"Hey, it's not my fault you didn't have what you claimed you did. I actually believed you, you know, so I built something better." Literally the story behind the F-15.
Lol. I thought the exact same thing. >.< there's already a newer version that works better than the other one so obviously the one that they were talking about can be dismantled for parts and such for other new things go be made lol 😂
first story proves the old saying: there are no dangerous weapons just dangerous people the second story: humans are calling the star destroying weapon: that old thing? what the hell have they developed now! thanks for the stories and the narration
@@etherknightmare1181was about to say, there are objectively dangerous weapons insomuch as they pose a threat to their wielder when used due to poor design and/or construction.
That's similar to what I found out after owning a Jack Russell. They are the cutest killers people let live with them. Seriously, if it was small and fuzzy, or a snake, she was gonna kill it. She killed a rat, a hamster, a kitten, and several snakes. Killing was so inbred into her, she expected to be praised for doing it.
@@bignasty4874 Yes, well this also reminds me of Corgis. Corgis, the cute fluffly bottomed smiley friend shaped dogs they are - are actually very good anti burglary dogs and have been attributed with many injuries among burglarers. Their jump height is tremoundous and they can easily grab a grown man's arm or worse from standing on the floor. Just don't ever underestimate them. "It's not the dog in the fight you should worry about, but the fight in the dog."
Isn't that Russia vs US? Russia: Our aviation so stealthy. Our tanks so impenetrable. US: We improved on the design and made man portable counters. Russia: What...?
Then there was the intel we got of a Russian rocket engine that could produce some insane amount of thrust. So NASA got to work and made a rocket engine that could produce *more* thrust, freaking *everyone* out. Turns out there was a bit of a misunderstanding. The 'engine' was a collection of 'motors' that together could produce that amount of thrust. NASA just built a *single motor* that could outperform *all of them collectively.*
@@brigidtheirishyep, ironic really that the F-1 engines used on the Saturn 5 rocket and the initial design of the Saturn 5 itself was to be an ICBM but it was then design repurposed into being the vehicle that took man to the moon
You're not long for this world if you don't take existential threats seriously. Conclusion:the xenos were lucky that humans consider warning shots good form.
"You don't aim a gun at a man unless you intend to shoot him. And you don't shoot a man unless you intend to kill him. And no warning shots. Warning shots are bullshit." -Jody, from Phantasm.
(story 2), The actual reason for why the humans was willing to decommission the "sun-buster"... was because they had figured out an even more devastating weapon... :)
@@blasternine8814 2 potential reasons I can think of: 1. Because you can 2. It terrifies not just the target, but anyone else watching who was getting some ideas in their heads.
Human: So Issac... I mean Mr. Newton... you're telling me there is a universal force present and affecting all living things.. that I can harness? Xeno: *gulp* Jedi: *gulp* Apples: *gulp* Drop-bears: yyaassss
If the mountain will not come to you, you must bring their face to the mountain. -probably Confucius paraphrasing Chuck Norris... who was chasing mountains that were running away from him at the time.
Seriously thought that the first story was going to be the one where humans defeated a space pirates by using a combination of artificial gravity and the floor. A pleasant surprise, to say the least.
I remember seeing one like that. The most feared pirates in the galaxy were space squids. After the humans were done, they threw them into buckets. Don’t remember the name. Maybe someone will recognize the description?
I mean probably a galaxy cleanser or something but i (after playing stellaris) find myself liking planet destroying weapons. With system/cluster destroying weapons you just get a big boom and a lot of light and that is all but a planet crack is something beautiful (also a mod gave me red toxic mist for destroying a planet and that was also a thing of beauty. Leaving only a scarlet planet with no life on it *chef kiss* )
'Weapon' describes an application of an object, the mind itself is the deadliest weapon. ANY OBJECT can become a weapon if used in the appropriate manner. For example, the harmless fabric collar of the shirt you're wearing right now can be used in a 'sliding collar choke' and so, in effect, become 'a deadly weapon', but a shirt-collar can not, in any logical or meaningful sense, be described as 'a weapon' in and of itself.
@@chronred8190 ya use enough human hairs ir is like piano wire a very deadly weapons. And the nails are like knifes if you take care of them and not have brittle nails.
The human got a serious, sober look for a moment. That was the moment the human decided this xeno decided life hadn't been good so far and was about to be very pleased it wouldn't be bothering him much longer. Both applicable to story 1 and 2 but modified for story 2. Be kind,be courteous but also have a plan to kill everyone in the system.
At the time of its conception you have no real want to use that plan, but if you NEED such a plan and you don't already have it, well, we're only human. We'll have that plan if we're smart. It's a BIG universe with lots of potentially-nasty critters in it. We just happen to be one of the physically weakest of them. That being the case, we need to be the most resourceful.
The revised Geneva Conventions dictate that no caniform mammal above the weight of 10 kg may be deployed as part of a military operation. It was decided that they qualify under the category of biological weapons; contrary to popular belief, the decision was in no way influenced by the 'Save the Good Bois' petition, which garnered some three trillion signatures across seventeen star systems, less than two thirds of which were human in origin. Feliform mammals over 5 kg are also banned, though no such petition was extant in their case. To quote a senior member of the revisionary council, "No one deserves to be shredded by an angry cat with military training."
@@lrmackmcbride7498How so? Personally, at least, I find it kind of funny that a fish was able to flop around on a keyboard and was smart enough to write a story.
Funny thing, if I remember my history right, most of our prominent martial arts were actually developed in response to governmental pressure and laws to confiscate things they deemed could be weapons. This led to people finding loopholes which were martial arts and many other things too. People are creative, that’s for sure. Not saying all are a success but we do owe the existence of our martial arts to moments like this in history, and then that knowledge being passed down. First story was a good reminder for me of that.
The first story makes me think we need to show them the entire Chronicles of Riddik, John Wick series and all the Saw movies and go "This is when we are trying, you don't want us to try."
Human weapons consist of projectiles, implements that fit in a hand, hands used as implements, other miscellaneous body parts (yours or your opponent's), furniture, walls, body fluids (again, yours or your opponent's), floors, etc. Even the air under correct circumstances. If there's any possibility of something to be used to exert force or open up an opponent's body cavity humans can use it as a weapon, meaning pretty much everything. 🙂
The new thing the humans got in the second story which made them agree to "scrap that old junk" must have been an improved version of the floor of the first story ... for the algorithm
If you can't hit them with anything, hit a wall or a floor with them. Or with their friend. Or their now detached limb. If you feel enthusiastic, hit the ceiling with them.
Thank you @AgroSquerril. I have read both stories on reddit, but the way you bring the aliens to life in your narrations is superb. IMHO you are the best HFY and "humans are space orcs" narrator on TH-cam. Another big plus for me is that you show the text of the story unlike a lot of the other copycats. For some reason it helps me follow the story even tho I'm mainly listening to your voice.
My kempo instructor stressed how literally everything can be a weapon, which I took to heart. I feel like I've had this exact conversation myself several times on good old Terra.
"Gizzardwarming fact their um.. heart thingys, are in the right place," "I think that is how they say it." My new favorite alien phrase. Or to put it in Human terms, (paraphrased a bit) "Don't start no trouble and there won't be no trouble!"
I love that ending of the second story. "Oh this old piece of crap? Yeaaa I was thinking about tossing it anyway. This thing is basically ancient at this point"
Story 1. Yes, judo is a pretty good way to turn the floor, as well as your opponent, into a weapon to be used against said opponent. Story 2. You threatened us with an imaginary planet busting weapon as if it was a real weapon. So, we built our counter measure, over 100 times as powerful that can destroy a small star. You want us to dismantle it ? No problem. It's just a bit of old junk anyway. Leave one to wonder...
I actually try to consider how to make everything around me into a weapon. I know if I hit so hard it will hurt my hand. If I use a tool. I can hit MUCH harder with a tool.
That first one about disarming humans somewhat made me laugh since no matter WHAT they did 1 weapon would ALWAYS be available and that weapon is non-other than the human body itself (i.e. the fist).
"If you can't beat them, beat them some more.", is the better version for story 1. Apparently, it wasn't impossible. Is that the new motto of the Galactic Counsil, or just a bit of advice from the humans to the Counsil?
That woosh was you missing the meaning. Same word but it means two things. First beat them means to win against them the normal nonviolent way. Second beat them means to literally bash them repeatedly.
This 2 story video has come up in my feed before, so it's already saved in my Humor folder. When it came up in my feed again, I couldn't resist playing it again.😂 Thanks again for the laughs!😂 By the way, I've come across 2 other funny stories where the humans used the floor as a weapon. One occurred on a ship, and the other occurred on a space station or space base. In each case, at least some of the enemy aIiens survived, but were somewhat the worse for wear.😂
Ah yes the human ship must be getting boarded by the jellyfish 🪼 again (Spin me right round baby starts playing) Edit: for those wondering I’m talking about the story video called (Best SciFi 1543 - Yes the floor IS a human weapon & Who Are The Humans Sending I Humans, Human)
[About the second story] It's interesting that the law was "Dont lie to humans." and not "Ban planet busters." Since it was implied that the humans were the first to build a planet buster it makes me wonder where those humans are on the galactic food chain.
1st Story; Leave up in space, and we'll still find a way to get on top. 2nd Story; You say you have a planet buster? Jokes on you! We have a Star Buster! Along with several hundreds others on the drawing board.
This reminds me of part of the story The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Mike the computer follows this train of logic: War= The use of force to achieve a political aim. Force= Mass times the square of acceleration.
Story number 2.... humans would never go to war over the open possession of WMD,s .... but repeatedly deny possession of WMD's while acting suspicious and then your in trouble! (Iraq)
Hey its not the humans' fault! You don't have the chitin to take a fall, don't start grappling competitions! Dude ! That must have been the biggest bluff ever! Remind not to play cards with that diplomat! "....We were about to decommission it anyway"..." the most chilling words ever heard in galactic council! Along with, "... it was a warning shot"!
Xenos: they blew up our star! Council: humans, y u do dis?! Humans: There's an old acronym from a few centuries ago in the old English language. F.A.F.O. These guys got the F.O. part, and it was only a warning... Council and Xenos: *surprised pikachu face*
That last short story was a good one. If only real life were that easy... New Earth law: don't lie about your weapons or your willingness to use them! That means YOU, Vlad Pudding.
Story 1: A human is never disarmed, only inconvenienced. Story 2: Man, what kind of marshmallow politics do those xenos have that they don't plan for the worst case scenario? Although the warning shot does seem a bit premature so maybe those humans should pay some reparations, at least as a good will measure.
@@desperateneedofscotch A warning shot is meant to avoid damage and killing by showing that the one firing it has the means and will to lay on the hurt. By causing such massive gravitational disturbances no doubt many lives were lost in the resulting earthquakes and there would be considerable damage. *That is not a warning shot, that is an act of WAR* Hence reparations.
Ah yes, that second story had an even bigger blunder on the aliens' part than even the original lie. The human senator called their planet buster "that old thing" and "junk" and agreed straight off the bat to destroy it and they assumed it was the only one they had. If it was old, junky, and easily discarded, then they have an entire fleet of better ones stashed away for a rainy day lol. Innovation and adaptation are how humans survived and dominated our planet.
"Hey, it's not my fault you didn't have what you claimed you did. I actually believed you, you know, so I built something better."
Literally the story behind the F-15.
funny because it's accurate.
for those who don't know the F-15 was built to combat what they Russians claimed to have at the time.
Do you per chance happen to be an enjoyer of Habitual Linecrosser?
@@mre4u422 Was it the foxbat?
@@sewpungyow5154 Yes the Mig 25 Foxbat
And the 22 and 35
_"Everything is a weapon.. including the floor."_
*Flashbacks to Starlord challenging Ronan the Accuser to a dance off.*
Story 1: He almost has gone full dark humor there.
Story 2: It was probably signed off before they showed up.
Of course the floor is a weapon, it's a hard object you can bludgeon people with.
I think you mean "It's a hard object, you can bludgeon with people."
@@ImFrelledI mean if I Rip up a floor tile or a wood plank used as flooring and proceed to bash someone's skull in I'm bludgeoning them with the floor
Does this mean the walls and ceiling need to be taken away, too?
@@ImFrelledWell, since everything is relative, is there really a difference between hitting someone with the floor or hitting the floor with someone?
What? He slipped and fell. He slipped and fell 10 times. Why is that so hard to believe?
I've said it before, calling bluffs is baked into our cultural identity.
You'd think the Russians would learn.
scaring a council so badly they pass their second ever proper law.
The funny part is that they didn't understand that saying "dismantle that old junk" inherently means there is a newer, better version....
Oh, given the speed of the new legislation, it's fair to assume they did. :D
@@BrazenBard Also my conclusion.
Lol. I thought the exact same thing. >.< there's already a newer version that works better than the other one so obviously the one that they were talking about can be dismantled for parts and such for other new things go be made lol 😂
they DID thats why they passed the law, im confused as to how the op got 100+ likes on this comment
Lockheed Martin circa 2250
+1 for being able to pronounce all these "alien" names without tripping up or changing halfway through!
I keep looking for the red/blue shimmer effect of an edit whenever a name whammy come up, but nope! Such a trooper!
first story proves the old saying: there are no dangerous weapons just dangerous people
the second story: humans are calling the star destroying weapon: that old thing? what the hell have they developed now!
thanks for the stories and the narration
Something can always be more efficient, cheaper, or more powerful and some thing cant be upgraded so they are just scrapped.
@@NeSeegerbut sometimes, thoes old rusted scrap weapons prove to reliable to ever replace. because it just works.
There are dangerous weapons, though, which is why they aren't really used.
@@etherknightmare1181was about to say, there are objectively dangerous weapons insomuch as they pose a threat to their wielder when used due to poor design and/or construction.
@@lechking941 remind me of the ak-47 and the rpg-7
I love the "humans are sweet and clever for terrible monsters" type narrative.
That's similar to what I found out after owning a Jack Russell. They are the cutest killers people let live with them. Seriously, if it was small and fuzzy, or a snake, she was gonna kill it. She killed a rat, a hamster, a kitten, and several snakes. Killing was so inbred into her, she expected to be praised for doing it.
@@bignasty4874 Yes, well this also reminds me of Corgis. Corgis, the cute fluffly bottomed smiley friend shaped dogs they are - are actually very good anti burglary dogs and have been attributed with many injuries among burglarers. Their jump height is tremoundous and they can easily grab a grown man's arm or worse from standing on the floor. Just don't ever underestimate them.
"It's not the dog in the fight you should worry about, but the fight in the dog."
Isn't that Russia vs US?
Russia: Our aviation so stealthy. Our tanks so impenetrable.
US: We improved on the design and made man portable counters.
Russia: What...?
US is the definition of DPS-carry. Tank? Also a DPS. Healer? Also a DPS. DPS? DPS-squared. Complains about lack of pocket healer healthcare.
@hamsta11 What the U.S. lacks in Healthcare, it makes up in unhealthcare
Yes. Yes it is.
Then there was the intel we got of a Russian rocket engine that could produce some insane amount of thrust. So NASA got to work and made a rocket engine that could produce *more* thrust, freaking *everyone* out.
Turns out there was a bit of a misunderstanding. The 'engine' was a collection of 'motors' that together could produce that amount of thrust. NASA just built a *single motor* that could outperform *all of them collectively.*
@@brigidtheirishyep, ironic really that the F-1 engines used on the Saturn 5 rocket and the initial design of the Saturn 5 itself was to be an ICBM but it was then design repurposed into being the vehicle that took man to the moon
You're not long for this world if you don't take existential threats seriously.
Conclusion:the xenos were lucky that humans consider warning shots good form.
"You don't aim a gun at a man unless you intend to shoot him. And you don't shoot a man unless you intend to kill him. And no warning shots. Warning shots are bullshit." -Jody, from Phantasm.
(story 2), The actual reason for why the humans was willing to decommission the "sun-buster"... was because they had figured out an even more devastating weapon... :)
Could it be a white dwarf buster... Or a black hole buster ?
Why waste a perfectly good star when your target can be completely annihilated?
@@blasternine8814 2 potential reasons I can think of:
1. Because you can
2. It terrifies not just the target, but anyone else watching who was getting some ideas in their heads.
@@austinclay8622
3. Opportunity costs. Can't trade with a planet that doesn't exist.
@@Kualinarprobably a black hole bomb which we do have designs for already
My own, "we fell down, I got up he didn't" story didn't involve the other guys death, but he did need to have a knee and elbow relocated.
Human: So Issac... I mean Mr. Newton... you're telling me there is a universal force present and affecting all living things.. that I can harness?
Xeno: *gulp*
Jedi: *gulp*
Apples: *gulp*
Drop-bears: yyaassss
@@hamsta11 It is not restricted to living things, but it is a characteristic of all things with mass. Even if we are not quite sure how it works.
@@Sukharno2121 are you saying I can just drop the thing on my adversary?
@@andruloni not sure what thing you speak of
@@Sukharno2121 the thing is, *the thing* is an any thing
God bless Judo, the martial art where you hit your opponent with the earth!
Newtons second law at its most brutal "... with a force proportional to the mass of the planet".
If the mountain will not come to you, you must bring their face to the mountain. -probably Confucius paraphrasing Chuck Norris... who was chasing mountains that were running away from him at the time.
The art of folding clothes, while people are still in them.
Seriously thought that the first story was going to be the one where humans defeated a space pirates by using a combination of artificial gravity and the floor.
A pleasant surprise, to say the least.
I remember seeing one like that. The most feared pirates in the galaxy were space squids. After the humans were done, they threw them into buckets. Don’t remember the name. Maybe someone will recognize the description?
@@bearstarpresents2264I think was along the lines of "Weaponizing Newton's Law of Gravity" or something like that
'Yes, the floor is a human weapon' narrated over a year ago under the number 1543
@@andruloniThx for the number! Been wanting to hear that one again
The human ambassador implied that the reason they were going to scrap the superweapon was because they had come up with a better design.
If the old weapon that could bust up a star was junk, I'd hate to see what it's new replacement could do.
I mean probably a galaxy cleanser or something but i (after playing stellaris) find myself liking planet destroying weapons. With system/cluster destroying weapons you just get a big boom and a lot of light and that is all but a planet crack is something beautiful (also a mod gave me red toxic mist for destroying a planet and that was also a thing of beauty. Leaving only a scarlet planet with no life on it *chef kiss* )
I would LOVE to see it.
'Weapon' describes an application of an object, the mind itself is the deadliest weapon.
ANY OBJECT can become a weapon if used in the appropriate manner.
For example, the harmless fabric collar of the shirt you're wearing right now can be used in a 'sliding collar choke' and so, in effect, become 'a deadly weapon', but a shirt-collar can not, in any logical or meaningful sense, be described as 'a weapon' in and of itself.
Stealth weapon. Shirt-collar was more marketable than 'occassional' or 'dual-use' garrote cloth.
Above is why killer martial artists are so feared.
even our very own hair and nails can be used as weapons
@@chronred8190 ya use enough human hairs ir is like piano wire a very deadly weapons. And the nails are like knifes if you take care of them and not have brittle nails.
For more examples, there's the collected works of Jackie Chan.
The human got a serious, sober look for a moment. That was the moment the human decided this xeno decided life hadn't been good so far and was about to be very pleased it wouldn't be bothering him much longer.
Both applicable to story 1 and 2 but modified for story 2.
Be kind,be courteous but also have a plan to kill everyone in the system.
Be polite, Be efficient, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Can't go wrong quoting James Mattis when it's an HFY sub reddit
At the time of its conception you have no real want to use that plan, but if you NEED such a plan and you don't already have it, well, we're only human. We'll have that plan if we're smart. It's a BIG universe with lots of potentially-nasty critters in it. We just happen to be one of the physically weakest of them. That being the case, we need to be the most resourceful.
us humans when faced with a threat, we *WILL* gas light ourselves into thinking you are the problem and doing our best to exterminate threat
Imagine how they would react when they find out what damages humans can do when paired with a well trained dog.
The revised Geneva Conventions dictate that no caniform mammal above the weight of 10 kg may be deployed as part of a military operation. It was decided that they qualify under the category of biological weapons; contrary to popular belief, the decision was in no way influenced by the 'Save the Good Bois' petition, which garnered some three trillion signatures across seventeen star systems, less than two thirds of which were human in origin.
Feliform mammals over 5 kg are also banned, though no such petition was extant in their case. To quote a senior member of the revisionary council, "No one deserves to be shredded by an angry cat with military training."
or because of one dead dog.
Behold... the chiwawa!
The most amusing part of "don't lie to humans" is that it was writen by catfish. In the US a catfish is someone who lies to provoke romantic interest.
it's also...you know...an actual fish. 😉
@@nadjasunflower1387 yeah but that isn't funny.
@@lrmackmcbride7498How so? Personally, at least, I find it kind of funny that a fish was able to flop around on a keyboard and was smart enough to write a story.
@@diablos7111 What do you think those whiskers are for? So they don't have to flop around on the keyboards to write stories or scam people.
@@vladyvhv9579 right, right. Only less sophisticated fish need to flop around to type.
"If you can't beat them, then beat them" killed me
Funny thing, if I remember my history right, most of our prominent martial arts were actually developed in response to governmental pressure and laws to confiscate things they deemed could be weapons. This led to people finding loopholes which were martial arts and many other things too. People are creative, that’s for sure. Not saying all are a success but we do owe the existence of our martial arts to moments like this in history, and then that knowledge being passed down. First story was a good reminder for me of that.
The first story makes me think we need to show them the entire Chronicles of Riddik, John Wick series and all the Saw movies and go "This is when we are trying, you don't want us to try."
Just wait till it evolves to The A-Team and MacGuyver...
Human weapons consist of projectiles, implements that fit in a hand, hands used as implements, other miscellaneous body parts (yours or your opponent's), furniture, walls, body fluids (again, yours or your opponent's), floors, etc. Even the air under correct circumstances. If there's any possibility of something to be used to exert force or open up an opponent's body cavity humans can use it as a weapon, meaning pretty much everything. 🙂
That would be funny if not for the fact my cousin working in jail had a guy stab his cellmate 27 times with a newspaper rolled really tight.
@mareczek00713
Ah, what's black & white and Red all over.
I prefer the original with read instead of dead.
Think there was HFY story about human killing alien by spitting at them and letting bacteria in his saliva do the rest.
@@mareczek00713
It proves the point pretty well if you ask me.
@@ceu160193 i the one where humans got registered as venomous afterwards yeah i recal that one i think it was netnarrator that read it out
"There's always a bigger fish!" knowledge from a Jedi Master. 💞
Slam Guard: You'll kill us... with a soup cup?
Riddick: Tea, actually.
The new thing the humans got in the second story which made them agree to "scrap that old junk" must have been an improved version of the floor of the first story ... for the algorithm
I call it the portable floor generator :)
They may have, indeed, invented a portable version of the high ground
" we don't have a weapon that will do that "
" you said you did "
If you can't hit them with anything, hit a wall or a floor with them.
Or with their friend. Or their now detached limb.
If you feel enthusiastic, hit the ceiling with them.
Could not stop laughing through the first one nice choice Agro 😂
I enjoy all of Agro Squirrel Narrates videos
Thank you @AgroSquerril.
I have read both stories on reddit, but the way you bring the aliens to life in your narrations is superb. IMHO you are the best HFY and "humans are space orcs" narrator on TH-cam.
Another big plus for me is that you show the text of the story unlike a lot of the other copycats. For some reason it helps me follow the story even tho I'm mainly listening to your voice.
My kempo instructor stressed how literally everything can be a weapon, which I took to heart. I feel like I've had this exact conversation myself several times on good old Terra.
"Gizzardwarming fact their um.. heart thingys, are in the right place,"
"I think that is how they say it."
My new favorite alien phrase.
Or to put it in Human terms, (paraphrased a bit)
"Don't start no trouble and there won't be no trouble!"
"Well we didn't know that." is the best response to "We've never even thought it was possible to make a planet buster!"
"It's not against our laws to build a star-destroying weapon... but now it is." Because it's never a war crime the first time.
But, nobody said nothin' about black hole destroying weapons...
I love that ending of the second story. "Oh this old piece of crap? Yeaaa I was thinking about tossing it anyway. This thing is basically ancient at this point"
The most ferocious warriors in the entire cosmos.
The Boobitty Warrior!🤣🤣🤣
Wonderful story, which you bring to life in the most amazing way! I can definitely see using the floor as a weapon!
Story 1. Yes, judo is a pretty good way to turn the floor, as well as your opponent, into a weapon to be used against said opponent.
Story 2. You threatened us with an imaginary planet busting weapon as if it was a real weapon. So, we built our counter measure, over 100 times as powerful that can destroy a small star. You want us to dismantle it ? No problem. It's just a bit of old junk anyway.
Leave one to wonder...
"What about writing utensil. Surely the humans can'tuse that as a weapon!"
"Let me tell you about the legend of Baba Yaga..."
This makes me think of Riley from the Boondocks, making a shank out of a toothbrush.
"What? you want me to make you one too?"
Thank you. I love your narration. WAY BETTER than all the AI readers I've been listening to.
Given the right circumstances, we'll turn _you_ into our weapon!
FOR THE ALGORITHM
Story 2 is amazing
I actually try to consider how to make everything around me into a weapon. I know if I hit so hard it will hurt my hand. If I use a tool. I can hit MUCH harder with a tool.
My son in law is a former Army Ranger. One of his squadmates has a confirmed kill using only a SPORK! Everything is a weapon.
Fantastic pair of stories
And fantastic reading
No idea how I stumbled across this channel but now glad that I did. Oh dear god that first one is hilarious.
Thank you I needed the laugh. Here is your like and comment for the stories and to help your channel grow and get you the recognition you deserve.
All hail the blueberry cat and the narrator!
That first one about disarming humans somewhat made me laugh since no matter WHAT they did 1 weapon would ALWAYS be available and that weapon is non-other than the human body itself (i.e. the fist).
"If you can't beat them, beat them some more.", is the better version for story 1.
Apparently, it wasn't impossible. Is that the new motto of the Galactic Counsil, or just a bit of advice from the humans to the Counsil?
That woosh was you missing the meaning. Same word but it means two things.
First beat them means to win against them the normal nonviolent way.
Second beat them means to literally bash them repeatedly.
Great work 👍
What about a spoon?
Recalls Dr. Who episode where the Doctor fights Robin Hood - with his SPOON...
🥄
I was envisioning more the part in borderlands 2 when handsome jack scoops out the guy's eyeballs with a spoon.,
Two wonderfull droll stories at once really brighten my day. Many thanks!
galactic law.... "Don't Lie to the HUMANS" had me in stiches XD
Slow AD always writes the best stories
LOL!!! Great story and excellent narration!
"I saw one of them kill someone with a pencil! A freaking pencil!!!!"
This 2 story video has come up in my feed before, so it's already saved in my Humor folder. When it came up in my feed again, I couldn't resist playing it again.😂 Thanks again for the laughs!😂 By the way, I've come across 2 other funny stories where the humans used the floor as a weapon. One occurred on a ship, and the other occurred on a space station or space base. In each case, at least some of the enemy aIiens survived, but were somewhat the worse for wear.😂
Point of note, there was never an L in 'fight or fight instincts'... Because HFY
Ah yes the human ship must be getting boarded by the jellyfish 🪼 again
(Spin me right round baby starts playing)
Edit: for those wondering I’m talking about the story video called (Best SciFi 1543 - Yes the floor IS a human weapon & Who Are The Humans Sending I
Humans, Human)
lol i was thinking of that story too
Ah yes I remember that one time a floor was the murder weapon.
[About the second story] It's interesting that the law was "Dont lie to humans." and not "Ban planet busters." Since it was implied that the humans were the first to build a planet buster it makes me wonder where those humans are on the galactic food chain.
now id say nearly at if not the top as they just kicked the ceiling of theoretical weaponized BOOM up a few dozen floors
Tip of the pyramid, tip of the spear.
@@Shinobubu Hoo rah!
Good to see you back! Thanks for the video.
1st Story; Leave up in space, and we'll still find a way to get on top.
2nd Story; You say you have a planet buster? Jokes on you! We have a Star Buster! Along with several hundreds others on the drawing board.
This reminds me of part of the story The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Mike the computer follows this train of logic:
War= The use of force to achieve a political aim.
Force= Mass times the square of acceleration.
The bumbeeblumbaboof caught me off guard lmao 😂
The floor the main weapon of all hand to hand combat styles. You need it to brace yourself when you hit something.
I needed that laugh - beautifully done!
For DA SKWERL! Abuse that algorithm!
Excellent, that last one!
Thank you for the reading
Story number 2.... humans would never go to war over the open possession of WMD,s .... but repeatedly deny possession of WMD's while acting suspicious and then your in trouble! (Iraq)
I just realized “don’t lie to humans” is the 2nd galactic law in history
Hey its not the humans' fault! You don't have the chitin to take a fall, don't start grappling competitions!
Dude ! That must have been the biggest bluff ever! Remind not to play cards with that diplomat!
"....We were about to decommission it anyway"..." the most chilling words ever heard in galactic council!
Along with, "... it was a warning shot"!
We learned long ago that there are two types of weapons, offensive and defensive. That is why everything IS a weapon.
Bravo Sir Encore!
Xenos: they blew up our star!
Council: humans, y u do dis?!
Humans: There's an old acronym from a few centuries ago in the old English language. F.A.F.O. These guys got the F.O. part, and it was only a warning...
Council and Xenos: *surprised pikachu face*
The galactic counsel just need to hire John Wick as a security advisor.
Thank you for the video.
That last short story was a good one. If only real life were that easy...
New Earth law: don't lie about your weapons or your willingness to use them! That means YOU, Vlad Pudding.
hope your healing is going well.
Yup sounds fun
Story 1: A human is never disarmed, only inconvenienced.
Story 2: Man, what kind of marshmallow politics do those xenos have that they don't plan for the worst case scenario? Although the warning shot does seem a bit premature so maybe those humans should pay some reparations, at least as a good will measure.
@@desperateneedofscotch
A warning shot is meant to avoid damage and killing by showing that the one firing it has the means and will to lay on the hurt. By causing such massive gravitational disturbances no doubt many lives were lost in the resulting earthquakes and there would be considerable damage. *That is not a warning shot, that is an act of WAR*
Hence reparations.
Naw. That seems kinda marshmallowy.
My dad once threw a spoon at his sister, and I think it might have dented her head. A spoon is a very deadly weapon
The Floor is lava
And the sequel
The floor is a weapon
Alien elf mages: Fireball!
Human: Fire floor!
Alien elf mages:.... staahhppp
Ah yes, that second story had an even bigger blunder on the aliens' part than even the original lie. The human senator called their planet buster "that old thing" and "junk" and agreed straight off the bat to destroy it and they assumed it was the only one they had. If it was old, junky, and easily discarded, then they have an entire fleet of better ones stashed away for a rainy day lol. Innovation and adaptation are how humans survived and dominated our planet.
This just reminds me of the news special about improvised prison weapons. Example: crossbow made of magazines, rubber bands, and tooth brushes.
😂😂 I love your AdLib inflections.
Good tale
Here's to the legend Blueberry Cat and the other patrons for helping to keep this channel going. Id help out too, but I'm American. Debt is a bitch
Don't lie to humans, but don't be completely honest either
"Remember, always be nice. Until its time to be not nice."
Did anyone else come for the thumbnail as well as the awesome stories?
The biggest weapon in the world is the ground, until you inside.
Serious table flip
Yes, everything is a weapon. We space orks are very clever.