The Desire to Not Exist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
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This video is a fictional, allegorical account of the cycle of death and rebirth.
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It’s crazy to think how some people are so ok that they don’t even think these types of thoughts
I find both portals appealing, its why i love life so much. Life and rest, pleaure and pain, best of both worlds. Duality is awesome.
Everyone has these thoughts, but 99% of the time, people aren't thinking about it, it could either be because they are ok with it which is an absolutely amazing thing to have, or because they don't want to think about it, and the people who don't want to think about it but don't like it, can't get it off their minds. If you are not ok with it and can't find a way to be ok with it, that is truly the worst and saddest thing that can happen to anyone in my opinion.
@@maxhagenauer24 Be ok with what exactly?
@nvmffs Being ok with accepting the truth even though they don't want it to be that way and we can't do anything about it. Some people don't want it to be over forever after death, some people want an actual purpose and meaning to fight for and not just to know everything will be over in the end.
@@nvmffs Existing in a Body that can't experience the real World directly, instead hallucinating everything. Knowing the real reality is right there, so close yet there's no way to know it, or real truth. Knowing I'm in a Cave watching shadows. Life is a giant Metaphor. A lot of insane People are wiser than they appear. But these are a few words replying to a reply in a YT comment, it'd take a Novel to explain all of why so this comment is probably pointless.
Honestly after living life, nothingness sounds like true peace
It's perfection
@@EmeraldViewno , perfection is an existence , nothingness is much better than that
@@arlert1638 You can't get any more perfect than pure nothingness.
Can't wait
If only we could get away that easily. Nature created you once, and given enough time it will do so again, and since you will be dead it's going to happen in an instant. I used to fear death, but now I am more afraid of perpetual existence. More and more I think that ancient Greeks were right.
Given the choice and knowing how much pain and misery I would suffer, I would choose to not be born. Life has been too cruel.
Same 💔
Living a carefree privileged life doesn't change that feeling.
Even the prospect of a wealthy, lavish comfortable life I'd prefer just not existing.
I'm sad when I realize I'm awake again in the morning.
@@itwasaliens sadly even non-exsistance is not freedom. Peace and freedom do not exist
It couldnt have not gotten Better. That's how It was supposed to be like
I remember as young kid ( 6 or 7) I would hold still and let reality wash over me, the feeling was "how and why am I here?, how did I get here? Where was I before this?" The feeling would pass in just a brief moment and the older I got the less it happened.
“This is living huh” -8 yo me just standing in my family’s old house living room middle of the night alone. Idk what I meant or discovered. But vivid memory.
When I was younger, sometimes I just suddenly stopped whatever I was doing and thought, “Who am I, really? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Or is this just living?” Thought I was the only one who did this but turned out I’m not alone.
@@wildestdreams7721 bro I still think like that today. Just me??
Same i remember having that feeling it felt very overwhelming and wierd in the perspective of the universe im so minute why was i even put here who is controlling is why is life
I dint knew a word to describe this feeling
The feeling numbed down as i grew elder...
Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. - Andy Warhol
Consciousness is much more than the thorn, it is the dagger in the flesh. - Emil Cioran
@@Nacreous01 noo not the emil cioran quotes , i consciously chose to not read his "The Trouble With Being Born" it was way too depressing💀
Brilliant
Shit.. I'm being here. What should I do?
Some people think being dour makes them seem smart.
I would always choose not to be born. I was born into a cult. Lived it for 18 years, and spent the next 10 looking for answers, and the last 10 realizing there are none.
And truly, if you were able to choose whether to live a life or not, how could you have known what your life would’ve been, how would you have known the struggles, and pains you would go through before choosing. You simply, wouldn’t, or you would value the experiences you may get from a life over the pain and suffering. Because at the end of the day, that is what it is. That is why we are here. To experience shit.. the answers we seek, the answers we find, they don’t matter. None of us do.
@@Patcherr77 in the grandiose of it all, that's correct
@@fourteendays544 I wish you all the best
@@fourteendays544 you had it much worse than I did. I'm so sorry
The same thing happened to me. I wish i had never been born.
I would never choose to go thru this again. I can't wait for this to be over. I am exhausted. I am done.
I agree
I have similar feelings
same here
Same.
Weirdly when I said "I am done" and stopped trying, I felt at peace and light. Bounderies, let it go, it's not mine to carry. I pray we all heal emotionally and physically
I have come to the conclusion that it's not the suffering I have endured that makes me conflicted about having existed, it is the suffering I have caused that makes me not want to have existed.
Wow, this is so true for me too. I despise myself.
Same
In this World there will be always more suffering then non suffering and the worst think is that it is by Design. Because it is so easy to suffer everything evolves so Quick. Life dosent do Breaks. Humans are maybe in a better Spot then other animels but those other animels are getting crushed. Imagen being Born as a rat
@@quellepls2568 yeah, rats die horrible deaths by humans, so do many other species. It seems like suffering is similar to entropy.
@@stevedriscoll2539 thats a nice analogy. 👍
The part about “no one really understood you” got to me
same
No one ever REALLY understands eachother, its just how it is
it's sad that we all can't fully understand each other...
So true
@@shaytokyo782 I like to think I understand everyone but no one can understand me. Or wants to.
If I could choose between being reborn and returning to the void. I would run toward the void. It’s not that I’ve had a bad life as such nothing truly terrible has ever happened to me, but I’ve never been happy either outside of just the briefest of moments as if just give me a taste of what I can’t have.
Those few and far between moments just aren't worth it are they....
@@rockuncleproduction2229I personally wouldn't even choose a life full of nothing but the best experiences.
Tough luck, because most likely you will live forever.
Being happy is a moment in time not a permanent state, What makes you think being happy is necessary? Contentment and accepting life for what it is brings peace and transparency to the soul.
@@julius43461 Science has no proof of an afterlife. No one lives forever. We wont get a choice after we die to choose whether we want to live again or cease to exist. When we die we cease to exist anymore. All any of us have is what we have now till we are no longer and cease to exist. It's human arrogance to want to live forever
My mom just died on the Mother’s Day and I’ve gone through this thought process a few times myself and seeing it so beautifully portrayed makes me feel better.
Sorry for your loss
@@conorplunkett7398 thank you
Sorry for your loss
sorry for her loss, may she rest in peace 🕊️
Sorry for your loss
The character in this story had a very meaningful life because he was lucky enough to live somewhere where he had the opportunity to live a life where he was in a country where he wasn't oppressed and that's why he chose to be reborn. You forget that not everyone has a comfortable life like this character. There are people that died not ever knowing anyone that gave them love as kids or adults or a mother that kissed him and told him or her that they were beautiful or a father that didn't beat them or people that didn't beat them or even tortured them. A lot of people would choose to go into the darkness instead of risking living that life they did before.
I would probably choose nothingness since really both choices lead to the destruction of who I am. Not to mention if I get to that point I've already lived life once. I also can't say the final choice won't be nothingness- it will. One time one of my future selfes will choose nothingness, that's statistically what happens if one choice leads to the same choice while the other ends the choices. That choice will probably come after they've been reincarnated into a horrible place, in which case the question would be why I should choose to be reincarnated when I inevitably will end up not enjoying it and inevitably will choose nothingness eventually.
@@fanban2926 Exactly, there's always a big possibility you will end up reincarnated into a life of torture, hunger, hate, pain or sickness.
@@dirkdiggler2430if you take account the world population, your odds of returning poor and suffering are quite high.
Yup yup. I would rather have never been born, but now I’m stuck and entangled here. This shit sucks.
That's exactly what I was thinking. That nothingness sounded amazing because there was no desire and no pain. I feel they must have been loved and had a good life to choose to go back. I long for the relief and hope it IS this all knowing pain free nothingness.
When I had major surgery, I was completely anesthetized. I was completely unconscious, unaware, had no feeling and no existence. It was pure bliss. That is what I imagine death to be like…
This reminds me of a near death experience I had. I was in the ER and couldn't breathe, meds were not working, and they weren't doing enough fast enough. I was absolutely convinced I was going to die and at first I was very scared, but at some point I realized I had no control and this acceptance washed over me and it's the most peaceful feeling Ive ever experienced. They then managed to anesthetize and intubate me and I woke up halfway through the madness while they were putting a catheter in and it was like going from a blissful void to a traumatic alien abduction scene. They said my adrenaline overpowered the anesthesia or something. I had nightmares about it for a long time afterward. But the takeaway is that I was much less afraid of death after that.
Yes and no one says the world earth
@@mags9024there is a word for that, it's called medical trauma. It's way more common than people believe. Many people get PTSD from experiences like that (reoccuring nightmares being one of the main symptoms)
@derAtze A few professionals have tried to say it was made up and no on can wake up during anesthesia. I knew they where full of it. I don't think people get PTSD and traumatic nightmares for no reason. I've always been scared that will happen to me one day.
It pretty much is, in a sense, in terms of what my mom and dad and I and others who have had near-death experiences can remember. It's all darkness surrounding you. You know you can think, you know you have senses, but you cannot move or speak or do anything, but it's not scary. You hear those around you but muffled. Essentially it's nothingness but calming and peaceful. Then we were bought back and our brains panicked and we hallucinated in all sorts of dreams from nightmares (my dad seeing himself surrounded by aliens) to happy dreams (me seeing my family as sunflowers dancing around) to sad stuff (my mom witnessing us dying). Everyone we talk to who has had near death experiences seems to have the same or a similar experience to us.
My mind was blown when you said “if that’s heaven, give me hell” this was such an emotional and beautiful video
I like how almost everyone says no. Makes me feel good that deep inside people have enough sense to understand how stup1d life is.
You efilist?
@@ajsims1996 Not everyone who is suicidal automatically subscribe to life-rejecting philosophies
@@boysteacher3818 I was ( and still kinda am) suicidal, and I relize that those people are right. I’m surprised your don’t. I don’t mean to disrespect you or any other suicidal people, but I suggested those philosophies because they literally talk about and embody those ideas
@@ajsims1996 Just like many other ideologies and philosophies out there I do not completely accept or reject efilism but in general I sympathize and agree with the community about their stance on sentient suffering but I do not agree with many of the ideas and thoughts that some individuals and the founder immendham has regarding efilism.
Have you heard of suffering focused ethics like negative utilitarianism (NU) and/or wild animals suffering (WAS)? I tend to go in with those communities than Antinatalist/Efilist communities.
@@boysteacher3818 sure, but once again, it makes more sense to follow these ideologies. Life on this planet is never going to get better. There is no reason to help others when that peace will not last
I know it's a trap, but I'm so completely in love with it. As someone who often desires to have never existed at all, I feel extremely called out. This is beautiful, and well done. Thank you for the reminder.
I joined the Marines right out of high school and went to Afghanistan and Iraq as a rifleman. It's something, even all the years later, that people look at me with wonder when they find that out about me (probably bc I don't look anything like what you'd expect a Marine to look like), and yet I've endured the physicals pains and continuous PTSD which included over 15 years of alcohol abuse. I'm proud of that accomplishment, but would I do it knowing what I know now? I'm not sure.
I had a colleague who got their PhD but ended up working in the same position as me (someone with a bachelors). He's said he's proud of his PhD but knowing how he ended up professionally, he's not sure he'd have done it if he had known.
It easy for us to have two scenarios presented to us and defiantly say "if one is heaven than give me hell" but once we actually endure it, if we're honest, would we do this all over again?
If I was able to remember the wisdom and teachings in my next life I would give it another go.
But we don't get to choose anything in being born or at the time of our death.
I am still learning at an age many others didn't, dying 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉. before me and living so healthy. ❤
I seldom comment but I can't help it this time. I just want to thank you for your narrative. I don't know but I felt pure honesty and genuineness from you. It's simple yet impactful. It's something I am more than happt to ponder about. Cheers.
I also appreciate the perspective you provided here. Fills in a picture of what a decision like this would be like with color.
I'll be another among many to dig deeper into this. It makes one ponder over the two choices but I do feel there are many more questions we aren't asking and wouldn't even know to ask that would help us determine our ultimate choice.
Would you immerse yourself into pain again to contribute to a spiritual energy that would end any emotional/physical clashes in the world so that we could see the ultimate gift that God has promised we would see on the earth that he created; besides just the illusion of an enlightenment we reach in our own reality?
(would we be able to ever see the end-game of what God initially wanted?)
[the order that God has established through commandments are meant to create and provide much more than other animalia species in the kingdom of living things, see spiders and other mammals that have order for ex.]
That’s very profound, thank you for sharing your experience
In The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley describes walking down a long hallway with a series of doors. The beginning is birth and the end is death and you can go into many different rooms. When you open a door, you can say: “That’s not for me” or you can go in. Sometimes you never come out. There are always opportunities to go down a different path by opening another door.. but as your life goes on, there are less doors to open.
I think everyone would choose to be born if they didn't know the outcome of their life, but if the outcome is just vaguely known, I think most people would skip being born.
@Ra Booyah666 what💀
@Ra Booyah666 Not if you're being born as a son of a multi millionaire tho
For real if I’m born into millions then let’s do it. If I’m born to be an indentured servant or wage slave then nahhhhh I’ll pass thanksss
I think there would be plenty who know the outcome even if it was good wouldn't want to be born into a world where so many other people suffer.
@@jaylucas8352 Perhaps in a different life, you were. And perhaps you chose to live a life of struggles, a life of pain, or a life that is painfully normal. People want what they don’t have. Perhaps you chose to be where you currently are.
I used to be afraid of dying & not existing, having cold sweats at the thought. Now I am afraid of existing after death.❤ No I wouldn’t have chosen to be born.
Me too😢
Same
I love animals too. I wish for a world full of humans that live in harmony with other species. Because we are all animals. ❤
If it's any comfort at all, at least there is absolutely no evidence for existence after death. Everything currently points to death as being the end of it all. When the body is dead, there is no evidence that there is something alive and survives other than the atoms that make up your body. But that isn't you at all.
If you were afraid of dying doesn't that display how much you love living. Being afraid of death is normal and necessary. Yeah there is pain and suffering but why would you choose not to be born. All the great memories all the fun, all the joy would be non existent.
What kind of maniac would consciously choose a cycle of pain and suffering? Gimme the void. Now.
I would definitely choose not to be born again! In fact, if newborn babies could think rationally, I could see myself thinking “Oh crap! Not again!”
Why do you think they're bawling their eyes out the second they can? 🤔
@@kevincrady2831you know what's the truth? The babies have the memories of their past life but after a certain period of time they are unable to remember that, that's why the older you get, fader the childhood memories get. Alright please don't take this seriously-
The worst thing my parents ever did to me was bringing me out into this world. I was enjoying my life not existing until they had to drag me into this life. I’m always mad at them wishing they could delete me already. I have even begged my parents to kill me.
Thats why they cry
@@excripto1 This comment seems almost impossible to believe. Why would you say these things and yet still be able to say them?
I didn't want to be born. I was born dead and was forced to live. My life has been extremely difficult, I had a lot to work out. Now I have worked it all, I realize how immense my mission was. I am glad to be alive now. My mother never loved me I was always alone. I have learnt how to love by having my own kids. Now I have finished my mission of breaking generational curses. Now I love life and enjoy being here.
What she said
Thats amazing
Lisa, you are beautiful. I also was shattered mentally, physically, and emotionally by my mother. I'm glad for your happiness and enjoyment of your kids. I am off to be near my 12 grandchildren and see another born!
Good for you Lisa!
I’m so happy to read this. I hope you continue to love and be loved.
Being born, existing - it has all always been a marvel to me. I’m terrible at the mundane - I can never seem to find it. I have found much meaning in pain itself, and I don’t mind it so much anymore. We stay on the wheel til we are done learning. I love learning. And there’s always a path to understanding desire and suffering - and that banishes all petty terror.
This is beautiful, but it leaves out one bit of context. The universe is evolving. Things are getting better. And we can do better if we evolve along with it.
*I would somersault into nothingness* and I'm sure I'm not alone. If you've ever truly suffered, especially if you haven't had any good to balance the bad, there's just no contest; this version of Heaven, however dark it is depicted (I mean that literally, like, in terms of the absence of color), sounds truly blissful.
I can relate to your comment but what wouldn't nothingness be simply feeling or thinking nothing at all? I am in "auto pilot" in this mode. I have to work hard to think of reasons why I would choose to exist.
@Steve Driscoll Pure nothing. Perfection.
Same. At this point I’d gladly pick darkness and nothingness. I only continue life because I’m too afraid to end it all. 💔
Check out the cabin in the woods if you haven't. One of my favorite endings of all time.
@@loverrlee most of us are in the same boat. But even death won’t save you. Nothing will. This is hell after all
He had an easy, normie life. Of course he chose to return to the material realm and repeat the cycle. Some people out here are truly suffering and they would jump into the hole of nothingness without hesitation.
Fr
Amen
I feel that
I feel that , it’s like going on a vacation and asking if you’d like another one. Obviously the answer is yes. Versus the opposite. Ugh
I’d choose the nothing. Peace. Finally.
For anyone out there who's going through trials, I would do it again. I'm male, not tall, horrible skin disease for years with nasty scars. I don't experience anything through physical touch, so intimate relationships are out for me. And yet, I've lived my life to its best. I pursued my dreams and desires, and through hard work and some help from others, obtained them. Just don't give up. Stay nice to others. Live right. Understand that pain will pass and there will be moments of peace and sometimes even happiness. Just don't give up.
God bless
LoL
Thank You 🙏
What a story of triumph!
I’m seriously ill with severe pain everywhere. Your comment has given me the will to carry on. Thank you
I expected this video would question my desire to not exist, not reinforce it.
Desire to not exist symbolise Peace, Silence and devoid of noise and chaos. Maybe that's why.
This s life has been a constant reminder of how I’m not good enough. I’ve lost so many times and lost people I loved. I pray for what I have left and am grateful It’s sad , but the answer is Nothingness.
I wish I could just press a pause button and the world around me comes to a halt. I want to sit down on the ground and look around me at everything everyone has accomplished and think to myself, "It was worth it." I want to cry my eyes out during that pause for the beings I've lost since I never got a chance to. I want to think over all of my actions and look for something behind it, if anything at all. I want to place my hand on the concrete of a road and feel every detail of the mix of rocks and sediment. I no longer want to be bound by the stress or loneliness or emotional weight of this world, I want to be happy. I want to be free.
I think I'm in love with you!
That is my deepest desire
try sensory deprivation
Can you not do that right now?
When I was a kid I thought about not being, dying and having nothing being there and cried and was frightened. As I got older I got more comfortable with that and have been striving to enjoy what I have here right now as much as I can.
I'd absolutely LOOOOVE to go back to how I "felt" before I was born and ever existed... Ohhh the sweet sweet relief from this existence of extreme pain, heartbreak, control, conformity, mindless repetition, societal expectations and pressures of all kinds!!! Please please please take me back to that place of bliss.
I really don't understand how somebody in their right mind could say that. If you really hate your life as much as you said in your comment, you wouldn't be here anymore. You still love living even though you don't seem to be aware of it. Saying that living is pointless is the same as saying that all the love, joy and happy moments you were able to experience with your friends and family are fake and nonexistent. Imagine your mother reading that comment of yours. Do yourself and the people that love you justice and don't say such pretentious things.
@@akfnfmmwlwlslfnwm you're reading far too much into it dude
@@akfnfmmwlwlslfnwm He/she can feel the way he/she wants to about the issue.
Whose to say that even if her Mother did read what he/she said, that the Mother would even care, because some don't.
No one has the right to someone else's Existence.
I see nothing wrong with OP's wanting to revert back to a state of what he/she perceives as Bliss.
@@aheimdahl5201 yea but it's like saying that it would be bliss to be a dog, or a star, or a rock. How do you know something so confidently that you have never experienced? It's just another form of idealization, made up mumbo jumbo in ones head thinking that the grass will be greener in some fictional scenario, but you have no actual idea if what you perceive to be better, actually is. The void might be pure torture which is why people come back to the living. It may be a fate worse than life (or apparently second worst thing, death) to be a rock, we know nothing of their experience. To "see nothing wrong" with somebody wanting to unalive themselves is the banality of evil in my opinion, you may want to keep an eye on that in yourself. It's pretty often that when someone does that to themselves in a way that they have time to regret it (jumping off something high or whatever) they usually realize they don't want to. How many times has something you've built up and been excited about in your head has been a complete let down? The person you responded to is right, nobody in their right minds would think like that, you totally can think whatever you want, doesn't make it right. My advice for the OP here is responsibility is the road to the salvation you seek. The problem, as I see it, is nihilism, the solution, in my opinion, is to be responsible for someone or something outside yourself, even when it hurts, maybe especially when it hurts. Quit trying to find meaning in isolation and mean something to someone else. Be someone that someone else depends on or looks forward to seeing. Quit looking for your own joy and create it in someone else. Let the obstacle(s) become the way. Good luck out there!
From ages of 8-14 years old I rememeber I was able to imagine what nothingness or non-existence would feel like. It was like a black hole in my mind where there was no sound or thoughts and if I really focused hard enough I could almost blink out of reality, it felt good. Im 27 now and I try to do this now when I meditate and I can't no matter what get back there 😢
Reality forms the more you grow old, but imagination deteriorates.
it´s better than a child experience the most or the least pain possible should we aim to they born cripple, or without basic necessities like food, roof and care or he would be better if he suffer all that needs.
if you know with 100% certainty that if you have intercourse with your partner you will produce a child that will be all his life in the most horrible pain and suffering would you decide to have intimacy and bring this child to the world?
a
This is definitely one of your best videos yet, it's amazing that you can cover one of the oldest philosophical questions in such a beautiful manner that it still provokes thought and self reflection in a new and interesting way. I truly appreciate your use of language, every word is meticulous and planned and it really shows
One of the worst.
such a well written comment. reading it made me smarter. thx for posting it.
In what new and interesting way did it make you think and reflect about it exactly? How did this vid change your thoughts and reflections on this topic from your previous ones??
@@jimmynovak7913 Infant or kiddo is just yapping, don't try to ask serious questions, this npc can't answer.
Really shows… what?
its crazy to think that he can make such a diverse topic so simple just by his amazing voice
It's not CRAZY or RETARDED, etc. Use your words to convey what you actually mean. Are you crazy? If not, what do you really mean?
His voice IS soothing so pretty much any topic he discusses is pleasantly digestible.
@@earthangel8730 yea yea i understand didnt mean it to down him. hopefully u understand
@@earthangel8730 It’s ok sweetheart. You’re mad at your daddy, not him, he gets that I’m sure. 🤣 Do yourself a favor and before giving input on anything take a quick moment and ask yourself “is what I’m about to say any sort of improvement upon my silence?” And then when it’s not, like in this case, just remain stfu. 😉
@@hermestrismagistos3145 Diaz and Brand shouldn't be in this list. IMHO
There is nothing complex about this topic, just that you like to complicate the simplest of truths
I would choose never to have been born... My dad searched for blessing of children over 18 years with his first wife before meeting and marrying my mom who opened the door of children (blessing) to him...i ain't suicidal, I just wished I never have to go through all I have been through (Pain, Joy, Betrayals, friendship, Highs and lows) all in all I feel like a stranger in this world. I am going to be 30 in a couple of month time and I feel like I have been here for Centuries
Children are the antithesis of a blessing dude. Please stop calling the single worst thing that could ever conceivably happen as some charming positive.
I’m really not sure what I would pick, life is hard, really hard at times but also.. I like making friends and talking to my friends, I like to draw, I like eating foods people have made, I like the stupid little jokes me and my boyfriend make and laugh at, I like making the people I love smile, I like seeing my cat every day of his life, I like the feeling of anticipation when I see my favorite video game is putting out a new one, I like going back and playing other games I’ve already played a thousand times, taking care of the important people in my life… but the painful feeling of losing things or people you love, the times I really mess up or break something of someone else’s I didn’t mean to, the bad mental health days, getting hurt either mentally or emotionally, the stress of not knowing if you will pay rent, the feeling of being a burden to those around me, the low self esteem and low confidence level hitting me daily, the people who only keep you around for their own benefit and abandon you the moment you aren’t of any use, loving a pet and knowing one day you will have to deal with the pain of them not being around anymore… I’m not sure which overweighs which. To me, this is a conflicting topic, as much as I love the beauty of life, I’m not sure if I would want to go through the pain of life again, I’m not sure yet
"No one ever really understood you, no matter how hard you tried, and how much you said. And you knew this." Gosh that's deep. Some might view this pessimistically, and conclude that people care too much about themselves to care enough to understand others. I, however, interpret this to mean that each of us is truly unique. It is wholly impossible to live through someone else and know what life is like for them. We are each one of a kind. Accept that you can't understand anyone, and no one can understand you. Put your thoughts down in a journal or meditate with them is the best advice I can give.
We're fated to eternal solitude. Only a few date to accept it and instead spend their entire lives immersed in distractions
@@canchero724 I'd say it's more like partial solitude. Perfect understanding of one another isn't required. Some understanding is a good thing.
Is it really a total disaster that understanding isn't absolute?
I think this is an appeal to perfectionism; If someone doesn't understand you perfectly then they "never understood you". Well yes if that's the standard.
Does it really have to be though?
We can’t even understand ourselves so why do we expect others to?
@@kelleycavan6911 Lol the synthesis of both commenter's opinions.
There is no guarantee that the joy will balance or exceed the pain. Some people are doomed to endless tragedy and despair, others merely have brief encounters with suffering, and may never even realize or appreciate their good fortune. Nobody deserves whichever lot they are handed. Nature doesn't care about happiness, just success, and doesn't give a hoot for individuals. I might be willing to be reborn as a non-sentient animal or plant, but definitely not as a human.
W comment
Hopefully not Micheal Vicks pitbull
@@hermestrismagistos3145 Preferably something lower down the cognitive hierarchy, like a squirrel or a fern.
@@fxm5715 If I had to come back as an animal I wouldn't mind being my wife's dog. She treats our dog like royalty.
@@hermestrismagistos3145 Sure, but that bypasses the whole point of not knowing the specific circumstances you might be born into as creature X. Otherwise I could just say, "Sure, I'd like to be reborn as a human, but only if I get to be Jay Gatsby."
as someone who’s been suicidal for half her life, this made me cry. this makes me want to live. this makes me want to continue recovering so i can live my beautiful life no matter how awful things continue to get, because i can always look forward to those little moments that give me hope and fulfillment.
Bruh. My ex had bpd. I'm sorry. Use weed. It's the best advice I can give you after living 1 year with her
@@mihaisoare2802 I have bpd too lol I’m not gonna do weed tho :p
@@amyvonglol
You're not truly suicidal then.
@@TheFracturedfutureDon't assume that you know better about an Individual that you barely know.
Coming from years of pain and abuse then only recently finding God, in my young age, I would likely do it all over again if thats what death was instead of the heaven i hope and have faith in. Im a firm believer that as humans, its our nature to endure and push on forever, however i know this does not apply to everyone. following my ideals at this young age and my measly 3 years of knowing happiness for real and finding comfort in a God working to fix what broke in me and learn to help others in life, i at least need to push on. i may have had 18 years of hell and heartbreak due to the circumstances i was born into, but in 3 years i can confidently say despite the large difference on joy and suffering, that it is worth every bit of happiness that can be milked out of a life, and that if life was only pain and suffering after those 3 years, i would still think its worth it to come back given this dilemma.
mind you i am young and may change my mind as i age, but for now at least i have hope to continue on no matter the pain as i feel the joy i felt thus far is worth more than a lifetime, and even without certainty, the possibility to be joyous again is worth every bit of suffering.
I don't believe I would make that choice in that position. Even as a child I never really wanted to live, but I was always afraid of making the wrong choice and paying for it, hence why I didn't end myself. I am still here out of fear. I don't have enough enjoyment and it's only downhill from here... 🤔
Sir, I want to know ur opinion on the books of David Benatar
same man. same
Same here. I too am here bcs I'm a Coward and I worry too much about consequences. My life has been utter hell for 7 yrs.
@@spjs1996 what's your opinion on Benatar's asymmetry argument?
@@lovethyneibor22736 From the brief information found on Google I'm 100% against reproduction.
I dont know how I have stumbled upon this gem of an account (and its been over 2 years) but i will forever cherish and thank myself to take the time out to go through your videos. Thanks for everything. You've changed lives.
Me holding back the tears knowing I would pick Darkness because I would wish no one else my pain of existing.
What's your pain ??
I still remember when I first watched "death, a guided experience" and I had to
watch it multiple times because somehow I couldn't feel anything watching it, it was like my mind went blank everytime, and in the end of it, it made me reach the conclusion that there is no free will. And that destroyed my desire to achieve anything in life, and made me give up in a lot of things. Now I just feel stuck in my mind, I don't have the courage to "leave"( not my fault) and don't have the desire to change( also not my fault). How I wish to enter the dark "portal" dude
Would definitely jump into nothingness without any second thought! I'm sick of people myself included...
I would 100% choose to never have existed
Same
Same here
Before i was born i decided to be born but now i realize that it was a big mistake.
I wish I hadn't 😓
There's a reason newborn babies come into the world bawling, and not laughing
People that don't understand that you can't regret choosing nothing didn't understand the concept.
Agree and isn’t it weird how some of the sayings of the Bible like “every tear will be wiped away” come true in annihilation. Not in the way a Bible fairy tale makes it seem but true just the same. No tears in the dreamless sleep of death.
True. They don't understand that when it's nothing, it's nothing.
Haha that's true! When there is nothing you don't have a sense of self where you can regret.
That was fantastic
There were sentences in that piece that really spoke to me.
Thank you
This evokes such fantastical feelings in me. I'm still young and have most of my life ahead of me, and I'm still not quite sure where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'm just going, just doing. This channel makes me want to do everything there is to do before my time is up. It takes everything I thought I knew and rips it apart only to rebuilt it on a completely different foundation. It shows me entirely new perspectives on topics I thought I was an expert in. I'll keep going, and keep doing, and I'll try my best even if it all amounts to nothing in the end. Thank you, Pursuit of Wonder. Please never stop doing what you are do.
how do you know.. "most of my life is ahead of me" lol.. that's a silly idea. young people die everyday. you need this explained to you?
And having lived 59 years (that the last 30 have felt like a thousand because of the tragedies, mistakes, and tedium), I would only be fooling myself to think I could impart some existential wisdom to you. Like for example, I could say don't make big mistakes like destroying people or animals, but how would I begin to know what might be "right" or "purposeful" for you. In some moments, I can see the teachings of Lao Tzu making some ultimate sense and at other times I think Stalin was a servant of God...My conclusion is: who is to say? Maybe this is just some program running and not attended to by an Overlord or even self-conscious. And maybe there is no "self" and no "free will". One thing I do have a gut feeling about though is that the people who swear they know (and try to make you feel dumb for not "knowing"), don't know...or, at the least I have come to find that what all these hotsy totsy apes know and parade around like they are really something, seems to have less and less grip on me as I near my end.
You do you, but i'd say take your time to enjoy the little things. Smell the flowers and love oneanother. One things for sure, it wìll be over in a blink of a eye if you age or not. And yes, it will amount to nothing eventually, even if you're a king or a queen.
@@rsi4561 That's a very cynical and depressing viewpoint... but just because I don't know when or if I will die, why should I stop living? If you want me to correct myself, then I guess it is MOST LIKELY I have most of my life ahead of me. I would continue to live and do the most I can even if I was dying tomorrow.
@@rsi4561don't instill your negative outlook to youngsters. Let them enjoy life.
Weird how I've pondered upon these things when I was around 5th or 6th grade. I started questioning my purpose and had existential crisis and that I'd been living "trying" anything or everything because I had became too conscious and just lived like a zombie, trying to act like I'm supposed to but felt like I was detatched to everything... It's like floating inside my own body, hella scary.
I love the duality of the very end! Absolutely love it.
Seems like I was born just to suffer.
Same
Same.
See? You were not born just to suffer. You have two commenters who connect with you. That's not suffering, but connection through suffering.
The best things in life aren't worth the bad things.
The best moments of my life were spent not worrying about the immediate future constantly.
If you feel you cannot make the pain go away, just let it sit, it would turn to other forms of strength.
If you feel something is absolutely impossible, grit your teeth and change your priorities adamantly to seek other forms of productive happiness.
Just my two cents.
In Hinduism, the moments after death are believed to be a significant transition for the soul. It teaches that the ultimate goal is liberation from the cycle of birth and death, attaining Moksha. Moksha is the state of liberation where the soul unites with the divine or achieves self-realization, breaking free from the cycle of rebirth.
Nirvana is more nuanced and redefined version of Moksha, braching done by The Buddha.
Is it bad that I’m intentionally making sure I don’t come back? Now, I genuinely enjoy and feel warm when I’m spreading love and light, but I don’t wanna come back lmao
@@lavabender_taku How do you try and make sure you come back?
It's your choice but I couldn't see why you wouldn't want to come back. Even when life sucks, isn't it still worth living? Once you no longer live, you are gone forever.
@@lavabender_taku It is actually great. Yogis and Sadhus in India consciously chose to lead a life of non-attachment. I feel it's your soul realising that it has matured and now ready to transcend the cycle of birth and death. Because without that soul desire you wouldn't even be thinking about rising above cycle of birth and death.
Anyone telling you otherwise has a soul that is not matured enough to understand that.
We ultimately have the choice on if we want to come back or transcend, just as the two options were given at the end of the video.
If when the end arrives you maintain material desire, you will return again and again until that desire ceases.
On the contrary, if you spend your life desiring to transcend after death, then you have not spent your life LIVING it.
The Mahayana Buddhists have conceptualized it best. Be a Bodhisattva, LIVE life, and when the end comes, let it be THE end.
@@xx_amongus_xx6987 I’m actually at a point now mentally and emotionally where I enjoy the absolute hell out of life, it’s so beautiful. I took shrooms for the first time a couple months ago and it enhanced that tenfold.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy life, my autism just has me exhausted ALL the fucking time. Plus it just breaks my heart seeing humanity treat each other the way they do. So I just wanna do my part in helping raise the collective consciousness then her back to the void lol
I would choose the black portal, not gambling on reincarnation again after all that has happened.
Wow, are you reading books about philosophy of ancient gnosticism?
@@lovethyneibor22736No
For me taking ssri antidepressants for a year was similar to the void. I felt like I was in an emotional void. It was so nice to finally breath and live life without overthinking and the volatile spikes in happiness, sadness, fear, excitement and love, that were once so intense. But eventually it grew old. I missed the feeling of feeling. New experiences felt the same as old experiences. Moments with loved ones felt like moments with strangers. It wasn't unpleasant at all, I just knew deep down that it wasn't right. It seemed like a waste of life, I began to miss the good and the bad moments. Now I'm back how I was, life is intense, but I find myself more content with the craziness, the volatility. I almost enjoy it now, like lifes a rollercoaster, it's just a matter of perspective.
Sometimes I just think, wtf am I even doing in this world??
Same
I wish I could just dissappear. People can get along without me anyways.
This was so well executed...It made more sense than much I have heard over my lifetime.
The friendship bit made me tear up, apart from my husband i never did manage to properly bond with others and have been friendless over a decade now. Thank fudge i have my man or id go mad, he makes the darkest days a bit lighter
I can’t wait to go home “heaven “ where there is nothing but love and peace and our love ones
Reminds me of the old saying "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all".
Oh yeah, try it. I read recently that a person can die from a broken heart. They didn’t describe it like the usual physical organic heart failure. Just look at the statistics regarding a spouse or long term partner. When one passes away, the other one usually dies within six to 18 months, with no evidence of cardiac issues prior to the others demise. 🥺
@@krokodyl1927Try it ? Loosing a loved one ? Lost a bunch already including my best friend. I dont regret loving those people. Love ? Been married for 17 years. Been with her for 20. We're still in love. She's the best part of my life. I dont regret that either.
Sad that you'd miss out on such a beautiful part of life just because its temporary. Life is temporary either way. For most people as they grow older the things they regret the most are the risks they didn't take and all the time they've wasted. Every year passes by a little faster than the previous I've noticed.
@@hermestrismagistos3145 I don’t disagree with you. I’ve been married twice for roughly ten years each time and I have two wonderful young adult children resulting from the later. Forgive me for feeling somewhat bitter over my latest love lost, but it hit me quite hard. I’m happy for you in that you’re exceedingly satisfied with your situation. And yes, time does slip away seemingly more quickly as we age. Stay kind and gentle.
Btw, most of my best friends died at a young age. 🌝
@@krokodyl1927 Sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your bravery to have a family.
That black portal would be a no brainer for me. Lol
*sprints and dives headfirst into the right portal*
Sometimes I feel like I already don't exist
What's after death?
"Hey you you're finally awake"
Man 10 months? Sad but I love my old self I'm awesome ❤️❤️❤️
If i was faced right now with that question I would choose nothingness. Living all over again would be indeed hell
"If thats heaven, then give me hell"
I don't even know what to think anymore
"And I asked the being, 'why does any if that deserve a punishment. Why are we being punishef for those specific feelings? Can you explain this?"
I was born in a state of withdrawal, addicted to a certain substance, but never treated for the addiction.
By 3yrs old I had retreated into a completely isolated world, utterly withdrawn, and diagnosed with mild autism, and at 5yrs old I was put on a high dose of amitriptyline for my severe anxiety.
The darkness throughout my life, drugs, medications, OCD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks etc, has shaped me in such a way, that I wouldn't change it for the world.
Mind expanding substances, art, music, clubbing, and occasionally even sex. I just stayed away from alcohol and nicotine, from around the the age of 18, both terrible drugs, IMHO, much more damaging than any other really, if one knows what one is doing.
I'm now retired, I retired very young, have a high end, personal recording studio centred around my collection of vintage analog synthesizers, etc, no kids, I think, and no wife.
Solitude truly is the nurse of wisdom.
The great thing about having a difficult life from the start is one doesn't like to over complicate it any more than is absolutely necessary, I don't tolerate low empathy people, as soon as someone starts to get moody or they try to start drama, I'm out, never had time for that shit.
One life, live it,
- don't do what all my mates ended up doing, that is getting married and living someone else's life, honestly out of all my friends only two are happily married with kids, the rest are all just shells of their former selves.
They've essentially become their parents, it's sad really.
Funny thing is, it's often my confident, cocky friends who seem to have the nervous breakdowns, and mid life crisis,
- I guess if you sail through life with nothing holding you back, when something does go wrong it feels like the end of the world,
- whereas people who have to struggle from the start, learn much more about themselves, developing unique coping skills along the way, and are therefore much better prepared.
I guess what I'm saying is,
- there is nothing wrong with daring to live the life others dare not live, if you have a plan.
My plan was the studio, and nothing else, - I guess the autism helped keep me focused.
But yeah, I'd choose suffering every time,
- it definitely made me more empathic, compassionate and understanding.
- love to ALL, feel no hate
"I am nothing, you are nothing,
- but we are God."
👏👏👏 I would say 'no words', but if I just left it at the clapping emojis someone might interpret them as sarcastic. They aren't, lol.
The good old existential dread…
Everyone's rationale seems a bit dark whereas mine just feels... cold. It's not because of pain, turmoil, ugliness, or wickedness that gripes me and entices me to the emptiness but the utter disconnect from any of it. It seems not a "release" or "rest" to me, just peace.
I died. I wasn't aware of anything, no sound, no feeling, no thoughts, nothing. Then they brought me back and my physical condition shocked me into knowing I was alive and so now....my constant pain reminds me I am alive.
I'll chose not to be born thanks, life has not been fun at all.
Awesome job all concerned, extremely well done on every level ❤️
same, modern life is a drag.
Same
real
Ignorance is bliss. Give me nothingness.
Same here. My main issue is all the heartache I'll have to deal with losing family, friends and partner. I'm just not cut out for that kind of grief. It'll break me. And everything is pointless and doesn't matter in the end anyway.
BUT saying that, I am an eternal optimist and I cope with the above by making it the best life I can make for myself. I kinda view life like being dragged to a party I didn't wanna go to. I can either choose to sit on the sidelines and watch, or I can get up and dance the hell out of it 😅
Dude I'd jump right into the black void as soon as it showed up
I m only 25 and i been wanting to not exist since many years now. Not death but just disappear from existence, as death only causes pain to the ones alive for whoever might actually have any care for me. We live in so much suffering, anxiety, trust issues, mental and physical pain, what am i trying so hard for? When all that's left is eternal loneliness, emptiness n pain. I wish we had a choice to enter the void n leaving without any trace. Atleast then i can close my eyes without worries of waking up to a bad news
There are things I’ve experienced that i keep living for, for i know there is so much joy in life. And likewise there are things i can never forget and never stop feeling. I will always have nights where i stay up wondering if continuing to live is truly the right choice for me. I will continue to have flashbacks and i will continue to dissociate but i will also be in awe at how much i can love a single person, at how much joy something so small can give me, find wonder in all the story’s i read. Life is full. Of suffering and joy and everything else. And it doesn’t cancel out, it doesn’t make it worth it or not, it just is. I will continue living my life and make it the best i can with this terrible start because i am not ready to experience nothingness and abandon all that im attached to. But i will never do it again. My choice will always be to return to nothingness.
Give me heaven. I'll take blissful reality over hellish illusion any time. It's not just nothing, it's also everything.
A breathtaking vision of human existence...to the extent of all the possibilities we can live. And we can accept life, even if it would sometimes be a journey into our own or other people's abysses... This video is one of your masterpieces. A rush of the senses, a color horizon of the imagination. And an invitation to a powerful approach to life, in the manner of Albert Camus. Many thanks for your art! It inspires me to write. I'm working on a novel.
Rightly said!
how can I reach your work?
@@CrinklyYT Thank you very much for your kindness. I am working on my manuscripts and will probably have a lot of work to do to find a publisher for publication. I believe in my chance and in people like you. Take care!
I agree this is brilliant thanks I made me feel better
What i am experiencing is the passing of time and my potential going to waste, i am already 25 years old, i am done with school, i followed a field that will not lead me to a comfortable job, as i am a introvert and meeting and talking to new people or interacting with others in general is a great source of anxiety for me, i am destined to become a teacher, i do not want that. I was a neglected child, i had to fend for myself, i had to be by myself alot, lonelyness is hardest when you do not know how to do stuff and nobody is there to teach you, life was very frustrating, i was ashamed to ask, because i always thought i was too ignorant and i was going to be laughed at, which led me to isolate myself even further. I found comfort in the abscence of judgment, of people. Which is not the answer to my issues, i have to go out there, face judgment, be better, be more confident, blend in, and find hapiness.
I just want to be reunited with my parents..Wherever they are, that's where I want to be
First scene is about what other people saw in you and the second scene is how you struggle to keep what they saw going. That's the true punishment, to keep a good face infront of others and suffering alone with your mind.
“If that is heaven give me hell”
Gave me Goosebumps
I always wonder why reality chose me to exist just to do random stuff and realise I’m going to die lol
Maybe to realise this very thing and strengthen the thirst for peace, silence, bliss, satisfaction.and nothingness.
Before i was born i decided to be born but now i realize that it was a big mistake.
I wish I hadn't 😓
You decided nothing. It was your parents' decision.
@@spjs1996 No, they cannot decide. I don't know if you believe in such spiritual things but I think before we are born our soul decides if we really want that. We can also decide differently and not be born. If I had made a different decision, I would have returned to the spiritual world and a miscarriage would have occurred
The way you narrate is very profound as if you have known it all and you were there watching all this exactly as it happens. Brilliant!
I no longer feel any connection to anyone or anything in the world at large.
I have lost so many people and I do not want to suffer loss and sadness anymore.
Everything I've been taught to believe has turned out to be lies.
I so desperately want to escape this meaningless existence.
Y’all realize that even if you choose nothingness not everyone will so we must make this world full of more positive experience rather than bad …..I know there will always be both…..life is not perfect but even if you don’t see the beauty of corporal life you can still leave this world more beautiful…….
Life is tough! Most days, I wish I could just turn out the lights...
I’ve been watching your channel for so long now, always full of realizations for myself. This is my favorite one so far. Thank you, thank you.
*My thoughts*
My life has honestly been pretty average, couple attempts to end my life in middle school, lost lots and lots of friends, made a couple, bad mom, no illicit drugs, I’m scared of them since they killed my friend in grade 7. I’m not afraid of death, I’m not afraid of no longer existing. I just think it’s pretty neat that I’m able to do that. To exist in bliss is to revolt against the suffering that tries to take it from us. Or something poetic like that.
Life pretty much just make some choices and hope it works out, Maybe go for a hike, maybe get a cat, maybe take the cat on a hike. All in all just try and make the most of it. As awful as 75% of it is without it you wouldn’t enjoy the other 25% right?
*My advice*
Drink water, eat a vegetable, maybe go for a walk if you can bear it, get sleep. It helps. Not as much as you’d like, but you should take anything you can get. Oh and swim in natural bodies of water, definitely do that. Even if you get your clothes wet. The memories are worth the leeches. Eh what else? Oh yeah, sleeping with a pet in the bed has the same benefits as sleeping with another person. Think that’s everything, take care lads.
There are other people/souls that may never see and/or understand this video. 😢
Yes,
The experience to live a life in a human body (perfect or less than perfect) is an experience of a lifetime itself.
With your human body you can experience the world, bitterness, pain, cold, loneliness, etc. Along with all the millions of goodness (and bad experience) it promised, warmth of love (along with inevitable heart breaking loneliness of being left) , sweet candies as a kid and tropical fruits and bacon (or medications and torture) , the sense of your skin touching your loved one and be loved in return (not all have experience such motherly love as they're being cast into the recycle bin once they're born) , the beautiful colours of rainbow (or the sight of horrors where satan himself will give a standing golf clap applause for such beyond imagination evil act), the smell of petichor after rain (or the terrible smell of death in war and chemical warfare), etc.
So much so our experience with our senses as human that we become much accustomed to our body and define ourself by that (perfume, hairstyle, smile, sound, skin color, etc) along with our culture being taught by the people around us.
So much so that when we reached that point in the video where we have to choose then we can't help but to choose hell ourself (bacon was sooo good, you can't have bacon in nirvana).
My parents only cared enough to keep me from bothering them. They fed me, clothed me, housed me, taught me english, and indoctrinated me with religion. And that was it. They never taught me how to ride a bike, how to swim, how to cook, drive, shave, or flirt. As if they never wanted me to succeed at anything. And it's not as though they never had the chance to get it right. since they had two children before me. Now here I am, broken free of the constraints of religion, but still ignorant, weak, and trapped with the very people I hate. My most common thought is of death, for myself or them. If there's a god, they deserve hell more than any demon.
Sounds we can be a good friend. You know but for them god is the only reason they're still alive and without god you're worthless. Who do you think you are. I am also tired trapped but there's no way out like is just too hard when you already fucked up everything when there's no chance to begin with only for some who happen to be luck in family that's not deeply indoctrinated and have money to just get out from here
I don't know your full experience of course, but besides riding a bike or driving, those aren't things that parents are expected to teach their kids. Some parents do, and some don't.
You have to take on a more positive outlook, if you were educated in religion and don't like it then drop the pretense of spirituality and look into the actual lessons that are taught through religion. Because the lessons that classic religion teaches are usually lessons of discipline, strength, loving, and hard work. If you follow these lessons, you will no longer be weak. Work with what you were given and move forwards.
Aside from that, go work out and find some interesting topics to read/watch videos about. And realize that right now you have an entire life ahead of you, one that you can shape with your power to what you want it to be, so don't let this opportunity go to waste. Do you have any dreams or goals? It's perfectly fine if not, but those could be a good start.
The reason you're here is because someone supported your life. God be with you.
@@Jesse-jp8bt See... this right here, this is not helping. This is the opposite of helping. I'm over here just venting about how I can't find a decent apartment away from my dull parents, and your solution is to RECOMMEND THE SAME THING THAT I'M VERY OBVIOUSLY SICK OF HEARING ABOUT. Happy for you that you can enjoy having read 1 book ever, but SOME PEOPLE (that means not yourself) need variety. Now kindly fuck off please. And remember, your medicine might be someone else's poison.
@@Jesse-jp8bt God? Yeah, right. Whatever.
Im content with life at the moment. However, I had debilitating mental problems when I was a kid that persist to this day, though its easier to deal with now after 40 years. If I had a choice of being born, I would choose no. Remembering what my childhood was like, along with the alcoholism that would come later, I would never want to go through that again.
I would be born again. For every good there is a bad, for every bad memory there is a good one. My life isnt perfect and will never be, im in pain physical and mental, bad things happen, sad things happen. I dont want to watch my mother age, its one of my greatest fears and i hate it. But i would live another life if it meant I could hold a lovers hand, pet animals, breathe the cool air in the morning, eat the foods ive eaten, have the friends ive had, felt the love ive felt. I would do it all again, because i was not born for a reason, you have to make a reason. I was born to be happy and help others be happy too. Life is hard and ugly, but without that where is easy and beautiful?
I feel comfort knowing I can pull a trigger and turn it all off. I wonder if people actually have the experience described in this video. Happiness and peace are impossible, but just to feel love and family, that sounds like heaven.
Great video on a subject I'm sure many people don't ponder often. Life is absurd no matter what but it is possible to cope without delusions. As Albert Camus puts it, "One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
Honestly, absurdism won out for me in my own existential crisis.
"Stop making sense"
@@reeferseasalt could you expand on that?
Cope *without* delusion? nahhhh
@@mysticmoth1111 maybe not but I would rather die trying
To me, absurdity has connotations of senselessness, randomness, causelessness. But since we live in a causal reality, where everything is predicated upon conditions for its existence, I do not consider life/reality to be absurd. Absurdity is an illusion, because an individual mind trying to comprehend the 'big picture' cannot do so fully. Events may seem random and senseless, but actually if you were to trace back their causes, they would all make 'sense' in the empirical 'sense'.
Whether or not you find meaning or value in it is largely a product of your biological brain, not an issue of delusion vs. truth.
Would take nothingness over this mess of a life every day of the week :)
Same as. Come back for another experience on this planet? Na... I'll pass, I've already had my fill thanks 😞