Psychosis: The Reality of a Mental Breakdown
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ย. 2019
- This is one man's journey navigating his complicated history of mental illness. Read more: www.theatlantic.com/video/ind...
"Nyctophobia" was directed by Jean-François Boisvenue (www.ladistributrice.ca). It is part of The Atlantic Selects, an online showcase of short documentaries from independent creators, curated by The Atlantic.
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Most horrifying and unpredictable mental illness, it was the worst thing I've ever experienced, pure mental torture. I'm lucky I didn't have schizophrenia but at one point I thought I had. My breakdown was caused by alcoholism and depression
I know all to well how that feels. It feels as though I’m walking through a fog with random freak outs. Mainly fueled by drinking
When I had psychosis, delusions dictated what I was going to do next. It was a time of Chaos and problems. When I was in it my perceptions were ultered and my reality was this : I was going through enlightenment, I was on a mission to spread the light, and there were enemies who will try to stop me. The problem is, I traveled countries during this time making me absolutely vunrable to everything. I was not in my usual environment. And I was simply budding heads with everyone. I destroyed my family by leaving my husband believing he wanted to kill me. And then later on believing the people I stayed with were also evil. It was so terrifying. I was always terrified. At times I was extatic and could believe I was flying. My time perception changed, it felt very long and very slow at the same time. My perceptions of others changed. My perceptions of morality changed. Everything changed. The most painful period is the period post psychosis. Because this is when you have to face the consequences of this psychosis. Unfortunately, there is no going back in time. The pain of remorse for having made choices based on false belief is extremely painful. The pain of loosing people you deeply love because of this is absolutely unbearable. I guess it'll take me a few more years to forgive myself and to construct a new sense of self and a new sense of self respect. I lost it all. What pains me the most is that my delusions were based on my faith in God. I deeply believed that my delusions were the way God communicated with me. My hallucinations were super powers that distinguished me from other and brought with them the responsibility of following the right path. I believed that I was the soulmate of a famous actor and I wrote to him relentlessly trying to convince him why we were soulmates. I genuinely believed he would end up coming to visit me and I was wondering what I should wear when he comes. I believed social Media was also a way God and the angels spoke to me. I would have "meetings" with the angels to decide on the fate of very important matters. I really truly believed I was god's angel on a mission to spread the light. The "what if.." haunts me all the time. What if I went to the hospital and explained everything to them. What if I decided to stay with my husband. What if I had blocked that man that I thought was god sent... Would I have saved a bit of self respect and self esteem today ?? I wish I could go back in time and changed one thing.
With time, God will replenish all you've lost.
Just trust him
Same here, I am haunted constantly by the awful memories of hallucinations and persecutory voices. Psychosis is no joke
Fortumately for me i never had to experience that many delusions. However I did have a delusion whrre I believed a girl was reading my mind once. She sat infront of me in class and i remember there were voices and stuff telling me that she was a mind reader and that she was reading my mind
I never really acted anything on it, the mosy i did was move my head about to "dodge" her mind reading attacks. Most of tje damage done to me were mainly from my hallucinations and lack of trust in reality.
It mustve been really hard for you -- it definitely was for me. And whareter you r going through im sure you can go through it. I managed to recover a few months ago and am adjusting quite well. Whatever has happened, happened. You can and should focus on the now, and do your best to recover
@@shabalaogrreeetzel.4418 honest question, did those "voices" sound like your own voice or voices of some other people?
@@randomtanker4355 They were mainly voices from a very deep sounding man (like the ones that read those audiobooks) and a sort of like melodic smooth sounding woman. Sometimes they werent even voices at all, just animal sounds n stuff liek dat yea
I felt my anxiety spike through this video. Freaked me out how much is relateable
Fr my head started spinning
It's comforting knowing death will come. and it's courageous to keep one foot in front of the other. Suicide will not win!
I don't usually hear voices but the second time i had psychosis i was in a dishevelled mental state due to a fear of disappointment from my father over something i had done that was so trivial. In a moment i heard a cartoonish voice say to me "you're an idiot!" And then that's when my mum drove me to the hospital. The first time I heard a voice was when i was a young child and i was trying to fall asleep. I would have nightmares every night, some recurring and i was sweating a lot due to the fear of falling asleep. An old man yelled my name and gave me a fright. I believe these voices to be a manifestation of my ego and self loathing mostly.
When I was much younger, it was something like angels (I'm not sure) came down on earth, and a sudden wind came from the wings of them, I never saw them (because I was too scared to look), but my parents noticed that I was really scared of the night (not the "normal" scared, but something like a haunting "mortally scared" occasionally). They called in an orthodox priest, and he did some sort of cleaning of the house. It never came back, but only one time, the last time. It spoke to me, I can't really remember the word. But I think it was "stalking." Long story short. It was all such a realistic experience, and I would have thought that it was God trying to speak to me, but the priest managed to clean the house, so it probably wasn't God. I'm unsure if it was in my head or something more.
Nothing was seen, but everything was felt. Before it happened, the feeling was like I was falling or I was spinning. It never happened again, but I can remember it like it was yesterday.
@@C0pperChpper so you saw them? Or just heard them? Was it just at night?
@@Retr0ver4 at night and I just heard them. I never wanted to turn around when I was in my bed.
This is the only thing I've watched that has been able to perfectly capture what this feels like.
What a beautiful video to be made about something so horrifying. I’ve has dpdr and its a whole world of isolation and suffering.
Jesus is the only Rock that will set people free. The world is off-kilter and people are off-balance. Believe in Jesus Christ and be set free.
I was 19 when I first had panic attack.... Soon after a year i had my depersonalization experience man o man i thought panic attack was worst but this thing it hits you like an atomic bomb your soul seems to be snatched out of your body you can see yourself see the things around but couldn't act inside you're completely dead ..... And then after you come back to reality it's worst breakdown... I'm 25 now and still taking antipsychotics for my panic and anxiety disorder .... The way out is not easy even quitting these drugs isn't that easy the withdrawal symptoms crushes you but at the end of the day we know if there is evil there is god ... Bad there's good.... And if it's a disease there's a cure deep down I'm gonna find the solution someday coz no doctor can help you with psychiatric disorders but only you with the help of your will.. make it out .... good luck and trust yourself fellas we are all the same flesh and bones you just need to learn to drive the car which is your mind
This is just outstanding, one can relate to the horror without having gone through the same oneself. Bravo!
His description of psychosis gave me chills.
Psychosis is a living hell, if you've never personally experienced it, you wouldn't understand
@louiehannigan2538 I AM experiencing with my 37 yr old daughter...totally destroyed her apt recently...has punched me twice...a living HELL....when it's someone u love and just want yo help but cant...cops r useless...GOD IS THE ONLY THING THAT GET S ME THRU
@@childofgod2758 I've just woken up from a nightmare reliving my psychosis. It was really vivid and frightening. I cant imagine the living hell that your daughter must be going through. Experiencing that torture everyday
@@childofgod2758cops r useless fr
I don't know why but i feel a tremendous urge to hug you. I hope everyone finds their own rock eventually.
this is an existential crisis and facing the deep dark reality that we really don't understand much of anything, our existence, this planet, space...any of it, all of it...especially without a spiritual belief system that makes sense to you...yes, you just keep going from one rock to the next, each time setting your sights on a rock a little further away...and pretty soon the path between the rocks feels more normal. you have to have proper nutrition, sleep, goals, socialization, even light at certain times and diversity of experiences to help interest your mind away from disfunction,
Jesus is the only Rock that will set people free. The world is off-kilter and people are off-balance. Believe in Jesus Christ and be set free.
I wouldn't agree that this person in the video had an existential crisis as most of us could understand. but I do agree that having support systems like a supportive spiritual belief and maybe a community to belong to can very much help someone in such a situation
@@zanefleming5168 Your way of keeping afloat in this world of madness could easily be another man's anchor.
@@zanefleming5168 amen
Beautiful piece of art I can relate to. It also took me some time through my existence to figure this ''disorder'' and live with it. Dissociation is heightened ability which gives us different outlook on the world around us. It was scary at first being always so disconnected and just an observer of everything but also liberating to be able to see reality through the bullshit and understanding that there is no cure, there is also nothing to hold on to. Everything is here temporarily. Everything moves and changes and then dissapears into nothing. It hurts but this bitter truth we must swallow, go with the flow and evolve, killi some time here by aspiring to do something epic because we know that eventually we'll go back into nothing from where we came from. Time is ticking. Suicide is pointless.
Jesus is the only Rock that will set people free. The world is off-kilter and people are off-balance. Believe in Jesus Christ and be set free.
Only the mind disappears into nothing because that is where the dead man dwells, the shadow, the words of someone else put into our heads and we believe it to be who we are... our true selves is NATURE that is our eternal life forever, and we are destroying it... the only meaning to life is to create a unique and original soul... to give the gift of life and love to the future generations to come forever more... unfortunately our ancestors who all fell into the spell of alphabets(Egypt)left behind a legacy of human slavery, violence, and sexual abuse(MKULTRA) now it is time to breaks the cycle by stop using the system of educated slaves(we call them employees with payed wages-nonetheless still a slave) and we must take responsibility for our lives and stop using and abusing each other just so we can have a cup of coffee, or new denim jeans from the factory, or a nice new bed from a furniture store, or a hot meal from a fancy restaurant,... all of it requires the indoctrination of a innocent child into a human robot slave within the system never able to create a living soul to give to the future...
Deep and wise words..
It resonated with me
Jesus is at the end
@@faithinhisbloodministry8600 No, thanks.
Makes sense. Whatever thoughts I had about killing myself, I realized I had too many nieces and nephews and didn't want to leave them
with thoughts of a possibility 'suicide' is in their genes. Life is hard enough for the younger generations. So it always 'flips'- it's not all about 'me'.
Thank you for reconsidering. I’m happy you’re still here❤️
@Nicole such a sad perspective. People do miss their loved ones when they are gone. Yes we are selfish, but capable of love, maybe you will call it selfish love, I don't think so, it depends. Either way, everyone is unique and needed on this earth bc life matter for itself
Same ❤. My babies kept me going. I’d hurt to hurt my loved ones. I’m glad I rarely have those thoughts
adn remmeber u are loved and valued for real luv
Yeah but is bs right that We dont leave because of loved ones but in Exchange we have to keep sufflering in this world of boredom
this is all i can hope for anyone who has ever experienced "psychosis". i like how there is no talk about what led him to have insomnia at 6 yrs old. it can make one speculate, or not.
This is so depressing and sad ...may god help them who are suffering
Amen
Amen
Thank you. anxiety disorder tortures me for many years.
One should only break down in French, or else never.
*Pedro Almodovar leaves the chat*
@@bachelorofstuff or Spanish. 😁
This is Francais Quebecois (his accent is clearly from Quebec).
@@mottahead6464 Oh really? I thought there was an accent there but thought it was German.
French words and subtitles make Jack a dull boy.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Others who experience this won't feel alone anymore. We can all be mistakes together and find our rocks ⛰️
Mental health has been hitting me over the head lately
There is a lesson here about gaining perspective: there are people out there who are worse than you (probably). Also, there are other people out there.
This is so well made and underrated, they should get more recognition
*I had a mental breakdown last month and died my hair purple*
This is really well done everyone should watch this
It's strange how different people interpret this phenomenon. I actually enjoy disassociation, it's comforting and a nice "escape" when present reality becomes overwhelming. The mind is just trying to protect itself, so it takes you away in times of extreme stress or anxiety. It's terrible when you disassociate to the point of losing your memory, or when it happens all the time, for seemingly no reason. But I can do it at will and have to stop myself.
“But I can do it at will” “it’s strange how different people interpret this phenomenon” are you fucking kidding me? You have not truly experienced this, the horrifying alienating 24/7 feeling of not even knowing what’s going on, not being able to recognise your own mothers face, not knowing who you are when you look in the mirror. Everywhere you go you feel like an alien, you can’t enjoy anything you don’t feel atmosphere anymore you don’t feel anything but alienation and horror. You have not experienced this, you merely disassociate from time to time
Theres is nothing fun about dissociating, I dissocated for half of my entire life and waking up and realizing just how empty and miserable I was when I thought in my head I was having the best time of my life is not something I want to relive again, I rather much enjoy the depressive reality of live more now even when my coping habits try to force me into a nonexistent reality thats fun and happy all the time.
I like my ADHD dissociation, it’s like a little break from too many thoughts. My psychotic episodes, however, it feels like someone is trying to harm me.
@@ryniepan3038I kinda envy you for the fact you get a rest from the thoughts. I havnt had a day off since I was 6 and I feel like it’s ruined my mental health. It’s just back and forth non stop. Just arguing with myself with no ending. I guess it puts into perspective “I am my own worst enemy”
At last they declared to me that I was becoming dangerous and that they should lock me up in a madhouse if I did not hold my tongue. Then such grief took possession of my soul that my heart was wrung, and I felt as though I were dying; and then . . . then I awoke.
Thanks! I am in the community too. Great presentation. No one could have done this as well as you did. My version of depersonalization: It's felt like multiple personality, but when I try to find who I was, there was no one there. I practiced meditation to find me. I read lots of books by meditation masters. They indicated to me that the farther you go along this path in trying to find yourself, you find out that there is no one there. It seems you have had a relatable experience to this. I don't need to be "me" to be me. Whoopee, here we go!
My first version happened with a migraine headache when I was in second grade. My experience was that there was no one else alive in the world except for me - the machines pretended to be humans. I was looking beyond the veil into another world where there were strings and lights and machinations behind everything that was "Real" in front of me. It was like seeing two worlds at the same time. No need to describe it to my parents as they were all just machines after all.
@@SolaceEasy This world is fleeting. That is why Jesus walked this earth to set us free. Believe in Jesus and you will be dead to the world, but alive in Christ. You will find you identity in Jesus.
@@zanefleming5168 People like you make me sick to the stomach. Religion makes the world a toxic and divided place, and it has been doing that since its invention. But, whatever keeps the cattle under control and the purse full. Right?
Stop forcing religion up people's arses like its the only path to be a better/different person. Its NOT helping.
I'm a minister! Performed 3 weddings, baptized twins, take it seriously, can quote Jesus from Gospels four plus Thomas, too! Been to Tibet on temple tour for the Buddha's birthday! OM!
@Mark Onstad Thank you for your reply. Religion can be a beacon of hope for some, I understand that. These spam messages just make my skin crawl
very beautiful Installation, thank you for sharing the story
felt strange to watch that...from my own experience
That’s exactly how I feel everyday
this is how i feel
I had a comment exchange many years ago here on TH-cam where by about the fifth reply it became clear the guy on the other end had progressed into a psychotic break. His first reply was quite normal but each one that followed, the choice of words, pattern, cadence... became more disturbing. Very sad experience for me.
@@user-zy2qo4qs7d It was very sad. As I recall the video was on young earth creationism, a topic which often draws fringe ideas anyway, and our exchange began when I recall he replied to one of my comments.
At first it was not any different than many others I'd received, even the second wasn't particularly odd. But going by memory, by the third or fourth reply his words took on a different feel (for lack a a better description) and it quickly drifted way off of the original topic. The words, the way they were patterned, rhythm, randomness of ideas combined with the rather disturbing imagery began to suggest that something more was going on. If you ever spent any time listening to someone who was dealing with a psychosis such as schizophrenia the quality of their wording can be quite striking; by about the fourth exchange this person was definitely reflecting it, and the narration was becoming absolutely bizarre. By the time I cut it off it was clear something very serious was going on. I showed it to my son who confirmed that things had really gone off the rails. I've had a lot of back and fourths here on YT, and as you are probably aware conversations can get quite heated at times.
But that exchange ended up being so disturbing that I have made it a policy to not engage or continue an exchange with anyone I can reasonably conclude has mental health issues. Not sure if this sheds any more light on it.
This video goes too hard, awesome job!
I found my rock too.
This was really well done
This was amazing.
i had it , it was like someone who follow me when i went to darkplace. it happened when i was secondary
when you're french but you're also like "whyd i fcking google that"
Ty!❤
When I was in the psych ward there was a boy there with severe psychosis. He would just stand there and stare, he would walk into bathrooms when people were in there, he wouldn’t come out his room most of the time but his roommate said he just sat there and stared at the wall
My problem is, I have not enough tissue to cry it all out or to feel my emotions. Too much trauma too close to each other. Slipping faster and faster daily.
Have you searched for iyhere herbal Naturals on TH-cam, I used his herbal Medication and it cured me completely from Psychosis.......... ..........
Same experience, almost a year now since my attack..been recovering but not yet there
I know the feeling of drinking so often your brains on fire and it hurts so bad you have to take cold showers just to get through the pain in your head. You end up walking in a fog everything becomes unreal you start freaking out randomly and eventually you put yourself in a place where your all alone. People love you but you can’t seem to break out even tho loved ones are trying so hard to pull you out then it gets darker you start staring into nothingness and then you eventually don’t feel anymore and that’s the darkest place
bravo, just bravo.
Excellent! Merçi pour votre partage...he suis une 'rican, mais acôte du Lyon, j'ai entendu la voix de la Dieu. J'ai manic depressive 1 avec psychosis. Votre video est important. J'espere que vous faitez plus...bravo.
Yes.
Had issue long ago it was brain chemistry issue from cancer and medicine.
No one believes me now..
Great content!
This sounds more like panic and fear than psychosis. I'm no expert on the latter, but have lived with anxiety and panic disorder all my adult life. What he is explaining sounds exactly the same symptoms I have experienced at times. I found the more you surrender, let go and give in to the experience of depersonalisation the quicker things come right. The more you panic and fight it, the worse it gets. Still, a powerful account of whatever he experienced, but with no real resolution. He just kept going? I'm a bit confused by the ending. Thanks.
Perhaps depersonalization is the real reality, the problem is that we fight it instead of welcoming it and experiencing it in the full.
When it comes to schizophrenia and more severe disorders....totally different....so difficult wen it's ur daughter and u can't help her...praying always
@@christopherlin4706NO
Those captions are too small.
VIVE LE QUÉBEC, LET’S GO!
Never had one my girl said she's having one rn watching this vid on the way to her house rn
um, did this induce dpdr for anyone else? luckily I'm not clinical, but it happens to me sometimes.
Ross Markers yeah this needs a fucking content warning
Man I was too busy reading 😂
j'avais un experience tres similaire. c'etait tres difficile de comprendre pour moi aussi. meme maintenant! chaque person qui experience derealisation est sans espoir mais au meme temps, l'espoir est le seulement chance quand vous etes desespoir assez de mourir. bon chance, mon ami.
third eye GANG
Nobody is thought this guy was Eminem for a second?
I need to find a rock
I hope and pray you found your rock Mariam ❤
@@A_PUG_WITH_THUMBS That is very sweet of you, thank you
May be im not different may be life is the way I see I. The world is disgusting working to survive is control why read a book to be educated seek ur own answers not be taught by some one who was educated by another individual. I follow my heart talk to trees constantly think of suicide or murder my any can supercede my happiness. Things I cherished desired and wants and needs no longer have meaning I much prefer the beautie of a women's aura than the Want to sleep with or impress her foe my own gains . I see beautie in things most ignored and I'm sickened by what most desire . I work yo provide for my wife and her children smd worry what will happen if I stop ! Not for my self but worry for them I could happily pack a bag and disappear from this life world universe and see what the next chapter has in store but deep down something stops me . I'm strong and no I csn survive as I'm still here surrounded by people but so alone eventually I know it will all come to a end it's just the waiting and unknowing but in one way it's something to focus on whilst I'm here . Be good people kind humble helping ❤ bye 😊🎉
Je comprends trop bien. 💔
Drugs relaxed different then psychoses for Months on no stopping no medicin helping no rock
its possible to recover from even the most extreme dissociative disorders. No medication does not mean no treatment. It just means no treatment that the medical establishment can profit from.
what is that accent? my french sucks but i am barely able to identify words, where normally i get the gist of a sentence here and there wtf (I presume it's canadian)
Québécois*. Do not ever say to a Québécois that their accent is a canadian one, you may get berated.
francias?
PEOPLE LISTEN: IF YOU HAVE THE STUFF LIKE HIM YOU SHOULD HELP A SCARED CHILD AND YOU WILL OVERCOME IT!!
What do you mean by scared child
This doesn't sound like psychosis, but the fact that reading saint ex cured him is pretty cool.
I had from pot
This
Uh.... ok...
Depersonalization. Sounds like living hell, like being stuck in a factory farm -
"I am a mistake. Life is a mistake. Existence... The universe is a mistake." Well said.
Should have stayed vegan. It least then only one sentient being is depersonalized.
Doing no harm, or as little as possible, gives you worth - makes you worthy to enjoy life.
Frolic like an innocent... (but first become innocent).
Only Sarxkyn can cure permanent psychosis
Mental breakdown silly
🎱🎱🎱
I would watch it all but I don’t like the music
Spoiler alert it’s freaking
French
Shit, I hate reading videos
Not interested
so fake
Make it in English or don’t post shi for America at all, we speak English not chenzod enamzk
really?????? That;s what you take time to write? Heartless!!
@@mariaflynn4620did he lie?
First comment :/
Boring
It's not supposed to be entertaining... You don't understand the point of this video.
if your going to speak French label your video in french
he need Jesus it happen because he sin he need pray for God forgive then he cured
How more oblivious can you get
Eduardo Rocha You can’t sin if you’re from Quebec
I havent cried sober in so long. I cant fathom my rock and everything is washing away from me.
I'm sorry I thought this was america
I had one while driving 🥹 I don’t know how I made it