Trust me, when women go silent, it is a sign it could be over with* When they are crying, complaining, begging…they are fighting for the relationship…once all of that stops…it’s over.
They way he tries to obfuscate his ownership is exhibit #1 (in what I bet is a looooong list) in the list of reasons why she should NOT “reconsider” the divorce filing.
He just sounds like he is scared to be alone rather than it being about her. He probably ignored all of her trying to talk to him and he is emotionally constipated at best. His wife crying in frustration probably wasn't a sign for him.
My friend got hit with a divorce papers and it was really shocking to him. After talking to him about it a bit he said she did say it to his face once "you're losing me". His response was a shrug and back to the phone. How clear of communication do you need for it to register?
@@randybobandy9828 she can't sound insufferable, since he has said NOTHING about her. So you are making things up. He never said ANYTHING about her-he knows he has NOTHING bad to say about her. He only talks about himself. All he thinks about is himself. That's why she's divorcing him.
@@randybobandy9828please tell me exactly what makes her sound insufferable? I’m interested to know…because as far as I heard I didn’t hear anything about her apart from she’s leaving. So go ahead, tell me….
Found the divorced cat lady. It almost impossible to “always act like it”. Try to be intentional in every aspect of your life, it’s nearly impossible. Princess attitude. I bet she takes him for granted too. And statistically speaking. She won’t do better either unless she learns from this also. For marriage to, it takes two people who love each other, and work with one another. Love is selfLESSness. Both need to sacrifice.
@@loadz03 Why can you not accept what he said he did wrong? He never said what she did, so there's a ton of projection here. If someone says "I didn't treat her like she was important to me," why do you immediately mitigate what he said and start assigning blame to someone else?
“Most women work on their marriages during the marriage. Most men work on their marriages when it’s over”. I’ve read this somewhere and it really ran a bell to me. For years I’ve walked on eggshells, did everything as told, asked for marriage counseling and begged for affections and got nothing. When I was done, he started to try to woo me back but it was too damn late. I was just done. No more love left. He apologized for treating me badly and I thanked him but I wasn’t changing my mind.
He said she tried to tell him what he was doing to her, he himself called it emotional bullying. I guess he didn't realize no one could put up with that indefinitely. She said no thanks because he did not listen or try to stop hurting her, that was his baseline problem. Some guys talk to their dogs nicer than they do to their women. If they ever figure that one out, they would be ahead.
It’s interesting you say that because I told my husband he treats his fathers animals better than he treats me. It’s ridiculous and so hard to deal with
Yup. At least this caller acknowledges ‘tough times’… most men will say that they had zero knowledge of any issues and were totally surprised/shocked by the appearance of the papers.
This reminds me of guys when they say, "She was the best thing I ever had." And, you're thinking like...no she wasn't. You didn't treat her like she was.
Had a boyfriend once whose mother ran off all his girlfriends, then when he had a new one, “oh she liked that last one so much better!”. Ran for my life!
His heartbreak comes from the fact that he really thought she was going to tolerate his bullying and mistreatment forever. The divorce is not the problem.
As a woman who has divorced, once you start executing the exit plan there is no turning back. She’s found the lawyer, she’s served him with papers, she has made up her mind….she’s not trying to save her marriage, she’s given up on him and is working on starting her life without him. What he needs to do is find out why, so learns from this.
Sadly men often don’t listen to a woman’s words til they are forced to by her “shocking” actions (i.e. boundary setting). That’s why they never “see it coming.”
@@justinnaarden9290 The psychology of humanity isn't an exact science. But I'd recommend studying various amounts of psychology, theology, spirituality and religion and their effects of interpersonal relationships and society to get a gander on how long term relationships last. This can include work relationships as well as family dynamics. There's common place themes across all these. I like listening to Jordan Peterson, Jocko, this doctor as well as spiritual leaders and other psychologists to get a better understanding of what may be the best. Boundary setting is one of those common themes.
One of the biggest issues is that men and women speak completely different languages. I don’t go along with the whole idea that men in general don’t listen because that’s not true. In fact, part of it may be that women talk so much that men don’t know what to pick out. But then again, it may be that the men in your lives just don’t listen.
It's a shame he didn't show this kind of energy when they were going through "problems" before. I'm sure she was complaining/fussing/crying before but he probably ignored it. That's when he should've fought to keep the marriage alive. In my opinion, it's too late now. A women will leave you emotionally before she leaves you physically, and once that happens, it's a wrap!
But that’s the way it usually goes isn’t it… then you see them do everything you’ve begged them to do for years, now doing those things with their new love interest.
I imagine she would find it rather insulting that he would go on this journey of self improvement and reflection only now when it's too late. It shows her he could have done so at any time but didn't take her needs seriously until real consequences were on the table. Sorry my man, too little too late.
It's because they think we will never leave... that we can never do it. When we cry, beg, plead with all our hearts but they don't care, once we make the decision, we will never turn back. Been hurt enough.
And now instead of just becoming better adults and partners, they’re trying to abolish women’s ability to file for divorce. They’ll do anything but work on themselves
It takes alot to say I've had enough. Who wants to feel unloved. Communication is important in a marriage & so is intimacy. Men aren't the o nly one who need sex.
My husband never saw the divorce coming, even with me crying and pleading for him to communicate with me over a long period of months as we approached ten years of marriage. Why do so many men think we just need time alone to get over our emotional issues and then resume our wifely role without troubling them?
Most men are taught over their entire lives to supress and bury thier emotions so no one ever sees them. When women do express their emotions outwardly, men have no idea what to do about it, so they react how they've been taught. The pretend it's less of a big deal than it is because that's how they cope.
I suppose this guy thought his “best friend” was going to continue tolerating his dismissal of her feelings. Best friends don’t do that. I hope this woman went onto a new beautiful journey.
@randybobandy9828 She may be single for a while, but that might be a good thing. Odds are that she tried to get him to work on the marriage and he ignored it until she had enough
I was that way with my ex, but trying to be nice, just give him hope, so I just stopped all contact . I had talked bout him, being emotionally unavailable or not doing things a a family till I was just Over It ...I was gone a year before I left and he never noticed.
My ex husband was also surprised when I left. The surprise is not about them not knowing that there were issues in the relationship but about you having healthy boundaries and a freaking limit...
Shouldn't you have expressed those boundaries before and during the relationship? Otherwise, you'll be expressing boundaries by getting divorces again and again.
@@pettybetty1791 Straight from the pigs mouth here fellas, They don't even deny it. Take note and force women to provide for themselves. Never marry them
Men miss the signals all the time. My friend kept telling her ex she wanted out and he ignored her, when she finally saw a lawyer he actually said he didnt see it coming.
@@futureai2702 omg, it is so true I see it all the time it's crazy. I guess some people smoke some people drink to get their stress out this guy trolls women online
In my experience every time a guy says I didn't see it coming, his wife has told him over and over and over and over and over and over and over what the problem is and he just kept blowing it off. And in every instance it boiled down to an addiction of some sort.....
@@willak79bud90 and I asked the same question again. Because the woman says something you denigrate it? Why don't you flip the roles and pretend gee a man said that. Should I say sounds like dude who only thinks about his dick logic?
I’m first marriage was so awful. We married young and I was too inexperienced to know what a narcissist was, or what alcoholism is, or to understand what constituted verbal and emotional abuse. I just felt like I was dying inside. I begged him to go into marriage counseling , but he refused, saying, “there’s nothing wrong with me, you’re the one with problems.” I left and never looked back. Yes, he was surprised. Never saw it coming. I didn’t leave to hurt him. I left to stop dying.
Because you're taking away their source of stability. He seemed really codependent, I wouldn't be surprised if she was doing most of the housework and carrying the mental load
@@therambler3055 A woman will tell a man what she needs or request a change in the man's behavior (condescending attitude, not pulling his weight in the relationship, etc.) for DECADES and the man doesn't listen. Then the woman hands him divorcer papers and the man insists he has no idea why she left.
He's delusional. Once a woman is done, she's done because she's gone through wanting it for a LONG TIME before she finally gives up. Any kindness or courtesy she shows him at this point is just because she's a decent person.
Exactly. I bet she gave him chance after chance and he stupid ass thought she was nagging. When she stopped engaging with him, he felt “peace” not knowing she was checking out of the dying relationship that HE neglected and now he is surprised 🤡
@@Jac527 you are so right! Only I spent 24 years in my marriage, really should have stopped waiting around a lot sooner. I checked out 5 years (stopped nagging, asking for my needs to be met any more) before the actual end, just fixing up my career and ability to support myself and my kids for the exit. So much happier, even got back together with my first boyfriend from my teens.
There’s a real disconnect here. How could he be completely taken by surprise by this while at the same time saying she is his “best friend and closest intimate partner?” If he truly was her best friend and closest intimate partner the communication channels would’ve been open where he would’ve known the problem long ago and had a chance of fixing it. The sad part to this conversation is that he probably doesn’t know what true intimacy is.
Obviously- this guy pays no attention. We're, women are so obvious. There should be signs everywhere. He just didn't care to take notice till it's up his nose with the paper.
@@erichmutchler3262 so much pressure when someone says you are the "best thing in the universe" - that is dishonest too. No human is the best thing in the universe.
@@willak79bud90 this is code for I sat you down and told you I was going to divorce you if you didn't quit drinking and beating me. This is one example, fill in for all the other reasons..... And there's your signs
His big fear is being alone again, not living without specifically her. He is just not into her the way he may think he is. It’s definitely NOT out of left field. How many years should she be ignored? Unfortunately he is just super clueless. I would bet he said some nail in the coffin things in the therapy sessions.
OMG how true, he said he felt heard but every time I left a session I wanted to find a tough divorce attorney. The things he said were so hurtful. Not sure honesty is really in the best interest of both parties.
Agreed. For her, the pain of divorce looks more attractive than the pain of staying in it for one more year or minute with him. He should take that as feedback.
The women can communicate and communicate and try to communicate and fix and address and every time the man is caught off guard and doesn’t understand. I hear this time and time again and actually had a male friend go through the same thing. He acted like it was out of left field.
Exactly but this could very well happen for men too. I personally know what it is like to try to explain the same thing over and over and in different ways to where it gets to a point where there's nothing more to say. At that point it is up to the receiving person to make an effort to understand, address the issue and make the necessary changes, if and only if, they see their partner as a priority. However, he mentioned being depressed so perhaps he didn't have the energy to do so which is understandable.
@@marycarricaburu3683 It absolutely is treatable but only if that person is willing to seek help. You cannot help someone that isn't willing to help themselves.
When a woman goes "I'm done done done" she's tried everything and tired of the lack of progress. The only reason he wants to save his marriage is because he doesn't want to be alone.
I really hate when people say It came out of no where. 9 times out of 10 . They Said it 4667776777 times you never listened . And that's your real problem right there.
And this is precisely why marriage isn't worth it. If you have to be affirmed constantly, then you have too much baggage and too many problems that I can't solve.
I cried and begged my husband to be kinder and less angry. No change on his part. This went on for years, I finally told him wanted a divorce. He told everyone I never gave him a second chance. My response is that I gave him a thousand second chances.
You're about to start all over because you think the relationship is about you. You bring the peace as a woman and he brings the lifestyle. Women are so lazy. Stop it and think who ask you to be their wife.
I had dealt with depression for about a year and I started doing 10 minute gratitude prayers every couple of days and it’s like something just switched on in my brain and I was no longer depressed. Just like that it’s like I was back to my old happy go lucky self. It’s almost as if my brain just got used to seeing the negative side of everything and I just had to remind myself that things are actually pretty good even when they’re bad. We all have so much to be grateful for.
@@rachelann724 I think it took a couple weeks. At first it felt very forced but eventually came easier. It felt kinda sarcastic at first and I really had to grit my teeth to get through it but eventually I started to believe the things I was saying I was thankful for in my heart. It was like my brain knew I should be thankful for certain things but my heart didn't get it, but these gratitude prayers moved it from my brain to my heart and that's when I actually started to feel different. Another thing that was life changing was speaking up for myself more. I would be very quiet and "polite" in all my relationships (parents, spouse, in-laws, co-workers) for fear of making people uncomfortable by telling them the truth of what I really thought and felt about things. I felt trapped and boxed in. So it took a little practice but I started working on speaking up for myself and representing my thoughts and feelings better and this also helped with the depression because I felt like I had been set free since my voice was being heard, understood and accepted. And even if people don't agree with everything I say, it's not my responsibility to manage other peoples emotions. Letting go of that burden was like taking off a 100lb backpack. I felt free to just be myself and stopped being so in my head about every little thing I did or said. Hope this helps!
"Best thing in my universe" said right after admitting to being a liar, a bully, and devaluing your wife every chance you got. You dont have depression...you got NPD.
@slee2695 Really? My 1st hubby tried to kill me multiple times, would track me down at hotels & women safe houses and drag me back home. You have no idea how scary it is to divorce someone that you love, and they 'own' you. They're capable of anything. It's only by the grace of God that I got away, as such is the story of many women.
That is so true!!! Learned it on a hard way. Abused once, he pushed me onto the wall. I said if he does it again anyhow, I leave. He did. And I learned that after the first, there will be further!!! So never again say, if it will be again! I leave after the first time. Guess what!!! When I was packing he called his mom, and he said exactly this: "I don't know why she is leaving, it was out of nowhere!!!"
Once I visited the lawyer, investigated custody laws, I was done with him. I didnt owe him squat by then. A year earlier he became a different person after 23 years together. I tried to find out what was wrong but he wouldnt talk to me. I cornered him and told him therapy for us so we could fix whatever as wrong. He told me NO WAY. I gave him 30 days to reconsider or I was taking our daughter and leaving. He said GO. I checked back with him a month later. He still says NO. So he didnt want the marriage or our child. I followed through and he was dating all over the internet before we saw the judge. He had a woman in our house the day we divorced. He serial dated and was remarried within five years. I adore my daughter but I wish I had never married him. He was a liar and a secret keeper.
I've been through a lot in life, but nothing could have prepared me for the absolute agony and excruciating pain of divorce. Even though I enjoy my new life and have great friendships and my business, I think I'll always have some grief over it. I don't know how it's so commonplace, it's horrendously painful.
This is so sad. This happens so frequently with men and women. When a woman is done, she's done. You had 5 years before, when she was begging you to talk to her and go to therapy. The times you said you'd change but didn't. Now, that she is done, the man panic and tries to fix it. Too little, too late
That's a great point! When the storm comes and destroyed everything! The bible verse said " wise man who built his house on the rock like a foolish man who built his house on sand. (Matthew 7:24-26).🙏
In my experiences, the woman will tell everyone and their mother about their problems, except to the person that they're having the problems with. Then they wonder why things never changed, or got any better.
@@HazmatFatCat In my experience, if women are singing like a canary, it is because their approach hasn't worked with their partner and they're mining through story sharing for other ways to break through. We do this a lot with friends and family when we start to sense the emotional fork in the road.
@@HazmatFatCat they tell everyone because they told their man and he wouldn’t listen . It become a broken record . And if they’re not dealing with what you’re dealing with, it doesn’t affect them .
She’s probably giving you mixed feelings because she feels bad and is hoping you figure it out yourself she’s done. Or giving you time to accept it. You need to learn to move on and live on your own.
Women leave 1,000 times mentally before we officially do it physically. She was drowning and the center of his universe went ignored or likely brushed off as nagging until she said she was "Done DONE."
*She likely found someone new who tells her what she needs to and makes her feel special just for sex. Once he's done with her he'll tell her to return to husband if she's looking for love. Marriage is only for a select few privileged individuals. Many people think they qualify but they don't. I'm married but I understand that if God can't make a woman happy, what makes you think you're better than God.
It was like that with my ex husband… I tried to talk to him, ask to see a counselor. But it was too late. I left him due to his drinking begged him to get help. Unfortunately, with alcoholism, he must reach rock bottom when he admits he’s got a problem. I left him. And then realizes I meant it. I moved on right away.
I dare you to read the mind of the person you have an intimate relationship. It's a myth to think he "should have known" how she felt. Maybe she told him but he didn't hear. Maybe she decided someone else was more interesting and she's leaving to be with that person. Both people will have to process the end of this marriage, not just him.
Why are you so suspicious of him? Maybe he is like a lot of men who aren't that good with emotional intimacy but will always be a solid, faithful guy. The likely scenario is that she found a new man and decided it's good enough to leave her husband.
@@thundersnow93 He is probably emotionally constipated and leaving her in the cold and only sees sex as intimacy. Maybe one of those guys who expects his wife to do all the social activities he wants but makes any of the activities she likes really unpleasant.
@@thundersnow93 in your every comment on this video you've suggested that shes cheating. Please dont project your experience onto others when theres been no indication of that from the call
Divorce sucks but if your partner no longer wants to be with you, you need to let her go. Believe me, it's hard for her too, but it's even harder for her to be with someone she no longer loves. Let her go, separate your assets evenly, keep it civil, and move on. It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new chapter of your life.
That's the coward's way. You have to fight and try to make it work. She made a commitment to be with you. We fall in and out of love all the time. Learn to work through these things. Don't just "let her go"
She is softening? Because she feels sorry for you now. Next is disrespect. Don’t push it. He is out of reality. She’s been out of this marriage for years.after divorce they will both find new friends and new loves. He is suffering because he caused this and he knows it.
If he wants her back, he needs to Man up and be her partner in life and share the work it takes to thrive. If she sees real change and he takes responsibility for his part in the Marriage, they could make it. Otherwise, she will continue moving forward in the divorce process.
She’s the center of my Universe? Wrong! Don’t ever put a person on that pedestal! They will break your heart! Loving is one thing, dependence is another!
Best response here. He spoke that into existence and gave her God like power over him ti break his world with her absence. Hopefully he go soul searching
@@randybobandy9828 himself. Because if you are dead you can't love someone else anyway so you prioritize your own self first. She can saddle her own horse. Now once I have done mine and you need help I will be right there to help.
Because it allows her attorney time to get all the papers in order. The husband wastes time trying to salvage the relationship while her and the lawyer are prepping to take everything.
It is most definitely like a death. You have no control, no way to stop it when they are determined to leave. For me losing my best friend is the hardest part. But yes a death it is! Death of a relationship that you devoted you life, dreams and future to. For me, God has given me hope and strength to walk through the grieving of it. So hard, but remember the relationship died, not you. You must carry on and discover who you are outside the relationship and keep your dignity and continue to love yourself and others.
No, I think it's worth than a death. I see people lose their life-long partner to a death and it's sad and tragic when it happens earlier than expected. However, when your lifelong partner CHOOSES to reject you (esp. for another lover), then it hurts even more, IMO.
Maybe if you acted like she was the center of your universe she would feel appreciated, wanted, and respected. Come on, men…stop treating wives like roommates and jobs/friends like a girlfriend.
BTDT and survived. The spouse/partner who leaves usually has emotionally checked out weeks, months or years before they physically hit the door. That's why the person whose left is often surprised. I would tell him to get a good divorce attorney and make sure he knows his rights and responsibilities, find a good therapist to talk to and start processing the rejection, and close all joint accounts so that neither party can abuse them during the divorce process. I wish him luck. He'll survive but it's going to hurt.
Unfortunately, his marriage hit the magic 10-year mark, so she is entitled to half of everything. That's probably why the divorce papers were timed when they were. From my experience and research, men don't have many rights when it comes to divorce, esp. with kids involved. [He should be SO relieved that no childern are involved!] It doesn't matter who may have cheated or been wronged -- if the man made the most money over the years, then he will be the one to pay up. That happened to me even though my ex-wife was the one who cheated. It's a sad fact these days.
Wowow, I really love how you handled this situation!! So much grace, compassion, & tact!! By far the best response I’ve seen thus far - loving your growth Dr. John 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Whenever your universe revolves around a human it can be unhealthy. My husband and I were married for 11 years before we adopted kids and it sometimes is necessary to have other things separate as far as interests and fulfilling interests together to be mentally healthy as it's easy to become co dependant and complacent in marriage. He seems a bit disconnected, but it's nice to hear he understands his issues.
This man probably never paid attention to this woman & she got tired of it. I totally get it. He probably was more into his work instead of her, and always doing what he wanted and not's what she wanted.
when I finally divorced my ex he had done so much and I think he thought I would not leave him. Then he got mad and is remarried and bitter that I divorced him.
@@slee2695 Children, food on the table, someone who cooks and brings home flowers. Women still do the majority of household chores despite the majority of women working full time.
I was emotionally divorced for at least a year before I physically left. Guys stop taking your wife for granted. If you can't check in with her and stay connected like it was at the beginning every single day, and yes it takes work, then gradually little by little the foundation will erode. And then you'll wonder why. Be her rock, her safe place to fall emotionally, mentally, physically. You have to be mindful in marriage. They need to sort themselves out before marriage. If anyone has problems before marriage they'll only exacerbate after. I learnt that the hard way
Sir, theres a song " when a woman's fed up , theres no way out of it". Usually by then its over. Speaking from my experience, it took me years but one day i was done.
It took my husband filing for divorce before I left. I had resigned myself to be a married nun. I had moved on in my heart I just didn't have the guts to file. I wish I'd had the self esteem to file years before. I am so much happier now and I'm so grateful.
I was in the same situation as this guy.. 3 years later I am greatful for the experience. It all comes down to being on the same page and thats a tricky thing to do. Hope the best. Cheers
Nah dude you always see it coming you just convinced yourself that you were not seeing it. I know is hard but move on, when papers are served there is no going back. If a friend brings you taco bell, that is not a friend.
But if they were going to counseling I could see why he was surprised. She was pretty much telling him that she wants to work things out. He does seem oblivious though.
@@anneshirley95 Many people start therapy once they're past the point of no return, though. Maybe that's when she realized that she was officially done.
Actually, you can heal a marriage after the papers are served. In this guy's case they were the wake up call that something was wrong. If his wife really values their marriage and wants to stay this is the juncture to do the work and not follow through with the divorce. If they are a Bible believing couple then they should pause long enough to see a marriage counselor and put everything on the table. It's better to do that and then decide to proceed with the divorce than not.
Trust me, when women go silent, it is a sign it could be over with* When they are crying, complaining, begging…they are fighting for the relationship…once all of that stops…it’s over.
Right! I feel like this is what men consider nagging. The nagging is the fighting for it, the not giving up. :( I hope this couple finds peace.
100%!!!
This!!
Every bit of THIS!!! 🙌🏽
💯💯💯💯💯💯
"Battling honesty issues" - lol a master of the euphemism
right? he mispronounced "being a fkn liar"
And "emotionally bullying her" 🙄
Ie. He is using porn and lying to her about it.
They way he tries to obfuscate his ownership is exhibit #1 (in what I bet is a looooong list) in the list of reasons why she should NOT “reconsider” the divorce filing.
He's emotionally abusive and a liar, but he didn't see this coming. She is his whole universe but he treated her terribly. This guy makes no sense!
He just sounds like he is scared to be alone rather than it being about her. He probably ignored all of her trying to talk to him and he is emotionally constipated at best. His wife crying in frustration probably wasn't a sign for him.
💯
💯
a lot of men don’t actually love their woman they just like having one and feel entitled to one.
My friend got hit with a divorce papers and it was really shocking to him. After talking to him about it a bit he said she did say it to his face once "you're losing me".
His response was a shrug and back to the phone.
How clear of communication do you need for it to register?
Sounds like he didn't think she would follow through. Good for her!
What happened to them after the divorce?
@@Jinnyfir he's the same just without her, she changed jobs, bought an apartment, expecting a kid. Life goes on.
Some men and women only pay attention when its too late.
I think he fears being alone more than he mourns his wife leaving. She gone bud.
Totally 💯
Ya he will be better off. She sounds insufferable
@@randybobandy9828 she can't sound insufferable, since he has said NOTHING about her. So you are making things up. He never said ANYTHING about her-he knows he has NOTHING bad to say about her. He only talks about himself. All he thinks about is himself. That's why she's divorcing him.
@@randybobandy9828please tell me exactly what makes her sound insufferable? I’m interested to know…because as far as I heard I didn’t hear anything about her apart from she’s leaving. So go ahead, tell me….
@@randybobandy9828I have read your comments on this page. You sound like a real bitter angry guy & I have no idea who you are.
The wife was in a tolerable state of permanent unhappiness until she reached her breaking point.
Women seem to not understand that your happiness isn't your spouse's job. You can only make you happy.
@@randybobandy9828and that’s why you will be divorced as well 😂😂
@@MzShonuff123 imagine thinking your own happiness is your husbands job. That's pathetic
Imagine thinking your spouse, the one who vowed to love, cherish in sickness or health not giving a dang about you. @randybobandy9828
I saw this wife as a weak person who just gave up. She probably was depressed and didn't work on it enough.
"She's the center of my universe, even if I don't act like it." Dude, you sabotaged your marriage, it's obvious by your own statement.
Exactly
Yup, he wouldn’t “act right” therefore she opted out. 🥹
@Lynne Bucher 💯
Found the divorced cat lady. It almost impossible to “always act like it”. Try to be intentional in every aspect of your life, it’s nearly impossible.
Princess attitude.
I bet she takes him for granted too. And statistically speaking. She won’t do better either unless she learns from this also.
For marriage to, it takes two people who love each other, and work with one another. Love is selfLESSness. Both need to sacrifice.
@@loadz03 Why can you not accept what he said he did wrong? He never said what she did, so there's a ton of projection here. If someone says "I didn't treat her like she was important to me," why do you immediately mitigate what he said and start assigning blame to someone else?
“Most women work on their marriages during the marriage. Most men work on their marriages when it’s over”. I’ve read this somewhere and it really ran a bell to me. For years I’ve walked on eggshells, did everything as told, asked for marriage counseling and begged for affections and got nothing. When I was done, he started to try to woo me back but it was too damn late. I was just done. No more love left. He apologized for treating me badly and I thanked him but I wasn’t changing my mind.
He said she tried to tell him what he was doing to her, he himself called it emotional bullying. I guess he didn't realize no one could put up with that indefinitely. She said no thanks because he did not listen or try to stop hurting her, that was his baseline problem. Some guys talk to their dogs nicer than they do to their women. If they ever figure that one out, they would be ahead.
It’s interesting you say that because I told my husband he treats his fathers animals better than he treats me. It’s ridiculous and so hard to deal with
Bingo!
LOL talk to their dogs nicer than their women lol
Goodness! Sooo true, I’d like to be my ex’s dog.
Oh well he will find a better woman, hopefully he will be smart enough not to marry her and give her that much power over him.
Men never see it coming because when you try to tell them how you're feeling, they dismiss it as nagging...
Whew, yes!
@ConnorGamer01 women can be the same way...but I referred to men because that's what the original post is about.
@ConnorGamer01 important word can but men are more likely
Agree, he will get over once he finds a new chick.
@@jeanqbxx I'm sure he will...but until then...
Woman cries for help for years and man just ignores it. Suddenly he's surprised by a divorce
How pathetic
exactly!
🤦♀️ 🤦♂️
Yes I’ve been there, looking back is super pathetic and embarrassing. Do not cry and beg EVER to all women!!!
Yup. At least this caller acknowledges ‘tough times’… most men will say that they had zero knowledge of any issues and were totally surprised/shocked by the appearance of the papers.
The fact he didn't see it coming is probably exactly why the relationship didn't work. Was that disconnected.
💯
Yep 💯
Yeah, that was a surprising statement.
what's the point of marriage if you don't have children ?
@@moe433 Well, everything else. You share your life with someone else. It doesn’t have to include kids.
This reminds me of guys when they say, "She was the best thing I ever had."
And, you're thinking like...no she wasn't. You didn't treat her like she was.
Had a boyfriend once whose mother ran off all his girlfriends, then when he had a new one, “oh she liked that last one so much better!”. Ran for my life!
When you treat a broken-minded human well they run. Just facts.
If I ever thought or felt that way about a man I would do everything in my power to make sure he knows. Why would you wait till they are gone?
That's facts 💯
His heartbreak comes from the fact that he really thought she was going to tolerate his bullying and mistreatment forever. The divorce is not the problem.
I agree, Bulling and mistreatment is more often the reason wife’s leave.
...or apathy and taking her presence in life for granted.
Too often, people think their bad behavior will be tolerated and then are stunned when the s/o has had enough and leaves them.
As a woman who has divorced, once you start executing the exit plan there is no turning back. She’s found the lawyer, she’s served him with papers, she has made up her mind….she’s not trying to save her marriage, she’s given up on him and is working on starting her life without him. What he needs to do is find out why, so learns from this.
Oh yeah, learn from this, haha. The only thing he has to learn is to never get married. Divorce rate is 50%
@@heroldjaras9909 great advice, never beg.. the luckiest part for him is no kids.. the best thing to happen
@@heroldjaras9909 perhaps learning to communicate his feelings and be emotionally available would be the key.
@@heroldjaras9909 Haha?
facts
Sadly men often don’t listen to a woman’s words til they are forced to by her “shocking” actions (i.e. boundary setting). That’s why they never “see it coming.”
Yep
From what logical statistic did you get this information?
@@justinnaarden9290 The psychology of humanity isn't an exact science. But I'd recommend studying various amounts of psychology, theology, spirituality and religion and their effects of interpersonal relationships and society to get a gander on how long term relationships last. This can include work relationships as well as family dynamics.
There's common place themes across all these.
I like listening to Jordan Peterson, Jocko, this doctor as well as spiritual leaders and other psychologists to get a better understanding of what may be the best.
Boundary setting is one of those common themes.
One of the biggest issues is that men and women speak completely different languages. I don’t go along with the whole idea that men in general don’t listen because that’s not true. In fact, part of it may be that women talk so much that men don’t know what to pick out. But then again, it may be that the men in your lives just don’t listen.
True.
It's a shame he didn't show this kind of energy when they were going through "problems" before. I'm sure she was complaining/fussing/crying before but he probably ignored it. That's when he should've fought to keep the marriage alive.
In my opinion, it's too late now. A women will leave you emotionally before she leaves you physically, and once that happens, it's a wrap!
But that’s the way it usually goes isn’t it… then you see them do everything you’ve begged them to do for years, now doing those things with their new love interest.
I imagine she would find it rather insulting that he would go on this journey of self improvement and reflection only now when it's too late. It shows her he could have done so at any time but didn't take her needs seriously until real consequences were on the table. Sorry my man, too little too late.
Way to turn the blame on him during the worst moment of his life.
Western Women consider marriage to be nothing more than a commercial break from lesser entertainments at that moment.
Women like you who immediately assume the guy was mostly at fault are just as bad as the guys who blame women for everything.
Men need to stop minimizing their wife's feelings...just because it makes themselves uncomfortable.
It's because they think we will never leave... that we can never do it. When we cry, beg, plead with all our hearts but they don't care, once we make the decision, we will never turn back. Been hurt enough.
And now instead of just becoming better adults and partners, they’re trying to abolish women’s ability to file for divorce. They’ll do anything but work on themselves
@@MzShonuff123- They aren't ready for THAT conversation
Always the mans fault. No accountability.
That's because ,maybe you give too many chances ,
It takes alot to say I've had enough. Who wants to feel unloved. Communication is important in a marriage & so is intimacy. Men aren't the o nly one who need sex.
A piece of advice- dont wait till it's too late. When a strong woman is doen, she is done done done.
she rolly can afford to be on her own, or she is cheating with some man. ether way this guy needs to start anew,. NEVER remarry, just stick with god.
My husband never saw the divorce coming, even with me crying and pleading for him to communicate with me over a long period of months as we approached ten years of marriage. Why do so many men think we just need time alone to get over our emotional issues and then resume our wifely role without troubling them?
Most men are taught over their entire lives to supress and bury thier emotions so no one ever sees them. When women do express their emotions outwardly, men have no idea what to do about it, so they react how they've been taught. The pretend it's less of a big deal than it is because that's how they cope.
This! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
They don't want to put the work in.
The problem isn’t that your wife wants a divorce the problem is that you didn’t see it coming
Are you saying that no wife in the history of this world has randomly changed her mind or ran off with another dude out of nowhere? Come on now....
I suppose this guy thought his “best friend” was going to continue tolerating his dismissal of her feelings. Best friends don’t do that. I hope this woman went onto a new beautiful journey.
@@ES-7766her beautiful journey is living alone with 5 cats. Older women aren't really that desirable... Especially if they have been married.
@randybobandy9828 She may be single for a while, but that might be a good thing. Odds are that she tried to get him to work on the marriage and he ignored it until she had enough
@@randybobandy9828sometimes being alone is a blessing. Better than in the wrong relationship for both men and women.
Once the papers are served, it's been done...like waaayyyy long ago...
Her "mixed" signals are her not wanting to crush you more.
She's out, move on.
Exactly! Turn out the lights, the party is over.
She found another man most likely.
Yup, she at least thinks she has another man. Time to move on.
Not always.
I was that way with my ex, but trying to be nice, just give him hope, so I just stopped all contact . I had talked bout him, being emotionally unavailable or not doing things a a family till I was just Over It ...I was gone a year before I left and he never noticed.
My ex husband was also surprised when I left. The surprise is not about them not knowing that there were issues in the relationship but about you having healthy boundaries and a freaking limit...
💯
Boundaries and a limit on what exactly?
Exactly! They never thought you’ll leave them.🤣
Shouldn't you have expressed those boundaries before and during the relationship? Otherwise, you'll be expressing boundaries by getting divorces again and again.
@@mrmann44 I did my best trying to communicate. He just didn't want things to change. Sometimes divorce is the best thing to do.
Just had a friend of mine that is in the same boat. My friend is acting surprised, and the rest of us have seen it for 5 years coming.
Yep
what happened? cheating? verbal abuse?
Others have clearly seen the red flags. The two in the relationship don't see it blinded by feelings and lust
Exactly!
Very super Respectfully why didnt you tell this friend of yours
Husbands, listen to your wives when they’re upset because this what happens when you are neglectful
Women are always upset about something. I've got better things to with with my time 😂
@@johndummy3370Then stay away from Women completely. Thanks in advance!
@@pettybetty1791 Straight from the pigs mouth here fellas, They don't even deny it. Take note and force women to provide for themselves. Never marry them
right and they are going to find that with some other random dude lol
@shawnsmith11 you're advising her to stay away from men entirely since none are emotionally present?
Men miss the signals all the time. My friend kept telling her ex she wanted out and he ignored her, when she finally saw a lawyer he actually said he didnt see it coming.
They don't get it and don't want to listen .
@@sarcodonblue2876 I agree! They realize there was a problem far after a woman has finally let go and then plays victim lol it’s ridiculous
I had a neighbor who did this. His wife told him she was leaving and he didn't believe her. Crazy.
They don't listen and when reality slaps them on the face, they victimise themselves.
Because as men we use words to communicate and don’t use signals. If a person can’t communicate in a relationship it will always fail.
I"m betting the "even though I don't always act like it" times are/were a Lot more often than he realizes.
Yeah. He told on himself with that one
He also said he had been "emotionally bullying" her and then switched it up really fast and said "emotionally suffocating" 🙄
And you know this how? Sounds like you're just on team girl
@@willak79bud90 why are men so miserable online. You started the gender fight here, not her wtf
@@futureai2702 omg, it is so true I see it all the time it's crazy. I guess some people smoke some people drink to get their stress out this guy trolls women online
When guys say they are surprised, it means they were not paying attention.
Not just a guy thing.
Same for females.
In my experience every time a guy says I didn't see it coming, his wife has told him over and over and over and over and over and over and over what the problem is and he just kept blowing it off. And in every instance it boiled down to an addiction of some sort.....
Maybe the women said that to you and not him.
@@willak79bud90 does that make my point invalid? And maybe you have actually made my point!
@@brendahartstern4565 lady logic.
@@willak79bud90 and I asked the same question again. Because the woman says something you denigrate it? Why don't you flip the roles and pretend gee a man said that. Should I say sounds like dude who only thinks about his dick logic?
Yup addiction
I’m first marriage was so awful. We married young and I was too inexperienced to know what a narcissist was, or what alcoholism is, or to understand what constituted verbal and emotional abuse. I just felt like I was dying inside. I begged him to go into marriage counseling , but he refused, saying, “there’s nothing wrong with me, you’re the one with problems.” I left and never looked back. Yes, he was surprised. Never saw it coming.
I didn’t leave to hurt him. I left to stop dying.
Lmao... Every woman says their ex was a "narcissist" 😂😂😂
@@randybobandy9828all addicts are narcissists. The only thing that matters is themselves.
@@randybobandy9828and all can’t be wrong
Oh and the verbal and emotional abuse was just made up…??
@@randybobandy9828what if the therapist says the same thing🤨
Why do men always care when we are finally fed up??
Because you're taking away their source of stability. He seemed really codependent, I wouldn't be surprised if she was doing most of the housework and carrying the mental load
"Why do women care when we're finally fed up?"
@@redpilljesus They don't. They've already checked out. Women listen, men don't.
@@AB-jl1unwomen are terrible communicators.
@@therambler3055 A woman will tell a man what she needs or request a change in the man's behavior (condescending attitude, not pulling his weight in the relationship, etc.) for DECADES and the man doesn't listen. Then the woman hands him divorcer papers and the man insists he has no idea why she left.
He's delusional. Once a woman is done, she's done because she's gone through wanting it for a LONG TIME before she finally gives up. Any kindness or courtesy she shows him at this point is just because she's a decent person.
Exactly. I bet she gave him chance after chance and he stupid ass thought she was nagging. When she stopped engaging with him, he felt “peace” not knowing she was checking out of the dying relationship that HE neglected and now he is surprised 🤡
@@Jac527 you are so right! Only I spent 24 years in my marriage, really should have stopped waiting around a lot sooner. I checked out 5 years (stopped nagging, asking for my needs to be met any more) before the actual end, just fixing up my career and ability to support myself and my kids for the exit. So much happier, even got back together with my first boyfriend from my teens.
“Battling honesty issues”😂
He isn't even honest enough to say he's a liar. 😅
@@grilledcheeseandsoup1652I heard he DID say that…just not the WAY others would. I mean, I heard it.
There’s a real disconnect here. How could he be completely taken by surprise by this while at the same time saying she is his “best friend and closest intimate partner?” If he truly was her best friend and closest intimate partner the communication channels would’ve been open where he would’ve known the problem long ago and had a chance of fixing it. The sad part to this conversation is that he probably doesn’t know what true intimacy is.
Obviously- this guy pays no attention. We're, women are so obvious. There should be signs everywhere. He just didn't care to take notice till it's up his nose with the paper.
@@erichmutchler3262 so much pressure when someone says you are the "best thing in the universe" - that is dishonest too. No human is the best thing in the universe.
@@mlovespring7892 why signs? So much for women being better communicaters.
Sounds like she withdrew intimacy.
@@willak79bud90 this is code for I sat you down and told you I was going to divorce you if you didn't quit drinking and beating me. This is one example, fill in for all the other reasons..... And there's your signs
His big fear is being alone again, not living without specifically her. He is just not into her the way he may think he is. It’s definitely NOT out of left field. How many years should she be ignored? Unfortunately he is just super clueless. I would bet he said some nail in the coffin things in the therapy sessions.
Gaslighting
OMG how true, he said he felt heard but every time I left a session I wanted to find a tough divorce attorney.
The things he said were so hurtful. Not sure honesty is really in the best interest of both parties.
Therapy session probably did gratify him because it was religious and this is in Salt Lake City so guarantee he is Mormon.
Sometimes the only time we change is when it gets bad enough . Pain is a huge motivator .
Too little, too late
Agreed. For her, the pain of divorce looks more attractive than the pain of staying in it for one more year or minute with him. He should take that as feedback.
The women can communicate and communicate and try to communicate and fix and address and every time the man is caught off guard and doesn’t understand. I hear this time and time again and actually had a male friend go through the same thing. He acted like it was out of left field.
Exactly but this could very well happen for men too. I personally know what it is like to try to explain the same thing over and over and in different ways to where it gets to a point where there's nothing more to say. At that point it is up to the receiving person to make an effort to understand, address the issue and make the necessary changes, if and only if, they see their partner as a priority. However, he mentioned being depressed so perhaps he didn't have the energy to do so which is understandable.
@@rayneh4092 Depression is treatable, it doesn't sound like he tried to get help.
@@marycarricaburu3683 It absolutely is treatable but only if that person is willing to seek help. You cannot help someone that isn't willing to help themselves.
In my experience the men tell themselves that shutting wife down will shut her up, not make her file for divorce. Surprise!
When a woman goes "I'm done done done" she's tried everything and tired of the lack of progress.
The only reason he wants to save his marriage is because he doesn't want to be alone.
He wants to hold onto this emotional punching bag
Probably because he knows she's nothing special but once he's alone for awhile he will realize how much she sucked at being a wife.
Weird that John didn't pick up on that...
The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference.
Just sign the papers and move on for your own sake.
Whoa 😦
I really hate when people say It came out of no where. 9 times out of 10 . They Said it 4667776777 times you never listened . And that's your real problem right there.
They call it “nagging” 🤦♀️
Bahahahaha 😂 i love the number of times u chose...im cryin'
Apparently , this is a typical case of: you don’t know what you have until you lose it!
Not really... Once this finalizes and he's alone he will be just fine. She didn't seem like a prize.
He doesn't know what he looses still, because he talks like he wants back anybody, he doesn't want to be alone, and not just misses exactly her!
The one initiating the divorce often see's freedom in what he/she is doing and that's a powerful motivator.
She probably realized in therapy that he would never deconstruct and rectify his issues. She was DONE.
I told my married sons that a woman needs to hear over and over again that they are loved . We need to be reminded that our husbands love us .
If they even do. :(
And this is precisely why marriage isn't worth it. If you have to be affirmed constantly, then you have too much baggage and too many problems that I can't solve.
Grow up . If u can’t be sure ur husband love u then stay single.
Actions speaks louder than words .
@@redpillfreedom6692men need sexual affirmation. Women need emotional affirmation. The desire for that doesn’t cease.
I cried and begged my husband to be kinder and less angry. No change on his part. This went on for years,
I finally told him wanted a divorce. He told everyone I never gave him a second chance. My response is that I gave him a thousand second chances.
True, same with me!
You're about to start all over because you think the relationship is about you. You bring the peace as a woman and he brings the lifestyle. Women are so lazy. Stop it and think who ask you to be their wife.
Same here 😢😮
I feel this in my soul. I’m so sorry. 😞
Same.
I had dealt with depression for about a year and I started doing 10 minute gratitude prayers every couple of days and it’s like something just switched on in my brain and I was no longer depressed. Just like that it’s like I was back to my old happy go lucky self.
It’s almost as if my brain just got used to seeing the negative side of everything and I just had to remind myself that things are actually pretty good even when they’re bad. We all have so much to be grateful for.
Wow I really want to try this. How long did it take to start noticing changes?
@@rachelann724 I think it took a couple weeks. At first it felt very forced but eventually came easier. It felt kinda sarcastic at first and I really had to grit my teeth to get through it but eventually I started to believe the things I was saying I was thankful for in my heart. It was like my brain knew I should be thankful for certain things but my heart didn't get it, but these gratitude prayers moved it from my brain to my heart and that's when I actually started to feel different.
Another thing that was life changing was speaking up for myself more. I would be very quiet and "polite" in all my relationships (parents, spouse, in-laws, co-workers) for fear of making people uncomfortable by telling them the truth of what I really thought and felt about things. I felt trapped and boxed in. So it took a little practice but I started working on speaking up for myself and representing my thoughts and feelings better and this also helped with the depression because I felt like I had been set free since my voice was being heard, understood and accepted. And even if people don't agree with everything I say, it's not my responsibility to manage other peoples emotions. Letting go of that burden was like taking off a 100lb backpack. I felt free to just be myself and stopped being so in my head about every little thing I did or said.
Hope this helps!
I do the same I cry out to God and try to be thankful for the things I do have. God loves a thankful heart don’t ever give up on him.
@@Pauwwhh amazing comment. He loves us when we reach out and God truly truly does love a thankful and grateful heart
This worked for me too! My worst ever depressive episode it got me out of it winter 2019
"Best thing in my universe" said right after admitting to being a liar, a bully, and devaluing your wife every chance you got. You dont have depression...you got NPD.
When a man says she is my everything, it's a very dangerous time for her. Men tend to flip out and sometimes threaten violence.
Lmao gaslighting to the maximum
@slee2695 Really? My 1st hubby tried to kill me multiple times, would track me down at hotels & women safe houses and drag me back home. You have no idea how scary it is to divorce someone that you love, and they 'own' you. They're capable of anything. It's only by the grace of God that I got away, as such is the story of many women.
That is so true!!! Learned it on a hard way. Abused once, he pushed me onto the wall. I said if he does it again anyhow, I leave. He did.
And I learned that after the first, there will be further!!! So never again say, if it will be again! I leave after the first time.
Guess what!!! When I was packing he called his mom, and he said exactly this: "I don't know why she is leaving, it was out of nowhere!!!"
Once I visited the lawyer, investigated custody laws, I was done with him. I didnt owe him squat by then. A year earlier he became a different person after 23 years together. I tried to find out what was wrong but he wouldnt talk to me. I cornered him and told him therapy for us so we could fix whatever as wrong. He told me NO WAY. I gave him 30 days to reconsider or I was taking our daughter and leaving. He said GO. I checked back with him a month later. He still says NO. So he didnt want the marriage or our child. I followed through and he was dating all over the internet before we saw the judge. He had a woman in our house the day we divorced. He serial dated and was remarried within five years. I adore my daughter but I wish I had never married him. He was a liar and a secret keeper.
A lot of women have the same story. I'm one of them. At least we got away.
Got to love how you took away YOUR daughter... Funny how that works.
@@randybobandy9828well since 2 people make a kid 2 people can say your
I've been through a lot in life, but nothing could have prepared me for the absolute agony and excruciating pain of divorce. Even though I enjoy my new life and have great friendships and my business, I think I'll always have some grief over it. I don't know how it's so commonplace, it's horrendously painful.
I felt the exact same way when I went through my divorce.
Totally agree! It's especially hard when you want to make it work but the other spouse has decided he/she is done and won't work for it.
@@thundersnow93 I think it's even more sad when people stay together for years and years and live in separate rooms separate lives
I’m going through this exact thing now. I truly does feel like a death.
💔💔💔💔
This is so sad. This happens so frequently with men and women. When a woman is done, she's done. You had 5 years before, when she was begging you to talk to her and go to therapy. The times you said you'd change but didn't. Now, that she is done, the man panic and tries to fix it. Too little, too late
It's so obvious you were in a relationship where the guy you loved didn't care about you. 😂 I wonder why, you're insufferable.
I'm not buying the victim card he's trying to play.
This is a perfect example of when someone says you need to love yourself completely before you love someone else.
11:00 and beyond is why he is a L O S E R and why his wife divorced him. bullying, smothering, and hundreds of empty promises? sounds like a catch.
Yes, he has issues. Hopefully, he learns from this and doesn't do the same in his next relationship.
People never seem to try until it’s too late. What about all the time in between. ?
That's a great point! When the storm comes and destroyed everything! The bible verse said " wise man who built his house on the rock like a foolish man who built his house on sand. (Matthew 7:24-26).🙏
My ex said I left him for no reason. He had emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me for years.
I feel that the guys almost never see it coming. Wife cries for help and the guys think they’re fine .
Truth. Speaking from experience
In my experiences, the woman will tell everyone and their mother about their problems, except to the person that they're having the problems with. Then they wonder why things never changed, or got any better.
@@HazmatFatCat In my experience, if women are singing like a canary, it is because their approach hasn't worked with their partner and they're mining through story sharing for other ways to break through. We do this a lot with friends and family when we start to sense the emotional fork in the road.
@@HazmatFatCat they tell everyone because they told their man and he wouldn’t listen . It become a broken record . And if they’re not dealing with what you’re dealing with, it doesn’t affect them .
@@rebeccaoprea9917 yes!! 💯
She’s probably giving you mixed feelings because she feels bad and is hoping you figure it out yourself she’s done. Or giving you time to accept it. You need to learn to move on and live on your own.
Women leave 1,000 times mentally before we officially do it physically. She was drowning and the center of his universe went ignored or likely brushed off as nagging until she said she was
"Done DONE."
*She likely found someone new who tells her what she needs to and makes her feel special just for sex. Once he's done with her he'll tell her to return to husband if she's looking for love. Marriage is only for a select few privileged individuals. Many people think they qualify but they don't. I'm married but I understand that if God can't make a woman happy, what makes you think you're better than God.
@@standground8284Poor man 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I wanted to pitty you, but you're just a joke 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
She was done done when she actually went to a lawyer
She’s done brother. There is no denying the fact she is silent. Keep it real
It was like that with my ex husband… I tried to talk to him, ask to see a counselor. But it was too late. I left him due to his drinking begged him to get help. Unfortunately, with alcoholism, he must reach rock bottom when he admits he’s got a problem. I left him. And then realizes I meant it. I moved on right away.
The caller owned up to a lot. If the divorce happens, he should utilize this time to get himself healthy, better himself and live his best life!
Oh
He should've seen it coming..
And, he clearly is hiding a lot. The way he dodges those questions.
I dare you to read the mind of the person you have an intimate relationship. It's a myth to think he "should have known" how she felt. Maybe she told him but he didn't hear. Maybe she decided someone else was more interesting and she's leaving to be with that person. Both people will have to process the end of this marriage, not just him.
Why are you so suspicious of him? Maybe he is like a lot of men who aren't that good with emotional intimacy but will always be a solid, faithful guy. The likely scenario is that she found a new man and decided it's good enough to leave her husband.
@@thundersnow93 they might not be good because they are not thought to be emotionally intelligent
@@thundersnow93 He is probably emotionally constipated and leaving her in the cold and only sees sex as intimacy. Maybe one of those guys who expects his wife to do all the social activities he wants but makes any of the activities she likes really unpleasant.
@@thundersnow93 in your every comment on this video you've suggested that shes cheating. Please dont project your experience onto others when theres been no indication of that from the call
Divorce sucks but if your partner no longer wants to be with you, you need to let her go. Believe me, it's hard for her too, but it's even harder for her to be with someone she no longer loves. Let her go, separate your assets evenly, keep it civil, and move on. It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new chapter of your life.
That's the coward's way. You have to fight and try to make it work. She made a commitment to be with you. We fall in and out of love all the time. Learn to work through these things. Don't just "let her go"
Arguments turning into a silence is a sign it’s approaching to an end
She is softening? Because she feels sorry for you now. Next is disrespect. Don’t push it. He is out of reality. She’s been out of this marriage for years.after divorce they will both find new friends and new loves. He is suffering because he caused this and he knows it.
They don’t have to have new loves. Polyamory doesn’t fix a broken heart for all people.
If he wants her back, he needs to Man up and be her partner in life and share the work it takes to thrive. If she sees real change and he takes responsibility for his part in the Marriage, they could make it. Otherwise, she will continue moving forward in the divorce process.
Wow when you put it like that she really is a POS.
She’s the center of my Universe? Wrong! Don’t ever put a person on that pedestal! They will break your heart! Loving is one thing, dependence is another!
My husband recently told me that I am the most important person in his life. The dependence label hits home.
Im vonfused. I thought womenhated needy men. Lol
Best response here. He spoke that into existence and gave her God like power over him ti break his world with her absence. Hopefully he go soul searching
@@Flash3-22well who should be the most important person to him? That isn't the same as dependence. Unless you have kids that obviously makes sense.
@@randybobandy9828 himself. Because if you are dead you can't love someone else anyway so you prioritize your own self first. She can saddle her own horse. Now once I have done mine and you need help I will be right there to help.
I would like to hear from her perspective why after they started therapy sessions she still wants to proceed.
Something in those sessions clicked in her head to realize the relationship wasn't what she wanted.
For me it was a chance to combat the inevitable “Well did you try therapy?”
Because it allows her attorney time to get all the papers in order. The husband wastes time trying to salvage the relationship while her and the lawyer are prepping to take everything.
@@abark the husband should have been trying to salvage the relationship before it got to this. He is so disconnected it isn't even funny.
She lost respect for him probably. Once that happens it’s doomed
Hopefully he won't jump out there and start dating, as many divorced men do...he will end up using an innocent woman as his therapist/security blanket
Oh shut up... Quit trying to make the man the bad guy
This dude.. called in to make himself feel better., I can’t feel the remorse
It is most definitely like a death. You have no control, no way to stop it when they are determined to leave. For me losing my best friend is the hardest part. But yes a death it is! Death of a relationship that you devoted you life, dreams and future to. For me, God has given me hope and strength to walk through the grieving of it. So hard, but remember the relationship died, not you. You must carry on and discover who you are outside the relationship and keep your dignity and continue to love yourself and others.
No, I think it's worth than a death. I see people lose their life-long partner to a death and it's sad and tragic when it happens earlier than expected. However, when your lifelong partner CHOOSES to reject you (esp. for another lover), then it hurts even more, IMO.
Women don’t need marriage anymore…I would rather live alone and be single than take care of another baby…
Maybe if you acted like she was the center of your universe she would feel appreciated, wanted, and respected. Come on, men…stop treating wives like roommates and jobs/friends like a girlfriend.
Women want a man on a mission they don't want to be the center of your life that's bad advice
No man should ever make his woman feel like the center of the universe... Women abuse that power Everytime and take advantage
BTDT and survived. The spouse/partner who leaves usually has emotionally checked out weeks, months or years before they physically hit the door. That's why the person whose left is often surprised. I would tell him to get a good divorce attorney and make sure he knows his rights and responsibilities, find a good therapist to talk to and start processing the rejection, and close all joint accounts so that neither party can abuse them during the divorce process. I wish him luck. He'll survive but it's going to hurt.
Also, freeze his credit. No surprise new credit cards, loans, etc.
Unfortunately, his marriage hit the magic 10-year mark, so she is entitled to half of everything. That's probably why the divorce papers were timed when they were. From my experience and research, men don't have many rights when it comes to divorce, esp. with kids involved. [He should be SO relieved that no childern are involved!] It doesn't matter who may have cheated or been wronged -- if the man made the most money over the years, then he will be the one to pay up. That happened to me even though my ex-wife was the one who cheated. It's a sad fact these days.
@@thundersnow93 The 10 year mark is for alimony. You're entitled to half pretty much as soon as you get married.
Wowow, I really love how you handled this situation!! So much grace, compassion, & tact!! By far the best response I’ve seen thus far - loving your growth Dr. John 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Dr John im so nervous about that open bottle of water next to your laptop
Lol...I was thinking the same thing. The Ramsey IT Department is probably nervous too. 😂
Woah nice catch very nerve wracking
It's like Ayn Rand said: Unfair deals never last.
Why can’t people except the fact that people are DONE!
Whenever your universe revolves around a human it can be unhealthy. My husband and I were married for 11 years before we adopted kids and it sometimes is necessary to have other things separate as far as interests and fulfilling interests together to be mentally healthy as it's easy to become co dependant and complacent in marriage. He seems a bit disconnected, but it's nice to hear he understands his issues.
Me: where are you taking me?
Him: for granted!
You won’t most real life comment today 😂
You aren't special that's why
Oh please! He knew that he was on that bs and she is fed up! Always wanting to try after you done piled up stupid ish! Bye!
This man probably never paid attention to this woman & she got tired of it. I totally get it. He probably was more into his work instead of her, and always doing what he wanted and not's what she wanted.
She has the mind of a child if she needs attention to be happy. He'll be better off without her.
@@jilogarcia5979 nothing wrong with wanting attention and desire from your husband
@jilogarcia5979 ditto for her. Clueless yourself, being together and ignored is worse than being alone.
They say neglect is worse than physical abuse.
@Jilo Garcia dumb comment that. Marriage is not supposed to be one sided misery, bet ya he had double standards.
Some people are oblivious 😐
Women divorce when he husband isn’t putting in the work.. doesn’t make her feel special anymore. Never stop dating her
when I finally divorced my ex he had done so much and I think he thought I would not leave him. Then he got mad and is remarried and bitter that I divorced him.
What does the guy get in return?
@@slee2695a happy wife!
@@slee2695 Children, food on the table, someone who cooks and brings home flowers. Women still do the majority of household chores despite the majority of women working full time.
And what work is the woman putting in? 😂
She's being nice to you and you think that means she might want to be married to you, after all? Yikes.
Maybe because that's her husband
I was emotionally divorced for at least a year before I physically left. Guys stop taking your wife for granted. If you can't check in with her and stay connected like it was at the beginning every single day, and yes it takes work, then gradually little by little the foundation will erode. And then you'll wonder why. Be her rock, her safe place to fall emotionally, mentally, physically. You have to be mindful in marriage. They need to sort themselves out before marriage. If anyone has problems before marriage they'll only exacerbate after. I learnt that the hard way
Sir, theres a song " when a woman's fed up , theres no way out of it". Usually by then its over. Speaking from my experience, it took me years but one day i was done.
Could be the best thing happened to him,. He is starting to waking up, meditate, think about himself and others.
Losing the dead weight that is his wife. She clearly was no good for him, he just doesn't know it.
It took my husband filing for divorce before I left. I had resigned myself to be a married nun. I had moved on in my heart I just didn't have the guts to file. I wish I'd had the self esteem to file years before. I am so much happier now and I'm so grateful.
Never chase a woman who is pulling away. It'll lead to contempt.
And a restraining order. 😋
I was in the same situation as this guy.. 3 years later I am greatful for the experience. It all comes down to being on the same page and thats a tricky thing to do. Hope the best. Cheers
Looking to get married in the next couple of years do you have any advice on trying to stay on the same page?
Nah dude you always see it coming you just convinced yourself that you were not seeing it. I know is hard but move on, when papers are served there is no going back.
If a friend brings you taco bell, that is not a friend.
But if they were going to counseling I could see why he was surprised. She was pretty much telling him that she wants to work things out. He does seem oblivious though.
@@anneshirley95 Many people start therapy once they're past the point of no return, though. Maybe that's when she realized that she was officially done.
Actually, you can heal a marriage after the papers are served. In this guy's case they were the wake up call that something was wrong. If his wife really values their marriage and wants to stay this is the juncture to do the work and not follow through with the divorce. If they are a Bible believing couple then they should pause long enough to see a marriage counselor and put everything on the table. It's better to do that and then decide to proceed with the divorce than not.
When a wife is done, we are done!!!
Sounds like it’s been brewing for a long time… Let her go..
I feel badly for both of them. Divorce doesn't happen in a vacuum. Good luck to both.
Foster a rescue pet. Volunteer helping old people or children
What John is saying so resonates with me and is such sound and wise advice.
A woman doesn't just want a divorce out of the blue. What is he doing
Or what is he not doing ?