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It's different between men and women. Speaking for myself projects of self betterment has taken priority over spending a countless amount of time and money pursing fake facades especially online because women post so many false pics and paint rosy of themselves I'm sure men post them as well but in most cases then women didn't spend anything to be let down.
I'm an ENFP and I think like I'm never single by choice. I rather ignore lots of issues in a relationship rather than being alone. I feel like I become a ghost of myself if I'm single. I give my best when I have a partner or at least a love interest.
I've had many issues in relationships over the years. For SO long, I genuinely thought that I was defective. I was shamed at school for being an introvert. I used to spend hours online, googling to try and find out if I had a mental disorder. I've spent my life feeling, or being told, that I am/was defective, broken, weird, cold or a bad person. This made dating very hard! Finding out about MBTI and being an INFJ has been huge for me. Finally, I understand myself. I am OK.
I'm an INFP, yet I feel the same way. I never get intimately involved unless I have feelings for the person, and I spend most of my time at home. I don't care that much about going to fancy places too often, but I'd much rather be somehere quiet, alone, and intimate with my significant other. I am drawn to INFJs for some reason. Your type is one of my favorites, and your type is capable of giving us the closeness and understanding that we seek, and we are intrigued by your depth and authenticity, so we don't mind if it takes months for INFJs to fully open up or want anything until they feel comfortable because at least to me, building that connection slowly over time is what matters to me way more than trying to rush things or to just get pleasure. Personally, I don't know many people who can meet me on that level.
INFJ here. Funny that, curiously, my best “buddy” is my granddaughter. We are like two peas in a pod! Neither one of us has to finish a sentence before the other one says, “Right! I know exactly what you mean!” She is an INFP. I absolutely love being by myself and am never bored. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be in a warm, accepting, harmonious and passionate relationship, but, the more I think about it, I begin to feel nauseous and drop the idea. It’s way too complicated and invasive. Geez! I just don’t know how to get there from here! I will avoid at all costs a person that I feel interested in and definitely send out “I’m unavailable vibes”. Other than my granddaughter I think it’s true that , “I am the person who I can be myself with.” Saw that quote on an INFJ video and I think it’s suits me very well. Loved your video!
One of my close friend is INFP , and I just love her. What I like about her the most is ,we have same love language, quality conversation. When I talk with others, most of the time I am thinking my own stuff, contradictory thoughts. But, with her she understands me so well. Our values align, she gives her own inputs and I find them to be fascinating. When we meet ,we talk a lot and it's so satisfying.
I like infp people as well but from experience. I wouldn't date another infp very easily. Infps are actually very on themselves and they don't express their feelings in the way we INFJ do. We want to reach a level of deep love and in my experience I wasn't able ever to get that with the infp because my ex's were very on themselves. Now we INFJ are as well but not with the person we love. If we go for a relationship we go fully for it. And I didn't see that back which disappointed me a lot. But maybe not every infp is the same tho. I don't judge a book by it's cover so we'll see.
I'm an INFJ but I'm a very direct person. Not long ago, I told a close friend of mine that I liked her as more than a friend and I asked her if she felt the same way. She said she didn't but she saw me as a very close friend. We had a mature conversation about it and then everything went back to normal between she and I (except that we've been hanging out for longer periods of time than we used to). Even though people may have the same personality, all of us are a little different, and that is what makes us special. :)
I am single and live by myself. I work in a customer service environment and after a long day dealing with people, I prefer to come up to a quiet house where I don't have to talk to anyone. I occasionally get the comment: "You must be so lonely." I kindly explain to them, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I don't long to have some to talk to. I too am a homebody, I rarely go out and I'm happy with that. Great video, describes be quite well.
I can relate. I can easily give compliments to the person I like but I cannot say I like them. I also agree with personal space. If I let u in it means I really like you :)
I can't deal with men that only knew how to make a shallow conversation. I think most INFJs like diverse topics, from matter of society, to history, deep emotions, relevant movies but only tackle the meaning behind the plot, FYIs stuff and books, definitely about you'd read so far. I don't particularly dished gossips but I think, its such a waste of time and energy to talk about it. Most of my friends intend to find me strange. Like, I don't know much about this common person we knew but once they asked me just what happened to that person, I always, accurately guessed it right. They find it amusing, but I do believe we have this strong intuition and pretty much sensitive to anyone around us.
Agreed with everything you said. But I do think if your friends find you strange, you need to find new friends. I have found friends finally who think I am amazing exactly the way I am. But, of course, that's just my thing. Thanks for commenting! I love your insight.
I kept only few friends though I don't usually meet and chat with them but they understood me well. They knew my character, I feel lucky for having them. Except, romance isn't giving its way yet but I don't really mind being single its actually a breath of fresh air. My friends are actually envious of me because I can move on easily not like them.
one night stands, to me don't work for we just can't be with someone we are not in love with, and if we are in love with them why is it only one night?
Not only for love sake, but also to avoid the depersonalizing of intimacy, std's, inability to bond, etc. Once you get proficient at one thing, you can't help but sacrifice the other....then what's left?
I can't believe I'm just now stumbling across these videos. Never in my life have I felt so understood. Never in my life did I even think it was possible. I could honestly count the number of times on one hand that I've cried so its not really a part of who I am but I believe that if I was a crier then this would be one of those times. Not from sadness, but from immense joy. I'm 26 years old and and up until this point, have been living everyday ashamed of who I am but now I feel like this is where my life actually begins. There aren't enough words to explain what you've done for me. Thank you Boom.
OH MY GOD!!! I shared this comment of yours with my sister and friend, because I felt so good after reading it. I’m so glad that my videos helped you. I AM SO GRATEFUL. :)
@@BoomShikha You have such a kind soul that really shines even through my screen. I’m truly grateful that life has brought me to your page and I hope you continue to give yourself to the world. I look forward to seeing what you do in this life and wish you nothing but blissful happiness!
I seek a bond. Sex is really important to me as a special bond, rather than loads of special moments. That's why a broken heart is almost suicide for me. I survived one attempt when I was 19...
I'm an INFJ but I don't completely connect with what you're saying. Perhaps when I was much younger, but I'm nearly 40 and I've grown a lot within myself. I recently re-took the test and am still an INFJ... but much of my "oh I could never do that" has softened... I've learned to move passed it. I don't live in that constant state of anxiety or doubt anymore.
I'm shy but if someone else that I like takes the initiative to chat to me and flirt I would feel more comfortable around them, but as a man it's usually expected by women that we make the first move and I think some women think I'm not interested as I look away and come across as disinterested.
Such a long journey! I’ve had several relationships but never married. I hate casual anything especially sex. If I could give any advice to young INFJs, it would be to be honest with yourself and go for what you want. This means going on dating sites and being honest about what you are looking for and not accepting less. I think you need to be pro active! Disclaimer (I haven’t done this yet) 😂
As an INFJ, I can vouch for most of this. I am not afraid to say I like someone if I've gotten comfortable enough with them and I do enjoy going out and socializing, but it is admittedly limited. I just grow bored being at home since I do it so much. But the rest is pretty accurate
INFJ here and I confessed that I have a crush on this very close friend of mine and she wanted to just friends. NEVER EVER doing that again. Like Shikha mentioned, I try to hangout with them, I try to ask them questions, try to get to know their deep dark secrets and if they notice these things and make a first move, then fine or else I'm happily ready to die single cuz again like Shika mentioned it's very hard for me to put myself out there. I did it once and it took me like two fucking years to come out of it and although I'm more matured now, but I'd still never put myself out like that ever again.
Ugh, I can't stand dating. I lump it in with "small talk" which I can't stand stand either. It can take me years to get to know someone enough to really open up to them, which turns many people off. Of course I realize this now after realizing that I am an INFJ and that it comes with the territory. Thank you for this, I don't feel quite as broken now. :-)
As an INFP, I must say INFJs are like our twins. I’m not sure how a relationship works, but as friends it’s an instant brother or sister relationship. We understand each other so well.
Besides telling my parents that I love them, it's extremely tough to tell someone because the effects of vulnerability. But this one friend was an exception 😣. Honestly it started as them being my crush but I wanted to know them more. Friends of mine knew but she didn't catch on. Eventually, I just stopped myself and said "nope". This person is still special but I refuse to be vulnerable. It sucks for me. I don't do one night stands, no thanks. Music touches my heart more than people do and that says much. Still happily single 😄. I love being alone and I embrace my solitude with passion. It's one of the ways when I can 100% be myself. I get to know myself because even if I'm present, I still feel foreign. Like everyone you can know and deepen a bond within a few weeks or months. Like if you solved each person's Rubix cube but you're stuck in solving yours. I don't know if it sounds confusing. Like a Rubix cube but followed by Cryptograms; puzzle after puzzle. In other words, an endless challenge of knowing one's self.
I love this challenge, this endless challenge of knowing myself. Still learning things about myself even though I have been doing it for a while. Forever something to discover.
Actually, as,an INFJ, I am made for committed relationship.and dating is fine. Starting conversations with new people is difficult for me. Mingling at parties where I dont know anyone is not something I put myself out there for. I am social and i like people, I just don't initiate conversations well.
I can't tell you how much I just love being single and being on my own. Probably far too much. Most of the time I just can't be bothered with relationships and also, like you said, we don't give out signals to say that we're single anyway so how would anyone even know to approach me and the times I do get approached, I can just already see if it's going to work or not and I don't want to be with anyone who I don't feel a real connection with. But mostly I just like hanging out at home, on my own, thinking, pondering, reading and I just like my own little world and my own space. I just think oh one day I guess I'll meet someone.
The hardest thing in the world is being an INFJ guy. A lot of time, it's expected for women to be the passive participants. For men, we *have* to be the active ones...which flies in the face of everything natural for us as INFJ's. I've tried being the active pursuer multiple times and i always get outshined by someone who is *naturally* that way to begin with.
Great video! It's rare for me to find someone who I have a "real" connection with in the dating world. It's also hard to let my guard down. It's frustrating. I often feel like an alien on another planet. I wish it were easier.
Just started looking at this concept of my personhood. Wow! It makes so much sense. I’ve known I was an INFJ since my early twenties and I’m now 49. I’m finally better understanding why I react, process, and feel the way I do. I wish our society focused more on helping our neighbors to better know themselves so they may better help others.
I've been told I'm very flirtatious. But most times I am just being myself, and I don't have any romantic intentions. But if I really like someone, I will start approaching and asking questions and stuff. According to me, I am being too obvious; but maybe not? The thing is, if the other person does have the same intention, I think they will definitely pick up those signs and opportunities left by me. But if they can't pick up on my subtle but loving details, I will know they don't intend (or are not brave enough) to be in a relationship with me. So I wouldn't define it as being crappy at dating or not flirtatious at all (I think I am quite flirtatious), but just picky, we want the real, deep, authentic, smart shit, you know? At least that's what I crave for. And that's just not easy to find. And to feel it both ways, even harder. I am happy doing my stuff and living my life and being alone, but I have always had this desire of a true relationship. I don't know how many INFJs can relate to me in that sense though. Thank you for you video Shikhaaa 💙
Oh btw...did you figure it out yet that we don't tell someone we like them only in cases we can already tell that they won't like us back as much as we do? If we can feel that person's interest, we are quite bold in returning it. It's an INFJ thing. We won't put too much effort into something we can already tell would not end well or even start. Plus we have this unique ability to like persons even if they don't like or hate us. So in the latter case, it's best not to reveal how much we like those that don't like us. They'll only use it against us.
I think INFJs divide into two on the first thing you said about how we are on the social set like sitting alone at the coffee shop. When I'm outside I never look like an introvert. Most people mistake me for an extravert as well and I think I've gotten better at faking it. I can probably do this because I usually don't go outside with people so I only need to do it for a short period of time. Like I'll act all social at the club (also I'm a young INFJ college student and clubs are the best places to cheat being social) but if someone asks to stay over at my place afterwards damn you should see how terrified my face is. I'd like to help them out but it means I don't have alone time. And I'll have to socialize first thing in the morning the day after, which is just too much. For me socializing is like work, something I need to check out of my to-do list. I really don't need it but then I need its outcomes. (deep bonding, solving other people's deep problems, making a change in someone's life etc). But then I don't know like maybe it's temporary cause I used to be the quiet kid and I'm slowly going back to that. Also I love extreme sports but I only go with a few people that I completely trust. I wish to go alone but it's not so safe nor smart to go to the mountains alone in the middle of a freezing winter :D
So interesting!! I LOVE hearing from young college-age iNFJs, because it reminds me of my own struggles and dilemmas. Thanks for sharing your story and insights. :)
I'm a INFJ and the part of the video where you said about your ex and how people were surprised reminded me of my ex. He wasn't traditionally cute and had a long beard but i really liked him because I kinda knew right away that he was a very sweet, caring, funny good guy who was always helping people. It didn't matter what other people said.
I'm perfectly happy being alone unless there's someone I'm interested in (a very rare occurrence). I met someone a couple of years ago who is absolutely wonderful, but because of all the things you mentioned in the video, I let her slip through and she is now in a relationship. I've honestly never felt lonely in a general sense, but if it's anything like how I'm feeling knowing that she is with someone else, I'm certainly glad I'm an INFJ! Currently kind of hoping I never meet anyone I have feelings for again, because I just can't imagine anything working out for me. Being an INFJ (and an introvert specifically) is mostly awesome, but when it sucks it REALLY sucks! Thanks for the great video!
Sooo spot on! Thanks so much for your clear and compassionate articulation of why I totally sucked at dating, when I was actually attempting it ;) Much gratitude for the recognition and warning about throwing stones at the people I'm most attracted to. Guilty, guilty, guilty! And so sad because while I enjoy my independence I'm not ecstatic as a single person. Glad I found your channel. Love finally feeling like I "fit in!"
Fellow INFJ here but I am a lot more ballsy when it comes to online stuff. Yes I would feel anxious starting online convos is just easier. IRL however, is a whole different story 😆
Male INFJ here. Dating is so damn hard! Probably the most anxiety inducing thing for me. I get so nervous for dates and I find it super super hard to make a move. Sometimes I will end up doing it but it is awkward or forced lol I have found myself trying to go faster and not be too deep/emotional so that the girl doesn’t get turned off or give up 🤷♂️
this is so me... this is so on point hahaha I love being at home but I also like to go out and having adventures, but I don't like going out alone... I just go out alone to work or if I have some errands to run and then back home. very accurate description here
It’s eerie how insightful all of the videos of yours that I have seen. It definitely fills a void. The reason I feel I am better at being alone is that my mental life, the one I have inside is without limits, a world of possibilities and possible outcomes,;therefore I am never truly alone. There is a world inside me that is as true and real as this one and not one that I have power over but that is itself powerful and wonderful. It’s like a drug and there’s hardly anything in this life that compares to it. There’s this immense emptiness inside yet a fullness that can be overwhelming. Life is so imperfect yet so beautiful yet so close with just a few changes could be wonderful for everyone and that is exciting. It would be unfair in my mind for me to expect someone to carry this with me. It’s a terrible burden seeing the world in truth and not being able to unsee it. Thank you! I feel less alone in my weirdness. Please continue. I pray the universe will bless you.
I don't get the flirt thing. I don't do the giggley hair flip thing. I don't do the girly gang potty thing and my b.s.ometer is always in hyperdrive. I'm straight forward, straight talking and this usually leads to being non-dates, more just hang outs. It takes me FOREVER to trust someone enough let them into my dance space, my physical bubble as well as my emotional and mental bubble. I don't do one night stands because unfortunately, people start on the emotional attachment trail without me. Meaning they end up liking me tons more than I like them. So, my take on dating? It's not for me. But I truly am happy for everyone that likes to date. It makes for great stealth people watching... ;-)
Yeah, I know. What is up with the hair flip thing anyways? It's so annoying and fake. I can't date, so yes, I am going to be single for a while, and I'm fine with that. :)
I feel like I can be really good at flirting, and really charming and confident. Until I keep seeing someone and start developing some type of feelings, anxiety and the fear of the unknown and not being able to let go of the uncontrollable eats me up from the inside. It's so fucking hard with our expectations of ourselves and others
As an Infj's, we want to chase the biggest full moon that gives the biggest spark in our life, otherwise, we will not waste time or energy to find or hold someone. We like being friends with people who we don't want to date but some reason they like chasing us for some desperate reasons.
I operate kind of differently from a lot of this. For example, I've asked people out before multiple times. It's scary as hell but I kind of view it through a very logical lense whenever my emotions overwhelm me and scare me away. If I like someone, logically I'll know that it will be easier to get over them if they don't like me back and I know that now than in a few weeks when I'm overly emotionally invested (cause us INFJs seem to view how potential partners will fit into their lives long term and it gets easy to day dream about those possibilities in our rich internal worlds). So usually when I find out I like someone, I make a move first, even if it's just a little bit of flirting to see if they reciprocate it, just to save myself the heartbreak of waiting around for ages to find out they aren't interested. It just got too emotionally harrowing to always play the waiting game over and over again. So I just try to let my logic take over as opposed to my intense emotions when in that situation, but it's definitely an active choice I have to make cause it isn't my default setting AT ALL. Also I like spending time in big crowds if and only if everyone is hype as fuck, and the only people I know in there are very close friends and the rest are strangers (like going to a club on new years with your girlfriends). Being an empath in that environment when surrounded by so much positive energy can be a really beautiful experience! I think it can be a very refreshing experience at times to acknowledge how your default modes of going about life can be hindering life experiences; my fear of asking people out and flirting definitely caused me a lot of time wasted fantasizing about people who weren't interested. I think what's important is just to be aware of how what's comfortable for us might not always be what's best. For example; I started online dating a little over a year ago. An introvert's nightmare. BUT looks like shit is finally working out with someone, and I gained a lot of confidence and also self- respect in the process of getting stood up a lot and going on dates with superficial people. It was like an intense character building exercise lol cause it made me realize that settling is bullshit and I'm so much happier on my own rather than with the wrong person, and it helped me work on therapy techniques for calming anxiety in social situations (which did calm down the more I got out there on crappy first dates). Nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries of your modus operandi!
Lol. I am just at a point of deciding about a new relationship. Been years!! I laughed so hard because I just told my sister, “ I see all these people in relationships and I just feel dragged down. I don’t have the energy for all that. Somewhere there has to be a guy who is the same enough that he will be willing to build his wall right next to mine and we can just exist in harmony”. I love my cave, my books and my way and I have never met a man who was confident enough in his skin to accept, if I am talking to you... I like you! It’s that easy. Too many men try to interpret me and tell me I am really acting a certain way because..... I just walk on. If a person can’t understand that I am honest when I explain my actions. I know they are not honest with theirs. Lol ok only infj’s get that rant huh.
... Namaste, Boom :) I must be an exception to the rule, because flirting & dating were a natural walk-over for me. Then again, my social paradigm was that of "hunters hunting other hunters", which was *quite* the trip, lol. Politeness, smiles that integrate the eyes, standard banter while letting that infra-red glow from within beam forth. And then, if warranted, the direct, unwavering "Seeing Mode" eye contact. Tagged by that slight, yet infinitely incandescent boyish grin that simply can't be feigned. I consider myself to have been extraordinarily lucky to have become bored by my Youth before I lost it. This was the first major deep-water channel marker I passed, on the way to becoming what I'd always been. The Quintessential Loner.
I almost choked up watching this video 😭 because you’ve accurately described “me”. I don’t do one night stand - I find it very superficial as well. I don’t only go out with my girlfriends on Friday nights and most of the time I’m home. I’m happy being single I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Thank you for this video
I am interested in an INTJ and I am flirting a lot with him and found out that I'm actually much better then I thought. The trick is - I am definitely better in this kind of stuff then him. It's so cute how you can see he is interested but doesn't know how to show me and is so uncertain, so one of us has to take the initiative, otherwise we will never get closer and he will end up with any extroverted girl who was more couragous then me and always start a converdation with him (like an ENFP 😬) but for some reason I always switch in a flirting mode when I am with him, smiling at him, curling my hair, joking a lot (which is very unusual, because normally I am very serious), even mocking, but that might only be because I am so sure he is into me. And as soon as there are more dominant/intimidating boys who I see smiling at me, or looking at me interested, I would immediately go out of their way. I know two ENTPs which I both go out of their way (and one of them is my sister) because I find them pretty intimidating
I actually really like axe throwing :) I’m very competitive and it’s one of the few outdoor activities I’m good at. Because I understand the timing of the throw. So one INFJ will be at the axe throwing event!
INFJ male here. I didn't get into my first relationship until I was 26 or 27. I was in no rush whatsoever. The thought of dating is overwhelming and I fear rejection, so I'm almost never going to express outwardly to a woman that I like her, until our connection is deep enough. So while I do desire a relationship, I'm still content as single.
When you said we see through fake people so easily and we need to surround ourselves with unique special people! Yes!!!! I feel so uncomfortable interacting with people who I feel are hollow! And it's usually evident even before talking to them
This video was so spot on, I loved it. You really described me perfectly when I like someone! I recently found you on you tube and your INFJ videos are fabulous and so nice to feel not so alone. I don't usually comment on these but trying to branch out a bit, learn more and finally embrace my unique personality. I like a coworker who is odd like me and find reasons to speak to him but would be embarrassed to admit I like him and be rejected! Can't wait to see your part 2 and just subscribed to you. Thanks so much!!
Dani M I wish I could talk to ppl in person. I don't have anyone I'm close to so my days are spent in my head. Even at work, warehouse. Small town life.
I worked with a couple of individuals that most of my co workers ostracized due to their seemingly odd nature. But not me. I would always find a way to engage them and try to make them feel welcomed and a part of the whole.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My girl has always been very supportive (more than 20 years) about my "issues" to the point where she can see my warning signs at her family events (I don't go to my own family events) she will send me to the "store" and let me recharge a bit before I return. As far as being around people in public, I just don't do it. I'm not that person who goes out around people to be alone, I simply stay at home and don't go anywhere. Even my kids know when to leave Dad alone. I'm really lucky, I wish that for all of you.
As a male infj do actually do volunteer some information about myself on occasion, truthfully it's mostly information that won't sway me emotionally either way. But romantic feelings will rarely be expressed, i do put myself in a situation were i can through actions express my interest. I also find as i have grown older i have become a bit better at walking a line between ''exposing'' myself and opening myself up to possibilities. Also yay for reacting to a old video.
(female INFJ here....I say this cause a commenter called me "king"!) OMG Boom Shikha-- your videos (most videos, not all) is like you know me! Me single for over 10 years minimum (but following has ALWAYS been me on the nose!!) Comments.....3:10 you say-->"INFJs never EVER let them know cause it too vulnerable and fear of being hurt" I say amen getting hurt romantically so very vulnerable scary (and like you say 7:38 too much effort to know me so people don't bother, thus vulnerable).... Okay, you give 4 ways to know how you're liked by an INFJ--> 4:10 you say--> "spending time big deal cause it's rare" I say amen I do not spend time with half connection, time wasted. 5:08 you say--> volunteer personal info is rarer than unicorn!! I say yes yes, not many people hear my personal stuff. 5:55 you say--> "somehow tell you you're special" I say doing that in a way according to 6:52, where you say--> "never tell you we like you...so rare that our heart gets touched" (so 5:55 tells subliminally, make sense?). Okay well, like you say at your video end.....me single too for over 10 years minimum (but above has ALWAYS been me on the nose!!)
I disagree with the sharing thing. I tend to use my vulnerability as a tool to connect and help people. I share to make them at ease to make the connection to help reception . But i think back to doing it and I feel ashamed I have give up something personal to someone who probably didn't deserve it nor appreciate it. This happens more than I'd care to admit
2:20 Sooo truuee... INFJ spending time is really a big deal. INFJ knows a person when we see them. INFJ are lone wolves but just like wolves they are very loyal to his/her partner so if you are for something casual they might not be your thing.
Pretty much described me to a Tee.Especially about being alone and dating.Recenly divorced and prospect of getting into another deep relationship is GRIM.True introverts are notorious for being slow w/girls /hate dating/hate going to clubs to meet girls/and rather be@home/sometimes get a girls number VIA MUTUAL FRIENDS AND I USUALLY (90% OF TIME) DONT CALL.AND FEW TIMES I DO REGRET IT
I don’t think I as an INFJ is crappy at dating... I easily love and attach as long as I feel compatible with that person,and as long as I feel they are the one,feel well connected.. yea it takes time to find that person,but if I do,I love them But yessss,I am not the best at being completely vulnerable,we really take it as weakness. And am really fighting hard to be,but how tho? It’s just like letting yourself out there to be hurt. Basically I have only dated once,and this same person i ended up getting married to. And the funny thing is,due to the fear of being hurt and dislike for physical touch etc especially for a strange,I had to do like 3 online dating just so I would not be completely clueless about what a relationship is about. Eventually I developed relationship anxiety from the last of these three,and yea it affected my real life relationship even after years of moving on. But Thank God I was able get over it because my partner is very patient and supportive. Basically the only issue I have had in a relationship is,lack of vulnerability at the early stage,but when I feel this person gets me,and it’s safe and the connection matches,then I open up but not still completely,it’s just a gradual process. And then trust issues. Yea...but it’s all healing I agree partially... because despite all my experiences,it took me 13 years from adolescence to teenage to ever date... and that’s why I ended up with just 1 person as the first and last to be with romantically
I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm not really comfortable with one night stands. I would rather have a friend with benefits than to just jump in bed with a woman I barely know.
Thank you for the video, yay! Well I'm very outgoing I do love attending sport events, concerts or parties. But I don't go out all the time (I really have to be in the mood lol). Now I will say I was madly in love with a ENFP for several years but he never wanted a commitment just sex from me so I cut it off .. But our chemistry was AMAZING! They are so rare like us. It's tough like you said is INFJ's don't like to put ourselves out there to be vulnerable at all I'm always afraid of being hurt by the other. It's tough bc I'm so sensitive and fear getting hurt (bc I have been so many times). That I just don't chase men I let them come to me. And most men say I don't "try hard enough" lol . Im too sensitive for just causal relationships I don't want to get hurt .Hopefully one day the right man will come.
Yeah, I don't want to force things to happen, but sometimes in this world, perhaps we have to. I have no idea. I'd rather stay single than deal with that drama. :)
Your welcome! I’m happy to have discovered an INFJ community on the internet. I just made my first INFJ video called “Why I Gave up Dating as an INFJ” I’d love you to check it out only if you’re interested:)
People always ask why I walk in to a bar for 5 minutes and go... friends always ask why I don’t sweat girls walking around like normal guys... l see them but NEVER sweat em... most times they will come to me. Lol dead on. I stay i my world, but I’m curious to an INFJ (female)
Lol, I'm such a dork.....a George mcfly from back to the future if you will. Lol, I being an infj it's funny though I'd much rather go to a sporting event than a library but I do enjoy quiet peaceful time also.
I'm single for quite some time now and I really love it. For me it's like I want it all or not at all. I want to be in love work for it and I want the other person to do the same or I don't want it at all and stay single and adopt a second dog or something. I feel like these days people don't fight for there relationships (at least that's how it is in my country) and I'm a person who wants to fight so I can say afterwards I worked hard for it. At least that's what I think.
pretty accurate commentary, but if you're an older lesbian this INFJ personality increases on an exponential level. Sometimes to a point of total isolation!
I am Scientist by education but can't give you a logical answer as to why. Although i cherish my alone time, it is however very frustrating to me as a relationship of some type would be nice You're also right about the fact an INFJ will never make the first move!
Verry accurate information. I'm find it hard to find the individual that's not trying to hard to be some one interesting, or just plane fake, I hate excessive materialistic consumers. Some folks buy it. I enjoy building it. Share n create.
The vulnerability thing is extremely relatable to me, except I know for sure that the other person likes me even more than I like him. Even then I'd be having a hard time genuinely saying how I feel, but at least I can flirt in a joking manner :D
I’ve seen a few different sources say that infjs are looking for their soulmates, so i wonder if younger INFJs are more likely to want to be in a relationship, but as they grow up, they learn that people are superficial and would rather spend more time alone. Because i haven’t been in a relationship or had real friends, but i’ve always wanted to have a friend/partner since i was young, and i started to doubt the possibility of it happening last year and got to that mindset of “i guess it’s better if i’m alone” even if i didn’t really believe myself. thoughts?
This girl i like so happens to be a INFJ and she gives me the most confusing mixed signals i ever seen before. When i try to get close to her she opens up for a bit and then she becomes defensive i believe she nervous of us getting too close. I give her space but one time she got upset at me for not reaching out to her. Im usually the one texting her first and i recently asked her why does she don't do the same for me. She said did not want to scare or annoy me. She is doing better taking baby steps and starting to text me first more often we take turns now. hopefully we can actually get close. Im trying to show her that she can trust me.
@@BoomShikha thanks for replying. Patience is something im good at. She asked me what my personality type was the other day and i told her that is for her to figure out. Im a INTJ wish me luck!
I find it strangely automatic how once one special person vacates, another almost immediately enters. It is annoying, in a way, because I rarely find myself untethered with all the solo joy, but flattering, too. I find it weird, honestly. As many have said, "You just aren't like most people". I guess some folks have learned how to spot and court a unicorn. That is not to say that anyone ever gets passed all the shielding. Just doesn't happen. But, oh, efforts have been made, often ending in them getting frustrated or pissed off once the metaphorical hourglass on their patience has run out, or I slam the door from my own disillusionment. Relationships. Still, I will love anyone who puts in the effort and stay as long as they keep trying. Without being clingy. Or pushy. Or idiotic. Disrespect is a big no. So good luck keeping me basically, but yeah, I am usually partnered, oddly enough.
ahaha funny how I can relate!! I am partnered now for 6 years and sometimes want to be single so badly, I think the INFJ's need to their alone time or the fact that we are Always striving for perfection also in our relationships. Even though it is stupid since I don't think anybody will be able to handle me better than he does. We joke about it, that nobody else will stay so long with me ahah
![[EP71] INFJs Are Absolutely Crappy At Dating And Flirting (Part 2)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eBxGgFD7E9A/mqdefault.jpg)
![[EP71] INFJs Are Absolutely Crappy At Dating And Flirting (Part 2)](/img/tr.png)
![[EP152] If You Want To Be With An INFJ, Take It Real Slow](/img/n.gif)
Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤
I can relate to where you are coming from.
I enjoy attracting people to me but at arms length.
I can relate to this. Dating stresses me out. I'm charming, caring, funny and love my personal space. We're single by choice.
Yup!! Single by choice. #SingleINFJsUnite
It's different between men and women. Speaking for myself projects of self betterment has taken priority over spending a countless amount of time and money pursing fake facades especially online because women post so many false pics and paint rosy of themselves I'm sure men post them as well but in most cases then women didn't spend anything to be let down.
I'm an ENFP and I think like I'm never single by choice. I rather ignore lots of issues in a relationship rather than being alone. I feel like I become a ghost of myself if I'm single. I give my best when I have a partner or at least a love interest.
I've had many issues in relationships over the years. For SO long, I genuinely thought that I was defective. I was shamed at school for being an introvert. I used to spend hours online, googling to try and find out if I had a mental disorder. I've spent my life feeling, or being told, that I am/was defective, broken, weird, cold or a bad person. This made dating very hard!
Finding out about MBTI and being an INFJ has been huge for me. Finally, I understand myself. I am OK.
Yes!! It was absolutely the same for me. xx
@@BoomShikha thank you for replying. Love your videos 🧡
Awww, thank you for watching and for being you.
same
I'm an INFP, yet I feel the same way. I never get intimately involved unless I have feelings for the person, and I spend most of my time at home. I don't care that much about going to fancy places too often, but I'd much rather be somehere quiet, alone, and intimate with my significant other. I am drawn to INFJs for some reason. Your type is one of my favorites, and your type is capable of giving us the closeness and understanding that we seek, and we are intrigued by your depth and authenticity, so we don't mind if it takes months for INFJs to fully open up or want anything until they feel comfortable because at least to me, building that connection slowly over time is what matters to me way more than trying to rush things or to just get pleasure. Personally, I don't know many people who can meet me on that level.
I have never ever been in a relationship with an INFP, but lots of ENFPs. :) Thanks for sharing your insight on us.
INFJ here. Funny that, curiously, my best “buddy” is my granddaughter. We are like two peas in a pod! Neither one of us has to finish a sentence before the other one says, “Right! I know exactly what you mean!” She is an INFP. I absolutely love being by myself and am never bored. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be in a warm, accepting, harmonious and passionate relationship, but, the more I think about it, I begin to feel nauseous and drop the idea. It’s way too complicated and invasive. Geez! I just don’t know how to get there from here! I will avoid at all costs a person that I feel interested in and definitely send out “I’m unavailable vibes”. Other than my granddaughter I think it’s true that , “I am the person who I can be myself with.” Saw that quote on an INFJ video and I think it’s suits me very well. Loved your video!
One of my close friend is INFP , and I just love her. What I like about her the most is ,we have same love language, quality conversation. When I talk with others, most of the time I am thinking my own stuff, contradictory thoughts. But, with her she understands me so well. Our values align, she gives her own inputs and I find them to be fascinating. When we meet ,we talk a lot and it's so satisfying.
I like infp people as well but from experience. I wouldn't date another infp very easily. Infps are actually very on themselves and they don't express their feelings in the way we INFJ do. We want to reach a level of deep love and in my experience I wasn't able ever to get that with the infp because my ex's were very on themselves. Now we INFJ are as well but not with the person we love. If we go for a relationship we go fully for it. And I didn't see that back which disappointed me a lot. But maybe not every infp is the same tho. I don't judge a book by it's cover so we'll see.
My best friend is an infp. He's amazing.
I'm an INFJ but I'm a very direct person. Not long ago, I told a close friend of mine that I liked her as more than a friend and I asked her if she felt the same way. She said she didn't but she saw me as a very close friend. We had a mature conversation about it and then everything went back to normal between she and I (except that we've been hanging out for longer periods of time than we used to). Even though people may have the same personality, all of us are a little different, and that is what makes us special. :)
Amazing!!! I love direct people so much.
Never felt so understood even after 6 years of therapy 🤯🖤
I am so glad you are watching and learning... :)
Agreed
being an INFJ, a contradiction at work, I wished someone would want to date me and I am glad someone doesn't want to date me!!
Hahaha! Same.
I am single and live by myself. I work in a customer service environment and after a long day dealing with people, I prefer to come up to a quiet house where I don't have to talk to anyone. I occasionally get the comment: "You must be so lonely." I kindly explain to them, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I don't long to have some to talk to. I too am a homebody, I rarely go out and I'm happy with that. Great video, describes be quite well.
Thanks for sharing!!
I can relate. I can easily give compliments to the person I like but I cannot say I like them. I also agree with personal space. If I let u in it means I really like you :)
Yeah!! I know what you mean. If I like you, that means I give my time, and energy to you. And that's really rare. :)
I can't deal with men that only knew how to make a shallow conversation. I think most INFJs like diverse topics, from matter of society, to history, deep emotions, relevant movies but only tackle the meaning behind the plot, FYIs stuff and books, definitely about you'd read so far. I don't particularly dished gossips but I think, its such a waste of time and energy to talk about it. Most of my friends intend to find me strange. Like, I don't know much about this common person we knew but once they asked me just what happened to that person, I always, accurately guessed it right. They find it amusing, but I do believe we have this strong intuition and pretty much sensitive to anyone around us.
Agreed with everything you said. But I do think if your friends find you strange, you need to find new friends. I have found friends finally who think I am amazing exactly the way I am. But, of course, that's just my thing. Thanks for commenting! I love your insight.
I kept only few friends though I don't usually meet and chat with them but they understood me well. They knew my character, I feel lucky for having them. Except, romance isn't giving its way yet but I don't really mind being single its actually a breath of fresh air. My friends are actually envious of me because I can move on easily not like them.
This is so me i get sad whenever i don't get the same energy from others when having convos i really do prefer deep talks.
one night stands, to me don't work for we just can't be with someone we are not in love with, and if we are in love with them why is it only one night?
Yup! Absolutely. I know what you mean. It doesn't compute to an INFJ.
i fell in love in an instant, like how the fck?
Not only for love sake, but also to avoid the depersonalizing of intimacy, std's, inability to bond, etc. Once you get proficient at one thing, you can't help but sacrifice the other....then what's left?
I can't believe I'm just now stumbling across these videos. Never in my life have I felt so understood. Never in my life did I even think it was possible. I could honestly count the number of times on one hand that I've cried so its not really a part of who I am but I believe that if I was a crier then this would be one of those times. Not from sadness, but from immense joy. I'm 26 years old and and up until this point, have been living everyday ashamed of who I am but now I feel like this is where my life actually begins. There aren't enough words to explain what you've done for me. Thank you Boom.
OH MY GOD!!! I shared this comment of yours with my sister and friend, because I felt so good after reading it. I’m so glad that my videos helped you. I AM SO GRATEFUL. :)
@@BoomShikha You have such a kind soul that really shines even through my screen. I’m truly grateful that life has brought me to your page and I hope you continue to give yourself to the world. I look forward to seeing what you do in this life and wish you nothing but blissful happiness!
Bookstores, coffeehouse, museums, yep.
Yeah, exactly!! :)
❤
Alot of my friends can't understand that I don't like one night stands. They look at me as if I come from another planet.
Haha!! God, when did one night stands become so freaking common. I don't understand the charm in it. Makes me sick actually just thinking about it.
I seek a bond. Sex is really important to me as a special bond, rather than loads of special moments. That's why a broken heart is almost suicide for me. I survived one attempt when I was 19...
Fear of commitment maybe. That's rather sad.
I'm an INFJ but I don't completely connect with what you're saying. Perhaps when I was much younger, but I'm nearly 40 and I've grown a lot within myself. I recently re-took the test and am still an INFJ... but much of my "oh I could never do that" has softened... I've learned to move passed it. I don't live in that constant state of anxiety or doubt anymore.
Yeah, INFJs when they are older and wiser, are much different from younger ones who are less developed. :)
I'm shy but if someone else that I like takes the initiative to chat to me and flirt I would feel more comfortable around them, but as a man it's usually expected by women that we make the first move and I think some women think I'm not interested as I look away and come across as disinterested.
Awww, male INFJs have the hardest of it, I think. I feel for you. :S
Same here.
@@BoomShikha yes we do
I find that I have friends I like and those very few I have let in. 62 yrs old and finally understanding myself.
Amazing!! I'm so glad.
You are very welcome!! I am so glad you are watching and learning.
thank you for responding. I didn't expect that, "of course".
Such a long journey! I’ve had several relationships but never married. I hate casual anything especially sex. If I could give any advice to young INFJs, it would be to be honest with yourself and go for what you want. This means going on dating sites and being honest about what you are looking for and not accepting less. I think you need to be pro active! Disclaimer (I haven’t done this yet) 😂
Ha!! I love that. Proactive in relationships is something I have never been. :)
As an INFJ, I can vouch for most of this. I am not afraid to say I like someone if I've gotten comfortable enough with them and I do enjoy going out and socializing, but it is admittedly limited. I just grow bored being at home since I do it so much. But the rest is pretty accurate
Thanks for watching!
Well i am an INFJ and I always tell my crushes that I like them but at the same time I feel really vurnerable and stressed. So its quite paradox
I can imagine. Thanks for sharing! :)
Uhh tell me someone who doesn't feel that after telling your crush your feeling?
INFJ here and I confessed that I have a crush on this very close friend of mine and she wanted to just friends. NEVER EVER doing that again. Like Shikha mentioned, I try to hangout with them, I try to ask them questions, try to get to know their deep dark secrets and if they notice these things and make a first move, then fine or else I'm happily ready to die single cuz again like Shika mentioned it's very hard for me to put myself out there. I did it once and it took me like two fucking years to come out of it and although I'm more matured now, but I'd still never put myself out like that ever again.
Awwww! ❤️
Ugh, I can't stand dating. I lump it in with "small talk" which I can't stand stand either. It can take me years to get to know someone enough to really open up to them, which turns many people off. Of course I realize this now after realizing that I am an INFJ and that it comes with the territory.
Thank you for this, I don't feel quite as broken now. :-)
Awww, you are not broken. You are very normal, or as normal as an INFJ can be. :P
I'm learning to re-define my definition of normal. :-)
As an INFP, I must say INFJs are like our twins. I’m not sure how a relationship works, but as friends it’s an instant brother or sister relationship. We understand each other so well.
Thanks for sharing!!
Besides telling my parents that I love them, it's extremely tough to tell someone because the effects of vulnerability. But this one friend was an exception 😣. Honestly it started as them being my crush but I wanted to know them more. Friends of mine knew but she didn't catch on. Eventually, I just stopped myself and said "nope". This person is still special but I refuse to be vulnerable. It sucks for me. I don't do one night stands, no thanks. Music touches my heart more than people do and that says much. Still happily single 😄. I love being alone and I embrace my solitude with passion. It's one of the ways when I can 100% be myself. I get to know myself because even if I'm present, I still feel foreign. Like everyone you can know and deepen a bond within a few weeks or months. Like if you solved each person's Rubix cube but you're stuck in solving yours. I don't know if it sounds confusing. Like a Rubix cube but followed by Cryptograms; puzzle after puzzle. In other words, an endless challenge of knowing one's self.
I love this challenge, this endless challenge of knowing myself. Still learning things about myself even though I have been doing it for a while. Forever something to discover.
Actually, as,an INFJ, I am made for committed relationship.and dating is fine. Starting conversations with new people is difficult for me. Mingling at parties where I dont know anyone is not something I put myself out there for. I am social and i like people, I just don't initiate conversations well.
I can absolutely imagine. :S
I can't tell you how much I just love being single and being on my own. Probably far too much. Most of the time I just can't be bothered with relationships and also, like you said, we don't give out signals to say that we're single anyway so how would anyone even know to approach me and the times I do get approached, I can just already see if it's going to work or not and I don't want to be with anyone who I don't feel a real connection with. But mostly I just like hanging out at home, on my own, thinking, pondering, reading and I just like my own little world and my own space. I just think oh one day I guess I'll meet someone.
I absolutely agree with every one of your words. I LOVE being on my own. :)
The hardest thing in the world is being an INFJ guy. A lot of time, it's expected for women to be the passive participants. For men, we *have* to be the active ones...which flies in the face of everything natural for us as INFJ's.
I've tried being the active pursuer multiple times and i always get outshined by someone who is *naturally* that way to begin with.
Yes!!! I have done a couple of videos on INFJ males and how difficult it is for you guys in this macho hyper-male world. :)
Great video! It's rare for me to find someone who I have a "real" connection with in the dating world. It's also hard to let my guard down. It's frustrating. I often feel like an alien on another planet. I wish it were easier.
Yeah, I know what you mean!!
This is so beyond relatable! As an INFJ I 100% agree with everything you said. Great video!
Thank you so much for watching, and commenting!! I really appreciate the support. :) Hope you have a great day.
Just started looking at this concept of my personhood. Wow! It makes so much sense. I’ve known I was an INFJ since my early twenties and I’m now 49. I’m finally better understanding why I react, process, and feel the way I do. I wish our society focused more on helping our neighbors to better know themselves so they may better help others.
Thanks for watching. :)
I've been told I'm very flirtatious. But most times I am just being myself, and I don't have any romantic intentions. But if I really like someone, I will start approaching and asking questions and stuff. According to me, I am being too obvious; but maybe not? The thing is, if the other person does have the same intention, I think they will definitely pick up those signs and opportunities left by me. But if they can't pick up on my subtle but loving details, I will know they don't intend (or are not brave enough) to be in a relationship with me. So I wouldn't define it as being crappy at dating or not flirtatious at all (I think I am quite flirtatious), but just picky, we want the real, deep, authentic, smart shit, you know? At least that's what I crave for. And that's just not easy to find. And to feel it both ways, even harder. I am happy doing my stuff and living my life and being alone, but I have always had this desire of a true relationship. I don't know how many INFJs can relate to me in that sense though. Thank you for you video Shikhaaa 💙
You are absolutely welcome!! :)
I like how you have the title on your cover, it makes finding an appropriate video of yours!
Thank you for the feedback!!
Oh btw...did you figure it out yet that we don't tell someone we like them only in cases we can already tell that they won't like us back as much as we do? If we can feel that person's interest, we are quite bold in returning it. It's an INFJ thing. We won't put too much effort into something we can already tell would not end well or even start. Plus we have this unique ability to like persons even if they don't like or hate us. So in the latter case, it's best not to reveal how much we like those that don't like us. They'll only use it against us.
Yes!! Such a great point. I agree completely.
I think INFJs divide into two on the first thing you said about how we are on the social set like sitting alone at the coffee shop. When I'm outside I never look like an introvert. Most people mistake me for an extravert as well and I think I've gotten better at faking it. I can probably do this because I usually don't go outside with people so I only need to do it for a short period of time. Like I'll act all social at the club (also I'm a young INFJ college student and clubs are the best places to cheat being social) but if someone asks to stay over at my place afterwards damn you should see how terrified my face is. I'd like to help them out but it means I don't have alone time. And I'll have to socialize first thing in the morning the day after, which is just too much. For me socializing is like work, something I need to check out of my to-do list. I really don't need it but then I need its outcomes. (deep bonding, solving other people's deep problems, making a change in someone's life etc). But then I don't know like maybe it's temporary cause I used to be the quiet kid and I'm slowly going back to that. Also I love extreme sports but I only go with a few people that I completely trust. I wish to go alone but it's not so safe nor smart to go to the mountains alone in the middle of a freezing winter :D
So interesting!! I LOVE hearing from young college-age iNFJs, because it reminds me of my own struggles and dilemmas. Thanks for sharing your story and insights. :)
I'm a INFJ and the part of the video where you said about your ex and how people were surprised reminded me of my ex. He wasn't traditionally cute and had a long beard but i really liked him because I kinda knew right away that he was a very sweet, caring, funny good guy who was always helping people. It didn't matter what other people said.
Yes!!
I'm perfectly happy being alone unless there's someone I'm interested in (a very rare occurrence). I met someone a couple of years ago who is absolutely wonderful, but because of all the things you mentioned in the video, I let her slip through and she is now in a relationship. I've honestly never felt lonely in a general sense, but if it's anything like how I'm feeling knowing that she is with someone else, I'm certainly glad I'm an INFJ! Currently kind of hoping I never meet anyone I have feelings for again, because I just can't imagine anything working out for me. Being an INFJ (and an introvert specifically) is mostly awesome, but when it sucks it REALLY sucks! Thanks for the great video!
You are very welcome! Being an INFJ is both a curse and a blessing for sure. :)
Sooo spot on! Thanks so much for your clear and compassionate articulation of why I totally sucked at dating, when I was actually attempting it ;) Much gratitude for the recognition and warning about throwing stones at the people I'm most attracted to. Guilty, guilty, guilty! And so sad because while I enjoy my independence I'm not ecstatic as a single person. Glad I found your channel. Love finally feeling like I "fit in!"
Hahahah!! Yeah, thank you so much for watching.
Fellow INFJ here but I am a lot more ballsy when it comes to online stuff. Yes I would feel anxious starting online convos is just easier. IRL however, is a whole different story 😆
Yeah the internet makes many people ballsy. 😅😅
Been married 31 years and found out yesterday that he is an ENTP. Wow!!!
Woahhh!! Awesome. :)
Male INFJ here. Dating is so damn hard! Probably the most anxiety inducing thing for me. I get so nervous for dates and I find it super super hard to make a move. Sometimes I will end up doing it but it is awkward or forced lol I have found myself trying to go faster and not be too deep/emotional so that the girl doesn’t get turned off or give up 🤷♂️
I know what you mean! 💯 💯
this is so me... this is so on point hahaha I love being at home but I also like to go out and having adventures, but I don't like going out alone... I just go out alone to work or if I have some errands to run and then back home. very accurate description here
Yup!! Me too. :)
It’s eerie how insightful all of the videos of yours that I have seen. It definitely fills a void. The reason I feel I am better at being alone is that my mental life, the one I have inside is without limits, a world of possibilities and possible outcomes,;therefore I am never truly alone. There is a world inside me that is as true and real as this one and not one that I have power over but that is itself powerful and wonderful. It’s like a drug and there’s hardly anything in this life that compares to it. There’s this immense emptiness inside yet a fullness that can be overwhelming. Life is so imperfect yet so beautiful yet so close with just a few changes could be wonderful for everyone and that is exciting. It would be unfair in my mind for me to expect someone to carry this with me. It’s a terrible burden seeing the world in truth and not being able to unsee it. Thank you! I feel less alone in my weirdness. Please continue. I pray the universe will bless you.
Sooo happy to hear that you are finding the videos insightful. :)
I don't get the flirt thing. I don't do the giggley hair flip thing. I don't do the girly gang potty thing and my b.s.ometer is always in hyperdrive. I'm straight forward, straight talking and this usually leads to being non-dates, more just hang outs. It takes me FOREVER to trust someone enough let them into my dance space, my physical bubble as well as my emotional and mental bubble. I don't do one night stands because unfortunately, people start on the emotional attachment trail without me. Meaning they end up liking me tons more than I like them. So, my take on dating? It's not for me. But I truly am happy for everyone that likes to date. It makes for great stealth people watching... ;-)
Yeah, I know. What is up with the hair flip thing anyways? It's so annoying and fake. I can't date, so yes, I am going to be single for a while, and I'm fine with that. :)
I feel like I can be really good at flirting, and really charming and confident.
Until I keep seeing someone and start developing some type of feelings, anxiety and the fear of the unknown and not being able to let go of the uncontrollable eats me up from the inside. It's so fucking hard with our expectations of ourselves and others
Yes!!!! Expectations are the most harmful thing in a relationship.
that's exactly me!
As an Infj's, we want to chase the biggest full moon that gives the biggest spark in our life, otherwise, we will not waste time or energy to find or hold someone. We like being friends with people who we don't want to date but some reason they like chasing us for some desperate reasons.
Yes!
I operate kind of differently from a lot of this. For example, I've asked people out before multiple times. It's scary as hell but I kind of view it through a very logical lense whenever my emotions overwhelm me and scare me away. If I like someone, logically I'll know that it will be easier to get over them if they don't like me back and I know that now than in a few weeks when I'm overly emotionally invested (cause us INFJs seem to view how potential partners will fit into their lives long term and it gets easy to day dream about those possibilities in our rich internal worlds). So usually when I find out I like someone, I make a move first, even if it's just a little bit of flirting to see if they reciprocate it, just to save myself the heartbreak of waiting around for ages to find out they aren't interested. It just got too emotionally harrowing to always play the waiting game over and over again. So I just try to let my logic take over as opposed to my intense emotions when in that situation, but it's definitely an active choice I have to make cause it isn't my default setting AT ALL. Also I like spending time in big crowds if and only if everyone is hype as fuck, and the only people I know in there are very close friends and the rest are strangers (like going to a club on new years with your girlfriends). Being an empath in that environment when surrounded by so much positive energy can be a really beautiful experience! I think it can be a very refreshing experience at times to acknowledge how your default modes of going about life can be hindering life experiences; my fear of asking people out and flirting definitely caused me a lot of time wasted fantasizing about people who weren't interested. I think what's important is just to be aware of how what's comfortable for us might not always be what's best. For example; I started online dating a little over a year ago. An introvert's nightmare. BUT looks like shit is finally working out with someone, and I gained a lot of confidence and also self- respect in the process of getting stood up a lot and going on dates with superficial people. It was like an intense character building exercise lol cause it made me realize that settling is bullshit and I'm so much happier on my own rather than with the wrong person, and it helped me work on therapy techniques for calming anxiety in social situations (which did calm down the more I got out there on crappy first dates). Nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries of your modus operandi!
Love that you do this and that you shared it with us!! :) Thank you Lillian!
Lol. I am just at a point of deciding about a new relationship. Been years!!
I laughed so hard because I just told my sister, “ I see all these people in relationships and I just feel dragged down. I don’t have the energy for all that. Somewhere there has to be a guy who is the same enough that he will be willing to build his wall right next to mine and we can just exist in harmony”. I love my cave, my books and my way and I have never met a man who was confident enough in his skin to accept, if I am talking to you... I like you! It’s that easy.
Too many men try to interpret me and tell me I am really acting a certain way because..... I just walk on. If a person can’t understand that I am honest when I explain my actions. I know they are not honest with theirs. Lol ok only infj’s get that rant huh.
I know what you mean!!
... Namaste, Boom :)
I must be an exception to the rule, because flirting & dating were a natural walk-over for me. Then again, my social paradigm was that of "hunters hunting other hunters", which was *quite* the trip, lol.
Politeness, smiles that integrate the eyes, standard banter while letting that infra-red glow from within beam forth. And then, if warranted, the direct, unwavering "Seeing Mode" eye contact. Tagged by that slight, yet infinitely incandescent boyish grin that simply can't be feigned.
I consider myself to have been extraordinarily lucky to have become bored by my Youth before I lost it. This was the first major deep-water channel marker I passed, on the way to becoming what I'd always been.
The Quintessential Loner.
Amazing!!! :)
I almost choked up watching this video 😭 because you’ve accurately described “me”. I don’t do one night stand - I find it very superficial as well. I don’t only go out with my girlfriends on Friday nights and most of the time I’m home. I’m happy being single I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Thank you for this video
I meant I only go out with Girlfriends in weekends
You are absolutely welcome!
I am interested in an INTJ and I am flirting a lot with him and found out that I'm actually much better then I thought. The trick is - I am definitely better in this kind of stuff then him. It's so cute how you can see he is interested but doesn't know how to show me and is so uncertain, so one of us has to take the initiative, otherwise we will never get closer and he will end up with any extroverted girl who was more couragous then me and always start a converdation with him (like an ENFP 😬) but for some reason I always switch in a flirting mode when I am with him, smiling at him, curling my hair, joking a lot (which is very unusual, because normally I am very serious), even mocking, but that might only be because I am so sure he is into me. And as soon as there are more dominant/intimidating boys who I see smiling at me, or looking at me interested, I would immediately go out of their way. I know two ENTPs which I both go out of their way (and one of them is my sister) because I find them pretty intimidating
Awww, my sister is an INTJ and I can totally see how anyone flirting with her would be so confusedddd! :P
Hey fellow infjs im here i feel your pain just bring it in come on give a lad a hug
Hahahah!! *virtual hug sent
Oh yeah this is sooo true, we hardly tell a guy we like them. Each time I try to tell a guy I like him, I get out of breath and almost chock. 😊😄😄😄
Exactly!
I actually really like axe throwing :) I’m very competitive and it’s one of the few outdoor activities I’m good at. Because I understand the timing of the throw. So one INFJ will be at the axe throwing event!
Awesome!
Awesome description of our personality type! Thank you!
You are so welcome!
@@BoomShikha Thank you!
INFJ male here. I didn't get into my first relationship until I was 26 or 27. I was in no rush whatsoever. The thought of dating is overwhelming and I fear rejection, so I'm almost never going to express outwardly to a woman that I like her, until our connection is deep enough. So while I do desire a relationship, I'm still content as single.
Yes!!
When you said we see through fake people so easily and we need to surround ourselves with unique special people! Yes!!!! I feel so uncomfortable interacting with people who I feel are hollow! And it's usually evident even before talking to them
Yeah, isn't it just so evident as soon as you meet a hollow person. They can be so one-dimensional and empty. :S
This video was so spot on, I loved it. You really described me perfectly when I like someone! I recently found you on you tube and your INFJ videos are fabulous and so nice to feel not so alone. I don't usually comment on these but trying to branch out a bit, learn more and finally embrace my unique personality. I like a coworker who is odd like me and find reasons to speak to him but would be embarrassed to admit I like him and be rejected! Can't wait to see your part 2 and just subscribed to you. Thanks so much!!
You are so welcome!! :)
That's very true. 5 years now. Being an INFJ is a love, hate thing
Joseph Reubart I feel the same way it's a gift AND a real curse to be an INFJ
Dani M
I wish I could talk to ppl in person. I don't have anyone I'm close to so my days are spent in my head. Even at work, warehouse. Small town life.
We absolutely hate to be weak, or feel weak!
Awesome convo going on here. :)
Everything you say...is so clear about what i was thinking. I kept nodding with every single statement!:-)
Awesome!! I'm so glad...
Preach!!! This is perfect. Spot on!
Thanks Jeremiah!! :)
I worked with a couple of individuals that most of my co workers ostracized due to their seemingly odd nature. But not me. I would always find a way to engage them and try to make them feel welcomed and a part of the whole.
Yeah, we are always the protectors and guardians of the weak and oppressed. :)
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My girl has always been very supportive (more than 20 years) about my "issues" to the point where she can see my warning signs at her family events (I don't go to my own family events) she will send me to the "store" and let me recharge a bit before I return. As far as being around people in public, I just don't do it. I'm not that person who goes out around people to be alone, I simply stay at home and don't go anywhere. Even my kids know when to leave Dad alone. I'm really lucky, I wish that for all of you.
That's amazing!!! :)
Love how the add loads instantly then the video stays on refresh. Not exactly the refreshing I had in mind.
Thanks for watching!!!
Your videos have been helping me a lot to understand other infjs and myself! I hope I can get to the point where I feel ok to be single :)
So glad to hear that!!
As a male infj do actually do volunteer some information about myself on occasion, truthfully it's mostly information that won't sway me emotionally either way. But romantic feelings will rarely be expressed, i do put myself in a situation were i can through actions express my interest. I also find as i have grown older i have become a bit better at walking a line between ''exposing'' myself and opening myself up to possibilities. Also yay for reacting to a old video.
Yes, thanks for sharing. It gets easier perhaps as we get older, to be an INFJ. :)
(female INFJ here....I say this cause a commenter called me "king"!) OMG Boom Shikha-- your videos (most videos, not all) is like you know me! Me single for over 10 years minimum (but following has ALWAYS been me on the nose!!) Comments.....3:10 you say-->"INFJs never EVER let them know cause it too vulnerable and fear of being hurt" I say amen getting hurt romantically so very vulnerable scary (and like you say 7:38 too much effort to know me so people don't bother, thus vulnerable).... Okay, you give 4 ways to know how you're liked by an INFJ--> 4:10 you say--> "spending time big deal cause it's rare" I say amen I do not spend time with half connection, time wasted. 5:08 you say--> volunteer personal info is rarer than unicorn!! I say yes yes, not many people hear my personal stuff. 5:55 you say--> "somehow tell you you're special" I say doing that in a way according to 6:52, where you say--> "never tell you we like you...so rare that our heart gets touched" (so 5:55 tells subliminally, make sense?). Okay well, like you say at your video end.....me single too for over 10 years minimum (but above has ALWAYS been me on the nose!!)
Awesome stuff!! Thanks for sharing. :)
I disagree with the sharing thing. I tend to use my vulnerability as a tool to connect and help people. I share to make them at ease to make the connection to help reception . But i think back to doing it and I feel ashamed I have give up something personal to someone who probably didn't deserve it nor appreciate it. This happens more than I'd care to admit
YES!!! I know what you mean. 🌻🌻🌻🌻
I'm amazingly shocked to see that whatever I have been doing throughout my life is not abnormal. Gosh. Thanks ya:)
Yes!!!
PERPETUALLY SINGLE.... lol the boredom in having strong boundaries
Yes!
these videos are so validating! now what am I going to do with myself XD
🙌🙌🙌
2:20 Sooo truuee...
INFJ spending time is really a big deal.
INFJ knows a person when we see them.
INFJ are lone wolves but just like wolves they are very loyal to his/her partner so if you are for something casual they might not be your thing.
Yes, indeed!!
Pretty much described me to a Tee.Especially about being alone and dating.Recenly divorced and prospect of getting into another deep relationship is GRIM.True introverts are notorious for being slow w/girls /hate dating/hate going to clubs to meet girls/and rather be@home/sometimes get a girls number VIA MUTUAL FRIENDS AND I USUALLY (90% OF TIME) DONT CALL.AND FEW TIMES I DO REGRET IT
Yes!!!
Wow, its like you read my mind. So relatable. Thanks for sharing!
You're so welcome!
I don’t think I as an INFJ is crappy at dating... I easily love and attach as long as I feel compatible with that person,and as long as I feel they are the one,feel well connected.. yea it takes time to find that person,but if I do,I love them
But yessss,I am not the best at being completely vulnerable,we really take it as weakness. And am really fighting hard to be,but how tho? It’s just like letting yourself out there to be hurt.
Basically I have only dated once,and this same person i ended up getting married to.
And the funny thing is,due to the fear of being hurt and dislike for physical touch etc especially for a strange,I had to do like 3 online dating just so I would not be completely clueless about what a relationship is about. Eventually I developed relationship anxiety from the last of these three,and yea it affected my real life relationship even after years of moving on. But Thank God I was able get over it because my partner is very patient and supportive.
Basically the only issue I have had in a relationship is,lack of vulnerability at the early stage,but when I feel this person gets me,and it’s safe and the connection matches,then I open up but not still completely,it’s just a gradual process.
And then trust issues. Yea...but it’s all healing
I agree partially... because despite all my experiences,it took me 13 years from adolescence to teenage to ever date... and that’s why I ended up with just 1 person as the first and last to be with romantically
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. :)
I can’t ignore people around me because I am always taking in info, so I prefer to be alone, ie at home
I know what you mean! 💯 💯
I really like what you have to say. You make since and are genuine. I subscribed.
Thank you again!! I appreciate your support.
So very true. I won't tell any person I like them, however my actions will say it all. Either way, it's all risky when it comes to vulnerability.
Yes, that's very true. Being vulnerable is hard shit. :)
I believe the maturity level of an INFJ has a lot to do with age & desire of that soul wanting to settle down
That could be it as well. There are so many possibilities in this realm. :)
I’m watching this at Starbucks lmao
Hahahaha!! I love it. :)
I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm not really comfortable with one night stands. I would rather have a friend with benefits than to just jump in bed with a woman I barely know.
YES, I agree completely. :)
I've tried relationships my whole life. Finally single and loving it.
Yeahhhh! I love being single as well.
Thank you for the video, yay! Well I'm very outgoing I do love attending sport events, concerts or parties. But I don't go out all the time (I really have to be in the mood lol). Now I will say I was madly in love with a ENFP for several years but he never wanted a commitment just sex from me so I cut it off .. But our chemistry was AMAZING! They are so rare like us. It's tough like you said is INFJ's don't like to put ourselves out there to be vulnerable at all I'm always afraid of being hurt by the other. It's tough bc I'm so sensitive and fear getting hurt (bc I have been so many times). That I just don't chase men I let them come to me. And most men say I don't "try hard enough" lol . Im too sensitive for just causal relationships I don't want to get hurt .Hopefully one day the right man will come.
Yeah, I don't want to force things to happen, but sometimes in this world, perhaps we have to. I have no idea. I'd rather stay single than deal with that drama. :)
I yell, " Don't touch me", everyone laughs.. lol
Hehehe. :)
As an INFJ I agree with everything you said!
Thank you so much for watching, and commenting!! I really appreciate the support. :) Hope you have a great day.
Your welcome! I’m happy to have discovered an INFJ community on the internet. I just made my first INFJ video called “Why I Gave up Dating as an INFJ” I’d love you to check it out only if you’re interested:)
As an empath, I'm very open with my information. One of my downfalls...
Great stuff! ❤❤❤
People always ask why I walk in to a bar for 5 minutes and go... friends always ask why I don’t sweat girls walking around like normal guys... l see them but NEVER sweat em... most times they will come to me. Lol dead on. I stay i my world, but I’m curious to an INFJ (female)
Thank you so much for watching, and commenting!! I really appreciate the support. :) Hope you have a great day.
same here , always approached never the one to initiate
I relate to this in so many levels... pretty accurate!!
Thanks for watching!
Lol, I'm such a dork.....a George mcfly from back to the future if you will. Lol, I being an infj it's funny though I'd much rather go to a sporting event than a library but I do enjoy quiet peaceful time also.
Thank you for watching!
I'm single for quite some time now and I really love it. For me it's like I want it all or not at all. I want to be in love work for it and I want the other person to do the same or I don't want it at all and stay single and adopt a second dog or something. I feel like these days people don't fight for there relationships (at least that's how it is in my country) and I'm a person who wants to fight so I can say afterwards I worked hard for it. At least that's what I think.
Yes!! I agree. Thanks for sharing!!
pretty accurate commentary, but if you're an older lesbian this INFJ personality increases on an exponential level. Sometimes to a point of total isolation!
Ah, really?? Interesting. I wonder why?
I am Scientist by education but can't give you a logical answer as to why. Although i cherish my alone time, it is however very frustrating to me as a relationship of some type would be nice You're also right about the fact an INFJ will never make the first move!
Verry accurate information. I'm find it hard to find the individual that's not trying to hard to be some one interesting, or just plane fake, I hate excessive materialistic consumers. Some folks buy it. I enjoy building it. Share n create.
Yes!! I agree. Thanks for watching. :)
The vulnerability thing is extremely relatable to me, except I know for sure that the other person likes me even more than I like him. Even then I'd be having a hard time genuinely saying how I feel, but at least I can flirt in a joking manner :D
Awesome!!! Thanks for watching. :)
OMGosh...im learning about myself thru your words, thanx so much
You are absolutely welcome!! xx
I’m an Infj and I approve ax throwing 🪓
Hehehee. :)
Truth!! 🤦♂️ preach!
Thanks for watching. :)
I’ve seen a few different sources say that infjs are looking for their soulmates, so i wonder if younger INFJs are more likely to want to be in a relationship, but as they grow up, they learn that people are superficial and would rather spend more time alone. Because i haven’t been in a relationship or had real friends, but i’ve always wanted to have a friend/partner since i was young, and i started to doubt the possibility of it happening last year and got to that mindset of “i guess it’s better if i’m alone” even if i didn’t really believe myself. thoughts?
I've never wanted a soul mate. So I can't comment! 🙄🙄
Boom Shikha Do you at least think it can differ depending on the person? Or do you think collectively all infjs feel like that?
Of course it can be different for different INFJs.
Great video and so true for me!! Thank you 😊
Thank you for watching!!
This girl i like so happens to be a INFJ and she gives me the most confusing mixed signals i ever seen before. When i try to get close to her she opens up for a bit and then she becomes defensive i believe she nervous of us getting too close. I give her space but one time she got upset at me for not reaching out to her. Im usually the one texting her first and i recently asked her why does she don't do the same for me. She said did not want to scare or annoy me. She is doing better taking baby steps and starting to text me first more often we take turns now. hopefully we can actually get close. Im trying to show her that she can trust me.
Patience is key here!
@@BoomShikha thanks for replying. Patience is something im good at. She asked me what my personality type was the other day and i told her that is for her to figure out. Im a INTJ wish me luck!
Boom!! This is too on the nose!! Lol thanks for this!
You are absolutely welcome! :)
*How will you start a conversation without a small talk?!! Infjs are difficult..*
I know! We are terrible sometimes.
I find it strangely automatic how once one special person vacates, another almost immediately enters. It is annoying, in a way, because I rarely find myself untethered with all the solo joy, but flattering, too. I find it weird, honestly. As many have said, "You just aren't like most people". I guess some folks have learned how to spot and court a unicorn. That is not to say that anyone ever gets passed all the shielding. Just doesn't happen. But, oh, efforts have been made, often ending in them getting frustrated or pissed off once the metaphorical hourglass on their patience has run out, or I slam the door from my own disillusionment. Relationships. Still, I will love anyone who puts in the effort and stay as long as they keep trying. Without being clingy. Or pushy. Or idiotic. Disrespect is a big no. So good luck keeping me basically, but yeah, I am usually partnered, oddly enough.
I am the same. I don't really get tethered to people at all. So they come and go and I think of them as passing clouds. :)
ahaha funny how I can relate!! I am partnered now for 6 years and sometimes want to be single so badly, I think the INFJ's need to their alone time or the fact that we are Always striving for perfection also in our relationships. Even though it is stupid since I don't think anybody will be able to handle me better than he does. We joke about it, that nobody else will stay so long with me ahah