I really think I'm that guy, I started eating way less when I started living alone, i'm -10kg since then, but I was very chubby so i liked it? but idk I might have eating disorder what should I do
@@dioguito I think one major solution is (sleep but also) to create a consistent safe space for yourself to just sit and just feel what you've gone through *without distractions* in the day or in your past even. I've been developing bad eating habits lately because I need *SLEEEEEEP* . Lack of sleep makes a huge craving for extra carbs and I would highly recommend just googling how sleep effects your cravings and mental health because its *incredibly important* .
No wonder i got absolutely nothing done while living with my parents. They would tell me everything i should do, and the more they told me the less i actually did stuff. Everything, from doing the dishes to going to partys, as soon as they told me it went from an active to a passive challenge in my mind and my motivation would drop below zero.
@@SirWolfykins tbh if you have controlling and/or emotionally abusive parents the main way to solve will be getting out and get some therapy (cbt). If you are too young, or need to stay with them is a mix of what Dr. K said and going out, study in your school/uni instead, go out with friends. Chores and everything else at home will be a secondary thing that you'll have to fit in with the rest of your plans, and so, those become something you need to do, but not your main focus. Also, don't give your parents too many details about your emotions if they are abusive, they'll use it againt you and manipulate you like 'you are never here, it's like i'm living by myself' etc. Hopefully you just have anxious parents that want to support you but are not helping, if they love you and are not abusive you can talk to them and maybe you'll figure out a new system together :)
@@SirWolfykins i mean one thing is that i moved out 😅, but i also told them (often) that its counterproductive if they tell me what to do. They eventually understood this and stopped, tho it took quite a while. It must have been pretty hard for them i believe, since they were doing this out of love. So i guess you gotta be understanding for their pov too.
I lived through a situation where I had to eventually sit my mother down and ask her not to keep telling me how to spend my time. She protested but I was surprised that afterwards she actually stopped and things got a lot better. Just simply talking does so much. Your parents do care about you and they want to do the right things but they often don't know how.
So relatable. Like, I get home from uni and I'm motivated to cook, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean my room and do assignments or study but then my mother tells me to do the one of those things and suddenly I lose all motivation to do anything
@FlyingMonkies325 how do we? I related a lot, however, I haven’t lived with a parent in about 5 years and have my own place across the world in an entirely different country, environment, and culture… yet my mental state is still as if I am with them. It’s transitioned into my romantic and friendly relationships as well, which is a tad bit scary. So, anyone who’s reading this, related, and has moved past it, how did you do it?
I dont have an eating disorder but ive always found that putting more effort into cooking is the first step to getting out of a slump. Going out of my way to make even just pasta for dinner, rather than a pile of granola bars or a microwave meal or ordering out, always gives me a sense of control and agency.
well done, great recoginition, you could take it further and find passion in cooking for the sake of health. there is something satisfying and reassuring about fuelling your body with the best ingredients. I have found diet important in mental health. Maybe look at more delicious dishes, which also incorporate a range of vegetables and flavours. I like mousaka, u should try make one some time. anything that minimises on carbs is great
This channel is like discovering a Demon's Souls guide after dying 150 times in the first area, you wish you had known it all from the start but just thinking how many people will find and be helped by this makes you smile. Thank you for everything Dr K!
Resonates with the opening of the Serenity Prayer: “Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot control, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”
This is 100% true. For the longest time I felt like I was drowning in a foot of water. I was struggling to do the bare minimum in my life. Things changed once I started challenging myself in things that I was able to control. Changed everything
Wow. I mean, WOW. This info may help me change my life and outlook and emotional state completely. Thanks, Billy, for verifying it. I believe the doc, but it's always helpful to hear from someone it actually worked for.
I was scared to even click on this video because recently I've been so overwhelmed with everything I couldn't add more self awareness to it but still I did click on this video and I'm so glad I did I genuinely feel better and also motivated to tackle everything that's in my way. Thank you Doc, you're an absolutely incredible human being.
Recently I stopped pursuing all active challenges I had to only focus on the massive amount of passive challenges and I've started feeling completely overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed. Maybe this man knows what he's talking about
This is me too. Why am I unproductive? Because exhausted, because overwhelmed, because everywhere I look are obligations, because I prioritize obligations over wishes. Listening to Dr k, I realised somehow I have a slightly skew notion of "sacrifice" that leads to this.
That explains why telling yourself "I I must do this" is so corrosive. I often set goals for myself and then tell myself "I must do them", instead of holding on to the original "I want to do this."
It feels so good when someone much more knowledgeable than me puts my feelings into words so eloquently. Indeed, taking on more challenges made me feel SO much better: a month and a half ago I started working out. I couldn't work out in the evenings because of social life, so I decided - I have to force myself to go to sleep early to wake up early. Bam, two challenges in one. While I'm working out at home, I have a lot of free time while resting between the sets. So, why waste that time? Bam, done the dishes. Bam, took out the laundry. Workout is done and I still have time to take a shower and take a walk at my own pace (instead of rushing) to my work. Just one good decision led to many other healthy ones. If anybody reads this, heed my words: it takes one small step. One choice. And even if you fail, you still can get up and try again. What matters is that you try - and those who try succeed. Good luck!
Just wondering, what the heck is your exercise? How are you able to wash the dishes in-between sets, is it because dishes take less than 5 minutes, and you literally workout near the kitchen? Sounds so weird cause resting period is supposed to let you fully recover from fatigue before pushing your muscles to the limit again with the next set (if building muscle is the main goal)
@@Crustee0 it's simple bodyweight mixed with weights workout, I start with pull-ups and yeah, I do it near the kitchen (the pull-up bar was installed before I moved into this apartment). Since rest time is usually set to 2 minutes between sets, it's usually enough to do SOME dishes, but not all of them, so I come back like 3 or 4 times.
When I look at my dishes and it feels like it is too hard to do them, then looking at dirty dishes makes you think you are depressed because that's what depressed people do and then when you do the dishes you feel less depressed because you don't have a pile of dishes telling you that you are depressed.
1.Passive challenges:- Occurred by surroundings 2.Active challenges :- You have taken 3.Increase the number of active challenges. 4.Behavioural activation
I’m trying to finally declutter all the stuff I’ve accumulated from stress buying over the years. It’s not an egregious amount but enough that I recognize it’s an issue. I just wiggled i to bed because I was feeling overwhelmed and opened TH-cam and saw this video. Thank you for this, honestly.
@FlyingMonkies325 We're not all the same. I imagined it as a gentle reminder, if they were stil on their phone (comment was 2 hours old). You say you don't like to share what you're doing to protect yourself from the expectations of others - this person already shared what they're trying to do. So you're not the same in that regard. Some people need some sort of urgency or accountability to get off their ass, and doing things for others (even when you're doing it for yourself, if that makes sense) is more effective.
@@l.s.11 I did actually!! I brute forced the first task by making it small. I decided to start with getting dirty laundry up first, then went basically by category. Ended up with 4 bags to donate and 3 bags to throw away I have more to do but today is emotional support salsa day where I make home made salsa and home made tacos, then I’ll continue 🫰🏻
That’s amazing! Recently, with me moving out the house, out my mother has been out buying a lot of things. I didn’t realize that telling her not to was actually just making her shopping addiction worse…
I've unknowingly been doing this and always wondered why I felt better some days tackling my GAD than others. It's because those days I set out to do small menial tasks like cleaning, reading, or going for a walk. That allows me to do larger tasks like scheduling an appointment, attending a social event solo, or trying new things.
@@art-van I did! After I was feeling sorry for myself, I started applying on Linkedin and other job posting sites. I even went on Fiverr for them to revamp my resume. I ended up getting a job maybe a few weeks after. I was fortunate to have a ton of experience which made me desirable. For people with no work experience, it's more difficult than I can imagine. But there is a TON of job postings online and just keep applying even if they ask for experience. Aim for like 100+ applications a week. I even applied to be the CEO of Knotts LOL, of course I didn't get it, but you never know.
Need a lot longer video on this topic. It hit all the checkboxes for me. It feels so relieving when someone describes your problem so accurately. Just knowing that u are not the only one and insane for feeling these things helps a lot. Watching this video made my overwhelm shrink a little.
It’s like going back and doing a bunch of side quests because the main story boss looks difficult, once we do enough the boss doesn’t seem as difficult and we might get skills that end up helping us in the fight.
Yes, I find that doing something simple with my hands like the dishes, cooking, laundry or gardening helps me process and calm my mind during overwhelming times.
This is exactly the problem I dealt with when I was in college, and exactly the thing that finally helped me start tackling that depression. I felt very overwhelmed because it was too much work and I didn't want to do any of it. My initial reaction was to cut out things that I wanted to do because I felt like I had to address these exams and assignments first. The problem was that I could spend all day every day working on school, and often did, which really broke me after doing it for so long. I finally realized that the only way I could take control of my life back was to set aside a time that I would not let school touch, so that I could start FEELING like I had agency in my own life. The trick is that when you feel like you don't have control, you basically have to prove to yourself "I AM in control of my life, not XYZ. Look I'm doing what I want to do DESPITE the fact that I feel huge pressured to do otherwise. This external force doesn't get to dictate how I live my life." It's absolutely about the feeling of agency.
Your comment made me think what could be the consequences or implications of holding a strong belief in determinism, the philosophical view in which you don't have real agency or free will. Maybe its a bit unhealthy to hold that view in these respects, asides others.
i wish i could realize things like this. it never hit me. i have to be told every little thing about life and just suffer. i suffered my entire degree when i actually never had to. it was all so simple.
Just remember that the active Challenge can become a passive one If you Just do it "because it is gonna Help you feel better". That is what happened to me. Self Care became a passive Challenge. I now try to Put in Things that I randomly chose to do. Feels good and accomplishing.
This so much! If I'm doing the active challenge because it's supposed to help me it's no longer active. It's something I should do to feel better, it's a demand, not a choice. For me everything can become a passive challenge that way, even fun and rest (it's good and healthy so I feel like I have to do that).
Wow, that makes so much sense. Lately I've been hitting the gym, trying to eat better, doing martial arts and it's amazing that despite the hours and energy you spend doing those activities, you get so much more energy to do other things in your life.
This explains so much. I've been overwhelmed by passive challenges life threw at me for almost a year now, which left me in a complete slump. I randomly decided to start doing stuff that I figured would be very difficult for me (hobbies, hygiene, writing that *&$@^ thesis)... and expected everything to get worse. But it got better! My anxiety went down, and I've been feeling more accomplished. I thought that was a fluke - good to know I can weaponise this mechanism! 🎉
Yeah, I can relate, my mom yells at me most time to study, she does it even though I was already studying. When exams are over and if I get 49/50, she will be asking where did that one mark go and who is the first in class. It became worse in the time of covid always blaming I am wasting time with mobile even though I am studying. Now after graduation I am afraid to even attempt an interview because I am afraid of making mistakes. Thanks to this man now I at least knew what my problem is.
@@theorizedtech same haha, youre telling me now i have to go and take on even more challenges? even when im overwhelmed? man i just want to close my eyes and not wake up hahaha
As a stay at home mom, I can really relate. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities and tasks as a mom. And instead of doing zero active tasks, which made me feel worse, I started doing stuff outside of the home, like sports and hobbies and it made my inactive tasks feel much much less overwhelming. Good stuff dr. Thankyou for this!
I was wondering how to apply this as a new SAHM and FTM. The thankless tasks seem infinite. We’ve just moved and are getting over a stomach virus, so the amount of cleaning and organizing that needs done is notably more than normal. Anywho, thanks for your comment, it’s given me some ideas!
Thanks for sharing! I've always been a little nervous about becoming a mom someday for those reasons, but knowing that you really can maintain enough control to not constantly be overwhelmed is really encouraging.
just to validate you apparently, the salary a stay at home mom would make taking into account all the labor, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would be about $150,000. i read this several years ago, so it's probably more now. never compare your 24/7 hour labor to another's 8/5 labor, with lots of rest and time to disengage in between, not to mention the lack of responsibility for an entire life, that you do not have. it's sad and if only domestic labor were valued more by society. seems they think women just sort of sit around at home all day.
This makes a ton of sense. My cat started chemo recently, I've had her for 8 years and I can't imagine losing her. Her symptoms cause me to do all day monitoring, complex medication combinations, and getting up at night every night. Ever since her health has started its downward spiral, I have become obsessed with cleaning, organizing and arranging everything I own. It's not a new hobby I have any time for - it was just doing something for me mentally to focus on this. I believe this is why.
My god this man just talks in a way that makes me feel seen. I'm so thankful for finding his channel. I've been able to examine and identify so many things within myself since finding it.
This is literally the definition of why you hate doing the dishes once someone tells you to do them - it suddenly becomes a passive challenge instead of an active one.
You are literally changing my mindset. I finally understand why i went through a huge depression spiral and was really stressed. Its not fixed, just a better understanding, which will lead to it getting better. Thank you so much!!!
Unfortunately, I get as much, if not more feelings of being overwhelmed when they are active challenges. I chose them, but I inaccurately judged the pitfalls & sadness overcame me, hence the overwhelming feelings. You are so right, though ... Doing the dishes, straightening up the dressing area ... Those things get you on the right path.👍🏽
I may be very wrong about this, because I'm just a stranger on the internet. But have you considered that maybe those challenges are not really active challenges? To give an example which is very common for me: I commonly start doing more and more the moment I feel any sort of progress. Which then overwhelms me. So maybe I have some growth in my social life, and I start building an entire task management strategy from scratch. In reality, I'm not choosing to do that, I'm being motivated by my fear which has been lingering for a while. The way I interpret it is, that if I take the challenge because of insecurity, it is actually a passive challenge. I'm not sure what solutions are typically appropriate, I know for me that the best thing is do things with no long term result. Because I'm insecure about the future, things like walking the dog and doing groceries help me focus much better.
For me, I've found that learning what challenges to pick has been just as much a part of the road to recovery as anything else. First I started out with grand stuff like "Oh lemme relearn the piano" and then I couldn't get myself to stick with it so I got depressed. But over time I lowered my expectations more and more and now I know that when I am having a down day the things I need to challenge myself to are the ones that will lay the foundation for bigger change. I may not be able to play the piano, but I can make myself breakfast, or I can brush my teeth twice in one day. And by setting my challenges to take care of my health or personal hygiene, that gives me a big boost in the following days to take on tasks that seem "bigger" in my mind. Everyone's different but maybe my experience will be helpful for someone(:
DUDE! I've heard "just focus on what you CAN control" which seemed like a feel-good thing that doesn't really work. But wording it the way you did in this video makes SO MUCH SENSE! Thank you!
This is SO much more helpful and productive than the usual shaming / pushy advice that tells you to just do things. Explaining it this way is reducing pressure and makes it so much more effective. Thank you.
I always had a problem cleaning my apartment, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me and in the process I am trying to quit my year long weed addiction. Cleaning, vacuuming and washing the dishes helped me tremendously. Also having fitness goals have me a purpose in a time of real identity crisis
Even though the active challenges don't solve the passive challenges, they give us the confidence and control we need in order to face those passive challenges. Thanks for this enlightening video Dr. K :)
For someone that has been on self-improvement path for a long time and has changed a lot but has been feeling awful and crippled for months, let me tell this: somehow this video was really great and actually helpful, I'm really thankful to you.
I think this is a great and useful video. I wanted to add that a supposed active challenge can quickly turn into a passive challenge. Say you're trying to learn guitar, but every time you sit down, it triggers a bunch of self destructive things in you: "What if I'm not good enough?", "What if I'm not learning the technique the right way?", "aah I'm so bad at this I'll never be good at it". Suddenly you're dealing with a lot of passive challenges that your mind is throwing at you, and then you start to get overwhelmed again. So you have to pick an active challenge that isn't going to trigger a bunch of things in you!
To summarize abit: Victory is indeed an absolutely busted healer of the mind. Challenge yourself to achieve your OWN victories with rules set by you. Its like working out with small weights and going to bigger ones over time. Always be striving to improve or test your abilities so that you can be sure of yourself that any of lifes challanges are sure to be overcame in your perspective.
this makes a lot of sense. i’ve been going to the gym and see it as almost as my therapist. serotonin and other hormonal benefits aside, i think it comes down to make me feel more in control, and thus, less overwhelmed.
Thank you Dr. K! I actually removed an active challenge for the sake of dealing with the passive challenges yesterday so your video really put my mindset back on track. Thank you!
I watched this video after taking a 3 km walk in the sunny morning, cooking up some rice with vegetables, doing the dishes and only then powering up the PC and launching youtube. Things I would not have done even a year ago. Let's get our stuff together everyone.
Finally, this is the KEY to my problem in these past decades. Thank you Dr. K and Milanote. I think Milanote is the thing that I've always wanted. Love the catchphrase - "Get Organized, Stay Creative". It is the very thing that can help me (and many other people) to deal with overwhelmingness. Passive challenges can be organized, and being creative while organizing your milanote is the active challenge. Thank you.
Sounds like me procrastinating to do important things by doing everything else like having my room clean and organised, washing clothes, cleaning and so on. At the end of that I feel better but I still feel that I need to do the important thing, which eventually I do.
omg and here i am, cancelling all my active challenges to reduce my feeling of being overwhelmed... i mean, if i dont have enough time in the day then it kinda makes sense but otherwise i have been propably sabotaging myself
I think the same concept of challenging ourselves gives us more control is the same reason why the Dark Souls series helped many gamers tackle depression. The game is challenging and you just throw yourself at it and try different strats and when you get past those challenges it makes you feel good, confident. It gives you an internal locus of control and reward.
I've been homeless for over half of my life and through most of it I've traveled from town to town. I'm finally in a situation where I have somewhere to stay, but there are so so many things that need to be done to get my life together, a lot of them are out my of control. I have no one to teach me to drive and I can't for the life of me get all my paperwork together in order to get a job and I have no access to any social services to help where I'm at. I've been trying to work out, eat better, get better at playing music and quiet drinking and smoking. None of what I'm trying to improve on is really going to help my situation all that much, but now I understand why I've takenen on those challenges. I'm not honestly sure if I'll be able to get my life together at all in the near future, but I guess I'm just trying to work on what l can instead of being mentally consumed by what I can't control.
Oh my god, this problem has been haunting me for years and a 10 minute video has given me a solution! Thank you so much for creating this content for people to better understand how to improve their lives and mental health!!!
This makes so much sense 💕💕💕🙏🏼🙏🏼this explains how I have been managing my mental health and thriving.💕💕 Thank you so much for sharing, you describe what I have been thinking through th years I just couldn’t explain it. Thanks again 💕💕💕❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks for all you do for us, Dr. K! Your videos are wonderful and really palatable for most people. You have a lot of good things to say about mental health! ☀️☀️
So, it boils down to a matter of choice and of control. Makes sense. From early childhood on, we have other people ordering us around; first it is parents, then teachers in school and from there we enter the world of work with bosses, bosses bosses and, well you know the hierarchy. When we feel that we have control it is because we have a goal that we chose, not one that is forced upon us. Such a simple concept, but, like many of the other important things in life, so easy to overlook or discount. Thank you for this vitally important advice!
I totally needed to hear this today. It explains so much. My biggest passive problem is perimenopause emotions and surprisingly cleaning or organizing a sock drawer makes it so much easier for me to control my unruly emotions.
7:38 - "This is where being overwhelmed becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, where once our passive challenges rise and we start to feel overwhelmed then we engage in avoidance behaviors and the cycle repeats itself."
I found a lot of this out on my own with the active challenges helping me from not being overwhelmed by the passive ones. Only when I loaded myself with active challenges do I ever successfully find motivation. I’m glad you’re bringing more light onto the topic!
Im currently trying to spend a year abroad at my Fiancé's country and suffering greatly with homesickness, but this talk helped me think better. Thank you. ❤
I was in such a good mental state last year and I lost it. This activation was what was doing it for me. Thank you so much for helping me pin point what the cause was and how I can get back!
Time to outpour my heart: Been dealing with feeling overwhelmed by house chores for like 8 years now. Always thought i have a very quantifyable amount of energy i had to give toward anything that i had to push myself a little bit for. me partly putting my "mental energy bar," "emotional energy bar," and "pysical energy bar" all in one even though i kinda knew it to be false. But yeah was mainly sacrificing all sorts of things because i had no desire or was too tired to do the dishes or clothes. playing games since i was too tired to do the clothes, putting everything else on hold, wouldnt allow myself to push myself to try to hang with friends or push myself to be creative. i know i even try to math out if i have energy to cook and eat and when i should do that in the day. I know taxes were the hardest to this year. I probably ate 2 meals in 2&1/2 days due to depression/anxiety even though im somone who eats a ton. Part of that was prohibiting myself from eating in an attempt to motivate myself to do the taxes since eating already takes a good amount of energy when im down. Even kinda snapped at my dad with a text when he sent a text to remind me of doing my taxes. Yeah i was justified to tell him im 27 i dont need a reminder to do my taxes at this age but sigh. But yeah have alot of shame included in this and been actuallty being kind to myself lately over this past year which i feel like i can finally breathe. But yeah the inner voice of my parents putting unneeded pressure. Glad im making progress. (lil bit more a journal vomit since im having a hard time getting my thoughts out properly and need practice)
I've always felt better when I've done little things like clean up around my apartment when I'm feeling down, but I've never said that out loud before. But it's just so intuitive, isn't it. Outweigh the bad with all the good you CAN do.
I know comments like this get posted all the time but it is actually insane how timely some of these videos arrive in my notifications. This is the exact video I needed RIGHT NOW. Thank you to all of you at HGG for doing what you do.
This is sound advice. I’ve been doing this unconsciously, focusing more on active challenges than the passive ones and I can already see the positive impact it’s having on my life.
Wait I’ve done this by accident for most of my life. I’ve picked up so many extra nonsense but achievable challenges to make myself feel better when life got really tough. Cool to know there’s some validity and justification behind it.
That‘s why going to the gym increases my motivation in different areas of my life. Because it is an active challenge and completely unrelated to my other challenges.
As someone who started learning japanese, korean, mandarin languages, solving rubiks cube under 1 min, memorizing 500 binary digits in 5 mins and doing 15 proper pullups just because they're difficult now makes perfect sense - my life is a disaster and i cant control shit, but hey at least it was difficult and now i've acquired set of the utterly useless skills. Playing frustratingly difficult games also makes perfect sense. Anybody else in the "why the f do i played these difficult games" club ? Self medicating in bizarre ways since childhood.
The explanation of passive versus active challenges makes a lot of sense to me, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed lately, and I’ve been trying to figure out why because I don’t have a lot of active challenges on my plate at the moment, so I felt like I’ve been doing the right thing by not putting too much pressure on myself to create and meet new expectations and responsibilities since I’ve felt I could use a break. But I’m realizing what’s probably at the root of it is that I have some chronic health problems (passive challenges) that are now weighing really heavily on me since I’m not working towards personal goals (active challenges) that help me to feel fulfilled, so I just feel like I’m not in control of my life. Too many passive challenges that I can’t control and thus can make me feel helpless, not enough active challenges that I choose and that can help me to feel in control and give me purpose. I still don’t wanna put too much pressure on myself at the moment since I think I would use something of a break, but I think I’ll set some personal goals, like practicing some new drawing techniques. Thank you for this video!
This is so useful. I've been feeling like this for a week now and have been neglecting my hobbies that I try to do at least a few times a week. Once I started doing my hobbies again I feel more calm and my mindset shifts. I feel like Im in control of my situation instead of feeling like things just happen to me.
This is cool!! I have naturally trained myself to do this over my lifetime all by myself. I have BPD, and life has always felt overwhelming and chaotic, and I've had many boughts of depression. So I've worked towards just taking on simple tasks that help me feel like I'm in control of my life more. It may not cognitively make sense to some people, but it makes perfect sense to me. Recently, I've been feeling overwhelmed and married they've of my life, who has untreated BPD. It has been very chaotic and has triggered a new round of depression and burnout for me. I'm trying to work out how to manage without turning to medication before I end up failing college. I came across this video and it is a great reminder. It also helped me remember that some of these out of control circumstances are actually part of what I CHOSE in the first place ❤ thanks Dr. K 😊 this really works.
Simply finishing off your shower with 30 seconds of cold is a great active challenge. IN fact Wim Hof figured out that if you voluntarily confront the cold then it ceases to have any control over you. This is where he figured out so many incredible things like being able to influence the autonomic nervous system through voluntary and active breathing. It is all there!
@@JakeIsLearning everything you need to fix yourself, is already within you my friend. You don't necessarily need to go straight to medication, you don't necessarily need to go straight to doctors, you need the breath and the cold.
He really nailed it. Explained it in a way everyone can understand. No huge complicated words like he's trying to sound smart. When people are dealing with stress that is no of control of our own, is so beyond frustrating it feels overwhelming because of how badly we want to control and or fix the situation.
Any ideas for activation challenges for someone who is sick and bed-ridden? I've been sick whole May, its so frustrating to have my routine(running, weightlifting) taken away.
How about dexterity challenges? Like that thing people do where they roll a coin across their knuckles, or flipping and catching a quarter over and over without dropping it. Those would be physical, like the things you miss doing, but they shouldn't take as much energy. Plus, they look really cool and you can look like an antihero from a noir flick.
This is genius. Right now im so overwhelmed n feels like everything against me. Im BPD. Thought MY BPD was getting better, manageable but ive been struggling. Isolate myself from friends, seeing guys randomly not knowing what i want, and another issues occurred n so on in a vicsious cycle n not being able to think properly, just want to escapefrom reality. I just wanted to cry. This video helped me. I'll def try. Thank you Dr. K
I've been following this channel for a while, and I love it. I work in Special Education and I like to use these videos as resources. I really liked the video on gender dysphoria and ASD. What I really appreciated about that video was I think you linked the research in the description, or you at least named the study. I really enjoy reading research, and I like being able to provide others the research I use when I'm asserting something. The research you mention in this video sounds really fascinating, is it possible to link the research in your video descriptions more, or at least give the title of the studies so I can look them up on my own?
This makes SO much sense! It doesn't even remotely make logical sense but in reality it's the very thing that we need to understand most when we're overwhelmed
Wow, this explains why i naturally create more routine when im overwhelmed and as soon as life gets less stressful I find it hard to keep these same routines.
⚠️ This is absolutely true. When you are depressed, the best healing is doing something you "can't". That's why I love the phrase: "Do what you can't". ❤
Doc is full of great advice, but I really love this one. Choose YOUR own problems that YOU want to tackle. That's amazing advice for people w/ ADHD too like me. Great video.
Lol just this week I decided fuck it if the instant I get home from work my parents just gotta yell at the dog or do some bullshit to remind me how much I hate living here then I’m just gonna go full overtime at work. There’s a couple people who set my brain on fire there too but at least I’m actually saving up to move out for the first time in my life
Its nice to hear this from a psychiatrist. Ive been watching Dr.K for a couple months now and it reall put things into perspective. Ive had to learn a lot of the things he has said by myself unfortunately. Im glad to see im moving in the right direction, but it also makes me sad uve wasted about a decade of my life figuring these things out. I really wish my doctors had been more competent when they were treating my depression instead of just tossing me on antidepressants. Really wish i had been able to see a psychiatrist like Dr.K who might have been able to get me on the right track. Instead i got called lazy and just kept switching medications when they didnt work. Wasnt even referred to a psychiatrist until a year ago. I know everywhere is bad for mental health, but man Canada really drops the ball trying to save money on treatments. Thanks so much Dr.K I appreciate all the help and goid work youre doing for people like me.
The "behavioral activation" Thing in Depression therapy has become a questionable concept to me. In my personal experience it lead into Burnout, self gaslighting and Feeling Let down by the medical field. When you are actively burnt Out from fighting against your mental health problems all the time, It's toxic in my eyes. (Btw I am Not hopeless at all, I actually have so many Things I would Love to do and have passion for, but I am just incredibly exhausted and overburdened and Desperate for practical Help but I still get Put into the Depression mold)
I am stuck while packing for my holidays, a three weeks bike tour. There is just too many things to consider. And while my gf is really nice and willing to help, all of it feels so externally controlled, and I don't feel any inner motivation. Thanks to this video I now know what to do: find my own way of handling this situation. 💜
Thanks dude. You helped me make a breakthrough with all of your vids. Now I know what I am dealing with. 11 years of not understanding shit about myself and everything around. My emotions where neglected by others but most importantly me. And how would I have realized it if everyone was dragging me around "mans duty" and "things that must be done" just because they said so. I don't want to go back but I have motivation to methodically deal (resolve) with those issues, let go of them and move on. Still a long way and I am only at the beginning but I know everything. I need to start right now. Ups and downs, another problems will appear but I have that challenge that I have to beat. Yes it is too big but I can break it into parts and close them one by one so i don't overwhelm myself). End is so far but I can finally see it. I stand with the problem face to face. I don't hide. I got it in my sights. I wont let it go because it will strike back twice as hard. I felt that already but didn't know what it was exactly. I don't want to go back and I know it wont be easy. Thank you. You are a goat.
Wow! TH-cam had just shown me that to help my overwhelmed state disappear 🙏❤️ Thank you, brother, I've suddenly understood how it works and how important actually to be active
Fantastic. I just got done telling someone this very thing. It was someone close to me and that means normally a prophet is is welcome in his own house. So I sent this video to them so they can get a different voice saying it another way. Thanks again for this. 👍🏿
Wow. This is the second time I watch a Dr. K video that makes me feel like he is straight up talking about me and something that I went through. I went through EXACTLY this is my college years. I was unsure of my career choice, was lonely and losing touch with my friends. I felt overwhelmed by all that I had to do, so I gave up on the gym and other hobbies to focus on college. But in the end I just ended up browsing 9gag and playing videogames to avoid the real issue. Things only started to get better many years later, when I had a full time job and started to work on my other hobbies. I started taking piano classes and taking care of houseplants, and I felt a little more in control of my life. I feel that I am going back into that same direction now. So, thanks for the advice, Dr. K!
Thanks to Milanote for sponsoring this video! Sign up for free and start your next creative project: milanote.com/healthygamer
I really think I'm that guy, I started eating way less when I started living alone, i'm -10kg since then, but I was very chubby so i liked it? but idk I might have eating disorder what should I do
what if active challenges feel overwhelming too? is there i trick to help with that?
Thank you for this video AND for demoing this product. Would be insanely helpful.
This advice and insight is incredible Thank You!!!
@@dioguito I think one major solution is (sleep but also) to create a consistent safe space for yourself to just sit and just feel what you've gone through *without distractions* in the day or in your past even. I've been developing bad eating habits lately because I need *SLEEEEEEP* . Lack of sleep makes a huge craving for extra carbs and I would highly recommend just googling how sleep effects your cravings and mental health because its *incredibly important* .
No wonder i got absolutely nothing done while living with my parents. They would tell me everything i should do, and the more they told me the less i actually did stuff. Everything, from doing the dishes to going to partys, as soon as they told me it went from an active to a passive challenge in my mind and my motivation would drop below zero.
I'm currently in that situation myself and life feels the heaviest it ever has been, if you don't mind me asking how did you get out of it?
@@SirWolfykins tbh if you have controlling and/or emotionally abusive parents the main way to solve will be getting out and get some therapy (cbt). If you are too young, or need to stay with them is a mix of what Dr. K said and going out, study in your school/uni instead, go out with friends. Chores and everything else at home will be a secondary thing that you'll have to fit in with the rest of your plans, and so, those become something you need to do, but not your main focus. Also, don't give your parents too many details about your emotions if they are abusive, they'll use it againt you and manipulate you like 'you are never here, it's like i'm living by myself' etc. Hopefully you just have anxious parents that want to support you but are not helping, if they love you and are not abusive you can talk to them and maybe you'll figure out a new system together :)
@@SirWolfykins i mean one thing is that i moved out 😅, but i also told them (often) that its counterproductive if they tell me what to do. They eventually understood this and stopped, tho it took quite a while. It must have been pretty hard for them i believe, since they were doing this out of love. So i guess you gotta be understanding for their pov too.
I lived through a situation where I had to eventually sit my mother down and ask her not to keep telling me how to spend my time. She protested but I was surprised that afterwards she actually stopped and things got a lot better. Just simply talking does so much. Your parents do care about you and they want to do the right things but they often don't know how.
So relatable. Like, I get home from uni and I'm motivated to cook, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, clean my room and do assignments or study but then my mother tells me to do the one of those things and suddenly I lose all motivation to do anything
This is why overbearing parents can be so deadly. They take all your active challenges and make them passive challenges.
Very good point!
Good observation. They create adults who can't deal with anything.
Holy cr*p, that's so relatable! :(
@FlyingMonkies325 you described my life, I'm trying not to cry here
@FlyingMonkies325 how do we? I related a lot, however, I haven’t lived with a parent in about 5 years and have my own place across the world in an entirely different country, environment, and culture… yet my mental state is still as if I am with them. It’s transitioned into my romantic and friendly relationships as well, which is a tad bit scary. So, anyone who’s reading this, related, and has moved past it, how did you do it?
That explains why I procrastinate by doing other things instead of solving the main problem.
Nah you're just grinding for experience doing the side quests😂
I’m so thankful that this isn’t just me wtf I thought it was just my ADHD loop and my brain was breaking
That one SpongeBob episode in a nutshell.
@@D_Jilla which one?
@@AdamSaudagar The one about procrastination lol
I dont have an eating disorder but ive always found that putting more effort into cooking is the first step to getting out of a slump. Going out of my way to make even just pasta for dinner, rather than a pile of granola bars or a microwave meal or ordering out, always gives me a sense of control and agency.
That’s a great tip 🙂 it gives a sense of accomplishment and it feels nice to do something good for oneself.
well done, great recoginition, you could take it further and find passion in cooking for the sake of health. there is something satisfying and reassuring about fuelling your body with the best ingredients. I have found diet important in mental health. Maybe look at more delicious dishes, which also incorporate a range of vegetables and flavours. I like mousaka, u should try make one some time. anything that minimises on carbs is great
I read this comment as I'm eating a pile of granola bars as my one meal for the day. Poignant. I'll try it thanks.
couldn't agree more! I've been putting more effort into my food recently and it's helping me get out of my appetite issues.
for me it’s washing the dishes. it sucks getting up for it but i feel so accomplished and ready for more tasks after washing them
This channel is like discovering a Demon's Souls guide after dying 150 times in the first area, you wish you had known it all from the start but just thinking how many people will find and be helped by this makes you smile. Thank you for everything Dr K!
The only difference is that the community here is way more supportive with new people discovering the content
Don't you dare go hollow
@@JLchevz I'll wear the untrue dark ring instead...
If you’re playing a Souls game with a guide you completely missed the point and are playing it “wrong”.
@@Miha-ii3dy if you tell people they're playing games wrong, you think you're doing it right and that's wrong
Resonates with the opening of the Serenity Prayer: “Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot control, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”
😮😊
This is 100% true. For the longest time I felt like I was drowning in a foot of water. I was struggling to do the bare minimum in my life. Things changed once I started challenging myself in things that I was able to control. Changed everything
Wow. I mean, WOW. This info may help me change my life and outlook and emotional state completely. Thanks, Billy, for verifying it. I believe the doc, but it's always helpful to hear from someone it actually worked for.
@@falconbritt5461 good luck ❤
@@falconbritt5461 go for it! I’m rooting for ya
Drowning in a foot of water is what I'm feeling right now. Thanks for putting words to it. Stealing this phrase.
AOE Healing right here, people. Take a good look at its stunning beauty ✨️
I was scared to even click on this video because recently I've been so overwhelmed with everything I couldn't add more self awareness to it but still I did click on this video and I'm so glad I did I genuinely feel better and also motivated to tackle everything that's in my way. Thank you Doc, you're an absolutely incredible human being.
You got this Aanaa. This is your reminder to relax and do things that make you feel like you have control over your life.
This was exactly how I felt, specially the self-awareness part
Same!
Recently I stopped pursuing all active challenges I had to only focus on the massive amount of passive challenges and I've started feeling completely overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed. Maybe this man knows what he's talking about
This is me too. Why am I unproductive? Because exhausted, because overwhelmed, because everywhere I look are obligations, because I prioritize obligations over wishes. Listening to Dr k, I realised somehow I have a slightly skew notion of "sacrifice" that leads to this.
Sounds exactly like me!!! Because I thought "now I can focus on this difficult stuff", but instead I became paralyzed!
That explains why telling yourself "I I must do this" is so corrosive. I often set goals for myself and then tell myself "I must do them", instead of holding on to the original "I want to do this."
It feels so good when someone much more knowledgeable than me puts my feelings into words so eloquently.
Indeed, taking on more challenges made me feel SO much better: a month and a half ago I started working out. I couldn't work out in the evenings because of social life, so I decided - I have to force myself to go to sleep early to wake up early. Bam, two challenges in one. While I'm working out at home, I have a lot of free time while resting between the sets. So, why waste that time? Bam, done the dishes. Bam, took out the laundry. Workout is done and I still have time to take a shower and take a walk at my own pace (instead of rushing) to my work. Just one good decision led to many other healthy ones.
If anybody reads this, heed my words: it takes one small step. One choice. And even if you fail, you still can get up and try again. What matters is that you try - and those who try succeed. Good luck!
Just wondering, what the heck is your exercise? How are you able to wash the dishes in-between sets, is it because dishes take less than 5 minutes, and you literally workout near the kitchen? Sounds so weird cause resting period is supposed to let you fully recover from fatigue before pushing your muscles to the limit again with the next set (if building muscle is the main goal)
@@Crustee0 it's simple bodyweight mixed with weights workout, I start with pull-ups and yeah, I do it near the kitchen (the pull-up bar was installed before I moved into this apartment). Since rest time is usually set to 2 minutes between sets, it's usually enough to do SOME dishes, but not all of them, so I come back like 3 or 4 times.
Congrats!!🎉🎉😊
You try, you fail
You try, you fail
But the only true failure
is when you stop trying.
When I look at my dishes and it feels like it is too hard to do them, then looking at dirty dishes makes you think you are depressed because that's what depressed people do and then when you do the dishes you feel less depressed because you don't have a pile of dishes telling you that you are depressed.
1.Passive challenges:-
Occurred by surroundings
2.Active challenges :-
You have taken
3.Increase the number of active challenges.
4.Behavioural activation
I think you are an ISTP personality
@@JustAnotherCommenter what? can you explain
@@JustAnotherCommenterWhat have you observed to make you arrive to that conclusion?
@@savstinks6847 what happened dear ?
@@okfine_33 oh they iust assigned u a personality type, it's called mbti, you can look it up
I’m trying to finally declutter all the stuff I’ve accumulated from stress buying over the years. It’s not an egregious amount but enough that I recognize it’s an issue.
I just wiggled i to bed because I was feeling overwhelmed and opened TH-cam and saw this video. Thank you for this, honestly.
Did you start decluttering? ;)
@FlyingMonkies325 We're not all the same.
I imagined it as a gentle reminder, if they were stil on their phone (comment was 2 hours old).
You say you don't like to share what you're doing to protect yourself from the expectations of others - this person already shared what they're trying to do. So you're not the same in that regard.
Some people need some sort of urgency or accountability to get off their ass, and doing things for others (even when you're doing it for yourself, if that makes sense) is more effective.
@@l.s.11 I did actually!!
I brute forced the first task by making it small. I decided to start with getting dirty laundry up first, then went basically by category. Ended up with 4 bags to donate and 3 bags to throw away
I have more to do but today is emotional support salsa day where I make home made salsa and home made tacos, then I’ll continue
🫰🏻
@@nd4856 You did the most important step - the first one! :D
That’s amazing! Recently, with me moving out the house, out my mother has been out buying a lot of things. I didn’t realize that telling her not to was actually just making her shopping addiction worse…
I've unknowingly been doing this and always wondered why I felt better some days tackling my GAD than others. It's because those days I set out to do small menial tasks like cleaning, reading, or going for a walk. That allows me to do larger tasks like scheduling an appointment, attending a social event solo, or trying new things.
I just got laid off on Thursday and washing the dishes was actually therapeutic 😮 you knew my thought pattern
@@JustAdudeBoy Have you regained employment? What was the process like?
@@art-van I did! After I was feeling sorry for myself, I started applying on Linkedin and other job posting sites. I even went on Fiverr for them to revamp my resume. I ended up getting a job maybe a few weeks after. I was fortunate to have a ton of experience which made me desirable. For people with no work experience, it's more difficult than I can imagine. But there is a TON of job postings online and just keep applying even if they ask for experience. Aim for like 100+ applications a week. I even applied to be the CEO of Knotts LOL, of course I didn't get it, but you never know.
2 minutes in and I already feel the gold that Dr.K has bestowed upon us
That explains my negative feeling as a parent, so much more „maintenance“ tasks to do and no time left for growth tasks
Need a lot longer video on this topic. It hit all the checkboxes for me. It feels so relieving when someone describes your problem so accurately. Just knowing that u are not the only one and insane for feeling these things helps a lot. Watching this video made my overwhelm shrink a little.
I completely agree with your comment 👍
It’s like going back and doing a bunch of side quests because the main story boss looks difficult, once we do enough the boss doesn’t seem as difficult and we might get skills that end up helping us in the fight.
Thank you for helping us gamers understand better :)
Literally gaining experience
I like to think that it's more like rusting off your gears by crafting your own quest, instead of taking on an assigned one
that's good analogy 👏👏👏
Try doing that in Dead Rising 🤣
Yes, I find that doing something simple with my hands like the dishes, cooking, laundry or gardening helps me process and calm my mind during overwhelming times.
This is exactly the problem I dealt with when I was in college, and exactly the thing that finally helped me start tackling that depression.
I felt very overwhelmed because it was too much work and I didn't want to do any of it. My initial reaction was to cut out things that I wanted to do because I felt like I had to address these exams and assignments first. The problem was that I could spend all day every day working on school, and often did, which really broke me after doing it for so long.
I finally realized that the only way I could take control of my life back was to set aside a time that I would not let school touch, so that I could start FEELING like I had agency in my own life.
The trick is that when you feel like you don't have control, you basically have to prove to yourself "I AM in control of my life, not XYZ. Look I'm doing what I want to do DESPITE the fact that I feel huge pressured to do otherwise. This external force doesn't get to dictate how I live my life." It's absolutely about the feeling of agency.
Wow that's a cool way to put it. I think that "talking back to the overwhelm" idea is great.
Your comment made me think what could be the consequences or implications of holding a strong belief in determinism, the philosophical view in which you don't have real agency or free will. Maybe its a bit unhealthy to hold that view in these respects, asides others.
i wish i could realize things like this. it never hit me. i have to be told every little thing about life and just suffer. i suffered my entire degree when i actually never had to. it was all so simple.
Just remember that the active Challenge can become a passive one If you Just do it "because it is gonna Help you feel better". That is what happened to me. Self Care became a passive Challenge. I now try to Put in Things that I randomly chose to do. Feels good and accomplishing.
This so much! If I'm doing the active challenge because it's supposed to help me it's no longer active. It's something I should do to feel better, it's a demand, not a choice.
For me everything can become a passive challenge that way, even fun and rest (it's good and healthy so I feel like I have to do that).
Wow, that makes so much sense. Lately I've been hitting the gym, trying to eat better, doing martial arts and it's amazing that despite the hours and energy you spend doing those activities, you get so much more energy to do other things in your life.
This explains so much. I've been overwhelmed by passive challenges life threw at me for almost a year now, which left me in a complete slump. I randomly decided to start doing stuff that I figured would be very difficult for me (hobbies, hygiene, writing that *&$@^ thesis)... and expected everything to get worse. But it got better! My anxiety went down, and I've been feeling more accomplished. I thought that was a fluke - good to know I can weaponise this mechanism! 🎉
Yeah, I can relate, my mom yells at me most time to study, she does it even though I was already studying. When exams are over and if I get 49/50, she will be asking where did that one mark go and who is the first in class. It became worse in the time of covid always blaming I am wasting time with mobile even though I am studying. Now after graduation I am afraid to even attempt an interview because I am afraid of making mistakes. Thanks to this man now I at least knew what my problem is.
What a timing. Been feeling overwhelmed most of the day, because so many people contact me at once all of a sudden.
I feel overwhelmed about watching this video about... feeling overwhelmed ...paradoxical 😆
@@theorizedtech same haha, youre telling me now i have to go and take on even more challenges? even when im overwhelmed? man i just want to close my eyes and not wake up hahaha
As a stay at home mom, I can really relate. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities and tasks as a mom. And instead of doing zero active tasks, which made me feel worse, I started doing stuff outside of the home, like sports and hobbies and it made my inactive tasks feel much much less overwhelming. Good stuff dr. Thankyou for this!
I was wondering how to apply this as a new SAHM and FTM. The thankless tasks seem infinite. We’ve just moved and are getting over a stomach virus, so the amount of cleaning and organizing that needs done is notably more than normal. Anywho, thanks for your comment, it’s given me some ideas!
Thanks for sharing! I've always been a little nervous about becoming a mom someday for those reasons, but knowing that you really can maintain enough control to not constantly be overwhelmed is really encouraging.
just to validate you apparently, the salary a stay at home mom would make taking into account all the labor, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would be about $150,000. i read this several years ago, so it's probably more now. never compare your 24/7 hour labor to another's 8/5 labor, with lots of rest and time to disengage in between, not to mention the lack of responsibility for an entire life, that you do not have. it's sad and if only domestic labor were valued more by society. seems they think women just sort of sit around at home all day.
This makes a ton of sense. My cat started chemo recently, I've had her for 8 years and I can't imagine losing her. Her symptoms cause me to do all day monitoring, complex medication combinations, and getting up at night every night. Ever since her health has started its downward spiral, I have become obsessed with cleaning, organizing and arranging everything I own. It's not a new hobby I have any time for - it was just doing something for me mentally to focus on this. I believe this is why.
My god this man just talks in a way that makes me feel seen. I'm so thankful for finding his channel. I've been able to examine and identify so many things within myself since finding it.
This is literally the definition of why you hate doing the dishes once someone tells you to do them - it suddenly becomes a passive challenge instead of an active one.
You are literally changing my mindset. I finally understand why i went through a huge depression spiral and was really stressed. Its not fixed, just a better understanding, which will lead to it getting better. Thank you so much!!!
Unfortunately, I get as much, if not more feelings of being overwhelmed when they are active challenges.
I chose them, but I inaccurately judged the pitfalls & sadness overcame me, hence the overwhelming feelings.
You are so right, though ... Doing the dishes, straightening up the dressing area ... Those things get you on the right path.👍🏽
I may be very wrong about this, because I'm just a stranger on the internet. But have you considered that maybe those challenges are not really active challenges? To give an example which is very common for me: I commonly start doing more and more the moment I feel any sort of progress. Which then overwhelms me. So maybe I have some growth in my social life, and I start building an entire task management strategy from scratch. In reality, I'm not choosing to do that, I'm being motivated by my fear which has been lingering for a while. The way I interpret it is, that if I take the challenge because of insecurity, it is actually a passive challenge. I'm not sure what solutions are typically appropriate, I know for me that the best thing is do things with no long term result. Because I'm insecure about the future, things like walking the dog and doing groceries help me focus much better.
For me, I've found that learning what challenges to pick has been just as much a part of the road to recovery as anything else. First I started out with grand stuff like "Oh lemme relearn the piano" and then I couldn't get myself to stick with it so I got depressed. But over time I lowered my expectations more and more and now I know that when I am having a down day the things I need to challenge myself to are the ones that will lay the foundation for bigger change.
I may not be able to play the piano, but I can make myself breakfast, or I can brush my teeth twice in one day. And by setting my challenges to take care of my health or personal hygiene, that gives me a big boost in the following days to take on tasks that seem "bigger" in my mind.
Everyone's different but maybe my experience will be helpful for someone(:
@@damymetzke514 That makes so much sense, thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@@hereandnow3156 Thanks ... Good suggestions. You're a doll!
1:48 is exactly why I’m feeling overwhelmed. Now that I have this perspective, I can pursue my challenges in a different mindset.
The timing is always on point!! Thanks Dr. K and everyone who's on the HealthyGamerGG team!
DUDE!
I've heard "just focus on what you CAN control" which seemed like a feel-good thing that doesn't really work. But wording it the way you did in this video makes SO MUCH SENSE!
Thank you!
This is SO much more helpful and productive than the usual shaming / pushy advice that tells you to just do things. Explaining it this way is reducing pressure and makes it so much more effective. Thank you.
I always had a problem cleaning my apartment, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me and in the process I am trying to quit my year long weed addiction. Cleaning, vacuuming and washing the dishes helped me tremendously. Also having fitness goals have me a purpose in a time of real identity crisis
Even though the active challenges don't solve the passive challenges, they give us the confidence and control we need in order to face those passive challenges. Thanks for this enlightening video Dr. K :)
The imbalance of challenges is one of my favourite old VODs of yours. I'm realy glad you turned this into a standalone video.
For someone that has been on self-improvement path for a long time and has changed a lot but has been feeling awful and crippled for months, let me tell this: somehow this video was really great and actually helpful, I'm really thankful to you.
💯
I think this is a great and useful video. I wanted to add that a supposed active challenge can quickly turn into a passive challenge. Say you're trying to learn guitar, but every time you sit down, it triggers a bunch of self destructive things in you: "What if I'm not good enough?", "What if I'm not learning the technique the right way?", "aah I'm so bad at this I'll never be good at it". Suddenly you're dealing with a lot of passive challenges that your mind is throwing at you, and then you start to get overwhelmed again.
So you have to pick an active challenge that isn't going to trigger a bunch of things in you!
To summarize abit: Victory is indeed an absolutely busted healer of the mind. Challenge yourself to achieve your OWN victories with rules set by you. Its like working out with small weights and going to bigger ones over time. Always be striving to improve or test your abilities so that you can be sure of yourself that any of lifes challanges are sure to be overcame in your perspective.
this makes a lot of sense. i’ve been going to the gym and see it as almost as my therapist. serotonin and other hormonal benefits aside, i think it comes down to make me feel more in control, and thus, less overwhelmed.
Thank you Dr. K! I actually removed an active challenge for the sake of dealing with the passive challenges yesterday so your video really put my mindset back on track. Thank you!
this has helped me more than years of therapy. thank you!
I watched this video after taking a 3 km walk in the sunny morning, cooking up some rice with vegetables, doing the dishes and only then powering up the PC and launching youtube. Things I would not have done even a year ago.
Let's get our stuff together everyone.
Finally, this is the KEY to my problem in these past decades. Thank you Dr. K and Milanote. I think Milanote is the thing that I've always wanted. Love the catchphrase - "Get Organized, Stay Creative". It is the very thing that can help me (and many other people) to deal with overwhelmingness. Passive challenges can be organized, and being creative while organizing your milanote is the active challenge. Thank you.
Sounds like me procrastinating to do important things by doing everything else like having my room clean and organised, washing clothes, cleaning and so on. At the end of that I feel better but I still feel that I need to do the important thing, which eventually I do.
omg and here i am, cancelling all my active challenges to reduce my feeling of being overwhelmed... i mean, if i dont have enough time in the day then it kinda makes sense but otherwise i have been propably sabotaging myself
I think the same concept of challenging ourselves gives us more control is the same reason why the Dark Souls series helped many gamers tackle depression. The game is challenging and you just throw yourself at it and try different strats and when you get past those challenges it makes you feel good, confident. It gives you an internal locus of control and reward.
I've been homeless for over half of my life and through most of it I've traveled from town to town. I'm finally in a situation where I have somewhere to stay, but there are so so many things that need to be done to get my life together, a lot of them are out my of control. I have no one to teach me to drive and I can't for the life of me get all my paperwork together in order to get a job and I have no access to any social services to help where I'm at. I've been trying to work out, eat better, get better at playing music and quiet drinking and smoking. None of what I'm trying to improve on is really going to help my situation all that much, but now I understand why I've takenen on those challenges. I'm not honestly sure if I'll be able to get my life together at all in the near future, but I guess I'm just trying to work on what l can instead of being mentally consumed by what I can't control.
Oh my god, this problem has been haunting me for years and a 10 minute video has given me a solution! Thank you so much for creating this content for people to better understand how to improve their lives and mental health!!!
This makes so much sense 💕💕💕🙏🏼🙏🏼this explains how I have been managing my mental health and thriving.💕💕
Thank you so much for sharing, you describe what I have been thinking through th years I just couldn’t explain it.
Thanks again 💕💕💕❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks for all you do for us, Dr. K! Your videos are wonderful and really palatable for most people. You have a lot of good things to say about mental health! ☀️☀️
Wow! What a great message! I am grateful for this!
VERY in sync with where I’ve been the last two weeks. Thank you, Dr. K. I’ll go ahead and implement that so I stay in this paralysized state. 🖤☠️✨
So, it boils down to a matter of choice and of control. Makes sense. From early childhood on, we have other people ordering us around; first it is parents, then teachers in school and from there we enter the world of work with bosses, bosses bosses and, well you know the hierarchy. When we feel that we have control it is because we have a goal that we chose, not one that is forced upon us. Such a simple concept, but, like many of the other important things in life, so easy to overlook or discount. Thank you for this vitally important advice!
I totally needed to hear this today. It explains so much. My biggest passive problem is perimenopause emotions and surprisingly cleaning or organizing a sock drawer makes it so much easier for me to control my unruly emotions.
7:38 - "This is where being overwhelmed becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, where once our passive challenges rise and we start to feel overwhelmed then we engage in avoidance behaviors and the cycle repeats itself."
I found a lot of this out on my own with the active challenges helping me from not being overwhelmed by the passive ones.
Only when I loaded myself with active challenges do I ever successfully find motivation.
I’m glad you’re bringing more light onto the topic!
Im currently trying to spend a year abroad at my Fiancé's country and suffering greatly with homesickness, but this talk helped me think better. Thank you. ❤
I was in such a good mental state last year and I lost it. This activation was what was doing it for me. Thank you so much for helping me pin point what the cause was and how I can get back!
Time to outpour my heart: Been dealing with feeling overwhelmed by house chores for like 8 years now. Always thought i have a very quantifyable amount of energy i had to give toward anything that i had to push myself a little bit for. me partly putting my "mental energy bar," "emotional energy bar," and "pysical energy bar" all in one even though i kinda knew it to be false. But yeah was mainly sacrificing all sorts of things because i had no desire or was too tired to do the dishes or clothes. playing games since i was too tired to do the clothes, putting everything else on hold, wouldnt allow myself to push myself to try to hang with friends or push myself to be creative. i know i even try to math out if i have energy to cook and eat and when i should do that in the day. I know taxes were the hardest to this year. I probably ate 2 meals in 2&1/2 days due to depression/anxiety even though im somone who eats a ton. Part of that was prohibiting myself from eating in an attempt to motivate myself to do the taxes since eating already takes a good amount of energy when im down. Even kinda snapped at my dad with a text when he sent a text to remind me of doing my taxes. Yeah i was justified to tell him im 27 i dont need a reminder to do my taxes at this age but sigh. But yeah have alot of shame included in this and been actuallty being kind to myself lately over this past year which i feel like i can finally breathe. But yeah the inner voice of my parents putting unneeded pressure. Glad im making progress. (lil bit more a journal vomit since im having a hard time getting my thoughts out properly and need practice)
I've always felt better when I've done little things like clean up around my apartment when I'm feeling down, but I've never said that out loud before. But it's just so intuitive, isn't it. Outweigh the bad with all the good you CAN do.
Omg, this came at such a perfect time. Thank you, our world is so overwhelming. Empathy and understanding is so beautifully relieving
I know comments like this get posted all the time but it is actually insane how timely some of these videos arrive in my notifications. This is the exact video I needed RIGHT NOW.
Thank you to all of you at HGG for doing what you do.
This is sound advice. I’ve been doing this unconsciously, focusing more on active challenges than the passive ones and I can already see the positive impact it’s having on my life.
Wait I’ve done this by accident for most of my life. I’ve picked up so many extra nonsense but achievable challenges to make myself feel better when life got really tough. Cool to know there’s some validity and justification behind it.
That‘s why going to the gym increases my motivation in different areas of my life. Because it is an active challenge and completely unrelated to my other challenges.
The topics are always so relevant. Maybe I should be worried about it 🤣
This should be required viewing for all people at all ages
As someone who started learning japanese, korean, mandarin languages, solving rubiks cube under 1 min, memorizing 500 binary digits in 5 mins and doing 15 proper pullups just because they're difficult now makes perfect sense - my life is a disaster and i cant control shit, but hey at least it was difficult and now i've acquired set of the utterly useless skills. Playing frustratingly difficult games also makes perfect sense. Anybody else in the "why the f do i played these difficult games" club ?
Self medicating in bizarre ways since childhood.
The explanation of passive versus active challenges makes a lot of sense to me, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed lately, and I’ve been trying to figure out why because I don’t have a lot of active challenges on my plate at the moment, so I felt like I’ve been doing the right thing by not putting too much pressure on myself to create and meet new expectations and responsibilities since I’ve felt I could use a break. But I’m realizing what’s probably at the root of it is that I have some chronic health problems (passive challenges) that are now weighing really heavily on me since I’m not working towards personal goals (active challenges) that help me to feel fulfilled, so I just feel like I’m not in control of my life. Too many passive challenges that I can’t control and thus can make me feel helpless, not enough active challenges that I choose and that can help me to feel in control and give me purpose. I still don’t wanna put too much pressure on myself at the moment since I think I would use something of a break, but I think I’ll set some personal goals, like practicing some new drawing techniques. Thank you for this video!
Perfect timing when literally my finals are just by next week
This is so useful. I've been feeling like this for a week now and have been neglecting my hobbies that I try to do at least a few times a week. Once I started doing my hobbies again I feel more calm and my mindset shifts. I feel like Im in control of my situation instead of feeling like things just happen to me.
This is cool!!
I have naturally trained myself to do this over my lifetime all by myself.
I have BPD, and life has always felt overwhelming and chaotic, and I've had many boughts of depression. So I've worked towards just taking on simple tasks that help me feel like I'm in control of my life more.
It may not cognitively make sense to some people, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Recently, I've been feeling overwhelmed and married they've of my life, who has untreated BPD. It has been very chaotic and has triggered a new round of depression and burnout for me.
I'm trying to work out how to manage without turning to medication before I end up failing college. I came across this video and it is a great reminder.
It also helped me remember that some of these out of control circumstances are actually part of what I CHOSE in the first place ❤ thanks Dr. K 😊 this really works.
Simply finishing off your shower with 30 seconds of cold is a great active challenge. IN fact Wim Hof figured out that if you voluntarily confront the cold then it ceases to have any control over you. This is where he figured out so many incredible things like being able to influence the autonomic nervous system through voluntary and active breathing. It is all there!
It's all where? What lol
@@JakeIsLearning everything you need to fix yourself, is already within you my friend. You don't necessarily need to go straight to medication, you don't necessarily need to go straight to doctors, you need the breath and the cold.
@@XxKINGatLIFExX Oh, gotcha. That is true, depends on the situation though; always good to have both if possible. ^^
He really nailed it. Explained it in a way everyone can understand. No huge complicated words like he's trying to sound smart. When people are dealing with stress that is no of control of our own, is so beyond frustrating it feels overwhelming because of how badly we want to control and or fix the situation.
Any ideas for activation challenges for someone who is sick and bed-ridden?
I've been sick whole May, its so frustrating to have my routine(running, weightlifting) taken away.
How about dexterity challenges? Like that thing people do where they roll a coin across their knuckles, or flipping and catching a quarter over and over without dropping it. Those would be physical, like the things you miss doing, but they shouldn't take as much energy. Plus, they look really cool and you can look like an antihero from a noir flick.
Crochet or knitting?😊
This is genius. Right now im so overwhelmed n feels like everything against me. Im BPD. Thought MY BPD was getting better, manageable but ive been struggling. Isolate myself from friends, seeing guys randomly not knowing what i want, and another issues occurred n so on in a vicsious cycle n not being able to think properly, just want to escapefrom reality. I just wanted to cry. This video helped me. I'll def try. Thank you Dr. K
I've been following this channel for a while, and I love it. I work in Special Education and I like to use these videos as resources. I really liked the video on gender dysphoria and ASD. What I really appreciated about that video was I think you linked the research in the description, or you at least named the study. I really enjoy reading research, and I like being able to provide others the research I use when I'm asserting something. The research you mention in this video sounds really fascinating, is it possible to link the research in your video descriptions more, or at least give the title of the studies so I can look them up on my own?
This makes SO much sense! It doesn't even remotely make logical sense but in reality it's the very thing that we need to understand most when we're overwhelmed
Wow, this explains why i naturally create more routine when im overwhelmed and as soon as life gets less stressful I find it hard to keep these same routines.
⚠️ This is absolutely true. When you are depressed, the best healing is doing something you "can't". That's why I love the phrase: "Do what you can't". ❤
Doc is full of great advice, but I really love this one. Choose YOUR own problems that YOU want to tackle. That's amazing advice for people w/ ADHD too like me. Great video.
Lol just this week I decided fuck it if the instant I get home from work my parents just gotta yell at the dog or do some bullshit to remind me how much I hate living here then I’m just gonna go full overtime at work. There’s a couple people who set my brain on fire there too but at least I’m actually saving up to move out for the first time in my life
Its nice to hear this from a psychiatrist. Ive been watching Dr.K for a couple months now and it reall put things into perspective. Ive had to learn a lot of the things he has said by myself unfortunately. Im glad to see im moving in the right direction, but it also makes me sad uve wasted about a decade of my life figuring these things out. I really wish my doctors had been more competent when they were treating my depression instead of just tossing me on antidepressants.
Really wish i had been able to see a psychiatrist like Dr.K who might have been able to get me on the right track. Instead i got called lazy and just kept switching medications when they didnt work. Wasnt even referred to a psychiatrist until a year ago. I know everywhere is bad for mental health, but man Canada really drops the ball trying to save money on treatments.
Thanks so much Dr.K I appreciate all the help and goid work youre doing for people like me.
And thats why playing dark souls relives depression
Thanks, your uploads have been helping me tremendously daily.
The "behavioral activation" Thing in Depression therapy has become a questionable concept to me. In my personal experience it lead into Burnout, self gaslighting and Feeling Let down by the medical field. When you are actively burnt Out from fighting against your mental health problems all the time, It's toxic in my eyes. (Btw I am Not hopeless at all, I actually have so many Things I would Love to do and have passion for, but I am just incredibly exhausted and overburdened and Desperate for practical Help but I still get Put into the Depression mold)
I am stuck while packing for my holidays, a three weeks bike tour. There is just too many things to consider. And while my gf is really nice and willing to help, all of it feels so externally controlled, and I don't feel any inner motivation. Thanks to this video I now know what to do: find my own way of handling this situation. 💜
Thanks dude. You helped me make a breakthrough with all of your vids. Now I know what I am dealing with. 11 years of not understanding shit about myself and everything around. My emotions where neglected by others but most importantly me. And how would I have realized it if everyone was dragging me around "mans duty" and "things that must be done" just because they said so. I don't want to go back but I have motivation to methodically deal (resolve) with those issues, let go of them and move on. Still a long way and I am only at the beginning but I know everything. I need to start right now. Ups and downs, another problems will appear but I have that challenge that I have to beat. Yes it is too big but I can break it into parts and close them one by one so i don't overwhelm myself). End is so far but I can finally see it. I stand with the problem face to face. I don't hide. I got it in my sights. I wont let it go because it will strike back twice as hard. I felt that already but didn't know what it was exactly. I don't want to go back and I know it wont be easy. Thank you. You are a goat.
Wooow, you're really a hero man! Literally pulled me from the deepest pits of hell to being back in the race baby! Thanks alot man!
Wow! TH-cam had just shown me that to help my overwhelmed state disappear 🙏❤️ Thank you, brother, I've suddenly understood how it works and how important actually to be active
OMG thank you so much. My word is brighter. I understand myself more.
This is one of the most important videos I have ever watched. Thank you.
Fantastic.
I just got done telling someone this very thing. It was someone close to me and that means normally a prophet is is welcome in his own house. So I sent this video to them so they can get a different voice saying it another way.
Thanks again for this. 👍🏿
Wow. This is the second time I watch a Dr. K video that makes me feel like he is straight up talking about me and something that I went through.
I went through EXACTLY this is my college years. I was unsure of my career choice, was lonely and losing touch with my friends. I felt overwhelmed by all that I had to do, so I gave up on the gym and other hobbies to focus on college. But in the end I just ended up browsing 9gag and playing videogames to avoid the real issue. Things only started to get better many years later, when I had a full time job and started to work on my other hobbies. I started taking piano classes and taking care of houseplants, and I felt a little more in control of my life.
I feel that I am going back into that same direction now. So, thanks for the advice, Dr. K!