What Is Happening To Me (A Vlog by Destiny Sidwell) -talking like we're on FaceTime-

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.พ. 2023
  • check out bloom nu below!
    bloomnu.com/products/greens-s...
    here’s to me trying to vlog
    hi guys! i hope you guys enjoyed today’s video!!
    my name is destiny and welcome to my channel! i hope you guys enjoy:)
    business inquiries:
    contact@tablerock.com
    stalk me on social media!
    insta- des.sidster
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    good reads-
    / 128034500
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    BOOK CLUB DISCORD
    / discord
    spotify open.spotify.com/user/desjooo...
    want to check out my tbr and what i’m wanting to read? check out my amazon wishlist!!
    www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls...
    Q&A
    what camera do you use? Canon g7x
    what editing software do you use? Final Cut Pro
    how old are you? 19
    I DO NOT OWN RIGHTS TO ANY MUSIC
    BUT THESE AMAZING PEOPLE DO⬇️
    music used in this video:
    Music by Mr. Jello - No Going Back - thmatc.co/?l=E54DE652
    Music by Mr. Jello - Friends Forever - thmatc.co/?l=1A5E6F85
    Music by Mr. Jello - Time Stamp - thmatc.co/?l=79DD6E8E
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ความคิดเห็น • 137

  • @nataliafox8652
    @nataliafox8652 ปีที่แล้ว +183

    That part where you said that you like to talk about mental health because you find comfort in other people talking about it… I literally had the worst mental health day today and this video saved me because you talked about your own struggles. So thank you❤❤❤

  • @Nicolelynnn
    @Nicolelynnn ปีที่แล้ว +118

    oh girlie its so nice to have someone to relate to about bad sleeping/anxiety. i have bad paranoia so its hard to sleep especially when its quiet

  • @ariadnarodriguezc
    @ariadnarodriguezc ปีที่แล้ว +41

    not being scared by my own thoughts is definetly a long way goal for me. sometimes you just have to remind yourself that there are other little beautiful things on the journey that you don't have to miss because of it. sending all the love

  • @abbeyjanevlogs
    @abbeyjanevlogs ปีที่แล้ว +25

    Thank you for staying vulnerable !!
    I am same. Never struggled with acne in high school and i have struggled so bad in my 20s with acne. Acne scars and all! You’re not alone 🙋🏼‍♀️
    Love all your videos and always love when you have the time to post a few times in a week. 😍💖

  • @loil1045
    @loil1045 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    You describing having to have something playing to sleep/waking up early and being so tired before noonish...ugh. Me. So relatable.

  • @Jamie22Danielle
    @Jamie22Danielle ปีที่แล้ว +6

    My seasonal depression hit hard August last year… girl I’m ready for summertime 😢

  • @no-uh1ug
    @no-uh1ug ปีที่แล้ว +4

    whenever my anxiety is worse than usual i get bad nightmares too😭 you being so open with your mental health really makes me feel less alone about mine

  • @ginny9394
    @ginny9394 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    this made my day! im so happy! i’ve been having a bad week. a lot of crying and I’ve been stressed. this is helping me so much ❤

  • @MarisaAndChew
    @MarisaAndChew ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Acne tip, wash your pillow case at least once a week. Do NOT use fabric softener as it doesn't rinse clean and can actually be an irritant. For example, fabric softener over time will make towels and cloth diapers etc less absorbent which means it's staying in the fabric. If you're like me and lay with your arm under your head on that side, use your face moisturizer on your arms instead of the normal body stuff. I use bath and body lotions everywhere but my face, neck and arms, otherwise I tend to break out from sleeping on my side. Fortunately they have great scent throw so doing the rest of my body works great! No clue if your on hormonal birth control but if not you may want to ask the Dr as there are several that are known to help with acne as well. I take it for migraine prevention and it does have multiple uses even if you're not needing the birth control side of things. Hope these tips help! 💞

  • @evathemaniac
    @evathemaniac ปีที่แล้ว +8

    this made my day!! i’m glad i have someone to relate to about sleeping at sleepovers😓

  • @marcos5382
    @marcos5382 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Literally I don't know how you could've said this vlog sucked on instagram. This was the best thing I've seen all month. Thank you :)

  • @izzyr497
    @izzyr497 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    god i am so happy to hear that someone else is struggling with the same feelings i am 💕 it makes me feel less alone. luv u destiny! 🥹💗

  • @brittanyhayes5824
    @brittanyhayes5824 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Not me cracking up when you are trying to back out of your parking spot and driving half blinded in the sun. Your commentary was hilarious 😂

  • @larimartt
    @larimartt ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Life has been kinda hard lately, so I really appreciate that you're sharing this with us!
    Mental health is always a priority, so whenever ou need some time to rest do it, you deserve it Des

  • @kamilamalskis
    @kamilamalskis ปีที่แล้ว

    You’re a queen!! I relate a lot about the season depression and nightmares. It’s always a struggle when you’re stressed. Sending you good vibes❤your videos are always in the background when I need to be motivated so thank youuu🌸💖💐

  • @halliemullen5875
    @halliemullen5875 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I dont usually watch vlogs cuz I got bored easily but you are just so relaxing to watch and listen to! ❤️

  • @makennaohnemus5789
    @makennaohnemus5789 ปีที่แล้ว

    Girl you genuinely made my day like I felt like I had someone to talk to today thank you.

  • @madipaige28
    @madipaige28 ปีที่แล้ว

    Des I swear you are my biggest comfort youtuber. I adore you and your vlogs and I love whenever you talk about literally anything and everything cause I do that, too. So thank you for being like the big sister I never had. You're the best. Love u :))

  • @shaynasaastad1793
    @shaynasaastad1793 ปีที่แล้ว

    destiny thank you for being my comfort person. you truly made my day today, and i love you talking about your anxiety. i haven’t been sleeping good either!

  • @jen6790
    @jen6790 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    i could relate to almost everything that you talked about in this video, thank you for being so vulnerable, it helped me feel like i'm not alone. my anxiety really sucks sometimes and i rarely ever have good dreams, it's mostly nightmares. i also feel you on the sleeping thing, it's so hard to sleep well, even if i went to bed late, i'll wake up early!

  • @gabirenee2616
    @gabirenee2616 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    RAN TO THE NOTIFICATION 🏃‍♀️💨 excited to start my sunday morning with my coffee and this vlog!! ❤

  • @ethanwylan
    @ethanwylan ปีที่แล้ว

    your vlogs are perfection 🥲

  • @briannazegarra
    @briannazegarra ปีที่แล้ว

    absolutely love these vlogs!!!💖💖💖

  • @jadepittman4623
    @jadepittman4623 ปีที่แล้ว

    I still love all your videos Destiny - no matter how chaotic they are! Keep going girl xx 💓

  • @planetkaylee8000
    @planetkaylee8000 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I’ve had bad breakouts since I hit puberty and I turn 25 this year; benzoyl peroxide is the ONLY thing that keeps my acne under control. I hope it works for u cause I know how hard it can be to come across something that sticks :(

  • @courtspeachie
    @courtspeachie ปีที่แล้ว

    love the vlogs so much!

  • @awriterscoffee
    @awriterscoffee ปีที่แล้ว

    this vlog was so nice and real, just so huggable that it made me feel cosy🌿 I do hope you're feeling better Des🌼

  • @cchaloupka
    @cchaloupka ปีที่แล้ว

    We love the vlogssssss ❤

  • @faithsreadingthings
    @faithsreadingthings ปีที่แล้ว

    Seasonal depression is baaaad this year. I got a crap ton of flowers to put around my house and it’s been lovely.

  • @carolinesromancereads
    @carolinesromancereads ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you for the video!! I hope your sleep and mental health gets better really soon. I've been watching your videos for a while now and wanted to say hi!

  • @seal2697
    @seal2697 ปีที่แล้ว

    Destiny is literally my favorite bc she’s just so genuine In every video. She’s not afraid to show her personality and I love that ☺️❤️

  • @jessicakaitlyn6418
    @jessicakaitlyn6418 ปีที่แล้ว

    I’ve watched this 3 times today. This is a comfort video for me now lol

  • @freyacullen
    @freyacullen ปีที่แล้ว

    i’m the same i have to sleep with my tv or phone on, related so hard when you said you struggle with sleepovers. finally someone gets me lol

  • @haileyfussell
    @haileyfussell ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Girl I felt what you said about sleeping. I have to do very specific things to get myself to actually fall asleep so sleepovers are always really difficult. I think a nighttime routine and products made to help sleep like the lush sleep lotion/ shower products that you only use at night can help with calming down though!

  • @charlottemall154
    @charlottemall154 ปีที่แล้ว

    yay your vlogs are my fave!!

  • @brittlebritt9732
    @brittlebritt9732 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you for sharing some of your anxiety experiences with us. I know it has to be difficult to publicly discuss those things but it is greatly appreciated. For the last couple of years I have had pretty bad anxiety and only recently started going to therapy. Every session it's like I leave feeling grounded and realigned with myself again. So anyways, thank you Destiny. Mental health is an important thing and nothing to be ashamed of.

  • @quinnmarie3073
    @quinnmarie3073 ปีที่แล้ว

    You saying you cannot fall asleep without a comfort show on makes me feel so seen! No one else has ever gotten that before! 🥰

  • @laura_likes_books9788
    @laura_likes_books9788 ปีที่แล้ว

    I loved this chatty vlog❤

  • @albertinadz
    @albertinadz ปีที่แล้ว +1

    hi destiny love your videos!!

  • @lotta.1310
    @lotta.1310 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    this saved my day ❤️

  • @Nicolelynnn
    @Nicolelynnn ปีที่แล้ว

    sid blessing us with another video

  • @chocolateoreo6489
    @chocolateoreo6489 ปีที่แล้ว

    Destiny is so comforting to me (:

  • @ren.sparks
    @ren.sparks ปีที่แล้ว +1

    you don’t know me but we’re literally besties 🥲💕 when you were talking about your nightmares I felt so seen because that’s something I’ve been struggling with so much recently. thanks for being so real des i love you and loved this vlog 💗

  • @annascorner84
    @annascorner84 ปีที่แล้ว

    My heart goes out to you. I don't have issues going to sleep but it's the staying asleep that's a problem for me. Anxiety sucks. I hate having anxiety.Sometimes I even wake up feeling anxious n it sometimes makes my body feel a type of way. I hope you find relief from your anxiety. I can't sleep without the tv on either. Have been like that for a long time.

  • @haileyfussell
    @haileyfussell ปีที่แล้ว

    The music during your get ready portion took me out omg🤣🤣

  • @KassandraVirgen
    @KassandraVirgen ปีที่แล้ว

    You and I are the same. Literally everything you explained about how you feel and having multiple nightmares every night and seasonal depression.. literally me right now. Thank you for making this video! 🤍

  • @jessicahicks7216
    @jessicahicks7216 ปีที่แล้ว

    Me understanding why I find you so funny because I saw the SpongeBob thing in your car… your humor is literally live action SpongeBob and I love it

  • @DisneyLissy
    @DisneyLissy ปีที่แล้ว

    Omg! I’m 46 and still have to sleep with something on. It’s usually TH-cam and you are on my comfort playlist. Then I go back and watch again whem I’m awake loo

  • @ketasar2278
    @ketasar2278 ปีที่แล้ว

    I also get comfort from hearing other people's struggles. I think I have depression and anxiety, I am also a perfectionist, but a procrastinator, so life is hell for me in school. I have one good friend who I see a couple of times a year, cuz our school schedules don't match up and we are from different schools. She is just Hussin for upcoming final exams in June and I am just not so good in school but I also try to keep up with assignments. My parents divorced when I was in 9th grade, but it didn't traumatise me since I understood everything well and it was also explained to me. I struggle mentally a lot at the moment and your video was kinda a relief because all of the people I know act like they have perfect lives. It takes a lot of courage for a person to admit that they are struggling and voice it. Again, thank you:)

  • @Unicorn4life143
    @Unicorn4life143 ปีที่แล้ว

    “So those are my credentials” STOP it made me litcherally laugh out loud

  • @pahujariya
    @pahujariya ปีที่แล้ว

    Omg. I am literally the first person to comment. Luv ur videos. You are a absolute queen!

  • @faithsreadingthings
    @faithsreadingthings ปีที่แล้ว

    I literally am the only person I know who HAS to fall asleep to comfort movies… I feel😂

  • @madihapasha5753
    @madihapasha5753 ปีที่แล้ว

    love you destiny 💗💗

  • @AdriannaPaige
    @AdriannaPaige ปีที่แล้ว

    i know excatly how you feel, i used to have really bad ptsd nightmares and its so aggravating when you wake up and then you start to think about the nightmare and then you just feel worse because youre upset you had one in the first place and then youre thinking about what happened in the nightmare and your anxiety just gets worst and then you just start balling even more 😃

  • @izzyr497
    @izzyr497 ปีที่แล้ว

    yaaaas my fave booktuber 🫶🏻

  • @outerbanks5389
    @outerbanks5389 ปีที่แล้ว

    I love your videos so much❤❤❤

  • @sydneyforrey
    @sydneyforrey ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I feel this I wake up at 5 am every day. The most I sleep in is to 6:30am

  • @scarlet_stafford8178
    @scarlet_stafford8178 ปีที่แล้ว

    i’m so glad i’m not the only one who struggles to sleep unless everything’s perfect, like i could also never sleep at my friends houses growing up i used to stay awake all night with rly bad anxiety, i have to sleep with the fan on as a white noise and non of my friends did, i also used to never go on school residentials cus my anxiety with sleeping was so bad, i have a university trip coming up and i’m so anxious as it never went away, i’m still like it now, i struggle to sleep in hotel rooms whenever i go away unless they have a fan :( xx

  • @BookNerdQueen
    @BookNerdQueen ปีที่แล้ว

    I love this video style ❤

  • @katiefroese4406
    @katiefroese4406 ปีที่แล้ว

    I had terrible acne scars from high school and I used the Kate Somerville D-Scar Diminishing serum and it helped SO much! Also, I have oily/normal, sensitive skin and used to struggle with redness and I have been using the CeraVe Moisturizing cream as my night and morning face moisturizer. It's super affordable, hydrating and works better than most high-end moisturizers!

  • @procreateartshorts7537
    @procreateartshorts7537 ปีที่แล้ว

    Love this 😢❤

  • @siena3979
    @siena3979 ปีที่แล้ว

    Its sooo weird that I am also suffering from acne on my right cheek but absolutely no where else on my face, almost the exact same as yours. Its been there for the past two years and it literally wont go away no matter what i do. I've recently started using a light retinol and its been the only thing that has worked for me - it has been rlly good for stubborn acne/scarring that won't go away. Thanks for the vid destiny ❤❤

  • @nataliepaigep
    @nataliepaigep ปีที่แล้ว

    MY FAVORITEEEEEEE

  • @bethsbookishreviews9374
    @bethsbookishreviews9374 ปีที่แล้ว

    Destiny, I know you filmed this in February, but I just watched it. When you said you looked awful or bad after the gym (whatever you said), I was like where? You always look gorgeous! I love your videos! You are just so real! ❤❤❤

  • @lyndseyspaeth
    @lyndseyspaeth ปีที่แล้ว

    GIRL the part where you said you used to get bad anxiety as a kid sleeping at other ppls houses SAME!!! when i was little i could not sleep at other ppls houses i would call my parents at 2am every time to pick me up 😭😭😭 i’m an early bird too, always awake at 7 or 8 and asleep at 10, we would be best friends

  • @blibeaut
    @blibeaut ปีที่แล้ว +2

    For your acne scars and on the one side of your face: you could try washing your pillowcases and phone more often and use a daily suncreen (I like the paula's choice ones)! Any treatment will benefit from the protection against the sun and could help you prevent scarring/fading them.

    • @fa3ryg1rl1
      @fa3ryg1rl1 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good tips, sun damage and tanning damage can really ruin your skin and cause acne or even skin cancer so sunscreen is important. And cleaning anything often that goes near your face like you said.

  • @willowsmith3747
    @willowsmith3747 ปีที่แล้ว

    DESTINY i have benzoyl peroxide for my acne and it is THE ONLY THING that works for me. it works AMAZING as a spot treatment. but it can be SOOO drying so make sure to moisturize so well. obviously everyone's face is different, this is just my experience!

  • @itsteagan3216
    @itsteagan3216 ปีที่แล้ว

    Great video. I wish I didn’t go to college. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you should have. Because it’s a personal choice!!

  • @bernt4341
    @bernt4341 ปีที่แล้ว

    love you !!! thank you for sharing 🫶🏼 it’s so nice to have a comfort creator who also struggles with anxiety, it’s not talked about enough!

  • @dhurls518
    @dhurls518 ปีที่แล้ว

    GIRL I ran to the comments! I have been struggling with acne for over 3 years now in my adult life. NEVER had a problem in hs. I've tried everything and the only think that worked for me was La Roche Posay Effaclar Dermatological Acne Treatment 3-Step System Kit.

  • @sydneyrenee7088
    @sydneyrenee7088 ปีที่แล้ว

    I used benzoyl peroxide for so long and it’s the best! But you definitely have to use it consistently for it to be effective which was my biggest problem

  • @Twinbranchesgardening
    @Twinbranchesgardening ปีที่แล้ว

    ASMR has helped too with anxiety including background music 🎶

  • @MarisaAndChew
    @MarisaAndChew ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have PTSD and that gives me bad anxiety and depression. I wake up several times a night and toss in one of those ridiculous apple message videos to go back to sleep. If I use tv it's got to me something I've already seen so it's generally something like forensic files with the calming voice. I have several meds for sleep BC of my ptsd and I still wake up. Then, I need to nap for several hours most days. I think if I lived alone I would just be nocturnal BC I tend to sleep better though the day but I obviously can't be up doing all the loud life things while everyone else is sleeping...

  • @Kutie1021
    @Kutie1021 ปีที่แล้ว

    Just a tip because I also struggle with acne, make sure your moisturizer doesn’t have pore clogging ingredients!!

  • @gabrielladifrancesco7228
    @gabrielladifrancesco7228 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    hi luv! so unfortunately the charlotte tilbury magic cream has pore clogging ingredients in it as well as most of their other makeup and skincare products. even though it is super moisturizing it is not good for acne prone skin. i had to learn the hard way too and it’s so annoying because its soooo expensive for no reason.

  • @AngelaElias-nc4ze
    @AngelaElias-nc4ze ปีที่แล้ว

    not the mexican restaurant music at 17:20 when you're half awake 🤣

  • @kiscool2100
    @kiscool2100 ปีที่แล้ว

    eating bananas are super good for cramps before a run! and i also heard that it calms nerves:)

  • @LucindasBooks
    @LucindasBooks ปีที่แล้ว

    Hey Des 🥳💖

  • @rachelmilligan95
    @rachelmilligan95 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I've been using cerave for my skin and it does wonders. But I also have started drinking more water which has helped, you drink loads already though so should be fine. Maybe a trip to the doctors for your skin might help? Or take a break from youtube... it could be the stress girl you pump videos out like no tomorrow! I can relate though my skin was flawless in school and I ate bad and didn't have a skin care routine lol. But it will get better, you're beautiful enjoy your life : )
    I use L'oreal hydra genius too for moisturising my skin, it is so good it makes my face feel hydrated and fresh.
    And dairy can be bad for you, I drank to much lol and I started drinking soya and my skin calmed.

  • @alaynat
    @alaynat ปีที่แล้ว

    girl why are we literally the same everything you were saying about your anxiety and things i was like “me too” i feel like we are best friends

  • @thelifeofabi2338
    @thelifeofabi2338 ปีที่แล้ว

    First bestie!

  • @Magicwaves-
    @Magicwaves- ปีที่แล้ว

    For acne- Use a silk pillow case and wash it frequently. You are young but you could use a retinol. I also recently started drying my face with paper towels and it has helped with texture. Good luck!

  • @onescentperbook
    @onescentperbook ปีที่แล้ว

    You should also use differin for the acne scars (it’s retinol so you will have to be careful with dosage but you can find out plenty of info online)

  • @angelikaslibrary
    @angelikaslibrary ปีที่แล้ว

    Cutting back on coffee has changed my skin so much. I only get like one back breakout a month. I'm not sure if it messed up my hormones but i would drink like 2 cups and i ended up with really bad acne. Cutting back may make a difference for you too. It's a struggle girl but hang in there you are not alone.

  • @mm-it9cd
    @mm-it9cd ปีที่แล้ว

    I feel for you with adult onset acne. Switching to hormonal birth control made my skin so bad I had to go on an accuntane type of treatment 😫 hope you find something that works for you!

  • @minicafe888
    @minicafe888 ปีที่แล้ว

    I started feeling like I was literally in my nightmares. Days on end, I couldn't sleep. I told my Dr about it and as soon as I started taking Trazadone, it felt so much better. I play a sound machine and now I can sleep in (a little). However, when I have to be off the medicine (because of an interaction with another medicine), it's awful. Pro's and con's.
    Also, look up Rosacea. I have redness on my face too. I get facials once a month. That with skincare it helps calm my face. Plus, it's relaxing!

  • @izzy-fj8bz
    @izzy-fj8bz ปีที่แล้ว

    i use benzoyl peroxide and i love it!! I have sensitive skin so when I first started using it my skin was a bit irritated but now my skin I used to it and I love it!!

  • @issysmith7012
    @issysmith7012 ปีที่แล้ว

    Destiny how do you always have such a beautiful tan! 😍

  • @jsbooknook
    @jsbooknook ปีที่แล้ว

    Topical treatments can take 3-6 months to take effect! So unfortunately you have to stick to things for awhile to see results 😢 best of luck to you!! ❤️

  • @Carolinesbookworld
    @Carolinesbookworld ปีที่แล้ว

    please make more videos like these!!

  • @richellekrimmel5862
    @richellekrimmel5862 ปีที่แล้ว

    I FEEL YOU ON THE SLEEP AND SLEEPING AT OTHER PEOPLES HOUSES THING

  • @chapterswithchrissy
    @chapterswithchrissy ปีที่แล้ว

    i feel so seen because i was also that girlie at the sleepovers LOL

  • @JaimeysBookNook
    @JaimeysBookNook ปีที่แล้ว

    I’m the same with having to sleep with something on I really can’t sleep in silence and I was always so awkward sleeping at my friends houses

  • @kingas03
    @kingas03 ปีที่แล้ว

    OH MY GOD. I kid u not I always play the old Barbie movies when I sleep bcoz I can’t stand the silence too 😭😭

  • @Twinbranchesgardening
    @Twinbranchesgardening ปีที่แล้ว

    I can relate to the anxiety. If it helps for me I reduced my caffeine. I went gluten and dairy free too .

  • @Jamie22Danielle
    @Jamie22Danielle ปีที่แล้ว

    Also if I’m sleeping horribly for whatever reasons. I can’t take Melatonin idk if you do, but seriously it causes me the most vivid nightmares to the point that I wake up but somehow still dreaming !!!! If you are taking it, stop & try taking magnesium every night.

  • @emmasdeaf
    @emmasdeaf ปีที่แล้ว

    not that im glad u have nightmares but im glad im not alone and people understand bcs everynight i need to take melatonine for getting sleepy or soemthing bcs i always go to bed too late tbh but in almost every dream i litt drown w my whole famile or someone elses dies and then i wake up and one time i rlly believed someone died from in the past and i believed that to a week later when they posted on their story and im so scared of sleeping bcs of those nightmares bcs it feels too real and i hate it fr

  • @hannahhhreads
    @hannahhhreads ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I stopped watching/reading thrillers and true crime stuff for about a month and the nightmares slowly went away because I was no longer consuming it. I LOVE a good thriller but apparently I’m too sensitive for them😌

    • @saskia7214
      @saskia7214 ปีที่แล้ว

      Honestly same

    • @lilianamariatomaz
      @lilianamariatomaz ปีที่แล้ว

      I used to listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and I had to stop because I was scared it would happen to me and I couldn’t sleep

  • @youngmissbarb
    @youngmissbarb ปีที่แล้ว

    me from la where it’s literally summer 95% of the year

  • @AngelikaCooper
    @AngelikaCooper ปีที่แล้ว

    I have horrible anxiety/sleep anxiety and have horrible dreams that I wake up 4/10 times a night from. It’s the worst😭