Wow you’re really inspiring to admit that and my situation was similar but it wasn’t money. it was that I could always live with them lol but once I had to move out and get my own place my life became so much better! ❤
Ditto, I went to lunch one day with a "friend", and when the bill came he said "you're rich you should pay it all". I said yeah, I am not rich, and I work for every penny, 60 hours a week, and my hard work isn't paying for you to eat out. I was working 60 hours plus, a week to cashflow my bachelor degree! meanwhile his work ethic was live with his mommy at the age of 46 and work a low paying job 32 hours a week, if that, with no desire to work more than that! Needless to say we are not fiends anymore since I got sick of his entitlement syndrome! People with poor work ethic, and those who are just allergic to hard work seem to think money just grows on trees in the backyard for those of us working overtime etc so we can go out to eat on occasion and/or to an event.
Someone stopped me from doing this. He explained if I kept doing this, they would never try to help themselves. And I was contributing to harm them instead of helping. It was hard but I stopped.
Helping people isn't always about money. It could be encouraging people to live a healthy lifestyle, Educating them about finance, emotional support or doing the lawns for an elderly neighbor. You can't help fill a bucket if it has a big hole in it. These people probably aren't wanting any true help
Wow Dave is so right about how we end up being doormats so many times when we try to be nice and help others financially. That is SO true! (As I've found out myself).
I once had a friend who asked me for $600 because her car was going to be repossessed. I said " I can be your friend but I cannot be your banker". Turns out they were a gambler.
I got divorced I called my rich brother to ask him for $2000 to help me get an aprt. He said no As I hung up the phone I told myself Now either u sink or swim Now 30yrs later I’m doing great
Same. My mom (85) still buys groceries for my older brother (55)! It's so dysfunctional it's unreal , yet my mom thinks this is perfectly normal. She says otherwise he will just buy cheap junk. We moved to the US from Europe , 20 something years ago (I was blackmailed into moving as well) and live in the same house as my brother (bought for us by our parents) . I'm so unbelievably unhappy there are no words. I feel that I will never experience normal adult hood (I'm 52!). Nevermind that we all have to live nearby each other (codependecy) , when my mom passes , I feel I will have to continue to live in the same house , or at least area, as my brother , and buy his groceries . I can't imagine the guilt towards my mom otherwise if I don't. I miss Europe (netherlands) every single day. My brother is off course the golden child and I'm the scapegoat. Been suicidal since teens, can't imagine what's it's like to worry about once health etc. The only reason I don't off myself is because of my son (13). Off course his father (my ex now) has always lived in Sweden and so I don't even get to experience my ex living in the same country. My life is hell.
When it comes to family, it’s best to live by the phrase, give a man a fish 🐠 he will eat for a day but teach a man to fish 🎣 and he will eat for a lifetime!
When people who owe you money are spending money in unnecessary things, it’s time to ask for your money back. If they aren’t good with money, don’t lend them in the first place:
I was a dialysis technician for years, and we had patients who had jobs. They couldn't work every job but they could work some jobs, and medical counseling can help people find them.
Right. I personally just tell them a half truth, which in reality isn't a lie at all. I simply say my liquid funds that AREN'T part of my emergency fund is tied up in high yield money market accounts (not necessarily mentioning the accounts) which in reality, minus mentioning the actual amount in my "emergency fund," is true. It's the easiest way. If they persist and ask for even a "smallish" amount, I simply say I can't. One person a while back - who I really don't know that well at all, and only know him from the neighborhood pub I've gone to the past few years, asked me for a thousand dollars until "next" week. I know the guy works a lot - like seven days a week as a painter - and he's a good guy who was in a jam with his son's mother and court costs and such so I'm sure it was an honest and legitimate request, but I had no problem looking him in the eye and telling him, again, truthfully, I've had some really bad experiences loaning people money and I don't do it anymore. He understood.
I also have a brother with kidney failure, and he's made it his life's excuse. He's 31 years old, and has never held a job for more than a year, and has never moved out of the parents' house. My mom gave him one of her kidneys and completely enabled his loser life. What's sad is I'm the younger brother, at 25. And I've got a great career, and on track to retire in my 40s. He's gonna still be in my parents' basement by the time I retire.
Everyone who is human (and that's almost all of us lol) will still make mistakes all our lives off and on. No one can live a perfect life 100% of the time, (except Jesus of course).
It seems like most of the time people who rely on other people for money, money is not really the main issue. Basically, those people never really learned how to help themselves. So, on these situations “borrowing” money from others really is not a solution.
My guess is that part of the caller's culture dictates "helping" family members. Then, to seal the deal, his parents made him promise to help. I have helped a sibling out, but it didn't harm me financially. I would try very hard not to do it again, however. If I were in a position to do it, I would help her pay down her student loans. These days, even people with health conditions can work fro home.
I don’t think it’s true that enablers use others to make themselves feel good. I think more often they are terrified of saying no or it just doesn’t feel like a possibility to say no.
I agree. In fact, I hated loaning money to a couple of friends years ago, but I did, and neither time did it end well. I by NO MEANS do it to make myself feel good or better than them at all. It was something that took me by such surprise before I knew it I was agreeing. If I'd had an inkling that either were going to ask I'd have thought of some way to say no ahead of time. Was I cowardly to not say no anyhow? Probably. That was years ago and now I have no problem saying no.
Its truly hard to say no especially when someone ask and you say you dont have it and they ask is there any amount you can loan? Also, when people manipulate you by saying you’re the only person they have. Ive falling for this so many times because it feels good to be there for a person but sucks ass when they dont pay you back
I loaned a friend 500 euros. He gave back 100 and started avoiding me and people started talking how he owes to 10 different people. We are no longer friends.
That's how some people are. Once they find no use of you, they will cut your off. They are the heavy users who are not good at all. Don't ever feel bad for not lending. Don't let them manipulating you.
Someone i know asked for a money and they said they promised they would pay me back. I gave them the monry but said not to pay me back. Deep down i knew they wouldnt be able to anyways. And when i become debt free ill never tell them.
I promised my mom on her death bed that I'd make sure my sister is cared for, but not by me. She receives SSI and SSD but wastes her money. I will only help out with a bag of groceries or clothes on occasion, but never cash.
I never quite understood these calls. I've been "hit on" by friends for money - many years ago and I did help two in particular and it didn't end well either time, and I learned a lesson from doing it. DON'T. I'm lucky enough that I have a family who first off, doesn't need to borrow money as they're all products of my parents who, although not ever having much, taught us the value of a dollar and self respect and responsibility, but secondly they'd never ask for it if they ever did need money. How is it so hard to just say a firm "no"?
My mom had kidney failure and couldn’t work for over 20 years physically because its a permanent disability. I say forgive the debt and don’t lend any more money.
That sounds like a bunch of BS. As someone with Kidney Failure it is NOT even close to any kind of permanent disability. If your mom wasn't working for 20 years she didn't want to.
@@ClaxtonBay123 what are you talking about? YES it is she was discharge from her teaching loans because they knew she would not be able to work again. Remind you she was stage four and plus you would need to keep going to dialysis
There are people who are poor, and need help. I give a friend of mine probably $200 - 300 a year. She works hard. Has a disabled husband. One kid she's home schooling. (Too many dogs, tho!) She did get rid of about 12 junk cars she had on her property when I pointed out several times they could be sold, metal for cash. I really don't know how she could do better.
I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.
I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.
I've been dealing with this for 30 years and I'm tried of being an overdraft facility. How do i deal of my brother is not lazy, just not able to make ends meet?
Totally don’t agree with you guys,, maybe it’s cultural differences BUT id donate my own kidney to my brother, id take a bullet saving my siblings and family… not only contributing money to have them back on their feet and never ask something in return and definitely will never ask for my money back. My family’s wellbeing is something I can’t negotiate ,,, what is the point if im in a good shape financially and my family struggles
But there is a difference between helping someone get back on their feet and people who do absolutely nothing to change their life. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you enable a bad lifestyle. Listen to what Dave said!
don't miss the lesson. he didn't say not to help. He actually said to help. Help comes in many forms and most times we don't like how it comes. it doesn't always involve dishing out cash.
My sister stopped lending me by moving away, so I helped myself by working more, now I'm in a very good place.
Pay her back
pay her back !
😮😲
Wow you’re really inspiring to admit that and my situation was similar but it wasn’t money. it was that I could always live with them lol but once I had to move out and get my own place my life became so much better! ❤
😂😂😂
I get so tired that people think that they have a right to what you have earned.
Ditto, I went to lunch one day with a "friend", and when the bill came he said "you're rich you should pay it all". I said yeah, I am not rich, and I work for every penny, 60 hours a week, and my hard work isn't paying for you to eat out. I was working 60 hours plus, a week to cashflow my bachelor degree! meanwhile his work ethic was live with his mommy at the age of 46 and work a low paying job 32 hours a week, if that, with no desire to work more than that! Needless to say we are not fiends anymore since I got sick of his entitlement syndrome! People with poor work ethic, and those who are just allergic to hard work seem to think money just grows on trees in the backyard for those of us working overtime etc so we can go out to eat on occasion and/or to an event.
My uncle simplified this for me years ago. You can't help somebody who's contributing zero! Zero times any number is still zero.
That’s actually super helpful, thanks! 🙏🏻
You have a smart uncle
Someone stopped me from doing this. He explained if I kept doing this, they would never try to help themselves. And I was contributing to harm them instead of helping. It was hard but I stopped.
There is a phrase in Spanish that says, “to one who lacks shame, you respond without shame.”
What is that phrase?
@@janelleg597 its "to one who lacks shame, you respond without shame"
How do you say that, in Spanish?
Si no te da pena pedir, a mi no me da pena decir que no.
If you don’t have shame asking, I don’t have shame saying no.
Helping people isn't always about money.
It could be encouraging people to live a healthy lifestyle, Educating them about finance, emotional support or doing the lawns for an elderly neighbor.
You can't help fill a bucket if it has a big hole in it.
These people probably aren't wanting any true help
Wow Dave is so right about how we end up being doormats so many times when we try to be nice and help others financially. That is SO true! (As I've found out myself).
I loaned my brother $1000 once and he never paid us back. Now he can never ask us for money again.
I once had a friend who asked me for $600 because her car was going to be repossessed. I said " I can be your friend but I cannot be your banker". Turns out they were a gambler.
I got divorced
I called my rich brother to ask him for
$2000 to help me get an aprt.
He said no
As I hung up the phone
I told myself
Now either u sink or swim
Now 30yrs later I’m doing great
My brother makes ~$50K/mo.
If I asked for $2K, ...
🙌🏾
@@aolvaar8792you should ask him how and to train you ! 🙌🏾
@@aolvaar8792so its not your money to ask for no matter how much they make a month
@@aolvaar8792regardless of how much he makes, you don’t have a right to it just by asking
My mom does this all of the time. She an enabler with two adults in our family. They are 48 and 32.
Same. My mom (85) still buys groceries for my older brother (55)! It's so dysfunctional it's unreal , yet my mom thinks this is perfectly normal. She says otherwise he will just buy cheap junk. We moved to the US from Europe , 20 something years ago (I was blackmailed into moving as well) and live in the same house as my brother (bought for us by our parents) . I'm so unbelievably unhappy there are no words. I feel that I will never experience normal adult hood (I'm 52!). Nevermind that we all have to live nearby each other (codependecy) , when my mom passes , I feel I will have to continue to live in the same house , or at least area, as my brother , and buy his groceries . I can't imagine the guilt towards my mom otherwise if I don't. I miss Europe (netherlands) every single day. My brother is off course the golden child and I'm the scapegoat. Been suicidal since teens, can't imagine what's it's like to worry about once health etc. The only reason I don't off myself is because of my son (13). Off course his father (my ex now) has always lived in Sweden and so I don't even get to experience my ex living in the same country. My life is hell.
Just say no. If they hate you for it, they are not worth having anyway.
They have learned to depend on you. Help them in other ways.
When it comes to family, it’s best to live by the phrase, give a man a fish 🐠 he will eat for a day but teach a man to fish 🎣 and he will eat for a lifetime!
When people who owe you money are spending money in unnecessary things, it’s time to ask for your money back. If they aren’t good with money, don’t lend them in the first place:
An eagle who doesn’t leave the nest is a turkey. Awesome!
The hardest is when you had a good parent.
John and Dave are on FIRE with this one!
I was a dialysis technician for years, and we had patients who had jobs. They couldn't work every job but they could work some jobs, and medical counseling can help people find them.
Get comfortable with saying no. It will save you lots of headaches. Keeping your finances between you, yourself, and you.
Right. I personally just tell them a half truth, which in reality isn't a lie at all. I simply say my liquid funds that AREN'T part of my emergency fund is tied up in high yield money market accounts (not necessarily mentioning the accounts) which in reality, minus mentioning the actual amount in my "emergency fund," is true. It's the easiest way. If they persist and ask for even a "smallish" amount, I simply say I can't. One person a while back - who I really don't know that well at all, and only know him from the neighborhood pub I've gone to the past few years, asked me for a thousand dollars until "next" week. I know the guy works a lot - like seven days a week as a painter - and he's a good guy who was in a jam with his son's mother and court costs and such so I'm sure it was an honest and legitimate request, but I had no problem looking him in the eye and telling him, again, truthfully, I've had some really bad experiences loaning people money and I don't do it anymore. He understood.
I also have a brother with kidney failure, and he's made it his life's excuse. He's 31 years old, and has never held a job for more than a year, and has never moved out of the parents' house. My mom gave him one of her kidneys and completely enabled his loser life.
What's sad is I'm the younger brother, at 25. And I've got a great career, and on track to retire in my 40s. He's gonna still be in my parents' basement by the time I retire.
Nice to know that Dave is still making mistakes and owning them.
When you are as wealthy as Dave which is highly unlikely then you can make this ignorant statement.
Everyone who is human (and that's almost all of us lol) will still make mistakes all our lives off and on. No one can live a perfect life 100% of the time, (except Jesus of course).
It seems like most of the time people who rely on other people for money, money is not really the main issue. Basically, those people never really learned how to help themselves. So, on these situations “borrowing” money from others really is not a solution.
My guess is that part of the caller's culture dictates "helping" family members. Then, to seal the deal, his parents made him promise to help. I have helped a sibling out, but it didn't harm me financially. I would try very hard not to do it again, however. If I were in a position to do it, I would help her pay down her student loans. These days, even people with health conditions can work fro home.
Just die with the student loan lol
I don’t think it’s true that enablers use others to make themselves feel good. I think more often they are terrified of saying no or it just doesn’t feel like a possibility to say no.
I agree. In fact, I hated loaning money to a couple of friends years ago, but I did, and neither time did it end well. I by NO MEANS do it to make myself feel good or better than them at all. It was something that took me by such surprise before I knew it I was agreeing. If I'd had an inkling that either were going to ask I'd have thought of some way to say no ahead of time. Was I cowardly to not say no anyhow? Probably. That was years ago and now I have no problem saying no.
Its truly hard to say no especially when someone ask and you say you dont have it and they ask is there any amount you can loan? Also, when people manipulate you by saying you’re the only person they have. Ive falling for this so many times because it feels good to be there for a person but sucks ass when they dont pay you back
I loaned a friend 500 euros. He gave back 100 and started avoiding me and people started talking how he owes to 10 different people. We are no longer friends.
He was never your friend. You just didn't know it at the time you lent the money.
Recently told my two brothers that I can no longer loan them money. One decided to cut me off cause he has no more use for me. The other understood
That's how some people are. Once they find no use of you, they will cut your off. They are the heavy users who are not good at all. Don't ever feel bad for not lending. Don't let them manipulating you.
Looking to do this tomorrow if I dont get my money
JUST SAY NO
If you wanna get rid of people in Your Life........LOAN THEM MONEY 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰
Someone i know asked for a money and they said they promised they would pay me back. I gave them the monry but said not to pay me back. Deep down i knew they wouldnt be able to anyways. And when i become debt free ill never tell them.
This is a excellent question they never pay you back I consider it lost money if you lend your family money .
Well, just stop giving it 😂
I promised my mom on her death bed that I'd make sure my sister is cared for, but not by me. She receives SSI and SSD but wastes her money. I will only help out with a bag of groceries or clothes on occasion, but never cash.
Dignity, like shame, can be the first thing out the door when money is involved.
Amen brothers!
OMG! Dave Ramsey killing it haha
My family always paid me back. Glad I was never in this situation.
Continue. Good Lad
Just say NO.
I never quite understood these calls. I've been "hit on" by friends for money - many years ago and I did help two in particular and it didn't end well either time, and I learned a lesson from doing it. DON'T. I'm lucky enough that I have a family who first off, doesn't need to borrow money as they're all products of my parents who, although not ever having much, taught us the value of a dollar and self respect and responsibility, but secondly they'd never ask for it if they ever did need money. How is it so hard to just say a firm "no"?
This is the problem with homelessness…
Nah, with the homeless, it's completely different.
@@catlady2795no, they are all drug addicts and alcoholics. If you give them money it goes straight to the dealer or liquor store.
If a person has proved to pay you back. Give them the benefit of the doubts
You have to tell them the Bank of Roberto is closed from time forward. Sometimes you have to break that promise that you made to your parents.
I lent my aunt $5000 in 2011.
I got it back in 2020
Without asking for it or did you confront her?
Never saw any of the money I lent or the money they charged behind my back I forgave them but I stopped
At least you got it back 😂
She got a 9 year $5000 0% interest loan?
My mom had kidney failure and couldn’t work for over 20 years physically because its a permanent disability. I say forgive the debt and don’t lend any more money.
Did you tell her about ONLY FANS? 🎥
I agree. Forgive and move on. Kidney failure is extremely difficult. Diabetes can be managed.
I'd say holding a debt over a permanently disabled sibling is definitely breaking his promise to his parents.
That sounds like a bunch of BS. As someone with Kidney Failure it is NOT even close to any kind of permanent disability. If your mom wasn't working for 20 years she didn't want to.
@@ClaxtonBay123 what are you talking about? YES it is she was discharge from her teaching loans because they knew she would not be able to work again. Remind you she was stage four and plus you would need to keep going to dialysis
If you are in a good place to help do it,especially if they are ill
I had a cousin like that. I would try to wean them by reducing the amount im giving them bit by bit. It takes some time but eventually it works.. 😅
Telling someone that you’re not going to loan them money because you love them sounds very patronizing. Just say no. Period.
One word: no
Simple. Don't lead anyone money without a written agreement or simply don't lead anyone money 💰
Lend
There's a Cinema Therapy video about Megamind that talks about "Nice guy syndrome" and how "nice and good are two different things"
Dude don’t give them a dime! Just say no and understand that they won’t pay you back!
I only loan as much as I would give. So if they don't pay it back, it was always a gift anyway.
Yes a spiritual advice
There are people who are poor, and need help.
I give a friend of mine probably $200 - 300 a year.
She works hard. Has a disabled husband. One kid she's home schooling. (Too many dogs, tho!)
She did get rid of about 12 junk cars she had on her property when I pointed out several times they could be sold, metal for cash.
I really don't know how she could do better.
My brother is trying to get a house. My parents and him both agree that I should lend him $20K. Idk anymore…
is he the golden child and you're the scapegoat?
I am no longer an enabler . Of course I am the sorriest low life to walk on this earth now , according to them , but I’m ok with that.
If they haven't paid by now there not going to just Wright it off as a loss
I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.
I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.
For some reason, I don't think this is what his parents were talking about.
I've been dealing with this for 30 years and I'm tried of being an overdraft facility. How do i deal of my brother is not lazy, just not able to make ends meet?
Leave the past in the past, too late to fix that! They are adults, and they both need to get themselves to work, I agree with what John said!
If someone has kidney failure, how can they get off their lazy butts and work like Dave suggests. I'm confused.
I had a colleague with kidney disease, got dialysis 2x/week, and still worked. Guess the impact it has on each patient varies from case to case.
They should be eligible for disability, but there are people who can work on the days they don’t have dialysis. It depends on the severity.
They can look for an online job
"How do I stop?"
Ummmm. Easy!
If you have kidney failure, I'm pretty sure you can get ssdi.
I'm pretty sure that supporting a permanently disabled member of the family is exactly what his promise meant to his parents.
Never been this early lol
Why is John Delony asking Dave if he can answer?
professionalism
Pretty sure the building still has Ramsey Solutions on it
✝️🙏
People go through dialysis and chemo and still hold down jobs.
Totally don’t agree with you guys,, maybe it’s cultural differences BUT id donate my own kidney to my brother, id take a bullet saving my siblings and family… not only contributing money to have them back on their feet and never ask something in return and definitely will never ask for my money back. My family’s wellbeing is something I can’t negotiate ,,, what is the point if im in a good shape financially and my family struggles
But there is a difference between helping someone get back on their feet and people who do absolutely nothing to change their life. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you enable a bad lifestyle. Listen to what Dave said!
@@joycewright5386 👍
There’s a huge difference between helping and enabling. If the problem endlessly repeats, you’re an enabler.
@@RoadieWingZZ 👍
don't miss the lesson. he didn't say not to help. He actually said to help. Help comes in many forms and most times we don't like how it comes. it doesn't always involve dishing out cash.
Sell the diabetes…
35th comment
lol