As a woman who didn’t get married (factors both within my control and not), have no kids and now at the end of my fertile years, I could scream out from the rooftops to young people to get married young, and be open to life. Accept God’s abundance with all your heart. Your kids will manage just fine without the most expensive shoes and gadgets. The best gift you could give them is the witness of loving, holy parents and a community of a siblings.
So you got to do whatever you wanted and have a happy life instead of being surrounded by screaming brats forever? That sounds amazing. Why would you tell young people to ruin their lives like that instead of being happy like you?
@@Mashfan6507Except that she didn't say she has a "happy life", but the opposite: she clearly regrets not having made the right decision at the right time (get married and have children young). And then, unlike you, she is mature and wise enough to share her thoughts about it and prevent others from making the same mistakes she made.
@@sug1733 well, maybe it’s different for women idk. But at the same time she doesn’t have to worry about being older like men do. Women of any age can find a man, whereas older men never do. I am sharing my thoughts and making sure that men don’t make the mistakes I have of thinking being with a woman is a good thing instead of spending my energy on things that are worthwhile. If you’re a man and youre not a millionaire or look like a model, then you really shouldn’t bother dating because it’s not gonna work out. Men need to stay away from women at all costs. If I’m wrong please give me evidence otherwise cuz so far all the evidence points to men being much happier alone and free.
I watched this video with such an ache. I met a "nice Catholic young man" 2.5 years ago and we hit it off on the "big four" issues immediately. We became official and serious relatively quickly with the intention of marriage. He proposed after a year of long distance dating, and after a year of engagement (and him being deployed for 9 of those months) he called off the wedding in the final month. He was 25, I am 26. I was shocked and am still very much mourning our relationship and the life I thought we'd have. I so desired this vocation and a life of being a team with him. Please pray for my healing and eventually a holy and fruitful marriage.
I’ll ask God’s strength to ease your pain. He did it for me when I was crushed but believe His plans for me is better than mine. Past forward 8 years from then, I find the logic behind it and feel blessed with my current life. Remember in genesis where Joseph was sold by his brothers? It’s part of God’s plan so Joseph can be the right hand of Pharaoh and help his family in the future. I am certain God has much beautiful plan for your life ❤
We met at 17 and 18, first weekend of college. Got married at 20 and 21. Had our first child that year. We’re homeowners, we are educated, and we have a wonderful life together. We’re now 30 and have four kids. My only regret is not marrying him sooner. ❤
Well I’m sure you’re happy because only women benefit from marriage. I can’t imagine as a man ruining my life in college like that. Also the only way you could afford a house is to live in the welfare lap of luxury, so I guess that’s why you have so many kids?
Glad to see this, we knew each other when we were 20 and 21, married at 22 and 23 with nothing from zero (people saying that parents give everything when they don't) just hard work and sacrifice for the best of the family. Now 27 and 28 w/ 3 kids and homeowners.
@@Polimuni Nope! Our parents educated us through grade 12 (and we are incredibly grateful!) and gave us their blessing by helping to pay for the wedding. However, we moved in together after we got married and we were on our own financially. It was very difficult for the first year or two as we took turns putting each other through school. We both worked part time, took classes, and cared for little ones. We worked a lot of 3rd shift jobs and odd hours. However, I ended up with my master's and a career in education, and my husband ended up with his bachelor's and a career in the military.
My mom was 35 and dad was 42 when they got married. They had me two years later and my sister two years after that. Both were re-verts to the Catholic faith who had experienced strong conversions in their 30’s. They raised my sister and I with Catholic morals and so much love. And because they were older parents, they had so much wisdom and we were their number one priority. Life would be completely different had they met and married earlier. Trust God’s timing; He has a story written for everyone! No one’s story is exactly alike.
My mother was 40 when she had me. It sounds like your mother was 37 and 39 when she had the two of you. My mother and your mother were both VERY fortunate to have children so late in life. By age 37, one quarter of women are not able to conceive any more children. So while God does have a plan for everybody, delaying good things is sometimes just a bad thing.
For several young men and women I know, the problem isn't that they're putting off marriage, it's that they cannot find someone to marry. Someone else who wants to marry young and checks the boxes that Fr Schmitz mentioned. Where do you meet those people outside of dating apps?
This was my problem. I wanted so badly to marry young and have 20 kids...lol. I didn't meet my husband until 25 years old and it took him 5 painful years to decide to pursue. Now, 13 years in and 6 beautiful children with 3 in heaven, we are both so grateful the Lord brought us together and has blessed us so much. I found him praying for an end to abortion in front of a clinic in our town. The pro-life movement is a fantastic place to find amazing Catholics. My husband's witness brought me into the one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church as well. ❤
Engaged at 20, married at 22, first baby at 23. We were told by MANY not to do it, told I could end the engagement and hide out for a while, told by family they didn’t want to fly to our wedding because they were unsure since we were “so young”, told by family we were too young. Now, 14 years of marriage and nearly 20 years together, 4 kiddos and more to come thanks be to God! DONT WAIT!
I totally agree! I would have loved to gotten married when I was in my early mid 20s, but I never met the right person. I finally met the right person at age 45, and I’ve been happily married now for almost 19 years. To make a blanket statement that all Catholics should marry young is foolish. God has a different plan for each of us and our goal should be to pray and discern what that vocation is, not follow a blanket generalization!
This video is amazing. I got married very young and my wife gave birth to our first son a month ago. I know most people would condemn that as irresponsible, especially since we're still financially getting our feet under us. But it's been incredibly amazing, and it makes me detest the "wait until you're 35 and have $100,000 in savings" narrative that's pushed so aggressively
Just trust the Lord and focus on his words and your love for each others dont worry about money because it destroys marriages more than it makes them. Not every rich person is happily married but there are plenty who are poorer who are. God bless
What’s wrong with waiting till you’re financially stable and older and know yourself better? That’s much smarter to me, that’s what I’m doing, even though I’ll never get married.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to meet their person young. I’ve wanted to get married since I was 16. I’m now 34, never been married. It’s not for lack of wanting or trying. Maybe God has different plans for different people?
I got married at 20 (1 month after meeting my husband). My husband was 22. 4 months after being married, we found out we were expecting our 1st child. Now we have 5 kids and continuing to grow our family. Getting married young and fast was the perfect decision for us. When you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with then why wait. My husband was everything I dreamed of and more, that’s how i knew he was the one. I prayed for this exact man.
St. Paul says young women should marry. That's what the Church should talk about more. But that message finds some tough resistance because the "modern(ist?)" Church herself is embracing the culture too much, and especially the feminist manifesto.
Yep great advice Father . I was 19 and my wife was 22 ,first daughter came along when I was 20 . Married now for 36 years , truly blessed to have faith and a large family. St Joseph, pray for us husbands and fathers, Amen .
I'm 35, and got married at 31. Couldn't find a guy who wanted to get married was the major reason. I'm having kids now. Now I'm reprimanded for giving up the career that I spent my entire 20s building as I am either pausing or having to restart from scratch. Many people told me it's better for my career to have kids young as it makes you focused and motivated while everyone is running around confuse or to bever have kids at all. So don't worry about when you get married or what people say. Just focus on marrying the right person. Have fun.
You're not pausing your career, you're starting your career as a mother. Your kids have the right to be raised by you, and to have you present at home.
Don't listen to other people. I got the same comments when I went to law school. But before I went to law school I was an underpaid receptionist hoping that if I just sat and looked good then my husband would come along. I basically put my whole life on hold waiting to be married, living paycheck to paycheck in the process. It wasn't good and I never met a guy who was on the same page. Finally I decided to pray on my vocation and went to law school. I've loved it! Now I'm saving the money I earn so that my husband/kids can have the best possible start.
I have found that you can't do anything right as a woman and you almost never live up to the expectations people have for you haha. So yes, in full agreement with you.
It’s the “I’m drowning” part for me. Currently 2 months postpartum with a 1.5 year old as well and there are days where I feel I don’t think I’ll make it. So this was a good reminder that there will be storms and I need to pick up my cross, due to myself and keep going. My husband is a big help but there are battles in my mind that only God can help me with. This was a good listen.
I feel this. You can't explain to men (or anyone except other moms tbh) the battle inside the mind when you're a stay-at-home mom with multiple babies. It's dark. It's no wonder so many women put their kids in daycare and go back to work. It's a heck of lot easier, in many ways. But moms need other moms. Wish there were more of them that stayed home with their kids. I've got a 3 yo and a 1.5 yo myself, so I've been through that. It is hard.
It’s gets easier. I had 6. The more you have and close together has benefits as they grow.- for you, not just them. Hang in there. Try singing to God- it lifts your mood
My grandparents got married 3 months after meeting. 4 children, 14 grands, 17 great grands and 64 years later, my grandfather just passed this last week. Amazing testament to Christian marriage. My mom and dad married at 20, and in a little less than 40 years so far they have 9 children, 9 grands (and counting).
I love this! If I could change anything about my past and still have the same wonderful children I have now, it would be to have been married younger. Matrimony is my favorite sacrament, because it is the one that has ultimately led me home to the Church. God’s grace from our union has been gradually working in me for eighteen years, and Easter vigil will be my first eucharistic communion. I love my wife so much for her patience during my journey home.
I am married with 8 amazing children to a woman I do not deserve. We were married at 25 after college and had to struggle early on. God sees, He pours grace into your life and into your heart when you are open to what He is asking. The world and the enemy make only empty promises that will never bring true happiness. The world needs more young, parents who love God and are open to life. Give yourself away and Trust the Lord. He wastes nothing.
My wife and I got married young, and it was the perfect thing to do at the time thanks be to God and not any wisdom of our own. We now have 6 kids which are almost all adults (26, 25, 23, 21, 18 & 15), and it is amazing. The friendships they share and the joy that being when they are home with us feels surreal 🙏✝️😊
As someone who has been in Trad circles a long time, getting married young has been the norm, 18yrs-20yrs. But recently our Trad priests are not advising it before 22. 21 at the earliest. Our priests have seen too many women on the edge of insanity having lots of kids, broke, husbands having to work multiple jobs, and they can’t contribute to the community or their parish (financially or even with time and skills bc they’re too busy and broke). It is not good to advice young to marry bc it “safer”, you’ll be protected from sins of the world if you just settle down and marry. Men have to live in this world, to be a light, salt of the earth, and that is not east. Going from homeschool world; sitting at the kitchen table with mom to getting married a year later in general has not produced saintly men God deserves. The men particularly need to exercise some independence, a reasonable understanding of how the world works.
Good point of view, thanks for sharing. At 32, and as other commenters have stated, I would tell myself now to "get married young", but I also wouldn't be who I am today as you stated. But I think now I can share my worldly wisdom with my (potential future) kids and advise them to marry young if they feel called haha.
Also, getting married at 22 rather than 19 is still young! But I found living away from my parents for a bit (college) helped me grow and prepare for adult life/marriage. Also gave me time to get to know my future spouse better and see how he'd react to adult responsibilities on his own.
This is a case for turning our HS’ into colleges. Once upon a time, you could get a good job right of HS with regular diploma. With academia down the tubes at all levels, better off doing college in the teen years to 1) negate the need for student loan program and 2) make 18 be the age you move out of the nest again. I do believe 21 is a fair marriage age, however. Old enough to 🍺 but still very young and fertile.
We married young and I feel like figuring out “the world” and learning our responsibilities was very beneficial to us and helped us grow closer together (not to say that it was easy, by any means.) I guess no matter what age you get married at, there will be things to learn and work through to have a successful relationship. I feel like the most important thing is being willing to step up to any responsibilities and just so long as you’re willing to put in the work, it’ll all work out. I definitely agree that marriage shouldn’t just be a solution to keep you from making grave sins or whatnot, but I don’t see why you can’t learn a decent amount of self control as a teen and young adult and still get married young. And if you haven’t figured out how to be responsible by then, then certainly don’t marry early as it won’t be fair to your spouse if you won’t be able to be a reliable partner.
I agree, but I disagree. Everyone's journey to get married is different! But, I love the four points Father Mike said and that's important to discuss before committing to marriage. Thank you for having Father Mike; I absolutely love him! (:
I strongly believe marriage and romance should be treated with a lot more care than this; we should be getting married when and if God calls us to someone who will lead us towards sainthood. Not simply to fulfill some traditional cultural standard. Paul admonished Christians to do exactly that.
I absolutely agree. Being a wife, husband, mother, or father is a vocation called by God for life. A vocation is a will that is decided between the individual and God. No one, no strangers, priest, or even parents, should pressure or impose marriage on just anyone and everyone... I just wanna say to them, You are not God nor do you know God's will for someone else's life. What parents ought to do is instill spiritual strength and practice of faith in their children and set a good example of what a good parent or spouse is around their kids in case that is what God calls for their children. To focus so much on marriage as a Christian faith over anything else, then we are idolizing the nuptials over God and its no wonder many couples don't center God in their marriage because they were too busy chasing the idea of matrimony, they didnt focus on God first, just doing what they think God wants them to do and they have children and do a terrible job raising them but oh you know, its for the sake of the church to birth many children. God wants quality, not quantity. Thats why even Christian couples get divorces. Society is waaaaay too broken to even consider marriage right now, people need to sort out themselves, their faith, and discernment of spirits so they can clearly know what Gods will is for them, marriage or not, its up to God... no one else.
It's not so much about age, it's about maturity, responsibility, and willingness to commit. For some people, they are ready to do/be all those things young; for others, waiting until they're older is best! Everyone is different! My parents married at ages 20/21, ended up divorced within a couple of years, then not long after that they got REMARRIED to each other! Haha. You just never know.
One thing I, and I imagine many young Catholics struggle with is finding the right person. I'm not that young, early 30's, recently reverted, and only considered marriage and kids seriously after that, but the exposition I had to the dating world made me a tiny bit skeptical about finding a woman, even in the church, who would accept chastity until marriage. I'm sure there are thousands of good women and men out there, but I think the Church and the laity should be more proactive in organizing Catholic single meeting events. Maybe give some lectures on how to not act weird as well (that's mostly for pious Catholic men, but there are some women who fall in that category as well). Being religious doesn't exempt you on learning how to socialize, and that's coming from someone who dealt with social anxiety for quite a long time.
Thank you so much for this video. My girlfriend and I are both 17 and both Catholic and I know it's still too early for us now but we both can't wait to be married!
This "too young to marry" narrative is a real irritant to me because I can sometimes worry my kids will fall prey to it despite my efforts to teach them otherwise. Yesterday, my daughter and I were discussing how St Joan of Arc was DEAD before 20. She was just 17 when she went off to convince - whomever it was - I've forgotten - to let her lead a crusade!!! We treat young adults like children nowadays. It's not good for them.
I firmly agree. My husband and I met at 21, knew within the first couple weeks we wanted to wed, and then waited 4 years to tie the knot because we didnt want other people, including our families, to think we were being rash. I wish we just got married that first year. We've been together 10 years at this point, and nothing was gained by waiting. I'd have realised my calling to be a mother earlier too.
Got married at 22, trusted in God through struggles and hard times and everything has turned out better than I could have imagined. great work Matt and Fr Mike!
That's why it's important to ask God for discernment like " if they are the right person for me ? " or ask God to send you someone or ask God what his will is for you or if He even wants you to be married. Don't make these decisions alone, so you don't end up heartbroken and in despair. May God bless you and give rest to your soul and guide you to his will for you, amen.
My parents did this and I do not recommend it. My mom married at 20 and had me at 22. She was so immature. Refused to breastfeed me, traveled with me on a 800 mil round trip drive when I was 2 weeks old!!! Focused too much on her career and left me with a revolving door of daycare employees. I was abused in daycare. Idc what anyone says. Don’t get married nor have kids until you’re ready to focus on OTHERS and not yourself.
People should marry when they're mature. Now for some people that's at a young age, for others like your mother, it definitely sounds like she was not mature! I'm really sorry that she treated you that way. You are definitely right, maturity comes to different people at different ages. I was mature at 20, I would have been ready to marry at 20 I just didn't find the right man.
I never understood what people were waiting for for. My husband's proposed at our 1 year anniversary of dating and we were married 4 months later. We were 34 and 39, but I think big we met earlier it'd be the same. We both were faithful Catholics and had the same political beliefs so we figured those two things aren't going to change easily, so that was 16 years ago
Yeah, I'm 36 now and I still don't have anyone, but if I can manage to find someone, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship for years before marrying. Not that I want to rush into it and be hasty, but I don't see why take too long, especially at my age.
@@M00NKYMAN3RI think she meant if you find the right one, then there is no reason to wait (except for selfish reasons like not yet wanting to deal with the hassle of taking care of kids, or something like that). Also, religious people ask for God's advice constantly, and so if God gives you the go-signal to marry, there is no reason to wait. That said, of course, we're all different. Some people need more time being single for various reasons. The point is God will guide you, so the only thing you have to do is keep praying and listening to God.
However we have Jesus who makes our burden lighter, being single doesn’t mean your cross is harder to carry. If anything Paul said it was better to be single because you can focus more on God.
In most cases there is a minimum six month advance notice for a marriage so that you can meet with your priest for pre marriage counseling. We also have mini couples retreats called Engaged Encounter where married couples give talks and facilitate dialogue between the couples and you are even encouraged to pause or break off an engagement if you need more time to discuss certain things.
I am getting married this summer (we will both be 26). We wish we did it sooner (started dating in high school and dated for 8 years before engagement...) but such is life. Cannot wait!!
I’m almost 29. Haven’t found a man who checks the big four. Some of us don’t really have the option of marrying young and it’s frustrating, or we aren’t clear on our vocation.
I knew my now-husband was the one after about a month of dating. We waited three years to get married, so I could finish college. I worked for a year while planning the wedding, and I do not regret that for a second. I got a solid education and lived a short life on my own. I learned a lot during that time, and that education keeps me going through the tough times of solitude at home besieged by babies.
I'm a 28 year old guy and my fiance (25) and I just got engaged after dating for "only" 7 months and we're getting married in 4 months so in a little more than a year after meeting, we will be married. Everyone thinks we're crazy and moving WAY too fast. We're not even that young, especially at our age we certainly know what we're looking for in a spouse and both feel ready. Meanwhile I have friends living with their significant others into their 30s and still unmarried so I really feel that time doesn't matter when you've discerned adequately.
I left a convent at 31!!! Met my husband at 35 while dating a millionaire 😂😂- dumped the rich, not fun guy and got engaged in 6 months and married very soon after arrangements could be made. We read catholic books together and Laugh your Way to a better Marriage. Get those big things in order and have fun trusting in Our Lord!!! ❤
I got married to my husband straight out of college after a 6 month engagement at the age of 20, he was 23, we had our first child the next summer and have had 3 more children since. It's definitely been very tough, especially financially but it has been the best adventure and our children are the most amazing people. I don't regret a thing.
Yes, getting married young is Awesome! I was 22 and my husband was 26 in 1995. 😊❤️😊 We went to 40 weddings in 3 years of our dating, 1992-1995. Everyone got married right after graduating college. 😊❤️😊 Then we had 3 miscarriages and final had 2 children after 10 years of marriage. So you never know how long it takes to get pregnant so I encourage my teens and homeschool family friends to marry young as well! 😊❤️😊
Well, marriage is awesome if you’re a woman. For men it’s nothing but misery and pain. I’m sorry about your miscarriages, but honestly you’re lucky that you can enjoy your money and sleep instead of having brats
@@maryrankin9869 how is never having any money or sleep ever again a “blessing”? How is being stuck at home the rest of your life and never getting to do anything fun because you have to watch your brats a “blessing”?
A young marriage ONLY works if the families are willing/able to help with the couple, which sadly is a rarity in the hyper individualistic West. If the goal is to prevent divorce/abortion, advising people to marry barely out of their teens when they have no means to support their families is not a good plan.
I imagine the people who are willing to marry young don't have hyper-individualistic families. I don't see at all how marrying young leads to divorce and abortion per se. Those things come rather from the same principles that persuade people to marry late.
@@Quekksilber Even many "traditionalists" I know do not want their adult children living with them and starting families under their roofs. The West in general, but the Anglosphere in particular, is extremely hyper individualistic. As for how marrying young leads to abortion/divorce, Matt and the priest EXPLICITLY are telling young people not to build decent financial foundations before they have families. Once pregnant, many young couples will run the numbers and see that they simply can't afford to have children and will be forced by economics to abort. Also, monetary stress and the lack of maturity found amongst most young couples create an environment in which a marriage is likely doomed, as the high divorce stats for young marriage show.
@@Charlotte_Martel I'm sceptical that there are many young couples for whom the choice is either be financially stable or traumatic material poverty with child. I think the choice is more like have all the niceties of Western life or go through some struggle and hardship with child. That would be more in line with your hyper-individualistic argument. I think you are overstating your case in general. The argument you seem to be making is either get help from your family when you marry young *or* prepare for a bumpy road of abortions and divorce courts. Those are certainly not the only options. I think the reason for many divorces today is rather lack of moral character and societal circumstances that just make it really easy and accepted to divorce.
@@Quekksilber Controversial take: one should put at least as much planning/preparation into having a child as he would into buying a dog. If someone went to a breeder for a puppy and said, "Okay, I'm 19. I am recently married. My wife and I are full-time students at university and live with my parents. We have to take the bus because we can't afford even a used car, and we have to go to the dental college for cleanings because we can't afford to see an actual dentist", do you think that any reputable breeder would sell him a dog? This is clearly someone who needs to get his life in order before adding more chaos. If we should plan that carefully for a pet, how much more consideration should be taken before adding another human being into one's life? I know that conservatives present the situation as just sacrificing luxuries, but in many places, childcare costs more than university. No one can afford a 1 bedroom place on minimum wage. In our current economy, it absolutely would be impossible for a man with nothing more than high school and minimal skills to support a growing family on a single income w/o MASSIVE family support. That is simply the reality of the matter. Divorce is not due to "lack of character;" there are many causes, but do you think that it increases or decreases one's chances of ending up in court if he marries before his brain/personality are fully developed and he has established some means of supporting a family? Please think logically, not dogmatically.
@@Charlotte_Martel I am not against prudent judgement when bringing children into the world. However, I find it important to not have your principles entirely shaped by the world. Your second point makes quite clear how hostile our societal order is towards marriage and the family. I don't think anything is going to get better though if everyone who desires good things just keeps reshaping their lives to comfortably fit into the current twisted shape of things. As you point out, good community is essential for any marriage, not just young marriages. I see here the opportunity for an actual redemption of our societal order. Some ideal like the 50ies that some conservatives want to bring back, is not worth preserving at all, in my view. That time atomized the family which directly led to the bad condition it is in now. Re: childcare more expensive than university. I don't really know how those numbers are made, to be honest. My father was the single income winner for much of the time and that never was huge either (around 50k a year). Us five kids all learned at least one instrument, some learned two, some did sports. I shared a bedroom with my brothers, my sisters had another one. We were closer then as a family than now after we bought a house eight years ago. I was careful to write 'lacking *moral* character'. You can have a well-fromed conscience and moral principles without being fully matured. What you do once the growing pains happen in a marriage, will be largely do to the way your conscience is formed. That will be the one deciding factor essentially whether you divorce or struggle through it together. Love is born from struggle. I am not denying that lack of maturity or financial conditions don't contribute to people divorcing today, I am saying that they are probably not as damning for people who are well formed morally, and I was pointing out multiple times that there are other possible outcomes for young marriages than the ones you have put forward. I think a major point of agreement between us is that good community is essential for a working marriage. Edit: In case you find it interesting, here is a longer quote by Jaques Maritain writing about the society he lived in. I think it speaks into what we have discussed here. "The Church did not make the world holy or just: the world remained the world. She did not make it comfortable or restful or agreeable: the world remained a vale of tears. She made it habitable. The mass of men could fulfill their destiny on earth in the common conditions of human life without being obliged to heroism. If the Saints had themselves crucified with Christ, it was for love, not of necessity. Nowadays the devil has made such a mess of everything in the system of life on earth that the world will presently become uninhabitable for anyone but Saints. The rest will drag their lives out in despair or fall below the level of man. The antinomies of human life are too exasperated, the burden of matter too oppressive; merely to exist, one has to expose oneself to many snares. Christian herosim will one day become the sole solution for the problems of life. Then, as God proportions His graces to human needs and tempts nobody beyond his strength, we shall doubtless see coincident with the worst condition in human history a flowering of sanctity...." That was written in the 1930ies.
Married at 17 to my 18 year old husband 21 years ago. We now have 8 kiddos and we love eachother more now than back then. We were not catholic at the time but converted 8 years ago. God has been extremely merciful and gracious to us.
I married young, dated my husband in high school, lived together for a couple years, then he proposed! I said yes. We bought our starter home, both had decent jobs, and we had our first child at 21. Second child 2 years later. It's a journey, and thank God. We had some issues between us and almost divorced. My cross is hard to bear, but God is abundant in his graces.
@@SuperZebezian same thing can be said about living from agriculture and having a faith, which nowadays fewer and fewer people have. The dating market nowadays is a complete mess, to have a relationship (a good one) is hard, let alone marriage, add to that being young and being proned to make a big mistake chosing the wrong person....
@@SuperZebezianDo you have any sources to back up that claim? I had thought polygamy was in the distant past much more common, hence most men didn't reproduce. But it's hard to find any definitive sources of information on this.
Sorry, I disagree with this one. If I had married young, chances are very good I’d be divorced by now (yeah, I know, but I was NOT ready for marriage). I met my husband when I was 32, he was 36, we have 2 wonderful sons and will be married 30 years this year. Even if we’d met earlier, it probably wouldn’t have worked (see above note about NOT BEING READY/MATURE ENOUGH/WHATEVER). Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you know in your heart you are not 100% ready for, it will not end well.
Very good advice but they're talking about people that are ready that are just delaying for stupid reasons. They want to make sure that they still feel the same in two or three years whatever, they want to wait till they're more financially stable. They want to wait until this side of the other. All of those are recipes for driving off someone that potentially is the one for you! If I had a guy who was wanting to delay getting married for 5 years, I would wonder what's wrong with him. Because if he truly loved me, he would want to be with me now. Needing to wait longer and longer, and if they keep extending that time, that is a bad red flag! That is what they're talking about. In general, yes it is always always best to wait until you're ready. Some people are ready much sooner than the conventional 30s
My husband and I met when he was 18 and I was 19, got married less than two years later, now we have been married nearly three years and have two kids and a house. Our younger siblings (his brother and my sister) are mow getting married in June at 21 and 19. The big four are super important and it’s good to agree up front, but also in practice; intellectual agreement and practical agreement are two different things. We haven’t run into this problem but I know some who have. That being said I am 100% for getting married young and finding your bubble.
I got married to my wife in 2021. I was 23, she was 22. This was during Covid in Australia. We are from two different states. I JUST got into her state through a hard border that they were enforcing due to trying to stop the spread of COVID-19. We got married in November of 2021, none of my side could come physically to our wedding but they were with us online. We had our first child in November of 2023, it took longer than I thought for my wife to fall pregnant. I regret nothing! God has been so good for us, he opened doors where I didn't think possible. I hadn't finished my studies when we got married, but I was able to work as a high school teacher through a special agreement for last year students due to teacher shortages in COVID. God has always provided for us. Now I am 25 with one child, and I look forward to the future with joy and with hope. Truly, all things are possible through Christ.
Getting married young must be one of the most beautiful things someone can do. Sadly, this isn't possible for many, many people. I'm almost 19 years old by the time I'm writing this, I don't even live in the US (I'm from Venezuela and I live in Chile), in this country most people live a Godless life, and 95% of the people I see in church are elders (or at least people way older than me) which I find so freaking depressing, where are the young Catholics? I don't even have Catholic friends to hang out with and talk about Christianity, let alone finding a Catholic girl my age so that I can date with her. I also study Pharmaceutical Chemistry in college and I work on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays because I need money to help my family (I still manage to always attend Mass). My point is, some people just have to forget about marriage and live a celibate life instead because of the circumstances. It's hard sometimes but I always find my strength in God so I want to encourage y'all if you feel the circumstances aren't the right ones 🙌
It's been 7 months since you commented and I hope you have already found other young Catholics and have more clarity on your vocation and what you should do. I'm from Venezuela too, so I had to respond to your comment 😄 Now living in Spain after living in Poland for a year, and I get what you say 100% about it being hard to know other young Catholics. But here's the thing: No place is perfect. In Poland you would see the churches full of young adults but the culture is so different that they don't talk to strangers or befriend people that they don't know from school/work, and because I didn't speak Polish I didn't even know about the existence of groups for young adults 😅 In Spain (at least in the church I go to) the average age is 70 years old, thanks to the two young adults that attend (including myself), otherwise it would be like 80 years old 😢 Things are different in the US, with their groups, Catholic colleges (that are truly Catholic, not like in our countries), and this culture of being normal people that are also very religious. My advice to you is to do the best you can where you are. Even in countries like Chile, Venezuela or Spain you can meet good Catholics to be friends with and, with God's help, someone to marry. I've heard the TLM is banned in Chile so try to find groups or ministries that follow the Catholic doctrine seriously like Lazos de Amor Mariano and you should be able to meet other young Catholics. If you're the only young adult in your parish, then try to go from time to time to other Catholic churches to see if you can meet new people or learn about activities or groups they have and you can get involved in. On the other hand, you're still so young, so do the best you can and don't lose hope. Es gracioso que escribí todo esto en inglés cuando ambos hablamos español 😂 Saludos!
I feel this topic is being dealt with quite flippantly. Marriage is possibly the most important decision you will ever make. “Marriage in haste repent at leisure”.
@@Mashfan6507 I say all of this in love, but who or what hurt you bro? Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, and try again. Improve yourself, find a woman to love and trust, treat her well, apologize when you mess up, spend lots of time with her, and marriage will naturally follow.
@@chris52000 everyone who rejected me hurt me. Nah I’m done, it’s not worth it anymore. Well, I’ll only improve myself for God. Finding a woman at my age is impossible
I disagree on this one. None of us get to wave a magic wand to materialize a spouse. As someone who's what the world calls Type A, I struggled with accepting that there are just some things we have no control over. Finding a spouse is one of them. I wanted to be married at 23 but me taking matters into my own hands and forcing my timeline on people never fared well. Only when I let go was I able to understand and appreciate God's unique plan for us all. We all got married at different times for different purposes. We can't compare our journeys to other people's. I remember feeling so jealous that an older coworker of mine got married in her early 20s. Then 15 years later her husband died in a car wreck and she was single again in her mid 30s. I don't know why that was in her plan anymore than I know why I haven't met the right person yet. But that's why comparison doesn't do us any good. In any case, there's no scriptural mandate for getting married by a certain age. None whatsoever.
I agree with you on this most especially: "Only when I let go was I able to understand and appreciate God's unique plan for us all." It is true in my case, too. I am also type A. The only difference was marriage was never in my mind until I reached my thirties. It was because God gave me the best single life I could have. I've had quite a lot of successes professionally, but I had equally hard failures personally. I am still single, and have only just opened myself again to the possibility of marriage, four years after my last relationship ended. I can still marry young, in my heart. Joy and enthusiasm can never extinguish the youth in us. God bless everyone's unique journey in single, married, or consecrated life. ✝️💗🙏
@@emilyl6746 it’s simply a fact. Women always complain about not finding a “good man” yet when a man who’s not hot or rich wants to date her she gives him the cold shoulder. That’s the story of my dating life. Just be thankful you’re a woman and your age doesn’t matter. As a man in his 30’s I’ll never find anyone because I’ve been rejected my whole life simply based on my looks and bank account.
@@Mashfan6507 I’m sorry but I hope you heal from what seems like hurt you have against women. God tells us to forgive others and not all women are the same.
I went to Franciscan University Of Steubenville in the 90’s. So many couples got married right after graduation. While a number are still happily married, quite a few ended in divorce and possible annulment. Most young people still haven’t figured themselves out yet, not to mention mature enough to be married. My female friends discovered their husbands were either, addicted to p o r n, alcohol, abusive or just not willing to be responsible. My male friends found their wives wanted out of the marriage because it wasn’t what they thought it would be, they weren’t who they thought they were. Etc.
My thoughts exactly. It’s a discerning process that needs to be done with care. Same with religious life. If you discern quickly and prayerfully, cool, but it’s not advisable for every person or situation. Better to discern a little longer than jump into something too soon just to get divorced/annulled.
Everyone is different. If you feel called to marry young, go for it. I have lots of friends who married in college or shortly after and they have beautiful marriages. I love that and I 110% support them! But, for me, I want to be with the right person that God intended for me. And yes, marriage is a cross to bear. But, I want to be ready for that cross. I belive that in my singleness, God is purifying me and preparing me for marriage. I need to grow into the women God calls me to be and as who He wants me to be as a wife. And I want to be in a good financial standing for my husband too, I don't want to bring in an excessive amount of debt into my marriage. But, I want to be the best mother I can be for kids. I don't want to have unnecessary anxieties get in the way. So, I long to be married but I believe that God is calling me to wait because He has the right person for me and the Lord is preparing me. To my fellow single girls, I know it's hard! God loves you more than you can imagine!! ❤❤
I’m 18. Getting married in a year or so. I know I picked the right man (he encourages me to be more positive and pray more and trust God more). Everything is so beautiful and I’m so sure that this is God’s will. But I’m only 18 (he’s 23, I’ll be 19 in a week). My entire family and his support this, everyone knows we’re ready. But the world tells me I’m not. I’m getting nervous because my whole life I’ve been told this is too young and it’ll lead to disaster. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t really understand why I’m feeling this way, but the closer we get to making everything official within the Church, the more I wonder if this is the right thing to do.
I love how these videos always address perfect people and bash imperfect. Plus "look at me, I'm doing everything right". Just seems like an exclusive club
So, we had agreement on the big 4 before getting married. But, a few months into marriage I developed an autoimmune condition that made physical intimacy excruciatingly painful. Because I struggled with it, he took it personally, and completely turned on me. To the point that several years later he decided that God doesn't forbid polygamy and he needed a second wife (and proceeded to manipulate me into believing God would essentially abandon me, AND that he would keep the kids from me if I left), and that progressed into him believing he could rape me because as his wife I'm not allowed to say no. He owns me. None of this was obvious before we were married. Everyone was telling us to wait because we were young (and 5 year engagements were all the rage). But we did Engaged Encounter, and felt like we agreed on pretty much everything. My biggest concern here, is really with the church, because our church (not Catholic at the time, but similar) turned their backs on us. There were the usual tropes of God hates divorce, very little discussion about how he was abusing me, and I struggled to articulate it (he was very good at blame shifting and making the discussion impossible to follow, and then pointing out how I was the crazy one who couldn't keep up... how do you explain that to a priest?). The church as a whole does not do a great job teaching that God hates abuse as much as he hates divorce. They don't really talk about how it's not okay to rape your wife. They don't address these bigger issues in ways that make both sides feel like they have a safe place to speak up... and this is my biggest concern for pushing for young adults to get married quickly. I understand and agree with why you're saying it, but we need to be there to suppothem when things aren't going so great, without just telling the women to do better, and not holding men accountable, or the other way around.
I'm so sorry for you. It sounds like a very difficult situation! Please don't give up on God because people make mistakes. Maybe you can please your husband without using your own body in intimacy (at least in a painful way?) Alternatively, you really should get other opinions from Christian leaders, priests, pastors before making a decision, but I believe your husband MUST honour your physical needs as much as kids own. Polygamy is never condoned by the church and is WRONG!
@@growtocycle6992 I've never blamed God for the actions of men 💜 but I did leave my husband. 24 years of severe emotional abuse finally got to be too much.
Just because there are evil husbands does not make marriage wrong, it is good thing and people these days do not appreciate this sacrament enough, and divorce is a major issue collapsing whole societies. Now I'm not blaming you, just that there is tendency to have biased view if you suffer from objective evils from another. I know this from my own experience, since I hold grudges easily. But I don't think it's wrong to emphasize the general need to marry, it is the usual road towards perfection. In general the seriousness of sin is downplayed in our times, which leads to unfortunate consequences. Please try to show heroism by praying for your husband and people who do evil towards you.
Isn't that violence against women? Seek counseling, move out of the house, or try legal means if necessary. And ask for any medical treatment for dyspareunia from doctors.
Not catholic but I had two friends in high school, he was Brazilian on a student visa and couldn’t afford college on international tuition. They had been dating since he was a junior and she was a sophomore. She graduated early, they got married, joined the navy, had a kid, and moved to San Diego on base. They dam near did everything perfectly in my eyes.
I've noticed a few interpretations from the crowd and many have taken this the wrong way. Now, these men are not shaming those or guilting you in not marrying sooner or that you aren't married (regardless of being single or not). 1. They are elaborating on marrying without waiting for the perfect conditions. 2. Be of sound mind and not brash into rushing it (hence young couple example, priest asked questions to make sure). 3. The excitement and amazing experiences Matt had. I have my own experiences in dating and i understand the feelings you have in not being married. Trust the lord, offer up your intentions to him and, his will, will be done. I would be happy single if God decided that is my plan :) More time for helping others.
They’re pretty much saying what’s true, that if you’re over 30 you’re never gonna find someone. I wish I had heard this 10 years ago, but prob wouldn’t have made a difference because women are shallow anyway
I do at the same time feel as a man and someone who feels responsible to be the sole provider of the family it is important for someone, especially in my position, to be completely ready to bare the responsibility of supporting not only your wife but also your children, and in the case you are a Catholic like me, there is a high chance you will have many children. I’m fortunate enough that I have a plan set for my future college education to become a BSN, but even then there is so much uncertainty. Although God comforts me as I have full faith he will provide for me and my future family, I still also must be responsible and mature enough to know I have the responsibility of other peoples lives. My goal right now is to be married by 24-25 (I’m currently almost 19). It will be rough especially considering my family is not Catholic and expect me to live with them after college to help pay for the mortgage and to save money for later use. I’m torn right now on what to do but I pray and hope God will answer these questions! Father Mike has also been a huge help in guiding me!
Met my wife when I was 21 and she was 20. Asked her to marry me 6 weeks later. Married 5 months later both 21. Still married. 34 years, three kids, two grandkids and counting. I would never change a thing. If anything, I wish I had remained Catholic all my life instead of finding my Faith again in my 50’s.
Welcome home. I left the Church for 10 years, went so astray God had to whomp me upside the head with a bunch of miracles to bring me back. Although I had received all my sacraments, I put myself through the RCIA so I could really understand our Faith. That was in 1983 and I’ve never left. Indeed, our God is “The Hound of Heaven”, He never stops pursuing us.
I think it's best to get married when you're at least mostly content with who you are and the direction you're going in life. As someone who grew up under a narcissistic and abusive mother, and never had any sense of direction, purpose, or clarity in life until I was much older, it would have been disastrous for me to have married young. It wasn't a matter of waiting, but instead of getting my life back together and figuring out what I was going to be doing with it.
To be clear, I am not married. But I think there's a time and a place to wait and not to wait. Sometimes, being married is cheaper. One apartment instead of two. If someone is unable to work, then they can find ways to use their time to save money. Meals from scratch are generally cheaper than buying them prepared. Kids add their own load, but if you have someone to watch out for and someone who's watching out for you, then you're both going to work harder. I assume.
@@CitySlickerButtKicker , I agree, money is not a reason to get married. But at the same time, I think money isn't as big a reason not to get married as some people seem to make it. I'm not claiming to be fully learned in these matters, and I could run into trouble if I end up following my own advice. Still, I'd rather trust God with the timing of my marriage than trust my bank account with it.
@no1ofconsequence936 As Christians, although it is wise to consider material matters of the world before considering marriage, what matters more is whats important to God and that is our spiritual well being. We can plan all we want, but God will shake things up and if we are not spiritually sound in our faith, anything can and will break us when put to the test. Satan test no one worse than married couples and God wants us prepared.
I can't even say I respectfully disagree. This type of massive, "hyperbolic" statement lends itself to frustration and anxiety for those who did not and cannot marry young. You did not do anything wrong if you did not marry at 18, 19 or 20. Please take the time to cultivate your own and take care of yourself -- you are more than your relationship status and it is neither good nor beautiful to enter into a relationship you are not prepared for simply for the sake of being "young."
Very well put. It's also funny how conservative types put a big emphasis on taking responsibility and yet pumping out more kids than you can possibly afford is somehow deemed as "taking up the cross" rather than being irresponsible or possibly unwise.
Sensible comment. I’m looking around and wondering why no one is talking about his “have more children than you can afford” in today’s economy? Why do so if there’s not a necessity for more kids? We’re Christians, not gullible people, good Lord
I'm 23. I want to meet a godly woman and get married, I truly do. The issue is that I can't find any. I waited to start seriously looking for a relationship until I finished college, and that was apparently a mistake because every godly woman I know my age got married while I was in college. So now, I've been looking to see if I can meet any godly women my age in the church and outside of it too, and the results have been less than stellar. Almost every single girl in my age group who is godly has gotten married or is in a serious relationship. The ones who are still single are not interested in me. I don't want to give up looking, but I feel almost as if there was a signal sent out to young people my age about 4 years ago to get married as soon as possible, and I somehow missed it.
This was so good. More videos like this. See, I'm Latter Day Saints and can give you a genuine compliment. I don't expect one back, just feel into how much is nicer.
It's really hard to find the one! I live in Buenos Aires and is rare to find good guys, good catholic guys... but I know, God knows... what is the right time. Pray for me, please.
Life is tough. "Growing up" together with your spouse is so important. Navigating the ups and down and trials and tribulations is crucial. If you're 35 years old and you've just gone it alone, trying to "fit" someone else in to your life is hard.
My husband proposed to me 20 minutes after we met, I was 18 and he was 21. I agreed on the basis that we both believed in Jesus, and wanted to have a big family. We have been by each others side from that day, 6 months later we were married. That was 9 years ago, we have 5 children now.
And when media celebrity priests yammer on like this, it only adds to the pressure that young Catholics have heaped on them now about "discerning the vocation of marriage". It adds to the terror that prevents them from daring to lift their heads out of their phones and ask each other on even a simple date.
I love how priests on YT always answer my inner questions, questions I haven't even put words to sometimes.... I was dating a man, who I was/am attracted to, is a very good person, and makes me happy. He is easy to be around. One day, I suddenly and very intensely remembered a man from five years ago, I knew only for a month, at a temporary job. The feelings for that man were so intense, it was scary and I would say unpleasant because of that intensity. I guess it was scary. I guess it's a question of depth vs shallow, the depths are scary, and do we really need to go there? anyway,the shallow happy relationship is on hold for now, because I have serious questions about what a relationship should be based on...I have no contact at all with that previous guy, but the way the feelings just came up has made me stop to ponder.
I wouldn’t way into the intense attraction; this is from a man’s perspective. Many DV survivors would describe their attraction to the abusers as intense. Fathers advise above is sound. Again I don’t know you and I’m probably projecting but you proceed with caution.
I understand what you mean by shallow happiness. Getting comfortable with someone until you realize that the depth is missing, that you don’t actually have the same world view or goals to pursue, that you think very differently actually, that you have different ideas of how to live the rest of your life, but you’re able to enjoy hobbies together still and each other’s presence, almost like it’s a nostalgic feeling of the honeymoon phase. This is when growing apart may happen. But if there is truly love and respect there, then anything in the way of that can be overcome.
My husband and I met online, talked non-stop for 4 months straight, married after only one month of knowing each other in person! I was 18 at the time and he was 19. Marrying him was the best decision I’ve ever made, we’ve been together for 7 years now. With that being said I don’t agree with the, “why wait just get married and have kids,” approach they are taking. There are a lot of people in this world who are bad spouses and bad parents. There are also a lot people who will be a good spouse/parent one day, but they still need their 20s to mature and focus on themselves. I think everyone is different and we can’t just shove everyone into the same box. We need to respect people who choose to get married young and have 5 kids, just like we need to respect peoples decision to marry in their 30s, and spend their 20s focusing on school and work. God bless!
I think it's a big challenge for people to remain chaste until marriage, which is important. Hence the wisdom, often, of marrying young and committing to making it work.
@@kelkabot you are definitely right about that too. Remaining a virgin into your 30s is not easy for most people either. But just because someone is horny doesn’t mean they should become a husband or wife either. Every individual is different, and we shouldn’t pressure people to get married or not to get married. I do not regret getting married as a teenager, but my best friend does. We all have a different story.
My husband and I were 15/16 when we met and by our early 20s we got married. Bc of life circumstances he still hadn’t finished college and had one semester to go after our summer wedding. We had to live frugal for the first few years, we had a kid by the time I was 26 and we had just bought our first house… I think all the difficulties of being married young but knowing that you’re committed is wonderful. We have 4 children and even when people would say we were getting married too young and not enjoying life… pshh! Life has been much more enjoyable having my best friend alongside for all the joys and hard times. ❤
Waiting is a good thing , it gives you a chance to see the real caracter of the person as the longer the time the more situations will occur, I wish I would have waited
I was absolutely convinced I had a vocation to religious life. My community decided I was not fit for solemn vows. I could see and agree, after some years, that they were right. As a sister, brother, nun, monk, priest, you can do everything and still be sent home or choose to leave. As a married person, the choice is made once for all. There is a HUGE LACK of catechesis and development for young people who want to get married. Engaged Encounter and a weekend of comparing financial opinions is NOT enough. Not even taking months of NFP courses together is enough.
Bear in mind that people change over time, over decades. It is much harder for a woman to complete her education if she has a young family. Women still do 90% of child raising whilst working full time and housekeeping. It can also be difficult to discern between lust versus love. I have known people who married at 20 and stayed married. I know people who married at 20 and thirty years later are divorced. There aren't guarantees: will you meet the one and only? Will your one and only be loyal to you? Will you be loyal throughout a lifetime to your spouse? People married early because of shorter life spans, dowry/property/ financial partnerships, arranged marriages not based in love etc.
I got married young (21), my husband didn't (31). And...yeah, I don't regret it. Its funny though, it's been about ten years and we're actually starting to feel the difference in our ages a bit in how we're making plans and approaching certain things. Apparently ages 30-40 is where a lot of things begin to change, and 40-50 is where they REALLY change.
That's funny. My husband and I are 16 yrs apart in age, and there were difficulties with it in the early years, but now that I'm in my 40s and he's in his 60s, we both are so settled that age plays 0 factor.
Pope Frances wanted to enable the Annulment process to be more easily accessible for young people who were married without really understanding the obligations, responsibilities and permanence of marriage. The trads TRASHED him left and right, up and down for wanting to receive these young people back into the church with full privilege. Another great job Trade!.
I haven't. I haven't seen a single marriage that has worked when both of the people involved were 30+. If you're waiting that long it probably means you're settling which probably means you're gonna get bitter and resentful towards your partner.
@@Nick-ij5nt well I know of several! And they're happier than some who got married earlier. Personally I got married at 22 and I think people are waiting too long nowadays, but the happiest marriages I know of were to slightly older people.
@jmbm75 I never said it can't work and I'm not judging the people that do. I was just saying it's not very wise to wait that long and statistically it doesn't work out as often. If you're truly in love then I wish you the best of luck, I'm just here to let you know the odds are against you.
At 20 years old, you were just sitting at a desk in high school chewing gum as a student 2 years ago, still a kid. You are not prepared to deal with the rigors of a relationship at this age. I am not saying wait until 40 but actuary tables at insurance companies show that people do not mature until 25 years old: they find that people are wildly emotional and take crazy risks and this does not flatten out until age 25. This is when they start lowering rates. The reason is that peoples brains have not stopped developing until age 25 where thier reasoning and emotional centers are now mature. 48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25. When you are young, go out with your friends. Have fun. See a concert. Hang with your best friends. Soon everyone will pair off and marry and disappear. There is a time for everything, dont jump the gun.
It’s not pointless if you haven’t found the right one. I waited for everything I wanted in a man (a morally upright, Catholic man with an ag background) until I was 27. I didn’t settle. Whatever you do, don’t settle!
I met my gf when I was 25 and she was 22. After seven months she broke up with me. I flunked out of graduate school. Then had to spend three additional years getting certified as a public school teacher (delayed in part due to COVID). This November at the age of 32, I was diagnosed with a major life threatening illness which means I’ll probably not live long enough to marry. At least God is putting me out of my misery for the loss of that beautiful Catholic girl many years ago.
As a woman who didn’t get married (factors both within my control and not), have no kids and now at the end of my fertile years, I could scream out from the rooftops to young people to get married young, and be open to life. Accept God’s abundance with all your heart. Your kids will manage just fine without the most expensive shoes and gadgets. The best gift you could give them is the witness of loving, holy parents and a community of a siblings.
So you got to do whatever you wanted and have a happy life instead of being surrounded by screaming brats forever? That sounds amazing. Why would you tell young people to ruin their lives like that instead of being happy like you?
✝️ To @lmlmlmlm7627:
Our godless culture LIES to children, teens, young people.
@@Mashfan6507Except that she didn't say she has a "happy life", but the opposite: she clearly regrets not having made the right decision at the right time (get married and have children young). And then, unlike you, she is mature and wise enough to share her thoughts about it and prevent others from making the same mistakes she made.
@@sug1733 well, maybe it’s different for women idk. But at the same time she doesn’t have to worry about being older like men do. Women of any age can find a man, whereas older men never do. I am sharing my thoughts and making sure that men don’t make the mistakes I have of thinking being with a woman is a good thing instead of spending my energy on things that are worthwhile. If you’re a man and youre not a millionaire or look like a model, then you really shouldn’t bother dating because it’s not gonna work out. Men need to stay away from women at all costs. If I’m wrong please give me evidence otherwise cuz so far all the evidence points to men being much happier alone and free.
@@Mashfan6507 Oh no, it's you again 🤣. I don't answer to 13 year-olds.
I watched this video with such an ache. I met a "nice Catholic young man" 2.5 years ago and we hit it off on the "big four" issues immediately. We became official and serious relatively quickly with the intention of marriage. He proposed after a year of long distance dating, and after a year of engagement (and him being deployed for 9 of those months) he called off the wedding in the final month. He was 25, I am 26. I was shocked and am still very much mourning our relationship and the life I thought we'd have. I so desired this vocation and a life of being a team with him. Please pray for my healing and eventually a holy and fruitful marriage.
I will pray
Only hearing your side, he sounds a bit schmucky. So, perhaps count your blessings.
You are still so very young. Praying for you to find all the blessings God may have for you, whether as a married woman or not.
I will pray for you in my next rosary
I’ll ask God’s strength to ease your pain. He did it for me when I was crushed but believe His plans for me is better than mine. Past forward 8 years from then, I find the logic behind it and feel blessed with my current life. Remember in genesis where Joseph was sold by his brothers? It’s part of God’s plan so Joseph can be the right hand of Pharaoh and help his family in the future. I am certain God has much beautiful plan for your life ❤
We met at 17 and 18, first weekend of college. Got married at 20 and 21. Had our first child that year. We’re homeowners, we are educated, and we have a wonderful life together.
We’re now 30 and have four kids. My only regret is not marrying him sooner. ❤
Well I’m sure you’re happy because only women benefit from marriage. I can’t imagine as a man ruining my life in college like that. Also the only way you could afford a house is to live in the welfare lap of luxury, so I guess that’s why you have so many kids?
@Polimuni dude you're everywhere on catholic videos commenting, negative comments, get a life, you're obsession and trolling is seriously sad
Glad to see this, we knew each other when we were 20 and 21, married at 22 and 23 with nothing from zero (people saying that parents give everything when they don't) just hard work and sacrifice for the best of the family. Now 27 and 28 w/ 3 kids and homeowners.
If you can't get a spouse, dont you think God is calling you to something else? @Mashfan6507
@@Polimuni Nope! Our parents educated us through grade 12 (and we are incredibly grateful!) and gave us their blessing by helping to pay for the wedding. However, we moved in together after we got married and we were on our own financially. It was very difficult for the first year or two as we took turns putting each other through school. We both worked part time, took classes, and cared for little ones. We worked a lot of 3rd shift jobs and odd hours. However, I ended up with my master's and a career in education, and my husband ended up with his bachelor's and a career in the military.
My mom was 35 and dad was 42 when they got married. They had me two years later and my sister two years after that. Both were re-verts to the Catholic faith who had experienced strong conversions in their 30’s. They raised my sister and I with Catholic morals and so much love. And because they were older parents, they had so much wisdom and we were their number one priority. Life would be completely different had they met and married earlier. Trust God’s timing; He has a story written for everyone! No one’s story is exactly alike.
I agree 100% with you! "Trust God’s timing; He has a story written for everyone! No one’s story is exactly alike." This is wisdom.
My mother was 40 when she had me. It sounds like your mother was 37 and 39 when she had the two of you.
My mother and your mother were both VERY fortunate to have children so late in life. By age 37, one quarter of women are not able to conceive any more children.
So while God does have a plan for everybody, delaying good things is sometimes just a bad thing.
No recipe
For several young men and women I know, the problem isn't that they're putting off marriage, it's that they cannot find someone to marry. Someone else who wants to marry young and checks the boxes that Fr Schmitz mentioned. Where do you meet those people outside of dating apps?
Can confirm, it's a pain
Thank you!!! This video is incredibly out of touch and hurtful. It’s seems father mike is striving for tv excellence
@celialynn7617I tried for years and never worked so she’s a liar
take it with a pinch of salt. They are directing it to people who know they want to marry but delay it because they want perfect conditions
This was my problem. I wanted so badly to marry young and have 20 kids...lol. I didn't meet my husband until 25 years old and it took him 5 painful years to decide to pursue. Now, 13 years in and 6 beautiful children with 3 in heaven, we are both so grateful the Lord brought us together and has blessed us so much. I found him praying for an end to abortion in front of a clinic in our town. The pro-life movement is a fantastic place to find amazing Catholics. My husband's witness brought me into the one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church as well. ❤
Engaged at 20, married at 22, first baby at 23. We were told by MANY not to do it, told I could end the engagement and hide out for a while, told by family they didn’t want to fly to our wedding because they were unsure since we were “so young”, told by family we were too young. Now, 14 years of marriage and nearly 20 years together, 4 kiddos and more to come thanks be to God! DONT WAIT!
That sounds awful, don’t you miss having a life and having fun like normal people?
@@Mashfan6507Define having fun?
Wdym by this?
If you meant fornication no those are mortal sins and they are ought to be avoided.
@@Mashfan6507Also if it makes you feel any better my grandparents married while decades apart.
@@Mashfan6507Why are you judging other people’s happy marriages in so many comments? You sound miserable.
@@esotericsadgirl I just don’t see how people could be happily married. I’ve heard so much otherwise
As someone who is 25. I would love to be married now. The dating game is very hard. Not everyone is able to find love at 21.
Thats exactly how my friend feels hes 21 and wants to marry early
I totally agree! I would have loved to gotten married when I was in my early mid 20s, but I never met the right person. I finally met the right person at age 45, and I’ve been happily married now for almost 19 years. To make a blanket statement that all Catholics should marry young is foolish. God has a different plan for each of us and our goal should be to pray and discern what that vocation is, not follow a blanket generalization!
This video is amazing. I got married very young and my wife gave birth to our first son a month ago. I know most people would condemn that as irresponsible, especially since we're still financially getting our feet under us. But it's been incredibly amazing, and it makes me detest the "wait until you're 35 and have $100,000 in savings" narrative that's pushed so aggressively
Good on you dude! That's awesome! :)
Just trust the Lord and focus on his words and your love for each others dont worry about money because it destroys marriages more than it makes them. Not every rich person is happily married but there are plenty who are poorer who are. God bless
What’s wrong with waiting till you’re financially stable and older and know yourself better? That’s much smarter to me, that’s what I’m doing, even though I’ll never get married.
Just pray a lot and don't do drugs and alcohol!
Yo, make him breath properly, otherwise he won't be able to breathe through his nose because of a deviated septum
Not everyone is fortunate enough to meet their person young. I’ve wanted to get married since I was 16. I’m now 34, never been married. It’s not for lack of wanting or trying. Maybe God has different plans for different people?
Definitely not everyone meets their spouse at 20 ha..
Exactly and it would be irresponsible to just quite college and what if you don’t find someone, now you also wasted a degree
Perhaps it is God's plan that many people don't marry or have children.
Don’t think I would want to be married at 20 personally. So much of life to explode first.
A lot of it is demographics and circumstances.
I got married at 20 (1 month after meeting my husband). My husband was 22. 4 months after being married, we found out we were expecting our 1st child. Now we have 5 kids and continuing to grow our family. Getting married young and fast was the perfect decision for us. When you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with then why wait. My husband was everything I dreamed of and more, that’s how i knew he was the one. I prayed for this exact man.
St. Paul says young women should marry. That's what the Church should talk about more. But that message finds some tough resistance because the "modern(ist?)" Church herself is embracing the culture too much, and especially the feminist manifesto.
That's amazing I agree of you know you love this person why wait.
Yes amen!
Yep great advice Father .
I was 19 and my wife was 22 ,first daughter came along when I was 20 . Married now for 36 years , truly blessed to have faith and a large family.
St Joseph, pray for us husbands and fathers, Amen .
We need more of Fr. Mike on the show
He’s a feminist though…
I'm 35, and got married at 31. Couldn't find a guy who wanted to get married was the major reason. I'm having kids now. Now I'm reprimanded for giving up the career that I spent my entire 20s building as I am either pausing or having to restart from scratch. Many people told me it's better for my career to have kids young as it makes you focused and motivated while everyone is running around confuse or to bever have kids at all. So don't worry about when you get married or what people say. Just focus on marrying the right person. Have fun.
You're not pausing your career, you're starting your career as a mother. Your kids have the right to be raised by you, and to have you present at home.
Don't listen to other people. I got the same comments when I went to law school. But before I went to law school I was an underpaid receptionist hoping that if I just sat and looked good then my husband would come along. I basically put my whole life on hold waiting to be married, living paycheck to paycheck in the process. It wasn't good and I never met a guy who was on the same page. Finally I decided to pray on my vocation and went to law school. I've loved it! Now I'm saving the money I earn so that my husband/kids can have the best possible start.
@@emilyl6746You are pricing yourself out of the market. Your cross will be to marry someone beneath you.
I have found that you can't do anything right as a woman and you almost never live up to the expectations people have for you haha. So yes, in full agreement with you.
@@Chadlifterit’s alright to be a mom and have a career outside the home smh.
Dated in high school. Married now for 35 years. 2 adult kids blissfully happy. Praise the Lord. 🙏
I would say well done but that is rare rather than the norm these days.
It’s the “I’m drowning” part for me. Currently 2 months postpartum with a 1.5 year old as well and there are days where I feel I don’t think I’ll make it. So this was a good reminder that there will be storms and I need to pick up my cross, due to myself and keep going. My husband is a big help but there are battles in my mind that only God can help me with. This was a good listen.
I feel this. You can't explain to men (or anyone except other moms tbh) the battle inside the mind when you're a stay-at-home mom with multiple babies. It's dark. It's no wonder so many women put their kids in daycare and go back to work. It's a heck of lot easier, in many ways. But moms need other moms. Wish there were more of them that stayed home with their kids. I've got a 3 yo and a 1.5 yo myself, so I've been through that. It is hard.
It’s gets easier. I had 6. The more you have and close together has benefits as they grow.- for you, not just them. Hang in there. Try singing to God- it lifts your mood
My grandparents got married 3 months after meeting. 4 children, 14 grands, 17 great grands and 64 years later, my grandfather just passed this last week. Amazing testament to Christian marriage. My mom and dad married at 20, and in a little less than 40 years so far they have 9 children, 9 grands (and counting).
Yeah back in their time things were much better though. We didn’t live under medical tyranny with a racist dementia patient as dictator for life.
I’m really glad Fr Mike kind of put the breaks on the hyperbolic statement and was like… ok but we need to be wise about this too.
I love this! If I could change anything about my past and still have the same wonderful children I have now, it would be to have been married younger. Matrimony is my favorite sacrament, because it is the one that has ultimately led me home to the Church. God’s grace from our union has been gradually working in me for eighteen years, and Easter vigil will be my first eucharistic communion. I love my wife so much for her patience during my journey home.
How very very beautiful! Welcome home.
Glory to Jesus Christ!
I am married with 8 amazing children to a woman I do not deserve. We were married at 25 after college and had to struggle early on. God sees, He pours grace into your life and into your heart when you are open to what He is asking. The world and the enemy make only empty promises that will never bring true happiness. The world needs more young, parents who love God and are open to life. Give yourself away and Trust the Lord. He wastes nothing.
My wife and I got married young, and it was the perfect thing to do at the time thanks be to God and not any wisdom of our own. We now have 6 kids which are almost all adults (26, 25, 23, 21, 18 & 15), and it is amazing. The friendships they share and the joy that being when they are home with us feels surreal 🙏✝️😊
As someone who has been in Trad circles a long time, getting married young has been the norm, 18yrs-20yrs. But recently our Trad priests are not advising it before 22. 21 at the earliest. Our priests have seen too many women on the edge of insanity having lots of kids, broke, husbands having to work multiple jobs, and they can’t contribute to the community or their parish (financially or even with time and skills bc they’re too busy and broke). It is not good to advice young to marry bc it “safer”, you’ll be protected from sins of the world if you just settle down and marry. Men have to live in this world, to be a light, salt of the earth, and that is not east. Going from homeschool world; sitting at the kitchen table with mom to getting married a year later in general has not produced saintly men God deserves. The men particularly need to exercise some independence, a reasonable understanding of how the world works.
Good point of view, thanks for sharing. At 32, and as other commenters have stated, I would tell myself now to "get married young", but I also wouldn't be who I am today as you stated. But I think now I can share my worldly wisdom with my (potential future) kids and advise them to marry young if they feel called haha.
Also, getting married at 22 rather than 19 is still young! But I found living away from my parents for a bit (college) helped me grow and prepare for adult life/marriage. Also gave me time to get to know my future spouse better and see how he'd react to adult responsibilities on his own.
This is a case for turning our HS’ into colleges. Once upon a time, you could get a good job right of HS with regular diploma. With academia down the tubes at all levels, better off doing college in the teen years to 1) negate the need for student loan program and 2) make 18 be the age you move out of the nest again. I do believe 21 is a fair marriage age, however. Old enough to 🍺 but still very young and fertile.
Fantastic point...we got married at 22 and I wish my husband had had to at least live as adult first before becoming a husband and father.
We married young and I feel like figuring out “the world” and learning our responsibilities was very beneficial to us and helped us grow closer together (not to say that it was easy, by any means.) I guess no matter what age you get married at, there will be things to learn and work through to have a successful relationship. I feel like the most important thing is being willing to step up to any responsibilities and just so long as you’re willing to put in the work, it’ll all work out.
I definitely agree that marriage shouldn’t just be a solution to keep you from making grave sins or whatnot, but I don’t see why you can’t learn a decent amount of self control as a teen and young adult and still get married young. And if you haven’t figured out how to be responsible by then, then certainly don’t marry early as it won’t be fair to your spouse if you won’t be able to be a reliable partner.
I have 2 daughters in college. SO many of their friends are married or engaged! It’s WONDERFUL!❤️🙏.
Aiming to get married to my Fiancee this year. Glory be to Jesus Christ!
God bless you both ❤ Congratulations in advance 🎉
No one wants me😢
But congratulations on your upcoming wedding
@@hibernianwolf1711Same here, but it’s ok, bachelors are happier anyway
Same here! Praise God!
Sorry to hear that you’ll be tied down instead of living free. I pray you’re not too miserable
I agree, but I disagree. Everyone's journey to get married is different! But, I love the four points Father Mike said and that's important to discuss before committing to marriage. Thank you for having Father Mike; I absolutely love him! (:
I strongly believe marriage and romance should be treated with a lot more care than this; we should be getting married when and if God calls us to someone who will lead us towards sainthood. Not simply to fulfill some traditional cultural standard. Paul admonished Christians to do exactly that.
I absolutely agree. Being a wife, husband, mother, or father is a vocation called by God for life. A vocation is a will that is decided between the individual and God. No one, no strangers, priest, or even parents, should pressure or impose marriage on just anyone and everyone... I just wanna say to them, You are not God nor do you know God's will for someone else's life. What parents ought to do is instill spiritual strength and practice of faith in their children and set a good example of what a good parent or spouse is around their kids in case that is what God calls for their children. To focus so much on marriage as a Christian faith over anything else, then we are idolizing the nuptials over God and its no wonder many couples don't center God in their marriage because they were too busy chasing the idea of matrimony, they didnt focus on God first, just doing what they think God wants them to do and they have children and do a terrible job raising them but oh you know, its for the sake of the church to birth many children. God wants quality, not quantity. Thats why even Christian couples get divorces. Society is waaaaay too broken to even consider marriage right now, people need to sort out themselves, their faith, and discernment of spirits so they can clearly know what Gods will is for them, marriage or not, its up to God... no one else.
It's not so much about age, it's about maturity, responsibility, and willingness to commit. For some people, they are ready to do/be all those things young; for others, waiting until they're older is best! Everyone is different! My parents married at ages 20/21, ended up divorced within a couple of years, then not long after that they got REMARRIED to each other! Haha. You just never know.
One thing I, and I imagine many young Catholics struggle with is finding the right person. I'm not that young, early 30's, recently reverted, and only considered marriage and kids seriously after that, but the exposition I had to the dating world made me a tiny bit skeptical about finding a woman, even in the church, who would accept chastity until marriage.
I'm sure there are thousands of good women and men out there, but I think the Church and the laity should be more proactive in organizing Catholic single meeting events. Maybe give some lectures on how to not act weird as well (that's mostly for pious Catholic men, but there are some women who fall in that category as well). Being religious doesn't exempt you on learning how to socialize, and that's coming from someone who dealt with social anxiety for quite a long time.
Early 30s is still super young
How about all the men who don't want to wait? There's tremendous pressure to have sex, even from people within the church.
Thank you so much for this video. My girlfriend and I are both 17 and both Catholic and I know it's still too early for us now but we both can't wait to be married!
This "too young to marry" narrative is a real irritant to me because I can sometimes worry my kids will fall prey to it despite my efforts to teach them otherwise. Yesterday, my daughter and I were discussing how St Joan of Arc was DEAD before 20. She was just 17 when she went off to convince - whomever it was - I've forgotten - to let her lead a crusade!!! We treat young adults like children nowadays. It's not good for them.
I firmly agree. My husband and I met at 21, knew within the first couple weeks we wanted to wed, and then waited 4 years to tie the knot because we didnt want other people, including our families, to think we were being rash.
I wish we just got married that first year. We've been together 10 years at this point, and nothing was gained by waiting. I'd have realised my calling to be a mother earlier too.
Got married at 22, trusted in God through struggles and hard times and everything has turned out better than I could have imagined. great work Matt and Fr Mike!
Getting married and having children was the best thing to happen to me save getting salvation through Jesus Christ.
That's why it's important to ask God for discernment like " if they are the right person for me ? " or ask God to send you someone or ask God what his will is for you or if He even wants you to be married. Don't make these decisions alone, so you don't end up heartbroken and in despair. May God bless you and give rest to your soul and guide you to his will for you, amen.
My parents did this and I do not recommend it. My mom married at 20 and had me at 22. She was so immature. Refused to breastfeed me, traveled with me on a 800 mil round trip drive when I was 2 weeks old!!! Focused too much on her career and left me with a revolving door of daycare employees. I was abused in daycare.
Idc what anyone says. Don’t get married nor have kids until you’re ready to focus on OTHERS and not yourself.
Sorry you had to go through that❤️ may God bless you and your family and heal you❤️
People should marry when they're mature. Now for some people that's at a young age, for others like your mother, it definitely sounds like she was not mature! I'm really sorry that she treated you that way. You are definitely right, maturity comes to different people at different ages. I was mature at 20, I would have been ready to marry at 20 I just didn't find the right man.
I was married at 20. Been married 26 years now.
I never understood what people were waiting for for. My husband's proposed at our 1 year anniversary of dating and we were married 4 months later. We were 34 and 39, but I think big we met earlier it'd be the same. We both were faithful Catholics and had the same political beliefs so we figured those two things aren't going to change easily, so that was 16 years ago
Yeah, I'm 36 now and I still don't have anyone, but if I can manage to find someone, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship for years before marrying. Not that I want to rush into it and be hasty, but I don't see why take too long, especially at my age.
Good women are hard to find. Pick the wrong one and your life becomes a living hell. Divorce is not pretty for men
@@M00NKYMAN3RI think she meant if you find the right one, then there is no reason to wait (except for selfish reasons like not yet wanting to deal with the hassle of taking care of kids, or something like that). Also, religious people ask for God's advice constantly, and so if God gives you the go-signal to marry, there is no reason to wait. That said, of course, we're all different. Some people need more time being single for various reasons. The point is God will guide you, so the only thing you have to do is keep praying and listening to God.
Love it! Cheers
Wow, that never happens anymore. I’m 33 and I’ll know I’ll never find anyone because men don’t find women after 30
Everyone has a cross to bear. You can spend many years carrying it alone or you can have someone, to whom you’ve given your heart, walk beside you.
You say that as if everyone has a choice.
However we have Jesus who makes our burden lighter, being single doesn’t mean your cross is harder to carry. If anything Paul said it was better to be single because you can focus more on God.
St. Paul did say it was better to be single. He did not, however, say it was easier.
If you get with the wrong person, you’ll have two crosses to bear!
Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
I wish I could have a do over. Trying to teach my daughter the lessons i learned the hard way is the next best thing.
Do Catholics get Marital Counseling BEFORE marriage? It's very important to cover certain issues & concerns.
Yes
Absolutely!
In most cases there is a minimum six month advance notice for a marriage so that you can meet with your priest for pre marriage counseling. We also have mini couples retreats called Engaged Encounter where married couples give talks and facilitate dialogue between the couples and you are even encouraged to pause or break off an engagement if you need more time to discuss certain things.
@@Forester- practicing Catholics, should not have to wait 6 months, to get married.
@@LoantakaBrook You have to take that up with your priest.
I am getting married this summer (we will both be 26). We wish we did it sooner (started dating in high school and dated for 8 years before engagement...) but such is life. Cannot wait!!
I’m almost 29. Haven’t found a man who checks the big four. Some of us don’t really have the option of marrying young and it’s frustrating, or we aren’t clear on our vocation.
Hang in there! I waited a long time. Trust God.
I knew my now-husband was the one after about a month of dating. We waited three years to get married, so I could finish college. I worked for a year while planning the wedding, and I do not regret that for a second. I got a solid education and lived a short life on my own. I learned a lot during that time, and that education keeps me going through the tough times of solitude at home besieged by babies.
I'm a 28 year old guy and my fiance (25) and I just got engaged after dating for "only" 7 months and we're getting married in 4 months so in a little more than a year after meeting, we will be married. Everyone thinks we're crazy and moving WAY too fast. We're not even that young, especially at our age we certainly know what we're looking for in a spouse and both feel ready. Meanwhile I have friends living with their significant others into their 30s and still unmarried so I really feel that time doesn't matter when you've discerned adequately.
I left a convent at 31!!! Met my husband at 35 while dating a millionaire 😂😂- dumped the rich, not fun guy and got engaged in 6 months and married very soon after arrangements could be made. We read catholic books together and Laugh your Way to a better Marriage. Get those big things in order and have fun trusting in Our Lord!!! ❤
This is so beautiful 🥺🥺👍🏻👍🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Sounds wonderful, congratulations 💖
This comment is suspect
@@erickeegan5999 why? My life doesn’t meet your standards? Your comment is weird.
I got married to my husband straight out of college after a 6 month engagement at the age of 20, he was 23, we had our first child the next summer and have had 3 more children since. It's definitely been very tough, especially financially but it has been the best adventure and our children are the most amazing people. I don't regret a thing.
Yes, getting married young is Awesome!
I was 22 and my husband was 26 in 1995.
😊❤️😊
We went to 40 weddings in 3 years of our dating, 1992-1995.
Everyone got married right after graduating college.
😊❤️😊
Then we had 3 miscarriages and final had 2 children after 10 years of marriage.
So you never know how long it takes to get pregnant so I encourage my teens and homeschool family friends to marry young as well!
😊❤️😊
Well, marriage is awesome if you’re a woman. For men it’s nothing but misery and pain. I’m sorry about your miscarriages, but honestly you’re lucky that you can enjoy your money and sleep instead of having brats
God is in charge. Children are a blessing and a gift from God.
@@maryrankin9869 how is never having any money or sleep ever again a “blessing”? How is being stuck at home the rest of your life and never getting to do anything fun because you have to watch your brats a “blessing”?
@@maryrankin9869
Thank you! Prayers! 🙏🌸🙏
Everyone got married right after college? Where did you go to college??
A young marriage ONLY works if the families are willing/able to help with the couple, which sadly is a rarity in the hyper individualistic West. If the goal is to prevent divorce/abortion, advising people to marry barely out of their teens when they have no means to support their families is not a good plan.
I imagine the people who are willing to marry young don't have hyper-individualistic families.
I don't see at all how marrying young leads to divorce and abortion per se. Those things come rather from the same principles that persuade people to marry late.
@@Quekksilber Even many "traditionalists" I know do not want their adult children living with them and starting families under their roofs. The West in general, but the Anglosphere in particular, is extremely hyper individualistic.
As for how marrying young leads to abortion/divorce, Matt and the priest EXPLICITLY are telling young people not to build decent financial foundations before they have families. Once pregnant, many young couples will run the numbers and see that they simply can't afford to have children and will be forced by economics to abort. Also, monetary stress and the lack of maturity found amongst most young couples create an environment in which a marriage is likely doomed, as the high divorce stats for young marriage show.
@@Charlotte_Martel I'm sceptical that there are many young couples for whom the choice is either be financially stable or traumatic material poverty with child. I think the choice is more like have all the niceties of Western life or go through some struggle and hardship with child. That would be more in line with your hyper-individualistic argument.
I think you are overstating your case in general. The argument you seem to be making is either get help from your family when you marry young *or* prepare for a bumpy road of abortions and divorce courts. Those are certainly not the only options. I think the reason for many divorces today is rather lack of moral character and societal circumstances that just make it really easy and accepted to divorce.
@@Quekksilber Controversial take: one should put at least as much planning/preparation into having a child as he would into buying a dog. If someone went to a breeder for a puppy and said, "Okay, I'm 19. I am recently married. My wife and I are full-time students at university and live with my parents. We have to take the bus because we can't afford even a used car, and we have to go to the dental college for cleanings because we can't afford to see an actual dentist", do you think that any reputable breeder would sell him a dog? This is clearly someone who needs to get his life in order before adding more chaos. If we should plan that carefully for a pet, how much more consideration should be taken before adding another human being into one's life?
I know that conservatives present the situation as just sacrificing luxuries, but in many places, childcare costs more than university. No one can afford a 1 bedroom place on minimum wage. In our current economy, it absolutely would be impossible for a man with nothing more than high school and minimal skills to support a growing family on a single income w/o MASSIVE family support. That is simply the reality of the matter.
Divorce is not due to "lack of character;" there are many causes, but do you think that it increases or decreases one's chances of ending up in court if he marries before his brain/personality are fully developed and he has established some means of supporting a family? Please think logically, not dogmatically.
@@Charlotte_Martel I am not against prudent judgement when bringing children into the world. However, I find it important to not have your principles entirely shaped by the world.
Your second point makes quite clear how hostile our societal order is towards marriage and the family. I don't think anything is going to get better though if everyone who desires good things just keeps reshaping their lives to comfortably fit into the current twisted shape of things.
As you point out, good community is essential for any marriage, not just young marriages. I see here the opportunity for an actual redemption of our societal order. Some ideal like the 50ies that some conservatives want to bring back, is not worth preserving at all, in my view. That time atomized the family which directly led to the bad condition it is in now.
Re: childcare more expensive than university.
I don't really know how those numbers are made, to be honest. My father was the single income winner for much of the time and that never was huge either (around 50k a year). Us five kids all learned at least one instrument, some learned two, some did sports. I shared a bedroom with my brothers, my sisters had another one. We were closer then as a family than now after we bought a house eight years ago.
I was careful to write 'lacking *moral* character'. You can have a well-fromed conscience and moral principles without being fully matured. What you do once the growing pains happen in a marriage, will be largely do to the way your conscience is formed. That will be the one deciding factor essentially whether you divorce or struggle through it together. Love is born from struggle.
I am not denying that lack of maturity or financial conditions don't contribute to people divorcing today, I am saying that they are probably not as damning for people who are well formed morally, and I was pointing out multiple times that there are other possible outcomes for young marriages than the ones you have put forward.
I think a major point of agreement between us is that good community is essential for a working marriage.
Edit: In case you find it interesting, here is a longer quote by Jaques Maritain writing about the society he lived in. I think it speaks into what we have discussed here.
"The Church did not make the world holy or just: the world remained the world. She did not make it comfortable or restful or agreeable: the world remained a vale of tears. She made it habitable. The mass of men could fulfill their destiny on earth in the common conditions of human life without being obliged to heroism. If the Saints had themselves crucified with Christ, it was for love, not of necessity. Nowadays the devil has made such a mess of everything in the system of life on earth that the world will presently become uninhabitable for anyone but Saints. The rest will drag their lives out in despair or fall below the level of man. The antinomies of human life are too exasperated, the burden of matter too oppressive; merely to exist, one has to expose oneself to many snares. Christian herosim will one day become the sole solution for the problems of life. Then, as God proportions His graces to human needs and tempts nobody beyond his strength, we shall doubtless see coincident with the worst condition in human history a flowering of sanctity...."
That was written in the 1930ies.
Married at 17 to my 18 year old husband 21 years ago. We now have 8 kiddos and we love eachother more now than back then. We were not catholic at the time but converted 8 years ago. God has been extremely merciful and gracious to us.
Every young person should listen to these two wise men!!!
My fiancee of 4 years dumped me a couple months ago. I wish I could get more out of conversations like these.
If they don't want to get married within one year together you have to move on!
Sorry that happened, but you’re much better off being alone
I married young, dated my husband in high school, lived together for a couple years, then he proposed! I said yes. We bought our starter home, both had decent jobs, and we had our first child at 21. Second child 2 years later. It's a journey, and thank God. We had some issues between us and almost divorced. My cross is hard to bear, but God is abundant in his graces.
Getting married young is a privilege very very VERY few people are, and will be able to accomplish
It’s been the norm for almost the entirety of human history.
@@SuperZebezian same thing can be said about living from agriculture and having a faith, which nowadays fewer and fewer people have. The dating market nowadays is a complete mess, to have a relationship (a good one) is hard, let alone marriage, add to that being young and being proned to make a big mistake chosing the wrong person....
@@SuperZebezianDo you have any sources to back up that claim?
I had thought polygamy was in the distant past much more common, hence most men didn't reproduce. But it's hard to find any definitive sources of information on this.
@@Jorbz150 Source: lol, lmao even. Have a great day.
Sorry, I disagree with this one. If I had married young, chances are very good I’d be divorced by now (yeah, I know, but I was NOT ready for marriage). I met my husband when I was 32, he was 36, we have 2 wonderful sons and will be married 30 years this year. Even if we’d met earlier, it probably wouldn’t have worked (see above note about NOT BEING READY/MATURE ENOUGH/WHATEVER). Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you know in your heart you are not 100% ready for, it will not end well.
Men should never get married period because there’s no benefit to them at any age!
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Very good advice but they're talking about people that are ready that are just delaying for stupid reasons. They want to make sure that they still feel the same in two or three years whatever, they want to wait till they're more financially stable. They want to wait until this side of the other. All of those are recipes for driving off someone that potentially is the one for you! If I had a guy who was wanting to delay getting married for 5 years, I would wonder what's wrong with him. Because if he truly loved me, he would want to be with me now. Needing to wait longer and longer, and if they keep extending that time, that is a bad red flag! That is what they're talking about.
In general, yes it is always always best to wait until you're ready. Some people are ready much sooner than the conventional 30s
My husband and I met when he was 18 and I was 19, got married less than two years later, now we have been married nearly three years and have two kids and a house. Our younger siblings (his brother and my sister) are mow getting married in June at 21 and 19. The big four are super important and it’s good to agree up front, but also in practice; intellectual agreement and practical agreement are two different things. We haven’t run into this problem but I know some who have.
That being said I am 100% for getting married young and finding your bubble.
I got married to my wife in 2021. I was 23, she was 22. This was during Covid in Australia. We are from two different states. I JUST got into her state through a hard border that they were enforcing due to trying to stop the spread of COVID-19. We got married in November of 2021, none of my side could come physically to our wedding but they were with us online. We had our first child in November of 2023, it took longer than I thought for my wife to fall pregnant. I regret nothing! God has been so good for us, he opened doors where I didn't think possible. I hadn't finished my studies when we got married, but I was able to work as a high school teacher through a special agreement for last year students due to teacher shortages in COVID. God has always provided for us. Now I am 25 with one child, and I look forward to the future with joy and with hope. Truly, all things are possible through Christ.
Getting married young must be one of the most beautiful things someone can do. Sadly, this isn't possible for many, many people. I'm almost 19 years old by the time I'm writing this, I don't even live in the US (I'm from Venezuela and I live in Chile), in this country most people live a Godless life, and 95% of the people I see in church are elders (or at least people way older than me) which I find so freaking depressing, where are the young Catholics? I don't even have Catholic friends to hang out with and talk about Christianity, let alone finding a Catholic girl my age so that I can date with her. I also study Pharmaceutical Chemistry in college and I work on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays because I need money to help my family (I still manage to always attend Mass). My point is, some people just have to forget about marriage and live a celibate life instead because of the circumstances. It's hard sometimes but I always find my strength in God so I want to encourage y'all if you feel the circumstances aren't the right ones 🙌
You’re only 19. Meet someone at church or a sporting club. That’s a good way to filter out people.
It's been 7 months since you commented and I hope you have already found other young Catholics and have more clarity on your vocation and what you should do. I'm from Venezuela too, so I had to respond to your comment 😄 Now living in Spain after living in Poland for a year, and I get what you say 100% about it being hard to know other young Catholics. But here's the thing: No place is perfect. In Poland you would see the churches full of young adults but the culture is so different that they don't talk to strangers or befriend people that they don't know from school/work, and because I didn't speak Polish I didn't even know about the existence of groups for young adults 😅 In Spain (at least in the church I go to) the average age is 70 years old, thanks to the two young adults that attend (including myself), otherwise it would be like 80 years old 😢 Things are different in the US, with their groups, Catholic colleges (that are truly Catholic, not like in our countries), and this culture of being normal people that are also very religious. My advice to you is to do the best you can where you are. Even in countries like Chile, Venezuela or Spain you can meet good Catholics to be friends with and, with God's help, someone to marry. I've heard the TLM is banned in Chile so try to find groups or ministries that follow the Catholic doctrine seriously like Lazos de Amor Mariano and you should be able to meet other young Catholics. If you're the only young adult in your parish, then try to go from time to time to other Catholic churches to see if you can meet new people or learn about activities or groups they have and you can get involved in. On the other hand, you're still so young, so do the best you can and don't lose hope. Es gracioso que escribí todo esto en inglés cuando ambos hablamos español 😂 Saludos!
I feel this topic is being dealt with quite flippantly. Marriage is possibly the most important decision you will ever make. “Marriage in haste repent at leisure”.
Marry in haste and make it work. Boomers would have you be old and infertile before marriage.
Marriage should be rare, being single is the way to go
@@Mashfan6507 I say all of this in love, but who or what hurt you bro? Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, and try again.
Improve yourself, find a woman to love and trust, treat her well, apologize when you mess up, spend lots of time with her, and marriage will naturally follow.
@@chris52000 everyone who rejected me hurt me. Nah I’m done, it’s not worth it anymore.
Well, I’ll only improve myself for God. Finding a woman at my age is impossible
@@Mashfan6507I’m sorry you’ve suffered so many bad experiences. May God heal you and give you the courage to try again if you desire marriage.
I disagree on this one. None of us get to wave a magic wand to materialize a spouse. As someone who's what the world calls Type A, I struggled with accepting that there are just some things we have no control over. Finding a spouse is one of them. I wanted to be married at 23 but me taking matters into my own hands and forcing my timeline on people never fared well. Only when I let go was I able to understand and appreciate God's unique plan for us all. We all got married at different times for different purposes. We can't compare our journeys to other people's.
I remember feeling so jealous that an older coworker of mine got married in her early 20s. Then 15 years later her husband died in a car wreck and she was single again in her mid 30s. I don't know why that was in her plan anymore than I know why I haven't met the right person yet. But that's why comparison doesn't do us any good.
In any case, there's no scriptural mandate for getting married by a certain age. None whatsoever.
I agree with you on this most especially: "Only when I let go was I able to understand and appreciate God's unique plan for us all." It is true in my case, too.
I am also type A. The only difference was marriage was never in my mind until I reached my thirties. It was because God gave me the best single life I could have. I've had quite a lot of successes professionally, but I had equally hard failures personally. I am still single, and have only just opened myself again to the possibility of marriage, four years after my last relationship ended. I can still marry young, in my heart. Joy and enthusiasm can never extinguish the youth in us.
God bless everyone's unique journey in single, married, or consecrated life. ✝️💗🙏
Maybe you should choose a man based on something other than looks or money. Since that’s all women care about.
@@Mashfan6507 why are you making that assumption?
@@emilyl6746 it’s simply a fact. Women always complain about not finding a “good man” yet when a man who’s not hot or rich wants to date her she gives him the cold shoulder. That’s the story of my dating life. Just be thankful you’re a woman and your age doesn’t matter. As a man in his 30’s I’ll never find anyone because I’ve been rejected my whole life simply based on my looks and bank account.
@@Mashfan6507 I’m sorry but I hope you heal from what seems like hurt you have against women. God tells us to forgive others and not all women are the same.
I went to Franciscan University Of Steubenville in the 90’s. So many couples got married right after graduation. While a number are still happily married, quite a few ended in divorce and possible annulment. Most young people still haven’t figured themselves out yet, not to mention mature enough to be married. My female friends discovered their husbands were either, addicted to p o r n, alcohol, abusive or just not willing to be responsible. My male friends found their wives wanted out of the marriage because it wasn’t what they thought it would be, they weren’t who they thought they were. Etc.
My thoughts exactly. It’s a discerning process that needs to be done with care. Same with religious life. If you discern quickly and prayerfully, cool, but it’s not advisable for every person or situation. Better to discern a little longer than jump into something too soon just to get divorced/annulled.
Thank you both
Everyone is different. If you feel called to marry young, go for it. I have lots of friends who married in college or shortly after and they have beautiful marriages. I love that and I 110% support them! But, for me, I want to be with the right person that God intended for me. And yes, marriage is a cross to bear. But, I want to be ready for that cross. I belive that in my singleness, God is purifying me and preparing me for marriage. I need to grow into the women God calls me to be and as who He wants me to be as a wife. And I want to be in a good financial standing for my husband too, I don't want to bring in an excessive amount of debt into my marriage. But, I want to be the best mother I can be for kids. I don't want to have unnecessary anxieties get in the way. So, I long to be married but I believe that God is calling me to wait because He has the right person for me and the Lord is preparing me.
To my fellow single girls, I know it's hard! God loves you more than you can imagine!! ❤❤
This is beautiful.
YES. THANK YOU.
Married at 23 we have 4 kids currently. 13 years married so far. No regrets. We were poor and built wealth with hard work after kid #2.
You must have got on welfare because that’s the only way to build wealth with 4 kids in dictator Biden’s America.
I was married at 19 first baby at 21 I regret nothing it was completely worth it!!
Good advice here, so needed in our " beautiful but broken world"!!❤🙏🙏🙏
I’m 18. Getting married in a year or so. I know I picked the right man (he encourages me to be more positive and pray more and trust God more). Everything is so beautiful and I’m so sure that this is God’s will. But I’m only 18 (he’s 23, I’ll be 19 in a week).
My entire family and his support this, everyone knows we’re ready. But the world tells me I’m not. I’m getting nervous because my whole life I’ve been told this is too young and it’ll lead to disaster.
Does anyone have any advice? I don’t really understand why I’m feeling this way, but the closer we get to making everything official within the Church, the more I wonder if this is the right thing to do.
I got married at 20. We struggled at first but our love for each other and our children really pushed us to be our best. Praise God.
I love how these videos always address perfect people and bash imperfect. Plus "look at me, I'm doing everything right". Just seems like an exclusive club
How are they bashing "imperfect" people?
So, we had agreement on the big 4 before getting married. But, a few months into marriage I developed an autoimmune condition that made physical intimacy excruciatingly painful. Because I struggled with it, he took it personally, and completely turned on me. To the point that several years later he decided that God doesn't forbid polygamy and he needed a second wife (and proceeded to manipulate me into believing God would essentially abandon me, AND that he would keep the kids from me if I left), and that progressed into him believing he could rape me because as his wife I'm not allowed to say no. He owns me.
None of this was obvious before we were married. Everyone was telling us to wait because we were young (and 5 year engagements were all the rage). But we did Engaged Encounter, and felt like we agreed on pretty much everything.
My biggest concern here, is really with the church, because our church (not Catholic at the time, but similar) turned their backs on us. There were the usual tropes of God hates divorce, very little discussion about how he was abusing me, and I struggled to articulate it (he was very good at blame shifting and making the discussion impossible to follow, and then pointing out how I was the crazy one who couldn't keep up... how do you explain that to a priest?).
The church as a whole does not do a great job teaching that God hates abuse as much as he hates divorce. They don't really talk about how it's not okay to rape your wife. They don't address these bigger issues in ways that make both sides feel like they have a safe place to speak up... and this is my biggest concern for pushing for young adults to get married quickly. I understand and agree with why you're saying it, but we need to be there to suppothem when things aren't going so great, without just telling the women to do better, and not holding men accountable, or the other way around.
I'm so sorry for you. It sounds like a very difficult situation!
Please don't give up on God because people make mistakes. Maybe you can please your husband without using your own body in intimacy (at least in a painful way?)
Alternatively, you really should get other opinions from Christian leaders, priests, pastors before making a decision, but I believe your husband MUST honour your physical needs as much as kids own.
Polygamy is never condoned by the church and is WRONG!
@@growtocycle6992 I've never blamed God for the actions of men 💜 but I did leave my husband. 24 years of severe emotional abuse finally got to be too much.
Just because there are evil husbands does not make marriage wrong, it is good thing and people these days do not appreciate this sacrament enough, and divorce is a major issue collapsing whole societies.
Now I'm not blaming you, just that there is tendency to have biased view if you suffer from objective evils from another. I know this from my own experience, since I hold grudges easily. But I don't think it's wrong to emphasize the general need to marry, it is the usual road towards perfection.
In general the seriousness of sin is downplayed in our times, which leads to unfortunate consequences. Please try to show heroism by praying for your husband and people who do evil towards you.
That all sounds just excruciating. I'm so very sorry.
Isn't that violence against women? Seek counseling, move out of the house, or try legal means if necessary. And ask for any medical treatment for dyspareunia from doctors.
Very insightful and helpful. Thank you.
Not catholic but I had two friends in high school, he was Brazilian on a student visa and couldn’t afford college on international tuition. They had been dating since he was a junior and she was a sophomore. She graduated early, they got married, joined the navy, had a kid, and moved to San Diego on base. They dam near did everything perfectly in my eyes.
I've noticed a few interpretations from the crowd and many have taken this the wrong way. Now, these men are not shaming those or guilting you in not marrying sooner or that you aren't married (regardless of being single or not).
1. They are elaborating on marrying without waiting for the perfect conditions.
2. Be of sound mind and not brash into rushing it (hence young couple example, priest asked questions to make sure).
3. The excitement and amazing experiences Matt had.
I have my own experiences in dating and i understand the feelings you have in not being married. Trust the lord, offer up your intentions to him and, his will, will be done. I would be happy single if God decided that is my plan :) More time for helping others.
They’re pretty much saying what’s true, that if you’re over 30 you’re never gonna find someone. I wish I had heard this 10 years ago, but prob wouldn’t have made a difference because women are shallow anyway
I do at the same time feel as a man and someone who feels responsible to be the sole provider of the family it is important for someone, especially in my position, to be completely ready to bare the responsibility of supporting not only your wife but also your children, and in the case you are a Catholic like me, there is a high chance you will have many children. I’m fortunate enough that I have a plan set for my future college education to become a BSN, but even then there is so much uncertainty. Although God comforts me as I have full faith he will provide for me and my future family, I still also must be responsible and mature enough to know I have the responsibility of other peoples lives. My goal right now is to be married by 24-25 (I’m currently almost 19). It will be rough especially considering my family is not Catholic and expect me to live with them after college to help pay for the mortgage and to save money for later use. I’m torn right now on what to do but I pray and hope God will answer these questions! Father Mike has also been a huge help in guiding me!
Most successful marriages I know of, happened when people waited to marry until they were older - you just know yourself better as you age.
Met my wife when I was 21 and she was 20. Asked her to marry me 6 weeks later. Married 5 months later both 21. Still married. 34 years, three kids, two grandkids and counting. I would never change a thing. If anything, I wish I had remained Catholic all my life instead of finding my Faith again in my 50’s.
Welcome home. I left the Church for 10 years, went so astray God had to whomp me upside the head with a bunch of miracles to bring me back. Although I had received all my sacraments, I put myself through the RCIA so I could really understand our Faith. That was in 1983 and I’ve never left. Indeed, our God is “The Hound of Heaven”, He never stops pursuing us.
Wishing and praying for your happy marriage!! Not for the fame but for the love 🥰
Thank you Father Mike was sharing that marriage isnt easy
I think it's best to get married when you're at least mostly content with who you are and the direction you're going in life. As someone who grew up under a narcissistic and abusive mother, and never had any sense of direction, purpose, or clarity in life until I was much older, it would have been disastrous for me to have married young. It wasn't a matter of waiting, but instead of getting my life back together and figuring out what I was going to be doing with it.
To be clear, I am not married. But I think there's a time and a place to wait and not to wait. Sometimes, being married is cheaper. One apartment instead of two. If someone is unable to work, then they can find ways to use their time to save money. Meals from scratch are generally cheaper than buying them prepared. Kids add their own load, but if you have someone to watch out for and someone who's watching out for you, then you're both going to work harder. I assume.
Getting married for the sake of saving money is not getting married with God in mind and on His terms.
@@CitySlickerButtKicker , I agree, money is not a reason to get married. But at the same time, I think money isn't as big a reason not to get married as some people seem to make it. I'm not claiming to be fully learned in these matters, and I could run into trouble if I end up following my own advice. Still, I'd rather trust God with the timing of my marriage than trust my bank account with it.
@no1ofconsequence936 As Christians, although it is wise to consider material matters of the world before considering marriage, what matters more is whats important to God and that is our spiritual well being. We can plan all we want, but God will shake things up and if we are not spiritually sound in our faith, anything can and will break us when put to the test. Satan test no one worse than married couples and God wants us prepared.
I can't even say I respectfully disagree. This type of massive, "hyperbolic" statement lends itself to frustration and anxiety for those who did not and cannot marry young. You did not do anything wrong if you did not marry at 18, 19 or 20. Please take the time to cultivate your own and take care of yourself -- you are more than your relationship status and it is neither good nor beautiful to enter into a relationship you are not prepared for simply for the sake of being "young."
Very well put. It's also funny how conservative types put a big emphasis on taking responsibility and yet pumping out more kids than you can possibly afford is somehow deemed as "taking up the cross" rather than being irresponsible or possibly unwise.
Well said. Hundred percent.
This mindset is ruining western civilization.
Sensible comment. I’m looking around and wondering why no one is talking about his “have more children than you can afford” in today’s economy? Why do so if there’s not a necessity for more kids? We’re Christians, not gullible people, good Lord
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I'm 23. I want to meet a godly woman and get married, I truly do. The issue is that I can't find any. I waited to start seriously looking for a relationship until I finished college, and that was apparently a mistake because every godly woman I know my age got married while I was in college. So now, I've been looking to see if I can meet any godly women my age in the church and outside of it too, and the results have been less than stellar. Almost every single girl in my age group who is godly has gotten married or is in a serious relationship. The ones who are still single are not interested in me.
I don't want to give up looking, but I feel almost as if there was a signal sent out to young people my age about 4 years ago to get married as soon as possible, and I somehow missed it.
This was so good. More videos like this.
See, I'm Latter Day Saints and can give you a genuine compliment. I don't expect one back, just feel into how much is nicer.
It's really hard to find the one! I live in Buenos Aires and is rare to find good guys, good catholic guys... but I know, God knows... what is the right time. Pray for me, please.
Life is tough. "Growing up" together with your spouse is so important. Navigating the ups and down and trials and tribulations is crucial. If you're 35 years old and you've just gone it alone, trying to "fit" someone else in to your life is hard.
God can provide the grace for people who marry “older” to do it!
My husband proposed to me 20 minutes after we met, I was 18 and he was 21. I agreed on the basis that we both believed in Jesus, and wanted to have a big family. We have been by each others side from that day, 6 months later we were married. That was 9 years ago, we have 5 children now.
Met at 20. Married at 21. This year we'll have our fourth child and our first will make first Holy Communion, as I turn 30 on Corpus Christi.
And when media celebrity priests yammer on like this, it only adds to the pressure that young Catholics have heaped on them now about "discerning the vocation of marriage". It adds to the terror that prevents them from daring to lift their heads out of their phones and ask each other on even a simple date.
That’s not even true
I love how priests on YT always answer my inner questions, questions I haven't even put words to sometimes....
I was dating a man, who I was/am attracted to, is a very good person, and makes me happy. He is easy to be around.
One day, I suddenly and very intensely remembered a man from five years ago, I knew only for a month, at a temporary job. The feelings for that man were so intense, it was scary and I would say unpleasant because of that intensity. I guess it was scary.
I guess it's a question of depth vs shallow, the depths are scary, and do we really need to go there? anyway,the shallow happy relationship is on hold for now, because I have serious questions about what a relationship should be based on...I have no contact at all with that previous guy, but the way the feelings just came up has made me stop to ponder.
Sounds like you should contact that guy from work.
I wouldn’t way into the intense attraction; this is from a man’s perspective. Many DV survivors would describe their attraction to the abusers as intense. Fathers advise above is sound. Again I don’t know you and I’m probably projecting but you proceed with caution.
I understand what you mean by shallow happiness. Getting comfortable with someone until you realize that the depth is missing, that you don’t actually have the same world view or goals to pursue, that you think very differently actually, that you have different ideas of how to live the rest of your life, but you’re able to enjoy hobbies together still and each other’s presence, almost like it’s a nostalgic feeling of the honeymoon phase. This is when growing apart may happen. But if there is truly love and respect there, then anything in the way of that can be overcome.
My husband and I met online, talked non-stop for 4 months straight, married after only one month of knowing each other in person! I was 18 at the time and he was 19. Marrying him was the best decision I’ve ever made, we’ve been together for 7 years now.
With that being said I don’t agree with the, “why wait just get married and have kids,” approach they are taking. There are a lot of people in this world who are bad spouses and bad parents. There are also a lot people who will be a good spouse/parent one day, but they still need their 20s to mature and focus on themselves.
I think everyone is different and we can’t just shove everyone into the same box. We need to respect people who choose to get married young and have 5 kids, just like we need to respect peoples decision to marry in their 30s, and spend their 20s focusing on school and work.
God bless!
I think it's a big challenge for people to remain chaste until marriage, which is important. Hence the wisdom, often, of marrying young and committing to making it work.
@@kelkabot you are definitely right about that too. Remaining a virgin into your 30s is not easy for most people either. But just because someone is horny doesn’t mean they should become a husband or wife either.
Every individual is different, and we shouldn’t pressure people to get married or not to get married.
I do not regret getting married as a teenager, but my best friend does. We all have a different story.
My husband and I were 15/16 when we met and by our early 20s we got married. Bc of life circumstances he still hadn’t finished college and had one semester to go after our summer wedding. We had to live frugal for the first few years, we had a kid by the time I was 26 and we had just bought our first house… I think all the difficulties of being married young but knowing that you’re committed is wonderful. We have 4 children and even when people would say we were getting married too young and not enjoying life… pshh! Life has been much more enjoyable having my best friend alongside for all the joys and hard times. ❤
Waiting is a good thing , it gives you a chance to see the real caracter of the person as the longer the time the more situations will occur, I wish I would have waited
I was absolutely convinced I had a vocation to religious life. My community decided I was not fit for solemn vows. I could see and agree, after some years, that they were right.
As a sister, brother, nun, monk, priest, you can do everything and still be sent home or choose to leave.
As a married person, the choice is made once for all.
There is a HUGE LACK of catechesis and development for young people who want to get married. Engaged Encounter and a weekend of comparing financial opinions is NOT enough. Not even taking months of NFP courses together is enough.
Bear in mind that people change over time, over decades.
It is much harder for a woman to complete her education if she has a young family. Women still do 90% of child raising whilst working full time and housekeeping.
It can also be difficult to discern between lust versus love.
I have known people who married at 20 and stayed married. I know people who married at 20 and thirty years later are divorced.
There aren't guarantees: will you meet the one and only? Will your one and only be loyal to you? Will you be loyal throughout a lifetime to your spouse?
People married early because of shorter life spans, dowry/property/ financial partnerships, arranged marriages not based in love etc.
Got married last year! I can attest to how good it is
I got married young (21), my husband didn't (31).
And...yeah, I don't regret it. Its funny though, it's been about ten years and we're actually starting to feel the difference in our ages a bit in how we're making plans and approaching certain things. Apparently ages 30-40 is where a lot of things begin to change, and 40-50 is where they REALLY change.
That's funny. My husband and I are 16 yrs apart in age, and there were difficulties with it in the early years, but now that I'm in my 40s and he's in his 60s, we both are so settled that age plays 0 factor.
@@Charlotte_Martel I'm certain once I hit 40 (heck, maybe 35) that gap will close again. Its just odd that it's popping up ten years in.
Yeah that’s way too young to get married. Even at 31 it’s still too young
@@Mashfan6507 if you wait too long your less likely to have children.
@@LoantakaBrook ok and? Sounds like a win win to me
Pope Frances wanted to enable the Annulment process to be more easily accessible for young people who were married without really understanding the obligations, responsibilities and permanence of marriage. The trads TRASHED him left and right, up and down for wanting to receive these young people back into the church with full privilege. Another great job Trade!.
I've seen some marriages where people are in their 30s turn out very well.
I haven't. I haven't seen a single marriage that has worked when both of the people involved were 30+. If you're waiting that long it probably means you're settling which probably means you're gonna get bitter and resentful towards your partner.
@@Nick-ij5nt well I know of several! And they're happier than some who got married earlier. Personally I got married at 22 and I think people are waiting too long nowadays, but the happiest marriages I know of were to slightly older people.
@@Nick-ij5nt it's not the age! Marry a good Catholic who doesn't drink or drug and doesn't have anger issues!
@jmbm75 I never said it can't work and I'm not judging the people that do. I was just saying it's not very wise to wait that long and statistically it doesn't work out as often. If you're truly in love then I wish you the best of luck, I'm just here to let you know the odds are against you.
@@user-en6dx4ec5iOlder marriages are ungodly marriages?
Hold on is this what your suggesting?
At 20 years old, you were just sitting at a desk in high school chewing gum as a student 2 years ago, still a kid. You are not prepared to deal with the rigors of a relationship at this age. I am not saying wait until 40 but actuary tables at insurance companies show that people do not mature until 25 years old: they find that people are wildly emotional and take crazy risks and this does not flatten out until age 25. This is when they start lowering rates. The reason is that peoples brains have not stopped developing until age 25 where thier reasoning and emotional centers are now mature. 48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25. When you are young, go out with your friends. Have fun. See a concert. Hang with your best friends. Soon everyone will pair off and marry and disappear. There is a time for everything, dont jump the gun.
It's not that I'm waiting, it's that I can't find anyone
I know several who married after 30 and are very happy.
Excellent! Yes! Even if you make all of the right choices there are still going to be crossed to bear!
It’s not pointless if you haven’t found the right one. I waited for everything I wanted in a man (a morally upright, Catholic man with an ag background) until I was 27. I didn’t settle. Whatever you do, don’t settle!
I met my gf when I was 25 and she was 22. After seven months she broke up with me. I flunked out of graduate school.
Then had to spend three additional years getting certified as a public school teacher (delayed in part due to COVID).
This November at the age of 32, I was diagnosed with a major life threatening illness which means I’ll probably not live long enough to marry. At least God is putting me out of my misery for the loss of that beautiful Catholic girl many years ago.