MY HUSBAND'S CANCER JOURNEY: The story of how he died and my anticipatory grief pt1| One Happy Widow
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ค. 2021
- This video recalls my husband's cancer journey and the story of how he died. I also explain my anticipatory grief and how it affected me during his illness and after his death. This is part 1 of a 2-part video series.
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255
Helping you find your happy in the grieving process
Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss
WOW, his mother took him to the ER. Also to all of his Chemo treatments. AWESOME mother he had. GOD bless HER!!!
Yes, she definitely loved her son! #widfam
Wow! Not meaning to add to her grief but why wasn’t she able to join him for at least one of the treatments? It’s always important to have your loved ones at these sessions...
YEAH I WAS ALSO WONDERING THE SAME THING ON WHY SHE DIDN'T GO AT LEAST ONE TIME WITH HER HUSBAND??? IM SURE HER MOTHER IN LAW WOULD OF WATCHED THE CHILDREN
He only had 3-4 treatments...and I worked full time, so I was saving my off days to use them at the end.
This was by his request, also. He didnt' want me to waste my off time sitting with him in a room, when his mom could sit with him instead. It was not that I didn't care.
I can relate to this, almost step by step, but my husband had Esophageal Cancer that had metastasized to his liver, stomach and lymph nodes before he was even diagnosed. I know my "moment" was about two months in, after a trip to the ER and they were transporting him 100 miles away to the biggest hospital nearby. I was driving home to get his clothes and stuff, and a Beatles song, "Here, There, and Everywhere," came on, sung by Emmylou Harris:
"Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching their eyes
And hoping I'm always there
I want him everywhere
And if he's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love him is to need him everywhere."
Well. At that moment in time, when I actually realized I wasn't going to be able to need him everywhere for much longer, I just lost it. I pulled to the side of the road and just BAWLED. Called my sister and couldn't catch my breath, I was crying SO hard.
I never cried in front of him, in the two months before that or the two months after that. But yes, I cried in corners away from him. I cried when he died. And I cry still, whenever those moments occur that damnit, he should BE there for. And then something happens -- a touch, a smell, a sound, a memory -- that lets me know: YES. He is STILL here, there, and everywhere.
Beautiful sentiment! I'm so sorry that you share this experience with so many of us here! #widfam
L
My hubby died the same way, esophageal cancer that had spread. He suffered so much it was awful. Our only child is autistic and seeing his dad suffer like that-he is still messed up. Maybe if it was instant like a car accident it would be easier to get over it. The memories of his suffering are relentless. I am sorry for your loss. Cancer seems to come for everyone. I hate it.
This was so beautifully put that I just wanted to say thank you for sharing it. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I pray you continue on the road of healing. Sending ❤️
This made me cry just reading this.
I cried all the way with you. That moment a doctor tells you the news. My husband was so quiet. We got in the car and he just said...I’m so sorry Steph. And when you talk about the clock and everything relating to the cancer. I remember standing in the grocery store watching everyone. The kids going to soccer games, the moms bustling around. The babies, the older people..everyone looked so normal. Everything felt surreal for me, like I was in a dream looking through glass with Vaseline smeared on it.
I can remember those surreal moments! It's hard to describe it unless you've been through it! #widfam
Truth
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s how I felt when my youngest daughter passed away.
I had the same feeling when the doctor said I have nasopharyngeal cancer stage 3 .. everything went blank and after going through chemo ans radiation therapy I was suffering and alot of pain .. I will look down the streets from my hospital bed and appreciate people behaving normal , for once I wanted to be a beggar just give me good health and I can go through anything … I saw old people working so hard and i will think “ahhh, I want to be like you “ I want to work “ I want to walk “ I want to take care of myself “ I was appreciating every little things even a tiny bit ❤life is precious
Great description. Felt that way myself when I was diagnosed. Surreal!
Woww, i can relate. I've just lost my mom last month due to ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed in nov 2020. The moment she was diagnosed was for me the hardest. Now im more at peace, she is saved ant didnt suffer. I was praying before for a miracle. Than i changed my prayers for her to accept Jesus and for her not to suffer. God is good!
I prayed for the same...an end to his pain and suffering. And now when I hear of someone going through this, I pray for the strength they need to endure whatever comes their way. #widfam
I just lost my mom to stage III ovarian cancer two months ago after a 4 1/2 year battle. She was diagnosed in June 2016 and that was the hardest moment for me as well. My mommy is no longer suffering and I am comforted knowing she is no longer suffering and in pain.
Sorry for your loss God bless you
This type of grief is like a slow and painful death. I went through this for six month's. I'm so sorry for you're loss. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal 💕.
So true!!! #widfam
Think for yourself John 3:16 oh you are so right this is definitely grievous, so accurate. 😖😭
My husband was diagnosed with cancer on 1/10/2018 and he died on 2/9/2018. I do miss him but am happy he did not suffer for a long time.
Oh, that was quick. I'm so sorry... #widfam
I couldn't imagine telling my husband to call his mother to take him to the ER, let alone going to bed while he went to the ER.
I bet! It’s hard to imagine doing lots of things until you are faced with things you never expected. Thanks for watching #widfam
Asking his mom to drive 2 hours to take him to the ER.
I would never do that even if I had to stay up all night to hold a loved one's hand. I'd rather lose sleep than let someone go through a frightening experience alone. At the end of the day, it's about being there for one another - even if we have to put in extra effort to do it...
@@jenniferlloyd9574Absolutely! ❤
@@OneHappyWidowNo loving wife would do that. Period.
When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I used to cry in the shower so he nor the kids would see me. I felt I had to be strong for them so I tried not to cry in front of them.
I have done this many times...and in the car by myself also! #widfam
I used to cry sitting in my car.
I too found out that the shower was the place to cry.
I was jus like that also didn’t want to show my tears cause I needed to be strong for my hubby and kids. Thank you Leo for sharing I didn’t realize it until after he passed and I read it in one of the books on grieving. But Thank you I so appreciate your transparency.
I think the people that love the one with cancer suffer the most because I lost a wife to cancer
Now I’m sick with cancer
So you see I’ve been on both sides of the issue
Watching my wife suffer was terrible because she suffered so much
But when she died I felt relief because she wasn’t suffering anymore
Now that I’ve got terminal cancer I’m not afraid to die because of my beliefs
It actually helps me to watch her video because everything she said it true
Don, my prayers are with you. I am also no longer afraid of death because Dewey laced that path for me. I hope you have loved ones by your side during this journey. Feel free to reach out if you need to, we will all be here for you! #widfam
May the Good Lord bless and keep you. Love and prayers from France
I believe in Jesus Christ and how there is power in his name to heal the sick. Pray and ask Jesus to reveal himself to you so you can believe then you will have faith that he will heal you . I have seen so many miracles and you can too. Watch the last reformation
Im so sorry about your wife, and about you having cancer now. I pray 🙏 you don't suffer. God bless you
My husband has cancer and I am so sorry for all you have been through x❤️🌺🌸❤️
Just lost my mother in law to small cell cancer. Started in the lungs then moved to stomach. It then spread brain. Cancer is so awful. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a life changing journey. God bless you and your family.
Thanks for watching #widfam
God Bless you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss. As we enter the Holiday Season, it gets hard when our loved ones aren’t around. So, I’ll be thinking of you both during this time. ❤
My husband was told he had 18 months at the most, we were blessed with 28 months. His last three days the Hospice team told me he would not get up, he did, twice, scared all of us. As our kids and I were getting him back in bed for the last time my last words to him were, I love you, he looked at me with a look of astonishment and responded with, “well, you ought too!” After 46 years and 17 days of marriage I agree with him, my artistic granddaughter made me a sign with his last words on it. It is healing to be able to share memories with y’all.
What a sweet message to have that gift from your granddaughter! And your husband sounds like mine...always joking about something! #widfam
I was just thinking 46 years and 17 days sounds like a good country love song then i read what your granddaughter made ..she sounds like an angel she will probably help you along better than anyone.
I love the cheekiness at the end…telling you that you ought to love him ☺️🩷 I just think this is so precious!
My husband had congestive heart failure and copd for 5 years. I took care of him until the end and was relieved when it was over. I felt like I could finally get off the roller coaster. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s been 8 years and I still cry at times.
I bet it was so hard to watch him suffer. I’m so sorry. 🙏✝️
I know that feeling of relief! #widfam
Mine had a stroke, then 1-1/2 yr later a heart attack that took him. Full-time nightshift job, full-time day caregiver & food to raise & preserve for us, had me relieved at the end..
I’m sorry for your loss
Thanks for being so brave to share this story. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer on December 20,2020. He was diagnosed in March and we were told he might have up to 2 years, so we weren't prepared when he died so soon. No one really understands what you go through unless they have been through it also. It is a world I would not wish on my worst enemy.
That was my husband’s diagnosis too. We were told he probably had 3 years but he died in 3 months. It’s such a challenging journey. I understand your pain. You’re in my prayers.
So sorry itll get easier to get up in morning i dont think the pain or grief really dissipates its 5 yrs for me n still not
I totally agree! #widfam
I so wanted for time to stop goes by. The desperation. Beyond any words. 16 months since and it's getting worse. He was my everything. I think only of him every second. You don't recover. Ever. That's love. I can't stand this world without him in it. I can't bear he is dead. I wish it was me. I don't sleep much but lately I realized that the only good time I have is when I succeed to sleep. No pain there. everything else is nothing. Meaningless.
@@sandramessenger2044i agree, after 3 and 1/2 years, my tears are not drying up.
I can so relate to the denial. My husband died suddenly of cardiac arrest in front of me and he said to me “I don’t feel right, I’m tingling all over, call the hospital” and I said to him “ok let’s not be dramatic, you’re just feeling faint so let’s put your legs up”. I elevate his legs thinking he might pass out and then boom he passed out. I was still in denial that his heart had stopped until the 911 operator told me to do CPR and I was like “WTF”...such shock!! I mean he was perfectly healthy one minute, dead the next. Your brain can’t even comprehend it. I feel so guilty that those were my last words to him and that I didn’t clue in faster and start CPR right away. Turns out he had a genetic condition we didn’t know about. I’m still in shock 4 months later. I know my road is hard but having to watch your husband die slowly must have been terrible. My heart goes out to you and thank you for sharing the story 💜
I understand about still being in shock. My husband got sick, came home on Hospice care, and died 18 days later. No warning, no cancer. It's been 3 months and I still cry every day. God bless you.
You could be telling my story, Fembot. My husband had cancer, started having chest pain. A heart attack was the furthest thing from my mind. I got him a decongestant, ice packs. The ER I finally took him too said he had a heart attack. They stented him, he blew a clot and died. I went to the ER a wife and went home a widow. The guilt is crushing. I feel you. If you want to talk some more, I would really like to.
I try not to guilt myself too much for dismissing his pain, thinking it was gas. Hindsight really is 20/20, and we have to forgive ourselves for not knowing, and blowing it off as something trivial. It does make me hypervigilant with my husband now, and sometimes it gets on his nerves, because I jump at every little cough and pain lol. #widfam
Thank you everyone, it really helps to know I am not the only one. My counsellor told me that guilt is a part of the process but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. I am slowly forgiving myself and I know in my heart of hearts that there is nothing I logically could have done. Hindsight really is 20/20 for sure! Love to you all #WidFam 💗
Fembot, I believe that all of us here have dealt with guilt. 5 years later and I still think back to all the things I wish I had done better or differently. I just go over and over those 18 months after he became paralyzed from flu shot in 2014. Guilt and all the what ifs. What if I had done this differently; what if we had tried this or that, wishing I had a chance to go back and do things differently; wishing I had a chance to go back and say all the things I desperately wish I had said. You just never know when that last opportunity is gone until it’s gone. I can’t imagine if my husband’s death had been so quick, with no warning at all. Prayers for you; prayers for all of us.
Super powerful story. I work with cancer patients and they and their caregivers are the true heroes. My son-in-law was diagnosed with stage for esophageal cancer and long story short he died three years later. 18 months into his diagnosis his wife, my daughter, was diagnosed with the a glioblastoma which is considered considered a terminal cancer. They had four young kids and were living with me at the time of my son-in-law‘s diagnosis. My daughter is still alive she has had two reoccurrences so altogether she’s had three brain surgeries. She has to have an MRI every two months. I think anybody who is left as a survivor has PTSD. Thank you for sharing the story and I can see strength of your character. God Bless you and yours🕊
Thank you for sharing your story as well. I will pray for your daughter! #widfam
Hello dear. How is your daughter doing? My husband had the same cancer.
This did stir lots of emotion as I am two days away from o e year since my husbands passing. I grieved a lot last year prior to his death as I felt like I was losing him before we knew that he was losing his battle to cancer. He fought for almost four years. It just doesn’t seem real that it has already been a year without him. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching #widfam
This was heartbreaking. Sending prayers to you and your family. I lost my dad at 16 to lung cancer and he died within six months of diagnosis. It was excruciating pain for him in and out of the hospital for the entire time. Five years later my brother committed suicide in front of me. I feel your pain. It really doesn’t go away, I hope your kids are doing well.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the trauma you experienced with your brother. #widfam
Thank you for being so brave to share your journey, Leo. I’m not at all religious but I find you very relatable as a human being. My husband passed last year, 7 months from diagnosis & he was 48. We didn’t have the same reactions as you & Dewey but we travelled the same road. Sending hugs xx
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
I went through this in my late thirties / early forties for 8 years. He finally died of RCC in 2013 and all the work , holding down a full time job , caring for the kids and caring for him while he was in a wheelchair etc left me with permanent irreversible health problems.
I never want to go thorough that again. I miss him so.
Caring for a terminal spouse does take its toll on our health (physical, mental, emotional, ALL of it!) ANd then grieving just keeps that process going. Take care of yourself now, be kind to yourself, and focus on your own health, now that you can! Even just taking more walks every day and drinking more water will give you improved health! One little change at a time I made a few videos about resetting my health, feel free to watch those as well (in fact, I need to re-watch them myself, because I've been neglecting my own health lately!) #widfam
You loved him so much. How wonderful a life you enjoyed... And will again.
I can’t believe you had him call his mom in the middle of the night to drive two hours to take him to the hospital. Wow!!
That was his choice over calling himself an ambulance. Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback!
Totally agree. Could not listen to her clicked off her video very cold.
I can understand, what she did, I don't think it was cold, it was a responded based on their experience together. No judge, Everyones situation is different.
@@OneHappyWidow I think people are wondering why you didn't take your life mate to the frightening, cold emergency room yourself.
She is the worst.
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband died after finding out he had stage 4 lung cancer. He fought like hell and made it a year. That was almost 10 months ago. I was in denial till the end. Always thought we would beat this together. We had already gone through so much in our 44 years of marriage and thought God would get us through this. He was my husband and my best friend. My protector that I never had growing up. So I was and somewhat still am angry at God. Can totally relate to your son’s feelings. Thanks to my 4 sons, daughter-in-laws and 7 grandkids I am making it. Some days I want to die and some are ok. Knowing that others out there are feeling the same feelings I am is a tremendous help. So thank you again for sharing your story. Blessings.
Thank you for sharing as well, I want us all to know we are not alone in this! With us, the diagnosis was terminal from the beginning. It was tough, but it began the process of acceptance right away, instead of the roller coaster of hope...not sure which would be worse, but grief is not a competition, we all lost someone close to us, so we all need to support each other in our pain. This group is so wonderful about that! #widfam
Your story is so similar to mine, just celebrated 40 years, was a month away from retiring, 22 days before the start of covid, diagnosed two days before Christmas. I knew when they said his chest was full of fluid that he had lung cancer. He lasted 5.5 months. His mother and two sisters had died from cancer, one with brain tumour, one with lung cancer and one with saliva gland cancer. One 46, one 40 and his mom 82. When he passed 50 I felt a sigh of relief that he passed those curse ages of his sisters, but it was waiting for him too. He passed away June 7th last year, could only have a 30 people funeral, his dad died 8 months later. I’m still so lost. I found him dead in the bathroom still warm, was totally unexpected as he was still mobile, eating well, I always heard him but didn’t that morning and I feel so much guilt that he died alone while I slept. I’ll admit I looked at his morphine tablets at times and thought this could be over tonight. The Covid has caused counselling to be hard to find, I still haven’t found any, couldn’t have company. I always wanted to go first cause I knew he’d do much better than I would. My parents died 10 weeks apart when I was 38, that was easier than this. I’m struggling with depression, hard to tell the difference between grief and depression. I
@@Carolina-hv7sf I know it’s so incredibly hard. Each and every morning as soon as I wake up I remember once again it’s another day without my husband. Another day I don’t get to share the day with him. Another day of not working with him in our car repair business which I had to close down after his death. Another day with not riding horses with him or going for Harley rides. I, like you, have thought a few times it would be easier just not to be here anymore. BUT my family kept reminding I still have them and my grandkids and they couldn’t bear to lose me too after their dad. So that is what keeps me going. Find the thing that will help you keep facing the days ahead. I know easier said than done. Still have many bad days but now I have some good ones too. Sending you hugs hoping this will help. We widows have to stick together. Never asked for this but it is what it is. I wish you all the best in your future. Keep your head up. You ARE a true survivor! ❤️
@@donnaholland4961 ...you take care too. Your story is so very similar to mine. Opening my eyes in the morning is both the best and worst part of my day. Best cause for one split second I think he’s there with me, worst part of my day when I immediately realize he’s not. My children told me their kids deserve a grandma, it’s what keeps me going as well. I always thought it was so terrible my parents died so very close together, not much older than I am now. But now I think how lucky they were. My dad only had to do without my mom for 10 weeks. My children don’t live really close by nor do any of my siblings. The loneliness can be overwhelming but I got a sign I know was him, it was something only us two knew about. That brings me comfort because I now know I’ll see him again, and my kids won’t need to cry cause they’ll know I’m back with him and ok, and he’s truly watching over us. It gets me through the days. When I have my worst days I’ll think of you, we will make it 💞💞
@@Carolina-hv7sfYour post brought so much pain to me but also healing comfort. My David has been dead almost 10 months from lung cancer; I found him in bed, already gone, but warm and sweaty like he'd been struggling for breath so hard. I had been up and down with him all night; I was so tired I went to sleep. I wanted to be with him at the end. He was so warm that I doubted myself; I got his oximeter to measure his oxygen. It was zero. I put my arms around him and told him I loved him and thank you for for sharing your life with me and I'm happy you're no suffering any more. Hopefully his Spirit was still here enough to fell me and hear me say goodbye. Forty five years together, 2 children one grandchild
I have gone through this. I had him for 6 months. He had glioblastoma 4. I think you are in shock and your real grief hasn’t even started. There are steps to grieving and there’s no way to get around them or deny they don’t exist. I felt just like you after my husband’s death and even went back to work ( I was a professor). I was surprised at how well I was doing and thought, like you, that I had gone through the pain already. A friend of mine helped me to understand that though we think we have accepted death, it really is an enemy and we fight it. We were meant to live.
Four weeks after starting the semester, I was ready to go home after grading papers. Suddenly my body wouldn’t move. I couldn’t make it do what I wanted. Thankfully another close friend, a professor, was in the room and she closed and locked the door so I could pull it together. They helped me out to the car and my daughter drive me home. That’s when the real grief began. I did nothing but cry for an entire 10 days. My friend Damien said, “that will happen. Your heart is accepting what your mind already know. He gave me advice. He told me, don’t get rid of his clothes or possessions. One day, you will know when it’s time to let go of them, and it happened just that way. I allowed my emotions to catch up with reality. He told me to talk about him, and when he was alive, to video him and give him a recorder and let him talk while you’re gone to work. I will know when to look or listen to them. I still haven’t seen it listened to them all. Damien told me you will go through anger at him for leaving you, and then anger at you for living. He told me all these steps he went through when he lost his wife. Finally, he said, “ in about a year, you will feel like you might not want to die after all” and he was right. Then began the healing process. It’s been over 20 years and I still miss my husband, but when I think about him, I think of how absolutely hilarious he was, how he made me laugh, our sex vacations (😁), all the places he took me. I have good memories. I am remarried now, mainly because he begged me to. I met my present husband 6 years later, and no, he’s nothing like my deceased husband. I have his daughter and I see him through her all the time. For me, he lives through her.
So, please don’t let your mind fool you. You are only responding to the fact that he’s gone and you haven’t faced the grief yet. You haven’t given yourself a chance or time. Grief doesn’t work the way you are saying. I wish you well.
I am nearly 4 years into the grieving process, so I don't really see myself reverting back to the crying daily phase. I do miss him, and I am sad that he won't be there for my kids as they grow up. But I am comfortable in my phase of grief now, and I do have my break-down moments. But I don't think I will go back to the initial grieving stage, I honestly feel like I have moved forward into the healing stage of acceptance. I have remarried, and it was completely my choice, not because I felt pressured or lonely. I truly love my current husband, and I am happy in my marriage with him. I see it as me having 2 separate phases of my life- one before, where I was happy and married to Dewey, and one now where I am happily married to JP. The two do not overlap. One phase is over and one is just beginning. And I'm ok with that. #widfam
There's no right or wrong way to grieve and not everyone goes thru the process in the same way or the same timescale.
My husband had a dual diagnosis, NHL and prostate cancer. Both diagnosed in the same week in 2007. Chemo kept the NHL is check for a few years and the prostate cancer never did go into remission. He passed away last week. His 18 month of life estimate lasted for years. I don't think any two people grieve the same exact way. Each family has unique living situations with many variables. I know all about the anticipatory grief first hand. What is right for me may not be right for you, just saying and NOBODY has the authority to judge any persons grieving process.
@@KJ-lb4tj I totally agree because everyones situation is different.
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer that metastasized to her liver February 9th 2017 & she passed June 7th 2017 on my son's birthday. I totally feel the anticipatory grief and can also relate with the grief timeline. I can't imagine the pain of losing the love of your life, losing my mom was extremely hard.
I just lost my mom 2 months ago on March 24th my daughter’s birthday to ovarian cancer that metastasized to her liver. I too experienced anticipatory grief and knew what it was. I am attending grief counseling with my daughter.
I'm so sorry for your loss...our timeline was nearly the same! #widfam
Exactly the same as my mom, stomach cancer stage 4 metastasized to the liver, diagnosed the day after her bday Sept 2019, passed Nov. 2019. It made me fear death as I watched her suffer tremendously those 2 months before dying.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤ Dewey was a wonderful Daddy & Husband ❤Terry & I went through the same we planned his funeral together. I was there when he was cremated. I gave him one last kiss. On the 14th will be two years ago. I keep asking myself, "Will I ever get over this?" I know that I want but WE do have our memories. Sending love & hugs.❤
Thanks for sharing! Dewey was a great dad, for sure! And after he died, I was going through his phone and found a funeral speech that he had made...but he never told me about it. And it was full of humor, just like him- always smiling and laughing! #widfam
Watching your video of your husband with his cancer brought me back to when my father had cancer. It is very hard to see them go through what they had to go through. They fight until the end. May your Husband be resting in peace with no more pain. I hope your family finds peace and happiness again. 🙏
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I started anticipatory grief about two years before my wife passed away. Almost 2 years later I have finally come to terms of understanding.
It's a tough transition, lots of conflicting feelings to handle! #widfam
I just started grief counseling last week. My husband died the same year that your husband. They gave my husband three years and that was the timeline. My mother had shoulder surgery a year after my husband and passed away. I lost my only surviving sibling the last October, she took a nap and did not wake up. I am hurting so bad now. I do have a son, that is the only thing keeping me alive and God.
Thank God for your son #widfam
Take heart Becky Hoffman.
I am glad you have GOD and your precious son.
Can I be your friend? Wouldn't mind to invite you and your son to visit us.
My husband took his life on December 4, 2015...on our 23rd anniversary, leaving me with two children to raise on my own.
Almost five and a half years later, it still hurts....
That's an additional level of grief, I would think. You miss them, but the anger of them choosing death must be difficult to get through. My current husband lost his wife to suicide, but we don't know if it was intentional or accidental, so it is hard for him to process that part of his grief also. #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow In our situation, I don't know if he did it alone...or had some help. So many unanswered questions.
I’m not surprised he thought it didn’t bother you that much. That’s the way you said you reacted any time he told you he was sick or in pain. I was crying throughout this story too but for him not you.
Yes, we all cried so much for him as well. Thanks for watching! #widfam
judy. i was crying for him as well. sorry but his wife comes across as cold
His mom drove 2 hours to take him to the ER while you went back to bed. Wowwy
This gave me flashbacks of my ex-husband not being there for me in situations. I'd become extremely depressed after thyroid cancer due to unbalanced hormones, unhappiness, isolation, general illness and my life in upheaval. I ended up "taking too many" Benadryl. My mother followed the ambulance to the ER while he stayed home. As I was having my stomach pumped, my husband tucked himself into bed and went to sleep. I'd never done anything like this before in my life, so it was completely out of character. Yes, I did get the help I needed, but that's another story.
I watched my brother at the age of 33 die from Angiosarcoma. My father at age 71 to Pulmonary Fibrosis. I watched each of them take their last breath. It caused PTSD and I am still healing. Your videos are raw and appreciated. Thank you!!!! Thank you!!!
Thanks for watching! #widfam
You poor darling, my heart goes out to you. You have been through so much and here you are helping others who have shared similar pain.
I'm still coming to terms with losing my husband, it's a hell of a road but hearing your experience I realise I'm not alone. Hope you and the children are being loved and supported.🙏🙏
Thank you so very much for being courageous enough to share Dewey’s diagnosis and timeline with us. AND explaining the anticipatory grief. Know you are so loved! 🥰😇🖖🏻👍🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for your response! #widfam
Going through the same thing now, we are 75 and 79 BUT still ..... I feel so tired, because I will have to do this on my own. Clean out 55 years of stuff. My husband is going to heaven and he is at peace. I GET IT.....NEVER KNEW IT HAD A LABEL. Thank you and I will never forget both of you. God bless you.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
((Hugs)) Girl. I lost my husband to cancer 9 years ago...6 weeks after the diagnosis. Widows are a unique group of women who can relate to what you are saying. I still have moments that just want to tear my heart apart, but, then it passes and time continues on. My Wayne was also a Christian and I look forward to seeing him again. Thank-you for sharing your journey.
I cried with you. I lost my mom unexpectedly, from a massive stroke. She was fine after she fell, she told the ambulance guys to go back home and go to sleep and they said no, we have to take you in to make sure you don't have a bleed from hitting your head. On the way to the hospital, she got combative and violent. At the hospital, in the ER, she was out of control and showing signs of an acute, traumatic brain injury. I got the call at home, that I needed to make a decision on what to do..... surgery and she would be a vegetable, or, let her go. Thank God we have a feduciary and she went to sign the papers for me. My best friend, my mommy, the love of my life and my last living family member, was going to go to hospice. I cried and cried and cried. How was I going to live without my best friend, my only mom? It was a horrifying and desparate situation. I had just had surgery, a lumbar implant for severe pain from an accident and a spinal fusion. I told one of my bffs, I just cannot go see her, please understand, my MOM would understand, I cannot SEE her in this condition, I was so sure I would be suicidal if I had to witness her like that. My fiduciary and my cousin went to see her and held her hand, told her I loved her and I would see her soon. She was completely out of it, so hopefully she could hear them. She passed 5 days later, peacefully in the morning and I was heartbroken, but at the same time, I was relieved because she wasn't suffering anymore. Friends came to see me, her caregivers came to see me and helped me for a little bit, but ultimately, I was alone. I long for a hug from my mom, I want to tell her what I'm going through right now. I know she's around me, in some form of energy, but after 2 years, I'm still incomplete. Yes I have friends, yes I have people who love me, but what I really want is my mommy back. I have her ashes in my den, in front of the TV, where she once told me she wanted to be. I hope some day I can come to terms with this, but it's been a rough go of it.
I lost my brother in an accident in Cabo San Lucas, MX in 1995, my dad to Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2013 and finally, my mom, in 2019. I just want peace and to look back fondly upon our memories together.....I want to stop crying, but missing her is sometimes too much to bear. I'm in therapy, but it just doesn't seem like enough sometimes.....I just want to see her again so badly, it's hard to deal. I'm trying to watch videos like yours, to help me to understand the way I'm still feeling. Thank you for your wonderful and very real look into grieving in general. I'm trying so hard to just live and enjoy life, that's what she'd want.....I pray that some day, the pain will ease up and I can focus on the future. I can't wait for that time....I really can't wait to feel better about all of this.
I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.❤️
I'm so sorry you are having such a time if your grief! I wonder if you would benefit from medication. Have you asked a doctor about it? Even something temporary to help reset your brain and give your grief a little break so that you can breathe? I take supplements, and I do have something prescribed that I take "as needed" and I have only had to take it 3-4 times in the past 3 years, but it does help me rest in those manic moments when I feel like I'm about to "lose it" Hugs being sent your way! #widfam
Thank you OneHappyWidow, for your reply. I was having a horrible day yesterday and I am coming off of some medication, since I got my lumbar implant. Im also on a new thyroid med thats juuuust starting to kick in, after taking it for one week.. its been a VERY rough couple of years and sometimes I break down and I just feel hopeless. Your suggestions were absolutely correct and I'm on a combination of meds, but occasionally I lose it. Thank goodness I'm better today. I'm hoping that with the new thyroid med, all of the afflictions that have plagued me, since I wasn't on the correct meds, will finally subside and even me out soon. My GP said it would possibly take 3 weeks to feel normal again.... I'm being somewhat impatient, because I've felt awful for so long.
I'm in a much better place emotionally today, and I spoke with some very good friends about my anguish. Sometimes it's so overbearing to miss a loved one, and unfortunately, I poured my heart out to you yesterday.....I'm a little embarrassed today. Those times are not frequent, but when they hit me, they hit hard.
I do have something to take, if I panic like that, but I always forget to take it until I'm in a tizzy. I know it sounds crazy, but I literally felt my mom saying to me, "Take something NOW, you didn't get that script to just sit around and look pretty". 20 min after I took it, I calmed down and was able to think rationally again. I'm so sorry if this caused concern, I don't even want to read it again, for fear of sheer embarrassment. I debated whether or not to hit enter yesterday.....then I did, and well, here we are.
I apologize for the post, however I think it would be beneficial in a way, to leave it up, in case anyone is experiencing a massive panic attack, like I had yesterday. There are so many people with panic disorder, that's exacerbated by grief and loss. I think its OK to cry and feel sadness, and to even freak out like I did, but I would hope that someone will learn that if they are in a place like I was yesterday, that it is OK to seek help. I'm well taken care of by my doctors, thank goodness.
I hope that the example above can show someone else, even if it's just one person, that it is OK to feel utterly hopeless, as long as they DO get help as soon as possible.....and that it is also OK to be temporarily medicated, so they can think more clearly. I hope that I'm making sense. Thank you so much for your compassion, understanding and amazing videos. You are helping thousands of people who may have no one to turn to. I believe that people also trust you implicitly, because of your honesty and willingness to bear your heart, in order to help others.
I appreciate the work that you put into your videos and the struggles that you've gone through. You are an incredibly strong and rational woman, and I'm sure that your kids think you're the BEST mom in the world!
Fondly, beary
God bless you darling.... Lost my dad when I was 22yrs old then my Mum when I was 30.... my favourite sister at 50, then my life long best friend, its the most lonely time, specially when you loose your Mum, I saw her take her last breath and thinking thats it now I am on my own ... and for a long time I was. Things do get better I promise you never forget but it gets easier, your kids bring you joy... I have 2 sons, 5 grandkids and 4 great grandkids, and I’m 65, so I look at it like this what I lost on the round about I’ve gained on the swings. They are my world and live for them, sad thing is one day it will be their turn, they will loose me, its the cycle of life, please try to enjoy your life as you still have it, enjoy your kids and friends and most of all your beautiful memories, you are in my thoughts bless you all. Xxxxxxx
I'm so sorry for your loss. Pls understand that it is OK for you to cry every single day if that is what helps you to go on with the rest of your day. Allow yourself this release. There is nothing wrong doing that if that is what you need
I cannot thank you enough for this video. My husband was diagnosed with Mesothelioma which was also terminal and I felt so guilty that I didn’t seem to grieve as much as I thought I should after he died. This must have been so hard for you to make, it was hard enough for me just to watch but it made total sense of a lot of things. You have helped me so much.
Thank you for watching and sharing. #widfam
Thank you for being real about your reactions and how it is completely normal with no room for guilt. Much love to you and your family.❤️
Thank you! #widfam
My wife had cancer and surgery and then I found out I have cancer and we were on a roller coaster back and forth and me planning my own funeral and then God turned it around and she passed away I get exactly what you are saying and my grief got worse and worse but now it's moving forward but thank you for your videos
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this after losing your wife. I hope you have someone to help you through this difficult journey! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow yes the Lord and my church family and I went to greif share counciling they have helped me so much
As you can see by my comment I lost my wife to cancer and now I’m suffering from terminal cancer
My heart and prayers go out to you
Life can be so damn hard sometimes
I am so sorry for your loss. Seeing him at the end of the video reminded me of my dad. My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer 2-26-2020 to 9-29-2020 he lived for 7 months and although I was 30 years old I still need him. He was 58yrs old and seeing him suffer and my mother suffer was the worst and it still is..its been 8 months that his gone and we miss him dearly, his birthday is next week.. God bless you and your children and continue giving you strength.
Thanks for watching and sharing your story as well! #widfam
I took my 4 yr old into the er for constipation, she hadn't gone poop in 9 days. They did an x-ray and found a small mass in her small intestines. We went for blood work this morning. I cant stop holding my baby. Thinking about all the things she might miss. I'm not ready to lose her...
Prayers sent up for your sweet girl! Let us know how she is doing! #widfam
She will be ok dear don’t worry 🙏🙏🙏
Prayers 🙏🙏🙏
Chelsie My heart goes out to you, my husband has cancer and our nephew 14 has spinal cancer, as a mother myself my heart just goes out to you m here if ever you want to talk to someone in confidence xx❤️🌺🌺🌺
This has to be the very worst pain. I am so sorry. I am praying for you both. ❤❤
Looking at your story unfold was like reliving mine. The anticipatory grief was more stressful for me than the grief that came after he died. So sorry that we know this kind of pain. My husband died from a rare sarcoma cancer June 6 2019 at 47
I am so sorry that we connected under this common bond...but thank you for sharing! #widfam
One of the hardest things for me when my husband was diagnosed with a terminal illness was that people often will not acknowledge that there can be grief before death. One time, when I felt like I was drowning, I talked to the man who ran several grief support groups at our local hospital. He didn't "get it", either. But after talking to me, he finally understood that you could actually grieve before a death. He told me that he would talk to their board about starting a new group for anticipatory grief. Instead, weeks later, he sent me a pamphlet on grief--and that was the total of their support. I was crushed, but not completely surprised.
The anticipatory grief was made worse by the fact that very quickly people distanced themselves from us, and even when they talked to me, would never ask about my husband. He has a pretty large family, and after a while we didn't even get Christmas cards from any of them, let alone a phone call. He said, "I guess to them I'm already dead". It broke my heart.
Oh, how sad that your husband felt that he was forgotten even before he died. But I know that's pretty much what happens. People dont' want to handle the pain, so they just ignore it...and we don't have a choice but to live through it. My coworkers would ask about Dewey, but since he was always worse every day, the prognosis was never good, so they eventually stopped asking. WHen they asked me "how's your husband?" I just wanted to respond with "he's dying, what do you think?: but I never did. They just didn't know what else to say... #widfam
I’ve got cancer and I hear from very few what I thought were friends
Although I do have one good friend who talks to me every day on the phone
I guess people can’t handle it
Thank you for sharing this. My mom was in hospice the last 5 days of her life, the staff were angels on Earth. I am lucky to have so many supportive family and friends to help my daughter and I in our grieving.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Im 42, pancreatic cancer, and so incredibly grateful for my husband during this time. He has taken me to every infusion. Ive always loved him more than i thought possible, but recently told him he could give me a 10 carat diamond ring right now, and i couldnt feel more loved than he has made me feel on this journey. I dont know what id do without him. Before my diagnosis, i was planning to be his caregiver in about 7/8 years, as he was diagnosed with a kidney disorder last year, and his kidney function declines with each lab visit. It breaks my heart to think of not being there for him....i pray i am.
Praying for you both!
I'm so sorry. My husband passed 16 yrs ago. He had a tumor in his kidney. It traveled to the rest of his body. He passed one year later. Sad we miss him. Barb
I know you do! #widfam
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I cried with you cause I lived that trauma. Talking about it is hard but you are keeping his memory alive. Thanks for sharing your experience.
My husband came home from work with a stomach ache too. Like your son I prayed to God to not let my husband suffer. I didn’t cry in front of my kids cause I had to be strong for them but the hardest thing was when the chaplain from the hospice care told me that I have to let go, and I have to tell the kids to let go. My 33 year old nephew just passed from the same kidney cancer my husband had and it was worse cause he was hooked up to all kinds of machines just lingering until his heart stopped. His son was just 6 months when he passed. It seems like it’s already Stage 4 when you have symptoms. My husband chose quality of life and passed peacefully at home.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you and the kids.
"It seems like it's already Stage IV when you have symptoms..."
Your story sounds similar...I'm so sorry any of us has to handle these emotions...especially our children! #widfam
When my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer our world crashed. It is different than having a spouse with cancer but we experienced so much of what you are sharing. We grieved for a year before Dad passed away. We still miss but we remember what he taught us about working hard, being honest and generous. Dad always treated both sides of our family well.
He sounds like a great man!
Lesions....I looked it up and didn't realize it was cancer. The doctors threw me the L word and it took me a while to put two and two together. This was a rough episode...thanks for being brave and sharing. The last pictures so reminded me of my husband before he passed. Oh! The tears!
Yes, I knew it would be triggering for many. It's triggering for me to watch and edit it! But then I realize it's my life and I'm living it daily. When I struggle and I'm too hard on myself, I have remind myself what I've been through and overcome already! #widfam
I lost my husband on March 13th, 2021
A year long battle with pancreatic cancer
He died at home 🏡
Prayers going out to you! #widfam
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last year.
Sorry for your loss. My Mom passed from Pancreatic cancer, 83 days from diagnosis to her passing.
I lost my mom to Stage IV metastatic Melanoma when she was 49 on March 13th, 2013. She was diagnosed at 42 and it eventually metastasized to her liver and brain. I'm so sorry for your loss 💔
It's my first time to watch your videos and I'm glad I've found them. Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate. My husband died 4 years ago (May 2018) from stage 4 lung cancer which had metastasized to the lymph nodes and the bones. I didn't know that for the four months he lived after the diagnosis, I was going through anticipatory grief. We were told nothing could be done for him medically except to prolong his life. It was devastating for us but GOD prepared him for his eternal rest and the kids and I for a life without him. He also prepared them for his absence. It was the most painful time of our lives but by GOD'S Grace we've moved forward. You’ve inspired me. Hugs. Thanks.
Prayers to you, as our paths sound similar! #widfam. Feel free to join our FB group: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
Thank you for sharing this. I had anticipatory grief when my Dad was sick with prostate cancer. He fought for 7 LONG years.I never knew the name for it until I went to a grief counselor. You will help so many. Hugs to you!
That's a long time to deal with the anticipatory grief! #widfam
I was just diagnosed with cancer I just turned 42 this month. Same thing stomach pain all the way to my back. My boyfriend who I've been with for 16 years thought I was being dramatic everytime I said I need to go to the hospital. Lesson to learn here is if your in pain just take yourself to the hospital and don't listen to friends and family that think your being dramatic.
I am so sorry you are going through this! Of course, it wasn’t just that I was making light of his pain…this was something he had been complaining of for so many years of our marriage. He was just one of those people who is always dramatic about pain, and until this time, it was never a life threatening issue. He was somewhat of a hypochondriac. Unfortunately, it came back to bite us both because when he really was sick, I had heard those complaints so many times and it ended up being something minor, so I assumed it was another one of those situations. His mother is just the same way (whenever she isn’t getting enough attention, she ends up in the ER with a “heart attack”), and now I have a daughter who is the same way. So, I guess they get it honestly, but it was the total cry-wolf syndrome for him. So, it wasn’t just a matter of him hurting and me discounting him.
However, I am truly sorry that your family dismissed your pain. Have they figured out what type of cancer you have, and developed a treatment plan for you? We will be praying for a successful treatment for you. Please let us know how you are doing! #widfam
This is extremely devastating tragic sad & depressing. My heart breaks & aches for this gorgeous strong resilient brave courageous inspirational brilliant amazing impeccable wonderful lovely & compassionate woman & queen. So tremendously sorry for her lost. I hope & pray they can find a cure for all of the various & different types of Cancer that’s out there. What a deeply touching story.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Much Love to you and your family ❤. I lost my significant other 3 months ago to, Glioblastoma, aggressive brain cancer. I'll forever be traumatized and heart broken. I cared for him for 16 months at home where he died.
Linda, he was lucky to have you there to care for him. I'm sorry for your loss! #widfam
Thank you so much for sharing! Hugs and prayers to you and your family. My husband had liver cancer but thought it was something else when we found out he only had a month to live. I did the same thing broke down when they said it my husband was making a joke about going to heaven. Then I had to shut my emotions down and be strong to help him through the process. I did have meltdowns but not in front of my husband. He made this comment to me saying the hardest thing was he would be leaving me behind right at that moment I wanted to cry my heart out but said to him I would be alright because of the strength he shown me. My husband passed over a month later he was also a big strong man was in construction was really tough physically he was only 58. I know he’s not pain anymore I’ve had signs from him but it’s totally sucks without him. Thank you again for sharing!
I relate to so much of this...my husband was very much like yours! #widfam
I lost my first love after 21 years together to a rare throat cancer. He fought so hard, was so brave. He got better after 2 years of radiation and chemo but an infection took him because he was too weak to fight it. His last 21 days in a hospital were when my anticipatory grieving really kicked in. I had tried to prepare with therapy but his death kicked me really hard. Its been 15 years and now I am ill with a loving partner who is caring for me. I am not terminal but I see him going through the "what if he dies?" thoughts and it brings back the complex feelings I had years ago. Thank you for sharing your story. Life is precious, cherish it!
I am trying really hard not to experience anticipatory grief with JP, as he is not ill...but since we are technically all terminal, it is hard not to think about it sometimes. #widfam
I just stumbled upon your video- I am so sorry…My husband passed away from prostate cancer , almost 3 yrs ago. I still can’t believe he is gone…I miss him so much- I think I was in denial for a long time, it was the hardest most gut wrenching thing I ever went through. My heart goes out to anyone who has gone through this or is going through this. ❤️
So many of us can relate to this pain! I am encouraged when I see our community helping each other through it h the tough times. #widfam
Thanks for sharing this very painful and intimate part of your life and your husband's last days. I know this is very hard to do. It reminded me in many ways of going through the same stages with my husband.
Thanks for watching, I know we have many viewers who will relate to this journey. #widfam
I am an older widow. We were together 35 years. I did have anticipatory grief and knew it but everything now reminds me of him in this whole big house. Yet I Can't bear to get rid of anything either. He died this past September. And I am so glad he is not in pain anymore and I know he's in a good place but my heart breaks in two. It is the end of my life. But yet I still have unknown years to go. And I have a strong spiritual life, maybe different thank yours but I still hurt despite everything. I want to go join him today but I would not take my own life, so no worries about that. Lots of thoughts. I am so sorry for all you have to contend with. Your sharing helps me in knowing someone else gets it. I sometimes don't share all With my widowed friends because it seems like it brings them down. Their experiences were way different than mine. And I know grief is not a contest but that is not how I mean it. Long story.
Prayers for you on this journey. We are not alone, but we still feel like we are most of the time. Maybe try to focus on things that bring you joy or purpose and distract you from the constant grief. #widfam
I’m so sorry for your loss! I Lost my dad from Cancer as well and saw the ending of his life just slip away right before my eyes. I stood in the hospital until he took his last breath. I miss him so much!!
I’m so sorry. My kids have struggled so much since their dad died!
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for all your family have gone through.
Thank you! #widfam
Wow, I have just been told I cannot have a liver transplant because I am stage IV AND I would die on the table. God bless, i live in TN
🙏🙏🙏✝️✝️✝️❤️
Praying for God's protection over you! #widfam
Prayers for you and prayers for another treatment is successful xox
I had anticipatory grief for 11 years - from the moment of diagnosis. I never gave up hope in the moment until his death. Now, looking back, I was in grief all along and it had a negative effect on my life. This would be so helpful for caregivers, their families, and even their employers.
That's a long time to live with that grief. I'm sure it was exhausting. Bless you! #widfam
I cried watching the timeline of your husband towards the end of the video. May God bless you, your children, and may your husband rest in heavenly peace.
Thank you, and God bless! #widfam
There won't be one dry eye watching this. Huggs to you and your family. ❤🌻
Thank you for your response #widfam
Condolences to everyone who’s lost someone to Cancer or has Cancer. I pray that time will heal your heart and GOD will heal your body.💕
Thank you for watching! #widfam
I sat and watched both episodes. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get through them but I did. My husband was a %100 disabled retired Marine. As much as I cried with you I realized that I was not alone with how I was grieving. While you had to watch him die for months I only had 23days. Two large glioblastomas. Like your husband dancing at your daughter's BD mine cut the grass the grass three weeks before he collapsed from the tumors. I truly thank you for your courage in talking about your journey. It has helped me and I am sure many, many others
My best to you and your family.
Kathy
Awww, I almost cried at the thought of your sweet husband cutting grass for you while we was sick and weak...what a selfless man you had! God Bless you! #widfam
Sending hugs. I know what you've gone thru. I know how it is to hear that dismal dark news. I still remember how my husband and I got his diagnosis and how it felt so dark around us. Your video brings back so many memories for me. Praying for all of us widows. My husband just passed on Thanksgiving Day--a month ago--and his cancer journey was 9 years long. What a roller coaster, almost lost him at least 5 times before he finally passed. Such a terrible and tragic thing...oh how I miss him, but I know my husband is with Jesus and no longer in pain, no longer suffering. May God cover all of us widows with extra angels and blessings.
God bless you, 9 years is such a long time to be on that journey, I know you must have been so physically and emotionally exhausted! Thank you for sharing your experience. #widfam
Painfully honest and beautiful.
Thank you #widfam
my dad passed from cancer in december 2019 & we found out in September 2019. I can’t imagine losing my husband and I am so so so so so so sorry you are going through this. ♥️ the only thing I can remotely relate to is that I have a 5 & 2 year old and grieving while trying to meet their needs has been incredibly difficult.
pigeon forge is a sweet place ♥️
You just do what you have to do on a daily basis...no one knows how they do it until they are doing it lol. Thanks for watching! #widfam
Thanks very much for this video. It is becoming more and more important now in the COVID19 times when our patients and clients are not able to say good bye to their loved ones. I remember when I started studying psychology no one realized how important it is to deal with anticipatory grief. Now it is changes. I'm grateful for that.
Thanks for watching
This makes alot of sense to me now. My Husband was terminal with brain cancer starting in March 2017. He passed away in July 2018. I was more upset when we got the bad news but we fought it hand in hand. When he passed yes it hurt but I was also strong and at peace for some odd reason. I didn't understand why though. I am still at peace with it and those last 15 months with him were the most special to both of us. Thank you for your insight in this matter.😊
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I went through this with my baby twins. We knew they weren't going to come home from the hospital. I didn't know there was a name for it. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for you and your babies! #widfam
I'm so very sorry for loss of your sweet babies. Said a prayer for you ❤
Wow. So heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing your journey and these precious treasures of memories with us
Thanks for watching #widfam
Oh my goodness. I feel for you. I held it together til the end part where the children were visiting for the last time. It triggered strong memories of the night my husband passed away. Could have been my husband in that bed. Weight loss, not being responsive... You are truly brave to make this video. I know it had to be hard. Sharing your journey may help some people understand what we have been through and why we will never be the same.
Yes, it was difficult to fil, and then to edit, which is why it took me 2 weeks to release this one! But I do think it will open people's minds to what we go through, and to help others know they are not alone in this journey! Thanks for watching. #widfam
In 14 days it will be 6 years since my husband passed away. I don't know which is worse, having time to tell people good bye has some advantages but it comes with months of tension, stress and pain. My husband died quickly and suddenly and it was like a light switch, one moment he was here, the next moment he was gone, no last goodbye, no nothing. I am finally having more good days than bad, but the ache is always there, you just learn to live around it. I appreciate your channel, I wish I had found it sooner. Let no one tell you what the "right" way to grieve is, there is no right way because we are all different, It would be like borrowing a size 5 shoe when you actually wear a 9.
I agree about there being no "right" way to grieve! As painful as it was to watch my husband die, I do appreciate the fact that I did have those "lasts" of everything...bittersweet, but it did give us some time to prepare and say all the things we wanted to make sure were said to each other and the kids. Sometimes I wonder how I could have handled a sudden death...as hard as it was for me, I think an unexpected death would have been even tougher. #widfam
And I have wondered if having time to say good bye, with all the stress of living it every day might have been worse, I think we go into shock, it kind of numbs us in a way we need to get through what has to be done. At the time i didn't think about how I was doing all of this, although I did have a lot of help. It wasn't until later, looking back that I realize I wasn't all there through the early days.
Thank you so much for this! I wondered if I was the one grieving him and our family life before he was gone and it was over. My husband was such a stoic and proud man, I didn’t share much about bad days, his difficult emotions, the reality of his status or prognosis often to protect his pride. I knew our only child (a 19 y/o son) and I shared it with a FEW very close family & friends privately. So when he passed away, so many were very shocked. I feel like I lost the world we created over 22 years in one breath. I long for him. He couldn’t handle talking to me about my life after him. So now I feel so lost. I was 20 when we got together. I am 42 now & tired of explaining to people that I still feel married; regardless that he’s not here. He wouldn’t have chosen to leave us. He wanted to protect us. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Leo! It’s reassuring that we are not alone.
I can relate to so many of your feelings! It helps us all know that we are normal, even if it hurts...at least we can share the pain with others who can empathize. #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow I’m sharing your channel with two other recent widows. My date was 3/25/21. They are 10/2020 & 11/2020, all three of us lost our husbands to cancer. Your channel has been a blessing to me, and I want to share it with them because I feel it’s an encouraging outlet. There’s another friend I found on a website that’s a younger mom/teacher. I think the anticipatory grief video will help her, as well as others I have met through a cancer caregiver FB group. Many sweet much more “mature” ladies have reached out to me, but their journeys feel a little different (to me) because of age, work, etc. My single and divorced friends listen but admit they can’t imagine how I feel. So again, just THANK YOU!
I completely understand how you were feeling and about anticipatory grief. I went through this when my mom had abdominal cancer. We just could not get on top of the pain for her. I think that was one of the hardest things for her to go through and for us to watch. I did not know about the amount of pain that caused. We also talked a lot about poo too. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Finally....this anticipatory grief thing has been with me for years and now I'm seeing people on TH-cam talking about it and it's like "hey Im not THAT crazy after all ! " thank you for your insight, your bravery for sharing this
Some people deny it, but I can tell you it’s REAL! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow 100% agree !
@@OneHappyWidow Trust me it is real. My husband had NHL and prostate cancer since 2007. It took him away from me one week and a half ago. My face took the brunt of it all. I have so many wrinkles from worry. I loved my big guy, still do. His face looked good and mine looks like a raisin. Him being so sick for so long was a true labor of love and I wouldn't change it for a million dollars. ((HUGS)) to you. I really needed to see this video, it helps me understand you better and I know I am not alone. The Onc back in 2007 gave him around18 months after chemo..He had a long 18 months and we saturated each other with love all these years.
I am sorry for your loss and you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.Your story is very touching to me.i cant say i know what you have been through or how you feel but i can relate in so many ways.my husband has advance liver disease and has been in and out the hospital alot with retaining fluid and internal bleeding.He is on the transplant list.We have 4 kids and our 11 year old son has high functioning autism and ADHD.You sharing your story has really helped me come to peace and know that i too will get through this.Blessings always to you and your family.
My son is also on the spectrum and has ADHD. All 4 of my kids have struggled in different ways. Check out the video called Widowed Parenting is Hard! and I talk about some of hte issues we have faced over the years. #widfam
Thank you for sharing! Your story has some similarities to mine. My grief started when we got my husband’s diagnosis.
It's so strange that we don't really realize that's what is happening until we look back. #widfam
My daughter was sick with leukemia x10 months. She was 19 years old. Anticipation of the grief was oh,so bad. God bless you, ma'am.
I'm so sorry for your loss!!! #widfam
Thank you for describing the experience. Alan and I went through a similar experience with stage 4 adenocarcinoma, and he lived about 10 months from diagnosis. He was a strong, hearty guy, never smoked, never drank coffee, rarely had one or two drinks, retired Navy. I still feel heartbroken.
It's tough to watch a strong man get beaten by cancer. Dewey was a drill sgt in the Army...you know how those military guys are, tough as nails! #widfam
Its definitely to do with food in America....food is so contaminated....frozen tomnes of sugar
Preservatives...
I landed on your video by looking up anticipatory grief. My mom was just diagnosed with stage four reoccurring colorectal cancer that spread to her bone and lung. I know that this is different because of the relationship, but the grief and the feelings and everything we are going through is there. Words can’t express all of my feelings. Thank you for your video. Prayers to you and your family.
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback
God love your heart I can relate to this my man died in 2019 with a terminal illness he had pancreas problems and copd he lived with this illness for 5 years before he died I had my grieving process that hit me while he was sick in different times its a hard road we will always miss them and wished we could just have a day together I miss him dearly every day
Hugs to you! #widfam
Omy goodness my heart is breaking for you, I been wth my husband 22years since I was 17 and I can’t even imagine going thru that. I pray for u huny...
( bawling like a baby)
Sorry for the sad story! It's something I would never want anyone else to have to go through, but so many of us here have! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow we do talk about it tho, like who will go first and how we would feel. But u never really think about it actually happening. I pray for ur strength, u are strong!! Thank u for reminding me not to take anyone’s time for granted and to hold it closer to my heart..
Love your bravery, and your compassion for others grieving.
Thank you for your feedback! #widfam
My journey mirrors yours; in fact, it’s uncanny. My late husband’s name was Duard but we called him, you guessed it - Dewey. Our battle lasted 2 1/2 years. If you have not walked this walk, you simply do not understand,. I knew nothing of anticipatory grief, but it sure explains everything. My Dewey was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in November of 2014 and the rollercoaster ride ended in April of 2017. Palliative care - sigh. I relate to everything you say and all of your experiences. Your videos have allowed me to understand that all my feelings/experiences are “normal” - whatever that is. I look forward to your next videos; they give me strength. I wish I would have cried more in front of my husband. I felt I had to be strong - and honestly, I was afraid if let it go, i would never quit.
I can relate to all of this! And Dewey is such a unique name, strange to meet someone who shares it! I never liked calling him that, though...I just called him Daddy with the rest of the kids, lol. #widfam
I tried not to cry and my stepson told me I should... so I did. Lots...
You need to cry sometimes and let the pressure off! #widfam
You are supported and loved 🤗❤️🤗
I will say as someone with chronic illnesses, I don’t harp on someone not taking someone’s pain seriously if they are always ailing. Should their pain be taken seriously? Yes, of course, but when you are in the thick of it, you aren’t thinking worst case. But it’s a good lesson for everyone to listen to your body regardless of what anyone says and if someone is urging you to go get seen, do so. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Yes, of course it is! And I share my story because I am regretful that I didn’t realize how serious his illness was. I’m not proud of what I did, but all I could do is react based on the little information I had at that time. #widfam
Thank you for sharing your experience.
My hubby died 10 months after his Laryngectomy operation. The cancer was horribly aggressive and took him way too soon. One of the most difficult things to deal with was, after him going through radiation several times as well as the op, was trying to come to terms with ‘acceptance’. Every time he went through a new phase, we always remained hopeful and positive and would work with whatever the ‘new normal’ would be. But when hope is no longer on the table, one has to dig deep to be accepting.
I wrote the Serenity prayer on my kitchen blackboard and focused on it many times a day…it definitely gave me strength and courage to be there for my hubby. He died at home, for which I will forever feel grateful and privileged to have cared for him right until he left for his next journey.
Thank you for sharing your touching story. He was lucky to have you as his caregiver #widfam
Thank you for this video; I am sorry to see your pain in reliving your initial grief. My husband is in palliative care with cirrhosis of the liver. He has declined so rapidly the past six months I don't think he has long to live. I cry alone some every single day; this anticipatory grief is nearly debilitating but I try to act as if all is normal in our lives. He is a kind man of strong conviction but in total denial so we just don't talk about it. I feel like I am in a house of mirrors with my feelings and it's so hard. We have been married 41 years and this is the hardest thing I've ever been though. Thank you for your videos; they are helping me cope with this sadness that consumes my life.
I am so sorry you are in the middle of this right now. IT's really hard to appreciate having them when you know you are losing them! It's always at the top of your mind and overrides every other thought and emotion. Just try to cherish the time you have left, which I know you are doing. And know that we are here to support you now and in the future. #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you...
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I am on the same journey with my husband. God bless you🙏
I'm so sorry you are on this journey. Reach out if you ever need to. Join our FB group as well! #widfam
The anticipatory grief , you really don't know that it's going to hit ! You would think your love one just passed away . No not yet - but that unexpected pain in your heart is devastating the hurt the knowing that they are going to leave you . Grief beyond words ! 💜
This is so true! #widfam
yes. grief beyond words.
@@anastasiakesky 💙. 6months in my husband left me through a long term illness . I cared for him at home until his last second . I'm trying in my own time to come up from this dark hole in my heart . I know I want to live so I just keep pushing through ! God bless you and comfort your soul 💙🙏
@@candidaherron6130 Thank you. He loved life more than I do. I was with him all the way. I will not make it without him. 14 months and it just getting worse. I can't stand that he got cancer and died. I love him crazily. Wish you all the strength and love to keep going.
This hits home because i lost my grandpa/bestfriend to prostate cancer that spread to his bones and i watched him suffer for years before he passed but wen he did pass i cried but because i missed him so much but i was also glad he was healed and he wasnt suffering anymore ! Its hard to lose a loved one especially if yall were close . my grandpa was my bestfriend . he was my everything wen i had dark days he would help me and now that he is gone all i can do is pray and talk to him hoping he hears me .
I know hes always been by my side and especially now with a baby on the way i know hes there for me and guiding me threw it all 💙💙 i love my grandpa so much and i miss him lke crazy everyday !!! It dont get easy at all but you gotta learn to live it threw 🙏💙
Sounds like you were very close to your grandpa! I'm so sorry for your loss, and glad to hear that you are making your way through life. #widfam
I don't know how I ran across your site here but I am glad I did. Many similarities to my husband's story. He started having pain issues in July/Aug '17, was diagnosed Aug 29 and passed Sept 28 '17, from pancreatic, liver and kidney cancer, stage 4. We never got the chance to try fighting it because he'd already had sepsis. The grieving is tuff, the second guessing yourself, the what-ifs, you know. I will be checking out the rest of your videos, altho I know it might be hard. I pray for your continued strength thru this all.
I'm so sorry it happened so quickly! Thank you for watching, and hopefully all the other videos won't be so sad to watch. I try not to be too serious in every video...but of course the topic is death, so some of them will bring the tears! #widfam
My husband was diagnosed in 2014 with mantle cell lymphoma , I suffer severe anxiety with fear of losing him, I am trying so hard to try not to do this, but I can’t stop the fear and anxiety 🌺🌹🌸❤️
I have to work really hard not to let those thoughts invade my mind also... it's hard to do! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow I really understand how that feels, it’s a constant battle xx🌸❤️🌸
So sorry that everything is so hard and sad cannot imagine how you must have been feeling xxxxx sending lots of love and support xxxxxxx
Thank you! #widfam
This is so like my story, I lost my husband last year, he had colon cancer, and they said he had a splash on his liver. Yes I think you start grieving before they pass away. I found your video very helpful, thank you .
Thanks for watching! #widfam
My wife passed 6 years ago, you never get over it!
So true! #widfam