big love to all the other queers that have this vibe after pride / dana_._andersen / danaoandersen ko-fi.com/dana... / dana_._andersen patreon.com/DanaAndersen
Ugh, summer events are especially draining because all of one's usual sensory processing issues are further compounded by the heat. That said, two insights: First, (and I'm a broken record here, apologies) I've found that bicycling one's way through an event is, somehow, less dysregulating than being on foot; possibly because of the physical release of tension, but also the reassurance of an immediate and quick means of escape as needed. Second, giving oneself a protracted full-body shake, like a cat after a bath, helps one's autonomic system to process a dysregulating event. I find it challenging to force oneself to do it because it's such an abrupt physical sensation in itself but it does really help to release/process accumulated sensory tension. Try after changing clothes but before sitting down to tea.
Wow. I can relate to this. I wasn’t allowed to have meltdowns either. I was either mocked, laughed at, punished, smacked, or even forced to communicate what was wrong when I didn’t want to talk about it. I’ve learned to use the coping skills that are in my toolbox, but I think I use them to distract myself and push the feelings away. And if I do end up feeling those emotions or even having a meltdown, then I start throwing myself under the bus and I just keep running myself over with it in hopes I just get it instantly and never do it again. I have even told myself, “look at all the other people in the world who are going through being homeless or dealing with war or poverty. They’re the ones who have a right to feel sad or have bad days. You, on the other hand, don’t have that right because you have it way too good.” When I really should be loving and compassionate towards myself.
I say the exact same things to myself. This might sound childish, but I always think about the Bluey episode “bad mood” because the ending really changed the way I talk to myself when i know I’ve messed up. Love the you that messed up and take care of them. Give yourself some credit for getting through life when you feel like crap.
Journaling might be helpful for the thoughts you mentioned. Putting negative thoughts in your head down on paper (or typed out on screen) has the potential to free up room for constructive thoughts to take their place. Also, identifying cognitive distortions can be useful in figuring out which thoughts are about things that are out of your control and which thoughts you may be able to come up with a game plan and actually do something about. Note: These suggestions may not always apply or even be effective, so it's important to have a diversity of tactics in your mental wellness "toolbox."
I would suggest actively decompressing and planning accordingly. When you get home: - get a low effort snack (cereal bar, cookies, smoothie, piece of fruit, piece of toast..) and a drink and ingest it immediately - get a weighted blanket (Aldi has some decent offers every few months) or a comfort item you can hold - put on headphones and maybe some music - get a hot water bottle or ice pack to hold - get a stim toy or stim with your body (big/intense stims work best) Basically take care of your body and mind. We have so much energy we need to let go of. Wether that through stimming and being active or through being still and grounded. The worst thing is to let yourself spiral without a healthy outlet. It's work and it will feel forced in the beginning, but it's the best thing you can learn to support yourself. You can obviously incorporate things like puzzles, painting, light stretching, but the most important thing is developing a safe space for yourself. And for the event itself: - sun glasses - headphones - tangle - a portable fan - a drink and snack - maybe a hat if you can tolerate it
THIS! I told my psychiatrist years ago I was having panic attacks, but the way I described them, she scoffed and said they weren’t panic attacks cause I was able to hold it together until I was alone. She didn’t offer alternatives for what it could be. It’s probably been meltdowns this entire time 😅
I feel the same way. In situations where I should have a meltdown because of too many stimuli or unpleasant situations, I suppress everything until I'm in a quiet place. That's why I haven't had a meltdown in public yet, only at home. Crazy, because you would think that you can relax at home in peace and quiet and then a meltdown happens.
Most of processing emotions is consciously acknowledging yourself, your needs, and your experience. That’s why you feel better after you talk it out. I don’t know how not to suppress stuff while I’m out and about either. I’ve found wearing headphones and using a fidget at least prevents the post-grocery shopping exhaustion, but I don’t always want you to muffle my sensory experience, even if it is too much.
Tipping the Velvet. It's Keeley Hawes and it's gay. I can't remember if it was actually any good, mind you. I just vaguely remember my queer teenage ass loving it
Glad you had a good Pride! And looking forward to seeing your BJD! I get super distressed when I've finished a show and don't know what to watch next, it's like my mind is stuck in the world of the previous show and I can't cope with the demand of choosing a new show. I try to watch a few shows at a time so that I'm always half way through something else when I finish a show.
Great timing. Attended a wedding yesterday, almost had a meltdown early, numbed myself a lot to the whole ceremony part to fight back tears and didn't enjoy myself or experience the 'yes' part. Then had to leave for a bit, reboot myself (for too long, so that I missed the mingle drinks). Then was the really outgoing one, took lots of social responsibility, and made an impression on lots of guests. I bet none of them would think I then got back to my place, felt weirdly sad or empty, and then spent the whole next day on the couch, not doing any hygiene or chores, and only had one meal of leftovers all day. And despite all of that downtime I could still not imagine getting around to any important task and I feel even worse. My pulse is telling me I'm in fight or flight mode! My insides are screaming. So I came on to watch some YT and found you ❤
If I don't consciously process what I'm doing, what I'm gonna do, what I have done, I forget it, because whilst I'm focusing on experiencing something and managing sensory/social stuff at the time, for some reason my memory is offline, maybe to make space. If I don't process stuff after or before, I either am so confused and overwhelmed I don't know what I'm doing, or it feels like I'm doing something for the first time and everything is new - or I start to feel kind of dissociated & fragmented where I lose my sense of reality & gravity & being able to see the continual threads in everything. I've found this can be really difficult when in therapy or coaching when they ask me about experiences and I can't remember them. I have to actually go and do the experience again to remember it to be able to report it, and I have to actively record my feelings to be able to say how I felt at a later point, if that makes any sense?? I guess it's kind of similar to repressing traumas, but often many of the experiences were positive or neutral. Maybe just being autistic makes most things a little bit traumatic, on a neurological level, I don't know? I totally relate to what you're describing though!
(Oh! Also I think maybe not all the 'processing' that needs to be done is on a rational, intellectual level, as some of it is emotional.. but quite often when we verbalise things, we make it rational and intellectual. The best thing is finding ways of processing that can include explaining/understanding things, as well as just expressing all the emotions, even if they don't make sense.. Sometimes these can be done separately - e.g. sometimes I can use journalling to sort the cognitive stuff, and visual art to sort the emotional stuff) or sometimes they can be done together - I guess a bit like your video here?!) I find neurotypicals react to this kind of processing like it doesn't need to be done, or it should stay in our heads. But I love it when I see other autistics doing it and it reminds me it's ok to process out loud, and actually that is very healthy :) .
I’ve just come back after the first night from a trip I’d paid for that was meant to be 5 nights away. This is the 4th time in a row this has happened (4th time I’ve been away over the last 10 years). I never seem to learn to just stay the fuck home and let the others enjoy the things that I don’t.
Went to Manc pride last year but was just too much >.< it's a shame because I'd love to go and take a bunch of pics but the crowds and noise is just too much 😞On the plus side I got a couple of pics last year of these two lil cute dogs with pride bandanas but there was so much more I didn't get to capture
Ugh, summer events are especially draining because all of one's usual sensory processing issues are further compounded by the heat.
That said, two insights: First, (and I'm a broken record here, apologies) I've found that bicycling one's way through an event is, somehow, less dysregulating than being on foot; possibly because of the physical release of tension, but also the reassurance of an immediate and quick means of escape as needed.
Second, giving oneself a protracted full-body shake, like a cat after a bath, helps one's autonomic system to process a dysregulating event. I find it challenging to force oneself to do it because it's such an abrupt physical sensation in itself but it does really help to release/process accumulated sensory tension. Try after changing clothes but before sitting down to tea.
Wow. I can relate to this. I wasn’t allowed to have meltdowns either. I was either mocked, laughed at, punished, smacked, or even forced to communicate what was wrong when I didn’t want to talk about it. I’ve learned to use the coping skills that are in my toolbox, but I think I use them to distract myself and push the feelings away. And if I do end up feeling those emotions or even having a meltdown, then I start throwing myself under the bus and I just keep running myself over with it in hopes I just get it instantly and never do it again. I have even told myself, “look at all the other people in the world who are going through being homeless or dealing with war or poverty. They’re the ones who have a right to feel sad or have bad days. You, on the other hand, don’t have that right because you have it way too good.” When I really should be loving and compassionate towards myself.
Relate to all of this
@@tracik1277 well, i’m glad I’m not the only one in this world with that.
I say the exact same things to myself. This might sound childish, but I always think about the Bluey episode “bad mood” because the ending really changed the way I talk to myself when i know I’ve messed up. Love the you that messed up and take care of them. Give yourself some credit for getting through life when you feel like crap.
Journaling might be helpful for the thoughts you mentioned. Putting negative thoughts in your head down on paper (or typed out on screen) has the potential to free up room for constructive thoughts to take their place. Also, identifying cognitive distortions can be useful in figuring out which thoughts are about things that are out of your control and which thoughts you may be able to come up with a game plan and actually do something about.
Note: These suggestions may not always apply or even be effective, so it's important to have a diversity of tactics in your mental wellness "toolbox."
I would suggest actively decompressing and planning accordingly.
When you get home:
- get a low effort snack (cereal bar, cookies, smoothie, piece of fruit, piece of toast..) and a drink and ingest it immediately
- get a weighted blanket (Aldi has some decent offers every few months) or a comfort item you can hold
- put on headphones and maybe some music
- get a hot water bottle or ice pack to hold
- get a stim toy or stim with your body (big/intense stims work best)
Basically take care of your body and mind.
We have so much energy we need to let go of. Wether that through stimming and being active or through being still and grounded.
The worst thing is to let yourself spiral without a healthy outlet. It's work and it will feel forced in the beginning, but it's the best thing you can learn to support yourself.
You can obviously incorporate things like puzzles, painting, light stretching, but the most important thing is developing a safe space for yourself.
And for the event itself:
- sun glasses
- headphones
- tangle
- a portable fan
- a drink and snack
- maybe a hat if you can tolerate it
THIS! I told my psychiatrist years ago I was having panic attacks, but the way I described them, she scoffed and said they weren’t panic attacks cause I was able to hold it together until I was alone. She didn’t offer alternatives for what it could be. It’s probably been meltdowns this entire time 😅
I feel the same way. In situations where I should have a meltdown because of too many stimuli or unpleasant situations, I suppress everything until I'm in a quiet place. That's why I haven't had a meltdown in public yet, only at home. Crazy, because you would think that you can relax at home in peace and quiet and then a meltdown happens.
Most of processing emotions is consciously acknowledging yourself, your needs, and your experience. That’s why you feel better after you talk it out.
I don’t know how not to suppress stuff while I’m out and about either. I’ve found wearing headphones and using a fidget at least prevents the post-grocery shopping exhaustion, but I don’t always want you to muffle my sensory experience, even if it is too much.
Tipping the Velvet. It's Keeley Hawes and it's gay.
I can't remember if it was actually any good, mind you. I just vaguely remember my queer teenage ass loving it
Glad you had a good Pride! And looking forward to seeing your BJD!
I get super distressed when I've finished a show and don't know what to watch next, it's like my mind is stuck in the world of the previous show and I can't cope with the demand of choosing a new show. I try to watch a few shows at a time so that I'm always half way through something else when I finish a show.
Great timing. Attended a wedding yesterday, almost had a meltdown early, numbed myself a lot to the whole ceremony part to fight back tears and didn't enjoy myself or experience the 'yes' part. Then had to leave for a bit, reboot myself (for too long, so that I missed the mingle drinks). Then was the really outgoing one, took lots of social responsibility, and made an impression on lots of guests. I bet none of them would think I then got back to my place, felt weirdly sad or empty, and then spent the whole next day on the couch, not doing any hygiene or chores, and only had one meal of leftovers all day. And despite all of that downtime I could still not imagine getting around to any important task and I feel even worse. My pulse is telling me I'm in fight or flight mode! My insides are screaming. So I came on to watch some YT and found you ❤
I really appreciate your videos. Thank you
If I don't consciously process what I'm doing, what I'm gonna do, what I have done, I forget it, because whilst I'm focusing on experiencing something and managing sensory/social stuff at the time, for some reason my memory is offline, maybe to make space. If I don't process stuff after or before, I either am so confused and overwhelmed I don't know what I'm doing, or it feels like I'm doing something for the first time and everything is new - or I start to feel kind of dissociated & fragmented where I lose my sense of reality & gravity & being able to see the continual threads in everything. I've found this can be really difficult when in therapy or coaching when they ask me about experiences and I can't remember them. I have to actually go and do the experience again to remember it to be able to report it, and I have to actively record my feelings to be able to say how I felt at a later point, if that makes any sense?? I guess it's kind of similar to repressing traumas, but often many of the experiences were positive or neutral. Maybe just being autistic makes most things a little bit traumatic, on a neurological level, I don't know? I totally relate to what you're describing though!
(Oh! Also I think maybe not all the 'processing' that needs to be done is on a rational, intellectual level, as some of it is emotional.. but quite often when we verbalise things, we make it rational and intellectual. The best thing is finding ways of processing that can include explaining/understanding things, as well as just expressing all the emotions, even if they don't make sense.. Sometimes these can be done separately - e.g. sometimes I can use journalling to sort the cognitive stuff, and visual art to sort the emotional stuff) or sometimes they can be done together - I guess a bit like your video here?!)
I find neurotypicals react to this kind of processing like it doesn't need to be done, or it should stay in our heads. But I love it when I see other autistics doing it and it reminds me it's ok to process out loud, and actually that is very healthy :) .
I’ve just come back after the first night from a trip I’d paid for that was meant to be 5 nights away. This is the 4th time in a row this has happened (4th time I’ve been away over the last 10 years). I never seem to learn to just stay the fuck home and let the others enjoy the things that I don’t.
A show you might enjoy is The Decameron. It's amazing
Went to Manc pride last year but was just too much >.< it's a shame because I'd love to go and take a bunch of pics but the crowds and noise is just too much 😞On the plus side I got a couple of pics last year of these two lil cute dogs with pride bandanas but there was so much more I didn't get to capture
haha, the 'tism.
(I'm french) I didn't know there was a sequel to Life on Mars 😲 I'll try to watch it
It’s EVEN BETTER than Life on Mars!! I’d definitely recommend 😅
watch Trailer Park Boys.