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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ม.ค. 2025
- This was an episode of Phil Donahue in which my father was a panelist discussing his coming out as gay to his wife and child. This episode also features a woman who's husband came out as gay and another woman who came out as lesbian to her family. It's an interesting view into the attitudes from the now distant 1980's.
Phil Donahue died this week. I will always be thankful to Phil for allowing me to see and develop compassion for the breadth of humanity. He helped to make me the man I am today.
LEGEND
Icon! G.O.A.T.
yeh to be honest i hadn't really thought about it alot but having this and oprah on after school as a tween probably led me to understand these big important things going on in the world, and being non religious i had no reason to think there was anything abnormal about it adn was able to become a very accepting person. It was prity cool to have this sort of tv in the early 90s - we would have had less exposure to differences otherwise.
Is it just me or is anyone else surprised at how much the people are talking like adults and in a nuanced way that we don't have anymore so much.
@@chamboyette853 It is not just you. The level of civil discourse in the US has hit rock bottom, mostly in the last decade.
Phil was way ahead of his time. On ANY topic. There was never any show like this before or after his tenure. No one better. I’m proud to have been a part of making that show happen for my short 2 years there. What a gift to watch this man work. Sheer genius. Respect!
Yes - absolutely agree. Here in Australia as a teenager watching Donahue, I learnt a lot!
In 2024 I am finding Phil so needed😊
@@vernigmawow, where are you from? Enjoy
Thank you for the good work
He cared and was respectful.
The woman in the first segment was so wonderfully eloquent and ahead of her time in regards to acceptance and love.
Bull
Jewish Americans are hella smart and are more progressive than the fuming Protestants and Catholics in the audience
I agree
@@pops1507 Why don't you try being nice Pops
@@katiejackson7907 I spend my days doing my best to help CRUSH Liberalism/Progressivism. :-).
Fran speaks with such wisdom and maturity on the subject, without rancor or bitterness. She is an exemplar of love and compassion.
In 1988, my childhood friend died of Aids. I saw 5 of his sisters and 4 of his brothers, turn their backs on him. (There were 12 children, altogether.) It broke my heart to see him go, and the suffering he endured and the rejection of his family. I can only say, he was my friend. I had a baby at 15, and was rejected by many, but not him and a few others. He was always there to make me feel better when I felt isolated, always there to talk to, always there to laugh and cry with me. When he was diagnosed, I stuck by him. Gave him money when he was broke, went to see him in the hospital, etc. Was the last person to talk to him, before he lost consciousness. Kept his mother notified of his condition, until she could get to Chicago. I was there for him, just like he was there for me. It has been almost 33 years, but I still miss him.
My best friend John will forever be 26 yrs. 8 months and 2 days old. He has been gone longer than he was here. I am still here, but know someday when it's time, we will reunite. Let him touch my gray hair, lines on face, and catch up with our doings. He is someone I always wanted to grow old with, so I had to do it for the both of us. I felt your words, some true to John also, but he knew who loved him, as your friend did also. No one can take that away from us. I love you for it. Take care love, I imagine you have grandchildren now, what a treat, huh ! Continue being that wonderful soul.
@@billyhndrsn4542 I am humbled by your kind words, Billy. Thank you so much.
@@Imissyoulou you are a friend. Stay blessed knowing we are all part of the tapestry of life here and beyond. John was the one who told me " If you want friends, be one". I hope that I have lived with those prophetic words in my heart. We must keep on keepin on. Been wonderful writing with you.
So sorry I’m openly gay to my family and was born June of 1988
@@meechburley9144 You were born at the right time.
Glad that you can live your authentic self. I wish my friend could have.
First woman in this segment was a revelation for the 1980's a hero
She supported his acts, which eventually led to his death..🤷🏻♀️
@@hiyapal7719 what were they?
The Gay rights movement owes a great debt to Phil Donahue.
Phil Donahue is (,was, and always will be,) a great ally. Thanks buddy.
RIP
This is personal. My first husband was older than me and bisexual. I think that he was actually gay. He was born in the early forties. So, I think that he did feel obligated to marry a woman.
And I just found out that Phil Donahue was very open and supportive of every type of person. This is a very good thing. It means that he had a heart.
I just saw that he died one week ago. I know that he went to be with God who is love, not hate. ❤
❤
You found out the hard way that bisexual men don't exist. It's sort of a safe zone for gay men to convince themselves and others- including their wives- that at least part of them is attracted to women. Men are born hardwired to be on one side, straight or gay. People can talk themselves into anything, but in the end, we have to be true to ourselves.
The bisexual men I know personally have all said they prefer sex with men. That’s why I say that women should never date nor marry bisexual men because they will most likely have the urges to cheat with men.
Thank you for posting this. These guests were so brave to go on TV and talk about how normal they really are - and it paved the way for the acceptance we have today. My child is a beneficiary of the people like your father.
The lady at the start was ahead of the times, magnifiscent she is. What an amazing caring lady.
@@chairmanofthebored8684 in the 80s and 90s people were not so open minded and a great deal anti gay. For her to sit on stage and talk openly about her husband like that is quite something.
Suey Especially with all the bad juju in
the audience.
It has less to do with being ahead of her time and more to do with being a rational, empathetic human being.
This, by the way, does not involve the irrationality of victimhood and wokeness the rational among us have had to suffer the past several years.
@@damac5136 No, it had a lot to be with being ahead of her time. I can't imagine why you wouldn't know that unless you weren't alive in 1986.
I still marvel at how well behaved the Donahue audience and featured guests are. No one talks over the other, no one is screaming, or jumping up and down and clapping hands like an ape to make a point. As a society, we have lost manners and civility.
You’re so right
Sadly ....you are correct !!!
The days we could disagree but remained friends. Respected everyones opinions and beliefs even when they might be different than ours
@@bufb Sad but so true. The ability to engage each other in debate over an idea is now impossible. It's only by engaging in discussion about ideas different from our own that real societal change can occur. Instead we each retreat to Instagram or Facebook where we sit around agreeing with each other reinforcing whatever narrow-minded ideas we may already hold.
you're right! I've been waiting for the yelling and hate from the audience. I underestimated them.
Phil Donahue was the "premier" of talk show hosts back in the 80's. He always had those good topics at the time.
He was Oprah before there was Oprah (the show, not the woman - obviously Oprah was already on the scene as a successful news anchor and actress in The Color Purple).
He doesn't get enough credit or recognition
@@January. No he doesn’t and I respect that Phil even said he never sold out and ended his show at the time when talk shows were in a huge boom of viewership in the later 90’s, when it became wild and out of control “Jerry Springer” for example.
We know.
@wamy49 So True...!
Fran Rothenhausen's sense of love is amazing. She's an angel and true ally. My favorite part is when Phil said "you must be very intolerant of f-g jokes" and she said "you betcha." God bless this woman.
As a 40 year old gay man, I am so grateful for these people on the panel and the gay man in the audience for being brave enough to tell their stories on national television. Their courage and their willingness to be open about who they were paved the way for people like me to not have to live in fear. There's still more work to do but watching this really showed me how far we've come as a community in the 37 years since this aired.
I am glad that people can still find meaning and inspiration after all this time.
@MaybeAnthony, ain't it funny how many of us wish we went back to the 1980s for there were all this kick-ass pop music and movies, yet this sort of collective mentality needed to be changed?
I was 3 when this TV programme aired, and at the time, I already had homosexual feelings, which is a term I only heard of when I was an active LDS church investigator in 2014.
im still in my 30s almost 40 and i've also noticed how we've come so far in terms of acceptance...i've seen a real shift of acceptance...but growing up in the 90s was BAD...kids were so messed up.
Oprah Winfrey always credited Phil Donahue with paving the way for what she did. Just watching this clip you can see how high he set the bar for a serious discussions around issues in America that other people weren't talking about.
What is it she did? Oprah, I mean.
The audience had a lot of discomfort on their faces, but it was the 80s. What brave folks on the stage, I admire their courage.
I am think a lot of them were in shock.I had a friend who was married to a gay man but she had no idea what "gay" was. Her husband got her pregnant at a party on a date and hasn't touched her since.Her father forced him to marry her His lover lived with them.Both men slept together downstairs.Although the baby was a year old he told her he didn't want to hurt her so soon after the baby's birth. She cried all the time because she didn't understand.This was in the sixties.I saw all three of them about fifteen years later in a store .She looked very unhappy.
It's still adultery. He made vows to be faithful to his wife and stay with her.
A few of the women in that audience know that they are married to gay men as well
@kathleengegax9664 it was the 80s, we were terrified of AIDS, of marrying a closeted man, of STDs. We were naive. A lot of folks still are, which is a shame. When we know better, we should do better.
@@DebNKYyou are what's wrong with America today.
What a loving, intelligent and emotionally articulate woman.
What a lovely thing to say :) what a sweetheart you are !!!
@@jomama5186 is that u in the video?
@@jomama5186is that you in the video?
@@Ian-pn1ff definitely not, I'm afraid that the wonderful lady has already passed, she was probably 50-60 yo during the program, and it aired almost 40 years ago. But she is wonderful, many people aren't this loving and open minded TODAY, let alone 80's 😇🤗
@@solerodemanga doubt it
Thanks for posting this. Your dad, the others on the panel, and many like him are incredibly eloquent and courageous. It's far easier to live authentically now than it was when this was filmed, and it's because of people like him. I hope you are proud of him.
This is such a tragedy! This first woman is an angel in human form. She radiates genuine goodness. I hope her life is filled with good people and happiness today.
....the tragedy is him having to get married to a woman.
@@cledwynstafford4819 your rudeness is also a tragedy
THE SAD PART TO ALL OF THIS IS THE KIDS, THE LADY WITH SON HAD TO DEAL WITH DAD LEAVING TO BE WITH MEN AND DIE OF AIDS. WHAT A HORRIBLE LIFE FOR THAT BOY;
@@janecoe9407 To me, it's like a dad leaving the mom for another woman and then dying from cancer. That's an equal horror for a child
She's an amazing woman 🥰, she most likely passed away at this point since this was almost 40 years ago... But even more so, many people lack that level of empathy love and understanding TODAY, let alone in the 80's 😮🤗
I was one of these gay kids watching. I was 13 when this came out and I came out in 1989. I see a big shift on how the public views homosexuality. It was seen as just a sex act. Now we are seen as families.
Correct so ...... no need to march, wave flags, and mess with young kids in schools, eh?
@@pops1507 Huh? "mess with young kids in school"? I don't get what that means. We march because of ignorant comments like the one you just made. Educate yourself on the history of the gay movement before you comment. Thank you
@@bluedragon4 So you actually think homosexuals need your helping hand? Sounds patronizing.
@@pops1507 I was very clear I am a homosexual. Both your comments are really odd. It's like you think you have a point but you have no point.
Super happy for you! I'm glad you're living your truth!
Gotta give a lot of credit to Phil. He asked the righe question and listened.
Phil was quite ahead of his time. Thank you, Phil.
The first woman is remarkable. She is so loving and kind..
Her husband was called Raymond.
She was a damn fool.😂
What a beautiful person. She is more like Jesus Christ than majority of so called "Christians".
@@kameralkutie5594 so are you
I was twenty-two when this show aired, and even after having lived through hearing negative comments like the ones from the audience, it shocked me to hear them again. They were hurtful then, and they still sting. Being gay has gotten so much better over the years. It's not perfect, but a larger segment of our society would side with the panelists than with the bigots in the audience. The panelists were brave men and women who made a better life possible for everyone. They are the ones to whom we owe a great deal of gratitude and respect. I hope they continued living happy and fulfilling lives.
It's up to you to protect your peace. Nobody else.
How funny, your silly buzzword. You decided not to follow God's Word. A horrible choice - shameful.
@@bobrob3841 God is an imaginary friend fabricated by the ignorant and for the ignorant.
@lansdowne 11 💯💯
Yes the world has gone downhill in recent years
It’s incredible people like Phil Donahue who made our society face issues and talk respectfully about hard topics. We now know better so we can do better! God bless Phil Donahue.
The first woman with grey hair and black dress.... amazing amazing human being! Thank you
Amazing the horror on some faces all for being gay!! Thank god we’ve grown as human beings. We still have a long way to go.
Is she really amazing or that she didn’t love herself enough and accepted unrequited love bc she didn’t love herself thinking her spouse truly loved her but the truth is he didn’t!!!
@@sisi_zzz He loved her, just not in love.
The first story she dodged a bullet. My friend contracted AIDS from her closeted gay husband. She was undergoing chemotherapy so it ended her life.
I had a friend who came out as a lesbian in the late 1970s. She said that some of her friends dumped her after that, but I didn't care. It didn't change my feelings of friendship towards her.
❤❤❤
Bless that gay man standing up for himself in the audience
I hope he is well and very happy today.
I also wonder how his life turned out! He sure was handsome. 😊
What a beautiful episode, I thought in the be getting the lady was going to speak poorly about her husband, but it turned out so well and she expressed how happy she was that she was married to him.
13:08 those hags yapping about homosexuality being abnormal.. gtfo!
But what happened at 9:22, There is a silence and Phil looks back and there's a Mild commotion in the audience
@@Defender78 I think someone made some homophobic crack that I didn't bother to rewind and hear if I could catch it again.
I too hope he is now happy, healthy, and being who he wants to be! And it's comforting to know that the hags in the audience, including the "you're a qweaaar" man, and the people who "don't believe in THIS," from 1986, and now dead and aren't poisoning the world with their "beliefs." Unfortunately, there's still plenty more that have taken their place.
This is my Mother and Father. 💯 Even though divorced , my mom re married and my dad would always be at our house for everything... he ate dinner with us, came for tea and pastry, every holiday he was there and he’d just come over to visit. We would even go into the city (Boston) to the Italian section to get pastry. They still did so much together . My mother and father were the best of friends and I know deep inside they still had love for each other. This was no threat to my moms new husband due to the situation. We had a wonderful life growing up. When my dad died, my Mother was so lost....I never seen such hurt. She missed him so much. My step dad died and the reaction was totally different. She still cried and the hurt, but clearly was not the same as my dad.
So glad for you that you had a whole family.
Was Mrs Rothenhausen your mother? Or are you just saying your parents had a similar situation.
@@michaelwoodbodley8099 my parents had a similar situation and it was wonderful
Wish Fred Phelps would have been there. Imagine what would've been.
LOL to me, the most amazing part of this is that the phone calls were so clear and had such excellent connection. Ah, those days of landlines...
Thanks for posting this gripping video, which I would never have otherwise known about. Your father is a very special man, and I'm sure you feel fortunate to be his son. I hope you are both doing well.
Thank you for this. I had this on DVD and have been looking for it for over 30 years,,
Notice all the gay people in the audience. They didn’t even know the topic until the show started. We do exist. I’m so glad they spoke up
The woman on the left who's husband died of Aids is an absolute LEGEND. What an amazing human being xoxoxo
Phil told her she was remarkable and she said "No Phil, I'm not, I just loved him". When you love someone you will take care of them when they're sick and that's what she did. She was a good wife, but I don't think a "legend".
!!The audience gasp at that he told his son he is gay the audience gasps. But yet we ask kindergartners if they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.. and the fact that that child has to deal with “problems” because his dad is gay it’s because of society not because of his dad.
Yes!!!! This very comment. I've thought about it as I get older and older it disturbs me more and more how invested adults are in the sexuality of children.
Thank you! Please stand up and take the bow of Truth.🎉🎉🎉!
Phil has no filter, that’s what I like about him because he’s straight forward with the questions, not trying to hold the peoples hands/ being friends but getting them to really open up.
This wouldn’t work today because people would think Phil is too rough on his guest.
Have you ever watched Dr. Phil (McGraw, that is).
@@erikbunty2016 he is terrible.
Such a a solemn and truthful interview
This was tough. My Uncle went through such hell through the late 60s, early 70s, trying to do "the right thing" and then trying to navigate life in his truth. I was a kid. He was my best friend growing up. I adored him. My Dad's only siblings and brother. It was smthg. I personally don't think someone's sexuality is a very personal thing and should not be an issue. Unless children or someone or thing is being hurt, I don't think it's any of my business, nor does it affect how I interact with a person. It's sad that people make such a big deal about it. There are so many more urgent concerns than a person's sexual preferences!
Homosexuality has been around just as long as heterosexuality. Your sexuality what ever it is - is normal. Love yourself and if you can love others but allow no one disrespect you. Find happiness as best as you can. Everyone deserves happiness.
@Michael John Dennis whatever 🙄
@Michael John Dennis Who cares?
@Michael John Dennis OK dear. You go on believing that x
It's 2022
No‼️
Whether you believe in evolution or Creation Heterosexuality had to come first and foremost or there would be no more humankind.
Your propaganda is despicable.
Sexual reproduction emerged while we were still single celled eukaryotes, so technically heterosexuality is much much older
Pure dignity on stage ~ 35 years ago.
100 !
Important to watch these kind of things.. 1985 wasn’t that long ago. The panel are so smart and beyond their time. thank you for everything you’ve done
That blue eye shadow of the audience is intense 😂😂 the 80s were a special time
I’m surprised at how tolerant and understanding Donahue seems to have been at that time…
I'm gobsmacked at how incredibly ignorant the audience were back in the 80s, who on earth would choose to be gay in an incredibly intolerant and homophobic society
It's not a choice but biological
Exactly the point!!!
My closest cousin came out in the mid 80s. Most of his immediate family disowned him. He became HIV positive - little hope in those days. He committed suicide in the early 90s. It was a heart breaking time.😢
You said it: it's not a choice, it's something people are born with
@@Lisa59The larger conversation that is not being had is : " why is it so important to see homosexuality as being chosen"? Because codemnation of that which is chosen is easier to justify.
The great thing about these Donahue shows, by the host and the audience they really want to learn about the guests and ask thoughtful questions as opposed to the shock factor and ridicule of talk shows today. Also, the women in the audience look very well put together.
That first lady definitely has a seat in heaven 😍
Justin Roberts. No, you can only get to heaven by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior
It says in Isaiah that our good works are ad filthy rags before our Lord. Read bible and John 3:3...and book of Romans. This women did love her husband and has a good heart..not selfish. But that doesn't save her. ONLY JESUS SAVES US BUT WR NEED TO DO WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS..
@@esmereldacarrillo4156 how do you know she doesn't exept Jesus in here heart..
@@justinrad5073 i hope so. We do not know and i hope so. We all need to accept Jesus and study the bible. Have a good relationship with Him. KNOWING HIM and loving God and people is the answer to life
@@esmereldacarrillo4156 But what if she lived her whole life being a decent, charitable, friendly person but genuinely, and honestly, didn't believe in what the Bible says? Let's say that apart from her disbelief, she also lived by all of the other commandments. Being tortured for eternity seems a bit overboard no?
@@esmereldacarrillo4156 ---
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"It's me, Jesus... Let me in."
"Let you in why?"
"So I can save you."
"Save me from what?"
"From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in."
For these ignorant people in the audience, we don't choose to be gay, we are born this way. Some are born str8 others are gay.
Others are asexual, others are bi, others are trans...None of it should matter..
The lady with the short gray hair is a phenomenal human being. She radiates peace, love and understanding. Some of the audience members are acting like ignorant a**holes here. No wonder people stayed in the closet. I just can’t understand getting so offended by two consenting adults lifestyle.
That term " lifestyle " makes me cringe. It carries the clear connitatively oversimplification of choice in order to justify condemnation. This is why we never hear the term " Heterosexual lifestyle" because there is no need to categorize heterosexuality with such oversimplification in order to justify condemnation through subjective comparison.
I’m watching this in 2024 and it’s amazing how (luckily) times have progressed to be much more accepting of homosexuality. 🫶🏻👩❤️💋👩👨❤️👨
Has it? Look at out politics, thoughts of this Supreme Court give me fear. Nitto mention project 2025!
We can always go back. The culture wars haven't ended. Many religions still preach hate. Just look at Iran and Afghanistan today, comparing them to those nations 60 years ago.
The measured, compassionate, articulate debate & discussion in shows like this is much missed.
Thanks for posting this old episode. It shows how attitudes have really changed in the subsequent years.
I think telling a 4 yearr old is ok. If you hide it from children, it teaches them that it's shameful being gay. It also allows them to be influenced by homophobic hate. The younger a child is the easier it is to eccept without judgement. It won't turn a child gay. You're born that way.
And the children that you are refering to typically grow up justifying hatred through subjective ( and therefore, contextually unfair and invalid) comparison.
No one is born a religious bigot. It's a lifestyle choice.
@Michael John Dennis --- I guess you're saying that worshipers of ANY mythical being can be a lifestyle choice.
@Michael John Dennis as a Catholic, you ought to be worried about the priests molesting young boys instead of people who are harmless and are trying to survive who happen to be LGBTQ.
The Roman Catholic church needs to change. Hundreds of nuns molested children as well as priests, bishops, monks have molested children.
The anti sexual attitude of these Conservative Catholic Church is based on fear and ignorance and guilt and shame. I'm glad not being Catholic. The history of abuse goes back hundreds of years. Even there are nuns who were in Ireland years ago involved in children being murdered and covered it up. Why do Conservatives preach against gays but molest children and have lay people rape nuns. So much cover up.
Bravo!
If you KNOW from an early age, pre sexual activity, pre marriage, that you are homosexual, you should NOT get married to the opposite sex. Many lives, including YOURS , will be devastated and potentially destroyed from such a decision.
There are so many gay Muslim men who have arranged marriages and have children. They do this to please their families.
There's one man who's wife is from the Bangladeshi countryside and it's impossible to know that he has a double life. So unfair to the women and children.
Love this woman, strong, open minded and so kind & understanding
This conversation was way ahead of its time,
And right on time
17:42 And it would be a woman with a Southern accent who raises the club of self-shame and homophobia. Notice she has no rationale to support her homophobia. She’s complacent in her ignorance and still assured that she is right.
She's like straight from the Amish cult.... what if her OWN kids turn out gay?
Those who judge others just because they are different are the opposite of being Christians.
I agree with your sentiment, but in practice that's not true.
Christians don’t judge people. Christians believe in what the Bible teaches. Everyone has a choice. God gave us free will. Not accepting someone’s actions doesn’t mean you are judging them. It means you are not accepting of another’s actions. There is nothing wrong with that. God judges.
Only if you're a Christian. Christian people are one of the most judgmental people I've ever seen. I was brought up in the church and the actions I saw from men and women were absolutely sickening.
@@hiroforce " beware of those who come to you in sheeps clothing, but who inwardly ravaging wolves".
A writer said that "most people live lives of inauthenticity." And if you live a lie, it will destroy you eventually (psychologically). It does no good to live a lie and have nobody know who you truly are.
I came out at 11 to my parents almost 60 years ago. (I announced I was "homosexual." I just knew it.) But my dad was great about it. He took me out for a walk the next day, and had his arm around my shoulder, gently telling me that I wasn't homosexual because "they don't like girls." I was lucky: initially, they didn't believe it (I was so young), but eventually they did, and so it never damaged me psychologically. It didn't bother me in junior high or high school, and it sure doesn't bother me as an adult. I've always been who I am. If people don't like me, it doesn't bother me at all. My employers have always known, as well, and if they behaved in a discriminatory manner, well, I'm definitely the wrong guy to do that to...I've sued employers for that. And always won. So, no guilt, no shame.
It's not being authentic that hurts you: it's carrying around secrets. Secrets are what make people sick.
Appreciate your honesty, fertusherring 😻
Thank you for sharing this with the world. It is both extremely poignant and valuable.
The woman whom I called my second mother was so obviously a lesbian, and so brilliant and nurturing. She got married very young to a wonderful guy who knew she was gay but wanted to live together, as he loved her. They had two children. She lived a great life, being a therapist in NYC and going to a lesbian wedding in the fifties. I feel so sad that she denied herself of the love she desired from another woman. I loved her and miss her so much. I named one of my kids after her. She was the kind of person one meets maybe once in a lifetime.
U SHOULD BE THANKFUKL SHE WAS NIOT SELFISH, SHE DIDNT DENY HERSELF LOVE FROM A A WOMAN. SHE DENIED HERSELF A LIFE OF DEVIANT BEHAVIOR. ITS WODERFUL SHE HAD LOVE FROM A MAN AND WONDERFUL KIDS SHE LOVED. COMING OUT TO KIDS IS SELFISH. COME OUT WHEN THEY ARE ADULTS IF THEY WANNA DISCUSS IT.
@janecoe9407 You seem like a person who practices "deviant behavior" in the way of judging other people about their private lives. She had a brilliant mind and wrote countless articles and protested for what she believed in, even when it meant being fired from jobs and publicly shamed. You should thank women like her, since she cared about the future generations of women and what perils they would face, even without any benefit like women have today. I am grateful every day that I even got to know her, and even more blessed because she loved me like her child. I will miss her eternally, but she imparted so much in her time on this planet. I guarantee more than you ever could even imagine on the one cylinder you have misfiring. Read a different book!
I miss being a kid, even then I loved watching Donahue. This gives me nostalgia and all kinds of feels.
Donahue was such a great host . It was a very enlightened show ... long before Oprah
Uh, Donahue and Oprah were on at the same time....
@@mangos2888 Donahue’s show started in 1967 , almost 20 years before Oprah began her show.
Miss Phil Donahue show so much. He really enlightened the public. Look how much has changed in our world because of these public forum talk shows.
I moved to NYC the same year this was filmed and allowed myself to become the natural me after a past of denial and self-loathing due to small town mindedness.
@ste dwyer I am from Maine and age and family similar so I’m sure you understand where I was coming from.
I’m so happy you’re still with us. AIDS was spreading like wildfire in the 80s in NYC and countless gay men flocked to the more progressive city to leave behind the conservative places which shamed them, like you did. Now thankfully people can have a quieter, non-city life and live openly as a queer person without hate.
@@OasisJones Thank you! Fortunately I met the love of my life and we are still alive and well today. We were monogamous at first at least and then were able to have to information to protect ourselves going forward. Grateful but sometimes I have some survivors guilt .. we were just lucky with the timing. So many great people were lost.
@@DRthistle Did you guys meet not long after you moved? I’m 31 and I can say that I wouldn’t change being gay for anything and that I’m so lucky it hasn’t caused me any discrimination thus far. I imagine many gay men were monogamous in the 80s through the mid 90s if partnered because even condoms can be faulty. Prep is helping to drastically lower the number of infections for the younger generations of gay/bi men and older ones, but I get the survivors guilt because so many men dropping in their prime feels like family dying.
@@OasisJones It was about 6 months after I arrived in NYC. I was 21 and he was 17. (1987) I had had a bad roommate situation and had to move in the 92nd St Y temporarily. He was living there as a student. We became quick friends. I was very attracted to him and I was worried he wasn't as interested in me. I invited him out to dinner and he was more relaxed. I remember looking across the table and making the decision to go for it because of him. I pretty sure you'll never regret being gay -even in the face of any adversity! It only makes you more compassionate and understanding. 😘
A gay young man,"I don't care what other people think."
I wish more parents of gay and trans children say that.
Being born at the 2000, I'm obsessed with the courage of these gentlemen who fought for gay rights. I can't stop watching those interviews back in the 80s and 90s. It feels like my heart stops at certain seconds realizing how honorable these people are. Thank your for existing 🙏🙏
It's bizarre how in 1986 Donahue says fag on tv today he would lose his job i im hetero and i see how far the gay community has come since this time i grew up in this era where gays were shunned i never shunned any in fact i had a few fay friends which allways instantly back than made people assume your gay as well strange how people were i do however wanna stress altogether that being homosexual having same aex attraction is something im not at all against however i do nit support the L.B.G.T.Q because of transgender or drag queens indoctrinating young small children everyone should decide for themselves and im.very against changing ones gender if your born a man your man female female i don't like them saying theres infinite genders gender gender genetailia very simple younhave a penis or vagina so gender and genatalia are 1 and the same now they dont even identify as humans i hate that its disgusting they want acceptance yet they never accepted themselves for being the gender they are so how can anyone else accept you? I dont see it fit them denying the human race by not identifying.i dont think they should be able to sleep with someone and not divulge they were once another gender they say its there business however its not when you bring someone else.into the picture and my means of deception sleep with them while hiding such a big thing it has gotten them murdered and caused others eho sleep with them to commit suicide its very very irresponsible the LBGTQ is irresponsible im not against homosexualty in any way but gender changes are a an abomination against nature your born male female for a reason
So today i find there movement disgusting and unnecessary as a drag queen even said why would any parent want a drag queen to read to children of muddle school or younger? It makes no sense that now there non binary no gender no race no humanity a birth certificate shoulbe filled out by the dr to determine the sex not orientation of the child if it has a penis at birth its male vagina female the LBGTQ and its irresponsibility has not even considered the damage they van cause chop by indoctrinanating them when in reality they have enough freedoms as it is however seeing that if a straight person wedding coordinator or church refuses to marry or cater to same sex couples under the constitutional rights that 1 theyre religion prohibits it 2 they reserve the right to refuse service to anyone as any business owner should have but yet the LBGTQ made people lose businesses they built they're lives upon and are expecting to change they're moral values you cannot take liberty from 1 group and hand it to another thats not equality surely there's such businesses that have no issues catering to the LBGTQ community so regardless they should also respect the fact that not everyone is going to accept you thats in all walks of life straight gay bi trans people face all sorts of afflictions and tribulations but again i believe the LBGTQ to be very irresponsible if someone says a movie star journalist talk show that they dont support the morals of same sex Marriage or trans people they have a worldwide tantrum freedom of speech is very important just as they have there's they can't take it away from others for themselves nobody is suppressing they're speech eveyones literally waiting they antagonize do you support gay Marriage trans bi drag hour why is that relevant to a movie star or musician or talk show host ? Because they want to keep stirring the pot
You just made me realize how old I am lol. I was graduating high-school when you were born haha 😂
Gay rights came into the American mindset due to the civil rights movement. We gave up alot so other groups can have their basic rights.
Thumbs up to Phil Donahue and all his guests. That was TV that was educating the public....
Anyone or anything that is "different" scares the hell out of the majority of people. Get over yourself.
40 years later, as a therapist, I’m still having to help couples and families through these things, not as much has changed as one might think (though these days trans folks are in the spotlight and politicized and judged more harshly) and so much more change is needed
Becoming a transvestite must be a terrible hard life to live. I just couldn't imagine. I think that the only way it could be easier to trans is to have money like Katlyn Jenner. And as far as this woman goes, she is truly addicted to the drama!!!!!
fran the first lady-way way ahead of her time, classy,mature,loving,super cool lady, phil tries to stay neutral but was always a very pro gay guy and enlightened person, also way way ahead of his time and straight.....
The second man was intelligent. I didn’t tell my son I was gay until he was 16. I think it hurt him, but he is very smart and I k ow he loves me regardless
@@thenightporter I am. Not only did he attend my same sex wedding, but his mother and my ex wife attended also. It was small, quick and beautiful
No doubt that he loves you very much!
The homophobic woman at 31:44 sure did get shut down by Phil AND I'M SO VERY GLAD.. AWFUL WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!
All of these stories just drive home the decades upon decades of utter misery that gay people in this country had to endure. How many millions of people had their lives ruined, or had what could have been and would have been happy, authentic, and love-filled lives reduced to ones of loneliness and fear. It's so good to know we've overcome this, but boy I feel sad for all the generations who came before who didn't get the chance to live their lives in the open, with the people they loved.
I never throw shade at gays or bisexuals. However, if a gay / bisexual person is unsure of themselves, they don’t need to enter a relationship with someone else under false pretenses.
I have a cousin that gave his wife HIV. My cousin apparently struggled with homosexual tendencies all his life, but adamantly professed heterosexuality, despite his slightly feminine mannerisms.
He contracted HIV sometime in the 90s / 00s, and was frequently hospitalized with bouts of pneumonia.
After the fifth case of pneumonia, his wife asked his doctors about why he was always sick. The doctor told her that this is common with HIV patients.
When his wife was shocked, the doctor tested her and she tested HIV+. It was a big mess in the family, as my cousin admitted to having an affair with a man, and his sons were angry about how it affected their mom.
I felt sad for his wife, as she really loved my cousin and she didn’t deserve to be a victim of his denial.
So, I just feel that if you are not sure of yourself, you don’t need to enter a relationship under false pretenses.
Unfortunately, HIV exacerbated homophobia tremendously back in the 80’s. Sadly, the Reagan/Bush era did nothing to promote education and public awareness. The entire grassroots campaign of promoting safe sex, using condoms, etc was thrown on the backs of the gay male community. It was an awful situation.
Sadly, The lies and misleading are hurtful, in the end. Collateral damage (to wives, kids) was not discussed in the show.... but there was also many stories in the 1980s of that damage done. Betrayal was happening, intentionally or not. Hard times. Let people live their life, so others are not hurt, as a byproduct of false marriages, as the show brought into the light. Bringing it to the light really did help heal, and bring safe opportunities to people.
@@ms.chocolatecandy -People really underestimate the power of homophobia, the self-hatred foisted upon gay people. Being homosexual has always been considered the lowest in society. Religious leaders, as well as other straight people (homophobic) insist that sexual orientation is a “choice.” Gays are a people with few allies. We turn on TV today, and see numerous amounts of people of color, different ethnicities, representing diversity. We still see almost no gay people anywhere. When gays are included, there is almost always considerable backlash. The hate is that strong. Try he message has always been clear, particularly towards homosexual men; that you are no good! Conservatives do not want any teaching or understanding in the classroom, so people can remain ignorant, allowing society to continually perpetuate lies, myths, and misinformation about the gay community.
Straight people also enter relationships under false pretenses.
Fran is so awesome. Lady you are what everyone should strive to be. True love and a true humanitarian ♥️
Your dad and all the panelists were amazing. Such wisdom, grace & patience as they dealt with the ignorance & fear coming from the audience
What brave Souls of that time, more power to them.. Good show.
I agree, thank goodness they did or we wouldnt be where we are now. Its not perfect, but acceptance has come along way.
Now the LGBTQXYZ group is taking over.
@@erikbunty2016 Only in your brain. You cannot change the world, you can only change the way you look at it.
@@erikbunty2016- "taking over." 'what'?
Inquiring minds want to know.
@tracer740 Well let's see...opposite sex sports, locker rooms, restrooms, the rainbow symbol, what else is there. Oh, yeah. Now pronouns.
Watching these 40 years after the fact, it's amazing that the women in the audience seemed miserable and in denial of their unhappiness so they had to attack the unknown.
Should they be in yoga pants, taking selfies, tatted up and dogging men?
We’ve come a long way in 35 years. God bless this panel ❤️🙏💪 🌈
Ya... Now everyone just goes after religious people... Oh how things have changed.
@@jessramirez5721 not respectful religious people
Thanks God I'm living in 2021.
I don't think anything much has changed. My ex partner was gay and I believe that the gay person should be Honest n not hide their sexuality in a marriage, then leave a family shattered.
@@Bombabingbong66 l do agree with that, I was meaning hopefully we’ve gotten to a point where people can be themselves. Still not there, but better
The woman at the start was a truly amazing, compassionate person. The man on next was incredibly brave to ‘come out’ on national tv in 1986! Ditto the next couple of people. I’m sure that programs like this gradually changed people’s attitudes and helped to make people more tolerant and less judgemental.
RESPECT and LOVE to the incredible humans who stood tall on this episode and to everyone who does so in life (and to those who couldn't for any reason).
You each deserved so much more. May what your life has become be everything you hoped it would and could.
It’s sad to realize that unfortunately people’s attitudes have not changed very much at all about this issue.
Yes they have.
Not true. I grew up as a gay kid in the 80s. Times have very much changed. Many people are far more accepting today compared to back then. The fact that many countries have anti-discrimination laws and same sex marriage now also reflects the fact that things have improved a lot. Of course discrimination still exists. But things have changed greatly in many countries.
@@aartadventure I can't remember the exact year but it was early 70s and I was at a local small town swimming pool and that's when I was first learned of the same sex situation. Someone said Elton John liked other men...we were kids lol. I don't remember thinking it was weird at all because, hey, I liked men too eventually.. The fact that, if I knew it the whole world knew it, and Elton still became a universal darling and star. That wouldn't happened if he wasn't accepted 50 years ago...my theory.
Well since you can't help but to see it everywhere, movies, cartoons, commercials, etc, the ones who has the attitude u are shocked about will come to
I was an eight-year-old When my father left the home I found out at 12 he was gay I’m proud of him I always will be
I was 12 when my mother came out as a lesbian. Sadly, my father was very homophoic, and it was the end of my family.
Regardless who you are or what you believe, your compassion and genuine love for others is the key to understanding and acceptance in everything. I am gay, and once I took responsibility for my own convictions, rather than allowing religious doctrine or peer pressure to control me, I do not seek safety in numbers. Following the crowd serves nothing if bigotry is the outcome. If I had not come out decades ago, been true to myself to end an engagement to a girl I knew was a mistake, I would have created a broken marriage at best, and a broken family at worst. All due to fear. Fear is no foundation for love and acceptance. Listen to your heart, then when you are OK with yourself, stay courageous, strive to listen to others, and do the best you can for others and yourself.
I did too. Then realized that it is not necessary to share my private life with the world at large. People are tolerant, not necessarily accepting.
The look of judgement on the face of the audience for Sandy is so hurtful but it is to be expected for that time. We have come a long way but have a long way to go.
Most Americans have a long way to go especially when you think Trump was an American President only last year.
@@roder5120He's coming back.
@@erikbunty2016Please, no
❤️. She loved her husband so much. Beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your dad's story and giving us this slice of history too. It's amazing, I was alive then and *almost* forgot what it was like.
People were so judgmental back then, you can see the look of disgust on their faces!!!
Check out the body posture of the woman in red at :30. She immediately crosses her arms and looks indignant at the idea of a gay man married to a woman.
People are still very judgmental today. What do yout think??
@@peacheskong2245 True, Less than before but still exist
@@vastolive8 Less than before?? Where do you see that it's less than?
As others have written people don't change. We are still as judgmental now as we were in the 80s or 90s. The difference is people are not held accountable for their poison. They still spew it on "social" media under the delusion that they are anonymous.
U don’t “turn gay” u are either born with it or not. As a bisexual myself I remember when I was 4 years old watching TV and I was watching Hannah Montana and I had the biggest crush on her lol. I had no idea that some people consider that “unnatural”
My point being is that people don’t decide one day that they’re gay
Excatly. People should understand that's not a choice
It's a CHOICE you liar!
It's a CHOICE you liar!
@@MissTia777 I knew I had feelings for women as a woman myself at four years old. Far before I knew anything about sexuality. It’s not a choice. If it was a choice why would people voluntarily put themselves in a situation where they can be discriminated against or even KILLED? You’re ignorant ma’am
@@yurryurr2756 It IS a choice even at four!
Long before Oprah & Ellen , but right after the straight-laced Mike Douglas. Phil did it all first .
these people were very brave going up there and speaking up in the name of their expression and love. Wow.
As a 36 year old gay man I can’t imagine how hard things must have been!
Those were the good old days.
Yup. It was really ROUGH...
Yeah, for the wife who was duped by the POS
@@davidralphs4Ignorant!!
These folks on the panel have my complete respect and support. Especially during this time. Real Love is unconditional.
That wasn't real love....he tricked his ex into believing he actually loved her and desired her all for his own selfish reasons.... it's never ok to deceive a person no matter what the reasoning is.....he deserved to continue his life until the end without her help.....he left her and then came crawling back for help after living life recklessly and contracting AIDS..... now their child have to grow up without his father....he didn't deserve her help
Real love can be tough, too.
@@Tee-kc3pn You are a bad person.
I came out at age 20 in 1975, in a small rural Southern town of 1200. It was an interesting experience, but that’s putting it mildly.
How did you come out of that?
It is not the homosexual who is sick but the society which condemns him
Thank you!
What a woman that first lady is she was way before her time..a wonderful lady..
From the time in my youth that I can remember, I knew that I was heterosexual, and therefore believed that because I was not attracted to my own gender, those who were, were born different, and that being different was not a bad thing, but a good thing, because I could extend myself to the differences ... rather than perceiving that those who were homosexual were wrong or perverted. I never trusted words in a bible, or people who proclaimed that a bible gave them truth, and for that, I am at peace within myself.
V!n
Very smart of him to be honest with his 4 year old about why he and his mum were splitting. The damage to a child is done by thinking they are the one's responsible for their parents splitting. They need to be told the truth.