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something to note, the paradox/pitfall of the 4 is that we HATE fitting in but secretly want it. our differences are both our vice and virtue, what gives us pride and what we hate the most about ourselves. it’s because we think we’re naturally defective, so we come to despise the “common” and almost purposefully outcast ourselves.
Exactly! I want to be different (I mean, normal is so boring) and I dislike many trends but at the same time I just wish that I haven't got this feeling of being so different from everyone because it feels like no one understands me which makes me feel alone. It also doesn't help that my rising sign is Aquarius as well lol. We are not born to be everyone else which I love and hate at the same time.
as a 16 year old, who's exposed with trends , I really hate the pressure, like I wanted to fit in but like at the same time I don't cuz it violates my individualism if I conform to societal norms but if I don't conform I also feel misunderstood and lonely.. which is so tiresome
God I can so relate to this comment. I feel like I constantly live in a state of dissonance or friction between wanting to be wholly unique and different but also wanting to belong which is a fundamental human desire. It's hardwired into our brains.
As a four, I feel misunderstood when the system suggests I want to be perceived as unique. I don't care if people see me as different or unique but I want to be understood and accepted for whatever it is that I am. Uniqueness isn't important to me. I may be different but that is just who I am. I don't want people to value that in and of itself. I just want people to see what I am and not judge it.
Yes hit the nail on the head I don’t want to be different and stand out I just am different I want to fit in I just don’t. Maybe that’s my insanely high 5 wing that makes me not want to be different that I just am I feel like so many of these resonate more for the 4w3s I know.
I think I’m a 4. I’m so self aware that I often feel like a person inside of a person. All of my emotions take the form of the thoughts I’m thinking, and that often turns into a negative feedback loop for anxiety. Anybody else have that experience?
YESSS S S SS. i totally relate. oh it’s so confusing. it’s like i have two of me, one is the emotional little sibling and the other is the independent big sister trying to calm the other down. so i always end up talking to myself when i’m alone, and i can’t figure out which of the “siblings” i should let determine my decisions. sometimes i even get confused, like was that my logical brain or my emotional brain talking?
I deal with this daily as I’m trying to find my true identity and purpose on this planet. I feel like i don’t belong a lot of time as well. Like I’m different from people around me.
Thought it was so good to hear that a type 4 loves personality tests and doesn’t understand why others wouldn’t!! Sooo me! And yes, they make me feel seen. Thank you!
As a 16 year old with the enneagram 4w5, I always feel validated when I am expressing myself uniquely and authentically. I always thought that I wanted to fit in with other people, turns out I just wanted to be understood. I envy all of my peers because it's so easy for them to function to society like they can socialize with ease. Ughhh I hate that I have this super awareness within me. People always tell me that I'm good at reading them lol
Honestly, I love my family and friends, but sometimes I just feel very alone in the world bc no one will ever truly understand me. And even though I have a group of friends, I’ve always felt like a loner. I still feel the need to have someone to give me support, cause I feel fragile.
I can relate to everything you mentioned. Honestly, I have never found anything that describes me better than Ennegram Type 4. I am absolutely obsessed with personality typologies, I wish people I knew were also passionate about it
I have heard this so many times. I agree with you in wishing others were more into them. They help us so much with communication and understanding each other. Thank you for sharing!
This is great. 5W4 here married to a 4W5. We bonded instantly...truly an "across the crowded room" story...like two big invisible hands pushing us together despite ourselves. What i love about your teaching and presentation style is that you keep it real and practical. Learning about the types has really helped me be more empathetic with those around me. Very grateful for that.
Thank you! #6 is a big one, not being afraid of the darker things in life. A saying which has helped me through many feelings is "Let everything happen to you: Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." - Rainer Maria Rilke. Hope it helps other fours
Yes! So good! As a type 9 I need 4s in my life. I need someone who is not afraid and can go to hard places with me when I'm dealing with hard things. Really all types need to learn from the 4 on this. Thank you for sharing!
1. You've always felt different from everybody else 2. Nature, beauty, culture... they are all beautiful to you 3. You might have a difficult time separating your thoughts 4. They considers them self highly sensitive 5. You hate it when somebody asks you to fit in 6. You are not afraid of your dark side 7. You feel like you are misunderstood a lot 8. When people tell you to do something and you want to respond or do respond by doing the complete opposite 9. In social situations you aren't necessarily the life of the party. You actually walk into a room and kind of hang back a little and will wait for people to approach you 10. You love personality type systems
I dono why 7:40 was so freaking hilarious to me but it is. I’m FOR SURE a 4 and from now on when someone tells me what to do I’m gonna be like ‘…yeeaaahhh No… I just don’t wanna do what you’re saying…?’ Ohhhhh I hope I’m not alone in finding the humor of telling people things in that tone. If you’re a 4 I bet you’ve done this plenty of times for your own internal humor reward system…. Hahaha
I literally cry every time I read something that I identify with. It’s a mix between feeling seen and learning more about yourself, the possibility of evolving with the things you’ve learnt is like a boost in confidence. Feels good.
As a 4, I already knew that i was one. Every single sign actually hit me so hard that I almost started crying. Every sign had me thinking of like 5 examples all at once! I’m a 4w3, anyone else?
Yes! I'm a 4wing 3... I related to your tenderness about these 10 points of 4"s... It speaks to the very heart of a four to be be recognized, appreciated and understood... ! My 3 wing made me reconsider though her 9th point... Not the "life of the party"... I'm not shy, or "hold back"... Although I feel at home being alone, I find I am comfortable at gatherings... (To a certain extent) ... When they all go home... (Or I leave) I can be emotionally tired up to the next day... The more I mature though, the less emotionally tired I find myself...( a good thing) 😳🌠
i already know i’m a 4, but actually watching this video showed me how much i’ve actually grown. like i used to struggle every day with feeling *so* different from everyone but now i focus on it so much less and really value how i’m different. kinda made me emotional at my progress (a very 4 thing to do HAHA)
@@enneagramandcoaching Thank you! Happy to contribute and thanks for sharing this! I needed it. By the way, to expand per your request, I really did identify with number 10. It has that itch of logic behind it as well as that way to connect that my 4 side loves. Don't discuss it with my 6 side, Mr. Grumpypants doesn't like those things haha "Hi, I am an INFJ / High C / 5w4 with a golden parachute. How about you?"
#8--so guilty but it's not for 4 reasons. I just don't want to do what people tell me to do even if I end up doing it in the end. My inner 2 year-old is strong 😂
Hi there! I'm a 4 dating a 4 here! We really connect over deep things and we make music together. It's really important to me to feel fully accepted in a relationship and this is the first time I've ever felt that with a partner. We usually balance out each other but yes sometimes it can be verrrry emotional and deep as we're both really comfortable talking about feelings, haha. Love your videos!! All of these signs are true for me!
No one has ever asked me to "fit in" haha. I actually TRY to fit in a lot, but things just dont click or vibe with others well, and later on, if i ask, theyll tell me im... "different" but cant explain it. 😩 - Im not overtly "weird", im quite a social chameleon (im a gemini if theres any astrology lovers reading this😜) but it's so annoying how there's just always something off, and ppl pick up on it and seem to not like it. 🤷♀️ I def feel different tho. Great vid, pretty spot on!! And thank u for saying that 4s love meeting other 4s bc it makes us feel more understood - Every other meme and type 4 thing says that we hate other 4s bc that means we're not special and unique 🤦♀️🤦♀️ Ugh! I crave and thrive off of finding similarities with others! (but then i still get a bit competitive and envious, depending🙄 lol) Im a 4w5 sx(i think) ...4, 5, 8 are the top 3 i tested at. My spouse is a 5w6 sp. Im also: mbti: INTP-T (borderline infp) Astrology: gem sun, aqua moon, libra asc. (I DO love personality stuff 😜)
I am very well-versed in a lot of typing systems, because my parents made me read all the personality books as a kid, because, "You need to fix yourself." I had hoped that those books were the key to understanding people -- they weren't. But things never got better when I tried to change myself, so I decided that it wasn't me that was flawed. I wonder if this is how I can easily vibe with the 4 experience, even though I'm definitely not one. My 4 friends are all amazing in their own unique ways, and it's great to share ideas among them and discuss all the artsy and feelings stuff.
Yes, i like how you say that type 4 are not afraid of darker side and that's very accurate for myself and also the last one i'm into enneagram and other personality types.
Yes!!! Just discovered I'm a type 4 w 5, after mistyping as a 9 and 2 for years but not fully resonating. Every point was spot on for me. Thanks for the video:)
I had to pause this video multiple times because I was just shocked because it felt like you were making a video about me 😭 i've never felt like this, like I really feel like I discovered myself
For me the biggest type 4 things are feeling different, the need to be authentic, getting misunderstood and the love of beauty & nature. I am moved to tears frequently.
I used to test as a type 7 but I've consistently tested as a type 4 for the past few years. It's so funny because I am obsessed with personality typing. I am an infj on the mbti personality test. Almost everything in this video resonates with me. Great video highly accurate ❤️
Thank you so much for this! I've been casually exploring the enneagram for months and was torn between a few types for myself, but now I'm certain I'm a 4, particularly after the talk about finding the divine in nature 😃
Im Extroverted sunny 4... Two things had me missedtyped as a 7 for years..... 1. Being an extrovert. Because 4's must be introverted dark secretive....not me....I share my feelings.....and I have a shit load of feelings. I can share my feeling with strangers..... 2. Taking sad feelings and mix it with humor. And thats not to deflect pain (type 7) its to share pain that everybody can understand my pain. to take the negative and turn it into a positive. Thanx for the sunny 4 video....!!!!
And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am🎶
I like being different because normal is so boring, but what I don't like is being misunderstood and lonely because of that but at the same time I like being alone because being around people sometimes make me feel like an alien or something. I just have a hard time connecting with people. It is just complicated.
Infp 4w5 here. Nature, beauty, culture. Absolutely. Thank you for that. Everything else was spot on too. I just wish that people would stop saying that we are special or eccentric because i find it to be insulting. We definitely seek harmony. And i speak for myself, the ways in which i feel different are not so much a need to be, as if thats just what i want. Instead, its just how my perception was of my life experiences among others. And, how my individual story is seperate. All of ours are. But with me, there is a drive for coming close to i can to my own truth. A drive to derive meaning and purpose from my life position. When i hear the terms "special" or "eccentric" I think of an artsy chick with wild clothes rebelling against her family and society. Angsty. I also think it sounds selfish, nearly narcissistic...implying inmaturity. I dont need to be special. Infact, i pride myself in seeing the potential in others. I want connection and understanding. Believe me, i have had jobs thst were terrible for an infp 4w5. I also had a humbled life... Im not immune to survival and conforming to do so!! But, its a strain on my spirit. The demands of the world are just not how i process it. Theres alot of disappointment! Theres alot of lonliness. And it can rob your energy so you dont have room to be who you are. Im 48 years old, and very lost. When all i want is to be passionate and private...yet find somebody or place i belong. Create dreams. But, i swear....its like the world builds highways through my heart. And harsh inner cities through my soul. I have watched MBTI and enneagram videos countless of times to understand people. Meanwhile, when in person...I still want to run from them! Protect what i believe and want. Escape and escspe. What do i talk about with people when they break out the politics and subjects? The news? What news? I know myself. Thats all the news i need. Im down for fiction discussion though. Write poetry together? Draw? I dont pay attention to the lines in a live play. But, it conjurs my own deep experiences. I appreciate the costumes, the energy, the facial expressions. You know whats so interesting about my need for and love of nature? The fact that its so real. I dont use my extroverted sensing function. (Been lost too many times to admit). However i am sensual. And i weave my inner with the outer world on my wood walks. Spending countless hours alone. When someone else would burst that bubble and call me crazy.
Hello ! Thank you for this video. I'm in a relationship with a type 4 and everything you said resonates with what I experience of him. He's an artist and he struggles to be understood and he feels like nobody understands his music and nobody is really interested because they only listen to the same things, the same kind of music and are not curious to discover something different. The only thing that doesn't resonate is that he doesn't like personnality tests because it puts him in a box and he hates that !
If I had any doubt that I’m a 4 before this video, it is gone now 😳. I check all these boxes as well as the core fear/desire ... I feel so understood! *sobs into lace hanky* Seriously, though, everything you said resonated with me and encouraged me to resist my tendency to envy and lean into my strengths. Thank you for your wonderful videos!!
I've never separated thoughts with feelings. Never even thought of it. And I am over 50. Thanks for the knowledge. I hate being hypersensitive to criticisms. Yes I am honest with who I am and am OK with the nitty gritty of life.
Sign #8 Sp 4w5: Excitedly makes a super efficient schedule to get all the mudane stuff done. Looks at the completed schedule. Resents the bossy schedule for trying to turn me into Cinderella and refuses to do it. Also resonated a lot with the dark emotions ... and I think that does tie into being misunderstood. I'm okay talking about some pretty jarring things and "hashing it out". I'd rather it not stay floating around in my subconscious wreaking havock! Sometimes I do avoid uncomfortable emotions that could lead to confrontation, or being upset with other people who are actively in my life ... if they've happened to squeak in! But once they're out we HAVE TO PROCESS IT!! We must talk about it!! And I very much relate to being keenly interested in personality typing systems ... and getting a pretty deep understanding of them. It's Enneagram's turn at bat! My partner, I'm pretty sure is a 5w4 sx/sp? Not a 4 but he can be 4-like. Drama happens 🤣 "You don't know my pain!!" But it has been so cool to find someone else who likes to get deep and abstract, and hide in the cave, lol!
OMG! You are super funny! When you said, Resents the bossy schedule for trying to turn me into Cinderella and refuses to do it, SO GOOD! Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed reading about you!
This was great. I"m doing a soul search at 50 as I venture into new things and i wasn't sure if i was a 4 or 7 as i mask extroversion a lot. This nailed it for me. And my 5-wing research means i have done a thorough, intensive search on this!! But your explanation of why we love personality typing system was like a AHA moment. And the thoughts and feelings merging was what nailed it for me, as this is my deciding factor. I am doing repressed. Anyway thanks, this completes my research ha ha!! I get now i am a 4w3 wing and i grew up with a mother (3 or 1) who said put a smile on your face so that really confused me as i habitised to do this. I get now its kinda the 3 chameleon aspect. I can switch it on when i am out publically but i love my alone time. People think i'm an extrovert, and when they say that i think you really don't know me at all. I am now trying to carve the second half of my life more authentically true as a 4, as i see i have not honoured this within me due to a generation that just didn't understand my differencE!!!
I went back to uni and studied literature and it was like finding my tribe. Poetry, philosophy etc right up my alley. You are amazing. Such thorough work thanks 🙏🏼
And envy. Sounds so irrational but i am envious of this generation and their ability to have these needs met early on. Irrational but ties into the envy of 4. Envying qualities and oppoetunities of others. If only someone had seen my potential, steered my creativity, etc. that rescuer
I heard there was a counter type 4 which presents like a type 7 🎈 🎉 🎊 . They call them sunny side 4s. May explain why the party doesn’t start until you arrive 😉
Wow! Great video! You do an excellent job of describing the questions we have about so many aspects of being a four. I am a 50 year old male who did not ever put any faith in these kinds of things, and am just now learning that I am a four and have been contorting myself for others all my life. I recently started seeing a girl who is also a four, (yea, gonna be interesting...) and she sent me the enneagram test, where I "discovered myself". It is both enlightening and embarrassing that I never knew any of this stuff before. I am letting myself do things that I did not think was permissible. Like feel stuff. Thanks!
Okay 4 here. ... that part about not wanting to fit in... ironic. This year... got let go from a job and the reason that was put on my dismissal notice... "She doesn't fit in with the direction we want to go as an organization." It was the first time anyone told me that in an employment situation. Maybe that is a good thing. Thank you. Very insightful.
I’m a 4w3 and you absolutely nailed it when you sad 4s love personality typing systems and why! It absolutely makes me feel seen and not alone, I do wish people would use the enneagram to understand me better. I’m so grateful my wife (1w2) now uses it to understand me, I have no doubt our relationship would still be very strained if she hadn’t discovered it. You were also spot on that I do love meeting other 4s. People often incorrectly assume 4s individuality are threatened by other 4s and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve had so many instances where I’ve hit it off with someone, only to find out later that they’re a fellow 4. I think a big contributor is that I’m able to jump right into deep, emotional conversations with them which makes me feel a stronger connection with them.
Hi Hillary! It’s me Christina! As you know I’m a 4w5 and I can definitely say that I do relate to most of these things. I’ll probably relate to the 5 ones too. I’m about to check that one out now.
yes i agree on all of these especially number 10. Everyone always tells me i'm weird because i believe in personality test and stuff like that but to me it just makes me feel seen and it tells me who i am. and that helps a lot because i've always had trouble trying to understand who i am.
I think there are two sides to 4s always wanting to be original. On one hand there's the more common notion of wanting to be authentically the original you, which is totally accurate by the way. We love being ourselves and only ourselves and being loved for that, however, there's also a sense that if we "blend in" with the group, we will fall behind and be left behind. We're not good at "being normal", so we compromise by saying "let me be a part of your group (society), and even though I may not be as classically useful like the rest of you, I can fill some niches and bring you beauty instead." Being like everyone else isn't just making us feel devalued, it's also making us (or maybe just me) feel like we won't be able to keep pace or compete in that situation. We MUST be unique in order to thrive because we survive off of the power and limited market of niches.
4w3 I've always felt this way especially with family Lol yes my boyfriend is a 4 as well ❤️ 😊 we get along great we both enjoy the same things we have been together for a year and have not been in one single fight. The relationship is steady sailing
10/10! I feel understood ^_^ I think the only one I identify less with is #9, and that might just be my 3 wing. I have gone into social situations before and taken the reigns to be the life of the party. However, when I've done this it's never been gratifying. People become close to the persona I put on, but they never become close to me. If I let the persona drop, people spook and run. I've made much truer friends on days when I was tired and stuck to the edge of the room to do my own thing.
#7 was soooooo spot on. This is because i’m so honest and ready for anyone to open up and for me to open up with anyone even someone who could be a stranger so it’s met with “woah i’m not used to that”. So I’m usually mistunderstood in my intentions like guys who think I could be flirting when i’m just interested in their life or strengths and weaknesses and I know that’s not normal for everyone to want to dive so deep with everyone.
I’m a 4 wing 5, we do have more an ability to detach but our undercurrent is drama and deep feelings. Wing 3 /4s are going to be more outgoing. I use the wing 3 when I’m in a situation that requires extroversion. I’m acting though and wonder afterwards who that person was. As we mature in our 4 space, we will outgrown envy and learn to control hypersensitivity - or just stay away from critical people. Although my profession is law, I’ve worked in human rights, going the direction of 1 and 2 - using my 5 wing to be objective. However, I am trained to sing opera, and sing professionally as a side line and have always dabbled in the arts - was accepted into the Corcoran Art school as a child, love nature and can have the deepest conversations with people without being shy or hiding. You are right too, I wish more people would take the time to study enneagram and Myers Briggs. Thanks for your observations. Are you an Enneagram 6w7 or 9w1? One last point, I really resent it when people type me as an attorney, so mundane and does not reflect the complexity of my personality. Probably why I stopped practicing law.
Thanks Hillary for this video. This has really helped know for sure that I am a type 4. This has further helped clarify that I am spot on, no doubt a 4. My three I picked were 4, 5 and 2. But, the 4 really sounds like me to the core.
I'm definitely a type 4. Something that really hit home for me is that it's common for type 4s to love the enneagram. I am interested in art and psychology, and I get so angry when people who are more into hard sciences belittle my interests. Yes, psychology is a soft science and the enneagram does not have a solid scientific foundation. However, that doesn't mean they aren't very interesting and don't have the power to change lives.
I'm definitely a type 4. I wish there were some way to connect with other local type 4 individuals; I wonder how well we would actually be able to get along, given we've spent our entire lives feeling different and outcast. I wonder if we'd feel like we finally found like-minded peers or if we'd just feel alone together.
@@peacebeyond123 I'd like to partner with some app developer to design some sort of app which can connect people based on different paradigms like enneagram types, astrology signs, Chinese zodiac animals, and political/philosophical/religious beliefs. A component of it could also be to connect people with supposedly incompatible types/beliefs so people can get exposure to a diverse array of other people, and not just those who think like them.
#8 LOL.....When my daughter asks my advice between 2 differennt things, I sit there for a while trying to decide "Do I really tell her what I think she should do OR should I give her the opposite advice knowing she's more likely to do the opposite of what I suggest?".I didn't even know this was a 4 thing but I had noticed her always seeming to do the opposite of what I say. Pray for Moms with a 4 and an 8...haha. Interesting thing: I know I've told you my tri-type 739. This past week my kids found out theirs. My daughter is a 479 and my son is an 873. After they announced this they were like "so basically if things aren't working for us in our own number...we turn into you".
Yes I’m definitely a type four everything resonates with me. The first time now I took the test four and nine were the top two for my personality but nine didn’t really sit with me and who I am. Plus I am an INFJ in the Myers Briggs. I am recently just learning about personality types I never knew they had these systems and I am so excited to finally find something I can finally really see that I am heard and seen for who I am. I do fit into somewhere that there’s others like me and I want to meet more. All the things that have been said about the four really describes me and what I really feel on the inside. Never in my whole life have I ever felt like I fit in but I never wanted to. I don’t want to become something I’m not just to please others. It’s best to be my authentic self and if some don’t like me for that I need to learn that it is fine they don’t need them to. That has always been a struggle for me because it hurts when people don’t like you for who you truly are but I would much rather just stay true to myself and know that I am of worth no matter what.
This was so helpful!! I thought I was a 9 for years, but as I've gotten older I've really started to feel like 9 doesn't quite fit. Your 10 signs of being a 9 video didn't resonate with me at all, and this video resonates a TON! Pointing at these specific behavioral things really helps narrow it down. There are just too many ways for me to spin the more abstract descriptions around in my head. Thank you! I laughed out loud at your last point about loving personality systems hahaha :) That is definitely true for me.
I'm 4w3 and resonate with all 10 signs. I also know I'm misunderstood when I consistently have to spell out what I think should be obvious to others. I think 4s have the highest emotional intelligence of all the types, so I think that has a lot to do with it. It's been a lesson in not taking things personally and being able to share without becoming frustrated or judgy if someone needs me to explain something. If I explain something kindly then I receive the understanding I'd like to receive.
I am either 4 or 5. I see natural beauties in 'ugly' places and get fascinated by even the smallest bit of nature. I want to be a cloud so that i can understand human behaviour and observe the world. I have very intimate relationships and i want to put all my emotions out there. Despite this, i know not everyone is like me. So when i dont recieve intimacy, i accept it but also put a barrier between that person and myself. Two years ago i have realized that i lost most of my fears and i am less afraid of doing dangerous physical acts and going deep into my dark side or darkness in general. I wish people were more open about going deep into their dark sides with me. And i wish people were more accepting about my dark side too. These three signs stood up the most. Thank you very much for doing this video.
I dont know if im a 5 or 4, because my love for aesthetics and exprecing myself in a diff. way really makes me think im an 4. On the other hand, im an INFJ so i think maybe because of that i gravitate towards Psychology, Philosohy and i dont mind being alone.
I relate to pretty much all of these. Couple of things about me that qustions maybe Im a 5w4 instead of a 4w5 is the sitting in negative emotions I will cuz when Im feeling something what choice do I have lol but I dont like it. I want the tide to turn as quickly as possible and if I sit I spiral if I distract myself things will start shifting. Also the stress and growth I connect more to the 5's rather then the 4's. Time to get in touch with Hillary sensie for a consult
Tbh, I feel envious when I meet other 4s. Especially when I see their creative work. I think to myself: "wow, they are so good and creative and I can't do anything." I have heard many misidentify as a 4 because they read that 4s are so creative and think they must be a 4 because of it. For me, it's kind of weirdly the other way around. When I read descriptions of the 4, I feel so strangely understood. But when it comes to the fact that many 4s are creative artists, I wonder if I'm even entitled to be a 4 because I feel like I'm neither creative/artistic nor active in any way. But on the other hand I can relate to and like many fictional 4s. I've actually also never met a 4 personally in rl. So if I have the opportunity to talk to a 4, maybe I would feel understood after all. Perhaps something more about my relationship to envy and shame. So I can't switch off shame in any case. It is a constant companion. But strangely enough, I mix shame and fear. Both are strongly present in my opinion, but I don't know which has the upper hand. That's why I sometimes think that I might be a 6. I used to think shame and fear were the same thing too. Similarly, I actually can't distinguish feeling from thought. Anyway, when I notice envy in myself, I try to deny it. I notice my envy, feel a little bad that I think that way, and try to talk myself out of it, that it's irrational and bad of me to feel envy.
I am an extroverted type 4 haha and all those itens ressonate with me. Even in social situations im very good at responding, but not always I feel like approaching people that...you know...just ``don`t interest me. so good well thought out
Could you have a 4 that doesn't care so much about individualism or elitism? I really think my husband is a 4w3 after years of analysis. His key motivations are more finding his significance, being seen as successful, and heeding to his emotional states, but he doesn't seem to care that much about being an individual. Actually, he tends to try to be accepted a bit more and sometimes tries to build his identity based off of people he admires. He sometimes likes imagining his past and potential successes and achievements more than working toward them, though he actually is very talented. Another confusing thing is that he does seem afraid/avoidant of the dark side of his emotions in the sense that he uses escapism and addiction to get away from these darker emotions and traumas he doesn't want to face, but he also gives them priority over everything else. The "tips for growth" and unhealthier states of 4 relate to him more than any other type, but it throws me off there are some key 4 things he doesn't seem to have. (e.g I am much more elitist than he is about taste and aesthetics...) Edit: I got to the end of the video where you call the core desire "to feel special and unique for exactly who you are". I don't think my husband feels like that exactly... but he relates to other 4 motivations we've read about like "finding his special significance"
Bad black emotion are the most strongest kind of emotions that makes people to move. They are interesting. It makes me want to strip them nude. I want to know all about the emotions and how you end up getting to there. Process, the reasons, the connections, everything. So ya, I love the brain :)
I would say number 6 stood out the most to me! But I have a question about "thoughts vs feelings" and I'm not sure what that means? Also, I have tested many different places online and always come up a type four. I came here wondering if I might be a type five but I have ruled that out watching your videos. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it so much!
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something to note, the paradox/pitfall of the 4 is that we HATE fitting in but secretly want it. our differences are both our vice and virtue, what gives us pride and what we hate the most about ourselves. it’s because we think we’re naturally defective, so we come to despise the “common” and almost purposefully outcast ourselves.
Which sucks
Exactly! I want to be different (I mean, normal is so boring) and I dislike many trends but at the same time I just wish that I haven't got this feeling of being so different from everyone because it feels like no one understands me which makes me feel alone. It also doesn't help that my rising sign is Aquarius as well lol. We are not born to be everyone else which I love and hate at the same time.
This is the worst thing eveeer
as a 16 year old, who's exposed with trends , I really hate the pressure, like I wanted to fit in but like at the same time I don't cuz it violates my individualism if I conform to societal norms but if I don't conform I also feel misunderstood and lonely.. which is so tiresome
God I can so relate to this comment. I feel like I constantly live in a state of dissonance or friction between wanting to be wholly unique and different but also wanting to belong which is a fundamental human desire. It's hardwired into our brains.
As a four, I feel misunderstood when the system suggests I want to be perceived as unique. I don't care if people see me as different or unique but I want to be understood and accepted for whatever it is that I am. Uniqueness isn't important to me. I may be different but that is just who I am. I don't want people to value that in and of itself. I just want people to see what I am and not judge it.
Agreed!! I don’t care about being special, I want to be understood and loved for who I am!! 😩
Yes hit the nail on the head I don’t want to be different and stand out I just am different I want to fit in I just don’t. Maybe that’s my insanely high 5 wing that makes me not want to be different that I just am I feel like so many of these resonate more for the 4w3s I know.
Agree 1000%
Exactly
I think I’m a 4. I’m so self aware that I often feel like a person inside of a person. All of my emotions take the form of the thoughts I’m thinking, and that often turns into a negative feedback loop for anxiety. Anybody else have that experience?
meee it's like the emotions are a whole another person
Happens to me too! Sometimes it helps to have someone else there to help me untangle it.
YESSS S S SS. i totally relate. oh it’s so confusing. it’s like i have two of me, one is the emotional little sibling and the other is the independent big sister trying to calm the other down. so i always end up talking to myself when i’m alone, and i can’t figure out which of the “siblings” i should let determine my decisions. sometimes i even get confused, like was that my logical brain or my emotional brain talking?
I deal with this daily as I’m trying to find my true identity and purpose on this planet. I feel like i don’t belong a lot of time as well. Like I’m different from people around me.
yes self reflection, self conscious, self aware is definitely up there !!!!
Thought it was so good to hear that a type 4 loves personality tests and doesn’t understand why others wouldn’t!! Sooo me! And yes, they make me feel seen. Thank you!
Haha!!! Yes! They do! Thanks for your type 4 insight!
Even the way you worded the last sentence, sounds like me ✨Ahhhhh! My people ! 😍♥️😌
Yeah, I 100% resonate with that, haha
Totally struck me too!
Nailed it.
this sounds a lot like me. im extremely sensitive to criticism, i take everything personally .
That’s not a good comment.
@@dez7100 seriously? 💀
As a 16 year old with the enneagram 4w5, I always feel validated when I am expressing myself uniquely and authentically. I always thought that I wanted to fit in with other people, turns out I just wanted to be understood. I envy all of my peers because it's so easy for them to function to society like they can socialize with ease. Ughhh I hate that I have this super awareness within me. People always tell me that I'm good at reading them lol
Omg i am 16 too and i can relate SO MUCH.
Honestly, I love my family and friends, but sometimes I just feel very alone in the world bc no one will ever truly understand me. And even though I have a group of friends, I’ve always felt like a loner. I still feel the need to have someone to give me support, cause I feel fragile.
True for me . I love people sometimes I just hate having People. I also feel people don understand me
I understand
Same
I love you immensely❤
I can relate to everything you mentioned. Honestly, I have never found anything that describes me better than Ennegram Type 4. I am absolutely obsessed with personality typologies, I wish people I knew were also passionate about it
totally agreed
I have heard this so many times. I agree with you in wishing others were more into them. They help us so much with communication and understanding each other. Thank you for sharing!
@@enneagramandcoaching yes ❤️
💯 Are you an ENFP also by chance? I am and just wonder how often they overlap
@@annasthoughtsandmusicalpar2239 I am type 4 and ENFP too!
This is great. 5W4 here married to a 4W5. We bonded instantly...truly an "across the crowded room" story...like two big invisible hands pushing us together despite ourselves. What i love about your teaching and presentation style is that you keep it real and practical. Learning about the types has really helped me be more empathetic with those around me. Very grateful for that.
Thank you! #6 is a big one, not being afraid of the darker things in life. A saying which has helped me through many feelings is "Let everything happen to you: Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." - Rainer Maria Rilke. Hope it helps other fours
Yes! So good! As a type 9 I need 4s in my life. I need someone who is not afraid and can go to hard places with me when I'm dealing with hard things. Really all types need to learn from the 4 on this. Thank you for sharing!
1. You've always felt different from everybody else
2. Nature, beauty, culture... they are all beautiful to you
3. You might have a difficult time separating your thoughts
4. They considers them self highly sensitive
5. You hate it when somebody asks you to fit in
6. You are not afraid of your dark side
7. You feel like you are misunderstood a lot
8. When people tell you to do something and you want to respond or do respond by doing the complete opposite
9. In social situations you aren't necessarily the life of the party. You actually walk into a room and kind of hang back a little and will wait for people to approach you
10. You love personality type systems
I dono why 7:40 was so freaking hilarious to me but it is. I’m FOR SURE a 4 and from now on when someone tells me what to do I’m gonna be like ‘…yeeaaahhh No… I just don’t wanna do what you’re saying…?’ Ohhhhh I hope I’m not alone in finding the humor of telling people things in that tone. If you’re a 4 I bet you’ve done this plenty of times for your own internal humor reward system…. Hahaha
Thank you. I am a 4 and proud of it. I hate to be called normal. I take it as an insult as I prefer to be the weird person.
I literally cry every time I read something that I identify with. It’s a mix between feeling seen and learning more about yourself, the possibility of evolving with the things you’ve learnt is like a boost in confidence. Feels good.
As a 4, I already knew that i was one. Every single sign actually hit me so hard that I almost started crying. Every sign had me thinking of like 5 examples all at once! I’m a 4w3, anyone else?
Yes! I'm a 4wing 3... I related to your tenderness about these 10 points of 4"s... It speaks to the very heart of a four to be be recognized, appreciated and understood... ! My 3 wing made me reconsider though her 9th point... Not the "life of the party"... I'm not shy, or "hold back"... Although I feel at home being alone, I find I am comfortable at gatherings... (To a certain extent) ... When they all go home... (Or I leave) I can be emotionally tired up to the next day... The more I mature though, the less emotionally tired I find myself...( a good thing) 😳🌠
i already know i’m a 4, but actually watching this video showed me how much i’ve actually grown. like i used to struggle every day with feeling *so* different from everyone but now i focus on it so much less and really value how i’m different. kinda made me emotional at my progress (a very 4 thing to do HAHA)
As a 5w4, I identify a bit too much with this. MUST LOGIC... MUST THINK... Nuuuuu, need feelings!
😂😂😂 This comment made my day!
@@enneagramandcoaching Thank you! Happy to contribute and thanks for sharing this! I needed it.
By the way, to expand per your request, I really did identify with number 10. It has that itch of logic behind it as well as that way to connect that my 4 side loves. Don't discuss it with my 6 side, Mr. Grumpypants doesn't like those things haha
"Hi, I am an INFJ / High C / 5w4 with a golden parachute. How about you?"
This is pure gold. You are so funny! 😂
"I feel a deep sense of grief for what I have lost" - a question from the enneagram website......I started grieving as i read it😆🤣
You really hit the nail on the head! These are so accurate it's scary lol.
LOL! Thank you!!!!!
#8--so guilty but it's not for 4 reasons. I just don't want to do what people tell me to do even if I end up doing it in the end. My inner 2 year-old is strong 😂
Hahahahaha!!!! So good!!!
Hi there! I'm a 4 dating a 4 here! We really connect over deep things and we make music together. It's really important to me to feel fully accepted in a relationship and this is the first time I've ever felt that with a partner. We usually balance out each other but yes sometimes it can be verrrry emotional and deep as we're both really comfortable talking about feelings, haha. Love your videos!! All of these signs are true for me!
Love this!!! Thank you for sharing!
No one has ever asked me to "fit in" haha. I actually TRY to fit in a lot, but things just dont click or vibe with others well, and later on, if i ask, theyll tell me im... "different" but cant explain it. 😩 - Im not overtly "weird", im quite a social chameleon (im a gemini if theres any astrology lovers reading this😜) but it's so annoying how there's just always something off, and ppl pick up on it and seem to not like it. 🤷♀️ I def feel different tho.
Great vid, pretty spot on!! And thank u for saying that 4s love meeting other 4s bc it makes us feel more understood - Every other meme and type 4 thing says that we hate other 4s bc that means we're not special and unique 🤦♀️🤦♀️ Ugh! I crave and thrive off of finding similarities with others! (but then i still get a bit competitive and envious, depending🙄 lol)
Im a 4w5 sx(i think) ...4, 5, 8 are the top 3 i tested at. My spouse is a 5w6 sp.
Im also:
mbti: INTP-T (borderline infp)
Astrology: gem sun, aqua moon, libra asc.
(I DO love personality stuff 😜)
Love this comment! Thank you for sharing your experience as a 4. I absolutely love hearing from 4s.
same
Enfp with ADHD here, hell of a combination!!!
this was a good video:))) You remind me of Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls
Thanks! I have gotten that before LOL
I am very well-versed in a lot of typing systems, because my parents made me read all the personality books as a kid, because, "You need to fix yourself." I had hoped that those books were the key to understanding people -- they weren't.
But things never got better when I tried to change myself, so I decided that it wasn't me that was flawed. I wonder if this is how I can easily vibe with the 4 experience, even though I'm definitely not one.
My 4 friends are all amazing in their own unique ways, and it's great to share ideas among them and discuss all the artsy and feelings stuff.
Thanks for sharing Francesca! Love your perspective.
Yes, i like how you say that type 4 are not afraid of darker side and that's very accurate for myself and also the last one i'm into enneagram and other personality types.
never felt so understood in life, thank you for this :)
Love this! ❤️
Yes!!! Just discovered I'm a type 4 w 5, after mistyping as a 9 and 2 for years but not fully resonating. Every point was spot on for me. Thanks for the video:)
Wonderful!
I had to pause this video multiple times because I was just shocked because it felt like you were making a video about me 😭 i've never felt like this, like I really feel like I discovered myself
Awwww! Love this! Thank you for sharing!❤️
For me the biggest type 4 things are feeling different, the need to be authentic, getting misunderstood and the love of beauty & nature. I am moved to tears frequently.
I used to test as a type 7 but I've consistently tested as a type 4 for the past few years. It's so funny because I am obsessed with personality typing. I am an infj on the mbti personality test. Almost everything in this video resonates with me. Great video highly accurate ❤️
The one about doung the opposite of what you're told hits hard for me. I'm actually 2 though (most likely sp dom).
Thank you so much for this! I've been casually exploring the enneagram for months and was torn between a few types for myself, but now I'm certain I'm a 4, particularly after the talk about finding the divine in nature 😃
Yay! Love this!
Im Extroverted sunny 4...
Two things had me missedtyped as a 7 for years.....
1. Being an extrovert. Because 4's must be introverted dark secretive....not me....I share my feelings.....and I have a shit load of feelings. I can share my feeling with strangers.....
2. Taking sad feelings and mix it with humor. And thats not to deflect pain (type 7) its to share pain that everybody can understand my pain. to take the negative and turn it into a positive.
Thanx for the sunny 4 video....!!!!
Yay! Thanks for sharing your journey!
And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am🎶
Love this song ❤
I relayed to all of these on a crazy level except #9, I LOVE attention haha
I'm new to enneagram. Haven't even done the test yet. Type 4 is looking very much like me. This was helpful thanks.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you! This helped. Type 2 is really close for me but type 4 is spot on.
I was torn between type 4 & 2 but I now see it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot on relationships so displayed unhealthy 2 a lot
I like being different because normal is so boring, but what I don't like is being misunderstood and lonely because of that but at the same time I like being alone because being around people sometimes make me feel like an alien or something. I just have a hard time connecting with people. It is just complicated.
I am a type 4 and am an INFJ on Myers Briggs.
Love it!
Me too!
@@gbebrielle7 We would make good friends not many people get me. 😅
I’m 2 /4 and infj!
@@NikkaNadia That's awesome! I don't find many more INFJ! My name is Brittany it's nice to meet you!
Infp 4w5 here. Nature, beauty, culture. Absolutely. Thank you for that. Everything else was spot on too. I just wish that people would stop saying that we are special or eccentric because i find it to be insulting. We definitely seek harmony. And i speak for myself, the ways in which i feel different are not so much a need to be, as if thats just what i want. Instead, its just how my perception was of my life experiences among others. And, how my individual story is seperate. All of ours are. But with me, there is a drive for coming close to i can to my own truth. A drive to derive meaning and purpose from my life position. When i hear the terms "special" or "eccentric" I think of an artsy chick with wild clothes rebelling against her family and society. Angsty. I also think it sounds selfish, nearly narcissistic...implying inmaturity. I dont need to be special. Infact, i pride myself in seeing the potential in others. I want connection and understanding. Believe me, i have had jobs thst were terrible for an infp 4w5. I also had a humbled life... Im not immune to survival and conforming to do so!! But, its a strain on my spirit. The demands of the world are just not how i process it. Theres alot of disappointment! Theres alot of lonliness. And it can rob your energy so you dont have room to be who you are. Im 48 years old, and very lost. When all i want is to be passionate and private...yet find somebody or place i belong. Create dreams. But, i swear....its like the world builds highways through my heart. And harsh inner cities through my soul. I have watched MBTI and enneagram videos countless of times to understand people. Meanwhile, when in person...I still want to run from them! Protect what i believe and want. Escape and escspe. What do i talk about with people when they break out the politics and subjects? The news? What news? I know myself. Thats all the news i need. Im down for fiction discussion though. Write poetry together? Draw? I dont pay attention to the lines in a live play. But, it conjurs my own deep experiences. I appreciate the costumes, the energy, the facial expressions. You know whats so interesting about my need for and love of nature? The fact that its so real. I dont use my extroverted sensing function. (Been lost too many times to admit). However i am sensual. And i weave my inner with the outer world on my wood walks. Spending countless hours alone. When someone else would burst that bubble and call me crazy.
I am a 4 great job! Yes to all 10. Not feeling understood is a daily exercise for me. Mostly I seek to understand myself.
Thanks for sharing!!
Hello ! Thank you for this video. I'm in a relationship with a type 4 and everything you said resonates with what I experience of him. He's an artist and he struggles to be understood and he feels like nobody understands his music and nobody is really interested because they only listen to the same things, the same kind of music and are not curious to discover something different.
The only thing that doesn't resonate is that he doesn't like personnality tests because it puts him in a box and he hates that !
Yes to all of them. I already knew I was a 4 but you just confirmed it.
Awesome!
If I had any doubt that I’m a 4 before this video, it is gone now 😳. I check all these boxes as well as the core fear/desire ... I feel so understood! *sobs into lace hanky*
Seriously, though, everything you said resonated with me and encouraged me to resist my tendency to envy and lean into my strengths. Thank you for your wonderful videos!!
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing! 💕
I've never separated thoughts with feelings. Never even thought of it. And I am over 50. Thanks for the knowledge. I hate being hypersensitive to criticisms. Yes I am honest with who I am and am OK with the nitty gritty of life.
Sign #8 Sp 4w5: Excitedly makes a super efficient schedule to get all the mudane stuff done. Looks at the completed schedule. Resents the bossy schedule for trying to turn me into Cinderella and refuses to do it.
Also resonated a lot with the dark emotions ... and I think that does tie into being misunderstood. I'm okay talking about some pretty jarring things and "hashing it out". I'd rather it not stay floating around in my subconscious wreaking havock! Sometimes I do avoid uncomfortable emotions that could lead to confrontation, or being upset with other people who are actively in my life ... if they've happened to squeak in! But once they're out we HAVE TO PROCESS IT!! We must talk about it!! And I very much relate to being keenly interested in personality typing systems ... and getting a pretty deep understanding of them. It's Enneagram's turn at bat!
My partner, I'm pretty sure is a 5w4 sx/sp? Not a 4 but he can be 4-like. Drama happens 🤣 "You don't know my pain!!" But it has been so cool to find someone else who likes to get deep and abstract, and hide in the cave, lol!
OMG! You are super funny! When you said, Resents the bossy schedule for trying to turn me into Cinderella and refuses to do it, SO GOOD! Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed reading about you!
@@enneagramandcoaching thank you! I appreciate your videos and your positive take on the Enneagram!
Awww thank you!
understand nature 🥺🥰 and beauty in the most unusual thinggs
This was great. I"m doing a soul search at 50 as I venture into new things and i wasn't sure if i was a 4 or 7 as i mask extroversion a lot. This nailed it for me. And my 5-wing research means i have done a thorough, intensive search on this!! But your explanation of why we love personality typing system was like a AHA moment. And the thoughts and feelings merging was what nailed it for me, as this is my deciding factor. I am doing repressed. Anyway thanks, this completes my research ha ha!! I get now i am a 4w3 wing and i grew up with a mother (3 or 1) who said put a smile on your face so that really confused me as i habitised to do this. I get now its kinda the 3 chameleon aspect. I can switch it on when i am out publically but i love my alone time. People think i'm an extrovert, and when they say that i think you really don't know me at all. I am now trying to carve the second half of my life more authentically true as a 4, as i see i have not honoured this within me due to a generation that just didn't understand my differencE!!!
Wow. I LOVE THIS. ❤️
I went back to uni and studied literature and it was like finding my tribe. Poetry, philosophy etc right up my alley. You are amazing. Such thorough work thanks 🙏🏼
And envy. Sounds so irrational but i am envious of this generation and their ability to have these needs met early on. Irrational but ties into the envy of 4. Envying qualities and oppoetunities of others. If only someone had seen my potential, steered my creativity, etc. that rescuer
Love this :) BUT, I hate meeting other 4s, bc it reminds me I'm not the only one 😂
I resonate with all but #9 the party doesn't start until I arrive.
Love this! 😂👏🏼
I heard there was a counter type 4 which presents like a type 7 🎈 🎉 🎊 . They call them sunny side 4s. May explain why the party doesn’t start until you arrive 😉
This was so accurate I nearly cried. 100% relate to all 10 of these. (INTJ - 4w5 - SP/SO)
Everything bang bang bang on. Except num 9, for me.
Wow! Great video! You do an excellent job of describing the questions we have about so many aspects of being a four. I am a 50 year old male who did not ever put any faith in these kinds of things, and am just now learning that I am a four and have been contorting myself for others all my life. I recently started seeing a girl who is also a four, (yea, gonna be interesting...) and she sent me the enneagram test, where I "discovered myself".
It is both enlightening and embarrassing that I never knew any of this stuff before. I am letting myself do things that I did not think was permissible. Like feel stuff. Thanks!
Okay 4 here. ... that part about not wanting to fit in... ironic. This year... got let go from a job and the reason that was put on my dismissal notice... "She doesn't fit in with the direction we want to go as an organization." It was the first time anyone told me that in an employment situation. Maybe that is a good thing. Thank you. Very insightful.
I’m a 4w3 and you absolutely nailed it when you sad 4s love personality typing systems and why! It absolutely makes me feel seen and not alone, I do wish people would use the enneagram to understand me better. I’m so grateful my wife (1w2) now uses it to understand me, I have no doubt our relationship would still be very strained if she hadn’t discovered it.
You were also spot on that I do love meeting other 4s. People often incorrectly assume 4s individuality are threatened by other 4s and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve had so many instances where I’ve hit it off with someone, only to find out later that they’re a fellow 4. I think a big contributor is that I’m able to jump right into deep, emotional conversations with them which makes me feel a stronger connection with them.
Hi Hillary! It’s me Christina!
As you know I’m a 4w5 and I can definitely say that I do relate to most of these things. I’ll probably relate to the 5 ones too. I’m about to check that one out now.
Hi Christina! YES! I can see how you relate to all these!
im very in touch with my emotions but not with others as much as i should be
yes i agree on all of these especially number 10. Everyone always tells me i'm weird because i believe in personality test and stuff like that but to me it just makes me feel seen and it tells me who i am. and that helps a lot because i've always had trouble trying to understand who i am.
I think there are two sides to 4s always wanting to be original. On one hand there's the more common notion of wanting to be authentically the original you, which is totally accurate by the way. We love being ourselves and only ourselves and being loved for that, however, there's also a sense that if we "blend in" with the group, we will fall behind and be left behind. We're not good at "being normal", so we compromise by saying "let me be a part of your group (society), and even though I may not be as classically useful like the rest of you, I can fill some niches and bring you beauty instead." Being like everyone else isn't just making us feel devalued, it's also making us (or maybe just me) feel like we won't be able to keep pace or compete in that situation. We MUST be unique in order to thrive because we survive off of the power and limited market of niches.
Hillary, love it! I have all 12 of the 10 signs of a Type 4! 🤣 If you’re a 4, you know you’re a 4 because if you know, you know.
So freakin true! If you know you know! Love that!
4w3 I've always felt this way especially with family
Lol yes my boyfriend is a 4 as well ❤️ 😊 we get along great we both enjoy the same things we have been together for a year and have not been in one single fight. The relationship is steady sailing
Thank you for sharing! What a great relationship! Love it!
This was spot on!! I resonated with each SOO much. The personality test made me laugh. So true! Love this video. Thank you
I took the test and im a type 8.. why do i resonate with this alot.. i just came to watch this cause my friend is a 4
10/10! I feel understood ^_^
I think the only one I identify less with is #9, and that might just be my 3 wing. I have gone into social situations before and taken the reigns to be the life of the party. However, when I've done this it's never been gratifying. People become close to the persona I put on, but they never become close to me. If I let the persona drop, people spook and run.
I've made much truer friends on days when I was tired and stuck to the edge of the room to do my own thing.
As an Enneagram 4 , i am into all kinds of personality types including Astrology .
Tritype 486 .
Good morning!
I have to say, every single one of these I can relate to !!! I was thinking I was a 5 and so I’m thinking I’m a 4w5! Exciting! Thanks!
Thanks for sharing!! ❤
I really love how you explain each type from many different angles, thank you! :)
Sweet!
#7 was soooooo spot on. This is because i’m so honest and ready for anyone to open up and for me to open up with anyone even someone who could be a stranger so it’s met with “woah i’m not used to that”. So I’m usually mistunderstood in my intentions like guys who think I could be flirting when i’m just interested in their life or strengths and weaknesses and I know that’s not normal for everyone to want to dive so deep with everyone.
I’m a 4 wing 5, we do have more an ability to detach but our undercurrent is drama and deep feelings. Wing 3 /4s are going to be more outgoing. I use the wing 3 when I’m in a situation that requires extroversion. I’m acting though and wonder afterwards who that person was.
As we mature in our 4 space, we will outgrown envy and learn to control hypersensitivity - or just stay away from critical people. Although my profession is law, I’ve worked in human rights, going the direction of 1 and 2 - using my 5 wing to be objective. However, I am trained to sing opera, and sing professionally as a side line and have always dabbled in the arts - was accepted into the Corcoran Art school as a child, love nature and can have the deepest conversations with people without being shy or hiding. You are right too, I wish more people would take the time to study enneagram and Myers Briggs. Thanks for your observations. Are you an Enneagram 6w7 or 9w1?
One last point, I really resent it when people type me as an attorney, so mundane and does not reflect the complexity of my personality. Probably why I stopped practicing law.
Thanks Hillary for this video. This has really helped know for sure that I am a type 4. This has further helped clarify that I am spot on, no doubt a 4. My three I picked were 4, 5 and 2. But, the 4 really sounds like me to the core.
Couldn't determine whether I'm 4 or 5 (4w5 or 5w4), but now I'm leaning towards Type 4. (Thanx!)
I'm definitely a type 4. Something that really hit home for me is that it's common for type 4s to love the enneagram. I am interested in art and psychology, and I get so angry when people who are more into hard sciences belittle my interests. Yes, psychology is a soft science and the enneagram does not have a solid scientific foundation. However, that doesn't mean they aren't very interesting and don't have the power to change lives.
I'm a 4w5 INTP. If I could, I would purge myself of all emotion, so I could see things objectively.
I'm definitely a type 4. I wish there were some way to connect with other local type 4 individuals; I wonder how well we would actually be able to get along, given we've spent our entire lives feeling different and outcast. I wonder if we'd feel like we finally found like-minded peers or if we'd just feel alone together.
That's how I feel. I think people that are 4's would get along so well.
@@peacebeyond123 I'd like to partner with some app developer to design some sort of app which can connect people based on different paradigms like enneagram types, astrology signs, Chinese zodiac animals, and political/philosophical/religious beliefs. A component of it could also be to connect people with supposedly incompatible types/beliefs so people can get exposure to a diverse array of other people, and not just those who think like them.
What an amazing video! Great job at keeping your audience engaged :)
Thank you! ❤️
Am I a type 4? How knows...let's say I was in tears when you mentioned the second point ;)
#8 LOL.....When my daughter asks my advice between 2 differennt things, I sit there for a while trying to decide "Do I really tell her what I think she should do OR should I give her the opposite advice knowing she's more likely to do the opposite of what I suggest?".I didn't even know this was a 4 thing but I had noticed her always seeming to do the opposite of what I say. Pray for Moms with a 4 and an 8...haha. Interesting thing: I know I've told you my tri-type 739. This past week my kids found out theirs. My daughter is a 479 and my son is an 873. After they announced this they were like "so basically if things aren't working for us in our own number...we turn into you".
Omg! Your kids are hysterical and right!!! 😂 so funny that they both have your type as their 2nd one!
Grab the torch we are traveling to the darkness. 😂😂😂🤘
So true... I wonder how many other 4s are also INFJs too like me?
Yes I’m definitely a type four everything resonates with me. The first time now I took the test four and nine were the top two for my personality but nine didn’t really sit with me and who I am. Plus I am an INFJ in the Myers Briggs. I am recently just learning about personality types I never knew they had these systems and I am so excited to finally find something I can finally really see that I am heard and seen for who I am. I do fit into somewhere that there’s others like me and I want to meet more. All the things that have been said about the four really describes me and what I really feel on the inside. Never in my whole life have I ever felt like I fit in but I never wanted to. I don’t want to become something I’m not just to please others. It’s best to be my authentic self and if some don’t like me for that I need to learn that it is fine they don’t need them to. That has always been a struggle for me because it hurts when people don’t like you for who you truly are but I would much rather just stay true to myself and know that I am of worth no matter what.
I relate to #7... my motto "awkward is my super power "
Based on this list, I believe I'm a 4. I've gotten 4, 5, and 9 on the quizzes.
I’m a 4w5, I was in a 4 month LDR with a 4w5. But he was unhealthy… covert narc type of unhealthy. The first 6 weeks were pretty great though.
This was so helpful!! I thought I was a 9 for years, but as I've gotten older I've really started to feel like 9 doesn't quite fit. Your 10 signs of being a 9 video didn't resonate with me at all, and this video resonates a TON! Pointing at these specific behavioral things really helps narrow it down. There are just too many ways for me to spin the more abstract descriptions around in my head. Thank you! I laughed out loud at your last point about loving personality systems hahaha :) That is definitely true for me.
I am a 4w5 I related to all of the10 signs, especially feeling different than everybody else.
Not #4. Definitely not #9! But so much love the dark side.
I'm such a type 4 it isnt even funny! Geez. Btw I dont feel im misunderstood...i KNOW I'm misunderstood
I'm 4w3 and resonate with all 10 signs. I also know I'm misunderstood when I consistently have to spell out what I think should be obvious to others. I think 4s have the highest emotional intelligence of all the types, so I think that has a lot to do with it. It's been a lesson in not taking things personally and being able to share without becoming frustrated or judgy if someone needs me to explain something. If I explain something kindly then I receive the understanding I'd like to receive.
I'm a 4 wing 5 and this is all VERY relatable!
I am either 4 or 5. I see natural beauties in 'ugly' places and get fascinated by even the smallest bit of nature. I want to be a cloud so that i can understand human behaviour and observe the world.
I have very intimate relationships and i want to put all my emotions out there. Despite this, i know not everyone is like me. So when i dont recieve intimacy, i accept it but also put a barrier between that person and myself.
Two years ago i have realized that i lost most of my fears and i am less afraid of doing dangerous physical acts and going deep into my dark side or darkness in general. I wish people were more open about going deep into their dark sides with me. And i wish people were more accepting about my dark side too.
These three signs stood up the most. Thank you very much for doing this video.
I dont know if im a 5 or 4, because my love for aesthetics and exprecing myself in a diff. way really makes me think im an 4. On the other hand, im an INFJ so i think maybe because of that i gravitate towards Psychology, Philosohy and i dont mind being alone.
I relate to pretty much all of these. Couple of things about me that qustions maybe Im a 5w4 instead of a 4w5 is the sitting in negative emotions I will cuz when Im feeling something what choice do I have lol but I dont like it. I want the tide to turn as quickly as possible and if I sit I spiral if I distract myself things will start shifting. Also the stress and growth I connect more to the 5's rather then the 4's. Time to get in touch with Hillary sensie for a consult
I love your explanations you are very insightful
Thank you!
Tbh, I feel envious when I meet other 4s. Especially when I see their creative work. I think to myself: "wow, they are so good and creative and I can't do anything." I have heard many misidentify as a 4 because they read that 4s are so creative and think they must be a 4 because of it. For me, it's kind of weirdly the other way around. When I read descriptions of the 4, I feel so strangely understood. But when it comes to the fact that many 4s are creative artists, I wonder if I'm even entitled to be a 4 because I feel like I'm neither creative/artistic nor active in any way.
But on the other hand I can relate to and like many fictional 4s. I've actually also never met a 4 personally in rl. So if I have the opportunity to talk to a 4, maybe I would feel understood after all.
Perhaps something more about my relationship to envy and shame. So I can't switch off shame in any case. It is a constant companion. But strangely enough, I mix shame and fear. Both are strongly present in my opinion, but I don't know which has the upper hand. That's why I sometimes think that I might be a 6. I used to think shame and fear were the same thing too. Similarly, I actually can't distinguish feeling from thought. Anyway, when I notice envy in myself, I try to deny it. I notice my envy, feel a little bad that I think that way, and try to talk myself out of it, that it's irrational and bad of me to feel envy.
I am an extroverted type 4 haha and all those itens ressonate with me. Even in social situations im very good at responding, but not always I feel like approaching people that...you know...just ``don`t interest me.
so good well thought out
Could you have a 4 that doesn't care so much about individualism or elitism? I really think my husband is a 4w3 after years of analysis. His key motivations are more finding his significance, being seen as successful, and heeding to his emotional states, but he doesn't seem to care that much about being an individual. Actually, he tends to try to be accepted a bit more and sometimes tries to build his identity based off of people he admires. He sometimes likes imagining his past and potential successes and achievements more than working toward them, though he actually is very talented.
Another confusing thing is that he does seem afraid/avoidant of the dark side of his emotions in the sense that he uses escapism and addiction to get away from these darker emotions and traumas he doesn't want to face, but he also gives them priority over everything else. The "tips for growth" and unhealthier states of 4 relate to him more than any other type, but it throws me off there are some key 4 things he doesn't seem to have. (e.g I am much more elitist than he is about taste and aesthetics...)
Edit: I got to the end of the video where you call the core desire "to feel special and unique for exactly who you are". I don't think my husband feels like that exactly... but he relates to other 4 motivations we've read about like "finding his special significance"
Bad black emotion are the most strongest kind of emotions that makes people to move. They are interesting. It makes me want to strip them nude. I want to know all about the emotions and how you end up getting to there. Process, the reasons, the connections, everything. So ya, I love the brain :)
9 was sooo spot on
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I would say number 6 stood out the most to me! But I have a question about "thoughts vs feelings" and I'm not sure what that means? Also, I have tested many different places online and always come up a type four. I came here wondering if I might be a type five but I have ruled that out watching your videos. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it so much!