Narcissism in my mother hurt me my entire life because she is incapable of a relationship and meanspirited. Sometimes loving from a distance is all you can or should do. Not fully understanding and for a lot of years thinking it must be me (mostly when I was younger), I kept hoping. Over the years, my feelings did a small death at key intentional betrayals and incidences until I fully realized that it is what it is, and it is mentally and emotionally unhealthy to tumble around in the crazyness. And because she is a narcissist, she honestly hardly noticed so it has been a win/win. Noone who has not experienced it can possibly understand or believe it.
The biggest reason is abuse. Why is that so hard to understand? The parents were abusive and still continue the abuse but pretend to not know it’s abusive, yet they don’t do it to other people nor in public.
No. That's not the biggest reason. My sister cut off my parents for years, and they DID NOT deserve it. Trust me, I was there. You weren't. Why is this an epidemic now? That's the real question.
If parents really believed they did nothing wrong, they wouldn't do it behind closed doors when there were nobody to witness their abuse, and behave as "nice parents" in public or when they had guests. A lot of them have selective amnesia; they don't remember their own abuse or how they have treated their own children.
I have often tried to write down what my parents have done over the years, but once I start writing, the floodgates open, and memories are pouring out faster than I can write them down, and then fade away before I can turn them into words. By trying to remember what I forgot, it creates some sort of writer's block, and I give up. But if I did succeed in putting it down to paper (or in a text file), it would probably be as thick as a book.
I've done this same thing, with no block. The list of what they've done is loooooong! 😢 But they act like it's no big deal. I'm about to find a practitioner who uses psychedelics to help me heal and help my self hatred and C-ptsd. Oooof, this is all so hard.
ABUSE. The number one reason adults estrange from their parent(s) is abuse and dysfunction perpetrated by the parent. Many of the other things on the list are good reasons - perhaps expanding *fully* on those reasons would make a more balanced video. Great video for parents looking for excuses to not take responsibility or minimize it.
@@marygarrett9724 The title says Top Five Reasons Parents Are Cut Off. When you do top lists do you generally rank things in the order with 1 being the biggest reason? If the intent was to convey simply a list of reasons then the onus is on the author to specify that these are lesser or secondary reasons. A list of the top 5 reasons that fails to list the #1 reason cited by the estranging party seems like a dubious list - like missing an elephant in a room. Now the other thing that could be done is the title could be, "Reasons Parents Think Their Children Estrange" and then you could list some classic nuggets like, "I Don't Know." and "There Is No Reason". Or, since it's the most common (at least on the estrangers side) the 'mistakes' that the parents made that damaged their child and continues to do so in the present - family dysfunction and abuse.
@@marygarrett9724 Look, bad parents may like to pretend otherwise, but children don't randomly start fantasizing about leaving their parents. You have to get to the root of why they want to leave in the first place
Cut off is such a problem in the Anglosphere. Believing in their false exceptionalism & entitlement. No wonder the global majority think US empire is a joke & are watching it crumble. Of course there are disturbed individuals, most though, don’t do the hard yards of enough therapy to be able to not need to amputate parents, but to develop boundaries, compassion & resilience instead. Much of this now is just woke nonsense & that’s on its last legs having cannibalised itself.
I've cut out my mom from my life completely because she does not enhance or bring value to my life in any meaningful way. On the contrary, she's emotionally immature, abusive, & negligent. I've always struggled with having a functional relationship with my mom as far back as I can remember. I know that my mom has serious childhood trauma of her own and unfortunately for me, she has chosen to funnel all her frustrations on me as a child and well into adulthood. It took me awhile to remove the child lens that I was used to seeing my mom through and replace it with the adult lens. Once I saw my mom from an adult point of view, I realized how much I have surpassed her in so many ways. Other than the blood that runs in each others veins, we have absolutely nothing in common. I don't think like her, I don't behave like her, we have no common interests or similar outlook in life. My mom is prone to negativity, criticism, and intolerance towards different points of view. She's not a pleasant person to be around for more than like 10 minutes. She screams, yells, curses, and if she gets angry enough, she will even get physical. She rarely ever has anything nice to say and in the rare instance that she gives me some sort of praise, its often followed with some sort of criticism. When I was younger I used to think highly of my mom despite how mean she was, but as I grew into an adulthood, I began to realize how wrong she was about so many things. Gradually, I lost respect for her, but I stilled craved her affirmation. Eventually, I realized that my mom was a deeply broken person and unless I cut ties with her, she would eventually break me too. It hurts not having a relationship with my mom, but it hurts less than receiving abuse, neglect, disrespect, and meanness from a person who is supposed to be one of the most important persons in my life. I've come to realize that some of us are fortunate to be born to good loving parents, but not all of us are so lucky. Some of us get stuck with terrible parents and the havoc they wreak in our lives sucks, but at least once we recognize it and come in to grips with the reality of the situation, we are able to make the necessary decisions that will enable us to live a happier and fuller life. We all deserve that.
Guilt tripping, manipulation, crossing boundaries, made to feel im responsible for their emotions, erractic moods, and so much more. Im at the breaking point, no contact has to happen.
I made it through my Army career before having to go no contact with my parents. It was tremendously hard, and completely worth it. Get support from a professional, or a circle of kind people. This is your fight for freedom. You got this.
@@theodorerooding3536 I'm trying currently seeing a professional, he thinks I have PTSD but a part of me is in denial and saying it wasn't that bad. At the same time I wonder why I feel literal terror being around my mother. Thanks for your kind words, good to know someone out there made it through no contact.
@freedomfighter-1776 it can be life altering to face these things. You are describing PTSD symptoms. I didn't want to accept that diagnosis either. I got to a place where I agreed to therapy just to demonstrate that wasn't it. Turns out, I got PTSD. Nobody gets to tell you what is or isn't "that bad." Your body is telling you with every cell it was indeed, that bad. Nearly 5 years later, I'm grateful to live peacefully. Let grown adults handle their own emotions. You go live your best life, without regard to their opinions. F#*k judgment, and do what you feel drawn to do.
How about if the adult child financially takes care of everything for the parent because they can’t do it themselves. And yet the one parents mouth is ungrateful and hurtful. It’s never f ‘n enough. If I don’t do this mum would be homeless! Yet I do want to walk away! I can’t stand it anymore. She doesn’t care how it’s financially hurting my family! Other sibling doesn’t do a damn thing!
Thanks a lot, Excellent list - but I would have liked if you had said more about mental illness in the parent, especially bipolar, and also about when both parent and child have mental illness issues.
@ginanieto2948 what about, what about, about. Deflect, Argue, play the victim. You know why they left, you simply don't like it. Time to learn you're allowed to not like someone's decisions, and they can still run their own life.
So, if your parents are emotionally abusing you for being gay, having a different political idea, etc, then okay. If one cuts themselves off from their parents for the disagreement alone (no emotional abuse, coercion, etc), then they're the worst type of person and I sort of hope their kid does the same thing to them. I see this as emotional blackmail. "Have my values or you're out of my life."
A sign in my office. " 3 things we need to come to terms with in life. 1. If they wanted to, they would. 2. No response IS a response. 3. Not everyone has the same values, the same goals or the same hurt that you do."
good list . sometimes parents cut ties because of child's lifestyle . right or wrong, it can happen. so is the parent in the wrong? as if the situation is reversed,? how about a bit of respect for each other and hearing a therspist ask How can you make peace in the family? peacemakers sometimes compromise.
@@southernlanieyou missed the commenter’s valid point-quick to find a simplistic solution rather than work diplomatically for peace. Typical yank entitled warmongering even in the interpersonal.
These answers are never easy. People are complicated. People are damaged. People are entitled. People are immature. People are trying to heal by cutting those they feel are toxic from their lives are aren’t putting up with it anymore. Cutting people out of your life is extremely severe and not to be taken lightly. It’s possible the kids are being narcissistic, dramatic, entitled and attention-seeking. Maybe parents are toxic, judgmental and bitter. Or it’s the opposite. What’s important isn’t pointing fingers. Forgive, heal, and live your life. Create boundaries. If you cut someone out of life, you can do so lovingly and respectfully or you can do so hurtfully and smugly. Better choose wisely because Karma will come back around and will be as kind and loving as you were. .. or weren’t. 😵💫
I agree with your thoughts expressed here because many of these situations are nuanced..many layers in relationships. Before cutting someone totally out of your life one might want to think of backing things down to a "cordial only" relationship first and see how that works.
I have lived a long time on this earth, and this is a very true statement. Karma will definitely come back around. What a lot of the adults who choose to cut off all contact ( and usually in a very cruel way ) with their parents don’t realize is that many of these parents do love them and were surviving the best way they knew how in a horrific culture of drugs, incest, partying, lack of structure, violence and prejudices against women and minorities, war, high inflation ( as high as 18 percent at times ), and new and unknown diseases ( AIDS ). Today, things are different and imo, kids have it better. Throw away you relatives. throw away your heritage, throw away love and pretend you are “different” than the soil of your soul. Judge and criticize if you want to, but karma WILL get back to you.
Yes, there are consequences for making a decision like estranging a parent or parents. Their children have the "right" to do the same to them when the time comes---karma.
It would be very helpful if you summarize the five reasons at the beginning and or the end of the video and in the notes. With citations as to what time in the video, the different reasons occur, that would be very helpful.
Interesting that it always comes back to evil parents. How about over indulged children? There are many good parents who are left heart broken and no clue why the adult child wants to cut ties. But you can bet they want the inheritance once those estranged parents pass away.
It is not acceptable for parents to cut ties but just fine for children to cut ties. Furthermore the child can cut ties for any reason and it is ok. This is the new American culture. In other cultures this would be looked down on. Things have changed a lot in 50 years.
@@nomad7540 It's not acceptable for anyone to cut ties without good reason. Abuse, toxicity. True other cultures never see this and old people don't go to nursing homes. This seems to be a North American practice.
You failed to see the obvious which is the overindulging your children is a form of evil abuse and neglect. It's not about blaming the parents, it's about trying to get under the hood of the relationship and fix the vehicle of it.
Who indulged these "overindulged children'? And your condition al inheritance as a way to control and manipulate your child? I see clearly why your child is estranged. Are you willing to take accountability because that's all it would likely take?
5 reasons parents are cut off by adult children: 1) Divorce 2) Mental Illness/substance use/addiction/depression/anxiety - could be a trauma response or manifestation to abuse/neglect of parents, the adult child will pull back from other family because those family members might be siding with parents and are part of the dysfunctional family system 3) Pressure from in-laws 4) Therapist suggests it to them 5) Differing values and lifestyle - this is likely the number one reason (or perhaps number two behind physical/verbal and other abuse)...some areas of differing views would be religion, politics, marriage, how to raise kids, etc
It's prevalent in religious cults. When a child leaves the cult, they leave their entire family because the family will cut out anyone who has chosen to 'burn in hell.' The only relative they may have/regain is one who left the cult beforehand and so can reunite. They can only hope that more will follow. As for the parents, the 'doomed' children are already dead to them. The only thing they grieve is they won't be "joining them in heaven."
I say let them. It’s not a parent’s job to keep parenting and watching over kids for the rest of their kid’s life. If they hate you, so be it. They don’t want to ever see you again? Well, good riddance. Grieve if you have to and go on with your life. Have fun with friends, go on long vacations, cultivate love, adopt a pet, give your money to other needy children and charities. Have a blast with the rest of your life. Life is too short to be wrapped up in this type of constant drama. Surround yourself with healthy, good people who love you for you. And don’t leave your “estranged child/ren” one red cent….even if they show up acting all “lovey dovey” as you lay dying. : )
My goodness, you should be a therapist! You will never know how much your words helped me. We live in another state from our son and his family. We fly to see them about every 8-10 weeks. We are there only a couple days, take them to dinner and that's about it. Because we are in our 70's we decided to move to a town near them so we could be a part of our grandchildren's lives. We were ready to make an offer on a house we found yesterday and our son emailed me when he found out saying we need to rethink that decision. He said they don't have time to spend time with us and that kids don't want to hang out with grandparents. He stands to inherit both a lot of money and real estate. We are so hurt right now we are talking about changing our will. To make matters worse, today is my husband's birthday. Thank you so much for what you wrote. P.S. I might have your advice framed! LOL!!
Out of all of the comments that I seen so far on these type of videos, you have the best one so far. Reason why yours is the best is because you REALIZED that in this game called "LIFE" no one is OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF THE TITLE. The child will look at their parent as the enemy for their wrongdoings and the parent will look at their child as the enemy for their wrongdoings. Little do they both know, there is something called "RELATIONSHIP EXPIRATION" and that can happen at any time and for any reason. We need to STOP PLACING ATTACHMENTS/EXPECTATIONS on things because when we do and when it doesn't get reached then YOU PLAYED YOURSELF AND BLAME WHOEVER FOR WHAT (victim mentality).
Her response actually had an impact on me and helped me to see things in a different light. Looks like I won't have to go to therapy after all. LOL! P.S. Your response was pretty good also. Thank you!@@ThaVisionaryTeam
I've been in therapy for years working on myself as I had a difficult upbringing, including abuse. When my daughter started pulling away thank God I found a very good local therapist and I also follow Dr. Coleman's suggestions. I'm very willing to go to therapy with her read books anything that is needed to do the healing work. But she wants none of it.. including she will not tell me why she is pulling back...and the way she treats me actually feels abusive at times. Is this addressed with the adult children that are alienating family members? Are there videos out there that support the kids in taking some space but how to do it and still be respectful about it to the parents that are older and grieving????
No, nothing addresses the estrangers ( people who do the estranging), but I am writing a book about my experiences being estranged. I address the first 9 chapters to the estrangers. I want them to hear what it is like to be the estranged one.
@@Ark-ys2up can’t generalise your experience & you probably need to do your 50% of hard inner work as well. Label “adult child” isn’t factual. This is 2 adults, 2 responsible adults.
@@Ark-ys2upwhat a vile & blaming comment. That sort of merciless, facile & thick comment is the reason the global majority consider the Anglosphere a total snowflake joke & are watching it cannibalise itself.
The role of the therapist is to support the adult child? What does that mean exactly? What if it's obvious to the therapist that it's actually the the adult child that's ruining their own life and not the parent? BTW the phrase "adult child" is very fitting when describing the millennial generation. 18 20 year olds were dying on the beaches of Normandy less than 100 years ago. Today we have 35-40 year olds that require safe spaces to deal with their "trauma" whenever someone simply disagrees with them. As a therapist can you please explain how the infantilization of the American psyche is progress?
I think your comment describes exactly why the younger generations have so much animosity against the older generations. Anyone who doesn't agree with the older generations, such as Baby Boomers, are immediately ridiculed as being inferior. Or as you describe it "require safe spaces...whenever someone simply disagree with them." Since the younger generations seemingly disagree with you, you describe it as "infantilization of the American psyche." It might be shocking for older generations to learn that the younger generations resent the hell out of the state of the world and the social injustices left by those in power, the older generations. Getting a college degree, owning a home, securing a retirement are all not as easy as it once was. This is true even for my generation who were raised by Baby Boomers. My generation still had it easier than the younger generations of today. Just look at what was possible for a young single income family in the 1970s versus today. Rather than hate the younger generations, educate yourself on what their reality is. Reducing younger generations to being nothing more than adult children is exactly why the younger generations have so much contempt for the older generations that have left a messed up planet as their legacy. Just a fresh perspective from the other side. By the way, I'm older than the demographic you demonize (Millennials), but I sympathize with them more than the seemingly intolerant older generations who left the younger generations with this financial, social, and political mess to sort out.
What do you attribute to the explosion of estrangements in American society? Estrangements occur beyond the standard reasons of parental egregious behavior. Why is this happening?
Social contagion from Woke, post modern-“deconstruct all” ideology. A pernicious influence that’s destroyed a generation. Global majority think Anglosphere is a joke & are moral cowards for it.
Personally our lives changed when politics from 2016 came in and then covid and the lockdowns. It widened a gap that may never be recovered. For us anyway. They can't just agree to disagree but insist on name calling and blame for things we've never done. Years of daycare, after school care, meals and babysitting didn't matter.
I think it’s a fad. My son used words not normally in his vocabulary. It sounded like a script. He accused me of not being there for him his whole life. When I told him this was the first I heard of his feelings and that I didn’t know what he wanted from me. He said he was not my teacher and wouldn’t tell me how to react. I have no clue what he’s talking about. He’s never said a thing before. I drove him to private school an hour each way that cost $750 a month. I accepted his pansexual polyamory lifestyle. I’ve given him money I didn’t have whenever he randomly quits his job. He moved over 12 hours away. I make it a point to visit at least once a year. He said he was finished because I never spend time with him. He said parents should put their children first. I told him that he is no longer a child (he’s 45). So I’m done. I’m living my life and giving my money to someone who will appreciate it.
Hi Josie: Thank you for sharing here. I hear you, 45 is not a child. I am curious if he was hoping to tell you his experience so you might understand him better? Would you share what your thoughts on concerning his motivation to share his thoughts on your parenting?
I understand going no contact with your parents if you’ve been telling them for years how you feel with no change. You’ve written letters, had long conversations, arguments. This is the first time my son said he was neglected and unloved. I tried pointing out to him how he was wrong about how I felt towards him. He said he was ready to move on. And he did.
Hi Josie: So not a word about his feelings straight to no contact? From what I’ve heard from adult children and research this is uncommon. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand how hard this is. Keep moving forward
You want points for paying for your kid's school and driving him places as if that wasn't your damn job as a parent. The fact you mention him "randomly quitting" jobs and his "polyamory lifestyle," which really aren't relevant here, suggest that you're probably super judgey and really haven't accepted him at all. The guy moved 12 hours away from you, struggles in relationships, has trouble holding down a job, and feels unsupported and unloved by you. But at no point did you go, "I think something might be wrong with my son and our relationship." Yeah, I think I see the problems here. You've been ignoring everything going wrong in his life and providing no help aside from the odd check when what he really needed was your love and acceptance.
@@Fauntleroy. Wouldn’t it be nice if your parents always instinctively knew what you needed at every moment and were able to provide exactly that? Wouldn’t it be great if they were always cheerful, patient, and available? There’s no such thing as a perfect childhood. Life is hard. Parents face their own challenges while raising children. It’s important to understand the mistakes parents make in the context of their own stress about finances and work commitments. Add in the parents own upbringing which may not have included a good model. This is not an excuse for the parents but a reason to let go of blame and allow for some sort of relationship between them. I was 25 when I was raising my son. He’s now 45. Time for him to change his own diaper.
Only people who have been abused by a parent really understand this. A narcissist will never change. The only cure for the negative mindset is separation. There is no way to reconcile when you are always the one to blame. Shunning is the one solution to healing.
Some are just bad parents. I stopped speaking to one for years. If I took every nice comment to my face about me it won't get to more than 2 or 3 but constant attacks. I've walked away again. My support comes from friends.
If its possible, family repair work. Of course this is not always an option. the therapeutic work to address CPTSD may bring one to want to attempt family connections if conditions have improved. Every situation is unique. The traumatic response of avoidance is also a feature when there's CPTSD. Its recommend to have a trauma informed therapist to guide individuals with CPTSD.
I think the Bar is too low. Adult children dwell on past experience. Things may not have been perfect, but at the time it was the best we could do. Forgiveness and understanding 🙏 . Their estrangement will effect the next generations and after 😪. The family unit has been broken 💔
The erosion of the family starts in school where teachers assume the role of parents and indoctrinate. Also, women are rarely homemakers as they are working to provide financially. No wonder birth rates are declining universally.
You broke the family unit with your bad parenting. You hide from your responsibility by shrugging and saying, "Well, that was the best I could do." But I suspect you could've done better had you put that family unit first, rather than your own wishes and comfort. Now you have the gall to judge your children for being stronger and smarter than you were at their age.
People rarely change forgiveness is a really bad idea, it just leads to more stress and enduring the same behaviors. Really bad advice. The trama we endured has gone on for generations we are ending it.
I wish my parents had divorced. One time, after one my dad's beatings, i went to my mom crying and begging her to take us kids and leave him." With a blank stare she turned her face to me and retorted coldly "Jesus doesn't like divorce!" To this day she denies this request+remark ever happened and that i "must have dreamt it!"
I’m sorry that happened to you. She might have blocked out the memory. It’s sad that she hasn’t taken responsibility even if she doesn’t remember. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Thank you. In that moment, i decided i could never see her again. I gave her one last long hug as i left and that was after Xmas 2011. It took 4 years for the unwanted cards to stop, but my life has been a lot happier and more peaceful since.
@youtubemariemorinestrangement My life has been torn to pieces because of her. Divorced 21 tears ago and I'm still broken. I haven't trusted a woman since. .not sure I ever will. Our society has become what allows the narcissist to thrive. Net dating sites are their reliable fall back place to get new and backup supply.
Hi There, thank you for sharing. Twenty-one years is a long time. Can you get support from someone who can be in your corner and help you to move forward? Sometimes we just need someone to be there with us so we can ventilate and process what has happened to us. What do you think?
8 หลายเดือนก่อน
@mmorin881 Thank you! Yes, I agree strongly. From a large family I've always had several people to share my experience and pain. I'm almost 50 years old and can honestly tell you I've become my own worse enemy. My self esteem self control and temper are a major problem area n my life. I'm experiencing some health issues and I'm about to have my 17 years career terminated. I didn't submit the correct forms when I was forced to stop working due to a work related disease. My two hands are almost totally useless due to nerve damage. My supervisor called me early in the mothing.As I was going through trcall me 3 times early.I lost my temper.I called her back and I yelled her and told her all these things on her answer.Maching, she's been praying all me to targeting me.Causes some other Things i've done at work that she did not agree with. I've been given awards by the President, but. Labeled as a black some of my coworkers. If I had a target on my back since now she has the opportunity and she's making the move I don't know what to do.
7 หลายเดือนก่อน
@mmorin881 I agree but it's not as easy as it sounds. I have emotional issues due to a head injury from my childhood.I was in a coma for 2 weeks. I'm about to get fired from a job.I've been at for seventeen years. I'm gonna fight the job.I have I really don't believe in any more Anyway. I'm feeling my purpose in life dwindling away.
I wonder if there are any studies that show parental estrangement is high in liberal areas than it is in conservative areas. I'd be every surprised if this wasn't the case. It's been my experience that the more liberal/left leaning one is the more self absorbed they are and the more hostile to others who don't share their views they are.
Personally I find this pretty accurate. We are very conservative, always have been. New in law not so much. Covid, 2016 and 2020 election and it was over. All of the time spent for naught. We keep reaching out but it's like pulling teeth as they say. If we don't, we don't hear a word from our son.
This video was a complete disappointment. Biased against children and especially daughter and son in laws. Estrangement is a last resort decision often made out of a will to emotionally survive. Most normal people want family! They want grandparents to love and connect with their children. Most people are wiling to work through hard things and to endure a lot for these relationships. When someone makes this large of a decision, they do not make it lightly. Usually there is a loss of hope that anything will ever change in the system and the system is toxic and abusive towards those who leave.
Hi Laura: thank you for writing. I totally hear what you’re saying. The reasons listed in this video are also present in on of the most comprehensive researched book by Kylie Agillias. She researched both sides, asking adult children and parents. This video did not adequately include the adult children’s primary reasons: betrayal, abuse, and poor parenting. I do have other videos highlighting this side of the issue. I don’t always include both sides. Thank you again for sharing your experience.
No she isn't. She described my DIL perfectly, she is the Gatekeeper. She controls my son so much so that she has successfully completed her mission. It will be 2 yrs this month that I last spoke with my son and two beautiful granddaughters. It took her 10 years but she succeeded, I actually walked away but he made zero attempts to contact me. It hurts, it is heart crushing that my only son could walk away from his mother after 38 yrs but I had enough. I was tired of feeling like an outsider for his entire married life, he traded his actual parents for his inlaws. I wish him well, I only can hope my granddaughters will come around when they're old enough to make their own decisions.
But we had a wonderful and close relationship for 25 years, until COVID. We’re on opposite sides politically and regarding the vaccine. She aligned with her dad politically.
This is a difficult one highlighting how differences in political and social views contribute to parent and adult child relationships. Baby boomers may remember that political views were private and respected. My observation is this is not the case today and a significant problem. Thank you for writing.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Weren't the Boomers part of the anti-war and hippy movement? Are you saying that they were private about their political affiliations in the 1960s and 70s?Are you also suggesting Boomers differing political views were respected by their elders or the older generation when Boomers were young? This doesn't seem to comport with actual history. These gross generalizations by a life coach or therapist are rather alarming. I don't think not being private about your political views is "a significant problem." Children are not placed on this earth to appease their parents' political views by staying private. Such a strange viewpoint from a professional.
lol I love this and all the other delusional parents that post videos talking themselves in a circle trying not to say it their fault. The problem is children had children and u still haven’t grown
@@Car-qu2bc not a fan of proportionality are u? “Whiny” -a mild label describing a behaviour. “Bad”-a banal b&w shaming of the essence of another complex & nuanced human being. Do better.
@@Car-qu2bc what’s your problem?? Bitterness? My child has let me know often that no kid cld hve a better childhood than they had. Am a Dev Psych by prof. Worked wth Families at Risk. Feel free to stay pathetic.
I am sorry. This is another symptom of moral decay. Alienation is child abuse. I had an horrific childhood. I was loyal to my parents. After all the money, time, energy and love expended by parents... to turn around and treat them as strangers...is abominable. After all the sacrifice expended I would never tolerate an adult child that denied access to the grandchildren. This whole dynamic is not normal. It is dysfunctional. Other ethnicities live in multi generational households......as a norm. Let the children do better + let the cycle repeat in their own lives.
Your children don't owe you anything. You did the job you signed up for--you don't get a medal for keeping your children alive. You would've gone to prison for doing less.
Narcissism in my mother hurt me my entire life because she is incapable of a relationship and meanspirited. Sometimes loving from a distance is all you can or should do. Not fully understanding and for a lot of years thinking it must be me (mostly when I was younger), I kept hoping. Over the years, my feelings did a small death at key intentional betrayals and incidences until I fully realized that it is what it is, and it is mentally and emotionally unhealthy to tumble around in the crazyness. And because she is a narcissist, she honestly hardly noticed so it has been a win/win. Noone who has not experienced it can possibly understand or believe it.
I have. You are not alone.
🙏 Your mother needs help.
Forgiveness and understanding. Pray to God, he can do the impossible. God can heal the brokenness of families
The biggest reason is abuse. Why is that so hard to understand? The parents were abusive and still continue the abuse but pretend to not know it’s abusive, yet they don’t do it to other people nor in public.
Negative. Your experiences aren't universal.
@@danielhuizar3545 💯
These banal generalisations are unhelpful.
No. That's not the biggest reason. My sister cut off my parents for years, and they DID NOT deserve it. Trust me, I was there. You weren't. Why is this an epidemic now? That's the real question.
@@Squiddogg Just because your parents didn't deserve it doesn't mean it's the same with everybody else.
If parents really believed they did nothing wrong, they wouldn't do it behind closed doors when there were nobody to witness their abuse, and behave as "nice parents" in public or when they had guests.
A lot of them have selective amnesia; they don't remember their own abuse or how they have treated their own children.
I have often tried to write down what my parents have done over the years, but once I start writing, the floodgates open, and memories are pouring out faster than I can write them down, and then fade away before I can turn them into words. By trying to remember what I forgot, it creates some sort of writer's block, and I give up. But if I did succeed in putting it down to paper (or in a text file), it would probably be as thick as a book.
I've done this same thing, with no block. The list of what they've done is loooooong! 😢 But they act like it's no big deal.
I'm about to find a practitioner who uses psychedelics to help me heal and help my self hatred and C-ptsd. Oooof, this is all so hard.
"If you Love them, set them FREE!" The parents home should be a safety net....not a destination.
Right but they'll lose their drug, you. Some parents look to their kids as a emotional rescuer because their life is a mess.
ABUSE. The number one reason adults estrange from their parent(s) is abuse and dysfunction perpetrated by the parent. Many of the other things on the list are good reasons - perhaps expanding *fully* on those reasons would make a more balanced video. Great video for parents looking for excuses to not take responsibility or minimize it.
These are just SOME reasons
@@marygarrett9724 The title says Top Five Reasons Parents Are Cut Off. When you do top lists do you generally rank things in the order with 1 being the biggest reason? If the intent was to convey simply a list of reasons then the onus is on the author to specify that these are lesser or secondary reasons. A list of the top 5 reasons that fails to list the #1 reason cited by the estranging party seems like a dubious list - like missing an elephant in a room.
Now the other thing that could be done is the title could be, "Reasons Parents Think Their Children Estrange" and then you could list some classic nuggets like, "I Don't Know." and "There Is No Reason". Or, since it's the most common (at least on the estrangers side) the 'mistakes' that the parents made that damaged their child and continues to do so in the present - family dysfunction and abuse.
This was definitely my reason
@@marygarrett9724 Look, bad parents may like to pretend otherwise, but children don't randomly start fantasizing about leaving their parents. You have to get to the root of why they want to leave in the first place
Cut off is such a problem in the Anglosphere. Believing in their false exceptionalism & entitlement.
No wonder the global majority think US empire is a joke & are watching it crumble.
Of course there are disturbed individuals, most though, don’t do the hard yards of enough therapy to be able to not need to amputate parents, but to develop boundaries, compassion & resilience instead.
Much of this now is just woke nonsense & that’s on its last legs having cannibalised itself.
I've cut out my mom from my life completely because she does not enhance or bring value to my life in any meaningful way. On the contrary, she's emotionally immature, abusive, & negligent. I've always struggled with having a functional relationship with my mom as far back as I can remember. I know that my mom has serious childhood trauma of her own and unfortunately for me, she has chosen to funnel all her frustrations on me as a child and well into adulthood. It took me awhile to remove the child lens that I was used to seeing my mom through and replace it with the adult lens. Once I saw my mom from an adult point of view, I realized how much I have surpassed her in so many ways. Other than the blood that runs in each others veins, we have absolutely nothing in common. I don't think like her, I don't behave like her, we have no common interests or similar outlook in life. My mom is prone to negativity, criticism, and intolerance towards different points of view. She's not a pleasant person to be around for more than like 10 minutes. She screams, yells, curses, and if she gets angry enough, she will even get physical. She rarely ever has anything nice to say and in the rare instance that she gives me some sort of praise, its often followed with some sort of criticism. When I was younger I used to think highly of my mom despite how mean she was, but as I grew into an adulthood, I began to realize how wrong she was about so many things. Gradually, I lost respect for her, but I stilled craved her affirmation. Eventually, I realized that my mom was a deeply broken person and unless I cut ties with her, she would eventually break me too. It hurts not having a relationship with my mom, but it hurts less than receiving abuse, neglect, disrespect, and meanness from a person who is supposed to be one of the most important persons in my life. I've come to realize that some of us are fortunate to be born to good loving parents, but not all of us are so lucky. Some of us get stuck with terrible parents and the havoc they wreak in our lives sucks, but at least once we recognize it and come in to grips with the reality of the situation, we are able to make the necessary decisions that will enable us to live a happier and fuller life. We all deserve that.
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry this happened to you. I appreciate your sharing and allowing us to connect and understand. I hear you.
Guilt tripping, manipulation, crossing boundaries, made to feel im responsible for their emotions, erractic moods, and so much more. Im at the breaking point, no contact has to happen.
I made it through my Army career before having to go no contact with my parents. It was tremendously hard, and completely worth it.
Get support from a professional, or a circle of kind people.
This is your fight for freedom. You got this.
@@theodorerooding3536 I'm trying currently seeing a professional, he thinks I have PTSD but a part of me is in denial and saying it wasn't that bad. At the same time I wonder why I feel literal terror being around my mother. Thanks for your kind words, good to know someone out there made it through no contact.
@freedomfighter-1776 it can be life altering to face these things. You are describing PTSD symptoms. I didn't want to accept that diagnosis either. I got to a place where I agreed to therapy just to demonstrate that wasn't it.
Turns out, I got PTSD.
Nobody gets to tell you what is or isn't "that bad."
Your body is telling you with every cell it was indeed, that bad.
Nearly 5 years later, I'm grateful to live peacefully.
Let grown adults handle their own emotions.
You go live your best life, without regard to their opinions. F#*k judgment, and do what you feel drawn to do.
How about if the adult child financially takes care of everything for the parent because they can’t do it themselves. And yet the one parents mouth is ungrateful and hurtful. It’s never f ‘n enough. If I don’t do this mum would be homeless! Yet I do want to walk away! I can’t stand it anymore. She doesn’t care how it’s financially hurting my family! Other sibling doesn’t do a damn thing!
If you want leave then what exactly is stopping you, you have to do what is best for you
Then let her be homeless. Doesn't she deserve that after all she's put you through..?
Thanks a lot, Excellent list - but I would have liked if you had said more about mental illness in the parent, especially bipolar, and also about when both parent and child have mental illness issues.
Probably a parent with Cluster B personality disorder
What about when there was never abuse? My husband and I are not divorced. How about encouraging families to reconcile
Maybe from your persepctive it wasn't abuse. But if your child feels like they were abused - then they were abused.
We don’t leave happy relationships. How long has your child been unhappy?
Please give me an example of abuse, is it beatings or sexual or something else. @@Ambient_Scenes
@ginanieto2948 Nobody asked for your opinion. How about taking accountability for your misconduct
@ginanieto2948 what about, what about, about.
Deflect, Argue, play the victim.
You know why they left, you simply don't like it.
Time to learn you're allowed to not like someone's decisions, and they can still run their own life.
So, if your parents are emotionally abusing you for being gay, having a different political idea, etc, then okay. If one cuts themselves off from their parents for the disagreement alone (no emotional abuse, coercion, etc), then they're the worst type of person and I sort of hope their kid does the same thing to them. I see this as emotional blackmail. "Have my values or you're out of my life."
👍👍👍disgusting behavior.
The "therapist" is to blame. That sounds right.
Anything is to blame but the parent.
A sign in my office. " 3 things we need to come to terms with in life. 1. If they wanted to, they would. 2. No response IS a response. 3. Not everyone has the same values, the same goals or the same hurt that you do."
good list . sometimes parents cut ties because of child's lifestyle . right or wrong, it can happen. so is the parent in the wrong? as if the situation is reversed,? how about a bit of respect for each other and hearing a therspist ask How can you make peace in the family? peacemakers sometimes compromise.
Yes, parents are in the wrong for that.
@@southernlanieyou missed the commenter’s valid point-quick to find a simplistic solution rather than work diplomatically for peace.
Typical yank entitled warmongering even in the interpersonal.
These answers are never easy. People are complicated. People are damaged. People are entitled. People are immature. People are trying to heal by cutting those they feel are toxic from their lives are aren’t putting up with it anymore. Cutting people out of your life is extremely severe and not to be taken lightly. It’s possible the kids are being narcissistic, dramatic, entitled and attention-seeking. Maybe parents are toxic, judgmental and bitter. Or it’s the opposite. What’s important isn’t pointing fingers. Forgive, heal, and live your life. Create boundaries. If you cut someone out of life, you can do so lovingly and respectfully or you can do so hurtfully and smugly. Better choose wisely because Karma will come back around and will be as kind and loving as you were. .. or weren’t. 😵💫
I agree with your thoughts expressed here because many of these situations are nuanced..many layers in relationships.
Before cutting someone totally out of your life one might want to think of backing things down to a "cordial only" relationship first and see how that works.
I was
I have lived a long time on this earth, and this is a very true statement. Karma will definitely come back around. What a lot of the adults who choose to cut off all contact ( and usually in a very cruel way ) with their parents don’t realize is that many of these parents do love them and were surviving the best way they knew how in a horrific culture of drugs, incest, partying, lack of structure, violence and prejudices against women and minorities, war, high inflation ( as high as 18 percent at times ), and new and unknown diseases ( AIDS ). Today, things are different and imo, kids have it better. Throw away you relatives. throw away your heritage, throw away love and pretend you are “different” than the soil of your soul. Judge and criticize if you want to, but karma WILL get back to you.
@@kellyyork3898you’re aware it’s 2023 right?
Yes, there are consequences for making a decision like estranging a parent or parents. Their children have the "right" to do the same to them when the time comes---karma.
It would be very helpful if you summarize the five reasons at the beginning and or the end of the video and in the notes. With citations as to what time in the video, the different reasons occur, that would be very helpful.
Interesting that it always comes back to evil parents. How about over indulged children? There are many good parents who are left heart broken and no clue why the adult child wants to cut ties. But you can bet they want the inheritance once those estranged parents pass away.
It is not acceptable for parents to cut ties but just fine for children to cut ties. Furthermore the child can cut ties for any reason and it is ok. This is the new American culture. In other cultures this would be looked down on. Things have changed a lot in 50 years.
@@nomad7540 It's not acceptable for anyone to cut ties without good reason. Abuse, toxicity. True other cultures never see this and old people don't go to nursing homes. This seems to be a North American practice.
You failed to see the obvious which is the overindulging your children is a form of evil abuse and neglect. It's not about blaming the parents, it's about trying to get under the hood of the relationship and fix the vehicle of it.
Right on.
Who indulged these "overindulged children'? And your condition al inheritance as a way to control and manipulate your child? I see clearly why your child is estranged. Are you willing to take accountability because that's all it would likely take?
5 reasons parents are cut off by adult children:
1) Divorce
2) Mental Illness/substance use/addiction/depression/anxiety - could be a trauma response or manifestation to abuse/neglect of parents, the adult child will pull back from other family because those family members might be siding with parents and are part of the dysfunctional family system
3) Pressure from in-laws
4) Therapist suggests it to them
5) Differing values and lifestyle - this is likely the number one reason (or perhaps number two behind physical/verbal and other abuse)...some areas of differing views would be religion, politics, marriage, how to raise kids, etc
It's prevalent in religious cults.
When a child leaves the cult, they leave their entire family because the family will cut out anyone who has chosen to 'burn in hell.' The only relative they may have/regain is one who left the cult beforehand and so can reunite. They can only hope that more will follow.
As for the parents, the 'doomed' children are already dead to them. The only thing they grieve is they won't be "joining them in heaven."
I say let them. It’s not a parent’s job to keep parenting and watching over kids for the rest of their kid’s life. If they hate you, so be it. They don’t want to ever see you again? Well, good riddance. Grieve if you have to and go on with your life. Have fun with friends, go on long vacations, cultivate love, adopt a pet, give your money to other needy children and charities. Have a blast with the rest of your life. Life is too short to be wrapped up in this type of constant drama. Surround yourself with healthy, good people who love you for you. And don’t leave your “estranged child/ren” one red cent….even if they show up acting all “lovey dovey” as you lay dying. : )
My goodness, you should be a therapist! You will never know how much your words helped me. We live in another state from our son and his family. We fly to see them about every 8-10 weeks. We are there only a couple days, take them to dinner and that's about it. Because we are in our 70's we decided to move to a town near them so we could be a part of our grandchildren's lives. We were ready to make an offer on a house we found yesterday and our son emailed me when he found out saying we need to rethink that decision. He said they don't have time to spend time with us and that kids don't want to hang out with grandparents. He stands to inherit both a lot of money and real estate. We are so hurt right now we are talking about changing our will. To make matters worse, today is my husband's birthday. Thank you so much for what you wrote.
P.S. I might have your advice framed! LOL!!
Out of all of the comments that I seen so far on these type of videos, you have the best one so far. Reason why yours is the best is because you REALIZED that in this game called "LIFE" no one is OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF THE TITLE. The child will look at their parent as the enemy for their wrongdoings and the parent will look at their child as the enemy for their wrongdoings. Little do they both know, there is something called "RELATIONSHIP EXPIRATION" and that can happen at any time and for any reason. We need to STOP PLACING ATTACHMENTS/EXPECTATIONS on things because when we do and when it doesn't get reached then YOU PLAYED YOURSELF AND BLAME WHOEVER FOR WHAT (victim mentality).
Her response actually had an impact on me and helped me to see things in a different light. Looks like I won't have to go to therapy after all. LOL! P.S. Your response was pretty good also. Thank you!@@ThaVisionaryTeam
I agree wholeheartedly. AMEN!
❤
I've been in therapy for years working on myself as I had a difficult upbringing, including abuse. When my daughter started pulling away thank God I found a very good local therapist and I also follow Dr. Coleman's suggestions.
I'm very willing to go to therapy with her read books anything that is needed to do the healing work. But she wants none of it.. including she will not tell me why she is pulling back...and the way she treats me actually feels abusive at times. Is this addressed with the adult children that are alienating family members?
Are there videos out there that support the kids in taking some space but how to do it and still be respectful about it to the parents that are older and grieving????
For year's leading up to my daughter going no contact, I had walked on eggshells around her, had to watch what I said or how I worded things.
No, nothing addresses the estrangers ( people who do the estranging), but I am writing a book about my experiences being estranged. I address the first 9 chapters to the estrangers. I want them to hear what it is like to be the estranged one.
@@Ark-ys2up can’t generalise your experience & you probably need to do your 50% of hard inner work as well.
Label “adult child” isn’t factual. This is 2 adults, 2 responsible adults.
@@Ark-ys2upwhat a vile & blaming comment.
That sort of merciless, facile & thick comment is the reason the global majority consider the Anglosphere a total snowflake joke & are watching it cannibalise itself.
You bringing "God" into it tells me all i need to know about her pulling away.
The role of the therapist is to support the adult child? What does that mean exactly? What if it's obvious to the therapist that it's actually the the adult child that's ruining their own life and not the parent? BTW the phrase "adult child" is very fitting when describing the millennial generation. 18 20 year olds were dying on the beaches of Normandy less than 100 years ago. Today we have 35-40 year olds that require safe spaces to deal with their "trauma" whenever someone simply disagrees with them. As a therapist can you please explain how the infantilization of the American psyche is progress?
I think your comment describes exactly why the younger generations have so much animosity against the older generations. Anyone who doesn't agree with the older generations, such as Baby Boomers, are immediately ridiculed as being inferior. Or as you describe it "require safe spaces...whenever someone simply disagree with them." Since the younger generations seemingly disagree with you, you describe it as "infantilization of the American psyche." It might be shocking for older generations to learn that the younger generations resent the hell out of the state of the world and the social injustices left by those in power, the older generations. Getting a college degree, owning a home, securing a retirement are all not as easy as it once was. This is true even for my generation who were raised by Baby Boomers. My generation still had it easier than the younger generations of today. Just look at what was possible for a young single income family in the 1970s versus today. Rather than hate the younger generations, educate yourself on what their reality is. Reducing younger generations to being nothing more than adult children is exactly why the younger generations have so much contempt for the older generations that have left a messed up planet as their legacy. Just a fresh perspective from the other side. By the way, I'm older than the demographic you demonize (Millennials), but I sympathize with them more than the seemingly intolerant older generations who left the younger generations with this financial, social, and political mess to sort out.
I agree with you. You are so right. Such immaturity.
💯
People need to only look at how many courageous & resilient people are dealing with war & merciless economic sanctions.
This kind of attitude explains so much about your predicament.
@@user-hy2qo6lj2q what predicament??
Great video. Your content is very good and very helpful.
Glad it was helpful!
What do you attribute to the explosion of estrangements in American society? Estrangements occur beyond the standard reasons of parental egregious behavior. Why is this happening?
Social contagion from Woke, post modern-“deconstruct all” ideology.
A pernicious influence that’s destroyed a generation. Global majority think Anglosphere is a joke & are moral cowards for it.
Personally our lives changed when politics from 2016 came in and then covid and the lockdowns. It widened a gap that may never be recovered. For us anyway. They can't just agree to disagree but insist on name calling and blame for things we've never done. Years of daycare, after school care, meals and babysitting didn't matter.
I think it’s a fad. My son used words not normally in his vocabulary. It sounded like a script. He accused me of not being there for him his whole life. When I told him this was the first I heard of his feelings and that I didn’t know what he wanted from me. He said he was not my teacher and wouldn’t tell me how to react. I have no clue what he’s talking about. He’s never said a thing before. I drove him to private school an hour each way that cost $750 a month. I accepted his pansexual polyamory lifestyle. I’ve given him money I didn’t have whenever he randomly quits his job. He moved over 12 hours away. I make it a point to visit at least once a year.
He said he was finished because I never spend time with him. He said parents should put their children first. I told him that he is no longer a child (he’s 45).
So I’m done. I’m living my life and giving my money to someone who will appreciate it.
Hi Josie: Thank you for sharing here. I hear you, 45 is not a child. I am curious if he was hoping to tell you his experience so you might understand him better? Would you share what your thoughts on concerning his motivation to share his thoughts on your parenting?
I understand going no contact with your parents if you’ve been telling them for years how you feel with no change. You’ve written letters, had long conversations, arguments. This is the first time my son said he was neglected and unloved. I tried pointing out to him how he was wrong about how I felt towards him. He said he was ready to move on. And he did.
Hi Josie:
So not a word about his feelings straight to no contact?
From what I’ve heard from adult children and research this is uncommon. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand how hard this is. Keep moving forward
You want points for paying for your kid's school and driving him places as if that wasn't your damn job as a parent. The fact you mention him "randomly quitting" jobs and his "polyamory lifestyle," which really aren't relevant here, suggest that you're probably super judgey and really haven't accepted him at all. The guy moved 12 hours away from you, struggles in relationships, has trouble holding down a job, and feels unsupported and unloved by you. But at no point did you go, "I think something might be wrong with my son and our relationship." Yeah, I think I see the problems here. You've been ignoring everything going wrong in his life and providing no help aside from the odd check when what he really needed was your love and acceptance.
@@Fauntleroy. Wouldn’t it be nice if your parents always instinctively knew what you needed at every moment and were able to provide exactly that? Wouldn’t it be great if they were always cheerful, patient, and available? There’s no such thing as a perfect childhood. Life is hard. Parents face their own challenges while raising children. It’s important to understand the mistakes parents make in the context of their own stress about finances and work commitments. Add in the parents own upbringing which may not have included a good model. This is not an excuse for the parents but a reason to let go of blame and allow for some sort of relationship between them. I was 25 when I was raising my son. He’s now 45. Time for him to change his own diaper.
Only people who have been abused by a parent really understand this. A narcissist will never change. The only cure for the negative mindset is separation. There is no way to reconcile when you are always the one to blame. Shunning is the one solution to healing.
Some are just bad parents. I stopped speaking to one for years. If I took every nice comment to my face about me it won't get to more than 2 or 3 but constant attacks.
I've walked away again. My support comes from friends.
I have CPTSD, so of course I cut contact. What else is feasible?
If its possible, family repair work.
Of course this is not always an option. the therapeutic work to address CPTSD may bring one to want to attempt family connections if conditions have improved. Every situation is unique. The traumatic response of avoidance is also a feature when there's CPTSD. Its recommend to have a trauma informed therapist to guide individuals with CPTSD.
Thanks
I think the Bar is too low. Adult children dwell on past experience. Things may not have been perfect, but at the time it was the best we could do. Forgiveness and understanding 🙏 . Their estrangement will effect the next generations and after 😪. The family unit has been broken 💔
I hear you. Some of them have trouble getting over the hurt.
Some had some awful childhood experiences.
The erosion of the family starts in school where teachers assume the role of parents and indoctrinate.
Also, women are rarely homemakers as they are working to provide financially.
No wonder birth rates are declining universally.
You broke the family unit with your bad parenting. You hide from your responsibility by shrugging and saying, "Well, that was the best I could do." But I suspect you could've done better had you put that family unit first, rather than your own wishes and comfort. Now you have the gall to judge your children for being stronger and smarter than you were at their age.
People rarely change forgiveness is a really bad idea, it just leads to more stress and enduring the same behaviors. Really bad advice. The trama we endured has gone on for generations we are ending it.
I wish my parents had divorced. One time, after one my dad's beatings, i went to my mom crying and begging her to take us kids and leave him." With a blank stare she turned her face to me and retorted coldly "Jesus doesn't like divorce!"
To this day she denies this request+remark ever happened and that i "must have dreamt it!"
I’m sorry that happened to you.
She might have blocked out the memory. It’s sad that she hasn’t taken responsibility even if she doesn’t remember.
I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Thank you. In that moment, i decided i could never see her again. I gave her one last long hug as i left and that was after Xmas 2011. It took 4 years for the unwanted cards to stop, but my life has been a lot happier and more peaceful since.
Wow you put the split finger spin on that
Would love your ebook can you send it please
My narcissist ex-wife definitely brahnwsshed our children to look down on me. Reality is she made me out to be the person she really is.
I’m sorry this happened to you and your kids.
@youtubemariemorinestrangement My life has been torn to pieces because of her. Divorced 21 tears ago and I'm still broken. I haven't trusted a woman since. .not sure I ever will. Our society has become what allows the narcissist to thrive. Net dating sites are their reliable fall back place to get new and backup supply.
Hi There, thank you for sharing. Twenty-one years is a long time. Can you get support from someone who can be in your corner and help you to move forward? Sometimes we just need someone to be there with us so we can ventilate and process what has happened to us. What do you think?
@mmorin881 Thank you! Yes, I agree strongly. From a large family I've always had several people to share my experience and pain. I'm almost 50 years old and can honestly tell you I've become my own worse enemy. My self esteem self control and temper are a major problem area n my life. I'm experiencing some health issues and I'm about to have my 17 years career terminated. I didn't submit the correct forms when I was forced to stop working due to a work related disease. My two hands are almost totally useless due to nerve damage. My supervisor called me early in the mothing.As I was going through trcall me 3 times early.I lost my temper.I called her back and I yelled her and told her all these things on her answer.Maching, she's been praying all me to targeting me.Causes some other Things i've done at work that she did not agree with. I've been given awards by the President, but. Labeled as a black some of my coworkers. If I had a target on my back since now she has the opportunity and she's making the move I don't know what to do.
@mmorin881 I agree but it's not as easy as it sounds. I have emotional issues due to a head injury from my childhood.I was in a coma for 2 weeks. I'm about to get fired from a job.I've been at for seventeen years. I'm gonna fight the job.I have I really don't believe in any more Anyway. I'm feeling my purpose in life dwindling away.
I wonder if there are any studies that show parental estrangement is high in liberal areas than it is in conservative areas. I'd be every surprised if this wasn't the case. It's been my experience that the more liberal/left leaning one is the more self absorbed they are and the more hostile to others who don't share their views they are.
Only a nut case could turn this into a political statement. Geez.
It is what it is. Conservatives value the family unit more than liberals.@@Shakespeare70
@@sullivanbiddle9979 What an absolute joke. What conservatives value is authoritarianism.
Personally I find this pretty accurate. We are very conservative, always have been. New in law not so much. Covid, 2016 and 2020 election and it was over. All of the time spent for naught. We keep reaching out but it's like pulling teeth as they say. If we don't, we don't hear a word from our son.
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy/
This video was a complete disappointment. Biased against children and especially daughter and son in laws. Estrangement is a last resort decision often made out of a will to emotionally survive. Most normal people want family! They want grandparents to love and connect with their children. Most people are wiling to work through hard things and to endure a lot for these relationships. When someone makes this large of a decision, they do not make it lightly. Usually there is a loss of hope that anything will ever change in the system and the system is toxic and abusive towards those who leave.
Hi Laura: thank you for writing. I totally hear what you’re saying. The reasons listed in this video are also present in on of the most comprehensive researched book by Kylie Agillias.
She researched both sides, asking adult children and parents. This video did not adequately include the adult children’s primary reasons: betrayal, abuse, and poor parenting. I do have other videos highlighting this side of the issue. I don’t always include both sides. Thank you again for sharing your experience.
The reason adult children cut off from their parents is because their parents abused them.
This lady is CLUELESS.
No she isn't. She described my DIL perfectly, she is the Gatekeeper. She controls my son so much so that she has successfully completed her mission. It will be 2 yrs this month that I last spoke with my son and two beautiful granddaughters. It took her 10 years but she succeeded, I actually walked away but he made zero attempts to contact me. It hurts, it is heart crushing that my only son could walk away from his mother after 38 yrs but I had enough. I was tired of feeling like an outsider for his entire married life, he traded his actual parents for his inlaws. I wish him well, I only can hope my granddaughters will come around when they're old enough to make their own decisions.
But we had a wonderful and close relationship for 25 years, until COVID. We’re on opposite sides politically and regarding the vaccine. She aligned with her dad politically.
This is a difficult one highlighting how differences in political and social views contribute to parent and adult child relationships. Baby boomers may remember that political views were private and respected. My observation is this is not the case today and a significant problem. Thank you for writing.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Weren't the Boomers part of the anti-war and hippy movement? Are you saying that they were private about their political affiliations in the 1960s and 70s?Are you also suggesting Boomers differing political views were respected by their elders or the older generation when Boomers were young? This doesn't seem to comport with actual history. These gross generalizations by a life coach or therapist are rather alarming. I don't think not being private about your political views is "a significant problem." Children are not placed on this earth to appease their parents' political views by staying private. Such a strange viewpoint from a professional.
lol I love this and all the other delusional parents that post videos talking themselves in a circle trying not to say it their fault. The problem is children had children and u still haven’t grown
Adult children are whiney
bad parents are dishonest
@@Car-qu2bc not a fan of proportionality are u?
“Whiny” -a mild label describing a behaviour.
“Bad”-a banal b&w shaming of the essence of another complex & nuanced human being.
Do better.
@@mgkos Be a better parent
@@Car-qu2bc what’s your problem?? Bitterness? My child has let me know often that no kid cld hve a better childhood than they had.
Am a Dev Psych by prof. Worked wth Families at Risk.
Feel free to stay pathetic.
@@mgkos How am i pathetic?
I am sorry.
This is another symptom of moral decay.
Alienation is child abuse.
I had an horrific childhood.
I was loyal to my parents.
After all the money, time, energy and love expended by parents...
to turn around and treat them as strangers...is abominable.
After all the sacrifice expended I would never tolerate an adult child that denied access to the grandchildren.
This whole dynamic is not normal.
It is dysfunctional.
Other ethnicities live in multi generational households......as a norm.
Let the children do better + let the cycle repeat in their own lives.
Your children don't owe you anything. You did the job you signed up for--you don't get a medal for keeping your children alive. You would've gone to prison for doing less.