This is completely relatable and very helpful in understanding some of my ex’s reactions Thank you! I used to tell him he only lived in the moment without any regard to the future or consequences. He said, “Consequences are for cowards. I will live. I will eat. I will sleep. I will - - - -. What are you going to do? Sit around being boring?” When I told him he was going to catch something or tick off the wrong husband one day he laughed, “Boohoo. I broke your stupid heart and now you’re jealous.” So, I pointed out that there was zero technique or talent to his game. Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. From that point there was an hour long screaming rage from him that was mostly cussing insults and him getting in my face and following me around being hostile and red faced. Dangerous situation. Couldn’t get to my keys, phone, door... Will never put myself in a situation like that again.
I know you'll know this already, but just to comment that you exposed his own lack of self-worth to himself - the thing he keeps from his own consciousness, the truth he keeps from himself - and boom, there was the narcissistic injury. Burst bubble, crying child. Well done on drawing blood, it takes a lot of balls. They need exposing for what they are, I hope you feel empowered over the long-run because of it. Profs like SamVak are a benefit to everyone out here trying to navigate life. I hope things are better for you now. I went through it myself with a covert narcissist woman, though not for a long time (it felt like it though). On reflection, I'm glad of the benefit of the experience as I move forward.
Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. I love that. I feel that my ex was also like this. He would look at me with enlarged pupils and a predatory grin and tell me that 'life is a game, baby'.
@@mostthegames3723 lol creepy to the max. Yep there's that "game" mentality again .. the people don't hold meaning or value.. just what they can be used for or what ever the narc thinks "playing" is
Yes, cornered as I tried to escape the rage, he slammed the door shut as I opened it about twenty years ago. Another towered over me as I tried to get passed him following me around too. Other was a trauma based divorce. Never again.
Hahaha they don't like the reality of their valueless life. They want to hurt & cause chaos. So when you brush off their behaviour as mediocre & dumb they flip out. Very boring like Sam said.
This video answers the main questions about life I had when entering adulthood 20 years ago. To find this type of people with high education was mindbreaking, a shock. Thank you. Wonderful presentation.
This is excellent. Reminds me of a cop I know who dated a stripper in an attempt to 'rescue' her. Apparently that's not too uncommon. Or nice guys (or women) who think their endless self-sacrifice will straighten out a difficult partner. In the context I'm referring to it would really be grandiose and controlling rather than altruistic.
Self defeating self trashing and self destructive is a sum of exactly what happened to my ex spouse. Due to a common medical issue for a lot of men, he lost his ability to perform, as a result this led to compulsive sexting. This was the coup de grace and complete dissolution of our marriage.
It's just sad. Been married for 15 years and it always feels like being with a visitor no emotional investment just some signatures on a paper that say the children are his. The children are also noticing the hollow one sided conversation.
@@watchmeheal1176 He never came home from the wedding in my opinion. He never married me he was just looking for a place to belong because sometimes you need a place to sleep and take a shower.
@@cmickie3296 In the end that instinct that something doesn't feel right occurred the minute I gave the exnarcband my phone number. I heard a voice in my head say why did you do that? I believe that was my first red signal even though nothing had happened. Instincts are to protect one self from harm. It is to protect us (boundaries, Holy spirit) etc. from harm. Ignoring it is like not using a condom which is available to have sex with a perfect stranger who appears to be trustworthy, charming, attractive, etc. but you really do not have a clue. Ignoring that instinct regarding the exnarcband amongst others for me led to a world of pain.
@@missstarrynight7736 I've identified only two people as psychopathic, and both of them were really ugly because they didn't take care of themselves. These were coworkers at my fast food job, so maybe that's why I still haven't seen the more polished and attractive types who are smarter and more professionally successful. To be honest with you, I think you're right that there is no rule. Psychopathy and narcissism is prevalent throughout society and can be observed in people from all walks of life.
I have been watching many of your videos lately. It has given me tremendous insight and I thank you for putting your life’s work for free on youtube. However, I find myself to be rather hopeless these days as I see what we are turning into as a humanity. How can I find hope? Am I in the wrong channel?
This channel gives you awareness and it's been an enormous help to me. Dr. Vaknin is extraordinary as you've realized. Knowledge and awareness will give you understanding and the needed strength.
I thought compulsive acts are coming in kind of a pack and they are doing many at the same time (shopping, drinking, gambling). Whenever the (schizoid) narcissist girl told that to me she needs to drink in the beginning of our "relationship" i thought she is meeting with someone and promisciuous as well. She is having someone new now and texting 24/7, drinking as well, and overspending money online. Its very interesting to think about that, maybe this is how she is trying to repress and cope with her promiscuity. Thanks for the insight.
Another great video. Do you have any videos that specifically touch on the app Grindr or gay culture in general? I’d imagine you’d have a field day with that, it’s a big problem in my opinion
I agree that this would be an excellent topic for a dedicated video from Prof. Vaknin. He is one of the very few highly-respected clinicians/theorists willing to speak explicitly about this. If you search for 'homosexuality' on his channel you will find interesting videos. In the video "Narcissist-Borderline (40:07): Take My Shadow, Give Me Love", Prof. Vaknin directly responds to my query about the psychoanalytic aetiology of narcissism in homosexual men - you might find that interesting also, I certainly did! Feel free to write to me to discuss this topic further, as it is a special interest of mine professionally and personally. Let us hope that Prof. Vaknin will further develop his lectures in this arena, since his perspective will be extremely illuminating. With kind regards, Marie
They're more like the playable characters in games like GTA. Reality is boring if you're empty, so you lash out at it destructively it in the hope that something interesting will happen.
Totally agree with the idea that they are actually inherently stupid. My ex was completely incapable of grasping the concept of natural life consequences. He was also stupid enough to actually think that I believed his insanely outlandish lies. Like, the stupidest most obvious lies that even a 6 year old could see through, but he stuck to them no matter what. What an absolute idiot
What are natural life consequences? Most animals are monogamous and mate once or twice per year. What we are dealing with here is in fact the definition of unnatural. Caused by trauma and living in unnatural ways/environment.
I always thought it was strange when she spoke about our sex with the guys at her work and thought nothing of it. Was like she was talking about the weather.
A handsome , super intelligent, entertaining , world famous person who could , right now, be on the French Riviera with a smokin hot 20somenthing , but would rather make solo cat videos = schizoid
This is completely relatable and very helpful in understanding some of my ex’s reactions Thank you! I used to tell him he only lived in the moment without any regard to the future or consequences. He said, “Consequences are for cowards. I will live. I will eat. I will sleep. I will - - - -. What are you going to do? Sit around being boring?” When I told him he was going to catch something or tick off the wrong husband one day he laughed, “Boohoo. I broke your stupid heart and now you’re jealous.” So, I pointed out that there was zero technique or talent to his game. Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. From that point there was an hour long screaming rage from him that was mostly cussing insults and him getting in my face and following me around being hostile and red faced. Dangerous situation. Couldn’t get to my keys, phone, door... Will never put myself in a situation like that again.
I know you'll know this already, but just to comment that you exposed his own lack of self-worth to himself - the thing he keeps from his own consciousness, the truth he keeps from himself - and boom, there was the narcissistic injury. Burst bubble, crying child. Well done on drawing blood, it takes a lot of balls. They need exposing for what they are, I hope you feel empowered over the long-run because of it. Profs like SamVak are a benefit to everyone out here trying to navigate life. I hope things are better for you now. I went through it myself with a covert narcissist woman, though not for a long time (it felt like it though). On reflection, I'm glad of the benefit of the experience as I move forward.
Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. I love that. I feel that my ex was also like this. He would look at me with enlarged pupils and a predatory grin and tell me that 'life is a game, baby'.
@@mostthegames3723 lol creepy to the max. Yep there's that "game" mentality again .. the people don't hold meaning or value.. just what they can be used for or what ever the narc thinks "playing" is
Yes, cornered as I tried to escape the rage, he slammed the door shut as I opened it about twenty years ago. Another towered over me as I tried to get passed him following me around too. Other was a trauma based divorce. Never again.
Hahaha they don't like the reality of their valueless life. They want to hurt & cause chaos. So when you brush off their behaviour as mediocre & dumb they flip out. Very boring like Sam said.
This video answers the main questions about life I had when entering adulthood 20 years ago. To find this type of people with high education was mindbreaking, a shock.
Thank you. Wonderful presentation.
This is excellent. Reminds me of a cop I know who dated a stripper in an attempt to 'rescue' her. Apparently that's not too uncommon. Or nice guys (or women) who think their endless self-sacrifice will straighten out a difficult partner. In the context I'm referring to it would really be grandiose and controlling rather than altruistic.
@@CalloCallay Thank you! I need a good read and loved "Gaslight."
Self defeating self trashing and self destructive is a sum of exactly what happened to my ex spouse.
Due to a common medical issue for a lot of men, he lost his ability to perform, as a result this led to compulsive sexting.
This was the coup de grace and complete dissolution of our marriage.
It's just sad. Been married for 15 years and it always feels like being with a visitor no emotional investment just some signatures on a paper that say the children are his. The children are also noticing the hollow one sided conversation.
@@watchmeheal1176 He never came home from the wedding in my opinion. He never married me he was just looking for a place to belong because sometimes you need a place to sleep and take a shower.
The adjectives are legendary. 👌
Narcissists can be quite charming, and Sociopaths are often beautiful. I may be wrong, but this is what I often find.
How do/did you meet these people?
@@SwanintheSwamp All kinds of places, beginning from the beginning, in my own family.
@@cmickie3296 In the end that instinct that something doesn't feel right occurred the minute I gave the exnarcband my phone number. I heard a voice in my head say why did you do that? I believe that was my first red signal even though nothing had happened. Instincts are to protect one self from harm. It is to protect us (boundaries, Holy spirit) etc. from harm. Ignoring it is like not using a condom which is available to have sex with a perfect stranger who appears to be trustworthy, charming, attractive, etc. but you really do not have a clue.
Ignoring that instinct regarding the exnarcband amongst others for me led to a world of pain.
@@missstarrynight7736 I've identified only two people as psychopathic, and both of them were really ugly because they didn't take care of themselves. These were coworkers at my fast food job, so maybe that's why I still haven't seen the more polished and attractive types who are smarter and more professionally successful. To be honest with you, I think you're right that there is no rule. Psychopathy and narcissism is prevalent throughout society and can be observed in people from all walks of life.
I have been watching many of your videos lately. It has given me tremendous insight and I thank you for putting your life’s work for free on youtube.
However, I find myself to be rather hopeless these days as I see what we are turning into as a humanity.
How can I find hope? Am I in the wrong channel?
th-cam.com/users/vakninmusings and my new channel on Nothingness.
This channel gives you awareness and it's been an enormous help to me. Dr. Vaknin is extraordinary as you've realized. Knowledge and awareness will give you understanding and the needed strength.
I thought compulsive acts are coming in kind of a pack and they are doing many at the same time (shopping, drinking, gambling). Whenever the (schizoid) narcissist girl told that to me she needs to drink in the beginning of our "relationship" i thought she is meeting with someone and promisciuous as well. She is having someone new now and texting 24/7, drinking as well, and overspending money online. Its very interesting to think about that, maybe this is how she is trying to repress and cope with her promiscuity. Thanks for the insight.
Another great video. Do you have any videos that specifically touch on the app Grindr or gay culture in general? I’d imagine you’d have a field day with that, it’s a big problem in my opinion
I agree that this would be an excellent topic for a dedicated video from Prof. Vaknin. He is one of the very few highly-respected clinicians/theorists willing to speak explicitly about this. If you search for 'homosexuality' on his channel you will find interesting videos. In the video "Narcissist-Borderline (40:07): Take My Shadow, Give Me Love", Prof. Vaknin directly responds to my query about the psychoanalytic aetiology of narcissism in homosexual men - you might find that interesting also, I certainly did! Feel free to write to me to discuss this topic further, as it is a special interest of mine professionally and personally. Let us hope that Prof. Vaknin will further develop his lectures in this arena, since his perspective will be extremely illuminating.
With kind regards,
Marie
They're like "non-player characters" in video games (reference from Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle)
They're more like the playable characters in games like GTA. Reality is boring if you're empty, so you lash out at it destructively it in the hope that something interesting will happen.
Totally agree with the idea that they are actually inherently stupid. My ex was completely incapable of grasping the concept of natural life consequences. He was also stupid enough to actually think that I believed his insanely outlandish lies. Like, the stupidest most obvious lies that even a 6 year old could see through, but he stuck to them no matter what. What an absolute idiot
Girl u can say that again lying straight to my face about things that i have seen with my own eyes like what??? Disappointing as hell
What are natural life consequences? Most animals are monogamous and mate once or twice per year. What we are dealing with here is in fact the definition of unnatural. Caused by trauma and living in unnatural ways/environment.
How do you explain surgeons, & their ability to organize, who have a high rate of psychopathy?
I always thought it was strange when she spoke about our sex with the guys at her work and thought nothing of it. Was like she was talking about the weather.
This sounds scarily like me. How do I change?
At 23:33 he begins to describe for a short moment the majority of modern women.
Everyone adopts their boundaries from society, not just psychopaths
so NPCs are real
21:30 no thanks
A handsome , super intelligent, entertaining , world famous person who could , right now, be on the French Riviera with a smokin hot 20somenthing , but would rather make solo cat videos = schizoid
@@michaelmessenger5742 good answer
Maybe he’s sick of superficial stuff.