From what I have witnessed Narcissists lecture/narrate - they don't listen and for that matter they don't really talk to people either. When I was attending college, my mother called me and rambled on for a while. I needed to quickly get something out of another room so I quietly put the phone down on my bed and left. Unfortunately I have ADD and completely lost track of time. About 40 minutes later I came back into the room and panicked as soon as I saw the phone lying on the bed. As I got closer I could hear my mother still speaking. You have to be rather self absorbed to not notice someone hasn't been on the phone with you for more than half an hour.
R Feyman , As a scapegoat, I have been isolated from my most of my family because of lies and slander. Some of them are all to willing to let that be, so that they aren't viewed as responsible for what they have done covertly. A simple polygraph would solve a lot of my problems. The family member that has lied about me (about dangerous things) most in recent years, was also lied to for years prior and was "created" through brainwashing. The family of a close friend of hers is partly responsible. They have "training" in this realm of control in their line of work. One of the other family members who was one of the originators in control of scapegoating me, also has training in this realm. They have managed to turn people against me by saying that I have said or done things I haven't said or done. They tell people I judge others simply for speaking up in self defense of what I KNOW and have HEARD them say about me that wasn't true. They seem to hate the fact that I have personal principles and standards that I like to live by. They have deliberately tried to create situations for me to break from them. I have been put through almost every form of abuse in order for them to frame me for things they did. All this being said, when you are isolated from others through lies and slander and abusive control, you do tend to feel bottled up and need times of speaking out to neutralize some of the negative things you hear. I do this regularly and give myself "therapy". I also pray and keep my boundaries in check.
My mom does the same thing she calls me to hear herself speak. She’ll ask for my opinion but it doesn’t matter because she’s already made up her own mind/she doesn’t really care about my opinion/she’ll say the opposite just to spite. I go into robot mode when I speak to her. And YES the theatrical way of responding to things I have witnessed over and over. She’s not conscious of her own self and is never really communicating or focused. Im not seen. Im not heard. What I want or do doesn’t matter. The only things that matter to them are the things they can use against you.
I wish I had watched this video months ago. Before I knew what to call this thing that was happening I confronted him. I told him I felt he was thought he was better than me, that he hated me and his he was not as moral as he professed to be. That mask didn't slip off. He yanked it off. He was always polite and shy - pure perfection. That night I got to see the real person. I knew what a narcissist was, but a covert narcissist trained in psychology is a true master of deception.
Mayra I am sorry you had to see narcissism first-hand like that. It's an awful thing to see. Your last sentence really rings true for me as my father is a narcissist and a practicing psychologist. Pathological to the core.
I had a deep distrust of counsellors/therapists when I was in high school because my narcissistic father is a "marriage and family therapist," a clinical psychologist. I always knew, even when I was young, that his way of speaking sometimes was just wrong, but I didn't know why exactly why until I was in my late teens and early twenties and really started exploring the topics of abuse and psychology.
Ask them,who are you talk to the core via projection nopersonal annecdotes just projection that mis their mind noddin awake and sleepy or aone that hits lie a ton of bricks self not the mask.Ido this to non aspd people,masks and personas i ignore.Omg i spook people who are insceure ,being fake on a serious note,playin a front,or lack self awareness ,my irl circles we sre all quite self aware and strong personalities,fake on serious note and beating around the bush annoy us
Covert narcs are tricky,as of now im ghosting my online female friend covert narc ex ,relaying her leverage so she canget full custody of kid ,he hlding kid as a control over her.He dosent suspect me of anything,im able to detect sub context and hidde under ander tone jabs sub contextual "whats not being said or implied and what it leads into.My intuition is very fine tuned,predicting future outcomes via subj ituition via subtle nuaned and pattrn based comes in handy
For me, the core of Narcissism is that their emotional development is that of a 4 or 5 year old child. I have a 4 year old that cannot be reasoned with when she wants something and I am denying it. The conversation with her is bewildering, her ONLY goal is getting what she wants. Now that I am becoming aware of all this, I have noticed that conversations with my EX when he wants something is EXACTLY like having a conversation with my 4 year old and it is because they are emotionally the same age. PS: Try Trooper for you next ringtone :)
Great comparison of narcissists & childlike behaviors, tantrums. The narc I've known throws huge fits when he doesn't get his way. These narc rages can last for hours...or days is he's "punishing" me by blame. Don't give in to a narc's tactics.
Gypsy Painter Absolutely spot on. I remember growing up with my narc father and realizing at an extremely young age that I had outgrown him. I finally accepted that he would never change when, during a rage, he got on his knees and pounded his fist on the floor. He was in his 50s, but looked like a 2 year old. I was quite small, but could tell that he was developmentally stunted beyond repair.
The saying "Im sorry u feel that way" In a cold ,no facial expressions,ambivalent ,emoinless neutral flat mono voice tone. Goodidea to ignore them too,ah a narc ignored,acting like dont exist even if they are talkng too uface to face lol and never given external validation for a month that be one totaly dead inside narc lol,their condition iscaused by being given praise for achievements but no emotional support or aid in development of emotional growth.
Yeah let them stew in their emotions,act like they dont exist even if they are 1 inch away from u screamin ya ear hand on ur shoulder lol,silient treatment kills them figurativley, i did to friends narc cousin he unexpectedly bought my place,when me and friend ate lunch i gave his cousin no food or water the entir time just acted he never existed the entire time.Lol
don't corner a Narcissist. well do it once and see if they actually are a Narcissist. Use their own logic while discussing with them, when they explode and go to places you have never seen a person go before. Walk away. Never talk to them again. Save yourself.
i put my ex narc into a corner when i confronted and exposed their behaviour after 14 yrs together.........after this they tried to suffocate me while i slept then trashed my business financially taking every penny they could steal.......after the break up the first thing they done was to buy themself a rolls royce to try convince everyone around them they were sucessful and i wasnt..........my advice to anyone is dont give them even 6 months of your life and dont be silly like myself giving them 14 years as they will destroy you..........they are the most secretive and manipulative people you will come across.......do not trust them 1 inch.
THey are masters of projection and if psychopathic, their vindicitiveness is off the scale. Be very careful with these people. Its best to choose distance if you can . Its no point fighting them. THey are better at the game than you and the battle is never over.
Agreed. I once made the mistake of telling a guy that he gave my gut a funny feeling and that I didn't feel I would build any trust with him, due to his inability to be open and honest. My oh my did he explode a fit of rage on to me. To this day some of our mutual friends are still standoffish with me....what story he told I will never know as I will never ask, but i would imagine the story got flipped around to me being the bad guy. Silent boundaries are best for sure.
I'm 52 and just now made the connection between Narcissism and my prick of a father....and the black hole I call my family. I've just called them toxic/poison all these years. Thank you SO MUCH for posting these videos. I cut all ties with the "fam" about 12 years ago. Then because of my daughters wedding, I let them back in about 18 months ago....OK that was fun. Going back to zero contact now :-) Funny, after years of zero contact I've learned that I am not the crazy one here. I feel normal when I keep them out. I feel like a puddle of nerves and a psychotic waste land when they are anywhere near me! Seriously don't have the energy for them anymore. Anybody out there feeling guilty for doing this to your family, DON'T FEEL GUILTY. It's a complete waste of time.
I have family members with NPD. Growing up amongst family with this, including parents, I have found to be akin to being brought up within a cult. I always knew something was different - actually more chaotic and stressful- within my family, but it took me years to put my finger on it. What I have come to realize, those with NPD have no ability to self-reflect. What they do instead is ask themselves - will this draw attention to me? - to just about every situation. It's the pure attention they seek, irregardless of the usefulness, the morality, the timing, etc.I believe this is the "seeing themselves in the second person" that you speak of. One phrase I have come to affiliate with NPD is "extension of myself". IMO, if you hear this from anyone close to you that has NPD - run, RUN as fast as you can in the other direction. I have heard this many times from my NPD parent. To those without the knowledge of NPD destruction, it sounds quaint, even loving. However, what I have experienced is that this phrase- used by the NPD towards someone close to them, often a child - ties that child to the glorification and beneficial furthering of the NPD as he/she relates to the world. Such a relationship completely severs from the child any of their own thoughts/dreams/aspirations. Their life then becomes doing everything that reflects well on the NPD - why? - because you are an extension of them and your behavior/dreams/accomplishments and total life needs to be tied up with theirs. ALWAYS - FOR EVERYTHING. It's good that NPD and all it's destructive effects is starting to be understood by more people. However, the NPD tactics can be so covert that people don't recognize them until it is too late. There needs to be much more education about NPD in all it's manifestations. Also, narcissistic victim syndrome (NVS) also needs to be better defined and recognized. With NVS, this is where you really find the problems caused by NPD.
I've been watching a ton of your videos lately. I was on the verge of a breakdown of sorts, dealing with my mother who, by any definition of the word, is a narcissist. When your alarm went off and you said, "Why is my alarm set for midnight? Because that's when I do my spells!", I honestly thought I was going to die from laughter. Thank you for all of information you share with us, and thank you for the silliness sprinkled throughout the serious shit. It was the first time I genuinely laughed all day. Thank you.
I caught my ex cheating via dating apps while at my house and I was so pissed off I impulsively confronted him knowing he was a narc. As soon as I asked him abt it he immediately ended the relationship saying “I can’t do this anymore!” I was so shocked that HE was breaking up with ME but I didn’t have any objections. I’m like “Its over??!! Fine. Don’t try to email me, call me, nothing after this. I’m done!” I was already used to him reappearing smh but this time he angrily agreed to never contact me again. It continued to blow up even further from there. He was yelling loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear that I’m crazy, broke, on section 8, calling me bitches. He even called the police on me....at my own house 🤦🏾♀️ . During the 3 years I dated him, before that day I never even heard his voice get loud. But THAT DAY, he ripped off that mask so quick when I confronted him. I was so embarrassed that he talked all that shit & tried to get me arrested 😡 just because he was feeling stupid. But he was caught I def didn’t want his ass anymore anyway! Good riddance! After over a year he reached out to me on Facebook like nothing happened. Pffft, I will never talk to him again because he’s fucking insane 💯 They will behave terribly and unexpectedly when confronted. Do so if you must but be smart about it. And be prepared to fight dirty. Also, DO NOT EVER TAKE THEM BACK. They will try to punish you for ruining their fake life.
Seriously, you are the best human ever. You should be paid just for being such an awesome human. Not a therapist... Cus they dont heal...humans heal humans.
I've just watched the first 3mins or so of this video and it really struck a chord with me. Its only over the past couple of days that I've really came to understand what Narcissism is, or at least I've understood it and never saw the correlation between what I've experienced and what it actually is. (If that makes sense.) I think a good analogy of what you are saying here is like someone playing a computer game. They are the ones committing the actions, but since they are only seeing it on a screen, they feel no personal attachment to their actions, they are always seeing it in the second person. And also they're always striving to get to the next level. No matter what the cost. They're probably the first ones to throw their controller at the TV if they get shot in "Call Of Duty." I'm glad I've came across your videos, because they define things I've seen and experienced on a daily basis, but never knew how to put a handle on what the problem was.
Hahaha, this was hilarious. Great information with spontaneous humor. When you expose or confront a narcissist, make sure you are prepared for unpredictable responses which might include violence. These people are machines bent on getting their way and keeping their cover and without any regards for what they have to do to shut you up. I have had a narcissist in my life for 13 years now. They are not equipped with compassion, reason, empathy and the ability to feel remorse. And they will never change, never. Best thing to do it, get away as far as possible. Cut off communication or keep it to a minimum, As long as they are alive and a part of your family, they will come up with all kinds of drama, so stay away as much as possible. And drop the hope, because they will never love you, they simply don't know how and can't learn. Sorry if it sounds negative, but it's the truth. Peace.
What should a person do when it's their family member and they are a drunken Narc strangler? They know I'm packing heat but... for anyone else reading this, if you have an abuser call the cops, don't regret it like I have.
Americans are naive? I'm one. Here you have all these videos about narcissism and you don't realize Americans from childhood are groomed on narcissism. "We are the BEST!, We are the GREATEST!, We are EXCEPTIONAL!" It's sickening when you have to grow up and realize this is not normal. Or true. Like you say, there's good things about Americans and our ideals. But you missed the national narcissism. Do some research and get back with us. I also have a mother born here from Italian immigrants. I've noticed all Italians, okay not all, but MOST, are BI-POLAR drama queens. In addition to their own Catholic narcissism, Roman civilization narcissism, etc.. This whole world needs medical help. But it won't get it. You just have to take care of your own health. That's all you can do. Even when it's not enough, it's all you can do.
Americans or Italians? Haha! But I know what you mean. Either one will/can get you in a bad argument. But the Italians will cry. :D And just look at these comments. You make one little comment about Americans and you get dozens of replies about it. Something's wrong. Do you think Canadians would do that if you said their bacon wasn't the GREATEST bacon? :D I crack myself up!
It's a very gaslit country, very heavily marketed to. But so is the UK now, we aren't far behind. We don't allow adverts for anti depressants on the tv... yet.
I confronted my narc sister about the fight she and her husband started at my (registrar) wedding and she went ballistic. (They hate and despise the truth) and she blamed me for ruining her husbands bowling day.. since that was my wedding day! YEAH! bowling is more important than your sisters wedding, but not only did she get pissed she told her kids not to talk to me anymore.. Narcs are so good at "getting you back".
Yep my golden child narc half sister decided that bc I wouldn't be angry at my niece and treat her bad like she wanted me to (and our malignant narc mother did *without question!*) she wasn't going to let me be around any of my three nieces again. I dont even remember what my niece had said to upset her. It made no sense to me. My niece had already been punished lectured and was still grounded. I wasn't going to go visit with her and give her a cold shoulder or treat her badly as her mother our mother and her stepfather were already and had already been engaged in that behavior towards her for literally DAYS. My narc mother didn't understand I had to explain to her WHY I refused to mistreat my poor niece and why it wasn't right to be upset and cold to her simply bc she had upset my sister. I had to explain to my mother that my niece had done nothing TO UPSET ME and I wasn't going to run with that narrative. Though my mother is a malignant narc, even she realized that she could not argue with my logic, of course this just caused injury to my golden child covert narc half sister and made her more angry. This was just one exchange in a family FULL - ABSOLUTELY FULL - of narcs I mean DOZENS. I've been 100% no contact with all of them since my son was born and many for years before. They are crazymaking!!!
Wow that sounds like hell. I have a few narcs in my family but not that bad... but I do have a ton of narc "friends" I am trying to distance myself from and wasted many years of my life on my narc exes... so I relate to a lot of this. I feel like most of my adult friendships or relationships have been with narcs and I am trying to distance myself from them and meet new people who are not...
It's terrible. I have a very unique way of dealing with people bc of the dozens of narcs I grew up around. I just really do not put up with any funny stuff and I can spot and see through narcs right away. The thing is, narcs really do breed narcs, so my family is going for several generations strong. Every single cousin of mine was raised by narcs so they all have narcissism now they are raising their children badly creating another generation of narcs. I see no end to the madness. No contact is the only way that I can live. I'm determined to break the cycle with my own family. Never will my own children be treated the way that I was treated. There is my happy ending. :)
I have not one happy memory of my childhood,,except when I was alone. I learned one thing. never be dependent on anyone,,unless its very safe..Family are not safe for me..ever..I hear you. My sister would actually brag to my brother about never having called me on the phone.."why should she"?
There is one advantage about confronting a narcissist directly: he will no longer be capable of showing off his "good front" to you, so the scales will fall from your eyes for good and you will realize what he really is like. If you still fall into his or her trap after a direct confrontation, you're beyond help.
I started calling out my narcissistic ex over her bs and turned the tables and she FLEW OFF THE HANDLE! I went through the crazy discard and smear within days.
I just found your videos today, but I'm binge watching them now. Everything you say fits my dad exactly. After 17 years of dealing with his abuse I've finally stood up for myself and I'm not letting him get away with his manipulation and all of the horrible shit he's put my family through and I'm distancing myself from him. Once I was finally pushed over the edge and said enough is enough, it's just been so liberating.
When a narcissist targets you is the only time you may feel you need to target back but this is when you start watching them like you would a TV program and then forget about it.
Yep, this is the key. Just observe like it's just a thing that's happening in front of you, then get on with your day. If you can find it within yourself to be slightly amused at how ridiculous they are, even better,
One part of the mind is for watching the narc show, and the other is used as the cutting room floor (selective memory). I suspect not a small number of them will, while gaslighting you, also gaslight themselves; convince themselves they weren't being the bad guy...
Absolutely. My ex would be TERRIBLE to friends of mine she didn’t like, but it was primarily time and attitude based rather than what she actually said, so she’d convince herself she was completely polite
honestly,you have the best analysis of narcissism compared to others on here, probably because you dont have that wounded victim complex they tend to have(reasonable for the abuse they have suffered) They give good points, but you can tell that they are still hanged up and ruminating on it.
SPARTANLIFECOACH your the best narcissist coach... the rest seem like they witch hunt a little bit... they remind me of the people who insisted I was delusional and that I was schitsofranic.. at this point I have shaken that label....
SPARTANLIFECOACH I'm american and at a point I actually thought that america was cursed before... for the same reason... never heard anyone else say that...
I've noticed if you try to dish back what they dish out, they either play the victim or seek revenge. Example: An ex friend of mine would correct everything I said or wrote, even if I was sharing a personal story. His anecdotal experience would somehow always trump mine. If I attempted to correct him on anything, he'd act like I was attacking him or start sarcastically implying I was stupid. He would write super long responses, at least 4 or 5 paragraphs, to articles I linked on social media about dealing with abuse or sexists or anything I had actual experience with, and it was anecdotal along with accusing me of generalising, even if I pointed out boldly "this refers to SOME men, NOT all men". BUT, it was perfectly fine for him to make "jokes" that generalised women, or to refer to women as crazy, psycho, irrational, emotional, etc. I posted a link about childrearing, I forget what it was about exactly, but it resonated with my childhood and how I raise my own children. He, having no children, said it was wrong. (Not flat out, but the response was that the idea was wrong and that his idea was more effective). His had so many ideas, yet no actual experience, yet he was always right. After awhile, I stopped making disclaimers. After dealing with the behaviors for so long, I said "You know what? If it doesn't apply to you, it's not about you! If you think it's about you, maybe your conscience is telling you something!". He became sooooo mad with that. He defended his right to be defended and even became defensive because I, supposedly, implied he was being defensive. You can't win. They bring machine guns to a game of paintball.
Thank you so much for the video. Your sense of humor, your "rambling, " and your unique perspective was quite refreshing. I look forward to seeing more in the future.
Sigh, from America, I just love your humor and insight into NPD's... I am the black sheep and my older brother is the golden child- A while back I sent an email to both my father and my dad saying I wanted no further contact, since they both seem to thrive when they say mean, nasty and untrue things to me and about me. It has been a wonderful thing not talking with them-- I feel more sane and confident-- I got to enjoy a family Christmas gathering without all the drama and angst. So, please keep sharing, your humor and your insightful suggestions for how to do life better!
Your videos have been a big help to me for a long time. I went to nine therapists with my son. There are a lot of incompetent therapists. I believe open dialogue therapy and parental alienation syndrome psychosis awareness are real zeitgeist. Richard grannon is a real trailblazer.
Shout out from Kenya! Your humour sure helps in accepting the grave reality of living with n later (hopefully) leaving a narcissist ,with a little less anger. I would know! Asante.
I confronted my parents as a calm adult after they babysat my 9yo son and he came home w scratches on his back. They became enraged on the phone, my mom the narc was silent... My dad the enabler went aggressive, rage, I could hear him grit his teeth. I then realized at that point I remembered that "dad."
I think by second person perspective you might mean they revere themselves in a certain way. An inner message that says, "Nobody is going to get one up on me. I mean nobody." That's how one person I know is. And she created an elaborate system with her family whereby nobody challenges her illusions of superiority. She is the ultimate authority. She has scapegoats and minions. And bullies. It is all to preserve this elaborate system where she is queen. The scapegoats take the sin of the family, the minions reflect her greatness and the bullies purge the family of self recrimination by laying it on the scapegoats for her. That way the detached view of herself is preserved. It's all illusory. In her mind. And people scramble to make it happen. Amazing. But she must be worshipped, protected and have ultimate control. Or her second person view of her own greatness might have vulnerabilities.
Thanks for your videos, really fun and helpful. It's nice to know some people know what this is and don't just label you are "crazy" . People around me really had no clue and so enabled or supported the abuser. It was really tough.
i thank you Mr Spartan. I never knew what this was! My mother would explode with fury and rage and slap us and hit us when we was kids. We never knew why. But when my mother and my sister n i was at the grocery store, she would be sweet and pretty to strangers that complimented us. My sister was so beautiful, and my mother destroyed her. i am exhausted. my sister picks the most narcisst men, I just thought they were assholes.. My mother was so beautiful and I could never understand why. my beautiful sister is living now on the street now. i hate my mother. We never fought back besause we loved herI wish i would have called the police when she was screaming and hitting us, her eyes would get dialted and evil..The guilt is so horrible. I should have punched her down to the ground, but i didnt. i live with the horror of that almost every day
Thank you for the video. It makes a lot of sense! My sister is a literal textbook narcissist, who is very mean and has gotten very violent and aggressive when I confronted her. I find your videos very helpful when it comes to coping with such abusive behavior. She likes to exploit and belittle people around her, and she believes that she is entitled to being treated better than anyone else. Thank you for the information!
Just WOW at your message as a whole. The comfort you bring in your delivery along with the surprisingly added bonus of the male perspective is right on! Your new fan, Marie
America is definitely narcissistic. Not just community wise-- the country itself. The way we buy tons of weapons to defend against imaginary enemies that threaten our awesome-tastic way of life. As much as I love living here, it's hard to. It's a very self-absorbed nation. Great nation. Just very self-absorbed. Don't feel sorry about that. You're absolutely correct.
Agree with all your points but, as an American who grew up abroad, I don't think I'll ever 'love living here'. Wish i could reach that stage, but my true sense of comfort lies across the pond...although I do really like NYC. I wonder why so many of his clients are 'Yanks'?
+tahiyamarome Self Sufficient. It does not have to be total Autarky but you don't want a Tyrant to have total control over your life. You would be surprised how many people who ask nothing of others care for so many. These are the key people that hold what is society together. These are not Narcissists and they never could be Psychopaths.
You make an excellent point about the perspectives of Narcissists. I agree because a key component to Narc maintenance is on the ability to present an image, especially an image the Narc can control. What better way to do this than to pretend to be someone else? This way, the rejection of the image is never harmful to the self, because the true self is always hidden. A Narc I knew admitted he pretended to be me in a job interview. At first, I was flattered. Then, I realized he only told me so that if he hadn't gotten the job, it would not have been his fault....He was, of course, just playing me.
I wish I had been more aware before I got into a very dangerous marriage and got stuck in it for years! At least I’m aware now and will avoid these types at all costs! Thanks Richard
Once I tried a tactic on my husband: I simply said to him that he was right, I was all that he said and that I needed his help to change,...WOW! A reaction! He was SO confused, like, all happy and even so, not. Very surprised and confused. He actually sat down saying " you really mean that, don't you!" "I'm so happy that you really understand"...all bright and cheery! Until I told him that , "No!" I just wanted to see how he would react..Obviously he got furious, but, if he was going to shout at me for 3 days, he may as well have "a reason" right? He also had a habit of starting fights just before having a shower, so prancing his 460 lbs around while shouting at me, he would suddenly say "Why is it that I'm always naked when we're fighting?" "It's really uncomfortable!" So I yanked my clothes of and just took up listening to his continued shouting. What the hell do I care: clothed or naked, words don' t hurt less or more! So, he would start crying ""You DO understand me, I really feel that you understand me"! ....No, dude, I DON"T! Nakedness just doesn't bother me that much.
I was raised by a narcissist father and became the scapegoat. My entire family hates me. Then I married a narcissist. My life is destroyed and I'm rebuild. This is some difficult and painful stuff.
Very Well said. I wonder how many people did exactly just that BEFORE they watched your video. I urge everyone to watch this video sooner rather, than later.
My partner would turn into THE HULK when I confronted him with what i thought was COMMON SENSE, he'd turn bright red and say "YOURE MAKING ME VERY ANGRY" and he'd get really shaky. I never understood why b/c what I was saying would be considered so basic to anyone else, but apparently it screwed up his fantasy world of being oblivious to other people feelings. SO THANKS FOR POSTING THIS B/C NOW I FEEL VALIDATED!
I adore you. You were so much fun in this video... I mean, I truly value your work in a serious capacity, but I have so much fun with your authenticity when you just let what is, be. I laughed along with you in this one.
OMG....You are hysterical. Listening to your humor regarding these stupid idiots has helped me laugh during this realization that I've pissed away 23 years with a Narc.
I have always said that you have to deal with people on a psychological way they can manage. I got rid of my Narc in way that he felt like he did it. I’m truly on cloud nine about it ♥️♥️♥️
I was his hit of coke.... he stuggled to keep me for 3 years... he discarded me 9 times... but kept coming back.... I know he was coming back for the feelings I had for him ... he knew I loved him.... and he was addicted to my love... not because he loved me... but because I loved him... no one had loved him..... he told me that.... ' no one has loved me like you do'....and he couldn't keep me... he sabotaged the relationship and blamed me for it.😢😢😢😢
Richard, this has to be one of your top comical videos - although I haven't seen all of your videos, this one, by far, is very informative, but absolutely hilarious. Watch it again and laugh! Thanks for the tension-reliever.....you're indeed one of a kind!
A couple of points I'd like to express my appreciation for are first, thanks for putting in a good word for us Yanks and second, for sharing your insights about how best to deal with a narcissist. I seem to have an entire classroom of them, not just one but a majority and they blow my mind. I'm teaching outside the US. True but what I've learned from your vids has certainly changed how I deal with 15-6 of them, all in one room. It's brutal. ! Nonetheless, I particularly liked the way you put it that's it's as if they are watching themselves in a movie they star in and direct and I'm typecast as a suppoting actor. Legends in their own minds. LOL Thanks from a Yank
Yes, I strongly believe that there is trauma at the root of narcissism. The sheer dissociation that is common with narcissism in the form of not understanding the pain they inflict; it must be some sort of armor they've put on, or learned to put on, starting from an early age to fend against attacks (most likely from parents)!
Stumbled upon your video as a recommendation and you seriously had me laughing so hard--no small thing after narcissistic abuse! 4 points: Glad you don't have time for crack, I won't go "full frontal" ever again, our country is cursed because of the Native American killings and for the one non-humorous thing--thanks for talking about something so important and hard for most to understand!
your videos have been such a great help to me, my friend Kier introduced me to your page , have been dealing with on and off again partner who is a HS teacher, and total textbook NPD.. insane! .. thank you again for being who you are appreciate your work immensely
Wow. Great videos. I just stumbled across you! You make a whole lot of sense. Going through a narcissistic long distance relationship for nearly 7 years. This has been so eye opening. Your videos are helping me tremendously. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You're hilarious. You make learning about narcissistic abuse actually kind of fun, until I remember what bloodsucking vultures some narcissists are but... You bring real lightness and humor to a dark subject. Thank you for all that you do.
I love your videos btw they are very insightful and your funny. I do believe everyone is selfish to a certain degree...but these people took selfishness to the head. they took it and ran all the way around the world with it. im obsessed with this subject now that the blinders had fallen off my eyes bc ive been involved with a npd for a long time to the point now i am playing back my life and literally i swear i feel like ALMOST everyone i know is a narc. and from time to time i am asking myself if i became one too. it scares me to think that i have picked up some traits from being with this person for so long. But back to what i was going to say, so i believe that the reason these people get so offended when you bring up a flaw in them that is hurting you, is possibly bc in their eyes these "flaws" are not just flaws.....but WHO THEY ARE. Like these traits that we see as flaws..they see as apart of who they are. So its like someone you care about comes to you and says..listen i really need to talk to you about something, i need you to stop being caring and stop believing in God and to stop having a sense of humor. You would look at that person like they had two heads on their shoulders and would get offended bc they are attacking ur inner core of what your all about..its what makes you YOU. And bc these nut jobs dont ever feel bad about anything they do, is bc they have done it for so long it is them now. these traits are not flaws to them. it is in fact their true character, IT IS THEM. Dont tell them to change who they are or say who they are is wrong. And the whole seeing themselves in 2nd person is so crazy and true. They will be deep in thought and u ask them and they will sit there and tell you they were thinking of a security alarm and how that thought changed to them jumping thru the window stabbing someone in the neck. being the hero in their eyes. And why oh why do we get caught up everytime in trying to talk sense into them...why??? we lose everytime u cant talk sense into a crazy person. They are crazy bc they are not able to see reality. So just give up. These pple are truely toxic. I tried living in peace but u can't bc ull keep getting disgusted as time goes on. You get tired of it and want to wake them up to reality but than you lose all your energy and tell yourself why the hell did i give in to trying to talk sense into them again?? And you will probably continue to try until you leave them alone altogether. Our human nature is to try to fix people or things. so if you stay with a crazy person long enough u will go crazy trying to fix them. You cant fix something that wants to stay broken and they see their "brokenness" as an advantage.
Angel Speaks Their behavior is crazy making. Reason they flip out is at their inner core is toxic jealousy and insecurity. To confront them is to shatter the make believe world they live in, and their own very fragile egos. That's why they are such control freaks. To be confronted is to lose control. It's more than simple selfishness, the mark of a narc is total lack of empathy....for anyone, even their babies. They aren't capable of it. If you think your narc spouse has rubbed off on you, look into trauma bonding.
wow! just got ghosted after an 8 yr relationship and what you said made so much sense. "their brokenness is seen as an advantage to them" but only when dealing with their supply. I saw her give vulnerability to everyone else. i feel so lost but im trying to understand as much as i can so i can make better decisions next time
Please do not feel you have to apologize for any comments about Americans. I've been in this country for half of my life and still fail to see the logic of some things! Other than that..I just came across your video in the middle of trying to figure out the "tools" of the narc I'm dealing with and how I "let him" or enable him. Bla bla bla, I'm sure you heard it all before but this is the first I'm conscious of a narc's personality and understanding their "different thinking" is SO helpful in keeping my own sanity. So, I must say THANK YOU!!! I hardly ever comment on you tube stuff..but I am truly grateful and thought it is super cute how natural you reacted to the "disturbances" of watch and phone. And even though..I really don't like hearing the "f" word..I somehow did not mind you using it to get a point across. Probably because it wasn't yelled at me in anger or for drama's sake in a movie. Ok..so..got my stuff all out, please keep posting, even though I just saw I'm a freakin' year late on saying Thanks..:D ok..well..c'est la vie. Best wishes to your and your "pillow dropping" thing :D (I need to find me some functional pillows then :D )
LOL just once I fussed at my socio bro law on how he was treating his wife and LOL before the conversation was over, he was trying to convince me that I had done her wrong when I was sitting with her at ICU and Hospice while he was out running all over town with his new woman during her last year of life!! The gall he had to try to make me feel bad when I was the only one in the deal who was doing right! Dick!
One time I complimented a narcissist for work she did in a particular job. During that time she acted like a good and compassionate person. For real, for two years she was calm, compassionate, present in a conversation ... a real, functioning person. Her response to my compliment was that if I was going to treat her like that she would have to leave and she got up and stomped out of my house mumbling about how stupid and ignorant I was. The only thing I could surmise was that I had interrupted her game plan and she didn't know how else to respond.
Adorable, you crack me up :) Anywhoo, yes, narcissists are very dangerous to be around because they simply cannot be trusted or relied upon for any type of emotional support. My mother would say the most awful comments about others but after completely misinterpreting a neutral comment from me, she flew into a violent and deadly rage, erased me from the family will and went on a smear campaign around town. That was nearly 4 years ago and our relationship is non existent. She even went so far as to cut my face out of our family photos. Likewise, a narcissist coworker of mine was recently the "victim" of fair, constructive criticism from another worker. He immediately contacted our boss, with a shockingly fabricated story and urged our boss that he fire the naysayer. The narcissist will react to words like acid. And they will stop at nothing to get revenge. Duck and cover! :p
The 2nd person thing makes sense to me because of a narcissist at work - she's in a disconnected state with herself. There is a huge grandiosity gap, so it is like she's a character in a movie. I started treating her like persona non grata, like she was invisible, and broke the cycle of abuse. She stopped her fixation with me, her toxic, weird interactions. Her 2nd-person disconnected self has to make a connection to set up a hurtful exchange so she can get her juice. My strategy was doing the opposite of confrontation - as much non-involvement as possible. I will only acknowledge that she exists if I cross her path directly, like in the hallway. Then it's a quick, hey g'day, and I'm off. I'm a non-person/object to her, so she won't be reflecting on why I do the things I do, won't be linking it back to her obnoxious ways.
Very funny post with many random moments lol! I think that's what they call over tired :) As for confronting Narcs, both my parents are (I no longer have contact with them) so I learned from the best you could say. I learned to spot them and learned the hard way how to cut them off from their supply, me. However there is a level of trauma I have suffered from their behaviour, I can become very angry with Narcs because their behaviour can trigger emotions attached to bad memories. I don't scream or yell though, I go quiet which as my brother has informed me is very f'n scary, his words "When you get angry it's like looking into the fires of hell when I look in your eyes" much like an animal backed into a corner before it rips your head off. So what I'm trying to say is Narcs do cause long term damage to their victims. This is a flight or fight response that comes from being constantly abused over a long period of time. Because I can spot them I will extract myself from the situation and then keep contact between myself and the narc to a bare minimum (if they are a work colleague) or no contact at all. Learning how to control your reactions to other peoples behaviour is vital, learn your triggers (throwing your stappler at their head is not an option) Do not give a Narc personal information about yourself as they usually will use this against you and always behave respectfully and professionally if you're in a working environment with one and only discuss work issues never personal ones. They will try to draw you in by ACTING like a decent person to see if you are a potential supply. By watching other peoples body language around this person you can usually gage whether or not they are the office Narc, the stunned bunny in the headlights look usually gives it away lol.
I trained twice the day before then treated myself to a full days work on 5 hours sleep. My eye bags are remarkable. Over-tired, is a nice way of putting it. I would have said "fucked", but Im really trying to swear less. "However there is a level of trauma I have suffered from their behaviour, I can become very angry with Narcs because their behaviour can trigger emotions attached to bad memories." Yes I think there is a level of frustrated rage that backs up and any similar "triggers" will evoke an entire reservoir of emotion. Disempowering. Unacceptable. Needs a software fix or patch. Will speak to the psychic elves for a solution. Na noo, na noo.
I was trying to be kind lol! I know the feeling of overworking yourself looking in the mirror and going wtf who is that tired person!? maybe she's born with it?...no.....it's definitely maybellene, gotta luv concealer it's one of the perks about being female, war paint lol Yea, it is disempowering anger. Usually leaves me feeling totally exhausted being around Narcs because I'm trying to be civil when all I want is to seriously throw my stappler at their head and say 'I see you buddy shut up!, you're harshing my mellow!' lol but that's just my Ally McBeal fantasy. One must not behave in a manner unbecoming of a lady, or so my Nan says. Doesn't mean I can't think about doing it ;)
I confronted mine and he acted so strangely, he regressed into a little boy before my eyes. I've never seen a face go so red, he went completely mute, left his food. The only time I've ever seen him go off food. No violence at the time, not sure if he took revenge for that particular incident at a later date. He never shut up about it though and turned it into me feeling bad for confronting him and ignored everything I confronted him with.
I live to tell the tale!! Never knew he was narcissist when i did, but woww the anger and temper. He turned personality. Threatened me with police lawyer. I went into shock. Its taken me 7 months.
@Tony Jaksn Maybe laurene did leave that person, and still suffered. I know I did....when I walked away from my mum, sis ( whole family as a result ). It took a long long time till they stopped sending me nasty letters ... ...and to this day they are spreading malicious lies about me to friends, family and even strangers at bus stops ... One good thing came of it besides it being alot quieter and less stressful... ...is that some of their family, friends and neighbours are telling me they have cottoned on to what my mum and sis were up to.. ..that they were disgusted with their behaviour.. One neighbour said...." say no more " ( I havent yet told anyone of the whole story....only that I'm not seeing them anymore )
I love how you don’t cut any of the distractions out of your video can you speak to us in the raw. You’re funny as well as informative. I love your videos and your advice and it works thank you
We take no offense re the America riff, we love your dulcie tones, another amusing and informative video which now in 20/20 hindsight I suppose I should have watched before I asked my narcissist to leave.....Christmas Day...egads, but hey I had to once and for all give myself the gift of freedom. I did the recycle, oops! I have learned sooo much from you and the others out there, I finally took the red pill and it is excruciating to be awake, but essential.
I just left my second husband who had NPD and was randomly aggressive and explosive toward me and my children (his stepchildren). It was all about him-he was entitled, controlling and took over all the finances where I had no say in my own income. We learned very quickly to never question or confront him or you would suffer his wrath. These videos are helping me understand my pattern of how I just jumped into a similar personality as my first husband (who was also NPD) and it is attributed to my childhood and bad patterns/examples. I am learning how to set boundaries and it is so freeing. Thank you for sharing your expertise on this subject.
This is my first time of looking at your videos, and I'm enjoying them much. Thank you! I am watching this and hearing it as confirmation to things I've discovered. I can't leave the relationship I'm in with the narcissist, and I just had an unavoidable showdown. It got ugly, but it did things. It held breakthrough for me. There is something that I want. My life has too many loved ones who are narcissist. I realized I love them despite this. And I realized that I can love them but hate the relationship. So I am letting the relationship die. I am letting it be killed. I am committing suicide to it, I guess. I feel like a traitor, destroyer and abandonment of love, but I saw that I love these people. I truly do. So I am asking God to resurrect a love that is life-giving from out of the death of a love that is life-taking. It took me forever to see I could not do anything to be savior, salvation, and life to my relationships with these people. Seeing it has repulsed me. I'm seeing an "abomination causing desolation" in these people where a heart should be. For years it seemed like the ultimate violation or dishonor to see this in others. But now that I am seeing it, I'm repulsed. I'm asking God to end these people as abominations and make them His glory so love is resurrected. I want to love people. I want to see love as treasure. I want hope. So I am praying to God for people to end as abominations and become glory, His glory, the glory of Love. Then loving them will be light, good and life-giving sweet instead of dark, evil and life-taking bitter. It's sanity to the madmen. God, I pray for hope. And since Jesus is the friend I found in this abyss I was sunk down into, I pray for hope in His Name, in the name of Jesus. Make Love glory and end it as abomination. Amen.
Your videos are so accurately descriptive and honest. It's like you personally know the narcs who suck the blood of your audience. Jeez, now I'm sounding dramatic. Ugh!! Seriously, though, your vids are a big help. Thanks for putting them up:)
I have a son, he now is 21 years old but as i was raising him as a single mother, i had my mother and sister whom are Narcissists in my life. At the time i did not even know about this mental illness and thought that they loved to see me and my son. When he was a toddler, one time i gave my mother a photo of my son to put in an empty frame she had/she said she can use for it. Just to note, both my mother and my sister used to hang together a " a lot " I am the Blacksheep they are Narcs. My sister is vain and found herself an old rich man to take good care of her - her beauty got her a nice way of life - she owns four houses to note. Well, to continue, when i went to my mothers house about two weeks later for a visit, the photo of my son ( in the frame ) was taken out and replaced with a photo of my sisters DOG. I said Mom ! Where is Ryan's picture ??? She simply and calmly said. " I have it " I let it go BUT when i went back the next week That picture of the DOG was then taken out and replaced again with a photo of my SISTER of her doing Karate -- At that time the rich man paid for her lessons and she because a Black Belt --. I am sensitive and they know it ! -- I am hurt about them doing that with my son' s picture. The both of them till this very day refused to admit that they exchanged the photo - My mother said she did not do it and my sister said she did not do it . SO SAD -- My sister had to be the initiator in order for the picture of HER DOG AND HER SELF to go into that frame in the first place -- What do you think ?? Was she just jealous of me having a son ? OR what is that about ? -- I hate what they are ! I am still hurt that they disrespected my son in this way as to let him see what they did with his picture.
Wow that is so sad!!! Reminds me of my son's grandparents who had dozens of pictures of their other grandchildren on the wall but not one of my son. The only pic of him they had up was a small one on their refrigerator, surrounded by tons of pictures of the other grandchildren. Then whenever we would visit them, the grandfather would have one of those photo frames that constantly flash different pictures....all pics were of the other grandchildren and of the spectacular wood carvings he made. Not one picture of my son in that electronic frame. And the wood carvings he made; most of them in the photos were gifts to the other grandchildren which he would brag about to us (same story over and over), but NOT ONE carving did he make for MY SON!!! He would make gorgeous painted wood toy boxes for them (amazing works of art!), exquisite scroll-cut / lattice-cut wooden jewelry boxes, ivory carved jewelry, ornaments, nick-nacks, etc. all for THEM. He once told my son he would make him something but he never did! It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut when he would brag and brag about all the wood carvings he made for them saying things like "Did I show you the such and such I made for (name)?" and he would pull out the pictures of it to show us for the umpteenth time. We left there in tears every time. He actually carved the most exquisite wooden jewelry box with ivory inlays for one of my son's cousins who was still an INFANT!!! My son was eleven years old at that time. He had the time to carve out a jewelry box for a BABY, toy boxes and misc things for the other kids (who were all younger than my son!), but made NOTHING at all for my son - HIS FIRST BORN GRANDCHILD!!! We stopped going there many years ago after - with anger and evil in his eyes - he pointed his finger between my eyes (about an inch away) while looking straight into my eyes and yelled "You even need anything you call me! Got it?!!!!". Yeah sure right.....no thanks. Sounds like a nice gesture right? No, it was very scary and left me shaking because he had never treated me that way before. It was the first time I witnessed the side of him I'd heard about from my son's dad; this was the way he treated his own son. His son no longer came around anymore due to the abuse but I my son and I would still go there to visit. At that point I felt like I was taking the place of his son who no longer came around. Since he couldn't boss around and abuse his son anymore, he would do it to me instead. I was afraid he was going to start in on my son (his son's son) since he was already showing signs with the emotional abuse. He was and probably still is the biggest control freak. It's why his own kids never visit and his wife left and everyone walks on eggshells around him. Don't need that in my life. I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused off and on since I was a child and don't have any more room in my life for that shit. I wasn't about to subject my son to it either. I was glad when he said he didn't want to go there anymore because he was tired of grandpa putting him down and bragging up all the other grandchildren. Just total bullshit!!! :'(
Hi ! I read your whole story and you write very well. Thank you for taking the time to send that to me. Yes, you have endured it too long and it's so horrible that you and your son had to be hurt by him. My story was sent two years ago, and i am so grateful for the responses. My mother is now in a nursing home and i am estranged still with my whole family. I have not seen her or my sister. I miss my sister but i have to constantly pinch myself and say "she is NOT your little sister anymore !! " She changed a lot, and my heart hurts for the need of a real sister who accepts me and loves me. I guess that sounds like baby talk but i don't know, Narcissism is really evil and i am SO happy that i have my son. I know we can be happy with our son who loves us completely. Thank you for your reply !!
OceanSound100 It's just gaslighting of YOU. Nothing to do with your precious son. As for your sister being jealous, narcs are pathologically jealous at their core, so of course she's jealous. But I really don't think it was directed at your son. My mom has used my child in the same way. In fact, she has massive amounts of photos (my dad as a baby, siblings, her sisters grandkids) but not one of me. I asked her where my pic was, she said "oh, the frame broke". It was there behind the photos, dusty and broken. Typical.
Donna No offense, but you or your husband should have laid down the law about staying away. My Dad's side is like that & at the 1st signs I bailed....totally. One Christmas I was supposed to bring my Grandma her present, she kept making excuses as to why I couldn't come until the last moment (christmas eve). Her daughter wanted me to see her new house. I ended up getting in a huge fight with my mom (long distance I was visiting) about my refusal to go x-mas eve. I told her she was insane if she thought I was going to take my son away from my in-laws who love him & expose him to a bunch of crazy, jealous people (narcs and more) that I had to suffer through as a child, so her gift wouldn't be late. It ended up on her doorstep on my way out of town. I was young, had a degree in psych, & did NOT know about narcississm. Abnormal psych not my specialty, & skimmed over in 1990. Turns out a lot of people on my in-laws side are narcs. His Grandparents adored him, God rest their souls, as does his Godfather (huge narc). His Godmother also narc & hasn't acknowledged him since he was 3 when her daughter was born. But his other Aunt (narc) & Uncle (not) does. Basically, he was adored there. Since we live out of state contact is minimal & he doesn't even know what the mean crazies on my side look like. He has plenty of cousins, etc on his Dad's side.
Narcissists become angry and hate-filled over the slightest disagreements. You like blue, the narcissist likes red---BOOM! You've got WWIII on your hands. And that's no exaggeration.
I am leafing so hard (2am ) with tears, you are so smart and so original funny!!!!! My 1st. Video watched about so much pain created by evil narcs hurting me and you make it so hilarious AWSOME to keep on going to RECOVERY!!!! Thank you so much !!! 💜
Not only narcissists can feel as living in a movie. It's called depersonalization, Dissociation, And many people experience this for many reasons, including schizoids. It is also a response to trauma.
From what I have witnessed Narcissists lecture/narrate - they don't listen and for that matter they don't really talk to people either. When I was attending college, my mother called me and rambled on for a while. I needed to quickly get something out of another room so I quietly put the phone down on my bed and left. Unfortunately I have ADD and completely lost track of time. About 40 minutes later I came back into the room and panicked as soon as I saw the phone lying on the bed. As I got closer I could hear my mother still speaking. You have to be rather self absorbed to not notice someone hasn't been on the phone with you for more than half an hour.
R Feyman ,
As a scapegoat, I have been isolated from my most of my family because of lies and slander. Some of them are all to willing to let that be, so that they aren't viewed as responsible for what they have done covertly. A simple polygraph would solve a lot of my problems. The family member that has lied about me (about dangerous things) most in recent years, was also lied to for years prior and was "created" through brainwashing. The family of a close friend of hers is partly responsible. They have "training" in this realm of control in their line of work. One of the other family members who was one of the originators in control of scapegoating me, also has training in this realm. They have managed to turn people against me by saying that I have said or done things I haven't said or done. They tell people I judge others simply for speaking up in self defense of what I KNOW and have HEARD them say about me that wasn't true. They seem to hate the fact that I have personal principles and standards that I like to live by. They have deliberately tried to create situations for me to break from them. I have been put through almost every form of abuse in order for them to frame me for things they did. All this being said, when you are isolated from others through lies and slander and abusive control, you do tend to feel bottled up and need times of speaking out to neutralize some of the negative things you hear. I do this regularly and give myself "therapy". I also pray and keep my boundaries in check.
My mom does the same thing she calls me to hear herself speak. She’ll ask for my opinion but it doesn’t matter because she’s already made up her own mind/she doesn’t really care about my opinion/she’ll say the opposite just to spite. I go into robot mode when I speak to her. And YES the theatrical way of responding to things I have witnessed over and over. She’s not conscious of her own self and is never really communicating or focused. Im not seen. Im not heard. What I want or do
doesn’t matter. The only things that matter to them are the things they can use against you.
Lol,sy to her ,care to repeat what u said ? Ur english is a bit imperfect,lol.
R Feyman ....Classic!!!!!
R Feyman amazing
I wish I had watched this video months ago. Before I knew what to call this thing that was happening I confronted him. I told him I felt he was thought he was better than me, that he hated me and his he was not as moral as he professed to be. That mask didn't slip off. He yanked it off. He was always polite and shy - pure perfection. That night I got to see the real person. I knew what a narcissist was, but a covert narcissist trained in psychology is a true master of deception.
Mayra I am sorry you had to see narcissism first-hand like that. It's an awful thing to see. Your last sentence really rings true for me as my father is a narcissist and a practicing psychologist. Pathological to the core.
I had a deep distrust of counsellors/therapists when I was in high school because my narcissistic father is a "marriage and family therapist," a clinical psychologist. I always knew, even when I was young, that his way of speaking sometimes was just wrong, but I didn't know why exactly why until I was in my late teens and early twenties and really started exploring the topics of abuse and psychology.
Mayra happened to me. Exactly
Ask them,who are you talk to the core via projection nopersonal annecdotes just projection that mis their mind noddin awake and sleepy or aone that hits lie a ton of bricks self not the mask.Ido this to non aspd people,masks and personas i ignore.Omg i spook people who are insceure ,being fake on a serious note,playin a front,or lack self awareness ,my irl circles we sre all quite self aware and strong personalities,fake on serious note and beating around the bush annoy us
Covert narcs are tricky,as of now im ghosting my online female friend covert narc ex ,relaying her leverage so she canget full custody of kid ,he hlding kid as a control over her.He dosent suspect me of anything,im able to detect sub context and hidde under ander tone jabs sub contextual "whats not being said or implied and what it leads into.My intuition is very fine tuned,predicting future outcomes via subj ituition via subtle nuaned and pattrn based comes in handy
For me, the core of Narcissism is that their emotional development is that of a 4 or 5 year old child. I have a 4 year old that cannot be reasoned with when she wants something and I am denying it. The conversation with her is bewildering, her ONLY goal is getting what she wants. Now that I am becoming aware of all this, I have noticed that conversations with my EX when he wants something is EXACTLY like having a conversation with my 4 year old and it is because they are emotionally the same age. PS: Try Trooper for you next ringtone :)
Great comparison of narcissists & childlike behaviors, tantrums. The narc I've known throws huge fits when he doesn't get his way. These narc rages can last for hours...or days is he's "punishing" me by blame. Don't give in to a narc's tactics.
Gypsy Painter Absolutely spot on. I remember growing up with my narc father and realizing at an extremely young age that I had outgrown him. I finally accepted that he would never change when, during a rage, he got on his knees and pounded his fist on the floor. He was in his 50s, but looked like a 2 year old. I was quite small, but could tell that he was developmentally stunted beyond repair.
The saying "Im sorry u feel that way" In a cold ,no facial expressions,ambivalent ,emoinless neutral flat mono voice tone. Goodidea to ignore them too,ah a narc ignored,acting like dont exist even if they are talkng too uface to face lol and never given external validation for a month that be one totaly dead inside narc lol,their condition iscaused by being given praise for achievements but no emotional support or aid in development of emotional growth.
Yeah let them stew in their emotions,act like they dont exist even if they are 1 inch away from u screamin ya ear hand on ur shoulder lol,silient treatment kills them figurativley, i did to friends narc cousin he unexpectedly bought my place,when me and friend ate lunch i gave his cousin no food or water the entir time just acted he never existed the entire time.Lol
It's easier to negotiate with a toddler than it is to negotiate with an adult narcissist.
When you're talking about dealing with narcissists and a song called "Run to the Hills" comes on, life has given us a perfect moment.
Tales On Wheels I know right! PERFECT
More like AC/DC's "Highway to Hell".......
don't corner a Narcissist. well do it once and see if they actually are a Narcissist.
Use their own logic while discussing with them, when they explode and go to places you have never seen a person go before. Walk away. Never talk to them again. Save yourself.
i put my ex narc into a corner when i confronted and exposed their behaviour after 14 yrs together.........after this they tried to suffocate me while i slept then trashed my business financially taking every penny they could steal.......after the break up the first thing they done was to buy themself a rolls royce to try convince everyone around them they were sucessful and i wasnt..........my advice to anyone is dont give them even 6 months of your life and dont be silly like myself giving them 14 years as they will destroy you..........they are the most secretive and manipulative people you will come across.......do not trust them 1 inch.
THey are masters of projection and if psychopathic, their vindicitiveness is off the scale. Be very careful with these people. Its best to choose distance if you can . Its no point fighting them. THey are better at the game than you and the battle is never over.
I was being a accused of things that didn't make sense to me. Then I realized he was talking about himself. That is what he was doing
Me too! It's such a strange feeling when you realize it was never about you.
Classic projection...accusations by narcissists are confessions.
Back away slowly from a narcissist. Work around and avoid trying to fix them.
exactly, don't waste precious time trying to confront these creatures they're not worth it...they don't care
Agreed.
I once made the mistake of telling a guy that he gave my gut a funny feeling and that I didn't feel I would build any trust with him, due to his inability to be open and honest.
My oh my did he explode a fit of rage on to me. To this day some of our mutual friends are still standoffish with me....what story he told I will never know as I will never ask, but i would imagine the story got flipped around to me being the bad guy.
Silent boundaries are best for sure.
Yep
I don't trust any therapist/counselor that doesn't say 'fuck'. Love your style!
Mine doesn't swear, let alone quote Iron Maiden... :D
why do they hammer on ethics and moral behaviour and then do exactly the opposite
Teresa Martins exactly. My daughter said"oh God" and her uncle lectured her all the while he drops f bombs .
OMG yes.....one set of rules for them, and another for you.....and they think they have the right to set the rules, in the first place.
hypocrites.
Exactly ,all people sometimes say and do what gthey say.But narcs take the cake in hypocrisy .My rule is treat others as i would myself
Yes
I'm 52 and just now made the connection between Narcissism and my prick of a father....and the black hole I call my family. I've just called them toxic/poison all these years. Thank you SO MUCH for posting these videos. I cut all ties with the "fam" about 12 years ago. Then because of my daughters wedding, I let them back in about 18 months ago....OK that was fun. Going back to zero contact now :-) Funny, after years of zero contact I've learned that I am not the crazy one here. I feel normal when I keep them out. I feel like a puddle of nerves and a psychotic waste land when they are anywhere near me! Seriously don't have the energy for them anymore. Anybody out there feeling guilty for doing this to your family, DON'T FEEL GUILTY. It's a complete waste of time.
I have family members with NPD. Growing up amongst family with this, including parents, I have found to be akin to being brought up within a cult. I always knew something was different - actually more chaotic and stressful- within my family, but it took me years to put my finger on it.
What I have come to realize, those with NPD have no ability to self-reflect. What they do instead is ask themselves - will this draw attention to me? - to just about every situation. It's the pure attention they seek, irregardless of the usefulness, the morality, the timing, etc.I believe this is the "seeing themselves in the second person" that you speak of.
One phrase I have come to affiliate with NPD is "extension of myself". IMO, if you hear this from anyone close to you that has NPD - run, RUN as fast as you can in the other direction. I have heard this many times from my NPD parent. To those without the knowledge of NPD destruction, it sounds quaint, even loving. However, what I have experienced is that this phrase- used by the NPD towards someone close to them, often a child - ties that child to the glorification and beneficial furthering of the NPD as he/she relates to the world. Such a relationship completely severs from the child any of their own thoughts/dreams/aspirations. Their life then becomes doing everything that reflects well on the NPD - why? - because you are an extension of them and your behavior/dreams/accomplishments and total life needs to be tied up with theirs. ALWAYS - FOR EVERYTHING.
It's good that NPD and all it's destructive effects is starting to be understood by more people. However, the NPD tactics can be so covert that people don't recognize them until it is too late. There needs to be much more education about NPD in all it's manifestations. Also, narcissistic victim syndrome (NVS) also needs to be better defined and recognized. With NVS, this is where you really find the problems caused by NPD.
I've been watching a ton of your videos lately. I was on the verge of a breakdown of sorts, dealing with my mother who, by any definition of the word, is a narcissist. When your alarm went off and you said, "Why is my alarm set for midnight? Because that's when I do my spells!", I honestly thought I was going to die from laughter. Thank you for all of information you share with us, and thank you for the silliness sprinkled throughout the serious shit. It was the first time I genuinely laughed all day. Thank you.
I caught my ex cheating via dating apps while at my house and I was so pissed off I impulsively confronted him knowing he was a narc. As soon as I asked him abt it he immediately ended the relationship saying “I can’t do this anymore!” I was so shocked that HE was breaking up with ME but I didn’t have any objections. I’m like “Its over??!! Fine. Don’t try to email me, call me, nothing after this. I’m done!” I was already used to him reappearing smh but this time he angrily agreed to never contact me again. It continued to blow up even further from there. He was yelling loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear that I’m crazy, broke, on section 8, calling me bitches. He even called the police on me....at my own house 🤦🏾♀️ . During the 3 years I dated him, before that day I never even heard his voice get loud. But THAT DAY, he ripped off that mask so quick when I confronted him. I was so embarrassed that he talked all that shit & tried to get me arrested 😡 just because he was feeling stupid. But he was caught I def didn’t want his ass anymore anyway! Good riddance! After over a year he reached out to me on Facebook like nothing happened. Pffft, I will never talk to him again because he’s fucking insane 💯 They will behave terribly and unexpectedly when confronted. Do so if you must but be smart about it. And be prepared to fight dirty. Also, DO NOT EVER TAKE THEM BACK. They will try to punish you for ruining their fake life.
I flipped a grandiose narcissist's game right back on her, and she hit the "crazy" switch. Go equipped, or prepare to wake up dead. Lol
😂😂😂
Love that...😄😄😄🤣
Seriously, you are the best human ever. You should be paid just for being such an awesome human. Not a therapist... Cus they dont heal...humans heal humans.
"not a therapist, a human" - ha! awesome tag line... and no small compliment, thankyou
I've just watched the first 3mins or so of this video and it really struck a chord with me. Its only over the past couple of days that I've really came to understand what Narcissism is, or at least I've understood it and never saw the correlation between what I've experienced and what it actually is. (If that makes sense.)
I think a good analogy of what you are saying here is like someone playing a computer game. They are the ones committing the actions, but since they are only seeing it on a screen, they feel no personal attachment to their actions, they are always seeing it in the second person. And also they're always striving to get to the next level. No matter what the cost. They're probably the first ones to throw their controller at the TV if they get shot in "Call Of Duty."
I'm glad I've came across your videos, because they define things I've seen and experienced on a daily basis, but never knew how to put a handle on what the problem was.
Hahaha, this was hilarious. Great information with spontaneous humor.
When you expose or confront a narcissist, make sure you are prepared for unpredictable responses which might include violence. These people are machines bent on getting their way and keeping their cover and without any regards for what they have to do to shut you up. I have had a narcissist in my life for 13 years now. They are not equipped with compassion, reason, empathy and the ability to feel remorse. And they will never change, never. Best thing to do it, get away as far as possible. Cut off communication or keep it to a minimum, As long as they are alive and a part of your family, they will come up with all kinds of drama, so stay away as much as possible. And drop the hope, because they will never love you, they simply don't know how and can't learn. Sorry if it sounds negative, but it's the truth. Peace.
Be warned, a challenged and confronted narcissist will try to kill you. I know from experience.
Once they get violent youve got them either press charges or unleash yourself on them. Thry have to throw the first punch
What should a person do when it's their family member and they are a drunken Narc strangler? They know I'm packing heat but... for anyone else reading this, if you have an abuser call the cops, don't regret it like I have.
@@aleksanderblinn4492 unless the violence is in the form of a series of 'accidents'.
Americans are naive? I'm one. Here you have all these videos about narcissism and you don't realize Americans from childhood are groomed on narcissism. "We are the BEST!, We are the GREATEST!, We are EXCEPTIONAL!" It's sickening when you have to grow up and realize this is not normal. Or true. Like you say, there's good things about Americans and our ideals. But you missed the national narcissism. Do some research and get back with us. I also have a mother born here from Italian immigrants. I've noticed all Italians, okay not all, but MOST, are BI-POLAR drama queens. In addition to their own Catholic narcissism, Roman civilization narcissism, etc.. This whole world needs medical help. But it won't get it. You just have to take care of your own health. That's all you can do. Even when it's not enough, it's all you can do.
Im aware of it, I just dont think its smart to talk about it :)
Americans or Italians? Haha! But I know what you mean. Either one will/can get you in a bad argument. But the Italians will cry. :D
And just look at these comments. You make one little comment about Americans and you get dozens of replies about it. Something's wrong. Do you think Canadians would do that if you said their bacon wasn't the GREATEST bacon? :D
I crack myself up!
We in Australia OUT DO everyone in narcissism. We are the "best in the world" in everything
I would also say Americans are, overall, very naive. About just about everything. So YES. P.S. I am American.
It's a very gaslit country, very heavily marketed to. But so is the UK now, we aren't far behind. We don't allow adverts for anti depressants on the tv... yet.
I confronted my narc sister about the fight she and her husband started at my (registrar) wedding and she went ballistic. (They hate and despise the truth) and she blamed me for ruining her husbands bowling day.. since that was my wedding day! YEAH! bowling is more important than your sisters wedding, but not only did she get pissed she told her kids not to talk to me anymore.. Narcs are so good at "getting you back".
Wow! Bowling more important than your wedding? Typical narcissistic abuse. I know. Narcs try to ruin your happy days. Stay strong! 🌹
Yep my golden child narc half sister decided that bc I wouldn't be angry at my niece and treat her bad like she wanted me to (and our malignant narc mother did *without question!*) she wasn't going to let me be around any of my three nieces again. I dont even remember what my niece had said to upset her. It made no sense to me. My niece had already been punished lectured and was still grounded. I wasn't going to go visit with her and give her a cold shoulder or treat her badly as her mother our mother and her stepfather were already and had already been engaged in that behavior towards her for literally DAYS. My narc mother didn't understand I had to explain to her WHY I refused to mistreat my poor niece and why it wasn't right to be upset and cold to her simply bc she had upset my sister. I had to explain to my mother that my niece had done nothing TO UPSET ME and I wasn't going to run with that narrative. Though my mother is a malignant narc, even she realized that she could not argue with my logic, of course this just caused injury to my golden child covert narc half sister and made her more angry. This was just one exchange in a family FULL - ABSOLUTELY FULL - of narcs I mean DOZENS. I've been 100% no contact with all of them since my son was born and many for years before. They are crazymaking!!!
Wow that sounds like hell. I have a few narcs in my family but not that bad... but I do have a ton of narc "friends" I am trying to distance myself from and wasted many years of my life on my narc exes... so I relate to a lot of this. I feel like most of my adult friendships or relationships have been with narcs and I am trying to distance myself from them and meet new people who are not...
It's terrible. I have a very unique way of dealing with people bc of the dozens of narcs I grew up around. I just really do not put up with any funny stuff and I can spot and see through narcs right away. The thing is, narcs really do breed narcs, so my family is going for several generations strong. Every single cousin of mine was raised by narcs so they all have narcissism now they are raising their children badly creating another generation of narcs. I see no end to the madness. No contact is the only way that I can live. I'm determined to break the cycle with my own family. Never will my own children be treated the way that I was treated. There is my happy ending. :)
I have not one happy memory of my childhood,,except when I was alone. I learned one thing. never be dependent on anyone,,unless its very safe..Family are not safe for me..ever..I hear you. My sister would actually brag to my brother about never having called me on the phone.."why should she"?
There is one advantage about confronting a narcissist directly: he will no longer be capable of showing off his "good front" to you, so the scales will fall from your eyes for good and you will realize what he really is like. If you still fall into his or her trap after a direct confrontation, you're beyond help.
Wow. When I lived with the N I would say it was like it being "The (insert N's name here) Show" 24/7 and I can't find the tv remote. Lol
I started calling out my narcissistic ex over her bs and turned the tables and she FLEW OFF THE HANDLE! I went through the crazy discard and smear within days.
Spartan!! You hit it right on the nail!!! Narcissists are smart,highly intelligent dastardly most of the time......And psychotic!!
I just found your videos today, but I'm binge watching them now. Everything you say fits my dad exactly. After 17 years of dealing with his abuse I've finally stood up for myself and I'm not letting him get away with his manipulation and all of the horrible shit he's put my family through and I'm distancing myself from him. Once I was finally pushed over the edge and said enough is enough, it's just been so liberating.
When a narcissist targets you is the only time you may feel you need to target back but this is when you start watching them like you would a TV program and then forget about it.
Yep, this is the key. Just observe like it's just a thing that's happening in front of you, then get on with your day. If you can find it within yourself to be slightly amused at how ridiculous they are, even better,
Staying focus on thisngs we want and not on things we do not want is the key - wonderful message.
One part of the mind is for watching the narc show, and the other is used as the cutting room floor (selective memory). I suspect not a small number of them will, while gaslighting you, also gaslight themselves; convince themselves they weren't being the bad guy...
Absolutely. My ex would be TERRIBLE to friends of mine she didn’t like, but it was primarily time and attitude based rather than what she actually said, so she’d convince herself she was completely polite
honestly,you have the best analysis of narcissism compared to others on here, probably because you dont have that wounded victim complex they tend to have(reasonable for the abuse they have suffered) They give good points, but you can tell that they are still hanged up and ruminating on it.
Thankyou Freddie
SPARTANLIFECOACH your the best narcissist coach... the rest seem like they witch hunt a little bit... they remind me of the people who insisted I was delusional and that I was schitsofranic.. at this point I have shaken that label....
SPARTANLIFECOACH I'm american and at a point I actually thought that america was cursed before... for the same reason... never heard anyone else say that...
freddie junior Agreed, very unbiased and straight to the point in his explanations of narcissists. Good shit
+freddie junior spot on
I've noticed if you try to dish back what they dish out, they either play the victim or seek revenge. Example: An ex friend of mine would correct everything I said or wrote, even if I was sharing a personal story. His anecdotal experience would somehow always trump mine. If I attempted to correct him on anything, he'd act like I was attacking him or start sarcastically implying I was stupid. He would write super long responses, at least 4 or 5 paragraphs, to articles I linked on social media about dealing with abuse or sexists or anything I had actual experience with, and it was anecdotal along with accusing me of generalising, even if I pointed out boldly "this refers to SOME men, NOT all men". BUT, it was perfectly fine for him to make "jokes" that generalised women, or to refer to women as crazy, psycho, irrational, emotional, etc. I posted a link about childrearing, I forget what it was about exactly, but it resonated with my childhood and how I raise my own children. He, having no children, said it was wrong. (Not flat out, but the response was that the idea was wrong and that his idea was more effective). His had so many ideas, yet no actual experience, yet he was always right.
After awhile, I stopped making disclaimers. After dealing with the behaviors for so long, I said "You know what? If it doesn't apply to you, it's not about you! If you think it's about you, maybe your conscience is telling you something!". He became sooooo mad with that. He defended his right to be defended and even became defensive because I, supposedly, implied he was being defensive.
You can't win. They bring machine guns to a game of paintball.
Totally agree.....
Or even worst ...
Brings out the machine guns for a game of cards
Thank you so much for the video. Your sense of humor, your "rambling, " and your unique perspective was quite refreshing. I look forward to seeing more in the future.
Sigh, from America, I just love your humor and insight into NPD's... I am the black sheep and my older brother is the golden child- A while back I sent an email to both my father and my dad saying I wanted no further contact, since they both seem to thrive when they say mean, nasty and untrue things to me and about me. It has been a wonderful thing not talking with them-- I feel more sane and confident-- I got to enjoy a family Christmas gathering without all the drama and angst. So, please keep sharing, your humor and your insightful suggestions for how to do life better!
Your videos have been a big help to me for a long time. I went to nine therapists with my son. There are a lot of incompetent therapists. I believe open dialogue therapy and parental alienation syndrome psychosis awareness are real zeitgeist. Richard grannon is a real trailblazer.
Shout out from Kenya! Your humour sure helps in accepting the grave reality of living with n later (hopefully) leaving a narcissist ,with a little less anger. I would know! Asante.
I confronted my parents as a calm adult after they babysat my 9yo son and he came home w scratches on his back. They became enraged on the phone, my mom the narc was silent... My dad the enabler went aggressive, rage, I could hear him grit his teeth. I then realized at that point I remembered that "dad."
I think by second person perspective you might mean they revere themselves in a certain way. An inner message that says, "Nobody is going to get one up on me. I mean nobody." That's how one person I know is. And she created an elaborate system with her family whereby nobody challenges her illusions of superiority. She is the ultimate authority. She has scapegoats and minions. And bullies. It is all to preserve this elaborate system where she is queen. The scapegoats take the sin of the family, the minions reflect her greatness and the bullies purge the family of self recrimination by laying it on the scapegoats for her. That way the detached view of herself is preserved. It's all illusory. In her mind. And people scramble to make it happen. Amazing. But she must be worshipped, protected and have ultimate control. Or her second person view of her own greatness might have vulnerabilities.
^^^^^brilliant^^^^
So well said.
You just explained my mother and family of origin to a T
Thanks for your videos, really fun and helpful. It's nice to know some people know what this is and don't just label you are "crazy" . People around me really had no clue and so enabled or supported the abuser. It was really tough.
i thank you Mr Spartan. I never knew what this was! My mother would explode with fury and rage and slap us and hit us when we was kids. We never knew why. But when my mother and my sister n i was at the grocery store, she would be sweet and pretty to strangers that complimented us. My sister was so beautiful, and my mother destroyed her. i am exhausted. my sister picks the most narcisst men, I just thought they were assholes.. My mother was so beautiful and I could never understand why. my beautiful sister is living now on the street now. i hate my mother. We never fought back besause we loved herI wish i would have called the police when she was screaming and hitting us, her eyes would get dialted and evil..The guilt is so horrible. I should have punched her down to the ground, but i didnt. i live with the horror of that almost every day
Thank you for the video. It makes a lot of sense! My sister is a literal textbook narcissist, who is very mean and has gotten very violent and aggressive when I confronted her. I find your videos very helpful when it comes to coping with such abusive behavior. She likes to exploit and belittle people around her, and she believes that she is entitled to being treated better than anyone else. Thank you for the information!
Funny I always wondered if the narcissism and cocaine addiction had a correlation.
Surely does! Nightmare!!
Just WOW at your message as a whole. The comfort you bring in your delivery along with the surprisingly added bonus of the male perspective is right on!
Your new fan, Marie
America is definitely narcissistic. Not just community wise-- the country itself. The way we buy tons of weapons to defend against imaginary enemies that threaten our awesome-tastic way of life.
As much as I love living here, it's hard to. It's a very self-absorbed nation. Great nation. Just very self-absorbed.
Don't feel sorry about that. You're absolutely correct.
Agree with all your points but, as an American who grew up abroad, I don't think I'll ever 'love living here'. Wish i could reach that stage, but my true sense of comfort lies across the pond...although I do really like NYC. I wonder why so many of his clients are 'Yanks'?
tahiyamarome A Consumer trance. They want you to be a consumer. Not a producer nor be self sufficient.
+tahiyamarome Self Sufficient. It does not have to be total Autarky but you don't want a Tyrant to have total control over your life. You would be surprised how many people who ask nothing of others care for so many. These are the key people that hold what is society together. These are not Narcissists and they never could be Psychopaths.
+Mel Thorn NOTHING great about this nation. But yeah, this country IS self-absorbed.....
Cripes, that's deep.
You make an excellent point about the perspectives of Narcissists. I agree because a key component to Narc maintenance is on the ability to present an image, especially an image the Narc can control. What better way to do this than to pretend to be someone else? This way, the rejection of the image is never harmful to the self, because the true self is always hidden.
A Narc I knew admitted he pretended to be me in a job interview. At first, I was flattered. Then, I realized he only told me so that if he hadn't gotten the job, it would not have been his fault....He was, of course, just playing me.
Your sense of humor is a godsend. Thank you!
I wish I had been more aware before I got into a very dangerous marriage and got stuck in it for years! At least I’m aware now and will avoid these types at all costs! Thanks Richard
Once I tried a tactic on my husband: I simply said to him that he was right, I was all that he said and that I needed his help to change,...WOW! A reaction! He was SO confused, like, all happy and even so, not. Very surprised and confused. He actually sat down saying " you really mean that, don't you!" "I'm so happy that you really understand"...all bright and cheery! Until I told him that , "No!" I just wanted to see how he would react..Obviously he got furious, but, if he was going to shout at me for 3 days, he may as well have "a reason" right? He also had a habit of starting fights just before having a shower, so prancing his 460 lbs around while shouting at me, he would suddenly say "Why is it that I'm always naked when we're fighting?" "It's really uncomfortable!" So I yanked my clothes of and just took up listening to his continued shouting. What the hell do I care: clothed or naked, words don' t hurt less or more! So, he would start crying ""You DO understand me, I really feel that you understand me"! ....No, dude, I DON"T! Nakedness just doesn't bother me that much.
I was raised by a narcissist father and became the scapegoat. My entire family hates me. Then I married a narcissist. My life is destroyed and I'm rebuild. This is some difficult and painful stuff.
I did confront my spouse about his infedility,and he allmust kill me :-(
Very Well said. I wonder how many people did exactly just that BEFORE they watched your video. I urge everyone to watch this video sooner rather, than later.
My partner would turn into THE HULK when I confronted him with what i thought was COMMON SENSE, he'd turn bright red and say "YOURE MAKING ME VERY ANGRY" and he'd get really shaky. I never understood why b/c what I was saying would be considered so basic to anyone else, but apparently it screwed up his fantasy world of being oblivious to other people feelings. SO THANKS FOR POSTING THIS B/C NOW I FEEL VALIDATED!
I adore you. You were so much fun in this video... I mean, I truly value your work in a serious capacity, but I have so much fun with your authenticity when you just let what is, be. I laughed along with you in this one.
Am absolutely HOWLING baaaaaa! @ 5:39. YOU ARE HYSTERICALLY FUNNY! Oh so theraputic! THANKS AGAIN COACH!
OMG....You are hysterical. Listening to your humor regarding these stupid idiots has helped me laugh during this realization that I've pissed away 23 years with a Narc.
LMAO you are also entertaining!... at least Im laughing while learning about my nightmare.
exactly lol.
I have always said that you have to deal with people on a psychological way they can manage. I got rid of my Narc in way that he felt like he did it. I’m truly on cloud nine about it ♥️♥️♥️
Jezebel spirit, demon possessed
I was his hit of coke.... he stuggled to keep me for 3 years... he discarded me 9 times... but kept coming back.... I know he was coming back for the feelings I had for him ... he knew I loved him.... and he was addicted to my love... not because he loved me... but because I loved him... no one had loved him..... he told me that.... ' no one has loved me like you do'....and he couldn't keep me... he sabotaged the relationship and blamed me for it.😢😢😢😢
You crack me up. Love you..... you make a horrible situation a little less horrible by your humor. Keep up the good work. You are amazing. ... !
Richard, this has to be one of your top comical videos - although I haven't seen all of your videos, this one, by far, is very informative, but absolutely hilarious. Watch it again and laugh! Thanks for the tension-reliever.....you're indeed one of a kind!
A couple of points I'd like to express my appreciation for are first, thanks for putting in a good word for us Yanks and second, for sharing your insights about how best to deal with a narcissist. I seem to have an entire classroom of them, not just one but a majority and they blow my mind. I'm teaching outside the US. True but what I've learned from your vids has certainly changed how I deal with 15-6 of them, all in one room. It's brutal. ! Nonetheless, I particularly liked the way you put it that's it's as if they are watching themselves in a movie they star in and direct and I'm typecast as a suppoting actor. Legends in their own minds. LOL Thanks from a Yank
Yes, I strongly believe that there is trauma at the root of narcissism. The sheer dissociation that is common with narcissism in the form of not understanding the pain they inflict; it must be some sort of armor they've put on, or learned to put on, starting from an early age to fend against attacks (most likely from parents)!
Stumbled upon your video as a recommendation and you seriously had me laughing so hard--no small thing after narcissistic abuse! 4 points: Glad you don't have time for crack, I won't go "full frontal" ever again, our country is cursed because of the Native American killings and for the one non-humorous thing--thanks for talking about something so important and hard for most to understand!
You are sooo right about Americans. Lived here since birth...and you hit the nail on the head with your comments.
your videos have been such a great help to me, my friend Kier introduced me to your page , have been dealing with on and off again partner who is a HS teacher, and total textbook NPD.. insane! .. thank you again for being who you are appreciate your work immensely
thanks mate
Wow. Great videos. I just stumbled across you! You make a whole lot of sense. Going through a narcissistic long distance relationship for nearly 7 years. This has been so eye opening. Your videos are helping me tremendously. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Also - they will threaten you ahead of time - if they THINK they're going to be confronted ....
You're hilarious. You make learning about narcissistic abuse actually kind of fun, until I remember what bloodsucking vultures some narcissists are but... You bring real lightness and humor to a dark subject. Thank you for all that you do.
I love your videos btw they are very insightful and your funny. I do believe everyone is selfish to a certain degree...but these people took selfishness to the head. they took it and ran all the way around the world with it. im obsessed with this subject now that the blinders had fallen off my eyes bc ive been involved with a npd for a long time to the point now i am playing back my life and literally i swear i feel like ALMOST everyone i know is a narc. and from time to time i am asking myself if i became one too. it scares me to think that i have picked up some traits from being with this person for so long. But back to what i was going to say, so i believe that the reason these people get so offended when you bring up a flaw in them that is hurting you, is possibly bc in their eyes these "flaws" are not just flaws.....but WHO THEY ARE. Like these traits that we see as flaws..they see as apart of who they are. So its like someone you care about comes to you and says..listen i really need to talk to you about something, i need you to stop being caring and stop believing in God and to stop having a sense of humor. You would look at that person like they had two heads on their shoulders and would get offended bc they are attacking ur inner core of what your all about..its what makes you YOU. And bc these nut jobs dont ever feel bad about anything they do, is bc they have done it for so long it is them now. these traits are not flaws to them. it is in fact their true character, IT IS THEM. Dont tell them to change who they are or say who they are is wrong. And the whole seeing themselves in 2nd person is so crazy and true. They will be deep in thought and u ask them and they will sit there and tell you they were thinking of a security alarm and how that thought changed to them jumping thru the window stabbing someone in the neck. being the hero in their eyes. And why oh why do we get caught up everytime in trying to talk sense into them...why??? we lose everytime u cant talk sense into a crazy person. They are crazy bc they are not able to see reality. So just give up. These pple are truely toxic. I tried living in peace but u can't bc ull keep getting disgusted as time goes on. You get tired of it and want to wake them up to reality but than you lose all your energy and tell yourself why the hell did i give in to trying to talk sense into them again?? And you will probably continue to try until you leave them alone altogether. Our human nature is to try to fix people or things. so if you stay with a crazy person long enough u will go crazy trying to fix them. You cant fix something that wants to stay broken and they see their "brokenness" as an advantage.
Angel Speaks Their behavior is crazy making. Reason they flip out is at their inner core is toxic jealousy and insecurity. To confront them is to shatter the make believe world they live in, and their own very fragile egos. That's why they are such control freaks. To be confronted is to lose control.
It's more than simple selfishness, the mark of a narc is total lack of empathy....for anyone, even their babies. They aren't capable of it.
If you think your narc spouse has rubbed off on you, look into trauma bonding.
wow! just got ghosted after an 8 yr relationship and what you said made so much sense. "their brokenness is seen as an advantage to them" but only when dealing with their supply. I saw her give vulnerability to everyone else. i feel so lost but im trying to understand as much as i can so i can make better decisions next time
Please do not feel you have to apologize for any comments about Americans. I've been in this country for half of my life and still fail to see the logic of some things!
Other than that..I just came across your video in the middle of trying to figure out the "tools" of the narc I'm dealing with and how I "let him" or enable him. Bla bla bla, I'm sure you heard it all before but this is the first I'm conscious of a narc's personality and understanding their "different thinking" is SO helpful in keeping my own sanity.
So, I must say THANK YOU!!! I hardly ever comment on you tube stuff..but I am truly grateful and thought it is super cute how natural you reacted to the "disturbances" of watch and phone. And even though..I really don't like hearing the "f" word..I somehow did not mind you using it to get a point across. Probably because it wasn't yelled at me in anger or for drama's sake in a movie.
Ok..so..got my stuff all out, please keep posting, even though I just saw I'm a freakin' year late on saying Thanks..:D
ok..well..c'est la vie. Best wishes to your and your "pillow dropping" thing :D
(I need to find me some functional pillows then :D )
LOL just once I fussed at my socio bro law on how he was treating his wife and LOL before the conversation was over, he was trying to convince me that I had done her wrong when I was sitting with her at ICU and Hospice while he was out running all over town with his new woman during her last year of life!! The gall he had to try to make me feel bad when I was the only one in the deal who was doing right! Dick!
One time I complimented a narcissist for work she did in a particular job. During that time she acted like a good and compassionate person. For real, for two years she was calm, compassionate, present in a conversation ... a real, functioning person. Her response to my compliment was that if I was going to treat her like that she would have to leave and she got up and stomped out of my house mumbling about how stupid and ignorant I was. The only thing I could surmise was that I had interrupted her game plan and she didn't know how else to respond.
Adorable, you crack me up :)
Anywhoo, yes, narcissists are very dangerous to be around because they simply cannot be trusted or relied upon for any type of emotional support. My mother would say the most awful comments about others but after completely misinterpreting a neutral comment from me, she flew into a violent and deadly rage, erased me from the family will and went on a smear campaign around town. That was nearly 4 years ago and our relationship is non existent. She even went so far as to cut my face out of our family photos. Likewise, a narcissist coworker of mine was recently the "victim" of fair, constructive criticism from another worker. He immediately contacted our boss, with a shockingly fabricated story and urged our boss that he fire the naysayer. The narcissist will react to words like acid. And they will stop at nothing to get revenge. Duck and cover! :p
"Duck and cover" absolutely.
The 2nd person thing makes sense to me because of a narcissist at work - she's in a disconnected state with herself. There is a huge grandiosity gap, so it is like she's a character in a movie. I started treating her like persona non grata, like she was invisible, and broke the cycle of abuse. She stopped her fixation with me, her toxic, weird interactions. Her 2nd-person disconnected self has to make a connection to set up a hurtful exchange so she can get her juice. My strategy was doing the opposite of confrontation - as much non-involvement as possible. I will only acknowledge that she exists if I cross her path directly, like in the hallway. Then it's a quick, hey g'day, and I'm off. I'm a non-person/object to her, so she won't be reflecting on why I do the things I do, won't be linking it back to her obnoxious ways.
Very funny post with many random moments lol! I think that's what they call over tired :)
As for confronting Narcs, both my parents are (I no longer have contact with them) so I learned from the best you could say. I learned to spot them and learned the hard way how to cut them off from their supply, me. However there is a level of trauma I have suffered from their behaviour, I can become very angry with Narcs because their behaviour can trigger emotions attached to bad memories. I don't scream or yell though, I go quiet which as my brother has informed me is very f'n scary, his words "When you get angry it's like looking into the fires of hell when I look in your eyes" much like an animal backed into a corner before it rips your head off. So what I'm trying to say is Narcs do cause long term damage to their victims. This is a flight or fight response that comes from being constantly abused over a long period of time. Because I can spot them I will extract myself from the situation and then keep contact between myself and the narc to a bare minimum (if they are a work colleague) or no contact at all. Learning how to control your reactions to other peoples behaviour is vital, learn your triggers (throwing your stappler at their head is not an option) Do not give a Narc personal information about yourself as they usually will use this against you and always behave respectfully and professionally if you're in a working environment with one and only discuss work issues never personal ones. They will try to draw you in by ACTING like a decent person to see if you are a potential supply. By watching other peoples body language around this person you can usually gage whether or not they are the office Narc, the stunned bunny in the headlights look usually gives it away lol.
I trained twice the day before then treated myself to a full days work on 5 hours sleep. My eye bags are remarkable. Over-tired, is a nice way of putting it. I would have said "fucked", but Im really trying to swear less.
"However there is a level of trauma I have suffered from their behaviour, I can become very angry with Narcs because their behaviour can trigger emotions attached to bad memories."
Yes I think there is a level of frustrated rage that backs up and any similar "triggers" will evoke an entire reservoir of emotion. Disempowering. Unacceptable.
Needs a software fix or patch. Will speak to the psychic elves for a solution. Na noo, na noo.
I was trying to be kind lol! I know the feeling of overworking yourself looking in the mirror and going wtf who is that tired person!? maybe she's born with it?...no.....it's definitely maybellene, gotta luv concealer it's one of the perks about being female, war paint lol
Yea, it is disempowering anger. Usually leaves me feeling totally exhausted being around Narcs because I'm trying to be civil when all I want is to seriously throw my stappler at their head and say 'I see you buddy shut up!, you're harshing my mellow!' lol but that's just my Ally McBeal fantasy. One must not behave in a manner unbecoming of a lady, or so my Nan says. Doesn't mean I can't think about doing it ;)
I confronted mine and he acted so strangely, he regressed into a little boy before my eyes. I've never seen a face go so red, he went completely mute, left his food. The only time I've ever seen him go off food. No violence at the time, not sure if he took revenge for that particular incident at a later date. He never shut up about it though and turned it into me feeling bad for confronting him and ignored everything I confronted him with.
🔥Spells at midnight... Lol
I live to tell the tale!! Never knew he was narcissist when i did, but woww the anger and temper. He turned personality. Threatened me with police lawyer. I went into shock. Its taken me 7 months.
I went full frontal and direct with a narcissist and I have been suffering the wrath ever since .....
@Tony Jaksn
Maybe laurene did leave that person, and still suffered.
I know I did....when I walked away from my mum, sis ( whole family as a result ).
It took a long long time till they stopped sending me nasty letters ...
...and to this day they are spreading malicious lies about me to friends, family and even strangers at bus stops ...
One good thing came of it besides it being alot quieter and less stressful...
...is that some of their family, friends and neighbours are telling me they have cottoned on to what my mum and sis were up to..
..that they were disgusted with their behaviour..
One neighbour said...." say no more "
( I havent yet told anyone of the whole story....only that I'm not seeing them anymore )
Could listen to you all day, nice balance of humor and really good advice
Plausible Deniability? The Plausible Lie that is the Psychopaths' key to manipulate others
I love how you don’t cut any of the distractions out of your video can you speak to us in the raw. You’re funny as well as informative. I love your videos and your advice and it works thank you
We take no offense re the America riff, we love your dulcie tones, another amusing and informative video which now in 20/20 hindsight I suppose I should have watched before I asked my narcissist to leave.....Christmas Day...egads, but hey I had to once and for all give myself the gift of freedom. I did the recycle, oops! I have learned sooo much from you and the others out there, I finally took the red pill and it is excruciating to be awake, but essential.
I just left my second husband who had NPD and was randomly aggressive and explosive toward me and my children (his stepchildren). It was all about him-he was entitled, controlling and took over all the finances where I had no say in my own income. We learned very quickly to never question or confront him or you would suffer his wrath. These videos are helping me understand my pattern of how I just jumped into a similar personality as my first husband (who was also NPD) and it is attributed to my childhood and bad patterns/examples. I am learning how to set boundaries and it is so freeing. Thank you for sharing your expertise on this subject.
You might also enjoy videos on healing from codependance with Ross Rosenberg.
Iron Maiden made me subscribe ; )
You dont even know how much your videos have been helping me the last few days.. thank you
Also... yayyy iron maiden
This is my first time of looking at your videos, and I'm enjoying them much. Thank you! I am watching this and hearing it as confirmation to things I've discovered. I can't leave the relationship I'm in with the narcissist, and I just had an unavoidable showdown. It got ugly, but it did things. It held breakthrough for me. There is something that I want. My life has too many loved ones who are narcissist. I realized I love them despite this. And I realized that I can love them but hate the relationship. So I am letting the relationship die. I am letting it be killed. I am committing suicide to it, I guess. I feel like a traitor, destroyer and abandonment of love, but I saw that I love these people. I truly do. So I am asking God to resurrect a love that is life-giving from out of the death of a love that is life-taking.
It took me forever to see I could not do anything to be savior, salvation, and life to my relationships with these people. Seeing it has repulsed me. I'm seeing an "abomination causing desolation" in these people where a heart should be. For years it seemed like the ultimate violation or dishonor to see this in others. But now that I am seeing it, I'm repulsed. I'm asking God to end these people as abominations and make them His glory so love is resurrected.
I want to love people. I want to see love as treasure. I want hope. So I am praying to God for people to end as abominations and become glory, His glory, the glory of Love. Then loving them will be light, good and life-giving sweet instead of dark, evil and life-taking bitter. It's sanity to the madmen. God, I pray for hope. And since Jesus is the friend I found in this abyss I was sunk down into, I pray for hope in His Name, in the name of Jesus. Make Love glory and end it as abomination. Amen.
Look up rc blakes
Your videos are so accurately descriptive and honest. It's like you personally know the narcs who suck the blood of your audience. Jeez, now I'm sounding dramatic. Ugh!! Seriously, though, your vids are a big help. Thanks for putting them up:)
I'm American. Not offended. ;) You make very good points. Narcissism runs rampant in the US.
You have served as a great insight to my life. I can't be grateful enough.
Yes this is very true! I have learned the hard way!
This American appreciates you
I have a son, he now is 21 years old but as i was raising him as a single mother, i had my mother and sister whom are Narcissists in my life. At the time i did not even know about this mental illness and thought that they loved to see me and my son. When he was a toddler, one time i gave my mother a photo of my son to put in an empty frame she had/she said she can use for it. Just to note, both my mother and my sister used to hang together a " a lot " I am the Blacksheep they are Narcs.
My sister is vain and found herself an old rich man to take good care of her - her beauty got her a nice way of life - she owns four houses to note.
Well, to continue, when i went to my mothers house about two weeks later for a visit, the photo of my son ( in the frame ) was taken out and replaced with a photo of my sisters DOG. I said Mom ! Where is Ryan's picture ??? She simply and calmly said. " I have it "
I let it go BUT when i went back the next week That picture of the DOG was then taken out and replaced again with a photo of my SISTER of her doing Karate -- At that time the rich man paid for her lessons and she because a Black Belt --.
I am sensitive and they know it ! -- I am hurt about them doing that with my son' s
picture.
The both of them till this very day refused to admit that they exchanged the photo - My mother said she did not do it and my sister said she did not do it .
SO SAD -- My sister had to be the initiator in order for the picture of HER DOG AND HER SELF to go into that frame in the first place -- What do you think ?? Was she just jealous of me having a son ? OR what is that about ? -- I hate what they are !
I am still hurt that they disrespected my son in this way as to let him see what they did with his picture.
Wow that is so sad!!! Reminds me of my son's grandparents who had dozens of pictures of their other grandchildren on the wall but not one of my son. The only pic of him they had up was a small one on their refrigerator, surrounded by tons of pictures of the other grandchildren. Then whenever we would visit them, the grandfather would have one of those photo frames that constantly flash different pictures....all pics were of the other grandchildren and of the spectacular wood carvings he made. Not one picture of my son in that electronic frame. And the wood carvings he made; most of them in the photos were gifts to the other grandchildren which he would brag about to us (same story over and over), but NOT ONE carving did he make for MY SON!!!
He would make gorgeous painted wood toy boxes for them (amazing works of art!), exquisite scroll-cut / lattice-cut wooden jewelry boxes, ivory carved jewelry, ornaments, nick-nacks, etc. all for THEM. He once told my son he would make him something but he never did! It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut when he would brag and brag about all the wood carvings he made for them saying things like "Did I show you the such and such I made for (name)?" and he would pull out the pictures of it to show us for the umpteenth time. We left there in tears every time.
He actually carved the most exquisite wooden jewelry box with ivory inlays for one of my son's cousins who was still an INFANT!!! My son was eleven years old at that time. He had the time to carve out a jewelry box for a BABY, toy boxes and misc things for the other kids (who were all younger than my son!), but made NOTHING at all for my son - HIS FIRST BORN GRANDCHILD!!!
We stopped going there many years ago after - with anger and evil in his eyes - he pointed his finger between my eyes (about an inch away) while looking straight into my eyes and yelled "You even need anything you call me! Got it?!!!!". Yeah sure right.....no thanks. Sounds like a nice gesture right? No, it was very scary and left me shaking because he had never treated me that way before. It was the first time I witnessed the side of him I'd heard about from my son's dad; this was the way he treated his own son.
His son no longer came around anymore due to the abuse but I my son and I would still go there to visit. At that point I felt like I was taking the place of his son who no longer came around. Since he couldn't boss around and abuse his son anymore, he would do it to me instead. I was afraid he was going to start in on my son (his son's son) since he was already showing signs with the emotional abuse.
He was and probably still is the biggest control freak. It's why his own kids never visit and his wife left and everyone walks on eggshells around him. Don't need that in my life. I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused off and on since I was a child and don't have any more room in my life for that shit. I wasn't about to subject my son to it either. I was glad when he said he didn't want to go there anymore because he was tired of grandpa putting him down and bragging up all the other grandchildren. Just total bullshit!!! :'(
Hi ! I read your whole story and you write very well. Thank you for taking the time to send that to me. Yes, you have endured it too long and it's so horrible that you and your son had to be hurt by him. My story was sent two years ago, and i am so grateful for the responses. My mother is now in a nursing home and i am estranged still with my whole family. I have not seen her or my sister. I miss my sister but i have to constantly pinch myself and say "she is NOT your little sister anymore !! " She changed a lot, and my heart hurts for the need of a real sister who accepts me and loves me. I guess that sounds like baby talk but i don't know, Narcissism is really evil and i am SO happy that i have my son. I know we can be happy with our son who loves us completely. Thank you for your reply !!
This is strange, i know i had a few replies since i posted that story - as i only see your reply now -
OceanSound100 It's just gaslighting of YOU. Nothing to do with your precious son. As for your sister being jealous, narcs are pathologically jealous at their core, so of course she's jealous. But I really don't think it was directed at your son. My mom has used my child in the same way.
In fact, she has massive amounts of photos (my dad as a baby, siblings, her sisters grandkids) but not one of me. I asked her where my pic was, she said "oh, the frame broke". It was there behind the photos, dusty and broken. Typical.
Donna No offense, but you or your husband should have laid down the law about staying away. My Dad's side is like that & at the 1st signs I bailed....totally.
One Christmas I was supposed to bring my Grandma her present, she kept making excuses as to why I couldn't come until the last moment (christmas eve). Her daughter wanted me to see her new house. I ended up getting in a huge fight with my mom (long distance I was visiting) about my refusal to go x-mas eve.
I told her she was insane if she thought I was going to take my son away from my in-laws who love him & expose him to a bunch of crazy, jealous people (narcs and more) that I had to suffer through as a child, so her gift wouldn't be late. It ended up on her doorstep on my way out of town.
I was young, had a degree in psych, & did NOT know about narcississm. Abnormal psych not my specialty, & skimmed over in 1990. Turns out a lot of people on my in-laws side are narcs. His Grandparents adored him, God rest their souls, as does his Godfather (huge narc). His Godmother also narc & hasn't acknowledged him since he was 3 when her daughter was born. But his other Aunt (narc) & Uncle (not) does. Basically, he was adored there. Since we live out of state contact is minimal & he doesn't even know what the mean crazies on my side look like. He has plenty of cousins, etc on his Dad's side.
Narcissists become angry and hate-filled over the slightest disagreements. You like blue, the narcissist likes red---BOOM! You've got WWIII on your hands. And that's no exaggeration.
you had my subscription at Run to the Hills...
wow this is so true about narcs only seeing the idea of themselves in places in life instead of just doing and appreciating things in life
I am not too sure that narcissism is so easily defined. Most people have self serving traits. Actually finding a real narcissistic subject is rare.
true- but it is distinct when you see it
A Narc will NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE.
Bro I seen that with a girl I was talking too. She started to shake with rage and freak out. Explosive rage with her is an understatement...
I would love a video on sociopaths
I am leafing so hard (2am ) with tears, you are so smart and so original funny!!!!! My 1st. Video watched about so much pain created by evil narcs hurting me and you make it so hilarious AWSOME to keep on going to RECOVERY!!!! Thank you so much !!! 💜
Run to The Hills...lol
From a Narcissist
Not only narcissists can feel as living in a movie. It's called depersonalization, Dissociation, And many people experience this for many reasons, including schizoids. It is also a response to trauma.