How To Interpret Narcissistic Behaviour
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- Sam Vaknin Richard Grannon Seminar Liverpool March 2019 "How to Manipulate the Narcissist or Psychopath"
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They have no empathy, no moral character or boundary. They will watch you hurt, sick, and even dying and go home and sleep at night like a baby.
That how my sister-inlaw is , her brother died because of her not helpping him when he asked for help.
Queen KCB thats true ... even my mom is almost that wht u just mentioned
Queen KCB You are dead on correct Queenie.
Queen KCB I am learning that I catch myself forgetting that Narcissists are created in their childhood. So the exercise helps me to take pity on them....their broken childhood..
Lucio compassion is good, im not there yet
Bahahahahaha! "If I treat people well, they'll treat me well." That's exactly how I describe the attitude that led me into my first full-blown Narc relationship!
That "they will sleep like a baby" really hit home. I can't even count how many nights I sobbed myself to sleep while my husband slept soundly beside me.
Daniela Ryan. Narcissists men don't feel like we do
Shirley Breedon in my opinion there are as many narcissistic women as there is men...
Yes, exactly, me too!
I'm so sorry.
same my ex gf, i had to take sleeping pills few nights while she slept well
Love your brutal honesty. I lived with what I've been told was/is a sociopath for over ten years. It took many years, but I came to the realization that he was calculating in his attacks on me. He was hell bent on destroying my reputation, isolating me and undermining what was left of my fragmented mind. I had never met anyone like him before, and I never expected that anyone would have no human compassion whatsoever. This man set out to destroy me, and it's just as you state in your videos, that was his agenda. I kicked his ass out and implemented no contact. He made it incredibly difficult to keep him out of my life. Yes, he tried to suck me in again to no avail. Good riddance, and I'm on to my healing! I'm watching your videos one by one.
Im sorry to hear that, but its good to hear your doing better. Glad the videos are helping :)
SPARTANLIFECOACH Learning the signs is high on my list of priorities. Thanks for the videos!
No worries , thanks! :)
Chance Thomas glad to hear it but remember ; we can't be victims forever. Actually you can and it is the individual alone that makes that determination
@@jamesa643 stfu
After my sister and I suffered 50 years of our fathers behaviour, both of us now psychotherapists, he finally died in France in February. I said to Sarah, come and watch this guy who has some interesting stuff to share about narcs, so we sat in our dead fathers flat in France watching your videos , we laughed and talked and watched for hours, your analysis of this destructive and abusive behaviour that we had tried to manage throughout our combined lives of 104 years! Still today we shudder at his determination that he was right about every subject, his denial of his history of brutality and sexual abuse, his stubborn character, even whilst dying , he could not say sorry, or I love you or perhaps I was wrong.
You are correct, they will annihilate you even until death, given the chance.
Prudence Greenwood not much room for disagreement there.
I can tell you what years of humiliating someone in public can do because it happened to me my entire childhood. At every family gathering or outing one of my parents would purposely begin screaming at me for what ever reason they could come up with. By the time I was 13 I began having severe panic attacks when in public and by the time I was 17 I dropped out of school because I literally was unable to sit in a classroom or walk down a crowded hallway. I spent most of my 20s living as a shut in due to Agoraphobia. Narcissistic abuse can literally destroy a person and in my opinion the healthy thing to do is to go complete no contact for life!!!
My parents like to shame and yell in public and on holidays
True. It isolates the one trying to break free from the chaos. No one wants to help and u become imeshhed in the same drama as them.
True. I got GAD from it.
I was once told "I love how innocent you are". I found this comment so bizarre, I thought he was just trying to compliment me, but it gave me the creeps.
I was raped once.. My rapist told me when I asked him why? "Because you seemed so innocent, I just wanted to destroy you" Not saying he was a narc bc I dont know him but I recognized that line.
@@Vixinaful they are possessed by demons Im sure...looking to destroy the innocent.
@@SharonOBrienMusic That's exactly what it seemed like, yeah! It felt so creepy that he actually said "I wanted to destroy you" Like something you'd hear in a horror movie. Who admits that completely without sensing there's something very wrong about it? You know? Creepy indeed.
@@Vixinaful Believe me they are out there, they do exist...read 2 Timothy chapter three verses 1-8 it says.. Turn away from such as these! 6They are the kind who worm their way intohouseholds and captivate vulnerable women.
@@SharonOBrienMusic LoL! I usually recommend 2 Tim 3 to others. :D Yes, you are 100% right. This is demonic. I had that feeling from the last guy I saw..and he broke my spirit so bad I got physically sick. That was also the purpose; to break me and to get me to sin and he accomplished that and hasn't let me go yet so I've stopped replying and haven't seen him since new years eve for a few hours. And let me tell you something spooky about just how right you are: This guy even told me he HATES christians! HATES them! (His own words) See how it all ties in? It's a demonic attack bc of my believes. This is some creepy shit. Tell me, what other passages in the bible can I read about these things? There must be more?
I have always clashed with therapists, counselors and well meaning friends over the "You have to forgive your abusers" mentality. No I fucking don't. They stole my childhood, tried to kill me, physically tortured and sexually abused me...I shan't go on. The hatred I feel for them doesn't eat at me..it makes me feel like I am healing. I am getting things worked out and feeling as I do about them is real and it feels good to be grounded in reality. Just wondering what your opinion on the whole idea of having to forgive to heal is. I don't believe that narcissists , incestuous psychopaths or the like have the right to damage a person to such a degree then have society turn around and insist that you forgive them for what they have done. I firmly believe that this so called healing process is a good part of the reason that more of these people aren't brought to justice. It protects them.
Just had to edit to add this: Forgiveness is grounded in religion. To be a good christian is to turn the other cheek and forgive. I don't see anything wrong with smacking them down. It doesn't mean that I have stooped to their level. To me it means that I have taken back my power and made sure that they won't do it to me again and maybe made it more difficult for them to do it to someone else. I had to set an example for my children by following through and showing them how to deal with people like this and I am really happy I did because I now know that my sons are a lot less susceptible to these personalities.
I would like people out there to know that you can come back from the worst kinds of abuse and find happiness, have a family and be a great Mom..You just have to give yourself permission to do it. Cheers
A-thefuck-MEN!! This is exactly how I feel.
When you do confront them they even get nastier. No remorse for hurting
others. What can be done is that this should be taught that this is
wrong in the home with parents and at schools. Children should be spoken too and not just heard. Check in with the young to see if they are having difficulty in their homes. This is hidden and can be brought to the surface. Some kind of psych services in schools instead of just universities. They check our health at schools, what about children's mental health?
And, it would be good if the narcissist realized they have a
shame based personality and learn to love themselves. So, they can stop
projecting this false self onto others. That I don't even mind, it is
the plain ol' mean treatment of others that is so toxic. What is the solution to help people identify toxic dynamics? Establish if there is toxic dynamics,
and then look deeper into the problem for personality disorders. People
intervene a narcissist with an addiction. The narcissist getting a supply as for drug addicts and alcoholics getting their fix. People standing together against the narcissist and let them know we don't tolerate mean and nasty treatment of others even if you are hurting inside. Do not enable the narcissist. Let them know that their behavior is unacceptable and walk. Do not look back unless they show real change and not a pattern of a cycle of abuse change. They can fool you into that they have changed with charm. The behavior is based off their own shame. Please tell them to get help as, an example an alcoholic or drug user may use substances to cope with pain. Narcissist, I believe exhibit this behavior as a coping mechanism for underlying pain. The victim needs help too. What makes the victim the approval seeker and people pleaser? This is overlooked, but that individual is trying to fill some kind of void as well. It all about fill voids in the heart. Everybody needs professional help especially a co-dependent and couter-dependent type. The co-dependent fits the narcissist need for supply like a glove. If you are co-dependent we probably would date the same personality type with a different name without professional help. The cycle will most likely continue. I have understood that narcissist seldom will get help or change for the rest of their lives. I guess it has to do with superiority. They are above everyone! So, going to a therapist won't most likely happen and if they do, they can even lie to a therapist. A trained therapist can pick up on this especially if they had a narcissist in their own life.
I am happy to see people are talking about this and awareness is increasing through support groups, conversations, and social media.
"You have to forgive your abusers" -- only to the point of not keeping yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ill by harboring excessive hatred, blame, and bitterness -- as a kind of reactionary defensive shield, which is a poor weapon.
It helps us -- not making excuses for them -- to assume that abusive people are mentally ill and unable -- actually unwilling -- to question themselves at all and be critical of themselves in relation to others, in a useful manner. (They may be hyper-critical of themselves in other ways ... perhaps re any sense of weakness or mistakes in their "battles".)
It helps to experience Love and Forgiveness, which seems to me to be an ironically stronger mental shield than bitterness. This DOES NOT mean permitting more abuse. Boundaries we assert fluidly as needed work better than a defensive bitterness shield. This Forgiveness can exist in the form of dark humor -- but humor -- and acceptance of life as it is, replacing bitterness.
A choice to exist in a general state of Love can provide for us a reservoir of sanity from which we can draw the emotional lubricants we need to deal with "routine" levels of human narcissism and not be freaking out or over-reacting.
None of Richard's categories, except extreme cases, seems to exist in themselves as a bacterial infection or other physical disease.
Lesser cases (or early cases) exist in the give-and-take of the subtle flow of relationships with people around them, petty criticisms and put-downs and mere disagreements, slowly growing to more extreme examples of disrespect and condemnation and blame, eventually appearing as a form one can call "abusive".
They use certain kinds of bait, knowingly or unknowingly, active or passive, but their victims are perfectly matched to bite at that bait. For various reasons, including politeness, we won't reject that bait.
Pathological naïveté sounds like one accurate description -- but the flipside is pathological cynicism, which seems equally unhealthy, if somewhat superficially safer. Keeping potential enemies at a distance (emotionally) is wise as you get to know the person (my friend's now-ex didn't flip over into yelling and rage until immediately after their marriage on their honeymoon, I don't know what possible signs preceded that, possibly just rigid and critical attitude).
It is therefore necessary for healthy empaths to let down their boundaries to be in relationships but retain a sense of these boundaries such that we can analyze these disruptions and when necessary to fight or put up boundaries again, and put a stop to abuse when it surfaces, without making excessive excuses ... while also being willing to consider that OUR worldview might possibly be skewed and we MIGHT be excessively touchy about criticism (we view as demeaning) and ourselves over-reacting.
What helped me with this was learning I do need to FORGIVE for my OWN SAKE but I do NOT have to FORGET. No I need to remember what they did. Trust is earned though I doubt they will ever earn it back from me. I will go elsewhere. And pray I do not forget what they do to me.
Moya Montgomery You are crrect. Frankly, how can God ask us to do what He won't or can't do Himself? There are crimes and transgressions that get eternal death and will never be forgiven. There are such evil deeds that there is simply no way to be forgiving. To me, forgiving means saying, "It's okay, we all make mistakes, nobody is perfect." and we move on and forget it. But some wrongs are so evil, so wicked, so terrible, there is no way a person could just say, "It's okay...you just made a mistake and I forgive you." Actually I believe people who do this toward a true monster, are sick themselves, and have some human part missing in them. All I know is there are things that even God is not able to do, certain crimes so horrific there is no forgiveness, so there is no way He could ever expect us to have a power He does not Himself possess. Just don't let these evil ones destroy you, that is the most important thing and to become a stronger, more insightful, human being. There are some pains that will never go away, but don't allow them to make us into some kind of hateful being ourselves. There is still good in this world and beauty, but the dark side exists and we make a choice to not allow it to destroy us. Remain strong and when you find yourself giving too much thought to the things that are past, refuse to go there for very long...we can choose our thoughts. Always try to stay positive. For BIG TRUTH! kristi
Please keep these videos coming! NEVER STOP! I'm married to a narcissist and your videos are essential to my survival and self recovery. Thank you!
keep strong!! if you keep persisting with your goals they will come one day! i hope you have overcome this narc in your life
Leave her
How are you doing now Theo?
SAME!!!
I think we need to start a support group. Women Married to Narcissists. .
In my experience, my narcissist ex was a lot more passive in public, where preserving his self image was alfa omega. But behind closed doors, he was extremely abusive - mostly emotional. But towards the end of the relationship he began to openly humiliate me in front of a lot of people that I knew, people who respected me.
A woman I know was with her narcissistic mother when the mother was dying and the last words she spoke to her were "don't tell anyone". They never repent. They never stop caring about their self-image
guydecervens, That is correct, my mother and I would occasionally go out on the town for a few drinks in the evening, rare occurrence by the way. Once there was some of her male friends at the piano bar, she whispered to me "Don't call me mom" She did it one more time at a club, introduced me as her sister. I never went out with her again.
***** Remember regardless who or what the situation is, if you project evil energy onto another, it will inevitably come back on you. You can have no regard for humans, but what you emit is what you receive.
***** waste of time
***** Can you spot a narcissist on TH-cam comments? If you know narcissists very well, you can spot them every time...
fridaykiss8521 yes it's called the boomerang effect.
Wish I would have learned all this 25-30 years ago
Me too!
Poppy Daisy me 3!
Becki Holt Me 4. Didn't ever think TH-cam videos would make me realise I've been a mug my whole life. I'm annoyed with myself for not being able to see it. Being blinded by love is the only explaination I have for myself.
I;'m 51 and finally having names and legitimacy to what I have been seeing and feel all these years! MY sister got her answers this year as well- we have never felt so vindicated in our lives (sister is 42)
Becki Holt better late than never
To all "only children": Only children are often both scapegoats and golden children. They
are under enormous pressure to be all things to the narcissistic parent.
They are told they are the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the most
talented, the best speller, the best student, and the most special.
It’s an enormous responsibility to live on a pedestal to begin with, and
have to fulfill your parents’ grandiose fantasies of your perfection
(when you know these are lies and you know you are far from perfect and
can never measure up).
Add inconsistency to the equation. Sometimes you are the scapegoat.
Nothing you do is good enough. You are punished for having opinions,
emotions or expressing yourself in honest ways they deem “disrespectful”
or “crazy.” Your self esteem is insidiously chipped away at, with
intermittent false bolstering of you as their dream “perfect child”
which you can never be. You never know when Mommy or Daddy will be
doting admirers (of a fantasy of you that isn’t really you) or raging
monsters (when you are being yourself). Learned helplessness sets in
because you never know how you should act or when you should act or even
who you are. Am I bad? Am I good? Who am I? You simply don’t know. I
always wondered as a child how I could “be myself” when I didn’t know
who I even was.
+Patty: Living it! My mother got pretty psycho after my dad left her and started assaulting me every time we had a bad argument. This went on for 2 years until I incited an argument and fought to the death (for once) when she attacked me. She stopped. I wonder if maybe this abuse--foiled with me being the best student, best artist, most glamorous, whatever--set me up for some future cluster B mindfucking. Only from men. I am always pretty shocked by this sadistic behavior. Not anymore!! My mother was not sadistic, but definitely has a personality disorder, maybe OCDPD. thx
PS. My former narc is my mom, dad and stepmother all rolled into one sick fuck. He's so gorgeous, I'm still flattered. (That would be related to Daddy.) HA! Even though I hate his guts, omg. Who's sick now?!
+Patty Friedmann
Everybody's stories of this stuff have a lot of distinct differences, and tactical differences. The challenge is to describe these as categories, repetitious patterns, simplifying without over-simplifying.
I can related to some parts of your story -- not the "perfect child" but academic success from the youngest age, but not quite "fantasy of perfect child" but yes to the warning that as a young child I was supposed to be a behavioral EXAMPLE of good behavior (adult-lite?) to my younger siblings. But I wasn't being a juvenile delinquent or brat in the first place. So I don't recall any clear idea of what that meant other than "stop what you're doing" via guilt and shame instead of direct discipline or "stop doing that at this moment because that is annoying me" (which is valid) trying to turn that into a RULE or PRINCIPLE to follow. (which is nonsense)
By valid vs nonsense, an example might be "don't try to rough-house play with the dog when it's sleeping but OK to do so when it's awake and playful".
I must assume that meant NEVER joking around or being flippant or clever or witty or sarcastic or goofing around and being playful.
Patty Friedmann I raised emotionally mature children who are now 28 29 30 years old and I'm helping to raise an emotionally productive adults in my grandchildren as much as I can but my husband there grandpa is still in the picture and he it's always telling him how he's the best at everything something that would be impossible to live up to although he is pretty great but I'm going to apply the same principles and love that I give to my own children with my grandkids and hopes that he can be valued loved and accepted for who he is what is a kind loving thoughtful and pathetic child even at 6 years old have a feeling that is Grandpa and it's going is going to have to be removed from this situation, it's going to be very tricky and a little calculating on my part as I'm going to burn his Perfect Image to the ground, nothing but ashes left
This should be taught in school as compulsory subject because most of the problems of this world are caused by narcissists
Thank you for making this video! I'm 37yrs old & in a very trying relationship for 17yrs & I'm just finding this out. After 37yrs I'm just now realizing that there are sharks in the world. I've dealt with many in my life but always think that if I show them enough love & compassion they'll change. Now I have been coming to the realization that there are people who can't & won't change. Some have a choice & some don't but either way they simply don't see how much their behavior hurts & negatively effects those who love them. It's heart breaking to come to this realization that someone you love never actually loved you. It was all just a mirage & my false hope is what keeps me hanging on.
It's tiring to vigilant all the time while dealing with a narcissist, but it's the only way to protect yourself.
+Ana Day - they probably count on that... wear us down - easier prey... that's one reason it's best to cut ties/contact altogether if possible... we could get hurt at every turn no matter what we do... I have found... it's like going through a maze and they are the Maze Master so they know every which way we (supposedly) will go, except when they get way far gone.... then it starts to just get pathetic...but like an old virus, they can still do damage... doesn't matter... they can still effect... all this and more I have learned after dealing with more than one N in my life.... probably starting with some family members... and most especially lately with a doozy of one, I think it was like a 'final exam' for me to finally 'get it' - I think I finally am..... after all this time... still learning ofc, not saying I'm completely 'done' we always have to remain vigilant to not fall into the trap again...
A. Day the only way to protect yourself is NO CONTACT. Get away quick!
your videos are fantastic, but the appearance of the sock-devouring wolf dog is everything. :)
Seriously tho, you got me when you talked about empaths not knowing the rules of the narcissist's game. I knew there were many odd things about my narc ex-boyfriend right away... the way he love-bombed me, the way he played on my sympathies and my high threshold for complicated, damaged people, & my endless well of patience and so on. but all the red flags notwithstanding, my major Achilles heel was simply being supremely naive, lacking basic knowledge of the games played by manipulative, controlling people. none of his crazy making made sense to me, but I didn't realize it was "of-his-making. I lived in an empathy world where people were messy concatenations of the residues of experiences and traumas and insecurities, but it was out of my nature to consider this behavior as calculated or to imagine there were specific conscious or semiconscious goals associated with his painful treatment of me. I don't know why (tho now I'm certain he did know and was consciously betting on it), but I always wanted to care for his "sad child." His sad child was a mirror for nine, except, well, we turned out and up very differently. Glad I was finally able to set myself free; no contact, tho extremely difficult and uncomfortable to start, has been extremely liberating. it took me three long-fucking years, but here I am. thank you.
rosariapaesti are you italian? sicilian even (Rosaria is a sicilian name isn't it?)? With this english? How come? I don't know anyone in Sicily who can write like this in english.
I don't know but she looks Italian HOT!
they will break you and sleep like a baby that night...
They say the word psychopath is outdated but I think it really is a very poignant description of some of these types of people. To call them just a narc is too mild.
All psychopaths are narcissistic, but not all narcissists are psychopaths.
Narcs need supply, psychopaths are goal orientated..
Narcissists are not psychopaths. He was saying psychopath has been traded in for Antisocial Personality Disorder not narcissist.
And no not all psychopaths are narcissist.
@@eugenemurray2940 , that is my understanding as well,. And neither psychopath nor sociopath is used in the DSM,. Also, that T1 is correct on the re-naming,. But that they all fall under the npd or antisocial-pd,. as a spectrum,. from the "normal" range 50 percentile and under (more or less as we are all somewhat narcissistic, ) to the higher range of impaired early childhood creating the narcissist personality of pathological self importance to the extreme antisocial person either to criminal or criminally inclined,. But in my opinion they do the public a diservice as either way its been named or explained so far,. is confusing.
Really good talk esp. towards the end about the performance aspect. I don't seem to get bothered or offended by narcissists nearly as much now, but what I do notice is I abhor the people who surround them. Often I will have friends who are totally feeding a narcissist and it ruins the friendship because I am not willing to endure the narcissist's game. In a way for me the narcissists haven't been so much the problem as the people pleasers who give them an avenue.
Absolutely, I too avoid these people, however I can empathize as I have *been* the follower of a few narcs. I know the way it can eat away at my common sense, my intelligence, my sense of right and wrong. They're like the stoat hypnotizing the rabbits with their frenzied dance.
Your point that it's the N's entourage who are the greater problem hit home with me! Maybe that can be the subject of a video?
QueenBeeNightly, Wow double wow!! you are totally right about the people enabling the narcissist, usually they themselves are narcissists as well. Take a closer look at those people, observe carefully. I never allow anyone around when I visit my narcissist, I know they will take turns at grabbing the narcissist supply, like it's candy, if that ever happens, I leave immediately.
***** It's funny, I'd say the complete opposite. If I have to engage a narcissist I prefer to do it in a public forum, so they cannot hide behind the craziness that they've desensitized me to over the years.
Although I suppose Narcissists like an audience they have control over, which is why the most dangerous situation (for me), is my whole family (the main narc + the flying monkeys).
***** you should seek help immediately.
'Once a [person] gets an understanding of the game,
And the levels and the rules of the game,
Then the world ain't no trick no more,
The world is a game to be played' - Tupac Shakur
Yes, you are spot on. Screamed everyday in the home. To myself and the kids ... instill fear, control, etc. Two to three showers a day, anyone who did not adopt the same ritual, he insulted. Incapable of compassion....destroy till nothing left to destroy.
I'm an empath and have found that it's important to protect myself. In fact being with narcissists (more than one) and being an empath has led me to find survival skills that make my life much more satisfying right now. I found the courage to be more assertive (not take any more bullshit) and though I'm not the wide-eyed naive optimist I once was (more of an optimist realist), I found that by being with the past 2 narcissists helped me to find the areas within myself that I've been ignoring because of pain and self-doubt.
Holy shit, yes, this is what I learned from my experience with abuse and toxic personalities. I used to travel in 'spiritual' communities in which people clung to a hodge-podge of new age ideas, centering on that pronoia idea. Now it's my goal to tell them that not everyone is conspiring for their highest good, in fact most people are conspiring in the opposite. So glad I'm binge-watching your videos today.
12.00 you state an analogy suggesting that an empath will be KOd by a narcissist. I would suggest that if that were the case, the empath would soon become a narcissist and fight back. However, this is often NOT the case since the narc is in fact displaying inferiority by the NEED or DESIRE for one upmanship play. Whereas the empath simply wants harmony.
In my book, narcs are weak little spineless bullies who are so bored of their own shit that they feel the need to go wind up their next victim. Narcs are to be ignored. Empaths are to be respected.
Given that they never stop. It seems to me that there is no solution except removing these people from your life completely. Why even engage ?
+Ride the Tiger right... thing is they ARE like viruses, literally, human viruses, they say that mental illness is contagious, well, if you are around them long enough and let them influence you, YOU will start to be infected.... like the zombie apocalypse... only this has been going on since probably the beginning of Civilization, I don't think prehistoric man dealt with it so much because they were only trying to survive, but once civilization became more 'prosperous' that changed... the 'survival' instinct became more sophisticated yet still had that early instinct, but anyway, it would be interesting to investigate the socio-historic-anthropological aspects of Narcissism, whatever that field would be called... fascinating! What would that be - abnormal psychology maybe? I have always had an interest in that.... but anyway, I digress... back to how they are viruses, they literally want to insert their 'code' into your psyche so that they can influence you, affect you, and then control you.... at the same time, they may want YOU or to be YOU.... still virus behavior.... so, just like a virus, you wouldn't want to be exposed to any whatsoever... think of it that way.
Thing is, there's normal levels of human narcissism, that exists on a continuum and for everyone it comes and goes in different situations and different levels of stress. We need a certain amount of natural resilience to deal with that, natural lubricant and self-love.
These discussions remind me of Bruce Lee's description of his Jeet Koon Do style, the style without style, after he learned all the "forms" of other styles, but was no longer bound by any one particular style or mode, then he was able to respond instinctively to whatever happened in front of him and behind him. He was talking about combat, of course, not loving relationships, but he described a healthy ego that could shrink to zero such that "I" was not a barrier to perception and reactions.
The PROBLEM in responding to narcissism seems to be seeing a PATTERN and a growing pattern, which takes time to develop, to go from subtle to more obvious, coupled with the fact that it's subjective to identifying it, and our subjective notions change in relationships by the very fact that close relationships are not meant to be "objective" and "at arms length" at all times. It is healthy to get "sucked in" to healthy relationships, which involve 'fair' and 'loving' criticisms and differences, but not a pattern of criticism which becomes 'unfair' and one-sided and then abusive and keeping us off-balance.
My youngest sister is the Golden Child of the family. Image is everything to her and into materialism. She calls herself a queen. She has a picture of herself wearing a t-shirt that says "The Golden Child" and smiles and has two thumbs up like she's really proud of it. My narc mother has been using her and her husband as human ATMS and pay my narc's bills because of her pity party. I'm so glad that I went no contact with my narc mother and the rest of my narc sisters.
The whole not knowing the rules - even realising there was a game - resonates
I asked my ex narcissist how he wanted to improve. He told me he'd done all the improving he was going to do and felt that he just wanted to relax and enjoy his life. He then told me he had no plans to improve, not personally or inter-personally. It was telling when I heard it but so nice to see that you concur. Another thing, I just loved the idea of fighting or not fighting. I fought and like every warrior I'm tired after battle. I went to battle. I had to. I just couldn't lay down one more time.I'm one of those people.,naive and couldn't understand how people could lie but I fought and stood up for myself and won. Love the new take on life. Fresh fun and no bullshit !
that part about the narcissist acting to an audience is a really good observation. i accidentally rented the room of a narcissistic landlord quite some time back. not having heard of NPD before, i was totally manipulated and abused while i was staying there. i started checking on the internet to understand his behaviors and that was how i have come to know about narcissism since earlier this year. i moved out instantly.
what was interesting with my narcissistic landlord was that he really enjoyed opening our front door really wide the moment he comes back from work, and then he will start shouting at me for things he'd imagine i did. and then after all the screaming, he would rush to his room and slam his door shut. and then when he realized he couldn't really control me, he would shout at me louder and louder. i thought he was just rude and disrespectful. now i realized that he was playing to an audience. he wanted our neighbors to think badly about me as a way of controlling me.
sadly, even after moving out, this narcissistic ex-landlord of mine is now using his Facebook to defame me. we do have a couple of mutual friends and that's how i ended up renting his room. it stopped bothering me actually, but now i know that he is also playing to another audience, his Facebook friends.
what is bothering me is something that happened to another mutual friend of ours who had also rented the room of this narcissist. he used to be really confident, self-reliant, happy and fun-loving. but since the day he moved out, now he seems to be ruder, more suspicious and generally just more negative in his outlook on life. i wonder if NPD is something that spreads? if not, could damage caused by narcissists make someone to suffer from emotional problems that would change his/her personality? say they are too worried about getting manipulated and abused by other narcissists they might encounter, so they become louder and ruder as a defence mechanism to protect themselves?
Sorry about your trouble. Decades ago there was a narcissist in my group of friends. He went from one person to the next in bad mouthing people. I was raised to be very honest and narcissists directly relate that to weakness. Believe it or not, when people would tell me the lies he had told them about me, I would respond with things like "huh, wonder why he would say that? He seems to have lots going for him; not sure why he's worried about me. Oh well, wish him the best." Most people come to see through narcissists. It may not appear to be the case because narcissists are surrounded by people who are either codependents or are in the process of finding the narcissist out.
Do not feel alone. You are not alone. The narcissist is alone even surrounded by 10 groupies.
Hope this helps in some way.
Thank you so much. You communicate in a brutally honest, sometimes hilarious and sometimes a tough dose of reality. The fact is malignant narcs are not ever going to love or be compassionate towards an empath because the only thing they really care about is their incessant need for praise and admiration. The only possible hint of love they may display is when they feel praised. An empath will die trying to love the narc. If you are an empath, get out. The narc will destroy you inside and outside. He will destroy your relationships. He will cheat, lie, steal, and leave you with nothing. Protect yourself now from further damage. You cannot change the narc, and the narc will project his dirty behavior onto you. He will smear your reputation. He will annihilate you. Get out. Don't look back. Just run.
Narcissistic behavior comes from an over-complicated inferiority complex.
Remco hgndrn
Agreed
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6;43-45)
Who cares where it comes from unless you're raising children? We have to make sure we don't raise monsters however but we have to deal with so many horrible adults and teens who are evil narcissists now.
@@satvinderpatel7349 Most ppl care very much where it comes from, like you would a disease. Raising kids around it isnt the only reason. Smh.....
Is there a way to help these people? They keep popping up from evrrywhere... Sometimes I think I have this special ability to turn a normal person into a narcissistic abuser without limits...
I am a danger to myself, living w my narcissistic father. I am going to find a way out of this terrible terrible relationship
Stay strong and get away from the mindfuck. The longer the exposure, the worse the head wounds. xo
shannon osullivan hope you got away. Life is too short not to have peace of mind.
just go
My ex husband of 30 years was and still is a never ending abusive malignant narcissist and alcoholic just like his dad.
He inflicted so much destruction on me
and my children . Unbelievable evil.
Perfect descriptions and warning! I hope BILLIONS of people watch this video!
My ex ON husband used to routinely yell at me in front of other people. He did it in front of my mother, my friends, his friends and his family and always in a way that took me completely off guard. What he yelled about was always a manipulation, a lie of some sort so that I was totally confused and had to take time to figure out what the hell he had said.
It was always humiliating.
I assume that he used this technique to make himself look more powerful than me. I was much more intelligent and better educated than him, so it seems to me that he used this strategy to correct an imbalance between the two of us to his friends and family. It probably was probably a way of discrediting me and making me look weak to his audience. It was totally confusing to me at the time he was doing it.
One day, after our divorce, the ON ex tried to manipulate me into paying him to see my children, to which I said calmly, no. As we had this conversation, I kept calm and I told him I was taking notes - which I did. As he realized he wasn't manipulating me into giving him money or upsetting me, he upped the ante and started attacking me directly. I kept calm, continued telling him I was writing his words, asked him to speak more slowly so I could keep up with him, and repeated back to him what he said. He got so spun up that he started saying crazy outlandish insults and I kept cool. He never took me on ever again.
great job
Yes I have parents and a brother who do that yelling thing
AWESOME I am writing this down!! For real.
I sent this vid to my therapist and my sons therapist s Sure does put it straight. Thank you. Husband is now going to therapy for both of us so here we go. Im afraid but all will be on the table. My son has manifested ODD and is becoming mirror image of dad at 8. Im taking charge and praying im wrong.
My mother is a narcissist - I am the scapegoat in the family and in all of my search here looking at videos this one has helped me the most. I am sensitive and empathetic I give too high of a tip in restaurants all the time even when the service is bad. I always thought that you must trust first until the other shows their self untrustworthy and that of course has landed me cheated and in pain. I am seeking help in how to heal and this video has clarified how my mother used me to her advantage. Thank you SO much !
Please do a video on leaving a narc situation when a child is involved and the narc uses said child against you..
The greatest revelation we can appreciate in this situation with narcs is to know that everyone is not like YOU.. they are not YOU so stop assuming that they would be kind, loyal and protect you.. you might be like that and that’s wonderful but ‘that other person’ is not like YOU. That’s where empathy get demolished cos they go into these relationships thinking ‘we’ are the same .. the bible says ‘be shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves’ in other words wise up and protect yourself .. like a snakes discern the vibrations of a narc /demon/Jezebel but be innocent as doves meaning ‘be kind to yourself, gentle in your attitude and remain pure and true to who you are’ without letting a narc destroy your goodness. Great reminder thanks for the video
Thank You. Key Narcissistic Behaviors: Projecting an image, Power-trip, Phony nativity, & Controlling others
That's so true, after having an encounter with a narc, I had to start paying attention to conversations I was having with people, realizing that things were being suggested to me and I didn't realize it. I had to open my eyes and my mind. Just because I'm nice, doesn't mean everyone else is nice.
i think i came up with a better metaphor for an empathic person vs. a narcissist. it's more like the empathic doesn't even know what boxing is and that they're inside a boxing ring, s/he doesn't even know or recognize the game.
I like that, very true
+James K did you mean to say the 'Narcissist' is inside the boxing ring? Confused...
perfect. empaths lose the boxing match every time. sometimes they are hit and can only imagine it to be a joke rather than maliciousness. sometimes they just don't know what to bloody say because the game is so ridiculous. The npd butt into your conversations to just describe to the potential friend all your flaws. they create these specious rhetorical arguments which you cannot win. they do things infront of others particularly when you are talking to them, such as one weird one--saying you are lying if you describe something about yourself--yet after when alone with you admit to being wrong about it and that they 'didn't mean it, we're fine'--but hey they guy i talked to walked off! as long as we're fine that must be great! I mean i saw the npd bragging to him later when I am distracted by someone else, overhear him claiming things i've achieved are under his direction---I'm talking multiple times here.... Empaths=bemused. they COULD lower themself to hyper-vigilance, but then life would have no value, they can't play the 'game of nothing' like the narcissist does.
Yup
Thank you, I need all the positive help I can get. I just discovered what this stranger is. I have been enduring this for a very long time. I need this help
This vid has put another piece of the puzzle into place. The one thing I couldn't figure out was why my ex narc was listing comfort eating as one of the many problems I allegedly caused. Feeling guilty makes sense - half the time she was conflicted and ashamed by her own behaviour. Thank you for the great videos Richard
Wow! The narc I experienced was an actor (locally). Very good at acting the role and yes, always needed an audience to feel good. He talked down at me in public a few times, was even physically abusive when I didn't focus on him. The day I broke it off, I told him about about the emotional and physical abuse. He said that Never happened...denied it!!!
even after almost 15 years involved with, destroyed by, and still trying to escape and hide from a narcissist/sociopath... there were moments while listening to your video, and hearing someone speak about this in such a direct way, that gave me goosebumps...and i feel a sickly recognition in the pit of my stomach...i wish i'd seen something like this about 15 years ago ;)
I love these videos. They've been helping me a lot. I truly believe I am changing for the better. I also had no idea what narcissism was about. I never paid much attention to this. Thank you
I’m just so glad I found this out at 16....
Not understanding people's behavior is my confusion. Be able to predict how other people might feel, act, or react is a skill that helps me build better relationships. You are so amazing und wise. Thanks for your video.
Thanks Coach! And thanks for the laughs in this video and others.
Thank God for TH-cam...and you. Gonna get trough it again thanks to your time and attention.
I was always a people pleaser, a naïve abuse survivor and I met a non-violent man. I was enchanted until what I now see as highly organized virulent narcissistic abuse. He raised his voice twice in public - to make me angry and deflect attention from my 2 smashing performances. (Actually, the first time, he shut off my mic and scurried the press away. (His name got in the paper w an unflattering pic of me. It was just a local LES rag not the NYT, but I see his game now.) His graceful deceptions, elaborate lies to defame me, shaming and humiliation. . . I have never recovered. My fear of people has only gotten worse.
wow your story touched me. The narcissistic wants you to be defeated don't let him get you twice. I am rooting for you!! #teamfauxmaux ! you can do it girl!
You raised such a key issue here, about narcs being obsessed with their image-it explains the reason why they can get so enraged when someone's actions are perceived as threatening to that precious public persona-because that's all they are a mirage with no substance.
I really like that you have a wolfie beast. Even more, I like that you stopped the video to attend to his needs. That says so much. I'm learning a lot from this series, many things I needed to know. Thank you for doing this series.
Thank you so much for doing what you do.
I don't know how I would have dealt with my cptsd without your help.
Youve been like an angel guiding me through the darkness.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have found a sure-fire way to spot one is to ask them if they love themselves. Each and every one I've ever dated has always given a strange look, as if baffled completely, then very quietly they will admit something to the effect of, "I don't like myself very much", to "I hate myself, to tell the truth". Indeed, the true narc loathes their self.
Puzzled! thank you for the videos I've been very helpful, education it has been a great key 2 becoming aware and to change the course of types of women I've selected in the past. I'm a strong man but I've been a people pleaser most of my life due to the harshness and emotional abuse that I suffered like many when I was a child. these videos have helped to free me from the relationship that I've been seeking an women and I've been trying to subconsciously fix, I could honestly say that most of the women that I have had serious relationships with have been narcissistic, the last one I dated off and on for 8 years she would end the relationship and then months later return, the last time you came in my life I told her that this would be it she was going to break up again it would be the last time, being true to her narcissistic self after 8 months she abruptly ended the relationship once again with no warning no clues she just emotionally picks up and moves on never given me a warning that we're broke up, we never fought or argued never had harsh words between us we got along pretty much all the time, I hope they're quite a bit with her son things around the house and she couldn't do and various other projects and she took on. she was very needy and it was a bit exhausting, being a people-pleaser i extended myself more than I should have, I was starting to feel very used especially since she cut sex off when she became a born-again Christian.. two weeks before she terminated the relationship she wanted to have serious discussions about getting married... the last time I saw her we had dinner everything was fine went home I didn't hear from her for 2 or 3 weeks I figure the relationship was probably over and she had $5,000 worth of my furniture and only a couple thousand dollars for work that I had completed on investment property that she had, over the course of seven months I text her approximately 5 - 10 times a month asking politely for my things back which I got absolutely no response, I found myself being charged for stalking and harassing for trying to get my personal belongings back.. 15 months later with no contact I got a call from a detective wanted me to come in for an interview for stealing a pump off of her house last month, I was shocked to say the least, I've moved on from what I understand she's dating somebody else my question is am I going to have to put up with this crap for the rest of my life
You are wonderful! You gave me strength to keep alive After 9 years of abuse. Many times a need to convince my self I not crazy! This kind of people do really exist !
I suspect their guilt makes them "worse" in many ways. They will do anything to not feel this guilt and evade responsibility for undesired emotions. It can make the rage and contempt worse where they need to make the empath act out in more disgusting ways to justify and rid themselves from guilt. It's a way to not become "sick" yet regulate through another person's manufactured ills. They can then say "ah ha! I predicted they were full of hate, trouble, etc." I was right and now I am relieved of my guilt.
Shouting in public ☑️
Make himself feel manly ☑️
Super jealous, insecure ☑️
Sadistic☑️
Anti-social☑️
Zero moral boundaries ☑️
Controlling ☑️
No guilt☑️
So all of the above! It’s tiring...and I’m an empath...
Great talk ... but that dog was awesome ...
my mom is a control freak psycho narc
and i'm an empath hsp infj :)
so far life has been fun......
btw i just wanna say not all empaths are like that.. were not all people pleasing doormats. as we grow older we develop (or at least i did) a form of balance necessary to survive in this world. you cannot just live in this world as an hsp empath without also being intelligent and knowing when and with whom to "let loose and go w/ the flow" and when not to. it's definitely not easy but it CAN be done, and all the while without turning into this emotionless shell who is too hurt to ever feel again.
So I agree it is important to develop some layer of thick skin toughness, and it helps when you know a lot about psychology and human behaviour. But it especially helps to know yourself. know yourself, know your enemy. Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.
Richard, you are by far the most insightful TH-camr on this subject and I love listening to your videos while I’m working outside. One thing I have to interject about your analogy with the boxing match where you’re 2 days in against a seasoned champ. In my case, and I suspect many others, I thought I was in a loving relationship and had no idea I was supposed to be defending myself against this person. I thought he was my partner and after over 20 years I finally realized he was my adversary all along.
Sam Vaknin mentioned this in his narcissistic space video. The workplace is the narcissistic space.
This video brought up so many emotions that I couldn't sit still. I've been on the receiving end of behavior like this so many times, and I always felt emotionally paralyzed. I now see that I was conditioned to respond this way in the home I grew up in, but there has to be a way to overcome it now that I'm an adult and on my own.
It is absolutely dreadful to be around people who have no compassion. It leaves me feeling ugly and dirty and toxic and uncomfortable in my skin. My heart goes out to you and the son at the inability of the father to be kind and gentle and loving towards his dying son. It was beyond his capability. Negligent, emotionally unavailable monster.
I love your videos, I suspect a narc I'm seeing doesn't think I know, but I'm learning. Max is a joy! Thank you for putting these videos out to help the Empathy tribe.
I just wanted to say thank you for putting up all these very intriguing videos. I could honestly sit here all day and just listen to your thoughts and ideas on various psychological and social topics, you have truly given me a new perspective on many things! You have just earned yourself a new subscriber :)
SUCH HEARTBRAKING but SUPER CLEAR example😭😭😭 My ex was a psychopath and i have experienced something similar. Thank you do for your work👌🙏🙏🙏 from Belgium
I always appreciate how well you can explain complicated or advanced ideas in such easy to understand ways. It's so important that this kind of information remains accessible because it truly is so valuable. I listened to this while driving to work and I could listen to you all day. And your dog is just divine! Made me squeal with glee to see his sad smoochy puppy dog face!! :D d'aww!!
Oh my God.......I wish I could tell you some of my stories...only just come to the realization after 49 years that I've been living with a narc...but sad for him I'm strong and I can put my foot down..yes I WAS naive..but not anymore...thank you for these videos ..Love them
My streetsmarts are rubbish as I like thinking the best of people, however, this leads to serious problems. Your advice is spot on and important. Its time to change.
Thank you! ...and your lovely dog.
Brilliant . Without your explanations of this condition I don’t know how I would cope. Thank you .
Hi, I like your video and so I shared the link to your website on facebook where almost 5000 people and their friends can see. I have personally found out, through a very long illness (CFIDS, fibromyalgia, MCS, mood disorder, etc) & having to live with my parents, including my "father" who is a covert narcissist, alcoholic, binger, hoarder, OCD, steals, saves newspapers/papers/mail (& your papers and mail too) and now has dementia. Through DBT, homeopathy,veganism (& coconut oil), chanting nam myoho renge kyo, the I-Ching, Mindfulness, and recently The Healing Codes, I have come to the conclusion that behaving like the predator (in a certain detached way) instead of being the prey is working for me, so when I heard what you said, I had to agree.
boy, oh boy, oh boy .. my best friend would tell me my ex was a narc but wouldn't believe her .. fortunately, she never gave up on me and helped me to get away from him .. we've known each other almost the same amount of time and she watched me just go down year by year .. it took me almost 20 years to leave this man .. the breaking point for me was when he called me a 'waste of human life' .. yes he beat me .. but he did it on all levels .. the whole thing is, i gave my personal power over .. i had no self esteem, no self confidence, no self love, no sense of self at all because i foolishly invested myself in this person, who truly didn't deserve me .. it's been four years of no contact and i've been a work in progress ever since .. i've been in counseling and i'm establishing boundaries for myself of what i will or will not accept in my life .. i don't date, don't want to date at this time because i'm still not that comfortable about it .. it's been four years of no male contact .. no, wait, that's a lie .. i reconnected with an old friend of mine i knew when i was in the navy .. what he didn't tell me was he was bisexual and was going to try to run a game on me .. i cut that off really quick .. i thought if this is what i'm still attracting, i can't do this now .. lol ..
Heck, I didn't even know it was a game. That's how messed up things get. What game? What winner? I have heard time and again, it doesn't matter how small the lie or how small the perceived lie or insult they can get away with. It's a win. That's a hard concept to get into your brain. Why ask why? Trying to figure it out will make you crazy, and yet, I still deal with this in other lifetime relationships day to day. Not the ONE.....but these people are everywhere.
you are not alone It took me decades! Until one fine day when I had an e-mail too many and suddenly it all began to come clear. I was being reasonable and conciliatory and was getting unconnected hurtful messages back. Out of a blue sky, or maybe theirs was gray, he said Nobody likes you. This reminded me of past statements such as You are (some deficit) and Everybody knows it. Bye.
Yes. One told me to be a graceful loser. Kind of funny bc I didn't know I was competing. And I didnt know what I lost? Of course I stayed to find out the roller coaster torture chamber. Hell :(
@@mlcblogmedia1156 :^( I've been bullied my whole life. Low level people are cut throat and cruel
I am bright and introspective, but you.... You are the one who's been boxing 18 years in this area of expertise. Very impressed. Thank you.
You are very insightful. I am becoming more and more aware of how different forms of trauma have affected me and realizing within my family the practice of scapegoating. When I received clarity about this although it was painful for the first time I felt whole. Now I can see what is at cause for my inability to see others agendas. You have a way of putting into words what I have felt and have experienced. Thank you.
This is very interesting to me now because I was married to a narcissist for 20 years .
We could spend the whole day together and have a wonderful time .
As soon as we were in the presence of others he would insult me and it left me extremely confused.
Later when we were alone again he would say he was sorry .
This pattern of abuse went on throughout our entire relationship.
I loved him very much !
I finally love myself more ☺
But now after watching and learning about this behavior , I now can be on gaurd 24/7 to keep myself from getting hurt and now I am so glad you are shareing much research of the truth of real people who hurt real people without empathy They are complete monsters .
My brother was dying of cancer, and had schitzophreni paranoia, he thought people were trying to kill him everywhere and that everyone was watching and taunting him... we were in his house. I often just sat next to him hugging and crying with him... while mum stared at us, wide eyes back and forth from us to the tv.. no emotion whatsoever. .. we also visited his body after he died, I was crying and talking with him, mum was emotionless and speechless... my cousin asked her to say something, she said "I dont know what to say" its so hard to see how mentally sick her and her husband are. they are like hurt little kids with everything.. extreemly sensitive and martrye types.. in 20 years I have never talked back to him after his shit talking to me.. we live in different countries.. 20 years.. recently it went off again and i just let go and wrote everything I wanted to say... now waiting for the return mail that I am sure they are plotting and planning to be as hurtful as possible.. its so so sick coming from a mother and step father. I am trying to be completely emotionless with them now.. its not so easy but its the only way I can stop myself loosing my mind
Hi! Your videos are absolutely fantastic.
A very close relative is a narcissist and had/still has a major negative influence unless we detach from him.
Yes it's true that we live with neurotic naive syndrome and the most important thing is to learn skills to identify and kind of protect ourselves from others manipulative behaviours.
Keep up the good work! 😊👏🏻
8:50
I actually prefer the word psychopath.
Antisocial behavioural disorder is one of those misdirecting phrases for people who do not know the lingo.
Alot of people have a general idea of what a psychopath is, and that general idea, while prone to innacuracies and misinformation, is right.
When you call it antisocial behaviour disorder, it sounds alot less severe, almost like its just a naughty child or some teen with an ASBO.
I dont see any reason to change the terminology, psychopath is the correct term and I will continue using it.
Thank you for clarifying between malignant and benign borderlines. A lot of borderlines have been abused but don't intentionally hurt people themselves. Because their emotions are so intense, whenever they do hurt someone they feel very guilty. They are also empathetic in day to day life, but they find it very hard to be when experiencing a strong painful emotion. I genuinely believe that borderline personality can only be harmful when combined with narcissistic personality. Most people have misdiagnoses narcissists as borderlines.
misdiagnosed*
Max is adorable.
Man i like you. You are an OPEN MINDED person. I would like to see you addressing the common stupidness during daily activities around our society. Let us talk about personalities who:
Have pre-notions and bias about domestic animals such cats and dogs. For example i 've seen people getting upset about certain behaviors of a domestic animal. Not just getting mad, but they attack verbally and physically to the animal in a sense of punishing. How on earth a human being with high intelligence and free will gets to the level to criticize and condemn the behavior of animal AS IF IT WAS its choice. Animals have no free will and they act based on their instincts. So what is the point to get mad and go against an animal. Arguing with an animal is just freaky stupid.
Discredit/Disanounce/ Disapprove other people via emotional criteria and not via logical criteria. As we know there are 2 sort of critics. The one which is based on logic (although there are many types of logic like rationalism and common sense) and the other based on emotion. Judging people only via emotion is not silly and unfair? What would you think of a person that judges his/her co-human in the way " i don't like his face, loot at his nasty face, he looks so evil i ll stay away from him". I met people who disapproved other people cuz they were just ugly. Is n't sad to see people around you judging in a quick and brutal way other people cuz based on the common instincts : ugly face = bad human? Or what is more worst than hearing people expressing holistic/absolute opinions like "Bulgarians got a ruined economy"= they are low IQ human beings = Treat them bad = What ever a Bulgarian says is bad. Those people use general statements without knowing the causes behind it, neither having the whole picture of the situation. So they judge people by emotion/instinct triggers like poor = less valuable = lower intellect. They take a pixel and generalize a whole false picture.
Are 1 bit minds and not 32 bits mind. Of-course you are going to ask what i mean by. Okay.. I talk about the shallow minds that do not even get close to a deep thought. An 1 bit mind criticizes and perceives the whole world with 2 colors. Black and White. Black = 1 and White = 0, due the reason that 1 bit = 2 powered by 1 = 2. A deeper mind would be a 4 bit mind which means 2 powered by 4 = 16 colors. Consequently that person has the capability to interpret world in 16 colors/ 16 concepts. A much more deep mind would interpret our world in 32 bit color mode... 2 powered by 32 = billions of colors = many concepts. What is the whole point of interpreting the world in more concepts/"colors"? Perceiving the world we live in, with as many as we can concepts rather than few raw concepts makes a better world. How? Simply the person that is capable to interpret the forms and acts around him/her in a set of many concepts then she/he can apply/imply/use a greater variety of actions to solve a specific problem. Assume that we have a problematic statement named Alpha. From the stance/point of view of an 1 bit mind i can only realize/see 2 elements/dimensions/concepts. The elements i look at, are 1)black and 2)white. But... the problem of the situation occurs from the reason/factor called "Green". That color/element must be removed in order to solve the problem. So how an 1 bit minded person can do it since he/she can't see the "Green" color/element/concept? To conclude, i say to you all that perceiving less concepts and realities of the world makes people less capable of finding the reason/core/cause of the problem, so the problem remains unsolved.
Are highly toxic. They stick to your pin-pointing wrongs as if it was tragedy or a big deal. Not only that, but they expose it publicly to others and especially to you making you feel inferior. What about the people who find a way to criticize you in every single act and word you export? What about those misery pessimistic people who become drama queens and absorb your whole positive energy? I 've seen people who are very energetic/positive and most of all progressive but somehow they become victims of verbal bulling by other colleagues and relatives. At this point i found my self wondering, why those wonderful people become the center of an unrighteous critic and censorship?
I make sure never to see my mother unless there are other people present. She's a covert narc, and as sneaky as they come. It took my husband 35 years to finally see her for what she is. It's totally amazing since he has seen the truth. At last he doesn't think I'm making things up about her! Even if my husband takes a toilet break while we're with mother, she'll get some snarky, hurtful and attempted shame-inducing comment in. Mostly it makes me silently laugh to myself these days, though she scored me a beauty twice on our last visit. Oh well. I got over those in about an hour. Healing is such an amazing and exciting journey! Absolutely *love* the upbeat and positive attitude you give out Richie! I've been listening to you even evening for a couple of weeks now and can feel the improvement in my strength and clarity over that time.
I really enjoyed this posting, it was finally put to me in a way I can understand. I have played the peace-keeper and see that in myself and have had my share of Narcissists and I do consider myself a spiritual person. But now I get what you're saying completely. I am street smart and a very good business person and now I see that I can Know their game but that doesn't mean I lose myself and "Play" their game but I can observe and not absorb. Thank you!
I wish everyone could /would see your videos and that this information was as common as how to handle a bee sting, etc.
Great work explaining the cold, hard truth to those who may never have even "boxed" at all!
Been with a man for going on 9yrs and ready to RUNNNNN out the door screaming.I looked up relationship problems to determine if being YOURSELF is a reason to be dumped lol bacause I could not figure out what he is doing 'WRONG' I need the wrong to be my reason for leaving of course...then I ran into these videos and a couple others and realized that he IS ABSOLUTELY a narcissist as I have been yelling at my computer screen for hours now...yelling yes thats it thats him omg that is exactly what happened and omg the only way they would know is if they have been in my shoes!!!!!!! Any way,thank you thank you thank you for making these videos I just neeeeeeeeeded to hear that I am not CRAZYYYYYY.Since he has me convinced that I am :/
He told me he was a narcissist....I had no idea what that meant.....it cost me everything from sheer ignorance, it is extremely important to recognize the signs and get out....Im so toxic from a 10yr nightmare and also toxic from issues I had before him.....he was so good at what he did to psychologically destroy me
"The map matches the territory." Great line. Great video.
18 narcissists dislike this video.
Abby Normal. Right 40 now sad
They are typing comments about how all their friends think the video is ridiculous. :-)
2 years later, 55 nasty narcissists dislike this video
They r pissed. They thought they were special. Haha. Nope. All u wurms r the same. Hungry n think ur clever. 🤣
Yeah, that Facebook profile update is spot on. just to see how many likes and comments they get.
tralalaaa la yesterday I got the divorce. Soooo relieved! Thank you thank you thank you for these videos! The one that made the biggest difference for me was the one where you explained through Martial arts as example to not pull or push away too hard. The video is called: How do I split up with my narcissistic ex. THANK YOUUUU SOOOO MUCH :-)
This is very true.
I have never heard of
people pleasing as a syndrome before.
I only said to myself the other day, I need to toughen up abit and be more wise to narcissists and the manipulation games they play. Thanks Richard 😊
Richard I love you. I love your all over the map mania and how your mind works. I am making my way through your collection. I'm am dealing with an "overt" husband and "covert" "friend"(male). I have told the covert to leave ( we only email tho I know him) 12 times. The difference now is that my health is SO bad, with humongous Cortisol issues, that I'm now afraid of him writing and not having the stones to not open it. Seems simple. Not. I am reminded of the guy you spoke about who couldn't be taken down by drugs. My system is like that. Truthfully not as bad, but I know no one like me. I take Ambien and Valium sporadically (because that's the only way ANYTHING works) together. The pharmacy was so concerned about me keeping breathing. No worries, it barely works sometimes. Luckily my doc is an idiot and gave me both scripts and I can get "more" sleep than before. These 2 narcs are tearing me apart. Can't leave the husband. A woman posted when I described his behavior, that I "run and the universe would provide". Thank YOU for the reality check. I mean, I knew it was nonsense but nice to hear you shoot that silly theory and talk about sharks. Reality!!! Thank you. I wish you could help me. I will keep watching. I love Max, too.
Narcs have amazing power trips
You have completely changed my life to understand this monster I have been almost destroyed by ; untill I started researching a narcissist , who was an ex street gang member but that mentality has been with him for 30 years and who lived as a child with a pycopathic Mom through a Terrable abusive disfunctional family and and yes the "respect " they order on people . I was not aware of this illness in people when I married this man 20 years ago . But now after