If someone came and ate all my bread I'd be pissed too ngl. In fact I've had a similar experience. A crackhead that was friends with the lady who had me walked into our house in the middle of the night and took some pancake mix and syrup in ziploc bags and left. I don't think anyone would've cared she had them, but the fact she just came in at night unsettled me. I thought anyone with less than good intentions unlike her, could get in. What she did was almost hilarious, the implications were unsettling
@@KevinRAAMAAAGE Damn... Somebody stole my bike one day but brought it back expecting to be praised. He was all 'I just borrowed it quickly but see I brought it back though'. I didn't ride it again after that, I left it at one of those 'bike thief' train stations(¬_¬).
I am fairly broadly inked, and on my left sleeve a large part of it is an ornate clock set to the time of my daughter's birth. The makers mark on the clock says momento mori for this exact reason.
Then and now, it translates to "a reminder of death", or more precisely "remember you'll die". She was talking about the context of how it was used, not the literal latin translation.
I was just thinking I needed to rewatch the Bentham's head episode, after hearing that Sir Walter Raleigh's widow kept his embalmed head and would show it to visitors after he was beheaded.
"children would go to see the body of a dead person, which is almost unheard of today" Me at my grandpa's wake at 6 years old asking everyone why grandpa looks so droopy. Seriously, it's so wild when you see a dead body. They do not look asleep like in the movies. It is so eerie because even at that young age, I could tell that his spirit was gone. That being said, I'm grateful I got to see him one more time before we buried him. It's extremely intimate.
I thought my father really looked asleep, which definitely added to the eeriness because like you said, the spirit feels gone. But I dont regret seeing him that last time, I think it helped with the grieving process, even though I would advice to not touch a corpse no matter how alive they may still look
When I was told that grandpa died I didn't cry. But when we were at the funeral and I saw him, it just hit me and I immediately started crying. Seeing the dead body really has an impact. I even touched him one last time to say goodbye. Does that what she said at around 22:50 is true for America? That grieving is bad manners and people don't necessarily wear black? I've never been to a funeral and didn't cried, or was not wearing black. When my grandpa died and some far relative came in blue jeans and a white shirt we talked bad about him because of his bad manners. Even my cousins that didn't like my grandpa at all and weren't grieving were pissed.
@@AgentSteffi I believe that was meant more in reference to the historical practice of wearing "mourning" for a long period of time after the death. In personal experience, it is still expected to wear appropriate clothing to a funerals and burials, while wakes and celebrations of life are generally more casual events. Although, to be honest, I haven't personally seen/heard people shame others for coming to a funeral in whatever they happen to be wearing; I am sure it happens, but my experience so far has been more of the "thank you for making it" type... as Kaz said, we often don't have the easiest time of working death into our schedules 😕
@@AgentSteffi my cousin showed up to my Mamaw's funeral in a blue and white tie dye skirt and white tank top with her bra out and flip flops and we didn't shame her but we considered it very rude and inappropriate. Mamaw was such a proper person too she would have scolded her like no tomorrow so it seemed extra bad
I'm so grateful that my great grandma died at home, in our family room, surrounded by people who loved her. I'm not planning on having children, so I dont know who will be with me when I die, but I hope I'm at least at home or that I die clutching a stuffed animal. I dont believe in an afterlife, but i want to die in comfort.
Yes yes yes. That’s just beautiful I’m so glad your great grandma had that❤️ I never want my grandma to die oh god :( but oml she won’t die alone in a hospital bed if I can help it - I mean unless it’s unavoidable. I’ll do everything to make sure my grandparents, parents and my MIL are surrounded by us and feel safe and loved when the time comes. If possible. I would hate to die alone :( that’s so beautiful that your great grandma had that as she passed❤️ my children better be there at my side when I’m dying, if they leave me to die alone in a home or whatever I’ll come back and haunt them swear to god. Even if you never have children (and children doesn’t guarantee you’ll have someone there with you while you die😭) I am sure you will be surrounded by loving people and at home... hopefully we make that more the norm by then :( and I mean death is tragic and sad and painful and there’s no way to argue that and ofc we hate feeling that pain and it would be easier for a lot of people to just let someone they love die without having to witness it and see it but like why are we so afraid of that pain? It’s part of life. And to offer someone support and love and comfort in their last moments is an honour and the best thing you can do for them as they leave this earth... and tbh I think it would make the grieving process a little more peaceful and manageable just knowing you were there and said goodbye and that you know your loved one was safe and not alone when they passed.
Glad your Grandma died at home ❤! My Grandparents all died at home, my Mum unfortunately not - we wanted to get her home from the hospital, but there wasn't enough time; my Dad was with her though. Personally, I want to die alone; for me, it's more important to die the way I want (I have some renal diseases, one of it is called Glomerulosklerosis, which leads to kidney failure; this usually is a long and painful process (in the end, you'll die because of multiple organ failure, because the kidneys "poison" your body)); so I'd preferably die by euthanasia, just fall asleep and never wake up anymore. I would like that.
I live in a city in Switzerland that has been inhabited since the stone age and the romans made it a city. It became big and powerful in the middle ages. There's a street called Totentanz, all of the city parks are former graveyards and sometimes when construction is going on and they dig up the group they find mass graves from varius local pandemics. I've seen them walking by, neatly stacked skeletons.
India right now is a great example of a group of people who don’t get to experience invisible death. People dead on the streets, in their rivers, homes and hospitals. It’s terrible to see but we shouldn’t hide from it the articles and pictures some journalists are putting out there are hard to read but necessary for change, I follow Rana Ayyub specifically for my news, she’s fantastic.
I feel another example would be any places that are currently war stricken. I imagine many of the people in those places wouldn’t get to have the experience of invisible death.
The culture of Death in America is sanitization. The law allows our loved ones to die in the home and/or reject means of prolonging life when the outcome is inevitable.
Not exactly, but it can definitely be taken as meaning that in the modern era. It has roots more in the stoic mindset of keeping the end in focus to then remember to live the upright life one is called to as opposed to the more hedonistic conclusion one might get out of yolo. Also it was sometimes used as a greeting in Late Antiquity, which is just neat. Lastly, for Christians, and still for Catholics (who know anything about their religion), it also is to recall that Christ died for our sins so that in Him we have already died; we are bought at a price and all that. In short, it's a reminder for a lot of important things, but it can be taken to mean yolo if one wants in the modern age.
Also - transi tombs are great and we dont talk about them enough. My goal in life is to be rich enough to get myself a cushy ass mausoleum crypt in a pretty cemetary, have a transi tomb made for myself, then haunt the surrounding area. Goths and teenagers will come in and talk to me, people will leave candles and cool religious chachkis, it'll be great - it'll be a party.
I'd be interested in his too, I just wrote a comment about how the mentally ill and their loved ones are often not included in the invisible death culture because the looming threat is always there. Even after recovery there's concern of relapse, even after a loved one survived there's trauma of "what if they hadn't?" and fear they'll attempt again
as a mexican, this was very insightful. mexican culture is very different in regards to this lol. death is never invisible here (tragically). it’s something that we live with every day, and we see it everywhere. traditionally, death is celebrated here. it’s not sad. of course, violence and our living conditions are sad, but death is not. i remember when my grandfather was told that his sister had passed, he sighed and said “well, that’s where we’re all going.” and we do believe that it’s not the end. some people request for their funerals to be parties. families build literal houses on graves so they can spend some days with their deceased. it’s a very distinctive part of mexican culture.
I like that. Then again, I've always been more drawn to how y'all generally view death because I saw how differently my Mexican friends and their families treated it than my white American protestant family did/does.
You're like an amalgamation of all of the content that i watch on TH-cam: deathling content, fashion history and costume analysis, victorian culture and literature and lgbtq history. My mind is literally blown, I absolutely love you already 😭
My grandfather unexpectedly passed away two days ago in the middle of my university finals, and my family is the very closed-off type. I’ve been drilling through finals and work while trying to process it all in my own death-positive way and this video genuinely really helped me come to terms with a lot of my frustration. Excellent work, thank you. ❤️
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get the chance to process your feelings in a healthy way and do something for yourself to honor his memory. I just passed a death anniversary of an important person to me and I had a low-key "celebration" of sorts to remember him. Take care
I find Americas' culture around death, honestly strange. Here in Ireland, or at least in my part of the country death is mourned a lot. We cry at the church, we have to wear formal black clothes and we have some sort of celebration(?) after a funeral, to fondly talk about the person who passed, and to partly, drink away our sorrows. We make our sadness known, funerals are a very big deal over here, we literally carry the coffin to the graveyard, the fact that in America death can be called "invisible" is wild to me. I'm happy that I was brought up in a community that doesn't shy away from death and acknowledges its existence.
I'm american and while we did all the same things for funerals, when i lost my grandparents - when i was 14 - and i did a speech and sang, i felt like i couldn't show too much emotion or start crying. we had a wake for the both of them and it was the same situation:( i wish it was a bit more normal here to show your grief. and in terms of covid deaths, i personally feel like, a lot of people here see the people dying from covid as invisible.
not to mention we have wakes that are very similar to what the creator described happened in the middle ages. Going in and touching or kissing the body, bringing children in to say goodbye. I was surprised to see how much we had in common with our great x10 grandparents
Southern culture here typically experiences death and grief the way you are describing. Also, Black American culture often handles death differently than the idea of "invisible death." Food is usually a centerpiece of a funeral "celebration" and a way for others to show love and care for those who have lost someone. Some of my favorite recipes are called "funeral potatoes" or "funeral chicken". 😅
My dad died in his home (from cancer), we family and friends kept watch over him in the time up until his death... We kept him company when he was awake and told stories about him when he slept. That was very helpful for everyone... When he died, i made a point of holding my hand on his forehead to have a memory of his warmth before he would cool down. We made a poin of not making his death invisible, and our home was a space for grief. I referenced the cattle die, kindred die stansas from the Havamal at the funeral speech and we kept his ashes in the Livingroom for a year, before depositing most of it in the ocean and some of it in the foundation of the farmhouse.
My dad also passed from cancer at home. My sibling and I were his primary caretakers at the end, it was nice to sit by him with my dog (his "grand-dog") and tell him stories when he became too weak to talk. The grief is more visceral, but I'm glad neither of our dads died in a scary and unfamiliar place. Hope you're doing ok, it's clear how much you loved him 💜
Not being able to visibly grieve for my mom, to wear clothes that showed that I was in mourning, to only have 3 days off of work to deal with the paperwork... I wanted to wear a veil for a year, to scream on the ground with my friends and family, to take weeks off to deal with how painful it was. But I couldn't.
Also mourning periods would not be allowed for everyone in these capitalist societies. You gotta work work work. Nobody else will pay those bills for u. So handling grief privately seems to be the solution
Suggestion: When you mention a period (I noticed you've done this in other videos) it's really helpful when you put a time 'scale' on the screen for those of us who cannot remember which years are called what! The Middle Ages to me right now is a blank and I don't know whether you are talking 500 or 1500 AD cos I'm not super clever, and don't want to have to stop to google it :) Thanks for your super fun and informative videos though, I'm enjoying them a lot!
Good way to remember is Petrarch, who many feel was the father of the Renaissance in Europe. He was born in 1308, so I end the middle ages around there. The next period is the early modern period, it's a common misconception that anything past 1400 is medieval.
@@VegemiteQueen1 should get a funky history timeline for ur wall, been thinking about it recently since I’m constantly forgetting when everything was, being able to visualise it could help loads?
Years ago in Ireland, a plague caused people to appear dead but then they would awaken after a day or so. Becasue of this, we have a tradition of "The Wake" where the body of the deceased is kept in the house for a night (after embalming) and family and friends come to gather, celebrate the deceased's life, see the body and mourn together. It's very common here for family, friends and children to see the body. I guess it's a tradition that helps us process death and find comfort in eachother. There's normally food and drink (of both the alcoholic and non-alcoholic variety) and people get together to laugh, cry, play music and tell stories about the deceased.
In Greece people don't really care if you show your grief. We are generally very loud so it's normal to do the same when someone dies. And they still tend to wear black, for some period at least. My problem is that they think everything and everyone should be absolutely serious. For example say you remember something funny about the dead and you laugh, someone will tell not to. But I believe it is cathartic and in no way disrespectful since it can help with how you remember your loved ones and it can balance your emotions.
Bit confused as some parts like last rites, judgement after death and purgatory are part of Catholicism today. The idea of family, including children not being at a deathbed today is also contrary to my own experience. My own family - all generations were allowed in stay in the hospital room while my parents were dying - 24 hour gathering with people coming and going for days as they slipped away. Maybe that is because I am not in the US. (PreCovid)
I was raised Catholic and had the same experience. I was 6 and my brother was 2 when my grandpa died, but we were at the wake for the entire time. As an adult now, I'm grateful my parents didn't deny me that experience. Children should not be sheltered from death, imo.
Bit of a follow up comment. As I indicated in my previous comment there are elements of catholic practice that have a long historic foundation. For me, despite the fact that I enjoyed this video, I see it as another erasure of the current Catholic experience from commentary on TH-cam. Death and dying are very much the domain of religion for believers of many faiths. Some of those faiths retain a more hands on relationship with dying and the deceased. But the video was a very interesting insight into a US mainstream view of now versus the middle ages.
@@BlahBlah-sz4ne I do not think she meant it as erasure. She took the time to specifically mention that she was talking about western Europe christians 1:00 her take on the modern approach to death is also from her American eyes where most people are not catholic.
This was fascinating and actually reminded me of something. A few years ago my son’s father was killed in a car crash. When I was notified I spoke to the policewoman who told me and I asked if I could see his body. And she told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea, it would be too traumatic, just ‘remember him as he was when he was alive’. And I wish I had fought it because I didn’t get that goodbye, that one last time to see him and tell him I loved him, to really see with my own eyes and let it sink in and... help me accept it... you know? But she really talked me out of it. And my mum did too. Because they didn’t want me to go through any further trauma or pain at seeing him physically dead. But I think that did more harm than good honestly. I always still feel like there’s something missing - like I never got any true closure, I never got to say goodbye, I never got to just see him one more time and be there with him even though he was already gone. I’m angry about it. We are so scared of death and facing it and seeing it in the FLESH because we do live longer, death isn’t expected because we have modern medicine and all that and we expect doctors to always be able to save us, we are honestly alienated against the concept death and we aren’t facing that sort of loss and pain that comes with loss on the daily and so it’s much more traumatic to lose someone and we want to save ourselves from that pain because we’re just... not accustomed to it or able to adapt as easily because it is not expected. If that makes sense. In less developed countries I think death/mourning/grief is handled... so much differently and honestly in a healthier way in many cultures. When I found out my son’s father was dead I couldn’t even tell anyone for several hours! I sat through dinner with my grandparents and said nothing. I didnt cry - they didn’t know anything was wrong. Then I pulled my grandma aside and I told her and I just didn’t even know how to say it! It was like a feeling of shame sort of. Like shame in showing emotion and like... embarrassment? I can’t explain it really. And also saying it out loud and making it real. It was very odd. The things I felt were very odd. This was so interesting and I love seeing how much things change over the centuries and how events and everyday life shape the way we see and feel and experience and handle so many different aspects of life that have always been and will always be - death/birth... etc.
My best friend passed away in October, and it was extremely sudden, he fell and got a concussion I believe (nobody told me what he died of so I speculated because I was told he fell), and I wasn't able to go to his funeral because my parents wouldn't allow me, because they wanted to hurt me (they constantly told me that I couldn't be best friends with someone I met 2 months prior to his death, even though we became instant best friends the day we met, and misgenders him (he was transgender) by calling him a "stupid dead chick" as the tried to burn the stuffed animal that his partners gave me that belonged to him) and I was invited to the funeral by his partners, but I couldn't go and I haven't been to his gravesite yet, and it's been 9 months since he passed and I genuinely believe if I message him on Snapchat he'll respond because even though I know he's gone I haven't been able to witness his passing or seeing him passed to set it into stone that he's gone.. it's cruel how fate had us meet and then as soon as I was comfortable enough after losing so many friends (not from death but they accused me of "ruining their lives" and basically just being abandoned by them) I was comfortable saying he was my best friend only for the world to rip him away as suddenly as we had met.. it hurts a lot
I would prefer to see my dead love one as a way of making my brain believe that their have passed. My best friend would not want to see that her loved one had died. I find it fascinating how we handle this subject and our personal preferences. I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️
Folk stories from my country often talk about death people interrupting masses in churches especially during winter, telling living ones that their feet are cold and they would like to have some woollen socks. Therefore people needed to rip open the church floor in order to give the death their socks, so they would not interrupt living world anymore. (It was common practice to bury even less-affluent people under less-significant churches in Finland)
That's very interesting! We have similar stories in Sweden about a special morning mass for the dead on Christmas day, usually with a living person interrupting the mass and then being chased out of the church and the dead tearing up their clothes.
I liked the little section you out taking about how Black and Indigenous people aren’t granted the invisible death. As a indigenous person I was well aware of the abuse and murders targeted at us from a very young age. Both my great grandparents and many many other family members were forced into residential school. My great grandfather told tales of children going missing from the schools and rumours of kids having to bury their friends forced by the priests. When the mass graves started being uncovered here in Canada it wasn’t a surprise at all. I also grew up knowing many people who had women in their families go missing or be murdered and those cases never being solved because the authorities didn’t care enough to look into it. That being said besides all of those horrible things my community has been able to hang on to our traditional funeral and burial practices. They way we are encouraged to grieve our lost ones and how we take care of them in their death makes me incredibly thankful. The most beautiful part of it all to me is how we yearly go to clean their graves in the spring at our Longhouses. It’s a set few days so you are never alone when you are cleaning. Always other people in the community there taking care of their loved ones the same way you are. We also have many ceremonies for the family’s who are grieving so they can peacefully move on and let their loved one rest.
I have an an entire memento mori tattoo sleeve. It's a common theme in tattoo culture. Putting a reminder of death on your living body, is a good reminder to live well.
Great work! Btw for future reference, Camille Saint-Saens' name is pronounced more like Kam-ee San-Sohns but with the Ns sort of at the back of the throat, not using the tip of the tongue. Actually, kind of like the N sound in tongue now I think of it. It's hard to explain but if you've listened to people speaking French you'll get what I mean! It's always difficult to correct someone without sounding like an asshole but I hope this comes across with the friendliness with which I mean it! Look forward to watching more from you!
@@KazRowe I was in French classes from when I was a wee bab and for an A* on my GCSE. I still can't string together or understand a full sentence of course but my pronunciation is mwah - chefs kiss - impeccable 😂
My mother died a few years ago when I was still in my 30s of a stroke. I attempted to remain stoic at the funeral but I broke down in tears when they closed the coffin lid. Everyone there stared at me indignantly as if I'd made a scene. It. was. my. MOM.
I'm sure it's because there was SO MUCH death back then, but in a lot of ways I feel they 'dealt' with the reality better. I had a beloved family member pass in November, could not say goodbye due to covid and her being unconscious very quickly. I don't think I've dealt with it at all, I understand she's no longer here but most of me cannot comprehend what that means and cannot face the painful feelings that would evoke.
same thing with my dad. it was pre covid but it was sudden and he died alone, and we had talked last a week before that. i don't even think I've begun to process him being gone even though I'm fully aware he is gone and won't come back. but sometimes i think about him randomly and it hits me all over again that he is nothing but a memory at this point.
Someone very important to me passed away pre-covid but I lived thousands of miles away and was not able to be there when he passed. I still find myself thinking that I should give him a call and tell him about stuff. The grieving process can take years so be kind to yourself. I just passed his death "anniversary" and did a little something to honor his memory. You could do that too to help get closure.
@@929er13 sudden deaths are so shocking and unfair, I'm very sorry you had to lose your father in that way. Though I logically agree, I can't see my family member as 'only' a memory at this point? But I think there's also a lot of pain and anger related to crappy family members who had power of attorney and haven't bothered to put a headstone on the grave yet even though there was money set aside specifically for that item.
When I was 15, my step-grandfather died. He was arguably more of a grandfather (at least he was closer to us kids) than my biological grandfathers were. I was told the news by my mother who also said that if I needed to cry, not to bottle it up under "men and boys don't cry" I said I was as fine as I could be and left her dry eyed and stoic, but when I was "safe" alone in my room I cried till it hurt. No one ever told me "this is how we morn" it was just an ingrained reaction that came from somewhere in how I was raised, despite my mother saying I didn't have to act that way, I did anyway. I asked if I could go to the funeral services and was told no. (Something I'm still sore about) possibly because I was too young or not "close enough of a relation" to merit my being there. So for me at least, he went from being there, to not even being accessible. Which I would consider an "invisible death".
I think death shouldn't be feared as much as it is and I adore the past and present traditions of celebrating it as a natural part of your life. Many people now are afraid of even aging (for example everyone acting like 30 is an old age) and ok it's easy for me to say that bc I'm underaged but death is something that fascinates me with all of it's history, symbolism and tradition. Coming to terms with death makes us not afraid of it anymore or even pushes us to live how we want and do what makes us happy :)
I would argue that the disabled community also isn’t allowed the invisible death, especially now during covid times where disabled people dying from covid is seen as normal instead of preventable.
One of my favorite classes I ever took was called “Death and Dying in Renaissance Europe.” My professor was Spanish so we focused quite a bit on Spain but also delved into the Iberian peninsula in general as well as the UK and even touched on North Africa and the Middle East. So very interesting how death and dying has always heavily influenced culture.
In my orchestra one of the pieces our conductor picked for our competition one year was Danse Macabre. The piece is burned into my muscles and my mind. When I heard the first two notes in part two I had flashbacks lol. I've been going back through your videos, I'm really enjoying them. They're nice to watch when you feel lonely. Take that for what you will.
Interesting! I’ve always wondered why americans embalm their dead (and no offense I still think it’s really weird). I’m swedish and here people are just buried in a casket or cremated (more common in the cities where burial space is limited). A friend of mine who’s worked in one of our city’s largest ER says (like one of your sources?), that death isn’t seen as a natural part of life in our part of the world anymore so people can’t really deal with it. A friend/colleague of hers grew up in a refugee camp and when she’s had patients, sometimes literal newborns, who’ve died she’s of course been upset but she’s been able to deal with it in a way her coworkers haven’t because ”that’s not supposed to happen”, when it’s actually the only thing we know for sure will happen to us. And now I see that this is an old video but I just came across your youtube channel lol
death has been a part of my life since i was a child, i come from a religious family and i was required to assist funerals and such. i'm really grateful for that since i'm at peace with the thought of death now.
Kaz, I do trust that these videos represent a significant contribution to your doctorate! Your dry passion and perceptive analysis surely warrants you acknowledgment from even the most rigid educational institutions. In addition, your razor sharp sarcasm warrants additional kudos. In short, you rock woman! 72 year old graduate from Women’s Studies at the University of California, Santa Cruz in 1984. (Yeah, I was 34 when I entered.)
very greatful for my upbring my parents were very diligent about making sure i was around death whenever it occured. if a kitten at my grandparents died id help dig a grave. if someone in the family passed, even if i didnt know them, they would bring me. they tought me that death is natural. what come must go and that means life too we mourn and cry and miss those who are gone, but we rejoice and celebrate the life they had led
Invisible death takes on a whole new meaning when you consider those who die in poverty and/or alone. They can be deaths that aren’t even noticed, outside of the person that reports the deceased’s body and the removal/burial teams. The way US society is currently run, it’s impossible for these deaths not to occur. It’s incredibly tragic and absolutely a failure of our society.
I really appreciated the music of danse macabre foreshadowing XD (Also, it's pronounced "sah-sohn" in English. Look up his organ concerto, it's great, you'll recognise it! A modern momento mori is Gorecki's "Symphony of Sorrowful Songs", it's beautiful & from a Jewish perspective... also, of course, the Dies Iraes from the requiems of Mozart, Verdi and Zbigniew)
I kissed my grandma's forehead before they closed the casket. It, in my opinion, is acceptable to grieve for as long as you need to. It is okay to cry and to reach out to others for support. I'm trying my best and at the moment, there is no "back to normal". Its been since June. It still feels like she should be here. Talking in any way really helps me, so thank you for providing me an opportunity! 🙏🏻❤
I think you can reconcile the final judgement with the fact that we don't perceive time at a constant rate. So I think it's entirely possible for all the people who have died to still be "asleep" and then when the final judgement happens they will all "awaken" and that when the whole life flashing before your eyes thing happens. Of course to the person who has died it will seem like they just died. Anyone who has a NDE could just be time travelers and have been sent back to their respective time periods. When you mentioned memento mori, I find it ironic that the Church would change the meaning of it since there is literally a verse in the Bible that says that you should eat, drink, and be merry. I mean Ecclesiastes is basically a whole book about the pointlessness of life and fits perfectly with memento mori and mentions how you should just get drunk and eat while you can many times. Including this passage, "5 The living at least know they will die, but the dead know nothing. They have no further reward, nor are they remembered. 6 Whatever they did in their lifetime-loving, hating, envying-is all long gone. They no longer play a part in anything here on earth. 7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! 8 Wear fine clothes, with a splash of cologne!" - Ecclesiastes 9:5-8
Or, the Last Judgement exists outside of time and therefore in the moment of death a person is united with all souls-past, present, and future. The Catholic Church has a similar doctrine about the Mass/Eucharist during which the entire Church (everyone, everywhere, through all of time) are united.
The Danse Macabre is one of my favourite pieces of all time! Saint-Saëns (pronounced "san-SAAHNS", roughly) originally wrote it as an art song for voice, and I sung it as part of my final performance recital for my Bachelor's of Music. The lyrics are wonderfully creepy, and it's so much fun to sing. The other song that has a closely related history to the topic of this video is Franz Schubert's Der Tod und das Mädchen. It's a challenge to perform, because the soloist has to sing both roles, first the desperate Maiden begging Death to leave her be, trying to convince him it's not her time yet, and then Death himself at her bedside, promising her that he comes to her as a friend, urging her to fall asleep in his waiting arms.
My great aunt recently passed away and I cried the day of but when I saw her body at the funeral it didn’t look like her so I was able to grasp that she’d passed. A few years ago when my granny passed I was a wreck from the day of to the funeral, especially since it just looked like she was sleeping. Dealing with death is really weird and processing it is a process.
I would argue the invisible death culture is also not afforded to the disabled or mentally ill. Even if whatever you have isn't inherently fatal, the lack of adequate health care, accommodations, basic understanding of your condition by even medical professionals, etc. is a constant concern. And as for the mentally ill well, it's uncomfortable to talk about but suicidal thoughts/ tendencies is bound to confront you with death, even if it's not you but a loved one. I'm not even dealing with the stuff I described and death is never something far away in my life, its something to keep at bay. I have to always be thinking of it because it's sneaky.
Dang, you are right on point. Thank you for this video, I appreciate your research and ability to discuss death and dying with a historical and modern context.
I keep pet mice. They are not as intelligent or socially complex as humans, but they are socially complex and intelligent animals. Something I discovered a long time ago is that if a mouse is removed from her group, often to be brought to the vet or placed in a treatment cage, and then she dies, the other mice will still look for her every time the cage is opened. They wonder why their friend has not come back. This can go on for months after their friend has died. If a mouse dies while she is among her group, they will move the body, bury it, even just abandon the nest the death occurred in, but they don't look for their friend. It's the same when I make sure to place the body back into the cage for several minutes before disposing of it- the others will come up to the corpse, sniff it all over, sometimes even wash the face a little like they're greeting their friend, and then they go on with their lives. If an animal as simple as a mouse needs that closure, a human must need it even more. We should make sure we see the body more often, it can help speed along the grief to know for certain what happened to our group member.
Tomorrow, well, after midnight, so technically the day after tomorrow? Will be the anniversary of my nephew's death. His "friend" left him on the side of the road after an accident then tried to say he was the one driving. The most horrifying thing is, he'll only get 1/3 of 3 to 5 years for leaving him to die. He was drunk driving over 100mph and crashed, but since he left the scene they can't prove the drunk driving. The callousness is just mind blowing to me. He didn't even call 911 before he split.
Love your videos !! I was confused when I saw this video had only a few hundred views! I really thought it would have at least a few thousand because it's so well made! Good luck with this channel, you're doing great things! 🙏
You Crimson Peak video ended up in my recommended videos and now I’m binging all your other content. Subscribed! Also, you read Middle English?? Your brain is so sexc 😭
it literally amazes me every single time the super interesting videos you put out! the passion you speak with and the way you have with words makes it easy to understand. keep up the amazing work and content!
Speaking on invisible death, I do body removal and mortuary transport in the United States and we drive mini vans. The seats in the back are taken out and you can fit two bodies in the back. Some people are surprised we don't drive hearses but if you think about it you don't see hearses driving around much.
This was a fascinating and engaging video. Sometimes I forget about my love for history and academia, it's so easy to get caught up in Ye Olde Rat Race. I'm so interested in understanding people, and understanding how people are the same despite differences in time, place, raising. I've realized during my transition into becoming an adult how differently we think of people in fame, authority, or history, when realistically, humans are pretty consistent. Mostly just the technology, medical care, fincial security, and religious climates vary. It makes me want to go to school to study andropological sociology. Or work in a funeral home as a corpse painter because that seems like a pretty awesome job. To be able to give something to the grieving in such a direct way.
I would also add that addicts are another group excluded from the phenomenon of the invisible death - doubly so for addicts that are BIPOC or LGBTQ+. I'm white, but I'm queer, and although I'm clean now, I lived on and off the streets for years, and death was around every corner. Every week or so it seemed like someone else was gone - either from an OD, a suicide, or a murder - many of them children or teenagers. I can't count the nights in my teens that I went to sleep wondering if I'd wake up. To this day, every time I talk to someone, it's in the back of my mind that I might never see them again. Even if they're not using and/or in good health. I didn't think I'd make it past 19. It's a blessing and a curse. Traumatizing for sure. Grief is constant. But it has shown me what matters, and the importance of REALLY living while you still can. Remember to tell people you love them.
8:26 this is actually quite common where I'm from! Pretty sure I saw my first dead body at the age of 3, when I asked my parents why my grandmother was on a "weird bed", aka her coffin. Here in Ireland it's very common to have a "wake" the day before a funeral, where the open coffin is laid out in the person's home (or perhaps in a funeral parlour? I've only attended home wakes) and family, friends, and acquaintances come to see the body, pay respects, and be with the mourning family. I think it's a really lovely opportunity to say goodbye, and I've been grateful to have those chances to see and be with all my grandparents and other relatives again before their burials.
I have a strange relation with death. I don't know how to feel about it, every time my relatives Ex. Grandma, grandpa, uncles, cousins and aunts died i felt nothing. Just trying to comfort my mom (since her family members were the most common to fall.) And looking at her greiving. I'm not scared of death or the after life, i'm scared of the moments before that. I don't know how i would react to my parents dying, maybe sadness, maybe greif or maybe indifference. I don't know how to feel about it, kinda like everything.
I would also add to your point of bipoc and queer folks not experiencing death and grief the same: alot of our deaths our in mainstream culture treated as "deserved". As in death as punishment and therefore unworthy to mourn. Grief being unwarranted. Make no mistake uprisings and riots are grieving.
WOAH Clare King'oo was my professor in college! She taught my Shakespeare course! She's awesome and I really recommend taking a class with her for anyone interested. (Also, IIRC it's King-oh for those wondering!)
When my stepfather died of cancer, we took care of him at home, with the help of hospice. I won't say that it was easy. But I am sure that he died a better death than if he had died in a hospital where they would have kept him alive until the last possible moment, regardless of his suffering. He had been a doctor most of his life, so he knew that, and did not want to go that way, and he didn't.
I loooooooove your videos! And now your quoting Cat D from Ask a Mortician! It can’t get better than this. I’m from Argentina and I really can’t understand why all the embalming they do in the US. I’m 36 and I remember being at my aunt’s funeral when I was 8 at my grandma’s house. When my grandpa died they’d already moved into an apartment and we had to have the “velatorio”, the gathering around the coffin in a mortuary and I’ve always thought that was sad. Not being able to have your last goodbye in your own home….
Movie: * corpse rises * "brrrains"
Folklore: * corpse rises * "brrread"
🤣🤣🤣🤣
.
If someone came and ate all my bread I'd be pissed too ngl. In fact I've had a similar experience. A crackhead that was friends with the lady who had me walked into our house in the middle of the night and took some pancake mix and syrup in ziploc bags and left. I don't think anyone would've cared she had them, but the fact she just came in at night unsettled me. I thought anyone with less than good intentions unlike her, could get in. What she did was almost hilarious, the implications were unsettling
@@KevinRAAMAAAGE always think about the implications
@@KevinRAAMAAAGE Damn... Somebody stole my bike one day but brought it back expecting to be praised. He was all 'I just borrowed it quickly but see I brought it back though'. I didn't ride it again after that, I left it at one of those 'bike thief' train stations(¬_¬).
so the original momento mori translated pretty directly to YOLO, how vaguely horrifying, I love it
nice
I am fairly broadly inked, and on my left sleeve a large part of it is an ornate clock set to the time of my daughter's birth. The makers mark on the clock says momento mori for this exact reason.
memento mori
@@Kimmaline I hope it says mEmento mori. If not, you have a typo on your skin.
Then and now, it translates to "a reminder of death", or more precisely "remember you'll die". She was talking about the context of how it was used, not the literal latin translation.
"The miiiiidle ages were magic!" 🎶
Yaaaas death queens
I was just thinking I needed to rewatch the Bentham's head episode, after hearing that Sir Walter Raleigh's widow kept his embalmed head and would show it to visitors after he was beheaded.
Hello fellow deathlings!
Well hello my fellow Deathlings. Mother sends her regards
Ah yes, a person of culture indeed
I'm glad I'm Mexican. We're taught as young children to see death as a natural part of the cycle.
Same
I love that
I feel like this is the right way. Everyone dies and we shouldn’t pretend they don’t. Making this topic a taboo only hurts people
me to
"Si para morir nacemos"
80% horrible dust
10% worms
10% vile flesh
Going to put this on a pair of booty shorts.
Yes omg
I would wear those
"children would go to see the body of a dead person, which is almost unheard of today"
Me at my grandpa's wake at 6 years old asking everyone why grandpa looks so droopy. Seriously, it's so wild when you see a dead body. They do not look asleep like in the movies. It is so eerie because even at that young age, I could tell that his spirit was gone.
That being said, I'm grateful I got to see him one more time before we buried him. It's extremely intimate.
I thought my father really looked asleep, which definitely added to the eeriness because like you said, the spirit feels gone. But I dont regret seeing him that last time, I think it helped with the grieving process, even though I would advice to not touch a corpse no matter how alive they may still look
When I was told that grandpa died I didn't cry. But when we were at the funeral and I saw him, it just hit me and I immediately started crying.
Seeing the dead body really has an impact. I even touched him one last time to say goodbye.
Does that what she said at around 22:50 is true for America? That grieving is bad manners and people don't necessarily wear black? I've never been to a funeral and didn't cried, or was not wearing black.
When my grandpa died and some far relative came in blue jeans and a white shirt we talked bad about him because of his bad manners. Even my cousins that didn't like my grandpa at all and weren't grieving were pissed.
@@AgentSteffi I believe that was meant more in reference to the historical practice of wearing "mourning" for a long period of time after the death. In personal experience, it is still expected to wear appropriate clothing to a funerals and burials, while wakes and celebrations of life are generally more casual events. Although, to be honest, I haven't personally seen/heard people shame others for coming to a funeral in whatever they happen to be wearing; I am sure it happens, but my experience so far has been more of the "thank you for making it" type... as Kaz said, we often don't have the easiest time of working death into our schedules 😕
@@AgentSteffi my cousin showed up to my Mamaw's funeral in a blue and white tie dye skirt and white tank top with her bra out and flip flops and we didn't shame her but we considered it very rude and inappropriate. Mamaw was such a proper person too she would have scolded her like no tomorrow so it seemed extra bad
@@therealfinnaspring8585 I mean that's just inappropriate and not really even casual wear it seems like she didnt even try..
I'm so grateful that my great grandma died at home, in our family room, surrounded by people who loved her. I'm not planning on having children, so I dont know who will be with me when I die, but I hope I'm at least at home or that I die clutching a stuffed animal. I dont believe in an afterlife, but i want to die in comfort.
That sounds very nice, to each their own what they have as comfort when they part.
Yes yes yes. That’s just beautiful I’m so glad your great grandma had that❤️
I never want my grandma to die oh god :( but oml she won’t die alone in a hospital bed if I can help it - I mean unless it’s unavoidable. I’ll do everything to make sure my grandparents, parents and my MIL are surrounded by us and feel safe and loved when the time comes. If possible. I would hate to die alone :( that’s so beautiful that your great grandma had that as she passed❤️ my children better be there at my side when I’m dying, if they leave me to die alone in a home or whatever I’ll come back and haunt them swear to god.
Even if you never have children (and children doesn’t guarantee you’ll have someone there with you while you die😭) I am sure you will be surrounded by loving people and at home... hopefully we make that more the norm by then :( and I mean death is tragic and sad and painful and there’s no way to argue that and ofc we hate feeling that pain and it would be easier for a lot of people to just let someone they love die without having to witness it and see it but like why are we so afraid of that pain? It’s part of life. And to offer someone support and love and comfort in their last moments is an honour and the best thing you can do for them as they leave this earth... and tbh I think it would make the grieving process a little more peaceful and manageable just knowing you were there and said goodbye and that you know your loved one was safe and not alone when they passed.
My dad died holding a stuffed kitty :)
Have your friends or siblings if you have them and it would not be lonely.
Glad your Grandma died at home ❤! My Grandparents all died at home, my Mum unfortunately not - we wanted to get her home from the hospital, but there wasn't enough time; my Dad was with her though.
Personally, I want to die alone; for me, it's more important to die the way I want (I have some renal diseases, one of it is called Glomerulosklerosis, which leads to kidney failure; this usually is a long and painful process (in the end, you'll die because of multiple organ failure, because the kidneys "poison" your body)); so I'd preferably die by euthanasia, just fall asleep and never wake up anymore. I would like that.
I live in a city in Switzerland that has been inhabited since the stone age and the romans made it a city. It became big and powerful in the middle ages.
There's a street called Totentanz, all of the city parks are former graveyards and sometimes when construction is going on and they dig up the group they find mass graves from varius local pandemics. I've seen them walking by, neatly stacked skeletons.
Basel? 😁
@@sh1yo7 Isch Basel vo de Römer bout worde?
Konstanz?
India right now is a great example of a group of people who don’t get to experience invisible death. People dead on the streets, in their rivers, homes and hospitals. It’s terrible to see but we shouldn’t hide from it the articles and pictures some journalists are putting out there are hard to read but necessary for change, I follow Rana Ayyub specifically for my news, she’s fantastic.
Thanks for the news rec. Been looking for good sources about the crisis in India.
@@shannonlee4622 she’s a fantastic journalist
I feel another example would be any places that are currently war stricken. I imagine many of the people in those places wouldn’t get to have the experience of invisible death.
The culture of Death in America is sanitization. The law allows our loved ones to die in the home and/or reject means of prolonging life when the outcome is inevitable.
so memento mori was like the “yolo” of the middle ages
Not exactly, but it can definitely be taken as meaning that in the modern era. It has roots more in the stoic mindset of keeping the end in focus to then remember to live the upright life one is called to as opposed to the more hedonistic conclusion one might get out of yolo.
Also it was sometimes used as a greeting in Late Antiquity, which is just neat.
Lastly, for Christians, and still for Catholics (who know anything about their religion), it also is to recall that Christ died for our sins so that in Him we have already died; we are bought at a price and all that.
In short, it's a reminder for a lot of important things, but it can be taken to mean yolo if one wants in the modern age.
Also - transi tombs are great and we dont talk about them enough. My goal in life is to be rich enough to get myself a cushy ass mausoleum crypt in a pretty cemetary, have a transi tomb made for myself, then haunt the surrounding area. Goths and teenagers will come in and talk to me, people will leave candles and cool religious chachkis, it'll be great - it'll be a party.
You just described my new death goals. Guess the eagles are going to have to eat someone else’s body 😂
@@davidsantiagotate7380 i volunteer, you’re free to go
what the heck is a transi tomb
Honestly goals 💀🖤
all these videos are SO interesting and well put together!!
Thank you!!
Can you speak on how this ties to the toxic way we as a society handle ideation and those who attempt/commit suicide? I'd be interested in that.
What do you mean?
True
I'd be interested in his too, I just wrote a comment about how the mentally ill and their loved ones are often not included in the invisible death culture because the looming threat is always there. Even after recovery there's concern of relapse, even after a loved one survived there's trauma of "what if they hadn't?" and fear they'll attempt again
as a mexican, this was very insightful. mexican culture is very different in regards to this lol. death is never invisible here (tragically). it’s something that we live with every day, and we see it everywhere. traditionally, death is celebrated here. it’s not sad. of course, violence and our living conditions are sad, but death is not. i remember when my grandfather was told that his sister had passed, he sighed and said “well, that’s where we’re all going.” and we do believe that it’s not the end. some people request for their funerals to be parties. families build literal houses on graves so they can spend some days with their deceased. it’s a very distinctive part of mexican culture.
I like that. Then again, I've always been more drawn to how y'all generally view death because I saw how differently my Mexican friends and their families treated it than my white American protestant family did/does.
You're like an amalgamation of all of the content that i watch on TH-cam: deathling content, fashion history and costume analysis, victorian culture and literature and lgbtq history. My mind is literally blown, I absolutely love you already 😭
nah fr
My grandfather unexpectedly passed away two days ago in the middle of my university finals, and my family is the very closed-off type. I’ve been drilling through finals and work while trying to process it all in my own death-positive way and this video genuinely really helped me come to terms with a lot of my frustration. Excellent work, thank you. ❤️
❤️
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get the chance to process your feelings in a healthy way and do something for yourself to honor his memory. I just passed a death anniversary of an important person to me and I had a low-key "celebration" of sorts to remember him. Take care
Is he okay now?
@@mcp1228 ...he's dead
@@mortsir1149 source
I find Americas' culture around death, honestly strange. Here in Ireland, or at least in my part of the country death is mourned a lot. We cry at the church, we have to wear formal black clothes and we have some sort of celebration(?) after a funeral, to fondly talk about the person who passed, and to partly, drink away our sorrows. We make our sadness known, funerals are a very big deal over here, we literally carry the coffin to the graveyard, the fact that in America death can be called "invisible" is wild to me. I'm happy that I was brought up in a community that doesn't shy away from death and acknowledges its existence.
I'm american and while we did all the same things for funerals, when i lost my grandparents - when i was 14 - and i did a speech and sang, i felt like i couldn't show too much emotion or start crying. we had a wake for the both of them and it was the same situation:( i wish it was a bit more normal here to show your grief. and in terms of covid deaths, i personally feel like, a lot of people here see the people dying from covid as invisible.
not to mention we have wakes that are very similar to what the creator described happened in the middle ages. Going in and touching or kissing the body, bringing children in to say goodbye. I was surprised to see how much we had in common with our great x10 grandparents
Southern culture here typically experiences death and grief the way you are describing. Also, Black American culture often handles death differently than the idea of "invisible death." Food is usually a centerpiece of a funeral "celebration" and a way for others to show love and care for those who have lost someone. Some of my favorite recipes are called "funeral potatoes" or "funeral chicken". 😅
Pretty sure there's American funerals that are exactly like this.
@@J_C_90s funeral potatoes are amazing
My dad died in his home (from cancer), we family and friends kept watch over him in the time up until his death... We kept him company when he was awake and told stories about him when he slept. That was very helpful for everyone... When he died, i made a point of holding my hand on his forehead to have a memory of his warmth before he would cool down. We made a poin of not making his death invisible, and our home was a space for grief. I referenced the cattle die, kindred die stansas from the Havamal at the funeral speech and we kept his ashes in the Livingroom for a year, before depositing most of it in the ocean and some of it in the foundation of the farmhouse.
I am sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your story, I will keep it in mind, thank you.
My dad also passed from cancer at home. My sibling and I were his primary caretakers at the end, it was nice to sit by him with my dog (his "grand-dog") and tell him stories when he became too weak to talk.
The grief is more visceral, but I'm glad neither of our dads died in a scary and unfamiliar place. Hope you're doing ok, it's clear how much you loved him 💜
Not being able to visibly grieve for my mom, to wear clothes that showed that I was in mourning, to only have 3 days off of work to deal with the paperwork... I wanted to wear a veil for a year, to scream on the ground with my friends and family, to take weeks off to deal with how painful it was. But I couldn't.
Also mourning periods would not be allowed for everyone in these capitalist societies. You gotta work work work. Nobody else will pay those bills for u. So handling grief privately seems to be the solution
Suggestion: When you mention a period (I noticed you've done this in other videos) it's really helpful when you put a time 'scale' on the screen for those of us who cannot remember which years are called what! The Middle Ages to me right now is a blank and I don't know whether you are talking 500 or 1500 AD cos I'm not super clever, and don't want to have to stop to google it :) Thanks for your super fun and informative videos though, I'm enjoying them a lot!
Good way to remember is Petrarch, who many feel was the father of the Renaissance in Europe. He was born in 1308, so I end the middle ages around there. The next period is the early modern period, it's a common misconception that anything past 1400 is medieval.
@@shannonlee4622 As someone with permanent brain damage... that's not as easy to remember as you might think ;) though I appreciate the effort!
Not to mention that the "middle ages" consist of hundreds of years, each decade and century a little different than the other.
@@VegemiteQueen1 should get a funky history timeline for ur wall, been thinking about it recently since I’m constantly forgetting when everything was, being able to visualise it could help loads?
Years ago in Ireland, a plague caused people to appear dead but then they would awaken after a day or so. Becasue of this, we have a tradition of "The Wake" where the body of the deceased is kept in the house for a night (after embalming) and family and friends come to gather, celebrate the deceased's life, see the body and mourn together. It's very common here for family, friends and children to see the body. I guess it's a tradition that helps us process death and find comfort in eachother. There's normally food and drink (of both the alcoholic and non-alcoholic variety) and people get together to laugh, cry, play music and tell stories about the deceased.
What plague?
In Greece people don't really care if you show your grief. We are generally very loud so it's normal to do the same when someone dies. And they still tend to wear black, for some period at least. My problem is that they think everything and everyone should be absolutely serious. For example say you remember something funny about the dead and you laugh, someone will tell not to. But I believe it is cathartic and in no way disrespectful since it can help with how you remember your loved ones and it can balance your emotions.
Bit confused as some parts like last rites, judgement after death and purgatory are part of Catholicism today. The idea of family, including children not being at a deathbed today is also contrary to my own experience. My own family - all generations were allowed in stay in the hospital room while my parents were dying - 24 hour gathering with people coming and going for days as they slipped away. Maybe that is because I am not in the US. (PreCovid)
I was raised Catholic and had the same experience. I was 6 and my brother was 2 when my grandpa died, but we were at the wake for the entire time. As an adult now, I'm grateful my parents didn't deny me that experience. Children should not be sheltered from death, imo.
same, i'm from south america and last rites are so important to us
Bit of a follow up comment. As I indicated in my previous comment there are elements of catholic practice that have a long historic foundation. For me, despite the fact that I enjoyed this video, I see it as another erasure of the current Catholic experience from
commentary on TH-cam. Death and dying are very much the domain of religion for believers of many faiths. Some of those faiths retain a more hands on relationship with dying and the deceased. But the video was a very interesting insight into a US mainstream view of now versus the middle ages.
US is a deeply culturally protestant country maybe thats where the difference lies?
@@BlahBlah-sz4ne I do not think she meant it as erasure. She took the time to specifically mention that she was talking about western Europe christians 1:00
her take on the modern approach to death is also from her American eyes where most people are not catholic.
**sings** THE MIDDLE AGES WERE MAGIC!!!
Great minds think alike. 😉
Talking about death is the only way to become more comfortable with it 🖤
This was fascinating and actually reminded me of something. A few years ago my son’s father was killed in a car crash. When I was notified I spoke to the policewoman who told me and I asked if I could see his body. And she told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea, it would be too traumatic, just ‘remember him as he was when he was alive’. And I wish I had fought it because I didn’t get that goodbye, that one last time to see him and tell him I loved him, to really see with my own eyes and let it sink in and... help me accept it... you know? But she really talked me out of it. And my mum did too. Because they didn’t want me to go through any further trauma or pain at seeing him physically dead. But I think that did more harm than good honestly. I always still feel like there’s something missing - like I never got any true closure, I never got to say goodbye, I never got to just see him one more time and be there with him even though he was already gone. I’m angry about it. We are so scared of death and facing it and seeing it in the FLESH because we do live longer, death isn’t expected because we have modern medicine and all that and we expect doctors to always be able to save us, we are honestly alienated against the concept death and we aren’t facing that sort of loss and pain that comes with loss on the daily and so it’s much more traumatic to lose someone and we want to save ourselves from that pain because we’re just... not accustomed to it or able to adapt as easily because it is not expected. If that makes sense. In less developed countries I think death/mourning/grief is handled... so much differently and honestly in a healthier way in many cultures. When I found out my son’s father was dead I couldn’t even tell anyone for several hours! I sat through dinner with my grandparents and said nothing. I didnt cry - they didn’t know anything was wrong. Then I pulled my grandma aside and I told her and I just didn’t even know how to say it! It was like a feeling of shame sort of. Like shame in showing emotion and like... embarrassment? I can’t explain it really. And also saying it out loud and making it real. It was very odd. The things I felt were very odd.
This was so interesting and I love seeing how much things change over the centuries and how events and everyday life shape the way we see and feel and experience and handle so many different aspects of life that have always been and will always be - death/birth... etc.
My best friend passed away in October, and it was extremely sudden, he fell and got a concussion I believe (nobody told me what he died of so I speculated because I was told he fell), and I wasn't able to go to his funeral because my parents wouldn't allow me, because they wanted to hurt me (they constantly told me that I couldn't be best friends with someone I met 2 months prior to his death, even though we became instant best friends the day we met, and misgenders him (he was transgender) by calling him a "stupid dead chick" as the tried to burn the stuffed animal that his partners gave me that belonged to him) and I was invited to the funeral by his partners, but I couldn't go and I haven't been to his gravesite yet, and it's been 9 months since he passed and I genuinely believe if I message him on Snapchat he'll respond because even though I know he's gone I haven't been able to witness his passing or seeing him passed to set it into stone that he's gone.. it's cruel how fate had us meet and then as soon as I was comfortable enough after losing so many friends (not from death but they accused me of "ruining their lives" and basically just being abandoned by them) I was comfortable saying he was my best friend only for the world to rip him away as suddenly as we had met.. it hurts a lot
I would prefer to see my dead love one as a way of making my brain believe that their have passed. My best friend would not want to see that her loved one had died. I find it fascinating how we handle this subject and our personal preferences. I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️
Folk stories from my country often talk about death people interrupting masses in churches especially during winter, telling living ones that their feet are cold and they would like to have some woollen socks. Therefore people needed to rip open the church floor in order to give the death their socks, so they would not interrupt living world anymore. (It was common practice to bury even less-affluent people under less-significant churches in Finland)
That's very interesting! We have similar stories in Sweden about a special morning mass for the dead on Christmas day, usually with a living person interrupting the mass and then being chased out of the church and the dead tearing up their clothes.
So happy you mentioned Caitlin! Memento Mori
❤️
I liked the little section you out taking about how Black and Indigenous people aren’t granted the invisible death. As a indigenous person I was well aware of the abuse and murders targeted at us from a very young age. Both my great grandparents and many many other family members were forced into residential school. My great grandfather told tales of children going missing from the schools and rumours of kids having to bury their friends forced by the priests. When the mass graves started being uncovered here in Canada it wasn’t a surprise at all. I also grew up knowing many people who had women in their families go missing or be murdered and those cases never being solved because the authorities didn’t care enough to look into it.
That being said besides all of those horrible things my community has been able to hang on to our traditional funeral and burial practices. They way we are encouraged to grieve our lost ones and how we take care of them in their death makes me incredibly thankful. The most beautiful part of it all to me is how we yearly go to clean their graves in the spring at our Longhouses. It’s a set few days so you are never alone when you are cleaning. Always other people in the community there taking care of their loved ones the same way you are. We also have many ceremonies for the family’s who are grieving so they can peacefully move on and let their loved one rest.
I have an an entire memento mori tattoo sleeve. It's a common theme in tattoo culture. Putting a reminder of death on your living body, is a good reminder to live well.
Never thought about that. Thanks for sharing
Great work! Btw for future reference, Camille Saint-Saens' name is pronounced more like Kam-ee San-Sohns but with the Ns sort of at the back of the throat, not using the tip of the tongue. Actually, kind of like the N sound in tongue now I think of it. It's hard to explain but if you've listened to people speaking French you'll get what I mean!
It's always difficult to correct someone without sounding like an asshole but I hope this comes across with the friendliness with which I mean it!
Look forward to watching more from you!
Hahaha 2 years of French classes and I still can't pronounce anything. I was wondering about the Saens part. Thank ya!
@@KazRowe I was in French classes from when I was a wee bab and for an A* on my GCSE. I still can't string together or understand a full sentence of course but my pronunciation is mwah - chefs kiss - impeccable 😂
My mother died a few years ago when I was still in my 30s of a stroke. I attempted to remain stoic at the funeral but I broke down in tears when they closed the coffin lid. Everyone there stared at me indignantly as if I'd made a scene. It. was. my. MOM.
Im sorry you had to go through that, you can grieve however you want/need to. You were the child of your mom, not them
I have come to really love your podcast, you are very insightful and informative. Thank you for putting in the research and work.
I'm sure it's because there was SO MUCH death back then, but in a lot of ways I feel they 'dealt' with the reality better. I had a beloved family member pass in November, could not say goodbye due to covid and her being unconscious very quickly. I don't think I've dealt with it at all, I understand she's no longer here but most of me cannot comprehend what that means and cannot face the painful feelings that would evoke.
If it helps, I could say goodbye to my grandma (pre-covid) and I still see her in my dreams. And I always notice something is wrong
same thing with my dad. it was pre covid but it was sudden and he died alone, and we had talked last a week before that. i don't even think I've begun to process him being gone even though I'm fully aware he is gone and won't come back. but sometimes i think about him randomly and it hits me all over again that he is nothing but a memory at this point.
Someone very important to me passed away pre-covid but I lived thousands of miles away and was not able to be there when he passed. I still find myself thinking that I should give him a call and tell him about stuff. The grieving process can take years so be kind to yourself. I just passed his death "anniversary" and did a little something to honor his memory. You could do that too to help get closure.
@@homestuck_official I hope you are able to find some comfort in those dreams and not just distress because something is wrong. Much love xo
@@929er13 sudden deaths are so shocking and unfair, I'm very sorry you had to lose your father in that way. Though I logically agree, I can't see my family member as 'only' a memory at this point? But I think there's also a lot of pain and anger related to crappy family members who had power of attorney and haven't bothered to put a headstone on the grave yet even though there was money set aside specifically for that item.
When I was 15, my step-grandfather died. He was arguably more of a grandfather (at least he was closer to us kids) than my biological grandfathers were. I was told the news by my mother who also said that if I needed to cry, not to bottle it up under "men and boys don't cry" I said I was as fine as I could be and left her dry eyed and stoic, but when I was "safe" alone in my room I cried till it hurt. No one ever told me "this is how we morn" it was just an ingrained reaction that came from somewhere in how I was raised, despite my mother saying I didn't have to act that way, I did anyway. I asked if I could go to the funeral services and was told no. (Something I'm still sore about) possibly because I was too young or not "close enough of a relation" to merit my being there. So for me at least, he went from being there, to not even being accessible. Which I would consider an "invisible death".
I think death shouldn't be feared as much as it is and I adore the past and present traditions of celebrating it as a natural part of your life. Many people now are afraid of even aging (for example everyone acting like 30 is an old age) and ok it's easy for me to say that bc I'm underaged but death is something that fascinates me with all of it's history, symbolism and tradition. Coming to terms with death makes us not afraid of it anymore or even pushes us to live how we want and do what makes us happy :)
Very nicely done -- could you do a video to show medieval Jewish ways of dealing with death? It would be an interesting contrast.
So what I'm hearing is "memento mori" was the original yolo?
💯
I would argue that the disabled community also isn’t allowed the invisible death, especially now during covid times where disabled people dying from covid is seen as normal instead of preventable.
The modern Memento Mori is of course, YOLO
Man, I cannot wait for the crazy Purgatory Parties! Let's Go!!
One of my favorite classes I ever took was called “Death and Dying in Renaissance Europe.” My professor was Spanish so we focused quite a bit on Spain but also delved into the Iberian peninsula in general as well as the UK and even touched on North Africa and the Middle East. So very interesting how death and dying has always heavily influenced culture.
In my orchestra one of the pieces our conductor picked for our competition one year was Danse Macabre. The piece is burned into my muscles and my mind. When I heard the first two notes in part two I had flashbacks lol. I've been going back through your videos, I'm really enjoying them. They're nice to watch when you feel lonely. Take that for what you will.
Interesting! I’ve always wondered why americans embalm their dead (and no offense I still think it’s really weird). I’m swedish and here people are just buried in a casket or cremated (more common in the cities where burial space is limited). A friend of mine who’s worked in one of our city’s largest ER says (like one of your sources?), that death isn’t seen as a natural part of life in our part of the world anymore so people can’t really deal with it. A friend/colleague of hers grew up in a refugee camp and when she’s had patients, sometimes literal newborns, who’ve died she’s of course been upset but she’s been able to deal with it in a way her coworkers haven’t because ”that’s not supposed to happen”, when it’s actually the only thing we know for sure will happen to us. And now I see that this is an old video but I just came across your youtube channel lol
very well done, love the music you added. thank you!
death has been a part of my life since i was a child, i come from a religious family and i was required to assist funerals and such. i'm really grateful for that since i'm at peace with the thought of death now.
“He will make die” just reminds me of the greek anarchists that promised to “make total destroy”
im so glad i found this channel.
I've just found you and I'm bingeing. 👏👏👏
I agree that we don’t look at death enough. I wonder if that’s part of the reason people are fascinated with horror.
Kaz, I do trust that these videos represent a significant contribution to your doctorate! Your dry passion and perceptive analysis surely warrants you acknowledgment from even the most rigid educational institutions. In addition, your razor sharp sarcasm warrants additional kudos. In short, you rock woman! 72 year old graduate from Women’s Studies at the University of California, Santa Cruz in 1984. (Yeah, I was 34 when I entered.)
I spent the whole video waiting for you to mention Caitlin Doughty, when you finally did I was like "woohoo!!! i knew it!!!!!!"
I've watched all your videos, and my favorite part of all was when you go "death... It's ✨fine✨" 😂 0:47
very greatful for my upbring
my parents were very diligent about making sure i was around death whenever it occured. if a kitten at my grandparents died id help dig a grave. if someone in the family passed, even if i didnt know them, they would bring me. they tought me that death is natural. what come must go and that means life too
we mourn and cry and miss those who are gone, but we rejoice and celebrate the life they had led
Invisible death takes on a whole new meaning when you consider those who die in poverty and/or alone. They can be deaths that aren’t even noticed, outside of the person that reports the deceased’s body and the removal/burial teams. The way US society is currently run, it’s impossible for these deaths not to occur. It’s incredibly tragic and absolutely a failure of our society.
My mother died at 36 when I was 17 it greatly effected how I see death. I don’t fear it I see it as a change in our state of being.
I really appreciated the music of danse macabre foreshadowing XD
(Also, it's pronounced "sah-sohn" in English. Look up his organ concerto, it's great, you'll recognise it! A modern momento mori is Gorecki's "Symphony of Sorrowful Songs", it's beautiful & from a Jewish perspective... also, of course, the Dies Iraes from the requiems of Mozart, Verdi and Zbigniew)
I kissed my grandma's forehead before they closed the casket. It, in my opinion, is acceptable to grieve for as long as you need to. It is okay to cry and to reach out to others for support. I'm trying my best and at the moment, there is no "back to normal". Its been since June. It still feels like she should be here. Talking in any way really helps me, so thank you for providing me an opportunity! 🙏🏻❤
I've been obsessed with you content, and it physically hurts to see you being so underrated with such high quality content. 😭💜
You explain stuff so eloquently! I look forward to more of your content 💜
I think you can reconcile the final judgement with the fact that we don't perceive time at a constant rate. So I think it's entirely possible for all the people who have died to still be "asleep" and then when the final judgement happens they will all "awaken" and that when the whole life flashing before your eyes thing happens. Of course to the person who has died it will seem like they just died. Anyone who has a NDE could just be time travelers and have been sent back to their respective time periods.
When you mentioned memento mori, I find it ironic that the Church would change the meaning of it since there is literally a verse in the Bible that says that you should eat, drink, and be merry. I mean Ecclesiastes is basically a whole book about the pointlessness of life and fits perfectly with memento mori and mentions how you should just get drunk and eat while you can many times. Including this passage, "5 The living at least know they will die, but the dead know nothing. They have no further reward, nor are they remembered. 6 Whatever they did in their lifetime-loving, hating, envying-is all long gone. They no longer play a part in anything here on earth. 7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! 8 Wear fine clothes, with a splash of cologne!" - Ecclesiastes 9:5-8
Or, the Last Judgement exists outside of time and therefore in the moment of death a person is united with all souls-past, present, and future. The Catholic Church has a similar doctrine about the Mass/Eucharist during which the entire Church (everyone, everywhere, through all of time) are united.
The Danse Macabre is one of my favourite pieces of all time! Saint-Saëns (pronounced "san-SAAHNS", roughly) originally wrote it as an art song for voice, and I sung it as part of my final performance recital for my Bachelor's of Music. The lyrics are wonderfully creepy, and it's so much fun to sing.
The other song that has a closely related history to the topic of this video is Franz Schubert's Der Tod und das Mädchen. It's a challenge to perform, because the soloist has to sing both roles, first the desperate Maiden begging Death to leave her be, trying to convince him it's not her time yet, and then Death himself at her bedside, promising her that he comes to her as a friend, urging her to fall asleep in his waiting arms.
I read the title as "How Death METAL..." and I was so confused.
And im binge watching all of your videos.
And I love it.
watching 3 years later as a disabled chronically ill Black trans person smh literally nothing has changed even a little
My great aunt recently passed away and I cried the day of but when I saw her body at the funeral it didn’t look like her so I was able to grasp that she’d passed. A few years ago when my granny passed I was a wreck from the day of to the funeral, especially since it just looked like she was sleeping. Dealing with death is really weird and processing it is a process.
I would argue the invisible death culture is also not afforded to the disabled or mentally ill. Even if whatever you have isn't inherently fatal, the lack of adequate health care, accommodations, basic understanding of your condition by even medical professionals, etc. is a constant concern. And as for the mentally ill well, it's uncomfortable to talk about but suicidal thoughts/ tendencies is bound to confront you with death, even if it's not you but a loved one. I'm not even dealing with the stuff I described and death is never something far away in my life, its something to keep at bay. I have to always be thinking of it because it's sneaky.
Dang, you are right on point. Thank you for this video, I appreciate your research and ability to discuss death and dying with a historical and modern context.
I keep pet mice. They are not as intelligent or socially complex as humans, but they are socially complex and intelligent animals. Something I discovered a long time ago is that if a mouse is removed from her group, often to be brought to the vet or placed in a treatment cage, and then she dies, the other mice will still look for her every time the cage is opened. They wonder why their friend has not come back. This can go on for months after their friend has died. If a mouse dies while she is among her group, they will move the body, bury it, even just abandon the nest the death occurred in, but they don't look for their friend. It's the same when I make sure to place the body back into the cage for several minutes before disposing of it- the others will come up to the corpse, sniff it all over, sometimes even wash the face a little like they're greeting their friend, and then they go on with their lives. If an animal as simple as a mouse needs that closure, a human must need it even more. We should make sure we see the body more often, it can help speed along the grief to know for certain what happened to our group member.
This was a very fascinating video. Thank you.
Tomorrow, well, after midnight, so technically the day after tomorrow? Will be the anniversary of my nephew's death. His "friend" left him on the side of the road after an accident then tried to say he was the one driving. The most horrifying thing is, he'll only get 1/3 of 3 to 5 years for leaving him to die. He was drunk driving over 100mph and crashed, but since he left the scene they can't prove the drunk driving. The callousness is just mind blowing to me. He didn't even call 911 before he split.
No need to apologize for the topic
Love your videos !! I was confused when I saw this video had only a few hundred views! I really thought it would have at least a few thousand because it's so well made! Good luck with this channel, you're doing great things! 🙏
You Crimson Peak video ended up in my recommended videos and now I’m binging all your other content. Subscribed! Also, you read Middle English?? Your brain is so sexc 😭
This is an amazing video! Thank you so much, new subscriber here!❤️
Me: waiting for her to quote Catlyn Doughty/askamortician
Ohhh.OH.OOHHH.SHE DID IT.THERE IT WAS!THE ORDER OF THE GOOD DEATH.i had a sneaking suspicion
it literally amazes me every single time the super interesting videos you put out! the passion you speak with and the way you have with words makes it easy to understand. keep up the amazing work and content!
Speaking on invisible death, I do body removal and mortuary transport in the United States and we drive mini vans. The seats in the back are taken out and you can fit two bodies in the back. Some people are surprised we don't drive hearses but if you think about it you don't see hearses driving around much.
Interesting info on the London mass graves!
your videos are so informative, intriguing and entertaining! i love it, keep up the good work
I love how the skeleton in the thumbnail looks so happy
"TH-cam's Favorite Death Mom" - love it
tb can actually live in the dirt around a person who died of it for up to 4 weeks, that’s part of the reason dead bodies were feared
This was a fascinating and engaging video. Sometimes I forget about my love for history and academia, it's so easy to get caught up in Ye Olde Rat Race. I'm so interested in understanding people, and understanding how people are the same despite differences in time, place, raising. I've realized during my transition into becoming an adult how differently we think of people in fame, authority, or history, when realistically, humans are pretty consistent. Mostly just the technology, medical care, fincial security, and religious climates vary. It makes me want to go to school to study andropological sociology. Or work in a funeral home as a corpse painter because that seems like a pretty awesome job. To be able to give something to the grieving in such a direct way.
I would also add that addicts are another group excluded from the phenomenon of the invisible death - doubly so for addicts that are BIPOC or LGBTQ+. I'm white, but I'm queer, and although I'm clean now, I lived on and off the streets for years, and death was around every corner. Every week or so it seemed like someone else was gone - either from an OD, a suicide, or a murder - many of them children or teenagers. I can't count the nights in my teens that I went to sleep wondering if I'd wake up. To this day, every time I talk to someone, it's in the back of my mind that I might never see them again. Even if they're not using and/or in good health. I didn't think I'd make it past 19. It's a blessing and a curse. Traumatizing for sure. Grief is constant. But it has shown me what matters, and the importance of REALLY living while you still can. Remember to tell people you love them.
8:26 this is actually quite common where I'm from! Pretty sure I saw my first dead body at the age of 3, when I asked my parents why my grandmother was on a "weird bed", aka her coffin.
Here in Ireland it's very common to have a "wake" the day before a funeral, where the open coffin is laid out in the person's home (or perhaps in a funeral parlour? I've only attended home wakes) and family, friends, and acquaintances come to see the body, pay respects, and be with the mourning family.
I think it's a really lovely opportunity to say goodbye, and I've been grateful to have those chances to see and be with all my grandparents and other relatives again before their burials.
I have a strange relation with death. I don't know how to feel about it, every time my relatives Ex. Grandma, grandpa, uncles, cousins and aunts died i felt nothing. Just trying to comfort my mom (since her family members were the most common to fall.) And looking at her greiving. I'm not scared of death or the after life, i'm scared of the moments before that. I don't know how i would react to my parents dying, maybe sadness, maybe greif or maybe indifference. I don't know how to feel about it, kinda like everything.
Is anyone else now really curious about what a fish scream sounds like?
i would recognise the danse macabre anywhere dfgbfhgbfud love that piece so much
I would also add to your point of bipoc and queer folks not experiencing death and grief the same: alot of our deaths our in mainstream culture treated as "deserved". As in death as punishment and therefore unworthy to mourn. Grief being unwarranted.
Make no mistake uprisings and riots are grieving.
WOAH Clare King'oo was my professor in college! She taught my Shakespeare course! She's awesome and I really recommend taking a class with her for anyone interested. (Also, IIRC it's King-oh for those wondering!)
It’s called a particular judgment (for the one person at their death bed) and the general judgment as the final judgement at the end of the world
I love how death has always been spoken about as tho it is its own being. Like a human, an immortal human of mortality.
When my stepfather died of cancer, we took care of him at home, with the help of hospice. I won't say that it was easy. But I am sure that he died a better death than if he had died in a hospital where they would have kept him alive until the last possible moment, regardless of his suffering. He had been a doctor most of his life, so he knew that, and did not want to go that way, and he didn't.
She quoted my death queen Caitlin!!!!!!!😆😆😆😆 Yay askamortician!!!!!
Septuagint is pronounced “sept-too-eh-gent”. (Gent like gentle )
Dancing with death?
My brain: *queues up Spooky Spooky Skeletons*
I loooooooove your videos! And now your quoting Cat D from Ask a Mortician! It can’t get better than this. I’m from Argentina and I really can’t understand why all the embalming they do in the US. I’m 36 and I remember being at my aunt’s funeral when I was 8 at my grandma’s house. When my grandpa died they’d already moved into an apartment and we had to have the “velatorio”, the gathering around the coffin in a mortuary and I’ve always thought that was sad. Not being able to have your last goodbye in your own home….
hearing "danse macabre" kick it right before you talked about it was so cool