Hannah, the strength and courage you show to share the pain and shame of being raped, of feeling a need to find peace is inspiring. This series of vulnerability is amazing. I am so proud to have come across your light. The world is such a better place with you in it! Much love on your journey 💕💕💗🙏🕉🌈
There is just something about water that helps us come clean. I’ll always see you as the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. You light up the world- so greatful for your courage and drive. 🤗
Wow thankyou for sharing this literally brought me to tears I can't imagine enduring that. My friend had the samething happen she's now sharing her story on Tiktok so open & honest we as friends had no idea she went through that. Thankyou for sharing... trauma like that isn't easily removed, sometimes we can stuff it down but I do believe with a FULL heart God mends all the broken pieces & somehow puts them back together. I'm definitely a living witness to this. Even in pain it can still be used to help others. Know you are doing just that! Keep going there is so much more in store for you!
❤❤❤❤ I loved the way you fined this out in nature and the way you composed yourself and allowed yourself not to be composed too. This made watching this video a lot easier because nature and doing active things I love is the big healer for for me too. Thank you Hannah. We are not alone ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing. You are a beautiful and strong person with so much to offer to the world. I'm not sure how I found this video, since I wasn't looking for anything related, but I'm grateful I was able to listen to your message. I can see myself in parts of your story, in the few strangely specific details - the very parts I still struggle to fully understand and to accept, even though many years have passed... I still struggle to come to terms with what exactly happened, even though the r-word seems fitting. There are days, I feel like I am able to use it and there are days I still question and doubt everything due to social conditioning, my family history and, above all, due to knowing how easily stories of female struggles and injuries are dismissed, especially when the woman in question is lacking resources to keep herself safe and fully functioning and when she doesn't have a supportive social network to fall back on. I can relate to the desire to make new friends at a party. I didn't have that many opportunities to join parties, I didn't have that typical college-experience, even though I'd really like to study, I still hope I'll be able to study full-time some day, maybe it's a silly dream, because I'm already too old to fit in with average students, nevermind... For me, it was a work-related event instead. I can relate to being cautious and bringing your own drinks, I did that too. I didn't even really want to drink alcohol at all that night, because I was tired after my shift and I had to stay overtime that day. I still wanted to join the party at least for an hour or two, since I felt very lonely in my private life back then - my long-term relationship was falling apart very slowly over the years, as was my physical and mental health and there wasn't much more than that silly party to look forward to. I thought I could at least meet a new friend, or just enjoy talking to people. I didn't have people to talk to... my previous "friends" turned out to be fairwheather friends, my family members were never able to relate to me or undertsand any of my problems, they would usually either ignore me when I was in need, or they would shame me for being in need, no matter what the issue was, they betrayed my trust so many times that there was simply no trust left at all and no desire to keep contact, one day shit hit the fan and my hope for any kind of family reunion was permanently lost... I can relate to the confusion, it went something like this for me: Am I tired or drunk, wtf is going on? Maybe both? I didn't even drink anything, so there's no way I can be drunk and I know how much I am able to drink before I would start feeling dizzy... so I must be just tired, it's been a long day... but wait, If I am just sleepy, why can't I walk strait anymore? Maybe I'm just having a nervous breakdown with everything going on? Is this an existential crisis? I never felt this way before... my arms and legs don't really work and I'm starting to sweat, even though I was only sitting at a couch talking to that guy for an hour or so... Why does my heart beat so fast, I don't even find him attractive? Why is everything gettin blurry? Why am I feeling more and more like a ragdoll? Why am I so confused about everything? Why can't I remember anyone's name or the conversations? Nothing makes sense. Why am I going along with some stupid suggestions? That's not me, why does it feel like a significant part of my brain just shut down and all that's left is this mumbling and stumbling idiot body, not feeling like me at all, but nobody else seems to notice any difference? Am I looking normal on the outside? Am I too embarrassing to interact with? This dude keeps getting more handsy and I can't even move away... He stood up and went away somewhere, thank God! Now there's another guy, I kow his face! What's his name? I know his name, what was it? Why is he getting so close and why can't I get away? I don't want him to kiss me or touch me, why can't I do anything? Why can't I remember how to move and talk properly? Now he's pulling me up and leading me away from people, so my legs seem to work after all, but only when he holds me? Or when he pushes or pulls me, isn't that strange? Nope, I'm still stumbling over my own feet and falling, I might be too heavy for anybody to manage, I need to sit down again. Now we are passing some people from my team, I like them better, I want to talk to them! Oh, I love this girl, she looks sooo pretty today, I want to hug her... Wait, I was never that close to her, I don't know if she likes me enough and I didn't like her in that way before... What am I doing? Oh, and this other girl, I want to just sit next to her and listen to that conversation, she's sooo smart, I love her too... No, I don't really, I barely know her, what is wrong with me? I'd still prefer to sit here then go wherever this guy want's me to go... Why can't I just stay here, where the faces are more familiar? I can relate to feeling somewhat concious, but not able to reason, to recollect, to draw conclusions... I can even relate to the attempt to bargain, offering to please them in a way that would be less hurtfull to me. I begged to be left alone, to be let go outside, to not be pushed down against a filthy floor that made me nauseous, to not be touched, to not be undressed, I begged for another time, for better circumstances and I begged for protection to be used at least... and nothing I said was respected in any way... I can relate to being treated more friendly afterwards, to thinking those guys were friends and that perhaps I was being too friendly with them to end up like this. I wanted to believe that they didn't mean to disrespect or hurt me. I wanted to stay close, to meet again some day in order to have another opportunity to ask about their perspective, to understand what actually happened and If there was any overlap with my feelings or memories. But I also wanted to jump off of a bridge or something, to fall into some deep water and dive without necessarily resurfacing. Everything felt even more meaningless than before that party, due to the additional betrayal of my coworkers and then having to see them everyday at work and having to be friendly without being able to ask the important questions that I felt I should ask to clear things up. They would avoid me whenever I wanted to talk and just smile and nod from a distance and I felt so alone and so hurt. I also felt let down by my female collegues, especially those who I tried to talk to at that party. I only wanted to connect with someone and yet I felt more disconneted than ever before. Why couldn't they be more kind, more friendly, when I tried to get closer to them at that party? I felt much safer around them than around those pushy guys. Why wouldn't they help me when I stumbled? Then rumors started to spread about MY scandalous behaviour, people laughed at me, they asked me how much "FUN" I had at that party. Nobody was concerned when I said that I'm not sure and that I have some difficulties remembering what exactly happened... Nobody thought it strange, no one asked if I was really ok. They only took my answer as some confirmation of all possible rumors and assumptions. Comments became more vicous over time... There was no one to care about me, about how I felt or about what really happened. A video like this would have helped me a lot back then, to have someone to relate to, even if it was only a stranger on the internet. I tried to push through, trying to hold it together for months before I was finally fired and broke down completely. I also lost my place to live and my ex-partner all at once. None of my former friends, that I reached out to back then, to just go out somewhere and talk, were particularily interested in meeting me when I was down, even though I would be there in a heartbeat for them. I realised that a friendship that's only maintained by my readiness to meet up whenever someone else needs to vent or help with something from me, but closed off when I'm in need of connecting, isn't really a friendship. I'm able to write this today, because I found somebody to reconnect with, but the relationship got complicated and messy due to my baggage I guess... I'm doing my best to heal, but my resources are limited and my situation is still not even stable, let alone optimal for health or rebuilding a life. By the way, I found out that the guys who were in on planning my demise back then, were also spiking drinks of many other girls, but most of those girls would be able to get safely home without being exploited, because other people would help them sooner, so that's bittersweet. Good that malicious plans don't necessarily come to fruition, bad, that the men would be able to have multiple attempts without ever being held accountable. The worst part is, that those men were promoted at work, while all the women had to leave on their own or were forced to leave, but it's not that much of a surprise after all, I guess... Hopefully society will change for the better soon.
Thank you for sharing - I hope this trip helped your healing process, but it seems you're doing amazing (judging from your IG these days). I love your style, very androgynous yet beautifully feminine, if that makes sense? Awesome!
I think you should file a police report. Also take a lie detector test and post the results for all to see. Name him, publicly. If it happened as you say it did. Then your friend and other party goers can collaborate your story. A jury will deliver justice.
I wish you peace.
Stay strong Hannah - the road to recovery can be long and daunting. We hear you, we see you. You are beautiful.
Just by telling your story, you are helping others heal. Thank you. These words are so insufficient but I hope you can feel what they mean to me. 💗
Hannah, the strength and courage you show to share the pain and shame of being raped, of feeling a need to find peace is inspiring. This series of vulnerability is amazing. I am so proud to have come across your light. The world is such a better place with you in it! Much love on your journey 💕💕💗🙏🕉🌈
I'm so glad you're still here to tell this story, Hannah ❤ You're amazing x
This series is fantastic. Your vulnerability and bravery is amazing and I hope you keep carrying this strong spirit! Keep on keeping on, Hannah! ❤️
thank you so much for your support and kind words :)
Thanks for sharing your story, it surely has and will continue to help other people going through the same thing.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. This makes me so sad. You are so strong. Sending you 💕 love!
There is just something about water that helps us come clean. I’ll always see you as the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. You light up the world- so greatful for your courage and drive. 🤗
Wow thankyou for sharing this literally brought me to tears I can't imagine enduring that. My friend had the samething happen she's now sharing her story on Tiktok so open & honest we as friends had no idea she went through that. Thankyou for sharing... trauma like that isn't easily removed, sometimes we can stuff it down but I do believe with a FULL heart God mends all the broken pieces & somehow puts them back together. I'm definitely a living witness to this. Even in pain it can still be used to help others. Know you are doing just that! Keep going there is so much more in store for you!
❤❤❤❤
I loved the way you fined this out in nature and the way you composed yourself and allowed yourself not to be composed too. This made watching this video a lot easier because nature and doing active things I love is the big healer for for me too. Thank you Hannah. We are not alone ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing. You are a beautiful and strong person with so much to offer to the world.
I'm not sure how I found this video, since I wasn't looking for anything related, but I'm grateful I was able to listen to your message.
I can see myself in parts of your story, in the few strangely specific details - the very parts I still struggle to fully understand and to accept, even though many years have passed... I still struggle to come to terms with what exactly happened, even though the r-word seems fitting. There are days, I feel like I am able to use it and there are days I still question and doubt everything due to social conditioning, my family history and, above all, due to knowing how easily stories of female struggles and injuries are dismissed, especially when the woman in question is lacking resources to keep herself safe and fully functioning and when she doesn't have a supportive social network to fall back on.
I can relate to the desire to make new friends at a party. I didn't have that many opportunities to join parties, I didn't have that typical college-experience, even though I'd really like to study, I still hope I'll be able to study full-time some day, maybe it's a silly dream, because I'm already too old to fit in with average students, nevermind...
For me, it was a work-related event instead. I can relate to being cautious and bringing your own drinks, I did that too. I didn't even really want to drink alcohol at all that night, because I was tired after my shift and I had to stay overtime that day. I still wanted to join the party at least for an hour or two, since I felt very lonely in my private life back then - my long-term relationship was falling apart very slowly over the years, as was my physical and mental health and there wasn't much more than that silly party to look forward to. I thought I could at least meet a new friend, or just enjoy talking to people. I didn't have people to talk to... my previous "friends" turned out to be fairwheather friends, my family members were never able to relate to me or undertsand any of my problems, they would usually either ignore me when I was in need, or they would shame me for being in need, no matter what the issue was, they betrayed my trust so many times that there was simply no trust left at all and no desire to keep contact, one day shit hit the fan and my hope for any kind of family reunion was permanently lost...
I can relate to the confusion, it went something like this for me:
Am I tired or drunk, wtf is going on? Maybe both? I didn't even drink anything, so there's no way I can be drunk and I know how much I am able to drink before I would start feeling dizzy... so I must be just tired, it's been a long day... but wait, If I am just sleepy, why can't I walk strait anymore? Maybe I'm just having a nervous breakdown with everything going on? Is this an existential crisis? I never felt this way before... my arms and legs don't really work and I'm starting to sweat, even though I was only sitting at a couch talking to that guy for an hour or so... Why does my heart beat so fast, I don't even find him attractive? Why is everything gettin blurry? Why am I feeling more and more like a ragdoll? Why am I so confused about everything? Why can't I remember anyone's name or the conversations? Nothing makes sense. Why am I going along with some stupid suggestions? That's not me, why does it feel like a significant part of my brain just shut down and all that's left is this mumbling and stumbling idiot body, not feeling like me at all, but nobody else seems to notice any difference? Am I looking normal on the outside? Am I too embarrassing to interact with? This dude keeps getting more handsy and I can't even move away... He stood up and went away somewhere, thank God! Now there's another guy, I kow his face! What's his name? I know his name, what was it? Why is he getting so close and why can't I get away? I don't want him to kiss me or touch me, why can't I do anything? Why can't I remember how to move and talk properly? Now he's pulling me up and leading me away from people, so my legs seem to work after all, but only when he holds me? Or when he pushes or pulls me, isn't that strange? Nope, I'm still stumbling over my own feet and falling, I might be too heavy for anybody to manage, I need to sit down again. Now we are passing some people from my team, I like them better, I want to talk to them! Oh, I love this girl, she looks sooo pretty today, I want to hug her... Wait, I was never that close to her, I don't know if she likes me enough and I didn't like her in that way before... What am I doing? Oh, and this other girl, I want to just sit next to her and listen to that conversation, she's sooo smart, I love her too... No, I don't really, I barely know her, what is wrong with me? I'd still prefer to sit here then go wherever this guy want's me to go... Why can't I just stay here, where the faces are more familiar?
I can relate to feeling somewhat concious, but not able to reason, to recollect, to draw conclusions...
I can even relate to the attempt to bargain, offering to please them in a way that would be less hurtfull to me. I begged to be left alone, to be let go outside, to not be pushed down against a filthy floor that made me nauseous, to not be touched, to not be undressed, I begged for another time, for better circumstances and I begged for protection to be used at least... and nothing I said was respected in any way...
I can relate to being treated more friendly afterwards, to thinking those guys were friends and that perhaps I was being too friendly with them to end up like this. I wanted to believe that they didn't mean to disrespect or hurt me. I wanted to stay close, to meet again some day in order to have another opportunity to ask about their perspective, to understand what actually happened and If there was any overlap with my feelings or memories. But I also wanted to jump off of a bridge or something, to fall into some deep water and dive without necessarily resurfacing. Everything felt even more meaningless than before that party, due to the additional betrayal of my coworkers and then having to see them everyday at work and having to be friendly without being able to ask the important questions that I felt I should ask to clear things up. They would avoid me whenever I wanted to talk and just smile and nod from a distance and I felt so alone and so hurt. I also felt let down by my female collegues, especially those who I tried to talk to at that party. I only wanted to connect with someone and yet I felt more disconneted than ever before. Why couldn't they be more kind, more friendly, when I tried to get closer to them at that party? I felt much safer around them than around those pushy guys. Why wouldn't they help me when I stumbled? Then rumors started to spread about MY scandalous behaviour, people laughed at me, they asked me how much "FUN" I had at that party. Nobody was concerned when I said that I'm not sure and that I have some difficulties remembering what exactly happened... Nobody thought it strange, no one asked if I was really ok. They only took my answer as some confirmation of all possible rumors and assumptions. Comments became more vicous over time... There was no one to care about me, about how I felt or about what really happened.
A video like this would have helped me a lot back then, to have someone to relate to, even if it was only a stranger on the internet. I tried to push through, trying to hold it together for months before I was finally fired and broke down completely. I also lost my place to live and my ex-partner all at once. None of my former friends, that I reached out to back then, to just go out somewhere and talk, were particularily interested in meeting me when I was down, even though I would be there in a heartbeat for them. I realised that a friendship that's only maintained by my readiness to meet up whenever someone else needs to vent or help with something from me, but closed off when I'm in need of connecting, isn't really a friendship. I'm able to write this today, because I found somebody to reconnect with, but the relationship got complicated and messy due to my baggage I guess... I'm doing my best to heal, but my resources are limited and my situation is still not even stable, let alone optimal for health or rebuilding a life. By the way, I found out that the guys who were in on planning my demise back then, were also spiking drinks of many other girls, but most of those girls would be able to get safely home without being exploited, because other people would help them sooner, so that's bittersweet. Good that malicious plans don't necessarily come to fruition, bad, that the men would be able to have multiple attempts without ever being held accountable. The worst part is, that those men were promoted at work, while all the women had to leave on their own or were forced to leave, but it's not that much of a surprise after all, I guess... Hopefully society will change for the better soon.
You have saved so many lives. I hope you know that. 🙏🏾
ah sheesh... if it can help one person, ive more than done my job. love to you!
Many of us have suffered this..thanks for sharing.😢❤
Thank you for sharing - I hope this trip helped your healing process, but it seems you're doing amazing (judging from your IG these days). I love your style, very androgynous yet beautifully feminine, if that makes sense? Awesome!
So great that you made this very creative way of telling your story. Thank for sharing yours and helping others. Grateful, inspired, moved.
You are so brave and so strong. Thank you for sharing your stories. Love you, Hannah!
Thank you love! Appreciate you watching :)
Thank you for sharing this. I know it was a while ago, just know that your story is still being shared. I'd love a dox of that dude....
This is so powerful, Hannah, and you are so brave❤
I think you should file a police report. Also take a lie detector test and post the results for all to see.
Name him, publicly. If it happened as you say it did. Then your friend and other party goers can collaborate your story. A jury will deliver justice.
Condolences 🌹
You are so amazing and strong
💜💜💜🙏🏽🙏🏽
💔 -> 💝
thank you for always watching and supporting
John 14:27