Stephen Doesn't Want The Earth To Blow Up
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- As a homeowner and inhabitant of the planet, Stephen is really hoping Earth continues to be.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
_" ..let's see what he does with Guam .."_
the dumbest words ever spoken by any human.
It's only third place, after "Hillary and Trump are equally bad" and "that fire thing will never catch on".
Sideon Sid Guam's my home. Born and raised. Try being here on the island and hearing that shit. Lord help us🤕
Don't worry too much. The principle of *M.A.D* should stop a nuclear war. *_Should_* anyway...
Sideon Sid he is
The principle of MAD assumes that the parties aren't.
" ..let's see what he does with Guam .." - WHAT!? O_O Did he really say that? In that context? Because I can't even process the sheer criminal stupidity of that statement.
Marek Homsi Andráši brain cells were killed in the process of listening to his statement
WAIT HE HAS BRAIN CELLS???
I feel sorry for them, must be a waste to be in the head of man that dumb...
No no no..... OUR brain cells were killed by listening to criminal stupidity that dense.
remhan :
Don't feel sorry for his brain cells', they have Old Timers Disease and haven't noticed that they'd been unemployed for sixty eight years.
Well If it's to be the 'War for the Planet of the Apes'... At least we're already up one talking orangutan.
New Message - I dunno, man. Orangutans are supposed to be very friendly and feel empathy towards other animals. Trump really doesn't strike me as being an orangutan, if you take that into consideration.
M L Instead they made him president 😳😳
INow i' am sure we're living in a holographic simulation.
This shit doesn't happen in 'real' life..
does it?
He's no Maurice.
New Message you win the comment of the night award LMAO!!!!!!!
Chantek died a couple of days ago - so no, not anymore.
"Oh my God...I think he just threatened to be their President!"
If only!
jesse :
Like he knows where East Korea is ?
"I unleashed fire and fury while sitting on the Air Force One toilet, the likes of which you have never seen before. It was tremendous." - Donald J Trump
JCTiggs stop eating Chipotle, Donnie
JCTiggs. Well, I guess it's good that he unleashed fire and fury on the Air Force One toilet. "The likes that you have never seen before". Maybe he's been eating more Kentucky Fried Chicken. Or maybe he started on a Taco Bell addiction! Trump might say:: we are gonna save American tax dollars and lives, if I jus' bomb those North Koreans with my poop! Oh I hafta get a tweet in about that while I'm sitting here on the toilet at 3am in the morning... yeah, whatcha gonna do about it. Melania snores too much. :)
It's definitely Taco Bell.
JCTiggs you mind passing the febreeze!!!!
JCTiggs
Chris Christie is still in there with a plunger! 😖
Guam can't vote for president but whoever becomes president of the US is also Guams president. That seems unfair.
Also, it is by no means or in any way democratic.
supershinigami1 TOTALLY unfair, if they get blown up!😕
Kinda sounds like taxation without representation. I wonder if any other country in history has ever had that happen to them hmmmmm
It's been the same with Puerto Rico. Can't vote but can go to war. smh.
If Guam wants to go at it alone without open access to the U.S. market, U.S. currency, U.S. military spending (which drives much of Guam's economy), and the U.S. legal system...well good luck to them.
I don't want the earth to blow up either...I haven't even started my new job yet!
Angelica Real, hahaha...👍
Nguyen Huu Vinh Actually it's my first job ever really and it's at an indoor theme park which is something that I really love. It may not be at The Late Show but it's something I know I'll enjoy a lot!
Same here, I start on 15th Aug. Please survive till then
Angelica Real Look on the bright side - at least you won't have to worry about paying off student loan debts, healthcare, saving for retirement, or the threat of outsourcing, offshoring, and automation.
StplyZ I start 2 days after... I don't wanna die and never experience the joys of a part time job😭
Time to send in Dennis Rodman to de-escalate the situation.
"Let's elect a completely inexperienced tv host as president, what could go wrong?" they said..
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT GONE SEXUAL GONE WRONG IN THE HOOD
PRANK CALL GONE NUCLEAR TRIGGERED TRUMPSTER REACTION VIDEO :P
"He was new to this, it's his first nuclear war" --- trumptards after the fallout
Fallout 5, live it this summer!
mondovb did you just fucking spell days as "daze?"
"I do not want the Earth to blow up. That's where my house is."
This is why I love Stephen Colbert.
"I don't want to set the world on fire", is a song Trump has clearly never listened to.
I played Fallout (3) - now the wife sings that song.
Tom Arditi I didn't start the fire, it was always burning always turning!!!!
Yeah I was thinking of the Fallout 3 intro when I wrote that actually.
Love that song
This would be a prime opportunity for someone in the future to come back and stop this.
…. Or make it worse, oopsie!
It was less painful listening to my nephew talk when he was still learning and would be repeating himself while I couldn't understand 98% of what he was saying. Trump is the oldest man-child I've ever heard/seen, please for the love of humanity somebody educate this buffoon.
Matthew I think it is too late, he is 72 and how does the saying go, can't teach an old dog new tricks.
The buffoon lacks the cognitive capacity to have anybody educate him.
"I think that he just threatened to be their President." Absolutely classic!!--Tom Reilly
Trump is the typical of what we Chinese call a "paper tiger", of course so is Kim Jong-un.
Toad Jiang lol good one
Toad Jiang Obama let this shit get way out of hand, and now everyone blames Trump 😂
Toad Jiang haha young zemin is to young
PIEMEL FRIEMEL You do realise that North Korea existed before Obama?
We even have that same expression in German.
Give it up for Guam.
Man I'm seriously scared now .. all jokes aside .
like? what happens next? we could all? die?
which one?
Don't be, unless you live in Guam, in that case... May I interest you in some Rad-Away?
don't be. There will be no war, we all know that North Korea does not stand a chance in a war against the US, even Kim Jong Un does. The problem is that both he and Trump think that backing down will make them seem weak. They will yell at each other for sometime and that will be it.
I wish we could just look them in a room together for about 24 hours I think that would solve the problem
Jose Mourinho will bring Marouane Fellaini on and solve the whole Trump-Kim problem. No worries.
3:02 The loudest, most spontaneous and sincere cheer of the year.
I understand why evangelical voters overwhelmingly choose him now. Just can't wait to get up/down there, can u?
Cinematic Gaming lol, and an overwhelming majority will probably be down there because they are downright hateful.
You can hear it in the voices of all devout religious people. Nothing can change their mind, no evidence presented, no argument made no matter how good it is will change their minds. They cannot wait to die and get the chore of life over and done with, and they're fucking up other peoples lives and treating the planet as if it has infinite resources when it doesn't and it's fucking it up for future generations. Religion is poison.
Alastair Mate, don't throw the rest of us in with those fanatics. The majority of religious people don't want to die any more than you do!
THE GREAT CHRISTIAN DEATH CULT IN THE SKY!!!!!! HALLAFELLLUJAH!!!
The more apparent it becomes that their religion is bullshit, the more dangerous they will become as they attempt to mold the reality around them into their ideal reality. Their inability to control it will make them angry, desperate and fall deeper and deeper into denial. Even if you explain their mental process to them, they'll never understand.
Mr.Nuke 2020
Make the earth flat again
- Trump threatens North Korea with "fire and fury".
- North Koreans: We don't care.
- Trump threatens North Korea to become their president.
- North Koreans: No, god, please no, no, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ayrat Khalikov ...nice one
Catherine tt why are you copying your comments
Oh, nails it. Again! Keep it up, SC and writers!!
These four years are going to be long.....veerrrry long....o.o;
Dante Slaton - Eight years, if the Democrats don't get their heads out of their asses and stop fielding corporate, talking point-spewing, uncharismatic, insincere, empty suit candidates.
They already lost once against the asshole with the 60% disapproval rating on election day, and they can do it again.
deployedkitty 2 years if were lucky after this
Dalton Triputra - We can always hope.
They'll be very short actually since in a few days the world will end :D
Hey hey hey, no need to worry man, with this guy in office, I doubt we would make it to the fourth year...
Where is that General Kelly, for effs sake?! I am wondering if a military coup that climaxes with Trump and Pence under house arrest while the House of Reps drafts impeachment articles might not be a bad idea.
BUT BUT HER EMAILS!
ZEGRA 3000 - To be fair the too-far-gone anti-Hillary people are not just pissing and moaning about her emails. I mean; that'd be stupid. Huh huh.
There's also Killary, Pizzagate, Seth Rich, Benghazi and Alex Jones' "Hillary is a demon"-claim to falsely keep them outraged.
and yet nobody seems to be talking about the real problem.... How can it be that there are only 2 realistic options? That is the biggest problem with us democracy. Your vote gets tossed away if you dont vote for the victor.
If only we could send the Tea Party and everyone else who said Hillary would start WWIII to Guam.
BUTT BUTT*
"OMG. I think he's going to be their President." LOL!
"I think he just threatened to be their president" DONE!!
"I think he just threatened to be their President." 😂😂😂😂😂😂💀
"Kim you better stop, or else" "China, make him stop!"
Wow
I need my daily. Hit of comedy and no one delivery it as well as this guy
+Roya
I personally like Trevor Noah and John Oliver too, if you hadn't heared about them, check them out! :)
the whole us territory thing is weird to me... wasn't your big thing "no taxation without representation"? so how does that mesh with territories expected to pay taxes and pony up soldiers while not being allowed to vote?
The Glorious Champion of all that is Good and Just Guam does have representation - Representative Madeleine Bordallo.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madeleine_Bordallo
Being a US territory is voluntary. Obviously not at the time, but it is now.
Statehood is, but I believe you can withdraw as a territory. It might not be easy, but I am pretty sure it is possible.
so, "you can be part of our country, technically, but we won't let you vote. don't like it, there's the door."
is there a reason to NOT let them vote?
To everyone at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert - you guys rock!
"we didn't started, North Korea has been testing these missiles for a long time" the US has been testing missiles for decades, they tested more nukes than any other country, and they used 2 nuclear weapons on civilian populations. Yes, you started it
Oh
My
Gosh
Trump
Please
*STOP*
thanks for your most intelligent and very informative comedy show shows
Funny, that's what his housekeeper says.
Thanks for the unskippable trailer for "It", TH-cam. I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway.
Also we're all going to die.
'I think he just said he'll be their president.'
Us in Phil: WE DON"T NEED ANOTHER DUTERTE PLEASE KEEP HIM AWAY
Anyone else notice that they quickly cut to Jon at the mention of Key and Peele, then instantly cut away.
duffman8472 yeah what was that about? They have history?
duffman8472 yeah scared the fuck out of me
no...when he mentions anything"black", they cut to Jon
There is nothing quite as ineffective as a vague and rambling threat from an international laughing stock..
Aren't you guys glad we didn't elect the "war candidate" Hillary? /s
Great coverage, (Shudders nervously) I don't even live near the US and I'm freaked out, both in general and for all those poor people caught int he crossfire.
"Stephen Doesn't Want The Earth To Blow Up".
Even if the world blows up, the show must go on?
Thana Edwards EXACTLY!
selig THE SHOW MUST FO ON!!! OUTSIDE THE DAWN IS BREAKING, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART... I'M ACHING TO BE FREEEEEEEE!
Stephen, if you haven't been there, please visit. Paradise in a sane world.
Two years during the Nam as a young boy. I never knew about he bodies coming through Andersen. No political savvy, but adventure abounded. If I could afford it, I would live there.
The same guy that said everybody should have nukes, now says he wants to denuke the world? ^^
His trump impression gets me everytime lol
Silly Stephen, humans could launch every nuke we have and the Earth would be just fine, only the people and much of life would be fucked. The Earth would laugh it off like it was being tickled.
Give her a Million years to clean the place up and hang out the "FOR RENT" sign again.
When Trump said he'd like to 'denuke' the world, I was taken aback. It was the first time I'd ever agreed with him on anything.
Kim Jong Un aka" baby fat" vs. Trump aka " the crazy one"
Watch it pay-per-view
At 0:51 is Stephen doing an impression of the skeleton on the fence thing from Terminator 2? hahaha noooooooo
Donald Trump - world leader
Just doesn't sound right
FINALLY!!!!! Someone says what I was thinking when Trump said "let's SEE what happens in Guam"!!!
Dispicable.
Guam is NOT for target practice and I'm so glad someone picked up on that comment and shook their head with shame.
It is a ridiculous thing to say.
Time to play Fallout and practice...
Marin Chapuis 😂😂😂😂
"I think he just threatened to be their president" bahahahhaaaaa!
We could all die because of the electoral college ...
Bwahahaha! DENUKE. ...oh, 'merica, what have you done.
Just when you think Trump can't sound more stupid, he outdoes himself. And the comedy continues. Lol
I love it when Stephen calls out the audience. It's so funny.
I'm sad I'm early cause there's no good comments to read 🤣🤣
"Key and Peele?" *cuts to Jean Baptiste*
It's also really dumb how people are making political comments here, you know he's a comedian right? and not a news source or politician and you should take what he says with a grain of salt?
Then he should stick to comedy
"take what he says with a grain of salt?"
You're kidding right?
"he should stick to comedy"
He does .... and VERY well. Nothing's a bigger joke then Trump and Colvert proves that nightly. Trump is liquid gold to any comedian.
All he does is take what the mainstream media is saying and make bolder statements. He repeats it again and again and eventually people who watch him believe it's truth.
Photoslicéthis, it's actually Deep State propaganda veiled as political satire.
This cannot be happening!?! He is insane! Get him out of office!
Trump's at war with his own so-called mind! People now is the time to start praying if you haven't been already! John3:16.
Stephen, you're a true savage. I love it.
I'm gonna go with Trump here, de_nuke is a solid choice.
I appreciate this joke and not JUST because it isn't political in nature.
"I think he just threatened to be their president."
Brutal.
How many people have died because of Trump?
Top Dawg None. The same can't be said for Hitlery or her serial rapist husband.
Top Dawg, give him time, its only been six months. He's trying very hard. His Obamacare repeal would kill tens of thousands of American citizens per year and a war with North Korea?; that has the potential for holocaust.
Jemen ?
Jemen ?
"How many people have died because of Trump?"
Give him a minute, It's taken him 6 months to find someone as dumb as him to take his bait.The rest should accelerate pretty quickly without divine intervention..
"A lot of human being fans here tonight" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
I think he just threatened them to be their president!
ahahhahahhahhaha
You DID start it! You almost obliterated NK off the map in the 50's. It hasn't been forgotten.
"Go ahead kill everyone. I'll kill 'em deader." OMG I laughed so hard my gum flew out of my mouth.
This man is, just ,way too funny.
BUTTER EMAILS!!1!!!
We've got an Umpa Lumpa for a president now...
I don't want the Earth to Blow up! That's where I keep all my Corn!
ty for making us relax in those hard time.
This is what happens when you elect your highschool bully to be president.
I thought Stephen's mocking of Guam's lack of concern was a little harsh.
2:27 - 3:05
^ Literally all you need to watch haha. Greatest thing ever spoken
The Mooch "Front Stabber" joke is much better!!!
Remember how he was saying hillary will start a war to pay for her election? How do you like them apples
So freaking funny! Love you Stephen!
You're great! Thanks for helping me keep my sanity!
"I'm not touching you, I'm not actually touching you, you can't tell mom, I am close but not actually touching you, why are crying I'm not touching you". LMAO. I remember times I would do that to my sister.
There is a saying, and it's a good one. "Don't poke a sleeping bear."
Remember the "Hillary is going to star a war" thing, hahahaha...... we all gonna die
Love his Sarah Connor Impression XD
The Terminator 2 reference was pure comedy!!!
the amount of times Trump uses the "you'll/We'll see" as a way to dodge a question because he has no answer is just ridiculous.
While I am scared of the US's missiles, I am barely scared of North Korea. They eat sawdust on bread, they can't even launch a satellite - how the hell can we expect them to be able to hit the US with a missile? Or anybody else, for that matter.
Stephen just choppin' em down!
gotta love he they cut to Jon when he said Key & Peele
3:06 ''...OMG, I think he threatened to be their president'' Rotfl
Alfred was right some men do wanna watch the world burn😭😭😭😭
You hire someone for the highest office in the land that has zero experience in government. Well.. this is what you get.
The answer is key and peele
Shout out to the people of Guam and other US "territories" who deserve full rights of US citizenship!
This is why our territories should get to VOTE.
I swear to god I just spat my beer on my monitor when he said the be their President joke! OMFG lol. Thanks Stephen! This comment brought to you by Bounty, the quicker, picker up-er!
He's not even good at being an average person. How did anyone expect him to be good at President?
the only thing we have to fear is fear itself
3:00 I lost it, dude I love this!