Jordan Peterson - Advice for People Who Aren't Social
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ย. 2024
- A bit of advice for people lacking the necessarily social skills to make do with everyday life, provided by mister Peterson.
Source: • Q & A 2017 06 June
Support Jordan: / jordanbpeterson
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I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and not try to defend yourself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best ignore them and find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy coward bums ever win.
Lol
😂😂😂wtf
"Get the hell out there and practice man!"
*closes video and cry
Be hopeful, brother. I followed his advice, and started to involve myself in the social world. In the beginning, I made awkward mistakes fairly often. Like ending the conversation in a weird way, or saying meaningless things. The trick is to take it with a grain of salt, and to take note of what went wrong so that you dont do it again. Gradually you become better at it. Good luck! Slay the dragon!
Also, dont push yourself too harshly. If going to a crowded mall, and talking to someone working there, is enough for you, then start there. Gradually increase the challenge.
*ignores drivel from new age fake socrates
im not interested in practicing because it stinks out there.
fix the stink please. its flipping 2021 already
Me too ...
@@TheGamerFrom I still cannot make friends though, even if I now can talk and be more confident, I just can't make friends. It may be because I already know everyone in my school, it's a small school, and they all have their friends to speak to, and hang out with, if I went somewhere else where no one knows me I may had the chance to have a better start with people and I may managed to make friends. Right now though I just don't see how I can do anything, especially now with corona virus I don't even see people anymore.
When I was younger I was very social. But, as I got older, I realized that most people are assholes and I don't want to deal with that.
Same dude
It becomes frustrating being fake.
Taking and behaving what they want
😑
damn, i'm not alon lmao
Same here! my cousins told me that i used to be socially active when i was young during family gatherings but now im not
the world is a dangerous place. do you want to just stay inside in fear? just go through walk through into chaos. Comfort breeds weakness.
Will Yu
I disagree...I was a beautician for 36 years....
Most people talk about what their grandkids had to eat...or problems that could be solved and they make the problems worse...
Now I barely talk to anyone....life is peaceful and good.
"I used to walk into a room wondering if anyone would like me. Now I walk into a room wondering if I will like them" - Britney Spears
Lmao, sounds like Bitchy Spears turned into a self entitled narcissist.
@@DarkLight-sz1vp ok
@@DarkLight-sz1vp she's always been like that tho
Maybe Spears was Jordan's patient.
@@DarkLight-sz1vp yes but not for that reason
the only time I feel lonely is when I'm around other people
why did this comment hit so hard
That was deep
from the courage to be disliked?
Turueie😢
man you sound like me
Me before clicking: "he's probably gonna say just get out there and practice"
:(
EternalDensity ahhh not that far off huh lol
What do you want to be told? It might be hard for you but hey theres no other option than face your demon , imagine he's probably not that scary :-) Life is too short just be aware of that
@@xrealy5700 With the greatest of respect, that's not true, there are lots of options of how to tackle something like social anxiety. Otherwise there would be only one type of therapy based on 'Just do it'. The strategy of 'facing your demons' is only one approach amongst many. The best help for any challenge like this is usually very individual.
@@goldeneddie No, I am sorry, but you are wrong. Probably wishful thinking? The only way to overcome social anxiety is to try to socialize, like the only way how to learn how to skate is to put on your skates and get on the ice. And it's not " just do it ". That's not what he said. He gave a tool, to focus outward. Because the problem is that one is focussing to much on his or herself and the anxiety itself. There probably can be some differences in the individual approach, but the key element is get in contact with other people. It's inherent to the problem. By the way, what are the other options?
@@pvdwal Perfectly elaborated.
I have no anxiety, i'm not shy...i just don't know what to say in 90% of situations.
Edit: I appreciate all the people still replying and sharing their feelings under this post! I read all of them and wish you all the best. I'm doing much better socially at my new job and just embracing my strengths (listening and relating and being funny). Love you all and we're gonna make it!
Sameeeeeee
Then don't say it.. nobody should tell you to speak even when you don't want to.. not even a therapist or psychological "guru".
@@somethingsomethingsomethingg Why do you have a video about BTS in your science playlist?
@@genmapi that must be a mistake
Same lol.. Dont get me wrong i am listening to you. I am paying attention but i just cant find the words i want to say..lol i mean i would throw in some questions here and there but to carry out a full blown conversation.. I dont know what to say. And its not even that i dont want to talk to you...i get this a lot..
Personally my problem is that I get bored talking to people. I know I sound like a jackass but talking to people just for the sake of being social is extremely frustrating because I dont really care about the life of a stranger. I dont know. I can fake it but it is very tiring. I wish I could have fun knowing other people :/
Then don't talk pointlessly.
Rather, what I do is I discuss things with people or tell them stories!
I might tell them about some family history, or discuss something historical, or just contemplate the beauty of life!
While not everybody enjoys such, there are many who do, it's quite easy to find them if you try!
Good luck, and remember that being social for the sake of it is not necessary, and it's better to have real conversations, especially as an introvert.
Talk to people who have something to offer you.
I feel the same way
You are talking to the wrong people! Or you are just a bit stuck up yourself perhaps!??
Dude I thought I wasn't the only one you know, like i try to enjoy it but it's just so boring and I don't even think I'll ever need this info which basically means I'm a terrible person :/
I’m a very anti social person myself , went through some of my lowest times alone and I always really isolated myself from the crowd. But sometimes i imagine myself talking to everyone with confidence, I imagine myself influencing a group in a public speaking manner, i imagine myself having a voice and being something. Idk what it is, but maybe it’s the same for others who have some kind of social anxiety. We deep down want to be confident and outgoing, but something is holding us back.
It's the same for me. people seem to dislike me, or at best to ignore me. But something inside tells me that if they knew and understood my pain, they'd care about me. Even though I've been proved wrong many many times on this
Same my guy
I can't even speak loud when I'm talking to a person.
But at home I could speak loud
The same was for me i had social anxiety really awkward but i also used to believe i am not this this is due to the enviroment i grew up in and the past experiences i had in my life so when i go way way back i see my self happy and socially skillful so during this phase i used to beleive in me when no one did i made a plan how to overcome this and i came up with this solution change my enviroment so i went for 4 months in which i would live with these groups of people of 10 to 12 people i would live with them eat with them talk with them these group of people you would be would maximum last 28 days and theleast wouldbe 10 days when i was with first group of people for 28 days i was seeing major changes inme after 20th day and then little by little when i met different people after 80 days there was huger difference in my and at last when it was 100th day i changed alot all of that anxiety went away all of that shyness went away and after 120 days i felt like peacefull and same now i used to think they would like me weather i would like them or not.but when i went to the same enviromet i saw this that the enviroment i was living in had fault i could differ between the enviroment i used to live in and the enviroment i got in those group of people and then from then on i got out of that enviroment and made my life great.
Your piss weak
@@chrisacd5895 wht do you mean?
Ask them a question?
“So, um... Do you like stuff?”
ngl , that was me in highschool
Would you like some tap water?
Mystic Clover just ask them what they’re up to and build off from it
Oh god yes I love them!!!
hahaha I remembred The episode of the simpsons when ralph started dating liza and said that lmao
I can get totally comfy with total strangers. It's neighbors and acquintances that make me nervous.
Lol that's so true
Same here! It's like I fear the known.
Damn straight
👌💯
Same for me lol! Why do yall think thats that? From what i think, isit cause well, a stranger doesn’t have a perceived image of you and so like you’re totally a blank slate. And u know that and so u just be yourself or whatever kind of image u want to give off. Idk😶 what do yall think?
I'm introverted but being isolated for so long fucks me up. Even just going outside becomes a huge obstacle that I struggle with.
work out, people naturally want to talk to you once they see you care about your body etc, i've talked to people more at the gym then i have for the past 10 years.
And working out helps push that energy and anxiety out of you. It calms you psychologically. Very important.
@@Justaguywithglassesok best answer I ever heard. This is just so great advice.
WHAT?
Marselluswallace - one trick I do is just go to the mall and find a place where I can sit and people watch. I usually hate every second of it, but it means other human interactions aren't quite so challenging.
74 now. Been introvert all my life. No regrets. Too many people are toxic.
Either that, or they’re stupid and/ or boring.
Im sorry for you having experienced life like that. Its true some people are toxic, protect yourself from them, but it would be wonderfull to be surrounded by people who love you, and it starts by opening up and being interested in other people's souls and not surfacely judging everybody as bad
You hear this a lot and while true, my experience as a part-time Uber driver for 3 years gave me faith in people once you have them one on one, most people are decent. Like Peterson just said, ask them questions and they'll open up quite a bit. Restores your faith in your fellow man. Now the rich, upper class, or corporate minded are a plague on society. They are the new Kings and queens, acting as divine creatures who know more than you. That's what needs changed.
Found the bitter old man.
I think i might be heading in the same direction. With time it starts to grow on you. I don't think it's such a great thing that this happens.
There's a huge difference between social anxiety and introversion
Pb 2000 Agree
I have both
@@vorphine4185 Same here
Yes and as a therapist he should know this. Makes me question him
@@CreativePublisher Why is introversion even a topic here? He says nothing about introversion and everything about social anxiety. Introversion isn't really a mental disorder. Also, you do realize that the more familiar you are with something, the more comfortable you become right? I put myself out there and it became a whole lot better for me because I wanted to get rid of my anxiety not flaunt it and he's right, my natural social instincts did kick in and my social anxiety while still being present, has lessened tenfold.
I'd question your reasoning more than anything here.
I like people who are a little introvert. They are rarely annoying and are usually good people who are just more shy than others, but I prefer that over noicy people with a need to talk nonstop.
Bless you.
I'm an introvert, and I'm not shy at all. I just fucking hate other people 90% of the time.
Iomza, you are an introvert as well.. that explains it.
Sawyer R
That's pretty silly reasoning. You must consider yourself stupid if you're here being outspoken. I reckon you'd probably consider that morsel a "valuable thought" too right?
Making friends with an extrovert is extreme hell!!! I'll never make one again!
To all ranting in comments about how high and mighty they are on being introverts by choice, the video is meant for introverts who doesn't want to stay that way. Frankly I am an introvert or kind of was and tell you what, i hated it, being associal for so long, an unbearable life experience, when I look back at my school years I regret being so awkward and unable to properly interact with everyone else.
I couldn’t relate more!!! I had NO friends throught college and am now, at 32 trying to build friendships
Well if you hated it then you're not an Introvert, By Defenition Introvert is Someone who love being alone and being Tired if Socializing, You aren't Introvert, you just having a Social Anxiety
@@zee446 i think being introvert with extrovert mind is a thing. Like someon who behave crazy and having fun with very small circle of friends
@@msguwi4111 I think you don't know what an Introvert is, Ok let me explain, Introvert is Someone who love spending their time alone, if you often getting Tired in Conversation by just a few minutes then you're also an Introvert, Introvert also usually still has Friends but not as many as Extrovert, And Some Introvert actually Good at Socializing they just feel Tired By Doing it
@@msguwi4111 And actually having a Small Circle of Friends doesn't make you An Introvert, what make Your an Introvert is 'Do you love Spending your Time alone?' if yes, Then you're an Introvert
My issue with not wanting to be social is that it's hard to find genuine people. It's easy to find people who just want to hang out and do social activities and come together in social gatherings. It doesn't mean they are your genuine friends. They can just be smiling in your face and being fake with you for many years, while they really have negative feelings towards you and will probably talk shit about you behind your back. The only real use for having good social skills is for survival. So you can get connections with people who will help you move ahead in life or give you some type of benefit. It seems all human relationships are transactional.
It’s really hard finding a true friend who wont stab you in your back. I find if you’re able to talk about sensitive topics with people you can tell it’s genuine.
True friends are rare. And sometimes you can be thought of as a bad person which can pressure you to act up and be more social. But there are stakes, being something you are not has a stain on one's integrity. You just have to be you.
But it's hard. Sometimes what others think can have an overwhelming influence which should not be so.
Probably at least 80% of people have no conscious moral framework, or at least do not have a sincere one. Plenty of people pretend to be virtuous, but nowadays that merely seems to take the form of virtue signalling, or holding socially fashionable opinions. The test is to watch what they do when principle clashes with self interest. It takes time, patience and caution.
However, the #1 reason not abandon all hope in other people is that at least 10% are genuine, and demonstrate virtue in their actions and behaviours. Those are the people to cultivate because they can add tremendous value to your life and are worth all the effort of sifting out the others.
The remaining 10% are criminals.
Approximate numbers!
yes same and when I go to this Meetup and recently toastmaster .It doesn't mean these people want to be friends . Many simply want to meet as part of group. However I was doing some group activity for a common interest and I made some friends there but plenty wont really meet you outside of the group. So sometimes I dont want to be social but I m trying to make more friends , then I have some genuine friends but the connection is not totally there and yet they are willing to hang out but the conversation can suck. I did have better friends in the past where the conversation was better. At the same time I like alone time too.
All this sounds like my extremely narcissistic ex-wife. She wouldn't talk to her own husband, & wouldn't allow me to love & teach her children. After all my $$ was gone (spent on a beautiful home) she evicted me. btw, I'm SO-O-O much happier now w/o her mental, verbal abuse!! 🙏🇺🇸
Speaking from experience, what he's saying is exactly true. I was raised in a highly toxic and sheltered way. I had no social skills, zero confidence, and my anxiety was crippling. But once I reached high school, I put myself out there. I embarrassed myself more times than not, even to the point of getting bullied. (a trio of girls pinned me behind a large projector screen and kneed me in the stomach.)
But I very slowly got better. I volunteered to give speeches or perform singing solo. I sat next to people alone at the cafeteria. I'll always make mistakes, everyone does, but I'm always improving. Now my major is education, and I'm excited for what the future will bring.
I want to know u
💕
Gj!!! What a warrior
Congrats. Keep making efforts to improve.
You should be proud of yourself. What you are doing is not easy.
👑👑👑
I tried going outside and talked to strangers. I am now in FBI watchlist. Thank you Professor!
he said ppl not kids
fuck
Jiahstrike I guess you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
The amount of people who gave a serious response to this joke is hilarious. Well done
@@DMBlade4 I don't think any of the responses were actually serious. Maybe one of them, at best.
For those who dislike his remark about getting out there and practicing: he's only speaking to those who want to be sociable, but don't have the skills to do so. He's not speaking to the people who are content with being alone.
Edit: this is only the second time in my internet life that I've been hoisted above 1,000 likes. So thank you all, and I'm happy you appreciate me pointing this out
Thanks to God
Thank God
Thank you God
Lol what are these comments.
Thanks to Dog.
Advice for People Who Aren't Social:
-be social
Yeah, why not
I hate how social interactions have to be funny all the time.
Because fun gives you Dopamin and that's a drug of your body
Oh yeah, so true
Agreed. Serious talk is the best talk!
dude you're goddamn right
They don't have to be though
Tip for extroverts: appreciate the peace and quiet of solitude
💯
And respect others
I think there is a correlation between being extrovert and not being good at solitude, in a sense that there is some "needyness" in it
@Lady Red Peony I meant respecting other people's peace and quiet, as many don't.
Learn to appreaciate* it’s hard to do, but definitely worth it at the end
I'm typically not that outgoing around people I don't know, especially when I'm in familiar surroundings. But when I travel alone to big cities, I come right out of my shell, it's like I'm a totally different person. As you walk around a city, your feet will start hurting so find a bar, have a drink and start chatting with the folks around you. You'll meet locals and other travelers, so there's always something to talk about. Some of the best conversations I've had were when I was traveling. There's no pressure that way. If you make say something stupid, who cares? You'll never see these people again anyways, just have fun.
I think some people like yourself are more outgoing around unknown people in small groups because you have nothing to lose by being yourself and telling them what you think. It does not matter because you are likely not going to see them again and also they are more like a mirror for you because they too tell you what they think.
I myself noticed such tendencies like you described but they do not always occur around strangers. I can't get a grip on what exactly determines when I act that way though.
I'm the same way, I love traveling. It also might be because people in big cities are more open and liberal and less judging
I'm exactly the same. It's because I feel like they don't know who I really am so I can be anyone. Which is absolutely fucking ridiculous because why the hell can't I be like that normally? Haha, humans man, what a weird bunch.
Same. That phenomenon became apparent to me early in college (I'm 29 now) and it's driven me crazy since.
Same here! Just wish I could travel more... I'm a free bird stuck in a cage.
I love it when he answers questions without getting too intellectual, mythological, or psychological. His less academic sounding videos are among his most powerful. This one is straight-forward and something I can run with.
He’s totally right. Social anxiety comes from being overly self conscious, so focusing that energy externally rather than internally is a great start. Jordan knows his stuff.
Bro can u explain how to focus that engry externally a advice will be very helpful....
@@foreverprince_ You asked the right guy. Focusing your energy externally can be done by letting go of the negative, self conscious thoughts you may feel when talking to people. For instance, when in a group setting, worrying about what others are thinking about you only makes you look worse and awkward. Whereas letting go of those feelings and not giving a crud will make you more relaxed, thus making you shine more around people. Being good at socializing isn’t about controlling how you act, it’s about controlling your mindset, which will naturally make you attract more friends. Let me know if you have any questions.
@@JoshuaCastillo6309 Thank you so much man... I always get very curious when I go outside now i will keep that in mind
@@JoshuaCastillo6309 How do I do this? I keep reading and watching stuff but I don't understand. Is there special drugs I can take to make it easier?
@@graphs1524 There are drugs for anxiety disorders but it’s not recommended unless you’re experiencing debilitating anxiety and it’s ruining your life. For regular social anxiety though, simply not giving a fuck what people think about you, yet being nice until it’s time not to be nice goes a long way.
I'm probably one of the most antisocial people you will ever meet in your life. I don't have anxiety I just have nothing to say and no interest in small talk.
but you had to tell the internet?
Tshanot imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png
nespith nice try not clicking ur link
Tshanot you got me, totally going to hax you with a meme.
I'm both, anxious and don't like small talk.
Less friends = less complications, less obligations, and more free time!!!!
less chances of finding a lover = less chances of having kids = less introverted gene pool = darwinism
@@Fleathemighty wait, those are advantages too
Friendship is not for all. If u want to get sumone out of a complication which u think only u can, then u can but widout being a friend to dat person bcoz if u try to befriend him too much it wud only lead to an obligation which u wud expect frm dat person for the rest of ur life n if he dsnt dat wud hurt u.. Blessed r u if he'll keep u in his memories..
boom sarcasm?
boom why?
I have high functioning autism, and social interactions, though something I can observe and learn thru example and study, doesn't come naturally and requires active focus. I used to be a near shut in with massive social anxiety.
One day, after a very difficult period in my life where i learned to jump in situations and learn to swim, I got a job serving at a bar. The first couple weeks were _rough_ , but I noticed that I began to understand and be able to read people's social energy, and integrated what I saw into myself.
Suddenly, people were gravitating towards me, so much so that it was alarming at first. I learned that true confidence is going all in, knowing you might fall flat on your face, but knowing you'll be fine. I went from a deer in headlights to being able to walk into a room, read the energy and redirect it. My greatest weakness, that I have to actively pay attention to do what other people do without thinking, became my greatest asset.
Never be afraid to jump.
That's so encoucorgaing!
Emulating someone else does seem like the easiest way of socialising, but it makes me feel so vulnerable somehow, I don't understand it so I'm afraid of doing that. I'm sure people could tell when I'm "faking" it or acting out of my character, and I feel afraid of being called out on it
The problem is the lack of humanity I observe in the majority of people I meet. No compassion. No empathy. No depth. No interest in anything other than the appeasement of their own desires at the expense of genuine human interaction. Judging me for trivial things like what I wear or what I look like. I don't consider my self to be inherently more valuable compared to others because of my personality but I face continual disappointment when I interact with people in my age group.
The problem isn't that I fear them. The problem is I fear my ability to control my disgust for people who treat me like I'm beneath them which happens often. If you look at me like you're better than me or refuse to show me basic decency and respect as a fellow human being intentionally to tend to the wounds of your own insecurity then I feel and think about hurting you back.
This doesn't happen with older people but the millennial and generation Z age groups are just awful when it comes to these things. I don't want to be specific in the instances I've faced but there is almost a underlying evil to a lot of people I meet that they don't even seem to be aware of. People have become so arrogant, selfish and empty.
Justus T - I couldn't have said it better. Everything you wrote is spot on.
Agreed wholeheartedly. Well put
Sadly this is true. Empathy is rare to find especially in my generation of millenialls. Its usually the ones who have been through a lot of crap in life that have the most empathy I've noticed.
Wow. You just put into words my underlying thoughts about people these days. Thank you
Dude spot on comment. My thoughts exactly.
The older I have gotten the less social I want to be. Grumpy ass old man in training. :)
Same here :(
Hahaha xD
As long as you don't start shittalking about millenials...
Boohoo, [they] are so entitled, ambitious, so much better looking than I ever did and they have such cool stuff now too...
@@paulgoogol2652 ambitious ? Lol millennials are just the opposite of ambitious.
@@paulgoogol2652
The ambition of a millennial goes about as far as wanting the latest iPhone.
"Go out there'"- too hard :D
same
Do it do it
Instructions unclear, went out to a local store, got lost. Send help.
“Go out there” * *National* *Lockdown* *
@@themissinfowar6629 now i have an excuse to not go lol
This may not be the case for everyone, but it sure was the case for me. Awkwardness in social situations comes from a learned behaviour of suppressing yourself. That is, not wanting to let who you are as a person be truly seen by others. This is a habit people develop as a means of fitting in with a group, usually after experiencing the feeling of its opposite. So, when you are around people you fear might judge of perceive you in a certain way, you feel like you have to watch your back and watch what you say. This ultimately leads to a feeling that, no matter what you say, it's likely to be wrong. Hence shyness and social anxiety develop.
Any kind of 'get yourself out there' scares people, because ultimately all you're doing is numbing that fear you have of being seen - smothering it. For me, I get much more mileage out of the mantra 'allow'. Allow myself to be seen. It's ok now. It's safe. That feeling of being unsafe is only felt because I'm holding myself back. I'm bracing in preparation for some kind of emotional wound. If you subscribe to the mantra 'allow', then you will very slowly begin to release yourself from that prison of bracing and protecting yourself everywhere you go.
@patakanz, this Such a helpful perspective. Thank you for sharing, I sure can relate andthe allow mantra sounds safe. See what I did there? 😅
❤❤❤❤❤
Yep, tried it all over the years, everything he says in the video. Still have no new friends. Introversion is not the problem, the problem is how society is now. Dependency on phones and digital interactions, people changing jobs quickly, ditching relationships faster, moving cities often and the massive shift to the service industry which pressures everyone to be extrovert or suffer for it. We live in a disposable society. If you are still lonely, try turning to nature and spirituality.
Dan Richards I wish I could find a friend like you! Someone deep to talk to about art, nature, spirituality, society and philosophy. That would be all I really desired from a social life.
In my perspective, I would not blame "society". It's my fault for being unsociable, it's simple as that. I'm my own friend.
TRUTH!🙏
True and true! There's a lot of problems in our society. "Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy", that line from the movie Joker hit me really hard last year, because it was spooky how accurate it was as portraiting the mindset of modern people.
Yea, especially schools now, evryones so selfish.
I agree with this. I tried it. It works. Made friends and lost some of the social anxiety I grew up with. But then I made a 180 degree turn and regressed back worse than ever before. Because yeah, it's cool, people like being around you since you're a good listener. Even your responses are more thoughtful than most others since you really listen to them. But then you just realize than in turn, no one listens to you instead. It's cool to them when they're the ones talking, but when you start talking, they faze out, grew disinterested, giving lackluster responses. Why should I go on like that? Fuck them. And fuck it because most people are like that. Better listen to Peterson lectures than listen to them boasting or ranting with no effort for listen on their part.
Mad Fik very true, i could listen to someone talking about his struggles for an hour to understand them better and learn from them but in return they cannot even bear two minutes if i talked about personal struggle, properly because they cannot relate to you or they do not want negativity around them, so i speak about something they could relate too.
Mad Fik The key here it that you’re recognizing people aren’t listening to you. The response you had is that you should regress, but that means you’re taking their disinterest to heart. You have to realize that it ultimately doesn’t make a difference to you whether they listened or not because it’s their loss. They missed a chance to make a connection, not you. You’re going to have duds, bit that helps you recognize the people who do genuinely listen. Your goal shouldn’t be to befriend everyone.
To me, that says more about the individuals you were speaking to then it does you - they're not worth the listening time since they're not interested in you. That's actually a great lesson, although disheartening. From that you can say 'Okay, they're not worth bothering with and in future I'm going to test new people I talk to by finding out if they'll listen TO ME very early on in interactions with them. And if they don't, then I'm not investing my time/energy/effort with them'.
Probably the best tip I can give you is that if other people are genuinely interested in you, they will ask you questions - they won't expect you to do all the work. If they don't ask you questions, they're just interested in having someone to talk 'at'. You can find better people to talk to, and to get this far is excellent. Best wishes for the learning journey ahead (I'm on it too).
Very good, true advice. I neglected to think of more than one possible reason for OP's situation.
just get to know more ppl, you'll surely find someone who can do both
Friends are overrated. Having a really good pal is great, but quality pals are very rare.
Absolutely, and completely true. I can second this, from my 60 years of adventuring on this world.
Giant Robots are even better!!
THIS! Oh shit you're right, man. This fucking pop culture we live in where we're supposed to have 3+ friends that are more important than family, so unrealistic and unhealthy. Family is everything, if your family sucks and you're literally without a family, then make your own, no kids necessary, just find a special someone and BOOM, most problems solved.
Friends are definitely overrated in this day and age of use-dump relations in every social spectrum.
People are looking to Peterson for far too much. Hes a bright guy but there are tons of bright people around. Smart people are often wrong about many things. If somebody gives you good advice in one instance you need to understand that that doesnt mean hes going to have the correct answer in all cases.
Friends are overrated because you never know which ones are backstabbers
In college, I made a group of 4 friends who got me through alot of difficult phases of my life. Before that in highschool, I was a really awkward person with low self esteem but after meeting them I changed into this bright person with great humour and personality. They helped me find myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. A few weeks ago I started university, and we all changed paths so now I'm alone all over again. I met some new folks but they couldn't really match my vibe. I felt lonely for some days but quickly realized that I can't let myself fall into the same hole of self pity and depression again. I picked myself up and started to focus more on my studies and hobbies. Ever since then I no longer feel bothered for having no real friends. On weekends, I meetup with old college buddies and that instantly fills up the gap in my heart. For anyone who is struggling to make friends, don't force yourself to hangout with just anybody especially if they don't match your vibe. That relationship won't go anywhere and only exhaust you. Give it time. Focus on improving youself and the right people will come around just in time. With real people, you don't have to put extra energy or seek validation.
Mate waiting for people to come to you is not a good option. You have to put yourself out there not just wait for that random person to come in your life.
If you can just get a dog. A good pooch helps you with love towards others.
Also proven to lower blood pressure etc. Known fact.
@@robertdoble7665nah, pets are overrated. They simply cannot provide the same level of satisfaction that socialising with humans can. They're not a viable alternative or replacement for it.
@@FriendlyNeighbourhoodSpidey Then stay alone and think you are better.
@@robertdoble7665 I'm not alone, I have the company of humans and I prefer that to animals.
Good advice -- but once you start making friends, you have to hang out, do things with them, and remember their birthdays and stuff. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I concur.
yeah then you just need to be more upfront when you're becoming friends, and say basically what and who you are. For instance I cannot meet all the time etc, just be yourself and honest about what you can and cannot do. And then much like a love interest you have to work to find the right person who can be the right kind of friend for who you are.
That is unless you are subconsciously pushing people away through this because of deeper trust issues.
i honestly can't even remeber how I old I am.
snailspace
Yup!.....hanging out is so annoying expecially since all of my "friends" are married with kids so there's more people to be around than "necessary".
Plus they just happened to have a Single-Male-Friend visiting them while I'm visiting.
*Yeah, coincidence.*
So I don't feel free to talk about things I would like to.
((They are my coworkers from a previous job, that they worked first-shift while I worked 2nd shift. So we always have limited time to talk. And planned 'meet-ups'))
I haven't visited anyone in 2017. And hardly did 1-3 times all the years priors.
In my new job, I'm friendly but quiet.
I have noone's phone.
I try to make the relationships as dry as possible. Only talk about work.
I'm really helpful, I prefer to meet up to help someone move or whatever than sit on a couch with their families around.
I feel more comfortable around introverts and people that aren't from my home country.
Turquoise Cheetah I'm exactly the same. I love doing my own thing, and can never be bothered to go out with my friends. But when I end up going I do enjoy myself. Its strange.
I'm not very social but it doesn't really bother me. The majority of people I'm confronted with make alcohol the centerpiece of their social interactions and I just can't relate to these people. Every time I'm sitting with them trying to make conversation, all the conversations gravitate toward someone telling a story of a drunken night with so and so.
Thats what im saying. Everyone around me only talk about drugs, alcohol, and sex. Topics I dont care to constantly discuss. These are mostly coworkers too, not even close friends :/
Don’t follow, don’t consume, don’t watch, don’t believe. Stop following the culture and be the change you want to see in the world. Make your own culture.
Not everyone is like this my friends have the best conversations over drink, maybe it’s the people you hang out with
VPX4 dude so you‘re basically me
BULLSHIT. U ARE FULL OF EXCUSES AND BULLSHIT
I find socializing exhausting after a while.
congratulations you are an intovert
Heh no shit :D
Yeah, without much to show for it in the end. Relationships are brittle, even after years.
I was at a party yesterday, maybe i was too early but when the party really started i was already exhausted by socializing, and i just left.
@@hydreigon2709 Gee, do you consider socializing more exhausting than sex, for example?
I'm a salesman, I talk to people every day, and I STILL get crushing levels of social anxiety. It's just something you manage, its not something that ever leaves you.
I quit pron and my anxiety levels went down like 80%.
@@Chunkyjalapenoexplain
My social skills aren’t bad. It’s just that I miss the feeling of being alone a lot quicker than the feeling of being around others
Yeah I find my highest happiness by myself
nice excuse
@@ДаняРэм good excuse
@@jveerf8573 excellent excuse.
@@-Vitalis- astonishing excuse
My life has improved dramatically since I’ve isolated myself. All the pressure is off when you remove yourself from the hierarchy and stop the social games. I basically do what I want, when I want and have had the most amazing experiences.
I believe the biggest problem introverts have is they don’t accept themselves. They secretly wish they could be popular or likable. Accept yourself and let go of these desires that the rest of society and evolution tells you you need.
That's a really sad way to look at things.
@@cwheels01 in your point of view it is. Me, i think this person has a point. I have experienced bad relationships but still strive for better. I believe a certain amout of isolation for an instance a lonesome hike can help a person thinl through problems.
@@PetteriWar I'm introverted myself. I still don't live in complete isolation. And I think it's pretty clear that he's not talking about alone time in the woods. And I agree, it's definitely a good thing to be alone sometimes. Again, I don't think that's what this guy means.
His attitude is more than negative, it's unhealthy. Furthermore, it's foolish. People who live alone die alone.
I completely agree and understand :)
I also think when you accept yourself-it takes the pressure of and then your social interactions improve. You don't have to be isolated to take the pressure off. I will say that being 'social' with family or friends involves compromise and your willingness to want to do things for and with others that you may or may not want to do. For example, going out for someone's birthday because you know that's what they want (even if it is not something you would do). If you are unwilling to compromise like this, then you are right isolating yourself does take pressure off because you are no longer doing what others want. That's your prerogative but it's definitely a behavior that will lead you to no friends or close family-I don't know if that is the objective for most people.
This guy literally described my whole life in the first 30 seconds
MrBudulius Mine too untill I started meditating. Everything changed after that 😀
Mike Oxenfire Dude masturbation is like the worst solution. The only path to strength is THROUGH pain, not around it.
Yeah same tbh it sucks
Mike Oxenfire If you haven't already, search nofap. The reddit community is awesome
lostbraincell .... trick is to dont give a fk... dont worry about what others are thinking...just dont ever give a sht. Trust me. Nothing to be anxious about.
I'm social when I need to be but I also value my alone time. That's when I do my thinking, planning and de-stressing, which I value very much. Most people that know me outside of work think that I am depressed or abusing drugs and alcohol and avoiding social situations to hide the fact that I need help and that I'm unhappy because I'm single and haven't replaced my ex wife yet (I was married but my wife thought something was wrong when I wanted my alone time which would cause arguments and accusations). They genuinely think that I get lonely as easy as they do but I have always been the "lone wolf" type even as a child. I also have no desire to fit in, I like what I like and know who I am.
Man i was just scrolling these comments and yours hit me. I feel very similar dude. Lone wolf since i left high school and lost ties to friends. That's when i do my planning/thinking - yes absolutely. The desire to fit in has mostly gone these days too. I have the same final thoughts as well - i like what i like and i know who i am ( so screw them ).
Nice one dude.
Yes, I definitely need to decompress and recharge by myself too. My grown daughter lives with me, but that’s a different story. Her presence is welcome always.
I have two friends and some family that i’m grateful for. Those friends I talk to on the phone quite regularly (Too much for me actually, energy wise) but see them in person about once every other month on average. My close family (😅), most of them about 3/4 times a year except my dad who I can handle more often. Must in part because he’s a lot like me. Not a lot of small talk and he also gets tired of me after 2 hours or less so that’s perfect “Time to go home Fuzzy!?”
I love people and I love my space. It’s an absolute must that 90% of my free time is spent by myself. I find busy environments and social engagements extremely draining when it goes on for too long.
I’d love to live like my grandfather after he stopped working: he’d just take off to his log cabin and stay there by himself, go hunting, fix things in and around the cabin.. Talk to the birds a bit.
Enjoy your space 🤗
I am exactly the same
I hear you, I understand, I'm exactly the same. Was identified even as a very young child as a lone wolf. The frustrating thing is that society thinks of lone wolves as somehow socially inept, or attach negative traits to us. Most people think I'm an extravert, socially comfortable, often lead at work & socially. But I like the majority of my time alone. I've never experienced what people describe as 'loneliness' or 'boredom'. I'm very creative, and need time to think and make things, and recharge. My long term partner is a bit more sociable than me, but autistic, and we have the perfect arrangement whereby we live separately, but get together every week. When we're together, we're happy each to do our own thing. He writes, I'm an artist. Neither of us is suspicious of the other's need for solitude, we get it.
I hope I can have the mental strength like you. Pls teach me how to be mentally strong mate
I get anxious when I'm forced into a social situation and I don't have a reason to talk to the people. A conversation without a reason is just empty small talk imo.
Hououin Kyouma! Thats just an excuse
Tyler Swanson
No, it's a perfect reason not to talk to people.
Well then you get to understand one more person and maybe learn something from them and add to you tool belt of knowledge ... or make a friend.. the opportunities are endless.
I’m not social by any means and I have a lot of work to do but at least I’m not lying to myself to protect my ego
Small talk has value
Tuturu
Less people you know = Less problems, less crap.
Not if those few are crazy. Then you get concentrated drama
I mean. That might not be good in the long run. But I do agree with you, as well.
You could be right👉
Less people = less life experiences, miss out on potential friends
rockyp32 true, less support, more anxiety, more depression
Today's society is not social friendly and that's the basis for so much depression today. marriage rates have gone down and people stay single for longer periods. If you actually try to go out and make friends in person you're often seen as desperate or weird while sitting in front of your computer alone in a cubicle is considered normal. Ironically, you're more likely to make a friend if you're seen as normal and for this reason many people avoid actually trying to make friends. If you go out by yourself you can be seen as weird too so you need to find a friend who wants to do the same things you do just to "get out there" and not be seen as a social pariah. Unless you were lucky enough to be born into a emotionally secure environment and were able to grow up with childhood friends, it's very hard to make meaningful social connections later on in life. I'm speaking as someone who routinely meets people and hangs out with them so I don't have social anxiety and I do have friends, but it is difficult to maintain relationships. It's just that today's world doesn't support social bonds the way our DNA meant for us to have.
Sad but true
You explained the factual or realistic sociatel environment, out there.
I agree with it, more than what jordan peterson gave as advice for non social individuals. ,♤
Seems like it’s just not on the cards for me to have a good social support system. I’ve tried for years intermittently to create that for myself. I form a very close friendship for a year or so then they just disappear. My partner suggested I have a large group of friends so that when a friendship inevitably ends it’s not so painful for me. But it’s hard enough ‘securing’ one friend let alone a bunch. It takes a lot of effort and time to maintain a single friendship. I just don’t have the energy. It’s hard when I look around and I see people seemingly easily maintaining social relationships, having fun and laughing. I feel I need that too but it’s such a struggle, particularly because of my gender, sexuality, etc I’m not a typical person
@Oliv trees i always go out alone and i enjoy it and am normal
Indeed.
I totally agree
The minute he said “if you have questions, ask questions, people love questions bc it means you’re listening”, I said “yeah just don’t ask a ‘dumb’ question” and sure enough a minute later he said “there’s no dumb question” lol. I agree, but most present day humans make automatic misjudgments about your character if you don’t quite know the subject they’re talking about, or don’t connect dots immediately. (Ppl would like to think they’d be kind and patient, but most ppl have a inflated sense of their own morality, so don’t be so quick to assume you’re kind and patient). So anyways, you stop their storytelling to ask them to explain and they secretly make judgements to avoid convos with you. He then says “if ppl think it’s a stupid question, go find other ppl”……yeah when most ppl are impatient or turned off by those who don’t “get it”, you quickly run out of ppl to be so-called “be social” with. Solitude is king; sue me.
I’m an introvert and one of the things I think constantly is “why are people so bad at being alone?” I think it’s much worse being a person who can’t be alone then be a person who loves being alone. I have a very small group of friends that I’m fine hanging out with like once and week. But otherwise I love being alone. Being around people for to long seriously overloads my brain. I can’t handle it.
I’m the same, honestly I enjoy hanging out with a small group of friends once in a while, but once I stay for too long around them, my brain goes into introvert mode again and I lose all my social skills. Also, If I start hanging around with a large group of people, I just feel like I don’t belong, idk.
Cuz you're assuming everyone else is in a situation where they can hang out with people one a week. One a week is a very good amount. Lot of people out there where they might hangout with someone once a month, more of a challenge.
Good comment, Mary
because humans are social animals, that's why we live in a society
Yeah but do people really like being alone for extended periods of time? I can’t imagine people want to live alone their whole lives. We’re social animals
My best interactions with people is when I'm yelling at them to get off my lawn.
Go to bed Clint.
@@DonEnzone it's not 7 yet, and get off my lawn!
Sidney Fein !!!! Get off my lawn
Sidney Fein 😂😂😂😂
ahahaha.. i like that
I'm not social as in I don't spend a lot of time with people but when I do, I naturally ask a lot of questions and want to know about them. I think many introverts are just this way, naturally good listeners, but the social challenges lie more in being in the spotlight, taking your place, keeping a relationship (initiating contact regurarly) etc. I guess this advice covers some type of social unskilledness.
Txtspeak Yes. I completely agree. Public speaking is simple because you're there to deliver a message without having to worry much about a reaction or response. A relationship, on the other hand, is like an unpredictable roller coaster ride. You have ups and downs, and you have to know how to deal with them as they come.
S E UOTILA
Agreed
Txtspeak Relationships are so much tougher .. Its like Confidence VS. Boldness
simone solandres well said :) i agree
simone solandres "Most of my friends are Jewish!" -- Jordan Peterson. Of course they are or we'd never hear your neutered jew usury caste system supremacist cabal-free conversations. The next time someone tells you that jews aren't leading us all around to be enslaved or slaughtered, show them this. Anyone indulging jews or are jew, should be closely monitored by their military, in every nation. The very nature of the words jews, "Chosen Ones" is repugnant and regressive from the word go!
th-cam.com/video/eiYNX_8j4SQ/w-d-xo.html
Sigmund Freud plagiarized Friedrich Nietzsche on the topic of mans suppressed aggression, see Friedrich Nietzsche a Philosophical Biography by Julian Young. "Bob Dylan never had an original thought." -- Joni Mitchell. In 1977 Jew Jonas Salk testified he inadvertently caused more polio to a much wider population. To this day jews say he cured polio. "Never Trust A Jew!" -- Nikola Tesla Henry Ford wrote an entire book on Int'l Jewry's wickedness as well as Cicero wrote thousands of years ago. When there was no Zionism Bolshevism or Khazar Theory, Israeli Army bulldozed Peace Activist Rachel Corrie, not once but twice. USS LIBERTY torpedoed by Israeli servicemen killing 34 and wounding 174.
Jewry is regressive, not evolution. "Jewishness is public masturbation!" -- Gilad Atzmon ex jew, he denounced jewry. Usury (Jew) vs Labor (Gentile) Labor must prevail...
Go to Perth, Hamptons, Hilton Head, the Middle East, they plot for prime real estate coastal properties are their favorites.
Can you imagine having exclusive Malibu property and still wanting a land grab thousands of miles away? And a population indulging such a premise? Jew' Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas' son, would utter these prophetic words in his movie🎥 "Wall Street", "Greed is good!" Yes, jew shit is a 'contagion type' of demonic possession.
Starts at 1:27
th-cam.com/video/2MsvJHwHHQg/w-d-xo.html
Everyone except for my wife and kids can take a back seat as far as I’m concerned. Some things happened recently with my family and made me realize some people aren’t as close as you think and that made me reevaluate every relationship in my life and I’ve determined that my wife and kids are the only people worth the effort.
THIS.
This is what I'll do in job interviews when I get nervous - ask the interviewer questions!! 😂
Have fun with all those rejections!
Actually it works, usually I say “ok so let me ask you questions” they love it, it’s not about they interviewing you, you are interviewing them too. I guess someone might say “well you might not have job” or something like that, trust me I’ve got all of the jobs I wanted. (I never had chance to be interviewed by google tho 😂)
Mr. JustAGuyWithALightsaber
No homeboy, you also 'hire' the boss - you're not a slave. You may be, but you can still choose what 'master' you'll serve. Be bold & you'll like yourself much better.
unknown unknown
Well said!
Some companies (or basically any group) look prestigious on paper, but inside can have a dysfunctional family dynamic of sorts ha ha.
It's good to vet the people/place you're potentially going to be spending many hours with/at. Of course, doing it as tactfully and professionally as possible.
A few questions can often immediately raise red flags to your benefit & save everyone's time and energy if it's not the best place for you:)
You're basically interviewing each other, they keep you at your word, you keep them at their word. They may especially appreciate your questions if they are new at hiring, and forget some details.
Yes ask questions in interviews. Interviewers love that. It shows that you are interested I'm the job and that might separate you from other job hunters
“Learn to listen better” and “ask questions” are the two best pieces of advice for getting better at socializing for both socially anxious people or people who are just really introverted, imo. Very easy way of turning small talk into a good conversation with someone too. Worked great for me when I was in high school at least. It’s how I made some close friends there.
When I like someone a lot, I always want to talk to that person. I usually ask a lot of questions. I don't care what kind of questions they are, I just want to be talked to. And now everyone thinks I'm a girl who asks a lot of stupid questions.... I'm shy to ask now...
I always lose friends because they want to hang out every week, and that seems like a lot to me. I just need someone who is also an introvert, who likes to eat burritos and play video games.
I would love that too.
I'd like someone who I could go to gigs with, talk about movies, music, books, life and stuff. Who knew with nearly 7.5 billion ppl in the world it would be so difficult to meet someone really well matched to you lol
The problem is, they rarely go out and talk... So chances are very slim for two of the opposite sex to meet and know anything about each other. 🤣🤣(Wrote this at the comfort of my room alone😑😑)
So much this. I just don’t have time to “be there” for anyone who isn’t doing what I’m already doing so I’d rather have a friendship that doesn’t require that.
Yeah, man. Let me stop working on all this stuff I’m doing so we can “hang out.” If doing that stuff were “hanging out,” then things would be much, much smoother. ;)
You should come hang out with me then. Introvert paradise here and it's nice to be in the company of the opposite sex, for obvious cuddle buddy and sexual reasons.
As someone who has intrinsic social limitations in the form of high functioning autism, I want to say this. This man is a genius, a humanist and a compassionate person. And I appreciate his advice as it has helped me already.
Social people whom lack confidence or get anxious are the ones who should ‘just get out there’. preferentially not talking is different than being too anxious to do so. I talk when i need to just fine, I just rather listen to my own being than have to outwardly express everything. Being alone is also a preference and is not superior or inferior to being with company. There are pros and cons to both traits introversion and extroversion.
Interacting with people is a fairly integral aspect of surviving for most people that work for a living, to say that being an introvert is not superior or inferior to being an extrovert is kind of just denying the reality of surviving in the modern world, that we have to rely on others for our own survival and being well liked is generally something that makes living easier and more enjoyable (which generally just comes from socializing more and is necessary in alot of jobs/career paths). To me, it seems alot like your trying to justify not living life in favor of comfort
Ethan Rupracht so you think relying on others is best, but you clearly forget the benefits of not relying on people. That is, those people can do what they need instead of helping you and you become more self sufficient by doing things yourself. I have never had trouble doing most things myself, but It’s true that I will always have to outsource work that I am incapable of. I just don’t see the problem of doing most things by myself.
Also, a person who is introverted doesn’t talk much. They don’t crowd the floor with expression. They pay attention and learn more things as a result of doing so. It’s just like a classroom, the student who talks is not paying attention. The world is an open classroom for all things in life to be observed and learned from.
I think your misunderstanding what I am saying. I'm not saying you should survive by leeching off of other people (which should be obvious if you actually read the first post), I'm saying you have to trade money for goods and services that are provided by other people in order to survive Most people work for a living. When you work for a living, you usually have to interact with an employer, as well as coworkers (who you may have to cooperate with on projects/work/whatever), and potentially customers/clients (as well as usually having to be fairly exceptional at networking with other people and being able to promote yourself well if you work for yourself). Your success in these realms, in alot of businesses, rely heavily on your ability to interact with/manage/influence/please other people.
On top of the fact that in modern society there are very very few ways to survive completely without other people and most of those ways involve living alone in the woods off of berries and shit. Look, I'm sure you have a comfortable living situation right now but I dont think you understand how the real world works nearly as well as you think you do. The nature of life is change and you dont really know how long that living situation will still be viable for sure (none of us do, all of life is a wager to quote Hitchens)
Real human connection makes up a large part of what contributes to happiness (and is a large part of security in general) and though there definitely is value in periods of introversion, I wouldn't paint yourself into the corner of intrinsically identifying as an introvert through and through. Being good at communicating genuinely, honestly, and accurately (which is something you develop through practice) is, at least, just as important as learning (though I definitely agree that learning/educating yourself is important and undervalued by most extroverted people)
I was very introverted for the first twenty years of my life. I used to think alot like you, Im just trying to offer the advice that I wish someone had offered me
Also the loneliness gets worse with time (ime)
The person asking the question clearly wants to be more social so yeah that person should get out there.
"Face your problems in order to solve them"
One of the truest advices of all
But I just can't solve them. So that's it!
@@Av3nger747you don't know until you tried.
Being an introvert isn't a problem. It's a personality type.
did this from 17 to 21. only made things worse
I had a terrible time socially my whole life until I finally realized that I prefer being alone and reclusive. Once I stopped being pressured by other people all the time to be more social, to find a "soul mate" and all that crap, I was finally able to start enjoying life. Now, I can't imagine living with someone else. I couldn't be happier.
Burning bridges and preventing intimate social relationships altogether because you're worried about the pressure of being pressured is just going to prevent you from experiencing the positives of social interactions (y'know, the respect type), but you need to know how to better handle innocent questions like that if they do appear, otherwise you're just gonna be a powder keg and people will resent you for it.
@@ChickenSDS I dunno about that, for me the negative aspects of social Interactions far outweigh the positive ones. I find it jarring that people can´t accept if somebody says that he Does prefer to live a lonesome life. Doesn´t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with them.
@@stadeh4906 I agree. After my wife died (4 years ago from cancer, young) I pretty much stayed to myself. I feel better being by myself. Too many people you might think of developing a friendship with bring nothing but BS and drama...I don't need or want that in my life. I have one true friend, him and his family. I see them about twice a week and I see my family every day.
Identify your own values. Fitting some utopian social interconnectivity with productivity metrics of success, isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But the socially adept butterfly type want everyone to join in so they’re the dominant personality style. How sad. What does that say about their social life? Without vast ‘friendship’ circles they’re alone. Orson Wells said, “We’re born alone, we die alone, it’s only by the presence of friends and lovers that we create the illusion of not being alone”. Often the socialite can’t function without others adulation. The loner can. We need to value social skills less and insularity more. If aloneness was a norm depression and loneliness wouldn’t be such an issue.
I agree with this sentiment wholeheartedly.I’m happy as hell living alone.Just me,my drugs,my weapons,my plans..I think I’ll take a shower now.🤔
Social interactions with human beings spark something within me, I suddenly feel a sense of confidence and courage. But I do not have many such interactions. Most of the time, when I'm not alone in my room, I just observe and listen to other people talking and socially interacting. I enjoy hearing their stories, stupid as they may sometimes sound. I cannot deny the feel of envy that arises then within me. And so I return back to my room, with envy turned into sadness, and every night before sleeping I imagine a world where I am not so lonely and anxious, a world where confidence and courage are ever accompanying me.
As an introvert who has experience in social situations as well... The older I get, the more selective I get about the company I keep.
If I find the right group of people, I can be totally comfortable and happy.
If I don't vibe with the group, I'm like a cat that refuses to be held.
I find that to be true about becoming more selective over time. With true friends, it doesn't require a lot of effort (or stress) to be with them. Friendship in which one person puts forth too much of the effort needs to be reassessed ...
I've often found that within different social groups there tends to be one fucking asshole whom I just cannot tolerate and it really sours my perception of other people within that group when they either cannot see or straight up embrace said person's behaviour.
And within time I found nobody around... I had found that the ones who aproach me ... Always were looking for something then no payback!
So had stop insisting on relations and they just vanished!
HoSmokes
@@horysmokes3339 You just described why I spend most of my time in my room alone. Nobody stood up for me and when I did it for myself I was told to kill myself.
I used to be really socially awkward and socially unintelligent and then one day I realized I didn't have to be this way and slowly built up my knowledge of patterns and etc. Now I consider myself actually quite socially adept, I can come off as a high energy, upbeat person that can hold the center of attention without hiccup. The problem is that I find this very draining, and always feel as though I am simply just acting a part, which in essence I am. This sense of "I could act cosmopolitan, but it's really a lot of work" has grown so much lately to the point where I loathe social interaction beyond a very select few people, not because I am bad at it per se but because it is just so draining for me to put up an act for long to the point where the momentarily subsiding loneliness isn't worth the effort. People often categorize me as "flaky" because one moment I can act very interested in them and eager to talk, and the next I withdraw to myself. Can't seem to find a way to balance my social exhaustion and loneliness. Wanted to know if there were any people out there that relate to this, or even have found a way to better their circumstance.
Find something you're genuinely passionate about and work towards it. Having to wear the mask for the sake of keeping strangers comfortable is absolute aids. When you've got something you really care about, they pick up on that sense of purpose. They gravitate towards you in the same way they flee someone who depresses them. It will drastically cut down the amount of time you have to wear the mask when they're deciding there's something about you that they like before they even approach you.
@@TheEd0205 thank you for the thoughtful response. It's funny that you mention working toward your passions, as I actually spend the majority of my waking hours working on various things I am passionate about. The problem for me is that the things I am passionate about all are tied to self-improvement. I like to quietly hone my abilities, such as going to the gym, practicing an instrument or improving at a videogame. A lot of people I know either have absolutely no idea what I am passionate about because I prefer to work on things alone, or they are aware but have no way to take that any further as a connection. Any suggestions in this regard?
@@Keemin People that do things related to any of your hobbies will pick up on the subtleties of it in your behavior. If you run somewhere, other soccer players will pick up on your form. When you write or fill something in with a pen, other artists will notice how gently put down the lines. When you help a stranger lift something heavy, someone who practices with free weights will notice if you're lifting with your back. If you'd like to find more friends with similar interests just look for the hints in their behaviors.
Your clothing does this sometimes too. When I wear a bike shirt sometimes people will start conversations with it. I have a shirt that has "warning: short temper" with the classic veigar drawn below and encountered a league player.
@@TheEd0205 Truthfully dude, I can see what you're trying to get at but I think the examples you gave (maybe minus the league of legends tshirt) are pretty far fetched. But even looking past that, the main issue for me is not that I can't find people who share my interests, but that I enjoy doing all of these things alone. I don't like playing guitar in a band, I like learning solo pieces. I don't like 5v5 custom games or even duo queue, I like solo queue. I don't like going to the gym with other people. I don't like going to melee tournaments, I like netplay. So basically everything that I am genuinely passionate about is inherently an individual activity, which doesn't lead to social situations.
And I don't *like* social situations. This leads me to think that the hobbies aren't really the focus here. I enjoy these isolated hobbies because of something deeper than that, maybe because I don't feel as much pleasure from human connection compared to the average person.
I do have to thank you for this discussion, though, because it's gotten me thinking about it more and I now realize that I dislike social situations until they are unavailable to me, at which point I suddenly yearn for them. It's a weird paradox in which I actively dismiss invitations to things and withdraw from society, and then once I am finally alone I look around asking "Why isn't anyone talking to me?" I don't like going out, but I hate having no one asking me to go out. My ideal world, as strange and frankly maybe narcissistic as it is, is one in which people unceasingly ask me to spend time with them and I unceasingly decline, save for the occasional exception. Perhaps something happened during my developing years that I don't remember that has caused this neurosis. Maybe I was starved of attention at some point in my life, but I have no recollection of such a time. Indeed, I have been told by friends and family that even when I was in Kindergarten I grew tired of waving back to my classmates when they waved at me, and so ignored them completely. Not sure what to make of this or why I'm posting it here, but at least I feel like I've identified my problem a little better.
@@TheEd0205 I have even considered from time to time whether I could be categorized as a sociopath. I don't think I could be, because I definitely do recognize emotion in myself and in others, and am pretty easily moved to tears out of empathy for a close friend or family member, something I have read that sociopaths cannot do without faking it. My best guess is that I am actually quite the opposite of a sociopath, that I am socially hypersensitive. To protect myself from feeling intensely offended, saddened or other unsavory emotions I have chosen to put up a very, very convincing wall which I have fortified and improved over the course of many years. I think this wall has become so convincing that I have even managed to convince myself to an extent, repressing this fragile part of my psyche. The conflicting duality of callousness and social hypersensitivity is causing a crisis in my conscious self, which is this unending struggle I feel between them.
Been reading a bit of literature on psychoanalysis, sorry if this is all very Freudian of me.
I feel fully competent in 1 on 1 interactions, and enjoy them. Groups are my problem. Not only do i get anxious and awkward, but in my mind the quality of interaction goes down (becomes less interesting and engaging) in large or even moderate sized groups.
Can anyone relate or is this my own little pathology that makes me feel better about having poor social skills in group interactions?
It's not pathological. It's logical. In a group it's harder to listen to everybody, one dominant speaks each time, harder to seize opportunists to control the topics. But I think Peterson's advise applies even here: listen, blend in, and then lead and come up with things of your own. First let them think you are one of them, then when you're accepted as a legit member of the group you start lead and they follow. I got this idea from Adam Scott, who is expert in hypnosis. He argues Donald Trump did this with the right-wingers: first he made them believe he is one of them, then he started leading them making them accept his ideas that otherwise they would've never accept such as gays are ok etc. Controversial example but that's the idea in a nutshell.
Rickity Cricket for many ppl its the opposite. 1 on 1 the other person's focus is all on you when you re talking. 1 on 1 ur supposed to talk more and bring more to the conversation because you re the only person the other is talking to. And if you show any symptoms if anxiety or showing you re uncomfortable that person will notice it
Totally agree. Egos tend to distort things. But you can also learn to accept the low quality content for what it is rather than rejecting it in the moment.
Rickity Cricket #1 nice name ya god damn street rat, #2 research shows that when being in an outgroup, the ingroup is viewed as a collective form of judgement, a dynamic and fluid entity that represents power. One person in the outgroup feels as though he has to appease all of the individuals in the ingroup in order to be accepted.
Another Jordan Peterson video can be help for you: th-cam.com/video/M8GSf5cYCvE/w-d-xo.html There is part about interactions in group.
I personally get overwhelmed in crowds and large groups. While there is fear (social anxiety) there is also a feeling of being different. I’ve never related to people and never understood why people have this need to share. Practising being social only made me feel more different and left out
i have been isolated since mid adolescence and young adult and I agree with ur statement. Like evolution if u walk off the path of thought and common ideology and take interest in ur own when u come back to the crowd u will be even more differed t than u were previously. When the previous u still was quite different now ur a whole alien. But that probably isn’t a good perspective to hold despite half truth. Learning to chill out more and get into my hobbies, literature, film which makes me care less about others in tern making me more relaxed in social situations so my “natural social abilities” can kick in.
Once my mind is a little more straightened out I will also pick up fitness related hobbies, with gym, basketball, martial arts, overlap with nature all being possibilities.
So there is plenty of room for me to make myself feel better, ideally I could do this with other people but I can’t due to slight innate difference and long term Isolation as my coping behaviour. I may or may not get over this (it’s quite bad) but atm focusing on this self isolation does no good in solving the problem!
@@relaxedforger Thanks for sharing. It's good to know we are not alone in the struggle to connect to society around us. Let's continue to aim to become the best version of ourselves and see where our life goes :)
As some one who used to be very social in my early teens and 20s I can tell you now it’s all overrated. I’m 28 now and have 2 solid life long friends who I know I can trust. Towards my mid 20s I started waking up to the fact that all these people I was having fun with on nights out and enjoying their company and having them enjoy mine aren’t really ever your friends and are just associates. I’m actively less social now than I used to be and o enjoy the mellower, calmer life. The thing is when you have so many “friends” so much of your time and energy is being spent on them that you sort of lose your own identity and passion for yourself and your own life.
Not to mention that if you have a busy social life then not only do you get all the good times but all the bad too. You end up being burdened with everybody else’s life problems.
My advice for people who aren’t that social. Seriously don’t sweat it, your suffering from the illusion of missing out. If you have one or two solid strong friendships them role with it because your golden. Spend all the remaining free time you have to work on building yourself and the future you want and doing the things you enjoy, the funnest of which you will find can be done solo.
I just want 1 good friend I can hang out on the weekend with if I feel like it. No pressure. We go out when we think we can do something fun together. With too many people friendships are a job.
Thanks brotha
Yeah I'm 19 and i learned to keep to myself a long time ago. Groups just don't work because of the asinine drama over meaningless things. I've never understood the reactions people to have to small things. It's not the end of the world, stop getting pissy and let everyone go about their day.
To me, the stress and drama of hanging out with a group is not worth it. Like you said, best keep it to a few reliable friends. The only person I've stuck with is my best friend who i met 10 years ago and we still talk and sometimes hang out despite moving around alot
But you made those friends by socializing and now youre saying socializing isnt important?
@@ren.8137 yeah because I’ve been there to experience it and understand how over hyped it is. Like I said I used to be social but now I’m older and not so much anymore I understand that my life is much more peaceful and I don’t really miss all the taking and excessive “friends” got three solid buddies who I see a few times every few months n that’s it
I'm pretty bad at being social. I think I found another solution. Embrace your poor social skills. Don't talk if you don't feel like talking. Don't talk about things you don't want to talk about. Dont over think about socializing or what reply is good or bad. Doing this relaxes me to the point of no care. If you relax and stop acting to try and please people, you will not be a victim of your "poor" social skills. You will be you like never before. Embrace who you are. Dont try to become what people want you to be.
lee lee The point of what James meant was to not feel like you have to please anyone though. If someone feels offended by it, then oh well.
This works if you're truly happy being yourself. But not if you're giving up and creating excuses to make yourself feel better. There is a distinction, and I feel it's important, because I've done both of those. I don't think "letting oneself off the hook" is necessarily conducive to personal growth. That said, I do get what you're saying, and I'm probably somewhat that way myself. I was a social pariah in high school, but I feel much, much more comfortable nowadays.
All it took for me was a change in environment. Just talking to different people, encountering different situations. I didn't feel as though I was doing anything any differently, but people received me much more positively, for some reason. That positive feedback gave me enough confidence to make peace with myself and my way of being, and now that carries through to all interactions I have. Ironically I can talk to many more different kinds of people much more easily because I'm not always overthinking so much. I have a long way to go still, but I'm much better than I was. Sometimes you just have to find what works for you.
You are right but... You only have one life (depends on your relegion though) and there are so intresting things and So So Sooo many interesting people that you might never meet because of that :/ . I am not saying that you should always socialize. Do it in your own rythym but do it.
I'm not anti-social,but I have forgotten how to have fun.
I have completely lost my funny side.
@@boeretoer do some yoga and meditation. you have too much life ahead of you!! good luck on your journey :)
@@boeretoer you talk like it lasted a long time but no, it was only 3 years!!! I hope you get better soon and never lose hope in love :) (sorry for my bad english)
Chris Been in your shoes with a narcissist gf some years back, only those intimately involved with one can truly understand the chaos and pain they bring. Once they reveal themselves there's so much confusion and anger, then there's the "never trusting another person" phase that can last months, years, or forever for some. All I know is it was an experience that broke me down the most but also taught me more about myself than any before and I'm grateful for the lessons I learned. Never let someone so close to you without proper screening and never make the same mistake twice
Sounds like me after ending my marriage 3 years ago. I totally get you. The first thing I did was buy a sail boat to put a roof over my head
@@happyozzie how much are they running now a days? And you pay for a spot at the marina or you live out at sea
"Get the hell out there and practice"
No, I don't think I will
Captain...is that you!
I find that my silence makes people uncomfortable....I enjoy that immensely
Sameeeeeee...
It make me feel awkward :-/
You are twisted.
@@jus4000kicks true, true
@@mikedee8876 😆
People are cruel, that's why I like my own company.
Some people are but yeah I completely understand you. I think it shouldn't be a must having lots of friends and lots of occasional conversations. But if your social anxiety is interfering in other areas of your life then you should do something about it.
Well yah but find proper friends :)
@@senior7407 bullshit , I’m not shy or anxious like I would have a conversation with any random person but I’m socially inept I make people bored to the level that since years I haven't met someone who is interested in being friend of mine , unwanted neglected everywhere I go
@Tyler H that depends on what you consider cruel besides you are not living in the same society + maybe he socially inept and targeted by sick people who take advantage of desperate lonely people
@@Mohammed-yd4uc are your problems long gone by so far?
I used to be so outgoing as a child and then I would slowly start to get bullied a lot for being annoying which completely destroyed my confidence. So from that point foreword I was quiet bc I didn’t wanna annoy anyone. But then in highschool even tho I was so quiet I got made fun of for how I look??? So ya this is why ppl scare me now and make me sad lmao
All of this bullying or insulting can be avoided if u were a loner everyday of ur life
The more you love yourself. I always start my day with me🤗
Same tbh. I'm 29 now and my best advice is to work on asserting yourself and putting your own needs before those of people you do not care about.
Most people are selfish, horrible creatures going about life on autopilot preprogrammed to take a mile every time you offer them an inch. Actually I don't think most people are like this, I just think it's how they act most of the time... which you can fix by being assertive.
I find I stay away from people because they always seem to dissappoint me with their greed, lack of kindness, and so many other negative aspects. Better to have a dog
This exact same situation and scenario is happening to me rn
I used to be insanely social & outgoing, super extroverted & I moved away from my home to the other side of the country & just become really isolated and shy, I can’t even socialise anymore and I miss it.
me fr, covid hit like a truck and right after covid has just ended i moved. boom now i am the opposite of myself 4 years back
On the contrary. When you do pay attention, watch and listen. You realise that "getting yourself out there", to most people, means struggle, competition, comparison with others, fighting over opinions, money, etc. Which are in actuality, some of the causes of violence, depression, and sorrow in the world. It's in the family too sometimes. I personally opted out of that stupid game. And my life is very simple, contented, healthy, sane and secure. And that's coming from an introvert that isn't social much.
EDIT: This is NOT advice. Please don't see it as such. Be sceptical. That's my advice :)
You have no clue what you're talking about.
Hey me too! I feel less lonely when im alone to be honest. Im plenty social, but I just enjoy being alone.
Well spoken.
No man is an island. It's really difficult to have a forfilling life constantly alone or never testing yourself.
@Fonz Amoris Absolutely. And i have met some great people, not disputing that. But i have also met the not so good people, and learned from that too. Thanks.
I'm tired of people complaining about introverts persons.. there is so much negative vibes and toxic peoples out there in this world that we feel better alone 🙏
That's kinda really sad man
AMEN
Elam Preach it!
Elam Exactly. 99.9% of the problems in the world are because a so-called “extrovert” wanted to impress other people
@@wesleycristman3278 School Shooters tend to be introverts who wants to impress people, you are doing a false generalization, introversion doesn't mean you are expelled from doing evil things or making problems inside society.
I hate chaos, I like peace and quiet.
Chaos is a ladder...
In short you don’t speak to others due to your superior thinking, in other words to smart to interact with such people, the same concept of which some say there to smart to be successful, they deserve it automatically.
Idk I got rapid adhd... this one is taking me Rn... 2 mabye 1 minute to type,,,,,lol I gotta go to bed wtf am I doing lol. Shit I’m still fking typing....lol didn’t I write something like this 20 mins ago. Idk wait I just came up with something!
Someone could write the best book in the world with amazing writing story telling diverse attitudes of character with many attention payed....but it’s in a foreign language no one knows. And to those people deemed useless. It doesn’t matter how good you are if you can’t put to those results.
Idk.....ima go to bed. Shit it’s late. K bye. Oh and I was thinking
If yo u reply that means you are as dumb as I am if that is the very concept of me wasting my time rn. The point is you took your time to type it.....fk ima sleep now zzz🤧. Ok it was 9:00 now it’s 9:08 I gotta sleep bye ima paste this cuz I fed superior to YT commenters and stuff. Lol I’m joking. Actually wait....LOLOL
what sensible person likes chaos, Captain Obvious?
Most people are toxic nowadays,it's much essential to be alone or have few.
I like being peaceful and quiet in chaos
I'm an introvert and this is exactly the method I used if I get socially awkward at a lot of situations. I act all bubbly and friendly, ask them random questions as I put a smile on my face, even though I'm a nervous wreck. But most of the times, my social anxiety kicks in and proceed to go back to square one.
once i tried to be social and outgoing by reaching out for a handshake and i was literally left hanging for 10-11 seconds in front of 5-6 people including my parents.
Handshakes are best for people you're meeting for the first time.
Your timing must've been way off lmao. Just don't try to hard; do what comes natural.
Predawn Precipitation It just feels that way because of all the tension and anxiety in the body. If you're fully relaxed, you'll be able to converse with people smoothly. You may have noticed that this is why you can speak to your friends more easily than strangers. I used to be like this, but then I started meditating, and everything flipped.
+Carl-Richard Løberg that gives me hope
Predawn Precipitation I just talk about current events like trump, hurricane Harvey, my weekend just dont think too much man
We need to stop pretending like introversion is a problem. Instead, we should address the real problem of meaningless, mindless, conversations which deserve no response.
So true. I wouldn’t mind getting out more if it wasn’t so superficial and fake most of the time.
THIS! ☝️
I was always curious about people who say this. Why don't you simply go out and start the conversation that is meaningful to you then? Idk, I feel like you have to appreciate those you at least try to START a conversation (which is difficult for a lot of people), instead of judging it by saying its superficial or fake because it takes two to have a convo and YOU can ultimately steer the direction to something more meaningful if you choose to
Truth
@@MM-kb5ji I do and people can’t handle it. They usually think it’s weird or afraid to talk about certain subjects.
I think I'm somewhere in the middle of not caring enough to interact w people and also wanting to interact w ppl more. On one hand, it'd be nice to have a bigger, better, deeper social life but on the other hand, once I'm actually doing it, forcing myself to socialize w people, I feel so bored to death by all the interactions, I begin remember why I'm antisocial in the first place.
philip j. cry you need to meet people that have the same interests as you, it's the only way.
I feel the same way. 😕
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Some people are happy not being social. All people do is become an anchor in your life. You are the star of your movie. Everyone else is the character actors. Who cares what they say or think. When you leave high school you lose your high school friends. When you get married you lose your single friends. That's life. I have always stuck to my purpose and am happy with my outcome in life. The ultimate freedom is not caring what others say or think.🤷
And you realize that most people are not even worth the time.
@@jimmyjoe1591 That's correct. I choose to interact with people who fuel me, not the people who are an anchor.
@The-You-Doober
I could not agree more. 😊👍
You my dear have understood what 99.9% of what society doesn’t. Life is to be lived inside out, not outside in. This has been a game changer for me.
"Ask them questions"
"Ya like jazz?"
@@AndreiBYhappy That's never a good idea if you want to have a good, peaceful conversation.
😂
Well you know , I'm something of a scientist myself
@@JohnCena8351 Not if you're someone who has values, at least.
@@cwheels01 I don't know what this has to do with values.
People get irrational angry at you for having a differente opinion, especially when you talk about politics.
3 years ago i FINALLY decided to go into a Gym and try to start Hobby Bodybuilding age 33 i always wanted to do that since the age of 18 But i was to scarred that people would Judge me.
But they didnt they respect You for trying hard and give your all. I even made new Friends in 3 years and i can Finally talk to women i couldnt do that for all my Life. My diet is also a lot healthier now.
Congrats man!
keep up the good work
and good luck to everyone else out there!
Let me guess: Planet Fitness. No judgment zone.
@@StephenDoty84 That's not body building. That's leftist fitness.
Stephen Doty we all start somewhere man
Great story bro. Keep up the good work.
I have decent social skills, I just rather be bymyself.
I agree. good comment!!!👍
Ok doomer
Uhhh, this is so true for me..
this video isnt for you then
@@sipa3137 If it were true she wouldn't need validation to justify this, she would be alone then.
The problem in many people is that socializing is a shallow, meaningless experience. Superficial forced laughter of others I despise, nearly makes me cringe. And putting on their fake, good, nice faces. People make a big deal about social isolation. I don't think it's that bad or detrimental. I actually think it can be a good thing.
I'm scared of crocodiles
JP : fight with crocodiles
Difference is, people don't bite.
...well, unless they're on bath salts 😦
The joke is funny, but I think anything you want to do or have to do, you should practice. Unless it’s going to kill or maim you
@@Marwolaeth01 Aye I see what you did there lol 🤣..
Actually happened.
You can ask him questions too!
Exposure therapy. It really does work!
I can’t even talk to my own friends anymore😔
same, i have broken up all contact since 2-3 years, everyone is a stranger to me now
I am the same way. But I forced myself to be friends with them. It definitely wasn't my other friends problem but my own.
we should start a group chat or a Discord server or something
I work at a job where I see the worst in people constantly. I prefer the company of animals. I'm fully aware I will most likely die alone and I'm at peace with that.
man I feel you
As an introvert, I force myself to watch other people have conversations so I can mimic how they respond.
After that, I use what I learn whenever I *have* to talk to people.
After that I just go back to wherever corner I stay in.
Honestly, i think you should only try being more sociable if you truly want it, like me. Don't force yourself on something you don't want
then love your corner. make it the best corner you can, because you'll be there a while
@@kantraxoikol6914 it's not the greatest, but it *is* my corner so eh
Same with me
Attention seeker
0:12 I feel personally attacked 😅😂
This comments section is mainly made up of introverts talking about how they don't enjoy socialising and feel happier being alone, and extroverts denying their reality, gaslighting them, and pressuring them to conform.
Sometimes people need a little push. Maybe their experience is 100% legit. Or it’s a justification not to do something which makes them feel uncomfortable. Hard to tell for yourself sometimes. I certainly struggle to tell the difference with myself.
Yeah well ppl toss out rationalizations all the time to avoid putting in work. For instance when someone says "i don't have time to...."
@@herculesbrofister265 Why don't you stop socialising?
@@herculesbrofister265 but I don't have time.....
What if I just don't feel the need to interact with people.
Then don't worry about it. If you're completely content with your level of social interaction then keep doing you. It only becomes a problem when you desire greater interaction but are paralyzed by anxiety to talk to people and make friends. I'm in the first category and simply don't really desire to hang out with people all the time. I've been with a girl for 7 years and her company is enough for me to not really desire to hang out with friends that often. Although I will hang out with them occasionally (they live out of town too which helps). I do like working out and talk to other bros at the gym on the regular and people at work as well. But outside of work? Pretty rare. I like my alone time.
FortuitusVideo I feel like you tbh. But then I think, a lot of things in life aren't necessary but could definitely be useful. You might surprise yourself by doing something spontaneous that you didn't really need to, but gained something from
Well said Savannah
FortuitusVideo your on the video, so I feel like you deep down do want more social interactions.
It it doesn't negatively affect you then by all means no problem but if it does then
That's just a conciliatory response you're telling yourself in denial of your Inability to interact socially
I just do not like socializing. Many people are energy vampires . I prefer my own company.
Antoinette Demarie I like your name
Leroy Gallagher thats just not the right mentality, narcissistic and unhealthy thoughts.
Mob Dream this is very true but when you live in a liberal cesspool like Ontario it is hard not to have them
Yep, that's one of the many excuses I would have used a couple years ago to justify not having to socialize
FatalPies looks like you see yourself as an above average human being and that's ok, but what I'm saying is that socializing is a vital skill if you want to get far in this life, I know people might not be up to your ego centrical standards and they are not worth your time, but that doesn't mean that opportunities arise from meeting certain people and having the social skills to capitalize on said opportunities is vital, I'm just saying that being able to flow in social settings is not a bad skill at all no matter how dumb some people might be according to your standards, in that case it has to do with who you are socializing more than the ability itself
Problem is, I'm a very good listener, and I ask lots of questions. But at some point people wanna hear something about yourself, and that's where I panic. And then people think that I'm too secretive or that I'm just not interested in them.
I'm not social and I have no desire to change. I like myself, I like solitary activities. I'm not stuck up, hostile or unfriendly. I'm just not interested and it's tiring having to fake it.
Maybe you just dont want to appear vulnerable to other people so they cant see you. Because when they see you, they judge you and form their opinions.
And im not saying you have this but this is a bad FEAR to have because how are you going to express yourself for the world if you dont want people to see you? Remember that YOU MATTER, and that your loved ones want you, and our society needs you. Believe it or not we actually want to hear what you want to say.
If you dont play you can't lose, but you didn't win as well.
@@HH-ni5hm hmm, interesting but not entirely accurate. Throughout the pandemic I've realized how nasty people can be and that has made me withdraw from people even more. I don't mind being invisible.
@@chelseascott5872 You dont build walls without building a door. Its healthy to set up boundaries but don't lose hope on all people.
Society thrives when people care for each other, and it falls when people shut themselves in and become apathetic.
Ok
@@HH-ni5hm Caring and obsessing are two different things though. The modern Extrovert is now Obsessed with other people and what they are doing. Of course this isn't new but with the advent of social media it has become more prevalent. Allow an anecdotal example: I come from a small community, typical rural area where the neighbors are spread decently apart. We barely see or talk to each other but the moment something happens (Death, house fire or even financial ruin) the entire community would come together to help the individual/family out. Contrary to what many people say it isn't a "fake" sentiment either..we genuinely want to help, but I don't need to see and speak with someone to wish to help them and even care for them.
I went out every weekend for 18 months straight, and had some drinks at friendly nightclubs then approached random people, by the end of that i was alot better at socializing and am pretty great now.
Best advice i can give is make the other person think youve met under circumstances out of your control otherwise you can come accross as desperate, then learn about body language, not just theirs but also yours, avoid making gestures that have you appear interested too early because again desperation isnt good.
azsxdcfvgbhnjmhn A lot of the time I feel too tired to do anything after a week of 12hr day. Mans have to work and make there money to pay bills, how can a person socialize and complete 12hr days without feeling too tired? Impossible!
Yes, your advice is correct but the problem is that it is not that easy to stage this kind of meeting or fool that person into thinking so.
I envy your courage. Congradulations on your progress.
MaikUniversum stfu moron.
+MaikUniversum
what is wrong with being lazy? if meeting someone requires as much effort as climbing to the Everest it is not worth it. not even mentioning that socialization under such conditions when you do something you hate just to meet someone will not bring good results anyway.
Worth it my ass, I was by no means introverted, I was a good friend to everyone I met, happy and joyful but not annoying or irritating. I let them borrow money when they needed it, bought food, helped them with whatever they needed because I thought that's what friends do. I always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt despite past experiences but honestly, I've just had enough. I've been fucked over too many times that I've decided being alone is best. I'm not shy or reserved, I still act happily and bubbly when I'm around new people but I know I don't want anything to do with anyone.
I’m an introvert and not interested in socializing, I’m 70 and tired of being pushed around and bullied by so called normal humans!
rvyntshubfwvu4fhu.blogspot.com/2024/08/the-importance-of-social-connections.html
"Ask them a question "
*Me being asked a question* "Why do you need to know?"
"Would you be my friend?" - If they run, hey, I tried. XD I'm tired of playing "dancing with potential friends". If I could be matched to a person exactly like me online, who was at least within an hour of my home, awesome. See you Saturday night at the local grill. XD
You are the type that does indeed need to stay out of circulation.
Paranoid freak, you ppl are the problem
I’ve found that talking to others is a way for them to either vent their garbage on you, pry to manipulate you, or attempt to boast their self esteem. It’s exhausting and I have zero desire to socialize!
Ikr!
Same! You have described my exact work environment.
What youre talking about is a nuance of speaking to people. Like yeah there are people that will take advantage of your ability to listen, but that shouldnt bar you from speaking to people. Try not to live in a black and white world, recognize nuance and life will be better.
I guess you could ask yourself, what are these people actually reflecting that I haven't looked within myself? Because usually these people have something to teach you. (I've been learning this so maybe it can be of use too you.)
Kev Yep Office Politics at play
There's enough people in this world who socialize. They dont need me.
Exactly!
@Aiden Pearce w h y?
@Aiden Pearce not all humans are that social ,trust me
@Aiden Pearce
The only person I need is myself.
@Aiden Pearce wrong. Society made us think that we need others. But in reality, just one good friend or a family(if you have) can be enough for you without too much exposing yourself to other people