After Love - Mental Health - S1 E3 - The Black Love Doc After Show
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
- In this episode of #BLAfterLove, the official aftershow of Black Love on OWN, the series co-creator and director Codie Elaine Oliver joins Anthony & Melanie and Tracci & Tony to continue the discussion around mental health in their relationships and how to spot - and address - red flags. These couples share their journeys through trauma, therapy, and how to help your partner when they're not sure they need it. Watch Black Love on Saturdays at 9/8c OWN in September & October.
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This is GROWN folks level right here!!
Absolutely!!
Yes, I love it
Yes for sure, and it shows once again that marriage wasn’t made for immature people
Big Facts
This is honestly some of the best relationship insight I have ever heard - at 41 yrs old. Married for the second time (and finally feeling like I’m doing it right)
"I am going to COVER you and not CRUCIFY you." Whew, what a word!
Amen!
Yessss Lord! Well said! Amen! #maturityandwisdom
Society has always protrayed men as these masculine human beings that has to walk around showing their muscles at all time, we are human we have feelings and we are emotional and its Okay to express yourself, therapy good for the soul loving this video
Yes!!! Whole word
Wowsers!!!
I'm a mental health professional and we need more discussions like this in our communities! 🖤🖤🖤
Amen!!!!
A must watch it doesn't get any realler than this!
Hubby and i spoke explicitly about the myths about marriages we spoke the truth and nothing but the truth! Very hilarious too!
th-cam.com/video/_jj-sdCSn78/w-d-xo.html
I had a massive stroke last year, its been the biggest mental challenge challenge of my life, husband and children's lives. It took me a while to understand that it wasnt just me but that, my hubb and kids had a traumatic event in their lives too. Married 12yrs, together 18, & everything we know now is new and starting over. I'm learning how to function knowing that even tho im alive, it's like i died. My family misses and deals with parts of me that's no longer here ( mentally). Folks say that my personality is the same but no one feels the trauma & shift more than my hubb who is still choosing to stick by this new person he's getting to know all over again, with almost 20 yrs of life with the same person.. I know and love them all but i had to lean who this woman was and is, at the same time...this show has been helping me so much...
More so healing...
Exactly! I am too and so glad to see this topic being discussed on platforms.
Grown folks talking 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
No tiktoking here!!
Lol, I love this comment :)
I know right!!!!...They have been through the school of Life. Loving their grown vibe and wisdom ✨ 🙌 🥰
💪🙏👍
None whatsoever.......children, get to bed.
@@Tommythefilmmaker *Me too! The best comment ever!* 💕
This was absolutely the best discussion. My heart and soul needed to hear their story.
Likewise.
Same
A must watch it doesn't get any realler than this!
Hubby and i spoke explicitly about the myths about marriages we spoke the truth and nothing but the truth! Very hilarious too!
th-cam.com/video/_jj-sdCSn78/w-d-xo.html
Me Too ❤️🙏🏾
Single, but I'm still here for the gems !
Same girl lol it’s only right!
Learn on the bench before getting in the game.
You and i both
Same here and I learn a lot🙏🏽💯
Same sis..🤣🤣..we gon be ready doe..😏
Mental health is an unspoken issue in the black community. We truly have to be openly honest, supportive and unashamed about the struggle with our significant other and or spouse. Life can hit us hard with trauma, how we handle it varies with each individual. Pray to God, get the medical help, meds, counseling whatever it takes to get the illness managed. Most important God is there every step of the way.
Well said!!
We're opened in my blk community.
As a single woman hearing him say you're dealing with the little person along with the adult version and the persons in-between made me want to cry. I have showed up as the little girl in me and not understanding that she just wants to be loved. Now I feel like I can verbally express just that and not cry my way through it and looking crazy! Thank you for sharing
Awww hugs and positive vibes.. I feel everything you’ve said..💚
*@Pat Rice ✨💕🙌🏾💕✨!!*
That is wonderful! You cant do better until you know better. So happy this helped.
That part got me. I felt seen. I didn’t know I needed that. I cried unexpectedly.
Tonight's show was heavy but insightful. I appreciate the focus on mental health in a relationship.
As a Licensed mental health therapist, I really appreciate that these conversations are taking place. More of this is needed. Being able to recognize triggers, the need for space and being transparent and open is so vital to relationships when dealing with mental illness. I love what is taking place here.
The lady with the glasses is sooo jazzy 😍
Oh she kills it...🤓
"Don't fight to win, fight to grow". Much appreciation for this conversation. #BlackLove is growing and learning together on the daily. The best to you all looking for, being in and finding Love. God Bless.
The after show of Black Love, adds a necessary dimension and dynamic to the actual presentation. It has become a requirement in the evolution of the Black Love series. Thank you.
This is an excellent show...a lot of people (me) only saw dysfunctional love, but never the “Do the work & see the results” flip side of Love...I’m encouraging people to watch to get these different perspectives early on as some what of a guide through their own Love story...Thanks Codie 😊
What I love about this interview is how deep the couples went in their relationship and mentioned this. I also love the fact that they didn't make excuses and took/take a look at themselves because one of the hardest things in life is too look at yourself. I appreciate that a lot and is one of the biggest things in a relationship whether this is intimate or friendship wise. That's called being transparant, honest and vulnerable. GREAT INTERVIEW👍🏾
Wow!! its so good to see US, black folks talking about mental health and how we as a younger generation of black men can learn and understand that its ok to be vulnerable and show real emotions with our queens because in the end they are going to love and hold us down until the final bell. Much respect to these beautiful couples for sharing their stories.
❤❤
I didnt learn I got you until I met my wife. Wow ❤♥️ the work some of us black women put in to help heal our men is phenomenal
Thank you for this. We (Black folks) NEED to hear this and discuss our issues. We NEED to hear how we heal together and separately. We NEED to hear the importance of peace, trust and intentionality of working to be better. 🙏🏿✊🏿✨🦋
Yes Brandy
Amen
Say Brandy, This is Soo true! We do need this, It has been sooo long over due , that we as a people , Not only needed to see and be witnesses to; but have WANTED to recognize for positiveness in a relationship between our Black Men / Woman, If it can be publized with other races , I say it's High time it's publized with (Black folk) I'm lefted in awe to be a witness of the beautiful honesty that our Black Men are Sharing and I'm loving it! Prior to one of the first ones I watched , And this wasn't couples, It was just an Black Men at the round table, and it was just one on the panel, Anyway this love , love, love 💕, Thank you soo much black couples, Peace ✌️🕊️ and blessings!!!!
@@kayejohnson2356 amen and Amen!
I like Anthony and Melanie.... Anthony’s voice lovely!
I agree with Melanie about intuition and spirit!
I also believe in God and waiting.
It’s all relative!
I like the other couple too! Fashion & style on point.
I like this discussion!!! ❣️❣️❣️....
This was a great eposide enjoyed the synergy between these couples...Codie such a flawless interviewer....so many nuggets in here....& these women are stylish 🥂💕
WHAT? "We all have an inner world." YES! That right there.
Black does not crack at all.. Beautiful people who are seeing themselves, healing themselves and loving themselves so that love between them can flourish!!!
Thank you for talking about this, I finally signed up for therapy after hitting rock bottom. I could see that I was self sabatoging and run from a relationship at the first sign of disturbance. After almost losing my future husband, I ran to the first therapist available. My dismissivness came from my childhood.
This is the best video of them all! ❤️ (Mental health is abnormally ignored in the world of dating)
What a treasure to hear this wisdom. I’m so grateful for what each of you shared. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CREATING THIS SHOW ✨
I’m back. I made my initial comment halfway through the video. The video just ended and it got even better. I’m in tears. I needed to hear this! ✨💗✨
A lot of people don’t realize nor care to acknowledge the residue they bring from past relationships. They physically move on but emotionally they are still caught up in the issues they never overcame with exes. It can be the simplest thing that triggers them to respond as if you are the ex. It’s so important to heal and show up whole and available mentally, physically and emotionally.
I've come to realize that while I can't show up completely healed, I can acknowledge what needs healing and continue to do the work personally. No longer do I hold my partner to heal what is mine. Its not his responsibilty. Simply knowing I have a safe and loving place to land when I'm having a difficult time means the world to me.
I’m a newlywed that just got married 2 weeks ago. This discussion is sooooo important. I am learning through them. Thanks for doing the “after show”, it adds a deeper layer of transparency!!!
She’s a good woman to have waited 30 minutes for him to come back.
She didnt have no money she didnt have a choice
I would have been popping off and pissed
She must have seen something different in him!
That was DEEP.........GLAD EVERYONE POURED OUT THER HEART❤
it doesn’t have anything to do with goodness. she was a self-aware woman who was emotionally intelligent enough to know he was experiencing an upset that had nothing to do with her. she simply held space for him while he worked thru it. ppl have done the same for me & i do the same for others.
Landmines!!!! I wasn't able to quite express this to someone but it's exactly how I felt!!!!
This discussion is SOOOOOO important for singles and people in relationships. We need more of this!
I love when we openly and freely talk about our mental health it is so courageous, freeing and beautiful. First thing I ever had to do in my healing, was to deal with my " little". Our ancestors I hope are very proud we're slowly doing something different. #blacklovematters
By far one, if not the BEST discussions ever!! So many gems and takeaways. I thank you sooooo much for this platform, I thank these couples for being so open, honest and down right vulnerable. I am so proud of my blacks brothers because it is rare to see bkack men exposing their insecurities, period and then to bare all for the world to see, BRAVO! I am literally in tears. I think I like the after show even better, it seems more personalable I LOVEEEEE Black Love!!💝
I love the “passionate debate” ....Anthony. Growth and process, I agree with Tracci🌿Melanie on words don’t teach an example does. I believe both words and examples do.🌺 Codie, I am coming for this blouse and the last blouse you wore in the last episode they’re so cute.
This is truly Black Love! The level of depth/support/introspection these couples have for each other is inspiring. I have fought through mental health issues with a man for almost 1 year. He was in denial about the impact that his behavior had on me & our relationship/interactions. Multiple times he brushed off his behavior (snippyness, lack of empathy, callousness, surface conversations, lack of vulnerability) & told me to "get outta your head" or "quit tryna overanalyze everything". I was pushed away multiple times & i finally gave up the fight. 🤷🏾♂️ Ultimately I realized, you can't force someone to heal their traumas. They have to be ready & willing to do the work.
I just experienced this. So true. You have to heal and want to be heal and want to be healed💚
Anthony and Melanie are so real and transparent...not saying the others aren't...it just something special and rare about them every time you listen to them!!! Love seeing them on the show!!!
C.S. Cooper they are my absolute favourite couples... I wanna hear their children talk about them.
@@hanniegaya7200 Yaaaassss!!! That would be an awesome show!!!
Hannie Gaya I can tell you their children adore them.
I agree, and looked them up on TH-cam.
God, I’m asking You to please cover me when you bless me with MY husband. This is making me have hope. Sick of being SINGLE
Melanie, has gone through some stuff with Anthony.....she loves him so much
Definitely.... yet she still able to smile when speaking about him...
I love their story
Totally agree with this comment. Another way to look at it is, Anthony experienced a lot in life that was traumatizing. Thank God he has someone to love him through it!🥰
To see 30 yrs of marriage & every episode I've watched of those 2, they are STILL very affectionate!! That is extremely beautiful to see!!
It's alot.
These episodes are soooooo important and revealing of truth! I'm 60 starting to "TRY" again after being divorced 23 1/2 years! I have NO dating experience!!! Please continue with shows like this Because I'm getting dating tips, triggers about myself, and steps on what to avoid and pursue. ❤
I absolutely appreciate After Love! The couples are so transparent and genuine, and that is soooooooooo helpful! 🙌 We need this! 🙏
That land mine description though! 👏🏾
“I’m gonna cover you and not crucify you!” #powerful
These couples having an real conversation without drama. Love the show. ❤❤❤
Queenis Hutchins this is what I like. Real couples, coming together and discussing their issues without the drama, yelling or screaming.
Yeah this is the kind of representation I like to see.
@Queenis Hutchins This is black love not Love and hiphop. Lol...
Simply Amazing! Please continue to interview these 2 couples. We need to continue to hear from them. Interview is great as well. She asks great probing questions and gives them time to talk without interrupting them. Loving how one couple comes from spirituality and the other christianly, makes it easy for multiple people to relate regardless of their beliefs. BRAVO and WELL DONE to all involved!
This is so good. Thank you for celebrating the beauty in the ups and downs. This is a needed and balanced narrative. Love has been idolized and romanticized for so long and it’s messing us up out here in these single streets. Lol. Thanks!
I was taking notes .... Then came back n watched it with my man . He's grateful for this... Same goes for me ❤️❤️
Watched this with mine last night too & he is NOT keen on emotion talk let alone talk abt MH but he loved this.. I needed to watch it again so came back.
@@melanatedqueen 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💕yaaas queen. We have to recognize that men are also human, they deserve king treatment just as we deserve queen treatment.
Mine takes time to open up especially if its in regards to "the social standards men are expected to have" but he makes sure to ask for hugs or just says he's not okay when somethings up n he doesn't want to go into details at that particular time but I'm grateful for the progress because in the beginning he used to go silent on me
@@melanatedqueen I'm glad they're back to posting Afterlove.
@@tamarawanjiku oh yes sis, we need to treat them well too honey! They too deserve that. I loved the landmines idea from Anthony & Melanie - allowing each other to handle somethings without the other nagging to hear the gory details. So your man is headed in the right direction.
Mine wants to keep a front, I think because he runs a bunch of guys for work - runs a construction company, he used to think that is also who he needed to be with me. Now, (after maybe a year of screaming matchs) I knw he is not the guy he is with me with anyone else but me. He is gentle to the point I knw nobody else has ever seen tht side of him, impossible. He will message to say if he feels it's been forever and he hasn't been missed, he doesn't think twice. "Babe! so what, you just aren't missing me!?" When he needs reassurance he will say so. I think I am open book, but I am not verbal much when it comes to emotions either. After four years my thinking was; you have my house keys, your flat is emptier than a place which is vacant, I have to talk to you abt me leaving home for a week or two & moving across the country with work, we have been together for four years - I used to assume tht was enough for a guy, with zero need for me to say verbally I absolutely adore you. I too have learnt somethings. When he treats you like you are precious to him, only fair we return that favour and continue to learn where we might err. I adore tht man gosh, he is the only human being I have ever been with who I can miss and get physically sick. Like my tummy genuinely hurts, my blood pressure rises & I can't keep anything down kind.
Listen I love the vulnerability of each couple, my goodness you don’t get this much often. I also love how their relationships compliment each other. This episode gets me so excited for my next relationship in that I’m actually looking forward for once with being vulnerable.
Excellent information from experience.
I Love Tracci, she was my hairdresser for years. She's always been a beautiful soul.
I just truly loved this session. The more I listen to these couples, I realize how fortunate I am as a single person. To be learning so much and to be enriched by their collective experiences. I have learnt from my parents being together, however, I have loved hearing from other black couples and how they have done life together as well as how do the continue to invest in their marriage and in their own individual growth.
I love seeing black love, very enlightening. I appreciate you showing a positive and authentic light to black love ❤
Anthony and Melanie need there own show. When they speak I am at attention and my ears are glued to this video. OMG!!!!!!
Agreed!!
I thought it was just me. I realized that they were full grown from the show and this interview confirmed it!
This by far is my favorite after show!! Thank you Codie and Tommi Oliver❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I absolutely love Anthony and Melanie’s relationship. My therapist told me to look for examples of what I desire and seeing them gives me a visual reference of what I knew I desired , but couldn’t quite see. Scott Peck says “Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.” Melanie and Anthony went into a situation with the purpose of enjoying themselves and let their intuition guide them towards a relationship that gives them the space to evolve-together. Bless them. Btw I googled them and I will most definitely be signing up for that singles webinar they’re offering . Lol
I love this show!!! It's a whole vibe, period!!!!
Melanie looks so pretty and regal. I love her hair pulled back like that!
It suits her and makes her look even younger
This was so therapeutic! I really enjoy these After Love video's. And I'm so thankful for all of the couple's being so vulnerable and transparent. This is so needed within the Black Community. 💛💛💛💛💛💛
Wow this right here 💯💪🏾thank you for those couples for being transparent and open to sharing 🙏
These couples are relationship goals 😊. If we are being honest, after the honeymoon phase of the relationship; you get to know the real person. In those moments, you gotta be patient, willing to understand and comprehend needs. I also think that you have to see if their good outweigh their bad. The conversation about love languages and inner child healing should be normalized in relationships. Great video and great channel 💫
Wow... this was freeingly insightful
Being grown is actually working through that emotion.... understanding u were being defensive, emotional, whatever z feeling was... and grow from that.
This was great but Anthony in the maroon shirt, voice is so relaxing... he should record bedtime stories for adults (topics can be bible stories, finance, basket weaving lol)
💚💚💚
🤣😂🤣😂
🤣🤣🤣
Right.....he has a sexy raspy voice🤤
INSIGHT with QueenE girl.... listen! I feel bad for loving his voice like that ... but hey lol
Wow you are hilarious 🤣
I’m glad that this show is talking about this, because for years it’s been said how black folks don’t do Couseling. Some don’t want to be considered as crazy, but why bring all of that baggage into a fresh relationship let alone bring your children into your trauma. If I need to be healed then I’m gonna work towards that while facing something I’ve been running from my whole life , and that is self. No more trauma over here . Okay let’s normalize more healthier relationships instead of toxicity ones.
These are some beautiful couples. They paint pictures of "REAL LOVE"! So many people look at love through rose colored lenses. This gives folks who are in relationships or those who want real relationships blueprints for success. "Words don't teach, examples do!" Thanks for being an example. Thanks for the takeaways.
So i am watching season 11 of "married at first sight" and their is this chick named Karen that questions her husband, Miles, masculinity because he is a able to communicate his feelings. Dont know her but hopes she saw this episode. Maybe it could give her a better understanding. Maybe she can see other black man similar to her husband. This was super random. Hope you all have a great, productive day.
I was thinking the same thing too !!!! Karen really needs someone to give her a different perspective
Awesome just honest and beautiful to see that You All have each other. God is more than AWESOME 🙏🏾❤️
This is the Pure Truth i love to see and hear from couples. I love to see real black love not that foolishness we see in the blogs. Like what’s real and what’s fake, what to expect and the hard truth in marriage. Thank you for allowing us to see Love in its True form 🙌🏾
I really enjoy hearing Tracy's husband saying she covered him. I really appreciate hearing couples be able to hold space for each other. In my next marriage I look forward to finding true partnership. It truly takes two people willing to do the emotional work. Thank you for sharing these gems.
Love you Codie Elaine, you’re so confident being you!
I am not sure if its the topics covered this season but I love how real, practical and deep these couples are. It's like these stories are not rushed. I feel like I'm receiving so much more.
Okay, not only was this discussion full of amazing perspective, CODIE is a dream facilitator. Authentic, commanding, receptive, and gracious. #goals 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Tracci doesn't even look like the same person...She looked beautiful before, but she looks fabulous in this video!
This is awesome, and therapeutic in itself. Pastor John Gray and his wife can benefit from this too since he is always talking about the little boy in him. This is how you get through it. You stay together and patiently, lovingly and respectfully work together to kill it, instead of stepping out to feed it.
The level of wisdom on this episode is unbelievable! Thank you for sharing and giving us advice and tips to grow at our own pace 🖤🖤🖤🖤
I have been my own client for 51 years so I know what she’s talking about!
I'm divorced, but I'm learning so much and looking forward to a second time around❤😇
I felt all of this. So many gems.
Black don’t crack. They look good.
Thats so good. When he said he has to be in a relationship with Old Melanie and young Melanie
We all have a "little me and big me" inside of us......good stuff!
My partner is a menthal health care worker at hospitals etc.and I feel he needs my unconditional love but he doesn't show it. He just gives it. He is black and we strugle with comunity wispering in our ears "he is with you for money", "she is with you for fun" etc etc. Internal strugles external strugles and we trying to get thru life with open loving hearts is hard. These couples are amazing bc they are a prove you can be a safe place for eachother.
Such uplifting conversations!
These are some beautiful people physically. I love looking at them. Then to hear them being so mature and on one accord. You can hear the love and consideration between them. I strive to grow to this at least by the time I am there age. They have taken care of themselves inside and out.
Hiding important topics from a therapist is REALLY common. Often individuals want the therapist to "pull it out of me", that's NOT a therapist role!!!! For most therapist, they provide (are trained to at least) a safe space to speak those things that have been difficult to say to friends and family. A therapist is NOT A MAGICIAN!!!! If an individual is intent on hiding a side of themselves that may need attention, that act(s) can sabotage progress and undermine the effectiveness of therapy.
This was great. The best of the couples. Especially the maturity, transparency, and life experiences. They kept it real.
#truths 🙌🏽
danggggg......these chopped onions again.
I am very grateful for these episodes.. Black couples can talk about real issues...
I literally just cried listening to this. I recently came out of a relationship with a mentally I'll person who is a youtuber that has video on love. Quite the contrast huh? Anyway, this panel touched on so many of the issues I saw with him and I tried hard to keep love for him but it was one sided. Long story short, he used me for an experiment. He knew things were going to end before they began. I like the question the host asked about knowing when it is too much. Mental health is so real and rarely considered when choosing a partner. I don't fear love I fear an unstable and selfish mindset in other people.
This is just brilliant. I just burst out crying thinking about my inner child. They deserved better and thankfully we can give ourselves better but we must do the work introspectively - single or partnered.
😮A blessing all the way through!!!💞
Wow, this show is amazing. I love how their practical illustration brought clarity into things that I am going through as an divorcée. Thank you
This episode really helped me. I've been married 9 months and we just had a big blow up that nearly ended us. But we discovered that there was pain still residing that we thought we'd been dealing with while we were single and celibate, separately. So we thought we were good...but we weren't. So these insights have really helped. Our situation is also much more strained because right after our 2 month honeymoon in Nigeria, I returned and he was going to follow me after applying for the marriage visa, with the Certificate we just got, and Trump put his bans on visas for Nigerians, and now he can visit...but he can't live in the U.S! And while dealing with that, 3 weeks later the U.S. locked down...and we haven't seen each other since February. 😭. So we've been arguing...a lot. But we know kind of what's going on so we're adjusting our behavior.
The afterlove interviews are the best. Great testimonies. Thanks for being transparent. Mental health is a serious issue that’s not addressed sufficiently in the black community.
That's so GOOD- We all have at least 2 people, the little 8yr old & the adult Melanie.
This was POWERFUL! Much needed! Thank you for the transparency and the deep dive! Keep doing what you're doing! Please do this again with other couples. These 2 couples were perfect for the topic rollout. God bless this precious work!
As a person that suffers with mental illness and physical disability this conversation was too tidy for me. I would have loved to see at least one spouse from the 3 couples actually living and navigating a romantic relationship with a serious mental illness. I believe far too often these types of couples are left out of the conversation, especially in the Black community. I believe the same can be said for couples and disability. They're needs to be more of a spot light shined on that type of love as well.
Everybody experience trauma in life we have to face it in order to stay together. Marriage isn't an I union. One can't do it alone it takes both parties to work it out. It's a time to grow up.
My love and I didn’t make it. We both our traumatic issues, but I guess they were too strong in both of us. We called it quit and soooo, yeah! 😶
I freakin love, love, love, Melanie and Anthony.
Shuuuu this was important for us to hear.
I think it's natural for a Men🚹 to see a Women👩🦱 as Therapy, peace, and calm🙏🏽. Every broken MAN I know, is also craving a Women essences😭. They look tough on the outside💪🏽, but may be going through big sh**.
These are the real OG’s of relationship. Love the conversation about mental health. This shouldn’t be a taboo topic in our community anymore.
Shutting down doesn't help going to therapy helps you to grow. When you do it alone it doesn't work.