If you have the constant urge to do more and fill up your calendar with tasks, maybe it's because you are trying to fill the available space and not think about things that worry you or let yourself feel difficult emotions? I think it happens to a lot of people.
I’m in the midst of taking a break with my partner and I couldn’t agree with this more. It hurts like hell and I’m constantly trying to fill the void, but for now im just going to allow myself to feel and be okay with being alone and loving myself for me
People grow over time and what seems like 70% may become 80% or only 30% ...its impossible to choose on thise basis. Its always character that is key as are core values
Core values I think are really important and going the same direction in life also. One thing I learned from someone is that as we grow and change we have to find a way to move in the direction our partner is going. Prime example I had open heart surgery and had some changes mental and emotionally and was not quite the same before i got sick. The person I was with fought me on it and I just could not continue the relationship. But doing therapy and trying to learn and communicate is key.
Mathew… I'm not sure if it's the English intonation or the context, but that man seems like he's your future self lol you're very similar in your views and expression. good good podcast loved it getting the book❤🎉
I'm honestly confused by this. Should we be matching purely on values then and breathing through difficulties? I get the impression we'd all match best with arranged marriage then where we write down our values and not bother about anything else. I'm genuinely confused about the boundary where I should be interested in someone whose values I don't know vs. someone who's got similar values but I'm not feeling much towards. I could settle and work with some guys I know but I don't feel it'd add to my happiness. They can have similar core values but also make me feel miserable. Very confused. :(
It takes quite an ego to be so concerned about settling that it doesn't cross your mind that someone will be 'settling' for you too. In some way, somebody will look at you and say 'I'd like more of this or that but it's not life-or-death.' I think settling in the common context is when you know the person doesn't meet your core needs but you choose them out of time constraints or social pressure. I'd love a blend of Idris Elba and Henry Cavill, with the mind of Stephen Hawking and the heart of St. Francis, but even if that guy exists he might be 5'5" or have 6 kids by his first two wives. There's a line between compromise and settling, and it comes down to what's absolutely non-negotiable for you.
I will never accept being settled for after being hurt so much by women in my past. I have made peace with being single for life and doing my own thing.
There is such a danger in being the “out-of-league-person” and “settling”. That will never be a healthy dynamic. Finding somebody on the same level with the same interests and lifestyle is probably more likely to have long-term success.
out-of-league thingy is only valid for extreme situations and your comment is very ego-centric. like dude are you people really choosing your relations according to her physics? we are in almost 2025. almost anything is possible with plastic surgery these days and its really easy u know. same interests and lifestyle? i agree with that. but i dont believe out of league thing. even the most beautiful will perish in the long run due to years..
Me (woman) are sharing a relationship with a man. After two years i was adking why he still introduce me as his friend? He said it is because we are not married and i will always be "the" friend. I wish to move out but rent is too expensive. He want me to stay please because he can not handle it to be alone? This not a healthy relationship??? I wish to meat a live and kind man???
I'm a little worried that Matthew was seemingly giving relationship advice as his profession for well over a decade while having no idea how an actual long-term relationship works?
I prioritize more on games thn her this led her to lose interest in me and cause the breakup I know i made mistake but I realise how much I love her after breakup, and the breakup is part of life I agree but I can't overcome this guilt that I didn't treat her right and she wouldn't give me chance to fix it, how do I overcome?
@@aragongaming3272 depends if you want to be with her. If yes then you need to make contact to sincerely apologise and ask to meet in person. Get help or have willpower and self motivation to stop or severely limit the gaming addiction. Its not your fault these are designed to get you hooked. Let her know you've changed and if she will give you another chance. Good luck 👍
Reflect, learn, grow, heal, and after 12+ mos, try again with that information and growth in your toolbox. The more you know about yourself, the more you can heal yourself and make better decisions. Regarding the games: reflect and try to figure out why games are so immensely important to you that you prioritized them above your partner. There's a lot to unpack there. Then evaluate the role of games in your life: healthy or unhealthy? And decide whether you should significantly reduce your gaming or quit altogether.
I felt that this video is more appropriated to men. I don't see we women having 80% of right persons, actually I didn't find my 1% 😂 and I believe that we women are more willing to settle down, this is not a problem for us.
If you have the constant urge to do more and fill up your calendar with tasks, maybe it's because you are trying to fill the available space and not think about things that worry you or let yourself feel difficult emotions? I think it happens to a lot of people.
Agreed 👍
I’m in the midst of taking a break with my partner and I couldn’t agree with this more. It hurts like hell and I’m constantly trying to fill the void, but for now im just going to allow myself to feel and be okay with being alone and loving myself for me
People grow over time and what seems like 70% may become 80% or only 30% ...its impossible to choose on thise basis. Its always character that is key as are core values
Core values I think are really important and going the same direction in life also. One thing I learned from someone is that as we grow and change we have to find a way to move in the direction our partner is going. Prime example I had open heart surgery and had some changes mental and emotionally and was not quite the same before i got sick. The person I was with fought me on it and I just could not continue the relationship. But doing therapy and trying to learn and communicate is key.
Totally. People grow, and those numbers can change. Character and core values are what really matter.
Character is stable over time and is the only factor consistent enough to judge people on
thanks for including the over 50 daters and the non skippable ads are the best- i dont have to get up to hit the (skip")😊❤
One of the best interviews i have seen. Thanks for having Mr Oliver Burqeman. He has such great insights
What a pleasant and insightful podcast Matthew. T.U. For bringing this to the community👏
“What is life asking of you in this moment.” Wow
Matthew, you did a great job with the questions. And the answers you contributed to the discussion
Mathew… I'm not sure if it's the English intonation or the context, but that man seems like he's your future self lol you're very similar in your views and expression. good good podcast loved it getting the book❤🎉
Same
I'm honestly confused by this. Should we be matching purely on values then and breathing through difficulties? I get the impression we'd all match best with arranged marriage then where we write down our values and not bother about anything else. I'm genuinely confused about the boundary where I should be interested in someone whose values I don't know vs. someone who's got similar values but I'm not feeling much towards. I could settle and work with some guys I know but I don't feel it'd add to my happiness. They can have similar core values but also make me feel miserable.
Very confused. :(
I loved the interview. I read 4000 weeks and loved it. Can't wait to read this one.
I feel so depressed. I can’t eat and I’m crying a lot. Anyone else?
Me too 😢
Is there something that has triggered you?
two of my fave thought leaders!!
Thanks Matthew for always bringing out important topics❤
It takes quite an ego to be so concerned about settling that it doesn't cross your mind that someone will be 'settling' for you too. In some way, somebody will look at you and say 'I'd like more of this or that but it's not life-or-death.' I think settling in the common context is when you know the person doesn't meet your core needs but you choose them out of time constraints or social pressure. I'd love a blend of Idris Elba and Henry Cavill, with the mind of Stephen Hawking and the heart of St. Francis, but even if that guy exists he might be 5'5" or have 6 kids by his first two wives. There's a line between compromise and settling, and it comes down to what's absolutely non-negotiable for you.
Life changing information. Thank you ❤
Just ordered book from audible. Thank you for inspiring interview.
Growing or just status quo in the relationship? Not necessarily diminishing.
I will never accept being settled for after being hurt so much by women in my past. I have made peace with being single for life and doing my own thing.
There is such a danger in being the “out-of-league-person” and “settling”. That will never be a healthy dynamic. Finding somebody on the same level with the same interests and lifestyle is probably more likely to have long-term success.
out-of-league thingy is only valid for extreme situations and your comment is very ego-centric. like dude are you people really choosing your relations according to her physics? we are in almost 2025. almost anything is possible with plastic surgery these days and its really easy u know. same interests and lifestyle? i agree with that. but i dont believe out of league thing. even the most beautiful will perish in the long run due to years..
how to access 'Matthew AI'
You can access at AskMH.com ❤ -Bianca, MH team
Nobody dates me😢
🙌🏽
Me (woman) are sharing a relationship with a man. After two years i was adking why he still introduce me as his friend? He said it is because we are not married and i will always be "the" friend. I wish to move out but rent is too expensive. He want me to stay please because he can not handle it to be alone? This not a healthy relationship??? I wish to meat a live and kind man???
I'm a little worried that Matthew was seemingly giving relationship advice as his profession for well over a decade while having no idea how an actual long-term relationship works?
I think he is very talented, and his advice makes a lot of sense.
I prioritize more on games thn her this led her to lose interest in me and cause the breakup I know i made mistake but I realise how much I love her after breakup, and the breakup is part of life I agree but I can't overcome this guilt that I didn't treat her right and she wouldn't give me chance to fix it, how do I overcome?
Do games and dont bather 😁
@@aragongaming3272 depends if you want to be with her. If yes then you need to make contact to sincerely apologise and ask to meet in person. Get help or have willpower and self motivation to stop or severely limit the gaming addiction. Its not your fault these are designed to get you hooked. Let her know you've changed and if she will give you another chance. Good luck 👍
Reflect, learn, grow, heal, and after 12+ mos, try again with that information and growth in your toolbox. The more you know about yourself, the more you can heal yourself and make better decisions.
Regarding the games: reflect and try to figure out why games are so immensely important to you that you prioritized them above your partner. There's a lot to unpack there.
Then evaluate the role of games in your life: healthy or unhealthy? And decide whether you should significantly reduce your gaming or quit altogether.
1st?
I felt that this video is more appropriated to men. I don't see we women having 80% of right persons, actually I didn't find my 1% 😂 and I believe that we women are more willing to settle down, this is not a problem for us.
I disagree, I'm the pickiest person in dating! But the men I know just want a nice woman with a pulse.
@thehealingfairee I'm picking too, that's why I'm single. And I have pulse too, that's why I don't accept less.