How to Manage Compassion Fatigue in Caregiving | Patricia Smith | TEDxSanJuanIsland
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2017
- Caregivers are often so busy caring for others that they tend to neglect their own emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Studies confirm that caregivers play host to a high level of compassion fatigue.
In this insightful talk, Patricia Smith suggests the path to wellness begins with awareness, and recommends simple self-care measures such as regular exercise, healthy eating habits, enjoyable social activities, journaling, and restful sleep. With support, insightful information, and authentic self-care, caregivers can begin to understand the complexity of the emotions they've been juggling and, most likely, suppressing.
As founder of the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project© (www.compassionfatigue.org), Patricia Smith writes, speaks and facilities trainings nationwide in service of those who care for others. With a background in journalism, she has authored books and training materials including the award-winning To Weep for a Stranger: Compassion Fatigue in Caregiving.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I'm a caregiver to my mom and I don't want to be. I don't want to find balance or strength or be grateful, I just want to stop period. It is too much for me and I don't even want to do it but there is nowhere else for her to go. I am pushing myself to do something I hate and I don't see a way out.
Caregivers walk a tightrope with empathy on the left and apathy on the right. Some of us must maintain that delicate balance for years at a time. Too far left leaves us sick and exhausted. Too far right leaves us completely ineffective and defensive. It is truly part of the art of caregiving.
How beautifully spoken!! Perfect and when I work with others, I will share this image. Brilliant. Thank you Kathy.
Spot on, really spot on- well done and thank you.
Excellent analogy
5 months in, and I'm feeling it bad! this is real and I'm here be cause I'm trying to self educate and get better
I feel awful but I'm completely apathetic and I've only been with my grandma for five weeks... I try to be nice and sit down and listen to the same stories over and over again or accept getting told off like a child even though I'm giving up part of my young adulthood to be away from my friends and family and caretake in the apocalypse. I'm so fried 😓 Is there anything I can do or read that will help besides someone telling me how difficult it is to be elderly? I hear about that enough from my gram I don't think double doses will help
I've been a caregiver for about 2 years, and I really needed to hear this. For quite some time, I've been puzzled and upset at my obvious change of character: I was once sweet, kind, loving, and always willing to help. I feel like I've become angry, bitter, exhausted and unenthusiastic. I've also struggled with overeating and weight issues; this whole time I thought these were signs of my own mental and emotional weakness, but I now recognize they're a byproduct of working in an extremely demanding profession and not taking care of myself correctly.
To all other caregivers: thank you for all the hard work you do. Please don't fail to recognize these symptoms or write them off; get help so you can enjoy your quality of life. You deserve it.
SElf care is key!
I thought I had PTSD until I found out recently it's crashing due to caregiving- Compassion fatigue.
Anna I feel you.
Change of character is real 💯
Thank goodness I saw this. I can relate immensely. I am going through it right now
I can relate as well I'm going through it right now too
My elderly mom is bedridden. Lord help us all.
Thank you so much for giving me a name for what I am going through. I've been a caregiver for 29 years. I am so burnt out and wore out . Yet I must get up everyday and do it again.
I am a certified nursing assistant I care for people every day sometimes I go home and just cry cause I don’t feel like I have done enough I feel selfish every time I take time for myself cause I keep thinking this time can be spent helping someone in need thanks for listening to my rant and thanks for the video
HI Alyssa - please read my comment from Nov 11. I hope that gives you some hope :-) Bless you for all you do.
Dear Allyssa, my deceased daughters name is A'lisa, she is presently inspiring me to put myself first, not the first time she has tried, however I had to get to burnout and now I'm listening and crying. I cant say no to others in need. I want you to learn how to care for yourself first without feeling guilty or shame. The people we help wouldn't want you to compromise your own needs unless of course they have some pathology like narcissism.God blessed you with your own life, love and learn this long before you get to my age my dear.Arohanui from New Zealand.
I’ve been a Caregiver for 2 1/2 years. Now I’m extremely depleted and isolated. Raising two kids on my own. I’m just now seeing this after six months of beating myself up of not knowing what’s wrong with me. Im feeling better after breaking up with a toxic relationship. Now meditating ten minutes a day;exercising;Applying for a new job;Listening to audiobooks. Feeling a bit better
As a self-employed senior caregiver for 16 years, I have certainly experienced compassion fatigue. I am grateful there is a name for it. I understand it now. Thank you for sharing on this topic.
Life is changed so much only in past 5 months dealing with my 82 yr old father.
I don't know how you do this.
My life feels over.
😔
Same, me with my husband's 2nd battle with brain cancer. It's hard when you don't train/sign up for caretaking.
@@lc3207
Brain cancer is a whole other level of emotion. There are really no words I have for you but my thoughts and prayers. 🙏
My client threatened to have me fired today for asking them to wait til we get to the toilet to do number 1 and 2. I had to remind him the last person left to go deliver pizzas because of his toxic behaviors. It didn’t feel good but it was necessary. His family refuses to acknowledge in any way shape or form the negative behaviors yet pays $6 above market as a cushion because theyre sick of turnover. They have cameras wired around the entire home and will likely confront me later after listening to recordings. What ive found is when you let people bully you they become emboldened and escalate.
I've been a caregiver for my juvenile diabetic mother since the age of 2 years old. I remember scraping Oreo cooking cream on my moms teeth and pouring Mountain Dew into a THREE LITER bottle cap. My biological father left us when I was 2 and I filled massive shoes until my step father came into my life at 4 years old. He took over the caregiver role and passed away unexpectedly when I was 24. Naturally I fell into a caregiver role again. I am now 30 years old and I am truly struggling. I have severe PTSD from listening to the awful seizure and there have been times she has been having a true medical emergency and I am in a full blown PTSD/panic attack and it has prevented me from being present how I should be. Because of that I carry massive guilt because I feel like I am not strong enough. I feel like I am breaking. I don't know where or how to find support. I feel alone and like no one understands how I am human too and I also need someone to love and care for me. Is this burn out? Or is this something more....?
I'm in the exact same boat and I turn 30 this year. I got hit with caregiving duties a few weeks before I turned 18. Caregiving is all I've known since graduating college and my mom has ruined my life.
I just wish I could put her in the nursing home, but I have to wait for Covid to end and I have to either win the lottery or wait for my grandmother to die (paying 2 nursing home bills would cost me my inheritance).
Your situation is way past just caregivers/compassion fatigue, you literally never got a chance to distance and develop in a more natural/non-stressful environment. You MUST give yourself a major pass for all the anxious emotions that pour onto you.
You may want to look into HSP and empathic personalities for the symptoms and management. Take a deep breath and breathe easy because the way your life happened is an unfair situation.
I just wanted to repost this from a comment to another person's comment. I just quit 2 and half weeks ago from being my grandmother's caretaker of 4 years on shaky grounds. I am currently about to try to tie up loose ends with her soon with some help from my aunt and uncle. While other family members appreciate me for giving my grandmother assistance over the years and trying to maintain her sense of independent living, they realize it's time for us to move on and are ready to step in. Before I decided to do make the decision, about 4-5 months ago I decided to go to my local mental health clinic and seek therapy and mental health counseling. I am so glad I did bc I recently hit a low point and I highly recommend caregivers to seek help when your intuition tells you to seek help. If you're not ready yet, I highly recommend to keep listening to TH-cam for caregiver resources. I started doing that in December 2018 and January 2019 and it's been very insightful. A great channel is Careblazers.
Been taking care of my sis with special needs for a long time... I feel guilty for needing time to myself, even if it's for an hour while my family watches her. I feel like I put the responsibility of my sister all on myself instead of seeking help... I wanted to be a noble example, and now I'm burnt out and exhausted.
Thanks for helping your sister.
I hope your situation gets better. :-)
I feel for you . I'm in the same boat except I care for my daughter . I also am burnt out and exhausted. Yet we have to get up do it all again tomorrow. .
Ms. Smith nails the condition of compassion fatigue. It defines exactly what we caregivers feel, but often can't identify what's wrong.
I have been a caregiver to my 23 year old son since 08/2021. He had a brain bleed which came out of nowhere. I finally understand my feelings so much better. I raised three kids, as a child, I felt like the mom of my mother, She was traumatized by her childhood. I just realized, that I never left the role of a caregiver, that I am simply exhausted and have nothing to give to others anymore, besides to my son. The responsibility fell into my lab for a reason, and it is time to shift gear, to learn to take better care of myself. I hope you can do this too. If you have done this, please share how you did it.
Thank you for this talk. As a woman who has survived many, many life traumas and is a RN working in long term care, this talk is something that many many need to hear.
Self-care and balance are definitely important for the caregiver.
Very often I've been a caregiver for my son with schizophrenia. I'm basically the only one in the family who has the patience to deal with this horrible illness. In the past, he was homeless for a long time, MIA, off of his meds, etc. but he's my son, and I do what I can to help him regardless of his situation. This illness has such a horrible stigma attached to it, and so many want to judge him including family---instead of showing empathy and compassion.
I try to raise awareness so others know more of what all he's going through. After all, it could be one of their loved ones some day that get this. I've never heard of compassion fatigue, but it really hits home with my situation, and I totally agree with this because it can be so very draining to be a caregiver.
So often, it's an uphill battle, but with this illness, it's also a very lonely one for both the person with the illness, but also the caregiver. There's also a high risk of suicide (1 in 10 will be successful). I pray for more awareness, compassion, understanding and for the stigma to go away.
Thank you for sharing. And, yes, it is a horrible illness and the stibma only makes it worse. Medication can help bring some quaility of life, over the long run. You are courageous.
This is incredible to me. It has aligned with a lot of things I've been seeing on the internet for the past couple/few years amongst those of my generation. We are so, so tired. Our dreams were ruined and yet we're still told to buck up and carry on and care on for others. But we can't. We've run used up our spoons. We've run out of honey in our jars. Our jars have cracked. Our spoons have vanished. So others amongst my generation having been passing around artworks that they drew telling us it's okay to say no. It's okay to step back. To refind our spoons. To get help to fix our jars. To tell others we can't right now. It's just incredible to see this shifting and I should've known that professionals have realized this too. I'm so glad to see lessons like this and to have it framed like this. It is truly helpful. :) Thank you!
I moved in with my Mom who is 87 2 years ago. Its awful I love her but I dont want to live with her. She is fairly independent but we clash all the time. I am an RN and work on a Psychiatric unit. Its all too much. I dont have anyone I can talk honestly about this. I am praying praying
Stay strong Lucy I am living this now. Micah 7:8 every time you get up your stronger. Don't ever stop praying even through tears God bless you.
You are not alone.Sometimes I want to get in my car vand not look back.And when you are around people with mental disabilities you feel like your going crazy.I only wish animals was my problem.
Can you find a healthcare colleague, a friend or a family member you can share with, support and when necessary, lean on Lucy? Iron sharpens iron.
iam disputing custody with a Nursing Home? simply because its nature to live out doors @ least a few hours a day in the sun breed fresh air must nursing homes don't have this or personal care & so it becomes a death row for them ,,
Gosh I sure do understand that. I wish that we could form a group of people to help each other but we're so exhausted it's so tough.
I needed to hear this so badly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. - A burnt out animal rescuer
i have been a caregiver for almost a year now. my father suffered a stroke at 77 years old and has severe paralysis and dementia symptoms we were very close before the stroke so i jumped into the role of becoming his caregiver. a few months after the stroke i noticed these symptoms because i was being overworked about 18-19 per day taking care of dad with no relief or extra help around the house i became in charge of every aspect of my dads life and it brought along a huge amount of anxiety and depression. I'm still trying to navigate this today but i hope me and my dad can overcome this tough time.
I wish you well. :-)
Breathe... one moment at a time. Give yourself permission to cry, feel the feels... ib been doing it for 15 years... 💓 toughest road. But you are beautiful and strong for taking on this very important and mostly lonely job.
❤️from a former West Virginia animal shelter director and caregiver of both parents. All very stressful jobs.
Hugs.🧡
“Oh my dear no, it’s saying you are ready to jump”
The biggest moment of her life…
The sole reason she is standing there giving such a robotic speech.
Then she shows her vulnerable side.
“Whenever I feel nervous or afraid…. his words jump right into my brain. Jump. (Smiles and does a girly pose) and I do…”
Why is no one talking about that???
I’m an RN and I quit my job of 15 years as a clinical nurse to take of a family member full time, my patient is my aunt, an elderly and she quite difficult hence we clash often despite being patient with her I sometimes lose my temper and I feel guilty afterwards. I understand that she is tired because she is sick but I’m also tired because of the demand. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling tired and apathetic, at times I have neglected myself for taking care of her, I am isolated from my friends with no one to talk to. Sometimes I felt regret that I am not able to live the life that I want because of the responsibilities thrust upon me. I was looking for ways to validate what I’m feeling and it’s quite hard.
Ive been taking care of my mom for almost 3 years. I feel so much better hearing this video❤❤❤❤
15 years of solo caregiving for my mom who had a massive stroke. It's been really hard, tiring and brutally taxing. This talk has been really helpful to me, thank you!!
Recognizing how burnt out I am and not feeling that this makes me weak. Though job😷
If I can give some advice.. Human beings were designed to have a social and romantic life. Doesn’t have to include physical intimacy but it helps. I see a lot of people just slowly sacrifice things as they age. You need an exercise plan, a social plan and ideally a romance plan. People that go through life without addressing these tend to not enjoy life. For me getting into exercise made the other two happen naturally.
This is an underrated comment.
This was great, as a nurse in the icu I experience compassion fatigue on a regular basis. I am making a presentation about this topic to help other nurses on my unit combat this issue.
If you haven't already given that presentation, Grace, can I recommend you look up the definition of "care" in the dictionary and use all six definitions? When I do that at lectures it opens the eyes of the students who translate "care" into the "provision of services" rather than the expression of compassion and empathy. The first is a job, the second is a calling. My wife is a NICU nurse and for her, and you, I believe you see your vocation as a calling. All the best on your presentation, and any future ones.
Thanks, l didn't know either Homeschooling and caregiving it has gave me so much depression and I didn't know why, because helping people is what I do best.
What a difference this speech has made in my life! Much like the empty tea kettle, can’t pour a cup for anyone else if we’re empty!
‘Dominos Tuesday’ is a great little novel I picked up on Amazon about a group of senior citizens on their last legs who throw caution to the wind and take a dangerous sea voyage on a small craft in the name of “going down swinging.” It’s one of those books that I know I’ll reread one day.
yes this is so me. i had so much stress that i neglected that amount of stress that i had. i carried it way too far out, and it left me bitterness. i finally glad that i had spoken out about it. i still work as a full time mother, a person who helps a lot, and i just wanted to get away from it all
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around" This is such a good quote. Part of the exhaustive aspect of care-giving is fixating on what we "don't accomplish" because that list is endless. We need to balance the things we don't accomplish, or can't accomplish, with appreciating the things that we "do" accomplish. Unless we allow a touch, a smile, an appreciative word or an honest compliment to recharge our batteries, then our inner batteries that provide the energy we need to "care" for others can, and will, slowly die. Excellent presentation, Patricia. Healthcare needs to incorporate Compassion into its training, as well as the risks of Compassion Fatigue.
Indeed! Great comment!!!
After reading so many comments on many videos I realize We are all the same.Experiencing the same thing.
This really helped me understand what I have been experiencing! THANK YOU
Phenomenal - one of the best TED Talks I've ever seen!
My mom's doctor mentioned compassion fatigue. I never knew it was a thing. This video is spot on. It's like she knows me.
This lady knows what she is talking about she helped just because she gets it, but
she has a lot more to give than I have, it's a way to high standard to meet
Wonderful presentation ~ thank you. Much needed at a crucial time in my life.
This is a brilliant cry to the importance of shining the light on this epidemic. There is hope. There are many remedies. Thank you for your service.
Wow this is the speech that I’ve needed to hear my entire life.
This is so amazing and life changing for me.
This is an awesome video....I only wish it were longer...I will check out the website... I have been researching this stuff lately as I have really needed to for my own self care...Thank you Patricia Smith...God bless...
Such impactful and valuable information. Thank you sincerely!
I love this woman, her lecture, her giving ♥️Thank you♥️
This talk has hit the nail on the head. Wow. It’s been a difficult journey at times for me in the five full time years taking care of first one and now two parents. Wanting to keep them at home and help the family as best as I can but it’s taken a huge tole on me. I look at my life as in the past. One fees guilt and so much inner turmoil because it’s a doffing journey as it becomes a solo journey after awhile. This talk is so helpful clarifying why I or we caregiver come to feel as we do.
I'm caring for mom now. Been years of caring for dad and mom. No help. No pay. It's not just the caregiving but the worry of what's going to be left of me when it's over.
@@bonitaburroughs8673 how I relate to you! How do we find peace of mind and heart so we can live our best life?
@@annemettejorgensen4912 I don't know. I feel like if I knew when it would end that I could see a light ahead and push thru. I have lost most friends and almost all family while carrying for parents. No one comes around. I guess they are afraid they'll be asked to help. I already know they won't. My husband and I have sacrificed much and don't know if we will have the time to make it up in the future. We are approaching old age and have no children. After doing all this for my parents, no one will be there for us.
@@bonitaburroughs8673 I understand that so well. I’m glad you have your husband.
Time is flying so fast. Are you caring for your parents at home? Sadly my Mother got Covid and it affected her already frail legs. She cannot walk and had to go to hospital. The doctors and social worker said I can no longer care for her at home. We would need a team and a lift in the ceiling to move her around. She has been moved to long term care. Exactly what my brother and I didn’t want. We have worked so hard to keep them both at home. Now I go to the hospital everyday. My Father is at home. 97. Mother 99. I started this journey in 2017.
Somehow but I don’t know how Bonita we have to find some quality of life and joy for ourselves not just our parents. They have become our focus and concerns while forgetting ourselves. If I hear one more person telling me to take care of myself. Find time for myself I will scream. These are people who haven’t go a clue. Have never done what we have and are doing. One tends to pull back from friends who don’t have anywhere near our responsibilities because they at least for me start to annoy me with their lack of knowledge and experience.
the best the best talk i ever heard on compassion fatigue.. your story is also my story i wonder how much i have taken it forgathered never dealt as a care giver i need it i am going to show to Nurses in our hospital
God bless
I'm a caregiver and what works best for me is having a client that is a sweetheart, of course there will be good days and bad days but as long as the client is a sweetheart at their core things will work out fine another thing that I've created for myself is gentle caregiving it makes things easier for you and your client. Taking things easy.
BEAUTIFULL got tears in my eyes. This beautifull information touch my soul😘😘😘
Important to balance everything !! Awesome message ❤️🇵🇷🙏🏽
It did change my life, I healed my ptsd through Islam, before I knew anything about it; I came across youtube live video of the Makkah, and listening to Quran and watching people perform Hajj at the Mecca soothed all my trauma triggers and I found such nourishment in it, I kept it on during sleep and I woke up with all my wounds healed, it was incredible, I was greatly motivated to read the Quran and learn the salah and become a good Muslim, because I was so amazed how it could do something I never could, I had gone to therapies, read many books but nothing helped me like the Mecca, I was so happy that I finally could be okay, with this heart feeling of gratefulness I started praying, to appreciate what I was gifted and its been a month since, and my life turned better, I am more organized, clean, lost weight, have more strength and clarity, I became secure with myself , the feeling of being connected to source; as in God, with Allah, I tried to achieve it before through meditation and going to chapels which are sacred, I tried to reach for the love of God, and salahs finally gifted me that feeling, that gentle, soft feeling of profound love inside my soul, it transformed me , I am thankful for Prophet Muhammad (PBOH)
Excellent talk. Much needed today!!
Sweet sensitive message.
Watched this. Stopped midway because it was too heavy. I related but didnt have a mame for it. I then rewatched it to the end and shed many unshed tears. Too many people are burning the candles from both ends. Am thankful to coming to the 'jump' into loving and. Now I've created healthy boundaries and ask for help. Rest isnt a bad thing. Thank you for sharing
I lived in Capitola and that county all my life. well 38 yrs. I moved up to PNW. I have been to Friday Harbor. I am a caregiver. #1 is TAKE CARE OF SELF ! learned the hard way.I enjoyed your talk Thank You.
this was so important for me to listen to
Excellent , thank you.
Wow. You’re are light in this world where your light brings hope and help to others lighting up the darkness in this world. I had a similar experience with a lady. I believe this was your guardian angel greeting you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 just beautiful thank you.
What a meaningful and inspirational piece!
This is simple but impactful and I will share it with everyone I know
Wonderful work Dr Smith! Many organizations give lip service to this though are not taking it seriously enough to ensure safeguards are in place and part of our workplaces. Thanks so much for this talk. I am a nurse, ED Trauma, and have worked for 41+ years as a nurse. I am also a Holistic Practitioner and energy worker in Ontario. We need to hear more of this here in Ontario.
And in BC, and in Alberta and in Idaho and in Indiana and everywhere else there are healthcare workers. You are to be commended for serving for over 40 years Kim!
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now... Pheew 😌
Omg how I needed to see this.... 🥺
That is very inspiring, and it is very important for me knowing that I am not alone. I just do not think that accepting the world as abusive as it is and the entire situation as a norm, is too good. Perhaps today it is a norm, but have to change and we are the people to change it. It probably wont happen in our generation, but we have to start from something (and enable ourselves to rest in between the rescues : ).
Very helpful! Thank you
Thanks for sharing ❤
Needed this today
Caregiving is not a sacred gift, at least for me, it isn't. It's a prison sentence. I'm "it". There's nobody else who will help. I've had 3 months of reprieve because he's in a nursing home. OMG, I forgot who I am after 10 years of watching over this man's health.
If it's in your budget(even a couple times a month) there are a lot of in home companys that can give you respite care.
I'm in the exact same boat. I've had to help my mom in some capacity since I graduated high school and caregiving is all I've known since graduating college. I'm turn 30 later this year and I'm still in the nest while my peers all have jobs, spouses, and kids. The nest feels more like a prison. I'm her lone caregiver. Breaks have been few and far in between and some of the breaks included funerals for relatives. If not for Covid and money, I would throw her in the nursing home and keep her there until she fully regained her mobility (she's 70 btw).
I have no independence, no job/job experience, no GF/wife, and no kids because my mom's body fell apart sooner than expected and some physical issues have popped up with her. She's too scared to do physical therapy for fear of getting Covid and won't get extra help around her for fear of Covid and getting robbed blind. Her problems and her paranoia (and us living in a small town with few options) have ruined my life and I hope she hasn't made me unemployable and forever single. She works me to death and treats me like I'm still 10.
My story is why couples over 40 should be barred from having kids. There is such a thing as being too old to have kids. Your kids will be at risk of getting hit with early caregiving duties and losing one of the parents sooner than expected (I lost my dad a few months back).
@@finchborat with all due respect, your mom is taking your young self for granted. You're convenient and familiar, so she's comfortable. Please, as much as I'm sure you care for mom, figure out a way to break loose of that responsibility. You deserve to grow. ...and I'm sure you're employable....follow your heart ❤
@@Vashti0825 There have been some that believe that she's taking advantage of me. I feel she's guilty of emotional manipulation and she's definitely guilty of being a safety freak. I'd say content is the right word rather than comfortable. Many have (rightfully) told me I need/deserve a life and one of her friends that graduated with my dad straight up said I can't do it forever. One friend who tried to talk me into finding extra help 2+ yrs ago told me I had become my mom's god. There were a couple of times where she referred to me as her hero. I hate being that woman's hero and I was offended by her calling me that. I don't want to be a hero.
Aside from half of January and last month, she's been out of bed just once a week (for showers). Hardly ever exercises and has hardly been outside the house since Covid (mainly because she's at risk). Consistently inconsistent. She thinks that feeling like doing something is a sign she's getting better. It isn't. It just plain isn't. There's a BIG difference between feeling like doing something and actually doing it. Most of the time, she doesn't do what she "feels like doing."
I'm not just the lone caregiver, but I'm her lone source of encouragement. Truth is, I'm NOT the encourager type. I'm not a motivator either. And I'm too exhausted and overworked to be an encourager/motivator. For her, it's almost a crime for her to listen to me. I have to build up a ton of courage just to make a small suggestion to her. Some would tell her to exercise (she needs to exercise) and she would get emotional and jump all over them. And she doesn't need encouragement. She needs motivation. Encouragement does nothing if you aren't motivated.
As for employment, at this point, I gotta hope someone with an open mind and a big heart just gives me a chance. I'm probably gonna have to beg for a job, if not threaten my way to a job. From what I've seen online, people who had to put their careers on hold because of caregiving had a very hard time getting back into the workforce and I can only imagine what the case is for me. I'm gonna be looking for my very first job once this nightmare finally ends. My mom thinks her writing a cover letter for me will help but it won't. Employers won't accept cover letters or references from family members. They want unbiased sources.
This is my 6th year caring for my bedridden mum and I can relate.i feel depleted..
Yes I read that Joinson was the one who coined the term.
Daycare providers are often forgotten by research. They suffer some of the worst symptoms.
I have been a caregiver for about 10 years. I do it full time and the family I work for has been very good to me but I am so burned out emotionally from their son that I take care of 40 hours a week. It was nice for the first few years but the constant pushing this person to achieve what they can while they can, family that doesn't make the right changes to his care as his needs change and him refusing to socialize with other people, get outside the home for things besides the once a week for a few hours he has to do to keep getting funding for his home care, and he is sadly so starved for attention that I can't keep providing the physical, emotional and social needs he requires but he nor his family want to make this better. Like I said they are good to me but I have gotten to the point of feeling so stressed and the non stop attention seeking behavior from him onto of the care I provide is too much. I do love him and I feel have done my best with him but I am just not happy anymore. I leave work and want silence. I want to go home and not talk on a phone or anyone. I want to just turn on the TV and let my brain rest. We take this job because we care then we feel ashamed when we feel this was as a caregiver. I am just now learning of compassion fatigue. I am at the point now that I am going to need to find a new career soon. It's not gonna change here so I need to change what I can and find another job.
Thanks for sharing, and I believe to have come to the right resolution. Time to "refill."
Caregiving is an Art and a Science and it is a two-way street. Thanks for the ideas.
that Wes rely helpful I like it
Thank u..
But how do we "fill up"???? This is so so hard
After working in the veterinary industry for 22 years and seeing what humans have caused to animals has done me in. I cannot even get out of bed some days without dreading going in, panic attacks, self medicating, alcohol, insomnia. WTF!!!!
Insomnia!!! Ugh! Cannot rest!
I have two disable daughters in there 20's I can't my stomach is always messed up. They tell me mind over matter.
We take care of each other..
I am looking for my grann 5 years and I am getting bitter. I asked for help after 5 years, but I became very sensitive and angry. I hope to learn more about caring but at the moment I am stuck
I just quit 2 and half weeks ago from being my grandmother's caretaker of 4 years on shaky grounds. I am currently about to try to tie up loose ends with her soon with some help from my aunt and uncle. While other family members appreciate me for giving my grandmother assistance over the years and trying to maintain her sense of independent living, they realize it's time for us to move on and are ready to step in. Before I decided to do make the decision, about 4-5 months ago I decided to go to my local mental health clinic and seek therapy and mental health counseling. I am so glad I did bc I recently hit a low point and I highly recommend caregivers to seek help when your intuition tells you to seek help. If you're not ready yet, I highly recommend to keep listening to TH-cam for caregiver resources. I started doing that in December 2018 and January 2019 and it's been very insightful. A great channel is Careblazers.
Great talk - even if I don't buy the frog story :) The topics discussed would make for a much longer talk / masterclass.
👍👍👍👍👍"In the long run, Suzka just lets her mother “be.” The book is full of insights about dementia without being saccharine or preachy in any way. It guides us on a valuable journey. Not only might this book be read for insight and/or entertainment, it strikes me that it would be a good companion assignment for university courses in gerontology, the life course, and aging". - an Amazon review regarding the book 'Wonders In Dementialand'
11:55 on the road to healing
I am not even a caregiver, just a post grad student who have compassion fatigue
She is so lovely
This is excellence at its best. I recently read something similar, and it was absolutely outstanding. "Kindness Unveiled: A Journey to a Happier Life" by Noah Evergreen
Actually, Joinson (a nurse), coined the term "compassion fatigue".
Yes, she did...in 1992
Here is one caregiver with balls of steel. Having been a caregiver all my life I have a rule. I call a crisis line on the police if anybody with PTSD, panic attacks, bi polar, drug addicted lays one hand on me, becomes verbally or physically abusive,Ihavw them arrested or confined in a psychiatric facility.If caregivers allow them selves too much compassion thry will either get burned out or physically injured. No exception. People need to learn their are rules-- if they injure or become aggressive, I will Not hesitate to call anybody I have to protect myself. Time to quit mollycoddling these people
30+ yrs care giving first my granny, then dad, then mom and now hubby and this has hit like a ton of bricks. I keep hearing take a vacation, spend 30 mins a day for u. It has begun to make me angry for some reason. Like I just don't care about ANYTHING except my youngest daughter and even this has begun to tax my last nerve. She's got 1.5 yrs til graduation and im beyond ready. Mom, babe, daughter, grand daughter, she'll be gone. I'll finally just be Kat. I want to feel good about something again. Anything really. I feel fearful of my husband's worsening epilepsy that there seems to be either no treatment to remedy for or the available ones just haven't worked. The va seems to brush everything under the rug and just medicate veterans. I used to think if I could just make it make sense to them what I was seeing I wouldn't feel so crazy. So after 10 yrs if them denying my husband seizures but trying every seizure med known to man, they say they can cut part of his brain out and it MAY go away. But I keep thinking what an extreme option for something that shouldn't be this hard. He's taken everything from depakote to gabapentin to no avail. Any insight into other options would be nice but to hear them tell it. They are the gospel and only choice he has. I have been trying to solve this puzzle for so long I feel like I just have nothing left to give. I keep up to date in all mayo clinic findings and they seem to offer same options. I know we're getting older and this isn't sustainable at all. As it is now I cook, clean, drive, shop, make appts, shuffle docs appts, and try to keep him comfortable as possible and recently this is getting more and more. I have begun bathing, dressing, and running interference w his 8 children who do nothing but want updates and money from us. Like he's made of money. Every time I tell them what's going on they say thanks good to know, and then ask for money. I tell them the truth. We don't have it. He suffers cluster headaches as well, the va does NOTHING for this at all. Most of our money goes to household bills and meds. He has one med va doesn't pay for that's 650 a month. It's alot and I recently took over all finances too. Keeping everything on an even keel is a fine delicate tight rope act. And do it all w a smile? As va expects? I recently had double hernia surgery from trying to do so much. He tries to help me when I'm down and does a great job w compassion and never a complaint. But he can't take care of me for fear of seizures. I'm at a loss and we're 2.5 hrs from va clinics or hospital. I have begin to feel emotional about every lil thing. Since my mom last from her copd a yr ago. Now I really haven't anyone who understands from a mom, wife, daughter granddaughter position. I tried fb groups and even online support groups from va and it all feels like we(combat vet caregivers) whitewash it for everyone. So they don't worry we cant take care of our spouses. My question is where's the line? Sorry for the long post but it's a mess. Thank u and have a good evening.
There are Veterans Homes that provide a place to live and all aspects of medical care. They do take all but $185 of husband's income last time I checked. 2021. There comes a point where a spouse cannot cope alone. Investigate or sign up because there can be a waiting list.
Please take daisyy99's advise, and set boundries with those family members who are only takers.
this video is giving me compassion fatigue
I came to this video in a state😐
I'm not convinced about mindfulness... that can make already kind and considerate people, even MORE aware! I think too much awareness is bad.
lover of the truth, sounds like she's narcissistic
Mindfulness might be helpful. It also teaches one to focus on the breath and to not get too caught up in thoughts. I find it helps me.
I cope via sarcasm and dark humor. As does every one of my fellow ER nurses, especially those of us on night shift! 😁
I’m not grateful for the burden. I don’t have time to myself and I’m being taken for granted by 2 narcissistic parents
I don't know how old you are or your parents are, but I have found out difficult parents never change. You have to get out and educate yourself or work a paid job. Plan and save.
Compassion fatigue, wellness inside healing from early childhood responsible for evrything.
hi ! i am from romania and many persons that have studied 3 years to become a registred nurse here, go to england to work in hospices as care givers. please tell me, a care giver must have studied 3 years in a nursing school to be a registred nurse ? or is it something different ? do you have to be a nurse in order to work as a care giver in a hospice ?
taking care of my parents and i am burnt out...i maybe in the grave before they are
But what do you do if they have no family and you can't stop providing care for them or they'll die and 20+ doctors either can't help or make things worse so you just have to resign to watch the person you love most in the world suffer through intense, chronic agony while they slowly lose their mind to some mysterious ailment? and how do you tell your college professors that your so burnt out by 8am that you have no cognitive capacity to even attempt schoolwork, let alone study? and you HAVE to go to college because the Post 9/11 GI Bill pays you to go to college so you need the money or else you end up homeless? and also you have ptsd from afghanistan. what then?
asking for a friend.
I didn't completely understand the frog story... anyone have insight?
This lady seams to know what she is talking about...!!!
I was in an awkward position with my dad in law amputation I was just beginning treatment for piriformis syndrome and it was getting worse... People were unreasonable n bullying me from Canada my sis in law ( supposed to great knowing) remote controlling happening here without any house help when I no longer could handle the stress n incapable of handling anymore... Labelled me as non just hypochondriac but everything else. Held me guilty n family rejected me totally for two decades now. Because they decided to enroll him in old age home consider it as a stigma. My cooperation was sought unreasonably n inhumane treatment given to me even as they arranged for him refusing to even talk to me... Saying she must reap what she had sown. I thought caregivers stress issues etc were great deal of importance in develpoed countries
people really don't see the irony in sharing their personal life in the comments
Happy healthy potential make time for self who v r bombafed on me daily in my head.