They meed to make edits of these without all the camera 2 offsides. Simon's commentary is just plain annoying to anyone who just wants to hear the facts
Simon: "This episode was not written by Danny..." Me: Oh shit Simon: "this was Written by Matthew, who writes for Sideprojects" Me: Oh you mean Building Blaze?
Ahhhh. I just love when Simon calls it Business Blaze instead of Brain Blaze. Takes me back to the good ole days of hour and a half tangents and locking Danny in the basement. Am I right Peter!?!😂😂
These Epic Blazes are legendary. But take care of yourself Simon. I'm sure everyone is saying they want more. I say, keep them short. Keep your voice healthy. Blaze on.
I'll bet Danny even still has all his teeth and fingernails, and no suspicious electrical burns in private areas... (just kidding, Danny.. love your scripts! The job, really, is inspiring Simon to wander iff on tangents, and you do it masterfully!)
Claiming that your account has been hacked is a common way to deflect blame after posting something stupid and offensive and getting called out for it. It’s sorta like blaming a fart on a dog
"I grew up in a rough neighborhood. In school the teacher asked what you do at the end of a sentence and one kid said 'you ask for an appeal' " Rodney Dangerfield
Guys, Simon is just trying to hide the fact that Danny escaped again. Remember Simon saying that he hadn't heard people drilling through the walls for a while. And that was weeks ago.
I discovered this Blaze channel last week. I love it! Side note: IF you "just got the point", I wouldn't like your work as much. I love your rants. I enjoy the writer's work & the memes added bring it all together. Thank you ...to everyone. This includes the rants as I feel like they are an entity all by themselves. 🤣
Top loaders were historically easier to build.... the seal on front loaders is critical to not flooding your living space, and the seal sometimes has a tendency to trap water behind it causing mildew if you don't leave the washer door cracked. Older models also have a tendency to exhibit the results of poor damping compounded by a difficulty in balancing particularly during the spin cycle. this would lead them to make very loud banging and knocking noises and occasion start bouncing around and moving (hence the old joke about unsatisfied housewives sitting on their washers in order to ameliorate the frustrations from their less libidinous partners). That said, most of these issues are in the past now (the mechanical ones at least, I have little insight into trends in post marital coital satisfaction), and front loading washers appear to actually clean your clothes better and are less likely to damage sensitive items. By which I mean clothes, not women's nether regions.
My doctors told my mom I was allergic to milk. She just laughed and said "well he drinks a gallon just about every two or three days so obviously he's not allergic enough" Apparently, I shouldn't be able to drink milk with no problems, but I did it so much that my body gave up, leaving me allergic but the allergy is...inert
Bets on there being 2x the communism references in the first 5 minutes of the script. It happens every time Danny gets loose and falls into a pile of 'snow'.
I think we can all agree somewhere in the world right now Matthew is scrolling through these comments thinking to himself “dear god what did I get myself into”
@@gomahklawm4446 oh shit! What racist stuff do we, I-I mean those degenerates say? ps. I was gonna spell degenerates like DeGeneres but I thought the joke would be too strained.
Don't you EVER dare to start "getting to the point quickly". You, Sir, are the embodiment of "the (tangential) journey is the goal". It is a joy to follow you on those ramblings. (Also: Great job on the script by Matthew, I guess you can consider allowing Danny a second annual day out to roam in the backyard.)
You left off the best part about the story of Amy's Baking Company. Most of the food they were serving was ready made frozen food that they were just heating up that they were claiming they made fresh. They refused to believe that any of the bad reviews were because of the obviously ready made frozen food being sold as fresh made, they honestly thought that God had directed them to start the restaurant, and their only problem was people with vendettas writing "fake" negative reviews. When Gordon didn't go along with it, they accused him of being in on the vendetta campaign against them.
Incident that should have been featured here: At one point, the hashtag 'Why I Stayed' was being used by domestic abuse survivors to explain why they stayed with their abusers. DiGorgona Pizza decided to tweet 'Why I Stayed: You Had Pizza'
Finally getting around to all your other channels! Love it. Side note, my son is also allergic to milk and indeed it was hell when he was little and everyone assumed he was just lactose intolerant or that we were making it up despite multiple hospital visits as a baby...to this day (he's now 24) he detests children's Birthday parties... Pizza, cake and ice cream... Well drat. "Mom did you bring me my apple slices?"
Just dealing with my kids lactose intolerance gets a ton of pushback and sadly my twins autism gets questioned by grandparents, principals, teachers or even random people who get upset that my kids are having a meltdown waiting in line... -_- everytime in my head; are you a doctor? Because I'm inclined to believe the multiple doctors that diagnosed them and that would be a ridiculous scheme to cut lines since most of the time we end up waiting like everyone else
This might help you on your journey of discovery through the Whistlerverse..😄 Brain Blaze Megaprojects Sideprojects Astrographics Warographics Into The Shadows Decoding The Unknown Casual Criminalist Places Today I Found Out Science Unbound Geographics (previously) Biographics (previously) TopTenz (previously) Explrd (previously) The Simon Whistler Show (Old)
“Who waits an hour for pizza?” Me, on a couple of occasions. In America, at least in New York where I’m from, it’s often customary to pay when you order if you walk in. So if you’ve already paid, and they keep telling you “oh it’s just five more minutes,” when you say to just give you the money back, it can be an hour before you know it.
No Danny.... maybe he picked his handcuff lock and Simon just hasn’t found him yet and dragged him back. But nice to see the intro is just as blazing. Welcome to “the blaze family” Matthew 🤗
@@baryonyx2574 yes you do! We need you and freedom is too dangerous especially in 2021. Get back to safety and write more Business Blaze. No offense to Matthew but he's a side project not a blazing legend
@@brainblaze6526 10 minutes in and no mocking of based circumstantial evidence leading to valid suspicion or in your words, Conspiracy Theories! So far so good. P.S. Hurricanes are named after women because they arrive quietly, act wildly, make you wet, AND when they leave they take your house and car away.
I was converted to appreciation of the US menu calorie tag the day I found out that the specialty salad I usually ordered had 1600 calories while the small sirloin and baked potato only had 850 (plus a small bit for butter and sour cream on the spud).
@@live2ride18 Colorblindness is carried on the X-chromosome, making us about 4x as likely to have it, assuming I remember how punnett squares properly work. However, it's important to note that grey is very hard for computers to read, and the most common color it is read as is green (the same applies to printers, including those that don't rely on computers, hence why the Hulk is green when he was originally supposed to be grey).
@@ComXDude maybe you no see where second commenter used photoshop to check the color. Idk if he’s an expert but that’s good enough for me. Besides, you didn’t read my comment very well. I said nothing of Simon and the shirt color, simply a fact. Comprehension is out d window yeah? X chromosome, yeah, well I know of one girl to about five men with the problem. I never said girls couldn’t get it. But you kinda looked smart remembering how to play 4 square, if you know what that game is, with dominant and recessive genes 🧬 Bravo 🙌
Business blaze kinda feels like having ADHD. Simon gets distracted, goes on tangents, Danny over writes the script. But you learn cool new things and a lot of topics.Also the random memes are like thoughts popping into your head.
My favourite thing to do is watch it on 1.5 speed. I think it may be similar to what having a really informative seizure would be like. Or possibly taking a lot of speed. But it gives it this crazy sense of urgency, even when Simon goes on tangents. (Also cool: watching Casual Criminalist like this.)
Her tweet says she would soon be parent to a human child, what the fuck did that mean?? I don't remember this event but like, somebody had to have tried to figure out what that tweet meant, right?
@@semaj_5022 in the episode she said she was the mother to 3 cat children. And said they were her babies. I think she's announcing she's pregnant. Which... Yikes
“Mathew”, the name that Danny has given to the small creature fashioned from discarded pot noodle folks he calls a friend that he also hopes shall one day free him from Simon’s basement
I can see Danny curled up against the corner of Simon's dungeon (I mean basement) with chains on, bondage suit, and a hat that says "Rise to Communism" screaming please no not 27 pages!
If you ever want to cut back on the amount you spend eating out, watch Kitchen Nightmares. After a weekend long binge, the next time husband and I went to a restaurant he legit asked to see the kitchen.
We need a script co-written by Danny and Matthew. Danny will add the OG Business Blaze jokes and Matthew will make it an hour long. The perfect combination
Simon doesn’t know the lactose intolerant struggles. I eat sour cream, I spend the entire next day in bathroom. I eat pizza, I don’t see the bathroom for two days. It’s wild out here for us, man. Let us have this. 😫
He is right on the other milks tasting like ass tho. He also forgot one of the worst parts of lactose intolerance, WE CAN'T HAVE ICE CREAM YOU BASTARD!
If I eat an average amount of lactose, I'm in bed for hours with stomach cramps so painful I struggle to breathe. The stage when I finally spend an hour or more in the bathroom is a blessing at the end of all that. If only Simon could spend a day in our bodies lol
I am with you! I spent my life with bad guys and other horrible symptoms and had loads of docs appointments and tests but no answer, when I read about lactose intolerance, the bell suddenly went off in my head! Skool much better now, even thoughtless intolerant too!
I always watch with subtitles, and they're... marginal. One, they're the reason for "perch the merch." Two, I get to see Simon screaming for Daddy all the time. "Come ON, Daddy!" "Alright, Daddy." Asking for more scripts "Give it to me, Daddy." It's accidentally hilarious sometimes.
I'm deaf and absolutely depend on the subtitles. I wouldn't say any of Simons subs are "marginal" if you pay attention, Every video he posts has subs the second the video is posted. They already go through the trouble adding them prior to releasing videos which is a hell of a lot nicer than a lot of these other big name TH-cam channels. At least with Simon, I know I can Always watch his shit the moment he posts it and not have to wait for them to get around to adding subs first
@@simul8rduude It's possible newer videos are subtitled by his team now, but I assure you I've watched a lot of videos with "auto English," in which the voice to text auto generates some entertaining results on occasion.
I’m not shocked by the mistake. Pnb tried and I can appreciate that. However, the 113 👍.... um? I’m so confused. Do they think it’s funny or they like it? Can someone explain please?
The first hurricane I experienced was named after me. In fact, my profile pic was a selfie I took in the rain with the ocean behind me as hurricane Mathew was closing in on us.
Soon companies should append a note after every statement they make: _Offended? Do not care about your feelings. Don't like it? You can go pound on sand. Not retracting anything, not apologizing. Thank you very much._
He was a little screwed over with the merch allegedly lol. Simon switched companies the day off giving him the code rendering the code worthless. Hasn't answered him since. So he's on strike. (according to his comment in the Facebook group)
@@sheevpalpatine8628 idk. A few months ago. When Simon said he's sent him a gift voucher. This is what he said : Stephanie Schicker Now there is a story behind that... The day after I got the code, Simon changed the company he used to do his merch and that voided all the old codes. I was cheated. I don't Trust old Whistler now. He's a sneaky old so-and-so. Long live the workers... Comrade. Allegedly.
“You’re not allergic, you just don’t like it.” You are correct, I’m not allergic, but how many people will listen when you say “Its not an allergy, I just have IBS.”
Or just go with you have stomach issues it works for a lot of things and nobody questions it nobody care if I have acid reflux but they listen when I say stomach issues
truth. my wife is a recovering alcoholic and whenever ppl offer her a drink she says she's allergic. its better than saying, no and then having to explain because no wasnt good enough an answer for them.
Ok but also why do people get so offended when you can't eat a type of food, like, it doesn't affect them at all. I have mast cell activation disorder so have quite a few allergies, kind of sick of people having an attitude about me not wanting my throat to close up and kill me
@@ultimateskillchain I'm not "allergic" to milk, but I threw my bottle away at the ripe age of one year and refused to ever drink it again. At least white cows milk, I am addicted to chocolate, so I will drink chocolate milk. My mother got creative with putting milk in other foods so I did (mostly) get my calcium. Recently I have developed an allergy to fish & all forms of seafood. I spend 5 or 6 hours vomiting followed by about the same time having dry heaves. Thankfully I do not get anaphalactis.
When hurricane Katrina hit, my girlfriend, "Katrina" cheated on me that same day. I was like, "You're just going around fucking everything up aren't you?" lol
And don't forget Confucius' most legendary quote: "It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realise there's always a way to solve problems without using violence."
1) Original Einstein's quote is right, at least i believed it all my life. Factcheck in progress ... 2) He allegedly also said "If a fart is loud, it doesn't smell nearly as bad as if it's silent".
I didn’t know this is what I needed… my usual stuff was boring, and my attention span was dropping, so the hour+ was intimidating. It’s flown by, and inspired gregarious laughter. So many feels m8 😜😂😂👍🔥
Does anyone else think that maybe, all of Simon's cocaine jokes are actually a double bluff. So in reality, business blaze is just an elaborate cry for help.
You know Simon, Danny's script, or Matthew's script, either way I'm having complete faith that you'll be able to destroy it either way, just the same. Because you're a professional.
Yes.we require the inside jokes Factboy. How else are we supposed to f**king gatekeep this channel and make newcomers feel inferior and unintelligent. #cancelsimon #smashthatdislikebutton.
A good example of an insignificant terrorist attack would be that guy in Scotland who tried to blow up a bus terminal or something and only set himself on fire and got the shit beaten out of him by a passer by. I still find that funny.
Trust me, suddenly discovering that your grown up body has decided milk is the enemy, after drinking a really good milkshake for breakfast, and spending the next 12 hours dealing with the repercussions, six of them on a bus headed to a theater doing Shakespeare for a class you're taking, lactose issues are quite real.
Sooo, Danny definitely chewed through the restraints again. Godspeed, Matthew. We’ll start baking files into cakes ASAP. PS. Loved the episode. ‘Preciate the effort.
@@BlackTownie999 20year old computers don’t automatically have internet connection and I don’t see Simon springing for a land line for dial up internet and although it would be BOSS as hell I don’t see him giving them a 1929 Smith Corona typewriter ether
My daughter was allergic to milk too. I couldn't believe all the products that would say dairy free, but then when I checked the ingredients I'd find whey or casien which are both milk derived proteins. I've also had to administer an epipen to her a couple times, once because someone gave her cheetoes and the other time because some idiot daycare provider thought dairy allergy meant lactose intolerant and gave her a lactose free nutritional shake. Fortunately she did eventually grow out of the allergy, thank goodness because buying her special dairy free items was running me broke.
Yes, the USDA in its infinite wisdom (and certainly not due to massive lobbying efforts from the dairy industry) decided that nondairy merely means "without milk," not "without dairy." But "dairy-free" is supposed to mean without dairy, even casein. Annoying and dangerous.
I really enjoy the little “ADHDs” flying by during Simon’s attention deficit tangents. And the fart noise, which if I’m not mistaken is a genuine Simon Whistler Bum Whistle sample, covering the “shit”s. *Muah*
This is one of my favourites, would love another of these. Also would you consider a "mysteries solved by the internet" episode? I'm sure you'd make it great
Mathew feels like a step mom that comes out of nowhere and says you can call them mom... You'll never be my real mom.
YOURE NOT MY REAL DANNY!
Runs into my room and slams the door.
Matthew: It's ok. He'll come around.
100% even if you grow to love them, it's not the same.
*sobbing* But But But, MaThEw couldn't be my real Danny, he put a big gap for more money, and can't spell unique. WHERE'S MOM I WANT MY MOM BACK!
Not my writer! :)
Simon - "This script is so long!"
*Reads two lines*
*Five minute tangent*
Love it. 😅
7:00 still going
@@ashleelarsen5002😂
The tangents make this fun. The content is pretty informative but the tangents bring the entertainment. Rock on Simon.
They meed to make edits of these without all the camera 2 offsides. Simon's commentary is just plain annoying to anyone who just wants to hear the facts
@@johnpeace971pathetic
Simon: "This episode was not written by Danny..."
Me: Oh shit
Simon: "this was Written by Matthew, who writes for Sideprojects"
Me: Oh you mean Building Blaze?
"Building Blaze"! Love it. :D
cringe
@asdrubale bisanzio xxxblaze is simons only fans account.
I read "Building Blaze" and freaking lost it. Perfect comment 😆
@asdrubale bisanzio mmmm, educational and erotic... Edurotic? Erocational?
Ahhhh. I just love when Simon calls it Business Blaze instead of Brain Blaze. Takes me back to the good ole days of hour and a half tangents and locking Danny in the basement. Am I right Peter!?!😂😂
Rumours say Danny is still savely locked away in the basement
just coming back to rewatch the old glory of Business Blaze again... The name change was a mistake imo. xD
Sam when he charges Simon per meme:
*s t o n k s*
HA! GAAAAY!!!!
That's why the last video had 40mins of memes
These Epic Blazes are legendary.
But take care of yourself Simon.
I'm sure everyone is saying they want more.
I say, keep them short. Keep your voice healthy. Blaze on.
Does a fudgy fart sound every time Simon says "shit" count? I like it anyway.
Prepare for 2 1/2 hours of solid mems
Simon: Matty, write like Danny!
Matthew: What happened to Danny?
Simon: ... write like Danny!
"Your new crew seems a bit skittish, Toomes... Maybe you shouldn't have told them what happened to your last crew"
@@dracoargentum9783 "You supposed to be some slick-shit killer. Now look at you..."
All back of the bus...
I can't believe you let Danny off with such a weak excuse. He still has toes. He still has a nose. FIGURE IT OUT, DANNY!
Simon forgot to give him a lemon last month so his scurvy is flaring up again!!!
And his.. i don't need to say it.
Love this
@@ericpeterson2960I’m scared of what you’re able to do with yo…😂
I'll bet Danny even still has all his teeth and fingernails, and no suspicious electrical burns in private areas...
(just kidding, Danny.. love your scripts! The job, really, is inspiring Simon to wander iff on tangents, and you do it masterfully!)
Claiming that your account has been hacked is a common way to deflect blame after posting something stupid and offensive and getting called out for it. It’s sorta like blaming a fart on a dog
What?
"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Damn Rodney. Shit.
I was an ugly kid
My father took me to the zoo and the man at the gate thanked him for returning me
Rodney dangerfield
"I grew up in a rough neighborhood. In school the teacher asked what you do at the end of a sentence and one kid said 'you ask for an appeal' " Rodney Dangerfield
My girlfriend is so ugly, two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled "Rape!" They yelled "NO!"
Rodney Dangerfield
I read all of those in Rodney's voice.
Guys, Simon is just trying to hide the fact that Danny escaped again. Remember Simon saying that he hadn't heard people drilling through the walls for a while. And that was weeks ago.
Danny has been shielding his tracking implant, but he'll pop up again soon. Simon is a ruthless man hunter and is just tiring out his prey.
I guess this means Simon's radiator in the basement is probably damage. ba dum DUM tss.
What I don't get is why Sam wasn't able to get out as well, is Danny just that ruthless?
@@Spectrulus 2 separate basements?
@@longfang98 maybe, or maybe ETA was torturing Sam, since Danny was recaptured and forced to do scripts again, maybe we'll find out.
Everyone should honestly be happy for Danny he finally has a playmate other than Sam
But sams not in the basement is he ? Has he finally been captured ?
He even warned Matthew that he might see comments about being locked in the basement. And the first comment I see, of course is about just that. 😂
yeah but now danny has to share the gruel.
Now Danny has to share the bucket in the corner
I discovered this Blaze channel last week. I love it! Side note: IF you "just got the point", I wouldn't like your work as much. I love your rants. I enjoy the writer's work & the memes added bring it all together. Thank you ...to everyone. This includes the rants as I feel like they are an entity all by themselves. 🤣
Mathew is going to watch this and wonder where he went wrong in his career. 🤣
I don't think he'll wonder about it.
truth
Only those who move up in the world are allowed the Blaaaze
Top loaders were historically easier to build.... the seal on front loaders is critical to not flooding your living space, and the seal sometimes has a tendency to trap water behind it causing mildew if you don't leave the washer door cracked. Older models also have a tendency to exhibit the results of poor damping compounded by a difficulty in balancing particularly during the spin cycle. this would lead them to make very loud banging and knocking noises and occasion start bouncing around and moving (hence the old joke about unsatisfied housewives sitting on their washers in order to ameliorate the frustrations from their less libidinous partners).
That said, most of these issues are in the past now (the mechanical ones at least, I have little insight into trends in post marital coital satisfaction), and front loading washers appear to actually clean your clothes better and are less likely to damage sensitive items. By which I mean clothes, not women's nether regions.
and this is still the case. cheap front load washers are still worse than a cheap top load.
You fucking legend, lmao. Thank you for this.
Damn, I want to like but it's at 69 and I can't ruin that
@@mitchgisborne1369 just think about at as new road to 420😅
in loving memory of danny. he’s not dead, just tired of simon
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes.
It's the same reason ETA left the show...allegedly
Hes finally broke the chains of capitalism. Now he just writes about capital
R.I.P.
My doctors told my mom I was allergic to milk. She just laughed and said "well he drinks a gallon just about every two or three days so obviously he's not allergic enough"
Apparently, I shouldn't be able to drink milk with no problems, but I did it so much that my body gave up, leaving me allergic but the allergy is...inert
You beat your allergy to submission.
I think it's more likely that your allergy was misdiagnosed.
I can't wait to hear how much hate and despair is in Danny's next script when he just learned about Simon's other writers having free will and stuff
It’s ok he doesn’t have internet so he won’t find out
It's a very apt analogy that Matthew's (being from the U.S.A.) script is longer than Danny's. (U.K.)
Basically, we're more full of crap.
For the meantime.
Bets on there being 2x the communism references in the first 5 minutes of the script. It happens every time Danny gets loose and falls into a pile of 'snow'.
Ours are just bigger
When Simon asks you to retrieve something from the basement, refuse, whatever you do, refuse.
#AdviceforMatthew
How has this only 2 likes, this shit is hilarious 😂
I think we can all agree somewhere in the world right now Matthew is scrolling through these comments thinking to himself “dear god what did I get myself into”
But there is gold down there. Lots of gold.
Allegedly.
@@brainblaze6526 comedy gold
"It's not the country, it's not the people, it's the people in charge."
Wise words from Simon.
Sometimes it's the people, too...
@@gomahklawm4446 oh shit! What racist stuff do we, I-I mean those degenerates say?
ps. I was gonna spell degenerates like DeGeneres but I thought the joke would be too strained.
Simon - These are so long!
Everyone - Yes. Now another fact, fact boi.
Love these epic blazes!
Don't you EVER dare to start "getting to the point quickly". You, Sir, are the embodiment of "the (tangential) journey is the goal". It is a joy to follow you on those ramblings. (Also: Great job on the script by Matthew, I guess you can consider allowing Danny a second annual day out to roam in the backyard.)
You left off the best part about the story of Amy's Baking Company. Most of the food they were serving was ready made frozen food that they were just heating up that they were claiming they made fresh. They refused to believe that any of the bad reviews were because of the obviously ready made frozen food being sold as fresh made, they honestly thought that God had directed them to start the restaurant, and their only problem was people with vendettas writing "fake" negative reviews. When Gordon didn't go along with it, they accused him of being in on the vendetta campaign against them.
🤯
😂 my favorite time was with the burger kitchen and he told the guy he was watching too many fucking Bond movies❤️
Even worse they are opening a new location near their new home.
I suppose it is easy to believe that the world is out to get you if it is impossible for person in question to be tolerable.
It was Amy's cat-talk that really did them in.
Incident that should have been featured here:
At one point, the hashtag 'Why I Stayed' was being used by domestic abuse survivors to explain why they stayed with their abusers. DiGorgona Pizza decided to tweet 'Why I Stayed: You Had Pizza'
Reminded me of this: m.th-cam.com/video/Sq4vl4fRvRg/w-d-xo.html
They did WHAT???? SERIOUSLY?? Omfg
Wow
.. was there a backlash? A fking hope so.
@@carmenburton4918 Yep. Swift and vicious.
Narrator: no one would make that mistake again
Pizza Hut: hold my beer
Finally getting around to all your other channels! Love it. Side note, my son is also allergic to milk and indeed it was hell when he was little and everyone assumed he was just lactose intolerant or that we were making it up despite multiple hospital visits as a baby...to this day (he's now 24) he detests children's Birthday parties... Pizza, cake and ice cream... Well drat. "Mom did you bring me my apple slices?"
Just dealing with my kids lactose intolerance gets a ton of pushback and sadly my twins autism gets questioned by grandparents, principals, teachers or even random people who get upset that my kids are having a meltdown waiting in line... -_- everytime in my head; are you a doctor? Because I'm inclined to believe the multiple doctors that diagnosed them and that would be a ridiculous scheme to cut lines since most of the time we end up waiting like everyone else
This might help you on your journey of discovery through the Whistlerverse..😄
Brain Blaze
Megaprojects
Sideprojects
Astrographics
Warographics
Into The Shadows
Decoding The Unknown
Casual Criminalist
Places
Today I Found Out
Science Unbound
Geographics (previously)
Biographics (previously)
TopTenz (previously)
Explrd (previously)
The Simon Whistler Show (Old)
Simon, "I shouldn't be making the video so long."
[Simon spends an extra 5 minutes talking about the video's length.]
That's why we love him.
@@LoneWoIfPack19 He's so close to making a video titled
"Funniest stories from 911"
@@oracleofdelphi4533 yes, inappropriate.
Profiting off of human suffering.
@@oracleofdelphi4533 thats a great idea lol
Typical acts of those using mood altering drugs, aka. Cocaine. Hyperactive rambling, and no pause button are common.
Idea for a channel: Simon reviews decades old pop culture that he finally watches.
Yeah he does that now. Just watched the Princess Bride
@@kalevala1778 that was great. Let's request more of that.
So long as one has seen the princess bride nothing else matters.
@@joshapril1393 Make it a channel! It could be "Simon Says" reviewing classic films he's never seen.
@@jooleebilly Eating KFC or maybe even Taco Bell
Business Blaze: The channel where simon talks about random things and the only bit of business is telling companies how not to fuck everything up
He also tells us about the bad economics of the very video we are watching every time the video is over 30 minutes long :).
Seems legit
“Who waits an hour for pizza?” Me, on a couple of occasions. In America, at least in New York where I’m from, it’s often customary to pay when you order if you walk in. So if you’ve already paid, and they keep telling you “oh it’s just five more minutes,” when you say to just give you the money back, it can be an hour before you know it.
No Danny.... maybe he picked his handcuff lock and Simon just hasn’t found him yet and dragged him back. But nice to see the intro is just as blazing. Welcome to “the blaze family” Matthew 🤗
The freedom is nice, but constantly having to move around to evade the Simon clones is a bit tiring...maybe I really do belong in the basement.
@@baryonyx2574 you could dye your hair and call yourself Blaine, as no one seems to be looking for him these days! 🤔
@@baryonyx2574 get back in the basement and get to writing scripts! Don't ever let us down like this again!
@@baryonyx2574 yes you do! We need you and freedom is too dangerous especially in 2021. Get back to safety and write more Business Blaze. No offense to Matthew but he's a side project not a blazing legend
This script was a bit shitty though
When Danny comes back he needs to write a 30 page script explaining his whole life story.
A Biographic?
@@badluck5647 a bioblaze
Dannys Blaze
Yes! That's gonna be Simon's punishment for not feeding him enough to remain strong to write an epic Blaze
@@haddib Yes! The next
cocaine-fueled channel where Simon mocks historical figures in his ramblings, while Sam adds some fine, vintage memes.
“Everyone is going to hit the dislike button” oh yeah take my like out of spite
Solid dislike ratio on this one actually. Although I get the feeling that's mostly be getting cancelled because of the Danny thing.
I too liked it out of pure spite
I usually do, but my the juices from both ends from the cube of cheese I ate earlier might have splashed onto the dislike button once.
@@brainblaze6526 10 minutes in and no mocking of based circumstantial evidence leading to valid suspicion or in your words, Conspiracy Theories! So far so good. P.S. Hurricanes are named after women because they arrive quietly, act wildly, make you wet, AND when they leave they take your house and car away.
Yeah, fuck Danny... No...... NOT LITERALLY! (jsut kidding, we like Danny)
I was converted to appreciation of the US menu calorie tag the day I found out that the specialty salad I usually ordered had 1600 calories while the small sirloin and baked potato only had 850 (plus a small bit for butter and sour cream on the spud).
A script that doesn't involve Danny's past life as a commodore 64 dating website? I hope we find out what makes Matthew a LEGEND.
Maybe Danny couldn't write the BB episode, because he was busy writing his Biographic.
@@badluck5647 I hope so
It was a #69 commodore dating site
Danny used to be a dating website? What a coincidence, I used to be a Geocities website.
@@chitlitlah I'm not quite sure. I do a lot of driving and listening.
Just remember Matthew, every decision you've ever made has led you to this point in your life. Welcome.
Simon: "I got in this classy Grey, I f**king love grey" Everyone: Simon it's green!
Thank you! Adjusted my brightest to double check. Does Simon know he's green colorblind?
@@andiward7068 Yea I used Photoshop to double-check before posting.
Most men have some sort of color blind problem...Americans found that out during ww2 recruitment
@@live2ride18 Colorblindness is carried on the X-chromosome, making us about 4x as likely to have it, assuming I remember how punnett squares properly work. However, it's important to note that grey is very hard for computers to read, and the most common color it is read as is green (the same applies to printers, including those that don't rely on computers, hence why the Hulk is green when he was originally supposed to be grey).
@@ComXDude maybe you no see where second commenter used photoshop to check the color. Idk if he’s an expert but that’s good enough for me.
Besides, you didn’t read my comment very well.
I said nothing of Simon and the shirt color, simply a fact. Comprehension is out d window yeah? X chromosome, yeah, well I know of one girl to about five men with the problem.
I never said girls couldn’t get it.
But you kinda looked smart remembering how to play 4 square, if you know what that game is, with dominant and recessive genes 🧬
Bravo 🙌
Would love a t-shirt saying “Cocaine, I couldn’t do this without you…” 😂😂😂
Simon is a panicking school teacher hurriedly covering the topics for the end of year exam and I love it.
Business blaze kinda feels like having ADHD. Simon gets distracted, goes on tangents, Danny over writes the script. But you learn cool new things and a lot of topics.Also the random memes are like thoughts popping into your head.
There is a proper medical name for the condition Simon has... oh yes, jibbering baffoon.
It really is similar tbh
My favourite thing to do is watch it on 1.5 speed. I think it may be similar to what having a really informative seizure would be like. Or possibly taking a lot of speed. But it gives it this crazy sense of urgency, even when Simon goes on tangents. (Also cool: watching Casual Criminalist like this.)
@@coal.sparks oh my god. This is perfection. I've never even thought to watch something fast. I'm going to be DEMOLISHING my history channels now!
I have ADHD and Simon definitely does too!
It's so thoughtful of Simon to adopt a stray writer to keep Danny company in the basement.
This video is an absolute gem.
Thanks Matty and Simon
I wonder if next week's Casual Criminalist will be covering the mysterious disappearance of Danny... Maybe we will finally get his true backstory.
I feel like Simon could make a fitting video on every channel based on Danny.
Simon: "amy's baking company"
Me: AH FECK NO! *trauma proceeds as memories of that episode resurface*
I haven't even watched the video yet and I'm having flashbacks
They're a mob front lol
Her tweet says she would soon be parent to a human child, what the fuck did that mean?? I don't remember this event but like, somebody had to have tried to figure out what that tweet meant, right?
@@semaj_5022 in the episode she said she was the mother to 3 cat children. And said they were her babies. I think she's announcing she's pregnant. Which... Yikes
@@jaxmariegaming that.. I don't like that. Lol somehow that makes it so much worse. And that poor child :(
Social media screw ups: Simon firing danny
Simon. This was one of my favorite episodes ever, and it was because you were walking around and off the chair and you were like x10 more animated lol
“Mathew”, the name that Danny has given to the small creature fashioned from discarded pot noodle folks he calls a friend that he also hopes shall one day free him from Simon’s basement
Matthew is to danny
As
Wilson is to marooned tom hankies
I can see Danny curled up against the corner of Simon's dungeon (I mean basement) with chains on, bondage suit, and a hat that says "Rise to Communism" screaming please no not 27 pages!
"whoever this rodney dangerfield is he's pretty funny" .... HE CANT GET NO RESPECT!
I see what you did there
Had to go crosseyed though
If you ever want to cut back on the amount you spend eating out, watch Kitchen Nightmares. After a weekend long binge, the next time husband and I went to a restaurant he legit asked to see the kitchen.
We need a script co-written by Danny and Matthew. Danny will add the OG Business Blaze jokes and Matthew will make it an hour long. The perfect combination
The combined intro will be 2 hrs long
By our powers combined I AM... EPIC INTRO!!!
Take it to heart Mathew the scab.. We miss Danny!… give us proof of life Whistler...
I'm not even sure Danny is real any more.
With that "Terror Wrist" joke, you've firmly planted your feet in dad joke territory. It's inevitable.
Simon doesn’t know the lactose intolerant struggles. I eat sour cream, I spend the entire next day in bathroom. I eat pizza, I don’t see the bathroom for two days. It’s wild out here for us, man. Let us have this. 😫
He is right on the other milks tasting like ass tho. He also forgot one of the worst parts of lactose intolerance, WE CAN'T HAVE ICE CREAM YOU BASTARD!
Dude, just be tolerant... it's 2022.
If I eat an average amount of lactose, I'm in bed for hours with stomach cramps so painful I struggle to breathe. The stage when I finally spend an hour or more in the bathroom is a blessing at the end of all that. If only Simon could spend a day in our bodies lol
I am with you! I spent my life with bad guys and other horrible symptoms and had loads of docs appointments and tests but no answer, when I read about lactose intolerance, the bell suddenly went off in my head! Skool much better now, even thoughtless intolerant too!
Agh! Predictive text! I meant bad guts and sooo much better!
I never normally see these within an hour on being released!!
I hope Danny’s escape is short and you track him down soon.
Social Media Screw Ups: The working title for Business Blaze.
*yawn*
I always watch with subtitles, and they're... marginal.
One, they're the reason for "perch the merch."
Two, I get to see Simon screaming for Daddy all the time. "Come ON, Daddy!" "Alright, Daddy." Asking for more scripts "Give it to me, Daddy." It's accidentally hilarious sometimes.
LOL!!!
Well now I’m turning on subs.. 👀
I'm deaf and absolutely depend on the subtitles. I wouldn't say any of Simons subs are "marginal" if you pay attention, Every video he posts has subs the second the video is posted. They already go through the trouble adding them prior to releasing videos which is a hell of a lot nicer than a lot of these other big name TH-cam channels.
At least with Simon, I know I can Always watch his shit the moment he posts it and not have to wait for them to get around to adding subs first
@@simul8rduude It's possible newer videos are subtitled by his team now, but I assure you I've watched a lot of videos with "auto English," in which the voice to text auto generates some entertaining results on occasion.
Kinda like the subtitles for foreign language movies where you understand both the spoken and subtitle languages. That can turn a drama into a comedy!
“I’m not sure how I feel about the death penalty”
Ah. This is before The Casual Criminalist.
I want a Danny-Matthew collab so we can call it the Dan-Man episode.
But Danny>matthew
But why would it be Dan man? Wouldn’t it be Dan mat ?
you tried
Maybe Danny-Matty?
I’m not shocked by the mistake. Pnb tried and I can appreciate that. However, the 113 👍.... um? I’m so confused. Do they think it’s funny or they like it? Can someone explain please?
I had a class with a girl named Katrina in the year that Hurricane Katrina happened and she was not happy about it to say the least.
Lol I had the news article on the fridge from hurricane Mitch for way to long.
The first hurricane I experienced was named after me. In fact, my profile pic was a selfie I took in the rain with the ocean behind me as hurricane Mathew was closing in on us.
lolz though
i worked with a girl called katrina at the time, and everyone at work was just like “ yeah, it makes sense, she is a disaster”.
I had a pet rat that I named after the hurricane.
Why is this dude literally the best dude to watch on TH-cam. Guy does nothing but be bald and read funny. I like him. Good stuff Whistler man.
Soon companies should append a note after every statement they make:
_Offended? Do not care about your feelings. Don't like it? You can go pound on sand. Not retracting anything, not apologizing. Thank you very much._
Haven't heard fron Brian the Meme Accountant in a while.....did he lose his WiFi privileges in the basement, too?
He was a little screwed over with the merch allegedly lol. Simon switched companies the day off giving him the code rendering the code worthless. Hasn't answered him since. So he's on strike. (according to his comment in the Facebook group)
@@sheevpalpatine8628 idk. A few months ago. When Simon said he's sent him a gift voucher.
This is what he said :
Stephanie Schicker Now there is a story behind that... The day after I got the code, Simon changed the company he used to do his merch and that voided all the old codes. I was cheated. I don't Trust old Whistler now. He's a sneaky old so-and-so.
Long live the workers... Comrade. Allegedly.
“You’re not allergic, you just don’t like it.”
You are correct, I’m not allergic, but how many people will listen when you say “Its not an allergy, I just have IBS.”
Just lock them in the room with you after whatever they forced you to eat makes your IBS flare up, they'll learn really quick.
Or just go with you have stomach issues it works for a lot of things and nobody questions it nobody care if I have acid reflux but they listen when I say stomach issues
truth. my wife is a recovering alcoholic and whenever ppl offer her a drink she says she's allergic. its better than saying, no and then having to explain because no wasnt good enough an answer for them.
Ok but also why do people get so offended when you can't eat a type of food, like, it doesn't affect them at all. I have mast cell activation disorder so have quite a few allergies, kind of sick of people having an attitude about me not wanting my throat to close up and kill me
@@ultimateskillchain I'm not "allergic" to milk, but I threw my bottle away at the ripe age of one year and refused to ever drink it again. At least white cows milk, I am addicted to chocolate, so I will drink chocolate milk. My mother got creative with putting milk in other foods so I did (mostly) get my calcium. Recently I have developed an allergy to fish & all forms of seafood. I spend 5 or 6 hours vomiting followed by about the same time having dry heaves. Thankfully I do not get anaphalactis.
When hurricane Katrina hit, my girlfriend, "Katrina" cheated on me that same day. I was like, "You're just going around fucking everything up aren't you?" lol
Was she as wet as the hurricane?
@@raccpootonsuijuris6949 Ask her. ;)
@@sbleed I understand your post as a warning so...... NO!
The cinnamon roll thing would have made her day. She was appearantly a very humorous person.
"If you don't like me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" - Albert Einstein
And matthew was never seen again.
Danny: oh i see you got tricked too.
Matthew: where am i?
Danny: Your home son.
Dom dom doooooooom.
So, I’m in the basement.
Click & rattle of chain shackles locking shut.
Always were.
yea i'm convinced all that noise was basement renovations, rooms for more ..guests. Alegedly
the basement now has a seventh level.
@@brainblaze6526 ahh I see your following the classic Dantes Inferno aesthetic
@@brainblaze6526 ohhhh! Classy...😉
I have just watched this for the first time, as I have been catching up on missed episodes. I almost spat out my drink, from laughter, at 49:39…
* Amy's Baking Company gets mentioned *
* Flashbacks of that whole mess *
...oh God
I hear she still speaks cat.
@@gorillaau legend says she also mastered jackass fluently
@@justaskinwalkerwithstolenw7237 you mean there was a time she wasn't fluent in jackass?
Amys Baking Company is in the game Cities Skylines, named as Ami's Baking Company. You'll find it in the farming industry.
“He who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger” is a Confucius’ quote, not Einstein’s.
Jeez, Simon, everyone knows it 🙄
🤣🤣🤣
Pretty sure Confucius also said "Man who live in glass house, get dressed in basement"
And don't forget Confucius' most legendary quote: "It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realise there's always a way to solve problems without using violence."
Thats exactly what I was thinking! It's said just how he speaks
@@Aspir7 this is deeply amazing and I'm so glad to have now "heard" it!
1) Original Einstein's quote is right, at least i believed it all my life. Factcheck in progress ...
2) He allegedly also said "If a fart is loud, it doesn't smell nearly as bad as if it's silent".
How many writers does Simon have in his basement? At least it's comforting to know that Danny is not alone chained to the radiator
This was the funniest comment
Isn't the radiator upstairs with Simon?
Sam is chained there too.
@@kobiau he has a radiator downstairs as well to keep the pipes and writers from freezing.
@@Master_Yoda1990 dude, danny froze...not cool (or a little too cool)
I didn’t know this is what I needed… my usual stuff was boring, and my attention span was dropping, so the hour+ was intimidating. It’s flown by, and inspired gregarious laughter. So many feels m8 😜😂😂👍🔥
Does anyone else think that maybe, all of Simon's cocaine jokes are actually a double bluff. So in reality, business blaze is just an elaborate cry for help.
It would explain how he gets so much work done...
I do believe this. A lot. Simon clearly likes cocaine.
Yes its no bluff at all friend
Worst relief concert idea ever, ”Katrina and the Waves for New Orleans”
Gold 🏅😆
You know Simon, Danny's script, or Matthew's script, either way I'm having complete faith that you'll be able to destroy it either way, just the same. Because you're a professional.
Lol!
Around where he rolls... it's called being a Master...de-..bater.. Allegendly....))
@@patrickjordan2233
Or a cunning linguist.
@@lucisferre6361 Now now... children may watch this channel. Don't be vulgar.
The marathon issue is that the original guy centuries ago ran it and did die, perfectly legitimate phrasing.
But Danny knows the inside jokes, he has helped stoke the sparks of this channel in the roaring blaze we have all come to love.
Danny isn't retired. He just took a break.
I hope he's still the only writer except if he's taking a little break because Simon rattled his chains too much
Yes.we require the inside jokes Factboy. How else are we supposed to f**king gatekeep this channel and make newcomers feel inferior and unintelligent. #cancelsimon #smashthatdislikebutton.
Never get to the point Simon, never get to the point, ramble all across the countryside 👍
Business Blaze, the verbal version of greenlanes for the pandemic
This is the most underrated comment of all time. All. Time.
The only reason I wasn’t hear earlier is because I was in the middle of an episode of The Causal Crimalist
Ya I was watching the new one on the Sahara. LOL
Legend
He's got you on his hook, you will never escape....
@@katajha831 What new one on the Sahara?
This is one of the best ads I’ve seen for the casual criminalist
A good example of an insignificant terrorist attack would be that guy in Scotland who tried to blow up a bus terminal or something and only set himself on fire and got the shit beaten out of him by a passer by. I still find that funny.
Epic script - $00.75
Epic memes - $00.50
Watching Simon suffer through hour+ long video = Priceless
Business Blaze: Simon attempts to pronounce random American words.
Epic Fail every time
Bold of you to use the P-word after Simon reveals he bans it in the comments.
"Apparrel-ly" ;)
@@littleblackcat2273 Nice!
At least he tries
"Everything you read on the internet is true." - George Washington.
😆😆😆
What a smart man.
Totally happened. I was there.
@@Neo0311 "Allegedly!"
Cant argue with science.
I love how all episodes start about 5 min in at least, but it's the best part
I love when Simon reads a single sentence and it sets him off on a fictional argument with a fictional person out loud 😂
Those are real arguments with a real person... himself
imagine if danny was actually trapped in the basement and we all thought it was a joke
.
.
.
.
allegedly
Google Amazon review killer. . You'll see why..
Piarate..
Now that I find it to be false,
it is no longer funny.
“Okay, this is epic” - Simon allegedly
Is this the real kim?
@@dragonthefirst7385 will the real Jong please stand up
Trust me, suddenly discovering that your grown up body has decided milk is the enemy, after drinking a really good milkshake for breakfast, and spending the next 12 hours dealing with the repercussions, six of them on a bus headed to a theater doing Shakespeare for a class you're taking, lactose issues are quite real.
“I love grey, I know it’s boring, but it looks... GREYT.” I see what you did there... 😏
BA DA BUM BUM TSHSHSHSHSHHSHS.
Me looking at the length of this video: YES
Ditto.
This is what I was thinking. Watch this and than off to work.
Seeing that it wasn’t written by Danny: MEH
Sooo, Danny definitely chewed through the restraints again. Godspeed, Matthew. We’ll start baking files into cakes ASAP.
PS. Loved the episode. ‘Preciate the effort.
Yay Simon I am watching it on July 16th which is my birthday so thank you for the present of a very long epic blaze! 💗 Thanks mate
What the hell?? He posted this like 2 years ago...
"I've never heard of Amy's baking company" OH, this is gonna be good.
That's a good thing.
They are always the first ones in when there's a bun fight.
At least Danny is no longer alone, Simon stuffed Matty down in the basement with him, both chained to 10 yr old computer of their own.
HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT SAM YOU INFIDEL
No they both have to share a 20 year old computer
@@philvanderlaan5942 Typewriter, Simon doesn't want any SOS messages getting out so they can escape.
@@BlackTownie999 20year old computers don’t automatically have internet connection and I don’t see Simon springing for a land line for dial up internet and although it would be BOSS as hell I don’t see him giving them a 1929 Smith Corona typewriter ether
My daughter was allergic to milk too. I couldn't believe all the products that would say dairy free, but then when I checked the ingredients I'd find whey or casien which are both milk derived proteins. I've also had to administer an epipen to her a couple times, once because someone gave her cheetoes and the other time because some idiot daycare provider thought dairy allergy meant lactose intolerant and gave her a lactose free nutritional shake. Fortunately she did eventually grow out of the allergy, thank goodness because buying her special dairy free items was running me broke.
Got milk?
To be fair, nobody expects Cheetos to have, you know, real ingredients.
@@wmdkitty that's why I only referred to the cheetos person as someone and left the idiot part for the nutritional shake incident.
Yes, the USDA in its infinite wisdom (and certainly not due to massive lobbying efforts from the dairy industry) decided that nondairy merely means "without milk," not "without dairy." But "dairy-free" is supposed to mean without dairy, even casein. Annoying and dangerous.
My uncle is allergic to milk but only for half the year. This is because in spring cows eat a certain grass and he is allergic to that grass
In Scotland, we named our storm which destroyed sheds and carried off children's trampolines 'hurricane bawbag'
😀😃
He's so much nicer to "Matthew" than he is to Danny... just wait until you get chucked into the basement too.
It's a ruse! A trap! Run!
“Ten minutes in and we’re finally getting started; Welcome to Business Blaze.
Oh, by the way...” 😂😂😂
I really enjoy the little “ADHDs” flying by during Simon’s attention deficit tangents. And the fart noise, which if I’m not mistaken is a genuine Simon Whistler Bum Whistle sample, covering the “shit”s. *Muah*
maybe this is why I love him? It's like conversations with me!
This is why I can watch all of this info without my ADD meds.
Same!!!!
This is one of my favourites, would love another of these. Also would you consider a "mysteries solved by the internet" episode? I'm sure you'd make it great