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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- Sexual attitudes are more man-like than ever. Author Louise Perry explains what that means for women.
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Louise Perry, the author of "The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century," questions the once unambiguously positive view of the sexual revolution.
Perry argues that sex-positive feminism justifies abusive and power imbalanced sexual practices and pressures women to imitate masculine roles.
She believes that inherent physical and psychological differences between men and women have profound social implications that the current sexual culture doesn't serve. Her book challenges the idea that the sexual revolution was an unqualified success.
0:00 The downsides of sexual liberation
1:40 Freeing women to act like men
3:06 “Hook up” culture
3:49 Men and women are different
4:47 Sociosexuality
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-t...
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About Louise Perry:
Louise Perry is a writer and campaigner based in London, UK. She is a columnist at the New Statesman and a features writer for the Daily Mail. Her debut book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century, is published by Polity.
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Do you agree or disagree?
I think it lacks nuance. Especially due to her last sentence. People should be encouraged to do what ever they want .
You want to have one sexual partner ? Fine.
You want multiple ? Fine.
This whole talk felt very jugdemental
@@geordirendum583 she didnt judge on anything. she agree with what you said, but pointed out that a lot of women were forced by the "sexual revolution" to have sex like men which they were ended up being stressed and unhappy. She back this point by siting multiples sources. Personally, i agree with her that a lot of women felt this way because i know some of them.
@@artifact9118 The solution would be to not encourage one way or an other. Maybe to just encourage people to do what they are confortable with and to connect with their inner self and inner needs.
The talk does lack nuance and comes across heavily traditionally gendered- to which I don’t think everything necessarily is or that these “liberations” are done to just imitate men just because it’s outside of “feminine” expectation (these expectations imo are harmful, people should just be able to be themselves without that pressure). There is benefit for people to be able to explore their sexuality freely, monogamy is not necessarily “better”.
Poly is complete short term nonsense, its just a cultural trend which will disappear again. Nature is monogamous
As a man, I can say that the idolized casual emotionless sex and hookups are toxic aspects of our culture. The "getting laid" mentality is reductive and for younger men who doesn't really have a greater context see women as sexual objects. In reality, they should treat them as people. Individuals who have their own beliefs, interests, dreams, and aspirations. To clear the misconception, most men who engage in emotionless sex aren't happier for it, social media makes it seem like it's the best life but digging deeper intimacy goes way beyond sex with an attractive individual. Don't get me wrong, I like attractive individuals, I'm in no way a saint. However, I want to see people beyond the layer of appearance and attractiveness. Who are you as an individual? There are millions, if not billions of attractive people in the world, but what makes you different? In the long term I think this is what makes relationships last. At the end of the day, no one stays young and attractive forever, everyone ages and everyone grows old. Who you are is what really matters.
everyone is unique in their personality. please explain how sex and sexuality is possible by not reducing people to their appearance and body, it femmes like you think it is possible.
@@SchgurmTewehr When you're in a long term relationship with someone, sex becomes much more about how you can make your partner feel desired and loved. You're much more in tune with what they like and don't like, and they know what you like and don't like. And sure, sometimes it's still just about getting off, but with the understanding that you're in a committed loving relationship at the same time. So you're not reducing each other to sexual objects.
"In reality, they should treat them as people"
Women don't treat us as people and are always whining and complaining about how much we suck. Why should we bother?
@@DoomRulz You gotta find better people. Our friends and the people we surround ourselves are a reflection of us. What does that say about you if the people around you are bad.
I agree with you and I think casual sex isn't so rampant even here in central EU as opposed to the US.
But I do disagree with the way of seeing attractive people. Some people just pass you by, you will never get to know their personality, nor do you need to think about what they're like. Just appreciate them. Man or woman, they put effort into their looks to be appreciated, don't overthink it. Think "hey that girl is pretty damn hot" and walk on. No need to feel guilty. You'll get to know the personalities that matter, the rest just pass you by.
I don't think men or women need less sexual liberation. I think the problem is we need emotional liberation. Men are emotionally repressed, and that emotional repression has infected women's sexual liberation. It's not that "women are becoming sexually liberated and that's bad", its that "culture is pushing sexually liberated women to repress their feelings like men have already been doing".
nice point!
There's a reason Gilian Flynn's 'cool girl' monologue took off...
THIS 💯💯💯
agreed
Bravo! Best comment on here
What people forget is that the pill shifted sexuality on penetrative sex. I asked my mom (born in 1929) how they managed before it was available. Turns out teenagers were as promiscuous then as they are now, the key difference is that they avoided penetration and relied on "petting" more. Boys were less clueless about how to give pleasure to a girl, and lots of hands and mouth was involved. The risk of getting pregnant and have to forcefully marry was a deterent for both sexes.
As soon as the pill was introduced, men took that opportunity to center sex around penetration, leaving women unsatisfied. Just look at the vocabulary used to describe women's parts : vagina? Really? Yeah, it's the "hole" part, the thing men focus on. The correct word , vulva which includes the clitoris and labia, center of female pleasure, is seldom used.
Porn is very revealing of this, the number of penetration stuff is staggering and it is normalized. As for kinks, it's not just pain SM, but the way to escape this. Just hands and mouth videos are popular and liked by women.
With the actual backlash against contraception and abortion in the US, maybe people will rediscover non-penetrative sex (yes, it still IS sex!), men will learn about female anatomy again and let go of their performance and size anxieties? Can we just caress each other without fear? It would be an unexpected and lovely outcome from these gloomy times.
I find it really strange that you think sex HASN'T ALWAYS been focussed around penetration. That is the core of sex. End of story. Maybe it's not what you think it should be the focus, but nature has had other ideas for only a few billions years.
@@Stevo1361, humans aren't apes anymore since a looong time.😝Penetration is for procreation mainly. It's pleasurable each time for men, but not women. Most women never climax from penetration alone. Most men don't give a damn and ignore women's true pleasure centers.
So,, lest we want women sprout kid after kid after kid until she dies (like in the Philippines, that lovely Catholic dictatorship, were poor women die early from having too many kids), we should focus on what humans DO have sex for, for the majority of the time (love, bonding, pleasure sharing). We are 8 billion, we don't need to pump out more kids, like when we were less numerous on earth.
Seems you don't have much experience besides drilling... I hope you're not an egoist and use your hands and tongue too (she'll thank you for it). Did you know porn isn't the norm? Did a girl ever caress you? Should try it... 😉😏
@@Stevo1361 you are completey right but I think what the comment meant was that people bonded more because they were forced to have more intimacy before having penetration
@@bigang3248 Honestly I've really no idea why women put up with unsatisfying sex lives, maybe it just isn't that important to them.
Any man who cares about his partner at all will learn how to please his woman, it's really not that complicated. Experiment with kissing and touching different areas of her body, focus on those she seems to enjoy more than others. If she is open and honest the whole process is much faster and straight forward, generally though there is a lot of overlap from woman to woman. I wouldn't claim to be an expert but I would say most women enjoy: Extended foreplay, receiving oral sex, and have a more responsive sex drive. They very much still do desire penetration though a lot of guys don't take enough time to get to that step.
To me though the biggest problem of women having unsatisfying sex lives is they themselves are the problem. They don't speak up about what they want. If they do they continue to put up with partners who do not appreciate this information and just ignore what they say. So long as this is the case you can be mad at men for sure, but you aren't fixing the problem. The problem isn't the men doing it so much as you putting up with it. Not excusing the behavior but you can't control people, they will do what they do, if you don't like it move on!
I only had non penetrative sex (with the only gf I had), because it just didn't fit, and it was kinda unsatisfying. I say that I'm not a virgin, but I feel like I am, because for me it doesn't count unless it is penetrative (and maybe I had an orgasm).
I read her book and felt as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. So many things I couldn't explain, even to myself, she put to words. I recommend it to every young woman who wants to be enlightened.
What is the book title?
@@elzasolefack2326 The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century
by Louise Perry
@@elzasolefack2326 The Case Against the Sexual Revolution
grats on your enlightenment or whatever. good to hear some women are listening to this stuff.
It always amazes me people who think agreeing with them equals enlightenment. 😂
I appreciate the last point made. I don't believe it will appeal to many men for a certain time in their lives... but there comes a time when if they choose to be honest with themselves, they will realize they are actually craving intimacy and connection, not just sex. They are simply unaware that sex is the only way they've been taught to feel a tiny fragment of those things they truly want deep down.
Trevor Noah?
I also like the sentiment, but its about as realistic as "cant we all get along?"
@@PeterZeeke There's always ground to cover - a big piece in this equation is actually normalizing and encouraging men's access and follow thru with their own inner work. Change may not happen quickly, but I do believe it's worth pointing in a worthwhile direction.
@@joeycardella213 Good luck with that. I'd love nothing more than the addressing men's issues in society but call me a skeptic. Third wave feminists already destroyed men's right's activism by portraying it as a radical male supremacist movement and thus, ceded men's issues to right wing lunatics like Andrew Tate and other red pillers. Now we're likely going to be dealing with a void in college left by men. Less college educated men = more political extremism, more violence etc. And I doubt feminists will do anything about it. I mean the common narrative from them already is, "Well these issues men face now are just a result of women becoming independent and it's men's fault for not being able to keep up." "Men are obsolete."
@@joeycardella213 I’m a woman and I think men tend to have bigger ego and pride. They seems to want to brag a lot, showing off that they can date or had sex with many attractive women...
Ego+high sex drive can lead lots of young men to become sex-addicts. They love the thrill. Because even if they get that intimacy, connection + sex with a good, genuine loving partner. They can still destroyed that.
Finally, someone who acknowledges the fact that woman and men are different. Refreshing.
Indeed!
You're not wrong, but it's kind of absurd that it can be "refreshing" to make observations that everyone thought were obvious until about ten years ago when it suddenly became fashionable to believe nonsense.
@alexpotts6520 it's a new religious cult.
The fact that feminist tried to "do all that men can do" led to woman losing their own angenda.
Because men and women are different. We shouldn't aspire to be same but be different in our own way.
And that goes beyond the gender.
Thing is, no one ever said they are the same.🤷♂️. Same and Equal are two different things.
As one of the few married men in my friend group, seeing the issues my non-married male friend is going through is rough. He doesn't sleep around, has a great work-from-home career, is a musician, exercises/bikes regularly, isn't crazy political, own's his own house, enjoys a good dry red, and he can't meet single women who are interested in long term commitment. For years he's asked himself "what can he change/do better?" and it hasn't paid off. We live in a college town, but being over 35 and not looking for just a "hookup" there's not much appeal there for him.
So like, I totally agree with this video, and I would just add that it seems to me that the few men who do want to "have sex like women" seem to be losing out in this hookup sort of world. He is the type of person who takes people at their word, so dating profiles that are too insincere he gets turned off by. Just like, what are these guys supposed to do but resign themselves to be single for the rest of their lives or devalue their ideals just to find a partner?
The dating apps of the noughties (well, back then they were websites, not apps) would have suited your friend perfectly, I imagine. Then Tinder happened and everything changed.
Sounds like the location is the main problem.
"College town" is really big key words here. You're around everyone who is the antithesis of what this women is encouraging people to be. College folk have been programmed to be all about hookup culture, sexual liberation, and anti-nuclear family types. Long term relationships are not in their vocabulary
Id say find female friends and not just the ones you could potentially have a relationship with. Find women you like being around get exposed to their friend group as well, usually women are friends with other women. Maybe youll find a girl through this networking and if you don't you made some new friends. But dont just become friends with a woman because you want something more, trust me they'll see right through that. I notice men (or at least the men I am around, computer science smh) have a hard time talking to women in the first place and rarely have friends outside of this broski friend group which doesnt leave many quality places to find a partner.
Evolution in action.
It's so weird that emotionless sex is considered "sex like a man"... there's a whole host of issues there that I think this person has not considered. Why is this not being questioned?
Because nobody pushes back against male stereotypes.
I wonder if the sexual revolution for women was meant to liberate and expand the range of possibilities rather than steering all towards an extreme? Shouldn't everyone decide for themselves what is their comfort level and find out who they are?
Nope... Women are hypergamous.
❤Yes🎉
You just said a bunch of nothingness and stated the obvious. That was the whole purpose of that movement in the first place and why Woman were fighting to be more equal to Men (something that will never truly exist because we're not equal)
Yes people should be free to decide, that's the blessing of being in a free country after all HOWEVER... there comes a serious problem when you don't wish to take accountability of you're actions from said freedom that you have, that's an issue. Having a bunch of Woman running around, free, chasing the same percentile/ archetype of Man (top 10%) whilst living in a delusional state & being void from any and all personal responsibility whatsoever (having so many Gov/ Societal safety nets and "there there you did nothing wrongs") being able to fk whoever, get pregnant and then get an abortion because you don't want to have to deal with such an "inconvenience" that'll hamper you're happiness, right?
These are branches that lead into the root issues of society as a whole and why things are so backwards and broken.
Woman being sexually liberated has done nothing but hurt both Men and Woman as a whole.
Could do both. And with an expanded range of possibilities in a social hierarchy, the natural tendency is to compete towards the extremity of those possibilities especially given our economic structure. However, excess is a vice. Having a great amount of loveless sex pales in comparative quality to a lesser amount of loving sex. Also, there’s the problem of STDs.
Agreed, I was very skeptical about this idea of women being steered by social forces to have as much casual, "empty", "meaningless" sex as possible. She also doesn't question the assumption that this kind of sexual behavior is coded as 'man-like' when someone's sexual promiscuity is not correlated to their gender, or that men are socialized to be heat-seeking flesh missiles. Maybe things get a bit more critical in the latter half but why is she citing Sex and the City as an example of women striving to have sex 'like a man' instead of, I dunno, talking to actual women that actually had/have that goal? Pop culture seems like a lazy and poor representation of her point. She doesn't even question her assumptions of the man/woman binary so her claim of becoming skeptical of the sexual revolution rings a bit hollow.
For most of my life I have thought about sex with the attitude that's basically "the more the merrier", because sex is good so more of it should be better...But as I have gotten older (i'm 30 now) I have come to a better understanding about this subject. Sex with the wrong people for the wrong reasons is not a positive, it's a negative and because of that more sex is not always better, quite the opposite. The goal should be to have meaningful sex as much as possible preferably with the person you love. Not just any sex with anyone you find attractive (or even worse, someone you don't) And to have as few meaningless sexual encounters as possible outside love. Even thought virginity is not something to be protected, it's also not something meaningless to be lost ASAP. It's important, just like every sexual encounter should be meaningful. Sex should be like eating at a fancy restaurant, not like eating at McDonalds.
I agree but a lot of people like McDonald's.
@Cat Lily But in the long run it's garbage you'll regret having
@@jhunt5578Or you liked the experience
@YouYou If you are a woman with a promiscuous past and want to settle down some day, even if she liked the experiences. A future male partner will most likely not be cool with it.
@@jhunt5578 if you are a man a lot of women will not be cool if you have a promiscuous past.
In my experience as a more dominant gay man, I feel there's some emotional and psychological overlap between what's being said here about women and my experiences with more submissive gay men. Many of my partners seem to crave being cared for as well as being the object of desire for dominant men. They love the idea of a single strong and protective male figure they can be vulnerable with, rather than bouncing from lover to lover. They like romance, flirting, random gifts and compliments, and many of the other acts that have - traditionally - been expected ways a man shows a woman that they care.
great contribution to the comments!
Don't you think they have been socialised into the binary opposition model of behaviour because they don't know any better? Or could it also be that you are attracted to that sort of person, so you can feel all powerful and dominant? I'm not judging - there is nothing wrong about wanting to be the dominant party in the relationship. Have you ever dated someone though who did not display the character traits you are describing? Did you feel comfortable doing it?
It's all about balance of masculinity and femininity in the relationship.
Hey look. The gay guy has to let everyone know he's gay. Surprise.
@@steveo1413 why so bitter ???
I honestly don't have the words to express the joy these kinds of perspectives on the matter give me, I have no children of my own yet, but just the thought of ever having my daughters face the world and society as it is now, often leaves me with much to worry about. I'm grateful many other's are putting in much effort to share these perspectives.
Indeed, maybe men should be the ones persuaded to approach sex more like women, and not the other way around.
if you have no children yet, you can'y say whether they will be daughters.
@@SchgurmTewehr True, I can’t be certain on this, but I sure do hope I have a daughter, hopefully two…
The majority of young men are not having sex, the majority of young women are.
The men who are having sex with all the women are not going to start settling down at a young age anytime soon, this is something we can promote but there's no easy path to societal change.
Telling a man "to have sex like a woman" is just naive thinking. She brings up the biological parts of women but never mentions how men's biological role is to literally have as much sex as possible since that increases chances of reproduction. Men are literally biologically driven to have sex while women biologically are supposed to be choosey, and that's where the problem lies. Until people realize that's literally just how nature works and that we are products of evolution then we will continue to have this backwards mentality that "one gender should think like the other". No, men and women biologically can't and shouldn't think the same. What should happen is prostitution be legalized and regulated so it's safer for the girls and more profitable while solving the sexual desire gap, but that's a different conversation 😅
Ok.
She says that "women nowadays tend to focus around specific guys tall, good look and rich".
Imagine that we have 20% in this strat.(Wich is a pretty high number)
Now even if every single guy at that "level" starts to act like a women there would be 80% of girls trying to get that same guy...
That is the best case scenario.
Thank you for saying this. Every narrative I've heard about relationships for the past ten years has revolved around sex like the moon around the earth. I keep telling people that attraction isn't a choice, but love is, and they don't seem to understand what I'm talking about. Like I'm somehow deranged because I don't view sex as the most important thing in my relationship. They don't understand why, after my wife got sick with Cushings syndrome and gained weight (not her fault) and got a moon face (not her fault) why I wouldn't leave her. We don't have sex, because the physical attraction isn't there. She doesn't try to force that on me. But we're married. We're family. You don't leave family because they don't pull on your pizzle anymore. I try to explain this on reddit, and get downvoted into oblivion. To me, that means that something is sick in our society, and this video is just beginning to address it. Thank you.
Love is not a choice.
Usually you'd see prostitutes once the sex is gone from the marriage. That's what most men do.
Your narcissism is wild. Did it ever dawn on you that you got downvoted because your ability to convey your thoughts coherently is absolute shit? I mean, you were jumping all over the place in your comment. It almost allowed me to forget the ridiculous statement you made about love being a choice.
@@JewTube001 really? "Most"? I doubt it. I think it is highly dependent on the individual, and these days most men have easy access to porn, which will satisfy post urges, but even without it, many men can and do go without sex (or masturbation) for years without issues. This may sound like a fate worse than death to a horny teenager or twenty-something, but especially for older men, it is much less of an issue, and even in marriage the frequency of sex tends to decrease a lot over time especially after kids. I think it's not wise to generalize about these things, and going to prostitutes is pretty frowned upon by most of our society. I'm not taking a position on it as an institution, just commenting. None of the guys I know ever admitted to going to a prostitute, so if they had, then obviously they find it shameful in some way. That doesn't necessarily mean it's not done, but given how easy it is to obtain very high definition porn of any kind on a whim for free, it seems like incurring the expense and risk of using a prostitute would be a choice that only a small subset of men would choose - at this time. But who knows...
@@tschorsch There's a difference between lust and love. Don't get them twisted, or you'll regret it.
So her solution is to have the women, who (according to her) have lower "socio-sexuality", somehow convince men to have sex more like women?
Didn't she also say that women, on average, cluster toward the most desirable men... the ones who can 'date' a different woman every day of the week.
So her feminist project is to have women, try to convince the most desirable men to have "sex like women"? (ie. be more selective)
What on earth would be the incentive for these men?
NOTHING!!! As educated as this woman is. She still thinks like a woman on these topics. Which is Me Me Me Me Me....
Literally zero introspection on women's accountability for a problem WOMEN created 😔
@@klaiken989 Well I think it makes sense that she'd be thinking about what's in the interest of women... I just don't see how this issue would be resolved if she is correct in her thesis.
I'm glad she didn't suggest that we roll back sexual liberation (I was afraid that that's where this video was going). Still, convincing the most desirable men to be more selective would require a pretty extraordinary incentive... and I don't believe feminists have access to such an incentive.
There is no incentive because men as a whole do not operate like women do in regards to choosing a partner. This applies most especially to men that have the means to have multiple choices at any time.
Men do not care about most aspects of women until they are selecting for a permanent mate, and even then, the selection as based on whether that woman is someone they can easily live with long term and not worry about losing them easily to other men. It's a completely different strategy to what women select for, as those are secondary to what a man brings to the table for them regarding safety, security, and stability.
If the onus is on men to be the responsible ones regarding sexuality, but have to do it with the laws and societal norms in place, then all a man can do is not participate until both things change to be less destructive, or go where these things are less destructive. A society that cannot function without its men participating is not one that can be saved without change.
Truthfully, the onus is on women, because in the end, they are the ones making the selection of who they choose to have sex with, and mate with. Men can only make the offer, like a salesman, and hope the women will like what they see and take that product. Most do not and always go for what they see as the cheapest, easiest to replace, yet best they can get, all without feeling bad about getting such a lackluster product.
Nothing, there is no incentive, that’s just a terrible point she made and it serves no benefit to anyone. That’s not her solution though, her solution is for the women who suffer from dissatisfaction in today’s sex culture to remove unemotional sex from their lives
@@nick_0 That's right. I don't think people understood her very well
As a man, "having sex like a man" is an offensive turn of phrase. I don't "have sex like a man", I have sex in the way that my peer group and other influences promote. Aspiring for emotionless sex is not something that has helped me. Taking a more thoughtful approach to sex is good for everyone, not just women.
3:10 "We are now in a sexual culture where women feel like they don't have much option except to imitate male sexuality" Except nobody is forcing women to have more sex. Only the media (e.g. sex and the city) does that and everyone know it should be taken with a grain of salt. Also, most guys I know don't have the male sexuality she described where they hookup every other night, even guys that are attractive or popular with girls.
Thank you - you are the voice of reason.
“Only the media” - actually the media has a profound effect, especially on those who don’t know it should be taken with a “grain of salt” like boys and girls who haven’t matured yet and don’t know what normal and healthy sexual relationships look like. I don’t think you got her point, she’s not saying most guys are like this, she’s saying there’s a clear gap between men and women on average.
Very interesting and food for thought. I hope her follow up research examines 1. The true societal impact of sexually frustrated men. She claims it’s essentially not a big deal, but I keep reading about the incel movement and mass shootings committed by incels. Are these just bad guys or is there a connection to sexual frustration? And 2. Very true that unwanted sex is worse than sexual frustration, but she is also arguing that essentially the differences in sex drive between men and women is deeply biological and selected by evolution, not just a mere choice or preference. So is it easier for men to contain their sex drive or for women to increase theirs, or are both equally difficult considering the evolutionary pressures that made us the way we are? Maybe her book goes into these questions or does a better job in laying out the case for her conclusion in this video. I’m glad someone is studying this because I suspect that this has a bigger role in the shape and well-being of society than is generally acknowledged.
Look at the Middle East... Why do you think it is so violent over there where men are allowed to marry 4 wives. Not enough to go around and homosexuality is frowned upon over there (which I am glad). I don't hate homosexuals, but when men have no one but men to hang around, eventually curiosity begins to loom. Honestly makes you wonder if it is a choice like they say it is.
It's probably true that sexually frustrated men are more dangerous than women who had unwanted sex.... because men are more dangerous, physically, than women.
I've had periods of no sex for years and never had the urge to shoot-up a school or do anything bad. I'm married now and sometimes I'll have sex daily for periods in between periods - still no school shootings. You're supposed to masturbate or have sex at least once a week otherwise your testosterone levels skyrocket - so it only becomes dangerous when you are told not to. Especially so if you're part of a group, such as the proud-boys where they disallow you to masturbate - combine that with being a hate group and you've got yourself a weaponized individual.
@@trentreffner5699 this is just flat out wrong. The violence stems from poverty and is accelerated by religion. You can hang out with men only or men and women, not have sex or have sex with any of them and it has little to nothing to do with how violent of a person you are. That said, you should masturbate once a week to keep testosterone levels down.
And also yes, homosexuality is not a choice you make and is not limited to humans either.
I think it's less about incels being sexually frustrated, and more about society shaming (male) virgins and putting sex on a pedestal. Oh, and them HATING WOMEN AND SEEING THEM AS LESSER HUMAN BEINGS.
It is unfortunate that the archtype male sexuality is stereotyped based on really a small portion of male practices and womens sexuality is based on some weird form of percieved purity in sexual practice. These stereotypes hold back any real practical and purposeful conversations about sexuality.
Women didn't want to get pregnant under the wrong circumstances. Neither did their family members want babies out of wedlock. So purity was pushed.
100% agreed
Yep, exactly. These are nothing but stereotypes projected by a portion of the population, and people feel pressured to fit to them. The solution is plain and simple; stop society from dictating your lives
@@Catlily5 my point is that the stereotype of purity is a illusionary construct that does not exist.
Purity is perhaps the wrong word. Female sexuality involves higher sexual selection. Women risking pregnancy through sex, evolutionarily ought to only choose high value males. The data even bares out in dating apps. Men tend to be way less selective, whereas women are.
My wife and me have been married for 31 years. Since the beginning of our relationship, we started to walk together the path of shedding our culturally dysfunctional narratives and beliefs in order to find a healthier, happier and more natural way to share our life. We both felt that our bodies had two clearly separated sexual functions: One was intercourse,for reproduction; the other was for a loving, profound, intimate and orgasmic experience (without penetrating or being penetrated). We felt no need for things like birth control pills or condoms. We thought that being creative with the way we touched our bodies was much more fair, safer and healthier. We think that the human species shouldn't be classified as Homo sapiens because we behave more like predatory animals than wise beings. We try to live a more discerning life.
Any unwanted pregnancies along that journey?
So very well said!
This is a good argument for sex robots. I’m a woman and would prefer if men had the option easily available. It would weed out men who don’t actually want real relationships.
What the current internet culture and version of the sexual revolution also does is severely limit the coupling potential of anyone not deemed perfect. When women and men are both looking for the top 1% through dating apps, swiping on anyone who doesn't have the perfect body and the perfect job, that cuts out every person who might just be at or above average. When the expectation is absolute perfection, you will always be disappointed. This is among the many reasons why birthrates have dropped among the current generation and why it has become necessary for governments to find other means to support the aging babyboomer generation besides on the backs of the current generation of workers. While I'm not supporting the batch of politicians shouting "We need more babies" - we're expending resources too fast to support that claim - what we do need is to lower expectations. Humans are social animals. We need companionship. Without that companionship what's left is apathy, sociopathy, bitterness and anger, all the things that have led to the most horrible acts of violence in modern history.
Men are far less picky than women.
@@jhunt5578 I concur but my post would have been viewed "misogenistic" or "sexist" if I had pointed out those particulars. We may prefer the perfect body but will accept anything on a lonely Saturday night really. There are far less women than men on dating sites for this very reason and it gives them far more freedom to be picky about their choices.
You had me till the very end (paraphrased): 'Instead of women losing their true nature, let's have men lose their true nature.'
That's basically it, society will only be better for everyone when both men's and women's interests are considered. It's not possible to make it good for one side while ignoring the other.
Edit: watch the video again carefully and you will notice that not one time does she ask what is good for men. So she's onto something but her perspective is a bit wonky as a result. A lot of our problems will be better addressed when we ask what's important for women and men.
Theres an easy fix. men should just f men and women f women, problem solved
Exactly my thoughts.
This whole channel is ran by propagandists.
Kinda. I think it’s the responsibility of both genders to bridge that sociosexual gap, and I thinks she’s right that women have done more in bridging that gap than men, but I’d say by not that much. It’s really hard to quantify sociopsycological shifts like that, but I think one metric is the reduction we’ve seen in gender roles and peoples willingness to be more open about queerness.
I think what matters most is genuine thorough exposure to your options. For men and women. Being explained the different paths you can take and the pros and cons, the pleasures and the consequences, why one would feel tempted to take one path or another so there's an understanding of what influences one's choice, and all of it being explained without judgment or diminishing things down to "you must be abstinent until marriage" or "being promiscuous makes you bad!," but also neither "you should really have lots of sex for sure." Just plainly clearly laying everything out, and then letting individuals choose for themselves with clearer understanding of what's going on around them.
The problem with that though is who is going to and can be trusted to properly teach and inform people like that, as well as the fact that so many people don't realize how lacking of the whole picture their perspective is when it comes to sex.
Wish people would have a more balanced perspective like this that doesn't force any ideas or lifestyle choices on anyone against their will. I guess asking people to live and let live and to respect individual freedom and dignity is just too extreme and unreasonable.
I believe that we should persuade people that they must be themselves, do what they want to do and don't do what they don't want to do. There are men, who don't want a lot of sex, there are women, who want a lot of sex. We are so different. No standards is the best standard. Let's stop being stereotypical
I hear this argument all the time and I also hear it end the same way. Strong analysis of some metaphysical problem... No actual prescriptive action. It just ends...
"Masculinity is the problem, we need men to do something...."
How can masculinity be the problem and the solution at the same time?
I get it, the perspective is, "if men change men problem, problem is solved"
But what actually happens is, "men are controlling, men should control a new way" wait ten years "men are controlling, men should control in a new way"
Men will always be controlling if you expect us to produce the remedy... You are always passing us the wheel.
TAKE THE WHEEL! TAKE IT FOR YOURSELF! Stop guilting us to do it for you, we are always the scapegoat and the solution. You take responsibility... You become the solution.
I want women's liberation as much as you. Stop expecting us to free you... It's only asking us to control you.
"Stop expecting us to free you... It's only asking us to control you" Good conclusion, ultimately these kind of feminists are pushing for more patriarchy, because that's just what you get when you need men to cover all your bases.
One of the issues I have experienced as someone in their 20s in the dating apps age, is that almost everyone I know, myself included, has had a bad experience with someone that they barely know. Whether its an act of violence, miscommunication, or just having sex because you're bored, all these things are bad for you - on a sliding scale of course. I wouldn't say you have to have sex in a relationship for it to be good, but on average it will be a lot better, safer and respectful. I agree with her that we should encourage men to have sex like women. So many men just want to have sex so that they can finish, and don't enjoy the journey. All males will have had these types of conversations with friends. That's what porn tells us to do. Sex is a lot better when you start looking at sex as something that is just great to be a part of overall, and something that both people enjoy.
This is very true. Men should attempt to experience sexuality in a less superficial, masturbatory way. Men are experiencing loneliness because the narrative they have eaten up from porn is vacuous and denigrating for both women and men.
Well explained 😎
@@outdoorminer5533 do men set the market or just participate. It is truly a myth that men have unconscious sex (sex with no meaning). Both sexes can practice. So as it relates to your statement, men are not free to practice sex in meaningless ways. We nearly do what society says is best and women are not the “victims” as is the natural conclusion of your statements. All people need to practice sex as a spiritual outlet. Just as eating someone’s food is showing trust, having sex is too (introducing something foreign into your body).
I agree with most of what you've said, but I'm not sure what you are referring to when you say, "that's what porn tells us to do." Would you mind elaborating?
@@thebestperiod3766 "eating someone's food is showing trust", now that is what I call a fresh perspective. I could've never thought of it that way, not even in my wildest dreams. I always thought that the onus was on you, on this regard i.e. it was always you that was the one who was participating. But now that you've laid it down like that, I can see how blind I was. We truly are interdependent on each other for things. Our actions, deliberate or otherwise do have a tremendous impact on those around us.
I love you saying we should encourage men to have sex with fewer partners, or as you say "encourage men to have sex like women".
THAT is precisely what I thought throughout school years. I never understood why us as girls and women are expected to sleep around, but men aren't ever told to take sex seriously... And put a lot of consideration into it.
I'm completely okay with people doing what ultimately makes them happy in their soul, but personally, I prefer long term relationships. I find intense joy and growth from them and that feeds my soul.
However I believe in a free world where we can ultimately do whatever we want, in terms of consentual sex. ✌️
Men with opportunities are never going to do that. They don't care. Not anymore. They have access to a commodity, they're going to take it. It's always been on women to be the enforcers of a sexual dynamic they want to see in the world and until they see the forest for the trees, this is going to be the standard.
You have a slight revisionist history of the sexual revolution.
Women were never expected to sleep around. In fact, before the birth control pill was created, women actually made men wait till the wedding night before sex happens.
And men accepted that arrangement that society imposed on him. They had sex like women, just the way you wanted it.
Then 70 years ago, the birth control pill was created, and women wanted to sleep around like men. So women changed the rules, and hookup culture is what we have now.
The contradictory sexual attitude where you believe in people's freedom to do whatever you want as long as the sex is consensual, is the reason why women now face pressure to sleep around. The price of sex had dropped to almost on the first date itself.
I remember in about 2004 or so I read the results of a poll of young people stating what they thought the biggest problem in society was. I was surprised by the answer: Too much porn. Way back in my day finding porn as a young person was really difficult. I did not see any porn videos until my later years in college. Kids just felt overwhelmed by it's constant lure and availability. It also seems like the ease of divorce while needed in many cases has made young adults not trusting it but no other strategy
And as an responsible society we didn't deal with the problem there and then
Way back in 2004. That's crazy
This is so true. Pornography destroyed the fabric of male - female relationships. Now we have a whole three generations (1980s, 1990s & post 2000) born into the abundance of Pornography. These generations view love, sex & male - female relationships through the lens of porn. We will see very detrimental and full-blown effects after 2030.
TBH, the church has been encouraging men to be monogamous (ie. in your words, have sex more like women) for centuries, but it hasn't really worked very well.
In a pure "survival of the fittest" sense it worked extremely well - the societies which had harems withered away while those that enforced monogamy flourished.
One policy that worked even worse was forcing priests to be celibate. And children suffered as a result.
I'm not sure I can completely get on board with the moralizing notion that having an emotional motivation for sex is the moral best and the goal that everyone should have. I think there is a place for people, men and women, to have sex because it is pleasurable or fun and not be denigrated for it.
There is a place, and she’s not saying there isn’t. However, that place is only for the people who genuinely enjoy it, because the issues she’s addressing in this video relates to those men and women who feel empty and dissatisfied with that lifestyle. It’s not for everyone, but the people who do it shouldn’t be degraded for it either
I feel like you misunderstand her
That just allows stupid people to wreak even more havoc on society than it already has. Sex is not just pleasure, it's legitimately dangerous and can have devastating impacts on a multitude of people.
She ends the piece by saying that men should be persuaded to have sex more like women. I would say that everyone should have the type of sex they want and do the due diligence to make sure the people they are choosing to have sex with are on the same page. Not just give generalizations about gender motivations for sex and say men's motivations are by default bad.
it affects future long term relationships, so no. hedonism is neither good for individuals or society in general, sex should always be done with someone special.
Absolutely find it amazing, with my experience I can totally agree. There is a lot of pressure on young women to have the courage to have lots of sex partners, but at the same time they are seen as sluts by both, men and women. It's becoming every time more difficult to find something stable with a partner that the only way to get rid of the sexual energy is through one night stands or friends with benefits. The experience of the journey might not leave you with the correct moral of the story and can lead to some deeper issues..
just consider the term friends with benefits and what that says about society. as if friends don't have benefits in and of themselves and the only benefit which can exist is sexual.
A lot of women don't realize that men are as easy as a feather. When a man is a 9 or 10 - he will hook up with all the sixes, sevens and eights he can. He will do a different one every day and won't care!
The problem arises when all those women start thinking that they deserve and can get a guy who is 9 or 10, but they will never get him for anything more than a casual bang.
When you really think about it, why would he settle for anyone? Maybe not even for a 10. Why would he limit himself to one, when he has access to unlimited sex with zero hassle of a relationship.
Some men "get over it" and do settle, but they still settle for a 9.
... I don't normally "grade" people, but it's the easiest way to explain this stuff.
No the only way to get rid of sexual energy is not fwb and hook ups. Ever heard of masturbation? 😂 We’re not like men…we don’t need to go out and fuck some new person every day to feel like a man. We can direct our sexual energy towards our goals
@@SchgurmTewehr The colloquial term for two people who meet for the purpose of sexual activity is "friends with benefits". This being clear, I didn't intend to say, there is no benefits in a friendship. It all depends on the individuals carrying out the process. Some might see it as something negative, two people that aren't "mature" enough to yet have a relationship. But if you put more variables into the equation, you must also consider some individuals more sexual energy than the rest, and finding someone who does as well is not pretty common. If there is an agreement on meeting, there should be no blaming nor finger pointing. This being said, a friendship can still be formed, so the benefit would not only be sexual, but also emotional. This is not the case for everyone, so we must accept diversity and have respect for each other.
FFS! The term "getting rid of sexual energy" is in a way truly mindblowing and downright silly! That energy is the most powerful energy in the universe and it can be harnessed (transformed) to be used for creative works or in some other creative things!
Go read Napoleon Hill's book "Think and Grow Rich, Chapter 10 which talks about the transformation of sexual energy!
It is well known in all those "self-help books" that it is exactly this energy that is used for all great things that were, are, and will be created.
In the distant, mythical past this energy was directly (through sex) used for self-healing, spiritual ascending, and prolonging life! (Tantric sex!)
As a tall, successful, hansom man with strong social skills (IKR that sounds obnoxious, but it is what it is) it is now dangerously easy to go on multiple dates, hook up and move on. It's also the reason people become less valuable, and like watching too much porn, or being addicted to any substance it cheapens the connection to the individual. Certainly in my 20s I didn't see a point in long term relationships. We even used to joke that female liberation made it even easier to get what we wanted. "Oh you want to be cool and have sex freely...fine by us.." True connections take time and the depth and rewards of growing with a partner you love and respect are something all together different. Talking to women it is also shocking just how ill equipped many men seem to be able to communicate and cater for there own and their partners needs. I don't think there is an issue with young people of all genders having free and open casual sex as long as it is respectful and honest - I think there is an issue with people leading people on and lying in order to get a purely sexual goal. But speaking to my female friends it would seem that lots of women are more than aware of the dull tricks and tactics many men implement. Final thought - people mature at different rates and want different things in their life - find someone on a similar wave length and hold back until you're both on the same page. Just my experience!
Affirmative.
Just, don’t have sex if you don’t want to, inside or outside a relationship. If you *decide* to have a child, make sure the conditions are right, make sure you and the child would have support, make sure you can financially support yourself and the child without needing to be attached to a man’s wallet strings, because opportunities for abuse create abuse.
Very good advice ❤️
Inside or outside of a relationship? If you're going to deny your partner sex then just break up...
@@caydenpo1001 totally agree
That's it! Let's add more fatherless kids to this world. Brilliant.
@@MJ-hg1mk it’s hardly women’s fault if men aren’t good fathers to their children
We should all live sexually free and not be influenced by societal pressures as long as boundaries are respected.
@@Parrot3054 No, morality is defined by every person separately. Don't mistake it with laws.
@@Parrot3054 You can't speak for every single person, especially those who lived 1000 years ago.
Personally, I'm not seeing anything immoral just because society considers it immoral, not any single thing. If you prefer to rely on other people's opinions instead of thinking for yourself, it's your choice, just speak for yourself.
@@Parrot3054 lols... I have no moral compass. If I could, the nukes would have already been launched. I guess that is what I get for not participating in society and being influenced by it... instead angered by it to the point I want its destruction.
@@trentreffner5699 Wow so edgy, you're so cool and unique, not bothersome and annoying at all
@@XOPOIIIO agreed. It may look like “society’s morals”, but it is just really the morals of each individual person and they just happen to agree with each other(for the most part).
This video is phenomenal - it’s incredible to see this perspective given such a clear and fair delivery. I wish this author and video had been available when I was in college. It would have made life make so much more sense at that time and on.
My husband and I are children of the 1960s who grew up with older siblings who were "sexually liberated" because of the pill. Then, during our teenage years in the 70s, it was all about "you do you" (often called "The Me" generation). We independently discovered that all this sexual freedom and the women's liberation ideology that "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" badly denigrated a man's role in family life, so much so that there are still women who think it's healthy to raise a child alone with no father in the picture. Along with saddling themselves with 100% of the responsibility of "raising an adult" - raising children creates more children, not responsible adults - it seems these women failed to understand the important role a father plays in raising children. Fatherless children definitely are lacking something, no matter how great a mother they have. Girls raised without a loving father tend to look for this missing piece in all their adult relationships, and boys have no one from whom to learn how to be a good man. Children raised in a single-parent home don't have the experience of being an intimate part of an intimate adult relationship, so they have nothing to base their own adult relationships on. Every child has a better chance of becoming a well-rounded, grounded, responsible adult if they're raised in a home with two loving parents. Period, full stop!!
I don't think the two notions are opposed to one another. You can be fine with "jumping into bed someone" and still ultimately be seeking a partner to be monogamous with. I know several happily married couples who "went to bed" on the first date. I'm one of them. When I met my husband, I was like "Ah, definitely won't get bored with him." Meeting your sexual match is important as a female, too.
Happily married here, I have to sincerely confess I would most likely not marry a woman that would go to bed with me on first date... being 100% transparent
It works for some, but I saw the opposite happening too, female friends sleeping around then suddenly panicking and wanting to settle down at a certain age, only to find themselves at a disadvantage compared to younger girls when it comes to dating "good men".
No one’s saying that’s not true for them! People are different, and they should go for it if they’re happy. This advice is only for the people who aren’t satisfied with that lifestyle
@@nick_0 It's simplistic advice. But yes, women should never feel pressured to have sex, before or after marriage.
@@LKYme Yep, that’s the issue. Too many women succumb to societal pressure instead of doing what’s right for them, whether that means changing culture entirely or finding a better social circle 😂
Man did this break many of my ideals and structural thoughts on sexuality, it's now like a storm inside my brain trying to make sense of it.😂
That's great to hear! If you're able to work through these ideas and evaluate your own conditioning, you're better than a lot of us
She casually decluttered this messy, heavily politicised topic like its nothing. Incredible. This video is gold
Yes 👏 I remember reading a book 5 years ago in college called ‘The Lolita Effect’ and it awakened me to so many problems with hookup culture. There is no such thing as ‘casual’ sex. Sex can have physical, emotional, and social consequences, and even more so for women. This is not to say women should avoid having sex entirely, but the potential risks and consequences should be carefully considered. Male pleasure is prioritised often with detrimental consequences to the health of the female partners. For example, women like myself who have endometriosis and other conditions which cause dyspareunia (pain during and/or after sex) - penetrative and sometimes other forms of sex can have extreme physical and psychological consequences. There are many interesting points made here and I’m intrigued to read the book!
I’m a man who is highly highly committed and want nothing more than to find a partner that I can support in her aspirations and have a family with. I want a true partner, not someone I lead all the time, not someone who essentially another child as my wife that I have to take care of everything for. But my experience so far is EVERY independent woman I’ve come across will say they want a partner like me and then suddenly flake out because they realize they still have to make sacrifices in their career to be a mom. Then they start doubting everything and leave. It hurts incredibly and I’m sick of it and I HATE the dating market on these apps cuz everyone is flaky as hell. I’m almost coming to the point where I’m giving up on that venture. Maybe I’m looking for the wrong people too. Women who are trying so desperately to be men in their careers may not be people who I can actually have a partnership with and it’s coming time to look for women who just want to be traditional women.
Honestly, traditional women are your best bet.
To be an independent, career woman, you need a high level of competitiveness. Also, to be a successful career woman,, you need to focus on your career and give it your all. We know intense competitive is predominantly a male trait, so to compete at a high level in a career or whatever, you need to develop "some male traits and mannerisms". And you need to abandon some feminine trait, especially compassion.
But it's conflicts directly with the values required of a traditional woman. Compassion, care-giving, empathy and all that.
I know, I know, there's high level career women who are also wonderful mothers. But they're very few. Go check.
So my man @Calvin Tower , you're looking in all the wrong places.
Not my fucking bussines, but maybe your fault is focusing exclusively on what YOU want for yourself, and expecting a partner that will follow the path that you've lay out in your mind. I say this what you're chasing after can only be achived in a healty context of equal trust and respect for each other. Maybe the reason they don't want to commit is because they feel agency is being taken from them by your actions/way of thinking, and the expectations that you hold.
@@MrEmafon4 I think I did say I want to support them to become themselves. I'm pretty damn flexible and don't ask for much as a partner, just some affection. But, becoming a mother has inescapable sacrifice - a sacrifice that a father is supposed to support for his wife and children. But even with that support there is still an obvious sacrifice. That's not really something I am asking of them, it's their choice to participate, but I find many career oriented women don't want to make that sacrifice these days.
I don't know how come but sometimes desperate search and trying too hard decreases the chance of actual success. I get more and more disappointed with the dating apps not because of other people who use it and their intentions, but because I always go to these dates with certain expectations about the person which in most cases for obvious reasons aren't met. also as I am looking at it as a potential way out of loneliness and longing, it is just a bad starting point. Spontaneous crushes and falling in love with someone without any anticipation is rare but feels more genuine and potentially long lasting than the promise of online dating
@@malvinevernera3537 I agree and tend to find the same thing. My best partners are ones I met through my normal life. Im at the point where I refuse to use the apps to find a partner. But even so, there is no real secret for life in its totality. I guess when the time is right it'll work.
Greta video! I agree with half of your conclusion; women should be true to themselves. However, men should also embrace who they are and how they feel. The problems arise in relationships when a person does not take into account the feelings of the people they encounter throughout their lives. The key to healthy relationships is "what is hateful/hurtful to you, don't do to another."
Greta videos are on the environmental channels :)
Hell yes!
Great point. My biggest problem with the video is it makes the presumption that men are, on the whole, not sexually selective and are interested in casual, emotionless sex. I do understand there is a biological difference that makes women more selective than men, but I think the whole paradigm of men being interested in sex more than love is actually a cultural norm linked to the male paradigm of being stoic, rational, and unemotional. I think we are in a new liberation movement now, an emotional liberation movement. Think about just the IDEA that you don't have to justify your feelings, that all feelings, no matter what they are, are valid - that what is valid or invalid is only our responses to those feelings. This idea is very new. I see generations that came before me pathologically stretch their intellect to justify whatever feelings they have with a rational explanation, and I think that's a form of cultural conditioning for emotional repression. I don't think the liberation of women to be sexually promiscuous is the problem, I think the problem is the same toxic "emotionless sex" culture that has worked its way into toxic masculinity is infecting femininity as well.
@@thirdpedalnirvana Well said 🌞
This approach can work for individual relationships but it can't work at the population level. Ultimately someone has to have either more sex or less sex than they want.
Although sexual freedom has an unparalleled convincing argument in the short term, in the long-term and broader-sense perspective, you are absolutely right. Monogamy and commitment are key to stable and successful relationships/families. The more sexual freedom, the more single moms and dads, the more instability in the broader society
Louise, your final point is so well stated. Excellence points throughout. Thanks for explaining this so well!
5:54 I am VERY surprised by this, most men are low on options and struggle with women these days. It is the opposite for women
I think she basically means everything being equal, men on average have higher sociosexuality. So if men and women both had equal amount of options and opportunities, men are more likely to want to sleep around and everything.
Why do you think so? Women don’t have it easy. Desirable women suffer from all the disgusting comments and harassment from idiotic men coddled by their moms and all the other women suffer from abandonment and constantly living up to that desirable standards that aren’t them at all. But all women eventually suffer from male midlife crisis where they constantly feel their spouse is off to take all money yet the minute a young girl in their 20s show a bit of skin, they give everything to them.
@@VWYL900802You seem too focused on women’s struggles, do you ever give thought to what the average man goest through? women initiate divorce in over 70% of cases and money is in the top 3 reasons women file for divorce. Women are also 98% of alimony recipients, mostly get custody of children, etc. So it’s not without reason men are hesitant when it comes to marriage. No one is saying all women’s lives are easier but they definitely have an advantage when it comes to dating and sex compared to the average man. If you can’t objectively list areas where both genders have advantages and disadvantages you need to assess your biases.
Indeed. Millennial men already get the least amount of sex. Whereas millennial girls get as much sex as they want. So guys have already created the gap she wanted. We're actually living within her conclusion already.
@@VWYL900802 You think women have it hard because of comments? Talk about first world problems.
"When the Power of Love overcomes the love for power, the World will know Peace";
World right now in chaos: "Are u sure about that?".
"When the Power of Lust has overcome the love for Power, The World has become too soft "
Also, one thing to say, without war, there is no improvement.
@@Mansory811 You think you know war. But you still fantasizes of it, it dreams you & you can not rest in peace
@@ChiDante i dont fanatise about it. I just say that it is the reason you can live a life where you can say these naive Statements :)
I love the insight this offers to those of us that don't fit in this box...that have never fit any of the boxes. We didn't feel comfortable in a man's world but we aren't comfortable behaving in masculine energy either. I think there power operating in the feminine and we get to define what it is that means.
Very well said!
Why think in binaries? masculine/feminine? Why not accept that we are all a mixture of both, it is through external pressure that we are forced into taking one side or the other.
I really feel this "fitting into boxes" analogy. I'm a neurodivergent lad, I've spent a lot of my life distancing myself from social expectations and to be honest I always found this emphasis on uber-masculinity and anti-feminism quite disturbing, on a virtually instinctive level. Some men nowadays act as if many essential feminine traits are somehow disgraceful. More broadly, it seems a symptom of a societal shift to be more competitive rather than cooperative by using frequency of sex and number of previous partners as some kind of social status in a hierarchy (hence the ubiquitous virgin vs chad idea), which is utter bogus.
@@feckoslovakia It's just a reaction to gay liberation in the Western world. Heterosexual men are having a generation-long gay panic attack.
man's world would not have women shutting down and distrusting men and excluding us from their emotions and putting up more boundaries and creating less shared spaces. that solves nothing. how are men supposed to know what women want? there really hasnt been that discussion.
Women should make decisions upon what is right for them as an individual. Is that NOT the point of the entire women's lib movement? Feminism should be about providing women with a CHOICE. A woman should have the ability to CHOOSE if she desires to not have kids and instead focus more time on a career. It should not be about telling women that it is wrong for them to stay home and raise children. This same principle should be applied to casual sex.
In essence, Lousise is saying that the sexual revolution backfired and that less choice for women is better. I don't think she gives women enough credit for their ability to take control of their own desires, or as she puts it "have sex like a man".
I have read her book and it's a must read for all girls (as young as 15). She clearly expressed what many young women have been thinking but were afraid to say out loud. As a woman I agree that it's not in our best interest to imitate male sexuality but I also want to know why should men be asked to imitate female sexuality ?? Why should they be the ones to compromise?? How can they be happy if they have to suppress their true desires?? Also is it even possible to have a middle ground?? Can we ever truly make both men and women happy with one model ?? These are some questions that I have been thinking about for some time and can't find any answers.
The middle ground can be letting men marry more than one women by the permission of first wife
@@tanvirsajon5710 sorry but that is not acceptable to me. Maybe some women are okay with that but I can't share a romantic partner. Maybe it's best for men and women to simply not marry and just have kids and co - parent peacefully.
@user-ez4km6vq5m maybe my middle point is not perfect but i don’t think ignoring marriage can be a perfect middle ground as it js the first requirement to make up the most important constitution(family) of a healthy society.
Not only this,but also the desire you mentioned,not sharing your romantic partner is more possible when you both get married.Because marriage not only bind two person but also bind two families which encourage two person to be loyal to each other.
This is the never ending story.
One part trying to decide what the other parties must do or not do.
Let people be free and do whatever they feel like. And take the time think of ways to achieve that with responsibility and respect for all, instead.
agreed, what only should be argued upon is the general guidance for people who feel that they're lost. for those content with their choices let them be!
@@nick_0 I understand your point, but I don’t think it’s the case here. The message is directed to women, or to the "feminist project".
It’s like, I have a good relationship with my mother and a difficult relationship with my father, so the advice would be that I persuade my father to be more like my mother.
There’s not much I can do with that if I have to struggle to change the other party… it’s like a lottery. The more you try to change one person the most likely is that you get the opposite result.
In that sense, a better advice would be: if you’re a woman struggling with your sexual freedom, try to find a man that is more like a woman (but even that would be a very week argument).
But what we do individually can gross up to a societal problem. Right now, the birth rate in most western countries is below replacement level. That will have a dramatic effect on the economy, especially who will take care of you when you're older. Will be even more precarious if you don't have a close, extended family.
I’ve been “having sex like women” for a little while now. I’ve got to say it’s much more fulfilling.
Fascinating! I'm 48. Had been married briefly in my early 20s but never wanted kids. Being single's a far more fulfilling way to live my life, I think, than fixating on "finding Mr. Right." I shudder to think of how it would be to navigate today's dating scene in various apps, when it was difficult enough to meet adequate lovers the old-fashioned way. The only thing I truly crave in this single life is the companionship of a critter such as a dog or cat. There's unconditional love guaranteed, without the drama of interpersonal conflict and insecurities that are a guaranteed aspect of any social relationships with humans. I watch videos like this one and am ever more thankful that I'm not wasting my time getting caught up in the rat race. It's there instead to invest in my own personal spiritual and emotional growth.
I think "substituting" in pets as objects of love is a bit misguided though, and definitely a more modern phenomenon that is bringing problems of its own. Why is one's pet "unconditional love" when their owners, train them to love us? If we are truly happy to be single, why need a companion, is that not what friends are for?
@@eoinmcorksexactly
I've been on the dating app roller coaster for the past years and even thought I got a kick out of it at first, casual hookups are a drug that wears out real quick.
Wish I had spent my younger days building a stable relation, back then when that was easier to do.
There are no classes that teach a person about love. Plenty of courses about sex education.
Every class is about love. History. Math. All of it. Children should be taught how to find the love. ❤
Because “love” is made up to make money.. it’s an illusion
@Ali Lamar 100%
@@Dimitris_Balf you got a bad teacher then.
@@JimJones-gd2jy then you're going to go broke in life.
I think the sexual revolution was more than just about sex. For women it has meant expanded roles in society and this has been a great thing for the most part, not just for women but for society as a whole. Our "tools" or "technology" define what our reality is, as our tools change (significant examples: internet and cell phones) so does our reality. And that has nothing to do with the original idea of the sexual revolution.
" men to have sex more like women " I like that. Women who are not promiscuous should never accept a man who is promiscuous.
I'm here for this. I'm a woman I her 30s and have never used a dating app, and not into casual sex. Honestly, I feel like I have a much more healthy relationship than my more promiscuous friends. I'm not just referring to women, but also men.
Came to say this myself. My younger coworkers I have become close with tell horrifying stories of their experiences. How it is expected and how the interactions end up harming them. I'm not saying our time is perfect, but thankfully, there was no dating app culture or social media.
Good for you. Now keep your opinion to yourself. We are not all the same.
@@geordirendum583 why should her opinion be less important than yours though? Instead of telling her to be quiet, why not just share your own opinion and let the two stand side by side? I for one would like to hear your opinion as well.
@@saskiascott8181I dont think her opinion is less important than mine. That being said, it is just that , an opinion based on her individual subjective preferences. I am glad for her that she is living her life to the fullest. That being said, she can keep to herself her judgment of other people relationship. I am in an open couple and we are super happy and we will probably live the rest of our lives togheter. That being said, i can still feel(or read on the internet) the judgement of other people on the way we decided to live our life and it is annoying. We should aspire , as a society , to live and let live.
Hi @@geordirendum583, if you believe in "to live and let live" then why did you interject your opinion into this conversation? Practise what you preach.
I think most monogamous relationships cater more to the woman side of sexuality, but that doesn't mean men can't enjoy that side as well. I think the biggest thing that steers men away from the female side is the fear of vulnerability and long-term commitment. There's also a big circulating belief that monogamous sex can get old really quickly and that guys don't want to be stuck with the same boring person their whole life (but this belief has been fueled by the novelty and shallow sex of the porn industry). If men can open up to their tender side, they can find beauty in an exclusive partner relationship. But it takes work.
What I don’t like is, men want and expect monogamy from women while they themselves aren’t.
So they fear vulnerability and long term xommitment but expect it from the opposite gender.
It’s time for men to accept that ideology, either we are all promiscuous altogether and let the world get worse or we are all promoting monogamous to save some last dignity we have as a civilzation.
disclaimer: this will be a bit long.
Point is, most men will only pursue for more variety if given a choice. There is not going to be much change in the attitude of men. Most men still want that to be the aspirational lifestyle- to sleep with as many women as possible. The problem is only some men can. And because these few men do so, most men wont have options. The actions of a few men affect all men. That is why she said that even men should date with intention to settle down towards the end. Because, lets say that the small portion of men who continue to do so and they get with almost all the women who come in contact with them. These women will eventually tire of it and stop looking for a LTR. Most women will have one or two kids (in most developed and developing countries the birth rates have dropped much below replacement level, which is 2.1 kids per woman).
So kids and work will take up the bandwidth of those women. These women wont "d*ie alone" because they still have kids. But that will leave a large portion of men who will have no kids and no LTRs. In general, men receive more caregiving from women than vice versa. Especially as men age they become more and more dependent for basic life skills like cooking and cleaning, homemaking and more so when the man becomes sick. Even if a woman married a man who is 3 years older than her, she will still have a decade after caregiving during his old and final years (because women outlive men by 7 years on average). It is usually children and grandchildren who support older women. This is already the reason why men outnumber women in old people homes. If a man doesnt have a spouse (and children are usually an extension of that), this is what usually happens. So unless more men are encouraged to have s3x more intentionally, then more women will only choose the high value men (looks, money, status, intelligence) because those high value men will be chasing many women and he is obviously the more attractive choice.
I think that this is the expected behavior though. Because women also have more economic power (because women fare better in education as mentioned in a video in this same channel) and have forms of Birth Control, this is to be expected more. Even without the pill, it is inevitable because natural selection exists for males of all species of mammals (which humans are also). There is no natural selection for women because females are the choosers. Only the best males reproduce. Even in humans, less than 40% men have reproduced whereas 80-90% women have. It is said that we all have inherited more genes from our female ancestors than our male ancestors. But through things like religion and culture, we were able to soften the fall for most men. I guess even in humans only few men can achieve what they truly want (s3xual variety). And women will enjoy s3xual variety with multiple high value males. Ultimately, both women and men arent going to date to settle down.
Also, it is not in female nature to be monogamous either. Women have the tendency to get with the highest man they can find which is why they monkey branch. And no matter how good one man is, there is always a better man (in the same area or even in some other areas). It is said that about 30% of all children raised by fathers thinking he is the biological father of that child, is actually not the biological father of that child. That is why a good religion like Christianity understood the difficulty for both genders and tried to preach morality and sacrifice and what not. The only reason women in the past were more scared was because of lack of resources (money) to raise kids plus not being able to control the number of children she has. And like I said, since economic power is something women have too and they can more or less control the number of children she has to support, women are being openly polygamous because it is their nature.
@@manifest2203 True, men think polygamy isn’t female nature just because of paternity test.
Birth control helped women to be free from fear of pregnancy and have sex like men.
Women love attention, crave for it from many different men whatever it’s romantically or sexually.
And sexually women can have sex with many men at the same time than vice versa. All women have to do is opening her legs. While men can’t if their thing doesn’t stand up.
This is why culturally, socially, religiously, society tried to suppress women’s sexual freedom so that women’s true nature don’t get released....because men will have a huge problem with it.
@@YouYou-sm8tf yep. The females of other mammals don’t have any issues with getting with multiple males. I have even seen female dogs have a session with multiple males. These men act like a woman simply can’t get s3x whenever she wants to. And there is something wrong with her if she wants to. And as if women don’t even have the physiology for it. In nature, females have no sense of shame with their body, no sense of shame with their s3xuality. All these are social contructs. Yes controlling womens s3xuality solved a purpose and there is a reason for it, but these men act like it is only women who should give up their nature whereas men can do as they please. The ideal that most men want is to sleep around with as many women as they want.
But reality is that women can sleep around as much as they want to too. The only issue is paternity. But that is a them problem. No matter how many times she has s3x, with whoever she wants to, she can get pregnant only once at a time. If the woman has resources of her own, for her paternity of the child doesn’t matter at all. The woman knows that the child is hers. In other mammals the cubs belongs only to the mother and only the mother takes care of them. Fatherhood is an artificial social construct too. Society pushes a lot of false equivalency of fathers and mothers. It is a big problem according to me and sets women up for failure. That is why we face so many issues such as men not wanting to accept their children and many fathers abandoning their child. And women are also unable to understand the behavior of men where they get manipulated for s3x but the man turns hostile once she gets pregnant. The number one cause of de*ath for a pregnant lady is mur*der by the father of that child. It is not medical complications and child birth de*ath as one might expect. How does that make sense? It is because even though intellectually we all know that the child is half of each parent (the DNA genetic material of the child), motherhood and fatherhood shouldn’t be considered equal in any way. For mothers, it is a compulsion to take care of their child because their mind chemically alters after child birth. The biological burden of birthing a child makes the mother feel that the child is an extension of themselves (almost like an organ) since the child is literally her flesh and blood. That is why mothers are more emotionally attached to their babies in a way the fathers never can.
Men become parents without shedding a single drop of their blood and their flesh getting torn. That is why it is statistically easy for a father to abandon the baby than the mother. Even from a work point of view, it is the mother who after carrying and birthing the child, does almost all the work for the child as a parent. That is why men argue that they shouldn’t be held accountable for their seed in any way and complain about child support laws. So many mothers live in p*overty and would suffer rather than abandoning their child. Fathers simply don’t feel the same way about their child. It is biologically not possible even though it is intellectually possible. On paper it looks like both are equally responsible but almost all of the burden of children falls only on the mothers. Men never pull their load in bringing up the children. Even if the mother does the heavy duty of the parenting, they can’t do the smaller part of the work and still abandon their child. They don’t want to do even the bare minimum. And also, because of the child, they (society) tie that woman to that man for a lifetime through marriage and make her his caregiver and make him her dependent which literally drains most women and reduces their lifespan (the care giver role is usually very taxing).
I am having somewhat of a similar issue with my fiancee at the moment. She is trapped in a paradox, that I believe a lot of young women are in this generation. She has told me on numerous occasions that she wants to have a family and children, she wants family to be the 1st priority. I was happy to hear this, as I want that too. Then she says she want's to keep her high pressure job in the city, (We both work full time). I calmly said to her, it's a dream, but not a reality. It's a 'have your cake and eat it' fantasy other single women have sold you. If you want to have children, you are going to have to take some time off work, if you want to be a mother and prioritise family, your job can't come 1st. She is trapped in this modern fabricated duality, where she feels pressured into being the 'Boss Babe', all the other women tell her to strive for, when deep down, I know she yearns to have a family of her own and be a feminine mother.
You know that you could also take time off work, why does it have to be all her responsibility?
@@thedoctoss2369 I'm self employed and run a family Publishing business, my father retired this year. It is not possible since I do 90% of the day to day management myself. I'm not some evil man that hate's women, it's just the nature of my field of work. I don't have a boss that I can get time off from. I am the boss, if I quit work for 2 weeks, the business fails.
She needs to make enough money to justify her desires then. She will need to do pretty well financially to have it all. She may change her focus dramatically once she sees the baby. She also may not. I'm what the young folk call a TRAD wife and SAHM. It's not for everyone and wanting to do it does not equate to success at it. Don't tell her what to do unless you are prepared to find a new partner.
To "get men to have sex like women" means to send signals to men that will make them want the long term. It's the dance btw men and women.
I was not even aware of hookup culture growing up. It's important to get off the internet sometimes and go recognize some patterns in reality. They tend to tell a different story.
Also important to understand is men and women are not opposites, they are complementary(conjugates), hens the dance.
"The sexual liberation narrative" is "do what you like, what makes sense to you, with consenting adults." It's not "do as I tell you."
Nobody is telling anyone to do anything ; that's the very essence of the sexual liberation
@@oneangryblacktemplar7040 I'm not and you're not but lots of people do want to do exactly that.
This is really a brilliant commentary, really enjoyed hearing straight from the author!
What I think is that people should not impose their sexual standards and ideals onto others. If someone wants a monogamous life, that is up to him or her. If someone wants to have lots of casual sex that should also be a fine. Let's not tell other people what their sexual life should look like. And let's not judge those whose sexual preferences differ from ours.
What I dislike about this video is that the speaker apperently thinks that her views on relationships are better than those of someone else. I would never dare tell someone that his or her sexual desires are incorrect and that he or she needs to alter his or her desires to suite someone else.
The last line is basically replacing a wrong with a wrong. Men and women are simply hardwired differently and these differences need to be respected. I think in the long run, women wouldn't be happy with a bunch of men thinking and acting like they do. They would miss the "old" version of men. Basically, to progress forward, the needs or men and women need to addressed on an equal standing, by men AND women taking keen interest not only in their own sex/gender but the other, because correcting one imbalance by creating another imbalance won't address the core issues. Once you have a society in which men can sit down and talk about the needs of women (aside from their own), and women can talk about the needs of men (aside from their own), with both parties taking an active and equal interest in the welfare of the opposite sex, then we will be at a better place.
Please stop trying to argue with that last line, it’s a few words and a fraction of time of the whole video. Rather it’s more productive to address the rest of the video
Feel obliged to comment on another section. But it is what stuck out to me, so I am addressing it as it was part of the video.
I don't really lose any sleep over whether women are or aren't happy with me thinking and acting in a way that is true to who I am, regardless of what standards they or men may want to shove down my throat.
As I see some controversy regarding how the video ends, I feel I must add my thoughts. What I took from her statement at the end of the video, "it should actually be focused on persuading men to have sex more like women" is that Louise Perry believes that men should be more selective with whom they choose to have sex with, essentially leveling out the playing field.
@@marekvarmuza4916 Interesting, but will never happen.
@Marek Varmuža Um, well they should have sex more like women to reduce as much as possible the risk of STIs, unwanted pregnancies (no birth control is perfect even if you do use it), and developing any unrequited feelings or broken hearts, from either side. Also, ultimately to have better sex too, since for both genders the best sex involves some emotional connection. After all, if they can finally learn to better manage to satisfy women's natural needs, then there will be the highest likelihood for their own natural needs to actually get met willingly. So clearly lots of reasons?
@@marekvarmuza4916 No problem!
The playing field isn't level though, the top men can keep doing what they are and it's still a problem even if most of us are more selective.
Great perspective. Glad to see intelligent research being done. Taking this seriously.
This is actually such a profoundly true narrative being brought to our consciousness. We are fundamentally aware of almost all the social narratives that she talked about but we never even begin to think of it in this manner. For a lot of women nowadays, feminity is the term reserved for the shy, poised, elegant women who fit into all the gender stereotypes that have been related to women since the ancient times. They try to get themselves away from those stereotypical role definition by behaving in the opposite sex stereotyped ways. It is ironical because the reason they try to get away from those stereotypes is to be more powerful but it gets translated into the self that is not even theirs. Society plays a huge role in this and when we follow influencers to do the same thing, we adopt another stereotypical behaviour that is relevant in our generation. It is such a ongoing process that I believe, as a psychology student that we should really focus on helping individuals understand the prevalance of the social learning theory and help them find their personal ideologies or at least view things around them critically rather than simply accept everything that takes place around them
You mean to say women should act like they desire to, right? Can you suggest me what ways I can understand the perspective of a women being a man and what are the things you would like us man to know and is penetrative sex necessity or it's just part of having sex as a whole. Would like to know your thoughts if possible.
Thank you, Sister.
The only "answer" is for all of us to be better informed. Rule #1) any two people may have tremendously different views of what sex means, requires, and results in. Culture romanticizes the idea that two people having sex are having the same experience. It is very possible they are not. (I know how sad that sounds, but I think it could be helpful if more people were aware of the possibility)
Now in hindsight it is pretty naive to think that if everyone can just run around following their impulses then everything will be alright...
There is a reason why lust is one of the worst deadly sins.....
Like it or not religion plays a part in moderating those impulses and others. I don’t think that one has to be religious zealot to see this. Having said that I am aware of it’s negative impact also.
@@Mansory811 Amén and we're all reaping consequences from those previous decisions.
Born smack dap in the middle of the bs.
@@zoltonthemagnificent88 The positives outweigh the negatives I would believe
Do you think there were a high percentage of people who actually believed that?
She didn't mention the added effect of social media and the idealization of certain lifestyles. People are now more than ever looking at eachothers' lives, and they end up with the desire to live similar glamorous unrealistic lifestyles. Eventually living a healthy balanced life is no longer exciting enough for some people.
Very interesting perspective, thank you for that. Explained with such eloquence and without judgement. Brilliant!
I love how this is portrayed as a women's problem. As if this dynamic wasn't incredibly bad for the majority of men who are struggling to find partners.
Yep, I don't have any options for sure.
Point is, men will still pursue only for more variety if given a choice. There is not going to be much change in the attitude of men. Most men still want that to be the aspirational lifestyle- to sleep with as many women as possible. Only some men can. And because these few men do so, most men wont have options. The actions of a few men affect all men. That is why she said that even men should date with intention to settle down towards the end.
I’m definitely going to read this book. I don’t think we’re being honest about sex and it’s consequences. For some reason, we’re getting further and further away from science, and we’re so afraid to talk about the realities of promiscuity and irresponsible sexual activity. Feminism, in a lot of ways, has become anti-femininity. I’m not even going to talk about what it has done to boys and men - that’s a whole other topic and deserves a whole other video. I’m so glad someone is brave enough to talk about the realities of our sexual culture.
It's not a science issue though. Culture is almost never decided by science.
@@JewTube001 I’m saying because of our current culture, we’re getting further and further away from science. Like basic Bio 101 is now up to interpretation. 😮 🤷🏻♀️
@@JewTube001 Everything is a science issue. There are no exceptions to that.
Healthy feminism is not anti-female. But some feminism is toxic. Not all feminism is the same.
@@Catlily5 I would argue that much of the feminism we see today is toxic. It tears both women and men down.
The reason the last sentence is an issue for many is because it propagates the "masculinity is the problem" narrative rather than addressing what can truly define a person is their inhibitions as much as their actions can. For instance. Do you have respect for a person, driven by every whim of passion and drifting desire like a raging child? Basic unbridled primal passion and tendencie is not the answer for either classic sexes, nor the other genders in between. Similar point without pushing a narrative that is both negative and gender dividing/damaging.
Thank you for posting this... I needed to hear this
It's good to hear this sort of thing in a considered and thoughtful way, without the hatred and vitriol. Because this is essentially what a lot of that incel/red pill community thinking actually says, but their conclusions are very different.
Incels IMO are essentially right about male sexuality but completely wrong about female sexuality.
In our muslim society we are much less affected. Because heterogeneous sex is exclusively accessible after marriage. This is a rock solid principle that preserves us even after the pills. No woman would ever think to open her legs or lose her virginity before she moves with a husband to her new home. I am so proud that I married a virgin and we both felt every moment of the first sex together.
We are observing how devastating is the sexual revolution to the west, and yet they don't feel it.
Great editing, interview and overall exploration of ideas!
Interesting talk with some fresh points being made - especially the last thing she said really sparked something within me. Class vid.
i think this all also is about how males are seen as more masculine if they have sex with more women, something along the lines of toxic masculinity. males also still has a harder time to find support for their mental health (not just through therapy, but through friends and family), so they just has very few outlets, one being sex - as a way to destress and deal with their emotions. so i feel that by trying to persuade the males to have sex more like females, we have to have more support towards their mental health, and change the narrative of toxic masculinity.
I always end up saying "I told you so". I never saw the link between women empowerment and sexual liberation despite growing up as Gen Z and being told hookup culture and the ho* phase were good things. A normal part of becoming an adult. I never saw the logic behind this and furthermore, I had a feeling it would have negative repercussions on women. And it did. What I didn't anticipate were the negative effects it would have on men - growing number of incels, mgtow, etc. All because us women decided to go to the extreme. I use "us" very loosely here. It's not about sleeping with a few people here and there, im talking about the extremes. High double digits if not triple. Pair-bonding abilities definitely fried to a crisp. It's concerning. Another case of how the voice of reason is always drowned by the masses. It'll be interesting to see how we'll try to fix this mess.
Her book is excellent. It really broadened my thinking on this issue
She does make an excellent point at the end, men need to move closer to the feminine way of having sex than the other way around. Sexual liberation is failing a lot of women because they’re trying to be like men and it fucks with their self esteem in the end. As a man I can tell ya, the only reason to have sex with lots of different women is to boost your ego, you don’t have better sex by having sex 100 times with 100 different women, you have better sex by doing it over and over again with the same woman because you learn more about each other and what actually turns you on.
With intimacy you get to know yourself and your mate better and expand that trust. With power over people you learn what loneliness is that pretends to be intimacy.
Yes!
No
Good view of the situation from multiple angles. In my network of friends on social media, I see lots of women expressing frustration at not being settled down with a husband and family in their late 30s and early 40s. With divorce rates as high as they are and 70%+ of divorces being initiated by women, men are becoming more risk averse and avoiding marriage to eliminate the risk of divorce. I'm not sure what the problem(s) are or the solution(s), but it seems like some of what's discussed in this video is partially at play for women not settling earlier in life, but then being frustrated by where that leaves them later in life. I also think the high % of women initiating divorces is hurting the younger generation of women that want to marry, but have a pool of men avoiding the risk of divorce by not marrying.
The solution will come from women deciding to ditch the pill and for many reasons, one of them is to have more control of sex and reproduction.
You are both correct.
@@gezenews when you look at it that way, I can see why women would either never get married or would get married and then divorced.
I never asked my wife to bring anything to the table. Didn't even ask her to bring herself, I just offered her a seat.
Divorce rate has actually been declining in recent years, partially because people are being more selective about marriage
Why are women getting divorced? I suspect that the men also have something to do with it.
A topic everyone should be concerned and talking about. Women like Louise Perry and Mary Harrington should be given more platforms to wake some senses. Thank u BT.
The conclusion is pure gold.
"A truly feminist project should not persuade women to have sex like man " - my stupid mind:
Oh yeah it should encourage the femininity in women and live their life like their true self -
"But rather men have sex like women"
Oh, nevermind.
The gift of Feminism which keeps on giving
I as a man, don't understand how people have emotionless sex. I could never and I don't understand how it's enjoyable
What she forgets is casual sex doesn’t have to be emotionless?
It’s never been like that for me.
It doesn’t have to be romantic to have mutual respect, warmth and comfort.
Pleasure is an emotion too.
@@JasmineTea127 im talking about one night stands
@@Kwint. You can have that in a one night stand though. You just need to be faster emotionally. Like a fast emotional learner. Might not suit you but other people can do it.
@@JewTube001 I think very few people of either gender can do this. I just think men don't need emotional connection to cum, whereas women do. (Which is why men orgasm most of the time from casual sex whereas for women it's like less than 10%.)
More people need to see it. Excellent.
Agree that there should be space for women to have their own approach.
Let’s not turn that into ‘men should behave more like women’, but rather aim for a plurality of approaches that acknowledge that there are gender differences and individual differences and there is space for all approaches from respectful casual sex to long term monogamous commitment.
Additionally, there is clearly room for both appreciation of personality and appreciation of physical attractiveness. Hookups can bring great joy and if done right appreciate the other person in the process.
Saying that casual sex doesn’t increase happiness is untrue, nor is it a ‘toxic part of our culture’.
Aim for a plurality of approaches and preferences instead. That’s what mature societies do.
Good talk. Made me think and reflect on some of my own attitudes. Well done
I agree on many points made in this video. I was left disappointed by the end: How to solve the sociosexual gap? Let the men compromise.
I've listened to other Louise Perry's talks and the end result seems to always be the same. Instead of trying to find a solution that benefits both genders or that at least tries to make a compromise between the differences of the genders the end solution is every time "Only men should compromise and I don't accept the solutions that would account for men's higher sociosexuality".
Yep she's still a feminist after all. Anyway I thought the men did compromise? Men ARE having sex less these days, or least millennial men are. So what she wanted is already happening.
It's like the economy, or resources issues. There is a platonic ideal that you can get "everything without compromise", a win-win situation. And that's utopic when we talk about the economy, resources or the sociosexual gap, precisely because you have to deal with the rest of the world (in any of those 3 topics).
.
Problems arise when ideas of "freedom of the self" are prioritized over "freedom of us", as if they were mutually exclusive things. The first one is necessarily dependent on the second
Every feminist I've heard talk about this topic always ends it with some form of "men need to do better! It's men's fault."
I can't remember a feminist acknowledging that women have at least 1/2 the blame if not more since they control sex and dating. Accountability for men, but not women huh? Pretty tired of their solutions. Shows how ignorant are on what men are really presently going through.
The "solution" that accounted for men's higher sociosexuality was hook-up culture. Men don't like it either because it meant the women they'd marry had more previous partners than in past generations (by virtue of the men themselves also having more partners). It's not realistic to date around in your 20s and then marry someone your age with a similar lifestyle, upbringing and value system who hasn't dated just as much.
Nowadays it's common for me to hear women say how they're in such a "drought" because they haven't had sex in a couple of months. And these are "single" women. The mentality that you NEED to have sex all the time, even if it's with strangers or someone who you don't view as a long term prospect boggles my mind.
I am NOT conservative by any means nor a prude. I don't think sex should be looked as something "sinful" or that people should wait until marriage. But there needs to a middle ground between that puritanical attitude and the "anything goes" casual hook up culture that we have now. I really do think excessive hook-ups is damaging to women's mental health.
And no I do not believe there should be a double standard even if men aren't as affected negatively by constant hookups. I agree with the conclusion at the end of this video that men should be persuaded to have sex more like women.
I really liked the last point, and I’ll try to remember it. Thank you for speaking out on this topic
My personal solution is to not try to persuade anyone. I let people live their life like they want it and if I don't want a specific type of behavior, I push people with that kind of behavior away. Wish you all the best with finding the solution that suits you. :)
I agree with everything said except for the bit about prostitution bridging the gap between the male/female sex drive. There's a huge misconception that prostitution is 'forced upon poor women' as a last resort or a desperate means to put food on the table. This isn't true. I know people who are from upper class backgrounds and escort because it's more respectful than 'hooking up' on tinder, plus they get to live a better lifestyle.
I was also curious on what "other ways" of bridging the gap the author was alluding to.
I wish this video could’ve been maybe longer and covered how it’s affected men more as well and how warped their perceptions have become, the consequences of porn and a hyper sexual society on various things as well.
Its also poisoned expectations on what people think a date or just a casual hangout will be. Everyone thinks your just trying to get something more from them even if you just want to get to know them, or if you dont make a sexual move quickly for others they will think youre not interested.
Thank you for sharing this with us.