Men on the Down Low
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- The "Down Low" is a huge part of the gay world, unfortunately. Here's a story on my latest brush with this part of the community.
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Why don't you talk more about white people that are on the down low
People can lie but ENERGY NEVER lies 💅🏽💯
True!
I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!!!
Too right!
People lie to you all of the time
DL is a perfect way to express thier secret hatred of women even to the point of infecting and killing their girlfriend - in my medical career I have seen it many times.... so very tragic. Some of the most horrible memories of my professional life is recalling telling women who thought they were in a monogomous that they were hiv positive and the sobs when wondering if there children were infected as well.
I am a gay man .... not sure I would ever tolerate keeping someones secret knowing that innocent totally innocent partners and children are being put at risk. I hope you continue to have conflict over wanting to be part of the muderous insanity we as gay men can find ourselves in .
I'm not so sure that it's hatred of women...I feel like it's more self-hate. If you hate/fear/are repulsed by your own true self, how could you possibly care about anyone else? People do insane things when they live in fear and denial.
@@KevenTalks I would say it is their secret hate of women, i hear what silentfades be saying
Oh yes, they hate women. Same as "bad boys" too. They blame women for "trapping" them in social constructs but use them to stay in society's good graces. I've spoken to guys who say they don't like breaking up with women because they don't want to hurt them, so instead, they create circumstances for the woman to hate them and leave on their own. Unfortunately those circumstances may be permanent.
@@ScribblebytesWorldwide I've noticed, these down low men do secretly hate women and will put women down often
Sabrina Moya Cowden very true I was on the receiving end of the emotional, verbal and physical abuse from a DL man. They hate the woman because it’s not truly who they want to be with. It’s was awful and traumatizing. Openly gay men should not date them either !
This world is fucked up.
yep lol
Thank you for sharing. PLEASE to all gay men.... do not entertain these men!
If their life is a lie, imagine the lies he would tell you. Scary men who lie are sociopaths !!
@myrrh curie Interesting analysis. I tend to think it's more about coming from a place of fear/denial/shame/cowardice.
Scribblebytes “fear is a choice in the 21st century”...great line!!
It is sociopathic, I had a friend who was between borderline and sociopath, I realize he was attracted to me, and he would say other ppl would like you cause the way u look the way you smile ( cause I'm a muscular dude ) he would put on a grandiose show in front his male friends, and as soon as we were all alone, he would ask me if I think he has alot of women, ( is like he was trying to tell me dnt believe everything im saying in front of these guys ) he would even said to me, ppl ask him if he is gay, so when I ask him if he swung both ways he went in a rage. And he was angry at me for asking him that, and started putting me on blast. The worst part is, open up to him because I saw he was afraid but that was the biggest mistake of my life. In the end I had to block and delete him cause he try to broke my confidence.
Thank you being cool, mature, and respectful concerning this topic. The wives who suspect and all the problems it causes, it's just horrible. Men on the DL gross me out. as it brings home disease to partners, and severe pain, divorce, and worse. J/S.
Thank you for watching! I think it's important to mention all these risks are possible with any kind of cheating - when we frame it as a DL thing (the risk of disease, etc) - it inherently implies these effects come from gay sex when in reality, the risk of disease can happen with any kind of cheating/affair, etc.
As a woman ( not sis women) I agree that a women who's boyfriend or husband has cheated on her is at high risk for general diseases , and emotional distress. But if Her man cheats with another man.... Her chances of getting aids is higher . Also, please understand that it's even more betrayal trauma to process and obviously added emotional pain. It's emotional and psychological abuse. Women deserve a better life then to be deceived and used as a cover and abused and lied to. God sees it all.
The wife knows her husband likes men. Theres no doubt about it. Also, the American concept of marriage is not necessarily universal. Certian cultures are not encumbered by the romantic notion of love as we are in the US. Marriage is about obtaining resources and stong unions that will produce future generations to futher their lineage. Women will tolerate a man who has certian issues as long as hes a good provider and offers stability where it matters most. Alot of European and middle eastern men have a saying that goes " men are for pleasure and women are for children" Do alittle reasearch and you'll be suprised.
Perhaps. But then why be so secretive about it, instead of out-right asking me if I'm gay and interested? On top of that - when he said something like "my wife...she's not into that" solidified for me that this wasn't something she was aware of or approved of.
@@KevenTalks I dont think any hetrosexual woman is necessarily happy that shes married to a homosexual. But the fact that he interacted with you like that infront of her, lets me know that this isnt the first time hes done that and shes well aware. Its like being with someone who has a habit that you dont like, you dont approve of it, but the benefits of the relationship outweighs the negative, so you deal.
@@buncefam4 Interesting perspective...didn't think about it that way...that they may both be aware of each other's reality but it's like "don't ask don't tell"
@@KevenTalks exactly.
I heard that very same saying from EUROPEAN WOMEN
I’m sorry you had to experience that; I’ve had a few similar experiences in my 20s. I was out at 20 and boy did I have a lot of closeted men hound me One was a 50 year old married police detective who kept stopping me to have sex. Your right to feel disgusted by his disrespectful behavior to you, his kids and wife. Pushing alcohol on you was his way of trying to wear you down and take advantage. Good for you for walking away.
Crazy. Sounds like straight out of a porno, lol. And I didn't even think about the alcohol thing, you're probably right. I interpreted it as HE wanted to get drunk so that he could excuse his behavior and forget self-awareness.
Yes is the samething my sociopath friend would do, get u to smoke until your super high ( pac up or super drunk ) cause I believe he wanted to take advantage of me cause he is scared
I just found out my soon to be Ex is on the Down Low...I have family members who have Alternative Lifestyles but they are straight forward with it .. He on the other hand stole 3 years of my Life away from my brother who passed months ago and my Grand Babies... He put me at risk for disease and Destroyed My World!!! No One has the Right to do that and hide behind a Woman...He has done it to 5 Women and Children and a Disabled Woman now that the truth has come out ... Karma is Alive and Well and I Pray he gets his!!!!!! I literally would have been friends with him and been a Confidant had he not hurt me and roped me in to his Cowardice Lifestyle like the man You just described...
It is sociopathic, I had a friend who was between borderline and sociopath, I realize he was attracted to me, and he would say other ppl would like you cause the way u look the way you smile ( cause I'm a muscular dude ) he would put on a grandiose show in front his male friends, and as soon as we were all alone, he would ask me if I think he has alot of women, ( is like he was trying to tell me dnt believe everything im saying in front of these guys ) he would even said to me, ppl ask him if he is gay, so when I ask him if he swung both ways he went in a rage. And he was angry at me for asking him that, and started putting me on blast. The worst part is, open up to him because I saw he was afraid but that was the biggest mistake of my life. In the end I had to block and delete him cause he try to broke my confidence.
He sounds like a psycho!
I’m pretty sure my soon to be cheating ex is on the dl and not even bisexual but completely gay and wants a woman as a beard like his father. 🥺 Way too many signs.
Trust your instincts!
Yes trust your instintcs
I had an ex that was the same. He would play with my head putting marriage on and off the table, I heard a rumor that he kissed a guy at work and had started to fool around with him but freaked out. I looked up his history on the computer and saw personal classifieds which to me either meant hookers or down low hook ups. So I moved on from him. Even after I got married he was begging me to change my mind. I think it was because he knew that I knew, and didn't judge him for it. It's just not what I personally want for my life. You can live a lie, not me.
I try my best to survive in a world where everything is a... mirror for me. A big, enormous mirror. I have lived with BDD and OCD for most of the last decade and I don't know how to handle this anymore. I really don't feel like I could and it sucks. Everything is so difficult, like if being gay wasn't hard enough in a world where they would treat you differently. I am tired. I think I need a bf to share my love. him to hold my hands when things aren't okay.
I have had similar yet different experience but I was quite politely rude, if that makes any sense, and had to shut it down asap I found so disrespectful towards his family it made me sick.
I have to admit that your view on how the men on the downlow behave is also spot on, especially if they have grown up/raised within a family who is not accepting or perhaps with a religion background so strong that this man can never live their own lifes. I think the reasons can be endless. But generally they are more gentle and romantic.
I have also find it very difficult how many guys want a romantic guy who makes them feel wanted and special and does not play games, however when they have it, they want the bad boys again. I have known so many like this, funnily enough, very similar to my girl friends aswell.
Keep standing on principle.👍
This was very interesting and we are often right when we feel certain energy transmissions etc etc
Thanks for watching!
It's more common than we think. I can speak from experience as a former out gay man and now as a closeted individual. I've met men online who were looking for that sexual release because they weren't satisfied with their wives. Their excuse was "Emotionally I'm straight but sexually I'm gay", I had no respect for them then and none now. It's obvious that they put on this facade so they can excel socially and professionally (think country club house and C-suite level position). Even now that I'm closeted, I still think it's very selfish of them to use and mislead those women. I personally wouldn't date a woman just so I can have a beard, there are other ways you can convince others that you're straight (speaking from experience).
I also don't think it's fair for closeted men to be romantically involved with gay men who are out. You're right, it is like dragging you back in the closet and that's just not fair. By the way, not sure why you popped up in my recommended list but glad I stumbled across your content. Subscribed!
How did you go from out to closeted? That's an interesting evolution. Thank you for subscribing! 😘
@@KevenTalks Well I came out because I thought I was going to be happier (I'll have a significant other and a few gay friends). It didn't turn out the way I planned it and was haven't been able to date or make gay friends. No ill will towards anyone, but I wasn't seeing any benefits to being openly gay and the experience wasn't the greatest. So I asked current friends (they're all straight men and women) that I'm going back into the closet and kindly requested they pretend to have forgotten that I've ever come out. A good portion of them agreed and respected my wishes. My situation is rare lol
@@TheSultanV Wow...very interesting.
@Moon Rise No that wouldn't be fair to women. I won't be dating period.
Yeah, being DL is very selfish.
Agree 100% and also just very cowardly
I would have known immediately upon the handshake
Yes that was a dead giveaway looking back but since he was there with his wife and kids, I think in the moment I just couldn't wrap my head around it actually happening until we were like an hour into drinks!
It's very common in Europe. Am sick of it here
I think it's common everywhere unfortunately 😕
Oh. My. God. Except for the multiple languages spoken, you just described my former husband. The handshake did it. I'm not crazy but I was a beard. There should be some triple damages for Intentional or at least Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress and the resulting PTSD. Screws the courts. Make it your book! That's what I'm doing
My best friend in HS was this guy on the down-low. He lived his life there. I couldn't take his hypocrisy and he died suddenly of a heart attack at 50. Still pains me. Well told story here.
The hypocrisy / deception is really tough to deal with. I only have 1 friend left currently on the DL, and it makes me resent him all the time. He's a good person but it really bothers me, because in a weird way, being associated with him makes me feel like I'm "supporting" him living that way (?).
@@KevenTalks What do you mean your friend is on the DL?? That he has a wife and kids/ dates women? Or just that he isn't open to family, people at work?
@@jacobsoutine1115 He isn't open to anyone in his personal life (no family, no close friends are aware - only the gay men in his life know)
We KNOW. It's just difficult to come to terms with it. It makes us feel like less than women. Not good enough, etc..But we KNOW, and it's the cruelest thing ever to do to someone.
The first step is knowing, second is leaving :)
@@KevenTalks Always.
Yeah I wonder why even get in a relationship if you know especially get married or have kids
Oh Keven oh thank you! I"m old but learning so much I'm not crazy!!!
First time sub
It’s disgusting how someone would do that disrespect their families ....you are not to blame ...he should come clean to his family and stop making a nuisance of who he is
Yeah it's gross!
It's emotional abuse and abandonment and betrayal trauma.
They may be treating you with the same type of courtesy that they are accustomed to treating women with.
That's very true
Everyone can be judgmental. I pity these men, imagine the fear some of them have. I know that none of us had those fears before we came out. Oh that’s right?! Most of us did! So, don’t… one thing for certain they are going hurt a lot of people and no we shouldn’t trust their intentions. It fun to sneak, until you get caught. Thank you for sharing
lol for sure
You can pity these men. But ultimately these men are also driven by selfishness. To protect themselves, they deny their spouses an opportunity to live authentically, to be fully informed so they can make life decisions on which relationships they participate in.
For a lot of them it's that, but a lot of them hide it because they want to take the woman's ability to choose away. They think a woman's choice to not be with a bisexual individual is homophobic. That's exactly how disease gets spread, when you take truth and choice out of the equation.
Close up shop to them! Leave them grrls alone. If you can't see a future then why bother with all the drama.
lol true
Wow! Just discovered your Channel, really enjoyed hearing about your interesting experience, so I decided to subscribe.
Thanks for watching and subscribing!
There is so much left for this topic to be discussed. Some would describe me as the straightest gay man - even though I'm a total 👑 - but it's easier for all men and 'DL' to build a connection with me because I can play both sides of the spectrum. First intentions matter; if you aren't trying to hook up then their guards come down. I see my role in friendships to men as a lesbro, but if I wanted to initiate something it would happen.
Jamie Ramirez m:
Im more like that as well...i think its a cool lane to be in
Will you hook up with other men that have a wife at home or girlfriend?
Bisexuals have those kind of stereotypes . Such a Duality 😞
He could very well be bisexual...but he's married with kids! Stay away from me! Lol
VillageKevTalks 😘
@@KevenTalks If he is bisexual. Figure it out and quick! no need to tell your wife. "hey honey i like men too!" "there will be some nights i won't be home. Kiss!!! Kiss!!!" Come on, poor wife of x-many years and now you drop this bomb shell on her. I wouldnt be surprised if she left you by the end of the wk.
DL ppl are wasting so much time on themselves and others. Not everyone wants to get blind drunk and have intercourse with you. i knew a bisexual man. who treated me poorly why? Bc he didn't have himself figured out. We stopped talking in 2019. Im sure he still doesn't have it figured out. Hopefully he took it as a lesson learned. Should he ever return to my life and giving me an apology. Ill accept it but have to turn away. there was too much damage done by him. By leaving me out and only hanging out with me. Basically keeping me a secret from fam and friends. Bc he didn't have himself figured out. When we met!
Everything you discribe, was me and sociopath borderline I met in 2019, after confronting him on who he was he got so angry with me for asking him about his sexuality , the guy broke my spirit and confidence, and put me on blast,.I just block and delete him of a everything cause he swore he never show me no signs, after telling me women and his own brother thought he was gay, and how he had to lied to his male colleague that he has many experience with women. Very convincing, yet a waist of time
And like I'm sure he has not figured it out yet, one time after I block him he saw me in town and came running behind me 4 blocks in it, just to ask me if I would like to have a drink with him. Yet he told how much I needed to change my life because I had open up to him cause I saw he was scared..
This is such a shame because romance between a man and a woman is sooo beautiful. I feel like that will eventually disappear.
I feel like it already has
I'm disappointed that this was your main takeaway
There are enough straight men in this world to be romantic with women, obviously your way of thinking have not evolve, and you wonder why some men hate women. The world does not revolve around only you. Some women believe because they is woman all man must lust after them with tongues 👅 sticking out.
What God created between a man a women can NEVER be taken away! Women have too be more aware of these demonic males on the DL. I respect any gay person but not a DL monster.
You have a genuinely sweet personality
Thanks 😊😘
You welcome ...have a great week
@@stephanieladeinde3224 You too :)
Down low is Phsycology aspect that is not just experienced in the gay world, there are some people that are or have legitimate fears, and that needs to be understood, to help them come out , before they cause any kind of damage to others and themselves... but there are others who again are attracted and even excited by the secret, it happens amongst heterosexual couples too,who have external hetero relationships, being able to quantify how much of what is involved can be difficult , though the secret aspect is the first thing that rings alarm bells , then there’s the sexual aspect , that is also complex issue , some claim heterosexuality, but have sex with men, no love just sex... I don’t know that this kind are closet homosexual , because they don’t fall in love with men, but just the raw even abusive role play sex, that doesn’t mean dressing up but can too... this has been going on since genesis, and in my opinion has its roots in the genetic manipulation of the homosapiens , having produced wrong mates for Adam , until they (Elohim)presented him with eve , and I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with true homosexuality,...though it still remained a normal way of life even in the anient times, that men choose the woman for some aspects of there life s fulfilment..., and men for others! And fulfilled there lives that wAy , since time immemorial , and still happening today, it’s part of the “patriarchal”hipocrissy... homosexual men have been abused by the so called hetero community for eons, there’s a big problem with the male Phsycology, in my opinion as a whole, and this has damaged everyone , and all types of sexuality...
Yep..."toxic masculinity" is at the root of a lot of this stuff.
Man, I don't care---I'm not going to be fake for nobody--I'm not going to live my life for other people---If a person can't accept me for me, then you don't deserve to be in my life. I'm not about to date a woman to try to cover up my sexuality! So many women told me to switch my sexuality and I'm like for what??? Why are women telling me to change my sexuality
100%. Honestly I feel for bisexual guys - they get hate from every direction.
I wouldn't date a bisexual man because Hes still attracted to women--I want a man who is exclusively attracted to other men....plus, I'm more attracted to kind of feminine looking men....
Kev you are so adorable!☺️
lol thank you
1.) maybe the wife is ok with it/they have an understanding.
2.) Maybe his wife was on the downlow as well.
Sure, but none of that means that I'm ok with it :)
The whole situation was odd to me.
@@KevenTalks But nothing came of it. He just (understandably) couldn’t help himself! :)
What ??? Kevin ??? It's not ok !!! That you had stated that he couldn't help himself !! Really ?? Real men will have self control! Real mean , (.not cowardice men ).will tell there wives or women they are dating ( if they are gay or bi) or there girlfriend that they are gay or bi etc. To decieve a woman is abuse . It's emotional abuse. Men can control there urges . Animals in the Animal kingdom cannot . There's a big difference . What an excuse to cheat!!!
Wtf it's understandable?? Great excuse for not coming clean.
@@kimmathe6701 that comment is from a year ago. I don’t remember anything about it and I’m not going to watch it again just so I can respond.
You gotta be a low self esteemed wife to put up with a gay man. Wow. Smh. Women can go so low just to keep a man in their home.
I think the point is that they don't always know, recognize the signs, or worse - they are lied to and deceived (in the same way that husbands having affairs with other women will cover it up, etc).
what do you think about Russian gays?
gay or european but unironically lmao
lol what? 😅
@@KevenTalks there is this song called "gay or european" and it has many parallels with your story :P
@@lependu6423 lol i'll have to check it out
It might not be as easy as others to come out to the world you just have to let them come out when they are ready pressing a person to come out can cause them to do something like commit self harm to themselves so let them decide and I'm going off of what I saw in some commits.
That's fine but should his family be collateral damage in the meantime?
I agree . I. Never suspected that I was being lied to, deceived, used as a cover or being a bused. This is trauma ( for the wife or girlfriend) Shes not responsible for his dishonesty , manipulating her , lies , hook ups, affairs , being on the dirty down low with other men that know that there with a bi or gay man and he's having sex knowing hell return to his wife or girlfriend ??? its all nasty . There's no honesty , . As women we are trusting , we don't deserve this form of abuse. Gay men that are having unprotected sex with another man? Unacceptable .very selfish and I believe its a crime.
Thank you! Im curious. I need your gaydar expertise. Is Dominic Rains gay? He is an actor. Check out his Instagram and youtube interviews. His favorite Movie is Moonlight. There are pictures of him and another woman getting married but its from a photographers webpage. Plus i thought that woman is gay also. Let me know what you think. Ty
Unfortunately my gaydar sucks!
1) This think is far more prevalent in Europe. 2) "Sraight people ALL know how prevalent it is among men, which is why the women are so intimidating and accusatory about i- and why "straight" men are so OUTWARDLY aggressive (defensive) about it.
OMG! Did he call you "marica" or "mariquita"? Were they Spaniards?
I don't remember...I think marica, but I don't remember, since I don't speak Spanish - my friend who does speak Spanish and who was there told me after we left. Yes, they were from Spain.
@@KevenTalks Yeah that's classic "machote" behaviour, they say it not really in a homophobic sense, but in the sense of "pussy", basically to "tease" you... In Venezuela we use "marico" almost for everything, mostly friendly conversations, like you guys use "dude". But anyways, I digress, the thing is that when I was listening to your story I couldn't stop thinking about how things developed, almost lie a movie to me. "Teasing" in general is a very fake move of forced teaming "a la española" to fake comradery and be able to reach out to you... I have always thought that these men that have that bro vibe sustain gay interactions with their other bros while in privacy; DL men are really common in Venezuela.
Although I can say he was awkward because, I suppose, he didn't have to much experience interacting with other men, specially gay. The kiss and the hand-shake were kind of corny although I think it's tender as well... lots of these men are really repressed, specially because of their families - although in Spain people is very progressive, it's their ideals of a "macho ibérico" which actually trap these men into the straight dream and curse, not feeling backed up or just fearing isolation of their whole world, as the lgbt community in Spain is not very welcoming to masculine men, gay, bi or straight alike.
@@TheGrmany69 Very interesting! I think "repressed" is the right word indeed in this situation. Thanks for watching!
@@KevenTalks Thank you for replying back! Gorgeous.
He didn't necessarily need to be living a lie, he probably considers himself a straight man and wants to live that way, but just curious about men.
Trust me he was more than curious....
@@KevenTalks haha
I wish I could find me a beard... Im done having kids and things and as long as I'm safe I'm cool.. safe meaning no body is gonna put hands on me I'm cool
Wait....you wish you could find you a beard? I hope you mean that she would know you are gay. If not, that is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard! Shame on you!
Women are not beards
Are u shocked and offended easily lol :)? Does it make a difference what they do it’s their life just let them be right?
It's his life until he comes my way and starts trying to play mind games with me
KevenTalks take it as a compliment im sure the wife knows and prob the children will soon that their dad is bi. Maybe one of the kids is gay or bi too so that’s another angle to consider re if its going to damage them etc just a thought :)
Perez Hilton. why are you whispering ?🙄
I'm soft-spoken 😬
I would of thought you were gay until you made the speech, because of the way you look. No offense ...its just gay guys just has that look.
And your point is...?
Lol HOMOPHOBIC af
You mean gay.
I wish this would happen to me. 😘😘😘
It can get out there...im sure it already has and you for some reason are missing it
😬😬😬
Please dude can you advise me cool site to meet othet gay top mans. I am DL bottom gay. I only recon and collarspace. But its not cool sites
No.
M
Yah sick
You perceived all this .....as you put it....and your too drunk to Fist-Punt yourself....???? MAKES NO SENSE !!!!
seems like you were attracted to a straight man and dont like the fact that hes with a woman. Admit it, you wanted to date him !
Girl bye lol
Sadly, there are many DL men in the world but this is just overthinking and over-reading a situation with drunk man. Also, a couple in their mid thirties aren't old but those kids should have been home in bed. Drunk people give long hugs and act in exaggerated ways. It's all in your head. Americans don't get european subtitles or gestures.
Lol I'm not American, I just live in the States - my culture is more European - I spent the first hour of that night assuming it was cultural until it became obvious.