I had an abusive mother... physical, mental, emotional...when I was 25 I said to her" don't call me I'll call you"....and I didn't except birthday and Christmas...30 yrs to try and heal... The past 2 yrs I worked very hard to free myself from the pain . I had to learn to forgive her and others and myself for the past mistakes. I finally finished this process in Dec. I feel like a huge weight has finally been lifted at age 54..😊
@@neshayrobinson It was extremely hard.. 6 months before my father passed away from cancer...I apologized for being absent for 30 yrs. But I still didn't have the courage to tell him the truth about what mom had done to me for 18yrs ,as it was a secret. After he died I told him everything. I cried, I was angry that he never knew ,that he never protected me. I felt better after I told him.. I needed him to know WHY I was absent for 30 yrs. I was trying to heal without knowing how. I knew I had to cut her out in order to begin that process. In her presence I would turn into that little girl looking for her approval. I did receive apologies from her twice in the past and I had said I forgave her,but it kept creeping into my mind which told me I hadn't really forgiven . I prayed and cried out to God to please forgive her for what she had done and open my heart to true forgiveness....🙏💖 He made this happen
Kathy Gratto imagine if you had never started on the path to healing, where you may still be...you are such an inspiration and I’m so glad you prioritized yourself❤️ Thank you so much for sharing here.
My mom was verbally and emotionally abusive, in both actions and words, my whole childhood! I got out as soon as I could and have kept myself distanced from her. As I got older and had kids, all of a sudden,she could say I love you and expect it back! It's her loss she did not have a relationship with me. And I've made a point of being a completely different mother to my children.
It is so helpful when you validate something that has literally haunted a person for most of their lives. For me, my situation was very similar, and while I’ve worked thru a lot of it, I also needed to hear from an objective source that my feelings are not wrong, I’m not being disloyal to my mother for being an independent person, and that, most importantly...my feelings MATTER. She’s always, to date, made me feel like I’m wrong, I’m delusional, I’m just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, I’m “being mean” to her...when it’s taken every fiber of my being to just be kind to her...with the intention of compassion towards her upbringing & genuine ignorance to her own behavior or words. Giving myself permission to be an independent, free thinking woman is life changing. Thank you for the validation, Mel.
Emily Matthews that makes me so happy to hear that, thank you for taking the time to reply! It really helps me too, to know there’s someone else out there who relates ♥️
So when you say how you feel about something -different from her, she thinks that you are just saying that to be mean to her? How on earth do we express anything, like that? When everything you say or do about yourself is therefore not about her, is therefore against her. OMG.
ADDHOC exactly. And then you grow up thinking in the back of your mind that...maybe, just maybe, your mother is right. Maybe I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to my own opinions. She’s my mother, for God’s sake...who else should have my back more than her? So...I learned how to second guess everything I thought and did. It took a lot of unraveling of that thought process and counseling and life experience (other people that you respect validating you) to get to a healthy place. It sounds like you haven’t had to deal with this, and for that, I’m glad.
"The hardest part about being a parent is letting go of the expectations of who you think your child should be and loving them for Who They Are..." 👏🏽👏🏽💯💯💯 If only mine would learn this.... 😣😣
Mine, too…my mother died 7 years ago, and she had a hard time adjusting to the real me, not the daughter that she wanted me to be (I was also a scapegoat for her), and only partly approved of the real me.
Sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. Good parents encourage their children to feel good about themselves and be independent. It is ok to resent abusive parents. Don’t feel guilty for having a normal reaction to abnormal behavior.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue.
KB Commodities Investment yes I was going to say exactly narcissistic or NPD/comorbid traits of a PD mother. I escaped mine and have been NC for going on 4 years now. My mother and both parents were incapable of loving me. One abused me via omission and was an enabler and the other a flat out ragefull narcissistic nightmare. Mel is wrong narcissistic people can’t love their children, they don’t love anyone. Congratulations for going NC! Wishing you universal blessings and a wonderful life, you certainly deserve it.
THANK YOU 🌹 I just had to remove my mother from my life because of the pain of mental and emotional abuse she put me through. I always justified her actions and blamed myself for being wrong... I had a brain tumor removed 4 years ago and within a few months I woke up emotionally and realize she will never change and I don’t want to suffer anymore. This has been the hardest time learning how to let go and I eventually had to tell her that “her daughter” died on the operating table when they removed the tumor. 🌹💕 I am now FREE to Love ❤️ and Parent how I see fit and CHANGE the pattern of Abuse in My Family 💖
I just went through the same thing with my mother (well, am going through) and it's incredibly painful and guilt ridden. Good for you for standing up for yourself and realizing the reality.
Worth the Wait, and I am proud of you as well 🌹 it’s hard and I had many times I would cry and want to break just to have my Mom in my life but always found my strength to remember why I left. My breaking point was at the beginning of this pandemic she had a family member reach out to me and then she messaged a few days later. I set boundaries and told her I wasn’t going to deal with her negativity and that she needed to acknowledge what had happened so we can deal with it. She showed me her truth and I let her know her daughter was dead and I blocked her. Sad reality is they don’t see the problem and fault they have so the only way to win is to Walk and Block 😎👍🏻
I broke the cycle. I never treat my daughter the way my mother treated me. When my daughter was little....she would say to me " are you ok mommy?" Because everytime my mother came to my house...she would leave me in tears......she was just nasty.
I appreciate this woman's openness. I had a similar experience with my own mum. I know that feeling of 'I can't be myself until she dies.' I wish this lady well.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. 🙏🏽
I have the same kind of mother. Mel is right, just imagine how she was raised and you will feel more compassion and understanding. Now it is time to be the mother to yourself you never had. Healthy boundaries in relationships, and radical self love 🙌🙌🙌
I really felt this. Tears streamed down my cheeks. My mom is still living, but we've never had an emotional or meaningful relationship. Ever. I've also realized that my parents did the best they could with what they knew and with what they had. It doesn't make it any less detrimental to a child or the adult the child becomes. Friends have said that they feel sorry for me because I didn't have a connection to my mom. My response is almost always that I can't miss what I never had. I'm still a trainwreck of suppressed emotions and I'm trying to work on me, one day at a time.
My mother took great care of me physically, emotionally, she ruined me. Her & my father are exactly the same. Dads an overt narc & she’s a covert. I thought that a normal woman walked around mean & angry because it’s what I was modeled. When I finally woke up, she went bonkers! Till this day she’s always mad because she believes that being a wife has an expiration date & it’s my job to take over. I’m responsible for her car, whatever she wanted to do like shopping, her glasses, her hunger, her thirst, her errands, and everything really and I should feel honored to do those things for her. All while she berated me. She never apologizes, because it’s never her fault. When I woke up to this, she hated me more
I have often said about my mother that I loved her because she was my mother but... I DID NOT LIKE HER...it took 60 years and the realization that my life passed me by living with her baggage
Oh my goodness, I just cried about that two weeks ago. I just came to the knowledge that I DID NOT like her, but I love her because she’s my mother at the age of 54. Thank you for saying that. I’m just coming into my own. I was the scapegoat child. And I’m now giving myself permission to tell my story on my podcast. The scariest thing I’ve ever done. Hearing others who have suffered this helps a great deal. I’m so sorry that we’ve all had to ‘grow’ through this, but I’m glad that I broke the cycle with my young men. Now I’m on a journey of healing for myself. I pray for healing and that you find that there is a beautiful life after unpacking all our baggage And that we continue to find moments to celebrate the beauty of who we truly are apart from how we were treated! ❤️🙏🏽 Much love!
Leah Norman my mother was not an excuse but the answer to why... I wish I had this insight so when Cyf got involved due to my son setting fire to the back bedroom I came to the realization that you can’t give what you never got
@@cyndivearnon6673 so you understand, I'm saying that people don't understand the powerful effect a narcissistic mother has on us, and they think we should just get over it. It's not so simple. I'm not at all saying you use her as an excuse. My entire adult life has been about my mother. I sympathize with you.
I bet your Mum knew that too. Who likes to have to be nice to someone all the time when you know they don't like you. No wonder the baggage stayed around, was there ever any honesty????? I say this because my sisters treated my Mum with disdain and I know it really affected her, and she tried always to be gracious, but I know the toll it took. Just be careful love, many times we can't see that we have chosen to propagate the ugly because we don't realise we simply don't have to.... there are other ways other than the beaten track. Be genuine, if you can't be that, leave them alone in 'peace'. We can't fix other people because they have to figure it out themselves. I did not like my father, but everyone else did and still worship him after 45 years of being dead!!!!!! No one cared about the things he did, I literally became like him to be safe and yet instead, the punishment which should have been directed to him was focused on me.... and I became very unlikeable as his shield. He was OK with that. Both my children have let me know, they love me, but do not like me. It's hard, but y4ah. Whatever. I am just a broken human who had no business having children, and yet, I did. Who can really control a life outside your own? I wish they did like me, I had such fun things envisaged for our adult lives together, but that clearly was just a delusion in my world. I am not sorry I had children, but in many ways, I am sorry that I thought I could be a good mother but failed to see my own inability to achieve it with my desires for a warm and loving family intact.
It just made me more angry, so if a father did all these horrible things you think someone would be like, he had a bad past, he was brought up in this time, so was never taught this... no way would that be the narrative used here, he would be branded an abusive man and probably lose his job, his house ,and his life, woman does it and you just justify it..
"Raising secure, emotionally competent, cooperative children who have free access to their creativity and expression is desperately needed for the health of the human race and the health of the planet. Raising secure children matters." - excerpt from The Attachment Connection by Ruth Newton, Ph.D
I believe there are ingredients to raising a secure child. Here is a link to a blog post that I wrote. This information is written from a professional and personal perspective. Check out Nadine Burke Harris’ Ted Talk also addressing ACES, adverse childhood experiences. The roots of many adults pathologies, both physical, relational, and mental, can be traced back to early childhood. hubpages.com/family/Parenting-Guidance-for-Creating-Secure-Children
I relate to this so much, I was trained to be highly codependent with my mother and I went to therapy at 44 (this lady’s age) and in the first month I realised from my amazing therapist that my mother is actually narcissist! 😮 I’ve been in no contact for 1 year as she has gaslighted me to the point that I had to walk away for good. I don’t want her money that she stayed with my predatory father for so she could get a lovely war pension. My brother is the golden child and I’m the family scapegoat. I am still filled with rage but am working on it, daily. ❤ Love from Australia 💖 Thank you for this video, it helped me so much. Complicated grief is tough 😢
Can totally relate to this. My mother was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. I am not 35 and 10 years ago I made the decision to go no contact with her. For my mental health it was the best decision I made.
I FEEL HER, my mother was also mistreated as a child. Fortunately, I came to forgive the narcissist abuse i got, staying firm in my beliefs that I deserve the best.
So relatable! My mom was very loving, and also very mean. I did some things after she passed that she would disapprove of like dye my hair and pierce my ears. It's kinda liberating to do these things and no one says anything about it. For those whose parents are still alive, there's an art of not caring what they approve or disapprove of because we're adults. I haven't mastered that skill, but I am working on it. My Dad is still alive and he's easier to deal with than my mom, but there are a lot of things we don't talk about.
Oh boy, can I relate to this! Only my mother is still alive. My mom was very loving when I was little but she's now 71 years old and one of the most bitter people I have ever seen. She's always had extreme anxiety and depression issues and would never do anything about it. I don't take her hatefulness personally because that's how she talks about everyone. About a month ago, I asked her if she had ever been happy a day in her life and she said "no". She blames it on growing up with an alcoholic father but she's been out on her own and married to my Dad (who, ironically is the nicest person on Earth) since she was 17 years old and has had a very peaceful life ever since. I would imagine from 17 to 71, she might get some closure on the past but I guess not. For my own sanity, I've stopped going to visit her because she will take anything I say and turn it into an argument. It's just not worth it. I would love it if she could find some kind of peace before she dies but I'm not counting on it.
Gosh im in the same boat. I feel terrible for me staying away but its the only way i can deal with her. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance..unfortunately..you are not alone
My mother was a confirmed sexual saddest and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about being relieved that she is gone. Not glad about her suffering and death, but deeply relieved that multiplied decades of pain are finally over. But may God have mercy on her soul because I can’t even imagine the horror and pain of the thing that made her that way. She was a monster.
Me too! I knew it when I was young and she resented me for it even more. I know she had a rough childhood and I was able to have empathy for her. She could never have any for me and the harder part is what she shows other people.
Me too. Mel and the lady explained it so well. It's taken me years to try to understand this. So therapeutic for me to hear this video, I need to hear this today. Can't thank you enough Mel Robbins!
As a daughter of a mother who never once would admit she was hypercritical and controlling, please know that just by stating this I know you can find a new way of expressing yourself that you will be proud of and will enable your children to flourish. I would guess your mom was the same way to you? And that when you are stressed is when you do this? If yes, just practice different responses and have them on the ready for the next time and the next time and the next time. Eventually you will retrain yourself and respond the way you wish to without even having to think about it. 💕
I grew up with an extremely abusive mom. She critized me a lot, expected perfection, she didn’t take care of herself, worked herself to a daily burnout, said it was my father and my fault, said we were all losers and depended of her, tollerated only her rules and her opinions and yelled until you gave in and she got what she wanted! Still, I feel so much for what she went through and I can understand why she doesn’t treat people correctly, but still there should be no execuses. I would love to be angry against her, but I can’t I just keep getting in abusive relationship and I am so sick of it
I thought of my father during the video. My father treated me very poorly and was a very cold person. He only was involved in my care when he felt like it and then just picked up and left when I was done kindergarten. Now I am an adult and it made me think "Hurt people hurt others" I learned my grandpa treated my father like that. This is probably why I have a deadbeat father. It's been about 20+ years and I have been and currently trying to learn how to break the cycle so I won't treat my future children the same way he treated me. Thank goodness for my mother. The role of a single parent is easy to blame on the one who is present instead of the one that is absent. The fact that my father was like this made me value my mom.
I think too many of us can relate to this story.... I do myself... It is hard to keep going in life, like you said with unresolved emotional trauma suffered in childhood. I love your insights into this issue, you put it in a great perspective. Thank you Mel for the awesome job that you do ❤👍
Great advice Mel my mom was the same way up until she died 20 years ago I was standing next to her when she died she opened her eyes and smiled at me before she died that smile met everything to me it was her way of telling me I was a great person after all and she was sorry for everything she did to me all my life.
I totally related, my mother was extremely emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. She was volatile and cruel, even more so to my older brother..I witnessed her trying to drown him as a child and felt powerless to stop her... He was saved at last minute by my dad that came home from work unexpectedly. I always walked on eggs , was the peacemaker and protector of my brother, always living in fear, which worsened after I witnessed the full magnitude of her capability of killing her child. She did horrible cruel emotional things to us..even heard her on the phone one day tell her mother that she wished my brother was the one out of him and jphis friend that should have been abducted and killed. OMG..a monster. To this day everything is about her and her mind games and try in to control w guilt or monetary gifts. I raised my kids completely opposite and while I love her, i will be relieved and happy when she is gone. God bless!
I've lived this my whole 55 years. Wish I'd seen this, at least 35 years ago. Thanks so much to both of you lovely ladies. Luckily for my kids I've been able to be the parent I wanted. Love my kids and celebrate them being them, but it's a constant job in my head to ensure I do.
This is soooooo my family. I was relieved when my dad died when I was 14 and for a long time I felt guilty for that. Something Mel said about insecurities but into light some of my brother's words and actions.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. Thanks
My dad died when I was 15 or 16. He was seriously ill for a long time. I suspect that people like you and I have a more complicated situation because of this added experience to an already bad childhood. Our dads were not parenting us well and our moms played a less than great role in raising us as well. If both parents are mentally unwell, kids are on their own to cope. We had to deal with physical illness of a parent and death while also trying to process our relationship with the other parent. I suspect we actually raised ourselves which is, of course, crazy. We didn't die but we didn't thrive either. We probably learned some really bad ways of dealing with other people. How our upbringing damages our ability to function and get along with others is of great concern to me. We are damaged. We can intellectualize it all we want. It is helpful to understand what happened, but we still are left with our own psychological issues that don't disappear just because we figured out what happened to us. I am in no way dismissing the importance of the help Mel is giving this woman. I am saying it is only the first step in healing. Getting the damage to our nervous systems out of our bodies is the next step and possibly the hardest. You say you felt relief when your dad died. I behaved as if nothing had happened. And yet I am a very emotional person. I loved my father. Why was I oblivious to his death? I live with the guilt of not feeling grief. Cognitive dissonance. Do you and I know at some deep level that our fathers also hurt us so much? Your relief and my indifference - are they the way we were able to live with the love/hate dichotomy we experienced? Did our brains create relief and indifference to protect us from going off the deep end?
Different things work for many people. But as I say from my own experience and having studied psychology. Limited contact or no contact is best way otherwise I have found your on washing machine cycle. Heal. Being abused. Heal. I’ve also had these thoughts of she dies I won’t go the funeral. I’ve had guilt for this so thanks Mel for freeing me of that guilt. It’s ok to feel this. X
I’m embracing this sweet daughter with an open honest bear hug. Boy O Boy do I relate. Thank you! A straight to the heart podcast. A great listen . . .
Only thing im really proud of is I was able to cut the contact when I was 34 or 36 yo. I read all these awfull experiences from people in their 50s 60s 70s that continúed being abused by their Narcisistic mom and got so afraid to live that.
I want to give this woman a big hug! Thank you for sharing your life story with us. You are on your path towards healing! Thank you Mel for explaining this so well. (This is my story too) 💖
Thank you so much for bringing up this uncomfortable subject. Everything you said is right on point. I grew up on egg shells with a verbally and emotionally abusive mother. She is still doing it today, that's why I don't go back to Mass often....makes me physically ill.
I saw this on Instagram 😍 Mel, I have to say it. You’re such an inspiration. What you’re saying to the people you talking with is like a treasure of gold.
Wow! Mel ALOT of us needed this. I never felt like enough, I never did good enough in my Moms eyes. She was also judgemental of anyone who failed. NONE of her adopted kids (us) could ever be good enough. Our mother pitted (us) siblings (it was easier as we were all adopted) sister and I against each other. My sister became so COMPETITIVE, jealous and full of rage if I ever was liked by another relative. EVERYTHING was about one upmanship. I feel my Mom would create this environment. Everyone has a good side, like your guest conveyed. Our Mom was an AMAZINGLY talented woman, could figure out how to do anything. She was a mensa. She also could bake up a dream of scrumptious delicious delights. Kept a clean cozy home had a generous side that ( I like to think my sister and I did inherit )my brother completely lacks. She was also EXTREMELY JUDGEMENTAL, of ALL of us. Even our wonderful kind hearted, hardworking, soft spoken father. She actually bullied him when he became when he retired (he wasnt the "breadwinner" anymore. The abuse is denied by my sister and brother and still keep at bay, never admit the long term damage it's caused ALL OF US. As a result they CONTINUE to be abusive to their own children. Their children grow up violent, into the drugs, and heartless no sense of compassion, obsessed w money, and hence it goes on. They're driven by money and facades. Thank you Mel for addressing the fact that this WAS Generational type of raising (THAT generation of our parents. My Mother was one of those, my father thru being a teacher, educated himself and became a better person) Things that aren't accepted now (spankings are a perfect example; belts whips, shoes, rulers, large metal objects whatever was handy and painful) were totally acceptable during the 40's, 50's, 60,'s 70's etc. Showing real compassion or emotions was NOT acceptable! So was enabling the abuser. That included drugs and drinking en masse. Who doesn't remember the COCKTAIL, HI BALL parties, smoking on Friday nights at the office parties, ELKS, ROTARY, ETC. It was a culture. Therefore alot of damage got instilled in their generations. OUR generations. You'll NEVER be good enough. As a result ,for me, NO matter how much I achieved she COMPLETELY denied any successes. She'd then pit the other siblings against the one who got away ( "me" again) from her toxic thinking. ( I left for Los Angeles at 18 to follow my dream of the arts, had some marginal success, being in the entertainment industry and have been cursed for being creative by the other 2 ALL my life.) My sister married an EXTREMELY abusive man, as did I. The difference is I acknowledged it and dealt w it by leaving, getting therapy and realizing I'd marry (my Mom's) the money, the abusI'd leave the marriage even tho' it was scary, lonely, caused me great financial hardship, being on my own when it wasn't "cool" to be without a spouse, but I'm able to go on, drug free and able to have true compassion for people, animals, and others with their imperfections. APPRECIATING HUMANITY for what EVERYONE has to offer. I do not like to judge people that have fallen on hard times. Los Angeles is one of the cruelest cities. Like NY. You can work 3 jobs and most are and still be destitute. My sister still gets angry at anyone that comments about her husband's cruelty. He surprisingly became ill and passed a year ago. And w her new found freedom AND a large inheritance from his mother's wealth, she is now the ULTIMATE abuser. She finally became like her husband. My sister as if by osmosis, became what we most feared (judgmental, hypocritical, Super ABUSIVE and incorporates tantrums, and uses her money to control and humiliate). She use be a kinder gentler person, but never really could accept REAL love (still doesn't understand it). She is very verbally abusive to her own daughter (my niece). My niece is physically and verbally abusive, has a life driven by how much someone's net worth is, and is completely cruel to HER own daughter. My niece is a social worker has a substance abuse problem to mask her pain, which, her Mom,my sister is in denial about. Does a lot of disappearing on the job and ignoring her often homeless and destitute clients that depend on her. It's frightening....The chain continues ...
Thank you! I needed to hear every word of this conversation. I grew up with my grandmother and I also loved what she did for me but her emotional withholding and sometimes her words were abusive. I know she didn’t know any better but it didn’t lessen the pain of the emotional neglect. And this is just validation and healing.
I’m sorry you had to endure that growing up. I just don’t understand why families gotta be abusive and detrimental. I find it unacceptable and unconstitutional. Can you please tell me why your grandmother was like that? I’m sure you wasn’t a bad kid coming up. You should try therapy it’ll help you in someway.
I've been feeling like this girl all my life, ever since I was a child. ..Feeling insecure and invalidated all my life. I love my mom but I'm very hurt by her.
OMG!!! I am this kind of mother and I now know why. This explains everything. I'm so devastated right now. Both of my parents were abusive/neglectful and I always felt my life was out of control. Never knew what to expect from day to day from my severely alcoholic father. As I got older I believed that as long as I can CONTROL everything that it would not take me back to the chaos I grew up in. I need counseling asap. I know I am hurting my daughter and my heart is literally breaking right now... hard truth. Thank you Mel😢
I have a lot of respect for you because you were willing to look at yourself and notice that something you were doing was hurting someone else, and needed to be changed. That takes humility, and because you have it, there is hope for you.
I love how this girl did the best job explaining her situation! “She was the best and worst parent”. I struggle putting what I’m feeling into words and this woman explained a lot of the things I feel for me!
wow My mum is the same! She used to be loving when I was young and became controlling since I was around 24. Thank you Mel!! Also realize I still have avoidant attachment style because of the trauma.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. 🙏🏽
Hearing her story was like someone was talking about me. My mom passed over 20 years ago and sometimes I still struggle with this. Guilt is a horrible and destructive thing. Thank you Mel for such good advice and all that you do to help people. God bless!!
My mother verbally and emotionally abused me my whole life. She recently passed and I totally understand what this woman is going through. I'm mad and sad at the same time.
May I ask why your mom was abusive towards you growing up? I’m sure you wasn’t a bad troubled youth. What can I do to help? You should try therapy and it’ll help you in someway.
@@judgeholder8112 Because my father left her, and I was the only one who looked like him. Every time she looked at me, she saw him and I got all the wrath. I STILL am the one who looks and acts like my dad. Dad and I are very close and always have been. So when he came back from Alaska, at least I knew that I had him and his love. I've always been the "black sheep" of the family.
@@judgeholder8112 Thank you, but I'm holding on tight to God, and he helps me get through. My husband is a very caring man and that has been a blessing also. ✌🏻🙏🏻
I had a very similar situation to hers. My mom is still living and thankfully our relationship now is 180 degrees different than it was 20 years ago. For that I am grateful. I also made the conscious choice that the verbal and physical abuse stopped with me. I am raising my children very differently than the way I was raised. I use time outs and other corrective incentives, but never physical action or hateful words. Very good advice, Mel. Thank you!💖😊
We can have empathy for our parent and dislike our parent at the same time … if a mother is hypercritical and negative to a child for years, that is emotional abuse … but, as adults, if we recognize why and realize the cruelty is their own shortcoming and not ours , we can maybe start to heal …
This lady's childhood was exactly like mine. Thanks for sharing your experience and for Mel's analysis and advice. Looking back, I think my Mum started being critical when I hit puberty moreorless. It got to the point where I thought anything I did, said or thought must be wrong because it was me doing, saying or thinking it and anytime anything went wrong for me it must be my fault. I still have trouble having the courage of my convictions. Now I spot where I don't think she's right, or she doesn't know, but I used to believe it all. One of the most toxic things she used to say was that even if people don't say they don't like something I did, they're thinking it. Ever since I have tried to mind-read people usually unsuccessfully. It would kill her to take my side in an argument, she will make up arguments against literally whatever I say if I criticise someone even if its a random stranger who can't hear what I am saying. She would never accept she was critical and claim it was all factual observations. And I know that her mother was absent then died when my Mum was young and her sister bullied her under the guise of raising her so I know the source of the problem.
You should try therapy and maybe it’ll help you in someway. I just don’t understand why parents gotta be mean and abusive at times and I find it unruly, unacceptable and unconstitutional.
Thank you for this! I think sometimes mothers are aware of it. I know and can prove my mother is. After years of hoping, wishing she would change was my mistake. Still to this very day she abuses. That’s my only regret empathising with her potential pain. This has done me no favours. From experience the only way to heal is to terminate contact. It’s destructive and self abuse if you continue allowing it.
Wow! This is exactly how I grew up with my single adoptive mother. She passed away last year and I have been suffering through this same post trauma from my 53 years being her daughter especially since I went no contact with her 2 years ago. She also loved me with her actions but abused me with her words. Thank you for this validation, it helps so much ♥️
My mother was similar to this ladies! There was a time in my childhood, that it seemed I could do no right. And it’s sad that when she did pass, I felt free and released. I loved my mother and when your not good enough for the person you not only love but idolise,it can be devastating.
another thought is something that Mel touched on his daughter has to learn how to move on in her new Independence without blaming things on her mom. Mel didn't say it exactly that way, but it's true. Daughter you are going to have to learn how to move in your New Freedom. Set goals and reasonable expectations and give yourself some time.
I have been the kind where I would get depressed , tuck my tail between my legs and run away .I feel so much better emotionally when I speak up in a healthy way ,set up healthy boundaries .I have the power I’m not defenseless. Taking my power back one day at a time. I’m dishonoring and disrespecting myself when I don’t speak up and let people miss use and abuse me. I DONT do that to myself anymore.
Same experience. We have a great relationship today because of my Boundaries towards her and she has become healthy. She was that way because her mother was that way and my grandmothers mother was that way. The best thing you can do is to heal yourself and break the pattern.
I also grew up with a narcissistic emotional abusive mother that I actually said in therapy that I’d be apply she was dead by that meant I would no longer have ties to her. Very insightful video
This pattern is exactly the same with my mother. She is both the best and worst at the same time. She has little to none emotional capacity for her children but shows her love through actions like making food for everyone, arranging birthdays etc. She can be extremely verbally abusive which started right about when I became a teenager and began to have my own opinions and become my own person. I use grey rock as a technique to avoid the abuse and by doing that is able to spend time with her and my father. I have very conflicting emotions of intense anger of what she put me through as a teenager while loving her at the same time.
Thank you Mel, although I will say my parents were not the same way, in fact my mother grew up without a mother. Her mother passed when she was eight years old. My mother helped to raise her other siblings they were five. And every mother does the best they can. My mother never had any mean words. And she didn’t say I love you often. But everything she did was for us. I have two friends who have similar complaints as you’re guest did. I sent them a copy of the video and hope that they see it. My advice to them has been the same as my mother taught me to accept people the way they are. And not take it personal, she was right and so are you. Thanks great video
Hi , Mel , I just want you to know that I started to follow you 2 days ago. Because I was struggling and I didn’t know what to do so I started to look for an answer then I came a cross your channel. I just want to say this video has freed my mind and soul . You don’t understand how much it helped me . Truly from the bottom of my heart thank you . And I wish you all the best. Keep doing what you doing .
Wow someone else went through the same thing ?? My mom is still alive and I have to see her everyday, but my God I wish she wasn't so she wouldn't hurt me so much anymore, so I can maybe forget how hostile she is to me, and speak endearingly about her as other women do of their mothers. My God , this is so validating, thank you so much ladies. My question though is,I understand that she wasnt raised in a loving way, but I was raised by her the same but I would never be this cruel to my kids, I apologies if I even feel a bit that I hurt them in anyway, why couldn't she do that ?
I needed this today. Thank you Mel, as you’re helping this nice lady. You’re helping me. Tell her she’s not alone, I understand, narcissistic abuse is horrible
Mel !! You’re awesome ♥️ The way you described the last generation parents Don’t do what I do but do what I say ... Am sure many would know exactly what that means ... the only thing that I base my life through all the healing is Be brutally honest with yourself ... be you and do your world ... it’s not always easy but it’s worth it ... love to all
I LOVED this video! I was raised by a bipolar mother who never showed me any love or was nice to me at all. I suffered the brunt of her rages. Through the grace of my father and my grandparents, I survived a turbulent childhood. I am just now starting to write about it and I am 56 years old. I have written a few posts on my blog of what it was like to be raised by her & have had some negative comments. However, I have a right to express how I feel, what I went through, and want to help others who were raised by abusive parents. You are SO RIGHT about us having an internal dialogue and now that my life has settled down, I discovered you and the 5 Second Rule and am trying so hard to change my inner dialogue. Thank you.
Thank you for this cause i too had this kind of mom and my spirit guides helped me like your helping and im sorry we go through this and you deserve to be happy and feel loved cause you are love sweet heart
Thank you for this. I also had a very turbulent relationship with my mum. It’s starting to improve praise to god. But I think it was because she grew up in an Abusive home. She made me feel small . I often contemplated suicide because of how unhappy and hurt I was. But I thank god things are looking up. I think as I’ve grown older I am more understanding
This was so powerful! TFS!! You honestly could’ve been speaking directly to me, as everything you’ve said was spot on. The only difference is that my parents are still alive and both of them were emotionally and physically abusive. As a child, I often thought the only way I would be free of the immense, almost unbearable pain they inflicted upon me was to die myself or for them to die. And these thoughts wracked me with horrible guilt for most of my life with the assistance of ultra conservative religious indoctrination (honor thy parents, be an obedient child, etc etc). Now that I am a parent myself, it is the almost crippling fear of being anything like them or for my children to feel towards me the way I felt towards my parents- but as a mandatory positive, that fear and often hypersensitive neuroticism actually propels and compels me forward down a very different path. I currently have a wonderful relationship with my children and I thank my stars every single day that I had the wherewithal to want to break the cycle instead of perpetuating it like so many people I know. I tell my children how much I love them every single day, and work consistently to empower them to be their own champions and find that that kind of makes me the biggest loudest cheerleader in their corner- a stark contrast to anything I had in my own childhood. Bless you all for having and expanding these kind of conversations!!🥰🥰
Hema, yes embrace insight but I know you have your own story to balance this perspective! Did you love your child? Did you try your best with what you know? Do not take all the responsibility for 2 sides of the relationship! Everyone wants to believe the “narcissistic” Mum chose her disability. Truth is we all try to do the best we can with the parents we are dealt. None are perfect, but they are human beings with their own history ( story) . I have given birth to 5 children, miscarried 3, love each one as the blessing they are; but I am a product of my parents and have made many mistakes. My 4 living grown children are VERY different. Some are happier/healthier mentally than others. One is an undiagnosed bipolar who refuses to consider getting help. Her life is a train wreck. She has fought her Mum and Dad EVERY step of her life. We are saddled with her 10 years of college debt because hubby co-signed, she just had her car repoed on our credit!!! We are 5 years from retirement with a credit score In The 500s because of her hypochondria and refusal to work at age 32!!!! She never takes responsibility for her choices and their consequences and calls everyone idiots or worse. I try to keep my opinions to myself but she ruins every family gathering with angry outbursts of emotion and twisted perceptions of how she has been abused! She could have written this story but she is in need of psychiatric help and refuses it!! No meds allowed as it will poison her body!!! I have loved her through all this abusive 32 years as her Mum. There are always 2 sides to a relationship! People just want to pile on the parents but need to balance their opinions with both sides of the pain😢
Very insightful. I would suggest that guilt is a manifestation of the conflict between feeling a biological requirement to love ones mother (we are born helpless and therefore dependent for survival on our mothers) and the realization that we can feel relief upon the death of an abusive or seemingly unloving mother. I believe the biology of a human as a mammal plays a part along with our higher order emotional/intellectual human brain in creating these conflicts.
Thank you so much for this Mel ! I resonate with this so much! My mom often tells me I’ve betrayed her, and I could never tell what I did wrong. This gave me so much clarity
Thank you both so much! This video was extremely helpful for me. I now know that I am not alone with what I experienced. Other people have gone through similar things. Her story is so extremely similar to mine including the death of both my parents within a short time. Thanks to you I know now how to work on these problems and be a better mom for my child. And hopefully find happiness for me too. Long way to go! Thank you again!
What a brave honest lady. She deserves to finally enjoy her life without guilt.
I had an abusive mother... physical, mental, emotional...when I was 25 I said to her" don't call me I'll call you"....and I didn't except birthday and Christmas...30 yrs to try and heal... The past 2 yrs I worked very hard to free myself from the pain . I had to learn to forgive her and others and myself for the past mistakes. I finally finished this process in Dec. I feel like a huge weight has finally been lifted at age 54..😊
Wooow i would love to know what you did....im in the same boat
@@neshayrobinson It was extremely hard.. 6 months before my father passed away from cancer...I apologized for being absent for 30 yrs. But I still didn't have the courage to tell him the truth about what mom had done to me for 18yrs ,as it was a secret. After he died I told him everything. I cried, I was angry that he never knew ,that he never protected me. I felt better after I told him.. I needed him to know WHY I was absent for 30 yrs. I was trying to heal without knowing how. I knew I had to cut her out in order to begin that process. In her presence I would turn into that little girl looking for her approval. I did receive apologies from her twice in the past and I had said I forgave her,but it kept creeping into my mind which told me I hadn't really forgiven . I prayed and cried out to God to please forgive her for what she had done and open my heart to true forgiveness....🙏💖 He made this happen
Bless you. A huge weight has certainly been lifted.
Kathy Gratto imagine if you had never started on the path to healing, where you may still be...you are such an inspiration and I’m so glad you prioritized yourself❤️ Thank you so much for sharing here.
Kathy you said, “I finally finished this process in Dec.”.
How do you know when you’re finished?
She was well studied in what had happened to her, you could tell. Sometimes we just need that confirmation we are seeing it right. Great Topic.
My mom was verbally and emotionally abusive, in both actions and words, my whole childhood! I got out as soon as I could and have kept myself distanced from her. As I got older and had kids, all of a sudden,she could say I love you and expect it back! It's her loss she did not have a relationship with me. And I've made a point of being a completely different mother to my children.
You are allowed to feel how you feel. No matter what.
It is so helpful when you validate something that has literally haunted a person for most of their lives. For me, my situation was very similar, and while I’ve worked thru a lot of it, I also needed to hear from an objective source that my feelings are not wrong, I’m not being disloyal to my mother for being an independent person, and that, most importantly...my feelings MATTER. She’s always, to date, made me feel like I’m wrong, I’m delusional, I’m just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, I’m “being mean” to her...when it’s taken every fiber of my being to just be kind to her...with the intention of compassion towards her upbringing & genuine ignorance to her own behavior or words. Giving myself permission to be an independent, free thinking woman is life changing. Thank you for the validation, Mel.
I agree 100% Lisa. Your comment really helped drive mel's point home to me - thank you!
Emily Matthews that makes me so happy to hear that, thank you for taking the time to reply! It really helps me too, to know there’s someone else out there who relates ♥️
So when you say how you feel about something -different from her, she thinks that you are just saying that to be mean to her? How on earth do we express anything, like that? When everything you say or do about yourself is therefore not about her, is therefore against her. OMG.
ADDHOC exactly. And then you grow up thinking in the back of your mind that...maybe, just maybe, your mother is right. Maybe I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to my own opinions. She’s my mother, for God’s sake...who else should have my back more than her? So...I learned how to second guess everything I thought and did. It took a lot of unraveling of that thought process and counseling and life experience (other people that you respect validating you) to get to a healthy place. It sounds like you haven’t had to deal with this, and for that, I’m glad.
@@lisahudec5883 Exactly !
"The hardest part about being a parent is letting go of the expectations of who you think your child should be and loving them for Who They Are..." 👏🏽👏🏽💯💯💯
If only mine would learn this.... 😣😣
Mine, too…my mother died 7 years ago, and she had a hard time adjusting to the real me, not the daughter that she wanted me to be (I was also a scapegoat for her), and only partly approved of the real me.
Mine too.
Sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. Good parents encourage their children to feel good about themselves and be independent. It is ok to resent abusive parents. Don’t feel guilty for having a normal reaction to abnormal behavior.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue.
KB Commodities Investment yes I was going to say exactly narcissistic or NPD/comorbid traits of a PD mother. I escaped mine and have been NC for going on 4 years now. My mother and both parents were incapable of loving me. One abused me via omission and was an enabler and the other a flat out ragefull narcissistic nightmare. Mel is wrong narcissistic people can’t love their children, they don’t love anyone. Congratulations for going NC! Wishing you universal blessings and a wonderful life, you certainly deserve it.
Zofia Janeczek Yes, that bothered me that she said that about love. These people are incapable of feeling real love.
It is narcissistic abuse/borderline personality abuse. The blonde has valid points but missed the main problem here
@@zofiajaneczek184 Same. Disabled and still live with them at 31. I have wished they would die. I'm in a living Hell.
THANK YOU 🌹 I just had to remove my mother from my life because of the pain of mental and emotional abuse she put me through. I always justified her actions and blamed myself for being wrong... I had a brain tumor removed 4 years ago and within a few months I woke up emotionally and realize she will never change and I don’t want to suffer anymore. This has been the hardest time learning how to let go and I eventually had to tell her that “her daughter” died on the operating table when they removed the tumor. 🌹💕 I am now FREE to Love ❤️ and Parent how I see fit and CHANGE the pattern of Abuse in My Family 💖
I just went through the same thing with my mother (well, am going through) and it's incredibly painful and guilt ridden. Good for you for standing up for yourself and realizing the reality.
Worth the Wait, and I am proud of you as well 🌹 it’s hard and I had many times I would cry and want to break just to have my Mom in my life but always found my strength to remember why I left. My breaking point was at the beginning of this pandemic she had a family member reach out to me and then she messaged a few days later. I set boundaries and told her I wasn’t going to deal with her negativity and that she needed to acknowledge what had happened so we can deal with it. She showed me her truth and I let her know her daughter was dead and I blocked her.
Sad reality is they don’t see the problem and fault they have so the only way to win is to Walk and Block 😎👍🏻
Hayzle Thank You 🌹
@@kimberlyzdream5133 amazing to hear!! =)
Very good. Be free.
I broke the cycle. I never treat my daughter the way my mother treated me. When my daughter was little....she would say to me " are you ok mommy?" Because everytime my mother came to my house...she would leave me in tears......she was just nasty.
I appreciate this woman's openness. I had a similar experience with my own mum. I know that feeling of 'I can't be myself until she dies.' I wish this lady well.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. 🙏🏽
Me as well
I have the same kind of mother. Mel is right, just imagine how she was raised and you will feel more compassion and understanding.
Now it is time to be the mother to yourself you never had. Healthy boundaries in relationships, and radical self love 🙌🙌🙌
I really felt this. Tears streamed down my cheeks. My mom is still living, but we've never had an emotional or meaningful relationship. Ever. I've also realized that my parents did the best they could with what they knew and with what they had. It doesn't make it any less detrimental to a child or the adult the child becomes. Friends have said that they feel sorry for me because I didn't have a connection to my mom. My response is almost always that I can't miss what I never had. I'm still a trainwreck of suppressed emotions and I'm trying to work on me, one day at a time.
You just summed up my life. I'm sending you hugs and lots of love!
@@nubiacardenas9698 And I'm sending you healing love and light back!
Same. I understand this. My mom died yesterday and there won't be much of avoid or a change. I've always felt it was her loss.
My mother took great care of me physically, emotionally, she ruined me. Her & my father are exactly the same. Dads an overt narc & she’s a covert. I thought that a normal woman walked around mean & angry because it’s what I was modeled. When I finally woke up, she went bonkers! Till this day she’s always mad because she believes that being a wife has an expiration date & it’s my job to take over. I’m responsible for her car, whatever she wanted to do like shopping, her glasses, her hunger, her thirst, her errands, and everything really and I should feel honored to do those things for her. All while she berated me. She never apologizes, because it’s never her fault. When I woke up to this, she hated me more
Sending love and hugs
I have often said about my mother that I loved her because she was my mother but... I DID NOT LIKE HER...it took 60 years and the realization that my life passed me by living with her baggage
Oh my goodness, I just cried about that two weeks ago. I just came to the knowledge that I DID NOT like her, but I love her because she’s my mother at the age of 54. Thank you for saying that. I’m just coming into my own. I was the scapegoat child. And I’m now giving myself permission to tell my story on my podcast. The scariest thing I’ve ever done. Hearing others who have suffered this helps a great deal. I’m so sorry that we’ve all had to ‘grow’ through this, but I’m glad that I broke the cycle with my young men. Now I’m on a journey of healing for myself. I pray for healing and that you find that there is a beautiful life after unpacking all our baggage And that we continue to find moments to celebrate the beauty of who we truly are apart from how we were treated! ❤️🙏🏽 Much love!
How many of us had our life pass us by, but get criticized that we play victim and use our mother as an excuse?
Leah Norman my mother was not an excuse but the answer to why... I wish I had this insight so when Cyf got involved due to my son setting fire to the back bedroom I came to the realization that you can’t give what you never got
@@cyndivearnon6673 so you understand, I'm saying that people don't understand the powerful effect a narcissistic mother has on us, and they think we should just get over it. It's not so simple. I'm not at all saying you use her as an excuse. My entire adult life has been about my mother. I sympathize with you.
I bet your Mum knew that too. Who likes to have to be nice to someone all the time when you know they don't like you. No wonder the baggage stayed around, was there ever any honesty????? I say this because my sisters treated my Mum with disdain and I know it really affected her, and she tried always to be gracious, but I know the toll it took. Just be careful love, many times we can't see that we have chosen to propagate the ugly because we don't realise we simply don't have to.... there are other ways other than the beaten track. Be genuine, if you can't be that, leave them alone in 'peace'. We can't fix other people because they have to figure it out themselves.
I did not like my father, but everyone else did and still worship him after 45 years of being dead!!!!!! No one cared about the things he did, I literally became like him to be safe and yet instead, the punishment which should have been directed to him was focused on me.... and I became very unlikeable as his shield. He was OK with that.
Both my children have let me know, they love me, but do not like me. It's hard, but y4ah. Whatever. I am just a broken human who had no business having children, and yet, I did. Who can really control a life outside your own? I wish they did like me, I had such fun things envisaged for our adult lives together, but that clearly was just a delusion in my world. I am not sorry I had children, but in many ways, I am sorry that I thought I could be a good mother but failed to see my own inability to achieve it with my desires for a warm and loving family intact.
So powerful. Actually cried hearing this.
same. cried all the way through.
It just made me more angry, so if a father did all these horrible things you think someone would be like, he had a bad past, he was brought up in this time, so was never taught this... no way would that be the narrative used here, he would be branded an abusive man and probably lose his job, his house ,and his life, woman does it and you just justify it..
"Raising secure, emotionally competent, cooperative children who have free access to their creativity and expression is desperately needed for the health of the human race and the health of the planet. Raising secure children matters."
- excerpt from The Attachment Connection by Ruth Newton, Ph.D
Well quoted - looking like the not so well parented children are at the political helms around the world right now 🌎
I believe there are ingredients to raising a secure child. Here is a link to a blog post that I wrote. This information is written from a professional and personal perspective. Check out Nadine Burke Harris’ Ted Talk also addressing ACES, adverse childhood experiences. The roots of many adults pathologies, both physical, relational, and mental, can be traced back to early childhood.
hubpages.com/family/Parenting-Guidance-for-Creating-Secure-Children
I relate to this so much, I was trained to be highly codependent with my mother and I went to therapy at 44 (this lady’s age) and in the first month I realised from my amazing therapist that my mother is actually narcissist! 😮 I’ve been in no contact for 1 year as she has gaslighted me to the point that I had to walk away for good. I don’t want her money that she stayed with my predatory father for so she could get a lovely war pension. My brother is the golden child and I’m the family scapegoat. I am still filled with rage but am working on it, daily. ❤ Love from Australia 💖 Thank you for this video, it helped me so much. Complicated grief is tough 😢
Girl, my mother was.flat out jelous, envious and a bully.....
Can totally relate to this. My mother was emotionally abusive when I was growing up. I am not 35 and 10 years ago I made the decision to go no contact with her. For my mental health it was the best decision I made.
I FEEL HER, my mother was also mistreated as a child. Fortunately, I came to forgive the narcissist abuse i got, staying firm in my beliefs that I deserve the best.
So relatable! My mom was very loving, and also very mean. I did some things after she passed that she would disapprove of like dye my hair and pierce my ears. It's kinda liberating to do these things and no one says anything about it.
For those whose parents are still alive, there's an art of not caring what they approve or disapprove of because we're adults. I haven't mastered that skill, but I am working on it. My Dad is still alive and he's easier to deal with than my mom, but there are a lot of things we don't talk about.
I hope that everyone here will have the courage to go through the old emotional abuse... very powerful and lasts in time unhappily. 💪
Everyone should try therapy.
Oh boy, can I relate to this! Only my mother is still alive. My mom was very loving when I was little but she's now 71 years old and one of the most bitter people I have ever seen. She's always had extreme anxiety and depression issues and would never do anything about it. I don't take her hatefulness personally because that's how she talks about everyone. About a month ago, I asked her if she had ever been happy a day in her life and she said "no". She blames it on growing up with an alcoholic father but she's been out on her own and married to my Dad (who, ironically is the nicest person on Earth) since she was 17 years old and has had a very peaceful life ever since. I would imagine from 17 to 71, she might get some closure on the past but I guess not. For my own sanity, I've stopped going to visit her because she will take anything I say and turn it into an argument. It's just not worth it. I would love it if she could find some kind of peace before she dies but I'm not counting on it.
Amen.. Focus on your own happiness man and take care !!
She may have dementia.
Gosh im in the same boat. I feel terrible for me staying away but its the only way i can deal with her. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance..unfortunately..you are not alone
Sounds like a full blown narcissist, with all due respect...
So sorry you have a mom like mine. I feel your pain.
My mother was a confirmed sexual saddest and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about being relieved that she is gone. Not glad about her suffering and death, but deeply relieved that multiplied decades of pain are finally over. But may God have mercy on her soul because I can’t even imagine the horror and pain of the thing that made her that way. She was a monster.
Wow, this really resonated with me... This is so close to my own story. I needed to hear this and process. Thank you for sharing❤
Me too
Mee too both my parents are emotionally abusive
Me too! I knew it when I was young and she resented me for it even more. I know she had a rough childhood and I was able to have empathy for her. She could never have any for me and the harder part is what she shows other people.
Same
Me too. Mel and the lady explained it so well. It's taken me years to try to understand this. So therapeutic for me to hear this video, I need to hear this today. Can't thank you enough Mel Robbins!
I want to be the one who stops being the hypercritical controlling parent/person. Expressing oneself is not a sign of disloyalty. This may help me.
Great to hear this! 👏
"Expressing oneself is not a sign of disloyalty" powerful
As a daughter of a mother who never once would admit she was hypercritical and controlling, please know that just by stating this I know you can find a new way of expressing yourself that you will be proud of and will enable your children to flourish. I would guess your mom was the same way to you? And that when you are stressed is when you do this? If yes, just practice different responses and have them on the ready for the next time and the next time and the next time. Eventually you will retrain yourself and respond the way you wish to without even having to think about it. 💕
I grew up with an extremely abusive mom. She critized me a lot, expected perfection, she didn’t take care of herself, worked herself to a daily burnout, said it was my father and my fault, said we were all losers and depended of her, tollerated only her rules and her opinions and yelled until you gave in and she got what she wanted! Still, I feel so much for what she went through and I can understand why she doesn’t treat people correctly, but still there should be no execuses. I would love to be angry against her, but I can’t I just keep getting in abusive relationship and I am so sick of it
You should try therapy.
I thought of my father during the video. My father treated me very poorly and was a very cold person. He only was involved in my care when he felt like it and then just picked up and left when I was done kindergarten.
Now I am an adult and it made me think "Hurt people hurt others" I learned my grandpa treated my father like that. This is probably why I have a deadbeat father. It's been about 20+ years and I have been and currently trying to learn how to break the cycle so I won't treat my future children the same way he treated me.
Thank goodness for my mother. The role of a single parent is easy to blame on the one who is present instead of the one that is absent. The fact that my father was like this made me value my mom.
I think too many of us can relate to this story.... I do myself...
It is hard to keep going in life, like you said with unresolved emotional trauma suffered in childhood.
I love your insights into this issue, you put it in a great perspective.
Thank you Mel for the awesome job that you do ❤👍
Great advice Mel my mom was the same way up until she died 20 years ago I was standing next to her when she died she opened her eyes and smiled at me before she died that smile met everything to me it was her way of telling me I was a great person after all and she was sorry for everything she did to me all my life.
I totally related, my mother was extremely emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. She was volatile and cruel, even more so to my older brother..I witnessed her trying to drown him as a child and felt powerless to stop her... He was saved at last minute by my dad that came home from work unexpectedly. I always walked on eggs , was the peacemaker and protector of my brother, always living in fear, which worsened after I witnessed the full magnitude of her capability of killing her child. She did horrible cruel emotional things to us..even heard her on the phone one day tell her mother that she wished my brother was the one out of him and jphis friend that should have been abducted and killed. OMG..a monster. To this day everything is about her and her mind games and try in to control w guilt or monetary gifts. I raised my kids completely opposite and while I love her, i will be relieved and happy when she is gone. God bless!
You should try therapy.
Everything she said about your mum when she got older is spot on.my mother is the exact same.
I've lived this my whole 55 years. Wish I'd seen this, at least 35 years ago. Thanks so much to both of you lovely ladies.
Luckily for my kids I've been able to be the parent I wanted. Love my kids and celebrate them being them, but it's a constant job in my head to ensure I do.
This is soooooo my family. I was relieved when my dad died when I was 14 and for a long time I felt guilty for that. Something Mel said about insecurities but into light some of my brother's words and actions.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. Thanks
My dad died when I was 15 or 16. He was seriously ill for a long time. I suspect that people like you and I have a more complicated situation because of this added experience to an already bad childhood. Our dads were not parenting us well and our moms played a less than great role in raising us as well. If both parents are mentally unwell, kids are on their own to cope. We had to deal with physical illness of a parent and death while also trying to process our relationship with the other parent. I suspect we actually raised ourselves which is, of course, crazy. We didn't die but we didn't thrive either. We probably learned some really bad ways of dealing with other people. How our upbringing damages our ability to function and get along with others is of great concern to me. We are damaged. We can intellectualize it all we want. It is helpful to understand what happened, but we still are left with our own psychological issues that don't disappear just because we figured out what happened to us. I am in no way dismissing the importance of the help Mel is giving this woman. I am saying it is only the first step in healing. Getting the damage to our nervous systems out of our bodies is the next step and possibly the hardest.
You say you felt relief when your dad died. I behaved as if nothing had happened. And yet I am a very emotional person. I loved my father. Why was I oblivious to his death? I live with the guilt of not feeling grief. Cognitive dissonance. Do you and I know at some deep level that our fathers also hurt us so much? Your relief and my indifference - are they the way we were able to live with the love/hate dichotomy we experienced? Did our brains create relief and indifference to protect us from going off the deep end?
This is an amazing conversation! My siblings and I struggle with this! Thank you for sharing! I am 43, and free from this because I talk about it.
Different things work for many people. But as I say from my own experience and having studied psychology. Limited contact or no contact is best way otherwise I have found your on washing machine cycle. Heal. Being abused. Heal.
I’ve also had these thoughts of she dies I won’t go the funeral. I’ve had guilt for this so thanks Mel for freeing me of that guilt. It’s ok to feel this. X
I’m embracing this sweet daughter with an open honest bear hug. Boy O Boy do I relate.
Thank you!
A straight to the heart podcast.
A great listen . . .
Wow, this is what my father did. I was disloyal if I had a mind of my own and made my own choices
Only thing im really proud of is I was able to cut the contact when I was 34 or 36 yo. I read all these awfull experiences from people in their 50s 60s 70s that continúed being abused by their Narcisistic mom and got so afraid to live that.
I want to give this woman a big hug! Thank you for sharing your life story with us. You are on your path towards healing!
Thank you Mel for explaining this so well. (This is my story too) 💖
Thank you so much for bringing up this uncomfortable subject. Everything you said is right on point. I grew up on egg shells with a verbally and emotionally abusive mother. She is still doing it today, that's why I don't go back to Mass often....makes me physically ill.
I saw this on Instagram 😍 Mel, I have to say it. You’re such an inspiration. What you’re saying to the people you talking with is like a treasure of gold.
Wow! Mel ALOT of us needed this. I never felt like enough, I never did good enough in my Moms eyes. She was also judgemental of anyone who failed. NONE of her adopted kids (us) could ever be good enough. Our mother pitted (us) siblings (it was easier as we were all adopted) sister and I against each other. My sister became so COMPETITIVE, jealous and full of rage if I ever was liked by another relative. EVERYTHING was about one upmanship. I feel my Mom would create this environment.
Everyone has a good side, like your guest conveyed. Our Mom was an AMAZINGLY talented woman, could figure out how to do anything. She was a mensa. She also could bake up a dream of scrumptious delicious delights. Kept a clean cozy home had a generous side that ( I like to think my sister and I did inherit )my brother completely lacks. She was also EXTREMELY JUDGEMENTAL, of ALL of us. Even our wonderful kind hearted, hardworking, soft spoken father. She actually bullied him when he became when he retired (he wasnt the "breadwinner" anymore.
The abuse is denied by my sister and brother and still keep at bay, never admit the long term damage it's caused ALL OF US. As a result they CONTINUE to be abusive to their own children. Their children grow up violent, into the drugs, and heartless no sense of compassion, obsessed w money, and hence it goes on. They're driven by money and facades. Thank you Mel for addressing the fact that this WAS Generational type of raising (THAT generation of our parents. My Mother was one of those, my father thru being a teacher, educated himself and became a better person) Things that aren't accepted now (spankings are a perfect example; belts whips, shoes, rulers, large metal objects whatever was handy and painful) were totally acceptable during the 40's, 50's, 60,'s 70's etc. Showing real compassion or emotions was NOT acceptable! So was enabling the abuser. That included drugs and drinking en masse. Who doesn't remember the COCKTAIL, HI BALL parties, smoking on Friday nights at the office parties, ELKS, ROTARY, ETC. It was a culture. Therefore alot of damage got instilled in their generations. OUR generations. You'll NEVER be good enough.
As a result ,for me, NO matter how much I achieved she COMPLETELY denied any successes. She'd then pit the other siblings against the one who got away ( "me" again) from her toxic thinking. ( I left for Los Angeles at 18 to follow my dream of the arts, had some marginal success, being in the entertainment industry and have been cursed for being creative by the other 2 ALL my life.)
My sister married an EXTREMELY abusive man, as did I.
The difference is I acknowledged it and dealt w it by leaving, getting therapy and realizing I'd marry (my Mom's) the money, the abusI'd leave the marriage even tho' it was scary, lonely, caused me great financial hardship, being on my own when it wasn't "cool" to be without a spouse, but I'm able to go on, drug free and able to have true compassion for people, animals, and others with their imperfections. APPRECIATING HUMANITY for what EVERYONE has to offer. I do not like to judge people that have fallen on hard times. Los Angeles is one of the cruelest cities. Like NY. You can work 3 jobs and most are and still be destitute.
My sister still gets angry at anyone that comments about her husband's cruelty. He surprisingly became ill and passed a year ago. And w her new found freedom AND a large inheritance from his mother's wealth, she is now the ULTIMATE abuser.
She finally became like her husband. My sister as if by osmosis, became what we most feared (judgmental, hypocritical, Super ABUSIVE and incorporates tantrums, and uses her money to control and humiliate). She use be a kinder gentler person, but never really could accept REAL love (still doesn't understand it). She is very verbally abusive to her own daughter (my niece). My niece is physically and verbally abusive, has a life driven by how much someone's net worth is, and is completely cruel to HER own daughter. My niece is a social worker has a substance abuse problem to mask her pain, which, her Mom,my sister is in denial about. Does a lot of disappearing on the job and ignoring her often homeless and destitute clients that depend on her. It's frightening....The chain continues ...
If you resent the abuser and you retaliate, they will punish you for having an “ attitude “ this is a vicious dynamic.
Thank you! I needed to hear every word of this conversation. I grew up with my grandmother and I also loved what she did for me but her emotional withholding and sometimes her words were abusive. I know she didn’t know any better but it didn’t lessen the pain of the emotional neglect. And this is just validation and healing.
I’m sorry you had to endure that growing up. I just don’t understand why families gotta be abusive and detrimental. I find it unacceptable and unconstitutional. Can you please tell me why your grandmother was like that? I’m sure you wasn’t a bad kid coming up. You should try therapy it’ll help you in someway.
I've been feeling like this girl all my life, ever since I was a child. ..Feeling insecure and invalidated all my life. I love my mom but I'm very hurt by her.
You should try therapy.
OMG!!! I am this kind of mother and I now know why. This explains everything. I'm so devastated right now. Both of my parents were abusive/neglectful and I always felt my life was out of control. Never knew what to expect from day to day from my severely alcoholic father. As I got older I believed that as long as I can CONTROL everything that it would not take me back to the chaos I grew up in. I need counseling asap. I know I am hurting my daughter and my heart is literally breaking right now... hard truth. Thank you Mel😢
I have a lot of respect for you because you were willing to look at yourself and notice that something you were doing was hurting someone else, and needed to be changed. That takes humility, and because you have it, there is hope for you.
The fact that you acknowledge that is huge , you are already a big person by admitting that. You will heal..🙏
I love how this girl did the best job explaining her situation! “She was the best and worst parent”. I struggle putting what I’m feeling into words and this woman explained a lot of the things I feel for me!
Mel, thank you so much for this video. It’s contributing to my healing of being raised by a narcissistic mother.
This was very helpful. My mother is a narcissist.
Mel Robbins YOU NAILED IT! You may have saved her years of dragged out therapy. She's a brave woman.
The most important thing is not to do the same to our children and to ourselves. Be nicer to ourselves and to other. Live our lives in joy and piece
This is very similar to my life.. All strenght and love to this brave strong woman!
‘It (the mother’s emotionally abusive behaviour) wasn’t as personal as I was taking it’ WOW that was powerful!
Pls . Do a whole episode about how to deal with not understanding parents . When you feel you are not having their support it really sucks
wow My mum is the same! She used to be loving when I was young and became controlling since I was around 24. Thank you Mel!! Also realize I still have avoidant attachment style because of the trauma.
Love that you said it I am 52 and had to go no contact with my mother .... Daughters of Narcissistic mothers it often takes a while for us to realize it wasn’t me... My mother is a real live Mommie Dearest and queen of manipulation and Passive Aggressive jabs..... follow me on Instagram @kareasaboyd and dm let’s open a dialogue. 🙏🏽
You should try therapy.
Hearing her story was like someone was talking about me. My mom passed over 20 years ago and sometimes I still struggle with this. Guilt is a horrible and destructive thing. Thank you Mel for such good advice and all that you do to help people. God bless!!
My mother verbally and emotionally abused me my whole life. She recently passed and I totally understand what this woman is going through. I'm mad and sad at the same time.
May I ask why your mom was abusive towards you growing up? I’m sure you wasn’t a bad troubled youth. What can I do to help? You should try therapy and it’ll help you in someway.
@@judgeholder8112
Because my father left her, and I was the only one who looked like him. Every time she looked at me, she saw him and I got all the wrath. I STILL am the one who looks and acts like my dad. Dad and I are very close and always have been. So when he came back from Alaska, at least I knew that I had him and his love. I've always been the "black sheep" of the family.
@@rozsheehy6146 that’s so sad. I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
@@judgeholder8112
Thank you, but I'm holding on tight to God, and he helps me get through. My husband is a very caring man and that has been a blessing also. ✌🏻🙏🏻
@@rozsheehy6146 that’s awesome. 👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏. Have a good 1.
I had a very similar situation to hers. My mom is still living and thankfully our relationship now is 180 degrees different than it was 20 years ago. For that I am grateful. I also made the conscious choice that the verbal and physical abuse stopped with me. I am raising my children very differently than the way I was raised. I use time outs and other corrective incentives, but never physical action or hateful words. Very good advice, Mel. Thank you!💖😊
Time outs are very hurtful too. It's abandoment. Read about it :)
@@anabelencita1 not abandonment at all if you do it right and with love. Do you have children?
We can have empathy for our parent and dislike our parent at the same time … if a mother is hypercritical and negative to a child for years, that is emotional abuse … but, as adults, if we recognize why and realize the cruelty is their own shortcoming and not ours , we can maybe start to heal …
"Control is not love" thank you, I needed this
I pray my "older" sister's daughter can break the chain.
This lady's childhood was exactly like mine. Thanks for sharing your experience and for Mel's analysis and advice. Looking back, I think my Mum started being critical when I hit puberty moreorless. It got to the point where I thought anything I did, said or thought must be wrong because it was me doing, saying or thinking it and anytime anything went wrong for me it must be my fault. I still have trouble having the courage of my convictions. Now I spot where I don't think she's right, or she doesn't know, but I used to believe it all. One of the most toxic things she used to say was that even if people don't say they don't like something I did, they're thinking it. Ever since I have tried to mind-read people usually unsuccessfully. It would kill her to take my side in an argument, she will make up arguments against literally whatever I say if I criticise someone even if its a random stranger who can't hear what I am saying. She would never accept she was critical and claim it was all factual observations. And I know that her mother was absent then died when my Mum was young and her sister bullied her under the guise of raising her so I know the source of the problem.
You should try therapy and maybe it’ll help you in someway. I just don’t understand why parents gotta be mean and abusive at times and I find it unruly, unacceptable and unconstitutional.
Thank you for this! I think sometimes mothers are aware of it. I know and can prove my mother is. After years of hoping, wishing she would change was my mistake. Still to this very day she abuses. That’s my only regret empathising with her potential pain. This has done me no favours. From experience the only way to heal is to terminate contact. It’s destructive and self abuse if you continue allowing it.
Wow! This is exactly how I grew up with my single adoptive mother. She passed away last year and I have been suffering through this same post trauma from my 53 years being her daughter especially since I went no contact with her 2 years ago. She also loved me with her actions but abused me with her words. Thank you for this validation, it helps so much ♥️
Very powerful and I feel her. Sending her love. I know what she’s going through. 🙏🏽❤️
My mother was similar to this ladies! There was a time in my childhood, that it seemed I could do no right. And it’s sad that when she did pass, I felt free and released. I loved my mother and when your not good enough for the person you not only love but idolise,it can be devastating.
Can you tell me why your mother was like that towards you growing up?
This was helpful, so many harbor guilt and unloved feelings from childhood to the grave from their parents.
We are all the stories we tell ourselves. Such a powerful conversation.
Huge hugs for this brave and courageous lady!!! 💗
another thought is something that Mel touched on his daughter has to learn how to move on in her new Independence without blaming things on her mom. Mel didn't say it exactly that way, but it's true. Daughter you are going to have to learn how to move in your New Freedom. Set goals and reasonable expectations and give yourself some time.
I have been the kind where I would get depressed , tuck my tail between my legs and run away .I feel so much better emotionally when I speak up in a healthy way ,set up healthy boundaries .I have the power I’m not defenseless. Taking my power back one day at a time. I’m dishonoring and disrespecting myself when I don’t speak up and let people miss use and abuse me. I DONT do that to myself anymore.
Same experience. We have a great relationship today because of my Boundaries towards her and she has become healthy. She was that way because her mother was that way and my grandmothers mother was that way. The best thing you can do is to heal yourself and break the pattern.
I also grew up with a narcissistic emotional abusive mother that I actually said in therapy that I’d be apply she was dead by that meant I would no longer have ties to her. Very insightful video
I felt like she was talking directly to me 🥺 I really needed to hear this
This pattern is exactly the same with my mother. She is both the best and worst at the same time. She has little to none emotional capacity for her children but shows her love through actions like making food for everyone, arranging birthdays etc. She can be extremely verbally abusive which started right about when I became a teenager and began to have my own opinions and become my own person. I use grey rock as a technique to avoid the abuse and by doing that is able to spend time with her and my father. I have very conflicting emotions of intense anger of what she put me through as a teenager while loving her at the same time.
So spot on for so many of us. I’m saving this to rewatch and let this message sink into my brain for my own healing.
i wont be sad when my mom dies.Shes a monster but she was never abused by her parents.
I understand. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Thank you Mel, although I will say my parents were not the same way, in fact my mother grew up without a mother. Her mother passed when she was eight years old. My mother helped to raise her other siblings they were five. And every mother does the best they can. My mother never had any mean words. And she didn’t say I love you often. But everything she did was for us. I have two friends who have similar complaints as you’re guest did. I sent them a copy of the video and hope that they see it. My advice to them has been the same as my mother taught me to accept people the way they are. And not take it personal, she was right and so are you. Thanks great video
So beautiful analysis. I'm from a different culture, but your analysis is universal. Thank YOU :-)
Very insightful, but I feel the therapist probably reminds this poor lady of her Mum
Hi , Mel , I just want you to know that I started to follow you 2 days ago. Because I was struggling and I didn’t know what to do so I started to look for an answer then I came a cross your channel. I just want to say this video has freed my mind and soul . You don’t understand how much it helped me . Truly from the bottom of my heart thank you . And I wish you all the best. Keep doing what you doing .
This is amazing....thank you so much for the question. Gained so much insight into my own mother. Mel....please do a whole episode on this topic.
Wow someone else went through the same thing ?? My mom is still alive and I have to see her everyday, but my God I wish she wasn't so she wouldn't hurt me so much anymore, so I can maybe forget how hostile she is to me, and speak endearingly about her as other women do of their mothers. My God , this is so validating, thank you so much ladies.
My question though is,I understand that she wasnt raised in a loving way, but I was raised by her the same but I would never be this cruel to my kids, I apologies if I even feel a bit that I hurt them in anyway, why couldn't she do that ?
I needed this today.
Thank you Mel, as you’re helping this nice lady.
You’re helping me.
Tell her she’s not alone, I understand, narcissistic abuse is horrible
I’ve watched this 10 times in 1 hour… wow this helps me
"The people who hurt themselves can hurt the people they love" shows how vital it is to learn self love
Mel !! You’re awesome ♥️
The way you described the last generation parents
Don’t do what I do but do what I say ...
Am sure many would know exactly what that means ...
the only thing that I base my life through all the healing is
Be brutally honest with yourself ... be you and do your world ... it’s not always easy but it’s worth it ... love to all
I LOVED this video! I was raised by a bipolar mother who never showed me any love or was nice to me at all. I suffered the brunt of her rages. Through the grace of my father and my grandparents, I survived a turbulent childhood. I am just now starting to write about it and I am 56 years old. I have written a few posts on my blog of what it was like to be raised by her & have had some negative comments. However, I have a right to express how I feel, what I went through, and want to help others who were raised by abusive parents. You are SO RIGHT about us having an internal dialogue and now that my life has settled down, I discovered you and the 5 Second Rule and am trying so hard to change my inner dialogue. Thank you.
Thank you for this cause i too had this kind of mom and my spirit guides helped me like your helping and im sorry we go through this and you deserve to be happy and feel loved cause you are love sweet heart
Thank you for this. I also had a very turbulent relationship with my mum. It’s starting to improve praise to god. But I think it was because she grew up in an Abusive home. She made me feel small . I often contemplated suicide because of how unhappy and hurt I was. But I thank god things are looking up. I think as I’ve grown older I am more understanding
Occasionally, my Toxic Mother would apologize for her behavior toward me- even now, I have a hard time even talking to her.
I understand. You should try therapy.
This was so powerful! TFS!!
You honestly could’ve been speaking directly to me, as everything you’ve said was spot on. The only difference is that my parents are still alive and both of them were emotionally and physically abusive. As a child, I often thought the only way I would be free of the immense, almost unbearable pain they inflicted upon me was to die myself or for them to die. And these thoughts wracked me with horrible guilt for most of my life with the assistance of ultra conservative religious indoctrination (honor thy parents, be an obedient child, etc etc). Now that I am a parent myself, it is the almost crippling fear of being anything like them or for my children to feel towards me the way I felt towards my parents- but as a mandatory positive, that fear and often hypersensitive neuroticism actually propels and compels me forward down a very different path. I currently have a wonderful relationship with my children and I thank my stars every single day that I had the wherewithal to want to break the cycle instead of perpetuating it like so many people I know. I tell my children how much I love them every single day, and work consistently to empower them to be their own champions and find that that kind of makes me the biggest loudest cheerleader in their corner- a stark contrast to anything I had in my own childhood.
Bless you all for having and expanding these kind of conversations!!🥰🥰
Mel, you are simply amazing!! I am the mother she is talking about. You have changed me forever. Thank you so much!!
Hema, yes embrace insight but I know you have your own story to balance this perspective! Did you love your child? Did you try your best with what you know? Do not take all the responsibility for 2 sides of the relationship! Everyone wants to believe the “narcissistic” Mum chose her disability.
Truth is we all try to do the best we can with the parents we are dealt. None are perfect, but they are human beings with their own history ( story) . I have given birth to 5 children, miscarried 3, love each one as the blessing they are; but I am a product of my parents and have made many mistakes. My 4 living grown children are VERY different. Some are happier/healthier mentally than others. One is an undiagnosed bipolar who refuses to consider getting help. Her life is a train wreck. She has fought her Mum and Dad EVERY step of her life. We are saddled with her 10 years of college debt because hubby co-signed, she just had her car repoed on our credit!!! We are 5 years from retirement with a credit score In The 500s because of her hypochondria and refusal to work at age 32!!!! She never takes responsibility for her choices and their consequences and calls everyone idiots or worse.
I try to keep my opinions to myself but she ruins every family gathering with angry outbursts of emotion and twisted perceptions of how she has been abused! She could have written this story but she is in need of psychiatric help and refuses it!! No meds allowed as it will poison her body!!!
I have loved her through all this abusive 32 years as her Mum. There are always 2 sides to a relationship! People just want to pile on the parents but need to balance their opinions with both sides of the pain😢
What a beautiful video Mel....really woke me up as to my relationship with my teenage sons......thank you 🍒🇺🇸
Very insightful. I would suggest that guilt is a manifestation of the conflict between feeling a biological requirement to love ones mother (we are born helpless and therefore dependent for survival on our mothers) and the realization that we can feel relief upon the death of an abusive or seemingly unloving mother. I believe the biology of a human as a mammal plays a part along with our higher order emotional/intellectual human brain in creating these conflicts.
This is a incredible story .. omg ..really liberating after watching this ..bless this person :)
Thank you so much for this Mel ! I resonate with this so much! My mom often tells me I’ve betrayed her, and I could never tell what I did wrong. This gave me so much clarity
Wowwww im floored this is my mother completely!! Great advice mel!🥰
Just in tears , it really hurts bad.
Both of my parents did it to me.
My dad is dead and my mother still living.
My dad is gone but still hurting me 😢
Thank you both so much! This video was extremely helpful for me. I now know that I am not alone with what I experienced. Other people have gone through similar things. Her story is so extremely similar to mine including the death of both my parents within a short time. Thanks to you I know now how to work on these problems and be a better mom for my child. And hopefully find happiness for me too. Long way to go! Thank you again!