I can really relate to this. I am 58 and have allowed my anorexia to dictate my life so far. I’ve got so much more to give to my life and anorexia is still ruling it and I’m fed up with it telling me how, when, what and where to eat, behave, act, be continually and berating me for when I don’t obey. It’s getting in my way, it’s stopping me from so many things and it only gives me pain. Yet I can’t fully commit to eating. Why? The worst person in the world doesn’t behave like this so if I’m this strong, capable, intelligent woman, why do I? I’m scared to death of gaining weight. The number doesn’t define us, we are better than that. We dictate our outcomes not some pervasive, wicked, formless entity! Thank you so much. Will you feel able to expand this video? Please do it only if you’re happy to do so, it’s terribly personal. Thank you xxx
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your own experience! I can absolutely relate to the frustration you verbalized, it's crazy-making (or crazier making, maybe 😂😉). I'm happy to elaborate on the subject of weight gain fear/future tripping in future videos but just want to clarify that's what you meant by expand? Just so you're not like.... Cool, but I was asking for something totally different lol. Thanks again for watching!
It’s all of those things although I’m very conscious of potential voyeurism on my part, I can’t recover symbiotically Are you in Arizona. My husbands cousin lives there and it’s so hot! ❤️
I totally agree with your therapyst as i was also afraid of some things that happened when i was trying to recover in my teens and i never realised i have changed since. So did my ED, it evolved and my recovery was different. Not saying it wont feel uncomfortable gaining weight, it always does, but you can try to shift your focus to so many other great things in your life, your husband, your work, friends, hobbies etc. And the biggest thing for me was when i noticed how much more energy i had for all that, how i am not getting tired and can actually make it throughout the day. That's when the appreciation for my body started coming :) plus you never know, you moght actually like some of that weight (i was happy with having boobs and the feeling i started having when being intimate with my boyfriend in my weight restored body) :)
Exactly! Sounds silly but I've been reminding myself that as a teen I never could have predicted where I'd be now and so much has changed in terms of my life and preferences! Favorite music (thank goodness lol), interests, career/jobs, where I live, etc... Who's to say my experience of my body won't have evolved as well?! I hope so. As always, thank you for the insightful comment. 🧡🧡🧡
Racheal, I relate to all of this. As I gain weight, it physically feels so unbearable that I fantasize about ripping the flesh off of my body. No worries, no harm happening to me. But, I feel like rapid weight gain impedes the process of accepting my new body. Gaining less quickly has helped with my healing. Swinging back and forth has not gotten me to a healthy place. I have endured and tolerated catastrophic and chronic illnesses/pain far more easily than the weight restoration. Interesting isn't it. Thank you for sharing your journey!!!!!💕💕💕
Thank YOU for sharing! While saddening, it's interesting to hear how your experience of chronic illnesses has paled in comparison to the process of weight restoration. A testament to anorexia's power, I suppose. But you are even MORE powerful and so brave for enduring it!!!
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I can really relate to this. I am 58 and have allowed my anorexia to dictate my life so far. I’ve got so much more to give to my life and anorexia is still ruling it and I’m fed up with it telling me how, when, what and where to eat, behave, act, be continually and berating me for when I don’t obey. It’s getting in my way, it’s stopping me from so many things and it only gives me pain. Yet I can’t fully commit to eating. Why? The worst person in the world doesn’t behave like this so if I’m this strong, capable, intelligent woman, why do I? I’m scared to death of gaining weight. The number doesn’t define us, we are better than that. We dictate our outcomes not some pervasive, wicked, formless entity! Thank you so much. Will you feel able to expand this video? Please do it only if you’re happy to do so, it’s terribly personal. Thank you xxx
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your own experience! I can absolutely relate to the frustration you verbalized, it's crazy-making (or crazier making, maybe 😂😉). I'm happy to elaborate on the subject of weight gain fear/future tripping in future videos but just want to clarify that's what you meant by expand? Just so you're not like.... Cool, but I was asking for something totally different lol. Thanks again for watching!
It’s all of those things although I’m very conscious of potential voyeurism on my part, I can’t recover symbiotically
Are you in Arizona. My husbands cousin lives there and it’s so hot!
❤️
@@katespalding2134 I am in Arizona and I WISH it was hot right now, but we're actually in an area that experiences legitimate seasons 😂😂😂
I’m 54 and I could write exactly this, it’s wrecking my life but weight gain is still more terrifying
@@kate123blue I hear you... It's frustrating and confusing to feel both seemingly contradictory things so strongly!
I totally agree with your therapyst as i was also afraid of some things that happened when i was trying to recover in my teens and i never realised i have changed since. So did my ED, it evolved and my recovery was different. Not saying it wont feel uncomfortable gaining weight, it always does, but you can try to shift your focus to so many other great things in your life, your husband, your work, friends, hobbies etc. And the biggest thing for me was when i noticed how much more energy i had for all that, how i am not getting tired and can actually make it throughout the day. That's when the appreciation for my body started coming :) plus you never know, you moght actually like some of that weight (i was happy with having boobs and the feeling i started having when being intimate with my boyfriend in my weight restored body) :)
Exactly! Sounds silly but I've been reminding myself that as a teen I never could have predicted where I'd be now and so much has changed in terms of my life and preferences! Favorite music (thank goodness lol), interests, career/jobs, where I live, etc... Who's to say my experience of my body won't have evolved as well?! I hope so. As always, thank you for the insightful comment. 🧡🧡🧡
Racheal, I relate to all of this. As I gain weight, it physically feels so unbearable that I fantasize about ripping the flesh off of my body. No worries, no harm happening to me. But, I feel like rapid weight gain impedes the process of accepting my new body. Gaining less quickly has helped with my healing. Swinging back and forth has not gotten me to a healthy place. I have endured and tolerated catastrophic and chronic illnesses/pain far more easily than the weight restoration. Interesting isn't it. Thank you for sharing your journey!!!!!💕💕💕
Thank YOU for sharing! While saddening, it's interesting to hear how your experience of chronic illnesses has paled in comparison to the process of weight restoration. A testament to anorexia's power, I suppose. But you are even MORE powerful and so brave for enduring it!!!