Thank goodness for Ross’s videos. I so needed someone to talk to. I am all alone recovering from a narcissist relationship. I have been given the boot in the community for exiting the relationship. “Flying Monkeys ” everywhere ! Oh yes, calling out a covert narcissist will not get you many likes in a small community where everyone only sees that persons alter ego. Sadly, he’s the “great “ guy who can abuse his wife emotionally and physically and get away with it all! So here’s to the BEST therapist I’ve seen in person or online. And I’ve listened to them all, but ROSS ROSENBURG is a caring and very smart person. I plan to keep on going forward with the grace of God. It is a scary thing to decide to move on, but I am tired of believing the lies that I’m not good enough. I will find myself again. FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY . That’s my motto☀️🦋🌈
I fully concur. Blaming the narcissist keeps one stuck in a perpetual state of victimhood because it is an admission to oneself that THEY have the power to control how you feel. No one can control how you think and feel but YOU yourself. Thank you for underscoring this hugely important fact!!
Not only your comments apply to us the co-dependents but also to the other side of the coin which are the narcissists, covert narcissists and sociopaths. We were too unselfish and they were too selfish.
“Because SLD’s (self love deficit disorder suffers) know... They know it from as early as they can remember. Any opportunity to get stronger.. to grow, to metaphorically become physically healthier, is threatening. The narcissist do not want you to get stronger.” That hits home.
Being healthy and happy, the narc will make you pay for loving and taking care of yourself . The jealousy is scary, I am tied to others in this sick way, I feel badly for the unhappy people in my life. I gotta focus on my own recovery. Ty
This is so helpful.. This explains why I'm still living a poor, low quality life in my own self made prison.. I'm done with relationships and isolated myself and keep myself in a poor place because I reckon it's how I'm trained. And it's manifesting physically as well as mental and emotional too.
One thing that helped me was to start meeting well adjusted people who are the people I wanted to become. I.e.: I wanted to work in finance so I started networking and meeting people ultimately befriending very successful and driven individuals. Had to keep vetting during the process though because narcs are among these groups. Once you find your tribe they’ll be able to help you get where you want to be and where you’re meant to be. Something I had to wrestle with which is the subject of this video was the feeling that I was not worth these people’s time, that I was an imposter trying to be somebody who I was not (I grew up poor in a very destructive cult). It’s ok to feel adequate and worthy of succeeding in whatever field you want to success. You don’t have to be poor if you don’t want. It takes some work but it’s worth it! ❤️
Guys, just 3 days ago I realized that I always "lower myself" to people and am not confident or "commandeering" enough with my life. It's like I felt a shame or felt wrong about being confident because that's proud, and no way, that's not how a good person feels. That's how I felt. That was me still living through my "sense of otherness," where I validate myself through other's love or approval. So growing up, at home, I always did my best to do things according to my narc mother's rules, just to avoid her bullshit. 20 years of suffering until 3 days ago. Fuck me, it's been a shitload of pain and anxiety my fellow friends in pain, and now in freedom. It feels good to be free, it feels good to be free indeed. But I always cared way more about people than I do about myself, which came from growing up with the narc mother who I constantly had to walk on eggshells around because of her toxicity. Now I realized I don't have to answer anybody if I don't want to, I don't have to feel like I need to serve anyone, I don't have to feel like I have to react a certain way, like when a narcissist suddenly acts moody or they act like they're "hurt" or "crying," which is almost always an act, but I don't have to even feel bad about that, not even one iota. And I never thought that I had to "serve" or answer to anybody, but THAT'S HOW I FELT. I think that's important to note too. I just naturally reacted like that, without thinking, on cue, on autopilot. Wounded child archetype. And now, even though I know what's up, I still find myself almost wanting to react, or ask if they're okay, or some other typical stupid shit like that, when I know darn well they're just playing a manipulation tactic. Guys, keep a journal. Write down every day how you were triggered and which triggers are the worst for you, and review the journal often. That way you'll build a solid defense against this sick bullshit. And someone, please tell me, how do all these sick narcissists learn these techniques to mess with people's minds like this? It's not like they all go to the same seminar all over the world or learn this shit in school. This is some sick, twisted, advanced level fuckery. It needs to be criminalized. Because I'm 100% certain lots of people were driven to suicide by people like this. I know of one empathetic type person that had a narcissistic wife whose suicide may have very much been caused by her, or at least aided and abetted. And you know how narcissists suck your energy? Even if you're in another locked room and they're upset, with no supply, they'll slam a door, or two doors, and suddenly, you can feel your heart kinda slump and suddenly your mood just kinda goes a few levels down to shit. That's how they suck energy out of you. Even not being in your presence. But thank God it's over. I can walk without a heaviness now, I can walk with my shoulders back, I can feel like a human being. I don't have to feel like I'm a waste of space because I make mistakes or I do some things wrong, that's part of being human. It's like a weight lifting off your soul and your heart, truly. I feel like these people are the reason behind a lot of anxiety disorders and maybe even ill physical health. They are extremely detrimental to one's sanity, well-being, and general health. That's a fact.
Your message I hear is that we have to make a continuing commitment to mental and physical health as our self love deficit disorder will pounce on us if we don’t defend and build strength against it. Great message!
I am beginning to suspect that anxiety, stress, depression, maybe even things like bipolar personality disorder and mania, who knows how many others things too, are all related to either childhood trauma, or being around negative people, or your ego having forced certain expectations on you. Studies are already coming out in hordes that antidepressants don't work, they just mask the symptoms, they increase the instances of suicide, weaning down off of them is dangerous and throws the person "into a black hole." You think? Like who knew not addressing the real root of the problem and the real reason for that depression and masking it for 10 years with anti-depressants (which mask your connection to your soul by the way, have you seen those people's eyes on antidepressants, they look empty and glassy, and they will tell you themselves you feel like an emotionless zombie on them, and that's another reason why almost every school shooter was on some kind of antidepressants like Zoloft) and so, yeah, masking it for 10 years and then suddenly, boom, all of that shit unloads on you as one dark emotional cloud hovering over you, when you try to wean down off anti-deps. And suddenly, oops. The psychiatrist says that's it buddy, you must be on them for life or you're fucked. But to get on them only took the doc 5 minutes to write you the script, with no real explanation that it doesn't often work and we don't really know how it affects your brain, and affect it it does, even one dose of anti-deps can change your brain's neurochemistry, and whoa, whoa, whoa, what now? Now, we need to find the truth. We've been lied to my friends. Most of these conditions are soul conditions, state of mind conditions, unhealed trauma, unaccounted for emotions, pent up emotions, emotions that turn to stress, anxiety, panic attacks, rage, mood swings, bipolar disorder, because what kind of person wouldn't be anxious holding back all the negative emotions from dealing with a narcissist for 10 or 15 years and not knowing the real reason for it!? Some of these negative people seem to be "imprinting" their dark energy or mark on you, like they're channeling energy, giving you the nasty shit and keep your good energy, because that's how they survive, they feed off other people. Or at the very least, they're using you as a dumping ground for their negative emotions, like a release, and you carry the weight of their burden. And so, it's beyond people, but then again, it's all people. Because, you work at a job that doesn't align with your values, they're cutting corners or ripping off patients, and it bothers the F out of you, but you can't do anything about it because you don't wanna be the whistleblower who loses his job, and you really need the paycheck. And so, you get off work, and what do you do or say? You say, "Phew, I could really use a drink." Ah, you see. Now we know why. Now do that shit for 5 years, 10 years, 25 years. Yeah, you're gonna have anxiety. By 10 years that anxiety might have built up to such levels that it's now panic attacks, and you might be taking muscle relaxants, Xanax, Valium, which never heal shit, again, they're maskers, they temporarily chill out your nervous system, but as soon as the pills stop, the root issue will come right back up, in a much stronger force. Because the cause was never addressed. We live in the time of band-aid medicine. It's good for people who are blind, it's a quick fix, but oh boy, does it come with heavy repercussions for your future and soul condition. And then we wonder why we see so many suicides. My goodness, this shit is blowing my mind. This is beyond narcissistic personality disorder, this touches on so many other disorders. We are fucking pioneers my friends. Maybe our suffering wasn't all for nothing. If we can help many other people then maybe the suffering was worth it.
I have been stuck in a marraige with a narcissist for 10 years. Trapped. I have been trying to find a plan to exit the suffering. SLD. Yes. One must think of financial consequences & consequences of all the souls in the house that are affected.
Thank you for sharing ... the first steps are sooo difficult ... i self sabotage and barely function these days ... i would like to re-brainwash myself with a clean slate and rid myself of the “i don’t deserve anything good in my life” way of thinking/believing ... logically it makes sense that i do, but my body & brain are programmed for self loathing & people pleasing ... still have hope ... going to your website ...
This video is gold. 🪄✨ “You have to push back and fight the REAL consequences of people pushing you back, threatening you, tripping you up, sabotaging you, and other consequences that you just can’t get by because everyone needs you to be co-dependent!!” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Your videos are truly helping me heal and transcend!! I was raised by a generational narcissist mother/codependent father. The majority of my relationships (unbeknownst to me until recently) were with narcs. I’m ready to fight, face my pain, break through, transcend!! No time like the present 💓
You are 100 percent correct! I am going through the fight right now! I decided just today to give myself a massage to address some of the pain from Physical therapy! You are right about the childhood narrative and having to essentially not believe it.
I learned..we manifest our reality. We are our own judge juror and executioner.. excellent message. Wish your sound matched the mouth movements lol but an excellent message 👍👌💙
I have spent all afternoon and evening watching your videos. Im so pleased I signed up to watch you on the Trauma Summit. You are music to my ears. Im 59 and last week was my 52nd week in a row where I went to a Personal Fitness Trainer, I have never been able to keep up exercise , when I first started my goal was to show up, I was so scared and didnt trust my body because in the past I always crashed and burned out my adrenals by about week 5. But I found an awesome trainer who knows how to work with my age body, enough so I am pushing myself but not too much so I cant recover. I also learned early on that my mindset (gaslit) was that I wasnt really exercising much so I wouldnt take protein for recovery. Now I take protein after and my recovery is really good. I just set my new goals for the next year, its exercise/movement of some kind every day, and now Im starting to work on my mindset when working out, where I motivate myself because I never believed I could motivate myself any other way than pushing too hard and shaming myself out (gaslighting)
Ross YOU rock!! Thank you for lifting us up by sharing your wisdom, heart, and soul. Your pain was not in vain because you are helping so many to liberate themselves from the slavery of being self love deficient.
Your book 📚 is the best 👏 It’s literally a life saver 🙏 I realized in my head the fear for me was../ as the pain feelings came up that were repressed ( I call them icky feelings )- hurt feelings... my fear was that icky/hurt feeling would be there forever. Soon I realized / once I released these feelings/ felt them / then the icky feelings/ hurt feelings subsided. On the other side was peace. 😇 My new motto- you have to feel- in order to heal. Feel to heal. 🥰
Thank you Working on healing myself now.I am so sick of being this way.My life has been nothing but turmoil,pain, anxiety and depression! My future dosen't have to be that way.I have given my life to others trying to please them but I not learn how to give love to myself. I have had compassion and empathy for everyone around me.Everyone but myself. I look in the mirror and don't know me for worrying about others.I totally want change. It's very lonely and hard for me but I had rather be alone than continue letting myself take abuse.It has to stop. I am 57 years old and look back on my life as never really being loved.I have to love myself. How can I give what I don't have for myself. Again I say Thank you for helping me understand more and in my healing.
Ross..bless you big!! Thank you for telling us the truth. Ha! I've been trying to do this progressive strengthening now so that I could avoid hurt. Reality..no avoiding it. Those words are strengthening..all of them! I appreciate you and your time. Way to go with your "swaggering" self! Yes, it's a compliment 😉
I'd love to be able to talk to people openly, but i closed down years ago and learned to say nothing, because i kept falling prey to narcs or those who cannot be trusted. I have, however, gone no contact with those i grew up with, who did what you talk about here. Since then, I've been in the recovery process and have been able to do things without the usual oppositions. This has slowly given me the space to feel comfortable with myself, and also to enjoy or just be. It certainly is a work in progress, but not having to explain myself or have every single thing torn apart is mind-changing, to the point i don't feel the need to express the traumas, but to just go forward. But certain types of people still cause a reaction in me, so i have a way to go yet. Your video is another cog in the revelations. Thank you.
What a great metaphor. The journey of self love recovery is painful, but so worth it and the best thing I have done for myself, it surely isn't in the interest of those who have benefited from my SLD.
Great video Ross. I'm trying to get up enough courage to finally get a divorce from my narcissist wife of 35 years and once again your videos gives me the strength and confidence to go through with it. Thanks so much!
D Collins same here, but mine is 40 years and I’m doing it! I hope you find the strength too. It’s hard and the years keep rolling by. Don’t leave it any longer x
Wow, Ross. I too just back got into working out! The psychological journey is the hard part! So glad you addressed that. Its such a journey I can't post much about it. But its amazing! Thank you for this, for trailblazing!
Wow, the synchronicity of your message has stunned me. I’ve was talking with a friend yesterday about how I have only just realised that it’s my own fears of being confident and happy that is holding me back. Unbelievably, I open this video this morning and it’s like the universe is trying to tell me to push harder to get through the fear. Thank you 🙏 Ross, I needed to hear this message.
SAME. Just 3 days ago I realized that I always "lower myself" to people. I always care way more about people than I do about myself, which came from growing up with a narc mother who I constantly had to walk on eggshells around because of her toxic character. Now I realized I don't have to answer anybody if I don't want to, I don't have to feel like I need to serve anyone, I don't have to feel like I have to react a certain way, like when a narcissist suddenly acts moody or they act like they're "hurt" or "crying," which is almost always an act, but I don't have to even feel bad about that, not even one iota. And you know how narcissists suck your energy? Even if you're in another locked room and they're upset, with no supply, they'll slam a door, or two doors, and suddenly, you can feel your heart kinda slump and suddenly your mood just kinda goes a few levels down to shit. That's how they suck energy out of you. Even not being in your presence. But thank God it's over. I can walk without a heaviness now, I can walk with my shoulders back, I can feel like a human being. I don't have to feel like I'm a waste of space because I make mistakes or I do some things wrong, that's part of being human. It's like a weight lifting off your soul and your heart, truly. I feel like these people are the reason behind a lot of anxiety disorders and maybe even ill physical health. They are extremely detrimental to one's sanity, well-being, and general health. That's a fact.
It's true you are very poetic and describe narcissistic abuse through metaphors that help people depersonalize the abuse so that they can view their situation from the outside looking in, to where. They can see how faulty their way of thinking has been.
Dear Ross, Please PLEASE PLEASE! Do a video together with Dr. Gabor Mate. Things you are talking about are so tuned with what he talks about in his book "When the body says no", it's fascinating! This could be such a promising interdisciplinary research project.
This is such a powerful message, Ross. Thank you for telling your story. It is absolutely a metaphor for SLD and Recovery. I used to be an athlete, before several injuries. I also had a narcissistic parent. Hearing it this way really helped me to identify with the process of healing by doing the work.
Allow yourself to be you, allow yourself to be confident guys. You are allowed to be your own person, no matter how hard your mind is tricking you. Don't sit in that fog of anxiety thinking why things aren't going right or why you do things wrong or why this, why that, why are they upset. That's on them. That's not your responsibility. All that constant caring and feeling for others is draining your energy throughout the day, because these types of people feed, LITERALLY FEED off your energy. That's why you feel so tired, and unmotivated, and exhausted to do anything grand in your life. You kind of just go by day by day, moping around, doing what you need but not really what you want. I know that feeling. But now, enough with that bullshit. Realizing why you feel that way is what will set you free, and it's the narcs and their tactics draining your energy, what some would call "your soul energy." So you are not depressed, you are not anxious, your diet most likely is fine (if you don't eat fast food every day) and your water intake is probably more or less okay, it's just the narcs that are sucking the life force out of you dry. My goodness, I can see why people in the past could have called narcissist type people witches. I mean, back then, with science and technology being way far behind, what else would you call it? Some people now still believe there's an evil presence or demonic entity inside them. I mean, what kind of person does this type of shit anyway? What kind of person enjoys doing this to people, breaking them down, constantly pushing them down, criticizing them just enough to keep driving the knife in, literally constantly running you into the ground, piece by piece, cut by cut. These people need to be on a national registry or something, they are fucking cruel and detrimental to all people in society.
Many people have said this, but your message comes in perfect timing. Truly. I just had this revelation three days ago, and my mind is blown. On day 2 of this realization my ego tried its best to try to "convince me" that I didn't have the right idea, that's just me trying to be "proud" or using some gimmick to "prop myself up." And yes, maybe it's just a coping technique, but damn, it sure feels good to allow yourself to feel good and confident about yourself. So that ego voice of judgment can just fuck right off. But it was incredible, I had this vivid imagination 3 days ago, at night, of how EXACTLY I need to act for the narcissists not to be able to touch me. And whoosh, the next day after pushing my ego trying to fight me back into my old patterns, I allowed myself to feel more or less "big" and to command my energy, not pay the narcissist in my life any special attention, not entertain them, and not give them any of my "caring" no matter what kind of bullshit or drama they bring up. (There's always some drama when supply is running dry.) And voila! Guess what happened!? For 3 days now, I can see and feek the narcissist panicking, and they're doing everything to be nice to me. But I don't want any of their niceness, I know it's just a hook to get me back on their terms. I don't even look them in the eye much, unless I say something upclose directly, and then only for a few brief seconds, and that's that. And boy, suddenly, it's like they're the child kissing ass. What's that all about? Because never before have they tried to kiss ass for three days straight. So guys, in a nutshell, remember, it's best to go no contact forever and remove them out of your life for good. Then, next, extreme gray scale if they are the mother/father of your kids or family. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER, DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF OR FEEL THE NEED TO "CARE" FOR THEM, TO "WORRY" ABOUT THEM, TO ASK IF THEY'RE OKAY, OR TO WONDER "IF YOU'RE HURT THEIR FEELINGS, SHOULD I MAYBE TAK TO THEM." NO!!! No, no, no, no, no! FROM NOW ON, THEY GET NOTHING. Haven't they tortured you enough? And your wounded child archetype still wants to be nice to them? You still want their acceptance, some shitty person's acceptance? Which you'll never get anyway, you must know that. They are incapable of true love, because their ego is so massive it's always all about them one way or another. Because remember, if you still feel the inclination to be nice to them, you're still not being strong enough with them, you're still under their spell. You shouldn't feel any kind of pull on your heartstrings anymore, don't allow yourself to. Learn the truth and set yourself free.
Merci beaucoup! I’m grateful that I found your TH-cam channel. Thank you for being who you are; thank you for showing us how to improve our lives and make self-love a priority!
The narcissist also puts you into states of pain whenever you treat yourself well. It's classical conditioning and the only way out is extinction learning- you need to do for yourself until you no longer feel apprehensive about it.
This was great timing for me Ross, thank you, keep healing on your own journey and we can all grow towards self love and genuine love for others together 👍 I love everyone on here who is lost or trying to better themselves, guys there is life, joy, well being, and success on the other side of this. One day at a time, stronger each day as Ross said.
Dear Dr Rosenberg, Many warm greetings from Munich, Germany I've been trying to understand your videos for some time now and it's getting better and better ;-) With this message today it was as if a hundred year old curtain was lifting and I got a clear view of the true core of self-sabotage. I've been so touched... 😢 I had to get cancer to soften this, I say gaslighting-tar lumps in my brain a little bit and to see the truth more and more. You are doing an absolutely outstanding work, which becomes tangible through your authenticity, like 3D. For this I am infinitely grateful! I wished so much that your books could be translated into German and that German therapists would be trained with you. Or if possible, that you could come to Bavaria. We would absolutely need it here. And at the same time I want to apologize for my English (only using a translator program) Now I wish us SLD's that we dare to be strong and silence the sabotage voices and inner critics. Sincere and grateful greetings to America from Renate 😀
Yes Ross, swagger is a compliment! You have certainly earned it the past few months. You work super hard and we are so proud of you, keep up the great work. Thank you for the shout out for Anytime Fitness in Buffalo Grove, IL.
I outlasted the lonely pain I felt when going No Contact with a Narc, and I’m stronger, more confident, and happier now. Next up on the pain/growth map, going out and finding a mate based on my needs not the need to please. Wow, it hurts, but as a musician I got used to getting rejected when seeking work. I see I’ll need to grow the same sort of callouses when I’m attracted to a healthy choice.
Have been having health problems for years (low immune). Every time went to the gym I cought a cold (staying sweaty under an air conditioning or going outside after a shower). Thought it was a vicious circle. Now i know it's a "learnt" condition. Thank you
What an amazing video - the best advice I have ever heard as you talk from personal, heartfelt struggle and experience. The funny thing is this is exactly what I needed today as I have been thinking of this all week long - great synchronicity! Thank you and may we have all that we desire !
I often had a smell (if you can say so) what it is when I felt an awesome joy or even power or when I was convinced of something. And I was like thrown on the ground and I had no idea.... I thought I should learn more and more to be humble, quite, nice. What a blessing your videos and those german of phönix life. It took me over 50 years and I think something powerfull begins, that does not exclude a christian humble way, but makes oneself strong, nice from the inside even others do not like my attitude. Funny. No with a new taste of power and growing sense of humour, I feel there are more and more nice people around me. I learn to turn my back towards my 2 covert narcis in my life, without moving or without seperating. They're too old. But there are even new songs that are in my heart to put in words and to feel the melody of life. Only a few weeks of listening to the videos clearify my feelings. Thank you. I thought my high blood pressure is because of my age..(am healthy and slim), my migrene is vanishing, my depri is history, and when there are waves of tears, I know God is near and I can laugh..., cause I know my feelings are just i. A shower😋
I like that Ross isn't as polished as a few other experts in this field. Dr. Ramani, and Dr. Les Carter have such a smooth delivery on everything, and their content is all great. But they both disapear behind their youtube personas a little. Meanwhile Ross comes off as messily authentic, which I like. But - the content is good. Also, Ross's comfort in his own skin is an example to tohers to be messy, and healthy.
Thank you, Ross🙏 I need to hear this to get over my childhood pain. When I was born my mother breasts have some kind of disease that she couldn't breast feed me. We have never bonded like normal mother and child. And when I was three or four I was sexually abused by a teenage neighbor. Even though I told her about it she didn't confront the boy so I had this fear of running into him. The sexual abuse happened again and again throughout my childhood by family friends and relatives so I never like myself too much and often wonder why I deserved all the abuses. Now as an adult woman I don't know how to enjoy sex without feeling guilt. A lot of stuff we suffer in our childhood can form wrong opinion in us about life and ourselves and therefore we live in self hate and pain. Thank you again for educating us how to get pass all the pain and live a happy life.
Ross, l like your energy very much. Thank you for saving my life. I bought your book, also binge watching all your utube videos and subscribed. When the student is ready the teacher appears. Blessings galore to you. From Ireland
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! This was so pertinent Your humane voice shines like the beam from a lighthouse in a dark rocky sea. I am on the verge of breaking through and your videos and your genuineness, are helping me no end. Thank you. I wish you well!
I love your work and ideas Ross! you were the first person I found and first book I bought after this last narcissist. Then I bought your second book. amazing! Thank you!
So timely I just had an online interview for a job I thought I wanted but in back,arm and neck spasms because of historical back problems and RSI. Just baffled by intensity of these back spasms and helps to connect to 20 years recovery from co dependency and trauma bonds with family.
Ross, that's interesting you say that about your body holding trauma. Because I was just reading many articles by a teacher and meditation practitioner, and she said that at certain stages of meditation, before you ascend to another state of mind, your body starts aching much harder than usual, like it'll start hurting real bad between the fingers, and so on. And she stated something interested, something that relates to what you said. She pretty much (in her words) said that it's your body's last fighting "defensive line" to try to keep you from reaching a higher state of mind or consciousness and to start realizing things and learning things for yourself, like why you do what you do and why you're stuck in the emotional patterns you are stuck in. It's like your body almost keeping you hostage to keep you "in this reality" because the ego is so strong, it just doesn't want to give up. I mean, one way or another, this stuff seems to lead to spirituality and mind over matter. And that just blows my mind. The nature behind all of these things is not what we first thought it was, it seems to be totally in our head. We truly are our worst enemy. And knowledge is power.
Yes...taking action and going through something uncomfortable is necessary .....I can do that in physical exercise....and am working on doing that for self love :)
You're a superstar! Thank you so much for this message! Thanks to you and others on youtube over the past year I'm finally ready to follow my dreams and am going back to school, Still lots of work ahead but no longer in the freakin fog wandering around like a lost dog
Thanks for this message, I have been abused by my narcisstic mother who died when I was 16, then my NPD brother pretended to take care of me and also abused me and isolated me, Im 24 now and broke contact with them all since 7 months and start to feel better, less anxiety and self doubt but I also have a fear of getting sick and dying, iow being alone... but Im pushing through I want to do everything to love my self.. greets
I'm so ready to heal from the narcissist abuse. I am currently in the middle of the custody and divorce process and although I've made a lot of progress I still feel stuck at times and I really dislike feeling stuck, life is too short. I will soon be free of him and truly want to heal completely and never look back. Ready to go to the next step, just not sure what that next step is.
deja ve my back went out. u just described every abuse victim (Im phobic i admit it) ive worked with using avoidance routines. i do it all the time. the more i try pysch the worse i feel. i love the mchugh bandage ur an expert medic. ur always lift us up ross ty for sharing your struggles. ..why do we remain weak..is this a special way of being the injured robin?. paul mccartneys song black bird comes to mind. thank you .
I always thought I need a partner to prove to myself that I am OK because my narcisstic environment in childhood told me that I am not OK.
Thank goodness for Ross’s videos. I so needed someone to talk to. I am all alone recovering from a narcissist relationship. I have been given the boot in the community for exiting the relationship. “Flying Monkeys ” everywhere ! Oh yes, calling out a covert narcissist will not get you many likes in a small community where everyone only sees that persons alter ego. Sadly, he’s the “great “ guy who can abuse his wife emotionally and physically and get away with it all!
So here’s to the BEST therapist I’ve seen in person or online. And I’ve listened to them all, but ROSS ROSENBURG is a caring and very smart person. I plan to keep on going forward with the grace of God. It is a scary thing to decide to move on, but I am tired of believing the lies that I’m not good enough. I will find myself again. FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY . That’s my motto☀️🦋🌈
I fully concur. Blaming the narcissist keeps one stuck in a perpetual state of victimhood because it is an admission to oneself that THEY have the power to control how you feel. No one can control how you think and feel but YOU yourself. Thank you for underscoring this hugely important fact!!
But they do this is why traumatic events are called traumatic events . They hurt plus hurt us traumatically forever cheers it’s how this works
Our biggest enemy is ourselves. 🔥
Thought it was just me~ been free of these vampires for 5 years, and I have to fight daily to keep happy thoughts.
Not only your comments apply to us the co-dependents but also to the other side of the coin which are the narcissists, covert narcissists and sociopaths. We were too unselfish and they were too selfish.
No irs not it’s the people who raise us cheers
Your message this evening is not a coincidence. It is a blessing. Thank you so much.
“Because SLD’s (self love deficit disorder suffers) know... They know it from as early as they can remember. Any opportunity to get stronger.. to grow, to metaphorically become physically healthier, is threatening. The narcissist do not want you to get stronger.” That hits home.
*"You will piss a lot of people off when you start doing what is best for you"*
Being healthy and happy, the narc will make you pay for loving and taking care of yourself . The jealousy is scary, I am tied to others in this sick way, I feel badly for the unhappy people in my life. I gotta focus on my own recovery. Ty
When you dig yourself in deeper and deeper, sadly you start convincing yourself that it’s comfortable, but it truly isn’t.
This is so helpful.. This explains why I'm still living a poor, low quality life in my own self made prison.. I'm done with relationships and isolated myself and keep myself in a poor place because I reckon it's how I'm trained. And it's manifesting physically as well as mental and emotional too.
One thing that helped me was to start meeting well adjusted people who are the people I wanted to become. I.e.: I wanted to work in finance so I started networking and meeting people ultimately befriending very successful and driven individuals. Had to keep vetting during the process though because narcs are among these groups. Once you find your tribe they’ll be able to help you get where you want to be and where you’re meant to be. Something I had to wrestle with which is the subject of this video was the feeling that I was not worth these people’s time, that I was an imposter trying to be somebody who I was not (I grew up poor in a very destructive cult). It’s ok to feel adequate and worthy of succeeding in whatever field you want to success. You don’t have to be poor if you don’t want. It takes some work but it’s worth it! ❤️
Guys, just 3 days ago I realized that I always "lower myself" to people and am not confident or "commandeering" enough with my life. It's like I felt a shame or felt wrong about being confident because that's proud, and no way, that's not how a good person feels. That's how I felt. That was me still living through my "sense of otherness," where I validate myself through other's love or approval. So growing up, at home, I always did my best to do things according to my narc mother's rules, just to avoid her bullshit. 20 years of suffering until 3 days ago. Fuck me, it's been a shitload of pain and anxiety my fellow friends in pain, and now in freedom. It feels good to be free, it feels good to be free indeed.
But I always cared way more about people than I do about myself, which came from growing up with the narc mother who I constantly had to walk on eggshells around because of her toxicity.
Now I realized I don't have to answer anybody if I don't want to, I don't have to feel like I need to serve anyone, I don't have to feel like I have to react a certain way, like when a narcissist suddenly acts moody or they act like they're "hurt" or "crying," which is almost always an act, but I don't have to even feel bad about that, not even one iota.
And I never thought that I had to "serve" or answer to anybody, but THAT'S HOW I FELT. I think that's important to note too. I just naturally reacted like that, without thinking, on cue, on autopilot. Wounded child archetype.
And now, even though I know what's up, I still find myself almost wanting to react, or ask if they're okay, or some other typical stupid shit like that, when I know darn well they're just playing a manipulation tactic. Guys, keep a journal. Write down every day how you were triggered and which triggers are the worst for you, and review the journal often. That way you'll build a solid defense against this sick bullshit.
And someone, please tell me, how do all these sick narcissists learn these techniques to mess with people's minds like this? It's not like they all go to the same seminar all over the world or learn this shit in school. This is some sick, twisted, advanced level fuckery. It needs to be criminalized. Because I'm 100% certain lots of people were driven to suicide by people like this. I know of one empathetic type person that had a narcissistic wife whose suicide may have very much been caused by her, or at least aided and abetted.
And you know how narcissists suck your energy? Even if you're in another locked room and they're upset, with no supply, they'll slam a door, or two doors, and suddenly, you can feel your heart kinda slump and suddenly your mood just kinda goes a few levels down to shit. That's how they suck energy out of you. Even not being in your presence. But thank God it's over. I can walk without a heaviness now, I can walk with my shoulders back, I can feel like a human being. I don't have to feel like I'm a waste of space because I make mistakes or I do some things wrong, that's part of being human.
It's like a weight lifting off your soul and your heart, truly. I feel like these people are the reason behind a lot of anxiety disorders and maybe even ill physical health. They are extremely detrimental to one's sanity, well-being, and general health. That's a fact.
Thank you for your strength and honesty sharing your personal process 🤚🏾Powerful!
I am looking at your face while i am smiling, you look so beautiful inside, your eyes smile and ypu bring back hope to me. Thank you!!
Your message I hear is that we have to make a continuing commitment to mental and physical health as our self love deficit disorder will pounce on us if we don’t defend and build strength against it. Great message!
I am beginning to suspect that anxiety, stress, depression, maybe even things like bipolar personality disorder and mania, who knows how many others things too, are all related to either childhood trauma, or being around negative people, or your ego having forced certain expectations on you.
Studies are already coming out in hordes that antidepressants don't work, they just mask the symptoms, they increase the instances of suicide, weaning down off of them is dangerous and throws the person "into a black hole." You think?
Like who knew not addressing the real root of the problem and the real reason for that depression and masking it for 10 years with anti-depressants (which mask your connection to your soul by the way, have you seen those people's eyes on antidepressants, they look empty and glassy, and they will tell you themselves you feel like an emotionless zombie on them, and that's another reason why almost every school shooter was on some kind of antidepressants like Zoloft) and so, yeah, masking it for 10 years and then suddenly, boom, all of that shit unloads on you as one dark emotional cloud hovering over you, when you try to wean down off anti-deps.
And suddenly, oops. The psychiatrist says that's it buddy, you must be on them for life or you're fucked. But to get on them only took the doc 5 minutes to write you the script, with no real explanation that it doesn't often work and we don't really know how it affects your brain, and affect it it does, even one dose of anti-deps can change your brain's neurochemistry, and whoa, whoa, whoa, what now? Now, we need to find the truth. We've been lied to my friends.
Most of these conditions are soul conditions, state of mind conditions, unhealed trauma, unaccounted for emotions, pent up emotions, emotions that turn to stress, anxiety, panic attacks, rage, mood swings, bipolar disorder, because what kind of person wouldn't be anxious holding back all the negative emotions from dealing with a narcissist for 10 or 15 years and not knowing the real reason for it!? Some of these negative people seem to be "imprinting" their dark energy or mark on you, like they're channeling energy, giving you the nasty shit and keep your good energy, because that's how they survive, they feed off other people. Or at the very least, they're using you as a dumping ground for their negative emotions, like a release, and you carry the weight of their burden.
And so, it's beyond people, but then again, it's all people. Because, you work at a job that doesn't align with your values, they're cutting corners or ripping off patients, and it bothers the F out of you, but you can't do anything about it because you don't wanna be the whistleblower who loses his job, and you really need the paycheck. And so, you get off work, and what do you do or say? You say, "Phew, I could really use a drink." Ah, you see. Now we know why.
Now do that shit for 5 years, 10 years, 25 years. Yeah, you're gonna have anxiety. By 10 years that anxiety might have built up to such levels that it's now panic attacks, and you might be taking muscle relaxants, Xanax, Valium, which never heal shit, again, they're maskers, they temporarily chill out your nervous system, but as soon as the pills stop, the root issue will come right back up, in a much stronger force. Because the cause was never addressed. We live in the time of band-aid medicine. It's good for people who are blind, it's a quick fix, but oh boy, does it come with heavy repercussions for your future and soul condition. And then we wonder why we see so many suicides. My goodness, this shit is blowing my mind. This is beyond narcissistic personality disorder, this touches on so many other disorders. We are fucking pioneers my friends. Maybe our suffering wasn't all for nothing. If we can help many other people then maybe the suffering was worth it.
Rant Therapist Thank you very mutch.
So true.
Looking good, Ross! This message hit home for me. Thank you for your all of your amazing content, you have helped me a lot.
I have been stuck in a marraige with a narcissist for 10 years. Trapped. I have been trying to find a plan to exit the suffering. SLD. Yes. One must think of financial consequences & consequences of all the souls in the house that are affected.
Horrific to hear. How are you fairing now I hope you get the space plus healing plus situation / relationship s you desire / deserve !!???!!cheers
It really does hurt and feels impossible to tolerate at times. Thanks for bringing real hope.
Thank you for sharing ... the first steps are sooo difficult ... i self sabotage and barely function these days ... i would like to re-brainwash myself with a clean slate and rid myself of the “i don’t deserve anything good in my life” way of thinking/believing ... logically it makes sense that i do, but my body & brain are programmed for self loathing & people pleasing ... still have hope ... going to your website ...
You're not alone. I'm experiencing this too. Change is scary but it is possible.
This video is gold. 🪄✨
“You have to push back and fight the REAL consequences of people pushing you back, threatening you, tripping you up, sabotaging you, and other consequences that you just can’t get by because everyone needs you to be co-dependent!!” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Your videos are truly helping me heal and transcend!! I was raised by a generational narcissist mother/codependent father. The majority of my relationships (unbeknownst to me until recently) were with narcs.
I’m ready to fight, face my pain, break through, transcend!! No time like the present 💓
Thank you so much for sharing and for your support!
Please also consider exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/.
What a brilliant analogy! I love your communication style ..... push through the fear and get stronger ✨
You are 100 percent correct! I am going through the fight right now! I decided just today to give myself a massage to address some of the pain from Physical therapy!
You are right about the childhood narrative and having to essentially not believe it.
I learned..we manifest our reality. We are our own judge juror and executioner.. excellent message. Wish your sound matched the mouth movements lol but an excellent message 👍👌💙
This process of SLDD takes long time, but it is so worth it! I feel another step forward, a new notch in my recovery belt- this information fuels me.
Thank you, I am so blessed by your messages, all of them. This is the first I heard of self love deficit and it's something I struggle with.
Mr Rosenberg, you sound and look very much stronger in this video ☺ thank you for your invaluable work
I have spent all afternoon and evening watching your videos. Im so pleased I signed up to watch you on the Trauma Summit. You are music to my ears. Im 59 and last week was my 52nd week in a row where I went to a Personal Fitness Trainer, I have never been able to keep up exercise , when I first started my goal was to show up, I was so scared and didnt trust my body because in the past I always crashed and burned out my adrenals by about week 5. But I found an awesome trainer who knows how to work with my age body, enough so I am pushing myself but not too much so I cant recover. I also learned early on that my mindset (gaslit) was that I wasnt really exercising much so I wouldnt take protein for recovery. Now I take protein after and my recovery is really good. I just set my new goals for the next year, its exercise/movement of some kind every day, and now Im starting to work on my mindset when working out, where I motivate myself because I never believed I could motivate myself any other way than pushing too hard and shaming myself out (gaslighting)
Ross YOU rock!! Thank you for lifting us up by sharing your wisdom, heart, and soul. Your pain was not in vain because you are helping so many to liberate themselves from the slavery of being self love deficient.
Thank you Serena! So glad this is helpful!
Your book 📚 is the best 👏
It’s literally a life saver 🙏
I realized in my head the fear for me was../ as the pain feelings came up that were repressed ( I call them icky feelings )- hurt feelings... my fear was that icky/hurt feeling would be there forever. Soon I realized / once I released these feelings/ felt them / then the icky feelings/ hurt feelings subsided. On the other side was peace. 😇
My new motto- you have to feel- in order to heal. Feel to heal. 🥰
Thank you for your message Janie!
Thank you
Working on healing myself now.I am so sick of being this way.My life has been nothing but turmoil,pain, anxiety and depression! My future dosen't have to be that way.I have given my life to others trying to please them but I not learn how to give love to myself. I have had compassion and empathy for everyone around me.Everyone but myself. I look in the mirror and don't know me for worrying about others.I totally want change. It's very lonely and hard for me but I had rather be alone than continue letting myself take abuse.It has to stop. I am 57 years old and look back on my life as never really being loved.I have to love myself. How can I give what I don't have for myself.
Again I say Thank you for helping me understand more and in my healing.
You are welcome. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙏
Ross..bless you big!! Thank you for telling us the truth. Ha! I've been trying to do this progressive strengthening now so that I could avoid hurt. Reality..no avoiding it. Those words are strengthening..all of them! I appreciate you and your time. Way to go with your "swaggering" self! Yes, it's a compliment 😉
I'd love to be able to talk to people openly, but i closed down years ago and learned to say nothing, because i kept falling prey to narcs or those who cannot be trusted. I have, however, gone no contact with those i grew up with, who did what you talk about here. Since then, I've been in the recovery process and have been able to do things without the usual oppositions. This has slowly given me the space to feel comfortable with myself, and also to enjoy or just be. It certainly is a work in progress, but not having to explain myself or have every single thing torn apart is mind-changing, to the point i don't feel the need to express the traumas, but to just go forward. But certain types of people still cause a reaction in me, so i have a way to go yet. Your video is another cog in the revelations. Thank you.
What a great metaphor. The journey of self love recovery is painful, but so worth it and the best thing I have done for myself, it surely isn't in the interest of those who have benefited from my SLD.
Thank you, this was truly wonderful and your light shines so bright!
Amazing video! This makes me feel that I can get stronger too! When I get therapy I can finally breakthrough and bloom! 💓💗💗⚘🌲🌻
Great video Ross. I'm trying to get up enough courage to finally get a divorce from my narcissist wife of 35 years and once again your videos gives me the strength and confidence to go through with it. Thanks so much!
D Collins same here, but mine is 40 years and I’m doing it! I hope you find the strength too. It’s hard and the years keep rolling by. Don’t leave it any longer x
Not fear of pain, but I used to panic at the thought of CHANGE!
Wow, Ross. I too just back got into working out! The psychological journey is the hard part! So glad you addressed that. Its such a journey I can't post much about it. But its amazing! Thank you for this, for trailblazing!
Wow, the synchronicity of your message has stunned me. I’ve was talking with a friend yesterday about how I have only just realised that it’s my own fears of being confident and happy that is holding me back. Unbelievably, I open this video this morning and it’s like the universe is trying to tell me to push harder to get through the fear. Thank you 🙏 Ross, I needed to hear this message.
SAME. Just 3 days ago I realized that I always "lower myself" to people. I always care way more about people than I do about myself, which came from growing up with a narc mother who I constantly had to walk on eggshells around because of her toxic character.
Now I realized I don't have to answer anybody if I don't want to, I don't have to feel like I need to serve anyone, I don't have to feel like I have to react a certain way, like when a narcissist suddenly acts moody or they act like they're "hurt" or "crying," which is almost always an act, but I don't have to even feel bad about that, not even one iota.
And you know how narcissists suck your energy? Even if you're in another locked room and they're upset, with no supply, they'll slam a door, or two doors, and suddenly, you can feel your heart kinda slump and suddenly your mood just kinda goes a few levels down to shit. That's how they suck energy out of you. Even not being in your presence. But thank God it's over. I can walk without a heaviness now, I can walk with my shoulders back, I can feel like a human being. I don't have to feel like I'm a waste of space because I make mistakes or I do some things wrong, that's part of being human.
It's like a weight lifting off your soul and your heart, truly. I feel like these people are the reason behind a lot of anxiety disorders and maybe even ill physical health. They are extremely detrimental to one's sanity, well-being, and general health. That's a fact.
Thank you so much, all this is happening with me. I see people starting to get nervous because I'm choosing self-love.
You are so welcome. 🙏
It's true you are very poetic and describe narcissistic abuse through metaphors that help people depersonalize the abuse so that they can view their situation from the outside looking in, to where. They can see how faulty their way of thinking has been.
Thank you Ross, Im on the road to be Self love abundant!
Ross, thank you for your transparency. It's really lovely to hear that personal side of your recovery, even the struggles.💖💖
Dear Ross,
Please PLEASE PLEASE!
Do a video together with Dr. Gabor Mate. Things you are talking about are so tuned with what he talks about in his book "When the body says no", it's fascinating!
This could be such a promising interdisciplinary research project.
This is such a powerful message, Ross. Thank you for telling your story. It is absolutely a metaphor for SLD and Recovery. I used to be an athlete, before several injuries. I also had a narcissistic parent. Hearing it this way really helped me to identify with the process of healing by doing the work.
This talk is such an eye opener, thank you very much .
Allow yourself to be you, allow yourself to be confident guys. You are allowed to be your own person, no matter how hard your mind is tricking you.
Don't sit in that fog of anxiety thinking why things aren't going right or why you do things wrong or why this, why that, why are they upset. That's on them. That's not your responsibility.
All that constant caring and feeling for others is draining your energy throughout the day, because these types of people feed, LITERALLY FEED off your energy. That's why you feel so tired, and unmotivated, and exhausted to do anything grand in your life. You kind of just go by day by day, moping around, doing what you need but not really what you want. I know that feeling.
But now, enough with that bullshit. Realizing why you feel that way is what will set you free, and it's the narcs and their tactics draining your energy, what some would call "your soul energy." So you are not depressed, you are not anxious, your diet most likely is fine (if you don't eat fast food every day) and your water intake is probably more or less okay, it's just the narcs that are sucking the life force out of you dry.
My goodness, I can see why people in the past could have called narcissist type people witches. I mean, back then, with science and technology being way far behind, what else would you call it? Some people now still believe there's an evil presence or demonic entity inside them. I mean, what kind of person does this type of shit anyway? What kind of person enjoys doing this to people, breaking them down, constantly pushing them down, criticizing them just enough to keep driving the knife in, literally constantly running you into the ground, piece by piece, cut by cut. These people need to be on a national registry or something, they are fucking cruel and detrimental to all people in society.
Thank you so much! My shoulder pain caused by emotions and fear has gone just from listening to you!
Many people have said this, but your message comes in perfect timing. Truly. I just had this revelation three days ago, and my mind is blown.
On day 2 of this realization my ego tried its best to try to "convince me" that I didn't have the right idea, that's just me trying to be "proud" or using some gimmick to "prop myself up." And yes, maybe it's just a coping technique, but damn, it sure feels good to allow yourself to feel good and confident about yourself. So that ego voice of judgment can just fuck right off.
But it was incredible, I had this vivid imagination 3 days ago, at night, of how EXACTLY I need to act for the narcissists not to be able to touch me. And whoosh, the next day after pushing my ego trying to fight me back into my old patterns, I allowed myself to feel more or less "big" and to command my energy, not pay the narcissist in my life any special attention, not entertain them, and not give them any of my "caring" no matter what kind of bullshit or drama they bring up. (There's always some drama when supply is running dry.)
And voila! Guess what happened!? For 3 days now, I can see and feek the narcissist panicking, and they're doing everything to be nice to me. But I don't want any of their niceness, I know it's just a hook to get me back on their terms. I don't even look them in the eye much, unless I say something upclose directly, and then only for a few brief seconds, and that's that. And boy, suddenly, it's like they're the child kissing ass. What's that all about? Because never before have they tried to kiss ass for three days straight.
So guys, in a nutshell, remember, it's best to go no contact forever and remove them out of your life for good. Then, next, extreme gray scale if they are the mother/father of your kids or family. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER, DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF OR FEEL THE NEED TO "CARE" FOR THEM, TO "WORRY" ABOUT THEM, TO ASK IF THEY'RE OKAY, OR TO WONDER "IF YOU'RE HURT THEIR FEELINGS, SHOULD I MAYBE TAK TO THEM." NO!!! No, no, no, no, no!
FROM NOW ON, THEY GET NOTHING. Haven't they tortured you enough? And your wounded child archetype still wants to be nice to them? You still want their acceptance, some shitty person's acceptance? Which you'll never get anyway, you must know that. They are incapable of true love, because their ego is so massive it's always all about them one way or another. Because remember, if you still feel the inclination to be nice to them, you're still not being strong enough with them, you're still under their spell. You shouldn't feel any kind of pull on your heartstrings anymore, don't allow yourself to. Learn the truth and set yourself free.
Thanks Ross! Your honesty and kindness is fresh air when surrounded by toxic people. Your program has been so helpful to me. God bless sir.
You are so welcome.
Merci beaucoup! I’m grateful that I found your TH-cam channel. Thank you for being who you are; thank you for showing us how to improve our lives and make self-love a priority!
The narcissist also puts you into states of pain whenever you treat yourself well. It's classical conditioning and the only way out is extinction learning- you need to do for yourself until you no longer feel apprehensive about it.
Ross, you are like the father I never had. Much love. Thank you ❤️
I’m thanking you through my tears and from the bottom of my heart.
16:00.....Everyone needs you to be co-dependent!!! So true.....listen to Ross!!!!💓
This was great timing for me Ross, thank you, keep healing on your own journey and we can all grow towards self love and genuine love for others together 👍 I love everyone on here who is lost or trying to better themselves, guys there is life, joy, well being, and success on the other side of this. One day at a time, stronger each day as Ross said.
Dear Dr Rosenberg,
Many warm greetings from Munich, Germany
I've been trying to understand your videos for some time now and it's getting better and better ;-)
With this message today it was as if a hundred year old curtain was lifting and I got a clear view of the true core of self-sabotage. I've been so touched... 😢
I had to get cancer to soften this, I say gaslighting-tar lumps in my brain a little bit and to see the truth more and more.
You are doing an absolutely outstanding work, which becomes tangible through your authenticity, like 3D. For this I am infinitely grateful!
I wished so much that your books could be translated into German and that German therapists would be trained with you. Or if possible, that you could come to Bavaria. We would absolutely need it here.
And at the same time I want to apologize for my English (only using a translator program)
Now I wish us SLD's that we dare to be strong and silence the sabotage voices and inner critics.
Sincere and grateful greetings to America from Renate 😀
Yes Ross, swagger is a compliment! You have certainly earned it the past few months. You work super hard and we are so proud of you, keep up the great work. Thank you for the shout out for Anytime Fitness in Buffalo Grove, IL.
You are great, Ross! Thanks for all you do for me. Kisses from Brazil
I outlasted the lonely pain I felt when going No Contact with a Narc, and I’m stronger, more confident, and happier now. Next up on the pain/growth map, going out and finding a mate based on my needs not the need to please. Wow, it hurts, but as a musician I got used to getting rejected when seeking work. I see I’ll need to grow the same sort of callouses when I’m attracted to a healthy choice.
Your exercise regimen has obviously benefited you. You look and sound so much stronger and more confident - joyful even. Well done!
Have been having health problems for years (low immune). Every time went to the gym I cought a cold (staying sweaty under an air conditioning or going outside after a shower). Thought it was a vicious circle. Now i know it's a "learnt" condition. Thank you
What an amazing video - the best advice I have ever heard as you talk from personal, heartfelt struggle and experience. The funny thing is this is exactly what I needed today as I have been thinking of this all week long - great synchronicity! Thank you and may we have all that we desire !
I often had a smell (if you can say so) what it is when I felt an awesome joy or even power or when I was convinced of something. And I was like thrown on the ground and I had no idea.... I thought I should learn more and more to be humble, quite, nice. What a blessing your videos and those german of phönix life. It took me over 50 years and I think something powerfull begins, that does not exclude a christian humble way, but makes oneself strong, nice from the inside even others do not like my attitude. Funny. No with a new taste of power and growing sense of humour, I feel there are more and more nice people around me. I learn to turn my back towards my 2 covert narcis in my life, without moving or without seperating. They're too old. But there are even new songs that are in my heart to put in words and to feel the melody of life. Only a few weeks of listening to the videos clearify my feelings. Thank you. I thought my high blood pressure is because of my age..(am healthy and slim), my migrene is vanishing, my depri is history, and when there are waves of tears, I know God is near and I can laugh..., cause I know my feelings are just i. A shower😋
I like that Ross isn't as polished as a few other experts in this field. Dr. Ramani, and Dr. Les Carter have such a smooth delivery on everything, and their content is all great. But they both disapear behind their youtube personas a little. Meanwhile Ross comes off as messily authentic, which I like. But - the content is good. Also, Ross's comfort in his own skin is an example to tohers to be messy, and healthy.
Thank you, Ross🙏 I need to hear this to get over my childhood pain. When I was born my mother breasts have some kind of disease that she couldn't breast feed me. We have never bonded like normal mother and child. And when I was three or four I was sexually abused by a teenage neighbor. Even though I told her about it she didn't confront the boy so I had this fear of running into him. The sexual abuse happened again and again throughout my childhood by family friends and relatives so I never like myself too much and often wonder why I deserved all the abuses. Now as an adult woman I don't know how to enjoy sex without feeling guilt. A lot of stuff we suffer in our childhood can form wrong opinion in us about life and ourselves and therefore we live in self hate and pain. Thank you again for educating us how to get pass all the pain and live a happy life.
Ross, Great Video! Good For You!! You are Right On the Mark. Thanks. Amen
Thank you so much, Ross, I wish I was as brave as you are.
You can be
You are such a lovely man, thank you so much for all your advice. 🙏🌼
You're speaking the Truth!! God Speed 💂
Ross, l like your energy very much. Thank you for saving my life. I bought your book, also binge watching all your utube videos and subscribed. When the student is ready the teacher appears. Blessings galore to you. From Ireland
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
This was so pertinent
Your humane voice shines like the beam from a lighthouse in a dark rocky sea.
I am on the verge of breaking through and your videos and your genuineness, are helping me no end.
Thank you.
I wish you well!
You're amazing Ross...you're a gift.
Thank you for what you do. This message was/is amazing!
I love your work and ideas Ross! you were the first person I found and first book I bought after this last narcissist. Then I bought your second book. amazing! Thank you!
Thanks Ross! Great metaphor! Can visualize the process better. And you do look healthier than when I first started watching you! 😊💪❤️
I am free to become stronger! Wow! Ross, thank you so much for sharing 🙋👏
This was perfect timing.
So timely I just had an online interview for a job I thought I wanted but in back,arm and neck spasms because of historical back problems and RSI. Just baffled by intensity of these back spasms and helps to connect to 20 years recovery from co dependency and trauma bonds with family.
Ross, that's interesting you say that about your body holding trauma. Because I was just reading many articles by a teacher and meditation practitioner, and she said that at certain stages of meditation, before you ascend to another state of mind, your body starts aching much harder than usual, like it'll start hurting real bad between the fingers, and so on.
And she stated something interested, something that relates to what you said. She pretty much (in her words) said that it's your body's last fighting "defensive line" to try to keep you from reaching a higher state of mind or consciousness and to start realizing things and learning things for yourself, like why you do what you do and why you're stuck in the emotional patterns you are stuck in. It's like your body almost keeping you hostage to keep you "in this reality" because the ego is so strong, it just doesn't want to give up.
I mean, one way or another, this stuff seems to lead to spirituality and mind over matter. And that just blows my mind. The nature behind all of these things is not what we first thought it was, it seems to be totally in our head. We truly are our worst enemy. And knowledge is power.
You look great Ross!!-
Your channel, info and book have helped so many people 🙏🙏
Thank you
Thanks so much!
I know this all exacly... thank you so deeply for sharing... you are right on
Loved Your story! Comforting to hear your journey. Good to know ALL this info. Feelings, and defecit and physical pain.
Really, REALLY needed this message today...Thank you! You are beautiful!!!
Yes...taking action and going through something uncomfortable is necessary .....I can do that in physical exercise....and am working on doing that for self love :)
You’re amazing! Thank you for all your help🙏🙏🙏💪🧡💪
You're so welcome Helena!
You're a superstar! Thank you so much for this message! Thanks to you and others on youtube over the past year I'm finally ready to follow my dreams and am going back to school, Still lots of work ahead but no longer in the freakin fog wandering around like a lost dog
thankyou so much Ross I really appreciate your insite and the education for myself its a blessing to all
Thanks for this message, I have been abused by my narcisstic mother who died when I was 16, then my NPD brother pretended to take care of me and also abused me and isolated me, Im 24 now and broke contact with them all since 7 months and start to feel better, less anxiety and self doubt but I also have a fear of getting sick and dying, iow being alone... but Im pushing through I want to do everything to love my self.. greets
Yes Ross! This is a necessary message. Thank you!
Thank you so much for these videos I've just ordered your book! Cannot wait to read. Xx
I'm so ready to heal from the narcissist abuse. I am currently in the middle of the custody and divorce process and although I've made a lot of progress I still feel stuck at times and I really dislike feeling stuck, life is too short. I will soon be free of him and truly want to heal completely and never look back. Ready to go to the next step, just not sure what that next step is.
thumbs up!!!!! back issues are rampant out here too......more than people share to one another about.......its quite common......
Oh my goodness. Thank you SO MUCH for this. ❤️ also, 58? 😍 excellent.
Thank you rosss from my heart yr great professional and human
Thank you! This is very helpful!
OMG this is right on time!♥️
deja ve my back went out. u just described every abuse victim (Im phobic i admit it) ive worked with using avoidance routines. i do it all the time. the more i try pysch the worse i feel. i love the mchugh bandage ur an expert medic. ur always lift us up ross ty for sharing your struggles. ..why do we remain weak..is this a special way of being the injured robin?. paul mccartneys song black bird comes to mind. thank you .
You've heard from God in this message you shared
So many people needed this message. .wow!
Thanks again for telling it like it is