Every body: glamour, dateability, sexuality & disability | Dr. Danielle Sheypuk | TEDxBarnardCollege
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ค. 2015
- She wears designer dresses, dons Louboutins, and dates men all over New York City, documenting her life every step of the way. What starts out as a story analogous to that of a Sex & the City character quickly elevates in its complexity - what would have happened if Carrie Bradshaw had been in a wheelchair? In this TEDx Dr. Danielle Sheypuk gets real about sex and disability, unabashedly exploring sexual satisfaction writ large. She encourages curiosity and invites you to shed your preconceived notions of sexual norms in favor of a new reality that just might pique your interest.
Wheelchair-dependent since childhood, psychologist Dr. Danielle Sheypuk once described her NYC dating and relationship experiences as “Sex and the City, disability style.” After snagging the title “Ms. Wheelchair NY 2012,” Sheypuk found herself in demand from a variety of media focused on her particular area of expertise - the psychology of dating, relationships and sexuality among the disabled community. Her "walk" down the runway as a model during the February 2014 New York Fashion Week has been deemed by some as a "Rosa Parks moment" on behalf of women living with disabilities.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Thi is excellent. I have cerebral palsy. I walk with a slight limp. I consider myself an attractive man, but some women I've gone out with can't seem to get past the disability. I still persist with dating though.
I am in a wheel chair and have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years, dont give up your search there is someone out there for someone and you will meet someone who will look past your disability and love you for you like I have found.
Be smart date devotee, they Like to have disabled partner,lot of sites for dating devotee And disability ,please share with others desabled persons who don't know this at all!
Don't suffer !
Have a right partner, enyoy life!
I think many people including caregivers infantilize people with disabilities, some family members refuse to see them as sexual beings, don't want them dating or having sex, let alone marrying and having kids! It is a big stigma we as a society need to get over.
Well said it couldn't be further from the TRUTH!!! :( as it is!
Button Addict you’re 100% right (I’m disabled myself)
And the assumptions... My like are you fertile? Can you have kids? Really I walk and talk but yeah when I'm tired or more sitting than usual I walk differently, but my inside are the same as most of us! (My husband took a chance and turns out I'm more futile than most people lol). People assumptions are what killing even the possibility of looking us this way at times!
@@ernestinemartinez6942 People,be smart,don't suffer, meet devotees ,they Like to have disabled partner, lot of sites on net for dating devotee ,People who love disabled person!
This is so spot on. It's everything that I'm going through as a physically disabled man. I've been asked all these crazy questions by woman claiming they looking for a "serious relationship".
Thanks for posting this video ! i am a man born with a physical handicap ( i hate the word disabled it makes me ill) and i am in a wheelchair and it can be really difficult and NOBODY who doesnt have have similar issues will EVER understand period and even those with handicaps that are not as visibly obvious will totally get it. That being said Danielle is a breath of fresh air.
Every inch what I expected from the amazing Danielle Sheypuk - though if we're talking milimeters I'd be simply unable to quantify 😉
We fabulous people with disabilities are going mainstream and hitting the world running. Danielle is a natural leader and the perfect person to represent all the strong people in the disabled community.
Watch and learn 😃
Oh my god. Her observations about dateable self esteem are spot on. It's the first time I've had this put in words.
Respectful, fashionable, beautiful, and an extraordinary amount of courageous honesty. She is the archetype of a strong woman!
I love this talk, and agree with most of it. Except that most of the disabled people I know don't have lots of money to throw around. The number of disabled people who are unable to find employment or are under-employed is huge.
Yeah she has her facts wrong on the economic level but the rest is accurate! But yeah most disabled people live on the assumptions of people who unfortunately don't see us as equally beneficial to a company or organization!
I met someone very much like her: Accomplished, attractive, disabled. And then I froze up. I was in my mid to late thirties, and it had been a long time since I'd found anyone to date---ANYONE. Here we were in the church basement helping out with the baking for a bake sale or a church dinner or something, and I found this woman who was reasonably close to my age who shared the same faith, who was gorgeous and NOT wearing a wedding or engagement ring, and I thought, "Okay, NOW what do I do?" because I was so out of practice. So I froze, and I just stared at her, and she probably thought it was because of the wheelchair, and it totally wasn't. Sometimes the problem is the same old ordinary one of the shy guy meeting the beautiful woman and not knowing how to make the first move.
Aw! I hope u surpassed ur intimidation & found her! Or at least made friends with her!! ❣️❣️ she sounds like the one that got away.... go to her!!
Pathetic white boy
Flip- thanks for sharing.
"What's it like dating someone with a disability? I've never tried it before." THEN DATE SOMEONE WITH A DISABILITY! Lol. I have a TH-cam channel where I occasionally talk about tough stuff being disabled. The sex topic will be coming on Monday. This was great insight, thank you.
It's talks like this that I really hope will light a fire under some people to really open their eyes. As a guy in a wheelchair, I haven't had TOO many issues with dating in my years, but there's always the random question that pops up.
I'm glad to see Dr. Sheypuk dealing with this issue with humor & class.
this was great.. she said everything I was feeling, as a disabled person.
She said everything that's so true and I'm sure a lot of disabled people feel too,
Arlene Pabon n
WOW, Fantastic and very intriguing topic:) Great presentation of a topic that's rarely talked about in a public forum Bravo
Such an inspirational woman. Dr. Sheypuk makes very good points here. Well done!
Thank you so much for posting this video! So inspirational and also recognizes that we, people with disabilities face. But I want to be part of the movement to share awareness that people with disabilities are cool and sexy!
+SexyDisability That is the key point. People don't know anything about it, people are not being mean, they just don't consider.
Group Is called devotees ,they Like People with disabilites, And they want to have relationship with disabled person
I think I watch this video at least twice a year. It's just such a good message.
This really helped me in my current journey. All Blessings. Keep up the good work.
Wonderful talk, let's bring this issue into the mainstream
She.. wow.. so empowering, honest, positive and killing lewks too
excellent! thank you for a great talk!
So very proud of my cousin, excellent talk
Thank you for that enlightening speech. I really learned something about myself.
I think you are very attractive!
Great talk.
Amazing Video. Thanks for posting!
Love it! Thank you.
being a human sucks because we're bound by our animal instincts but we are emotionally and cognitively intelligent enough to suffer from them. We're bound by the animalistic urge to find the fittest and most attractive sexual partner to have offspring with good genes. But we're smart enough to feel bad about it and feel shit about ourselves if we don't fit into the ideal standard.
Ah, good point.
This is why I love anthropology. Us human creatures are such peculiar and fascinating creatures.
As a differently-abled person, I agree 100% with what she says.... it’s so true!
Thank you!
Enlightening but, dare I say, missing the point a bit. As a 28 y/o who's only recently become comfortable on dates the main problem is confidence, which admittedly is thanks to society as she does admit, approach someone with confidence and disability don't mean shit.
But this is a discussion that needs to be had so kudos for starting it!
I agree with what you stated, and I don't want to wait another year without making this happen, because we need to take the initiative in order to remove the stigmas that have been drilled into our heads about this misconception!
@@gp7dd8oy9o
And why do you think able-bodied people do not want to date disabled people? Do you find their reasons to be illegitimate and even bigoted?
This was amazing 👏
hvala. tnx Danielle
Let's face it though, Freud was obsessed with sex.
I had a counselor once, as a 5th grader, who had the palsy, was electric wheelchair bound. When she got married in Jewish ceremony she had me dance during the wedding ....this woman in this clip reminds me of that woman!!. But I think her name was Christine or Christina, something along those lines, lol!!
Blessings!!
Exactly!
I can remember not wanting to go to my prom even though the guy wanted to take me.
I follow a spirituality called Nichiren Buddhism,which is not at all prudish about sexuality.I think it can be a big help for those differently abled people who seek sensual fulfillment without side effects.
muito bom!
Grazie
I practice an empowering spirituality called Nichiren Buddhism which can help one tap into one's potential in a remarkable way.Your insights in this good video can be combined with this spirituality to give good effects.Thanks
great speech
I'm a guy from the uk and i walk with a stick or a walker and get some very horabal looks when women see my aids after they look me in the eyes and giving me the come on.Lady you are so right on this.
Everyone deserves a so- called normal happy life. 👍🇦🇺
Except, why isn't she dating physically disabled men? She herself seems to be biased toward "not visibly physically handicapped" men. She says people don't ask the question, "You're Catholic . . . how does that work?" When two Catholics date neither asks that question because they don't need to ask it -- they share a common perspective. It often does get asked in an interfaith or interracial relationship, and generally the more background people share in common -- especially concerning the big life issues, the better things work out and it never occurs to them to ask questions like that. She extols the benefits of the large pool of available people with physical disabilities, and how good the sex can be, but she seems to be looking elsewhere herself. I'm not against inter-abled relationships, I'm just saying, "Practice what you preach".
We don't know who she's dating. She only mentioned her dates with physically able men because they're the ones that are left woefully unimaginative in a society that sexualizes only a small margin of body types. Men not visibly physically handicapped are the ones that ask the questions attributable to problematic societal norms. Other men she's dated? Simply not relevant, but not necessarily non-existant.
You say you aren't against inter-abled relationships, but you are still discarding the experiences of a physically handicapped individual on account of some presumed hypocrisy? She's outlining a societal problem and calling on folks to open their minds and to address, in whatever ways they can (ex. marketers showing folks in wheel chairs in beauty ads), how we as a society think about handicapped folks in romantic and sexual contexts. So, actually, her giving this TED talk is exactly how she is practicing what she's preaching, because it is her form of outreach.
She's not simply saying, 'able folks should date disabled folks, and if they don't, they suck.'
i do not have a disability and i can't get a date, find someone to love me, no one night stand,
no quickie, no bam bam thank you mam, no Knocking boots, no hit it and quit it!.
no love em and leave em!.
I know this was four years ago, but even an 'able' bodied person gets rejected too, she means well but is not the reality for most disabled people it's not a waste of time, but people are jerks, and assholes!!
❤❤❤❤
Hello. My name is Ryan. I am a disabled man and I have trouble getting dates. As a matter of fact I have only had two girlfriends in my life. I am extremely picky when it comes to dating however in the last couple years I have lowered my standards. I guess my question would be how or where can I find a date or better yet a girlfriend.
Easy for you to say! Your attractive well educated and have money. On the other hand I’m 70 yo, gray headed and a double amputee. You missed the point of a regular handicapped person as compared to have it all except mobility. On you next speech consentrate on us that do not have the advantage you have even as a disabled person. You need to see other disabled persons that are not as advantaged as you.
😆 Cultural Marxists ALWAYS eat their own!
I think women with visible disabilities are very attractive. I have always liked unique things though.
Yes you call dubai u good luck
Well at least you haven't gotten rejected because of being an Asian guy.
Dude, most people on the planet are Asian. You'll find your match.
You guys are going after girls who are clearly shallow. Aim higher and race won't be an issue. Asian men are beautiful!
@@cjlooklin1914 yeah my advice for people who date shallow people alot is decrease your diserability for a hot girl a little and you'll find someone! You know like that movie Shallow Hal. Good luck!
I'm sorry, can we talk about those HEELS??? I DREAM I could wear something like that.
Bubblegum psychology at its best. This would be an invaluable speech if given to a group of 10 to 12-year-old children. The philosophy that Dr. Sheypuk espouses is simplistic and, while being a wonderful jumping off point for disability and sexuality (again, if presented to children), does not even scratch the surface of the underlying issues centering around being sexual and disabled and being perceived as such. Truthfully, I don't think it sheds any light on the subject for young adults or individuals in the "dating world".
Tell me about it! I'm 28, I've been visually impaired since birth, and I haven't even been on a first date and all of this was obvious. "Society doesn't see people with disabilities as sexual beings because we're left out of ads, movies, etc, but hopefully folks will catch up because we're fine with ourselves." No shit, Dr. Sherlock.
I disagree. I'm 28 and she is validating my feelings and experiences. It feels good.
Personally the reasons I dont apraoch visably disabled women is because if this really pervasive and wrong idea, that they arent really capable of consenting. Though im not a good example because I was bullied in the 4th grade for liking the autistic girl, and i might have some lingering hangups because of that.
I was Also in the special needs program for my mild autism. So dont look at me wierd for crushing on the very autistic girl, please.
@@cjlooklin1914
If you are attracted to a disabled person, self-righteous people-both able and disabled-could accuse of fetishizing them or pitying them or taking advantage of them.
"society" like nature is a harsh reality. I wish society had taken consideration of my feelings when I was a self-conscious, depressed, Acne-ridden (but otherwise healthy) teen and provided me with a lay. I was an ugly, awkward kid and guess what, no body wanted to fornicate with "it" as how I felt. Well I sucked it up, accepted the realities and lived my life and now I happy tho I see people still get laid more.
Since the world has disabled people, God has prepared the symmetric solution which is the best way, the angel of the disabled, what so called the "Devotee" people (this is not a proper and right term to define the thing, temporarily used now). So, the question is, why so many people don't see it? And the disabled ones who saw through it and believed it finally all got wonderful marriages. And the hardest problem followed is, why the rate of disabled in the population is close to 10% while the rate of "devotee of disabled" in te population is less than one in million?
+Mermaid Island What an amound of bullshit. Please leave religion out of the picture.thx
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Single
Medicaid rules are set up to make marriage and having necessary healthcare benefits incompatible. Many disabled people are forced to hide their relationships in order to keep the benefits they need.
The struggle to survive in the current system takes a financial and psychological toll on disabled people’s ability to get married and live a healthy stable peaceful life with the one they love. It’s difficult not to internalize the fact that society views anyone with a disability of any kind unfit to be marriage material, a burden and therefore penalizes them if they DARE being married.
We need to end income requirements for disabled people who cannot live without Medicaid or SSDI/SSI, it is the only thing here in the U.S by both government parties that is standing in the way of a lot of U.S citizens getting married. The other option is universal healthcare, or leaving to another country all together. As long as disabled people are at risk of losing benefits, full marriage equality does not exist in the United States. The fight for marriage equality for disabled people is not over yet.
Yeah, but, is she _still_ single?
She Is Great,but out there Is group called "devotees" People who love disabled person specialy, they want relationship with disabled person specialy, lot of datig sites for devotees And for People with disabilites to meet eachother!
Seems to me, her negative outlook, lack of humility, and dare I say, victim mentality is a large part of her problem. Not trying to trivialize her struggles, but there are other disabled people who have positive outlooks and a more cheerful, pleasant disposition who have found love. I'm not saying it's easy or that I can understand what she's been through at all, but I found her to be very negative, borderline depressed and simply putting out negative energy. It's like she's internalizing all the rejection she's received and the people she's interacting with may be responding to that. Idk, just my thoughts . . .