Knowing The Depths Of The Mercy Of God | Jordan Green | Pursuit Church
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มี.ค. 2024
- Welcome to Pursuit Church, located in Denver NC. Today's message is brought to you by our Lead Pastor, Jordan Green. We pray that God uses it in your life, that it encourages you, builds your faith and helps you see the true depths of God's love and mercy towards you.
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I get all that, but i've known from a very young age that I wasn't equipped to live life well. God meant for me a life of misery, lack, anxiety, shame, inferiority, frustration and stagnation. Following Christ, saying no to sin and denying myself makes my already miserable life even more miserable. It's SO evident that when God decided that I would be conceived, that he meant for me to never be able to thrive as a human being. I wish he had gotten a puppy instead of a pathetic and miserable pot of clay. My father is a multi-trillionaire, but I'm homeles and starved would be a close analogy to my relationship with God. When I ask for money, he pays no atatention and asks me what I can do for HIM to make him more famous, glorious, wealthier etc.
When God snatched me out of the absolute peace and serenity of me not existing (nonexistence), he didn't do that for my benefit, to bless me. He took me out of a peaceful sleep and placed me in a brutal life, a Gulag, metaphorically speaking. Not once in my life have I been genuinely happy to have been given life. I'm doing a sentence of *decades* and I'm expected to be happy and thankful about it? That's absurd.
There have been 1 000 000 ways God could have come through to bless me in a myriad of ways, to show me that the first part of my life was not his plan for me, that he had good plans for me. I've begged *so many times* for this, that, the other thing to make life *good* and livable, to be able to livem *fully* etc. Of course nothing came of it. God is full, rich, happy, lacking in nothing, why the fuck would he care about me not wanting to live the wretched life he decreed for me from all eternity? God *WANTS* me lacking, in shame, essentially fucked up. Whoever didn't snatch me out of nonexistence for an unlivable life is *less* my actual enemy than God. The womb could have been my womb. I could have been a still-birth. I could have died as an infant, a toddler. I could have *not* lived to see God's plan of lack and harm for me unfold over decades etc. God is relentless in rubbing my face in manure.
I pray that God will show you his great LOVE and help you silence all these lies that the enemy has put into your head. Life is not easy but putting your life in Gods hands will bring you peace, no matter what you are going through he is with you trust him, instead of asking for things trust him and he will provide and give you more than you could ever think of
Reading this whole thing I say this with love. You should read proverbs 6.. haughtiness is what keeps you from your blessings and being led by the Spirit to be able to follow your path from God. You entire comment though I am sorry for your pain is you placing yourself above God stating what he should do or not do in your life. That's like my daughter telling me how to parent. I understand being mad at God cause I was at one point to out of pride. Same situation... until I humbled myself I could not even feel a spec of love from God
@@ryanburrow9699 No problem, I welcome insights from people.
I think the term is ''hubris''.
I think my core issue is that I never accepted being who i am, family of origin, brutal winters, socio-economic status, sensitivity/extreme shyness, my intelligence, my mediocre skill and talents, what kind of life all of that destined me for. I.e. not a great one. Also, growing up I naively expected that this wasn't God's plan for me, that he was somehow waiting for the opportune time to powerfully come through. I've done a lot of begging for inner healing/freedom, but nothing much came of it. It truly suck-s/ed being me. As a young boy, the thought of having to do decades of life would crush me.
My prayer now is for this year to be my last, to be able to live a few dreams like an extensive road trip, and for me to die in friendship with God. I'll never be able to reach enough humility to say (and mean( that however God treated me, it was for my best, nor that letting the womb not be my tomb was an act of love towards me. I can say confidently that, even though not eevrything was dark and bleak, it would have been better if I hadn't been born.
I was *purposefully* created for shame, inferiority, disarray, anxiety, depression, stagnation, anger and despair (not necessarily in that order). That being said. it dawned on me many moons ago that *money* , and by that I simply mean financial freedom is the the key out of the life of misery God has shoved down my throat. Money is THE solution to more than 95% of what plagues me. Even though I do thank God for the good things, I know that I know that I know that money would give me what God wouldn't/couldn't
I don't agree with one thing that was said and that is that we sold our souls our souls are not ours to sell they were bought and paid for by Jesus on the cross but I do understand the context and what he meant to say by that statement
You dont have to deal with this fool anymore.