I was married to Aspi for 32.5 years. Those years were very happy ( my hubbie died of cancer). He was very educated, had a lot of knowledge . We coud talk for hrs , luckilly we had similar interests. And when he was busy or focusing on something I had time for myself. Could read books, talk to friends on the phone etc. Those were the best years of my life.
I've definitely had friends who operate with that imperative in relationships of personal time / space who grow to find aspies attractive & kind of specifically start to seek them out because of it. with how few people actually have more than grand generalizing ideals about what women want, less clear than this guy on understanding how those things never work for forming any lasting relationship, how much they generally care about forming a few close connections, & how much women on average...value those kinds of things that go with this condition, seems super weird it's as underdiagnosed as it is. You'd think more plans tofind, protect & foster it would be in place considering its relative rarity...eh, I guess a lot of us are more often self serving pricks too, maybe not. personality within the condition is a big factor too.
It’s hypocrisy when people consider it completely unacceptable to say something negative about the autism community (a community that only exists as a term and not in reality considering people with autism are very different) while at the same time denigrating another community. Lumping together neurotypical people with a negative remark is just as wrong as lumping autistic people together with a negative statement. You either judge someone as an individual or you don’t. As soon as you judge people based on their perceived group belonging you automatically reduce them to something less than they actually are. Few people like being judged based on an artificially construed sociological concept of group identity. Group labels are helpful in research, but are now being misused in society at large in how we refer to others as belonging to identity groups or communities. Sociologists use these categories to study isolated phenomena while fully knowing they are overly simplistic since it by necessity overlooks other complex factors within a given group(s). Unfortunately, after years of moving away from group labels they have now been reintroduced by leftwing radicals and in identity politics. We all know that generalizing about whole populations can be extremely dangerous. Group labels belong in research settings where they are necessary for creating statistical models and data collection. However, group labels shouldn’t be used in everyday contexts to refer to subjective negative traits of a given community. Generalizing about people as a group is unethical whether it’s based on their disability, race, ethnicity or religion etc. Why? Because it reduces them as individuals and it’s potentially prejudiced and insulting to whoever is being targeted. We all tend do this because our brains like to simplify and categorize people. All I’m saying is, it’s not okay to pretend that neurotypical people should get better at social skills irrespective of the fact that NT people are deemed to have a higher social status in society. (I’m not saying that, it’s a cultural claim). It’s equally wrong and potentially harmful no matter who you are negatively generalizing about or directing insults towards. I do these things myself sometimes, however it’s a bad habit and we (as a society) should all move away from generalizations about people based on immutable characteristics, whether those characteristics are generally considered positive or negative. Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a whole rant about this. I just see comments like these too often these days and it’s unfortunate.
It's good to have the word 'normal' wrapped in the quotes marks of punctuation, because the older I get, the more I learn that "normality" is more of a SUBJECTIVE term. (And much of what I ONCE thought of as "normal" is becoming more unusual, and/or subject to harsh criticism and/or mockery.)
In my personal experience, it's similar to the way how folks who learn English as a second language often speak a more "correct" or "formal" version of English than native English speakers. They are trying harder than a native English speaker. (Of course, this could apply to any language, not just English!)
When you spend a lifetime having your nose rubbed in all your differences, all your social mistakes, you tend to look for ways to escape that pain. If mimicking the accepted behaviors of others will save you from suffering the repeated pain of judgement, you’ll learn. You’ll be made to learn. The world is not kind to differences.
It's true. Some of us are good at Art. I am good at Art, Religious studies and Psychology. And Psychology is actually a really good subject for us because we are good with patterns including patterns of behaviour because we learn social skills cognitively rather than by osmosis.
That’s really encouraging. I think I may possibly have it, and I have a huge fear of being alone bc I am bad at making impressions on people and it’s hard for me to get comfortable around them
Just found out at the age of 35 that my dad has Asperger's . He raised me alone and was known for not understanding social cues at all. As a child I was always trying to keep people away from him. So I'm trying to learn about Asperger's. Your ability to speak on this topic is so clear and respectful. Thank you!!!
I just found out from my 79 year old father that he has it, and that he thinks I have it🤦🏻♂️. I was very angry when he first accused me of having it, even though I didn't even know what the hell "it" was, lol 😂. Now I'm looking into "it" more and being open to perhaps maybe I have "it". Truth is, I don't even know what Asperger's is yet.🙆🏻♂️ All I know is I'm different and antisocial🤷🏻♂️. I'm accused of being stupid yet I'm a genius in many ways.💁🏻♂️
“I’m married to somebody way better than I could have ever hoped to qualify for” Probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, his wife is really lucky too!!
Certain kinds of weirdness, yeah. But there still might come times where you'd want to just feel accepted and you find yourself in a space of people who want and expect normal.
nemesisbreakz I’m so sorry to hear this ..my spouse with Aspergers has been in AA for decades and it saved his life career and marriage. He’s not as social now but very much lives a peaceful happy life living within a structured set of self made routines ..he still enjoys every meeting ...best to you pls reach out 😘🙏
Thank you for this extremely informative vid! I never heard anyone mention the clothing and I never made the correlation. It is imperative that my spouse with Aspergers wear extremely soft very particular clothing...a top like yours is a staple of his wardrobe! For his sheets and pillowcases they must be washed (by him) nightly but that’s prob OCD.
I don't know how you can get addicted to alcohol before you realize that alcohol doesn't help you. If you get off of the addiction, you will be better. You should get help from your family or social workers. I don't know if your story is true since the story is so simple and stereotypical.
This guy just described my life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36. And it changed nothing. I like me. I'm a nice guy that believes in loving more than hating and giving more than taking. Yeah, I'm obsessed with history, languages and science. Yes, I'm a bore to talk to - but I'm a good friend. I'm lucky. When I was a "weird kid" I was already a muscular 6 feet tall and already had one blackbelt and because of my weird ways since a toddler had been in more fights than the bullies trying me. The thing is I nearly had to go into a mental hospital as an adolescent from the immense stress and frustration caused by struggling to be normal. At 17.5 years of age I figured screw it. I'm not and I never will be. With all the disgusting selfishness and rampant narcissism in the world today and how terribly people treat one another in everything from driving to dating, I'm thoroughly disgusted and sickened by "normal" people on a daily basis in this clown circus that has seen the devolving of common decency and etiquette. I'll stick with the weirdos. Now let me get back to reading about the gradual divergence of the languages that evolved from the Proto-Germanic mother tongue.
Just getting diagnosed at 37 myself: you say it changed nothing, and I'm getting a lot of push back for caring / trying from a lot of people (for fair reasons). Are you glad you got the evaluations done? Personally, I just want it for direction of mitigation strategies, better knowing my own brain, external validation of the pathology & the ability to disclose as a safety net or to relate to communities that so deeply care about self-pathologizing instead being invalid & dangerous to allow, so that when I do find community, I'd have another tool in my belt to work with as needed. I don't expect anything to change for how I'm treated, or what I can do, and it's really frustrating dealing with everyone acting like I'm implicitly trying to limit myself by pathologizing, not understanding the neurodiversity model, and framing everything from the medical model's perspective. I certainly expect most to see it from the medical perspective if I need to bring it up, but at least ND people who appreciate the ND model can usually use it as a shortcut to better communicate, no?
Good for you!!, I have asps and have never been able to interact with others. I can offend people and not even know it. Now at 65 I say F it. I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful wife.
I am an Aspie and I love it. The only thing that drives me mad is that people keep trying to talk me into doing things I have told them I do not enjoy doing. I would never try to persuade people to do something.
You are totally awesome and inspiring. My daughter is 34 who has autism and she met a guy who has Aspergers who adores her. They are together 2 yrs now. I thank god for him everyday knowing my daughter will flourish in life and having someone next to her in life who understands. They both are now able to have their kind of “ normal “ life together.Thank you so much for sharing.
I like how he has logically assessed social etiquette and seems to have mastered it. I think that everyone should hear this and try to learn from it, not just people with AS..
It's all very well to say eye-contact is good. but some Aspies (inc. me) can't bear to look people in the eye as its too intense. I can fake it a bit by looking at their nose/in between their eyes, but it's hard work, so if people know I'm an Aspie I tend to make less of an effort so I can focus more on the conversation.
Great advice, particularly regarding not embarrassing other people. I once corrected a teacher when I was 9 years old and she held a grudge against me for the entire year. I had to leave my school. It got so bad.
Well *people who have ADHD can also hyperfocus. In fact, it is a quite common trait. ADHD is actually not really a deficit of attention, it's more about how your attention is being regulated.
Perhaps....But when it comes to awareness in general, (never mind SELF awareness), I'm forced to observe more people prefer the "route" of Ms. Edie Brickell when she sang that song about 🎶'....Not being aware of too many things, but "knowing what she knows", if one knows what she means...'🙄 I used to HATE that song back in the days it played on all the 'ALL-HIT-RADIO-ALL-THE-TIME!' radio stations, especially, when I heard it for the 37th time in a 5hour stretch, but I have since become much more appreciative of such "Bubblegum" music.
My 24yr old son who has ADHD/ Autism/ Asburgers, is no way as high functioning in social skills as this sociable young man. My son does have other amazing skills though, his IQ is phenomenal. One of the areas he surpasses is anything regarding Cyber Security, Computer Sciences / software and Networking. He is extreamly articulate too and is determined to make lots of money in Computer software when he finishes his college degree. I truly believe he will too.
Wow!!! This beautiful man communicated the “spectrum” better than anyone I’ve ever listened to. I truly think I and several family members are on the spectrum.
I have been a teacher of young adults at community colleges for over 25 years, but only learned of Asperger's about 10 years ago. It was then that I realized that I had engaged with about at least 5 young adults with Asperger's as a teacher and that during my own time in school there had been 1 or 2 in each grade, and that unfortunately they were the targets of bullies, and emotional "cancellation" by teachers. This young man should consider being a consultant---perhaps even start a firm---for school systems throughout the country, including community colleges. I learned more about Asperger's from his video, than I have over the last 15 years. And his dating info---forget Steve Harvey's book, or the Rules Book---he needs to write a book on THAT, too!
I’m a gramma of an Aspe... and I think I love you!! Cannot WAIT until I get this video into his mom’s hands!! He’s 13 and struggling .. told me a few years back , while I was helping him get dressed and had to tug a bit putting Tee shirt over his head ... “ grammie, you know I have a freakishly big head!” So matter of factly... you are wonderful!!
i got misdiagnosed as bipolar most my life and it never fit in my opinion, then when i became an adult one of my doctors suggested i seem kinda like her son who has aspergers and i should get some testing done. Eventually i was able to see a doctor qualified to do the testing and sure enough my doctor was right.
A close relative of mine was diagnosed with Autism at age three -age 16 now and no one believes he’s Autistic b/c he speaks eloquently and no longer bangs his head against the wall -so happy for this information-you are describing the Autistic person I know and love Thank you very much !!
I'm an aspie but I also have dyscalculia and dyslexia. I had a 4.0 until it came to maths so it was not a lack of intelligence or lack of effort. I can do maths as long as I have the book in front of me or clear instruction on what mathematical method you want applied to a problem, so no one ever figured out how to help me pass tests as I always knew what to do while being tutored. I just cannot figure out what process I am expected to use on exams with unlabeled problems. So math is not a given for all Aspies.
Thank you for your very clear explanation, but may I add that I have always enjoyed the company of people with Aspergers or autism simply because they are incredibly creative, energetic but most importantly they are honest: truthful and trustworthy. It is ridiculous that these people who are considered odd just because they do not play the game. Playing the game, ( the script) well most of the time chit chat is not honest.
Boy, this gentleman is a great communicator, so well spoken and is a great "explainer". I have a friend who has Asperger's and this video helped me understand a bit more. Thank you.
As someone with Asperger's syndrome, I found this really helpful. It’s been a struggle through the years, I’ve experienced bullying and I’ve gone to multiple phycologists, psychiatrists and speech therapy. I’ve been to three different schools in the last 10 years. I’m now in a great school with friends and understanding teachers who’ve had autistic students in the past. My English teacher's sister has Asperger's syndrome, which I find really cool. I also experience sensory overload, and I wish my classmates can understand that. Loud sounds literary make my ears hurt and almost every morning, my classmates talk extremely loudly 😑. My social skills have improved, but I still make a few mistakes every now and then. I’ve never met another person with Asperger’s syndrome, so I feel a bit left out at times, but I’m glad to know there are people I can relate to 😊
Loud sounds give me terrible ear pain, too, Many times, I've been in a place with hundreds of other people, and the music was so loud that I was in real physical pain, and I was the only one covering my ears! I wish more aspies would talk about this. It seems to be passed off as "sensory overload", and I believe they are 2 different things. Yes, if too many things are going on at once around me, I sometimes get sensory overload, but this is different from sounds that are too loud. I have not pursued getting an official diagnosis, but based on what I know about Asperger's, I'm sure I have it. Once I thought about it, this explains a LOT about my life.
I was diagnosed at the age of 19 and it really helped me understand why I am the way I am. I'm 21 now and can't help but feel sad that I lost 19 years of my life being a weirdo and afraid of the real world, missing out on practically all of my teen life cause I couldn't interact and didn't know why or what to do.
Thank you for posting this video! I am actually a woman with high-functioning Asperger’s syndrome and I am glad to know that I’m not the only one who has this. It was quite interesting to learn from this person while also learning a bit about myself. I had many social problems in the past where people thought I was mean or weird and no one cared to tell my why because they were too immature to do so. Even teachers were annoyed by me too. There were only a few people who actually cared that I was a human and cared to help me out with social techniques. Thanks to them, I am living a pretty decent life with new friends in Japan. I feel that, as I grow older, I am starting to notice improvements in my mannerisms. If only people wouldn’t be so picky about others and learn to deal with lets just say, certain problems people may have.
That's why I'm saying, most people with Autism do know most social skills, but rather just learn them differently, and can't always express their own social cues. It's not always easy to express oneself. But instead of judging each other for our differences, we just need to have an education system that's not so neurotypical.
I cried as soon I got to the end because you don’t know how much I have suffered because of this. I cry now knowing that I have Asperger’s syndrome. I didn’t know this for 20 years! So thank you for all of information because now I can do something about it.
My son is an aspie and he is the very best man I've ever known or ever will know and he is also a better man than I could ever be. He makes me proud everyday for his heart, goodness and decency.
I didn't know I had Asperger's until I was in my Fifties -- sadly, too late to do much about my horribly stunted social skills. Eye contact is still my biggest failing (hardwired from my youth -- looking at a bully = even more beatings). I'm still trying, though . . . still learning. Also -- you were so lucky to have parents who supported and helped you to improve. Mine just considered me an embarrassment and a mental case. To any parents watching this video in order to try and figure out if your child has Asperger's -- please help them at much as possible to be able to cope in society. They will love you forever.
Very articulate, smart, thoughtful and wise beyond his years. Thank you for sharing your bright light on this subject. Such a blessing for me as a mom to an aspie son who was diagnosed at the age of 20, just a year ago. I learned a great deal from your presentation. Very well done.
I happened across this video purely out of curiosity. Aspergers and Autism are being represented more in mainstream tv, but there have also been complaints about its misrepresentation. Anyway, this is a great video. Amazingly clear and insightful. There are lessons in here that we ALL need. This is truly wonderful!
I am a woman with Asperger's. I was also misdiagnosed with ADD. I LOVE soft things, wolves, and learning. I'm not very good with math or loud, high-pitched noises, but I excel at reading, language arts, and drawing.
This was so good man. As a fellow aspie, hearing encouragement and guidence to every day life from an aspie wasTHE BEST thing in a loong time. The only motivational speech that works on me. I can relate to absolutely everything he says and he confirms so much of my struggles! Like damn! He could've done a whole series of an aspies guide to life and I would study that shit like a holy scripture! Very grateful for this short video, I feel much stronger now!
Hands down one of the most insightful and informative videos I've come across. The way you articulate how to socialize puts things into prospective. Thank you!
What a dear young man that was an amazing talk he gave so instructive and helpful brilliant. Thank you so much. Stay as lovely as you are use your skills to help others Wonderful. Well done Carol
My ex has AS. My experience with her was gold. I miss her terribly. You never know what you have until they are gone. One of the best women I have ever dated. And I messed up. 😔
hello, same here. I was wirh this wonderful man for 2 years. I lost him - neither of us knew about Asbergers at the time. I loved his honesty, his integrity and his authenticity. i do not need to love again, he'll be in my heart til it stops
I’m 29 years old and finally going to get an evaluation. I’ve struggled for years being misdiagnosed with adhd and other mental health issues. I’ve learned a lot how to deal socially just by trial and error. This video just validated everything I’ve felt for years thank you sir!
your like a mirror image of me, at age 29 a professional finally did their job right after 3 decades and said I don't think your bipolar or adhd, you're ASD.
@@jgalla5549 wow I was also diagnosed with bipolar when I was in my teens. just an update my friend I was properly diagnosed this time I do have Asperger’s they diagnosed me on June 21st 2023
Hi great video. my daughter has asperges and gets very frustrated with day to day changes also is very bright. its hard sometimes for her to expect other people and understand them. best of luck to you in the future
Yes, very flexible. Prone to sensory overload. At school I had to sit at the front of the class so I wasn't distracted by what everyone was wearing. The label is powerful. I love being Aspie.
This was so articulate and personal. Well done and thank you for sharing thoughts about socially adapting, opportunities to grow and accentuating strengths. Bravo!
What a great video! I wish I'd had his resources when I was younger. At age 50, I'm still learning, and I've manged to learn something from this interview, too.
Great video!! Thank you so much! :) I really admire the sensory peace in this video and you're way of talking with full sentences without being chaotic. It's very clear and you give some great advice and a good view on what asperger's is! :)
Most of the time you can’t even tell there’s something different with them especially when they get older. They’re honestly really intelligent and observe things more often than you think.
You also get bad social skills from not having enough experience adequately socializing, and sometimes I guess if people are little cliquey and shallow then it's hard to really learn them when you're being rejected all of the time like I was. I used to have really bad social skills too. Now I choose not to socialize with most people because they are morons.
This was an amazing interview, I feel like a lot of people always associate an image to people with ASD, when most of us are just like this guy, well-spoken and capable of socialization, it's just that a lot of things require more information for us to understand. I try to interpret it as needing more inputs of data than just a couple bits of information. Really love the Windows and Linux analogy :)
I am undiagnosed and have all of these traits. In my early life I was very quiet and that was the only way I could manage it. My parents did not know about this, nor did the schools. There is a lot that I still do wrong and I don’t know how to make friends, that’s been the toughest part for me.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It helps me get a better understanding of the people around me. What you just shared is incredibly valuable, and we appreciate you! Thanks
I know someone with asbergers, you can barely tell he has it, and we can have a conversation for hours, no problems.. I don’t hang out with him anymore because they closed the karaoke bar we used to go to, but I see him around town every once in while
Me getting to know I had Aspergers helped me A LOT. I got diagnosed when I were, what, 4 or something? But I were first told about it when I was 14-ish. Were in a normal school where I got bullied heavily. I wish I knew it earlier, because after I explained it to my class, the bullying got decreased by miles. Also, being able to say "I have Aspergers Syndrom, so I don't always realize what I do is socially unacceptable - please tell me when I do" helped me SO much working on my self and maintaining more relationships.
I think parents should disclose this to their children much sooner than teenage years, maybe in later elementary school or sometime around there. Might have helped you be able to find other ways to tackle the bullying if the bullies wouldn’t stop on their own
I really liked this video. You're pretty well spoken, which is nice to listen to. The story about shaving in public was hilarious to me (in a good way).
Your verbal skills are awesome! You come across as a highly intelligent person with great communication skills. Well done. I am the grandmother of a grandson with Aspergers.
I was married to Aspi for 32.5 years. Those years were very happy ( my hubbie died of cancer). He was very educated, had a lot of knowledge . We coud talk for hrs , luckilly we had similar interests. And when he was busy or focusing on something I had time for myself. Could read books, talk to friends on the phone etc. Those were the best years of my life.
That's beautiful.
I've definitely had friends who operate with that imperative in relationships of personal time / space who grow to find aspies attractive & kind of specifically start to seek them out because of it. with how few people actually have more than grand generalizing ideals about what women want, less clear than this guy on understanding how those things never work for forming any lasting relationship, how much they generally care about forming a few close connections, & how much women on average...value those kinds of things that go with this condition, seems super weird it's as underdiagnosed as it is. You'd think more plans tofind, protect & foster it would be in place considering its relative rarity...eh, I guess a lot of us are more often self serving pricks too, maybe not. personality within the condition is a big factor too.
Such a blessing! I’m an Aspie too.
This guy managed to smile a couple times. I thought making facial expressions were super hard for an aspie
@@muhammedyasinkalender6576 It's a nuanced condition.
I wish 'normal' people tried this hard to be socially acceptable and polite..
It’s hypocrisy when people consider it completely unacceptable to say something negative about the autism community (a community that only exists as a term and not in reality considering people with autism are very different) while at the same time denigrating another community.
Lumping together neurotypical people with a negative remark is just as wrong as lumping autistic people together with a negative statement.
You either judge someone as an individual or you don’t. As soon as you judge people based on their perceived group belonging you automatically reduce them to something less than they actually are.
Few people like being judged based on an artificially construed sociological concept of group identity.
Group labels are helpful in research, but are now being misused in society at large in how we refer to others as belonging to identity groups or communities. Sociologists use these categories to study isolated phenomena while fully knowing they are overly simplistic since it by necessity overlooks other complex factors within a given group(s).
Unfortunately, after years of moving away from group labels they have now been reintroduced by leftwing radicals and in identity politics. We all know that generalizing about whole populations can be extremely dangerous.
Group labels belong in research settings where they are necessary for creating statistical models and data collection. However, group labels shouldn’t be used in everyday contexts to refer to subjective negative traits of a given community.
Generalizing about people as a group is unethical whether it’s based on their disability, race, ethnicity or religion etc. Why? Because it reduces them as individuals and it’s potentially prejudiced and insulting to whoever is being targeted.
We all tend do this because our brains like to simplify and categorize people. All I’m saying is, it’s not okay to pretend that neurotypical people should get better at social skills irrespective of the fact that NT people are deemed to have a higher social status in society. (I’m not saying that, it’s a cultural claim).
It’s equally wrong and potentially harmful no matter who you are negatively generalizing about or directing insults towards. I do these things myself sometimes, however it’s a bad habit and we (as a society) should all move away from generalizations about people based on immutable characteristics, whether those characteristics are generally considered positive or negative. Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a whole rant about this. I just see comments like these too often these days and it’s unfortunate.
It's good to have the word 'normal' wrapped in the quotes marks of punctuation, because the older I get, the more I learn that "normality" is more of a SUBJECTIVE term. (And much of what I ONCE thought of as "normal" is becoming more unusual, and/or subject to harsh criticism and/or mockery.)
This person is more normal than normal people
Lmfao good one!
In my personal experience, it's similar to the way how folks who learn English as a second language often speak a more "correct" or "formal" version of English than native English speakers. They are trying harder than a native English speaker. (Of course, this could apply to any language, not just English!)
neurotypical *** not normal
When you spend a lifetime having your nose rubbed in all your differences, all your social mistakes, you tend to look for ways to escape that pain. If mimicking the accepted behaviors of others will save you from suffering the repeated pain of judgement, you’ll learn. You’ll be made to learn. The world is not kind to differences.
finally someone gets it xD
Only problem is that not every Aspie is gifted in math. I'm much more analytical than logical, and nearly flunked my algebra courses.
I’m amazing with English and history
But shit at math
Although I’m great with shapes
I'm crap at math, I'd much rather write, I find the art of writing much more beautiful, and nice to convey my feelings on paper.
It's true. Some of us are good at Art. I am good at Art, Religious studies and Psychology. And Psychology is actually a really good subject for us because we are good with patterns including patterns of behaviour because we learn social skills cognitively rather than by osmosis.
Same here man. Like if I have to be retarded why can't I at least be good at something too lmfao
the one subject that i almost flunked at was history i just never found interested in it i just stuck to art
This was beautiful. I'm married to someone with AS and he's honestly the best person on earth.
Your experience seems to be greatly different than mine.
That’s really encouraging. I think I may possibly have it, and I have a huge fear of being alone bc I am bad at making impressions on people and it’s hard for me to get comfortable around them
My husband is an aspie as well. I feel the same way. 🙂
Bumblebee Apothecary How did you meet him?
"Don't talk about the sizes of people's head. It's just a lose, lose, lose situation. You can't win. Just don't say anything in that regard."
"Everyone else runs Windows. We run Linux."
That's all you need to know, right there. :)
That’s not simple for the windows people dude is not the same thing
I just spend my life alone and don't speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary so they think I am just rude instead of weird.
Fr
Just found out at the age of 35 that my dad has Asperger's . He raised me alone and was known for not understanding social cues at all. As a child I was always trying to keep people away from him. So I'm trying to learn about Asperger's. Your ability to speak on this topic is so clear and respectful. Thank you!!!
I just found out from my 79 year old father that he has it, and that he thinks I have it🤦🏻♂️. I was very angry when he first accused me of having it, even though I didn't even know what the hell "it" was, lol 😂. Now I'm looking into "it" more and being open to perhaps maybe I have "it". Truth is, I don't even know what Asperger's is yet.🙆🏻♂️ All I know is I'm different and antisocial🤷🏻♂️. I'm accused of being stupid yet I'm a genius in many ways.💁🏻♂️
I am a dentist, and I found out that I have asperger's syndrome after 31 years :)
“I’m married to somebody way better than I could have ever hoped to qualify for”
Probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, his wife is really lucky too!!
I kinda use my weirdness as a filter to see who's shallow enough to not give me chance because of my perceived abnormality
Certain kinds of weirdness, yeah. But there still might come times where you'd want to just feel accepted and you find yourself in a space of people who want and expect normal.
His parents really loved him.
I found that I could become more socially passable through alcohol. It doesn't work. Now I'm an alcoholic aspie.
nemesisbreakz I’m so sorry to hear this ..my spouse with Aspergers has been in AA for decades and it saved his life career and marriage. He’s not as social now but very much lives a peaceful happy life living within a structured set of self made routines ..he still enjoys every meeting ...best to you pls reach out 😘🙏
Thank you for this extremely informative vid! I never heard anyone mention the clothing and I never made the correlation. It is imperative that my spouse with Aspergers wear extremely soft very particular clothing...a top like yours is a staple of his wardrobe! For his sheets and pillowcases they must be washed (by him) nightly but that’s prob OCD.
I don't know how you can get addicted to alcohol before you realize that alcohol doesn't help you. If you get off of the addiction, you will be better. You should get help from your family or social workers.
I don't know if your story is true since the story is so simple and stereotypical.
Tmi
😢 But acting drunk is a social construct too....
"Teachers are a very bad person to accidently embarrass." Made me laugh.
This guy just described my life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36. And it changed nothing. I like me. I'm a nice guy that believes in loving more than hating and giving more than taking. Yeah, I'm obsessed with history, languages and science. Yes, I'm a bore to talk to - but I'm a good friend. I'm lucky. When I was a "weird kid" I was already a muscular 6 feet tall and already had one blackbelt and because of my weird ways since a toddler had been in more fights than the bullies trying me. The thing is I nearly had to go into a mental hospital as an adolescent from the immense stress and frustration caused by struggling to be normal. At 17.5 years of age I figured screw it. I'm not and I never will be. With all the disgusting selfishness and rampant narcissism in the world today and how terribly people treat one another in everything from driving to dating, I'm thoroughly disgusted and sickened by "normal" people on a daily basis in this clown circus that has seen the devolving of common decency and etiquette. I'll stick with the weirdos. Now let me get back to reading about the gradual divergence of the languages that evolved from the Proto-Germanic mother tongue.
Just getting diagnosed at 37 myself: you say it changed nothing, and I'm getting a lot of push back for caring / trying from a lot of people (for fair reasons). Are you glad you got the evaluations done? Personally, I just want it for direction of mitigation strategies, better knowing my own brain, external validation of the pathology & the ability to disclose as a safety net or to relate to communities that so deeply care about self-pathologizing instead being invalid & dangerous to allow, so that when I do find community, I'd have another tool in my belt to work with as needed. I don't expect anything to change for how I'm treated, or what I can do, and it's really frustrating dealing with everyone acting like I'm implicitly trying to limit myself by pathologizing, not understanding the neurodiversity model, and framing everything from the medical model's perspective. I certainly expect most to see it from the medical perspective if I need to bring it up, but at least ND people who appreciate the ND model can usually use it as a shortcut to better communicate, no?
Good for you!!, I have asps and have never been able to interact with others. I can offend people and not even know it. Now at 65 I say F it. I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful wife.
Albert Einstein and Alan Turing are now thought to have been Aspies.
i don’t blame you, linguistics is honestly interesting as hell.
There's nothing about "weirdos" that make them morally superior to "normal" people. They have every bit the same capacity for being awful people.
what an intelligent guy! it's a pleasure to listen to him
I am an Aspie and I love it. The only thing that drives me mad is that people keep trying to talk me into doing things I have told them I do not enjoy doing. I would never try to persuade people to do something.
“Don’t talk about the size of people’s head..it’s just a lose lose lose situation” 😂 this guy is awesome
You are totally awesome and inspiring. My daughter is 34 who has autism and she met a guy who has Aspergers who adores her. They are together 2 yrs now. I thank god for him everyday knowing my daughter will flourish in life and having someone next to her in life who understands. They both are now able to have their kind of “ normal “ life together.Thank you so much for sharing.
I like how he has logically assessed social etiquette and seems to have mastered it. I think that everyone should hear this and try to learn from it, not just people with AS..
a lot of effort + trial and error
i can't believe out of all places, i found the best dating advice in a video about aspergers
"if you don't do them then you're weird *and no one will tell you why*"
This is my life in a sentence 😂
It's all very well to say eye-contact is good. but some Aspies (inc. me) can't bear to look people in the eye as its too intense. I can fake it a bit by looking at their nose/in between their eyes, but it's hard work, so if people know I'm an Aspie I tend to make less of an effort so I can focus more on the conversation.
Great advice, particularly regarding not embarrassing other people. I once corrected a teacher when I was 9 years old and she held a grudge against me for the entire year. I had to leave my school. It got so bad.
Well *people who have ADHD can also hyperfocus. In fact, it is a quite common trait. ADHD is actually not really a deficit of attention, it's more about how your attention is being regulated.
My husband has Asperger’s. He is my best friend and the love of my life. Thank you for helping to educate people 😊
"You look particularly big-headed today. Oh sorry I was wrong, you're actually small-headed". LMAO. That's gold.
Straight out of a movie
This man seems extremely intelligent, and it is absolutely adorable. I enjoyed every second of this video.
seriously, who is this guy, I want to watch more of his videos, please respond!
When I was 12 and joined a new school, I was really socially awkward and didn't talk to anyone. I'm glad my confidence grew as I got older.
This is incredible. He is incredibly well spoken and wonderfully honest. Everyone could use this level of self awareness.
Perhaps....But when it comes to awareness in general, (never mind SELF awareness), I'm forced to observe more people prefer the "route" of Ms. Edie Brickell when she sang that song about 🎶'....Not being aware of too many things, but "knowing what she knows", if one knows what she means...'🙄
I used to HATE that song back in the days it played on all the 'ALL-HIT-RADIO-ALL-THE-TIME!' radio stations, especially, when I heard it for the 37th time in a 5hour stretch, but I have since become much more appreciative of such "Bubblegum" music.
He is so incredibly articulate.
My 24yr old son who has ADHD/ Autism/ Asburgers, is no way as high functioning in social skills as this sociable young man. My son does have other amazing skills though, his IQ is phenomenal. One of the areas he surpasses is anything regarding Cyber Security, Computer Sciences / software and Networking. He is extreamly articulate too and is determined to make lots of money in Computer software when he finishes his college degree. I truly believe he will too.
How is he doing now? I'm the same lol altough i'm stupid as hell in every other area than computer science.
I'm 19.
Wow!!! This beautiful man communicated the “spectrum” better than anyone I’ve ever listened to. I truly think I and several family members are on the spectrum.
This person is lovely. Thanks for helping me understand my son
Great parenting this man has had. Bravo.
I'm not unsociable I just don't like people hahah
A fluent speaker, perfectly dense information-wise and ordered structurally coherent. Top notch.
I have been a teacher of young adults at community colleges for over 25 years, but only learned of Asperger's about 10 years ago. It was then that I realized that I had engaged with about at least 5 young adults with Asperger's as a teacher and that during my own time in school there had been 1 or 2 in each grade, and that unfortunately they were the targets of bullies, and emotional "cancellation" by teachers. This young man should consider being a consultant---perhaps even start a firm---for school systems throughout the country, including community colleges. I learned more about Asperger's from his video, than I have over the last 15 years. And his dating info---forget Steve Harvey's book, or the Rules Book---he needs to write a book on THAT, too!
I’m a gramma of an Aspe... and I think I love you!! Cannot WAIT until I get this video into his mom’s hands!!
He’s 13 and struggling .. told me a few years back , while I was helping him get dressed and had to tug a bit putting Tee shirt over his head ... “ grammie, you know I have a freakishly big head!” So matter of factly... you are wonderful!!
i got misdiagnosed as bipolar most my life and it never fit in my opinion, then when i became an adult one of my doctors suggested i seem kinda like her son who has aspergers and i should get some testing done. Eventually i was able to see a doctor qualified to do the testing and sure enough my doctor was right.
A close relative of mine was diagnosed with Autism at age three -age 16 now and no one believes he’s Autistic b/c he speaks eloquently and no longer bangs his head against the wall -so happy for this information-you are describing the Autistic person I know and love Thank you very much !!
I'm an aspie but I also have dyscalculia and dyslexia. I had a 4.0 until it came to maths so it was not a lack of intelligence or lack of effort. I can do maths as long as I have the book in front of me or clear instruction on what mathematical method you want applied to a problem, so no one ever figured out how to help me pass tests as I always knew what to do while being tutored. I just cannot figure out what process I am expected to use on exams with unlabeled problems. So math is not a given for all Aspies.
“The inability to learn social skills through osmosis” I LOVE THAT WORDING SM
Thank you for your very clear explanation, but may I add that I have always enjoyed the company of people with Aspergers or autism simply because they are incredibly creative, energetic but most importantly they are honest: truthful and trustworthy. It is ridiculous that these people who are considered odd just because they do not play the game. Playing the game, ( the script) well most of the time chit chat is not honest.
This is probably the most honestly genuine and realist dating advice I have ever heard! Definitely an incredible person.
The more I hear about this from people with varying levels of Aspergers, the more I feel like I'm very lightly on this spectrum also.
Boy, this gentleman is a great communicator, so well spoken and is a great "explainer". I have a friend who has Asperger's and this video helped me understand a bit more. Thank you.
As someone with Asperger's syndrome, I found this really helpful. It’s been a struggle through the years, I’ve experienced bullying and I’ve gone to multiple phycologists, psychiatrists and speech therapy. I’ve been to three different schools in the last 10 years. I’m now in a great school with friends and understanding teachers who’ve had autistic students in the past. My English teacher's sister has Asperger's syndrome, which I find really cool. I also experience sensory overload, and I wish my classmates can understand that. Loud sounds literary make my ears hurt and almost every morning, my classmates talk extremely loudly 😑. My social skills have improved, but I still make a few mistakes every now and then. I’ve never met another person with Asperger’s syndrome, so I feel a bit left out at times, but I’m glad to know there are people I can relate to 😊
Loud sounds give me terrible ear pain, too, Many times, I've been in a place with hundreds of other people, and the music was so loud that I was in real physical pain, and I was the only one covering my ears! I wish more aspies would talk about this. It seems to be passed off as "sensory overload", and I believe they are 2 different things. Yes, if too many things are going on at once around me, I sometimes get sensory overload, but this is different from sounds that are too loud. I have not pursued getting an official diagnosis, but based on what I know about Asperger's, I'm sure I have it. Once I thought about it, this explains a LOT about my life.
wear earplugs. simples
15:30 - Hang on... So you are suggesting that Bill Gates' brain runs on Linux rather than Windows?
Best funny comment so far 😆
LOL!!!
Lol
Nice
:D
Very well spoken. He could easily be a spokesman for Aspergers. I learned so much just listening to your talk. Thank you.
I was diagnosed at the age of 19 and it really helped me understand why I am the way I am. I'm 21 now and can't help but feel sad that I lost 19 years of my life being a weirdo and afraid of the real world, missing out on practically all of my teen life cause I couldn't interact and didn't know why or what to do.
How did you get diagnosed?
Thank you for posting this video! I am actually a woman with high-functioning Asperger’s syndrome and I am glad to know that I’m not the only one who has this. It was quite interesting to learn from this person while also learning a bit about myself. I had many social problems in the past where people thought I was mean or weird and no one cared to tell my why because they were too immature to do so. Even teachers were annoyed by me too. There were only a few people who actually cared that I was a human and cared to help me out with social techniques. Thanks to them, I am living a pretty decent life with new friends in Japan. I feel that, as I grow older, I am starting to notice improvements in my mannerisms. If only people wouldn’t be so picky about others and learn to deal with lets just say, certain problems people may have.
Yo this guy has the best dating advice I’ve ever heard.
That's why I'm saying, most people with Autism do know most social skills, but rather just learn them differently, and can't always express their own social cues. It's not always easy to express oneself. But instead of judging each other for our differences, we just need to have an education system that's not so neurotypical.
The interviewee is amazing, he provides really excellent insights and analysis.
I cried as soon I got to the end because you don’t know how much I have suffered because of this. I cry now knowing that I have Asperger’s syndrome. I didn’t know this for 20 years! So thank you for all of information because now I can do something about it.
My son is an aspie and he is the very best man I've ever known or ever will know and he is also a better man than I could ever be. He makes me proud everyday for his heart, goodness and decency.
I love your openness and honesty! I have a 32 year old son struggling right now.
I didn't know I had Asperger's until I was in my Fifties -- sadly, too late to do much about my horribly stunted social skills. Eye contact is still my biggest failing (hardwired from my youth -- looking at a bully = even more beatings). I'm still trying, though . . . still learning.
Also -- you were so lucky to have parents who supported and helped you to improve. Mine just considered me an embarrassment and a mental case.
To any parents watching this video in order to try and figure out if your child has Asperger's -- please help them at much as possible to be able to cope in society. They will love you forever.
This is a really a wonderful explanation of Aspergers and how it is different from Autism.
Very articulate, smart, thoughtful and wise beyond his years. Thank you for sharing your bright light on this subject. Such a blessing for me as a mom to an aspie son who was diagnosed at the age of 20, just a year ago. I learned a great deal from your presentation. Very well done.
OMG 16:10 I love the Operating Systems comparison 😂 "Everyone else in the world runs Windows and we run Linux in our minds" ahahahaaa
And most of those social games only run on Windows.
I happened across this video purely out of curiosity. Aspergers and Autism are being represented more in mainstream tv, but there have also been complaints about its misrepresentation. Anyway, this is a great video. Amazingly clear and insightful. There are lessons in here that we ALL need. This is truly wonderful!
The dating advice is honestly really solid dating advice for anyone though...! Love this. :)
I am a woman with Asperger's. I was also misdiagnosed with ADD. I LOVE soft things, wolves, and learning. I'm not very good with math or loud, high-pitched noises, but I excel at reading, language arts, and drawing.
This was so good man. As a fellow aspie, hearing encouragement and guidence to every day life from an aspie wasTHE BEST thing in a loong time. The only motivational speech that works on me.
I can relate to absolutely everything he says and he confirms so much of my struggles! Like damn!
He could've done a whole series of an aspies guide to life and I would study that shit like a holy scripture!
Very grateful for this short video, I feel much stronger now!
This is probably one of the best videos on TH-cam that every kid in elementary and middle school should watch.
I love this guy's personality!
This advice is gold for every human being.
He's more well-spoken than so many "normal" people.
Hands down one of the most insightful and informative videos I've come across. The way you articulate how to socialize puts things into prospective. Thank you!
My bf has Asperger's and I love him very much :))
What a dear young man that was an amazing talk he gave so instructive and helpful brilliant. Thank you so much. Stay as lovely as you are use your skills to help others Wonderful. Well done Carol
My ex has AS. My experience with her was gold. I miss her terribly. You never know what you have until they are gone. One of the best women I have ever dated. And I messed up. 😔
hello, same here. I was wirh this wonderful man for 2 years. I lost him - neither of us knew about Asbergers at the time. I loved his honesty, his integrity and his authenticity. i do not need to love again, he'll be in my heart til it stops
same. I went into her how about she hardly speaks lol, which as I get older and health gone down hill, would have actually been a good thing lol
I’m 29 years old and finally going to get an evaluation. I’ve struggled for years being misdiagnosed with adhd and other mental health issues. I’ve learned a lot how to deal socially just by trial and error. This video just validated everything I’ve felt for years thank you sir!
your like a mirror image of me, at age 29 a professional finally did their job right after 3 decades and said I don't think your bipolar or adhd, you're ASD.
@@jgalla5549 wow I was also diagnosed with bipolar when I was in my teens. just an update my friend I was properly diagnosed this time I do have Asperger’s they diagnosed me on June 21st 2023
Hi great video. my daughter has asperges and gets very frustrated with day to day changes also is very bright. its hard sometimes for her to expect other people and understand them. best of luck to you in the future
Ann Thistleton You just described my 6 year old aspie/hyperlexic son exactly.
He’s extremely intelligent and Has amazing self awareness! I love how he knows himself. I would love to be his friend
This guy is intelligent. Thank you bro! P.s you remind me of Peter Parker from spider man.
Yes, very flexible. Prone to sensory overload. At school I had to sit at the front of the class so I wasn't distracted by what everyone was wearing. The label is powerful. I love being Aspie.
Hands down the best video on TH-cam about Aspergers. Well done!
It’s so hard trying so hard to be the best and kindest person you can be with Aspergers when it feels like everyone else around doesn’t really care
This was so articulate and personal. Well done and thank you for sharing thoughts about socially adapting, opportunities to grow and accentuating strengths. Bravo!
Your head is totally, absolutely, the right size dearest ! I loved loved listening to you!
What a great video! I wish I'd had his resources when I was younger. At age 50, I'm still learning, and I've manged to learn something from this interview, too.
Soo basically normal people get social skills for free and Aspies need to buy a special DLC to get them
Great video!! Thank you so much! :) I really admire the sensory peace in this video and you're way of talking with full sentences without being chaotic. It's very clear and you give some great advice and a good view on what asperger's is! :)
I adore the way he spoke and how honest he is. This straight forward way of thinking when it comes to communicating is refreshing.
Most of the time you can’t even tell there’s something different with them especially when they get older. They’re honestly really intelligent and observe things more often than you think.
You also get bad social skills from not having enough experience adequately socializing, and sometimes I guess if people are little cliquey and shallow then it's hard to really learn them when you're being rejected all of the time like I was.
I used to have really bad social skills too. Now I choose not to socialize with most people because they are morons.
True! I feel you.
This was an amazing interview, I feel like a lot of people always associate an image to people with ASD, when most of us are just like this guy, well-spoken and capable of socialization, it's just that a lot of things require more information for us to understand. I try to interpret it as needing more inputs of data than just a couple bits of information. Really love the Windows and Linux analogy :)
I am undiagnosed and have all of these traits. In my early life I was very quiet and that was the only way I could manage it. My parents did not know about this, nor did the schools. There is a lot that I still do wrong and I don’t know how to make friends, that’s been the toughest part for me.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It helps me get a better understanding of the people around me. What you just shared is incredibly valuable, and we appreciate you! Thanks
one of my oldest and best friends have aspergers syndrom with adhd. we had way to much fun. heart of gold!
I know someone with asbergers, you can barely tell he has it, and we can have a conversation for hours, no problems.. I don’t hang out with him anymore because they closed the karaoke bar we used to go to, but I see him around town every once in while
This was a very enlightening video. Only someone with Asperger's can illustrate the condition so intimately.
Not to mention many Aspies are quite eloquent in their vocabulary
Me getting to know I had Aspergers helped me A LOT. I got diagnosed when I were, what, 4 or something? But I were first told about it when I was 14-ish. Were in a normal school where I got bullied heavily.
I wish I knew it earlier, because after I explained it to my class, the bullying got decreased by miles. Also, being able to say "I have Aspergers Syndrom, so I don't always realize what I do is socially unacceptable - please tell me when I do" helped me SO much working on my self and maintaining more relationships.
I think parents should disclose this to their children much sooner than teenage years, maybe in later elementary school or sometime around there. Might have helped you be able to find other ways to tackle the bullying if the bullies wouldn’t stop on their own
I really liked this video. You're pretty well spoken, which is nice to listen to. The story about shaving in public was hilarious to me (in a good way).
Inability to differentiate between important and unimportant signals. Really good way of describing it
Wow! This just opened my eyes. There's so much work and learning that goes into your daily life.. You are Amazing and an Eloquent speaker.
Your verbal skills are awesome! You come across as a highly intelligent person with great communication skills. Well done. I am the grandmother of a grandson with Aspergers.
@@katherinesmith3814 My Grandmother has the same name as yours, and I also have Aspergers, and I am her Grandson!