childhood.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 พ.ค. 2024
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@ManyKudos: • The Many Scandals of D...
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Twitter: nethistorian
Patreon: patreon.com/internethistorian
New IH: • That Zone Between Area...
New Storymode: • Nancy Drew Expleened
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The Alpha Podcast:
• THE ALPHA PODCAST BROU... - ตลก
When I was a kid I thought the word "pussy" was the funniest thing in the universe. Then one day my mom found out that I'd made a Sim City called "Pussyton" and she sat me down and explained what that word actually meant, and that was fucking terrible. She also forbid me from deleting the Pussyton save file until my dad got back from his military deployment so he could yell at me for it too. Pussyton was by far the greatest city I ever made in ANY Sim City game. It was a massively successful metropolis with virtually no crime and a gigantic economic output.
what happened when your dad got back?
im moving immediately
What did your dad say?
What did your dad say?
In German a common insult is "wichser", meaning wanker, but when I first heard it, I mistook it for the German word for blender. So I called my brother and a choice of others blender for about 3 years....
- Introduces himself
- Sends 1,000 blank text messages
- Refuses to elaborate
- Leaves
A real Chad
Girls like them mysterious I guess
- Still gets the friend's number. Somehow.
Ligma male grindset
LMAOOO
I bet ManyKudos' dad was listening to him go "tanker" "uanker" "vanker" and just waiting for him to say "wanker" so he could scare the hell out of him.
he was thinking the words and only said "wanker" because it seemed to be a fun word to say
My parents literally did the same thing when I was going down the list of letters to replace the T in Tigger.
Sounds like an edgy joke but it's a real thing I did
Considering that ManyKudos’ phobia is beautiful women’s breasts, it’s not surprising that he was the World’s Gayest Man before dying.
He'll be missed 😭
(I don’t get the joke)
@@anwd8646 ManyKudos says his phobia is beautiful women’s breasts in ITF Spooky.
@@circleas7192 No I mean saying he’s dead.
@@anwd8646 1:33 “Yeah, I mean, if he was still alive today, surely he would have won this award, but I’m still, uh, grateful to accept it on his behalf.”
Are you gayhood
he is the gayhood
The gayest and hoodiest
he is yasshood
He watches cumtown
He’s welcome to the gayborhood
Ah yes all the staples of childhood: near death experiences, going to the school dance, deer farm...
Deer Farm is a 2 for one, better than the school dance and a near death experience.
traveling piss collection woman 👍
Calling everyone a wanker
I lost it at deer farm. All composure out the window!!
Deer farm WITH near death experiences no less..
The 2,000 text message story is one of the funniest things I've ever heard, I can fully picture that being a bit in a stand-up routine lol
Imagine if this was before unlimited text messaging
I feel really embarrassed to say it took 2 years of watching to realise Internet Historian was not indeed an old man
Depends on what your meaning of "old man" is.
@@AlexandeRSciswoR dinosaur
The only reason it didn't take me THREE years is because of comments like this... XD
I remember seeing a PSA as a kid that essentially said "Dont run with scissors, you'll fall and cut yourself". I laughed like, yeah right TV, scissors cut paper, not people.
So that's how I ended up stabbing my arm trying to prove the TV wrong
-Tv says scissors cut people
-Scissors only cut paper, duh
-Hurts self with scissors
-Got stabbed instead of cut
Still proved them wrong
Are you sure you just weren't using the scissors meant for people cutting?
@@FallingPicturesProductions
That's a bloody good point mate
So the lesson here is believe everything the TV tells you. Got it!
a kid in my class did this and somehow managed to gouge out his eye.
As a Mexican, Nordman most helpful tip is "Don't live in Mexico". Thanks Nordman for your helpful knowledge.
Saquenme de latinoamerica
I really want to visit Mexico
I agree, I want out
@@tek4 is a hell
But if u come here
PLEASE GET ME OUT
SOME SICK WOMEN KILLED MY BROTHER AND COUSIN
Hahahahah
My childhood near death experience:
I was like 7, practicing my ninja moves with a letter opener knife (as you do), started spinning around in circles to see if I could make a tornado. Eventually I decided I would spin until I fell naturally but I landed funny, my elbow bent, and I stabbed myself in the neck. Now, I certainly thought I was going to die, and my siblings screams as the blood started up didn't help, but after all the screaming and running around all I know is I got a bandaid and nothing more so I must have missed my jugular after all.
There are 2 additional aspects to this story
1. I remember I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, but I was holding my hand over the cut. I decided I wouldn't look because it might give me nightmares and to this day I regret it. Coward!
2. While I was running around screaming I wiped some blood on my grandmother's curtains. Apparently no one ever found out because years later I checked and it was still there, which is how I know I didn't imagine this event.
Holy fuck, Jesus fucking loves you
Yo I'm not religious but you should be after this event because every God saved you at once
Oh my….
I nearly died a few times as a kid, but this is the story that sticks in my mind the most:
I can't remember how old I was, but I may have been 11 (I cannot remember exactly)
We were holidaying on Jersey, one of the UK Channel Islands, and my dad and brother thought it would be a good idea to try kayaking. I also wanted to see what it was like, so I 'boarded' one of the kayaks we hired.
However, NOBODY told me that it is a very, very, very, VERY bad idea to strap yourself into any small water vessel, be it a boat or a canoe or kayak. So, in my child brain, I did not want to fall out. So I strapped myself in.
I don't know how it happened, but the kayak capsized. All I remember is blurriness, struggling to breathe, and wondering why the Hell nobody was helping me out. I remember seeing the ocean bed (this was shallow water) and all my limbs were thrashing about, trying to get free.
Somehow, I managed to escape and emerged, gasping for air and furious that nobody noticed that I nearly died. My knee was bleeding where I'd scraped the stony ocean floor, and that injury formed a scar which I still have today as a reminder to never f*ck with the ocean ever again.
Lol I remember when the strongest swear word I knew was 'curse you' so when I would get mad I would just scream curse you! like a witch.
TBF some random little kid screaming "CURSE YOU" would be pretty scary. One of the many things that the horror genre taught me is that if either the really young or really old start invoking things, shit's about to hit the fan.
Wow, I didn't log into TH-cam expecting new things to teach to my little cousin.
At this point I’m pretty much a pro at being pulled out of wet holes
Ya
ManyKudos, you are my favourite IH sidekick character.
I’m pro at making holes dryer than volcanic ash
too bad you're only a pro at pulling out large wet holes
lmao
I hope the editor is appropriately compensated for the torture they endure.
I like how dudebro dropped a classic game grumps joke and it flew right over the editor's head XD
They are paid in fingernail clippings
they did get to say he was gay a bunch
Do you really think someone else edits these? He posts like 5 times a year.
@@Purriah you seen the ending?
When I was a kid (5) I went on vacation to OC MD.
My mom was messing with my dad, telling him, “oh you only wear sunglasses to stare at hineys.”
I thought it was the most hilarious shit I ever heard, like, in a random way. So I repeated the “joke” the next day on a train full of strangers on the shoreline. “MY DAD WEARS SUNGLASSES TO LOOK AT WOMENS HINEYS” and the stares!??
My poor dad.
Me, my mom, my cousin and his mom walking by a church, it was the time of the year when kids had first communion. My cousin just lists colours and things of that color for no reason and out of the blue says "Red! Red like my daddy's cock!" Passing by all the priests and nuns, God it was hilarious, to this very day I can point to the exact concrete tile he said it at in front of the church.
You went to Original Character Doctor of Medicine?
My first word was actually a swear word. My grandmother had a sailors mouth and my parents would always get upset at her for swearing around me but she was unwilling to change. One day she’s sitting on our couch, drops the remote on the floor, and says “oh sh*t!” I’m sitting on the other side of the room in my dad’s laps and say the same “oh sh*t!” Needless to say my parents were rather upset with my grandmother
Based grandma.
I never understood why some people are so much against swearing in front of children in general, though. Children need to learn that swearing is context sensitive, meaning that it's generally acceptable to swear in front of your family and friends, but not in public. This general striving to avoid swears altogether seems to be a pretty uniquely American / Anglosphere problem.
Nordman cries himself to sleep at night not because he pities himself, but because he pities the poor souls who can't access region-locked content
This Guy gets It.
"if children are the future, how come they never see it coming?"
Whoever wrote that line needs to write a book, I will read it
Honestly, IH intros are way funnier than they have any right to be. He probably spends all 36 months between uploads just trying to think of one liners
Got me thinking bout old T Rex
Up there with "if space is so big, why won't it fight me"
BANG
They saw the future and they know you wont.
When ManyKudos yells “No STOP! It didn’t happen” it gets me every time.
When I was 6 my grandma sent me to the store to buy bread. At the cash register I see this peach-flavored candy and decide I want one. I have the whole wallet, I'm on a power trip. Except the cashier is horribly flustered, she won't sell me any, she keeps trying to figure out if that's even what I'm saying, and she ends up calling her manager.
Reader, a few years later I would realize that it wasn't candy. Those were flavored condoms.
To be safe I never went into that store again.
"The customer is always right, dammit!" *pounds fist on counter*
Mr. Editor, I commend you for putting up with their bullshit shenanigans so we can enjoy this wonderful entertainment. Just know that it never goes unnoticed or unappreciated.
yea
He's the editor
does he not edit his own videos?
He's the editor lol
Internet Historian does all the editing I believe. He also creates all the assets in the videos himself which is one of the reasons the videos take so long to come out
A moment of silence for all the noise “Barry” has to wade through for these videos. We love you, Editor!!
Put that in, Barry.
Barry, add a picture of a hamburger bungee jumping, and the hamburger has like, little wobbly eyes, but when it gets to the bottom of the rope the eyes fall off and a dog eats them
Barry, edit that out
yes
Mudan?
The story ManyKudos tells of him falling in the water tree hole was....honestly terrifying.
It gave me like Stephen King vibes
My favorite story to tell about my childhood was when I was around 10 or 12. Earlier in the year we had to get firewood. The chainsaw kicked back and almost took my Dad's right leg. He was fine but while he was in a cast and using crutches he and his friend, who lived in a trailer home in the mountains, walked down the dirt road while my sisters and I had to stay in the home. I was looking out the window down where they went and right after thinking "Maybe I should go out and hike a bit" I saw my dad trying to run across the road while being chased by a young black bear looney tunes style. I ran out the door just as he was screaming at his friend to get the gun. They ended up killing the bear and had to explain to the wildlife police that they had killed it in self defense. We ended eating the meat but it was so greasy that we had the shits for a week..... Today was his funeral and I am going to miss him.... I love you Dad. Rest in peace.
I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the story.
Props to Barry. The hero we all deserve
I love how thanks to Game Grumps, every editor is officially named Barry.
I think you mean Not Barry
@@lilwyvern4 "Barry" is derived from the ancient sanskrit for "extremely based video editor"
Meh.
@@lilwyvern4 Barry throw in another wolf job!
I can't believe IH would screenshot hundreds of hard-bought NFTs just for a gag at the beginning. it's almost as bad as that time he ruined that bowl of spaghetti in Cost of Concordia.
I'm crying and shaking rn
He had to do it so he could get to the deets
sadge
smh
Top 10 youtubers who went to jail
10) Internet Historian: property theft
I'm disgusted and have unsubscribed and called the FBI NFT Section Australia Section.
He's going to go in prison and dodon't kill himself.
Oh God. I actually had my phone do something similar. It was a Razr flip phone and it messaged this girl I knew again and again. It turned out the board had gotten condensation and it was repeatedly sending inputs that didn't exist. In this case, it kept sending her my phones background picture which was from Gradius, which is a space shooter. It did this 178 times before I realized something was wrong. Next day in class, she walks up to me and asks what the fuck was I doing. I show her the *new phone* I just got and didnt even get a word out before she remarked "Turn on your old phone." Which I did still have. It instantly started glitching and trying to send her pictures again but this time, no Sim card. Thankfully, she just laughed her ass off and didn't bring it up again. Amanda was a cool girl... and gayer than sunshine I learned shortly thereafter.
When my little brother was learning to talk, he was really into construction vehicles. His favorites were “dump truck” and “digger,” and he yelled them frequently and with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, a toddler’s pronunciations are not super accurate, so it sounded like he was yelling “dumb fuck” and… another word… in line at Payless Shoe Source.
I did that too. Except I yelled it out of the car at a bunch of black construction workers.
@@ConnorwithanO same but they always seem to get upset for some reason and when ever I try to explain this to my wife she always says things such as "get out" and "We don't want you here". Honestly its getting on my nerves how pre-judgmental she can be 😮💨
I called a black nurse a n[word] at age 5 but only knew that n[word] was a bad word but only found it was about someone's skin colour years later lmao
My parents never told me about the n word thing when I was a kid, but they also likely did not know that it was on a bunch of cd's I was listening to (showing my age a bit, but who cares). Well one day I was singing along in front of the baby sitter and I still remember the look on her face. Then we had "the talk"
Must've been great knowing your kid brother was based.
Ah, so condoms are the reason bananas aren't reproducing like they use to. 😆
based
No, they are sterile. The condom just guarantee your bananas are STD free.
@@overlookers based on what
@@blablabla7796 your mom
@@blablabla7796 just based
When i was a kid my dad used to swear a lot while watching soccer. He never got mad at me for repeating the swear words, he was pretty chill about it. But one day i was curious and asked him what they meant, Spanish is our native language so he made some word puns to wrongly explain to me that those words were nothing bad and things from day to day life, i was like 5 so i didn't question it. Then when i started repeating the words in front of other adults and older cousins and they asked me if I knew what those words meant i told them the things my dad told me, which were mostly humorous puns, and they started laughing, dad was around and he started laughing uncontrollably too, after that he explained to me what the words actually meant and told me I probably shouldn't say them at school or in front of people who weren't family members.
Now looking back it was a pretty funny situation and nobody was offended or harmed so I'm cool with it. It's funny tho because everyone said swear words at my house so when i was older at school i didn't swear as much as my classmates, i didn't have the urge to do so but i also wasn't offended by them, guess I got it out of my system.
17:48 Girl A is a legend. Still gets you that number despite the insanity. Refuses to acknowledge what happened. Probably doesn't tell girl B given how she agreed to the date and all.
Sometimes I forget that Internet Historian isn’t a 60 year old man and is actually like 25
He can't be if that phone story was true.
More like 30
@@OutOfNamesToChoose Nah. By the time he got the birds and bees talk he could just google the info, so either hes just making shit up or hes used a severely outdated phone by the time he got to uni.
@@StrazdasLT I'm 33 yo and the first time I've ever seen an iPhone 1 was around university time. Took a while after that to get my first own smartphone, so yeah he's most likely 28 - 33 yo.
my brain dislikes this thought. it just doesn't feel right. He should be at least 39 or something. Probably a bit less though, he seems more 'older millennial' than 'young GenX', if he's actually only 25 that bakes my head too much. Probably early 30s like others in this thread speculate.
The worst part about the texting story is that this was back when a lot of cell plans still had per-message fees for _receiving_ text messages as well as sending.
Edit: there seems to be some confusion. This was how many monthly cell phone plans in the US worked, and I believe it was a holdover from the days when SMS was a _pager_ thing. The time period I'm thinking of was from whenever pagers started to be a thing up until the late 00's, at which point I know lots of people still had these plans in the US even if the companies weren't offering them as new plans. It was also the kind of thing that were a part of a lot of cell plans that many people didn't actually know about until the first time they went over their monthly amount and got slapped with an insane bill. So this might have been in one of your cell plans and you just never knew it. I also know that back in the day there were people who would seriously fuck someone else over by sending them an obscene amount of texts via email or a chat client that would talk to SMS to cost then a lot of money or at least max out their plan so they couldn't receive anymore for the rest of the month.
I assume this was Australia, which I'm fairly sure didn't have that. It always weirds me out when I hear that about texting in the US.
@@Doug-89 yeah Australian had little SIM cards for the phones that you would top up. Each call and text would use a bit of that pre paid credit. Shit was torture
My first phone was a MDA compact with windows. Used to use MSN messenger all the time, back then there where no internet data packs. I paid about €300 a month 😂 that was stupid
(They had it in the U.S. to) Boy that gimmick was a crock of shit.
Australian here. I was stoked to have "50 free texts per month" before having to pay for them..
Trying to play WarCraft 3 online and the phone ringing, cutting me off... Good old dial-up.
I recall my parents getting really annoyed whenever War3 had an update as well because it would take like 10 hours to download and god knows if we had a data cap or whatever.
When I was 2-3ish, I almost fell out the 5th story of a hotel and had no memory of this. Only when my dad randomly brought it up did I find out I almost died one random day when I was 2.
I like how as your Harold avatar has become more detailed it has only become more desheviled and tired.
"What's the closest you've come to dying?"
As a child, I lived in South Carolina. One day me and my friend thought it would be a great idea to play with an Alligator. It was super chill and let us pet it and stuff, but still not my smartest moment.
I haven't come close to dying myself, but I remember wrestling with my dumbass friend in high school on a trampoline. I dropkicked him in the chest and he fell off the trampoline, landing flat on his back in the grass with so much wind knocked out of him I thought for a second that I was watching the light leave his eyes, lmao
We stuck to videogame wrestling after that.
What did it feel like, I've only been able to pet Gila Monsters and Snakes, owing to me living in New Mexico
Mine was almost falling off a speedboat into a lake filled with 6 ft crocs, I didn't know how to swim which makes it worse
When I was one I ran head first into the a coffee table with sharp edges and nearly split my skull. I still have stitches from where the doctors sowed up the head wound.
I managed to avoid the close death experiences my whole childhood.
But then I grew up, and I've almost drowned twice because I went into water while drunk and fucking *FORGOT HOW TO SWIM!!1*
I can’t believe I had a childhood without this channel
Oh hey schuck
Actual facts
O
Where's that Hot Pants video dammit
I can’t believe I had a childhood
Historian’s story of falling off a cliff reminds me of the time my “friend” kicked me in the shin with leather boots, cause me to fall and (I believe) give me a concussion. I just remember standing, then on the ground. So I get up, then five minutes later I start sobbing uncontrollably, so I guess I had the shock thing happen to me.
Editor is a saint, good on you for dealing with those two. Can't end the suffering but here's hoping they stop clipping nails during a recording.
It appears IH has remembered all his passwords simultaneously. Hope we get some more content on this channel. It's always hilarious af
He found the sticky note he wrote them all down on XD
All thanks to Nordpass woman
@@jakegoodyear7726 Dashlane moment
yes
Yes I'm hopeful we get at least another video this year.
The “do you wanna race us?” Guys were living their best live, absolute gigachads
I know I would have looked at them in disgust then said 'Ugh... you guys are disgusting. First to three shits wins. '
Then raced to the toilet bowl.
Gigachads LMFAO!!!!
YES.
I guarantee the intended plan was to lure in unsuspecting victims and the moment they dropped trou the 2 were gonna pull out cameras and start snapping. Kudos's story could have been VERY different i think.
Gigachads doing gigashits
Alright, here’s my “almost dying” story.
When I was 10, my family had just moved to a new house next to a steep, grassy hill that led into a small field. One of my brothers found out that he could ride his bike down this hill, and tried to get me to do it. I, being a chicken, refused. But my mother, in her infinite wisdom, decided “ahh you can do it, be brave, put some hair on your chest,” and sent me down the hill. As I’m flying down this hill of tall grass, the front wheel of my bike turns suddenly and I just go flying. My bike lands in front of me, handlebar straight up. I hit the handlebar right in my belly button, and had it not been rubber-padded, I probably would have impaled myself. I also hit the ground elbow first, fracturing it pretty bad. I’m out for about two minutes and I just let out this awful wail of pain when I awaken.
I did not go out again that summer.
When I was a kid, I had a t-shirt from 'A Bug's life' that said 'Bug off' on it. I shouted it at someone in class one day when I was about 8 and my teacher was furious and my parents got a call and I was really confused about it like 'Its on a tshirt i have whats the problem with it'? and I was confused for years until I finally realised a few years ago she probably thought I had yelled 'Fuck off'.
Barry you are a real one.
You should make IH look more and more disheveled every video as recompense for his sloppy work.
Barry is a pro
1SmokedTurkey1 and professionals have standards.
I like how ManyKudos doesn’t say “my dad,” but instead just “dad,” as if he is all of our collective dad
thats like normal in australia
@@yottabbb that’s so beautiful, thank you
I got a friend that just says mom. What's worse is that I point it out to everyone around me, and they just don't see a problem with it.
@@abloodcorpse3318 that is even more beautiful, thank you
The secret father of all bastards.
Childhood fact: Of all the humans ever born, more than half have died before the age of 10
Is that YOUR childhood fact?
"So what I decided to do, was nothing." Most relatable thing you've said.
Editor, if you’re seeing this, I must thank you for bringing us another IH video, and I know that every second in this video is at least 10 minutes of pain. Thank you for your service
Pretty sure it's mostly himself that does it
@@superfeel1275 On this channel IH does almost no editing at all, that's part of the purpose of it. Get stuff out faster while IH is editing main channel videos.
The Editor is paranormal entity which needs to be thanked on a semi regular basis
Hiring someone else as your editor is fucking stupid
I do concur, the man is a digital saint and lord of video documentation of culture
I once read a book where someone had gotten "laid off" from their job. I had gotten tired of doing my chores and didn't want to do them anymore. I was in the car with my cousin, mom, and little brother, also 8 years old. I asked my mom "Mom, I wanna get laid from my chores." I still lay awake after learning what it actually means.
😭😭😭
oh HELL no
fucking power move
Well at least both your arms werent broken.
I remember being a kid and not knowing what "jack off" meant, but hearing the slang "jack" as a word for stealing something.
Anyways one day my family's gathered around the dinner table and I go up to my aunty who's eating some chips and say to her "I'm gonna jack you off some chips".
Everyone stops talking and starts laughing at me, and my mom has to tell me what that word I just said meant. I'm still embarrassed to this day
the award ceremony bit is too damn brilliant.
you gotta appreciate some high tier improv moments like that.
I felt so bad for you when you said you started crying a few minutes later. Like if that happened to a friend of mine I'd just offer to hug it out. I know what it's like to be that shook.
There will never be another internet historian, you have secured your legacy.
Emplemon retrospective eminent
Mister Metokur comes pretty close, at least when documenting lolcows.
@@Zorro9129 Whang! Too
Big Boss has a very similiar style as well, although he uploads quite rarely.
He has secured it with nord vpn.
Closest I came to dying as a kid started with the infallible logic: "If the ice can hold that duck, it can hold me."
No. No, it could not.
_"So, logically, if..."_
_"...she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood..."_
_"...and therefore?"_
_"..."_
_"A WITCH!"_
@@alphamikeomega5728 so glad I'm not the only one who thought this
This is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh man :)
@@alphamikeomega5728 "She turned me into a newt!"
"....."
"I got better..."
I have a very, very vivid memory of making a premature ejaculation joke at a family party with zero clue what what I'd said meant, because I watched a lot of Will & Grace... I don't recall how old I was, but it's just a horrifying memory my brain decides to remind me of every once in a while.
Kids say the darndest things.
My dad made me watch Nightmare on elm street when I was like 5. There was this big vent in front of the doorway to my bedroom and I would just stare at it for literally an hour before making a mad dash past it to my bed because I was so terrified of Freddy Kruger pooping out and dragging me into it lol, did that for 3 years straight and my mum never questioned it until I told her at like 20
When my brother was a toddler, my mom's cousin tried to teach him "open" and "shut".
Which my brother repeated as "open" and "shit".
Mom responded with "you couldn't have just taught him 'closed', could you?"
Even better was the time my dad dropped something, nearly swore, but corrected himself in time to "shoot".
And my brother replied "you mean 'shit' daddy, that's what you say when you drop things!"
Funny
When I was young, I thought that the word deaf was pronounced as death. So when someone asked me to repeat myself or they misunderstood what I said, I would be a smart alec by responding “what are you, death?” Oddly enough, I was never corrected and I just figured out myself one day that I was not saying the word right. Lol.
When I was around 3-4, I was obsessed with cars and trucks, so much so that every time we went to the supermarket, they had to buy me a new miniature Hot Wheels model. I would constantly shout from the shopping cart "I WANNA TRUCK" until they took a stop at the toy section. But there was just one problem though. For whatever reason I didn't pronounce the word "truck" with the t sound, but with an f instead. So what I would actually be shouting at the top of my lungs was "I WANNA FRUCK." People obviously thought I was trying to say something very different, and my family got a lot of awkward looks from everyone every time we went shopping.
@@kieranmooney5804
Nice 👍🏻
When I was really small my family had a landline, and they would always answer it with “hello, this is the [our last name] residence.” Well, when I was that small, I didn’t know that “residence” was a word. The only word I knew that sounded like that was “presidents”, because America. So I always raced to answer the phone ahead of my two older siblings and when I did win out, I would greet who or whatever was on the other end by saying “hello, [_] presidents.” And no one corrected me.
Eventually we moved and didn’t get a new landline, and I was not allowed to answer my parents’ smartphones, so when I did find out I said it wrong, it was too late. Not that tragic, but still funny I guess.
2:03
Soldiers in field medical attention that got shot during a battle: "Give me a cigarette."
Internet Historian: "Can we just go get an ice cream?"
Closest is probably when I fell through ice on a creek and couldn't get out cause it kept breaking. Dumbest was my parents lost me in a foreign country and I jumped on a random bus.
Great parents.
did you die?
I called my sister a wanker as the first time I remembered swearing. Mum told me off but she couldn't stop laughing at the same time
Kudos story reminded me of when I was having swimming lessons with my school and we had to do laps in the diving pool. I was shit scared of it because it was so deep but I made it around and I was just about to grab the ladder to climb out but some little shit undertook me and knocked me into the middle of the pool. I stared panicking thinking I was going to sink to the bottom of the pool and I looked up to the lifeguards stand and he was talking to one of the teaching assistants, completely oblivious to me nearly drowning. I didn’t end up drowning (obviously) but that really freaked me out.
My psychiatrist: don’t worry, sideways-facing Nord-man isn’t real, he can’t hurt you
Sideways-facing Nord-man: 6:21
Sideway eyes keep reminding me of Asian people
yes
When I was a kid I didn't like dirty coins, so my genius solution was to clean them. By swishing them around in my mouth.
So one day I find a very dirty quarter and pop that bad boy in and I accidentally swallowed. But I could like still feel it in the back of my mouth but I couldn't get it so I start to panic and run upstairs to my mom and was like 'mom there's a quarter in my throat' and she was like wtf let's go to the hospital.
We get there and the nurse doesn't believe it is stuck since I'm standing right there looking fine and she says it'll pass thru my system. We go to leave and I'm still like 'theres a quarter in my throat' so my mom grabbed a security guard with a metal detector wand and had him wand my throat in front of the nurse and it beeps on my throat. The nurse was like oh shit let's get an x-ray, lo and behold there's a quarter stuck vertically in my throat, they don't want to try the heimlich in case it gets turned horizontal and I start choking to death.
The doctors are all talking and the main idea is to cut my throat open and pull it out. Then another doctor pulls my mom aside and is like 'i can get it out in a minute' so she takes this tube and puts it up my nose and down my throat past the quarter, she pumps a balloon at the end of the tube and starts yanking it up. I spit it out and we got burger king.
LEGEND!! 👏🤣
"and we got burger king."
I would rather still have the quarter stuck in my throat.
@@MAGAMAN pish posh, burger king is amazing!! 😀👍
YOO I DID THE SAME THING ABOUT WASHING STUFF WITH MY MOUTH
I swallowed a marble and a 5 pesos coin because of that but I was a lucky dumb kid and they didn't get stuck or anything, i didn't even went to the doctor on either occasion
@@ZeroSuitSnow we were both just next level kids
My near death experience was stupid and pretty uneventful really.
As a kid I always got some form of stomach virus, food poisoning or some other crap at least once or twice a year. I dreaded those times because I hate throwing up. Everything about it is disgusting, I feel disgusting, I have no energy…It’s just the worst. Some time around 3rd or 4th grade I got sick again and I was puking all night long all the way until 5 AM. It was torturous. But I didn’t have to go to school so I laid in bed as waves of nausea came and went. I was so scared of throwing up again that I didn’t eat anything. I only drank water. After that sick day, I woke up the next day Kinda woozy. I didn’t move around at all the day before and I pretty much woke up walked out of my room, through the kitchen and onto the couch and couldn’t bring myself to get up because I was so weak. My mom let me stay home that day again. I still didn’t eat and I tried drinking more water but eventually I coughed that up too. That was also really unpleasant. So I just stopped drinking water at that point. I felt weak and lethargic for the rest of the week and my teacher got so concerned that she had my class send me a get well soon card after missing a week of school. At that point, my dad used his weekend to take me to the hospital to figure out why I was so weak and lethargic.
Turns out, not eating for 5 days and not drinking for almost three days can kill you!I was given IV fluids and some bland crackers and I felt much better. But the nurse practitioner that saw me told my dad that he needed to make sure I was drinking and eating after being sick.
So yeah, I accidentally almost killed myself via dehydration and starvation because I don’t like the feeling of throwing up.
hahahahaha my dick of a father gave me food poisoning one time and I swear I threw up at least 40 times in one night. I threw up so much I had been drinking lots of water with the purpose of rehydrating only to throw up again into a 2 gallon bucket. I filled that bucket with watery vomit and no I am not joking because your comment brought up................... memories. XD
That was a hella slow respone from your parent.
Child: How are babies made?
Parent: SQUID GAMES!!
Hearing the mention of his mom approaching him with the sex topic while he was playing world of warcraft makes me feel ancient. Shows I'm constantly playing up the ages of TH-camrs in my head.
i was 2 when world of warcraft came out now i’m in my second year of college, ojiisan
It was 3 years before I was born
The internet is not a kind place, Jiji. I'm a working tradesman and WoW was before my time.
this hits me in the sense that, it was a really relatable story but I still assume the content creators i watch are older/adults and im a kid, then I realize im 26 and out of touch lmao
Dude same "Ah, I've got 10 years until I'm there"
Streamer "I'm 29"
Me: "Oh.... fuck. What the hell am I doing with my life..."
I remember as a small child calling someone a bugger where one of my teachers could hear me. They asked me if I knew what it meant. I said, yes, it's someone who bugs you. ...they had no response to that.
Flawless logic.
Isn't that exactly how americans use the word?
In 4th grade we went out for recess and it was chilly out, so I said "It's nippy out here" and my teacher said "Don't say that word", so I said "no, no, I said nippy" she told me still not to say it.
@@metalmayhem3622 why was a 4th grade teacher's mind in the gutter 🤔
Oi oi bruv ya got a loischence fer 'at word?
Near death events as kids, i have one! Just confirmed the details from my mom. Warning, gross?
When I was about 3-4 year old we lived on a farm, we had tons of sheep!
Well during slaughter season, we were in the sheep pen (it's a large building), it has a false floor made out of wood planks, so that poop falls down, well, during slaughter procedures, a grate is taken off so that the slaughtered sheep organs can be thrown down there (itz ORGANIC).... Anyway, somehow i ofcourse fall down the friggin pit into a 1.5 meter thick layer of literally shit and a ton of sheep internal organs.....
Well, seconds later, grandpa had a rope end thrown down to me and me being in extreme panic mode just grabbed it so hard that i was lifted out.
Then the washening started, i was covered in shit, organs, blood, and bile. I got sprayed off at the barn, then taken home and bathed like 4-5 times.
The day after, i got dropped off at a nanny without her being told what happened, when I was being picked up, my mom was told there was some strange smell off me 🤣
I got chased by a mountain lion. So I'm walking around and shooting at my house with a nerf gun, like 8 year olds do. This was in north Florida country, so I was a bit surprised that there was a mountain lion there, I was then pissing myself thinking I was gonna die like my chickens did from coyotes. I managed to run fast enough to get to my door and close it but now I'm sitting in piss covered pants terrified and crying to my mom.
Eugh, i steped on a cow shit before and i couldn't even imagine the smell of 1,5m layer of shit and gore would smell like.
I fell off a cliff once. Blacked out instantly and the next thing I remember I'm clinging to a small tree maybe 4 feet down. No clue how I happened to grab it, but I was able to climb back up to the side which was sloped a bit. Scared TF out of me.
"The talk".
Mom was a hair dresser and she was taking care of my hair. There is no way I can get up and walk away. Right the fuck out of nowhere, she explained to me where babies came from.
Lmao definitely a big brain moment.
Your mother is a matter strategist... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love how we go from “childhood” to “you are the worlds gayest man” to “NEARLY DYING”
17:52 I googled Girl B's number, it's the phone number for Lager Sylt Concentration Camp in the Channel Islands. Bit of a deep cut there editor.
14:16 did the same thing with the word "duck"
Ah childhood, the time in which fears and deep rooted problems are cemented. What a nostalgic time :)
But with the right parents, childhood can have amazing moments or just be straight-up fire. 🔥
Ah life is a relentless f exp. Just kirru my childhooduu
@@commentarysheep I wish I had those
@@commentarysheep such parents do not exist
@@sprigganmint9291 What?
I had (and still have) two parents who took care of me in my childhood and loved me the most in their lives.
Yes, I always went with my dad to buy the milk; he never left me.
When i was about 15 there was this freak storm with crazy strong winds.
When it started my stepdad was like “SHIT THE LAUNDRY” so i had to run outside and take the clothes off the clothesline, completely blinded by the wind. I was almost done when i heard this deafening CRACK and for a split second i could make out a shadow in the sky. On pure instinct i just booked it to the other side of the yard. Something grazed my head and shoulder whilst i ran. I kept running til the noise stopped.
I turned around and theres a whole ass shed on my clothesline.
So yeah thats the story of how I was almost decapitated by a flying shed.
"Oh man it's getting dangerous, better worry about the clothes!" As shitty as that is not being a grown ass adult probably saved you
What is it with rebound dads and being absolute shit?
When internet historian's mom tells him the meaning of wan**r the timing of kudos reaction and guts theme was so perfect that i hurt my stomach laughing
The first time I ever said a "bad word" was when I was about 7. I was riding around on my scooter when I hit a big bump and lost my balance. As I fell to the ground the words "oh, crap" escaped my mouth. I got back up without much trouble but the horror of what I had just said looked over me. I ran home crying and begged my mom to have me wash my mouth out with soap for saying a bad word.
Yikes. Are you ok man? You didn’t grow up into one of those people that gets off on giant non gender specific doms in leather stomping your nuts, did you?
This was a surprisingly relaxed and charming video. I especially liked the electrocution story.
Adding a kid being electrocuted to *anything* automatically makes it better. Just look at Jurassic Park!
I misread that as execution story
@@oddlem Really no difference in a way
Electrocution is a portmanteau of electric and execution. If you get electrocuted, you're dead. If you're not dead, you've never been electrocuted. Knowledge is power.
Agree 100%. I had my own intersection with animal husbandry and electric fences in my youth. Not quite so dramatic. Well, in its own way, maybe more so. There was a bull. And we threw walnuts at the bull, and ran back to the safety of the fence line as fast as we could, and there were butting sheep on another part of the farm, but, whatever the case, the trick was to get through/between the two wires without getting zapped and before the bull/sheep got there. Not as much voltage, but probably more scars and latent traumatic brain injury.
My whole sex talk consisted of my deadbeat dad calling me and asking "So son, uh... do you know what sex is?" randomly at 7PM on a Tuesday.
I said "Um, yeah. I'm pretty aware of it."
He went "Oh good" and we never went any further than that. Thanks daddio.
I think I got the opposite end of the thread. My mom is a gyno, plus the type of person to treat kids like little adults. I got the full, graphic, anatomically correct version. Stds and all, there were even pictures.
@@mustbetheSUN was there a demonstration as well?
Sounds about the same as mine. Took a look at _the packet_ from 6th grade health class, told me not be be an idiot, and that was that.
@@mustbetheSUN damn, that's actually cool
@@JimmiusCarrelius lol thanks for the nightmares
I fell into a slurry pit and also got hit by a car when i was a kid, in many parallel universes i no longer exist.
My closest death experience is me as a kid, seeing the beach for the first time, and sprinted towards the sea without knowing how to swim.
I hope this incognito guy makes it big eventually, he really deserves it
If you like this content the Internet Historian might be a good channel for you. He did this style of content before this unoriginal incognito guy stole the content style smh
@@Terminator-mj5sb yeah but internet historian kind of forgets to upload so we’re left with no other choice
oh i hope he collabs with internet historian, theyd make a great team
Who? 🤔
@@THE_EVIL_MONSTER we can only hope, but I doubt it will happen.
A warm thanks to many members of the Merchants Guild, generously funding and bankrolling these videos. You’re all truly wonderful. Have a good one.
hey hey people
i understood that reference
Seth here
Hey hey people
Multiple casual greetings, sentient life
Breaking through the window at 0:19 had so much effort put into the animation and I wanted to make sure it was specifically mentioned and appreciated.
What you should have done was say: “I’m so sorry, my phone pinned while it was in my bag.” And then just show her what happens if you hold right.
My "saying bad words in front of parents accidentally" story: I had called my mother "toots" once because I though it was a cool/endearing way to refer to women. I was wrong. She made sure I knew it...
Wooden spoon or sandal?
@@joshuagross3151 it was dad's leather belt for me..
BELT GANG
“Thanks for the choccy milk, sweet lips”
Why is toots bad. My buddy calls his 2 yr old daughter that
I had to study Cell Biology in college, and Historian and ManyKudos reacting to the ovule fertilization video is exactly how I felt during the first classes lmao.
_"Who designed this???"_
God 🛐
@@biosavat9475 GOD's plan. _insert drake dancing here_
No one lmao evolution is crazy
@@MrSparklytuxedocat oh golly thanks for ruining the joke, bud
And yet, we have people arguing in favor of "intelligent design" 🙄
I finally subscribed, because this is genuine comedic gold. Thank you for doing what you do, Internet Historian. Kudos.
I'm not the type to comment on videos, I usually like and lurk. This is video is a great example of the type of content I enjoy and they're the reason why I use TH-cam. The fact that creators struggle with censorship, exposure, and being fairly compensated for ad revenue makes me frustrated with the platform. I hate that I have to leave a comment just for the sake of manipulating an algorithm that doesn't even benefit the audience I'm a part of. That being said, here we are. Keep up the good work and fight the good fight.
Internet Historian has the only ads on TH-cam that I don't skip. Big props for making your advertisements genuinely entertaining.
Can’t skip Internet comment etiquette either
I’m invested in the nord mans storyline at this point
Agreed, honestly sat here listening to this video with a big grin. Good shit 👏
WIRESSSSS BADDDDDD RAYCONNNNNN GOOOOOOD
Fr on every other youtuber, even ones I like I'll just forward tap to skip but IH's ads are a masterpiece of their own
When I was ten I heard the word "Dildo" and assumed it was the name of the dude from the Hobbit because they sounded very similar and had only heard his real name, Bilbo, in passing so I didn't remember it well. One day I mentioned "Dildo" to my mother, who proceeded to look at me as if she didn't know wether to be aghast or burst out in mad laughter, and just told me to not say that word again. I was very very confused and had no idea why my mom seemed to have such a grudge towards the little hobbit man.
im crying bro
@@henrikhubert4202 weak baby boy
The little hobbit man is quite a great product name for a dildo xD
My parents called my neighboar 'dildo' and I always thought it was his literal name so I told a story about that neighboar to a friend once at the dinner table and brought up the name... even his parents were there that was embarassing finding out
I had a similar experience but I brought it up at a family gathering while they were talking about LOTR and everyone looked at me in horror when I said Dildo Baggins
Historian is such a precious cinnamon roll. Between the plane incident and the text spam incident, I'm getting the sense that he's probably this Bad Luck Brian sorta character irl.
Hey, you should just keep these up, literal gold. Don't worry about it. Surprised at the re-watch-ability. Kudos. Just watched the myths one, just great,
Honestly these In The Fields are becoming my favourite videos on youtube, Many Kudos to ManyKudos IH, Editor, Sumito, Ordinary Things, Pyrocynical, and oh god have I forgot anyone else uhhh NordVPN
EmpLemon did one a while back
Desinc!
@@Ndragonawa Ah yes how could I forget about the downward spiral
When I was about 2 years old, I climbed a birdbath and the dish fell off and smashed me in the face, almost killing me. I want rushed to the hospital and got stitches. Apparently at any other angle, my baby brains would have been splattered across the backyard during the house party that was happening. I always think about the alternate universe where I died and my entire family and neighbors just see my corpse with brain matter strewn across the backyard.
Jesus christ
That's fucking horrific to think about, Christ. My son fell off the trampoline (proper sized one) when he was 2 and hit the back of his head on the floor. I shit myself before he hit the ground
That would've been hilarious
damn good times right?
This is morbid but really puts shit into perspective.
I SEE THAT MARTINCITOPANTS VIDEO AT 21:02. He's such a great content creator
True
7:24 god forbid, live in Mexico....
Wish I could nordvpn myself out of Mexico
IH videos confirmed to be 1% IH humor 99% editor talent.
That Final Fantasy summon really got me.
Hey.... What's your favorite wiferame
what was that song?
@@Cord64_o7 NOX DIVINA from Final Fantasy XV
That mini cutscene with Ifrit vs Bahamut was lit af
Honestly, life has sucked recently and my usual games or TV shows haven't been enjoyable, but these videos make me laugh so hard i can't stop crying. So keep at it man your awesome
5:34 totally caught me off guard and i laughed so hard