@@ReganMason-x9y You hit the nail on the head there. I suppose I'm what you'd call the black sheep. Always the one getting shat on. I live completely separate from their lives now, for my own survival.
I have just came to this realization myself, just within this year. Just know that it has happend to others, too. I know exactly how you feel. It makes me feel like I have been a fool for love of my family, but in the end, I ended up with no family that truly care about me at all. No more. I am living my best life for myself now. Put yourself first, you deserve it.
My friends I head a family wife two boys I was the most happiest person in Earth I work hard no break's for years Oh well I got sick and my wife kick me out The think that kill me is my kids I didn't see talk to them 25 years on and I still leave alone and don't talk to my kids I am 54 now but my happy live end long ago Good luck to you all
I understand completely. All my adult life I was always the one that people (especially family) turned to when they needed any help. I put a total end to this when after an accident I could only use my left hand and arm for several months. Life was hard for me, but no one wanted to know...and it really hurt me. That was 24 years ago and I moved far enough away from all of my family and never told that I was leaving and just disappeared. I am aware they tried to find me, but without success. I have since thrived and been at peace, alone...but not lonely, and I do not regret my decision one jot. My very best wishes Cynthia...Bless you.
Hi was used and abused in marriage hi was so generous and cud never say y no when ar finally got out off it ar thought it twas allover the kindness from myself but ar and four daughters and ther and pikd up the abits off her and ther av fleeced me for years stolen my money ar ad saved for my retirment and there think its just the norm yoo can do without them in your life and thats just what ar av dun ar feel a fool but ive commited it to myself ar want to b alone dont need them
As soon as I started to put boundaries, and say “no”, she left me and disappeared, 26 years, gone, like I’ve never existed. Thank you, now I know who you really are.
Happened to me recently. My friend of 15 years DEMANDED me to give him a “ return date.” He insisted to take me to lunch. Then demanded me to take him to lunch. I told him “ I will when I feel like it”. He wanted the money he used on his date with me back. I said “ absolutely not, should have made this known before the date I would not have NEVER went in the first place. We are no longer speaking. I had peace ever since. You are better off with her gone trust me!
I still remain being Kind. But I know now how to live a balance life. I have my own You tube channel Emrose Supmat I have videos on my own You tube channel. I am divorced. Not yet find my lifetime partner but I still positive and happy and in peace.
@@cerico76I hope we can be friends. Being kind, I learned to live a balance life now. I love to motivate people, I have videos on my own You tube channel Emrose Supmat. I am divorced not yet find my lifetime partner but I am positive and happy and in peace
No one puts it so realistically as Denzel. It reminds me the following quote which I found on Internet: "Never be so kind You forget to be clever and Never be so clever You forget to be kind" Thank you
I think the problem is, without real world experience, it is hard to know if we're too good to others and neglect ourselves. I only realized things after several incidents, in one of which I went way out of my way to help someone who was facing un unlucky event, and during that same time that person tried to take advantage of my help and kind of stabbed me in the back
Well, I see your point. But I think kindness is its own reward. Sometimes the other person won't say thank you. That is the way it is. But if you know in your heart you did the right thing by offering help you have something other's won't see. You have integrity. You may not believe in Jesus. I do. He said if you help someone in need, you are helping him. Kindness to others is a Christian principle. I think we should be kind l to animals too. That is my opinion. If you don't have kindness in your heart, your heart is dark and hollow. I want to be a kind person. I want to bring light into other peoples lives. I do that by offering my help and kindness when and were I can. I am only one person. I can't do the good that Jesus did. I can do a little bit here and a little bit there. So I will do so. Call me a people pleaser if you please. I won't hold it against you.
There's a difference between people pleasers people who are oppressed from options by all means and people who are politically correct and professional. Just like there's a reason why his voice and race is what they chose to use
Brah, I was wondering that’s why I click pause then go down the comment and verify if it’s AI or not. Such a weird thing to do and claim it’s actually Denzel, shame to the video creators
I am 55 years old and I have to admit this is the greatest lesson I have all over my life because I had suffered all my life just to please others I lost a lot of money time and energy but now I am ready to change my life thank you so much because your words wake me up
My too much kindness ruined my life fully now m devasted n lost but after watching this video I must try to rise up again . Thanks million for such an eye opener video .
I don’t believe you were kind. You were most likely trying to please people for acceptance and self promotion. Kindness is honestly, not letting people use you.
Yes...charity starts at home. If you fail to take care of yourself and put yourself first, you will eventually fail to be there for people down the road and have bigger things to worry about than what someone says when they are guilt tripping you. Remember, the good book says to love others AS you love yourself. If you do not take time to love yourself you will run on empty after awhile. This is the essence of being too nice and putting others first. It takes practice and balance. Love yourself, and you will be a better person to love others...Denzel is so right...
Actually, always putting yourself first is not right either. Just as being a doormat is’nt. if i may advise you, try to find a way in between. Be reasonable. Think about who deserves your effort and who takes advantage of it. And act accordingly. God speed.
Some of us grew in Christian families and we know that kindness is one of the attributes of a Spirit filled Christian. However, one must define their boundaries in my opinion. I can relate to this.
I can identify with you a trillion percent. I was raised in a Baptist home all of my life. I was taught to "turn the other cheek" and keep giving, sacrificing, giving, and be the bigger person will pay off in the future. Come to find out that it only wasted some much of my time, energy, mental health, and resources. Consequently, it contributed to a nervous and hard mental breakdown in 2022. I have realized that the one's who teach you these things are the one's who need boundaries and barriers. It took me forty two years of living to realize this but I'm happy that clarity arrived when it did. As for me, I say, "Point to me in the Bible where it says to be someone's crutch, whipping post, or landing pad?.....Better yet, where does it say that God tells us to accept mental abuse?".
My pastor once said,"Being a good Christian does NOT mean being a doormat." A careful reading of the Scriptures will teach us that Jesus Christ was never a doormat.
@DianaDukes-n4h Thanks for posting this, I needed to hear this and God Bless your Pastor! It seems that everyone is preaching about "You're going to be okay" and "Keep paying it forward", rather than, preaching about not being a doormat and pointing out the fact that Jesus Christ didn't sign up that, so why should we.
To whoever is reading this, I hope you find peace, joy, and unstoppable success in everything you do! Remember, you have the strength within you to overcome any challenge and reach incredible heights. Keep believing in yourself and never stop chasing your dreams. You’re capable of amazing things! 💪✨ Keep shining bright and uplifting others along the way!
Wow ! So beautifully said… I recognize myself in those words. I always gave too much, i was too kind.., but i’ve learned to set my boundaries without feeling guilty. I had to …! because people walked over me…. So learned to say NO ! That was not easy …believe me I feel much better now and i am still kind to everyone 💯🫶🍀
I was told many years ago by someone "you cannot love others until you first learn to love yourself." 1 Cor.16: 14 "Let all your things be done with charity." Thanks.
I have learned the hard way, I have been kind to family not knowing that when days are dark the family I assisted turned their backs on me. It hurt so badly. But I am wealthy spiritual now I know God will never forsake nor leave me. I am done with family and friends I was everyone ATM but I am done, there's so much charity and welfare organisations that needs funding that is my focus now by God's grace 🙏🏽
Thanks, it has. all my life i was helping, giving and when it came time for me no one was there. i am a senior, and just trying to stand up for me, it don't feel good right now. but i will get there. (THANK YOU )
But that would make it rewarding for you and kindness is supposed to be something you give to others. If you're doing it for your own purposes it's not kindness it's for self-gratification.
@@matt3024 in regards to the first comment of going through hell with family using you. Ifor that person it's hard because it can be unconditional, and there's no gratefulness in return but there own self gratification.
@@matt3024 Being kind gives you a sense of joy even if the person your being kind to doesnt respect that. have you heard of the saying... killing people with kindness. ?
I'm told, there was one perfect guy, once. The way I hear it, they nailed him to a cross. I love being kind. That, being predicated on expecting nothing in return. Not even a thank you. I've seen people cry tears of joy. I've seen astonishment and amazement. Most often, things are pleasant, smiles and polite gratitude is what you get. Sincerity is the nectar of life. Less often, I'll get negative reactions to small or random acts of kindness. Resentment, confusion, mistrust, bitterness, even open hostility. The worst people are gleeful; they seem to think you're stupid for being kind so, therefore, they must be able to take advantage of you - because you're stupid, you deserve it. Those would be the malignant narcissists and psychopaths. Thing to keep in mind, is that the negativity out there has nothing to do with you. Those people are inwardly troubled and that is not your fault. That said, this is the reason for not expecting anything for doing what you know is right. Validation isn't an external thing. As soon as you believe it is, you give control of yourself to those who would abuse you. While I'm going around, minding my own business, I also love to not be a door mat or an emotional litter box. The absence of misery is a joy, unperceived.
You're right, it does your soul good to be kind, we are only on this planet for a short time. But when people walk all over you, then resentment sets in. We are human, not saints.
@@sylv-tc8uj The razor's edge. There was one perfect guy once. The way I heard it, they nailed him to a cross. Thank heavens, perfect will never be a "fault" of mine.
I love this and truly hope that its not too late for me at the age of 77 since I've done this my entire life! 🙏 I truly never thought of it in this way especially being a female raised in the 50's
My 40 and some years experience of life taught me to not get involved in the first place. I work from home, don’t hang out with my friends anymore, just my family. It’s probably not healthy, I should probably train myself more. But I found my peace here.
Wow, hit by reality! I am going through a bitter divorce at this time. I've tried to figure out what I really did, instead of my wife's accusations. Thank you Mr. Washington!
No, has been the hardest word I’ve ever had to learn. I don’t know why I’ve always had such a hard time with it, but at 49 years old, I can completely relate to this message, and I told my girl that moving forward we will both set boundaries for people in our life. Whether it be family or friends, we will look out for ourselves for the first time first.
I figured this out on my own long ago. I’m a very kind person, and many want to take advantage of that. I learned to still be kind, but set boundaries to keep others from thinking you are weak. I am anything but weak.
Wow, this video really makes you rethink kindness. Balancing kindness with self-respect and boundaries is essential to living a fulfilling life. Great advice. For those watching, stay kind, but remember to care for yourself too.
As a man who sheltered 13 people and then was left homeless for 6 years without any assistance.....I relate to and vouch for this message. This lesson has changed and shaped me for the better, and I'll be damned if I ever allow myself to be taken advantage of or be striped of what's mine ever again. Overcoming this false sense of security has made me stronger, more assertive and given me more value for myself and to teach to my future family than anything else has. What the enemy means for my destruction, the Lord uses for my gain. I refuse to lose and fully accept my path of victories. Amen
Ive always struggled with this, and once i played this video it was like starring at myself in the mirror. THANKYOU MR WASHINGTON FOR THIS VERY INSPIRATIONAL AND POWERFUL MESSAGE.😢❤
Thank you Denzel it happen to me Now I take care my needs first set boundaries be kind and firm Long time ago I did suffer so much because I did not know how to brake the habbit. Take care and Thank you you are a greate person Admierd by millions and respected
Thank you, Denzel. I grew up to say yes to everyone who ask for my help. I'm now 66 and still doing that. My son starts to do that too as he starts to face the real world. Saw your video is like found a floating vest in the deep water. I experienced too many resentments throughout the years until I was numb to those feelings. I'm going to let my son watch this video so that he won't be like me. Thanks again sir.
I've learned my lesson at work. People I think are my friends are thriving ahead of me and I kindly stepped out of the way. I am so upset because as time went on I got to see they weren't more knowledgeable or have the best ideas...they just take charge. That's when I realize I am better and I need to stop putting other people above me
I have been this same type of kind person on many jobs, especially the current job. Letting others climb up from my ideas, and mind set. Leaving me standing behind scratching my head. Thinking that aggressiveness/putting myself out there first is not the way to be. Got to start looking out for self.
That is the truth. I’ve been too kind putting others needs first. Overextending myself for people that abuse kindness has kept me where I shouldn’t be.
Brilliant 👏 this has been me, taken advantage for my kindness and I've trusted people blindly. Never too late to start over again, great words of wisdom shared.🎉
Trust is earned and not given. If I see woman who I'm interested in but aren't helpful nor grateful, then I lose interest very quickly and tried to limit or end my interactions with them if possible.
I needed this. Everything you said is so true, they don't believe you, you seem unauthentic, they look down on your needs/ goals, aren't there for you, but still want to use you. Your best gift is been your best and most authentic self to the world! Thanks for sharing!
Kindness is key to everything, but there’s being to kind! The thing I’ve learnt in kickboxing is it’s best not to fight back, people like that aren’t worth your time or energy!
Kindness isn’t about letting people walk all over you. It’s about having the strength to stand firm with compassion. Don’t let the world confuse kindness with weakness-true kindness is power under control. When you know your worth, kindness doesn’t ruin your life-it elevates it.
Kindness only goes so far, same goes for respect. if you let people walk all over you, you lack a backbone. don't need either to fix this as weakness is the problem and neither can fix this weakness. being kind needs to start with you being kind and respectful towards yourself.
This is truth..I call it a "nice" demon and it has destroyed me.. people don't respect people who give, give give..now I can be kind and kick a** at the same time without being overly "nice".. taking care of me for a change..
I had to LEARN to Be "KIND" To Myself FIRST, having a "GIVING SPIRIT" I PUT OTHERS FIRST......and had to Realize I would be Drained.....for Not having to Say "No" to Anyone because of My "GOOD HEART" and Intentions. After many YEARS, I have come to the understand, people were Playing Me for their Own Benefits but, I couldn't get a Cup Of Sugar from Anyone.....after Years of Lifting "HEAVY FURNITURE" or Picking FAMILY UP from their Jobs at 1:00 am as I drugged My School Age Kids out of bed on School Nights....just to make Sure, these FAMILY members got home SAFE! NO MORE, I MOVED OUT OF STATE AND DON'T DEAL WITH ANYONE FOR OVER 13 TO 14 YEARS, NOW! THANK YOU JESUS, AMEN !
I needed this video. I need this lesson from Denzel. I’m just too kind. I get step all over like a door mat. I was thinking to myself what I did wrong. I’m being taken advantage of. I have no idea where to turn to. Luckily I ran into your video. It show me to learn how to balance and stop being so kind. Sometimes you have to put a little swag in it and let them learn that you stand your grounds. I’m still hurt from all great things I did and still got stepped on. I’m still very sad but now I’m feeling a little better. I guess I never knew I’ve seen and feel several amount of people who disrespects me for my kind heart. I couldn’t figure out what was me wrong doing. Now I know. Thanks for your video.
❤❤The message is true to a certain extent. Yes, kindness can be taken advantage of, but, if you keep going back, then the fool to look at is yourself. Once you feel it, hear, and see it....... You should back off and create some distance between you and the individual(s), keeps you sane. Understand, with a BEAUTIFUL power like kindness, there are trials that come with it. Your going to have people/things that will test your strengths. My Suggestion: Song: Stay STRONG! Danny Gokey Your trials are being noticed, so have faith, and keep your hope alive. I speak to anyone reading, I have exoerienced this myself, STAY STRONG y'all!!!! Blessings are coming Nomah Himalaya
Thank you Mr. Washington, for that excellent video!!! I used to be too kind. Family and Friends used my kindness, and I allowed it. No more. PS: My Son was born on the same day as you. 12/28/1967. 🎉
This is the kind of message that changed my life. Up until 2022 I was the miss "never say no" and I had been paying dearly for it. The day I made up my mind to start saying NO to everyone except when it is convenient to say yes, was the day I found myself and who I really am as a person. I had lost my sense of self and worth, trying to make everyone else happy except for the one person who needed me the most. Myself! I've lost a lot of friends in the last 2 years and I'm so glad they're gone. The few who are left are just enough for me to continue being a kind person while keeping my boundaries in place always. They are my friends by choice not friends for benefits! I love the new me so much.
Most people aren't your enemies per say. It's just that people are self serving and will screw you over if it benefits them. I just now realized this and I am almost 40 years old
Thanks you for the advice, people always take advantage of me so many times. I am further up with myself and now I have started putting my foot down I'm happy and free 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
It's great to help people and you should always help those that need it. There is difference between helping someone and being used or taken advantage of. Nothing will make you happier, than helping someone in need. Just need to know when it's needed help.
Nothing wrong with kindness. Just let your conscience tell you when you feel you are being taken advantage of. Where that boundary is is really no one's business but yours and God's.
I agree with every word of this. That kind of behavior is sometimes instilled in you during childhood and can set you up for a lifetime cycle of being used and discarded by people who feel no remorse about doing it. It's an uphill battle to being more assertive, but it's worth it.
You're right, but what's being said is to not be "too" kind. The kindness that lets everyone know you'll drop whatever you're doing to help out even If you yourself are in worse shape. It is never said to not be kind. It was being conveyed to stop being so kind that it ruins you and that's what I've been doing. Hell I don't even have a life anymore. Kindness has even led me to lie because " I don't want to hurt them" but sometimes it has to be done. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but saying no and speaking for yourself is a kindness to yourself. "Be kind in a way that nurtures you" is something we all struggle with, but something we have to work towards doing. Towards the end of the video, it's even said to "go out there and be kind but be kind to yourself first" but I feel like the video title could have phrased It a bit differently but it's still not really the posters fault since the majority of us got it.
💯 Setting boundaries is something a lot of people are afraid to lay down. They are more worried about upsetting the offender or losing a friendship, but will complain and cry that people in their lives keep walking all over them when they give nothing but kindness. That's because they've enabled these one way relationships where the boundary crossers are always rewarded with kindness. I've noticed people who lay down firm boundaries early when pushed get far more respect in a relationship.
My problem was giving away what I new to others I worked with who would use that to their advantage . Your knowledge is your super power . There is a difference between being kind and nice . I think giving away my knowledge I may have been a bit of a showoff and a know it all and it may have not been about being nice . There may be somebody who might want what you got . There is nothing wrong with being helpful but when it's a problem it's a issue of wanting to be liked and appears to be a good person . Now success is how you are remembered and thought of . It's not the result of your success
My happiness is through others... There is no happiness been alone. So offer yourself in service of others is purpose of leaving and God will reward you for following his example...
100 % Right no doubt about, I have been stupid a most of my life thinking to give because I can't set NO... people please ....Now no one is taking care of me....ONLY MY SELF...but am not kind as much as I was, so now everything's in place ,,, as should be. Thank you Mr. Denzel .....Boundary....I AM GOING TO MAKE CONCRETE WALLS .....we see what is going to happen next...
Once you learn to start saying ‘no’, don’t be surprised by the number of people who quickly drift from your life as a result. Then you will realize the importance of spending time in solitude and prioritizing those who really matter.
So true! We all have to learn it sooner or later. And it really works! Now I quickly lose those who just suck my time and energy out, and only those who can withstand my honesty, become my friends or close acquaintances.
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Kindness won't ruin you, but trying to please everyone will.
Indeed. Being a doormat is what ruins.
I agree with you. This is especially true when it's a narcissistic mother who knows how drain the life out of you, along with your father and sisters.
kindness will ruin you a man is kind to his wife gives her all he has yes 80% of divorces filed are from women
@@ReganMason-x9y You hit the nail on the head there. I suppose I'm what you'd call the black sheep. Always the one getting shat on. I live completely separate from their lives now, for my own survival.
Can you at least elaborate on the difference between the two?
The worst pain in the world is being used by family. I have truly been through hell but no more. I’m done.
I have just came to this realization myself, just within this year. Just know that it has happend to others, too. I know exactly how you feel. It makes me feel like I have been a fool for love of my family, but in the end, I ended up with no family that truly care about me at all. No more. I am living my best life for myself now. Put yourself first, you deserve it.
Amen to that my families Loop games
My friends I head a family wife two boys I was the most happiest person in Earth I work hard no break's for years Oh well I got sick and my wife kick me out The think that kill me is my kids I didn't see talk to them 25 years on and I still leave alone and don't talk to my kids I am 54 now but my happy live end long ago
Good luck to you all
I understand completely. All my adult life I was always the one that people (especially family) turned to when they needed any help. I put a total end to this when after an accident I could only use my left hand and arm for several months. Life was hard for me, but no one wanted to know...and it really hurt me.
That was 24 years ago and I moved far enough away from all of my family and never told that I was leaving and just disappeared.
I am aware they tried to find me, but without success.
I have since thrived and been at peace, alone...but not lonely, and I do not regret my decision one jot.
My very best wishes Cynthia...Bless you.
Hi was used and abused in marriage hi was so generous and cud never say y no when ar finally got out off it ar thought it twas allover the kindness from myself but ar and four daughters and ther and pikd up the abits off her and ther av fleeced me for years stolen my money ar ad saved for my retirment and there think its just the norm yoo can do without them in your life and thats just what ar av dun ar feel a fool but ive commited it to myself ar want to b alone dont need them
As soon as I started to put boundaries, and say “no”, she left me and disappeared, 26 years, gone, like I’ve never existed. Thank you, now I know who you really are.
Happened to me recently. My friend of 15 years DEMANDED me to give him a “ return date.” He insisted to take me to lunch. Then demanded me to take him to lunch. I told him “ I will when I feel like it”. He wanted the money he used on his date with me back. I said “ absolutely not, should have made this known before the date I would not have NEVER went in the first place. We are no longer speaking. I had peace ever since. You are better off with her gone trust me!
@@Kiki-jx6by It is hard to accept when I thought she would be the woman of my life. But you’re right.
I still remain being Kind. But I know now how to live a balance life. I have my own You tube channel Emrose Supmat
I have videos on my own You tube channel.
I am divorced. Not yet find my lifetime partner but I still positive and happy and in peace.
@@cerico76I hope we can be friends. Being kind, I learned to live a balance life now. I love to motivate people, I have videos on my own You tube channel Emrose Supmat.
I am divorced not yet find my lifetime partner but I am positive and happy and in peace
@@emrosesupmat I also need time for myself now. I am not ready to love again right now I think.
No one puts it so realistically as Denzel. It reminds me the following quote which I found on Internet:
"Never be so kind
You forget to be clever and
Never be so clever
You forget to be kind"
Thank you
50 years of my life have been flushed down the toilet from being kind. How true words spoken, thank you.
I’m still going to be kind but with the appropriate boundaries.
Best comment ❤
You are right.
❤❤❤
I'm going with this comment, thank you
This! The world needs more kindness. Kindness with caution. Nobody should let themselves be made a fool of. Nobody.
I'm 48 and just realized all this during this year
Too late but better than never
Me too @ 49.
Am starting all over again.wishing you all the best
😂Me too here @49. Broke as a church mouse. But I have faith Iwill rise a gain with a bang. All the best 👌
Same here. But I'm 55. Never too late (I hope).
I realized it at 50...I'm 57 now and it wasn't too late
I think the problem is, without real world experience, it is hard to know if we're too good to others and neglect ourselves. I only realized things after several incidents, in one of which I went way out of my way to help someone who was facing un unlucky event, and during that same time that person tried to take advantage of my help and kind of stabbed me in the back
An important point to people-pleasers. Some people aren't grateful for you or for what you do for them, say "no".
Well, I see your point. But I think kindness is its own reward. Sometimes the other person won't say thank you. That is the way it is. But if you know in your heart you did the right thing by offering help you have something other's won't see. You have integrity. You may not believe in Jesus. I do. He said if you help someone in need, you are helping him. Kindness to others is a Christian principle. I think we should be kind l to animals too. That is my opinion. If you don't have kindness in your heart, your heart is dark and hollow. I want to be a kind person. I want to bring light into other peoples lives. I do that by offering my help and kindness when and were I can. I am only one person. I can't do the good that Jesus did. I can do a little bit here and a little bit there. So I will do so. Call me a people pleaser if you please. I won't hold it against you.
There's a difference between people pleasers people who are oppressed from options by all means and people who are politically correct and professional. Just like there's a reason why his voice and race is what they chose to use
Great and powerful message from this AI Denzel Washington voiceover.
💯I'm glad somebody said it💯
Brah, I was wondering that’s why I click pause then go down the comment and verify if it’s AI or not. Such a weird thing to do and claim it’s actually Denzel, shame to the video creators
@@conniee4136 AI has escaped its cave and it will be almost impossible to capture it.
Is this really AI? It flows pretty naturally, but I don't recall Denzel ever saying this in the acting he has done.
These ai dubs need to be stopped 😂😂😂 just post the message dawg!
Denzel, you are one of my favorite people in this world. I love your helpful wisdom. You are an inspiration to millions of people who love you.
@21Casey50 But slightly off the beam here I think.
This is not Denzel, it is AI made. Reade the "About" section of this channel. Don't be mislead
dude, this video is so fake you would not even believe it. Denzel said none of these words
This isn't Denzel. A.I 😊
I am 55 years old and I have to admit this is the greatest lesson I have all over my life because I had suffered all my life just to please others I lost a lot of money time and energy but now I am ready to change my life thank you so much because your words wake me up
Thank you!!! That’s me! Now, I set boundaries and use the word no! I put my needs first and don’t give a S what other people think!
Love this! A path to an authentic life! Peace and joy to you!
🎯👍
My too much kindness ruined my life fully now m devasted n lost but after watching this video I must try to rise up again . Thanks million for such an eye opener video .
I don’t believe you were kind. You were most likely trying to please people for acceptance and self promotion. Kindness is honestly, not letting people use you.
Be kind but have boundaries. Seems like God sent you this video for a reason.
Such a good reminder to set boundaries and be kind to yourself first!! 💯
Yes...charity starts at home. If you fail to take care of yourself and put yourself first, you will eventually fail to be there for people down the road and have bigger things to worry about than what someone says when they are guilt tripping you. Remember, the good book says to love others AS you love yourself. If you do not take time to love yourself you will run on empty after awhile. This is the essence of being too nice and putting others first. It takes practice and balance. Love yourself, and you will be a better person to love others...Denzel is so right...
I’ve learned my lesson the hard way so now I put myself First always ❤❤❤
When god has given you the opportunity to see another day
YOU are your first order of business.
Actually, always putting yourself first is not right either. Just as being a doormat is’nt. if i may advise you, try to find a way in between. Be reasonable. Think about who deserves your effort and who takes advantage of it. And act accordingly. God speed.
I can’t remember the source but a better balance would be to make yourself happy without hurting others, and others happy without hurting yourself.
Thank God for the discernment. When I read about the Verse said do not please people but only please GOD.Change my life .
Some of us grew in Christian families and we know that kindness is one of the attributes of a Spirit filled Christian. However, one must define their boundaries in my opinion. I can relate to this.
It’s ok to say no if you want to. And don’t feel bad if you don’t want to don’t. You have rights too like every body else❤
I felt that way, it was Christian's that took advantage of me.
God got me out.
I can identify with you a trillion percent. I was raised in a Baptist home all of my life. I was taught to "turn the other cheek" and keep giving, sacrificing, giving, and be the bigger person will pay off in the future. Come to find out that it only wasted some much of my time, energy, mental health, and resources. Consequently, it contributed to a nervous and hard mental breakdown in 2022. I have realized that the one's who teach you these things are the one's who need boundaries and barriers. It took me forty two years of living to realize this but I'm happy that clarity arrived when it did. As for me, I say, "Point to me in the Bible where it says to be someone's crutch, whipping post, or landing pad?.....Better yet, where does it say that God tells us to accept mental abuse?".
My pastor once said,"Being a good Christian does NOT mean being a doormat." A careful reading of the Scriptures will teach us that Jesus Christ was never a doormat.
@DianaDukes-n4h Thanks for posting this, I needed to hear this and God Bless your Pastor! It seems that everyone is preaching about "You're going to be okay" and "Keep paying it forward", rather than, preaching about not being a doormat and pointing out the fact that Jesus Christ didn't sign up that, so why should we.
True. The people taking the most advantage of me is my family.
Thank You Mr Washington 🧓🏿🧓🏽💋💖!!! I'm 74 and You've Helped Me more than You know!!! Bless You and Your Family.
Thank You, I 'll set some boundaries, there is no need to be too kind. I was kind to unkind people and they thought I was stupid.
To whoever is reading this, I hope you find peace, joy, and unstoppable success in everything you do! Remember, you have the strength within you to overcome any challenge and reach incredible heights. Keep believing in yourself and never stop chasing your dreams. You’re capable of amazing things! 💪✨ Keep shining bright and uplifting others along the way!
Cheers mate
Yep, there is a difference between being a kind person and being a fool!
Wow ! So beautifully said… I recognize myself in those words.
I always gave too much, i was too kind.., but i’ve learned to set my boundaries without feeling guilty.
I had to …! because people walked over me…. So learned to say NO ! That was not easy …believe me
I feel much better now and i am still kind to everyone 💯🫶🍀
Thank you !!!!!! I really needed to hear those words …. My kindness kept everyone happy and going forward while I’m still here..
I was told many years ago by someone "you cannot love others until you first learn to love yourself." 1 Cor.16: 14 "Let all your things be done with charity."
Thanks.
RuPaul tells us that all the time 😅 "If you don't love yourself, how'n the hell you gon' love somebody else?"
But then again, some people love themselves so much that they can’t love others, they just use others.
I have learned the hard way, I have been kind to family not knowing that when days are dark the family I assisted turned their backs on me. It hurt so badly. But I am wealthy spiritual now I know God will never forsake nor leave me. I am done with family and friends I was everyone ATM but I am done, there's so much charity and welfare organisations that needs funding that is my focus now by God's grace 🙏🏽
Thanks, it has. all my life i was helping, giving and when it came time for me no one was there. i am a senior, and just trying to stand up for me, it don't feel good right now. but i will get there. (THANK YOU )
Thank you Denzel.
Being authentic is difficult with dishonest people.
Be kind to yourself first.
It's not Denzel.
Kindness to a stranger is better kind of kindness, they genuinely will thank you with a kind genuine smile.
But that would make it rewarding for you and kindness is supposed to be something you give to others. If you're doing it for your own purposes it's
not kindness it's for self-gratification.
@@matt3024 in regards to the first comment of going through hell with family using you. Ifor that person it's hard because it can be unconditional, and there's no gratefulness in return but there own self gratification.
@@matt3024 Being kind gives you a sense of joy even if the person your being kind to doesnt respect that. have you heard of the saying... killing people with kindness. ?
@@freedom4life123very well said...
I'm told, there was one perfect guy, once.
The way I hear it, they nailed him to a cross.
I love being kind. That, being predicated on expecting nothing in return. Not even a thank you.
I've seen people cry tears of joy. I've seen astonishment and amazement. Most often, things are pleasant, smiles and polite gratitude is what you get.
Sincerity is the nectar of life.
Less often, I'll get negative reactions to small or random acts of kindness. Resentment, confusion, mistrust, bitterness, even open hostility. The worst people are gleeful; they seem to think you're stupid for being kind so, therefore, they must be able to take advantage of you - because you're stupid, you deserve it. Those would be the malignant narcissists and psychopaths.
Thing to keep in mind, is that the negativity out there has nothing to do with you. Those people are inwardly troubled and that is not your fault. That said, this is the reason for not expecting anything for doing what you know is right.
Validation isn't an external thing. As soon as you believe it is, you give control of yourself to those who would abuse you.
While I'm going around, minding my own business, I also love to not be a door mat or an emotional litter box.
The absence of misery is a joy, unperceived.
Brilliant comment and I fully agree with you.
You're right, it does your soul good to be kind, we are only on this planet for a short time. But when people walk all over you, then resentment sets in. We are human, not saints.
@@sylv-tc8uj The razor's edge.
There was one perfect guy once.
The way I heard it, they nailed him to a cross.
Thank heavens, perfect will never be a "fault" of mine.
I love this and truly hope that its not too late for me at the age of 77 since I've done this my entire life! 🙏 I truly never thought of it in this way especially being a female raised in the 50's
There's not one person that does not feel they give their all to others while it's always the other people who do not reciprocate in giving.
My 40 and some years experience of life taught me to not get involved in the first place. I work from home, don’t hang out with my friends anymore, just my family. It’s probably not healthy, I should probably train myself more. But I found my peace here.
It has only ruined mine. You hit the nail on the head. On every point. 💯 %!!!!
SO much truth in this video. Yep - I've learned to say NO to people.
It feels good, and they sound surprised/ mad when I do - too bad....
I testify to this!! So very true!!! It took the Grace of God to heal my 💔 (, still healing) 🙏
You can be kind. But have set boundaries.
But they will say you aren't kind then
You missed the point of a 15 minute video 🤦
@@markuzantwahn6351 who has
Your children are so lucky to have you in there life to help and teach them the true values of life😊
Wow, hit by reality!
I am going through a bitter divorce at this time. I've tried to figure out what I really did, instead of my wife's accusations. Thank you Mr. Washington!
That's so true. Don't be too nice. People are so mean. They are there to take but, never give back......
It is always wise to be moderate in everything we do in life. Nothing should be done excessively, even if it has to do with kindness.
Bingo! Also there’s a smart way of being kind as well. You can be kind and show great strength and intelligence.
No, has been the hardest word I’ve ever had to learn. I don’t know why I’ve always had such a hard time with it, but at 49 years old, I can completely relate to this message, and I told my girl that moving forward we will both set boundaries for people in our life. Whether it be family or friends, we will look out for ourselves for the first time first.
I figured this out on my own long ago. I’m a very kind person, and many want to take advantage of that. I learned to still be kind, but set boundaries to keep others from thinking you are weak. I am anything but weak.
So true!!! I just learned to say no after 65 years. Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom.
I learned it at 50...your life will improve SO MUCH by use of the most powerful word in the world.... NO
EXACTLY Lloyd...read my comment
Wow, this video really makes you rethink kindness. Balancing kindness with self-respect and boundaries is essential to living a fulfilling life. Great advice. For those watching, stay kind, but remember to care for yourself too.
As a man who sheltered 13 people and then was left homeless for 6 years without any assistance.....I relate to and vouch for this message.
This lesson has changed and shaped me for the better, and I'll be damned if I ever allow myself to be taken advantage of or be striped of what's mine ever again.
Overcoming this false sense of security has made me stronger, more assertive and given me more value for myself and to teach to my future family than anything else has. What the enemy means for my destruction, the Lord uses for my gain. I refuse to lose and fully accept my path of victories.
Amen
Even if that story wasn't obviously fiction it would still be hard to swallow.💩
What we ALL need is balance, in ALL things. Especially today, we MUST teach our children the meaning and importance of firm boundaries.
Ive always struggled with this, and once i played this video it was like starring at myself in the mirror. THANKYOU MR WASHINGTON FOR THIS VERY INSPIRATIONAL AND POWERFUL MESSAGE.😢❤
Thank you Denzel it happen to me Now I take care my needs first set boundaries be kind and firm Long time ago I did suffer so much because I did not know how to brake the habbit. Take care and Thank you you are a greate person Admierd by millions and respected
Still learning! I love boundaries ❤
That's the way l am. All ways putting others before me. Thanks Denzel for this message.😊
I have been a terrible victim because of kindness
True
Me two
Life is a journey of lessons. From pain, if we reflected, we learn. Just learn positively, not negatively. MOVE, we ain’t trees.
I think it's being a 'good victim' because people continue to abuse your trust and kindness.
I am sorry to hear that.
Thank you, Denzel. I grew up to say yes to everyone who ask for my help. I'm now 66 and still doing that. My son starts to do that too as he starts to face the real world. Saw your video is like found a floating vest in the deep water. I experienced too many resentments throughout the years until I was numb to those feelings. I'm going to let my son watch this video so that he won't be like me. Thanks again sir.
I've learned my lesson at work. People I think are my friends are thriving ahead of me and I kindly stepped out of the way. I am so upset because as time went on I got to see they weren't more knowledgeable or have the best ideas...they just take charge. That's when I realize I am better and I need to stop putting other people above me
I have been this same type of kind person on many jobs, especially the current job. Letting others climb up from my ideas, and mind set. Leaving me standing behind scratching my head. Thinking that aggressiveness/putting myself out there first is not the way to be. Got to start looking out for self.
@shira2151 Yes many people get promoted by being assholes. NOT because they are capable or competent. Never tolerated these idiots.
That is the truth. I’ve been too kind putting others needs first. Overextending myself for people that abuse kindness has kept me where I shouldn’t be.
Brilliant 👏 this has been me, taken advantage for my kindness and I've trusted people blindly. Never too late to start over again, great words of wisdom shared.🎉
Trust is earned and not given. If I see woman who I'm interested in but aren't helpful nor grateful, then I lose interest very quickly and tried to limit or end my interactions with them if possible.
I needed this. Everything you said is so true, they don't believe you, you seem unauthentic, they look down on your needs/ goals, aren't there for you, but still want to use you.
Your best gift is been your best and most authentic self to the world!
Thanks for sharing!
Kindness is key to everything, but there’s being to kind! The thing I’ve learnt in kickboxing is it’s best not to fight back, people like that aren’t worth your time or energy!
It’s best not to start fights, but not fighting back implies that you are already in danger. In that case not fighting back is foolish.
Great. Yes.....I did release the "Kindness game".
And now I am not selfish.....I am self-Full😊😊😊
I love listening to Mr. Washington he's very wise
You have to know to whom you should be kind and to whom you should not. Only then is kindness a virtue.
Kindness isn’t about letting people walk all over you. It’s about having the strength to stand firm with compassion. Don’t let the world confuse kindness with weakness-true kindness is power under control. When you know your worth, kindness doesn’t ruin your life-it elevates it.
It was supposed to be like that but unfortunantly it’s not.
Kindness only goes so far, same goes for respect.
if you let people walk all over you, you lack a backbone. don't need either to fix this as weakness is the problem and neither can fix this weakness.
being kind needs to start with you being kind and respectful towards yourself.
Well said, yes it's difficult to set boundaries but I understand your words. They mean a lot in this world. Thank you for posting.
This is truth..I call it a "nice" demon and it has destroyed me.. people don't respect people who give, give give..now I can be kind and kick a** at the same time without being overly "nice".. taking care of me for a change..
No , OMG what a powerful word. Strength for many and hated so much by others.
Some of the truest words ever spoken. He is 100% correct. I wish that I would have followed these guidelines earlier.
Saved some years of trouble for me thanks❤
Wow! 100% so true. I show this video to my 24 year old son and told him just to listen...
Man are you spot on. I have had this happen to me time and time again. Exactly what you are seeing
I had to LEARN to Be "KIND" To Myself FIRST, having a "GIVING SPIRIT" I PUT OTHERS FIRST......and had to Realize I would be Drained.....for Not having to Say "No" to Anyone because of My "GOOD HEART" and Intentions. After many YEARS, I have come to the understand, people were Playing Me for their Own Benefits but, I couldn't get a Cup Of Sugar from Anyone.....after Years of Lifting "HEAVY FURNITURE" or Picking FAMILY UP from their Jobs at 1:00 am as I drugged My School Age Kids out of bed on School Nights....just to make Sure, these FAMILY members got home SAFE! NO MORE, I MOVED OUT OF STATE AND DON'T DEAL WITH ANYONE FOR OVER 13 TO 14 YEARS, NOW! THANK YOU JESUS, AMEN !
I needed this video. I need this lesson from Denzel. I’m just too kind. I get step all over like a door mat. I was thinking to myself what I did wrong. I’m being taken advantage of. I have no idea where to turn to. Luckily I ran into your video. It show me to learn how to balance and stop being so kind. Sometimes you have to put a little swag in it and let them learn that you stand your grounds. I’m still hurt from all great things I did and still got stepped on. I’m still very sad but now I’m feeling a little better. I guess I never knew I’ve seen and feel several amount of people who disrespects me for my kind heart. I couldn’t figure out what was me wrong doing. Now I know. Thanks for your video.
I pray that this becomes the biggest problem in the world.
It sure beats dealing with hateful people.
❤❤The message is true to a certain extent. Yes, kindness can be taken advantage of, but, if you keep going back, then the fool to look at is yourself.
Once you feel it, hear, and see it....... You should back off and create some distance between you and the individual(s), keeps you sane.
Understand, with a BEAUTIFUL power like kindness, there are trials that come with it. Your going to have people/things that will test your strengths.
My Suggestion:
Song: Stay STRONG!
Danny Gokey
Your trials are being noticed, so have faith, and keep your hope alive. I speak to anyone reading, I have exoerienced this myself, STAY STRONG y'all!!!!
Blessings are coming
Nomah Himalaya
Thank you Mr. Washington, for that excellent video!!! I used to be too kind. Family and Friends used my kindness, and I allowed it. No more.
PS: My Son was born on the same day as you. 12/28/1967. 🎉
This really woke me up because I’ve been dealing no with this for a while but now I have clarity and can make a change now.
Thank so much for this wonderful message this is really helpful may God bless you more ❤❤❤
This is the kind of message that changed my life. Up until 2022 I was the miss "never say no" and I had been paying dearly for it. The day I made up my mind to start saying NO to everyone except when it is convenient to say yes, was the day I found myself and who I really am as a person.
I had lost my sense of self and worth, trying to make everyone else happy except for the one person who needed me the most. Myself! I've lost a lot of friends in the last 2 years and I'm so glad they're gone. The few who are left are just enough for me to continue being a kind person while keeping my boundaries in place always. They are my friends by choice not friends for benefits!
I love the new me so much.
Been there, done that!
Kindness is mandatory, but so are boundaries.
I'm old and keep forgetting that most people are my enemies.
I understand that.
Most people aren't your enemies per say.
It's just that people are self serving and will screw you over if it benefits them.
I just now realized this and I am almost 40 years old
@TotalTech2. I've been a born again Christian for 63 years. Yes, most people are my enemies.
@TotalTech2. I'm 72 and I know how people are.
@TotalTech2. I'm 72 and I know how rotten people are.
Thanks you for the advice, people always take advantage of me so many times. I am further up with myself and now I have started putting my foot down I'm happy and free 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Kindness won't ruin you. Being overly accommodating will exhaust you. Remember you are your first priority❤
It's great to help people and you should always help those that need it. There is difference between helping someone and being used or taken advantage of. Nothing will make you happier, than helping someone in need. Just need to know when it's needed help.
Nothing wrong with kindness. Just let your conscience tell you when you feel you are being taken advantage of. Where that boundary is is really no one's business but yours and God's.
Wow, talk about Devine intervention. Thank you for that insight Mr. Washington, I will be kind to myself.
Kindness isn’t necessarily being a pushover. Kindness is how we treat each other. The world would be a better place if we all practiced it.
yes
You're right, kindness is a virtue. Problem is most people are wicked beyond repair.
I agree with every word of this. That kind of behavior is sometimes instilled in you during childhood and can set you up for a lifetime cycle of being used and discarded by people who feel no remorse about doing it. It's an uphill battle to being more assertive, but it's worth it.
Be kind to yourself first and foremost so that you won't have to be kind to others who don't deserve your kindness.
Treat yourself with Respect and love first and you will be able to do verything for others with the same qualities. A very good video.
Being kind will never be a downfall. Be kind but have boundaries and be smart. That's all. Telling people not to be kind is the devil's work.
Truth 💯
you are 100 % correct.
Sure after all kindness is one of the fruits of the holy spirit
You're right, but what's being said is to not be "too" kind.
The kindness that lets everyone know you'll drop whatever you're doing to help out even If you yourself are in worse shape.
It is never said to not be kind.
It was being conveyed to stop being so kind that it ruins you and that's what I've been doing. Hell I don't even have a life anymore.
Kindness has even led me to lie because " I don't want to hurt them" but sometimes it has to be done. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but saying no and speaking for yourself is a kindness to yourself.
"Be kind in a way that nurtures you" is something we all struggle with, but something we have to work towards doing.
Towards the end of the video, it's even said to "go out there and be kind but be kind to yourself first" but I feel like the video title could have phrased It a bit differently but it's still not really the posters fault since the majority of us got it.
💯 Setting boundaries is something a lot of people are afraid to lay down. They are more worried about upsetting the offender or losing a friendship, but will complain and cry that people in their lives keep walking all over them when they give nothing but kindness. That's because they've enabled these one way relationships where the boundary crossers are always rewarded with kindness. I've noticed people who lay down firm boundaries early when pushed get far more respect in a relationship.
My problem was giving away what I new to others I worked with who would use that to their advantage . Your knowledge is your super power . There is a difference between being kind and nice . I think giving away my knowledge I may have been a bit of a showoff and a know it all and it may have not been about being nice . There may be somebody who might want what you got . There is nothing wrong with being helpful but when it's a problem it's a issue of wanting to be liked and appears to be a good person . Now success is how you are remembered and thought of . It's not the result of your success
I can agree with every word spoken here and looking back can see this in my own life.
My happiness is through others... There is no happiness been alone. So offer yourself in service of others is purpose of leaving and God will reward you for following his example...
Don't let cowardice ruin your life.
100 % Right no doubt about, I have been stupid a most of my life thinking to give because I can't set NO... people please ....Now no one is taking care of me....ONLY MY SELF...but am not kind as much as I was, so now everything's in place ,,, as should be. Thank you Mr. Denzel .....Boundary....I AM GOING TO MAKE CONCRETE WALLS .....we see what is going to happen next...
Once you learn to start saying ‘no’, don’t be surprised by the number of people who quickly drift from your life as a result.
Then you will realize the importance of spending time in solitude and prioritizing those who really matter.
FACT
💯💯💯💯
This ruined my life but God is restoring it!!!
Glory be to God!
🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹🎚️⚖️
So true! We all have to learn it sooner or later.
And it really works! Now I quickly lose those who just suck my time and energy out, and only those who can withstand my honesty, become my friends or close acquaintances.
Thank you for the advise❤ very helpful for me.