Relationship EXPERT reveals Secrets to Connection: Dr. Sue Johnson
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- I got the pleasure to interview one of my heroes in the Relationship world Dr. Sue Johnson. We talked about our own struggles in Relationships and how to we moved from disconnection to reconnection through emotional responsiveness and vulnerability.
How to get HER in the MOOD (funny)
bit.ly/41AAZyS
If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez
#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution
I feel privileged to hear Dr. Sue Johnson one last time, as she died on 4/23/24. Thank you for having her on. Her contributions are emormous. May she rest in peace.
Big lost, RIP
Amen ...😥
💔
"I protest because YOU ARE IMPORTANT!"
Yes!!! :) loved that
Spread the word to this old world 🌍
Thanks for all you do!
It works if u work it!
BEST EVER 🎉
@@JimmyonRelationshipsdo you have more on your story and how you and your wife pieced things back together….?
"You can have your cover or you can have an intimate relationship. Youbcantbhave both."
Love this statement.
"Love is a science. Intimate relationships are our lifeline and our survival guide."
It's much better to calm the Vagus nerve with love, than it is to trigger cortisol with abandonment, isolation and threat.
"Protests are over emotional disconnection" is so BANG ON! Sue is an amazing pioneer in couples work, thanks for turning the spotlight on her🎉. So many gems to be found in her books! Also, when I saw this pop up, I felt real elation for you; I see how you have worked so hard on yourself and reconnecting within your own relationship, and then how you have thrown so much effort and passion into sharing with us the truths and learning that have been impactful to you in creative, funny, and easily accessible and digestible ways. In turn, you are guiding so many people, myself included, to follow the path to emotional connection and lighting and lightening their journey too❤. Interviewing Sue is a testament to all the goodness, information, and change you are putting out into the world, and I wish you many blessings in your work.
Vulnerability is the driving force of connection. It's brave. It's tender. It's impossible to connect without it. But it seems society has turned it into a weakness. We’ve made ourselves ‘strong’. We’ve toughened up, hardened up and protected ourselves from being hurt. You can feel it when someone is not being real with you. Energy never lies. Time is too valuable to be wasted on anything less than love, good vibes and happiness. Specially with no guarantee of tomorrow. Connect and grow❤
Beautifully said 🙌🏾🫶🏽❤️
Thank you for being vulnerable in your content. Great video. Thank you.
Thank You for this!! :)
Agreed 👍🏼 Your sharing your story makes you so much more relatable and trustworthy.
Jimmy, I just wanted to say thank you... I unexpectedly am dealing with my husband deciding on to suddenly separate as our relationship has not been well in years, and I am learning now we were asking for the same things but not in the right ways. I have been watching your content nonstop over the last few weeks, and this has been so helpful. I am holding out for reconciliation, but I don't expect it to work out... but this has been so good to help towards a better me.
Implementing Sue’s work over the last year has saved my relationship and made it stronger than I could ever imagine.
This protest polka describes engagement in the typical “mismatch” of attachment styles between and anxious and an avoidant. It is SO important to distinguish between this and the reality of a relationship riddled with serious narcissistic tendencies in one partner. It sounds so close to the same, but it is QUITE A DIFFERENT ANIMAL.
I LOVE the analogy of relationally isolated people and a fish out of water! Starving for air (connection), we thrash around and do all sorts of weird things. So good!
By the way Jimmy, I love the thirst in your eyes to learn and discover the golden nuggets of wisdom and enlightment the conversation has to offer.
Start teaching empathy at an early age and continue teaching it all through high school. It's so easy. Someone said to me, "You can't teach empathy - either people have it or they don't." WRONG! The problem is not teaching empathy at a young age.
I remember watching a child development programme years ago and they said that empathy is largely a learned emotion. A naturally non-empathetic child can learn it by example - but sadly a naturally empathetic child can have it beaten out of them (physically or emotionally). Early years nurturing is so important ❤
Sue Johnson is brilliant. Thank you for this interview! Your videos are so clever and sometimes so funny! You're a natural comedian, and so insightful. Congratulations on providing such meaningful and truly helpful content.
I am a 64-year-old divorced woman, and while I was married, my husband and I did study various books on relationships. Gottman's books, Harville Hendrix books, etc. We still couldn't make our marriage work. After our divorce, I continued to study relationships. First of all, I am so impressed with the knowledge and wisdom that you share on your channel, Jimmy. I have subscribed to your channel, and I don't subscribe to too many channels.
Second of all, the best gifts I have given to others are when I share that I did something really stupid, and it really hurt me in some way or other. And I don't want others to do the same as I did. So God bless you for sharing that you had an affair. Your willingness to be open and vulnerable is such a blessing.
Third I have never seen this woman and I am very impressed with her work based on watching this video. This is the best video I have ever seen on relationships. And I have seen many. Thank you Jimmy. I will be sharing this video with several other people. Again, you are a blessing. I hope you read this comment! 😊
So even after studying all the books why couldn't make your marriage work?
@hereim5648 I could be 💯% wrong, but maybe they were looking in the wrong places. Maybe they needed to do internal work...which involves working on their inner selves. I am 60+ years young. I've been married over 35 yrs. I thought about leaving several times. I found myself being angry with him..long story. However, I realize I had internal work to do. Counseling and listening to Abraham Hicks videos helped a lot. Also realizing he has ASD. I learned a lot about being on the spectrum. It was a big piece of a missing puzzle. I am at a much better place within my self which has made my marriage better. I'm still a work in progress but filled with joy and much more wisdom these days. Being married to someone with Aspergers is not a picnic in the park. I am blessed that he's a pretty good guy. If he could he would give me the moon if I ask for it. ❤
I had a difficult time identifying and expressing my emotions and my husband was vulnerable with me 2 or 3 times during our 26.5 year marriage. When he was vulnerable with me, the person I was seeing was so new to me, I had no clue how to react. Looking back, I could have encouraged that vulnerability more, but it is fine as I got out of a relationship with a very toxic man and haven't looked back since!
Two of the best books we have read are: Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt - Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples AND Willard F. Jr. Harley - His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage!!!
@@EvaCFricke reading and understanding are different terms
Dr. Sue Johnson says 'you have to teach empathy in schools.' That could be a great idea. But I have noticed and read something about empathy and Smartphones. I read that if young and older people stare at their phones a lot, the phones can actually ruin the part of your brain that develops empathy. I can believe that because I have noticed how people (usually young people) have become more mean, irritable and hostile after they've spent a lot of time looking at their phones. So if teachers and parents start making students put their phones away more often, these students might be more likely to develop more empathy because their brains will be allowed to develop it.
Idk about all that. People were pretty apathetic back in Victorian era, I don’t think it’s a thing about phones but could be wrong. Pretty sure it’s the stuff they’re consuming on the phones rather than the act of looking at the phone
@@theprodigalson4003 It could be both. I can believe it. I know my generation (I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 50's) were much nicer and more respectful and we didn't have Smartphones or social media.
She's so funny and cool. RIP Sue.
Sues work helped save our marriage ❤ forever grateful and everyone 💯 needs to hear her work and know these things! Thanks for sharing this ❤❤❤
Could you make a video about men not asking questions on dates (and in general)? It's really hard to find men who reciprocate conversation.
Jimmy, this was an amazing interview. Im running out to get her books. Thank you for sharing your story. Im learning so much from you and your videos. And your skits are very visually helpful. You found your gift, thank you for sharing it with the world!❤
dr. johnson is brilliant, and so straightforward and earnest
Jimmy, you are the Jay Shetty for relationships. LOVE all the help you are providing. 😊
She's such a treasure!
Thank you both.
Everyone does need to know this! I’ve had two failed marriages but it’s my relationship with my adult children I’m trying to heal. We constantly do the polka and get no where.
She's fantastic! So are you. Helped me recognize a bit of work I still need to do on myself😮
I want everyone to know about this!!!
What a great interview! Thank you both! 🙏
Here’s to more love and understanding!!🙌
Thank you Dr. Sue Johnson for taking the time for us!!
I am single but fully intend on getting her book to learn and better equip myself for future relationships.
I LOVE her spirit! Everyone does need to learn this! ❤
So grateful that I found you and that I also got to hear Sue Johnson!
Love your honesty and you are vulnerable with your audience and I think advice from you is priceless
We celebrate our successes together, idealistically yes.
Hoping this resource can help relationships, especially in young couples before they commit fully. Thank you Jimmy and Sue, you're legends. ❤ All I can do is use the info for self healing and future relationships. 😊
Thank you👏❣️🥰❣️👏
My husband was conceived and grew in a mother that had extreme grief from losing a son to death as a small child while riding in his red wagon 😥 Then-raised in a family the same parents affected by dad’s alcoholism ghosting for months and months in and out , moody ,etc
He ghosted me in 2020 after I asked one during lock down /
Covid experiencing nothing but silence why he could not talk time yet had o problem initiating sex🤔
I was hurting and wanted connection and actual colaboration🥰
He has never returned and never responded to any way I have tried to communicate and stay in contact saving our relationship💔😥💔
Yes I am starving desperate and broken
He is now on heart medication and meds for
Depression
He totally avoids conversation and conflict
He hits the road on his Harley and lives now alone in a RV in some one’s back yard in Texas close to his siblings states away from our home and kids in
Ohio 😥
So sorry to hear this. I hope things work out well 🙏
He has most likely a fearful dismissive avoidant attachment style due to the chaotic family environment he grew up with. Learn about it and send him prayers, love him from afar, because most likely you are the anxious codependent attachment style that just pushed him away, dismissive avoidants run away from anxious emotionally dependent partners. So focus on your own healing and your children! ❤️🩹 I have the same relationship dynamic but we are always close because my children’s dad is fully committed to being in their lives. Your husband will probably come around when his life really falls apart, his health already started to do that.
WE NEED MORE OF THESE VIDEOS ASAP JIMMY
“Emotional music”, love that. Taken it easy.
Wonderful work, thank 😂
Does this therapy only work with people who can self reflect, or are emotionally mature? My ex never admitted he had responsibility for anything.
I was tying to say this and couldn't articulate, but you did it. Thank you.
Thank you Jimmy for this interview! Your content is already brilliant and gets better everyday ❤
I am 84 and I’ve been dating a new guy for two years. I never expected to date again after my husband died 4 years ago. He zeroed in on me in the bereavement group. He’s so great in so many ways, but he’s the first man I’ve ever had romantic feelings for who is avoidant. It’s an education!
I love how she conceptualizes things! This was such a great convo. Many parts of this discussion really resonated with me. So informative!Thank you both for all that you are doing. It was so selfless for you to use what you have learned to help others and it takes great strength to admit your mistakes and how you've grown. 👏👏
**Edit: I would also like to request discussions/content about friendships as well. Many times people get hurt by friendships and I like that Dr Johnson mentioned the importance of teaching empathy in schools. This is so relevant to all interpersonal relationships.
epic... this is the result of your effort to create lots of good content, which then sets the foundation and demonstrates quality for these great laborers to come and share It seems like they are able to see (whether they knew previously or not) or feel the uality and let loose like this and give us such amazing insight.
Dear Jimmy
Thank you so much for this video.
ARE - accessible, responsive, engaged -> Yes, that's it!
I grew up with people who were not able to do that.
I worked with people who were not able to do that.
I met so many men who were not able to do that.
The result is a nearly unbearable pain. Could you do a video on that?
The impact of not being ARE?
It is huge and so often gets cut off.
I am sure many people would feel seen and heard in their pain. ❤
Excellent interview!!! So much to process!!
Strength is about see, understand and process our vulnerabilities not about vulnerability denial
That's important to understand to those "macho" and mostly bad called "alphas" a real alpha knows who he is and is not afraid of being vulnerable cause he knows how strong he is
Thank you so much 💗☮️💞 26:15... great picture ... not see the ball ... instead see the whole game ... reminds me how we played in childhood badminton on the street until dark... we counted the succesful hits ... win win for both .... and both childs where in a really joyful flow and forget the world around 💗☮️💞
Absolutely loved this! So needed 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thank you, this was really eye opening.
Thank you! This is a wonderful interview that I needed to hear.
Thanks Jimmy!
Thank you both! ❤️
Well that was incredible. Thank you Jimmy
@jimmyonrelationships Your point about how people comment "why should I take advice from someone who cheated?" Brings to mind a parallel of 'the same reason you listen to drinking advice from the guy with a 20 year AA coin" if that makes sense.
This was amazing. Thankyou for sharing this with the world. Your content is helping me understand what went wrong with my relationship with my husband. We are now separated. It has been a great help to work on myself and how I can be a better and available partner in hopefully another relationship.
I'd love to hear what the next steps for couple #1 is, because as it was left we have a wife who still isn't getting what she needs/is asking for and now has to tiptoe around her partner's feelings.
Thanks for the great content. Sue Johnson is the best on relationships. Being vulnerable is very very hard for tough. 😥
Empathy is extremely important. Exactly
As a working class cockney I can confirm we are well 'ard!😅
I love your work Sue
"Well a man wrote that book". Shaaaaaaaaaaade. Mr Chapman must be feeling the burn.
Thanks!
I loved this interview. Thank you so much for your work Jimmy!
4287 views and only 400 likes? Listen peeps! This video is spot on as someone said earlier!
Really enjoyed listening to this. I am also passionate about these things and want them to be taught and related services offered widely!
Thankyou for an amazing conversation. I'm getting to listen to all this helpfull wisdom again ❤❤
Ahh thank you for this!!
Thank you for this ❤
She is so lovely
Ahhhh the QUEEN !!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Really enjoyed that, could have listened for another hour!🥰 Will be checking out her book - thank you 👍🏼
Thank you so much for this (and so much of your content). I’m going to order her book!
This is amazing Jimmy, really love it, just bought the "Hold me Tight book now. Thank you.
Great, insightful interview. Thank you both for your work!
Jimmy, I wish your content would be in German so I could share it here. Your work is a blessing. Danke. 💚
I’ve danced the protest polka in my marriage of 30 years. It harmed my husband and myself in large ways but it harmed our children in huge ways which I regret massively.
All of my so called ‘polka’ was my childhood
trauma surfacing as addictions to avoid them. ‘Real healing is loving myself so no one else has to’
Jesus.
I'm buying her books! Good stuff.
Thank you two for this interview
He says he doesn’t ever initiate physical affection, but he responds if I initiate it.
She is very gooddd..
Great Interview. Loved it. Thank you very much ❤
I protest because your important!!
Sums up what’s happened! My h left 5 months ago. I accused him of an affair because of a lot of things becoming very very close with a member of the opposite sex. Telling her she makes him happy etc.
and I made snarky comments about her for a year and then he left cause I felt insecure.
Because he’s important to me!!
Yes
He turned away from you for connection. This is even worse then cheating sexually. It hurts so bad to know that while you reached out desperately trying to connect with the most important person on the world to you, they are not there for you and you know that they know how because they are doing it with someone else😢😢 I suppose the whole problem is that we didn't know how to show our pain to be vulnerable. When she said I protest because your important I literally burst into tears😭😭😭
This was a 🔥 interview!
Jimmy, what if my partner has succeeded mostly dropping being defensive as a response when I share how I’m feeling or more specifically, how their actions contributed in some way whether intentional or not in the hurt of my feelings… HOWEVER, they just say “I understand.” “I get that.” “That’s fair.” And that’s all they say? I find often I’m trying to have conversations where he engages more than only acknowledgement. It isn’t enough. I’ve explained to him how I need more engagement than that and asked why do you think you have so little to respond / the short responses? He said he doesn’t know. Well, if you don’t know why you do something or why it’s happening , how can you correct it? Leaves me in a weird place. I want that engagement, curiosity and to get my needs met, while also creating a safe space for my partner… but if he can’t find the words or doesn’t have them, that continues to deplete me of the emotional connection I’m craving. Any advice on this one?
Love ur show Jimmy!
Just started ordainment as a minister through Open Ministry and Universal Life Church. I will be the Minister of togetherness lol
Interesting 🤔
I would love to hear more about empathy! moe conversations or opinions on how to teach it... to adults and children lol
❤
34:30 emotional education vrs communication skills
Oh man...I just got a slap in the face...so my ex would actually ASK for a hug...and I told him I wasn't a hugger...and I was the 1 in the relationship wanting that sex all the time 😢 My eyes are opening to the error of my ways 😔
Great video.
Empathetic language is hard for me. Many times I don’t have words for what I am feeling. I was not given life tools. I was not given the knowledge on boundaries, self’s, any of it. I need to work on myself but don’t know how to. I need help but can’t afford it. I am willing.
Sue's book Hold Me Tight has a chart listing many different root feelings. I showed this to my husband (who is like you) and asked him, "were you feeling __, or ____, or ____ from that list, and he was able to identify it easily that way. I recommend getting the book and looking at that list. I sure hope it helps you as much as it helped us. 😊
Wow!!!
Wow!!! Again from Australia
31:00 hold me tight online program and some anecdotes
Did she say "chocolate covered people"? Did I hear that incorrectly?? 🤔
♥
😂case a set of circumstances or state of affairs like emotional music love to listen this channel bands of frequencies on which a radio or television stations sends out its signal cellular phone a mobile telefono that uses a network of short- range transmitters located in overlapping cell throughout a region.
Hi i have question I have question for you over affairs. All i what know if i can have affair without having no sex?
What type of affair would be just romantic without having no eww sex .
Texting
Meeting up
Talking to them on phone
Hugging
Kissing
Holding hands
Watching films
Laughing with stephen who i am seeing behind morgan back
Watching high school musical that got Zac Efron in it that me and Stephen like .
Is emotional and physical affair without having no sex or friendship
What type of affair would be
I call half way CAP and BS..
i mean ofc she hase a point.. but show me woman who will behaive that way and will not choose a handsome 6,2 foot guy instat of a man who will be emotional available..
all of a suddon the woman who understands that is 28 or 36 and halfway old..
Why do they even get married, that's my question, just stay single if you are going to protest so much...
My heart breaks for you if this is all you took from this amazing conversation.
Its okay if you want be single but let others be themselves and have relationships
I want to add a comment to my previous one. I am now in a relationship with a 72-year-old man who is very strong both physically and emotionally. He he is willing to be open and vulnerable with me, and it is wonderful! ❤
Thanks!