Pretty sure my ex was DA and her long last relationships were... With DA. I was very anxious at the time. Like ya, when you don't talk about anything I'm sure it'll last but is it quality? Probably not
I've totally seen this dynamic and it's the silliest type of "relationship" I've ever seen. Two of my male DA friends at one point tried dating the same woman who is also my friend and a DA. LOTS of infatuation. She would send them naked pics and very XXX videos to pull them in. One dynamic my male DA friend eventually got tired of the games and blocked her before they even hung out but talked about hanging out for at least a couple of years before, and the other DA male really wanted her and they did see each other a couple of times, but she essentially ghosted him in the end. We're in our 40's mind you. 😂 I think all of them needed their egos boosted and used each other personally. No feelings were hurt.
Just to say my brother and sister in law are both very hard core DAs and their relationship is really good for both of them. It took them 20 years to finally get married (lol), and their relationship looks cold and distant to outside observers, but it works really well for them. They both have their own lives, own vacations, own hobbies, but they live together with no conflict, no demands, no expectations of each other. Very harmonious, just very unemotional. It suits them well. My parents are both DAs - very harmonious but also very unemotional. They've been married for 32 years. So when DAs do get together it really can work, and work really beautifully for them. It's not a relationship I'd want because there is basically little emotional attunement, but it works for them. DA + DA work really well together if they can make it past the dating phase!
I've seen it too. It can work, but there is almost zero intimacy seen to the outside observet. Unfortunately if such a couple have kids there is a good chance that kid will be emotionally englected and become a DA. I'd rather have no kids than do that to one.
@@Nono38-jj1tk it's a roommateship and i've seen it in real life. zero intimacy, sex, very limited affection if any. unfortunately i dated a daughter of that couple. she turned out to be a DA looking to replicate the marriage dynamics of her parents. It was awful and I finally ended it after 2.5 years of trying.
@mc2273CFU Interesting, that's basically an avoidant ideal of relationship. No highs, no lows, no need to look for new partners. Honestly being 'off the market' is the most needed part of relationship for me too, and I'm married for 17 years rather happily. One can have love and connection in other ways, but this calm stability is like living in a house vs living outside, just a fundamental difference. But we aren't a DA couple, so there is much more connection there. So if your parents are such a cool DA couple, what did that make you? Also a DA, or some other style?
this is so funny to me bc as a DA/secure person, my last relationship was with a DA. and yeah, we both struggled to make moves and be vulnerable. but we did make it to the power struggle phase
I don’t mean to be negative, but it is practically impossible for someone to be DA and Secure sorry, the fact you say you are DA and secure leads me to feel you are simply a DA
@@Pschool1 @IAMDivine7777 It is perfectly possible for people to behave in part secure and part insecure ways. 50% secure behaviour and the rest made up of insecure behaviours is average. We may have a dominant attachment style but we are not just that.
The ex, a DA, was married for 20 years with a DA woman. He described her as "not enjoying s*x at all, which made me feel guilty" and "doing her own thing while he did his own thing, so basically two parallel lives under the same roof". Oof.
Two dismissive avoidants dating each other would be comical to see. They both avoid sharing, avoid making any effort, and just repel each other. It's too bad, because dismissive avoidants should be forced to date each other in hopes of influencing them to improve and become securely attached.
Sounds like me and the person I’m dating now 😂 it is actually comical now that I’m thinking about it. I blocked him a few days, and then I unblocked. Do you have any suggestions to how I can reach out? I’m genuienly trying to work on myself even though it’s so hard
two avoidants with each other is truly as silly as one would imagine. what we have right now is not even a relationship. we meet up/hang out/talk more every couple of months. inbetween we ignore eachother and just live our lives. theres no romance. no chemistry. its incredibly funny. nothing ive had previously has ever been this stable. they dont make me nervous they dont make me want to avoid them purposefully it just happens naturally and we are both happy with it. theres no romantic feelings but we still like eachother. its not even a situationship its just. a situation. neither of us plans on taking this a step further than what it is which is exactly what makes it work. none of my friends understand this lmao its been going on for over a year. my mind is at peace i dont have to constantly stress about how to get away from someone. instead of reassuring eachother feelings we reassure eachother that we do not want a relationship. we both know that would be a terrible idea and wouldnt make either of us happy. it IS so very dumb but it works 😂
My very first relationship when I was just 15 with a 22 year old guy was very much like this dynamic. We clearly adored each other and had so much mutual affection, but neither of us felt any need to commit. When I talked to him 8 years after we lost contact (now I was 25) the connection still persisted. But since I was still pretty DA, I coulen't lean into it. Still regard him as one of the modt special people I met in my life and think fondly of him.
@@uniquedavenport I would have the same idea if I heard the story, but I am very tall (6ft) and he did not realize how old I am as I didn't tell him. I met him while I was traveling abroad on a citytrip (without supervision), so he had no idea to think of me as that young. Sincerely one of the most respectful guys in his mannerisms and never forceful. He absolutely did not resemble anything like a predator and I say that with the knowledge of a 33 year old woman who has had countless experiences of predatory behavior over the years. I am really thankful I met him.
Hey Thais, love your videos! Would you mind doing one about 2 anxious preoccupied types? I don't see much info about those but I am in a relationship where we are both anxious but learning how to be secure x
As a person who is in the process of recovering from a DA attachment style myself I would date another DA who is in the process or wants to heal the DA attachment style. Otherwise, it probably wouldn’t work out very well. As someone who does struggle with opening up and being vulnerable it is excruciatingly hard to get close to someone who is more or less the same
@@IAMDivine7777 Uhm dude it’s possible for anyone to heal any of the insecure attachment style. I know we DAs have our flaws but so do the other attachment styles.
DA here but now secured. When I became secured I noticed that when I try to get close with DA's they try to stonewall away. But when I give them space, they would try to get close with me and be open. Meanwhile when I am with an AP, they get clingy and I can sense anxiousness in them when they see me leaving. It's a weird dynamic. But I think AP's are more toxic than DA's. I can't stand their constant criticism on others and only see the negative traits of other people. This causes them spiral in depression and anxiety. Don't feel bad if you see AP's criticizing DA's. They do it to everyone not just DA's. Continue improving yourself. If I did it, you can do it too.💕
Some time ago you promised a video on the “people pleasing DA” or enmeshed DA. Is this somewhere or can this still please be made? :) thank you. I figured out I’m dating one as he has that exact type of overly involved yet at times closed off behaviour, mainly moving extra slow in his own opening up while being a great partner for anything else, and even oversharing at times
As an avoidant, the comments in every video about avoidants are really sad. We’re not monsters, and we do care for others, and we do have empathy. We can put in a lot of effort ourselves, open up, and try our best to see other’s needs. I think the issue is that narcissistic people are likely to have an avoidant attachment style, and as there are many many narcissists, I wouldn’t even discard that most avoidants could also be narcissistic. Still, there are avoidants that still fight for a relationship and do everything they can to keep their partners comfortable. It’s sad how these comments seem to watch these videos with all the spite and bad faith possible. Maybe a lot of people here are just thinking of a terrible avoidant ex while watching and that’s where all the spite is coming from. I don’t know… But I swear to you, we’re not all just evil monsters who just treat people as it seems convenient.
Whats the side effect of too much information? I cant imagine that anxious attachers and codependents arent gathering data to psychoanalyze their partners and hope to change them.
I really appreciate all your videos!.. Just to give you an insight, I’m married to a DA for 3 years. Because I am an AP initially; we both used to trigger each other and because of the continuous vicious cycle, we both decided to be separated.. So early this year, we were separated for 6 months. Fortunately we got back together 2 months ago.. During the separation, I’ve been working on myself and really doing a lot of inner work, and I can say that I’m leaning towards secured, but i noticed that my partner is demonstrating some of his DA traits where he is pulling away. again. But because I’m more secured, I’ve learn to give him the space that he needs to self soothe. I just want to know how do I communicate my needs without being too clingy and needy? And when is a good timeline?I also don’t want to nitpick every single thing. I do want him to feel safe. He does show up as much as he can as we also have a baby together. So he does make sure we have family time etc at least twice a week, but with regards to Datenights, it’s pretty inconsistent So I’m just trying to find a balance.. :) Thank you so so much for what you do. It really made me understand and show more empathy towards my partner. ❤
Here is my question. You know you did work while separated. How much work as he done while you guys were separated? It will be hard to make it work with a DA if he is not actively doing the work on himself. Please do not feel pressure to do all the accommodating to make the relationship work. You deserve someone that will meet your needs as well. If you are not careful you will go back to being full anxious
@@876tisha I think this is an anxious and unhelpful response. She is obviously secure enough to have done her work and take accountability for her anxious behavior. She's asking what she can do to take a secure approach as a secure person to further heal her relationship.
I wonder how it differs if someone becomes avoidant over the course of the relationship. Like for example if someone is with a DA long term and adopts avoidant tendencies or the pursuer that gives up .
@@indiakxoxo I am/was a fearful avoidant working on becoming secure, but after dating a DA off and on 3 times I am definitely on the more avoidant side whereas before I had been more anxious I think.
Ok, I can be secure but lean heavily DA. Im use to people chasing me and i pull away (i know, its cringe but thats my reality). For the first time in my 32 years i met someone where there was a mutual attraction and i almost wanted to chase them ... We both expressed interest, no one clearly made moves, are we both DA or were they just not interested to begin with? Genuine question, please help 😅 has anyone had this experience?
Im anxious preoccupied and my Fa ex was overwhelmed so dropped me. Right after 2 days he rebound with secure attachments style girl whats gonna happpen next pls suggest
Thais, thank you so much for this vid. My bf tested 50/50 SA/DA and im FA but been in PDS 3,5yrs now with ALOT of progress. I was very anxious in the beginning of the relationship( that literally led me to finding PDS). So now my anxiety is gone and I'm seeing myself very much avoidant and I'm wondering if this could break the relationship. What's keeping me in is that I know ive got a perfect partner and he is also really set on this relationship. I'm worried that the spark will just disappear and the relationship will naturally fall apart. I do struggle with connection in all my relationships (parner, family, friends). Any advice on what to do next?(in terms of courses, or what to focus on or gwneral next steps). Thank you so much.
It definitely seems like DAs need to only date each other. Then they can happily spend their entire lives together in separate rooms scrolling on their phones with no meaningful anything and never having sex for their entire lives if they want to and nobody else has to put up with them. At least then they'll never have to reciprocate anything or be able to complain that they're not getting enough space and there's nobody there to get hurt. We'd all be better off.
What’s up with the hatred dude? Some avoidants like myself are putting in the work to become secure. I don’t think you realize how difficult it is for one to change the way their inner child operates. Such an ignorant and hateful comment 👎🏾
I'm FA and my boyfriend is DA. He is abusive, we had an argument, he told me that he doesn't understand, why I am so frustrated, but he promised me to look after his words. He made comments about my height, facial expression, weight, he told me that I have little hands, but it didn't sound like a compliment. I just don't understand, why he is with me if I don't look like his ideal partner. I ve never felt like this before, I want break something, because of this abuse And also he started using gaslighting. Hope he will do the work and change, but I don't think, that I want to stay in this relationship anymore, because of his toxicity. And I'm so sad, because I realy had strong feelings for him
@@veravizelkova9558I’m FA with a DA bf as well and he’s not abusive but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I totally understand and relate to knowing the relationship isn’t good but being unable to leave. Everyday I feel so disappointed and heartbroken but unable to leave (because I still want to make it work) and it makes me feel pathetic. I hope we’ll both find peace. 😢
@@rumim1763 Thank you. I broke up with him, because of his mixed signals, comparing me to his ideal and because of gaslighting. He triggered me so much, that I really shut down. I wanted to make it work, but it is better to run away from toxic people, who doesnt want to do the work and absolutely dont understand you. Its sad, I really loved him and still love him even though, he hurt me so much. Hope your partner will do the work and understand you, its important to not critisize them. If not, just move on, set boundaries and dont wait for miracle
This sounds like a dynamic between two FWB who eventually get bored and move on, lol. Although as a DA myself, I tend to stay friends with my FWBs even after dropping the B.😭 All that said, I'd like to find a strong, independent, and honorable DA such as myself. There are far too many weak, needy, and insecure people these days. 🤷🏿♂️
@@IAMDivine7777 nah, DAs just understand how to not be attached to an outcome and not hold on too tightly to people who may only be there for a season. People like you just need to get over your weakness, lack of self esteem, and insecurities, whilst learning to depend on yourselves instead of being needy and trying to live your lives vicariously through others. 🤷🏿♂️
@sifublack192 no yall are extremely fragile who cant bare to share life with someone. Bc you want closeness and to be loved but yall are extremely fragile scared. DAs are the WORST date yalls selves leave everyone else alone
@@IAMDivine7777 false. DAs simply don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with your constant need for validation due to you being insecure. People like you live your lives vicariously through other people lacking your own life goals and sense of purpose. This is why you use so much of your energy to go on threads like these to validate that it's everyone else's fault except your own (and it doesn't help that there are plenty of other insecure, needy people here to YAS light you into believing your own BS story). No one is FORCING you to date DAs. If you constantly find yourself in a relationship/situationship with a DA, YOU are the problem because the common denominator is YOU.
They run away from each other and circle back every couple of weeks... ;-)
This is true.
Guilty as charged but I’m working on my self now that I know!🙏🏾🧡
Lol it’s so true fuck.
Pretty sure my ex was DA and her long last relationships were... With DA. I was very anxious at the time. Like ya, when you don't talk about anything I'm sure it'll last but is it quality? Probably not
Facts..dealing with this now. Trying to make the first step to vulnerability. So F’ing HARD.
I've totally seen this dynamic and it's the silliest type of "relationship" I've ever seen. Two of my male DA friends at one point tried dating the same woman who is also my friend and a DA. LOTS of infatuation. She would send them naked pics and very XXX videos to pull them in. One dynamic my male DA friend eventually got tired of the games and blocked her before they even hung out but talked about hanging out for at least a couple of years before, and the other DA male really wanted her and they did see each other a couple of times, but she essentially ghosted him in the end. We're in our 40's mind you. 😂 I think all of them needed their egos boosted and used each other personally. No feelings were hurt.
Can't say feelings were hurt.DAs are good at hiding their feelings.
Just to say my brother and sister in law are both very hard core DAs and their relationship is really good for both of them. It took them 20 years to finally get married (lol), and their relationship looks cold and distant to outside observers, but it works really well for them. They both have their own lives, own vacations, own hobbies, but they live together with no conflict, no demands, no expectations of each other. Very harmonious, just very unemotional. It suits them well.
My parents are both DAs - very harmonious but also very unemotional. They've been married for 32 years. So when DAs do get together it really can work, and work really beautifully for them. It's not a relationship I'd want because there is basically little emotional attunement, but it works for them. DA + DA work really well together if they can make it past the dating phase!
No demands or expectations sounds like a lot of repression to me. But I can see this also
I've seen it too. It can work, but there is almost zero intimacy seen to the outside observet. Unfortunately if such a couple have kids there is a good chance that kid will be emotionally englected and become a DA. I'd rather have no kids than do that to one.
That's not a marriage. It's not even a relationship. It's an arrangement.
@@Nono38-jj1tk it's a roommateship and i've seen it in real life. zero intimacy, sex, very limited affection if any. unfortunately i dated a daughter of that couple. she turned out to be a DA looking to replicate the marriage dynamics of her parents. It was awful and I finally ended it after 2.5 years of trying.
@mc2273CFU Interesting, that's basically an avoidant ideal of relationship.
No highs, no lows, no need to look for new partners. Honestly being 'off the market' is the most needed part of relationship for me too, and I'm married for 17 years rather happily. One can have love and connection in other ways, but this calm stability is like living in a house vs living outside, just a fundamental difference. But we aren't a DA couple, so there is much more connection there.
So if your parents are such a cool DA couple, what did that make you? Also a DA, or some other style?
this is so funny to me bc as a DA/secure person, my last relationship was with a DA. and yeah, we both struggled to make moves and be vulnerable. but we did make it to the power struggle phase
Thank you for sharing! ❤
There is absolutely NO way you can be both secure and DA but the hubris of a DA would make them feel as if they are secure 😂
I don’t mean to be negative, but it is practically impossible for someone to be DA and Secure sorry, the fact you say you are DA and secure leads me to feel you are simply a DA
@@Pschool1 THAT PART!
@@Pschool1 @IAMDivine7777 It is perfectly possible for people to behave in part secure and part insecure ways. 50% secure behaviour and the rest made up of insecure behaviours is average. We may have a dominant attachment style but we are not just that.
The ex, a DA, was married for 20 years with a DA woman. He described her as "not enjoying s*x at all, which made me feel guilty" and "doing her own thing while he did his own thing, so basically two parallel lives under the same roof". Oof.
Please do the same video for two Fearful Avoidants 🤩
What a nightmare 😂😂
@@psi23k but still interesting
thank you for the suggestion :)
Likely one will lean dismissive and the other anxious.
@@psi23k,😂😂
TH-cam “twin flame” tarot readers make good money of of this kind of relationship style 😂
Right exactly!
😂😂😂
Two dismissive avoidants dating each other would be comical to see. They both avoid sharing, avoid making any effort, and just repel each other. It's too bad, because dismissive avoidants should be forced to date each other in hopes of influencing them to improve and become securely attached.
My mom is SA/DA and my stepdad is DA/SA and they have a very supportive, calm, loving and wholesome relationship
2 like side magnets don’t stick to each other..science 😂
Sounds like my volatile relationship with my ex and the mother of my child 😢
Sounds like me and the person I’m dating now 😂 it is actually comical now that I’m thinking about it. I blocked him a few days, and then I unblocked. Do you have any suggestions to how I can reach out? I’m genuienly trying to work on myself even though it’s so hard
@@0Demiyah0 agree if they are aware of their behavior and openly sharing then I think it works. Me and my partner are on the way doing so..
It’s a superficial relationship because neither opens up
I love how you related this to the six relationship stages!
❤
two avoidants with each other is truly as silly as one would imagine. what we have right now is not even a relationship. we meet up/hang out/talk more every couple of months. inbetween we ignore eachother and just live our lives. theres no romance. no chemistry. its incredibly funny. nothing ive had previously has ever been this stable. they dont make me nervous they dont make me want to avoid them purposefully it just happens naturally and we are both happy with it. theres no romantic feelings but we still like eachother. its not even a situationship its just. a situation. neither of us plans on taking this a step further than what it is which is exactly what makes it work. none of my friends understand this lmao its been going on for over a year. my mind is at peace i dont have to constantly stress about how to get away from someone. instead of reassuring eachother feelings we reassure eachother that we do not want a relationship. we both know that would be a terrible idea and wouldnt make either of us happy. it IS so very dumb but it works 😂
My very first relationship when I was just 15 with a 22 year old guy was very much like this dynamic. We clearly adored each other and had so much mutual affection, but neither of us felt any need to commit. When I talked to him 8 years after we lost contact (now I was 25) the connection still persisted. But since I was still pretty DA, I coulen't lean into it. Still regard him as one of the modt special people I met in my life and think fondly of him.
Baby that's a predator you were dating..glad you are not in that relationship anymore..
@@uniquedavenport I would have the same idea if I heard the story, but I am very tall (6ft) and he did not realize how old I am as I didn't tell him. I met him while I was traveling abroad on a citytrip (without supervision), so he had no idea to think of me as that young. Sincerely one of the most respectful guys in his mannerisms and never forceful. He absolutely did not resemble anything like a predator and I say that with the knowledge of a 33 year old woman who has had countless experiences of predatory behavior over the years. I am really thankful I met him.
2 fa's please if possible, thank you 😊 ps it didn't end well lol thank you ❤
thank you for the suggestion :)
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchoolpls make vid of Fa dumping Anxious partner and REBOUND with secure partner will work??
Have you been in this dynamic? What was your experience? Please comment below ❤
Hey Thais, love your videos! Would you mind doing one about 2 anxious preoccupied types? I don't see much info about those but I am in a relationship where we are both anxious but learning how to be secure x
thanks for your suggestion!
As a person who is in the process of recovering from a DA attachment style myself I would date another DA who is in the process or wants to heal the DA attachment style. Otherwise, it probably wouldn’t work out very well. As someone who does struggle with opening up and being vulnerable it is excruciatingly hard to get close to someone who is more or less the same
Yes date an DA bc literally there is no hope for DAs to change just save the world from yall and date yourself
@@IAMDivine7777 Uhm dude it’s possible for anyone to heal any of the insecure attachment style. I know we DAs have our flaws but so do the other attachment styles.
@kjdaniels3267 "um dude" DA are basically narcissistic and there is no hipe for narcissists....
@kjdaniels3267 DAs are the worst* the literal worst attachment style hopeless attachment style
DA here but now secured. When I became secured I noticed that when I try to get close with DA's they try to stonewall away. But when I give them space, they would try to get close with me and be open. Meanwhile when I am with an AP, they get clingy and I can sense anxiousness in them when they see me leaving. It's a weird dynamic. But I think AP's are more toxic than DA's. I can't stand their constant criticism on others and only see the negative traits of other people. This causes them spiral in depression and anxiety. Don't feel bad if you see AP's criticizing DA's. They do it to everyone not just DA's. Continue improving yourself. If I did it, you can do it too.💕
I've been waiting for this video 😅
Some time ago you promised a video on the “people pleasing DA” or enmeshed DA. Is this somewhere or can this still please be made? :) thank you. I figured out I’m dating one as he has that exact type of overly involved yet at times closed off behaviour, mainly moving extra slow in his own opening up while being a great partner for anything else, and even oversharing at times
Yes, she made it.
@@focusrelentlessly8829 which one is it
@@focusrelentlessly8829I don't think so? Where?
As an avoidant, the comments in every video about avoidants are really sad.
We’re not monsters, and we do care for others, and we do have empathy. We can put in a lot of effort ourselves, open up, and try our best to see other’s needs.
I think the issue is that narcissistic people are likely to have an avoidant attachment style, and as there are many many narcissists, I wouldn’t even discard that most avoidants could also be narcissistic.
Still, there are avoidants that still fight for a relationship and do everything they can to keep their partners comfortable. It’s sad how these comments seem to watch these videos with all the spite and bad faith possible.
Maybe a lot of people here are just thinking of a terrible avoidant ex while watching and that’s where all the spite is coming from. I don’t know… But I swear to you, we’re not all just evil monsters who just treat people as it seems convenient.
Please do a video between an FA and a DA.😅
thanks for the suggestion :)
Whats the side effect of too much information? I cant imagine that anxious attachers and codependents arent gathering data to psychoanalyze their partners and hope to change them.
I wish my DA former friends and exes would try befriending or dating each other so they could see how difficult DAs are to deal with.
I really appreciate all your videos!..
Just to give you an insight, I’m married to a DA for 3 years. Because I am an AP initially; we both used to trigger each other and because of the continuous vicious cycle, we both decided to be separated..
So early this year, we were separated for 6 months. Fortunately we got back together 2 months ago..
During the separation, I’ve been working on myself and really doing a lot of inner work, and I can say that I’m leaning towards secured, but i noticed that my partner is demonstrating some of his DA traits where he is pulling away. again. But because I’m more secured, I’ve learn to give him the space that he needs to self soothe.
I just want to know how do I communicate my needs without being too clingy and needy? And when is a good timeline?I also don’t want to nitpick every single thing. I do want him to feel safe.
He does show up as much as he can as we also have a baby together. So he does make sure we have family time etc at least twice a week, but with regards to Datenights, it’s pretty inconsistent
So I’m just trying to find a balance.. :)
Thank you so so much for what you do. It really made me understand and show more empathy towards my partner. ❤
Here is my question. You know you did work while separated. How much work as he done while you guys were separated? It will be hard to make it work with a DA if he is not actively doing the work on himself. Please do not feel pressure to do all the accommodating to make the relationship work. You deserve someone that will meet your needs as well. If you are not careful you will go back to being full anxious
@@876tisha I think this is an anxious and unhelpful response. She is obviously secure enough to have done her work and take accountability for her anxious behavior. She's asking what she can do to take a secure approach as a secure person to further heal her relationship.
Sign up for her courses
@@terrycraig6386 thought police much?
Thais, you’re brilliant. Literally Brilliant 😊🙏
Thank you!
i feel like we both have limerence with eachother also
I wonder how it differs if someone becomes avoidant over the course of the relationship. Like for example if someone is with a DA long term and adopts avoidant tendencies or the pursuer that gives up .
I think this happened to me. I’m more DA now after dating someone that’s DA
@@indiakxoxo I am/was a fearful avoidant working on becoming secure, but after dating a DA off and on 3 times I am definitely on the more avoidant side whereas before I had been more anxious I think.
That's a good question. After two DA's I'm DA myself now
@@hshfyugaewfjkKS I’m sorry that happened to you. Yes there definitely needs to be healing bc we will all be running away soon.
@@TheCoffeeCat sorry to hear that. But I understand that change happening. I’m halfway there after dating onw
Infatuation without progression.
Have you had any experiences with a DA and a recovering substance abuser?
I need some guidance
i feel like i dealt with this and never realized
Ok, I can be secure but lean heavily DA. Im use to people chasing me and i pull away (i know, its cringe but thats my reality). For the first time in my 32 years i met someone where there was a mutual attraction and i almost wanted to chase them ... We both expressed interest, no one clearly made moves, are we both DA or were they just not interested to begin with? Genuine question, please help 😅 has anyone had this experience?
Im anxious preoccupied and my Fa ex was overwhelmed so dropped me. Right after 2 days he rebound with secure attachments style girl whats gonna happpen next pls suggest
Thais, thank you so much for this vid. My bf tested 50/50 SA/DA and im FA but been in PDS 3,5yrs now with ALOT of progress. I was very anxious in the beginning of the relationship( that literally led me to finding PDS). So now my anxiety is gone and I'm seeing myself very much avoidant and I'm wondering if this could break the relationship. What's keeping me in is that I know ive got a perfect partner and he is also really set on this relationship. I'm worried that the spark will just disappear and the relationship will naturally fall apart. I do struggle with connection in all my relationships (parner, family, friends). Any advice on what to do next?(in terms of courses, or what to focus on or gwneral next steps). Thank you so much.
Sounds god awful if you are in a relationship and never leave the power struggle stage.
The amount of potential memes in my head before watching this lol
It definitely seems like DAs need to only date each other. Then they can happily spend their entire lives together in separate rooms scrolling on their phones with no meaningful anything and never having sex for their entire lives if they want to and nobody else has to put up with them. At least then they'll never have to reciprocate anything or be able to complain that they're not getting enough space and there's nobody there to get hurt. We'd all be better off.
What’s up with the hatred dude? Some avoidants like myself are putting in the work to become secure. I don’t think you realize how difficult it is for one to change the way their inner child operates. Such an ignorant and hateful comment 👎🏾
*Dr Susan Campbell
Funny DAs aren’t usually attracted to each other
What about the dynamic of a Fa & Da?
Why do dismissive avoidant makes jokes about appearance? It's so rude
I'm FA and my boyfriend is DA. He is abusive, we had an argument, he told me that he doesn't understand, why I am so frustrated, but he promised me to look after his words.
He made comments about my height, facial expression, weight, he told me that I have little hands, but it didn't sound like a compliment. I just don't understand, why he is with me if I don't look like his ideal partner. I ve never felt like this before, I want break something, because of this abuse
And also he started using gaslighting. Hope he will do the work and change, but I don't think, that I want to stay in this relationship anymore, because of his toxicity. And I'm so sad, because I realy had strong feelings for him
@@veravizelkova9558I’m FA with a DA bf as well and he’s not abusive but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I totally understand and relate to knowing the relationship isn’t good but being unable to leave. Everyday I feel so disappointed and heartbroken but unable to leave (because I still want to make it work) and it makes me feel pathetic.
I hope we’ll both find peace. 😢
@@rumim1763 Thank you. I broke up with him, because of his mixed signals, comparing me to his ideal and because of gaslighting. He triggered me so much, that I really shut down. I wanted to make it work, but it is better to run away from toxic people, who doesnt want to do the work and absolutely dont understand you. Its sad, I really loved him and still love him even though, he hurt me so much.
Hope your partner will do the work and understand you, its important to not critisize them. If not, just move on, set boundaries and dont wait for miracle
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This sounds like a dynamic between two FWB who eventually get bored and move on, lol. Although as a DA myself, I tend to stay friends with my FWBs even after dropping the B.😭 All that said, I'd like to find a strong, independent, and honorable DA such as myself. There are far too many weak, needy, and insecure people these days. 🤷🏿♂️
Yes date DA yall are horrible and just need to be with yalls self
@@IAMDivine7777 nah, DAs just understand how to not be attached to an outcome and not hold on too tightly to people who may only be there for a season. People like you just need to get over your weakness, lack of self esteem, and insecurities, whilst learning to depend on yourselves instead of being needy and trying to live your lives vicariously through others. 🤷🏿♂️
@sifublack192 no yall are extremely fragile who cant bare to share life with someone. Bc you want closeness and to be loved but yall are extremely fragile scared. DAs are the WORST date yalls selves leave everyone else alone
@@IAMDivine7777 false. DAs simply don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with your constant need for validation due to you being insecure. People like you live your lives vicariously through other people lacking your own life goals and sense of purpose. This is why you use so much of your energy to go on threads like these to validate that it's everyone else's fault except your own (and it doesn't help that there are plenty of other insecure, needy people here to YAS light you into believing your own BS story). No one is FORCING you to date DAs. If you constantly find yourself in a relationship/situationship with a DA, YOU are the problem because the common denominator is YOU.
@sifublack192 🤣🤣🤣 thats such an obtuse statement youre right DAs dont have an emptional bandwidth yall are inept asf.