How I healed my father wound (the most vulnerable video I have ever made)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- In this video, I'm telling you the story of how I healed my fractured and broken relationship with my father so that hopefully you can do the same.
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I appreciate you.
hey man, thank you for your honesty in sharing, it sounds like you've endured alot of ACEs.
That's the bravest thing one can do in his life
'I hope you have a day I would have for you'.. hats off for breaking the cycle of ancestral trauma. Much love bro ❤
Much love, Augusto.
One of the most moving and inspiring videos anywhere that Ive seen. It brought tears to my eyes also. Thank you. I went through a similar process in healing my father wound. I know it works and confirm what you say. We will never meet but know that I consider you my brother.
I consider you a brother, also. I'm glad you went through a similar process in healing your father wound. I appreciate you.
WOW. I need to work through the IFS book I bought almost 2 years ago. My late father did follow his father's example of hitting us with a belt, stick, or whip; which ever was close at hand. Much of it was because of religous indoctrination. I often think how is it possible that people blindly follow without questioning? Thank you for sharing this Oliver.
As a woman with a fatherwound, just watching you talk already feels healing. Thank you
Damn, bro. You got me crying at 830 in the morning.
Great video, Oliver 🙂
I'm not sorry ;) haha
Thanks for your support, Brad.
Yea, dad relation with his son is what makes or brakes the son
That was an amazing video man; you really deserve to blow up one day.
If you could elaborate on the part where you said you strived for independence out of fear and then learned how to do it out of love that would be great because I think that’s exactly how I feel that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be independent out of fear when my parents pass away one day and I’m helpless. Thanks
It's a great question. And I don't have a clear answer to it.
For me, it's a question of consistently coming back to yourself, asking yourself what you want/need and committing to making it happen.
The fear-based independence-seeking comes from a wounded part of you. If you can connect with that wounded part and reassure it that you've got its back, that's when you transmute the independence drive into love.
Oliver I am so sorry to hear that you felt so alone in your grief! I understand your pain, I have felt it all my life, when I was not seen. I am now doing the inner work to heal this part of myself. I wanted to say how I saw the hurt child in your eyes and I felt such tremendous compassion for you because despite your hurt you were still able to feel this deep connection between you and your dad's pain! I did not make peace with my parents before they passed. I regret that. But I also know all relationships are merely a hologram of my relationship with myself, so I continue the inner work of self knowledge, healing and acceptance. I reminded myself how hard this journey of being human is for us mere mortals, and that embracing our contradictions is the greatest challenge of our human journey.
Thank you for your videos, they resonate so much with my healing journey. Please continue to offer us such brilliant content.I am deeply grateful! You are a beautiful soul Oliver and I am so glad I found your channel on here! 😊
Nice one brother. Thanks for being real. Yes it takes great courage. You're a great bloke. Huge awareness. Compassion. This has helped me.
I appreciate it, Paul. Thankyou.
Very relatable story. Still on my own journey though.
Would you have any recommendations for the connecting practices to do? With our parts or past selfs ?
I'm glad your relationship with fatner has progressed. I think that's not the case for everyone. My father seems to be getting deeper into his patterns as he gets older. And I do empathize with what he had to go through as a young man. But there is and should be accountability in the later life, since there is knowledge, tools and strategies how to address certain things (e.g. addiction).
So I've given up on the idea of having a decent relationship with my dad.
I'm just saying that because I think there will be also a lot of people in similar situation as I am.
Thank you for being this vulnerable. That's what internet is / was for. So thank you
Oliver has some videos on inner child work that can be really helpful for this. I'm sorry to hear about how your father has been in later life, with regards to accountability, this often comes from the need of the inner child for the pain to be acknowledged, once we acknowledge our inner pain about how our parents have been, we find out that they have always been doing their best, even if it doesn't seem like it, they always have been, even if their best sometimes is terrible. If one connects with the inner child or teen or even adult who is in pain and be there for that part, it will help heal the feelings one feels towards the father. Love and blessings to you djvania
Mrbizzy answered this beautifully.
Any "need" you have internally for your Dad to acknowledge you or even be different comes from your wounded inner-child.
And he doesn't need your Dad to be different. He needs support, love, warmth, protection and care from YOU.
As much as I appreciated my father's expression of love, I can wholeheartedly say that at that point, I didn't NEED it at all because I had healed that rift within me already.
Thankyou for watching, my friend.
Thank you both for the answer.
As to the accountability - I'm not talking about the past. I'm talking about the present. We can't be apologizing people forever when they clearly are having toxic behaviors. Not only to themselves but to others too. And giving people free pass because they are doing their best - I don't agree with that, especially when they are offered support from people around them. But change is hard, of course and I have immense amount of empathy towards people in difficult situations.
That's a different discussion though.
Also, I completely agree that I don't need my dad to do anything or change. That wasn't the message I was just trying to convey. I'm just seeking for methods to seal some of the gabs in myself. To open up some repressed stuff from all the years and move on with my life. :)
As probably many others.
Great work and inspiring! Thank you
Thankyou, my friend.
Thankyou very much for creating this video. Thankyou for willing to be vulnerable. It was very informative.
I have no words to express how grateful I feel. Thank you for your courage
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you and everyone who is on this healing journey including myself..❤❤🙏
Emotional intelligence is the most attractive characteristic in a man. Thank you for setting a good example. Congratulations on your healing! 💞💞💞
Beautiful story of your healing Oliver, thanks for sharing. 💗
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mum spiralled downwards after hospital treatment, which is sadly such a common occurence :(. You are a man who is truly committed to his own personal growth and it is very inspiring. ❤
I have a father wound too. I know what it feels like. There is so much I could say but I totally feel yo❤❤
Your shared vulnerability honours you, Oliver. Very recognizable too. My father, every time we speak, says at least once 'I haven't been a good father'. He is not right, he should remove 'good' from that statement, because he simply wasn't there. While I see and suffer the damage (Peter Pan) that's done to my brother and me, I don't really blame him. He's still reaching out, once or twice per year. It's his way of showing, he knows no other way. And you're right: as soon as you allow yourself to consider your parents' journey, much changes. We shouldn't underestimate them nor reduce them. Many thanks for the video and take care.
*You take care too.*
Such a great video bro
Thankyou, mate.
Please continue to share and help the men in the world today. They need you. They seem very lost and unsure of how to be in the world
Thanks for sharing
I had to he same dad _ but 😔 always had the feeling that I loved him but he hated me_ weird how we individually interpret stuff
I soooo RESPECT you Oliver! A looooots of guys can learn from you. You deserved to be called MAN. 🙏🏻
I appreciate you, Oliver. This is such a beautiful video. Hearing your story told with such honesty, emotion, and care is truly inspiring and helps me believe I can do the same. Thank you for doing what you do
Thankyou, Bronek. I appreciate you.
You're a legend.
Takes one to know one, bro.
I needed this today, thank you ❤️
Thank you so much, I appreciate you
Brother I love you.
My father called me halfway during watching the video on Facetime..
Enjoyed this and please keep up these raw vids, you have everything you need.
Fuck the script
I love you too bro.
That's incredible mate. I often found that synchronicities and strange coincidences happened on my journey of healing this too.
For example, I would grieve over something related to my father in a meditation.
Then he would message me randomly even though we were in completely different parts of the world.
I believe on the deepest fundamental level that this work brings us closer to God (whatever that is). And I believe on this journey we are assisted in this.
Take care brother. Speak to you soon.
Thank you!
Oliver that was awesome. There's a 58 yo sitting here in tears at the sense of hope you're bringing to so many. You articulated your story so well in a way that was very relatable and very much unlike the common TH-camr. Your character now shows what can be done when you put in the work. Love it.
Been watching and enjoying your channel for a few years now, you are a great man, I sincerely appreciate your content ❤
Thankyou, Steve. I'm glad you appreciate it.
Gem of a video
A deep bow towards your courage and emotional wisdom brother.
Thanks for sharing and owning your truth and inspiring others to embark on that journey.
I appreciate your comment, Gabriel.
Thankyou.
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This made me sob. Thanks for sharing, I'm genuinely so happy you were able to reconcile with your father. My mom died from stage 4 breast cancer, and the day after she died my father took my younger siblings (I was 23) and would not let us have any contact. He didn't let them go to the funeral. Told them to get over it and people die everyday. Isolated and abused them until they came of age and we could be reunited. What he did in that time of raw grief was the knife to my psyche on top of all the years of abuse we suffered at his hands. Ive been no contact for 5 years, and I know he will never be capable of having a relationship with me or saying sorry, so I have to process this pure white rage in my body towards him for my wellbeing. I have to let go of it. I'm realizing now I don't have to forgive him and he doesn't have to do anything for me to heal the broken little girl inside me. I can sit with her, I can love her. I can cherish her and protect her. Again thank you so much for sharing, it genuinely was healing to hear about your journey.
Oliver, your videos are much appreciated! I am so glad you have found a way to heal and reconnect with your father from a place of love. I wish I could do the same...I could only forgive my dad for inflicting violence, hitting me every month since I was 5-6. But not the sexual assault...
Healing isn't linear. I'm on my own journey and hitting a new low, which has been awful - but at the same time, new low means that it's not the same low, the usual low. I'm off the old loop and onto new different lessons to be learned. Healing can be so hard and scary and sometimes it's hard to remember why we're doing this and if it is even worth it. But I do know. I was fortunate enough to had had a deep personal experience on which I felt what I interpreted later was a baby version of me, potentially even still on the womb. And that baby had none of the trauma that came later on, was full of vitality and being. All my life, my answer to the question "is life worth it" has been no - until I had that moment of reconnection, when I realized that it was the trauma, what I had already experienced by the age I start having memories, that already had shaped my view of the world and life. But my true authentic self has a different outlook, and it's still within, waiting for me to heal the wounds that keep us apart. It's so easy to forget they are there and that they are full of love, peace and vitality. Watching this video made me remember that, and realize that if this new low is new, that means another wound was already healed and I'm discovering the next step, the next pain. It seems neverending, but it's worth it. Thank you
❤ Thankyou for sharing! Congrats 🎉 Well done!
Now YOU are there for you 🙏💪 peace and love to you too!
🫂 helped 💪 ❤
Dear Oliver,
that touched me deeply. I saw many similarities between us.
And I totally understand why you’re dad changed after you changed: your energy had shifted after you came to peace with yourself and he sensed that unconsciously and could open up to you. I’m currently learning about manifesting and that’s an prime example of it. As within as without.
Thank you for your story.
Just wanted to say thank you, I was listening to this morning and it helped me greatly I am 60 and finally trying to clear the old trauma. Be blessed and well done for doing this now to create a betterife ahead. Namaste 🙏💯
You made me cry! I went through very similar experience but my dad passed away without me connecting with him
MOST IMPORTANT VIDEO FOR ANY MAN ! I wish I had your video years ago. I found my way. It changed my life, and I was able to heal my Dad from the wounds that were tormenting him. He had moments where he was able to show me deep love, although the critical habits didn't disappear. I was free. I had an encounter with Jesus who forgave the whole world. I would like to hear more about what you did, "promising to be there for the 14 year old that was still hurting." How did you do that? That's what guys need to hear. I think that could help me be even freer.
Beautiful video. Thank you for sharing.
25:57 So beautiful Oliver, I'm happy for you brother
Thanks for this Oliver, really inspiring to have your open and frank account of your history.
I also experienced the death of a parent aged 12 but it was my father, from bowel cancer. I was thrust into the 'Man of the House' role since I had a mother and sister to support. My mother had brothers she loved but they lived in another country and were not able to support us. In the same year I failed my 12 plus exam and ended up in a shite school. Over time I gave up on education and my mother's depression made her give up on me - not picking me up from school, resenting having to raise kids and generally being depressed and stressed. She is also an immature type of person and unable to carry out adult tasks, always relying on a man to do man things.
So I had to step up and take on that role in a very dysfunctional home. My sister fell into addiction and our home became very unhappy - I couldn't wait to get out and live.
I can forgive my mother but the wound remains, especially around the time of my wedding. I had all this family around me and I my inner child came through with some angry, resentful words about feeling unlucky and needing my wife to save me. Everyone was dumbfounded but of course they have no idea what it feels like to feel abandoned and not to have enough people around you to support you through an extremely difficult and disruptive time.
We can try to move on but the wounds are there and the resentment comes through and it's coming through louder for me in mid-life, now that I'm 45. I tried hard not to identify with a troubled past but at my wedding I did not feel any genuine support and more that all this family were rocking up to enjoy a wedding when they have absolutely no idea what life was like or the struggles I've had being the man of the house. So how can I bestow so much gratitude to my Mum when she hasn't supported me - I've supported her.
I think the wound is always there but it takes a lifetime to heal it and for others to understand how derailing it can be to experience a parental bereavement in our developing years. And not only parental bereavement but an expectation that we should just dust ourselves down and 'carry on with it' as if nothing happened and we should just be 'performing like anyone else'.
So even though my mother was there she also wasn't there, because she couldn't be there. And maybe that's the same for your Dad - he couldn't be there even though HE SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE. And even if he couldn't at the time, he should try to find ways to make it up to you in his better days. Especially since you suffered many other troubles and challenges.
You needed someone and that is a valid feeling and emotion to have. You needed what you didn't get and it wasn't your fault. Even though it's you and I who have to do this work ourselves because no-one else will. And no-one will EVER give you any exceptions because of what you went through - you will need to be as good as anyone else and have a wedding like anyone else does, even though 80% of those people you will probably never see again or maybe in another 10 years.
It's raw.
What a great video. Thank you for posting it and not editing a bunch of stuff out. The way you speak also speaks to me not only what you're saying but the way you're saying it feels like it's coming from a deep place inside . And now that I've begun to listen to you I'm starting to see a bunch of the same stuff in me that you saw in yourself
Thank you for this video, your story and your vulnerability really resonates. I recently found IFS therapy and it has been so helpful in my life. ❤
Love you and appreciatie you bro! Thank you SO much for sharing your story. I reckonize A LOT and was crying a lot because while you were talking a lot of thoughts and memories from my past came up. I forgave my father a few months ago and said my apologies for resenting him for so long. What I have to process right now, is that my other parent still not validates my feelings. I tried to explain that there were also a lot of moments where I had to swallow my feelings away, instead of expressing them due to what has been said. I have to accept that not everyone has the ability to understand my trauma and feelings. It's hard but I will get there.
You are on a great journey and I enjoy seeing your videos and listening at what you are saying. We have almost the same path. We both needed to get hurt a lot, so that we can come out more resilient, emotionally adult, stronger, healthier and more freer. That's the goal, right :D
You're amazing, keep going!
You definately have the courage and I find you very clever.❤️
Thanks for sharing brother.
What a beautiful video! This is what doing the work looks and feels like. I can very much resonate with your share, and I admire your courage and honesty to share it with the world. It's clear you've healed, and it's incredibly inspiring to see! Much love and respect to you, sir!
Thank you for sharing, my friend. I'm glad you got something from this 🙏🏻
I am proud of you for being vulnerable. Much love bro to finding your way in your journey and great shout out to Internal Family Systems Therapy!
Thankyou, my friend.
You are a champion
❤
Hello bro,
U need a professional TH-cam thumbnail designer?
Let me know please
Thanks