Yes, it is such an insult. Enough already...they think they've left you broken. They have a snapshot of you and don't believe you can and have moved on. They underestimate you cos they never bothered to actually SEE you...
Now that's not fair- Snakes are a lot more honest than people. All they want to do is eat and be left alone. You won't get such an offer from most people...
This is the reality of these situations every single time. Unfortunately I think most of us have certain traits that make us ideal food source for these demons. Most of us seem to have a very high emotional intellect, and many empath traits as well. I seriously think a lot of cautionary tales and sayings talk of these things. Nice guys finish last type of deal? Idk but it seems to be rampant in all of those classic 80's teen classic films. You know the jerk guy gets his behind kissed by the girl he treats like trash, meanwhile the girl is using the nicest, caring and giving friend zoned guys that are already mostly dealing with some heavy stuff, like severe school bullying involving physical abuse. Yet the teen princess uses that guy when king d head isn't around and then at some big moment of life, usually high school prom, they wait until then to openly throw said good friend under the bus, and will even convert him to creeper zone. I mean its understandable when you have normal people that can do awesom stuff such as ghosting you regardless if you're their best friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, heck even those loony tunes who actually think a narc accepting things like a bridal engagement not serious at all. Yeah if you didn't pretend you're fiance ceased to exist until they needed an easy target snack. Or meal. Which reminds me of another old saying, "Never feed a stray cat." Stop feeding these strays!! You'll wind up infested worse than the roach issues of pay per hour crack house motel! Totally infested! Run!!! Don't ever look back, ever. Oh and sadly yes it is normal that you want to make it work, its normal you would give them one more chance if you knew with entire certainty they'd really be different this time. You aren't clingy, delusional, imagining fights or abuse you know you witness, survived even is a ploy. You don't need to lose weight, change yourself and they sure are never going to change, not now, later today, tomorrow. Or even ten years!! This is a cycle that if you look into your life very closely and you have this ability to allow yourself to see things with your eyes, the truth of it all. Yeah we've all felt dumb and foolish too. I'm a gifted 161iq, 6'5 268lb retired bodybuilder and while I've never felt dumb, I do indeed feel naive that I couldn't see I was being in no other terms, abused across the board. I believe in many cases I was evenly split between believing the sky is orange when I know its darn blue! Then a smack to back of my head, maybe a potted plant tossed at you, home wrecked, told I had certain mental illnesses due in part because it is always us, right?!!! That's screwed up. That we only give these folks all we've got. It's not enough and it will never be so either. How dare we not say lay down and let them walk all over my back! But besides being diagnosed by a monster, I played along to get put in a mental wing of hospital, just to have a 100% safe, stable, non abusive environment to escape too. That's heart breaking in the depths of sadness that speaks all on its own. Whatever you do, please just run and never, ever look back!!! If you are reading this and dealing with your own demon? I don't know you but I love you and am proud of you for surviving. Keep movingforward!!
I love this guy. Just hear his voice in your head when you are tempted to accept a hoover. Ask yourself what you are doing and say to yourself, am I accepting another hoover? And then say outloud, "THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT!"
Guys you have to accept that people dont change, never, ever, so dont take their calls, dont read their messages, dont read their texts, dont answer, just delete and block, excommunicate them all forevermore....
The primal dread I felt when I took him back should have been a clue to me, but I just chalked it up to me being an anxious person... I told him about that anxiety because of course I considered him somebody I could confide in. He dumped me for the last time not even two weeks later.
@@ingloriousMachina the best thing that could have happened to you was when he walked out of your life. rejoice in your much deserved new found freedom. continue on your path of discovery, health and happiness 😊 ✨
@@craigsmith1365 My next step is to save up money to go on a real vacation with REAL friends who don't keep me constantly fearful of what mood they might be in.
Got an email today saying a lady I really care about is in intensive care, that’s all he said…nothing else…major hoover….so this video popped up at the best time ever
Been reading a lot about this subject ; just read this earlier: “You shouldn’t have to bargain with someone to be treated right”. After the Hoovers, etc... you shouldn’t have to keep explaining or discussing their mistreatment and bargaining with them to treat you better,.
Yes you said right 👍 you have to keep discussing...and explaining.... with them....they never accept their fault i blocked a narcissistic friend in February this year.... since then enjoying my peaceful life.....🥳so much precious time is saved ..and all that time is used for my creative work.... going for walks... gardening 🪴...🪴
I fell for the hoover repeatedly,the tears,promises begging,even letters that told me how good a person i was that i was a better person than them and they wanted to be a better person like me,I fell for it over and over but everyone has a limit and deep down I knew it would end but still fell for it intil I got so sick of it I gave up,10 years now loving the peace.
The door its closed and its will never ever will be open for the miserable jerks again! With your help with education and daily support, I feel much stronger and have more trust for myself ! Have a wonderful evening! Na maste!
This attitude will close you and your ability to make happiness . Have boundaries and be open with smart decisions then you will see the narcissist will melt away and respect you.
So true. I've literally accepted a bunch of hoovers during the last four years. This time, there's NO hoover that is getting me. He even tried the suicide hoover. No narc is going to go kill him or herself, they love themselves too much. Every time I went back it hurt me more and more. NO MORE. Thanks Andrew!
I can definitely identify with this comment 💯. Your spot on. While I was still in the fog and pre Narc relationship I was worried that he would do something to himself. I mentioned my concern to him and he looked at me, laughed and said what are you even talking about. They will never hurt themselves because all they care about is themselves good riddens.
Yes , I've had the suicide threats, absolutely terrifying when you stop to consider you're the last line of defence between life and death for someone so close to your heart . I used to stay up all night watching over her (many times) scared she would choke on her own vomit 🤢 .... or disappear saying she was going to walk into the sea and not come back. Just thinking about it now , I can feel my stomach knotting up again. Now I'm just staring up out of the window in a trance...... How Why , we'll never ever get those answers. Good Luck to you, Dancer , enjoy your life ......
My ex did the suicide Hoover multiple times. Once I came back and a noose was hanging from the fan…. She started to bring our daughter into it texting her telling her goodbye and she will always love her…… my god what a shit show I was in. And inevitably I came back and conceding to everything apologizing that I was wrong. And looking back I don’t believe I was in the wrong I was either too weak to leave or had some ego / facade that I was strong enough to keep the family together. 😔 It’s been 8 months now and my self image is still not near what it was before the relationship. I’ve been working hard on my self talk though, trying to be nice to myself again and treat myself nice. I was pushed so far I had to sleep in the car regularly or even outside to get away from the rages. There was nothing I could do to help with it. I gave up friends, family, sleep, my job suffered, my hobbies vanished into her passion of the month. I sure as heck had my faults but there was no understanding how a good day would turn so harsh so quickly for reasons I wasn’t a part of or could understand. Just a Netflix show and all of the sudden it would trigger something and the rage began. I tried so hard. We all did or we wouldn’t be here.
Eric George and Anne Dee, yes, we are not alone at all in our tribe here. I slept in my car, on the floor, tried so hard to keep the rages from coming but nothing I would have done could've prevented them. It is sad, when you think someone could stoop so low as to manipulate you with suicide. 😔
It is immensely more difficult to be a scapegoat parented by a narcissistic mother, the abuse starts from birth and continues lifelong, and the only way to heal is by walking away from your whole life💖💖
Closed the door to the hoover Tuesday. He was online dating and chose me, so no photos, no calls, but too many similar words that showed me it was the soon to be ex. Divorce was the 14th and begged and pleaded for me to contact. Well I gave him a peace of my mind in a proper way. Then I blocked him and have went no contact. I have hidden my profile and have will not be on the site anymore. I changed my phone number and have peace of mind. Double locks on my homes doors. Lock on the truck! This is the second time I have went through this in 10 years( two different husbands.) I have a better education and I now have peace. Thank you for your kind explanation of the situations, it is definitely needed today!
Hoovers are pure insults to our dignity and we should take offence when the narcisists who have done so much hurt and damage in our lives dare to come back for another round of destruction! This evil behaviour is a blow aimed at our core! Thank you Andrew.
I got on an old app and guess who showed up today. Yep I ended up responding to his texting for a little bit to see what crap he was going to try. I told him I moved on and wanted peace in my life. I ended up blocking him shortly after. Being stronger and more aware of the crap he pulled in the past he could not fool me anymore. It made me realize more that he is still a messed up person. Once I make up my mind on a bad person I’m done. I love myself more now and don’t deserve to be treated that way. 😊
I was discarded and hoovered 5 times during the relationship. The last time I broke up with him because I peeled his mask off and saw the devil underneath.
I guess I would add, and hoping this helps everyone... you’ve probably already accepted Hoover’s without knowing it, before your education on this topic... this happened to me about 7-10 times without being able to label and understand it.... The narcissist found glory in discarding me, but guess what, it was actually my discard... and I got that narcissistic rage, and blame for how I did it, which then allows them to move to the next with their sob story.... Here’s my best Advice... when you get the Hoover..... don’t respond!!!!! You can turn tha around and around in your head afterward you chose, but guess what! You just left that with integrity and non reactive! DONT RESPOND- they will 💯 turn it against you... that’s the plan if they don’t get their way, and you will beat the shit out of yourself for along time.... still knowing you made the correct decision, just don’t react or even respond! I say this with experience & the uttermost respect and empathy for anyone going to face the Hoover!!!! DONT RESPOND! It brings alllll the confindence that was stolen from you BACK! And you deserve it! ❤️
I responded to his friendly “just checking in” text, by telling him it was unnecessary for him to be checking in, and he responded with an insult. I immediately came to watch this video, which I’ve already seen, to get back to reality, and I’m beginning to feel better already. Thanks for your work.
Don’t be foolish, they never liked you in the first place They saw you as a foolish person, you will never have a good life if you stay with these monsters
Hello! I was hoovered for about 6 or 7 time.. I fali for it and regret every time. Than I said STOP! Not any more, than block him and go NO CONTACT. It was so paintful 2,5 years..so in that time he was sneared my name ,horrible so People avoid me. We live in building near building. Ha!! "Wonderful"! People belived him but I don't saying anything, just NO CONTACT. THAT SAVE MY LIFE. That is the only thing that we can do. I am good now, health and stronger , also see People who has bad soul. . I have my dog , love him and enjoy him and he was saving me , because dogs can only love us with big and good heart. Thank You for Your words. 🌸
I second this…don’t accept the Hoover and move backwards. I did multiple times and it’s all a hoax. Move forward and let your bright light shine like a diamond!
Did not realize what happened to me was called a hoover. We were done almost 3 months.. he said all the right things. Admitted what he did wrong. Accepted blame in things. He loves me. I believed him. That went really bad....took him about 3 weeks to start showing true colors again. And surprise, I paid for almost every meal those 3 weeks we were back together. Anyway I did fall for it. I wont and can't ever again. He tried again recently (2 months later). I stonewalled the f out of him. Lol I did not realize at the time that's what I did. I was super cold. He tried hard to make me feel sorry for him. It still scared me. I was afraid of him getting back in again. It didn't happen, so yay for that.
Funny how when I read these comments, I flip flop in visualizing between men and women doing these things as Narcs-- because the trait knows no gender!
If you accept a hoover from a narcissist, you won't usually get an explanation, an apology, or anything from them. When I say an apology, I mean a real apology. Not a: sorry for not being there after leaving for seven months. A real friend reaching out will give you a paragraph on why they were gone(maybe going through a tough time or something). They will communicate that with you. In my experience, I have accepted a hoover,and they just end up discarding me in a month or two. Then the cycle continues. Nothing changes. There's no point in keeping a narcissist relationship/friendship because it isn't that anymore. They've gone on to their new supply and are just giving you false hope, running low on supply, or are just plain bored. If you want to accept a hoover, try it!!! I guarantee if you don't supply them with what they had, they'll leave in a month or two. That's confirmation you're dealing with a narc.
I will not accept anymore hoovering from one of the Narc's that I figured out. I am like a magnet for these sort of people. Thank God for red flags and this sort of education. These type of people are so good at wearing a mask and fooling other's. Stay blessed 🙏💕
I think I am finally done with the narc. I tried to make peace with him, but that is impossible. He has lost his job, got fired, imagine that! He is in marriage counseling and at odds with everyone, I started feeling sorry for him. Now it is OVER, so sad but I am glad. Instead of allowing peace, he was really mean and cold.
Don't Go Back!! It's wonderful if they changed cause someone else won't go through what you did.💔 You think it was bad the first time? It will be 10x worse the next time 💯 Don't Go Back!! Never except a Hoover!!
Andrew is 100% right. I never thought it would come but 3 months of no contact and in comes the text from a new number. I was going to ignore but instead decided to confront her. Within just 1 week she turned the tables, making me question everything- “is she really a narc, was I wrong?”. I wanted to believe she had changed but it was nothing more than attention-seeking and she ghosted. Don’t make the mistake I made, do not confront, do not engage - they will just make you doubt everything and you will go backwards.
I accepted the Hoover. BAD MOVE! This was after I knew what I was dealing with. I can’t for the life of me tell ya why I did this. I am celebrating getting her out of my condo for the 2nd time! If you are being abused by a narcissist just get out and don’t think twice. Love yourself and get out at all cost. It was the most miserable experience of my life. I was so heartbroken. I finally reached that beautiful mountain top of indifference. I am so relieved and I am so happy right now. I know I will get sad in the weeks ahead. I’m ready. I’m excited for my future. Thank you for these videos. You have helped me more than you know my friend. Thank you!
My first Christmas present from my husband was a vacuum cleaner. Hoover. The second year Christmas present was a bowling ball and shoes. I did not bowl. He did! Every year I requested a cedar chest to preserve my children's baby things. 20 years later......He still never gave me the cedar chest that I requested every Birthday and Christmas. When I finally asked for a divorce/separation....He presented me with that cedar chest....in front of my 17 year old son. M
I fell for the hoover in the past, but not anymore. You are right when you say things only get worse. Sure, they're nice at first, but they get nasty real fast. He's blocked everywhere - no contact is the only way to detach yourself. I haven't responded and he has finally given up. I won't be accepting anymore hoover attempts. I'm staying on my healing path.
Everything you say is has happened to me I was completely discarded when I lost my job until I started to become financially successful then the hoovering started. I will not accept it 🙂
I am being hoovered as I watch this video. Geesh! The second text in as many days. This one looks to provoke my empathy. She's got strep throat, and sounding like everything is normal. She says her calls are going to voicemail. That's because I deleted her from the phone. No contact is hard for me. I haven't yet blocked her number. I will not reply no matter how I feel. It seems responding for any reason is a bad idea. Agreed. The sadness is there and I'm alone again but I realize I was alone with her all the time. Here's to staying strong by controlling my too soft heart. This site has been keeping me strong at this early stage. Thanks and peace be with you all.
I did not know what a narcissist was or any of the terminology a few years ago. I discovered he was arranging to marry another woman (we were married). I was devastated. I went on holiday for a week with my daughter and he texted to say "Don't come back", then ghosted me. He burned all my clothes and most of my possessions. He stayed in the family home that I had paid for the whole time. I was stuck abroad for three months. I got back and went into a safe house for four months. He managed to find me. I ran to another country. I stayed there for nearly a year. Then the grand hoover because we had a child and I felt I had to leave one email address open to discuss anything to do with a divorce or maintenance (which he doesn't pay). He flew in, to talk, and we spent days together where he wined and dined me, convinced me he had changed. I then find out he had set up secret cameras in the hotel and had filmed us having sex without my knowledge. This shamed me greatly as I am a very private person. He held that over me. He then convinced me to go with our daughter for a six-week cruise in the Caribbean and then return with him to try to work things out. It was a horror. He very nearly murdered me and I am not saying that lightly. I was unable to speak about things to other people (aside from the fact that he had smeared my name to everyone we knew) because he had the footage of our sexual encounter and would send it to my children/parents/friends. I escaped and waited for him to use that against me. I moved to another country again, but he has still found me and is stalking me. He has a new supply, but this does not stop him. I have maintained absolute no contact for a year and a half now, despite letters arriving, and so on. I will not respond. The hope? He loses interest eventually. It is true. If you do go back, the abuse intensifies because their ultimate goal is to truly annihilate you, either through suicide or murder. I am talking about extreme malignant narcissism here. Do not fall for a hoover. The fact that you know you are dealing with a narcissist is a huge benefit. I did not know until recently. I hope that anyone reading this can take something from it and understand that the trauma bond needs to be broken, and that no contact is the only solution. Never accept a hoover. It may be the end of you.
That is extreme. I hope you manage to stay free from such a terrible abusive monster. Stay strong. Dont let the video be used against you. As you say he will only get worse and worse. Stay strong. X
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Thanks John. I am stronger now. I eventually told my friends and family members after he did use it against me with one friend, and that was so shocking for them. They said they did not want to be involved in such a thing and I said I understood, but it really upset me. That is when I decided to forewarn others that he may do it again, much to my shame, as it were...
@@thrivingnow7395 nothing for you to be ashamed of, you're the victim of an abusive monster. I hope you stay strong stay free and find someone who cares about you. X
Sometimes (sometimes many times) a hoover doesn't mean, "I want you back" or "I want you to love me." Sometimes it's just a rude text sent to make sure they hurt your feelings... Just a momentary shot of negative supply when things are going badly for them and they need to hurt somebody. It sucks when you can't block 'cause of kids, etc. Just don't react nor respond in any way, and do not ever take it to heart. I need to find a feel-good strategy for when that happens...
Really this is a sobering message. Scary thing is how many narcissists there are in this world and we really need to 'keep it fresh' as they say. So easy for the us to forget/ let our guards down in thinking everyone is like us. I'm just feeling out a new relationship with someone to work with side by side and not too long in already I've got the yellow flags waving. Hearing this knowledge is a gift. Thank you Andrew.
I learned now to immediately trust my gut instead of dismissing it. I no longer give 2nd chances. I do not need to know the "why". Run immediately in the opposite diirection. I watch many speakers on the topic to remember Ns are nothing but dark hearts; a big black hole that sucks your very life force and leaves the feeling of confusion and exaustion.
This is true. I have done this. It only gets worse. I know this is hard. It is very difficult. "They want to see you in pain." This is important to understand. It is how they regulate their emotions. They actually NEED to see people in pain because they cannot process their own. They get endorphins and it calms them down and gives them pleasure and a dopamine rush when you are sick, in pain, hurt, crying etc., They are incapable.of genuinely processing pain, shame, guilt, hurt, etc. This is an important psychological concept. They rely on this in you to be whole. It is their inability to have whole object relations. If you are falling for the hoover, just do not beat yourselves up. Watch and learn, and record to yourself what happens if you do accept it. Look up concepts like whole object relations and object constancy. It will help you realize why they are sadistic in that way, why they cannot process relationships etc., This NEVER changes. This is hard to accept but you will get it if you get beat up enough by them. It takes alot for people to finally get it and stay away. Just keep trying and do not give up. If you can stay away now, good, it will save your life. If you cannot, you will.have to experience more pain to understand. I personally have accepted many hoovers. It always got worse and I always regressed. Even if it was good again for a spell. It is only until they get what they hovered you for: time, sex, money, admiration, services, information, companionship...whatever supply they are after. As soon as they get this, they treat you worse than ever. This is regulating to them. So, live and learn. If you fall, get back up. You can do it. You may have no support. It can be very painful.and lonely but if you have hit bottom enough with the narcissist, nothing is as bad as that. At that point you will finally be willing to leave. The pain will outweigh any desire to stay. Guard your hearts.and Shalom.
About 2 months after she was served the divorce papers my lovely wife approached me one night and said, "I have a proposal." We were still living under the same roof because it was MY house and there was no way I was moving out. She proceeded to give the hoovering speech of all hoovering speeches. Her remorse, her gratitude, and how things would be different this time now that "she learned her lesson". She actually said, "I learned my lesson." I shit you not. She rambled on for almost 30 minutes as I sat there in silence taking it all in. She was on her knees in the living room before me as I sat on the couch, awestruck but not showing it. She pretty much covered everything she realized she wronged me with during our marriage. She promised to be the best wife ever and etc. She said we would start going out with my friends and visiting people. Too late that she alienated all of my friends already. When she finished I didn't say a word. I just nodded my head, then she went upstairs, back to her lair. The next morning she approached me and said, "If we get divorced..." I stopped her mid-sentence and said, "There is no if, we ARE getting divorced." Her demeanor changed, she forgot what she was going to say. It was beautiful. She stumbled over her words. Maybe she thought she had me with her speech the previous evening. I still gave her no clue that I finally discovered what narcissism really is. I just never let on I knew she was a total fake. I just had to be careful to keep her from going into a rage. After 12 years of marriage we finally did something I wanted to do. We got a divorce.
The day I moved out - I gave her the house in the divorce - I blocked her number and deleted it from my phone. Days before I had her served the divorce papers I 'unfriended' her and removed her from all social media as well. I went to see a therapist on my own - she refused marriage counseling again. It was my therapist who clued me in by telling me, "She sounds like a narcissist." That night I looked up narcissism and discovered NPD. She checked all the boxes. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I finally understood and realized what was happening to me. The years of abuse I endured not knowing why or understanding. Nobody would've believed what I went through on an almost daily basis. I said it seemed like I was the subject of some cruel social experiment to see how much I could take before I lost my mind. I recognized something was wrong but I didn't know it was a real affliction. I made my exit strategy and stuck to it. Self-love and self-preservation became my focus. I am free now. I still have a ways to go before I am right again. But I know I did the right thing for me. I will never again ignore the red flags.
Thank you for this message, you are absolutely right , but once you learn about what and who they really are and smarten up and start healing you understand what happened and why , and who wants to go backwards and go through all the pain and heartache they put you through. I pray that each and every person who has ever fallen for a narcissist listens to you and takes your advice ... Thank you, you are helping many people with your videos and insight . GOD BLESS YOU and your channel 🙏♥️
Perfect timing for this video. I was stuck in Florida with the narc not knowing how to get away, I was absolutely drained and in a haze. It is real, it’s heavy.. I knew I was fading away. I called my son and asked him to come and get me. He literally left within the hour and drove 17 hours. That was an excruciating 17 hours with that person knowing that I was going. It’s been 5 days and the “Hoover” showed up today. I did not respond. Blocked and hopefully he will leave my mother alone. Thank you for your videos Andrew, you helped me get out again.
They think if they let enough time go by you won't remember the mind fuckery they put you through but never forget that is the only reason they want you back to give you more of the same misery, word for word Andrew is right take his advice don't end back at square one you will regret it 🇮🇪
I was hoovered twice. The first time after 3 months. I didn’t know at the time that he was a narc and I fell for it. Things were actually better for a while, though always tense. Then it started all over again. I slammed the door 8 months ago. After 3 months, he was back, saying he wanted to repay a small amount of money he owed me. No way! I don’t want anything off him, and he can keep his money. I’d rather have my peace of mind. Lesson learned! I didn’t respond.
For me the Hoover was happening in the last 4 years I was with the Narcissistic living at the same house. It was one good weekend together and many weeks fighting for small things. I didn’t know at the time what was Narcissism. He knew what he was doing because after one good weekend he was starting with coldness, rejection and then he would come back again and again after weeks with silence treatment. That is why even though, he didn’t left the house a long time ago for me It was a big relief and I thank you the Universe all the time because he is not in my life anymore.
Test the water? This water is frozen. No way to test. He can't control me anymore. I'm loving my life. He will live with regret the rest of his life. No more games and heartache for me. I deserve the best!🥰
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to block my best friend because she introduced me to my ex who was an abusive narcissist. Once I realized that she will always be a part of his life, and used her to try to get to me, I had to cut all ties that led anywhere near him.
Isn’t it funny they all use the same lie, “you’re the love of my life.” Still working through as the divorce is not final yet. As hard as it is emotionally, I’m still glad I had the strength and courage to walk away from him and have never looked back. Once all is final, I will go 100% no contact. I agree with you completely Andrew - don’t ever accept or fall for the hoover. Thank you for the video and God bless. 🌻
I feel I am almost right there with you. I am awaiting the finalization of my divorce from my narc.. he recently said “I have so much love for you it actually scares me” while he hosts his new supply in our house.. in our bed… CANNOT WAIT until this is finalized, NO CONTACT and to reclaim MY life. Right there with you - sending you strength and courage, you will get back to your strong self! MUCH LOVE
I agree totally, this has happened to me many times, they gaslight the original problems and want you back to do it again.. Please please block them its the only way forward for you.. then there will be finality and freedom, that is something we all need badly. To recommence your new life, to start afresh, a totally new beginning.
I have been hooverd lately I was quite content in my life.Why would she say that she wants to be friends,and talked about sex ,but was drinking sent me a text accused me of trying to control her never have done that. I left them on my term's took the a while to get my heart out off the Narcissist. Have regressed in my healing.
Always know your worth and never accept a Hoover! You deserve so much better. As you move forward along the healing path really take pause and embrace how far you have come and how strong you actually are. Today I realized with 💯 certainty how far I have come in the past 8 months in every aspect of my life and I feel so beyond proud. Post Narc recovery we are tested in every area of our lives and it doesn't always have to be by the Narc. When we are able to handle situations way outside our control, keep ourselves and children safe on our own and respond and not react in overwhelming and heated situations we can thank God that we have made it, survived and will continue to thrive. God has a plan for each of us and even though we may not always understand it at the time we have to trust in it and appreciate the lessons we learn along the way. At the end of the day remember we are in control of our lives, we need to be confident enough to handle any challenge thrown our way. We definitely don't need to accept any Hoovers. As Andrew said keep moving forward and never look back. Always remember nothing good ever comes out of a Hoover. The Narc will never change, but we can and we do and that's something worth celebrating. God bless🙏🕊️🍵✨❤️
@@carolsnyder1464 Thank you he definitely does and I know my life has just begun. When we can truly appreciate life for the beautiful gift it is we can fully appreciate that Narc has zero space in it. We keep the lessons learned, carry them forward and leave the Narc in the past where they belong. God bless. 😇
Amen to that. Love the way you express yourself. Keep helping others through your messages. There are a lot of people going through some bad times out there. Let Andrew know that you support him in what he is doing for others too. You both would make a great team.
My Birthday today ! And this ^ is the first present I opened . Explained it word for word . Blow for Blow . Dreading Christmas past , "our" first one apart . She called me on Christmas Eve, invited me over for Christmas . I didn't know about The Hoover and so was AMAZED by the generosity / graciousness of her invitation ! I went . Presents given . Not received . First flashing light . But a nice enough day , all the same . I was only due to be there for the day. That evening she asked me to stay ..... I stayed three days & nights .... Got home , sent her a message thanking her for a lovely christmas and so glad we had patched things up . . The reply was a hysterical screeching that I had completely misunderstood what was going on ???? and that I had ruined any memories of the good Christmas we had just shared . I stayed in her bed for three nights . How do you misunderstand that ? I never told my children where I had been for Christmas, they would have NEVER forgiven me . So she phoned my daughter ( for the first time ever ) to ask if Dad was ok .... Christmas yadda yadda .... My relationship with my two children has been severely damaged .... work in progress .... As I've said before , closest thing to Evil I have ever seen . Andrew , thank you for pulling me up out of the Quicksand . Stand by me ?
I WON'T ACCEPT THE HOOVER! JUST FROM YOUR FACE ALONE! U GAVE US .. ANDREW! THANKS FOR THE REMINDER! AND .. ALWAYS KEEPING ME.. ON TRACK! YOUR VOICE IS .. INVALUABLE! :)
Thank You, I need to keep seeing this video over and over more so as soon as I get a hoover. I must stay strong, God does not keep bringing him back to my life..... the devil is!! I do not need friends like him!!
After 3 years of no contact,suddenly he hoovered by sending an online Christmas card followed by a Valentine card with a request to be in contact. I've maintained no contact as I never will put my life at risk again. When we broke up I came close to death by pneumonia. I'm still working through the trauma with education on NPD and therapy. NEVER going back.
Thank you for that! I blocked on everything and after 14 months she found a way to call regardless of the block. She wanted to catch up after she saw me driving through an intersection in my brand new work truck. I said why (?) which initially shocked her. I told her a lot had happened; Dad died, had cancer… said I need to think. Few days later flowers on the doorstep with a note that said she had thought about me every day. Blaa 🤢 Don’t fall for any of it. Just say “no!” straight away and mean it!! Move on, next chapter.
Hi Andrew thank you for your video. It's been a while since I commented. I will never ever accept anything by a toxic soulless creature who treated me like a piece of garbage in the end. I will never ever forget the devaluing stage and the horrendous dark days that followed after especially when we were in the height of lockdown. I'm coming up for a year No Contact in a few weeks and I always remember watching your videos from last year and I just want to let you know Andrew how much you have helped me. God bless. Lisa
Thank you so much! Really needed to hear this! I did accept the hoover and I’m so dissapointed in myself 😔. I worked so hard, I have the knowledge, but it’s so hard to let go. I know what to do, but I’m affraid of his reaction. It started exactly like you said with a phone call and in only a couple of weeks he managed to be in some way part of my life. I feel so stupid, because he’s calling whenever he wants. I don’t who he’s with. He says he’s so busy with work and personal problems. And when i say, you are not making it easy for me to trust you again, he does like I’m the problem. That I’m not understanding his busy life etc. I’m sorry for this long message, just wanted to say thank you!!! Wish you all the best 🍀
After 5 months of no contact (thank Goddess!) I suddenly received an email from the narcissist yesterday. About how much he loved me and how wrong I was in leaving him. Thank Goddess I have educated myself on narcissism and I have worked on myself so I am happy with me now!!! His email went straight to the junk section. Thank Goddess!!!!
I'm starting to understand who he was. Thank you. For 27/28 years I took his abuse, put downs, and criticism. Made me feel it was my fault. Said, there's always something or someone getting in way of us marrying, having house, and having a life together. True. He enjoyed being the victim. Couldn't work for some reason or another. It's true, more I gave. More he took. Even though I was sick. I still did. I went back to better myself. We had a child, but he wanted more. I gave in. I had stay home. That's when the victim came out. He used my illness from going to work. Or finding one. He was truck driver, used his license as why he didn't get the job. He talked, mang other women who felt sorry for him as he blamed me. He never paid bills. I took card if it. It's true, when money starting running out, the hate he had for me grew stronger. He loved when women commented on how he looked. Even told them his sad life, how I was to blame. One woman promised marriage to him and she would give him everything. Guess you know what happen next. What she told him was lie. By then it was too late. He stayed with me, nothing was same again. I changed. His last 2 years, he became sick. Then he started telling me how sorry he was. Then he ended up in hospital he was dying. He asked me to marry him. I told him No. 2 weeks later I held his hand told him ill always love him for the lesson I learned. For our kids, and remember the way we loved each. And said good by one last and final time as his heart stopped.
He passed only 3 months ago. I couldn't lie. I had to tell him No to getting married. It still hurts. Still learning. Yes. It true. But left out so much more.
@@michellebailey4080 I'm sorry for your lost. One day at a time sis. God will heal your heart. I hope you have someone to talk to so you can express yourself. I'm here if you need to chat. ☺️🙏🏾
I just went through this, my sister decided to have no contact after I asked her to help with our mother a few months ago. I have been getting lovely messages lately and visited. We went shopping and she continually said she had no money, yet just bought clothes that were expensive. I ended up buying her lunch and giving her 100 dollars. She hinted on getting involved with my adult children, she really would love to be in there lives. My children have been through this many times and are fed up with the personal attacks and rage from my sister leaving everyone confused and upset. So thankfully I remembered something wasn’t right, she is being too nice, and I wasn’t going to involve my children in her scheme. She also gets angry when I say my family, as in my children, In fact in doesn’t take much to upset her, folding a tea towel wrong is enough for her to throw you out of her life.
I just got my first hoover and I needed to hear this. I see her clearly for who she is but I am in a very low spot and I can imagine my boundaries being too weak to decline the hoover. If I wasn't as educated as I am now thanks to resources like yours I might take the bait. She sent some clip of us kissing and asking me how we got from that to a horrible end. It's extremely manipulative of her and I might in the past have mistaken her attempts as genuine. I did absolutely go no contact, blocked on all socials and phone number. E-mail was still open though as I hadn't blocked her there. Even being able to receive something from them prolongs the ties you had to them. But like you say you shouldn't open their messages, packages or whatever and they should be deleted, thrown away and blocked.
I wish I saw these videos a few weeks ago. I didn’t know what a hoover was an I fell for it. You’re shedding so much light. We broke up a year ago and every few months I get a Hoover- understanding this is game Changing and I will not accept the next Hoover. Blocked
All this is so correct. I did not have the knowledge at the time. Allowed it to happen till the narc passed away. Looking back, I believe that I kept on loving my mother, and remained loyal till her end.
You are so right! When I got hoovered I thought oh maybe he changed....yeah right! One min he was all buddy buddy then the next min I didn't exist anymore and he was ignoring me. What an emotional roller coaster. No contact is the only way to go. I have so much peace now knowing I won't hear from him. It was hard at first but now it's been so long I don't remember the last time he hoovered me. The rollercoaster has stopped
I Love this video Andrew. 6 months no contact and if a hoover of any means comes to me I will ignore. You give me so much think about. Love the warning. He use to tell my mom that all he wanted was for me to be happy. What a crock. She and I believed him. For a while. He is very stubborn with anyone who hurts his ego to not talk to them again including his own daughter, so I don’t think he’ll try to contact me again. Towards the end I called him out on a lot of things. I will heed the warning though, he was always very persuasive and controlling with no boundaries. I use to wonder how a person could be like that. In perspective I now see that you’re right about everything and he was truly a full blown narcissist. Working on myself and at peace. Thanks for videos. Perfect timing I’m thinking you’re like an angel sent to watch over us with your knowledge. God bless you and your work here. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Your comment really hit a note with me- it was the part about him being very stubborn and not contacting even his own daughter- my recently blocked narcissist was exactly the same. He no longer spoke to his daughter either because she called him out on his shit too- it was as if his ego couldn't take the reality. Suddenly the reason for his whole family ousting him made COMPLETE SENSE. Stubborn and irrational- terrifying combination.
I blocked him 9/3/2021 and he has tried to Hoover me many times. I will not play the game. Thank you Andrew for the education on narcissism. ♥️🙏 “I once was blind, but now I see.”
Had a guy like me from afar. Maybe had less than 2 minutes conversation with him ever. But after that point, bizarre nonstop coming around my house. No matter the time of day, there he was. That was the first ten months. Then his flying monkeys would drive him by, this was the next 4 months, and all times of day. At Christmas and New Years he parked down the street facing my house and would flash the vehicle lights when I came outside with my dog. I only watched him whenever he went by because it took me those first ten months to have a remote clue WTH he was doing. I never gave in or approached to have a conversation, did my business with the dog or to get the mail or packages and right back in the house. To my knowledge it was at least 1.5 years of this before I believe it mostly stopped. Except now the female his lives with picks up my online shopping orders. Thankfully she has not stopped to talk to me. But she has called on my work line, acting like calling for business purposes so not sure if he's putting her up to it or what. But, don't believe he's been nearer than that recently. OMG! Insanity! Really freaky stuff! (he knew me basically only by sight b/c he was a daily driver in my area, so also saw him delivering all over our not so big town! and delivered to me at home quite often as I have a handicapped mom with me and all her supplies come via delivery)
I did accept the first Hoover and it was a HUGE mistake. He got worse and more abusive. I learned quickly no contact is the only way. He used the sympathy card and I fell for it. But never again. Thanks Andrew 🙏❤️
@@franceshaggitt3104 Hi! I’m doing great now. I’ve learned no contact and he even tried again…but I didn’t fall for it. I hope you are doing good now, too. 🥰
I accepted a hoover after 30 days of no contact. Armed with knowledge, I still saw him but knew what he was up to. Been 4 days now of no contact. Need to stick with it for good. Truly sick people who toy with hearts who still love them but realize we have to let go.
My ex narc tried to Hoover ! He only wanted something from me and I will not let that happen again ! To think every time he opens his mouth it’s nothing but lies, only to benefit himself . That’s how our whole eight year relationship was and we’ve been apart for six months . It has not been easy. It’s crazy to think how can someone miss a person who treated them so bad?! Thankful for Andrew and the tribe ! Namaste 🙏
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I think I was conditioned to accept his bad behavior or be alone at the time ?! I truly loved and cared about him I cannot say I was in love . And now it’s obvious how little he felt about me ! I hope you are healing and getting stronger . 🙏❤️
@@vickymoore2520 i felt the same about my ex, I felt besotted by her even though she abused me, I think it was more of an addiction for the 5% of niceness, I'm getting there day by day. Wish you well vicky 💪👍❤
I have adopted the philosophy that a “ hoover “ is actually an insult. The narc thinks you are weak and you will fall for being used again
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I “ accepted” the Hoover. Then blocked him 🚮
Yes, it is such an insult. Enough already...they think they've left you broken. They have a snapshot of you and don't believe you can and have moved on. They underestimate you cos they never bothered to actually SEE you...
This is fact, not just a philosophy.
No matter how many times a snake sheds its skin, it's still a snake.
That’s a great saying !!
@@luckylottoaustralia531
And so so true! Once I saw the snake he really is, I can never un-see it, and that is my motivation. ❤
Now that's not fair-
Snakes are a lot more honest than people. All they want to do is eat and be left alone. You won't get such an offer from most people...
Absolutely!!!!
A good way to NOT accept a hoover is, Simply Stop Believing The Narc's Words, Stop Believing In Them...
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,
Amen!!
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This is the reality of these situations every single time. Unfortunately I think most of us have certain traits that make us ideal food source for these demons. Most of us seem to have a very high emotional intellect, and many empath traits as well. I seriously think a lot of cautionary tales and sayings talk of these things. Nice guys finish last type of deal? Idk but it seems to be rampant in all of those classic 80's teen classic films. You know the jerk guy gets his behind kissed by the girl he treats like trash, meanwhile the girl is using the nicest, caring and giving friend zoned guys that are already mostly dealing with some heavy stuff, like severe school bullying involving physical abuse. Yet the teen princess uses that guy when king d head isn't around and then at some big moment of life, usually high school prom, they wait until then to openly throw said good friend under the bus, and will even convert him to creeper zone. I mean its understandable when you have normal people that can do awesom stuff such as ghosting you regardless if you're their best friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, heck even those loony tunes who actually think a narc accepting things like a bridal engagement not serious at all. Yeah if you didn't pretend you're fiance ceased to exist until they needed an easy target snack. Or meal. Which reminds me of another old saying, "Never feed a stray cat." Stop feeding these strays!! You'll wind up infested worse than the roach issues of pay per hour crack house motel! Totally infested! Run!!! Don't ever look back, ever. Oh and sadly yes it is normal that you want to make it work, its normal you would give them one more chance if you knew with entire certainty they'd really be different this time. You aren't clingy, delusional, imagining fights or abuse you know you witness, survived even is a ploy. You don't need to lose weight, change yourself and they sure are never going to change, not now, later today, tomorrow. Or even ten years!! This is a cycle that if you look into your life very closely and you have this ability to allow yourself to see things with your eyes, the truth of it all. Yeah we've all felt dumb and foolish too. I'm a gifted 161iq, 6'5 268lb retired bodybuilder and while I've never felt dumb, I do indeed feel naive that I couldn't see I was being in no other terms, abused across the board. I believe in many cases I was evenly split between believing the sky is orange when I know its darn blue! Then a smack to back of my head, maybe a potted plant tossed at you, home wrecked, told I had certain mental illnesses due in part because it is always us, right?!!! That's screwed up. That we only give these folks all we've got. It's not enough and it will never be so either. How dare we not say lay down and let them walk all over my back! But besides being diagnosed by a monster, I played along to get put in a mental wing of hospital, just to have a 100% safe, stable, non abusive environment to escape too. That's heart breaking in the depths of sadness that speaks all on its own. Whatever you do, please just run and never, ever look back!!! If you are reading this and dealing with your own demon? I don't know you but I love you and am proud of you for surviving. Keep movingforward!!
True, but hard to do, for me anyway. Stop believing them are great words, I think I will tattoo it on myself
I'm trying. I had a setback. That's all
Accepting the hoover is like you opening the door to your very own prison cell occupied by your very own abuser‼️
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I love this guy. Just hear his voice in your head when you are tempted to accept a hoover. Ask yourself what you are doing and say to yourself, am I accepting another hoover? And then say outloud, "THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT!"
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Guys you have to accept that people dont change, never, ever, so dont take their calls, dont read their messages, dont read their texts, dont answer, just delete and block, excommunicate them all forevermore....
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Absolutely, great advice I wish I had of done this decades ago. Education on this subject is a true blessing
@@wendyhannan2454 your welcome, yes me too, it took me over a decade to figure this out! 😊
no contact is the only solution. .move forward and continue on the healing process. listen to your heart and be kind to yourself.
The primal dread I felt when I took him back should have been a clue to me, but I just chalked it up to me being an anxious person...
I told him about that anxiety because of course I considered him somebody I could confide in.
He dumped me for the last time not even two weeks later.
@@ingloriousMachina the best thing that could have happened to you was when he walked out of your life. rejoice in your much deserved new found freedom. continue on your path of discovery, health and happiness 😊 ✨
@@craigsmith1365
My next step is to save up money to go on a real vacation with REAL friends who don't keep me constantly fearful of what mood they might be in.
@@ingloriousMachina 😎😎😎😎😎😊
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Got an email today saying a lady I really care about is in intensive care, that’s all he said…nothing else…major hoover….so this video popped up at the best time ever
Been reading a lot about this subject ; just read this earlier: “You shouldn’t have to bargain with someone to be treated right”. After the Hoovers, etc... you shouldn’t have to keep explaining or discussing their mistreatment and bargaining with them to treat you better,.
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Yes you said right 👍 you have to keep discussing...and explaining.... with them....they never accept their fault i blocked a narcissistic friend in February this year.... since then enjoying my peaceful life.....🥳so much precious time is saved ..and all that time is used for my creative work.... going for walks... gardening 🪴...🪴
it never leads anywhere. nowhere at all.
I fell for the hoover repeatedly,the tears,promises begging,even letters that told me how good a person i was that i was a better person than them and they wanted to be a better person like me,I fell for it over and over but everyone has a limit and deep down I knew it would end but still fell for it intil I got so sick of it I gave up,10 years now loving the peace.
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The door its closed and its will never ever will be open for the miserable jerks again! With your help with education and daily support, I feel much stronger and have more trust for myself ! Have a wonderful evening! Na maste!
This attitude will close you and your ability to make happiness . Have boundaries and be open with smart decisions then you will see the narcissist will melt away and respect you.
Namaste 🙏
So true. I've literally accepted a bunch of hoovers during the last four years. This time, there's NO hoover that is getting me. He even tried the suicide hoover. No narc is going to go kill him or herself, they love themselves too much. Every time I went back it hurt me more and more. NO MORE. Thanks Andrew!
I can definitely identify with this comment 💯. Your spot on. While I was still in the fog and pre Narc relationship I was worried that he would do something to himself. I mentioned my concern to him and he looked at me, laughed and said what are you even talking about. They will never hurt themselves because all they care about is themselves good riddens.
Yes , I've had the suicide threats, absolutely terrifying when you stop to consider you're the last line of defence between life and death for someone so close to your heart . I used to stay up all night watching over her (many times) scared she would choke on her own vomit 🤢 .... or disappear saying she was going to walk into the sea and not come back. Just thinking about it now , I can feel my stomach knotting up again. Now I'm just staring up out of the window in a trance...... How Why , we'll never ever get those answers. Good Luck to you, Dancer , enjoy your life ......
My ex did the suicide Hoover multiple times. Once I came back and a noose was hanging from the fan….
She started to bring our daughter into it texting her telling her goodbye and she will always love her…… my god what a shit show I was in. And inevitably I came back and conceding to everything apologizing that I was wrong. And looking back I don’t believe I was in the wrong I was either too weak to leave or had some ego / facade that I was strong enough to keep the family together. 😔
It’s been 8 months now and my self image is still not near what it was before the relationship. I’ve been working hard on my self talk though, trying to be nice to myself again and treat myself nice. I was pushed so far I had to sleep in the car regularly or even outside to get away from the rages. There was nothing I could do to help with it. I gave up friends, family, sleep, my job suffered, my hobbies vanished into her passion of the month. I sure as heck had my faults but there was no understanding how a good day would turn so harsh so quickly for reasons I wasn’t a part of or could understand. Just a Netflix show and all of the sudden it would trigger something and the rage began. I tried so hard. We all did or we wouldn’t be here.
Eric George and Anne Dee, yes, we are not alone at all in our tribe here. I slept in my car, on the floor, tried so hard to keep the rages from coming but nothing I would have done could've prevented them. It is sad, when you think someone could stoop so low as to manipulate you with suicide. 😔
Welcome 🙏
It is immensely more difficult to be a scapegoat parented by a narcissistic mother, the abuse starts from birth and continues lifelong, and the only way to heal is by walking away from your whole life💖💖
Closed the door to the hoover Tuesday. He was online dating and chose me, so no photos, no calls, but too many similar words that showed me it was the soon to be ex. Divorce was the 14th and begged and pleaded for me to contact. Well I gave him a peace of my mind in a proper way. Then I blocked him and have went no contact. I have hidden my profile and have will not be on the site anymore. I changed my phone number and have peace of mind. Double locks on my homes doors. Lock on the truck! This is the second time I have went through this in 10 years( two different husbands.) I have a better education and I now have peace. Thank you for your kind explanation of the situations, it is definitely needed today!
Hoovers are pure insults to our dignity and we should take offence when the narcisists who have done so much hurt and damage in our lives dare to come back for another round of destruction! This evil behaviour is a blow aimed at our core! Thank you Andrew.
I got on an old app and guess who showed up today. Yep I ended up responding to his texting for a little bit to see what crap he was going to try. I told him I moved on and wanted peace in my life. I ended up blocking him shortly after. Being stronger and more aware of the crap he pulled in the past he could not fool me anymore. It made me realize more that he is still a messed up person. Once I make up my mind on a bad person I’m done. I love myself more now and don’t deserve to be treated that way. 😊
I was discarded and hoovered 5 times during the relationship. The last time I broke up with him because I peeled his mask off and saw the devil underneath.
I guess I would add, and hoping this helps everyone... you’ve probably already accepted Hoover’s without knowing it, before your education on this topic... this happened to me about 7-10 times without being able to label and understand it....
The narcissist found glory in discarding me, but guess what, it was actually my discard... and I got that narcissistic rage, and blame for how I did it, which then allows them to move to the next with their sob story....
Here’s my best Advice... when you get the Hoover..... don’t respond!!!!! You can turn tha around and around in your head afterward you chose, but guess what! You just left that with integrity and non reactive!
DONT RESPOND- they will 💯 turn it against you... that’s the plan if they don’t get their way, and you will beat the shit out of yourself for along time.... still knowing you made the correct decision, just don’t react or even respond!
I say this with experience & the uttermost respect and empathy for anyone going to face the Hoover!!!!
DONT RESPOND! It brings alllll the confindence that was stolen from you BACK!
And you deserve it! ❤️
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I responded to his friendly “just checking in” text, by telling him it was unnecessary for him to be checking in, and he responded with an insult. I immediately came to watch this video, which I’ve already seen, to get back to reality, and I’m beginning to feel better already. Thanks for your work.
Don’t be foolish, they never liked you in the first place
They saw you as a foolish person, you will never have a good life if you stay with these monsters
Hello! I was hoovered for about 6 or 7 time.. I fali for it and regret every time. Than I said STOP! Not any more, than block him and go NO CONTACT. It was so paintful 2,5 years..so in that time he was sneared my name ,horrible so People avoid me. We live in building near building. Ha!! "Wonderful"! People belived him but I don't saying anything, just NO CONTACT. THAT SAVE MY LIFE. That is the only thing that we can do. I am good now, health and stronger , also see People who has bad soul. .
I have my dog , love him and enjoy him and he was saving me , because dogs can only love us with big and good heart.
Thank You for Your words. 🌸
Welcome always 🙏💯🙌😊
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone Thank You.
Block on every single level possible!
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I second this…don’t accept the Hoover and move backwards. I did multiple times and it’s all a hoax. Move forward and let your bright light shine like a diamond!
Did not realize what happened to me was called a hoover. We were done almost 3 months.. he said all the right things. Admitted what he did wrong. Accepted blame in things. He loves me. I believed him. That went really bad....took him about 3 weeks to start showing true colors again. And surprise, I paid for almost every meal those 3 weeks we were back together. Anyway I did fall for it. I wont and can't ever again. He tried again recently (2 months later). I stonewalled the f out of him. Lol I did not realize at the time that's what I did. I was super cold. He tried hard to make me feel sorry for him. It still scared me. I was afraid of him getting back in again. It didn't happen, so yay for that.
Stonewalled the f!!! Awesome, stay 💪
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
Funny how when I read these comments, I flip flop in visualizing between men and women doing these things as Narcs-- because the trait knows no gender!
You are a god send!!… this hoover is what i just got targeted with and just went no contact again… close call… you perfectly described it
If you accept a hoover from a narcissist, you won't usually get an explanation, an apology, or anything from them. When I say an apology, I mean a real apology. Not a: sorry for not being there after leaving for seven months. A real friend reaching out will give you a paragraph on why they were gone(maybe going through a tough time or something). They will communicate that with you. In my experience, I have accepted a hoover,and they just end up discarding me in a month or two. Then the cycle continues. Nothing changes. There's no point in keeping a narcissist relationship/friendship because it isn't that anymore. They've gone on to their new supply and are just giving you false hope, running low on supply, or are just plain bored. If you want to accept a hoover, try it!!! I guarantee if you don't supply them with what they had, they'll leave in a month or two. That's confirmation you're dealing with a narc.
I will not accept anymore hoovering from one of the Narc's that I figured out. I am like a magnet for these sort of people. Thank God for red flags and this sort of education. These type of people are so good at wearing a mask and fooling other's. Stay blessed 🙏💕
Was hoovered b days and now Easter contemplating not go
I think I am finally done with the narc. I tried to make peace with him, but that is impossible. He has lost his job, got fired, imagine that! He is in marriage counseling and at odds with everyone, I started feeling sorry for him. Now it is OVER, so sad but I am glad. Instead of allowing peace, he was really mean and cold.
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Don't Go Back!!
It's wonderful if they changed cause someone else won't go through what you did.💔
You think it was bad the first time? It will be 10x worse the next time 💯
Don't Go Back!! Never except a Hoover!!
Andrew is 100% right. I never thought it would come but 3 months of no contact and in comes the text from a new number. I was going to ignore but instead decided to confront her. Within just 1 week she turned the tables, making me question everything- “is she really a narc, was I wrong?”. I wanted to believe she had changed but it was nothing more than attention-seeking and she ghosted.
Don’t make the mistake I made, do not confront, do not engage - they will just make you doubt everything and you will go backwards.
Thank you for sharing this 🙌🙏💯
I accepted the Hoover. BAD MOVE! This was after I knew what I was dealing with. I can’t for the life of me tell ya why I did this. I am celebrating getting her out of my condo for the 2nd time! If you are being abused by a narcissist just get out and don’t think twice. Love yourself and get out at all cost. It was the most miserable experience of my life. I was so heartbroken. I finally reached that beautiful mountain top of indifference. I am so relieved and I am so happy right now. I know I will get sad in the weeks ahead. I’m ready. I’m excited for my future. Thank you for these videos. You have helped me more than you know my friend. Thank you!
I’ve been with him for 28 years & I feel like I’ve been breaking up for 28 years.
My first Christmas present from my husband was a vacuum cleaner. Hoover.
The second year Christmas present was a bowling ball and shoes. I did not bowl. He did!
Every year I requested a cedar chest to preserve my children's baby things.
20 years later......He still never gave me the cedar chest that I requested every Birthday and Christmas.
When I finally asked for a divorce/separation....He presented me with that cedar chest....in front of my 17 year old son. M
Sick!
Sick selfish creatures 👍
I would have bought him a watch, expensive watch, ladies that fits you 💰
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
Wow. Bless your journey
I fell for the hoover in the past, but not anymore. You are right when you say things only get worse. Sure, they're nice at first, but they get nasty real fast.
He's blocked everywhere - no contact is the only way to detach yourself. I haven't responded and he has finally given up.
I won't be accepting anymore hoover attempts. I'm staying on my healing path.
I am with you, Ms. K, NO MORE!!
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Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
*Like #1.5K Range* Thank you for sharing this important information and your experience. Great reminder. Appreciated.
Welcome 🙌🙏💯
Thank you, Andrew. Best video to watch for someone who has just received a hoover. Don't accept the hoover!!!
Welcome 💪💪😉💯
Everything you say is has happened to me I was completely discarded when I lost my job until I started to become financially successful then the hoovering started. I will not accept it 🙂
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
I am being hoovered as I watch this video. Geesh! The second text in as many days. This one looks to provoke my empathy. She's got strep throat, and sounding like everything is normal. She says her calls are going to voicemail. That's because I deleted her from the phone. No contact is hard for me. I haven't yet blocked her number. I will not reply no matter how I feel. It seems responding for any reason is a bad idea. Agreed. The sadness is there and I'm alone again but I realize I was alone with her all the time. Here's to staying strong by controlling my too soft heart. This site has been keeping me strong at this early stage. Thanks and peace be with you all.
I agree with every single word you said. Hoovers are not good, they drag you backeards on the healing journey.
They never change. They will also get much worse as they age.
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Been getting hoovers from the flying monkeys. This is crazy great timing. Thank you for the reminder!
Welcome 🙏
"Without Authenticity..
Nothing they say holds any benefit".
True !!! 🔥
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I did not know what a narcissist was or any of the terminology a few years ago. I discovered he was arranging to marry another woman (we were married). I was devastated. I went on holiday for a week with my daughter and he texted to say "Don't come back", then ghosted me. He burned all my clothes and most of my possessions. He stayed in the family home that I had paid for the whole time. I was stuck abroad for three months. I got back and went into a safe house for four months. He managed to find me. I ran to another country. I stayed there for nearly a year. Then the grand hoover because we had a child and I felt I had to leave one email address open to discuss anything to do with a divorce or maintenance (which he doesn't pay). He flew in, to talk, and we spent days together where he wined and dined me, convinced me he had changed. I then find out he had set up secret cameras in the hotel and had filmed us having sex without my knowledge. This shamed me greatly as I am a very private person. He held that over me. He then convinced me to go with our daughter for a six-week cruise in the Caribbean and then return with him to try to work things out. It was a horror. He very nearly murdered me and I am not saying that lightly. I was unable to speak about things to other people (aside from the fact that he had smeared my name to everyone we knew) because he had the footage of our sexual encounter and would send it to my children/parents/friends. I escaped and waited for him to use that against me. I moved to another country again, but he has still found me and is stalking me. He has a new supply, but this does not stop him. I have maintained absolute no contact for a year and a half now, despite letters arriving, and so on. I will not respond. The hope? He loses interest eventually. It is true. If you do go back, the abuse intensifies because their ultimate goal is to truly annihilate you, either through suicide or murder. I am talking about extreme malignant narcissism here. Do not fall for a hoover. The fact that you know you are dealing with a narcissist is a huge benefit. I did not know until recently. I hope that anyone reading this can take something from it and understand that the trauma bond needs to be broken, and that no contact is the only solution. Never accept a hoover. It may be the end of you.
That is extreme. I hope you manage to stay free from such a terrible abusive monster. Stay strong. Dont let the video be used against you. As you say he will only get worse and worse. Stay strong. X
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Thanks John. I am stronger now. I eventually told my friends and family members after he did use it against me with one friend, and that was so shocking for them. They said they did not want to be involved in such a thing and I said I understood, but it really upset me. That is when I decided to forewarn others that he may do it again, much to my shame, as it were...
@@thrivingnow7395 nothing for you to be ashamed of, you're the victim of an abusive monster. I hope you stay strong stay free and find someone who cares about you. X
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
Sometimes (sometimes many times) a hoover doesn't mean, "I want you back" or "I want you to love me." Sometimes it's just a rude text sent to make sure they hurt your feelings... Just a momentary shot of negative supply when things are going badly for them and they need to hurt somebody. It sucks when you can't block 'cause of kids, etc. Just don't react nor respond in any way, and do not ever take it to heart. I need to find a feel-good strategy for when that happens...
Exactly insight 🙌🙏💯
I’m in the Hoover now and I’m trying to get out of it. It’s not worth hurting all over again so I’m getting out.
Spot on.
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When you say Namaste at the end, it always goes straight to my heart. Namaste sweet one.
Namaste 🙏
Namaste 🙏 😊
Accepted hoover can mean death
Really this is a sobering message. Scary thing is how many narcissists there are in this world and we really need to 'keep it fresh' as they say. So easy for the us to forget/ let our guards down in thinking everyone is like us. I'm just feeling out a new relationship with someone to work with side by side and not too long in already I've got the yellow flags waving. Hearing this knowledge is a gift. Thank you Andrew.
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I learned now to immediately trust my gut instead of dismissing it. I no longer give 2nd chances. I do not need to know the "why". Run immediately in the opposite diirection. I watch many speakers on the topic to remember Ns are nothing but dark hearts; a big black hole that sucks your very life force and leaves the feeling of confusion and exaustion.
Welcome 🙏 💯🙌☀️
This is true. I have done this. It only gets worse. I know this is hard. It is very difficult. "They want to see you in pain." This is important to understand. It is how they regulate their emotions. They actually NEED to see people in pain because they cannot process their own. They get endorphins and it calms them down and gives them pleasure and a dopamine rush when you are sick, in pain, hurt, crying etc., They are incapable.of genuinely processing pain, shame, guilt, hurt, etc. This is an important psychological concept. They rely on this in you to be whole. It is their inability to have whole object relations. If you are falling for the hoover, just do not beat yourselves up. Watch and learn, and record to yourself what happens if you do accept it. Look up concepts like whole object relations and object constancy. It will help you realize why they are sadistic in that way, why they cannot process relationships etc., This NEVER changes. This is hard to accept but you will get it if you get beat up enough by them. It takes alot for people to finally get it and stay away. Just keep trying and do not give up. If you can stay away now, good, it will save your life. If you cannot, you will.have to experience more pain to understand. I personally have accepted many hoovers. It always got worse and I always regressed. Even if it was good again for a spell. It is only until they get what they hovered you for: time, sex, money, admiration, services, information, companionship...whatever supply they are after. As soon as they get this, they treat you worse than ever. This is regulating to them. So, live and learn. If you fall, get back up. You can do it. You may have no support. It can be very painful.and lonely but if you have hit bottom enough with the narcissist, nothing is as bad as that. At that point you will finally be willing to leave. The pain will outweigh any desire to stay. Guard your hearts.and Shalom.
Oh, my goodness, this is truly a wise comment that I am glad I was able to read today.
Thank u. You explained this very well 🙏
Excellent message 👏👏👏👍
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
About 2 months after she was served the divorce papers my lovely wife approached me one night and said, "I have a proposal." We were still living under the same roof because it was MY house and there was no way I was moving out. She proceeded to give the hoovering speech of all hoovering speeches. Her remorse, her gratitude, and how things would be different this time now that "she learned her lesson". She actually said, "I learned my lesson." I shit you not. She rambled on for almost 30 minutes as I sat there in silence taking it all in. She was on her knees in the living room before me as I sat on the couch, awestruck but not showing it. She pretty much covered everything she realized she wronged me with during our marriage. She promised to be the best wife ever and etc. She said we would start going out with my friends and visiting people. Too late that she alienated all of my friends already.
When she finished I didn't say a word. I just nodded my head, then she went upstairs, back to her lair.
The next morning she approached me and said, "If we get divorced..." I stopped her mid-sentence and said, "There is no if, we ARE getting divorced." Her demeanor changed, she forgot what she was going to say. It was beautiful. She stumbled over her words. Maybe she thought she had me with her speech the previous evening. I still gave her no clue that I finally discovered what narcissism really is. I just never let on I knew she was a total fake. I just had to be careful to keep her from going into a rage. After 12 years of marriage we finally did something I wanted to do. We got a divorce.
The day I moved out - I gave her the house in the divorce - I blocked her number and deleted it from my phone. Days before I had her served the divorce papers I 'unfriended' her and removed her from all social media as well. I went to see a therapist on my own - she refused marriage counseling again. It was my therapist who clued me in by telling me, "She sounds like a narcissist." That night I looked up narcissism and discovered NPD. She checked all the boxes. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I finally understood and realized what was happening to me. The years of abuse I endured not knowing why or understanding. Nobody would've believed what I went through on an almost daily basis. I said it seemed like I was the subject of some cruel social experiment to see how much I could take before I lost my mind. I recognized something was wrong but I didn't know it was a real affliction. I made my exit strategy and stuck to it. Self-love and self-preservation became my focus. I am free now. I still have a ways to go before I am right again. But I know I did the right thing for me. I will never again ignore the red flags.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
Thank you for this message, you are absolutely right , but once you learn about what and who they really are and smarten up and start healing you understand what happened and why , and who wants to go backwards and go through all the pain and heartache they put you through. I pray that each and every person who has ever fallen for a narcissist listens to you and takes your advice ... Thank you, you are helping many people with your videos and insight . GOD BLESS YOU and your channel 🙏♥️
Welcome always 🙏🙌💯
Perfect timing for this video. I was stuck in Florida with the narc not knowing how to get away, I was absolutely drained and in a haze. It is real, it’s heavy.. I knew I was fading away. I called my son and asked him to come and get me. He literally left within the hour and drove 17 hours. That was an excruciating 17 hours with that person knowing that I was going. It’s been 5 days and the “Hoover” showed up today. I did not respond. Blocked and hopefully he will leave my mother alone. Thank you for your videos Andrew, you helped me get out again.
Welcome always 🙏💯🙌
"Think about that for a minute" hahaha 😆 that was a good one buddy
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My ABSOLUTE favorite thing Andrew does.....this one was QUITE strong lol 😂
They think if they let enough time go by you won't remember the mind fuckery they put you through but never forget that is the only reason they want you back to give you more of the same misery, word for word Andrew is right take his advice don't end back at square one you will regret it 🇮🇪
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I was hoovered twice. The first time after 3 months. I didn’t know at the time that he was a narc and I fell for it. Things were actually better for a while, though always tense. Then it started all over again. I slammed the door 8 months ago. After 3 months, he was back, saying he wanted to repay a small amount of money he owed me. No way! I don’t want anything off him, and he can keep his money. I’d rather have my peace of mind. Lesson learned! I didn’t respond.
Awesome 💪
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
Yes. I think I have accepted a “hoover” from my ex narc from pure curiousness with my new education of narcissists, but also from my empathetic heart…
Wow!! You just saved me!! Not going backwards....no Hoovers
Welcome 🙌🙏💯☀️
For me the Hoover was happening in the last 4 years I was with the Narcissistic living at the same house. It was one good weekend together and many weeks fighting for small things. I didn’t know at the time what was Narcissism. He knew what he was doing because after one good weekend he was starting with coldness, rejection and then he would come back again and again after weeks with silence treatment. That is why even though, he didn’t left the house a long time ago for me It was a big relief and I thank you the Universe all the time because he is not in my life anymore.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
Test the water? This water is frozen. No way to test. He can't control me anymore. I'm loving my life. He will live with regret the rest of his life. No more games and heartache for me. I deserve the best!🥰
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One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to block my best friend because she introduced me to my ex who was an abusive narcissist. Once I realized that she will always be a part of his life, and used her to try to get to me, I had to cut all ties that led anywhere near him.
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Isn’t it funny they all use the same lie, “you’re the love of my life.” Still working through as the divorce is not final yet. As hard as it is emotionally, I’m still glad I had the strength and courage to walk away from him and have never looked back. Once all is final, I will go 100% no contact. I agree with you completely Andrew - don’t ever accept or fall for the hoover. Thank you for the video and God bless. 🌻
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Welcome 🙏
I feel I am almost right there with you. I am awaiting the finalization of my divorce from my narc.. he recently said “I have so much love for you it actually scares me” while he hosts his new supply in our house.. in our bed…
CANNOT WAIT until this is finalized, NO CONTACT and to reclaim MY life.
Right there with you - sending you strength and courage, you will get back to your strong self! MUCH LOVE
Translation: "You are the Supply of my Life."
I agree totally, this has happened to me many times, they gaslight the original problems and want you back to do it again.. Please please block them its the only way forward for you.. then there will be finality and freedom, that is something we all need badly. To recommence your new life, to start afresh, a totally new beginning.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
I have been hooverd lately I was quite content in my life.Why would she say that she wants to be friends,and talked about sex ,but was drinking sent me a text accused me of trying to control her never have done that. I left them on my term's took the a while to get my heart out off the Narcissist. Have regressed in my healing.
Sending healing energy 🙌💯🙏
Yes I believed he had changed and it lasted a whole 3 months!!!
Always know your worth and never accept a Hoover! You deserve so much better. As you move forward along the healing path really take pause and embrace how far you have come and how strong you actually are. Today I realized with 💯 certainty how far I have come in the past 8 months in every aspect of my life and I feel so beyond proud. Post Narc recovery we are tested in every area of our lives and it doesn't always have to be by the Narc. When we are able to handle situations way outside our control, keep ourselves and children safe on our own and respond and not react in overwhelming and heated situations we can thank God that we have made it, survived and will continue to thrive. God has a plan for each of us and even though we may not always understand it at the time we have to trust in it and appreciate the lessons we learn along the way.
At the end of the day remember we are in control of our lives, we need to be confident enough to handle any challenge thrown our way. We definitely don't need to accept any Hoovers. As Andrew said keep moving forward and never look back. Always remember nothing good ever comes out of a Hoover. The Narc will never change, but we can and we do and that's something worth celebrating. God bless🙏🕊️🍵✨❤️
You are so right. Liked your reply. Keep going. Trust in the Lord. He has a plan for you.
@@carolsnyder1464 Thank you he definitely does and I know my life has just begun. When we can truly appreciate life for the beautiful gift it is we can fully appreciate that Narc has zero space in it. We keep the lessons learned, carry them forward and leave the Narc in the past where they belong. God bless. 😇
Amen to that. Love the way you express yourself. Keep helping others through your messages. There are a lot of people going through some bad times out there. Let Andrew know that you support him in what he is doing for others too. You both would make a great team.
@@carolsnyder1464 Andrew is amazing and I support him 💯
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My Birthday today !
And this ^ is the first present I opened . Explained it word for word . Blow for Blow .
Dreading Christmas past , "our" first one apart . She called me on Christmas Eve, invited me over for Christmas .
I didn't know about The Hoover and so was AMAZED by the generosity / graciousness of her invitation !
I went .
Presents given . Not received . First flashing light . But a nice enough day , all the same .
I was only due to be there for the day.
That evening she asked me to stay .....
I stayed three days & nights ....
Got home , sent her a message thanking her for a lovely christmas and so glad we had patched things up .
.
The reply was a hysterical screeching that I had completely misunderstood what was going on ???? and that I had ruined any memories of the good Christmas we had just shared . I stayed in her bed for three nights . How do you misunderstand that ?
I never told my children where I had been for Christmas, they would have NEVER forgiven me .
So she phoned my daughter ( for the first time ever ) to ask if Dad was ok .... Christmas yadda yadda ....
My relationship with my two children has been severely damaged .... work in progress ....
As I've said before , closest thing to Evil I have ever seen .
Andrew , thank you for pulling me up out of the Quicksand . Stand by me ?
Screeching female narcs. Incredibly dangerous and evil beasts. Hope your kids understand in time. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday 🎂🙌🙏💯😊
Happy Birthday AnDee
Anne Dee
yes , it was a really lovely birthday ,thank you all for your good wishes
good company / sunshine /positivity ...... these things I wish for you all.
I WON'T ACCEPT THE HOOVER! JUST FROM YOUR FACE ALONE! U GAVE US .. ANDREW! THANKS FOR THE REMINDER! AND .. ALWAYS KEEPING ME.. ON TRACK! YOUR VOICE IS .. INVALUABLE! :)
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Thank You, I need to keep seeing this video over and over more so as soon as I get a hoover. I must stay strong, God does not keep bringing him back to my life..... the devil is!! I do not need friends like him!!
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After 3 years of no contact,suddenly he hoovered by sending an online Christmas card followed by a Valentine card with a request to be in contact. I've maintained no contact as I never will put my life at risk again. When we broke up I came close to death by pneumonia. I'm still working through the trauma with education on NPD and therapy. NEVER going back.
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Thank you for that! I blocked on everything and after 14 months she found a way to call regardless of the block. She wanted to catch up after she saw me driving through an intersection in my brand new work truck. I said why (?) which initially shocked her. I told her a lot had happened; Dad died, had cancer… said I need to think. Few days later flowers on the doorstep with a note that said she had thought about me every day. Blaa 🤢 Don’t fall for any of it. Just say “no!” straight away and mean it!! Move on, next chapter.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
Hi Andrew thank you for your video. It's been a while since I commented. I will never ever accept anything by a toxic soulless creature who treated me like a piece of garbage in the end. I will never ever forget the devaluing stage and the horrendous dark days that followed after especially when we were in the height of lockdown. I'm coming up for a year No Contact in a few weeks and I always remember watching your videos from last year and I just want to let you know Andrew how much you have helped me. God bless. Lisa
Welcome always 💯🙏🙌😊
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone Thank you Andrew. Lisa
Thank you so much! Really needed to hear this! I did accept the hoover and I’m so dissapointed in myself 😔. I worked so hard, I have the knowledge, but it’s so hard to let go. I know what to do, but I’m affraid of his reaction. It started exactly like you said with a phone call and in only a couple of weeks he managed to be in some way part of my life. I feel so stupid, because he’s calling whenever he wants. I don’t who he’s with. He says he’s so busy with work and personal problems. And when i say, you are not making it easy for me to trust you again, he does like I’m the problem. That I’m not understanding his busy life etc. I’m sorry for this long message, just wanted to say thank you!!! Wish you all the best 🍀
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
Perfect timing. It started today. This is strenthening for me. I might have caved.
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After 5 months of no contact (thank Goddess!) I suddenly received an email from the narcissist yesterday. About how much he loved me and how wrong I was in leaving him. Thank Goddess I have educated myself on narcissism and I have worked on myself so I am happy with me now!!! His email went straight to the junk section. Thank Goddess!!!!
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thanks to you i can run MY life relaxed and healthy and happy
These people are crazy!!! Who thinks that way?!!
I'm starting to understand who he was. Thank you.
For 27/28 years I took his abuse, put downs, and criticism. Made me feel it was my fault. Said, there's always something or someone getting in way of us marrying, having house, and having a life together. True. He enjoyed being the victim. Couldn't work for some reason or another. It's true, more I gave. More he took. Even though I was sick. I still did. I went back to better myself. We had a child, but he wanted more. I gave in. I had stay home. That's when the victim came out. He used my illness from going to work. Or finding one. He was truck driver, used his license as why he didn't get the job. He talked, mang other women who felt sorry for him as he blamed me. He never paid bills. I took card if it. It's true, when money starting running out, the hate he had for me grew stronger. He loved when women commented on how he looked. Even told them his sad life, how I was to blame. One woman promised marriage to him and she would give him everything. Guess you know what happen next. What she told him was lie. By then it was too late. He stayed with me, nothing was same again. I changed. His last 2 years, he became sick. Then he started telling me how sorry he was. Then he ended up in hospital he was dying. He asked me to marry him. I told him No. 2 weeks later I held his hand told him ill always love him for the lesson I learned. For our kids, and remember the way we loved each. And said good by one last and final time as his heart stopped.
Thank you for sharing this 💯🙌🙏💯
He died that's is deep. I hope you are healing from years of his abuse. Take care blessing 🙏🏾❤️
He passed only 3 months ago. I couldn't lie. I had to tell him No to getting married. It still hurts. Still learning. Yes. It true. But left out so much more.
@@michellebailey4080 Godspeed to healing your heart. Thank you for sharing that.🌻
@@michellebailey4080 I'm sorry for your lost. One day at a time sis. God will heal your heart. I hope you have someone to talk to so you can express yourself. I'm here if you need to chat. ☺️🙏🏾
I just went through this, my sister decided to have no contact after I asked her to help with our mother a few months ago. I have been getting lovely messages lately and visited. We went shopping and she continually said she had no money, yet just bought clothes that were expensive. I ended up buying her lunch and giving her 100 dollars.
She hinted on getting involved with my adult children, she really would love to be in there lives. My children have been through this many times and are fed up with the personal attacks and rage from my sister leaving everyone confused and upset. So thankfully I remembered something wasn’t right, she is being too nice, and I wasn’t going to involve my children in her scheme. She also gets angry when I say my family, as in my children, In fact in doesn’t take much to upset her, folding a tea towel wrong is enough for her to throw you out of her life.
Thank you for sharing this insight 🙏🙌💯☀️
No narcissist is going to Hoover me anymore
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I just got my first hoover and I needed to hear this. I see her clearly for who she is but I am in a very low spot and I can imagine my boundaries being too weak to decline the hoover. If I wasn't as educated as I am now thanks to resources like yours I might take the bait. She sent some clip of us kissing and asking me how we got from that to a horrible end. It's extremely manipulative of her and I might in the past have mistaken her attempts as genuine. I did absolutely go no contact, blocked on all socials and phone number. E-mail was still open though as I hadn't blocked her there. Even being able to receive something from them prolongs the ties you had to them. But like you say you shouldn't open their messages, packages or whatever and they should be deleted, thrown away and blocked.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🙌☀️
I won with God's help and his beautiful Angels!!
I wish I saw these videos a few weeks ago. I didn’t know what a hoover was an I fell for it. You’re shedding so much light. We broke up a year ago and every few months I get a Hoover- understanding this is game
Changing and I will not accept the next Hoover. Blocked
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Absolutely spot on, especially about the energy. I could feel the drop. I swear they’re aware spiritually. Energy doesn’t lie 👍🏻
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All this is so correct. I did not have the knowledge at the time. Allowed it to happen till the narc passed away. Looking back, I believe that I kept on loving my mother, and remained loyal till her end.
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I needed this got hovered three days ago didn’t fall for it
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You are so right! When I got hoovered I thought oh maybe he changed....yeah right! One min he was all buddy buddy then the next min I didn't exist anymore and he was ignoring me. What an emotional roller coaster. No contact is the only way to go. I have so much peace now knowing I won't hear from him. It was hard at first but now it's been so long I don't remember the last time he hoovered me. The rollercoaster has stopped
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Aww maybe once , but definitely no more…. He wouldn’t even try now ♥️ Really enjoyed watching this video ♥️
Thank you 🙏💯🙌
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone your welcome 😘
It's so eery how these talks are so accurate of my experience 😳oof
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I Love this video Andrew. 6 months no contact and if a hoover of any means comes to me I will ignore. You give me so much think about. Love the warning. He use to tell my mom that all he wanted was for me to be happy. What a crock. She and I believed him. For a while. He is very stubborn with anyone who hurts his ego to not talk to them again including his own daughter, so I don’t think he’ll try to contact me again. Towards the end I called him out on a lot of things. I will heed the warning though, he was always very persuasive and controlling with no boundaries. I use to wonder how a person could be like that. In perspective I now see that you’re right about everything and he was truly a full blown narcissist. Working on myself and at peace. Thanks for videos. Perfect timing I’m thinking you’re like an angel sent to watch over us with your knowledge. God bless you and your work here. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Your comment really hit a note with me- it was the part about him being very stubborn and not contacting even his own daughter- my recently blocked narcissist was exactly the same. He no longer spoke to his daughter either because she called him out on his shit too- it was as if his ego couldn't take the reality. Suddenly the reason for his whole family ousting him made COMPLETE SENSE.
Stubborn and irrational- terrifying combination.
Welcome always ☀️🙏🙌💯😊
I blocked him 9/3/2021 and he has tried to Hoover me many times. I will not play the game. Thank you Andrew for the education on narcissism. ♥️🙏 “I once was blind, but now I see.”
Awesome 👏👏👏👏👍
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When they hoover just play along "Oh that's really good! Yeah let's do the 5 star restaurant at 6p" and just flake.
One of my friends recommended I take up his offer and arrive later and later each time until I just ghost him entirely.
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It's the best feeling when you're strong and dont care..you have the power back and the knowledge to read the defense
THE ONLY HOOVER AROUND ME IS MY VACUUM CLEANER ALL ELSE IS NOT ALLOWED
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Thanks for the reminder, Andrew. You're absolutely right.
Best wishes. 😊
Welcome always 🙏🙌💯
Well said and explained, got it. DON'T ACCEPT A HOOVER
Thank you 🙌💯
I failed the test once..but came out stronger and more wise in the process..never to be repeated again
Beautiful growth 🙏💯🙌
Had a guy like me from afar. Maybe had less than 2 minutes conversation with him ever. But after that point, bizarre nonstop coming around my house. No matter the time of day, there he was. That was the first ten months. Then his flying monkeys would drive him by, this was the next 4 months, and all times of day. At Christmas and New Years he parked down the street facing my house and would flash the vehicle lights when I came outside with my dog. I only watched him whenever he went by because it took me those first ten months to have a remote clue WTH he was doing. I never gave in or approached to have a conversation, did my business with the dog or to get the mail or packages and right back in the house. To my knowledge it was at least 1.5 years of this before I believe it mostly stopped. Except now the female his lives with picks up my online shopping orders. Thankfully she has not stopped to talk to me. But she has called on my work line, acting like calling for business purposes so not sure if he's putting her up to it or what. But, don't believe he's been nearer than that recently. OMG! Insanity! Really freaky stuff! (he knew me basically only by sight b/c he was a daily driver in my area, so also saw him delivering all over our not so big town! and delivered to me at home quite often as I have a handicapped mom with me and all her supplies come via delivery)
Thank you for sharing this insight 🙏💯🙌
I did accept the first Hoover and it was a HUGE mistake. He got worse and more abusive. I learned quickly no contact is the only way. He used the sympathy card and I fell for it. But never again. Thanks Andrew 🙏❤️
Welcome always 💯🙏☀️❤️
Are you ok now..I accepted one and he was worse. As I had boundaries. He was a waste of ...
@@franceshaggitt3104 Hi! I’m doing great now. I’ve learned no contact and he even tried again…but I didn’t fall for it. I hope you are doing good now, too. 🥰
I watched all your videos this week after a discard. You are a saint. Thank you for being a wonderful and favorited person
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I accepted a hoover after 30 days of no contact. Armed with knowledge, I still saw him but knew what he was up to. Been 4 days now of no contact. Need to stick with it for good. Truly sick people who toy with hearts who still love them but realize we have to let go.
My ex narc tried to Hoover !
He only wanted something from me and I will not let that happen again ! To think every time he opens his mouth it’s nothing but lies, only to benefit himself . That’s how our whole eight year relationship was and we’ve been apart for six months . It has not been easy.
It’s crazy to think how can someone miss a person who treated them so bad?! Thankful for Andrew and the tribe ! Namaste 🙏
Mind manipulation make us miss abuser. Weird. Stay strong, time heals.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I think I was conditioned to accept his bad behavior or be alone at the time ?! I truly loved and cared about him I cannot say I was in love . And now it’s obvious how little he felt about me ! I hope you are healing and getting stronger . 🙏❤️
@@vickymoore2520 i felt the same about my ex, I felt besotted by her even though she abused me, I think it was more of an addiction for the 5% of niceness, I'm getting there day by day. Wish you well vicky 💪👍❤
Namaste 🙏