Great video, but please remove the word “gyped” from your vocabulary. It comes from the word gypsy implying that a gypsy ripped you off and it’s racist. I grew up with my dad saying he got “jewed” and “gyped” and I didn’t know it was racist. I hope you don’t say this word anymore, you are an intelligent women, and perhaps don’t realize that’s a racial slur. Thanks Whitney!
@@jamiestewart1223 yup look up the word gypped and see for yourself. It’s crazy what we grow up with and accept as normal but don’t even know that’s it’s derogatory or racist. I also grew up in the 80s hearing ennie meenie, miney moe, catch a n$&@$ by the toe, if he hollers let him go, ennie meenie miney mo. Had no clue what a n$&@&@ even was. Horrible hey.
I recently fulfilled a childhood dream. A little background - My father passed last May and left me an inheritance. I paid off bills, I behaved like a grown up. My father was a car guy his whole life. Soooo... I purchased the car I’ve wanted since I was 16. I’m almost 59. My father would have bought a red car, but I bought white with a red and black interior. My dad would have loved it! I’ve been called selfish and impractical, but eff that. Life is too short! I thank my daddy and we talk whenever I drive my roadster.
I had a friend who received an inheritance when her mom died. My friend went wild-blowing money on trips, furs, expensive dinners and hotel stays. This caused a rift with her friends because none of us can afford to travel with her or spend spend on shopping. I wish she would slow down!
That’s one of the ways to BUILD distress tolerance. it’s from DBT therapy. Start with just 5 minutes. Too many people distract themselves and never really build distress tolerance. Thank of it as marathon training or even ‘couch to 5K’. Remembered than nothing lasts forever, including some discomfort. ❤️ 💪
I even find this with food. If you eat healthily or even food you've prepped yourself, people at work have a problem with it, or if you're a vegetarian/vegan
YYYEESSS! I literally had this problem at work. We’re probably from different parts of the world but people at my (now old) work place used to have an intense reaction to me bringing my own food to work. Like I would prep breakfast, lunch and a snack! I’d bring it in a super cute bag and they even had an issue with *that* 😂😂😂. I’m literally recovering and detoxing from the insanity of that place and slowly but surely finding my way back to myself.
OMG , me too my coworkers say it's too much , just because I try to stay away from processed food and the worst thing is we are healthcare professionals 🙊
Oh, I am surprised..I thought it's only at my work place😱..I am happy then that I have to work from home during pandemic..so peaceful..at least,in view of that
Same, my old coworkers and boss were always commenting negatively about me bringing healthy food, not eating sugar and politely declining their crap snacks. Thank god I work for myself now.
Yes! I wear makeup almost every day even though I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone because it makes me feel good. I wanna feel good about my appearance and since I'm single and live alone now I don't have to hear about how I care about my looks too much or trying to impress someone. Nope! I do it for me! I'm not asking anyone to purchase anything to maintain my beauty. I do it on my own and it feels amazing! My ex wouldnt even let me get pedicures or get my nails done because he didnt want me to feel good about myself. Nobody loves me like I love me and that's that lol
I started being high maintenance about 2 yrs ago. Love my kids and hubby, but 20-30 min to meeeeeee it makes me have a better feel for me. My mom even asked me once where are you going, I was like no where. This is for me., but she wasn’t used to me fixing up and I am 37.
I’ve been called high maintenance my whole life and many times it hurt my feelings but in the past few years I realized it’s their insecurities that caused them to comment on my life. They weren’t taught to put themselves forth and do things they love without needing approval. I love this series, thank you!
I used to be the "door mat" friend, until I made the choice 3 years ago to do me. I do what makes me happy and if I am asked to do a favor or have my boundries crossed, I am now able to say "no" without guilt. Being confident in my own skin has never felt so good as it does now. ❤ Love love this series!
I'm disabled and can't drive b/c of it. "Lockdown" is basically my lifestyle, and I try to dress up every day and wear makeup like being as housewife is my JOB. I notice on days when I juat slap on aome sweats im less productive than days where i put on a cute little dress and leggings or a blouse or do my makeup.
I’ll be honest, I kept skipping your videos… I saw “high maintenance” and rolled my eyes. I decided to watch. I’m glad I did. Your content is amazing and you speak to my core!
My favorite TH-camr ever I'm 24 and I'm starting to notice a shift in the way I think about things and how I need to start taking care of myself in finding my self-worth on my own
Every day of this pandemic I have gotten up, did something with my hair and makeup and gotten dressed just because it made me feel good. It’s made such a difference!
I'm in my 30's and I needed to hear this! I've been raised to live for the validation of others and it's made me miserable. Cheers to shifting to high maintenance energy in 2021!
"Life is a special occasion" - I seriously told my BF that earlier this year - we never goof out or celebrate anything because nothing is really that special for us ATM and we need to change that😅
I started taking myself on dates by myself. I was raised to be codependent. So I tend to get lost in others world. Going on dates alone BY myself, helps me to consciously see what works for me or what doesnt. Although I'm somewhat nervous, I'm getting better the more I do it. So I am PROUD of MYSELF! :) So that makes me HAPPY! :)
Omg I'm glad you explained this. I could never understand why I get unreasonably angry when people make backhanded compliments about my outfits. And I realize it's because they got that stanky guest towel energy! I always felt like I was the crazy one.
Love this! Personally, I love looking nice, getting ready in the morning, and dressing sharply no matter the occasion, and people have asked me before "Why are you so dressed up? What's going on?" Looking nice has always lead to me having more confidence in myself and FAR MORE motivated.
A woman I work with used to commend me on always wearing dresses and skirts to work and said she never wanted to do that because she didn't wanna hear the comments about how she look different from everyone from coworkers to her own children… I told her just add one piece out of your comfort zone a week and just put up with the comments and then eventually add another piece and then another piece and then that will just be your vibe and people will except it and stop commenting!
I bought a pair of luxury shoes and they have taught me the value of high maintenance. I put the pair off so long because of what other people will think, and now that I have them I have learned so much (YES w shoes). I learned that I AM worth spending a little doe on myself. I learned to take MUCH better care of my cloths in general, because when you buy something expensive or has value you are not going to let abuse come to it (and I realize that I have high value and will not tolerate anymore abuse).
Seriously thank you for this series. I’ve said before, but my depression has really impacted how I prioritize myself. It’s something I really need to work on and this series couldn’t have come at a better time. ❤️❤️❤️
Depression is a hard “very uncomfortable” misunderstood place, but it is very real.... I wish I had the answers but I just keep getting up & push through the hard days..... some days I just need to take care of my personal self & sanity & be quiet & still. It’s hard to do that sometimes when you feel like you should be doing something else for someone else. & they don’t understand. It’s just a difficult place. Much loves & hugs! I enjoy Whitney’s content so much, she’s a pretty smart chick with her sharing! There’s something about sharing that really does help ones self & others. I think. 🤔JS
I find for myself that it helps to just take care of myself. Whether that be drinking enough water, having good hygiene or properly moisturizing. Taking care of myself in one way or another does me a world of good. I watched a video by Samantha Ravndahl and she talked about how she keeps a planner so that she makes sure to schedule in something for herself every day, whether it be reading or taking a bath or whatever it is that she doesn't take the time to do for herself that she enjoys. I find this helpful for myself too. I also like consistently setting small goals for myself that are achievable rather than just thinking about big the big picture. Not achieving big goals gives me anxiety but we gotta take small steps to get there.
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Eldest child, substance abusive parent, enabler/codependent other parent (also raised in the south so I FULLY understand!!!). Giiiiiirl. I feel like you are speaking about my life. Same with confrontation of/laying down boundaries. No wonder I’m drawn to your energy! Get. It. Girl. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@@whitneyhedrick my kids are being raised in a completely different mindset/environment. My mother still gaslights me saying “you’re dramatic, you didn’t have it that bad growing up” or “I did the best I could”. On the flip side, my dad (the alcoholic) apologizes to me constantly for how I grew up and not being a better dad. I don’t have the closest relationship with either, but I do appreciate my dad taking responsibility for his past actions and trying to make our relationship better. I still have a lot of trauma I’m working through but I’ve definitely broken cycle with how we were raised. All my siblings as well. Thank you for being so open and candid on your platform. It is truly appreciated. ❤️
You have found your "neich". I love and need these type of videos more than any other. I take away so much. Im dealing with the worst depression in my life life and a divorce (not my first) oh..and cancer. They can NOT be an excuse to stay in this mindset. I have got to hold my head up, boobs out and pull it together. Looking forward to the next one in this series. BTW, you could write a book! ❤
Oh honey! I know you can get through this. I’m proud of you for seeking out content that is empowering you right now. That’s a HUGE step in the right direction!!!!!
@@whitneyhedrick yes mam. I also sent it to a few of the women I hold close to my heart, my 17 yo daughter included. I appreciate your reply. Here is to a New, organized, loving, healthy, goal setting, quiet time having, beautiful year...with boundaries set! Heart 💜
I adore her subtle southern accent 😍 it's so charming 😍 and this great advice! My Mother is a narcissist so I can't avoid her entirely, but have learned to manage our boundaries with the help of therapy and a lot of introspection.
Wow, I really don't comment on videos but had to here - I grew up in a family which didnt respect any personal boundaries privacy, my parents had a terrible relationship and I'm the oldest child. I'm 39 and just got out of a relationship with someone who was a total narcissist. I'm in therapy atm which is so amazing and helpful - she's made me realise that growing up I was just never taught that I had the automony to make my own decisions or set boundaries - so I just did, and do, whatever anyone wants in order to make them happy. Exhausting . I'm doing the work now in order to not repeat past behaviours and relationship mistakes. Your video really spoke to me - thanks so much. Will def be watching out for more of your content on love and relatonships and especially any topics that cover being around people with NPD. x
I’m driving rn and this was like a mini therapy session thank you so much & I pray that you are always happy , can you keep doing more videos like this, it’s very helpful especially for us young people 🤍
Great series- I recently got out of an abusive relationship and it was like waking up from a dream, I can't believe I ignored all the red flags and let him treat me like that. I made a promise to myself that I would never let this happen to me again. I know that my dysfunctional household growing up was instrumental in setting me up for this kind of relationship and that I need better boundaries, so everything you're saying is really resonating with me and reinforcing how I feel. Thanks for sharing this with us, it will make a real difference to people's lives.
I love this content!! I can’t think of any woman in my family who is high maintenance. They usually are submissive and put everyone above themselves. I tend to be that way and I’m trying to change!
I’ve needed this for so long. High Maintenance apparently since age 2 y.o. & have always been told this is a negative that I had to change to be accepted. Thank you!
Love love loving this high maintenance series!! Oh I always use the fancy towels or fancy anything on myself & don’t wait for a special occasion or guests, l learnt that lesson a long time ago, life is not a dress rehearsal!! I’ve gotten asked what I’m so dressed up for all my life too, hasn’t stopped me, I love it!! ❤️❤️❤️
As a woman in her 20s who had a similar family dynamic as yours, thank you so much for this. I'm still learning to find what I like and set boundaries because until 3 years ago, I hadn't asked myself what I felt/wanted.
You have no idea how badly I needed this video today. Thank you Whitney. You’ve helped me turn myself into a woman I’m really proud of. I feel so lucky to be your supporter.
I am putting this video on repeat! I need you in my head constantly telling me these things. I’ve always wondered why people have a problem with me dressing up to run errands and have lunch. Now I know what to say. Thank you for this! I would love to hear your story about your childhood one day and your life and how you got to be the women you are. I too am an older child and I always feel responsible for everyone and everything.
Some of the things you are saying reminds me of an interview I saw with Dolly Pardon once. She said people used to make fun of her for how done up she was. She would just offer some polite but assertive quip that she did her hair and makeup because she enjoyed doing it.
Thank you for this video and the personal information you’ve shared; I know it can’t be easy sharing some of that with us....honestly it seems like we have so much in common. I grew up in such an absolute broken home with a lot of abuse, physical, verbal, mental and emotional violence and was never taught boundaries either. Substance abuse was also a big factor in my family, for multiple family members unfortunately. Ive lost family members to it, and have a sibling who has gone to rehab multiple times and was near death; he is sober for now, but he used to get physically violent with me and attacked me multiple times choking me and trying to kill me, once even in front of my son and my mom didn’t do anything about it. So I can understand about family issues, believe me, especially no boundaries or privacy, and they def didn’t support or understand my drive or ambition to succeed. I also don’t live with them anymore either. But again, thank you for another great video!!
I love that you have enlightened me onto what high maintenance truly is. I have realized now that it is a mindset and it needs to come from within. although beuaty can be a part of it, it is not the start and end of being high maintenance. Thank you so much for this series!
Holyyyyy fuck the part about not wanting to go back to school and instead clinging to a walking red flag just to have at least an illusion of success in having a relationship is literally what happened to me a year ago... Thanks for this video. Seriously.
Girl you should write a book. There are many women who are door mats and need this. I'm thankful I raised my daughter to not be one. She finally found a wonderful man.
Every morning I have some Whitney in my life to get my mind right for this bartending ass day. This high maintenance stuff is my favorite to get in the mood. You are the vibe!! 🖤
Omg! Such a great video! I agree about the bride asking her friends and family for their opinion about how the makeup looks. I actually didn’t take anyone with me when I bought my wedding dress...I wanted to make sure that I liked it and I wasn’t taking anybody else’s opinion about my dress. It was such an awesome experience! Even tho I am divorced now, lol, I’ll always remember those positive energies I made sure to give myself ❤️❤️❤️
I wish I could have watched this video and been able to digest it in my teens. I’m 56 and just now realizing that everything you just said would have saved me years of therapy and made my life so much easier. But no regrets, at least I know this now and can finally start the road to recovery. I can nor tell you how much your wisdom as meant to me. You have been an answer to my prayers. Thank you so much.
I have never thought about how getting ready to present yourself to the world should be the same getting ready that you do at home. I like it! I have actually done more makeup and getting dressed on a regular basis the last year just bc it makes me feel good. It doesn't hurt to remind my husband that I'm more than a sack of sweatpants and family caretaker also. These videos are great!
SAME with the boundaries! It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who didn't know till recently that that was even an option. "Boundaries" was not a concept I had ever heard and I don't think it was a concept that even existed when I was younger. That was not an option when I was growing up! I was definitely taught to have zero boundaries, because you were supposed to be "nice" to everyone all the time. I'm 41 now and just this year I started setting boundaries with many a**holes in my life. And then I've been mad at myself for not doing this sooner, and for letting so many people over the years take advantage of me and screw me over, but it makes me feel better to realize that I had no idea that setting boundaries was something I was even allowed to do. I thought I had to make everyone feel happy all the time and if it was at the expense of myself, I didn't even think that was something that mattered. It wouldn't even occur to me to be concerned about myself, only about them. I'm so happy that these concepts are common now and so many people can improve their lives this way!
BRAVOO BRAVOO. I usually never comment on videos but I found myself nodding practically the whole time. I dress up for myself and there’s no time like the present. The one thing that this makes me realize is how wonderful and patient my husband is with me. He knows I’m high maintenance and he embraces it with me. Not sure if the bar is that low for guys but I do appreciate him knowing and accepting this is who I am.
All I have to say is this is one of the best videos that I have ever seen. You are so feminine yet down to Earth. Im definitely subscribing to your channel. Thanks for the knowledge!
Thankkkkkkk you! for this perspective. A lot of us, women and especially if we grew up within the poverty mindset..it takes away a sense of freedom and joy within how you can live your life, and express your beauty, sexuality, or self worth. We're taught about discounting, or cheating ourselves of top tier experience or treatment. I needed this kind of encouragement. :)
Whitney, you are truly a light in this world and platform. I love what you’re doing with the channel and the message that you are spreading. I’m not sure if you studied psychology but you’d truly make an amazing therapist as well! Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️
I am so glad I found your videos!! I have been seeing a counselor for 2.5 years after being married to a narcissist for 15 years. She has been telling me these types of things but she doesn't present them like you do. I GET IT with the way you present it! Thank you!! I also see how I allowed him to take away my self love with the way he was controlling me. I love that I am getting that back! I have watched several of your videos including the high maintenance shower video in which I went out and purchased some products yesterday. Girl, today I am walking around like a million bucks and keep complimenting myself on how good I feel for taking the extra time to give my body the extra love. I am worth it! Once again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for what you do!! xoxo
Thank you for these videos. I’m 59 and am just now getting to the point where I am cutting out the negative, narcissistic friendships and relationships. It has made my marriage, to an amazing and patient man, so wonderful. The last 5 minutes were such powerful words - I’ve saved this and all your “high maintenance” videos and shared with one of my sisters. You have a lifetime of experience for such a young woman. I call it having an “old soul” - but whatever it is, I’m so glad to have landed on your TH-cam channel. Keep up the good work. ❤️❤️❤️
i so am here for this sort of message. I wish I'd come across your channel earlier. i was sort of afraid at first from the title, but you are spot on. i needed to hear everything you said.
I’m getting so many goosebumps because what Whitney is talking about is making so much sense. I’m excited for new videos and excited to see Whitney win. So dang smart! Wish I had a big sister like her growing up, but it’s not too late I guess.
What you said about eldest children trying to control situations by putting others' happiness before themselves to get them to stay and thinking that's love... whewwww, that is my life in a nutshell. I just turned 30 and am in the thick of learning this lesson thanks to therapy. It's so refreshing to hear from people with similar experiences. Thank you for this video.
Well said. It took me a half of a lifetime to realize these things and then learn to integrate them without trying to care how others judged me. It opened up freedoms I never had before. It’s still not perfect, but my own mental health has improved insubstantially.
Words cannot express how thankful I am that you created and posted this video. I needed so desperately to hear these nuggets of wisdom at this point in my life. I removed my bedridden grandmother from the nursing home because of the pandemic and brought her to live with us. I love her to pieces, but I've found that I'm losing myself in caregiving. I'm so inspired by what you've shared and motivated to take action. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well-spoken and enlightening as per usual, Whitney! These are points that everyone could benefit from hearing and taking to heart, especially young women like myself. Too many people are taught that love equals compromise and that thinking of others first should be our second nature! As I am learning these self-love teachings I try to make a point of checking in with myself more frequently to make sure that the things i'm doing or saying are truly ME, or whether they are a version of my truth that has been modified to please someone around me. Compassion for ourselves comes first in this process of learning self-love. Thanks again, Whitney. 💕
yes! yes!! yes to everything you are saying! I smile when someone asks me why are you all dressed up? I always say for me I dress for me! I recently have made the conscious decision to step away from a toxic friendship because I always feel bad about myself around her!
My role as the older child was to shield my siblings from the pain. Whitney. It’s like you are talking about me. I feel all the ways you described are like looking in a mirror. Loving yourself is a constant journey. At 46, mine is just starting. ❤️
I understand, in my family I was known as a fixer. I tried to fix my parents relationship, I tried to fix everyone’s problems and I didn’t at all care or look at myself for most my life. When I lost my parents a year or so ago, I was completely lost, like what do I do if I am not a fixer?... therapist don’t seem to get the way I grew up
Omg I cannot hit the like button enough on this video!!! I struggle with boundaries and being the oldest child myself, I totally 100% relate to this. Can you do more videos on boundaries and how to decide what they are?
Girl I had to comment. I absolutely love watching your videos. You make me feel like a bad bitch. For years people always made me feel down because I cared what I looked like. After watching your videos it makes me realize my opinion is what matters and I do it for me and no one else. Keep up these amazing videos!!
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Great video, but please remove the word “gyped” from your vocabulary. It comes from the word gypsy implying that a gypsy ripped you off and it’s racist. I grew up with my dad saying he got “jewed” and “gyped” and I didn’t know it was racist. I hope you don’t say this word anymore, you are an intelligent women, and perhaps don’t realize that’s a racial slur. Thanks Whitney!
I had no idea! I always thought it was spelled “jipped” and had no idea where it came from. Thank you for educating me :)
No prob babe. I didn’t know either, it’s all about growing and learning and becoming better people. ❤️❤️
Yea, I had no idea either.....
Wow, I had no idea. Thank you!
@@jamiestewart1223 yup look up the word gypped and see for yourself. It’s crazy what we grow up with and accept as normal but don’t even know that’s it’s derogatory or racist. I also grew up in the 80s hearing ennie meenie, miney moe, catch a n$&@$ by the toe, if he hollers let him go, ennie meenie miney mo. Had no clue what a n$&@&@ even was. Horrible hey.
I recently fulfilled a childhood dream. A little background - My father passed last May and left me an inheritance. I paid off bills, I behaved like a grown up. My father was a car guy his whole life. Soooo... I purchased the car I’ve wanted since I was 16. I’m almost 59. My father would have bought a red car, but I bought white with a red and black interior. My dad would have loved it! I’ve been called selfish and impractical, but eff that. Life is too short! I thank my daddy and we talk whenever I drive my roadster.
This is such a touching story. And what you did with what your father left you is absolutely no ones business. How dare anyone impose on that. Gross.
I'm sure that's exactly what pops wanted for you ! Congrats hun !
I had a friend who received an inheritance when her mom died. My friend went wild-blowing money on trips, furs, expensive dinners and hotel stays. This caused a rift with her friends because none of us can afford to travel with her or spend spend on shopping. I wish she would slow down!
My therapist once told me "sit in the discomfort" that's something that's always stuck with me!
Oh yes girl...get REAL comfortable with being uncomfortable
Omg! It’s so hard but yes. It works.
That’s one of the ways to BUILD distress tolerance. it’s from DBT therapy. Start with just 5 minutes. Too many people distract themselves and never really build distress tolerance. Thank of it as marathon training or even ‘couch to 5K’. Remembered than nothing lasts forever, including some discomfort. ❤️ 💪
Same !! And it worked it's actually when I stopped fighting depression that its symptoms started to fade
I even find this with food. If you eat healthily or even food you've prepped yourself, people at work have a problem with it, or if you're a vegetarian/vegan
YYYEESSS! I literally had this problem at work. We’re probably from different parts of the world but people at my (now old) work place used to have an intense reaction to me bringing my own food to work. Like I would prep breakfast, lunch and a snack! I’d bring it in a super cute bag and they even had an issue with *that* 😂😂😂. I’m literally recovering and detoxing from the insanity of that place and slowly but surely finding my way back to myself.
OMG , me too my coworkers say it's too much , just because I try to stay away from processed food and the worst thing is we are healthcare professionals 🙊
Oh, I am surprised..I thought it's only at my work place😱..I am happy then that I have to work from home during pandemic..so peaceful..at least,in view of that
Same, my old coworkers and boss were always commenting negatively about me bringing healthy food, not eating sugar and politely declining their crap snacks. Thank god I work for myself now.
Yes I am vegetarian/vegan and people do analyze my dietary choices at work
Yes! I wear makeup almost every day even though I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone because it makes me feel good. I wanna feel good about my appearance and since I'm single and live alone now I don't have to hear about how I care about my looks too much or trying to impress someone. Nope! I do it for me! I'm not asking anyone to purchase anything to maintain my beauty. I do it on my own and it feels amazing! My ex wouldnt even let me get pedicures or get my nails done because he didnt want me to feel good about myself. Nobody loves me like I love me and that's that lol
I love all of this!!
I started being high maintenance about 2 yrs ago. Love my kids and hubby, but 20-30 min to meeeeeee it makes me have a better feel for me. My mom even asked me once where are you going, I was like no where. This is for me., but she wasn’t used to me fixing up and I am 37.
Good for you my love!!!!!!! Proud of you xoxox
So true, "life is a special occasion"!🥰
Yep! :)
Love this!
I’ve been called high maintenance my whole life and many times it hurt my feelings but in the past few years I realized it’s their insecurities that caused them to comment on my life. They weren’t taught to put themselves forth and do things they love without needing approval. I love this series, thank you!
I used to be the "door mat" friend, until I made the choice 3 years ago to do me. I do what makes me happy and if I am asked to do a favor or have my boundries crossed, I am now able to say "no" without guilt.
Being confident in my own skin has never felt so good as it does now. ❤
Love love this series!
Love the analogy to "fancy guest towel energy". I'm guilty of this at times. I need to implement "fancy ME towel energy"😅! I love this series 💕
Yes!!!!!!!!
I'm disabled and can't drive b/c of it. "Lockdown" is basically my lifestyle, and I try to dress up every day and wear makeup like being as housewife is my JOB.
I notice on days when I juat slap on aome sweats im less productive than days where i put on a cute little dress and leggings or a blouse or do my makeup.
I’ll be honest, I kept skipping your videos… I saw “high maintenance” and rolled my eyes. I decided to watch. I’m glad I did. Your content is amazing and you speak to my core!
My favorite TH-camr ever I'm 24 and I'm starting to notice a shift in the way I think about things and how I need to start taking care of myself in finding my self-worth on my own
That makes me so happy to hear!!
Every day of this pandemic I have gotten up, did something with my hair and makeup and gotten dressed just because it made me feel good. It’s made such a difference!
I'm in my 30's and I needed to hear this! I've been raised to live for the validation of others and it's made me miserable. Cheers to shifting to high maintenance energy in 2021!
Yes ma am!
"Life is a special occasion" - I seriously told my BF that earlier this year - we never goof out or celebrate anything because nothing is really that special for us ATM and we need to change that😅
Love this :)
Feel ya
I started taking myself on dates by myself.
I was raised to be codependent.
So I tend to get lost in others world.
Going on dates alone BY myself, helps me to consciously see what works for me or what doesnt.
Although I'm somewhat nervous,
I'm getting better the more I do it.
So I am PROUD of MYSELF! :)
So that makes me HAPPY! :)
Setting healthy boundaries is the best thing I have ever done for myself. ❤️
Omg I'm glad you explained this. I could never understand why I get unreasonably angry when people make backhanded compliments about my outfits. And I realize it's because they got that stanky guest towel energy! I always felt like I was the crazy one.
Hahaha! No you’re not crazy...it’s just an objectively weird thing for people to do. I don’t understand it
Love this! Personally, I love looking nice, getting ready in the morning, and dressing sharply no matter the occasion, and people have asked me before "Why are you so dressed up? What's going on?" Looking nice has always lead to me having more confidence in myself and FAR MORE motivated.
A woman I work with used to commend me on always wearing dresses and skirts to work and said she never wanted to do that because she didn't wanna hear the comments about how she look different from everyone from coworkers to her own children… I told her just add one piece out of your comfort zone a week and just put up with the comments and then eventually add another piece and then another piece and then that will just be your vibe and people will except it and stop commenting!
Well said girl👏 I feel like a million dollars every single day, thanks for this video!!!
Yay! Thank you for watching :)
I bought a pair of luxury shoes and they have taught me the value of high maintenance. I put the pair off so long because of what other people will think, and now that I have them I have learned so much (YES w shoes). I learned that I AM worth spending a little doe on myself. I learned to take MUCH better care of my cloths in general, because when you buy something expensive or has value you are not going to let abuse come to it (and I realize that I have high value and will not tolerate anymore abuse).
Seriously thank you for this series. I’ve said before, but my depression has really impacted how I prioritize myself. It’s something I really need to work on and this series couldn’t have come at a better time. ❤️❤️❤️
Yay! I’m so glad Lindsey :) you deserve it :)
Depression is a hard “very uncomfortable” misunderstood place, but it is very real.... I wish I had the answers but I just keep getting up & push through the hard days..... some days I just need to take care of my personal self & sanity & be quiet & still. It’s hard to do that sometimes when you feel like you should be doing something else for someone else. & they don’t understand. It’s just a difficult place. Much loves & hugs!
I enjoy Whitney’s content so much, she’s a pretty smart chick with her sharing! There’s something about sharing that really does help ones self & others. I think. 🤔JS
I find for myself that it helps to just take care of myself. Whether that be drinking enough water, having good hygiene or properly moisturizing. Taking care of myself in one way or another does me a world of good. I watched a video by Samantha Ravndahl and she talked about how she keeps a planner so that she makes sure to schedule in something for herself every day, whether it be reading or taking a bath or whatever it is that she doesn't take the time to do for herself that she enjoys. I find this helpful for myself too. I also like consistently setting small goals for myself that are achievable rather than just thinking about big the big picture. Not achieving big goals gives me anxiety but we gotta take small steps to get there.
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Eldest child, substance abusive parent, enabler/codependent other parent (also raised in the south so I FULLY understand!!!). Giiiiiirl. I feel like you are speaking about my life. Same with confrontation of/laying down boundaries. No wonder I’m drawn to your energy! Get. It. Girl. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
There’s so many of us out there hahah it’s so nice to know :)
@@whitneyhedrick my kids are being raised in a completely different mindset/environment. My mother still gaslights me saying “you’re dramatic, you didn’t have it that bad growing up” or “I did the best I could”. On the flip side, my dad (the alcoholic) apologizes to me constantly for how I grew up and not being a better dad. I don’t have the closest relationship with either, but I do appreciate my dad taking responsibility for his past actions and trying to make our relationship better. I still have a lot of trauma I’m working through but I’ve definitely broken cycle with how we were raised. All my siblings as well. Thank you for being so open and candid on your platform. It is truly appreciated. ❤️
You have found your "neich". I love and need these type of videos more than any other. I take away so much. Im dealing with the worst depression in my life life and a divorce (not my first) oh..and cancer. They can NOT be an excuse to stay in this mindset. I have got to hold my head up, boobs out and pull it together. Looking forward to the next one in this series. BTW, you could write a book! ❤
Oh honey! I know you can get through this. I’m proud of you for seeking out content that is empowering you right now. That’s a HUGE step in the right direction!!!!!
@@whitneyhedrick yes mam. I also sent it to a few of the women I hold close to my heart, my 17 yo daughter included. I appreciate your reply. Here is to a New, organized, loving, healthy, goal setting, quiet time having, beautiful year...with boundaries set! Heart 💜
Girl you are here doing God’s work!! For real ❤️🥰
Awww thank you honey!
I agree dont wait to be your best. You attract what you put out.
those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter...so true, kind of applies to this mindset:)
I adore her subtle southern accent 😍 it's so charming 😍 and this great advice! My Mother is a narcissist so I can't avoid her entirely, but have learned to manage our boundaries with the help of therapy and a lot of introspection.
Wow, I really don't comment on videos but had to here - I grew up in a family which didnt respect any personal boundaries privacy, my parents had a terrible relationship and I'm the oldest child. I'm 39 and just got out of a relationship with someone who was a total narcissist. I'm in therapy atm which is so amazing and helpful - she's made me realise that growing up I was just never taught that I had the automony to make my own decisions or set boundaries - so I just did, and do, whatever anyone wants in order to make them happy. Exhausting . I'm doing the work now in order to not repeat past behaviours and relationship mistakes. Your video really spoke to me - thanks so much. Will def be watching out for more of your content on love and relatonships and especially any topics that cover being around people with NPD. x
I’m driving rn and this was like a mini therapy session thank you so much & I pray that you are always happy , can you keep doing more videos like this, it’s very helpful especially for us young people 🤍
I definitely will 😘
Older peps too! Lol
It’s good stuff!
LOVED this video Whitney!! You are so full of wisdom and self awareness!! These are things girls and women of ALL ages need to hear more about!!!
Thank you! And I definitely agree xo
& yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good stuff!!!!!!!!!! Lolol
I’ve been loving your content. Starting off the new year with self love & growth with your help.
Thank you! And I’m so glad to help in any way that I can :)
Great series- I recently got out of an abusive relationship and it was like waking up from a dream, I can't believe I ignored all the red flags and let him treat me like that. I made a promise to myself that I would never let this happen to me again. I know that my dysfunctional household growing up was instrumental in setting me up for this kind of relationship and that I need better boundaries, so everything you're saying is really resonating with me and reinforcing how I feel.
Thanks for sharing this with us, it will make a real difference to people's lives.
I love this content!! I can’t think of any woman in my family who is high maintenance. They usually are submissive and put everyone above themselves. I tend to be that way and I’m trying to change!
Yessssssss!
I’ve needed this for so long. High Maintenance apparently since age 2 y.o. & have always been told this is a negative that I had to change to be accepted. Thank you!
Love love loving this high maintenance series!! Oh I always use the fancy towels or fancy anything on myself & don’t wait for a special occasion or guests, l learnt that lesson a long time ago, life is not a dress rehearsal!! I’ve gotten asked what I’m so dressed up for all my life too, hasn’t stopped me, I love it!! ❤️❤️❤️
As a woman in her 20s who had a similar family dynamic as yours, thank you so much for this. I'm still learning to find what I like and set boundaries because until 3 years ago, I hadn't asked myself what I felt/wanted.
You are learning this so early so good for you :)
You have no idea how badly I needed this video today. Thank you Whitney. You’ve helped me turn myself into a woman I’m really proud of. I feel so lucky to be your supporter.
I feel very lucky to have you :)
I needed this, thank you. I was just widowed ...for the second time by age 43. I need to find myself again regardless of what others think.
I am putting this video on repeat! I need you in my head constantly telling me these things. I’ve always wondered why people have a problem with me dressing up to run errands and have lunch. Now I know what to say. Thank you for this! I would love to hear your story about your childhood one day and your life and how you got to be the women you are. I too am an older child and I always feel responsible for everyone and everything.
Some of the things you are saying reminds me of an interview I saw with Dolly Pardon once. She said people used to make fun of her for how done up she was. She would just offer some polite but assertive quip that she did her hair and makeup because she enjoyed doing it.
I lOve DOLLY!!! I have a sticker of her on my lap top
@@whitneyhedrick Anyone who doesn't love Dolly can take a hike, as far as I'm concerned! :D
Thank you for this video and the personal information you’ve shared; I know it can’t be easy sharing some of that with us....honestly it seems like we have so much in common. I grew up in such an absolute broken home with a lot of abuse, physical, verbal, mental and emotional violence and was never taught boundaries either. Substance abuse was also a big factor in my family, for multiple family members unfortunately. Ive lost family members to it, and have a sibling who has gone to rehab multiple times and was near death; he is sober for now, but he used to get physically violent with me and attacked me multiple times choking me and trying to kill me, once even in front of my son and my mom didn’t do anything about it. So I can understand about family issues, believe me, especially no boundaries or privacy, and they def didn’t support or understand my drive or ambition to succeed. I also don’t live with them anymore either. But again, thank you for another great video!!
I love that you have enlightened me onto what high maintenance truly is. I have realized now that it is a mindset and it needs to come from within. although beuaty can be a part of it, it is not the start and end of being high maintenance. Thank you so much for this series!
I am so glad that you connecting with this because I am really enjoying doing it xoxox
My favorite time to wear perfume is to bed lol. I love it, it helps me feel good and sleep better
I do this too! 😊
Holyyyyy fuck the part about not wanting to go back to school and instead clinging to a walking red flag just to have at least an illusion of success in having a relationship is literally what happened to me a year ago... Thanks for this video. Seriously.
Okay literally another queen I’m shocked I haven’t found already💞✨you are queen energy FDS would love u👑
Girl you should write a book. There are many women who are door mats and need this. I'm thankful I raised my daughter to not be one. She finally found a wonderful man.
Every morning I have some Whitney in my life to get my mind right for this bartending ass day. This high maintenance stuff is my favorite to get in the mood. You are the vibe!! 🖤
Omg! Such a great video! I agree about the bride asking her friends and family for their opinion about how the makeup looks. I actually didn’t take anyone with me when I bought my wedding dress...I wanted to make sure that I liked it and I wasn’t taking anybody else’s opinion about my dress. It was such an awesome experience! Even tho I am divorced now, lol, I’ll always remember those positive energies I made sure to give myself ❤️❤️❤️
I wish I could have watched this video and been able to digest it in my teens. I’m 56 and just now realizing that everything you just said would have saved me years of therapy and made my life so much easier. But no regrets, at least I know this now and can finally start the road to recovery. I can nor tell you how much your wisdom as meant to me. You have been an answer to my prayers. Thank you so much.
I have never thought about how getting ready to present yourself to the world should be the same getting ready that you do at home. I like it! I have actually done more makeup and getting dressed on a regular basis the last year just bc it makes me feel good. It doesn't hurt to remind my husband that I'm more than a sack of sweatpants and family caretaker also. These videos are great!
Absolutely love you girl ! you speak only truths and you give me life 😍😍😍 don't ever change
Awww thanks babe :)
This was so insightful. I just got out of a relationship with a textbook narcissist. You were spot on. Run, don’t walk away from those people!!!
SAME with the boundaries! It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who didn't know till recently that that was even an option. "Boundaries" was not a concept I had ever heard and I don't think it was a concept that even existed when I was younger. That was not an option when I was growing up! I was definitely taught to have zero boundaries, because you were supposed to be "nice" to everyone all the time. I'm 41 now and just this year I started setting boundaries with many a**holes in my life. And then I've been mad at myself for not doing this sooner, and for letting so many people over the years take advantage of me and screw me over, but it makes me feel better to realize that I had no idea that setting boundaries was something I was even allowed to do. I thought I had to make everyone feel happy all the time and if it was at the expense of myself, I didn't even think that was something that mattered. It wouldn't even occur to me to be concerned about myself, only about them. I'm so happy that these concepts are common now and so many people can improve their lives this way!
BRAVOO BRAVOO.
I usually never comment on videos but I found myself nodding practically the whole time. I dress up for myself and there’s no time like the present. The one thing that this makes me realize is how wonderful and patient my husband is with me. He knows I’m high maintenance and he embraces it with me. Not sure if the bar is that low for guys but I do appreciate him knowing and accepting this is who I am.
I totally agree with you. You are describing a narcissist and I block and avoid those people
I wish we were friends…. I feel like just having you as a friend and just you, I could conquer the world. You’re so inspirational and uplifting
Finding your channel in the past year is the BEST thing ever
Appreciate your mentioning the narcissism! Someone probably needed to hear that!! I know I did at one point!!!
Fancy guest towel energy is now part of my vocabulary.
😂😂😂
All I have to say is this is one of the best videos that I have ever seen. You are so feminine yet down to Earth. Im definitely subscribing to your channel. Thanks for the knowledge!
Thankkkkkkk you! for this perspective. A lot of us, women and especially if we grew up within the poverty mindset..it takes away a sense of freedom and joy within how you can live your life, and express your beauty, sexuality, or self worth. We're taught about discounting, or cheating ourselves of top tier experience or treatment. I needed this kind of encouragement. :)
Glad to help :)
Whitney, you are truly a light in this world and platform. I love what you’re doing with the channel and the message that you are spreading. I’m not sure if you studied psychology but you’d truly make an amazing therapist as well! Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️
LOVE the best life for audience bit! So true, our best life is not about that at all!
Honestly. A really amazing series to start 2021 💗 I love it all 💗
Love your motivational content. You were born to connect and motivate people! Love your videos ♥️♥️♥️
Thanks babe :)
I am so glad I found your videos!! I have been seeing a counselor for 2.5 years after being married to a narcissist for 15 years. She has been telling me these types of things but she doesn't present them like you do. I GET IT with the way you present it! Thank you!! I also see how I allowed him to take away my self love with the way he was controlling me. I love that I am getting that back! I have watched several of your videos including the high maintenance shower video in which I went out and purchased some products yesterday. Girl, today I am walking around like a million bucks and keep complimenting myself on how good I feel for taking the extra time to give my body the extra love. I am worth it! Once again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for what you do!! xoxo
Thank you so so much for sharing this with me!! :)
Thank you for these videos. I’m 59 and am just now getting to the point where I am cutting out the negative, narcissistic friendships and relationships. It has made my marriage, to an amazing and patient man, so wonderful. The last 5 minutes were such powerful words - I’ve saved this and all your “high maintenance” videos and shared with one of my sisters. You have a lifetime of experience for such a young woman. I call it having an “old soul” - but whatever it is, I’m so glad to have landed on your TH-cam channel. Keep up the good work. ❤️❤️❤️
i so am here for this sort of message. I wish I'd come across your channel earlier. i was sort of afraid at first from the title, but you are spot on. i needed to hear everything you said.
I love u. U help me feel validated and like I not the problem! When it feels like my whole life I been bullied for liking myself.
I love this series! Our life is all about ourselves (family and friends too) but we have to be happy within ❤️
I’m getting so many goosebumps because what Whitney is talking about is making so much sense. I’m excited for new videos and excited to see Whitney win. So dang smart! Wish I had a big sister like her growing up, but it’s not too late I guess.
Literally my new fav TH-cam videos to listen to. You are brilliant. Please more high maintenance content. God bless you girl ♥️♣️♦️♠️
What you said about eldest children trying to control situations by putting others' happiness before themselves to get them to stay and thinking that's love... whewwww, that is my life in a nutshell. I just turned 30 and am in the thick of learning this lesson thanks to therapy. It's so refreshing to hear from people with similar experiences. Thank you for this video.
OMG YES!!! BOUNDARIES, because I am worth it, we are all worth it!
“Life is a special occasion”. Love it!
Well said. It took me a half of a lifetime to realize these things and then learn to integrate them without trying to care how others judged me. It opened up freedoms I never had before. It’s still not perfect, but my own mental health has improved insubstantially.
Words cannot express how thankful I am that you created and posted this video. I needed so desperately to hear these nuggets of wisdom at this point in my life. I removed my bedridden grandmother from the nursing home because of the pandemic and brought her to live with us. I love her to pieces, but I've found that I'm losing myself in caregiving. I'm so inspired by what you've shared and motivated to take action. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
1. You are so incredible for doing that for your mom 2. Definitely take the time for yourself. I am rooting for you and your mom xoxoox
@@whitneyhedrick Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I appreciate you! 💖
I love channels like this. Thanks. Life is not a performance. Currently, I'm reading a book How To Improve Your Self Image.
New subscriber and I'm loving this content. Fellow high maintenance oldest child here who relates so much.
Well-spoken and enlightening as per usual, Whitney! These are points that everyone could benefit from hearing and taking to heart, especially young women like myself. Too many people are taught that love equals compromise and that thinking of others first should be our second nature! As I am learning these self-love teachings I try to make a point of checking in with myself more frequently to make sure that the things i'm doing or saying are truly ME, or whether they are a version of my truth that has been modified to please someone around me. Compassion for ourselves comes first in this process of learning self-love. Thanks again, Whitney. 💕
Done dimming my light to make others comfortable ! 💜
That "saving your best" analogy is gold. Life is to be lived, not waited upon xxoo
Love this ! What your saying is confirming what I know is true ;)
Thanks babe :)
All the boundaries talk gave me chills! So spot on.
Can we be friends in real life? I feel like we are each other’s people 😂
We are each other’s people!! Hahah
yes! yes!! yes to everything you are saying! I smile when someone asks me why are you all dressed up? I always say for me I dress for me! I recently have made the conscious decision to step away from a toxic friendship because I always feel bad about myself around her!
My role as the older child was to shield my siblings from the pain. Whitney. It’s like you are talking about me. I feel all the ways you described are like looking in a mirror. Loving yourself is a constant journey. At 46, mine is just starting. ❤️
Yaaasss Beautiful Queen👸🏼🙌🏻🙏🏻😍 I absolutely really enjoy these videos! nothing but the truth 💯👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m so glad 🙂
Thank you for this video! I am proud of being high maintenance 😃
Yay! 💋💋💋
I understand, in my family I was known as a fixer. I tried to fix my parents relationship, I tried to fix everyone’s problems and I didn’t at all care or look at myself for most my life. When I lost my parents a year or so ago, I was completely lost, like what do I do if I am not a fixer?... therapist don’t seem to get the way I grew up
I think God brought you to my life. Needed to see this! Ty!
Omg I cannot hit the like button enough on this video!!! I struggle with boundaries and being the oldest child myself, I totally 100% relate to this. Can you do more videos on boundaries and how to decide what they are?
Girl I could listen to you all day..., You crack me up and you speak the truth. Thank you 😊
Girl I had to comment. I absolutely love watching your videos. You make me feel like a bad bitch. For years people always made me feel down because I cared what I looked like. After watching your videos it makes me realize my opinion is what matters and I do it for me and no one else. Keep up these amazing videos!!
Omg !! I felt like I needed this video my entire life ! Thanks so much I needed this video ! Don’t stop to making content is awesome 💕💕
I truly can’t believe how much your videos have helped me to turn things around in my life. Thank You Whitney!!!
girl whoa.... you be preaching. this is amazing. please make more!!!
Only the truth is spoken here, I’m here to take notes 📝
😘😘😘