Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤ If you are interested in giving me a one-time donation because you love my videos, then you can do that here - ko-fi.com/boomshikha
I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with clingy/needy people though, because you deserve better than that. You deserve a relationship with somebody who "wants" you because they understand who you are and appreciates you for just being you, not someone who "needs" you because of what you can give them in regards to their addiction to love and attention - that kind of relationship may seem like it works, but you'll always have a feeling that it's shadow and there's no true connection, because the relationship is in actuality transactional. Unfortunately, we're kind of screwed, because I think the majority of people out there are only capable of transactional relationships. I'd rather wait until I met someone with the capability of connecting on a deeper level, and risk being alone forever, than to settle for a typical relationship. I think INFJs' problem with self acceptance and self love is not actually natural for our type. I believe it is a dysfunction that results from being forced to grow up in a world surrounded by people who are not like you, who make you feel like you should be like them, and being pummeled with society's propaganda telling you to be like them. It is a hostile environment from birth, so of course we're going to believe we are not worthy. Until we shed the programming and realize how awesome we are. If we were all raised by and lived in a world of just INFJ's, we would never develop this dysfunction, as it is not a natural state for us. Fortunately, it's not difficult to shed once you become aware.
So true... like recently I pledged to get myself new clothes. As simple as it sounds that’s a big deal. I always admire put together looking people but I always leave myself out thinking someone else might need the money and I’m wasting it on myself.
I feel you Boom. Sometimes I cry thinking I can love deeply but how come I feel alone even when there are people who are willing to love us. It's such a shame we feel ashamed to be vulnerable and show love with intentionality to be loved. We have been conditioned into a one-sided relationship by caretakers probably. Well, I want us to change, to be interdependent, have equal give and take, we deserve to be loved after all, we do these sacrificial things for other people, making people understand each other better, don't you think we deserve a partner who can switch roles and also understand us.
You have been spilling a lot of my tea again and again^-^ You deserve to be a big channel with all this scalding hot tea sis . I feel like all of my dark hidden secrets are revealed lol
Hello Boom Shikha! I feel you hit the nail on the head with this video and I understand what you mean. In my past I have done these things and sometimes tbh I still do to a degree. I believe that we are all a work in progress, so we must keep learning and growing and Loving ourselves because WE ARE WORTH IT!! Thank You for sharing such a personal topic and your feelings:) It helps knowing we're not alone.
sometimes love bombing makes us cringe. it feels unnatural for us. we had to test if it's real love. if the other person slows down and follows our pace, then it allows the trust to develop.
Yes, I constantly good at pressurizing myself when I should give myself a break, and taking it easy when I should be doing stuff, stupid, stupid me! It doesn't help that I have very little in the way of achievement so far and am turning 41 in a couple of weeks, really feeling the pressure to sort my shit out!
9:04-9:35 Self loathing comments hit me hard. I’ve felt this way even recently. I’m currently thinking about leaving a relationship because (somewhat) of self loathing. I can’t pinpoint even why I have such a disdain for self... I have the inkling that it’s because I suppress many aspects of myself to please another party. Over time I think it’s become like a higher self coup, so to speak. Heavy topic.
I don’t think i’m unworthy of love , i just think the other part is unworthy 😂😂 but i totally agree with you on the admitting part and hate being clingy . Also there’s the part where we got hurt in the past , so it’s hard to open up , or even trust.
I don't know what else to say. Her thoughts resonated so much, I was on the verge of tears. I've never felt more understood. I honestly prefer my solitude and I thrive better when I'm alone. But when it comes to love, I'm a total wreck. I'm working towards loving myself more now. Gosh, Boom is profoundly introspective. All her videos I've watched so far are so relatable but I have to stop myself from commenting something like this all the time because I might come off as a creepy stalker. 😂 I'll shut up for now. And OMG she's so pretty. Okay. I'll stop -
When I found out that I am INFJ after 49 years of not knowing, I realized the reason I felt so inadequate or unworthy as an adolescent was being so different from my peers. My mom, dad, and three other siblings were INFs so I fit in fine at home but publicly I was very awkward. My wife is similar in personality to my family, that's why we hit it off so well. There are not many people compatable with us on a long term basis.
@@BoomShikha l dont know for sure all are INFJ. But INF as the primary. My mom, dad, and one sister are deceased so I cant test them. I have a brother and sister still living who are INFJ.
When you reject the very thing you want.... it's from fears or triggers from lies you believe about yourself from past trauma. When you feel the triggers start speaking out loud how you feel and you will hear yourself speak the lies you believed 🙂. For example, "everybody thinks I'm an idiot". Then you can tell yourself that no I don't believe that anymore I'm a nice person.😅
Every words of this video it's me talking!!we are such a paradox we want human contact so much but as soon as people get to closed we ran away. Anyway that' what i was like 5 years ago. Now i don't run away i give people a chance Some times it doesn't work out some times it does. "i prefer to be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not-Kurt Cobain- Not every one can like us and we don't like every one When we come accross so needed we scare people but one day i saw this poster saying IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE LET IT GO .IF IT COMES BACK IT WAS YOURS IF IT DOESN'T IT NEVER WAS!!i think it's so true
Im thinking it is a selfless thing. An ego for others. So maybe this is where our emotional-physical disconnect. Im learning that if i give others a chance im helping me which helps me help others. Self acceptance. I hope my comments help other infj help make a more perfect world. Yes, ideally. Ok much love
Admittedly I’m a little bit aloof and reserved at the beginning of a relationship simply because of two reasons: 1. I don’t know the other party well enough and fear they have ulterior motives behind their desire to spend time with me. Like there has to be a reason; surely I’m not *THAT* interesting 😂 2. I feel as though, deep down, there’s something wrong with me and I’m unworthy of being loved in a romantic sense, so I keep the other party away at arms length to avoid any unnecessary pain or embarrassment. I don’t want any mixed messages and end up feeling more emotionally towards the other person than they do towards me and end up being hurt (it’s happened waaay too many times in the past, I can’t even) We INFJs are kind and loving souls - please give us space and time to get to know you better 😂
We are always mistaken to be cold as ice, at first, but once they get to know the real us, they are shocked by how hot as fire we can be, figuratively. We dont want to admit that we need love like everybody else, so we appear detached, but we just dont want to scare people away, that we can love as fully, and we dont want anyone taking it for granted or taking advantage of that. So we only show it to the person we believe will value it for a long time, the push & pull goes away, eventually.
So do you INFJ’s feel regret for pushing those people away or is it very easy for you to let them go? As an ENFP, I read a lot about how INFJ’s feel bad for causing pain to others and feel regret after various types of decisions they make. But then I also read that it is very easy for them to let go and move on by concentrating on their passion/obsession.
We make decision by logic, but that doesn't mean our hearts don't hurt by every mistake or so we make, we feel like we lack so much, so we make decisions from that perspective.
Feeling as a relunctant earth angle. We see the world in a diiferent way and some people really do appreciate that. But we feel bashful. I think... and Boom. Youre an amazing beautiful soul. Im blessed knowing you are you.
I think it's due to our protectionism personally I believe that I feel like I am not worthy or don't deserve love because I am not on that level yet to deserve it. I feel like I need to have a good career, good clothes, a good IQ and a good body etc before being accepted to being loved and even though I might achieve those things one day in the end it may never be enough.
some one who appreciate us REALLY don't look at clothes ; shoes or good IQ because some people have all that and are hollow inside like a nice shiny apple but when it's opened it's rotten inside
My issues are I love the chase once I get him I feel task achieve and place him in a box or corner and go after the other things I want. Then I get call cold hearted ice queen I think by then the affection i give at the chase dilutes over time (my conclusion) I think I love my freedom and independence so much that I forget I've a partner and need to involve him in my life instead of assuming he will tag along. Still single for 4yrs now and I want a relationship but I think the same issues will happen again
That's not infj feelings those are feelings caused by ur family I never feel unworthy I could care less about society or people pleasing they must be deemed worthy never I I am a gift to all I encounter and care about
![[EP14] INFJs Hate Talking About Themselves - It's A Trust Thing](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hsZmUBQjm9s/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤
If you are interested in giving me a one-time donation because you love my videos, then you can do that here - ko-fi.com/boomshikha
I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with clingy/needy people though, because you deserve better than that. You deserve a relationship with somebody who "wants" you because they understand who you are and appreciates you for just being you, not someone who "needs" you because of what you can give them in regards to their addiction to love and attention - that kind of relationship may seem like it works, but you'll always have a feeling that it's shadow and there's no true connection, because the relationship is in actuality transactional.
Unfortunately, we're kind of screwed, because I think the majority of people out there are only capable of transactional relationships. I'd rather wait until I met someone with the capability of connecting on a deeper level, and risk being alone forever, than to settle for a typical relationship.
I think INFJs' problem with self acceptance and self love is not actually natural for our type. I believe it is a dysfunction that results from being forced to grow up in a world surrounded by people who are not like you, who make you feel like you should be like them, and being pummeled with society's propaganda telling you to be like them. It is a hostile environment from birth, so of course we're going to believe we are not worthy. Until we shed the programming and realize how awesome we are. If we were all raised by and lived in a world of just INFJ's, we would never develop this dysfunction, as it is not a natural state for us. Fortunately, it's not difficult to shed once you become aware.
Yes, I love what you said about most people being only capable of transactional relationships. That is so true!
So true... like recently I pledged to get myself new clothes. As simple as it sounds that’s a big deal. I always admire put together looking people but I always leave myself out thinking someone else might need the money and I’m wasting it on myself.
I feel you Boom. Sometimes I cry thinking I can love deeply but how come I feel alone even when there are people who are willing to love us. It's such a shame we feel ashamed to be vulnerable and show love with intentionality to be loved. We have been conditioned into a one-sided relationship by caretakers probably. Well, I want us to change, to be interdependent, have equal give and take, we deserve to be loved after all, we do these sacrificial things for other people, making people understand each other better, don't you think we deserve a partner who can switch roles and also understand us.
"Love is patient. Love is kind, love never fails". We know in the end love wins.
Love the quote! Thank you for sharing.
Love is understanding, but this is a 2 X way street.
You have been spilling a lot of my tea again and again^-^ You deserve to be a big channel with all this scalding hot tea sis . I feel like all of my dark hidden secrets are revealed lol
Thank you so much for your support!!!
Hello Boom Shikha!
I feel you hit the nail on the head with this video and I understand what you mean. In my past I have done these things and sometimes tbh I still do to a degree. I believe that we are all a work in progress, so we must keep learning and growing and Loving ourselves because WE ARE WORTH IT!!
Thank You for sharing such a personal topic and your feelings:) It helps knowing we're not alone.
Agree 100%
Yes, we are definitely worth it!!
sometimes love bombing makes us cringe. it feels unnatural for us. we had to test if it's real love. if the other person slows down and follows our pace, then it allows the trust to develop.
YES!!! Absolutely. :)
Yes, I constantly good at pressurizing myself when I should give myself a break, and taking it easy when I should be doing stuff, stupid, stupid me! It doesn't help that I have very little in the way of achievement so far and am turning 41 in a couple of weeks, really feeling the pressure to sort my shit out!
Yes!!! Run with that pressure, maybe?
Yap 100% on point but 6:34 was on whole another level of relatablity.
Awww, thank you so much for watching!
9:04-9:35 Self loathing comments hit me hard. I’ve felt this way even recently. I’m currently thinking about leaving a relationship because (somewhat) of self loathing. I can’t pinpoint even why I have such a disdain for self... I have the inkling that it’s because I suppress many aspects of myself to please another party. Over time I think it’s become like a higher self coup, so to speak. Heavy topic.
Love the idea you presented about self-loathing due to chameleon mode. I am going to explore it further in a future video. :)
I don’t think i’m unworthy of love , i just think the other part is unworthy 😂😂 but i totally agree with you on the admitting part and hate being clingy .
Also there’s the part where we got hurt in the past , so it’s hard to open up , or even trust.
Yes!! Trust is a big one with us.
I don't know what else to say. Her thoughts resonated so much, I was on the verge of tears. I've never felt more understood. I honestly prefer my solitude and I thrive better when I'm alone. But when it comes to love, I'm a total wreck. I'm working towards loving myself more now. Gosh, Boom is profoundly introspective. All her videos I've watched so far are so relatable but I have to stop myself from commenting something like this all the time because I might come off as a creepy stalker. 😂 I'll shut up for now.
And OMG she's so pretty.
Okay. I'll stop -
Thank you so much for watching!!! :)
It's surreal how listening to this feels like someone exposing my inner thoughts.
Hehehe. :) I have been told that before many times. I'm glad you resonate.
When I found out that I am INFJ after 49 years of not knowing, I realized the reason I felt so inadequate or unworthy as an adolescent was being so different from my peers. My mom, dad, and three other siblings were INFs so I fit in fine at home but publicly I was very awkward. My wife is similar in personality to my family, that's why we hit it off so well. There are not many people compatable with us on a long term basis.
Wow! So many INFJs in one family! Awesome. ☀️ ☀️
@@BoomShikha l dont know for sure all are INFJ. But INF as the primary. My mom, dad, and one sister are deceased so I cant test them. I have a brother and sister still living who are INFJ.
When you reject the very thing you want.... it's from fears or triggers from lies you believe about yourself from past trauma. When you feel the triggers start speaking out loud how you feel and you will hear yourself speak the lies you believed 🙂. For example, "everybody thinks I'm an idiot". Then you can tell yourself that no I don't believe that anymore I'm a nice person.😅
Thank you for sharing this! 💯 💯 💯
Every words of this video it's me talking!!we are such a paradox we want human contact so much but as soon as people get to closed we ran away. Anyway that' what i was like 5 years ago. Now i don't run away i give people a chance Some times it doesn't work out some times it does. "i prefer to be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not-Kurt Cobain- Not every one can like us and we don't like every one When we come accross so needed we scare people but one day i saw this poster saying IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE LET IT GO .IF IT COMES BACK IT WAS YOURS IF IT DOESN'T IT NEVER WAS!!i think it's so true
Yes!! Great quote. Thanks for sharing. :)
Your videos are like therapy sessions to me, thank you so much. I really appreciate it
So glad to hear that! ❤️
Im thinking it is a selfless thing. An ego for others. So maybe this is where our emotional-physical disconnect. Im learning that if i give others a chance im helping me which helps me help others. Self acceptance. I hope my comments help other infj help make a more perfect world. Yes, ideally. Ok much love
Yes! Thanks for sharing.
I relate this WHOLEHEARTEDLY
Thanks for watching!
Absolutely 💯. Completely agree with this. 😶
Thank you for your kind support. :)
Man I live your insight thanks
Thanks for watching! :)
Admittedly I’m a little bit aloof and reserved at the beginning of a relationship simply because of two reasons:
1. I don’t know the other party well enough and fear they have ulterior motives behind their desire to spend time with me. Like there has to be a reason; surely I’m not *THAT* interesting 😂
2. I feel as though, deep down, there’s something wrong with me and I’m unworthy of being loved in a romantic sense, so I keep the other party away at arms length to avoid any unnecessary pain or embarrassment. I don’t want any mixed messages and end up feeling more emotionally towards the other person than they do towards me and end up being hurt (it’s happened waaay too many times in the past, I can’t even)
We INFJs are kind and loving souls - please give us space and time to get to know you better 😂
Yes! I can relate to both points! 😅😅😅
We are always mistaken to be cold as ice, at first, but once they get to know the real us, they are shocked by how hot as fire we can be, figuratively. We dont want to admit that we need love like everybody else, so we appear detached, but we just dont want to scare people away, that we can love as fully, and we dont want anyone taking it for granted or taking advantage of that. So we only show it to the person we believe will value it for a long time, the push & pull goes away, eventually.
Yes, well said!! We are definitely hot as fire. :)
So do you INFJ’s feel regret for pushing those people away or is it very easy for you to let them go? As an ENFP, I read a lot about how INFJ’s feel bad for causing pain to others and feel regret after various types of decisions they make. But then I also read that it is very easy for them to let go and move on by concentrating on their passion/obsession.
We make decision by logic, but that doesn't mean our hearts don't hurt by every mistake or so we make, we feel like we lack so much, so we make decisions from that perspective.
Once we decide we are going to let someone go, we don't think about it twice. But until that point, it hurts bad. :P
If we let someone go it’s because they hurt us very very badly. It’s not easy at all but once the decision has been made, that relationship is over.
I just feel like the more people I let in the more I have to commit to that I can't guarantee I'll always be there to reciprocate
Yes!
Feeling as a relunctant earth angle. We see the world in a diiferent way and some people really do appreciate that. But we feel bashful. I think... and Boom. Youre an amazing beautiful soul. Im blessed knowing you are you.
Thanks for watching!
The shame I think comes from us as infj's don't think we're where we should be at with helping others
Yes, that could be.
Yes, questioning my worth.
Thanks for watching. :)
I feel you but it's not that simple though especially if your an infj and PTSD trauma I get stuck or have had an past of self destruction
Thanks for watching! :)
that's cold
Very true! Closeness is needed.
Could you make video abt INFJs having an innate sense of time n anxiety, restlessness plz
Thanks for the suggestion. I will add it to my list. :)
This is very true I definitely relate to this.
Thanks for watching!
Please I love 💕 you’re video xxxx
Thanks for watching!! xx
I think it's due to our protectionism personally I believe that I feel like I am not worthy or don't deserve love because I am not on that level yet to deserve it. I feel like I need to have a good career, good clothes, a good IQ and a good body etc before being accepted to being loved and even though I might achieve those things one day in the end it may never be enough.
some one who appreciate us REALLY don't look at clothes ; shoes or good IQ because some people have all that and are hollow inside like a nice shiny apple but when it's opened it's rotten inside
It looks like you're talking about respect or high social status.
@@MirimeIsiliel that can involved about being loved as well
Yes, so true, about not being worthy to be loved. :S
Good one!
Thanks for watching!!
I have thought that, “There might be something wrong if you like me,"
Hehehehe! 😂
My issues are I love the chase once I get him I feel task achieve and place him in a box or corner and go after the other things I want. Then I get call cold hearted ice queen I think by then the affection i give at the chase dilutes over time (my conclusion)
I think I love my freedom and independence so much that I forget I've a partner and need to involve him in my life instead of assuming he will tag along. Still single for 4yrs now and I want a relationship but I think the same issues will happen again
Yeah I know what you mean about the chase... 😅😅
Very relatable
Thanks for watching!
Relationships dont work out because they want a dizzy head and I'm too cerebral for that non sense
Thanks for watching!
Love ❤️ is. not shameful. I think 🤔 some of this might be different for older infj’s. 🤔❤️🇺🇸
Yes, that might be true. :)
There's a lot to like about you
Thanks for watching! :)
I love myself a lot.. I am just misunderstood
Thanks for sharing!!
Soooooo on point... :/
Thanks for watching, lovely!
First!
Who cares?
@@MirimeIsiliel you do
Thanks for watching!
Nonsensical. I hope I spelt it iight. New 💖 word. Thanks for sharing🔥🔥🔥🧚♀️🤗🤗🤗
Yes, you spelt it right! I don't even know if it's a real word. :P
You're beautiful.
Thank you! 😊
That's not infj feelings those are feelings caused by ur family I never feel unworthy I could care less about society or people pleasing they must be deemed worthy never I I am a gift to all I encounter and care about
Thank you for sharing!!
Question can I use prepaid card to support you in patreon?
Sorry, I'm unsure about that. You could try and see if it works. :)
Dastardly fashion I like that that would be a good name for a clothing line
Thanks for watching! :)
❤️❤️❤️💯💯💯😘
Thanks for watching!!