Being Lonely in Your 30s
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Sharing my experiences with loneliness as a man in my 30s.
For the algorithm - mensmentalhealth, self improvement, stoicism, spirituality, connection, relationships
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Been truly humbled by the sheer amount of people going through the same struggle.
One thing is clear - we're not alone.
Thank you.
I'm 34 and havent had friends or a gf since high school. I act ok to most ppl but the truth is I just wanna tell them I'm lonely af
Thanks for sharing, so many people are in the same boat. As a species we need human interaction as much as we need food, water and shelter. Would you like to have more relationships in your life?
Well, humans are becoming so non-traditional it's almost extraterrestrial.
Ha least you had a gf in school. 34 and never had one
Yeah I'm separated from my I guess wife lol...
Nobody knows I'm lonely as fuck.... But I do avoid friends and I do want them...
But anxiety from my appearance has gotten me very antisocial.....
Get your passport. Visit the Phillipines for a week and talk to some girls.
We live in a time of immense loneliness.
So true
we're connected with social media yet it feels like it disconnected us immensely. I often wish social media was never created.
@@Hikari_Sakurai I think about this all the time. what good has social media brought us? do we need to be constantly informed on everyone's lives in an instant without making any effort for that information? are people's lives even what they seem like on social media? Isn't it harmful for us to see all these talented and beautiful people gather all this attention when you might not? there's so many questions like this and the negatives heavily outweigh the positives for me. also, social media and all internet platforms are just plastered with ads now, it doesn't even feel like a nice experience anymore, the internet is just there for corporations to sell you useless shit rn. this might've not made much sense but I wanted to voice this, no one else seems to notice any of this, people, especially kids, are literally glued to their screens 24/7 and they've got all these unrealistic standards and aims because of all these influencers, and when you can't reach those same goals, you put yourself down and you can acknowledge the progress you've made because its not good enough, as you aren't living the life of those you look up to on social media, even though you don't even know those people, or met them in person.
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
As men it's almost eternal. Very few men get to experience life as it should be experienced today, and those men are not at the bottom of the food chain.
It can all change in the blink of an eye, remember that. At 32 I had no one, now 6 years later I have a wife and kid. Never been more happy.
all it takes is one good person to change your life. Glad you have a family now
Lots of great friendships between men bleed to death because one has wife and children. I never understood that excuse unless one likes to live in a really small monotone world of wife and kids only 🙄 that doesn't sound like a healthy situation and rather dumb.
I love this for you! It's so true that circumstances can change so fast (even if we don't believe they can). Five years ago, I was down on my luck, thinking I'd never find a job in my field (much less one I liked) because of constant rejection and here I am at 33 with a great job that's right up my alley. I'm trying to believe the same can happen with love. It seems like how we use our time and grow during our waiting seasons is even more important than the end result or outcome because I'm much stronger and more confident of a person because of my difficult experience.
@@NLStitchwouldn’t call it cheating…some people want a family. Hell all I’ve ever wanted was to raise my own family and give them everything I never got to have
It CAN chage. But it is not granted
I’m 50 - I’ve learned this. - it doesn’t matter what you have. If you don’t have anyone to share it with. You don’t have anything. It’s a hard fact. & materialism wants us all lonely and also adversarial.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you can lead an exciting life by yourself if you love yourself enough
It's not about feeling sorry for oneself.
He is referring to factual, verifiable data. You are not.
@@swolfe9668
@@swolfe9668 There will always be a key element missing, though. Deep inside, we are still social animals. Keyword - animals. You may try to rationalize, but your mind and body will still know something's wrong.
It's such a sad thing that in today's world, we are the most connected yet we're lonelier than ever.
It's crazy how many people feel loneliness and say nothing about it. I'm glad that being online gives people the space to say things they wouldn't feel comfortable saying in the real world but sometimes I wonder if it's being online that is responsible.
We're connected well with people a million miles away, and in that pursuit disconnected from those in front of us.
@@ivermektin6874 Unfortuantely finding "your people" online is so much easier.
The darkest reality is even worse. That we sabotage it further by being hyper picky about only wanting to be friends with “high value” ppl to compensate for the fact that we have no friends. Admit it. All these ppl in the comments won’t even come together to be friends with each other given the chance, because you all think each others are losers. That’s the worst part. We dig our own graves.
I feel more connected with people abroad. I dont feel connected with people in my country. When I graduate in few years Im so out of here.@@ivermektin6874
I'm 38 and have never felt lonelier in my life, but at the same time I'm more okay with being alone than I've been before. I've realized that I'd rather be alone than being with people who judge me and make me feel like I need to be somebody else.
When you realize that the idea of loneliness is nothing more than a construct we are told to believe by those very same people who are unable to spend 5 minutes alone, you feel far better being on your own. Being alone and being lonely are two different things.
@@sloht4061 c'mon, isolation-loneliness exist. Being lonely is very different from being alone. Instead of acknowledging that people whatever age can feel isolated-lonely sometimes due to a number of reasons, you talk about 'those who make us to believe'. With this you are completely dismissing someone's experience who actually feels lonely. Perhaps what you meant is that people telling you that you need lot of friends, spending weekends out and a partner to be happy? That's what you meant? If yes, I could agree, we do not need all these things to be happy and feel fine in line, again, depends on who you are as a person, what stage in your life you are at etc. But to make a comment and blame it on 'the others who tell you' it looks rather delusional or paranoid.
@@erzsebetnaftalin5987 Being locked up completely isolated for very very long periods of time is like a garunfuckingtee'd way to make someone develop mental diseases. Happens in jail in solitary confinement 100% of the time from what I know.
Having social relationships is hardwired into us on a very very very very very very fundamental level. Not having them is like not having any vitamin D or calcium or something very core. You can live without it, for a while, but it's a pretty fast track to getting real fucked up.
It’s ok to BE alone. It’s not ok to wish you had people & BE alone. Infact it does many bad things to our body. Including putting us in a fight or flight response for long periods & wrecking our cortisol glands. Taking years off our life’s.
Why would you avoid people simply because of judgement? There is nothing wrong with judgement
35 here. Over the years, I've been embracing my loneliness more and more. I see right now as my 'Golden Era' to master myself! It's my time with no distractions to get back on track financially, physically, romantically etc. I've begun to learn to love myself again on this solo path. But most importantly. I am learning to 'just be'. It's peaceful. If you're reading this, please know that things get better...remember this: if you can conquer your mind, you can conquer the world!
I actually didn't mind being lonely in my 30's. I felt like I still had time. Now I'm lonely in my 40's and it's an entirely different feeling. I'm 42, no wife and no friends and trust me it is way worse than the same in your 30's. When I was in my 30's I still had hope. Once you hit your 40's that's just about gone.
I'm 23 and am already feeling very hopeless. I'm still relatively young but I'm about 2 years behind graduating high school and have several mental illneses like OCD, depression, anxiety disorders and body dysmorphia that cripple my ability to live a normal life. The friends I still have are slipping away because of me isolating myself and any sort of romantical involvement seems like a distant dream.
I can barely imagine being in my 30's and feel like I still have time. I barely felt like I had time five years ago but have only gotten worse since. What I'm trying to say is anxiously worrying about it is probably worse than being too lax, since I am paralysed by my anxiety and can't enjoy the present moment either.
But I'm curious if you would have done things differently, how you wish you had viewed your life and future in your 20's and 30's. What went wrong?
I've got 10 years to make things happen. 32
thanks man for the advice, yo hang in there. there's still hope for you mate. you're not over the hill and the ladies in their late twenties and thirties love older men. make an effort. it's a numbers game , you got to fish and eventually you're gonna get some bites. the more lines you put out the more chances you have.
I experimented on Facebook dating I messaged every swipe that came up with a line that works and so many messages back not all of them though. now I'm not promoting womanizing, I'm just saying shoot your shots,
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
If you get in the best shape of your life, eat well- essentially create a sustainable positive feedback loop. You will gain so much more confidence socially at that age. Everyone is out of shape and fat at 42, it's so easy yo be in the top 1% fitness/health-which makes you prime for some hot mama at that age.
I'm 36 years old and have 0 friends. This video is the best I've seen in years. Take care.
need someone to talk to? bless ya
Me too brother.
Its a natural result of people our age getting kids getting maried as he said, but that doesnt make it any easier to handle :) I think it would be smart to form communities and programs for people like us that are sorta left in limbo after family men and women sorta evaporate into family units. I mean not only does a lot of friendships dissappear in our age, it also gets harder to form new ones without a way to filter out the people that have enough already if that makes sense? :) Wish you the best of luck succeeding at your social endeavors in the future :)
36 as well also suffer from the same do have 1 friend I talk to on discord from day to day but all in all got nobody in my life and it's hard to meet people when you are super introverted as me.. Social Anxieties also dont help with this all...
lmao what a loser
Bro.. the fact that you were able to make this video and talk about this topic in a public setting PROVES that you are a brave person.
fact.
Most men online seem to just turn to resort to insulting women everyday instead of admitting their own flaws at being a failure
youre such a hero sir whiteknight @@michaelangst6078
Lol PROVES he doesn't know how to use his intellect to put his thoughts in order. PROVES he is bored and is complaining needlessly. You need to watch Stop being soft and harden up by Dan Pena.
@michaelangst6078 modern women being tainted has nothing to do with average men being a failure. The west is damaged, our morals are damaged we have many broken families. If you fail to see that you've actually failed.
30 here. Just broke up with my gf (9 years of relationship) and lost all my friends. Feeling the same and I am scared for the future. I know gym and work don't fix anything but they are helping me for sure. Stay strong, there are lots of us good guys in the same situation.
Having a super "scary" situation rn with my gf aswell. I wish u the best :(
I also had a break-up 2 years ago after almost 9 years of relationship. The truth is, it was clearly not working, honestly it never was. So it ending was one of the most "freeing" things that have happened to me. I'm in a much better relationship now. Sometimes, things must end to get something better.
@@Zhuinden I feel more free too, but things were working for us. Still, I miss her very much and I don't see myself with another woman anytime soon, if ever.
There is a 85% that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
Feel that, been there, same situation. Seeing people who were close to you for many years disappear is tough, but it gets better with time. Staying mentally healthy is key I think, people and things come and go. Stoic philosophy helped a lot. Gotta do whats best for you
This man has balls of steel for sharing his thoughts in public.
our modern society is quite tolerant to everything. so why is it brave to share that you are lonely on public? what is gonna happen?
@@HavanaBobChannel - people are pretty private still. it's def ballsy to be so public about stuff like this. exhibit a: read the comments
@@ornlu_the_wolf I have read like 100 comments under this vid and not single one of them were negative towards this guy. So saying it's "brave" to speak about loneliness make no sense
@@HavanaBobChannelwould you do it ?
@@Maximusdecimus649 no. I'm not interested in attention from random ppl and I don't want to look like a victim. Pity is the worst feeling that man can provoke towards himself.
I am 28...introvert, no friends, never had a girlfriend, no talents, no looks ,no job, had a terrible high school and college , addiction, not sure about the future, so many doubts..... Just praying my Rosary everyday and going to church ... has given me hope and reduced my loneliness... 🙂
I'm 32, feel same
You guys are still young. Don't be hopeless. You still can achieve and learn a lot.
Btw I got married when I was 36.
Jesus loves you
Social anxiety is real.
I suffer from it for years now. It is BAD.
I’m 34, soon to be 35, and I don’t know what to do.
I hear ya, bud. This video spoke directly at me. Thank you
Start getting some help, I know it’s easier said than done, I’m 34 and I’ve had severe depression and anxiety since about 12 years old.
First I just accepted I am the way I am atm and I no longer fake happy with people because that shit was exhausting for me.
I’m on meds now and I’m in therapy, honestly just talking openly about stuff without being judged feels pretty good, the meds have calmed my mind a bit and slowed down the ocd thoughts.
But yeah anyways just have to accept it and start somewhere, I’ve only recently gotten some help the past year.
Take care mate.
@@joshin1815 What meds are you currently taking for the depression and anxiety Josh mate?
@@tc2664 I'm on Amitriptyline, it's an older type drug that seems to work for me.
It's hard to explain but I still have anxiety and depression but the obsessive thoughts are way way less, which for me was the really bad part.
It's more like my body has anxiety but my brain is not giving into it as much.
I tried the newer SSRI's but i felt so strange on them where as these ones i just feel a bit tired.
Try ashwaganda before meds, read meditation books, work out, get sleep good, improve diet, get sun go outside, less screens, family, be grateful, volunteer, be productive. Not a doctor but these are known to help
One way to get over social anxiety is to hit rock bottom.
Do you ever notice how a lot of homeless people are
at peace and calm than ever. They have nothing to lose...
they stop caring about what others think... they stop caring
about the expectations and judgements society places on
them... etc.
Not saying you have to become homeless... but maybe
think to yourself: "if I was homeless on the streets... would
it matter what others think of me... these same people who
do not care if I live or die."
Stop caring! Be yourself. Speak your mind.
Great video. Felt this.
He's simply replying to this for visability. Guy isn't lonely at all. Thanks for the video op.
Welcome to your new atheist world, led by pay -goon beeel -yoon -aires and their greedy sinner followers for money. It's only going to get worse...way way way worse.
@@Nyclx Being single gives us the full freedom to get right with GOD, to build into existence once lost relationship, between GOD and creation, between PARENT and child.
1 Corinthians Chapter 7 KJV
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
this world presents love as lust, and if you`re not always touched, then you are not loved = lies and fear propaganda. All of it because the MK ULTRA PROJECTS from masons.
John 15:13 KJV Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
And being ALONE (not on your own) does bring forth sober mind.
What I have witness in my short life so far is, souls get together for money and because they are bored and the 3th reason is, the pressure of peers and older generations. “People around me repeated daily, get married and have children and move out, so I did. Am I happily living after? NO, i`m bitter, angry, sad, broken, in fear, heavy leaden, in darkness, always in somewhat contests with people around me, who has something better, something more and so on...”
KJV Bible says;
Matthew 6:31
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
Luke 12:22
And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
Matthew 6:25
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
I'm 32, pushed a lot of my social circle away in my 20s. Everyone seemed to have figured out their career, were moving out, coupling up etc and I had no idea what to do with my life. It felt like I was being left behind and also lacked any purpose in life. It was a miserable place to be and I didn't know how to express/talk about it. So I withdrew into myself and hyper focused on financial/career success. I've felt loneliness for a long time, but masked it as being self-reliant. There is definitely value to being comfortable with being alone, and I've learned a lot as a result. However, I don't want to live my whole life this way. I recognise that I do want friendships and romantic relationships, and I believe it's possible for me.
Thank you for posting this, I imagine it took a lot of courage.
You are not alone. I feel the exact same as you and I am in my mid 30s. I have thought about doing a video but I don't have courage due to social anxiety. I commend you for your courage in making this video.
Thanks for reply, I'm starting to realise just how many of us feel the same way and I can't help but feel if we could all be a bit more vulnerable then maybe we wouldn't feel so lonely. I think it feels like an illness that we have to hide from people but the irony is, the more we try to hide it, the worse we feel it and the more we have to isolate ourselves.
Let me know if you post that video, I would love to see it :)
Do the vid!
Same here. People keep telling me too. Cant do it.
@@Insp.CountMortisWinshipKlawtrue lol
@@Insp.CountMortisWinshipKlaw I guess you got a point there.Carry on Man.👍
“Perfection is the enemy of progress.” We get stuck where we are because we want everything to be perfect before we take action
Nope... never in my life i stumbled across a video that speaks to me more than this video. I'm exactly in the same situation as he is right now. That's why i feel like i can confidently say that people in a situation like us aren't in this situation because we seek perfection. We just want at least one person to be there with us to share our experiences in life. That's all we want.
@@mikipav1064 my comment is about myself always wanting things to be perfect. I hear what you are saying. Things will change for you on this journey of life. We need to take different action to see different results in our lives.
@@FMP-eb7ks Lol, there is nothing wrong with wanting our ideal person, just put that image out into the world and take action and it will become a reality
I was lonely for many many years in my life. Didn’t have a girlfriend since highschool. I was oddly content being lonely most of the time and had a sense of comfort in it. I was jealous of a lot of my friends who were married and living different lives than I was. Many of them are now divorced and went through very tough situations. The best advice I can give anyone who is lonely is to not force yourself out of it. Don’t settle for the first thing that comes your way to make you not lonely. A bad relationship is worse than no relationship. And being lonely is ok. And if you are lonely, you’re not alone, because there are many many people out there who are experiencing the same feeling. And there are many people out there who don’t know how to be alone and that is a big weakness in my opinion. The less dependent you are on other people for your own happiness, the stronger you’ll be. I ended up meeting someone after 10 years being alone and now I look back on those years and I’m thankful for every minute. Just never lose hope, and don’t ever get down on yourself. Things will happen naturally if you just keep doing you.
Thanks 🤗
That message could easily be a million view YT video if you turn it into a video .
Thank you
"just be lucky"
@@redroversk just be yourself
It's both amazing and sad how many perfectly normal people are in this sitution. Incredibly brave to put out this out there mate. Was surprised to hear you work in sales with social anxiety, damn.
Many such cases.
@@bushidobaker5057 nah chronic loneliness is an unnatural state of being for humans. Feeling the effects of going against the species nature has nothing to do with being weak
@@bushidobaker5057 easier said then done to get new friends and be part of an active social group in general. It's not excuses, these are normal people who struggle in modern society
@@bushidobaker5057 you must lack an incredible amount of awareness to make comments like this and then conclude that everyone else lacks empathy
@@bushidobaker5057was that comment about empathy aimed at yourself? Because you could definitely use some.
This is one of the realest videos I've seen in a while. I don't know how it ended up in my feed, but here we are.
Personally I've been trough it all, to the point I'm now almost 40 divorced and single. Over the years I've lost everyone and everything; family, friends, wife, kids, and even homeless for about 3 years. I've managed to bounce back being more than financially stable and physically and mentally fit. But I'm still lonely.
I'm often described as the "I wish I had someone like you" guy, but if I where to drop on the ground right now, I wouldn't be found until the house starts to smell. I've reached all my goals, but even then there's no one there. And at this point I don't even know where to go or what to do.
All I know is, we are not made to be alone.
you are not alone, we all guys be with you, keep strong
stay strong
Same age myself, apart from never been lucky enough to have a wife or kids. Chin up pal
Similar life experience. It's tough out there. It was easier making friends years ago, to me at least. Much harder today. I can at least say that you are not alone in your experience. Wishing you all the best!
iw hit 40 in june only happy birthday iw gotten was from my boss at work and chick that rents room from me gave me air fryer for birthday dont see her much due to our work shifts. Its like im living alone with shot to shit health. I cant do any of my hobbies anymore cause of that well i do some gaming but playing games alone gets boring very fast.
Thank you for making this video. I am 33, and feel completely alone. Stumbled across it today on my homepage for some reason. The universe knows my suffering. You have no idea how much you’re helping people by just putting it into words.
Is Lincoln Ur name..or I actually in Lincoln ??
People have lost their minds. Families turning against each other. Friends ghosting people.
they will lost more..if they are naive af😅
36 and in the states. You sound so much like me. It’s tough but we just gotta keep going and push out of our comfort zones. To everyone here, don’t ever give up. You’re worthy of love and happiness
Figuring out one’s life has no timeline. Set goals, and when you reach them, set more. Life is a journey, not a destination
I like this, thanks for sharing. I was recently told about settings Targets instead of Goals. Goal are win or lose whereas Targets have more room for success. Thanks for sharing!
Yup absolutely agree!!!
When you reach those goals and figure out no one is there to celebrate with you😢
Friends are overrated. Trust me. 99% of them are just acquaintances anyway. Embrace the solitude.
Hey there. Russian here and living in Berlin. I relate very much to most what you have said. After being depressed for 3 years at one point I told myself enough is enough and I 180d my life. Went to Cuba, met my beautiful wife, learned Spanish, now working and leading a latinamerican team. FIGHT IT!
I'm learning Russian. If I wanted to find Russian expats where would I look? VK?
We live in a world of social media superficiality, showcasing a perfect highlight reel of our life . Admitting to loneliness is taboo. It's admitting failure to have a perfect life, which most of us don't have behind the facade. Thanks for breaking the taboo, and normalizing a problem that is very prevalent. ♥👍
So very true
Great comment
I feel the same; 33, female. It's humiliating to be in our 30s and not have an established friend group. I have a few friends I see on occasion, but they all have partners and/or children. My life is quite isolating. I have a full time job and hobbies, and try to do solo activities to get out of the house. But like you said, it's not the same as sharing moments with others. Hope the best for you. I'm on my own journey to try and change this.
Thanks for watching, really appreciate your honesty, it's not easy to admit that your social life isn't what you want it to be and seems even harder to try and fix it! Keep me posted on how you get on!
Script a rich specific person into your life that yoy want
I’m 39, can so much relate to the often deep loneliness creeping up. All my youth friends have children. I don’t see the reason in maintaining these friendships, as it would be shallow and short visits anyway. Had enough of the dynamic as well of watching couples, and the uneasiness. Really miss the 90’s growing up, and always being surrounded or feeling embraced by people and friends, not being so overly critical of what friendship should look like.
Male loneliness is forced; yours is merely voluntary
@@basedabdu8653 Huh what pathetic incel thing to say bro and 🤡s who liked it are even more pathetic
I’m 33 and my circle definitely got smaller . I don’t party or do drugs anymore . I have a wife and kids , and bills . But what keeps me social is competing in martial arts . Every night when I train , I’m surrounded by like minded people from all walks of life .
36 years here, I have wife and a baby daughter and that now is my tribe, most of my friends have come and gone, and that's fine by me.
My family is my life now, and i'm loving every minute of it.
Likewise altho half of the people I train with are mental. Two have just been arrested 💐🎶
I'm 27 and I'm already terrified at where my future seems to be going. I absolutely love the few close friends that I do have but I just can't see myself ever opening up to them about my struggles with loneliness. I've become incredibly cynical and jaded about everything, and putting the effort into making the right choices never seems worth it. Thanks for making this video though, it's good to know I'm not alone.
Showing your friends your true position is what you should do. Showing vulnerability is a key part of building relationships and as you get older and time passes, we all recognize that everyone has these weaknesses. Sharing them isn’t some bad thing you should be afraid of, it will bring you closer to the people you should be closer to.
Dont worry... I am 37 and felt that way all my life. No big deal, let it go!
As someone who's 31 and has ZERO friends: take a good look at your friends and determine whether or not they are the kind of people to just dismiss you, or if you *know* they'd listen. It's frustrating to hear this kind of thing as somebody who is completely isolated and genuinely can't find anyone no matter how hard I try. Put effort into people, and if they're the right people, they'll give back.
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
I came to the realization last year and this year after promotion and getting much better income that nothing is better then a hug from the person you love or hanging out with a true friend. Deep connections are rare and make life worth living. I understand you completely.
Wish you the best!
So true, thanks so much for watching the video and taking the time to comment. I'm going to be posting more frequently so let me know if there's anything you'd like me to talk about :)
It looks I myself commented that! No deep or meaningful connections in between human during post-modernity; it's just debauchery and extreme consumption.
@@ivanivan5511 We are all under collective hypnosis for a very long time.
Therapist here.
The amount of men who are in your situation and feel the way you do is phenomenal. It is mega tough for men to maintain friendships and social connections in the late 20s into their 30s. You seem like a nice and honest person. Get into those social activities you mentioned and do things to build self worth.
Funny how the self-worth we’re assumed not to have is achieved by doing things that bring external validation
@@somerandomguy9974 it’s one path towards it, yes.
I'm 28, moved away and spent 12+ years in Lofoten in my teen years etc.
Moved back autumn of 2020, sent a message on messenger to a childhood friend.
Now we meet once a month (more than that wouldn't work for me)
But it's nice, and we talk about anything, it's also easier since we have known eachother since first grade.
There is nothing to lose in trying, shoot a message to an old friend. (figuratively speaking with the last thing there haha!)
It's a viscous world. No matter how hard I work, I'm always stuck in the same situation.
Now I'm 28, and im going back to school instead of making money and investing in my dating life. Life is a joke
I’m 29 myself and I’ve seen first hand as the years go by less and less people bother with you including friends. We live in a time where it’s so easy to connect on social media but also in a time where you feel extremely lonely or friendless
Preach !
And small town traditions have washed away.
I'm 27, turning 28 tomorrow. I've only now realised time has no "perfect time", neither for finance, friends, self esteem.. its time now to enjoy your life for better or worse whether you're alone or not.
Happy birthday man! I'm at the same age as you and in the same boat as you! You are 100 percent correct! This is a new age and a new you! Enjoy itb
Happy Birthday dude. Hope you find people you can rely on whenever you feel lonely unlike me. I always wanted a girlfriend for such a long time but now realised I won't find one and accepted it wholeheartedly. I hope you either accept or find the people you deserve.
@meti9230 Thank you so much, you don't know how much it means to me someone said happy birthday to me.
@anthonylarusso5392 Wow thank you, I really appreciate your kindness and wishes. I've been through trial and errors when it came to "friends", sometimes you are better off alone because it's just less hassle than wasting energy and time for someone who doesn't stick around. This year I wasted so much time and effort for two so called friends who I thought would be there in the long run, guess what? They didn't wish me happy birthday. I'm not going to be sad about it, loving ourselves is important. No matter if we are single, taken, short, tall, ugly, handsome etc.. We are the main characters and we must love ourselves at all times. Trust me even when we get a girlfriend, we'll get used to the feeling and then say "what now". Let's get this life.
turn yur life right around bro do not wait. im 33 right now wishing i was 28
Fuck this hits hard and is exactly how I feel. Thanks for making this video, it makes me feel slightly better knowing I'm not alone.
This video's been up for a while and I'm always shocked and humbled at just how many people are in the same position and have appreciated someone sharing the experience. You're definitely not alone
I dated myself (i know that sounds odd) but i went for dinner with myself but to an expensive restaurants and movies. When you love yourself and your own company, it's attractive. But then again i enjoy being alone cos relationships are hard work lol. Disney movie isn't for everyone in my opinion.
I appreciate tou sharing it's certainly helpful.
@@JayWallace I'm "only" 28 and consider myself as a very "normal" person, but I despised social media and Facebook when I was a teen, and never got it until I went to university. Not having Facebook meant I barely existed, because thats where everyone was, I felt like I was almost a ghost at times, and the longer this went on the worse it got. I mostly used it at university for group labs and such, but grabbed some of my older friends to my friends list.
Now you see people getting married, having kids and such, while I feel more lonely than ever before. I spent over 5 years at university, got my Master's degree, my parents helped me buy an apartment, but that didn't help me feeling happier. Getting a job, even with a Master at a top university these days is a nightmare. My mates from university needed more than 30 job applications on average to land a decent entry job. I was also studying during covid so I barely made any new friends, and those that I made were only temporary.
I can really related to you in this video. If you don't constantly try to make make connection and are outgoing, the friendships you have made will all slowly but surely fizzle out time. I don't have that personality, and I always thought that some day I will get long lasting friends and a girlfriend, but now I want to just relax and play some video games for a while. I have started to realize that "some day" may never happen at this point, unless I do something drastic and fast with my life.
I think we’re just in a time where it’s hard to make real friends, people are more selfish than ever before, hopefully you find some good people
Yeah no shit, fake friends can take one and shove it. They only take part when the party is on, and when it's over they disappear. Message to all the fake ones: F*ck you, you're the reason why this society is garbage.
All my friends are dysfunctional. So idk it's hard to have and make good friends. Literally write to one in prison for pushing his girl down the stairs. Tried helping him out but you know how that goes.
@@fhudncudkelsmzjduf ya I’ve had girl friends like that in toxic relationship and it’s just all drama and there’s no helping them, I know what you mean it depends what background your coming from, I don’t like friends from my background because they’re ghetto af and toxic but also it’s hard for me to relate to people who are not from the same background as me
@johannaliceaga5936 yeah man honestly I'm about done though. Had one get mad at me because I didn't give him 35$ for "weed". Was like I'm not gonna give you 35$ for weed when you have no job and do not work. Bums man. Worked hard to get to where I'm at making 6 figures of year been out for 5 years. Done, I'd rather be alone and just do things by myself.
Finally found someone else who notices that. People are so selfish, or should we say self-centered, that you're nothing but a background noise to them. It doesn't matter to them one bit if you all of a sudden stop calling them. They wouldn't even ask you what the reason for that is and whether you're ok at all. And even if they do, it will be out of boredom, and if you tell them that you have issues, they'll just shrug their shoulders and basically ignore you until you either get over your issues or ... disappear from their lives altogether.
I’m 49 I haven’t had a gf for years got 2 teenagers that don’t live with me and don’t come see me , they use me for money, my family don’t come and see me and they live 100 yards up the road or a few miles away , I suffer bad with loneliness I just lost my mum 2 Christmas ago , I suffer with panic disorder as well , arthritis in my knees which stops me from walking and just had stent put in my heart ,been through a lot these past 2 years ,don’t have no friends ever , I feel your pain ❤
Maybe tell your story online and people who relate to you will befriend you.
I'm 30 years old introvert without any friends, yet, I'm still happy.
May I ask what your hobbies are?
If i had to guess: Porn, TH-cam, Netflix, more Porn.
I was like he in my teenage years... but not with 30 .. (now i am 27.
Just do your thing, fuck off, what who ever could think and live your life. ( REAL LIFE) @@CM2yv
I'm the same, my interests are generally creating things, painting, some Gaming, movies etc, life should be aimed at doing things YOU find fulfilling, not what you think wil make you happy or what you think others will approve of, and learning to accept that its okay to feel sad at times, without bad times you can't appreciate the good times
Lucky you huh 🤡
@@LilHazey2.0 Whats with the shitty attitude? or do you just want others to feel miserable? its not luck, its something you work towards
Im 37. Also with social anxiety. Haven't had any close friends for the last 10 years. Its good to know we are not alone in this kind of situation.
My friendc back in grade 3 used to just pull up to random peoples houses unannounced and just force his way into peoples lives.
Worked out pretty well. Nobody really gave af.
I think its a wise policy for getting friends. Social media makes everybody just stay home to talk to people online instead of in person.
Makes the whole art of planning out gatherings irrelevent and moot.
I'm 37.
Same thing.
Hello how can you work with social anxiety? I think i have social anxiety it scares me to deal with people.
There is a 85% that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
Hell I have no anxiety, I have close friends but they all left the country and I didn't meet many new people recently and everyone goes out late post covid
You are still idealizing human interaction and haven't been betrayed enough. In my 30s being alone is a blessing to me. A dog has greater capacity for loyalty than a human being.
That's because the dog isn't overburdened by an ego.
Dude i got 2 cats and love my life (most of the time)
You got issues. Your first sentence is highly problematic. I’m sorry that you got betrayed but this shouldn’t define your world view. Build a tolerance for stupid people but also try to make new connections. You have to be vulnerable for meaningful interactions. Some people abuse this but it’s worth it for every true friendship no matter how long it’s lasts.
@@avatariondogs are loyal but also dependent and most likely obedient. You can’t and shouldn’t expect that from other humans. A certain amount of conflict or discourse is healthy and necessary for a confident personality.
@@chrizzlybearlol I never wanted or imagined that things would be this way. I don't know what to tell you beyond the fact that I am a product of my lived experiences.
It’s hard man. I’ve gone through long stretches of extreme loneliness. In the last 6 months I’ve made more of an effort to see my friends despite still struggling with depression. You’re a smart guy who’s honest. You’ll be fine bro.
I remember being in my late 20s and early 30s and being anxious about what life held for me in the future. I’m 46 now and it’s panned out ok but I do advise people just to get out there and live. Meet people, don’t hold back from social situations. I used to be terribly socially anxious when I was young but somewhere along the line I stopped caring what people think of me, and in doing so, I can be myself.
I hear you bro. Spent my 20s and early 30s building a business, I've just turned 39, all my male friends are settled down and have kids, all the women I know are in relationships and the only time I get to go out and enjoy myself is when I go out with my work colleagues. I'm used to my own company but I'm still a red blooded man and want a wife and kids.
Would you do anything differently? I just turned 20 and am looking to start a business as well
@@alfokenny211 I'd make more time for socialising. Money and a nice car are fun but not as much fun as having bros (and hoes) to enjoy it with.
Hope you find that sooner than later ❤
Joint meet-ups. The grass ain’t greener. Good luck lad
I'm in the same boat, only I'm female. Also 39 and have watched everyone settle down. It's not that there's something wrong with me, just that I was too much of a workaholic and neglected a social side. Sad, isn't it? :(
It is as if you are speaking my mind and heart and soul. I'm 35 and feel exactly the same way. Thank you for providing clarity to my situation.
Thanks, I appreciate the kind words. I didn't expect this video to get so much attention but I'm starting to realise just how many people feel the same way.
@@JayWallace I feel like I'm just a couple weeks shy of becoming a monk lol
We are same 😔 35 yrs old from Philippines
Wish you all the best man. I'm 29 and this video popped up in my homepage. Rare to see someone be so upfront and genuine, you have many positive qualities
You're not alone Jay, I completely feel you. Many people are strangley in this situation, as we supposedly live in a "connected" world.. but most of it is fake. A good friend(s) is very difficult to find, somebody you can trust and open up to is a rarety. Having confidence I feel is key, but it's important we open up and share this.
32 years myself. Feeling same. Thank you for being open and talking about things we usually hide from everyone especially ourselves. I would buy you a cup of tea or a glass of beer anytime. You're a good guy. Stay strong.
There is a 85% that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
@@sparkdrive2900 There is a 99% that you're still living with your parents who bought you the newest iphone or gaming PC that you used to type this comment on youtube.
@@hunter1s It seems I am correct. Your hairline is the source of your insecurity.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same. Seems like a lot of millennials are going through this right now.
i hope you find beautiful people like the way you are!
It’s about to be/is the same with a lot of Gen Z guys too
@@X_lIllIIllIl_X I just get high and game when I’m not working helps fill the void
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
there is power in being alone! not everyone can stand being alone, thats why they jump from relationship to relationship, becoming your own best friend has power. Going to bed alone, waking up alone, going through difficult periods in your life alone builds character and characteristics that mold us into the strong motherfuckers we become. You dont need validation from anyone but yourself
This randomly showed up on my news feed at a time where I needed to see this. I'm also 31 and have been going through very similar experiences so I was able to really relate to yours. Watching your video in an odd way made me feel a little bit less lonely. I'm on a similar path. I started therapy and have joined a climbing gym to stay fit and place myself in a environment of people who are more likely to share my values. Hope you've made significant strides in the 2 years since uploading this video. Cheers :)
This video got recommended to me and I think you‘re speaking out what 99% of people are feeling inside. Kudos to being so publicly vulnerable. Subbed to see your progress
Giver yourself a break. You're 31. You've been working on yourself. Loneliness happens at all ages. Friends who fade away because you're not as active in the friendship as you once were., may not be the kind of friends you want.
Real friends will always be friends no matter how long it's been since you last saw them. I bet if you reached out to some of your good friends from the past , they'd be happy to hear from you. I hope you consider making an effort to re-connect with at least one long time friend. Please go easy on yourself as you seek to reach out.
As a woman, you will never understand how lonely men are. You will never be as deprived as that.
I can't stress this to you so much you can party socialise waste time chill But if you ain't successful as a man I think thats your most regret you'll be looking in your 30s back all that time I wasted and where are those people now not even in a single sight to be seen
You still have some much of your life left. Time is on your side.
@@germansoldier8835 You have no idea what you're talking about, but you still chose to be toxic. What does that say about you?
@@germansoldier8835this wasn't an attack on men, why are you acting like it was? Honestly I can kinda see why you might be so lonely if this is how you react to other people.
You're a warrior. Putting yourself out there and sharing your goals. I'm 33, just single after 6 years and my friends all either went full on their carreer or on drugs so I can relate to this feeling you're heaving. Keep it up and don't lose yourself!
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
I don’t know why this video popped up into my feed but it was exactly the video i needed to see.
I’m 43 and divorced…play in bands…on stage all the time as the center of attention…but when I’m not doing that..i sit in my house for weeks at a time…alone.
Following. ❤
Perhaps it was meant for me to stumble upon your video, Jay. I’m 30 years old and literally in the same boat and feel and think just like you are. Friends are all getting married or have accomplished lots in their life, I still don’t know what I want to do as a career - I currently work at a factory, live with my parents still, losing good friendships because I have social anxiety and it’s tasking to go out and do stuff, and I also feel like I am ‘working on myself’ for others and not me. For validation, that is. I do not have the willpower or the drive to document my journey but I will follow you and maybe I will learn a grand lesson from your experiences and wisdom. Although we don’t know each other, you are a friend to me and I hope you become a better person than you ever thought you’d imagine! Much love ❤️
Hey Mattio, thanks for reaching out and welcome to the channel! I just want you to know there's no shame in not knowing what you want to do or where you want to go in life. We're always bombarded with these messages that say we're supposed to have it all figured out and if I've learned anything from posting these videos, it's that most people have no idea what they're doing in life and we're all just trying our best to get by.
I'm hoping to be a lot more involved in this channel this year and I hope you find value here. You'll get this all figured out, just give yourself a break and allow yourself to just be you.
Same boat, I wish all my Bros the best having their own tribes and decent careers which are things I'd admittadley love to have. I know the feeling of not being successful and having everything figured out as society expects you to do so in your 30's, seems other people just have a better knack at life and how to navigate it than others, probs just a matter of everyone figuring out their own equation that lies head in the great scheme of things then everything starts to align from there??
You got this though :)
You got to change your diet bro. Anxiety is your adrenal glands being stimulated with cooked foods every day especially starches and meat. They are like a wet sponge so as you stimulate they release hormones to make you feel good. Thats why when people start coffee they love the hit but as the sponge runs dry the crash comes, then the anxiety and fear kick in. The adrenals are so exhausted they cant produce calming hormones.
I switched to a 100% raw fruit diet to cure psoriasis. It was gone in 12 months but I also noticed the social anxiety started disappearing about 4-6 months on fruit. Anxiety is diet related. If you want to learn more there is a guy called Raw Maraby on TH-cam and also Dr Robert Morse.
what about all the people that eat carnivor and say that has cured their anxiety ? seems to me the real issue with diet isn't cooked food or meat but highly Processed foods with chemicals and additives, refined wheats and sugars. I very much doubt cave men were running around anxious because of meat in their diets
@@Insp.CountMortisWinshipKlaw
@@greggreg7400 Be careful what you listen to. I know of two carnivores that had to give up the diet due to kidney issues . Nothing wrong with meat in moderation but high protein diets will kill your adrenals and kidneys. Absolutely eating meat is healthier than grains and starches and you will see improvements but in the long haul damage is occurring because meat is extremely acidic especially cooked. That is absolute fact. Go look up the highest transplant needed, it’s kidneys. The adrenals sit above the kidneys and are a major influence in how the kidneys work
All cooked foods are acidic. All disease thrives in an acidic environment. Your body is getting more acidic with every meal. Some people have strong genetics and can tolerate it longer but most succumb in a few decades
Thanks for this. I'm 32, broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years this past November, and honestly never felt this alone before in my life. Everything is a work in progress right now. Everything that you said rings true. You can accomplish certain things that you "should" do as an adult but none of it makes you feel happy. I get it for sure.
Thanks so much for sharing. Breakups are tough, especially if you spent a lot of your time with that person. I went through a similar thing a few years ago and it took me a long time to rediscover who I was as an individual. Best of luck on your journey
You guys ever had gfs? Lol
Proves to say when you chase women and not yourself you loose yourself as a man women are selfish by nature unfortunately sorry to hear that hopefully God gives you a better quality women
@@dfme0075you’ll find one man. Don’t be overly worrisome about it.
Same exact story
Cracking video, it's like my thoughts were spilling out of your mouth. Someone like you breaking the silence helps people like me and I'm sure many in the comments feel like we aren't so much the odd one out. I've always wanted to do something similar but never got to the point I uploaded anything, as you said, the standards we set are unattainable and thus nothing gets uploaded. Bravo to you. I appreciate it!
You are a voice for so many who are suffering in quiet desperation Jay,
Mad respect bud!
Society isn't what it used to be it's been changed on purpose. The only thing we can do is focus on ourselves and the goals we have. In the same boat I've moved a lot for work.. ended up with no friends and no girlfriend. It can be depressing but it's not worth beating ourselves up over.
i mistakenly read that for a second and in the context of society changing, I thought it said "the only thing we do is focus on ourselves and the goals we have" lol.. I actually agree with that statement, and I think this is largely why people are so alone these days. still, it is of course important to strive for a better life where we can
I can relate to this so much, I’m 36. Next year I’ll be 37, some things in my life are going well and others are a clusterfuck. My friends have all found their significant other and had kids, me I feel like I have to be the best me to find someone who’d want me. But even if I reach my goals economically, physically and mentally I have a feeling I’ll still be scared shitless to connect with someone again.
The west doesn't repoduce anymore. That's a fact. If you want to reproduce you have to consider to be strictly religious or to go to third world country. The 80 20 rule from the manosphere has become 90 10. And it's getting worse and worse...
Man, I deeply felt this
This hit me hard brother. Happy to jump on a call and talk about it. Being going through a rough breakup I can totally relate. Stay strong and stay safe 👌
This subject is deep. There’s a lot of angles but you need to remember that love trumps everything, if you can learn to love regardless of what people do to you, lie, steal, cheat etc. if you can stay on a vibration of love and not be consumed by hate or depression, the trauma of past relationships don’t stay with you. You continue moving forward with your life and live without fear of being hurt because you don’t feel the pain you just love people instead. It’s really the key to handling trauma and suffering, channel love and positivity.
I'm 37 now, pretty much given up on meeting a nice woman lol
I completely relate to everything you’ve said. I’m almost 32, but I am so incredibly lonely now in life and it’s crippling me terribly.
Don't give up, be yourself and share your hobbies to likeminded people. :)
It’s bad that all we as humans crave is just friends or someone who will laugh with us
Thanks for making this video. I’m 38 this year and I had a big problem with drugs. I stopped my addiction and I’ve been drug free for 7 years now but I lost all of my social connections mainly because most of them were based on partying . It was inspiring to listen to you and feel I’m not alone as I think it’s easy to think that. Appreciate the video 🙌
All my heart hopes that you find true friends. I understand being lonely,it chips away your happiness. Bless you man!
Thanks for reaching out. As a species, I don't think we're designed to be alone for long periods of time. I'll work it out I'm sure, I just hope I can help other people do the same thing along the way.
Brother... I can relate to everything you said here. I'm 29. I've been depressed for 6 years now. Mainly because of social anxiety (sort of) and low self-esteem, but also because of few other things that happend throughout my life. For most of that time I thought I can deal with it myself. But after I broke up with my girlfriend 9 months ago I realized I'm wont be able to do it alone, without help. I wanted to go to therapy for a long time but I kept putting this off. Finally, I visited psychiatrist this week and hope to start my therapy very soon.
I wish you and all of you guys who struggle with similar problem all the best.
Good luck.
One of if not the best thing you can do is commit to the gym. Build your body. It’s more mental than anything
There is a 85% chance that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
@@sparkdrive2900😂
I’m 31 and feel like I’m always the one who reached out to hold these friendships. It’s such a shitty feeling to feel like you bug people but at the same time no one checks up on you like you do for them which is pretty discouraging.
There is a 85% that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
Just the exact same shit I am in right now... (not the balding thing, i mean the original comment xD)
@@ramenpirate lol 🤣🤣🤣
Balding no I’ve just been the army over 10 years haha, I still look 25 thankfully. Your friends come and go and you Trauma bond over a lot. Life just gets in the way at times and when you walk different paths you have different experiences. At the bottom of what I was saying was I wish some of my friends called me more instead of the later of me always being the one who calls.
Drop your gamertag and let's run a few games on warzone 2
Know exactly how you feel. Rewind to college and I was out there surrounded by people. Nowadays, apart from close family that I live with, no external friends or relationships. Going through this video and the comments, I’m not the only one. Great video man.
I want friends, good friends. Very true. Im 29 and Ive never been this lonely before. It feels nice to hear you share about your feelings. Too bad you dont post anything since 5 months ago.
Thanks, I really appreciate you commenting on the video and I have some good news - I've decided to start posting more frequently! If there's anything you'd like me to create a video about, just let me know and I'll see what I can do for you :) I just want to help people live fulfilling lives
Script a rich specific person into your life
some advice from a 39 YO who is being divorced has a kid, works 12 hour night shifts, and still managed to keep in contact with his friends, Hobbies, get a hobby, for me it was Table Top Wargaming and I have had this hobby since I was 7.
online gaming is good but it's better if you meet IRL to do your hobby. Be it boxing, shooting, golf, football or even Morris dancing, it will help to be in a group away from the people who you work with, unless they have the same hobby
Two things I think are required for this, one for you to make the effort and two for you to be willing to walk away. I spent a lot of my younger years trying to force friendships with sadly people that on reflection clearly didn't like me. Being able to walk away from bad friendships can save you so much time.
"I let my social life slip away." I can completely relate. For me, it's a constant uphill battle fighting against social anxiety as well. I was always afraid of people and ended up isolating myself. You can't get close to people when deep down you're unwilling to be vulnerable. My relationships never quite make it into the stage where we get super closely bonded because I'm afraid to really open up. I'm too guarded against intimacy whether romantic or not. So the relationship stagnants and eventually fades. I'm afraid to ask people to do things so people think I don't like them. I come across as very aloof and distant when you first meet me. In a way, where I am now is exactly what my social anxiety always wanted, but it's not what I wanted at all.
You have social anxiety. You get it. I hope your journey is taking you where you want to go.
It's amazing how many, probably thousands upon thousands of us share a very similar situation, and yet we are lonely as hell.
Same, after I graduated high school I wanted to be left alone because all throughout my school life I had the idea that work is the only thing you need in life shoved down my throat constantly so instead of being able to hang out with friends I was constantly kept away studying and doing homework by my mom not to mention that I went to 3 different schools far from each other after elementary school and didn’t get my first phone until I was in 7th grade and at that point all the friends I knew had either moved on or I never had contact with them since elementary because I didn’t have a way to keep in touch with them so finally when I got into college I isolated myself for the most part and stayed away in my apartment doing whatever I wanted because I finally didn’t have to deal with the idea of work being shoved down my throat constantly but then something changed and I was beginning to feel sadder and sadder everyday it was like at school and back at my home with family I would act like I was totally fine with everything but when I would go back to my place this looming sadness took over me I was working everyday with school during the week and doing retail for the weekend with no breaks in between my apartment started to become a wreak and I would get upset with myself for no random reason thinking my life had no direction. Then one day I was poking around the news app on my phone and I came across an article that talked about horses and what they’re capable of and it reminded me of a time that I went riding horses in 3rd grade in Arizona and remembered how I thought it was pretty fun and that I should try it again sometime so I thought about finding a place to go riding and after making a bunch of phone calls and stuff I finally was able to start riding horses and I’ve been doing it every week since then I’ve made new friends I do voluntary barn work I made an effort to be the best I could and it’s paid off, everyone there loves to see me and I’ve gotten to experience a whole new world as it’s helped me recover from that burn out I once had and now that I know what was happening to me back when I was in college it scares me to even think about where I’d be if I hadn’t started horseback riding
@@slapshotjack9806 nice read.
After analyzing my situation and the messages from others the best advice is, join some sort of activity where you can see more or less the same people long term, like a few times per week for months / years.
If we look back at all our best friendships, we probably shared either school, a job, or any other situation where both sides got to see each other often over long periods of time.
After ending a 13 year relationship and turning 30 this year i found myself with no friends. Lucky to have close family - you only need a few people around you to share memories with. Never stop sharing with us. I'm a new subscriber and think you're great! Take care x
I want to be your friend u there ?
Hats off to you mate. I'm in my late 20s and struggle with the same stuff. Hope things have gotten better 2 years on! All the best Jay!
Hey man its the same loneliness for me too I am 31 single and no strong social circle. Still recovering from past mistakes and addictions. Been sober since 27 and after is that begun the actual journey of healing and building my life. I’ve tried dancing classes to meet new and cool people and friends also planning to go martial arts training. Erased my anxiety and depression with cold-cryo therapy and morning meditations. And by having a new purpose that makes me feel good. Thank you for sharing your piece and hope things get better for you.
Hi! Just stumbled on this and you are not alone. I used to look at everyone and think how come everyone else has it together? They don't. As a 48 year old woman, I recently feel like everything just "clicked". Like you, I was a perfectionist, and I had many challenges thrown my way early, regarding family dynamics and losing one parent early in life. The other parent had a personality disorder and I found myself pretty much alone from my teenage years. I am fiercely independent, sometimes to the point of isolating myself, but it does get easier with time. It took a while to fully like myself, but I am there now. My motto is to be the person I needed when I was younger, and I pass that on to younger people. The funny thing is that when I grew to accept myself and not seek approval, the more I attracted people who just "got"me. Life has many stages, some where we are surrounded by others and sometimes we are on our own. I appreciate both now and worry less about what is "normal". Be your own best friend, be kind to yourself and others, and I always remember the quote stating that you never really know what is going on in someone else's life or "battle". The older I get, the more I understand that none of us get out of life unscathed. My thirties were the toughest years of my life, and I almost didn't make it to the other side. I am glad I fought hard to hang on.
What a great story and thanks so much for sharing with the channel. It sounds like you had a tough time but managed to take those lessons and use them to make you better. I'm starting to learn that you can't force things and you just have to go with the flow of life. Totally agree about people's battles and it's why I love getting to know people, if they are prepared to open up it's always crazy the stories of things that people have gone through and come out the other side. You're story has given me more hope, thanks so much for sharing.
34, male here. Never had a friend in my life and at this point I stopped caring.
I'm 31, and you described me 100%. I got some comfort from this video, and somehow it helped me believe more in myself when you said you feel like you've got a lot to give.
There is a 85% chance that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
@@sparkdrive2900 im not balding lol Im just gay and a nerd
@@tassiomm gotta respect that composure
This was unbelievably relatable. Thank you for this. Just remember your perfectionism applies to your friendships too. There are certain forces outside your control and you can’t always blame yourself for friendships not working out. That helped me break through what felt like an iceberg and start making more mates
I can relate to this immensely. Having no friends creates a void in your life that cannot be filled with anything else. It's been plaguing my mind for the past 2-3 years
I’m 30 years old. I just had my engagement to the love of my life completely collapse. My friends kind of turned their backs to me because I made a mistake and now I went from having a life full of people in it to nothing. Im alone. It’s terrible especially when I’m normally a social butterfly. I don’t want to end up utterly alone and I want to meet people who understand me and I can understand them. It’s going to be hard, especially when im at the point where I don’t even want to be associated with myself. I hope I’ll end up ok in the end. Prayers to you brother. Just go out there, meet people. Put yourself out there. Make friends. It all starts with a foot out the door.
Become a passport bro. I did at 31 back in 2007. Best decision I will ever make. PS. F*ck friends because they're all fake.
What an amazing speech, Jay! Anyone should be fortunate to call you a friend. Best of luck to you, mate.
Youre not alone on this dude.
Happens to a lot of us including myself. I went through a bad breakup in my mid 20's which drove me to a brutal drug addiction and pushed the people still left in my life further away.
Im 29 and have a great life today. You seem like a guy i would love to have as a buddy.
Keep your head up.
I feel you man 😮💨 I hope you find happiness bud, everyone deserves it 🙏
Respect your honesty mate, takes balls to make a video like this! 🤜🤛
Wishing you all the best 🍻🍻
I think the venerability in this video is powerful dude. And honestly the biggest factor I've found in making good friends is being open and venerable to others. Choose who wisely and dont be sad when they don't reciprocate, the right ones will.
Training, as you said is a great place to meet mates, the other really good place is volunteering. The best sort of people volunteer and Ive made good friends there.
Good on you man for doing this! Having people in your life to share things with and do life with is so important. Very glad you're doing this. You seem like a stand up guy so this shouldn't be too difficult for you. Just be yourself.
Thanks so much! Really appreciate the support
I'm 32 yrs old and really, really lonely. I think I'm actually in the 'top tier' of loneliness... There's reasons for what has caused my isolation, like not feeling good enough which has resulted in a lack of romantic partners and friendships. I'm 32 now and I feel like I literally only talk to one or two people, that's it. I think I'm handling it well all these years and love my own company but recently, this year, I notice that it's caught up to me. I seek love and connection and want to find genuine relationships/friendships with deep connection. I guess that's why I work so hard and save up so much money for myself, because if I have nothing going on for me in my personal life with people, at least I can try to save up, work and earn to secure and buy my own freedom and future, if that makes sense... Remember, keep on going and do not devalue yourself. Let the emotions out but always remind yourselves of your worth, despite your feelings of loneliness!
There is a 85% that you are balding thats why you are afraid to interact with people because of insecurity. Facts.
I relate to this video and many of the comments so much. I’m 40 and not married, no gf, but for the longest time after university I had a big group of friends that I hung out with a lot, and I think I felt like we’d never not be friends. But since Covid (but I actually think it started before then) we just started drifting apart. I’ve actually been kind of amazed how fast that seemed to happen to be honest. My other friends have gotten married, started having kids, and I’m still here by myself. I find I get resentful as well when I think about it, which obviously isn’t good.
You’re not alone man … a lot of us are going threw it
Covid was part of the PLAN 😊
Get out there and find a good woman to marry! You are only 40. Don’t waste another day of your life waiting for it to start. Get married, have a family, grow up, discover your purpose. Live your potential!
I turned 30 this year, all my friends are married, I have no one to talk to, I feel like everyone is judging me when I go to family gatherings, they feel that nobody wants to be with me. My career is a mess. I am just lost in life and accepting this has been very difficult that I am a failure, the thing I was most afraid of. I don’t even know why I am writing this comment you are probably several thousand miles away and we may never cross paths.
I hope tomorrow morning things become easier for us, if not, I hope I don’t wake up.
I’m 19 and I kinda have this fear. Am I gonna keep my friends when they will get married? How do I find girls after college? Meet friends right after?
I mean I have a decent internship, good grades and nice physic but.... so far I have some good friends but where am I going with all this
The grass is always greener at the other side. Man just imagine having a wife who doesn't love you and children you have to pay for. There are good movies, interesting books, great music and delicious food out there. Nature is always refreshing. The simple act of cleaning own house or environment is beneficial. Being there for friends and family is great as well.
Being just nice to strangers is rewarding.
Craving for things leads to suffering - and mostly it's about stuff the media induced it so that we can buy it but actually don't need it.
I used to be a little bit like you. Then throught years and years of work I fixed my life and bought a home and got a girlfriend. In that moment I realized a job/gf will not make you happy. Only you can make you happy. You will see this the moment you land your dream job or your dream girl. Having your dreams come true is scary in a way. You will notice that they actually weren't the answer. They are only goal posts to focus on, and continue feeling resentment toward the world for not having them. The whole problem is resentful thinking like this.. Atleast it was for me.
don't be nectiv e go out and find a friend rember to get a friend we have to become a friend
@@arroww1323 just being aware of all that puts you ahead of the curve already.
Most people in my situation or in this comment section probably had one or more good friends at some point and many of us took it for granted, thought that we don't need any, or that we could make other friends and have that deep meaningful connection easily, and that's the mistake. If you have good friendships now, take care of it, don't let it slide, at some point you find out that they are as important to your health as air and food.
In some cases they still will move away, that's fine, we can't control everything, but be proactive about it. That doesn't mean forcing it or being a sucker for somebody who doesn't want anything to do with you, balance.
To your other question, join social activities where you see more or less the same people in a long term basis, like boxing, a music band, a hiking group.. that sort of thing. If you look carefully most people meet both their love partners and friends when they share something long term, be it school, a job, or any other activity.
Mate, well done to put this out there. There is way to many people suffering in silence. Being single in your thirties has been the biggest slap in my face ive even experienced. I am a successful, handsome and charismatic man, but i spend most of my time alone. It is tough and i keep trying to solve the problem by googeling it, but the truth is that in my 20's I had a blistering hot social life, but all my friends are in relationships and with kids. I'm the odd one out and that sucks. It's a debilitating feeling. Keeping my spirits up is tough, but i am doing my best. I know i can social engineer a better social life, but its hard. Anyway, you have a sympathetic soul on the other end here. All the best and to anyone out there that reads this: you are not alone.
hope you’re doing good now man, it’s not a nice feeling to think you’re all alone.
i genuinely think that social media has had a massive impact on our social life and how we go about our day to day business, etc chatting to friends, meeting up etc.
hope you’re smashing life bud 💪💯
Tough thing to go through mate!
Should be proud you are tackling this so proactively.
Loneliness is widespread and is nothing to be ashamed of. Your video is brave, timely and much appreciated, many thanks 👍
researchers consistently fail to address the magnitude of this issue.
People ultimately need love and validation. When a man doesn't matter to a woman, when she doesn't gaze at him with a loving smile, tell him she wants him/needs him, that he matters to her.
A lot of guys have never had that.
This will cause disillusionment/isolation/soul sadness and mental health issues in men. No amount of material things, por* will be able to replace that.
The problem in the west is 2 fold. Incels can't get a woman and the ones that do get one, end up in divorce/breaking up or being cheated on and losing more than the lady. So they swear off relationships and end up lonely all the same. (Mgtow)
Both have the effect of creating lonely, angry, atomised ppl and broken society with plummeting birth rates. And can spell the end of that society.
What are we seeing in the west now?
Falling sperm counts, falling testosterone levels, births, marriage, anomie and a rapidly ageing society, with catastrophic debt levels.
White ppl used to have close family bonds but now they no longer keep ties with family and send old ppl to homes.
Jobs for life are a thing of the past, from where they used to form friends.
White ppl lost their matchmaking culture and used to marry form within their own tried and tested social circle.
With all that now gone, internet dating and cold approaching/PUA random women that u know nothing about is the way. Which can be dehumanising and toxic.
Peace
You are a brave man for making this video. i'm 37, and lonely AF. And, it just seems impossible to make friends in your 30's. And dating is borderline not worth it, unless you're in the top 5%. It's brutal, but nobody cares. Sh0eonhead made a video about male loneliness and she got vicious backlash for it.
iw hit 40 this year not even had a birthday party cause well everything went to shit with my health. Used to go out to dance at raves since i was 17 1-2 times EVERY weekend. then my health started to go and corvid happened. 2 of my friends comited suicide in lockdown one of them 4-5 hours after i chatted with him.. Im an immigrant so when i moved to uk i had to make new friends. Most of them moved back to Poland or other countries. Some moved far away with GF+kids ect. I work or trying to work with my situation with guys that are 50+ with adult kids actually played few games with their kids in their's 20s. I never needed close friends when i was healthy have had allot of hobbies. Loved running and training had 6pack 24/7 for 10 years now i got problems walking fuck me drugs and antidepresants ae only things keeping me around.... I miss pre corvid times and its only getting shittier with time fuck.
Totally agree regarding dating. I'm same age as you and most of the time I wonder why I even bother trying
@@simonaplin4031 This year has been a real gut punch in many ways with realisations. But the way I see it now, is that I change what I can change, and learn game. But, I have low expectations, and I will still use escorts.
What you need is a different mindset. Is it only the top 5% that find a partner? Hell no. Look around for couples next time you're in town, and you'll find that you're misleading yourself. You need to learn to cope with failure. You might not find "the one" until date number 100, but you still need to try if you really want it. YOU need to be stronger and things will fall into place. You WILL find someone if you try hard enough and long enough. I believe in you!
@@simonaplin4031 i am nearly 38, and i have been on dating sites and apps for years, had no success, at all. Even when i have been out with friends before dating sites and apps. No lasses would give me the time of day at all, even the ones at work were all taken, or were not interested in me. The dating sites gave me the option to meet women, its very rare i ever get a second date or even third, So i am either doing something very wrong or women just not that interested enough and just meet up to be nice. I am on the verge of call it, my pals and a few others have said keep at it, only so far i can go with it, as i just end up in the same boat i was in at the beginning of the year. Last year i thought things would have changed, as i did manage to get a third date and things were looking positive for the very 1st time. Then Boom back to square one, i am sort of still in touch with her, but we never met up again, been over a year now. i am on the verge of just deleting her number and that's it. I have kept my options open all year though, as she decided to go back on the dating site, we were both on. I have had the same types of messages, which i know i will end up, not going anywhere. One lass on a dating app has decided to message me, but she isnt really talking to me, basically half arsed replies or showing very little interest, basically its gone one sided. Me doing the work. She did ask me if i was interested in meeting up with her, and i said yeah. But the conversations just so flat, i think i would be wasting my time, even exchanging numbers.
29 years and your journey will be a great help to me. I’m with you in this journey
Both in the same boat, came out of a toxic relationship ever since I've just been depressed indoors all day. My friends moved on all got kids while I'm stuck playing games with my anxiety only growing worse.. everything just seems to be getting worser, I hope your feeling better since you uploaded the video, good luck mate.
Firstly and without sounding patronising, well done for the video. I could be in a crowded room and still feel lonely so I get where you're coming from. I have a lot to be grateful for, partner, kids, house, job... but still that gnawing feeling of being lonely is something that's very real. Hope you're hanging onto your positive outlook - feel free to reach out if you ever needed a chat 🙂
Spiritually and emotionally, I find myself in the winter of my life…but the sense of fellowship I feel from this reminds me of summer. There is an invaluable camaraderie within this scattered brotherhood of those who struggle against the darkness of isolation. Thank you for sharing your heart brother. I pray that you’ve since found what you were searching for.
Going through this myself as well. I appreciate you putting this video out there.
I’m glad you decided to film this… it’s courageous… many of us feel the same, but isolate ourselves even further.
Absolute masses of bravery to share your story mate. You’re gonna be ok, you’ve got the right attitude and what you’re going through happens to the best of us. Be kind to yourself, form good healthy habits and the relationships will follow!