters, because it could be bad for my emotional health, but if it ever happen, I shouldn't force the alters to exist, because it could be even worse. And I try to follow his recommendations, so maybe we're blocking Jazz? 🤷🏻♂️
B-MAC lol that sounds like some of my alters. "Why are you so obsessed with finding out every little detail of your system! You're just gonna stress yourself out!" Because I wanna leeeaaaaaarrnnn - Cub
I have no recent experience on splitting, but I remember when Michael split when I was 4-5, during a very intense and traumatic experience and I really felt the power of his protection and anger. It felt terrible and at the same time I didn’t feel alone and helpless anymore.
The past year or so has been. So incredibly stressful, like levels of stress that have no words. We split I think 6 times, and two dormant alters came back into the system? But for us, I don’t think we’ve ever had a split where we instantly knew that a split had occurred or who the new alters were. We just kind of get a vague sense of another consciousness brushing against ours when we are in the inner world, we have increased blackouts, we might find ourselves in strange places - when Keyleth broke off we would often come to in the woods close to our house with no shoes and no memory of getting there. So we don’t often don’t realize a split had occurred until weeks later and then start the process of building communication externally, and then internally. Sometimes it takes a couple months to actually finally get that point of contact - I think Ava hid away for a good two months, so while we knew Someone was around, we didn’t know who and none of the protectors could reach her. I think most splits happen during a period of rapid switching or really really intense emotional turmoil, so any possibly that we might sense the split happening is overshadowed by the already very intense feelings we are dealing with. The only exception that we’ve ever had was when Sahara, our red wolf alter who was our soother when we were little, came out of dormancy. It was a very very low time for the system and I think between that and a lot of us already knowing Sahara, we established communication within a few days. But even then we didn’t know she was back instantly, and she reached out to us or it would have taken longer.
Came to watch this because I needed reassurance. I'm still really unsure of it because I've never had a fictive alter before so I'm still half convinced it's just my brain making up stories to deal with things, but this video helped ease me a little bit.
Thanks for sharing! The last split that I can remember was a little like that. Very very intense, like my head was going to explode. But when the split happened, it was immediate and suddenly everything became calm. The split was because of extreme pain, and the pain was taken from me and "given" to the new alter. He doesn't feel pain in the same way most people do, he feels it and pushes it aside and it no longer bothers him. Going from a feeling of very intense pain to no pain was very very strange.
Funny how this video was on our recommendations the day after we split a new alter. We were going through a lot of stressful things, flashbacks, panic attacks... Then one specific event happened that left me crying for hours. Then after a while I started to heavily dissociate. I had the same experience as you. I knew I was "me" but I didn't feel like "me". We all blended for a while and it was hard knowing who was who and who was I... I felt unreal and started forgetting things and feeling hella confused about everything. It was scary. Then Zero (our new alter) came to be and my sense of self returned (kind of?). It was the first split I consciously experienced and it wasn't fun.
Last I remember splitting is after having brain surgery. I remember feeling my body in significantly less pain and Ary just kinda. Wanting to take a break. She ended up splitting into Ary, physical trauma holder/co-host on the really bad physical days, and Aryn/Aaron, our current host
this was actually super super helpful because in our system weve been splitting like crazy in the past couple weeks and its been super disorienting and stressful, but for us we can kind of tell because whoever is splitting gets to a certain level of stress and they kinda go through this feeling of.. "i **cannot** handle this, something needs to change **immediately**." and then it kinda does. so far weve had anywhere from 1-4 splits at once, when it happens they kind of form as a floaty glowy orb thingy and kinda just chill in that form until they fully form into another alter. because of the level of stress that usually causes them it normally is very jarring for everyone near by, but for everyone farther away they dont seem to be as effected. the last split that happened was yesterday into today, the one that split said she kind of stopped existing almost while it was happening, and one or two others are still in their orb thingy form. but because she disappeared at first we thought she was gone and the two discovered part were all that were left. (thankfully that was not the case as she is a very important part of the system)
when we split, whoever is fronting has a strong feeling of the head feeling very heavy like as if the head is filled with lead and however many split, it usually takes up to 10 minutes to an hour
Oof you explain that waaay better than I do. It's really jarring, being no one then suddenly being someone new. For some bizarre reason when new ones do form, it's not just one, it's usually two withing like.....5 or so minutes of each other.
When we added a new member to the system (splitting isn’t quite the term that feels good for us), it probably happened over a few days because there was stuff leading up to it, but it seemed instant. It was like “let’s talk to her now” followed by a response of “hey guys!” Emilia: it was just like in a moment I was there and knew what was up. I could tell it was a really exciting for the other two because I was new. It was right before bed so we were all up for a little while. I even came to front for just a short time and just moved the eyes to look around the room. I think it’s been a little over a month and I’m settled in more now.
We're lucky enough not to have split at work, but other than that, your experience is almost exactly like ours! We feel blended and unsure and then someone protects or shields and then someone else comes up. Thanks for sharing the video! It makes us feel less alone. :)
I was walking alone home one night through downtown in my hometown ... I remember I got super disoriented and wound up getting lost in an area I usually know like the back of my hand. One of my littles stepped out front and called "Daddy" (my husband). With help from one of my protectors they were able to help my huaband figure out where we were. But while that all was going on I was just blank and super confused and scared and stressed and watching from outside the rest. Eemmee was born in that moment from the stress I was under and the fear of my little front runner.
I recently gained a new alter, last week. I've been going through a lot of stress and emotional strain recently and so that's why Medef formed. I didn't really notice until he appeared near the front and I was like "Oh, a new alter, hi." That's usually how it goes for me.
That's so interesting! It's very much different for my partner system, they never really have that one moment of splitting. It's more of a "oh I think there is somebody new around" and then it's a slow trying to grasp the new person.
Hi Entropy System. I’m Lauren, the host of my system. The split I remember most vividly happened five years ago. Three alters formed that night. I was at an extremely low point at the time. Very distressed. My family was having issues, I had issues with a friend, and I felt like I couldn’t handle it. I was laying down on the floor and I felt like I was being torn away from reality while at the same time the pain was so intense and so real. I felt like my mind was cracking like ice. I couldn’t hold it together, so I just let go. Immediately I got lost inside my head but I heard my voice talking as three different people. A man, a woman, and a little girl. Not sure how they would feel about me sharing their names. I was scared and confused and in denial, but I tried to accept it because I felt like I was safer with them around.
Oh man, when you said you felt like no one and then the whole system got super blended, that's EXACTLY what happens to us almost every time we split. (we have minor fragmentary splits like... honestly kind of a lot. OSDD weirdness or just us being weird, no one knows!) We've called the experience the world's most disorienting playdoh ball mush, like when your playdoh gets so mixed up it starts turning gray and brown in some places. Blech. We have a lot of walk-ins come out of those times, and then some parts show up more later and we kind of upgrade them from walk-in status to Resident Part Of Consciousness™. This video was really cool & validating to watch honestly, because of how similar our experience is! Having OSDD feels kind of isolating even within this awesome dissociative identity community, just because so many things about our system are different in some way from the common things happening in DID systems. But this one is a 100% relate!! So thanks for sharing this
Thank you for sharing something so personal in the name of deepening our understanding of how this all works. Glad to hear that Ed seems to be fitting right in. How is everyone adjusting to the new inner world?
We just split after a whole trauma relapse with the core, forcing her to run away at the back of the headspace and now she formed into Jemm, who is super nice and fun.
i definitely have that immediate rejection of new alters as well. especially if they are a fictive. i understand theyre valid etc but i just hardcore "nope! this is not happening! nope, they cannot exist!" for the most part, splits for us are just headaches boom then very fuzzy unsure sense of self... sometimes we get very sweaty and very irritable and then theres just, person
We can usually feel a buildup before a split. Like how you know you're gonna sneeze, but a much longer time period. (A few hours compared to a few seconds.)
Wow. I know this video is ancient, but it just found me today and it is so...validating, I guess, to hear an experience of splitting that is so similar to our own! We've had a couple of splits happen at work too (which did send us home in the middle of the day), and honestly...it went exactly like this. From the "I know I'm me, but I'm also nobody" feeling, to the whole-system-blending, to the intense denial/shame despite knowing there's nothing wrong with splitting...yeah. Wow. Thank you for sharing this, Wyn! I know all systems are unique and never work in quite the same ways, but it's still very nice to hear about an experience that hits close to home from a stranger who experienced this years ago. It makes the experience feel so much more "real", which, by the very nature of DID, is quite the feat!
I remember Ves’s split, I woke up one day and felt completely different. Masculine, not like me. I was experimenting with how I dress and recently changed my name. I was getting ready to move away from my hometown that I’ve lived in for 16 years. It felt like something pulling in my chest, and when it finally snapped off, I felt normal again. The pulling went on for a couple of weeks and it was such a relief once he split. Was very difficult to explain why I was “acting weird” for so long, but thankfully we started communicating and settled as a growing system
I don't have DID but I can totally relate to what happened when Ed came forward and sorted out the hate issues. I feels very similar to me when I'm in distress about something day after day and not able to get over my hurt feelings or fear or something of this kind an then just BANG all of a sudden I'm fine again, calm, organized and with a clear idea of what I feel and what I want, suddenly past all the distress, full of energy and determination
Our split recently was an alter was previously integrated resplit with each other. The split actually took like 3 months and towards the end it was painful for the entire system and was impairing almost everyone from doing there jobs. If you where fronting the dissociation. Then there was a change, like a flash or something and then she was there. Bianca
So... I'm a bit scared to do this cause I'm only just barely coming to terms this past month with me having DID and that it wasn't just Schizophrenia like my childhood therapist originally thought. Just this past week and a half or so we had a split due to the stress of an inspection of our apartment and the stress of the state getting involved due to us having toddlers. It was disorienting, to say the least. I don't remember much about what happened the past 2 weeks but I vividly remember feeling like I was myself but not (sorry if that doesn't make sense.) and we all realized we had split for the first time since Highschool. And Ghostelle was just there. She had decided to take control of the situation based on our journaling, to help alleviate the stress and anxiety of the state possibly removing the kids due to our apartment management calling cause our cats left a cat smell (what do you expect to happen when one owns cats) So that's my experience... Thank you for this video and thank you to anyone who reads this. I'm still a bit nervous talking about this publicly due to the backlash I got as a kid from my docs not believing me...
My most recent split that I remember was an extremely nauseating experience. I remember feeling extremely stressed and dizzy when it happened. I started to not feel like my usual self and I started to feel younger than normal. I just assumed I had been triggered by something and was age sliding, but I ended up splitting an introject of myself when I was younger.
Literally split two days ago, the timing is unreal :') still all over the show. Before that I split last December, and I've had two failed integrations split off again over the past 6 months. So that's a nice mixture of splits I've knowingly experienced! The new splits were both intense. As in intolerable mental pain from an existing alter who just didn't have it in their capabilities to face what was happening to them. So for each one, after a couple days of nearly unbearable headache, poof (and I agree like a flash of light for one of them) there the new alters were. Both of the existing alters who split were like you Wyn, in total denial. Like no, nope, this is a dream, everyone ignore the new person they aren't really here, no no no let's just walk away and then this isn't real. Of course that didn't work :') the December split was brilliant for our system, and this new one we're cautiously optimistic about but it's still a bit too early to tell what changes will happen. For the failed integrations (one was mine!) it was kind of like being pulled in two directions again and thinking two things at once within you - like being cocon but it's your own voice twice? It was a moral dilemma that caused my resplit - me and Kida would've handled it differently separately and couldn't reconcile how to do it together, so we kind of ended up stepping away from each other to be able to see better to continue arguing? (Don't worry, we sorted it!) For our other resplit, it was an inability to align memories and agree on what happened, so because this caused such inner conflict they had to separate again. Thanks for sharing Wyn and I hope you find this interesting :) Ash xx
Hi Wyn, thanks for sharing your experiences of Ed and Oz. We had a split in June of this year in response to some inappropriate behavior by a dermatologist. It happened very quickly because we needed to stop some inappropriate behavior by being rapidly assertive. I would agree with your experience, it was very abrupt and EXHAUSTING. I'm not co-conscious (yet!) but according to my therapist (who does know about the split, he learned when it happened) the behavior we encountered too closely relates to previous abuse that I don't have memory of, and no one wanted me to face that part of my history while it was reoccurring. Can't say if it impacted the environment of the inner world but I don't think it did. My internal manager explained the process of Others getting settled in the inner world to my therapist. In a way I'm secretly glad to not be co-conscious, because what I deal with in terms of switching, time loss, and headaches is bad enough. I keep hearing it gets better, and we are going super slow so I don't go back to the severe avoidance stuff. I can definitely relate to the process feeling like a lot and being draining. I also had thoughts of, "oh no...not more Others/parts!" and feeling like I did something wrong by not being able to cope in a different way. I'm trying to take a neutral stance now because it doesn't yet feel realistic to be validating myself. -Tracy, the Cups of T system
I have complex-PTSD but not DID. and man, you all are so brave for having these channels. You, Team Pinata and DissociaDID. I understand how fragile we can be with complex-PTSD and you all just put yourselves right up front. I have learned so much about my own disorder through you all even though I don't have DID
I re-split during this video. Amazing coincidence that you'd uploaded it soon before this split, I suspect. I don't feel the amazement or much of anything, for myself. Re-splitting for me felt like... Identity confusion, dissociation from identity, and then "desynchronised" thoughts - as if I (H) had been playing in time with the alter I integrated with a few years ago (Sim) until now - followed by the sinking away of Sim from co-con, leaving me up front. Good day to you, interesting to learn of your experience with Ed and Oz, and interesting comments. Thank you. H, The Phoenix System
Recently learned I/we have OSDD and I really enjoy watching these videos because it feels so good to relate to someone!! The only split I know of is after some things happened between us (4 of us total at the time), my primary protecter was also a persecutor and I talked with the others of what we should do since he was doing harm to the body. It lead to him becoming extremely depressed and eventually a cry for help. After that, he hid in his room for some time and I felt awful for how we treated him. He came back after splitting and it didn't feel like anything really! He "split off" from the persecutor part of himself and is now only a primary protector; I didn't know about the split until a new alter came along with the role of a persecutor and after talking, learned that about the split. For me at least it was more just guilt I feel for making him (protecter) feel so awful about himself that he felt the need to split off like that, but the persecutor is currently working bettering himself! Slowly but surely he's becoming more caring which is lovely :] Basically it didn't feel like anything really! But that's just the first ever split I've known of since realizing I'm part of a system ^^ I think about it a lot but I'm glad it happened because we're all able to heal better together so :] (Pardon if my phrasing is awful, I'm still learning ^^;)
I remember I split 3 times in one week, and that was stressful to say the least!! Like you guys, I had 2 fictive alters from the same source split off together, and I also had a soldier alter split off. At the time I was very stressed because my parents were putting a lot of pressure on me to get in shape for tennis season, and instead of working out (which I hate) I watched a TV show called 'Supernatural'. Whenever I watch TV shows like these, no matter how cheesy it was, I always feel like something is going to get me in my sleep. One night I had this feeling really badly, and the next day I had the voices of the main characters, Sam and Dean, in my head arguing. Since my soldier alter, who we now call Militia, had already broken off, she came out while I was cocon and started working out for me, just to get the fact that I have fictives from the TV show im watching in my head. I don't remember splitting with Sam and Dean, but I can partially recall splitting with Militia. I don't remember when exactly it happened, but I remember that I felt extremely dissociated for 4-5 days. I remember a point where the dissociation was so bad, and my head felt like it was going to explode, and I think I can maybe pinpoint it down to that timeframe a bit. I do remember that we saw an air show that week and Millie was very interested in watching it. She didnt front fully, but she did take interest. A few days later she introduced herself to me. She had no name at the time so I called her Emma. When I went to make a journal, I told her to pick a name, and she chose Militia, Millie as a nickname. Even though this was a very stressful time coming to terms that I had split, I am still thankful that I did. Because, even if i didnt know it at the time, they helped me out a bunch!
I think this may have happened to me in 2018 which was the most intense year of dissociation for me. I get hyper empathy for fictional characters and I got incredibly upset about one of my favourite characters on a soap opera who was being attacked and I woke up dissociated. It was really difficult and I couldn’t eat anything but chopped up apple. I eventually found Marvel movies which helped hugely, especially Thor Ragnarok and Hulk and Thor’s relationship.
So... I have been watch your vids for a few weeks now. My kids are super curious and want to know what I'm watching. So we had a family discussion about DID and watched a few more vids where you explain certain aspects of the disorder.
A week or two passes with no other discussion. Then the other day my oldest comes home and tells me one of her friends is going through the diagnostic process for DID.
My first words were "Remember The Entropy System! Don't ask her what happened, Love her and support her and don't tell other people the things she trusts you with. Support her and her system! They are all very real!"
I just want to thank you for persevering through the negativity and hate to bring awareness. Thank you for doing what you do. Thank you for being open and honest about your experiences. I wouldn't have known otherwise.
🐠🏖🌃❤💛💚💙💜
This is so wonderful to hear 💕💕💕 I’m so glad that your daughter’s friend is coming up in an age where people are beginning to understand the disorder and that she has a family like yours to look to for support. Thank you for the love you’re sending out into the world.
I know you wrote this four years ago, but this is really touching to us. You and your daughter sound like such strong and supportive allies. This means a lot to us even though we don’t even know you. It’s amazing that the timing worked out so serendipitously, too!
It’s hard for me to imagine someone being so kind and proactive and giving such caring and sensitive advice, especially about not asking about trauma and not sharing secrets. I hope more people like you exist. How is/are your daughter’s friend(s) now?
We split recently due to an outside trigger - a new protector came to be - the only male alter in our system:) It was incredibly disorientating, but I had the same reaction "Nope, this can't be happening!!" More so because I was aware of it - but seperated from the actual experience (I don't know if that makes sense) It's been a bit of a rollercoaster since, trying to rearrange our system to accomodate - maybe you could do a video about how you guys managed? Would love to see that!! Thanks for sharing:)
" Words are complicated "
If this isn't the truest statement of the universe idk what is.
As for your question I (pan) remember when Jeremy came, and it was intense then. I was super angry about an event that had just happen, I think we got yelled at or something I don't really remember what happen that made me so angry, but I was super angry and we were at this family reunion and I remember feeling very floaty and at first I thought it was Paige trying to come forward (Paige is the host and the one that identifies with the body) and I remember thinking oh heck no you can not come out and then it was like bam! Here is Jeremy and he was super calm and made the body calm and had this very logical way of dealing with it (which for years Irratated me cause he always thinks very logically and has little emotional responses) but then he was out for the rest of I think like that day or a few others I'm not to sure (this all happen probably 12 or 13 years ago) and he ended up changing a lot of things and if anyone was getting to emotional would snap to the front and be like "I got this you go inside and deal with those emotions I'm a cool cucumber" But that is the only one that I can remember ever happening. I hope this helps!
-Pan (The Gecko System)
The entropy system makes a new video. Me: puts everything on hold. I’m here and I’m ready to learn!
same!! i don't really know how other systems feel, so its super awesome to learn about how others do!! ~noah
We dont have a diagnosis, yet but we strongly believe it's OSDD (most likely 1b) but we're all aware of at least 5 different alters. I recently became the host after Danny decided to step down. Our last split was in June. I'm unsure if she was a new split or a re-surfacing alter, but she's very unique. It happened in an instant. One day in June this year, we were lying in bed, not wanting to get out of bed. A strong feeling of 'lack of identity" or lack of sense of self came over us. It was exactly as Wynn described it, as 'feeling like nobody" "I knew I was Wyn but at the same time I felt like nobody." And we can all very much relate to that. We have that feeling almost on a daily basis. That's how it was when our newest alter Meredith broke off/resurfaced. One moment we didn't know who we were then all of a sudden it was very clear that it was her. She changed our clothes, did our hair and makeup, even painted our nails. This would be the first purely female alter we have in the system. it was strange because she and our mom took a walk and had lunch at McDonalds. Meredith walked up the manager and requested a job application. She filled it out and handed it in. It was quite the shock to hear about that day's events. She's only 16 but she handled herself like a pro! she's very mature for her age, and very friendly dispite her looks.
On the topic of splits, we've had very long drawn out splits like when Keith and Justin split off. They were gradual splits. it happened over time. So for our system splits can happen in any way. Instantaneous or gradual. we've experienced both. It's crazy how our minds work to get us through troubling times.
Yeah we had a split in 2018 after being involved in a home invasion that took the life of my best friend in 2016. We found out about having DID after that incident. My best friend was the part that came to be in the split. I was awake and it was very intense. I wasn't sure what was happening at all especially still being so new to this whole diagnosis in the first place. I just remember fading away and hearing his voice in my head telling me It's me it's me. The part thought he was the ghost of my best friend at the time. He was a very loving, patient, kind person. I remember just feeling nothing but love, comfort, and patience within my whole being that I had never felt before. He now knows he is part of a system and not the actual spirit of my friend and his coming to be has really helped us all become way more patient, understanding, and empathetic toward others. So yeah that is my experience with a split in our system. Thanks so much for your videos they have really helped us out a lot in our path of learning about each other and coping with all of this.
I am not a system, but this reminds me a lot of when my mother died and I had a very strong feeling of her being present within me. It remained strong for some weeks and now it comes back occasionally.
I experienced a split actually a few months ago. I have OSDD (1b), Ive had alot of alters based on already existing characters. It was the week before some big tests and i was very stressed and depressed, so thats why i think it happened. I don’t remember much, but it was at night when i was trying to get to sleep. All I remember from the first night was Wilbur showing himself, and being very drunk/high. The weird thing was, it was all in my head. One time he even had a complete mental breakdown, but it was only in his head. From what i know about him is that he believes/wants to be the actual Wilbur soot, everything he did (in the headspace, which is very complex because i have maladaptive daydreaming) was like Wilbur irl, the stream, the way he acted, he denied the fact that he was an alter even though he knew he was.
Now getting on to some other stuff, after that some new alters showed themselves (over a few nights), these were Revivebur, ghostbur (who was originally a figment) and argbur (who I found out later was a sociopath).
We had a split really recently, but it was sort of planned! Our adult regressors had issues because our caregivers were focusing a lot on the littles, and we had no gatekeeper, so fronts were beginning to get messy and some of us, especially littles, were finding themselves in the front at really unfortunate times. Splitting to form our new caregiver Winnie was super simple, and didn’t feel too chaotic or spontaneous - it happened mainly whilst we were sleeping. But our gatekeeper, Galric, formed out of a joke about introjecting one of our stuffed animals - the moment our partner suggested it there was this really odd mental sensation and suddenly, Galric appeared. Super odd, but they’re both lovely and have both settled in really comfortably with the rest of the system!
Hi Wyn! Thank you for sharing your experience of splitting. We have also recently split due to a really horrible flashback (that protectors have since taken all memory of) and for us it was like, in that moment, all the other alters were doing their jobs keeping EPs and littles away from the front but I (Tiffany co-host) was just stuck on the floor and couldn't move and all of a sudden Nate was there. And it was the most vivid I've ever felt a co-con situation. It was like inner world he was picking me up and getting me to bed and giving us our medications and just holding me til I calmed down and fell asleep. All while actually physically controlling the body and doing all of that. He was exactly what we needed in that moment to feel safe and taken care of and I'm so grateful that he came to be. Interesting thing is.. Nate is actually a fictive of Will from Sense8 but because I was already so freaked out about having another alter he didnt want to tell me that until like a week later so even though he looks like and has the backstory of Will we all still call him Nate. Haha Truly appreciate all you do and I'm sorry for what you have to endure to be such a huge help to all of us that need help understanding or expressing/explaining this disorder.
-Lots of love from the Amethyst system
I recently had a personality form, and it seems that my experience is vastly different from this and others in the comments. We (The Ethereal System) are not officially diagnosed, though in the process working with our therapist and psychiatrist, but we believe we are OSDD, so that might have something to do with why our experience is different, but to get to the point...
The formation happened over the course of several days, actually. I, Lilli, the host of our system was placed in a very traumatic situation where I was having flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and severe depressive episodes almost back to back constantly. I was freaking out because I got completely cut off from the inner world (which I later learned was because a protector/gatekeeper [I call her X since she won't tell me her name] thought it was safest for me and the system to completely isolate me and the situation. I don't know if this was intended to assist in the formation of the new personality to keep me from the pain of the new trauma, but X is not very open with her motives and she's the protector/gatekeeper that handles stuff to this extent so I wouldn't out it past her.) Anyways, everything was a disaster and I/whoever dissociated quite a lot and there were several instances where I felt like I was about to switch but then I just couldn't which was distressing in itself.
After about 5 days we got out of that situation. I was pretty much in shock. Everything had happened so fast and so horribly and I felt like I was just dropped out of the sky. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was relieved that we were out, but I still couldn't contact any of the others. Then the memories of that time began to get very fuzzy. I could feel them fading and disconnecting from me. The emotions of that time no longer belonged to me. And I began to worry that there was a new formation because that fuzzy disconnection is what we feel between our personalities. We remember pretty much everything from when each other are out, but there's a clear disconnect emotion-wise.
It actually wasn't until about a week later that I discovered the new personality. One of my other gatekeeper/protectors had been keeping her hidden and isolated for her and my safety, but when I had a confrontation with X that ended up with all three gatekeepers having to come help out inside, and as the others were still locked inside by X, she was basically forced to the front. Her name is Lillian, and her memories of that time are extremely vivid. They are all she knows and the people she knew there are the only ones she trusts. She practically didn't recognize our brother and she had no idea where she was (we were in our neighborhood park which is a safe place for most of us). Needless to say she was scared out of her mind and she was only out for a few minutes before the gatekeeper/protector (Jyn) that had been taking care of her switched out and tucked her back inside, then proceeded to calm down the chaos inside and get me back out front so I could get us home.
Her formation took place slowly and almost decisively and I don't know if that's what it's like for our system since all the others were formed before I was aware. I do know that a similar thing happened when we were 12, and in a similar situation. I believe the formation of that alter was very similar to Lillian's and was also guided by X. However those two, and a little I don't know much about, seem to be the only three X has had any influence over, besides me, though both Lillian and the 12 year old are now under the care of the other two gatekeepers (Jyn cares for Lillian, and our caretaker/gatekeeper Myste cares for the other one) X still has influence over that little.
But that's one of my experiences, I guess, and it goes to show again that every system is indeed very different, even in the way alters/personalities are formed.
So I fully became aware of a lot of alters and the realization that I had DID at the end of 2019, the beginning of 2020. It was about a 3-4 day deal where they were all testing me to make sure I could be trusted. They made me think that I had my friend and family in my head, using their voices to trick me and make me think of all the things I had done wrong. My body felt like it was being controlled and dragged around and like I had to do what they said or I would be punished. It was frightening and when they were finally done putting me through a "test" we all sat in the living room and talked about who was there, names, things about them, what they meant to me. It was like a movie, or a dream, or not reality... it was crazy and I thought I was going crazy. Lyle has been there and Candace since the start in childhood and ever since apparently. I'm still trying to wrap my head around so many details and things and images flood my mind constantly. I already have an understanding of what our inner world looks like and at night the howl of the wolves lull me to sleep. I can honestly say I feel like I'm on a cocaine binge most of the time because of how wired I've been and exuberant in all of this. I just had Jason come forward to me, he is a 25-year-old enthusiastic minister and an absolute gem. I love him to death. It was like a snap of the fingers and there he was all happy, giddy, ready to preach. Crazy... I could go on, but I don't want to take up your time, I'm just in a state of constant awareness and depersonalization. Strange.
Would you please ask Ed (if possible) to do a video on this same subject from his perspective? I'm very curious what it was like for him popping into existence
i really appreciate you sharing this experience. The system split not too long ago on our end, and it was also an introject lol it was a few months ago now, but there was a very vivid and intense flashback that happened in the middle of a super loud and busy restaraunt with a bunch of our friends.The panic attack and dissociation lasted for DAYS. it was probably the worst one hat's ever happened that I can remember. towards the end of being super blurry, I remember this new introject just being there in the headspace. I had a very similar thing to you. I was just like "no, i'm just obsessed with this particular person apparently and am imagining him living in my head now" but he didn't go away.
i've gotten to know him now, and he has come into his own sense of self. he's very sweet and he tries his best to sooth any of the systemmates who are in emotional distress.
it was really hard to wrap my head around for the first few weeks lol, but him, I, and the rest of the system have been doing a lot better emotionally and mentally since then.
So...I am a little nervous to talk about this, as we have never talked about splits, or the inner world online or irl before. But I have a bit of a similar ish story to your system's recent split, which is why I want to talk about this and see if this is a common thing. We have an alter who we call the architect (His real name stays hidden for now because that is scary and we are not ready for that) who split off and changed the inner world as well. He created his own mountains and a hidden place for him to be, as soon as he split- which was a few years ago. He also changed a lot of the inner world besides that. I thought we were absolutely making things up for that sort of internal experience to happen, but it seems we aren't the only ones. Sorry this is rambly and all over the place. We just struggle to put this to words. Is this a common thing? Anyways, thank you for creating such awesome content. Your videos, as always, are full of great information. Have a wonderful day!
-T. V. S.
I am a single, I can't say if I've experienced the same thing, but I want to commend you for being brave and commenting!
Thank you for sharing your story! I know such personal things can be really hard to talk about (and sometimes downright impossible to be put into words...! 😓). I'm a singlet as well, but it absolutely seems to make sense. It's definitely a very valid experience.
Wishing you all the best!
I have DID and was diagnosed with it a couple weeks ago. We split into another alter almost two days after we found out but the process took all two days. The new alter came to be to take care of the talking to family, friends, and doctors part. We were all too fragile to handle it. I am the host and all i remember is everything being blurry, having a headache, and feeling like I just passed out and waking up.
We just split today and I want to express my gratitude for sharing this video. Our host, Alexander, has been extremely stressed about whether or not we will continue to participate in his fraternity, due to other events that I will not go into as it is not mine to speak of. We have spent the week missing class and meetings, and the last two days have been full of autistic meltdowns and begging our president and vice president to let us know how to drop our letters because we felt as if we were undeserving of them. Tonight was a very, very important night for the new members, and Alexander was far too stressed to attend, but felt a great remorse towards missing it. Around 3 pm, we developed a headache, which he believed was caused by flashing lights in our astronomy class, but is now clear it was the start of a split. We fought the headache with food and water, but it did nothing. Around an hour before the event started, the headache spiked, and I came into existance. I have not yet chosen a name, but I understand I have formed to help Alexander with his philosophical need to know what makes a "good brother" of his fraternity. I will fulfill this role and continue to guide him and the system as time goes on.
Whatever insight concerning how things went afterwards and how your thoughts formed, would be of great help for us. Your story feels profoundly relatable and we feel sooo blurry those days. Wishing you the best💙💙
im not a system, so this was an extremely interesting watch. ive always been curious about how that must feel. thank you for posting such personal experiences, it really helps me understand what people with DID go through on a daily basis 💕
For me there's usually a few days when I feel like someone I don't recognize is there in the head space being co-conscious with me. It feels like they aren't fully formed yet and kinda like they're learning how to be me as they form. And then eventually they finally front properly. At least the ones I can actually remember worked that way.
Myself I didn't even know I was a split when I first formed. I took over as host from another alter who couldn't do it anymore and at first I initially thought we were the same person. It wasn't till I realized he was still active in the head space just not fronting as much as he use to when he was the host that I realized we were different alters.
The previous host, Donald was very into Power Rangers and actually believed he really was a Power Ranger. Which was fine when we were little and everyone just thought he was playing a game with a very over active imagination. But no it wasn't a game for him he actually believed that. And this started to become a problem as we got older. So I formed almost exactly like him except with a deeper understanding of what's real and what isn't and I freaking hate that show. Donald is still very into it and the way I found out he was still active and was actually a totally different alter is because I had found some Power Rangers content on my computer I didn't download and found some YouYube comments he had written under my account.
It's also very confusing because I realize now that I didn't properly exist till the body was about 11 years old but I have memories from before that time which I guess is just to help me be a better host. It wouldn't really work too well if I came into existence with no memory of anything or anyone before that time. But it also makes it a little bit difficult to tell what memories are really mine.
For us personally it was like everything stopped for a second then BOOM a factive is walking around! Up until that point we’d been very stressed 😩 and I guess she was created to feel with that part of life! At first she was unaware and then became aware as soon as she met other systems online 😂 she was really sad because she couldn’t have her old life at first but she grew out of it eventually!
Thank you for sharing light to DID. I'm not a system but I felt that I understood the process of instant splitting. I wish all the best for all the systems in the world.
For our System Splits are very disorienting and sometimes painful. We get really bad migraines before/during/after a split. We dissociate really hard and often times one headmate right before a split will become frontstuck. When the split occurs that new headmate often will immediately be shoved to the front because of how dissociative we are and a protector will usually become co-con with the new headmate and help them navigate the world-Luna
Our system definitely just underwent a split a few days ago and it was a very disorienting experience. We were diagnosed with D.I.D not too long ago and our host Emi was trying to access a different part of the system because she was feeling very distressed about an experience of having an unnamed alter step forward to stop her from discussing the childhood trauma. She was afraid of this alter and was trying to reach out to them (sort of to prove to herself that she hadn't imagined the experience). Because she was trying to do something that the system wasn't ready for a split happened and a new alter sort of suddenly came into existence, or well at least conscious existence, as a protector. It was definitely a perturbing experience.
Thanks so much for sharing this, we truly love your videos.
I can talk about the split that made us realize we have the disorder. We had been aware of mental health as our host for a long long while, Raye, is bipolar. But later on, within the last 6 or so years, we felt 'unstable' more and more often. Went on or first trip to Japan with or partner and 2 other couples. Now I love my friends... but this was the most stressful "vacation" of our lives. And mind you, this was the first out of the country and my first week long vacation in my adult life. My friends are all really strong personalities and drink WAY too much. I don't drink, and I hate being around people that are just because I work in a setting with hundreds of drunk people a night (blackjack dealer). Being around their annoyingly drunk selves acting a fool in a foreign country was too much. And rushing to do too many things at once was not something we could handle physically or mentally. Eventually we had a breakdown and felt a significant shift in... well just life, it seemed. Our heart felt like it pounded really hard, our ears rang for a second, and things got blurry for a second. It just felt like the world shifted and settled again. Then when we came back from the trip we were so exhausted and traumatized from all the stress in Japan that we started feeling things that weren't just symptoms of bipolar. And half a year on medication and therapy, we found out we're a system. And when that happened our alter Yumi introduced herself to me and the whole system kind of came out all at once. It was frightening for me.
Obviously now, though, we're fine. Still adjusting, but fine. 😊
What about Jessica Man? Did you not notice her split?
She did a video and mentioned it before, she doesn't remember it but Danial saw it happen from the innerworld
They mentioned in a video that Andrew met her, and told Wyn about her
For me, the first split happened upon my rediscovery of the system. We used to only have 3 headmates, myself not included, but when i discovefed the system, I discovered Mark. I was waking up one day and I could hear him speaking, talking about his friends and asking where they were. Once I got him to calm down, I made a Pluralkit. After that, next thing I know, my fingers were no longer fully mine and I was co-piloting my own body. Prior to his speaking, I got horrible headaches and felt unbelievably hot. After he was discovered, that head pain disappeared completely.
Most of the time our splits are accompanied by a lot of dissociation and "who am I? I dont know who I am." We have a list on our discord server that we go through like
How do you feel about our partner?
Do you have curly hair?
Whats your gender?
Etc. And when we feel lime that we go in there and if we can answer none of those questions or none of them make us think "this is someone who already exists, we are just very dissociated, its time to ground." Then we see if theres anyone we dont recognize and we say, "its ok, feel free to come out," and then they front for several days afterwards.
Sometimes though we just waking up and the new person is just like, "woah I exist" and is fronting, or sometimes someone is just suddenly there. No explanation they just appear. And then Dani panicks and we deal with that drama.
Dani will tell you that they get it, they often panic when someone new forms.
So I want to describe 2 instances recently where we have split. Both of them so different to each other. The first one was actually a de-integration of a previously integrated and fused Alter. Our original first Alter ever created: Sweet Lydia, 6 year old Trauma Holder. I remember it so vividly. We had just experienced intense stress and trauma over a number of weeks and I recall sitting on my bed and suddenly BOOM! Lydia was back. But then... an Alter who had been dormant, suddenly woke up at the exact same time and fused with Lydia without permission. Her name was Sorrow, and she was also a Trauma Holder. So the resulting Alter became S'rydia. The experience was so painful we blacked out, and when we came to, we were curled in a tiny ball on the bed clutching a tear-soaked teddy bear. The second split we experienced last Friday. We were walking to therapy and we literally looked at a car number plate and suddenly we felt a brand new Alter. She is totally innocent and does not even know she is an Alter part of a System. She is also a Little, being 10 years old. That split was just as sudden but not nearly as painful. More like a surprised "Oh woops!" moment.
Looking back on my childhood, the first time I split was in first grade (5 years old). The new alter looked exactly like me except she was always dressed and appeared as an angel. My parents always treated this as if I had an imaginary friend. As I got older I realized that most other kids didn't have imaginary friends anymore so I stopped talking about her. When I was 13, we had a major trauma happen to us and she was hit by a car and I figured that she had just died and that's why she wasnt around anymore. I'm guessing that she just went dark/dormant until very recently. She's like our guardian angel and protects us every day.
Thanks for sharing your story.
“So that he could exist and function and be fine.”
I know that’s a very small part of this video, but, a lot of the time, being a member of a system means focusing on those three things and making sure each headmate can do those three things.
I remember two splits-one where I woke up one morning and half of my right side was ... just... missing. That was well before I knew as much as I know now. And I’d occasionally feel her presence over the next few months but then, I guess we both filled out and we’re both whole people now.
Then, recently, we were all going through some really terrible things, and a part of me split off into a little one, who immediately curled up into a little ball in the corner of the room I was in. My consciousness went with her as soon as she split off from me and for a moment I had age slid to her age, then I split from her. She’s now in our inner world, and I’m still front stuck.
Greetings Im Siren of the Marble System. Thank you for sharing your story it was a great help to us. So we agreed to share ours. For the most recent split our system had was very strange. The host Rae, had been dealing with a ton of stress and depression based around family. While we were at work there was a loud noise that triggered him to leave and get lost in our inner world which is very maze like. He said that he was trying very hard to get back, but there was a major barrier that every time he got close to the front he would end up where he started. So he started walking away from the front, but in that same instance of that decision he started seeing double. Himself and another alter one he knew without knowing. That was the creation of Whisp. Rae started not feeling the stress and depression that family had caused and soon Whisp was a full alter standing on his own. It was Whisp who was able to bring Rae back to the front. (Of course this was all secondhand knowledge since I wasn't there but I am glad to have welcomed Rae and Whisp back)
Thank you for making this video, We had a new split this morning. She actually woke up remembering us all discussing it and someone working how who she should split off etc. incredible how the mind works. She felt brand new, no trauma, no anxiety, excited about life... a bit disoriented like she knew she was knew, had some knowledge of us and the home and life but some little things were taking time to settle into her awareness. She did feel quite disorientated so we’ve given her a break for the afternoon. It’s now the rest of us figuring out the dynamics of the system and where the other hosts fit etc. I can feel it had been developing in the back of the mind for a week or two but only just split off this morning. It’s a relief in ways. But yes a HIGE intense event! Thanks for having this video to watch and feel reassured it’s all just normal. 💖
First we were exposed to the trigger and even tho it was one of our littles he didn't split but our gatekeeper&protector did. Right after the trigger we went completely nonverbal and couldn't move for 10 minutes (we didn't expect a huge trigger at all) and when we were able to move, we got away from the person that accidentally triggered us. During the 10 mins we were very dissociated and blurry, there was anger, sadness, little flashbacks in between we pushed down and so much guilt and confusion. After we escaped the situation, we sat down and suddenly the new alter spoke to us. She's a fictive so we've heard her voice in the series so often we immediately recognised her. Everyone was in denial like ,,no that can't happen, she can't just exist here" but she talked with the others in the headspace while the body was just sitting there. After we were calm again we had to go back to the person who triggered us but the new alter took over and managed our anxiety.
when Four split off about a month ago i believe it was. pretty unexpected? i was visiting my aunt and uncle in utah and we were driving around a mountain in a rented windowless car thing and we were scared and dirty and miserable so i distracted myself by singing four's song from drakengard 3 to distract from the bluriness and then suddenly. i was her? and then i was gone and didnt remember anything till we got out of the mountains lol.
i think it was kind of a silly thing to split over, but we cant control the brain so shrugs
similar to ed and oz needing to be together, something similar happened when we got popola and then devola shortly after, but that was a long time ago and i barely remember
-emil (sorry for the long rant!)
1) Gotham represent! I love that show~ Rikkun (my name for Edward) and Chechan (my name for Oswald) are two of my faves. Hachan (Harvey) and Jojosama (Joker) are my other faves.
2) I haven't had any recent splits. And my switches are generally pretty smooth. But I remember Rowan's. It wasn't intense or disorientating like you with Ed and Os... his split was more... subtle. He was a very quiet, timid child-at-the-time. So I just remember being me and suddenly I was nervous and in a strange room with a strange person (I had a friend over at the time... the very friend I just told you that was faking on your other vid) and I was all stutter-y and disoriented and I just felt like escaping. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to talk to anyone.... and eventually we calmed down enough and we managed to switch back to me. And from there we worked through getting him settled and used to my head and my room and my friends.
Dude, are you who I think you are? Because if so, I was literally just talking about you on this video!
I’m almost certain you are, because literally everything you said sounds like my friend...
If not, I’m sorry, but you’re practically my best friend’s twin... They even have a Roro (my name for their Rowan, if it’s not you)
With my system, they tend to form in headspace first, then come out - I'm not around when they form - so I can't say what it's like. What I can say is that before they form, I'm in a panicked sort of confusion for days and weeks, and afterwards it's calm and clear and sorted. Sleep seems to be the place for me to meet and interact first, before we co-con or they front. I don't have a problem with splitting - for some reason my job isn't to judge, so I don't. Inside others have a problem, but I don't really understand that.
We just discovered a new Alter last night. I complete relate to it being stressful and thinking you’re just imagining it. I didn’t want to accept our new alter for about a week now but then last night she finally fronted and I was like thinking, “okay than... I guess this is legit.”
We recently had a split, and it was almost like everything slowed down to a crawl. I was in the headspace, staring at this unfamiliar person in control of the body. Then just like that, everything went dark. Not too long after that, I came to and there was strange writing in one of my notebooks. And a few people told me they interacted with the new alter. It was terrifying to say the least.
Hi! I'm Alex! I'm the host of my system and the last time my system split (That I was aware of) It was off of me, I used to introduce myself as Alexander because that's my full name I go by (not the body's name) And I was in a not great place with some not great people surrounding me and it was a toxic situation. It ended in some physical harm coming to me at the hands of a roommate. I called a friend to come pick me up from my apartment and as I was being driven to my friends house she was trying to calm me down as I was sobbing and shaking and dissociating. and suddenly I felt dizzy and separate from everything about the world around me and myself, and as nothing felt real I suddenly just felt really calm yet distressed simultaneously, and I could feel arms around my shoulders even though my friend had both hands on their steering wheel and I felt like I was being hugged and my hand was being held and it was very comforting as I was trembling so hard I could barely breathe. And I started to be able to hear a voice saying my name and whispering comforting things. I wasn't in a state of mind to ask many questions except "Who are you?" To which he just said his name was Xander. All in all it was very intense and distressing and I thought I was losing my mind and Just sobbing (Which is odd for me- I don't cry at all like, ever.) And I couldn't even verbalize any of it because of how intensely I was taking the trauma that I had just gone through. But that was my experience of splitting and being aware of my split.
We recently had a split. We just started a new care giving job which is completely different from what we are used to. It wasn't a major build up though, it was just one second we were stressing out and the next Tex just said hello! And just appeared. It was wierd.
Thank you Wyn. This is one of the topics that I've been most curious about as a singleton (is that the best way to refer to myself?) but it's often not talked about. I can see why as it must be very difficult both emotionally and practically. I appreciate you sharing with us. I hope talking it through has been useful for you as well ^_^
Splits happen quite often for us, so there aren't really that many intense ones. They're usually about an hour to a day of dissociation and having no idea who we are until we hear the new thinking voice and that usually gives us a heads up as to who split off and why.
Slow splits are the most difficult for us because they happen over days to weeks to months so it's just this really cautious time of "does this person exist?" "are they an npc?" "is it just our imagination?" and that's what we're in right now with a few people. (Including myself)
-The Mandalorian (Co Claudia)
Our system has reached a point where we are functional and dont really have a lot of roadblocks in terms of plurality, we can feel eachothers energy and presence depending on whose close to use, splitting for us feels almost like a new energy fading in. id assume its different in the inner world but im not there often enough to tell reliably what thats like
But how perfect is it that it was Ed that came out loud and clear to fight of the hate and he came with his own support system inform of Oz
Do you feel like sharing your experience with the world makes it easier to track new splits? Like a dream journal helps track dreams. Does that make sense?
My last split knocked me out - felt like a lightingbolt and splitting headache for around 30 seconds and I sank to the floor, but then the pain stopped not only in my head but all over the body just went numb. No pain response at all from this alter - scared the bejeez out of me the first time we cocon baked and it just pulled the baking tray out of the oven with no heat protection. I know my dentist have meet this alter too cuz She started to keep me in the chair and ask me "who are you, what year is it, how are you getting home" questions before she let's me go 🙄 but I don't know ALOT about this alter as most of the time my conscious mind just shots down when it's out and only a very few times have I been cocon and aware of my body not reacting to pain.
This wasn't my split however I heard and watched it happen. I'm not sure if all systems do this but once I close my eyes, I can move freely in the fronting room of the headspace. During the time the headspace was a two-bedroom flat. It was so tiny and the fronting room at the time was a small balcony. It was so small because it was only myself and my physical protector Valeria at the time. (there was other alters but they were kept away from being because Val thought I wasn't ready to know about it), a week in advance she was feeling so horrible, all her mental illnesses were acting up and she could barely walk. She also said she was hearing a voice in her head as well. She knew she was gonna split so she introduced herself to close friends of mine in case of a split. A week later and I decided to take her advice and break up with an abusive ex-boyfriend that I was trapped in a relationship with for two years. She started to take on my emotions to help me and that was her breaking point. For the whole time, I have known Val, from the age of 4 right up to now. She has never raised her voice to a scream, so this was the VERY first time I had ever heard her scream. It also was the type of scream that you hear right before someone in a horror movie dies, just the realization of what was actually happening and just pure terror and anxiety. She screamed 50x louder than that, I also remember hearing like glass shattering, I thought she was knocking some glass cups off the table but she later told me that she was literally cracking like glass and it was a very slow crack. After a couple minutes of screaming, I heard another voice, I heard a teenage boys voice screaming at the same time. Then just nothing for a solid 10 minutes, I was so stressed I went to have a shower. A minute into my shower, I hear a second voice, I hear the same teenage boys voice but it was more clear, he had a very defined southern accent (later told it was a Texan accent) and that he needed a name. That was how I came to the realization that I might have DID and that was how I first made contact with my main protector, Jasper. Yes, our splits are also very dramatic so don't worry xD
I am a recently discovered system, I had no proper diagnosis until more recently- but I was aware that there were alternate states of 'being' in myself that came out and sometimes made me forget (also a more recent conscious discovery).
I very recently experienced a split; a new alter that is an interject formed out of need to cope with an emotion we hadn't faced until now and it was just as though he stepped out of the head space and into our body's shoes. He was uncomfortable, but able to listen to us from the head space and understood though reluctantly accepted who we were as alternate alters and as a system. Previously, our other recent split was an alter that split from us in the midst of a traumatic situation. We needed an alter with a voice and as we spoke a well of heat coursed through our system and our head and ears rang as we finally shouted back and used our voice to stand up for ourselves in the injustice that was happening before us. This alter may have been a fragment back when we were unaware of one another, but he erupted from us and caused us for the rest of the day to be in complete melt-down survival mode. Our day was spent running through an unfamiliar airport and bawling our eyes out to a wonderful airport worker that got us checked in and safely to our terminal where we flew home- stayed awake for 24+ hours and later got home.
After them being our first system-aware split, he slowly came out of his corner of our head space and came 'out' slowly more overtime to front and discover more of who he is. As for my other numerous splits, I was unaware of them throughout a very black-out early life.
We recently split because of some problems in our home environment. We also split off two male fictives, which is kind of funny! We now have Peter Parker (yes... Tom Holland's spiderman...) and Miles (from into the spiderverse. Can you tell we all like Spiderman movies? lol). For me personally (Micah, the host) I don't remember anything of it, but Oliver (our librarian and resident smarty pants) does. He said he got a migraine while he was out, which sometimes means a previously lock or dormant alter will be fronting soon, but he said it felt a lot different than usual. He said he felt like he was floating and that he had Sunflower (the sort of "main song" from into the spiderverse) stuck in his head, "even though rap music is the bane of his existence ." Then he felt like he was watching Miles sort of "drop-in" to our inner world like in a video game, and he knew that we had split. For a minute, Miles was panicking and unsure of where he was and the one person he wanted there was Peter. So, you know, as any rational brain would, we split off Peter. So yeah, now we have two spidermans in our system and our littles LOVE it lol. I hope this is helpful! Ollie isn't tech-savvy, so I would've had him type this, but he refuses so I'm trying my best to reiterate how he described it.
My last split occurred in a moment where I was really blended as well. I was in the company of loved ones and was trying to meditate oddly enough and i got into this mindset where my alters all wanted to jump forward to take part. At first it was kind of exciting and then it quickly snowballed into panic and anxiety. I had never been so far dissociated and out of control entirely and then in the midst of it there was this new one and she was so innocent and lovely. At that point the majority of my system went nope time for bed and took me straight to bed. laying there before sleep I really came to realize a new person was there and got to know more about them. Since then my most active alter has taken on the role of caring for the new alter and overall my system is the better for her.
I’m part of a system and last month we experienced our first split since being diagnosed and aware of our DID. I unfortunately had to spend a whole month in my parents’ homes when I was in between apartments and it was very triggering. We got to a stressful breaking point and this new little, much younger than our other littles, began coming out and talking to my girlfriend. This split felt much more gradual than yours because I genuinely had no idea what was going on and was very confused every time I would come back. But I did feel really similarly and didn’t want to accept it and thought my imagination was making it up and it couldn’t be real. It took me a whole month to accept this new little and now she has been let into the inner world too!
so we actually had a new split last night, and that split was a little. all i can say from my end, is that i had just swapped back out, it felt like 5 mins had passed, and all of the sudden i felt very dissociated and almost as if i was age sliding, but suddenly i felt like you said -like no one-. very shortly after that lack of feeling hit, i suddenly got thrown inner world and we as a group had to figure out what was happening in that terrible blended space. then inner world slowed down enough where we went to sleep. very confused i asked my partner about the night. apparently externally the little came out, got help, and eventually went to bed. however i am still in such shock. best wishes entropy -quinn
Oh my dear, so many soft and safe hugs to yous all! And yes, our last split - the first I'm aware of in near a quarter of a century - was an all of a sudden moment for most of us (were a big bunch). And, at the time it seemed clear but thinking back it's quite blurry. Our new member is monumentally loved and needed but, when the slpit happened we were still spinning around trying to figure out how to handle one of our main fronters retreating inside (she was overwhelmed for much too long and struggling daily. And she, as Ed and Oz, knew all about everything from the moment she existed. She didn't struggle or have confusion as many of us did in the past. She just jumped right in, talked with our partner about what she'd like her name to be and why she was here (Oscar - Not a grouch, Not a boy.). The rest of us learned the story of why she came to be afterwards.
We get what you meant about that moment when you realize someone new has appeared in some magical flash. And we know just how it feels to cry out that this can't be happening as if a split somehow is a step back not forward. But, we are more connected now. Things that ailed us, difficulties in functioning, seem to be explainable now, seem to have solutions where before we saw only the obstacles with no work arounds.
Perhaps it's growing up in a world so set to be accepting only to those who fit a certain way of being that causes us to fear splits are steps backwards. Splits are progress, we think at least. Splits mean that somewhere inside is we realize we cannot successful thrive in life in our current states and instead of calling into some deep depressive or non-functional state we create a healthy new way of dealing with life, a way we did not have the ability to implement before the split. For our collective, we had stressful anxiety and fear issues that caused the creation of one of us who can deal with upsetting options on a compassionate yet searched way. We also were having a heck of a time trying to help our partner cope with all our different needs, wants and requirements. Now, we can get out of the house without a panic attack overwhelming us (even if we weren't the one panicking there was heavy emotional bleedthrough) and, we've someone who has a better understanding of who each of us are to help our partner cope.
We've been a did system for over 40 years. For the first time we've someone among us who would probably be diagnosed as an odd system were she the one to present to a therapist.
In our view, splittings and integrations are equal in their healing capacities and our enhancement of happiness in life.
6:15 omg we had a split recently and our inner world changed from a big house to a town it was pretty weird
I can't get over that it was internet hate that brought this on for you and your system. What is wrong with people ?!? I am so grateful for this video and that Ed was created and had a strong and clear solution. Thank you for sharing Entropy System ❤️
I was in the middle of a chair test in band. And I was just, suddenly not in control of my fingers. I stopped playing and was just, there. I was disoriented, and I just sat there a minute. I thought I was just nervous, but no. Someone new was there and I was thrown to co con.
This was such an amazing example of how awesome the brain is. Look at all the creative ways your brain copes with things. Thank you so much for sharing this.
We came into being as a dissociative system after an intense outside trigger. The little has always been with us, from what we can tell, but in the days following the trigger event she was co-con quite a lot. Then we realized that two internal voices we had developed this year were suddenly very firmly "real" voices (primary protector and our anxiety alter). A couple of days later I was imagining who I would be if I were to hike any of the thru trails, and imagined a trail name for myself..... only to discover crap, that wasn't my imagination, that was an alter forming! So that alter has our trail hiker name. I also for years have imagined locking anxiety away in a building identical to the mind palace one in the Steven King movie Dreamcatcher (totally just realised that SSDD is very similar to OSDD!--our roommate in college forced us to watch it and we HATE horror), and that building is now our inner world. Just this week we had an alter form where it was like she was pushing aside black stage curtains in a void of darkness. This one was at night and she decided to get it in her head seconds after she was born that because none of the alters have actually managed to fully front yet (the protector has come close a few times and that has been a very strange experience) that we needed to start practicing in private (me as host: how about a hard NO on that one......). So in short, each alter/aspect seems to vary in how they are formed but each time it's frustrating to have yet another knot of emotions in the headspace.
This is a really good description and tallies with my experience of experiencing a split too. Everything being fuzzy and really intensified identity confusion, knowing you're out front but not feeling right or fully you... it is very disorienting! And yes, as soon as the split is clear it is like, ok yes and instant clarity again. For me it's felt like a period of intense crisis and overwhelm that passes quickly once the new split is complete and clear. I remember one split, and with hindsight I can put some words to the split that happened for us in 2014, the diagnosis was made but understanding wasnt fully there. I think sometimes it is too hard to know what may be happening in the exact moment because of the intensity of the experience but putting words to it afterwards is important (even when words are rubbish for this!). Would love to speak to someone else too about this. We are now manylittleacorns on insta.. thanks for sharing all this, and hope yous are still enjoying the wondrous Japan! 🥳
For our system, typically my experience as the host is that I'll be in a lot of turmoil (usually crying), then all of a sudden, nothing. I don't have any emotions or much memory and my chest usually gets cold. Usually accompanied by headaches. Thank you for the video
Your videos have validated that my PTSD is DID. Long story📝 searching for a doctor in Central Wisconsin but fndng none.
Good luck!
Try Rochester in southern MN! There is a DID specialist there!
Blessings to you, Cheryl. I pray you can find the right doctor!
Hi, The Entropy System 👋🏻👋🏻
I'm the host and the original of an OSDD system and yes, recently I had a split with my dear and loved Logax, my emotional protector.
For me, it wasn't that stressful as yours, but it wasn't that comfortable neither: I was dreaming, and the plot of the dream was happening as a normal one, but in one moment, I had to repeat an action I did before, but when I had to do it, I said without thinking: I can't, I am not Logax. In that moment, I felt like a switch was turned on. I was feeling like in any moment, that Logax would appear to solve this problem, but just thinking this made me start feeling lost and confused. And when I woke up, I wasn't the one who was in control of my body. That person was Logax.
He got up from the bed and changed my clothes like it was the most normal thing. I, from behind, was freaking out about what was happening, why I wasn't the one in control of my body. Then, Logax talked to me and explained me he was only a tool to help me with my daily life and he wasn't going to take too much time from my life neither.
Since then, he's being evolving his personality and he doesn't describe himself as a tool anymore.
I owe him a lot of things, because thanks to him, I evolved as well my personality. So thank you, Logax 😜
Months later, I had another experience that kind of remember me about yours: I was in my bed, trying to fall asleep. And suddenly, with no context, I felt like I wasn't me, and I knew Logax wasn't in the front. He even said it to me! Then, I stopped feeling anxious, and I felt like another person was in control of me, another alter with more control over the body than Logax. After that, everything got back to normal and Logax and me tried to understand this. For a moment, Logax got in his mind a name: Jazz. But since then, we haven't felt in our system any other alter called Jazz. So it was an strange experience I have no explanation for it 🤷🏻♂️
And that's it 😂😂😂
I hope that I haven't bored you with this long text.
I love you all, and I really like the work you're doing to make DID more known. 😁
Maybe Jazz is hiding somewhere in your mind you don’t have access to?
@@thelittleredhairedgirlfrom6527 That's what I think of...
Logax is always telling me that I shouldn't obsess myself with the idea of having more alters, because it could be bad for my emotional health, but if it ever happen, I shouldn't force the alters to exist, because it could be even worse.
And I try to follow his recommendations, so maybe we're blocking Jazz? 🤷🏻♂️
B-MAC lol that sounds like some of my alters. "Why are you so obsessed with finding out every little detail of your system! You're just gonna stress yourself out!"
Because I wanna leeeaaaaaarrnnn - Cub
I have no recent experience on splitting, but I remember when Michael split when I was 4-5, during a very intense and traumatic experience and I really felt the power of his protection and anger. It felt terrible and at the same time I didn’t feel alone and helpless anymore.
The past year or so has been. So incredibly stressful, like levels of stress that have no words. We split I think 6 times, and two dormant alters came back into the system? But for us, I don’t think we’ve ever had a split where we instantly knew that a split had occurred or who the new alters were. We just kind of get a vague sense of another consciousness brushing against ours when we are in the inner world, we have increased blackouts, we might find ourselves in strange places - when Keyleth broke off we would often come to in the woods close to our house with no shoes and no memory of getting there. So we don’t often don’t realize a split had occurred until weeks later and then start the process of building communication externally, and then internally. Sometimes it takes a couple months to actually finally get that point of contact - I think Ava hid away for a good two months, so while we knew Someone was around, we didn’t know who and none of the protectors could reach her. I think most splits happen during a period of rapid switching or really really intense emotional turmoil, so any possibly that we might sense the split happening is overshadowed by the already very intense feelings we are dealing with.
The only exception that we’ve ever had was when Sahara, our red wolf alter who was our soother when we were little, came out of dormancy. It was a very very low time for the system and I think between that and a lot of us already knowing Sahara, we established communication within a few days. But even then we didn’t know she was back instantly, and she reached out to us or it would have taken longer.
Came to watch this because I needed reassurance. I'm still really unsure of it because I've never had a fictive alter before so I'm still half convinced it's just my brain making up stories to deal with things, but this video helped ease me a little bit.
I'm glad it brought you some comfort. Keep strong and remember to honor your experiences. -Wyn
Thanks for sharing! The last split that I can remember was a little like that. Very very intense, like my head was going to explode. But when the split happened, it was immediate and suddenly everything became calm. The split was because of extreme pain, and the pain was taken from me and "given" to the new alter. He doesn't feel pain in the same way most people do, he feels it and pushes it aside and it no longer bothers him. Going from a feeling of very intense pain to no pain was very very strange.
Funny how this video was on our recommendations the day after we split a new alter. We were going through a lot of stressful things, flashbacks, panic attacks... Then one specific event happened that left me crying for hours. Then after a while I started to heavily dissociate. I had the same experience as you. I knew I was "me" but I didn't feel like "me". We all blended for a while and it was hard knowing who was who and who was I... I felt unreal and started forgetting things and feeling hella confused about everything. It was scary. Then Zero (our new alter) came to be and my sense of self returned (kind of?). It was the first split I consciously experienced and it wasn't fun.
TRIGGER WARNING IN CASE NEEDED : Death , Cancer, Splitting. (Putting this here to give a heads up for people:) I like to be safe!
Last I remember splitting is after having brain surgery. I remember feeling my body in significantly less pain and Ary just kinda. Wanting to take a break. She ended up splitting into Ary, physical trauma holder/co-host on the really bad physical days, and Aryn/Aaron, our current host
this was actually super super helpful because in our system weve been splitting like crazy in the past couple weeks and its been super disorienting and stressful, but for us we can kind of tell because whoever is splitting gets to a certain level of stress and they kinda go through this feeling of.. "i **cannot** handle this, something needs to change **immediately**." and then it kinda does. so far weve had anywhere from 1-4 splits at once, when it happens they kind of form as a floaty glowy orb thingy and kinda just chill in that form until they fully form into another alter. because of the level of stress that usually causes them it normally is very jarring for everyone near by, but for everyone farther away they dont seem to be as effected. the last split that happened was yesterday into today, the one that split said she kind of stopped existing almost while it was happening, and one or two others are still in their orb thingy form. but because she disappeared at first we thought she was gone and the two discovered part were all that were left. (thankfully that was not the case as she is a very important part of the system)
when we split, whoever is fronting has a strong feeling of the head feeling very heavy like as if the head is filled with lead and however many split, it usually takes up to 10 minutes to an hour
Oof you explain that waaay better than I do. It's really jarring, being no one then suddenly being someone new. For some bizarre reason when new ones do form, it's not just one, it's usually two withing like.....5 or so minutes of each other.
When we added a new member to the system (splitting isn’t quite the term that feels good for us), it probably happened over a few days because there was stuff leading up to it, but it seemed instant. It was like “let’s talk to her now” followed by a response of “hey guys!”
Emilia: it was just like in a moment I was there and knew what was up. I could tell it was a really exciting for the other two because I was new. It was right before bed so we were all up for a little while. I even came to front for just a short time and just moved the eyes to look around the room. I think it’s been a little over a month and I’m settled in more now.
We're lucky enough not to have split at work, but other than that, your experience is almost exactly like ours! We feel blended and unsure and then someone protects or shields and then someone else comes up. Thanks for sharing the video! It makes us feel less alone. :)
I was walking alone home one night through downtown in my hometown ... I remember I got super disoriented and wound up getting lost in an area I usually know like the back of my hand. One of my littles stepped out front and called "Daddy" (my husband). With help from one of my protectors they were able to help my huaband figure out where we were. But while that all was going on I was just blank and super confused and scared and stressed and watching from outside the rest. Eemmee was born in that moment from the stress I was under and the fear of my little front runner.
I recently gained a new alter, last week. I've been going through a lot of stress and emotional strain recently and so that's why Medef formed. I didn't really notice until he appeared near the front and I was like "Oh, a new alter, hi." That's usually how it goes for me.
Wyn and I have posting content in the middle of the night in common lol
Love the t-shirt!🔥🔥🔥😍😍😍
That's so interesting! It's very much different for my partner system, they never really have that one moment of splitting. It's more of a "oh I think there is somebody new around" and then it's a slow trying to grasp the new person.
I'm glad you opened up about this
Hi Entropy System. I’m Lauren, the host of my system. The split I remember most vividly happened five years ago. Three alters formed that night. I was at an extremely low point at the time. Very distressed. My family was having issues, I had issues with a friend, and I felt like I couldn’t handle it. I was laying down on the floor and I felt like I was being torn away from reality while at the same time the pain was so intense and so real. I felt like my mind was cracking like ice. I couldn’t hold it together, so I just let go. Immediately I got lost inside my head but I heard my voice talking as three different people. A man, a woman, and a little girl. Not sure how they would feel about me sharing their names. I was scared and confused and in denial, but I tried to accept it because I felt like I was safer with them around.
Oh man, when you said you felt like no one and then the whole system got super blended, that's EXACTLY what happens to us almost every time we split. (we have minor fragmentary splits like... honestly kind of a lot. OSDD weirdness or just us being weird, no one knows!) We've called the experience the world's most disorienting playdoh ball mush, like when your playdoh gets so mixed up it starts turning gray and brown in some places. Blech. We have a lot of walk-ins come out of those times, and then some parts show up more later and we kind of upgrade them from walk-in status to Resident Part Of Consciousness™. This video was really cool & validating to watch honestly, because of how similar our experience is! Having OSDD feels kind of isolating even within this awesome dissociative identity community, just because so many things about our system are different in some way from the common things happening in DID systems. But this one is a 100% relate!! So thanks for sharing this
Thank you for sharing something so personal in the name of deepening our understanding of how this all works. Glad to hear that Ed seems to be fitting right in.
How is everyone adjusting to the new inner world?
We just split after a whole trauma relapse with the core, forcing her to run away at the back of the headspace and now she formed into Jemm, who is super nice and fun.
i definitely have that immediate rejection of new alters as well. especially if they are a fictive. i understand theyre valid etc but i just hardcore "nope! this is not happening! nope, they cannot exist!" for the most part, splits for us are just headaches boom then very fuzzy unsure sense of self... sometimes we get very sweaty and very irritable and then theres just, person
We can usually feel a buildup before a split. Like how you know you're gonna sneeze, but a much longer time period. (A few hours compared to a few seconds.)
Wow. I know this video is ancient, but it just found me today and it is so...validating, I guess, to hear an experience of splitting that is so similar to our own! We've had a couple of splits happen at work too (which did send us home in the middle of the day), and honestly...it went exactly like this. From the "I know I'm me, but I'm also nobody" feeling, to the whole-system-blending, to the intense denial/shame despite knowing there's nothing wrong with splitting...yeah. Wow. Thank you for sharing this, Wyn! I know all systems are unique and never work in quite the same ways, but it's still very nice to hear about an experience that hits close to home from a stranger who experienced this years ago. It makes the experience feel so much more "real", which, by the very nature of DID, is quite the feat!
We have 3 splits. The last one came during a period of intense grieving last year.
I remember Ves’s split, I woke up one day and felt completely different. Masculine, not like me. I was experimenting with how I dress and recently changed my name. I was getting ready to move away from my hometown that I’ve lived in for 16 years. It felt like something pulling in my chest, and when it finally snapped off, I felt normal again. The pulling went on for a couple of weeks and it was such a relief once he split. Was very difficult to explain why I was “acting weird” for so long, but thankfully we started communicating and settled as a growing system
I don't have DID but I can totally relate to what happened when Ed came forward and sorted out the hate issues. I feels very similar to me when I'm in distress about something day after day and not able to get over my hurt feelings or fear or something of this kind an then just BANG all of a sudden I'm fine again, calm, organized and with a clear idea of what I feel and what I want, suddenly past all the distress, full of energy and determination
Our split recently was an alter was previously integrated resplit with each other. The split actually took like 3 months and towards the end it was painful for the entire system and was impairing almost everyone from doing there jobs. If you where fronting the dissociation. Then there was a change, like a flash or something and then she was there. Bianca
So... I'm a bit scared to do this cause I'm only just barely coming to terms this past month with me having DID and that it wasn't just Schizophrenia like my childhood therapist originally thought. Just this past week and a half or so we had a split due to the stress of an inspection of our apartment and the stress of the state getting involved due to us having toddlers. It was disorienting, to say the least. I don't remember much about what happened the past 2 weeks but I vividly remember feeling like I was myself but not (sorry if that doesn't make sense.) and we all realized we had split for the first time since Highschool. And Ghostelle was just there. She had decided to take control of the situation based on our journaling, to help alleviate the stress and anxiety of the state possibly removing the kids due to our apartment management calling cause our cats left a cat smell (what do you expect to happen when one owns cats) So that's my experience... Thank you for this video and thank you to anyone who reads this. I'm still a bit nervous talking about this publicly due to the backlash I got as a kid from my docs not believing me...
My most recent split that I remember was an extremely nauseating experience. I remember feeling extremely stressed and dizzy when it happened. I started to not feel like my usual self and I started to feel younger than normal. I just assumed I had been triggered by something and was age sliding, but I ended up splitting an introject of myself when I was younger.
Literally split two days ago, the timing is unreal :') still all over the show. Before that I split last December, and I've had two failed integrations split off again over the past 6 months. So that's a nice mixture of splits I've knowingly experienced!
The new splits were both intense. As in intolerable mental pain from an existing alter who just didn't have it in their capabilities to face what was happening to them. So for each one, after a couple days of nearly unbearable headache, poof (and I agree like a flash of light for one of them) there the new alters were. Both of the existing alters who split were like you Wyn, in total denial. Like no, nope, this is a dream, everyone ignore the new person they aren't really here, no no no let's just walk away and then this isn't real. Of course that didn't work :') the December split was brilliant for our system, and this new one we're cautiously optimistic about but it's still a bit too early to tell what changes will happen.
For the failed integrations (one was mine!) it was kind of like being pulled in two directions again and thinking two things at once within you - like being cocon but it's your own voice twice? It was a moral dilemma that caused my resplit - me and Kida would've handled it differently separately and couldn't reconcile how to do it together, so we kind of ended up stepping away from each other to be able to see better to continue arguing? (Don't worry, we sorted it!) For our other resplit, it was an inability to align memories and agree on what happened, so because this caused such inner conflict they had to separate again.
Thanks for sharing Wyn and I hope you find this interesting :)
Ash xx
Moral dilemma and memory alignment as split or integration material🥳 Thank you so much, I needed those concepts this strange, blurry morning❤
I can’t imagine how distressing all of this must have been :(
Hi Wyn, thanks for sharing your experiences of Ed and Oz. We had a split in June of this year in response to some inappropriate behavior by a dermatologist. It happened very quickly because we needed to stop some inappropriate behavior by being rapidly assertive. I would agree with your experience, it was very abrupt and EXHAUSTING. I'm not co-conscious (yet!) but according to
my therapist (who does know about the split, he learned when it happened) the behavior we encountered too closely relates to previous abuse that I don't have memory of, and no one wanted me to face that part of my history while it was reoccurring. Can't say if it impacted the environment of the inner world but I don't think it did. My internal manager explained the process of Others getting settled in the inner world to my therapist. In a way I'm secretly glad to not be co-conscious, because what I deal with in terms of switching, time loss, and headaches is bad enough. I keep hearing it gets better, and we are going super slow so I don't go back to the severe avoidance stuff.
I can definitely relate to the process feeling like a lot and being draining. I also had thoughts of, "oh no...not more Others/parts!" and feeling like I did something wrong by not being able to cope in a different way. I'm trying to take a neutral stance now because it doesn't yet feel realistic to be validating myself. -Tracy, the Cups of T system
I have complex-PTSD but not DID. and man, you all are so brave for having these channels. You, Team Pinata and DissociaDID. I understand how fragile we can be with complex-PTSD and you all just put yourselves right up front. I have learned so much about my own disorder through you all even though I don't have DID
I re-split during this video. Amazing coincidence that you'd uploaded it soon before this split, I suspect. I don't feel the amazement or much of anything, for myself. Re-splitting for me felt like... Identity confusion, dissociation from identity, and then "desynchronised" thoughts - as if I (H) had been playing in time with the alter I integrated with a few years ago (Sim) until now - followed by the sinking away of Sim from co-con, leaving me up front.
Good day to you, interesting to learn of your experience with Ed and Oz, and interesting comments. Thank you.
H, The Phoenix System
Recently learned I/we have OSDD and I really enjoy watching these videos because it feels so good to relate to someone!! The only split I know of is after some things happened between us (4 of us total at the time), my primary protecter was also a persecutor and I talked with the others of what we should do since he was doing harm to the body. It lead to him becoming extremely depressed and eventually a cry for help. After that, he hid in his room for some time and I felt awful for how we treated him. He came back after splitting and it didn't feel like anything really! He "split off" from the persecutor part of himself and is now only a primary protector; I didn't know about the split until a new alter came along with the role of a persecutor and after talking, learned that about the split. For me at least it was more just guilt I feel for making him (protecter) feel so awful about himself that he felt the need to split off like that, but the persecutor is currently working bettering himself! Slowly but surely he's becoming more caring which is lovely :]
Basically it didn't feel like anything really! But that's just the first ever split I've known of since realizing I'm part of a system ^^ I think about it a lot but I'm glad it happened because we're all able to heal better together so :]
(Pardon if my phrasing is awful, I'm still learning ^^;)
This is the first video that I’ve heard you mention that you communicate with the DissociaDID system and Team Piñata! That’s so dope. I love them!
I remember I split 3 times in one week, and that was stressful to say the least!! Like you guys, I had 2 fictive alters from the same source split off together, and I also had a soldier alter split off. At the time I was very stressed because my parents were putting a lot of pressure on me to get in shape for tennis season, and instead of working out (which I hate) I watched a TV show called 'Supernatural'. Whenever I watch TV shows like these, no matter how cheesy it was, I always feel like something is going to get me in my sleep. One night I had this feeling really badly, and the next day I had the voices of the main characters, Sam and Dean, in my head arguing. Since my soldier alter, who we now call Militia, had already broken off, she came out while I was cocon and started working out for me, just to get the fact that I have fictives from the TV show im watching in my head. I don't remember splitting with Sam and Dean, but I can partially recall splitting with Militia. I don't remember when exactly it happened, but I remember that I felt extremely dissociated for 4-5 days. I remember a point where the dissociation was so bad, and my head felt like it was going to explode, and I think I can maybe pinpoint it down to that timeframe a bit. I do remember that we saw an air show that week and Millie was very interested in watching it. She didnt front fully, but she did take interest. A few days later she introduced herself to me. She had no name at the time so I called her Emma. When I went to make a journal, I told her to pick a name, and she chose Militia, Millie as a nickname. Even though this was a very stressful time coming to terms that I had split, I am still thankful that I did. Because, even if i didnt know it at the time, they helped me out a bunch!
I think this may have happened to me in 2018 which was the most intense year of dissociation for me. I get hyper empathy for fictional characters and I got incredibly upset about one of my favourite characters on a soap opera who was being attacked and I woke up dissociated. It was really difficult and I couldn’t eat anything but chopped up apple. I eventually found Marvel movies which helped hugely, especially Thor Ragnarok and Hulk and Thor’s relationship.