my friend is a closeted swede he is always making meatballs in the closet its really sad i just hear sobbing and "huurrrgghh dee duurrp de flurpa do" (i dont know how to spell how the muppets swedish chef talks sorry)
Option 6: "Yeah, you're pretty good looking" Then, the friend that asked the question gives the most comically absurd horny look at his gay friend while biting his lip, raising one eyebrow and rubbing his hands and goes "So uh... hahaaa... what you doing friday?"
I hate remembering names even of coworkers, but its not as bad as my grandma that sometimes confuses names of her grandchildren on accident but then she realises the mistake.
As a straight man, I always felt other men’s reactions of disgust or aggression to finding out a gay man was attracted to them was some misplaced trauma response or insecurity. The few times I was approached as a younger man, I typically just said “thanks for the compliment” or something similar and let them know I wasn’t gay. Only once was another guy a little over persistent, and it made me reflect on my interactions with women and to treat them better than that.
Yeah, that's usually the real reason straight men get uncomfortable: because they are subconsciously reflecting on the fact that a man might treat them the way they treat women.
@@cat-le1hf As a bisexual woman, I totally empathize with the whole "women not wanting to be with you when they find out you're bi." And yeah, it's women for us too. They get very defensive when you try to get them to explain their thought process (mainly because there is no real thinking going on), but from what I've been able to gather: women, gay or straight, are intimidated by a partner who is attracted to men because for some reason they believe a male partner will always be more appealing. For lesbians I think they're afraid of the allure of a more comfortable heteronormative life that is technically an option for bi women. Straight women will just repeat over and over again their belief that bi men will cheat on them with men (despite cheating in general always being a risk in relationships.) If I had to guess what's really going on there it's the inability for straight people to understand that the way bisexuals feel attraction to any one gender is comparable to how they feel it to any other gender; all they can imagine is that in order to leave a straight relationship for a gay one, it must be such an *overwhelming* feeling of attraction that you can't help yourself. And/or because straight women are attracted to men and not women, they can't imagine on a fundamental level why you would want to stay with a woman, because *they* are not attracted to women. They empathize much more strongly with being attracted to men and they can picture themselves leaving a man for a man. TL;DR: You're probably right.
@@Nope-ity-nope-nope People who flatter tend to have ulterior motives they're hiding. I never liked praise or flattery, unless it's coming from someone who knows me for a long time and would have reasons to say something nice. But from a stranger? I'd ask what they're selling? Because I'm not buying.
@@quillclockthe answer is both a real history of conflict as well as a modern typ of “sibling” relationships where we meme about hating each other. Look up Dano-Swedish war for an example of the real conflicts.
@@quillclock Denmark and Sweden holds the world record in wars fought, but it's mostly a grumpy old neighbor strife at this point. Historically Sweden was the big brother of the Scandinavian flock so the rest of us likes taking them down a bit :) Today it's all in good sport.
I'm sat here making a sandwich with this video playing in my earbud, and I burst out laughing so hard at "oh thank God, now I can tell my mom to stop bothering me about dating you" hahahaha that's hilarious
I remember my best friend came out to me that he was gay when we were both freshmen in high school. He was feeling down that entire week and I knew something was up, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Friday came around, and he was going to come over and spend the weekend over my house, stay the night over. We lived in neighboring apartment complexes and it was a short walk from my house to his house. He came over and was looking real down, when he came to my room, I asked him what was up. He finally came out to me and said he was gay and had a rainbow bracelet and was looking nervous. I looked at the bracelet, I looked at him, and then I told him that was awesome. Lets get on and play AD&D. He smiled and was glad, I think he though I would have given up on him, not be his friend anymore, but he was my best friend, always been there for me. After he came out he was more relaxed, we played AD&D and was still friends as we have been. Friendship is an important thing, always cherish it. Also happy pride month everyone. 🌈
Hi Tim, i wanted to tell you that you have been my sword in fighting the hate for gay people in Russia. As you may know, Russia is not the most progressive place in the world. But Fallout games, especcially the original two has a religious folowing in Russia. So whenewer some guy arround me says something homophobic, i tell them the tale of how a gay man gave them the original Fallout. Shuts them down in an instance. They may dislike gay people, but they would never dare to disrespect the godfather of Fallout. So it's safe to say you did your part in fighting the good fight
@@CainOnGames I did, I did want toast! I was a bit shocked how little he minded. I think he noticed I was in shock and reassured me I can love whoever I want and he just wants me happy. We then shared some toast and drank some coffee.
Huh, on the surface, that seems surprising. I'd never really think of it as a particularly queer game, certain companion romance options aside (I don't know whether they had fixed orientations, or if they were player defined). What was it in NV that clicked with you re sexuality?
@@SabiJD For a game from 2010, 'New Vegas was pretty diversely representative for its time. Player 'romance' was limited to prostitutes* but there's quite a few positive depictions of queer folk. Can't speak for myself but I have a couple people in my social circle that were impacted seeing Arcade & Veronica just existing as people *Even then there's dialogue that acknowledges orientation and for the most part is respectful barring that one really homophobic lady in Westside
Happy Pride Month Tim! I'm a 50+ yr old straight guy, but really appreciate you talking about your experiences. The haters will still complain, but I guarantee there's some twenty-something year kid out there struggling and videos like this can be tremendously helpful. Thank you.
Original Fallout was the first game where I played as a female character. As a trans woman, it was really meaningful to me to be able to express that aspect of my life when I was a teenager and wasn’t even aware of it myself. I went on to play female characters whenever I had the option and it helped me get to where I am today as a person that is out and open.
Tim, here's a Friday fun day question; What are the most memorable/heart-warming encounters you've had with fans of your games? How often do you get recognized and how do you feel about bumping into people who love your games? Wishing you a lovely weekend and happy pride month!
I was thinking about a fun Friday topic along these lines too! So furthermore; Tim, have you engaged much with, and how do you feel about, the creative fan communities based around you work (i.e. fan art, fiction, songs etc)? I know you cameo'd on the Nuka Break fan series, and you appeared on HowToDrink channel as he made a fan recreation of Nuka Cola. I really love the amazing Outer Worlds (the fine print) song The Stupendium released, as it really felt it captured the tone and spirit of the game in a way only a fan could. What are you most fun/treasured pieces of fan work/interaction?
I think that's a great choice. If you say yes, you might get an "Eww", or equivalent reaction. If you say no, they might get offended ("What's wrong with me?" or "So I'm not good enough for you?"). So "you're alright" is great.
"Why do you want to know?" (joking tone) is my go to. Which is one people have a very hard time answering so now we are at minimum in the same boat of having been posed questions that have only awkward answers 😂
I'm bisexual and this video made me so happy. Seeing older queer people being open about their sexuality is so reassuring. Usually queer representation is younger folks and maybe this is just me but that gives me anxiety sometimes. Do we get to age? And hearing you talk is so liberating. Thank you.
Something I’ve had on my mind a lot this Pride month is how many queer elders we lost because of the AIDS epidemic in the 80s-90s. It was a staggering number of people, and I wonder how different things might be now if they hadn’t been taken from us. At the very least, having someone who’s gone down these roads before is a gift to those of us just starting that path.
I love the highway analogy, a great easy to picture in your mind way to understand intersectionality within the LGBT community. We're all in it together but we can't know precisely what each person's path is going to be like, only the general direction and major roadblocks.
I'm sharing this video with my gay brother right away. He came out when he turned 40 (he's 47 now). It was quite the struggle for him, but now he's happy and proud. And so are I. Thanks, master Cain ;-)
I came out as bi in high school, and most everyone was cool with it. I got a lot of, "Well I don't care just don't hit on me," and I would always say the same thing, "EW," hehehehe Then I sort of slunk back into the closet until about 2005 when I met a small group of trans folks, and it was because of that I realized that I didn't particularly feel masculine or feminine. But the term non-binary hadn't really made it's way into the world yet, and so I just sort of stayed half in the closet for years until I noticed folks were coming out as non-binary, and then I started exploring my gender identity, and sexuality. I didn't come out as non-binary until I was 38, and then, because I am also native American it started making more sense to identify as Two-spirit, and you know, I still don't know if my journey is done. Maybe it'll never be done, but I am much happier now that I am out. Thank you for making this video! I loved your video last year, and was really hoping that you do something this year for pride as well! Happy pride!
Making friends with trans folks was instrumental for me discovering that there were actually terms to describe all of these things I’d been feeling about my gender for so long. I’m 51 and wishing I’d had that knowledge and queer community when I was younger. At the very least I would have had a chance to look better in a skirt than I do now. 😅 In any case, better late than never, I suppose. 🟨⬜️🟪⬛️
I have the up most respect for anyone that comes out, I remember my friend at university telling me about coming out to his parents as 17 years old in the late 90's. Their reaction was to march him to the police station and demand that he report the 19 year old he had been seeing for child abuse. He now has a good relationship with his parents and puts it down to a shock reaction but what a thing to have to deal with! As a parent I don't mind who my daughter finds attractive and hopefully one day falls in love with as long as they make her happy and treat her with care and respect. And I hope that she will always feel that she can tell me anything.
Really great to hear your stories, my coming out experience was a process of leaving increasingly obvious hints until I eventually got to the point of just telling people lol - and at a certain point being trans you don't need to physically tell people anymore which can be on the positive side.
Hey Tim, I started catching your vids about a year ago; and then I learned you were like the guy who gave us fallout. Been watching ever since. But I remember in high school that one of my best friends, his name is Travis, came out as gay one day, lol. None of us cared. It didn’t register to me until I realized that I never met one of his girlfriends yah know?, but we didn’t care, I knew the guy so well, he was part of our crew, a quiet, intelligent, stoic young man who didn’t speak much but when he did, he had something to say and we all listened. To any closeted gay men out there I would say: you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your best friends that your gay, we are going to love you no matter what you might be afraid of. And we will protect you from the assholes of the world. you are made man in my eyes - untouchable. That’s just my two cents.
@Timothy Cain As a straight dude I always found attention from my gay buddies flattering. I love them, in a platonic sense, and I support their well being but it would never be sexual---however, they did give me confidence to be myself. I never asked "the question" but I could always tell when they were flirting.
I had my gay friend come out to me and expressing that he was always attracted to me. It wasn't an "eww" for me, although we were hanging out without me suspecting, so I was surprised. I always thought he was just a shy guy. I strongly believe in shooting your shot if you find somebody attractive, it's sad when people are blocked with expressing their feelings of enthusiasm for other person. I also think he was still in a high of "coming out" phase after maturing (we were like 21) and it was nice to see him finally get out of his shell and seeing him finally expressing his real character and wits freely.
This is so timely! I literally just had a conversation last night with my niece about this. I explained to her how I had a date with a girl in the early 2000s that was so passively homophobic and kept repeating that people “choose to be gay”, pissed I asked her what age she was when she “decided” to be straight? Silence. It warped her sad ignorant mind!
The "I don't care what he does on the side" story is eerily close to some of my experiences coming out as a gay Gen Z man. Can confirm it still happens when coming out to some Gen X and older milennials lol. Happy pride month Tim! :)
Love your games (Fallout 1 and The Outer Worlds, in particular). I've watched a lot of your videos, but never commented before. I'm a straight man, but always feel the need to go out of my way to show support for people who may be marginalized by others for their differences. Also, my favorite game developers when I was a kid were Interplay, Black Isle, and Bioware. Today my favorite game developers are Obsidian, InXile, and Bioware (Bioware has had a bit of a rough patch as of late, but let's hope Dragon Age 4 is a success).
That's really funny at the end. I'm straight but I live near an openly gay area, Rehoboth Beach. So I see gay men check me out all the time, I have also been in very awkward situations, because men are still men, and when they are drunk and horny, some behave the same regardless of orientation. However I never get really upset or anything, most of the time it gives me a perspective of how women feel when dealing with men, which is great. Its helped me be self aware. There really is no problem with having a gay man attracted to you, I think most of the disgust some men feel is due to homophobia, the assumption that these gay men cannot control themselves around you is very narcissistic. If women can control themselves in your presence, than so can gay men. I have personally never seen women throw themselves at any of the homophobic men I have seen, yet they assume gay men will. Very strange.
As a gay gal, my response is usually along the lines of, "You're cute. But I don't really see you in that way." The intention is to reframe it as a detached positive assessment. I avoid insulting them but I also shut down the idea that I might be perving on them.
I might have to steal that. I have a specific type, so generally I can just say that, but if they are straight and that type, I never had a good response.
as much as i love hearing you talk about the industry and programming stuff, it’s stories like these that are truly the most important ones you can tell. thank you Tim!
I never came out as bi, honestly. Not in the "im still closeted" way but just in the sense that everyone kind of knew I was a little gay since I was a kid, and I kinda just assumed people would figure it out, and if anyone asked I just said "I'm bi" and if thry cared, I didn't give a shit. Being on the autism spectrum really helped in thay regard. I had to reveal it to very few people, but one of them was my girlfriend at the time who told me "I could never date a man who slept with another man" and I had to be like, " yeah uh here's the thing about that..." Needless to say that relationship ended pretty soon after. 😂 However, coming out as a trans girl was a whole other ballpark. By then I was an actual adult. I knew a little bit when I was really young, but any attempt to express those feelings to the most of my peers or family would end in transphobia, so I repressed it for two decades. Then while working through some unrelated traumas, I started to recall some of those peculiar events from childhood. Some of those weird feelings about my body and my complete disregard for my physical form started to make a lot of sense. The incongruity of my face being so unappealing to me that I felt the need to never shave in order to hide my face behind a giant beard. I was a semi-professional stage actor at the time, and a director one time told me that I should wear clothes that are form fitting to rehearsals, and I responded that I dont want people to perceive me body. She was concerned from an actor's standpoint: you can't be fully in a scene if your conscious of your own real body. The realization came when a friend of mine told a transphobic joke about Caitlyn Jenner, and I got *really* mad. Not because I like Caitlyn Jenner (I do not) but because his criticisms of her all seemed to dovetail with transphobic rhetoric about her cosmetic surgeries or misgendering her. And what started as a small "hey, maybe, we can criticize the fact that she got away with manslaughter without implying that gender identity is only valid or worth respecting if its someone we like" eventually turned into a massive argument in which I got inexplicably mad. Like more than an "ally" would, as if he had insulted *me* personally... and yeah after a little self reflection, I started to unearth and subsequently crack the egg I had buried many years before. Most people were really nice about me coming out, I got a lot of those "oh I knew you were some kind of queer" comments, which was interesting because I always *had* been bi and I never made any attempt to hide it. I kind of had to drop away from the theater community. I wasnt going to get cast to play any fem roles, I didn't want to play men anymore, and even *after* my transition has been relatively successful, I don't think I'll get cast in any fem roles still. Specifically because my previous success was mostly just a case of big fish small pond. Our local theater scene is female dominated, all the auditions have tons of women there for every role imaginable. But the competition for male actors is much slimmer. Theres like 5 (passing for) young men in all of SWFL who speak clearly, project their voice, hit their mark, and have good diction, all without bumping into the set furniture. My mom told me she always knew I was queer (again, I've never hidden the fact that I was bi). My dad just wordlessly hugged me, my mom had insisted on being the one to explain it to him, but he's been accepting of it (even if he doesn't understand it at all). My brother bought me a drink. My sister and brother in law sent me flowers that had a she / her pin on the card. Most of my friends sent very supportive messages. One of my theater acquaintance sent me a message that said she was also trans and wasn't quite ready to come out, and that she saw me and my wife as an aspirational story because her and her partner were also still together and very much in love after starting transition. That kind of broke my heard and left me at a loss for words and never ended up responding because my marriage was actually falling apart (unrelated to me being trans). 😢 I actually found out later that the way I came out was really inspiring for a lot of the closeted trans girls in the area. I didn't wait until I was partway into transition to tell people. As soon as I realized what I needed, as soon as I experienced that first small hit of gender euphoria, as soon as I *knew* I started telling people, I didnt want to be my deadname anymore. And apparently that was really important for some people, because most trans people hide the fact that they're transitioning until they feel like they're passing enough to make the reveal, where as I just proudly and loudly announced "this is who I am" to the world around me. Some people judged me for being authentically myself and quietly deleted me from their facebook friends list or whatever while I struggled to find any fucks to give. Their loss, I don't want bigots in my life. That's my whole coming out story there! Thank you if you read this rambling comment. P.S. just wanted to let you know, Tim, that your videos have inspired me to learn Unity. I've always wanted to learn game development, it's always been a field I was interested in, but your videos have inspired me to give it a real shot. I recently saw your video where you said you hope that these dev diary vlogs will lead to new games for you to enjoy. I've added it to my bucket list, make a game that Tim Cain would love. It's the least we can do for you, you've taken us to so many beautiful worlds and given us so much agency within those worlds. And then you start making these videos that are so full of invaluable insight on how the industry works, your process, and the history of the games you've developed. Thank you, I hope we can make you proud, Tim. ❤️
3:13 damn, this one’s too relatable, I’m a pretty masc guy by nature and pretty reserved too, so I don’t tell people too much about me right off the bat. I get that reaction mostly on the rare occasions it comes up that i like men too. I just say “ they’re masculine and i like masculine things!” :D* goofball logic battles goofball logic
Really appreciating this as a cishet man who is trying to embrace my identity as something separate and distinct from "masculinity." If "traditional masculinity" and straightness are the antithesis to fully feeling your feelings and letting love in, then I don't want a part of that. Thank you for your stories!
Identity and sexuality are fluid spectrums! Don’t feel the need to place a distinct label on yourself, just be who you are and express that for yourself. Labels are useful for quickly covering the basics, but they should never be the endpoint of self-expression and identification. From one “untraditionally masculine” man to another, just express your gender and your feelings in the way that most suits you, fuck traditional gender roles.
I had a slightly different experience growing up in that I'm not gay but growing up in a small town an awful lot of people thought I was. I'm not sure if this was due to the fact i had a bunch of female friends, or something about the way I looked. This being the early 90's it meant I experienced a lot of the things I guess a gay man would have. I was shouted at in the street, had people punch me, had men chat me up in bars or discreetly try and come on to me in toilets who nobody would have presumed were gay in the rest of their lives. When I had girlfriends some people would be surprised. I was never bothered by people thinking it, none of my friends cared either way. Never happened when I went to university or lived anywhere else but every time i went back or moved back it would start up again. If anything it made me far more accepting of people of any sexuality from a young age. Its made me what i guess some would consider an ally although I'm hesitant to use that word. Seeing the struggle that some people have when it should be a non issue saddenens me and I feel like we are slipping back a bit with all the rhetoric thrown around by politicians to score cheap votes.
@@TheBeowulf If I were to wager a guess I think it's a shirt they distributed internally during a pride month event at Obsidian, but hey, I could be wrong. I would 100% buy one too
It looks similar to the usual 2-colour Obsidian logo shirt they have on the Xbox Gear Shop website, but the pride variant doesn't seem available. Annoyingly, you seem to have no choice in the Xbox logo on the back lol. There is a separate Obsidian Pride shirt, but it's a collage of illustrations of stuff from their games.
This was a fun little video for pride month. I initially came out to my friends which some of it was because they found my tumblr page (lol) and I also just started telling people. That was in my late teens. I came out to my parents a year later. I was afraid to tell them because I know they are conservative voters and everything I had read at that point was, "your conservative parents will hate that you're gay." It was just the opposite, my parents supported me pretty hardcore which was awesome. My brother didn't care but he was happy that I was going to be the real me from then on. Your freeway analogy is perfect. I really like that.
Great video Tim and happy pride! I never came out, I was kicked out because I trusted the wrong person. She told our group of friends and overnight they hated the ground I walked on. Destroyed me at the time but I eventually realize they were never really my friends. It was a fantastic life lesson.
That is rough I hope you've found better friends since. Incidently I am bi and out to quite a few people but not certain 'friends' I have had for a long time because I can't be sure how they will react, and don't really care to deal with it if they do react negatively tbh.
My best advice to anyone who's contemplating coming out (as someone who's come out 2 or 3 times depending on how you count it) is that coming out feels really scary the first couple of people you tell, then it mostly becomes admin. By the time I was coming out for the second time (as trans) I couldn't be bothered with it and just got my mum to update the extended family. Also, at least one of your straight/cis friends or family members will be very caught off guard by you coming out and will say something incredibly weird and embarassing. It is your God-given right as a queer person to make fun of them for this. Also also, if your parents are supportive then you will probably get a gift of some of the worst pride merch you've ever seen in your life. You do not have to wear it more than once.
I want to protest on behalf of all of us who will probably never own a home, but then I realize I just explained the reasoning. There’s a lot to be said for security.
Yes. She sleeps instantly everywhere in the house. Whether I am working at my desk, playing video games on the couch, sleeping in bed, cooking in the kitchen...she is the soundtrack to my life.
Tim Cain saying the word twink just feels like the 2024 timeline is complete . Me playing Cains 1997 Fallout LED to this moment . all those all nighters. ALSO WE LOVE TIM CAIN !!!!! RAAAHHH
As soon as you said "after you come out your straight friends will all ask you one question" I knew exactly what that was because when I came out at 13 literally all of my straight guy friends asked me the same question.
Im a trans girl nd i cant imagine how it mustve been at the time. Its 2024 and im still terrified to formally come out to my family. Its not like its a secret but theyre v judgemental ab it and think its like having a favorite band or something instead of an intrinsic part of my identity. Anyway this was a great video tim!!
My best friend was similar in that he didn't come out to his friends and family until he was in his 30s too (worried that they might disown him or something). He loves Transformers, so prior to him telling us, I used to tease him that maybe he was Robosexual :P It was so nice when he was finally able to be his true self and just feel comfortable being authentic. Glad to hear your experience was mostly positive as well :) Any guy who asks THAT question is kind of broken. I've had 3 of my friends come out and that question didn't even cross my mind, but they all said someone did ask them which makes me sad.
Where I live it is about 2 or 3 PM when these videos get uploaded. The best part of my way back from work is listening to Tim. Thank you for all your stories. You're all heart, Tim
coming out as trans to my all cishet guy team at my current studio was terrifying, but the moment i told them they immediately switched to using my new name and they never once messed up name or pronouns that i can remember in three years, at least around me. all of them were just like "ok, cool, lets talk to IT to see about getting your stuff switched to the new name" and it's been chill ever since. best possible outcome - no weird questions, no dramatic reactions either way, just actual acceptance
being from the south, things were harder in my personal life. it's so weird that work is the place i feel the least stressed a lot of the time, especially given the crunch i went through at my last studio
I always appreciate your videos like this. I have two moms who are close to your age and it reminds me how badass they were for having kids at a time where most people were still so ignorant about who people were attracted to and loved. I should ask them if they have any fun coming out stories next time I see them.
I completely understand your point of it being weird when people said you could still be friends when they found out your sexuality, I assume they're trying to say something reassuring to show you they still like you but to be honest if your friend or close colleague comes out, you need to act happy for them or you need to act like it's not a big deal because realistically what you do in your free time is up to you and to me you're Tim Cain Fallout Daddy and anything else about you could never change that, I didn't find your work until 2010 I didn't find your channel until 2021/2022 but I wish I had found out sooner because I'm a huge fan of you and what you've created. Most wholesome creator on the planet and it shocks me to think I found you due to the horrific violence and hostility of fallout 😂😂
2:39 I recently had a similar experience with a friend of mine. I’d been medically transitioning at this point for a few months while also hanging out a lot with my best friend. I KNEW he’d be supportive of my transition, but I still felt too nervous and scared to come out to him. It got to a point where I’d get really down whenever we spent time together, so I knew I had to tell him soon. One day, we were going to hang out with a trans friend of his because she’d recently given him an old computer and now wanted to show us some programs that she’d loaded onto floppy disks for it. I realized that hanging out with both of them while still being closeted was going to feel horrible, so before we all met up, I bit the bullet and quickly came out to him over text. It was instantly a huge weight off my shoulders, and it felt super relieving for us to all nerd out without me feeling burdened by hiding myself. Later that night, my friend and I were playing Ocarina of Time while he gradually started asking me questions about my transition. He eventually said something to the effect of, “I feel kinda upset that you waited so long to come out to me! You knew I’d totally support you, right? Why didn’t you tell me earlier??” However, despite being slightly hurt by my hesitancy to let him know that I’m trans, he was more than understanding of my fear. I explained how I’d felt afraid to tell him because I was nervous to see how drastically changing my identity might affect our relationship or his perception of me (eg, worrying that him no longer seeing me as another guy may weaken our friendship, or that he may judge me for how slowly I’m transitioning socially). Ultimately, none of my worries came true - coming out to him has actually strengthened our friendship because I’m able to be my true self around him (and because he now feels much more comfortable with exploring his own feelings and confusion with gender). Coming out can be really hard, even when it’s to people who will definitely support you. My bi sister has been a vocal ally for years, and yet it took nine months for me to let her know that I’m trans (and it was only when she asked me after several weeks of me implying it during breakdowns, lol). It took me even longer to tell my friend that’s been transitioning for several years; I simply took a picture of my hormone bottles the day I first got them, and it took me a while to finally hit the “send” button (then I took them and got back to playing New Vegas, lol). I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes, the hardest part of coming out to someone is just DOING IT. Unfortunately, I have other people in my life who won’t be supportive of my transition, but at least I’ve built up some courage and momentum for the days I come out to these people by taking the first small (but not insignificant) leaps of faith by telling my ally friends.
tbh I have no idea “how” to come out. I feel like doing anything at this point in my life (and in society) is going to be interpreted as attention seeking.. so I’m terrified to do it for completely different reasons I guess. I think I drop little bread crumbs around for people to notice if they are paying attention (and care) but.. I honestly just also don’t want to deal with the inevitable fight with my family and old religious friends who are going to feel blindsided. They didn’t even “believe” me when a doctor diagnosed me with autism. They literally said “your brother and I don’t believe you’re autistic but we still love you” and my parents said “well.. we can’t wait to meet you in heaven without autism” so.. the idea of sharing anything additional about myself just.. seems like a terrible decision. My partner knows. and at the end of the day I think that’s the only person who I really need to know.
@FiXato well the evolutionary odds of having 2 homosexual children is questionable... almost as questionable as the theories that it's genetic! The only real theories with evidence relate to it coming from abuse. As in; gaes are created via molestation and deviant behaviour. So I suspect this guy prolly absent and his kids got abused or he's complicit
Im always interested in Fallout and Dev stories (even though Im not one myself) but, this is really interesting! Your story brought back a couple of stories from friends and acquaintances. Back in high school someone I liked came to me one day and said: "Im bi!" and the only thing my brain could come up with at 8/9-ish in the morning was: "...congrats?". We became closer after a good laugh. Its not always easy to react to something unexpected (specially half-asleep after a boring class!).
It's cool how open you are about it and I feel like the reason people said it's okay we can still be friends is probably due to the social stigma surrounding it at the time. Although I was outed as bi in middle school (2017ish) and still got spat at so I guess homophobia, homophobia never changes 😂
i was going to say "Wow! these comments are all so nice this is so refreshing!" then i scrolled to the bottom. I really am too naive.... regardless, happy pride everyone!
Tim you are so accepting even to those who weren't so accepting of you. Truly rare these days. Kudos. love your work and work on this channel, keep it up man!
I'm a feminine bi man and most of my friends and partners have been women so it's this weird "I can be your bitchy gay friend or your boyfriend" tension that made a lot of friendships weird and complicated.
The best night out I have ever had was a gay night. Saying this as a straight guy. I had bisexual and gay/lesbian friends who made us go out for their birthdays lol. Everyone was just chilling having fun, no trouble or confrontations. Never felt so safe on a night out.
Great video, interesting topic, as always. In my previous job (IT networking), one of the managers was gay. And he was pretty flamboyant, he wasn't afraid to show it. I remember getting intorduced to him as a part of a new team and his reply was (all in jest, of course) "No need to tell me your names, boys. I won't remember them." To which I replied "What makes you think I'll remember yours?" And that particular comment, in all the "snarkyness" started a wonderful friendship based on the edgiest banter you can imagine, that lasts to this day. Oh, and there they are! 😉
Here's a pretty wild one. Apologies if this is a bit "dark." Came out in my near mid 20s as bi. Was a hard one cause I was raised with a family that either hated my gay friends and thought the worst, or did the half step as "well you're still family so I'll love you even if I don't accept your lifestyle." There was one family member I had many spats with, and leading up to my mid 20s I was petrified. This was right before the pandemic so I figured "let's just rip band aid off." I did and said family member who has said this or that about my friends, about hypotheticals that I'd be a disgrace if I was gay literally said: "Oh. Okay. I still love you. I don't really care anymore." That STUMPED me pretty badly. Imagine having someone for most of your life say hateful things about something you are, you face that person to say what you are, and they all of a sudden had a character development??? Outside of that, coming out to people has warranted similar reactions and I almost say weird "allydom" like you showed of straight people pointing out "my type" in assumption, getting mad that "I didn't tell them sooner," and one person even decides to talk to me explicitly about their boyfriend in super inappropriate ways when I was their co worker 😂 Just weird. Idk how common that last part is but yea.
I used to live in the deep south and had a friend come out to me in around 2005(I'm a straight man, he was a gay man). I was one of the only people he knew who didn't get all weirded out in one way or another. I tried my best to make sure nothing changed between us, including bringing his newly outed gayness into the repertoire of jokes with the most classiness you can imagine from young men in their late teens and early 20s. Point is, I'd imagine your guy pal suddenly stopping viciously making fun of you would be very off-putting as well.
Yano sometimes a creator of a franchise can be a disappointment they say never meet ur hero's but at least the creator of fallout is respectful insight and intelligen 😊
Many coming out stories can be mundane. But some can be absolutely memorable in a good or a bad way. My coming out story to my mother was when I was coming out. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and one of my other family members was in the car. So I told her I had something important to tell her, but it had to be when they were dropped off. We lived 40 minutes away from town, so I kept her in suspense about that long. When I told her, she turned to me and shouted, "THAT'S ALL!? I THOUGHT YOU UNALIVED SOMEONE!" (she didn't use the term unalive, but you know TH-cam and the algorithms...), but she was ultimately fine with it. The only problem I had was when it felt like she was overcompensating? Like, she tried to talk about boys with me, she tried to point out attractive men to me (rather, men she thought were attractive). Was quite overbearing. But I thank my lucky stars every day that was the worst thing to happen to me when I came out because other people have had it so, so, so much worse than me.
@@MaskedImposter if you're unsure you could wait until you move out, if you can bear being in the closet a little while longer. Hope it goes well, stay safe 💜
I know I'm late, but I was interested in your experience being closeted gay man during the AIDS epidemic. I know its probably still a horrible thing to think about, but to me its an important part of our history
3:12 Despite not being gay, I do get the "really?" response a lot when I tell people that I am bisexual and it's comforting knowing I'm not the only one who gets that.
i'm bi but lean towards guys (im male) but i come from a super homophobic family. the anecdotes of support made me cry because i realized i can never get that from my family. if they ever know i would always be the "other"
you're a rolemodel and whenever i tell anyone about fallout i also tell them you're gay lol. i'm just proud that my favorite game ever came from this community, we da best. idc
When hanging out with theater people, I can comfortably say that kissing guys just doesn't give me the same kick as kissing gals. But taste is individual. Let love and lust between consenting adults be equal in all its forms. Happy pride to y'all
Gotta appreciate your tolerance for intolerant people. You have a very respectful and respectable way of addressing them. There's also people like me who are bi (or gay) and don't have time for modern pride stuff. I personally think some of it is over the top and overly "aggressive", for want of a better word. I initially intended to skip this video before you told people to skip the video but decided to stay after your measured and respectful approach to those of us who who wouldn't normally give mich time to such a video.
You're very brave for coming out as Swedish, Tim.
my friend is a closeted swede he is always making meatballs in the closet its really sad i just hear sobbing and "huurrrgghh dee duurrp de flurpa do" (i dont know how to spell how the muppets swedish chef talks sorry)
Finns are having a field day with this
"Swedish blood is tainted by generations of race mixing with Laplanders, they're basically Fins." ~ Cornelius Hawthorne, Community (TV series)
If any of my friends ever tells me they're Swedish, I'm totally saying "oh okay, we can still be friends"
I'm Swedish and I could totally see a Dane telling me that.
Swedes are like the most chill and normal nation that haven't had wars in forever, what's there to dislike about them
honestly, that'd be such a funny joke.
@@lepersonnage371 look up who had gold in swiss banks leading up to and during ww2. also just do research on swiss banks in general.
@@lepersonnage371 Surstromming is all I can think of
Option 4: "Attracted to you? Buddy, I friend-zoned you yeaaars ago"
Option 5: "Oh no, I'm attracted to my imaginary friend." Slowly turns to the empty space beside them, and then slowly back, smiling.
Option 6: "Yeah, you're pretty good looking" Then, the friend that asked the question gives the most comically absurd horny look at his gay friend while biting his lip, raising one eyebrow and rubbing his hands and goes "So uh... hahaaa... what you doing friday?"
Or just be an adult person and just be like "Thanks for the compliment, but sorry to disappoint. Don't swing that way and was just curious."
This is genious
@BengalaFraca That'd be "Think you can handle this?" and flex.
The only offensive thing about this video was calling admiral ackbar captain goldfish.
I can never remember names. Actors, characters, co-workers, family members...I mess up names all the time.
@@CainOnGames"Hi everyone, it's me, Michael err... Tim!"
Whatabout SquidMan? Because I could never pronounce "Ackbar" when I was a wee boy.
I hate remembering names even of coworkers, but its not as bad as my grandma that sometimes confuses names of her grandchildren on accident but then she realises the mistake.
@@635574 My Mom did that. Once she called my sister by the dog's name!
"I don't care what he does on the side..." Just had me rolling. That's a woman on a mission.
Thanks for the laughs, Tim!
I'm quite sure there was an episode of The Nanny where Fran's mother Sylvia reacted the same way 😅
As a straight man, I always felt other men’s reactions of disgust or aggression to finding out a gay man was attracted to them was some misplaced trauma response or insecurity. The few times I was approached as a younger man, I typically just said “thanks for the compliment” or something similar and let them know I wasn’t gay. Only once was another guy a little over persistent, and it made me reflect on my interactions with women and to treat them better than that.
Yeah, that's usually the real reason straight men get uncomfortable: because they are subconsciously reflecting on the fact that a man might treat them the way they treat women.
@@cat-le1hf As a bisexual woman, I totally empathize with the whole "women not wanting to be with you when they find out you're bi." And yeah, it's women for us too. They get very defensive when you try to get them to explain their thought process (mainly because there is no real thinking going on), but from what I've been able to gather: women, gay or straight, are intimidated by a partner who is attracted to men because for some reason they believe a male partner will always be more appealing. For lesbians I think they're afraid of the allure of a more comfortable heteronormative life that is technically an option for bi women. Straight women will just repeat over and over again their belief that bi men will cheat on them with men (despite cheating in general always being a risk in relationships.) If I had to guess what's really going on there it's the inability for straight people to understand that the way bisexuals feel attraction to any one gender is comparable to how they feel it to any other gender; all they can imagine is that in order to leave a straight relationship for a gay one, it must be such an *overwhelming* feeling of attraction that you can't help yourself. And/or because straight women are attracted to men and not women, they can't imagine on a fundamental level why you would want to stay with a woman, because *they* are not attracted to women. They empathize much more strongly with being attracted to men and they can picture themselves leaving a man for a man.
TL;DR: You're probably right.
All I'm saying is, flattery works for me. I don't care where it's coming from.
They all think you'll leave them for another man or they'll have to compete with men.
@@Nope-ity-nope-nope People who flatter tend to have ulterior motives they're hiding. I never liked praise or flattery, unless it's coming from someone who knows me for a long time and would have reasons to say something nice. But from a stranger? I'd ask what they're selling? Because I'm not buying.
As a Dane, the "hmm, okay, I guess we can still be friends" response to being Swedish seems completely warranted to me 🤣
LOL bro, why do all the Nordic countries hate each other?
@@quillclockthe answer is both a real history of conflict as well as a modern typ of “sibling” relationships where we meme about hating each other. Look up Dano-Swedish war for an example of the real conflicts.
@@quillclock Denmark and Sweden holds the world record in wars fought, but it's mostly a grumpy old neighbor strife at this point.
Historically Sweden was the big brother of the Scandinavian flock so the rest of us likes taking them down a bit :)
Today it's all in good sport.
@@nissenilsson9158 thank you
it's okay; it's not like anyone will understand what you said if you replied in Danish 😂
Kamalåså!
I'm sat here making a sandwich with this video playing in my earbud, and I burst out laughing so hard at "oh thank God, now I can tell my mom to stop bothering me about dating you"
hahahaha that's hilarious
same hahahahahahah
I lost it when her mom said she doesn't care "what he does on the side" 😂 mom of the year
I remember my best friend came out to me that he was gay when we were both freshmen in high school. He was feeling down that entire week and I knew something was up, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Friday came around, and he was going to come over and spend the weekend over my house, stay the night over. We lived in neighboring apartment complexes and it was a short walk from my house to his house.
He came over and was looking real down, when he came to my room, I asked him what was up. He finally came out to me and said he was gay and had a rainbow bracelet and was looking nervous. I looked at the bracelet, I looked at him, and then I told him that was awesome. Lets get on and play AD&D. He smiled and was glad, I think he though I would have given up on him, not be his friend anymore, but he was my best friend, always been there for me. After he came out he was more relaxed, we played AD&D and was still friends as we have been.
Friendship is an important thing, always cherish it. Also happy pride month everyone. 🌈
That made me smile and got me a little misty-eyed. 🥲
I love the story ❤
And I love that there’s an AD&D in this story )
Hi Tim, i wanted to tell you that you have been my sword in fighting the hate for gay people in Russia. As you may know, Russia is not the most progressive place in the world. But Fallout games, especcially the original two has a religious folowing in Russia. So whenewer some guy arround me says something homophobic, i tell them the tale of how a gay man gave them the original Fallout. Shuts them down in an instance. They may dislike gay people, but they would never dare to disrespect the godfather of Fallout.
So it's safe to say you did your part in fighting the good fight
I just came out as bisexual. Thank you so much, I would still be suffering without your content. It's like pure love for humanity to me.
I came out to my dad as gay and replied with, "cool... you want some toast?".
Did you want toast?! I need closure on that anecdote.
@@CainOnGames I did, I did want toast! I was a bit shocked how little he minded. I think he noticed I was in shock and reassured me I can love whoever I want and he just wants me happy. We then shared some toast and drank some coffee.
@@crayondev8627 That's a great story.
Congrats on getting toast. 🏳️🌈
LOL Captain Goldfish guy from Star Wars
Followed by the Darth Vader dog breathing at the end
I really appreciate when you talk about LGBTQ stuff Tim, please don’t let bigots keep you from sharing your valuable experiences.
Fallout NV made me realize I'm bisexual, so thanks.
Huh, on the surface, that seems surprising. I'd never really think of it as a particularly queer game, certain companion romance options aside (I don't know whether they had fixed orientations, or if they were player defined). What was it in NV that clicked with you re sexuality?
@SabiJD Mr. New Vegas, Had this man crush on him that I gaslit myself into thinking was Ironic at the time.
Fisto is ready to please.
Cowboys are the gayest thing ever. And its awesome.
Source: Orville Peck.
@@SabiJD For a game from 2010, 'New Vegas was pretty diversely representative for its time. Player 'romance' was limited to prostitutes* but there's quite a few positive depictions of queer folk. Can't speak for myself but I have a couple people in my social circle that were impacted seeing Arcade & Veronica just existing as people
*Even then there's dialogue that acknowledges orientation and for the most part is respectful barring that one really homophobic lady in Westside
Happy Pride Month Tim! I'm a 50+ yr old straight guy, but really appreciate you talking about your experiences. The haters will still complain, but I guarantee there's some twenty-something year kid out there struggling and videos like this can be tremendously helpful. Thank you.
Tim. Since you're such a cool game developer, I wouldn't hold being Swedish against you.
Tack.
Original Fallout was the first game where I played as a female character. As a trans woman, it was really meaningful to me to be able to express that aspect of my life when I was a teenager and wasn’t even aware of it myself. I went on to play female characters whenever I had the option and it helped me get to where I am today as a person that is out and open.
Tim, here's a Friday fun day question; What are the most memorable/heart-warming encounters you've had with fans of your games? How often do you get recognized and how do you feel about bumping into people who love your games?
Wishing you a lovely weekend and happy pride month!
I was thinking about a fun Friday topic along these lines too!
So furthermore; Tim, have you engaged much with, and how do you feel about, the creative fan communities based around you work (i.e. fan art, fiction, songs etc)? I know you cameo'd on the Nuka Break fan series, and you appeared on HowToDrink channel as he made a fan recreation of Nuka Cola. I really love the amazing Outer Worlds (the fine print) song The Stupendium released, as it really felt it captured the tone and spirit of the game in a way only a fan could. What are you most fun/treasured pieces of fan work/interaction?
Every time someone straight has asked me if I’m attracted to them, my answer has been “you’re alright” which tends to be a good middle of the road. Ha
I think that's a great choice.
If you say yes, you might get an "Eww", or equivalent reaction.
If you say no, they might get offended ("What's wrong with me?" or "So I'm not good enough for you?").
So "you're alright" is great.
Crap, Tim talked about it later in the video.
I should have waited until the end before commenting, sorry.
"Why do you want to know?" (joking tone) is my go to. Which is one people have a very hard time answering so now we are at minimum in the same boat of having been posed questions that have only awkward answers 😂
@@JustGrowingUp84 lol no need to apologize fellow Tim lover
@@maloryfunction2260 Heh, thanks.
I'm bisexual and this video made me so happy. Seeing older queer people being open about their sexuality is so reassuring. Usually queer representation is younger folks and maybe this is just me but that gives me anxiety sometimes. Do we get to age? And hearing you talk is so liberating. Thank you.
Something I’ve had on my mind a lot this Pride month is how many queer elders we lost because of the AIDS epidemic in the 80s-90s. It was a staggering number of people, and I wonder how different things might be now if they hadn’t been taken from us. At the very least, having someone who’s gone down these roads before is a gift to those of us just starting that path.
I love the highway analogy, a great easy to picture in your mind way to understand intersectionality within the LGBT community. We're all in it together but we can't know precisely what each person's path is going to be like, only the general direction and major roadblocks.
As a gay guy who loves video games, Timothy Cain is my inspiration.
Tim Cain puts the 'gay' in "game developer"! 👍
Is it rare for gay guys to like video games or something. Why that clarification as if it's something uncommon
@@lepersonnage371 No, but it is rare for queer folks to get represented in the industry.
Shoot as a straight guy who loves games he is mine too. :). Wonder if would find me attractive. ;)
must... fight... urge to ask Tim if he find me attractive...!
Dragon age made me realize that I have a type, and apparently it's sad elf boys who need my help. I'm still mad about it.
God no, not Fenris... reeeally?
@@chrissoclone mostly zevran, but yes. Fenris too. Merrill also piqued my interest in the same way. As I said. I'm not happy about it.
Alistair and Anders... (Awakening Anders, DA2 Anders sorta)
I know exactly how you feel. And I'm essentially a 5'10" dwarf so it's even harder to admit.
I always romance Zev haha, Morrigan gets so salty
As someone who is still closeted it is nice to here things like this, especially from someone I really respect like yourself, so thanks for sharing
I think there's something you should know, Jacob lol
Your gentleness and kindness is healing to me.
the story about his coworker's mom is extremely common and basically the way it "used to be"
There is the 4th type, the guy who’s figuring himself out lol
Yep! Had that one fairly regularly. 😂. Maybe not curious about their own situation, just curious in general.
I'm sharing this video with my gay brother right away. He came out when he turned 40 (he's 47 now). It was quite the struggle for him, but now he's happy and proud. And so are I.
Thanks, master Cain ;-)
I came out as bi in high school, and most everyone was cool with it. I got a lot of, "Well I don't care just don't hit on me," and I would always say the same thing, "EW," hehehehe
Then I sort of slunk back into the closet until about 2005 when I met a small group of trans folks, and it was because of that I realized that I didn't particularly feel masculine or feminine. But the term non-binary hadn't really made it's way into the world yet, and so I just sort of stayed half in the closet for years until I noticed folks were coming out as non-binary, and then I started exploring my gender identity, and sexuality. I didn't come out as non-binary until I was 38, and then, because I am also native American it started making more sense to identify as Two-spirit, and you know, I still don't know if my journey is done. Maybe it'll never be done, but I am much happier now that I am out.
Thank you for making this video! I loved your video last year, and was really hoping that you do something this year for pride as well! Happy pride!
This is wonderful!!! Loved hearing your story, happy pride!!!!
Making friends with trans folks was instrumental for me discovering that there were actually terms to describe all of these things I’d been feeling about my gender for so long. I’m 51 and wishing I’d had that knowledge and queer community when I was younger. At the very least I would have had a chance to look better in a skirt than I do now. 😅 In any case, better late than never, I suppose. 🟨⬜️🟪⬛️
Happy pride Tim! Playing rpgs growing up helped me to be a more open-minded and inclusive person
Love. Love never changes. Happy Pride!
I have the up most respect for anyone that comes out, I remember my friend at university telling me about coming out to his parents as 17 years old in the late 90's. Their reaction was to march him to the police station and demand that he report the 19 year old he had been seeing for child abuse. He now has a good relationship with his parents and puts it down to a shock reaction but what a thing to have to deal with!
As a parent I don't mind who my daughter finds attractive and hopefully one day falls in love with as long as they make her happy and treat her with care and respect. And I hope that she will always feel that she can tell me anything.
What happened to the 19-year-old???
@bartolomeothesatyr my friend refused to go into the police station and eventually his parents calmed down and saw sense.
@@tedpalmer1537 That's a relief to read; that sort of parental overreaction can ruin a person's life.
2:32 Hi Tim, swede here, sounds like they might just be Norwegian 😂
eller dansk *shuddering*
Really great to hear your stories, my coming out experience was a process of leaving increasingly obvious hints until I eventually got to the point of just telling people lol - and at a certain point being trans you don't need to physically tell people anymore which can be on the positive side.
Hey Tim, I started catching your vids about a year ago; and then I learned you were like the guy who gave us fallout. Been watching ever since.
But I remember in high school that one of my best friends, his name is Travis, came out as gay one day, lol. None of us cared. It didn’t register to me until I realized that I never met one of his girlfriends yah know?, but we didn’t care, I knew the guy so well, he was part of our crew, a quiet, intelligent, stoic young man who didn’t speak much but when he did, he had something to say and we all listened. To any closeted gay men out there I would say: you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your best friends that your gay, we are going to love you no matter what you might be afraid of. And we will protect you from the assholes of the world. you are made man in my eyes - untouchable. That’s just my two cents.
Tim I am hear not for the game dev talk but to hear your life experiences and opinions. You rock Tim!
@Timothy Cain
As a straight dude I always found attention from my gay buddies flattering. I love them, in a platonic sense, and I support their well being but it would never be sexual---however, they did give me confidence to be myself. I never asked "the question" but I could always tell when they were flirting.
I had my gay friend come out to me and expressing that he was always attracted to me. It wasn't an "eww" for me, although we were hanging out without me suspecting, so I was surprised. I always thought he was just a shy guy. I strongly believe in shooting your shot if you find somebody attractive, it's sad when people are blocked with expressing their feelings of enthusiasm for other person. I also think he was still in a high of "coming out" phase after maturing (we were like 21) and it was nice to see him finally get out of his shell and seeing him finally expressing his real character and wits freely.
This is so timely! I literally just had a conversation last night with my niece about this. I explained to her how I had a date with a girl in the early 2000s that was so passively homophobic and kept repeating that people “choose to be gay”, pissed I asked her what age she was when she “decided” to be straight? Silence. It warped her sad ignorant mind!
The "I don't care what he does on the side" story is eerily close to some of my experiences coming out as a gay Gen Z man. Can confirm it still happens when coming out to some Gen X and older milennials lol. Happy pride month Tim! :)
Love your games (Fallout 1 and The Outer Worlds, in particular).
I've watched a lot of your videos, but never commented before. I'm a straight man, but always feel the need to go out of my way to show support for people who may be marginalized by others for their differences.
Also, my favorite game developers when I was a kid were Interplay, Black Isle, and Bioware.
Today my favorite game developers are Obsidian, InXile, and Bioware (Bioware has had a bit of a rough patch as of late, but let's hope Dragon Age 4 is a success).
That's really funny at the end. I'm straight but I live near an openly gay area, Rehoboth Beach. So I see gay men check me out all the time, I have also been in very awkward situations, because men are still men, and when they are drunk and horny, some behave the same regardless of orientation. However I never get really upset or anything, most of the time it gives me a perspective of how women feel when dealing with men, which is great. Its helped me be self aware.
There really is no problem with having a gay man attracted to you, I think most of the disgust some men feel is due to homophobia, the assumption that these gay men cannot control themselves around you is very narcissistic. If women can control themselves in your presence, than so can gay men. I have personally never seen women throw themselves at any of the homophobic men I have seen, yet they assume gay men will. Very strange.
As a gay gal, my response is usually along the lines of, "You're cute. But I don't really see you in that way."
The intention is to reframe it as a detached positive assessment. I avoid insulting them but I also shut down the idea that I might be perving on them.
I might have to steal that. I have a specific type, so generally I can just say that, but if they are straight and that type, I never had a good response.
as much as i love hearing you talk about the industry and programming stuff, it’s stories like these that are truly the most important ones you can tell. thank you Tim!
I never came out as bi, honestly. Not in the "im still closeted" way but just in the sense that everyone kind of knew I was a little gay since I was a kid, and I kinda just assumed people would figure it out, and if anyone asked I just said "I'm bi" and if thry cared, I didn't give a shit. Being on the autism spectrum really helped in thay regard. I had to reveal it to very few people, but one of them was my girlfriend at the time who told me "I could never date a man who slept with another man" and I had to be like, " yeah uh here's the thing about that..." Needless to say that relationship ended pretty soon after. 😂
However, coming out as a trans girl was a whole other ballpark. By then I was an actual adult. I knew a little bit when I was really young, but any attempt to express those feelings to the most of my peers or family would end in transphobia, so I repressed it for two decades. Then while working through some unrelated traumas, I started to recall some of those peculiar events from childhood. Some of those weird feelings about my body and my complete disregard for my physical form started to make a lot of sense. The incongruity of my face being so unappealing to me that I felt the need to never shave in order to hide my face behind a giant beard. I was a semi-professional stage actor at the time, and a director one time told me that I should wear clothes that are form fitting to rehearsals, and I responded that I dont want people to perceive me body. She was concerned from an actor's standpoint: you can't be fully in a scene if your conscious of your own real body. The realization came when a friend of mine told a transphobic joke about Caitlyn Jenner, and I got *really* mad. Not because I like Caitlyn Jenner (I do not) but because his criticisms of her all seemed to dovetail with transphobic rhetoric about her cosmetic surgeries or misgendering her. And what started as a small "hey, maybe, we can criticize the fact that she got away with manslaughter without implying that gender identity is only valid or worth respecting if its someone we like" eventually turned into a massive argument in which I got inexplicably mad. Like more than an "ally" would, as if he had insulted *me* personally... and yeah after a little self reflection, I started to unearth and subsequently crack the egg I had buried many years before.
Most people were really nice about me coming out, I got a lot of those "oh I knew you were some kind of queer" comments, which was interesting because I always *had* been bi and I never made any attempt to hide it. I kind of had to drop away from the theater community. I wasnt going to get cast to play any fem roles, I didn't want to play men anymore, and even *after* my transition has been relatively successful, I don't think I'll get cast in any fem roles still. Specifically because my previous success was mostly just a case of big fish small pond. Our local theater scene is female dominated, all the auditions have tons of women there for every role imaginable. But the competition for male actors is much slimmer. Theres like 5 (passing for) young men in all of SWFL who speak clearly, project their voice, hit their mark, and have good diction, all without bumping into the set furniture.
My mom told me she always knew I was queer (again, I've never hidden the fact that I was bi). My dad just wordlessly hugged me, my mom had insisted on being the one to explain it to him, but he's been accepting of it (even if he doesn't understand it at all). My brother bought me a drink. My sister and brother in law sent me flowers that had a she / her pin on the card. Most of my friends sent very supportive messages. One of my theater acquaintance sent me a message that said she was also trans and wasn't quite ready to come out, and that she saw me and my wife as an aspirational story because her and her partner were also still together and very much in love after starting transition. That kind of broke my heard and left me at a loss for words and never ended up responding because my marriage was actually falling apart (unrelated to me being trans). 😢 I actually found out later that the way I came out was really inspiring for a lot of the closeted trans girls in the area. I didn't wait until I was partway into transition to tell people. As soon as I realized what I needed, as soon as I experienced that first small hit of gender euphoria, as soon as I *knew* I started telling people, I didnt want to be my deadname anymore. And apparently that was really important for some people, because most trans people hide the fact that they're transitioning until they feel like they're passing enough to make the reveal, where as I just proudly and loudly announced "this is who I am" to the world around me. Some people judged me for being authentically myself and quietly deleted me from their facebook friends list or whatever while I struggled to find any fucks to give. Their loss, I don't want bigots in my life.
That's my whole coming out story there! Thank you if you read this rambling comment.
P.S. just wanted to let you know, Tim, that your videos have inspired me to learn Unity. I've always wanted to learn game development, it's always been a field I was interested in, but your videos have inspired me to give it a real shot. I recently saw your video where you said you hope that these dev diary vlogs will lead to new games for you to enjoy. I've added it to my bucket list, make a game that Tim Cain would love. It's the least we can do for you, you've taken us to so many beautiful worlds and given us so much agency within those worlds. And then you start making these videos that are so full of invaluable insight on how the industry works, your process, and the history of the games you've developed. Thank you, I hope we can make you proud, Tim. ❤️
3:13 damn, this one’s too relatable, I’m a pretty masc guy by nature and pretty reserved too, so I don’t tell people too much about me right off the bat. I get that reaction mostly on the rare occasions it comes up that i like men too. I just say “ they’re masculine and i like masculine things!” :D* goofball logic battles goofball logic
Really appreciating this as a cishet man who is trying to embrace my identity as something separate and distinct from "masculinity." If "traditional masculinity" and straightness are the antithesis to fully feeling your feelings and letting love in, then I don't want a part of that. Thank you for your stories!
Identity and sexuality are fluid spectrums! Don’t feel the need to place a distinct label on yourself, just be who you are and express that for yourself. Labels are useful for quickly covering the basics, but they should never be the endpoint of self-expression and identification. From one “untraditionally masculine” man to another, just express your gender and your feelings in the way that most suits you, fuck traditional gender roles.
I had a slightly different experience growing up in that I'm not gay but growing up in a small town an awful lot of people thought I was. I'm not sure if this was due to the fact i had a bunch of female friends, or something about the way I looked. This being the early 90's it meant I experienced a lot of the things I guess a gay man would have. I was shouted at in the street, had people punch me, had men chat me up in bars or discreetly try and come on to me in toilets who nobody would have presumed were gay in the rest of their lives. When I had girlfriends some people would be surprised. I was never bothered by people thinking it, none of my friends cared either way. Never happened when I went to university or lived anywhere else but every time i went back or moved back it would start up again. If anything it made me far more accepting of people of any sexuality from a young age. Its made me what i guess some would consider an ally although I'm hesitant to use that word. Seeing the struggle that some people have when it should be a non issue saddenens me and I feel like we are slipping back a bit with all the rhetoric thrown around by politicians to score cheap votes.
I really like the Obsidian Pride T-shirt
I need it
Yeah where do I buy that at I need itttttttt
@@TheBeowulf If I were to wager a guess I think it's a shirt they distributed internally during a pride month event at Obsidian, but hey, I could be wrong. I would 100% buy one too
@@julhabulha leaving money on the table, I will never have enough random pride shirts and I got cash to burn lmao
It looks similar to the usual 2-colour Obsidian logo shirt they have on the Xbox Gear Shop website, but the pride variant doesn't seem available. Annoyingly, you seem to have no choice in the Xbox logo on the back lol.
There is a separate Obsidian Pride shirt, but it's a collage of illustrations of stuff from their games.
This was a fun little video for pride month. I initially came out to my friends which some of it was because they found my tumblr page (lol) and I also just started telling people. That was in my late teens. I came out to my parents a year later. I was afraid to tell them because I know they are conservative voters and everything I had read at that point was, "your conservative parents will hate that you're gay." It was just the opposite, my parents supported me pretty hardcore which was awesome. My brother didn't care but he was happy that I was going to be the real me from then on.
Your freeway analogy is perfect. I really like that.
Great video Tim and happy pride!
I never came out, I was kicked out because I trusted the wrong person. She told our group of friends and overnight they hated the ground I walked on. Destroyed me at the time but I eventually realize they were never really my friends. It was a fantastic life lesson.
That is rough I hope you've found better friends since. Incidently I am bi and out to quite a few people but not certain 'friends' I have had for a long time because I can't be sure how they will react, and don't really care to deal with it if they do react negatively tbh.
My best advice to anyone who's contemplating coming out (as someone who's come out 2 or 3 times depending on how you count it) is that coming out feels really scary the first couple of people you tell, then it mostly becomes admin. By the time I was coming out for the second time (as trans) I couldn't be bothered with it and just got my mum to update the extended family.
Also, at least one of your straight/cis friends or family members will be very caught off guard by you coming out and will say something incredibly weird and embarassing. It is your God-given right as a queer person to make fun of them for this.
Also also, if your parents are supportive then you will probably get a gift of some of the worst pride merch you've ever seen in your life. You do not have to wear it more than once.
It's okay that you're Swedish Tim. I'm Danish, and even though we should be mortal enemies, we can still be friends.
"Captain Goldfish guy"!?!? Risking your Geek Card there, Tim! :P
That lady was right, being nice and having a house has to be the top tier of potential life partner.
red flag if status or finances of a potential partner are anything more then a nice to have
No one owns a house, they lease it from the government
I want to protest on behalf of all of us who will probably never own a home, but then I realize I just explained the reasoning. There’s a lot to be said for security.
Towards the end of the video, I see the reflection of the dog come into the room ......then hear it instantly fall asleep? Dog sleep that fast?
Yes. She sleeps instantly everywhere in the house. Whether I am working at my desk, playing video games on the couch, sleeping in bed, cooking in the kitchen...she is the soundtrack to my life.
@@CainOnGamesPets are great. I'd be lost without my cat.
Tim Cain saying the word twink just feels like the 2024 timeline is complete . Me playing Cains 1997 Fallout LED to this moment . all those all nighters. ALSO WE LOVE TIM CAIN !!!!! RAAAHHH
As soon as you said "after you come out your straight friends will all ask you one question" I knew exactly what that was because when I came out at 13 literally all of my straight guy friends asked me the same question.
The part that the mom said she didn't care, so long as she gets some grandkids, cracked me up lol
Im a trans girl nd i cant imagine how it mustve been at the time. Its 2024 and im still terrified to formally come out to my family. Its not like its a secret but theyre v judgemental ab it and think its like having a favorite band or something instead of an intrinsic part of my identity. Anyway this was a great video tim!!
My best friend was similar in that he didn't come out to his friends and family until he was in his 30s too (worried that they might disown him or something). He loves Transformers, so prior to him telling us, I used to tease him that maybe he was Robosexual :P It was so nice when he was finally able to be his true self and just feel comfortable being authentic. Glad to hear your experience was mostly positive as well :) Any guy who asks THAT question is kind of broken. I've had 3 of my friends come out and that question didn't even cross my mind, but they all said someone did ask them which makes me sad.
The story about your female coworkers mother was the funniest thing I’ve heard on this channel. Also hearing you say “twink”. Maybe I’m immature
Where I live it is about 2 or 3 PM when these videos get uploaded. The best part of my way back from work is listening to Tim. Thank you for all your stories. You're all heart, Tim
coming out as trans to my all cishet guy team at my current studio was terrifying, but the moment i told them they immediately switched to using my new name and they never once messed up name or pronouns that i can remember in three years, at least around me. all of them were just like "ok, cool, lets talk to IT to see about getting your stuff switched to the new name" and it's been chill ever since. best possible outcome - no weird questions, no dramatic reactions either way, just actual acceptance
being from the south, things were harder in my personal life. it's so weird that work is the place i feel the least stressed a lot of the time, especially given the crunch i went through at my last studio
@@sunsetsoverlavenderfieldswhat is cishet?
@@wesss9353 cis gender, heterosexual. Straight in every way
@wesss9353 cis gender heterosexual.
Cis is the opposite of trans in the latin roots. So men who like being men and like women.
@@stormveil thanks
I always appreciate your videos like this. I have two moms who are close to your age and it reminds me how badass they were for having kids at a time where most people were still so ignorant about who people were attracted to and loved. I should ask them if they have any fun coming out stories next time I see them.
I completely understand your point of it being weird when people said you could still be friends when they found out your sexuality, I assume they're trying to say something reassuring to show you they still like you but to be honest if your friend or close colleague comes out, you need to act happy for them or you need to act like it's not a big deal because realistically what you do in your free time is up to you and to me you're Tim Cain Fallout Daddy and anything else about you could never change that, I didn't find your work until 2010 I didn't find your channel until 2021/2022 but I wish I had found out sooner because I'm a huge fan of you and what you've created.
Most wholesome creator on the planet and it shocks me to think I found you due to the horrific violence and hostility of fallout 😂😂
2:39 I recently had a similar experience with a friend of mine. I’d been medically transitioning at this point for a few months while also hanging out a lot with my best friend. I KNEW he’d be supportive of my transition, but I still felt too nervous and scared to come out to him. It got to a point where I’d get really down whenever we spent time together, so I knew I had to tell him soon.
One day, we were going to hang out with a trans friend of his because she’d recently given him an old computer and now wanted to show us some programs that she’d loaded onto floppy disks for it. I realized that hanging out with both of them while still being closeted was going to feel horrible, so before we all met up, I bit the bullet and quickly came out to him over text. It was instantly a huge weight off my shoulders, and it felt super relieving for us to all nerd out without me feeling burdened by hiding myself.
Later that night, my friend and I were playing Ocarina of Time while he gradually started asking me questions about my transition. He eventually said something to the effect of, “I feel kinda upset that you waited so long to come out to me! You knew I’d totally support you, right? Why didn’t you tell me earlier??” However, despite being slightly hurt by my hesitancy to let him know that I’m trans, he was more than understanding of my fear. I explained how I’d felt afraid to tell him because I was nervous to see how drastically changing my identity might affect our relationship or his perception of me (eg, worrying that him no longer seeing me as another guy may weaken our friendship, or that he may judge me for how slowly I’m transitioning socially). Ultimately, none of my worries came true - coming out to him has actually strengthened our friendship because I’m able to be my true self around him (and because he now feels much more comfortable with exploring his own feelings and confusion with gender).
Coming out can be really hard, even when it’s to people who will definitely support you. My bi sister has been a vocal ally for years, and yet it took nine months for me to let her know that I’m trans (and it was only when she asked me after several weeks of me implying it during breakdowns, lol). It took me even longer to tell my friend that’s been transitioning for several years; I simply took a picture of my hormone bottles the day I first got them, and it took me a while to finally hit the “send” button (then I took them and got back to playing New Vegas, lol).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes, the hardest part of coming out to someone is just DOING IT. Unfortunately, I have other people in my life who won’t be supportive of my transition, but at least I’ve built up some courage and momentum for the days I come out to these people by taking the first small (but not insignificant) leaps of faith by telling my ally friends.
tbh I have no idea “how” to come out. I feel like doing anything at this point in my life (and in society) is going to be interpreted as attention seeking.. so I’m terrified to do it for completely different reasons I guess.
I think I drop little bread crumbs around for people to notice if they are paying attention (and care) but.. I honestly just also don’t want to deal with the inevitable fight with my family and old religious friends who are going to feel blindsided. They didn’t even “believe” me when a doctor diagnosed me with autism. They literally said “your brother and I don’t believe you’re autistic but we still love you” and my parents said “well.. we can’t wait to meet you in heaven without autism”
so.. the idea of sharing anything additional about myself just.. seems like a terrible decision. My partner knows. and at the end of the day I think that’s the only person who I really need to know.
I have 2 gay children and it was such a wonderful experience to have them love and trust me enough to come out to us. Keep fighting the good fight!
questionable
@@Grumbledookvid care to elaborate on what sounds like a homophobic response?
@@FiXato You're asking too much of them. A shallow person can't elaborate.
@FiXato well the evolutionary odds of having 2 homosexual children is questionable... almost as questionable as the theories that it's genetic! The only real theories with evidence relate to it coming from abuse. As in; gaes are created via molestation and deviant behaviour. So I suspect this guy prolly absent and his kids got abused or he's complicit
I’m going to start referring to Admiral Ackbar as Captain Goldfish from now on! 🤣
Im always interested in Fallout and Dev stories (even though Im not one myself) but, this is really interesting! Your story brought back a couple of stories from friends and acquaintances.
Back in high school someone I liked came to me one day and said: "Im bi!" and the only thing my brain could come up with at 8/9-ish in the morning was: "...congrats?". We became closer after a good laugh.
Its not always easy to react to something unexpected (specially half-asleep after a boring class!).
It's cool how open you are about it and I feel like the reason people said it's okay we can still be friends is probably due to the social stigma surrounding it at the time.
Although I was outed as bi in middle school (2017ish) and still got spat at so I guess homophobia, homophobia never changes 😂
i was going to say "Wow! these comments are all so nice this is so refreshing!" then i scrolled to the bottom.
I really am too naive....
regardless, happy pride everyone!
No online space can ever realistically be 100% free of bigotry, unfortunately. I'm happy that at least the large majority of comments are cool
I love these stories, please don't let anyone dissuade you from telling them.
Tim you are so accepting even to those who weren't so accepting of you. Truly rare these days. Kudos.
love your work and work on this channel, keep it up man!
I'm a feminine bi man and most of my friends and partners have been women so it's this weird "I can be your bitchy gay friend or your boyfriend" tension that made a lot of friendships weird and complicated.
The best night out I have ever had was a gay night.
Saying this as a straight guy.
I had bisexual and gay/lesbian friends who made us go out for their birthdays lol.
Everyone was just chilling having fun, no trouble or confrontations.
Never felt so safe on a night out.
Great video, interesting topic, as always.
In my previous job (IT networking), one of the managers was gay. And he was pretty flamboyant, he wasn't afraid to show it. I remember getting intorduced to him as a part of a new team and his reply was (all in jest, of course) "No need to tell me your names, boys. I won't remember them." To which I replied "What makes you think I'll remember yours?"
And that particular comment, in all the "snarkyness" started a wonderful friendship based on the edgiest banter you can imagine, that lasts to this day.
Oh, and there they are! 😉
The story about the mom was hilarious 😂it’s good to know that people were accepting.
Aww, this video was amazing. Definitely make something every June please!
Thankfully, I just had finished my drink when you said, “Her mother doesn’t care” because I burst out laughing. Happy pride month!
The mom dating story is the funniest shit I've heard all week omg😂
Here's a pretty wild one. Apologies if this is a bit "dark."
Came out in my near mid 20s as bi. Was a hard one cause I was raised with a family that either hated my gay friends and thought the worst, or did the half step as "well you're still family so I'll love you even if I don't accept your lifestyle."
There was one family member I had many spats with, and leading up to my mid 20s I was petrified. This was right before the pandemic so I figured "let's just rip band aid off." I did and said family member who has said this or that about my friends, about hypotheticals that I'd be a disgrace if I was gay literally said:
"Oh. Okay. I still love you. I don't really care anymore."
That STUMPED me pretty badly. Imagine having someone for most of your life say hateful things about something you are, you face that person to say what you are, and they all of a sudden had a character development???
Outside of that, coming out to people has warranted similar reactions and I almost say weird "allydom" like you showed of straight people pointing out "my type" in assumption, getting mad that "I didn't tell them sooner," and one person even decides to talk to me explicitly about their boyfriend in super inappropriate ways when I was their co worker 😂
Just weird. Idk how common that last part is but yea.
Thank you, Tim. In a time where people hate on a soccer team for wearing pink jerseys, I really needed that
I always liked working with gay guys, it tends to bring a fun, refreshing "energy", it takes all kinds to make a rainbow ya know?
Happy June, Tim!
My bi friend told me once he used to have a crush on me, and I said something like "Oh, haha, that's flattering"
I used to live in the deep south and had a friend come out to me in around 2005(I'm a straight man, he was a gay man). I was one of the only people he knew who didn't get all weirded out in one way or another. I tried my best to make sure nothing changed between us, including bringing his newly outed gayness into the repertoire of jokes with the most classiness you can imagine from young men in their late teens and early 20s. Point is, I'd imagine your guy pal suddenly stopping viciously making fun of you would be very off-putting as well.
Yano sometimes a creator of a franchise can be a disappointment they say never meet ur hero's but at least the creator of fallout is respectful insight and intelligen 😊
Many coming out stories can be mundane. But some can be absolutely memorable in a good or a bad way.
My coming out story to my mother was when I was coming out. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and one of my other family members was in the car. So I told her I had something important to tell her, but it had to be when they were dropped off. We lived 40 minutes away from town, so I kept her in suspense about that long. When I told her, she turned to me and shouted, "THAT'S ALL!? I THOUGHT YOU UNALIVED SOMEONE!" (she didn't use the term unalive, but you know TH-cam and the algorithms...), but she was ultimately fine with it. The only problem I had was when it felt like she was overcompensating? Like, she tried to talk about boys with me, she tried to point out attractive men to me (rather, men she thought were attractive). Was quite overbearing. But I thank my lucky stars every day that was the worst thing to happen to me when I came out because other people have had it so, so, so much worse than me.
So glad it went well. I'm in that nervous stage of wondering how my parents will react 😅
@@MaskedImposter if you're unsure you could wait until you move out, if you can bear being in the closet a little while longer. Hope it goes well, stay safe 💜
I know I'm late, but I was interested in your experience being closeted gay man during the AIDS epidemic. I know its probably still a horrible thing to think about, but to me its an important part of our history
3:12 Despite not being gay, I do get the "really?" response a lot when I tell people that I am bisexual and it's comforting knowing I'm not the only one who gets that.
yayyy gay talk with Tim! I happen to enjoy it! :-)
i'm bi but lean towards guys (im male) but i come from a super homophobic family. the anecdotes of support made me cry because i realized i can never get that from my family. if they ever know i would always be the "other"
you're a rolemodel and whenever i tell anyone about fallout i also tell them you're gay lol. i'm just proud that my favorite game ever came from this community, we da best. idc
When hanging out with theater people, I can comfortably say that kissing guys just doesn't give me the same kick as kissing gals.
But taste is individual. Let love and lust between consenting adults be equal in all its forms.
Happy pride to y'all
happy (late) pride month, tim!
Honestly didn't know until very recently. Happy Pride! You made my favorite game (Arcanum) and my favorite franchise (Fallout).
Thank you for continuing to share stories of all kinds, Tim. I enjoy them all
Gotta appreciate your tolerance for intolerant people. You have a very respectful and respectable way of addressing them. There's also people like me who are bi (or gay) and don't have time for modern pride stuff. I personally think some of it is over the top and overly "aggressive", for want of a better word. I initially intended to skip this video before you told people to skip the video but decided to stay after your measured and respectful approach to those of us who who wouldn't normally give mich time to such a video.